Page 8 A Man's Perspective Page 20
Page 14
Makeup Tips Page 22
Buying a House Page 29
BC Hall of Fame Page 27
2 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • October 2016
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4 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • October 2016
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WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • 5
Publisher & Editor Joanne Bell CEO Joanne Bell Contributing Writers Dr. Timothy Quinn Salmeilia Stewart JaMya Bell Devan Lowe LaurenB Meshia Edwards Tene Wansley Arteria Puckett Cover Design by James E. Roach III Cover Photo by Rodney McGee of RMcGee Photography Layout Design Latasha Willis
C
Joanne’s Desk BY JOANNE BELL, FOUNDER
ome out of your shell; the world needs to hear your voice. As I was reading the comments from a recent Facebook video of me singing, one person said, “Your voice was meant for the world to hear.” As I thought about it, I heard these words: “Come out of your shell; the world needs to hear your voice.” So many changes have taken place in my life this year, and it devastated me and took me to a place I thought I couldn’t come back from. I went into hiding for a while and didn’t want to come out. But thank God, through this magazine and it giving me something to fight for every month, I am coming out of that hiding place and stepping into the light that God has been trying to shine on me for a long time. I didn’t want to be out front because a long time ago, a person very close to me told me that they were jealous of me because I was smart and pretty and I knew how to talk to people. I didn’t realize how hearing those words come from this particular person really affected me, but it made me hide and put myself in the background and not stand out. I became like the servant in the Bible who hid his talent because he was afraid of his master. I don’t want to hide anymore. I want everything that God has for me and my life, and you should too. It’s time to come out of the shadows and stand out. It’s time to be who God has called you to be. No more hiding, no more pretending to not be as smart as you are to help someone else’s ego. It’s your time to shine! The world needs to hear your voice!
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Joanne
Website: www.JoanneSBell.com Contact us at woman2woman.joanne @yahoo.com 601-398-6733 P.O. Box 2031 Ridgeland, MS 39158 All rights reserved. No portion of Woman to Woman with Joanne may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. The management of Woman to Woman with Joanne is not responsible for opinions expressed by its writers. Woman to Woman with Joanne maintains the unrestricted right to edit or refuse all submitted material. All advertisements are subject to approval by the publisher. The production of Woman to Woman is funded by advertising and sponsorship.
In This Issue
Cover Story: How Did I Survive Breast Cancer? – Bridgette Harder ........................... 8-9 Who Are You? .......................................................................................................................... 10 Statistics and Tips on How to Recognize the Signs of Domestic Violence .............. 12 Cover Story: How Did I Survive Domestic Violence? – Chirvona Frank ............... 14-16 Spotlight: Yolanda Warnsley ................................................................................................. 18 Transitions ................................................................................................................................. 18 Domestic Violence from a Man’s Perspective .................................................................. 20 Skin Care Tips ............................................................................................................................. 22 Quick & Easy Makeup Tips for Fall ................................................................................... 22 Highlight Feature: Tougaloo College Girls Volleyball Team ........................................ 24 Mya's Corner .............................................................................................................................. 26 Breast Cancer Survivors Hall of Fame .................................................................................. 27 Fashion Tips ................................................................................................................................ 28 Tips for Buying a House When Starting Over ................................................................ 29 Our Sponsors ............................................................................................................................. 30
6 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • October 2016
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Sno Biz Old Canton 6240 Old Canton Road, Jackson, MS 39211 Phone: 601-665-8192 Email: snobizoldcanton@gmail.com Website: www.snobizoldcanton.com Hours: Sunday - Saturday: 11:00 AM – 9:00 PM Happy Hour is held every day from 11:00 AM – 1:00 PM and 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM – half price all cup sizes!
8 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • October 2016
Bridgette Harder
How Did I Survive Breast Cancer?
PHOTO CREDIT: RMCGEE PHOTOGRAPHY
WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • 9
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very year, I would go in for my mammogram and everything would be fine, so when I received the call stating I needed to have a biopsy done because they found some abnormalities, I really wasn’t too concerned. A few days after the biopsy, I received a call from the doctor at 7 p.m. with the following: “I’m sorry to inform you, but we received the results from your biopsy and you have breast cancer.” Once I heard those words come out of his mouth, everything else was pretty much a blur. I went outside onto the patio and looked up at the sky, and broke down and cried. My first thought was, “Oh, my God, now my daughter is at a higher risk of getting this. What have I done? How could this happen? No one in my family had it. I don’t smoke. I maybe have one drink a year. I try to eat right and I take my vitamins every day. Yet still, I have this.” After a few minutes, I composed myself and went back inside. I wasn’t ready to tell my 15-year-old daughter her mother has cancer. As a matter of fact, weeks went by and the only people who knew were a few close friends. I wasn’t ready to tell my family. Once I tell them, reality would set in. During those weeks, I met with my doctor, read healing scriptures and did a lot of research. I had what they called DCIS, Ductal Carcinoma in Situ. It’s an uncontrolled growth of cells within the breast ducts. DCIS is the earliest stage at which breast cancer can be diagnosed. It’s known as stage 0 breast cancer. I was advised that I had two options. I could have a lumpectomy followed by radiation or I could have a double mastectomy. He stated that when breast cancer occurs and they do a lumpectomy, some patients have it return in the other breast several years down the line. Since it’s in the early stages, I had time to decide what route I wanted to take. I started doing more research on the double mastectomy with reconstruction. I knew of an acquaintance who had that procedure done last year. Her cancer was more advanced. She had a DIEP
flap surgery performed. With the DIEP surgery, fat, skin and blood vessels are cut from the wall of the lower belly and moved up to your chest to rebuild your breast. The surgeon reattaches the blood vessels of the flap to blood vessels in your chest using microsurgery. Because no muscle is used, most women recover more quickly and have a lower risk of losing abdominal muscle strength. For the next two months, I met with three surgeons in the Jackson area. The first one I met with stated he doesn’t do the DIEP surgery. They perform a more advanced procedure called Latissimus Dorsi Flap. I could have that done or the lumpectomy – whichever I choose, it’s not a problem. He’ll go in and remove it, and life will go back to normal. I was then presented with paperwork to fill out and was advised to let him know which procedure I would like so they could schedule it. I didn’t have a strong comfort level with him, so I made an appointment with another surgeon. I researched the Latissimus Dorsi Flap and knew that was not going to be an option for me. With that procedure, an oval flap of skin, fat, muscle and blood vessels from your upper back is used to reconstruct the breast. This flap is moved under your skin around to your chest to rebuild your breast. The blood vessels (artery and vein) of the flap are left attached to their original blood supply in your back. Because the flap contains a significant amount of muscle, a Latissimus Dorsi Flap is considered to be a muscle-transfer type of flap. I couldn’t fathom how someone could rest after having that procedure. You’re cut in the front and cut in the back. I definitely was not going to have that one done. The second surgeon I met with pretty much said the same thing. He doesn’t do the DIEP surgery and that it doesn’t have a high success rate. The third surgeon was more honest with me. He stated that if I wanted to have the DIEP procedure, I would have to go somewhere else. No one in the area is specialized to do that type of procedure, and the amount of time it would take
to perform the procedure would not be cost effective to them. I appreciated his honesty. If only the first one would have been honest, I wouldn’t have wasted so much time. Two months had passed, and the questions started becoming more frequent. “When are you going to have this done?” “You know this is something you can’t put off.” “Just pick someone and have it taken care of.” I’m sure they were just as annoyed with me not giving them answers as I was annoyed at them with asking me the questions. This was my life we’re talking about. I’m not just going to pick anyone to cut me open. All the surgeons were highly qualified; however, I didn’t have that comfort level I was looking for with them. After the holiday. I reached out to the individual who had the DIEP procedure to get the name of the doctor who performed her surgery. His name was Dr. Ali Sadeghi, and he was in New Orleans, Louisiana. I went on his website and looked at the photos of the work he performed, and was pleasantly surprised. I contacted his office and explained my situation, and we set up an appointment for the following week. After meeting with Dr. Sadeghi, I knew my search was finally over. He inquired why I waited three months, and I explained the difficulties I experienced with the other surgeons. Upon reviewing my report, he stated he would have no problem performing the procedure. He asked who my general surgeon would be, and I advised I didn’t have one. He introduced me to Dr. Elaina Soto and I felt completely comfortable with her as well. It felt like a weight was finally lifted. During the next couple of months, I had several office visits and a PET scan. My surgery was scheduled for April 16th. I’m not going to say I wasn’t nervous, but I knew God led me to the right people. I arrived at the hospital around 5:30 a.m. Both Dr. Sadeghi and Dr. Soto came in beforehand to make sure I was okay and to see if I had any questions. The surgery lasted more than six hours. They performed a nipple-sparing double (Continued, page 9)
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mastectomy with DIEP Flap reconstruction. The surgery was a success. They tested the lymph nodes close to the area and no cancerous cells were found. Dr. Sadeghi stated, “You know, Harder, you made it real hard for me.” During part of the surgery, he was having problems with the blood vessels connecting. He stated that he tried three times and he still couldn’t get it. All of a sudden, it just started working. All that I could think of is that those healing scriptures worked! I spent a few days in the hospital and Dr. Sadeghi arranged for me to stay at the American Cancer Society Hope Lodge until I had my follow up appointment the following week. The next several weeks were a struggle. I had drains coming out of both breasts and each of my hips. I had to measure the fluid and empty them as needed. I wore a compression girdle to help keep everything in place. After a few weeks, I went in for my follow-up and the drains were removed. Upon the
examination, Dr. Sadeghi stated I developed a hernia; however, he would repair it when I had my second surgery in July. The next couple of months flew by, and July was here before I knew it. I went in for the second procedure on July 20th. This procedure lasted about two and a half hours. Dr. Sadeghi repaired the hernia, did some abdominal liposuction, lowered the abdominal scar to make it hidden in the bikini line, and repositioned the nipples and breasts to make sure they were asymmetrical. This procedure was more painful compared to the first one all because of the hernia. When they tell you not to lift anything over five pounds, I highly recommend you listen to them. I believe that surgery was 10 times more painful than childbirth. With this procedure, I was in the hospital for two days and went home. The recovery time was about four to six weeks. I went in for my follow-up with Dr. Sadeghi, and he was pleased at how well I was healing. I met with Dr. Soto, and she too was pleased with my healing
WHO ARE YOU? W
ho are you? I was very uncomfortable when I asked this question. This was because I was asking a strange lady that was hugging me from behind in a grocery store. As I turned around, I noticed that she had tears in her eyes. She told me that she was sorry, but could not resist giving me a hug when she saw me. Confused, I asked her what she meant. She introduced herself by telling me her name, and further explained why she was so emotional. She told me that her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, and did not survive despite chemo and radiotherapy. She told of how she watched her mother suffer with no success. The lady told me that the same fate occurred in one of her mother’s sisters and her great aunt. She told me that she had made her mind up to never be tested for any form
process. She advised that I needed to come in for follow-up visits every six months for the first year and providing everything is okay, I can just go in for my annual after that. She suggested that I should take Tamoxifen, which is a five-year pill to prevent the breast cancer from returning. During my research, I read Tamoxifen has been found to increase the risk of uterine cancer, so I declined the pill. It’s been four years since my surgeries and I am proud to say I am cancer free. I am so grateful God lead me to the right doctors. Dr. Sadeghi is truly a gifted surgeon. The scars are barely noticeable. His compassion and his ability to make his client’s feel completely at ease during such a difficult time is a rare gift. Going through something like that really puts things into perspective. You realize what’s important in life. My belief in God, and the loving support of my family and friends along with a positive attitude is how I was able to make it through not only the illness, but everyday life.
BY DR. TIMOTHY QUINN
of cancer. She said she believed that discovering cancer would only lead to more mental and physical suffering. With tears in her eyes, she said, “I was just waiting for cancer to take me out in my sleep.” She told me that I would not go away. She said she saw me on television, heard me on the radio, read my articles in the papers, and even saw me address her church. She told of how my common message was to know your status, and be aware that you can have an impact by learning and intervening early. She started to smile as she told me that she was so tired of me, she decided to get the mammogram, and as she expected, she did get bad news. As advised, she followed up for the suggested further testing and the outpatient biopsy. With more excitement, and tears of joy, she explained that the radiological and pathological report re-
vealed that the cancer was diagnosed and removed before it had time to spread. I left the grocery store that night with a confirmation that I was doing His will. My late grandfather, a victim of advanced cancer diagnosed at a late incurable stage, commissioned me to spread the word. He called it “planting seeds” in God’s Kingdom. During this month of October, I encourage all women to get tested as advised by their medical providers. We can fight the big “C”! Cancer can be put in the dust with timely compliance with recommended testing and treatment. If you enjoyed this article, please consider calling a woman you love, and asking her, “Have you been tested?”
For more information or questions, visit my website: www.askdrquinn.com PHOTO CREDIT: LEON MCGUIRE/FREEIMAGES.COM
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12 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • October 2016
Statistics and Tips for Domestic Violence Awareness
BY ARTERIA PUCKETT
Domestic Violence Statistics
• Every nine seconds in the U.S., a woman is assaulted or beaten. • Every minute, 20 people are victims of domestic violence. • Around the world, at least one in every three women have been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family. • Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined. • Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually. • Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup. • Every day in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends. • Ninety-two percent of women surveyed listed reducing domestic violence and sexual assault as their top concern. • Men who as children witnessed their parents’ domestic violence were twice as likely to abuse their own wives as sons of nonviolent parents. • There are a number of women murdered every day by a current or former male partner in the U.S.
5 RELATIONSHIPS
TYPES OF ABUSIVE
1. Control: “Abusive relationships” bring to mind physical violence. At the same time, many forms of abuse don’t leave bruises. An attempt to control a spouse’s behavior, friends, finances or activities is often the first sign of an abusive situation and may be a precursor to violence. Abusers tend to isolate their victims and chip away at their self-esteem until he or she becomes the only person in the victim’s world. Control may be attempted by using threats, anger or excessive criticism. 2. Emotional manipulation: Another form of psychological abuse is the use of guilt, criticism, anger or other manipulation to degrade the victim. The purpose may be simply to hurt him or her, or to force compliance. Your spouse may play mind games, attack your vulnerabilities, and threaten to leave or withhold affection/approval as punishment. Repeated infidelity also falls under emotionally abusive relationships. 3. Verbal abuse: Constant demeaning, insulting or humiliating comments in public or private are incredibly damaging forms of verbal abuse. This includes telling hurtful “jokes” about you despite your discomfort
and requests to stop, name calling, swearing and insults, questioning your sanity or ridiculing your opinions/desires. 4. Sexual Abuse: Until recently, unwanted or forced sex within marriage was not considered “rape.” Married victims of sexual abuse still face considerable stigma when coming forward with their sexually abusive relationships. Sexual abuse includes unwanted sex, withholding sex, forced engagement in any sexual activity that frightens or hurts you, refusing to practice safe sex or preventing you from using birth control or making decisions about pregnancy/abortion. 5. Physical Violence: If your partner has done anything to intentionally hurt you, it is critical that you remove yourself and your children from him or her immediately. In addition to beating and choking, pinning you down, spitting on you, abandoning you in dangerous places, driving at high speeds or toying with dangerous situations to intimidate you, refusing to help you or withholding aid when you are sick, injured or pregnant is also physical abuse.
Arteria Puckett, MSW, PCMHT, is the program manager at Catholic Charities, Inc.’s Shelter for Battered Families. You may call her at 601-366-0750, fax her at 601-665-4928 or email her at arteria.puckett@catholiccharitiesjackson.org.
Ask yourself these questions to check to see if you have any of the warning signs for domestic abuse. 1. Does your partner humiliate or put you down in front of friends and family members? 2. Is your partner extremely jealous or possessive? 3. Does your partner need to know where you are all the time and often check in on you? 4. Is your view of your relationship completely different from the way your partner views your relationship? 5. Are you starting to feel like you are losing your mind because you are starting to believe what your partner says about you? 6. Do you do everything you can to try to make your partner happy only to hear that it's all wrong? 7. Have you ever been afraid of your partner's temper? 8. Have you ever not expressed your opinion or feelings because you are afraid of your partner's reaction? 9. Does your partner act like the abusive behavior is nothing, blame you for it, or tell you that it doesn't happen? 10. Has your partner ever threatened you with weapons of any sort? 11. Has your partner ever threatened suicide, especially if you leave?
Do you have any of these above symptoms of domestic violence? If so, seek help by calling 911, a local shelter (601-366-0222) or call a hotline.
If you are being abused, remember: • • • • • •
You are not to blame for being battered or mistreated. You are not the cause of your partner’s abusive behavior. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve a safe and happy life. Your children deserve a safe and happy life. You are not alone. There are people waiting to help.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone. It doesn't matter what your income, education level, what your race is, or what your gender is. Abuse happens in marriages, long-term relationships, same-sex marriages and partnerships. If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, then you have symptoms of domestic violence and might be at risk for abuse, injury or even death. Help is available. If you are uncertain who to call, use the hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
SOURCES: THEPOWEROFTWOMARRIAGE.COM, DOMESTICVIOLENCESTATISTICS.ORG, AND WWW.STOPABUSE.UMICH.EDU
WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • 13
Mr. D’s Food Palace 105 E. Georgetown St. Crystal Springs, MS 39059 601-892-8992 Monday – Friday 11am – 9pm Saturday – 7am – 10pm Breakfast Buffet
Darren Powell Owner
Sunday 11am – 3pm Lunch and Dinner
14 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • October 2016
Chirvona Frank
How Did I Survive Domestic Violence?
PHOTO CREDITS: RMCGEE PHOTOGRAPHY
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t’s a beautiful summer day in Ridgeland, Mississippi as I await the arrival of Mrs. Chirvona Frank. We meet at CC’s Coffee House, a beautiful, quaint little place that is modern in its décor. Chirvona arrives and is stunningly dressed in red, and she has accessorized it with a beautiful smile that she wears daily. After we exchange greetings, hugs and a prayer, she begins her story: We met on Christmas Eve in 1999. I was at a club on the dance floor, and he just kind of pulled my belt loop and asked me to dance. He was so gorgeous, so of course I agreed to dance with him. That night, we danced, we laughed and had a great time. By the end of the night, he asked for my phone number and before I made it home, he called me. I think he was calling to see if the number was real, but we ended up talking for hours. The next day, he called me again and asked me out, which I thought was pretty quick, but he was so different from anyone I had met before, plus he was super-duper cute. Since I really didn’t have much confidence in myself at that time, I questioned why he was so interested in me. We went out on a date a few days later, and he was the perfect gentlemen. He opened the doors for me, and he was a very gentle person, so it seemed. Because of that and because of how different he was compared to prior relationships, I was eager to spend time with him and to get to know him. We moved pretty quickly and started seeing each other every day. At that time, I was a singer. I sang on the road and in a few clubs and bars. He started showing up at all of my shows. I don’t even remember us verbally establishing that we were boyfriend and girlfriend; I think it was just “understood” after a while that we were together. I mean, he was everywhere I was and I thought it was cute. I was flattered by it! Before him, I wasn’t really dating. I already had a daughter, so I was focusing on my singing, working and being a mom. When he came along showing so much interest, I welcomed it. I was really excited about it, and I gave in willingly to whatever was happening with us. We became more and more serious, and then I got pregnant, and even though I really liked him, I wasn’t ready to be married. I had been working for an insurance company for a long time, and I was doing really well at my job, so when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, “Oh, my God…”
Honestly, I didn’t want to have any more children because I already had my daughter, and I was good with that. For a minute, I did contemplate having an abortion, but because of my religious beliefs, that was just not an option for me. One day, I got sick at work and ended up needing to go to the ER. I convinced myself that it was kidney stones, but when I got there they were like, “No, that’s not what you have.” Not only was I pregnant – I was pregnant with twins! I said, “I’m gonna need y’all to look at that again.” A little later on, he asked me to marry him. This all happened in a five- to eightmonth time span. I met him Christmas Eve, he proposed in February and we got married in August. I said yes because I already had a daughter by another guy and there I was now pregnant again with twins. I didn’t want to be the woman having babies by different men. I knew it was my choices that got me there, and I knew I had to step up. I felt like marrying him was a way for me to “own” it. Honestly, I started seeing signs of abuse early on, even before we got married. I remember us being at the Reservoir. We were just talking, having cute conversations, and I asked him what he was looking for specifically in a girlfriend or wife. His response was, “I just need a ride-or-die, someone who can weather the storm.” My antennas went up and I was like, “What kind of storm and why ride or die?” I brushed it off and assumed that he meant he really wanted someone who would just be there. Then, he said something – I can’t remember exactly what – but I remember responding, “Dude, really?” He snapped and just exploded, like I had called his momma a bad word or something. It happened so quickly, but after he saw my reaction, he tried to pull back and fix it. He smoothed it over so well that I just swept it under the rug and thought, “Maybe he just doesn’t like to be called dude, so let me just not call you dude anymore.” Let me just say by the end of this interview, the pile under that rug is gonna be really high because I swept so much under it. I was thinking really shallow minded and I wasn’t experienced with a lot of relationships. The fact that I really didn’t know who I was as a woman, as a person, as a child of God, contributed to a lot of the decisions that I made. We actually lived together in several places before we got married. I would notice in some arguments or disagreements
that it would become more and more aggressive each time, and all of this was still before we got married. The more we disagreed, the more his attitude and behaviors would escalate until it became physical, and it was really bad. One night, we were in the bed talking and I said something he didn’t like, and he dragged me out of the bed by my hair. I was pregnant with the twins at the time. This pregnancy was so horrible. My stress level was so bad that my doctor put me on bed rest at two months. I ended up having my babies at 23 weeks and they only weighed one pound each when they were born. I stayed in this relationship knowing that it was a bad one. It was like I was being held captive by my own thinking. Maybe I was still dancing with the thought of not being a single parent with “all of those children.” I guess that in my mind, I had accepted having a piece of a man versus trying to do it on my own. Having him there – his physical presence – was somehow making me feel like we were in it together, which made it more difficult for me to leave. I did have strong feelings for him. I cared about him a great deal, but a lot of it was because I felt myself wanting to be of some help to him, wanting to be his savior and not wanting to accept that this was who he was. I felt that if I stayed and loved him enough or if I loved him right, he would change. If I was supportive enough, he would be different with me. I realized that a lot of times when we deal with things, even in our own lives, the people that are the closest to us are the ones that catch it the most. Because I was his wife, I imagined I would catch all of his frustrations. Then, I started to think about my children and how it would be once they came home. The twins stayed in the hospital for a long time after they were born. One stayed for five months and the other a total of eight months. I remember a particular incident that was so traumatic for me because I had just had the twins on December 14, 2000, and because they were so early and I didn’t know if they were going to survive or not, I was just all over the place. I was discharged from the hospital on December 18th, so I’m at home, and it’s just me and my husband going back and forth to the hospital. My husband at the time was an indepen(Continued, page 16)
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dent contractor and a truck driver. One particular evening, I had prepared dinner and I remember him coming home. He was very jealous hearted, and anything could trigger him. I don’t even know what happened. I think my daughter’s father had called to check on her and he saw the call on the caller ID. He wasn’t having that. It was unacceptable for my daughter’s father to call me for anything, so I literally found myself being thrown through a glass window in my kitchen. This was December 24th. Now mind you, I had just given birth to the twins on December 14th, I was discharged December 18th and this happened Christmas eve December 24th. My arm was split all the way up and the cut was only a few centimeters from an artery that could have ended my life that night. I ended up spending Christmas Eve in the ER getting patched up with 60 stitches in my arm. I went back home because I was so confused and disoriented, so misguided and misdirected; I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid to leave and afraid to stay. Fear had literally immobilized me, and it made me a pillar. I just stood still because I didn’t know what to do. The main reason I stayed is because I did not see a way out. One night, he body slammed me and busted my head on the coffee table, and I remember the coffee table breaking in half. I was so dizzy; it was just terrible. Once again, I found myself feeling helpless, hopeless and alone. The next thing I knew, my husband is running my bath water, putting Epsom salts in it so that I can soak, bringing me champagne and lighting candles so that I can relax. This is my husband, the very person that did this to me, that put me in this state and now he’s running my bath water. He was always sending flowers to my job – big, exotic flowers – which meant absolutely nothing, but in his mind, he was fixing it and me staying made him feel like it was working. I have a lot of internal scars, but the Lord shielded my outer appearance from that. In fact, the only visible scar can be found on my right inner forearm. I have scars inside my lips, bumps and bruises that you can’t see but I can feel. Although I was scarred physically, it is the emotional wounds that cut deeper and have stuck longer. We were married a total of five years, but I spent three of them running from him. I have lived in a home/shelter for me and
my kids and no one knew where the home was. I ended up moving into an apartment that I shared with my sister. He convinced me to tell him where the apartment was so he could come and visit, saying he just wanted to “talk”. He was sensible on the phone, but when he got to my apartment, we talked for a few minutes and the next thing you know, I was being dragged and beaten. He busted my eardrum, and I had to get 18 stitches in my ear. My sister actually came out and saw him beating me, and called 911. But that’s still not the end, because my desire to save him was bigger than my desire to save myself. So, I moved out of that apartment with my sister and back into an apartment with him. It was not until one summer day that I finally decided to get out. We were getting ready to go to the zoo as a family, and something happened. It was so small that it’s hard for me to remember exactly what. I just remember being hit in the face and my contact flying out. It got so bad that I had to grab my children and run out of the house, but I was only able to get two of the boys. He was holding one of my children hostage in the house, and I couldn’t leave without him. I remember police officers and the SWAT team being there. The neighbors are outside watching, wondering what’s going on, and I’m in tears. They finally go and talk to him, and then permitted me to go in and get my son. That was the last day, and we went to stay with my mom and dad. I had already started going to a church, and I knew God had started to step in and intervene. He was saying, “Girl, listen, enough is enough. I’m all you need right now. I’ll take it from here.” I had a wedding rehearsal at a church one Wednesday night, and I got dropped off. My ride did not come back to get me in time, so I ended up staying for Bible study. That was the night that changed my life because I experienced a Word that I had never heard before. I heard scriptures in a way I had never heard them before, and I had been in church all my life, but that particular night, I really heard God. Being in that marriage really broke me down. He would never agree to give me a divorce and always told me that no one was going to want me with “all those kids.” He succeeded in making me feel like I was nothing, but God is a fixer, a restorer and a way maker. I went to this church, and the Lord used the pastor to minister to me for 12 years. One particular Sunday, I was
leaving service and one of the elders told me, “When you walk through that door, don’t you look back.” He knew nothing about me; nobody did, except that I was a single mother dragging oxygen tanks with the kids and they were all praying for me. I initially thought he was kicking me out of the church because I hadn’t walked out of the door yet. I wondered if he was telling me not to come back to the church again. I really didn’t understand until that following Tuesday morning when I got a phone call from my husband asking me to meet him at a lawyer’s office. He was finally giving me a divorce. I was ecstatic! When I got there, I didn’t even know what to tell the lawyer when he kept asking me what I wanted. At first I said I just wanted my last name back, but then my mind kicked in and I also asked for child support so he wouldn’t get off scot-free. I didn’t want anything else. I left there so liberated and free that I cried for two days, but now it was time for my healing to begin. God had to pull me away from people and things to get me to a place where it was just me and Him. For six months, God shielded my ex-husband’s face from me, and I could not remember what he looked like at all. No form of him was in my mind, and I knew that was God healing me. The main point I want to convey is that once you begin to learn who you are, accept who you are and love who (Continued, page 25)
WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • 17
18 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • October 2016
Transitions Yolanda Warnsley Y
olanda Warnsley was born and raised in Mississippi, and she has lived here all of her life. She is the mother of two teenagers, so that makes her the problem solver, errand runner, caretaker and everything else she needs to be to take care of her family. In May of 2015, despite the many years of having mammograms and performing self-exams at home, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. When she received the news, she knew she had to remain calm because although she had been diagnosed, her responsibilities did not change and she knew her children would need her now more than ever. Although she was faced with an unexpected situation, she was comforted in knowing that everything would be okay because God would fight this battle for her. This situation had only helped her build a more intimate relationship with God. She starts and ends each day with a devotion and prayer which helps keep her in good spirits and with a positive attitude. No one is perfect, but she strives each day to be better and remain positive by adopting a personal motto: “Accept No Negativity.” On this journey, it’s best to leave the negativity behind and seek everything positive. She is a firm believer that negative energy draws more negative energy, so she decided to distance herself from anyone who had a negative opinion about cancer because she was looking for a positive outcome. In her opinion, it is very important to maintain a clear mind and a forgiving heart in order to have a total healing.
She’s always heard the words, “You are a strong woman,” but it has not been until now that she has truly found this inner strength. Warnsley’s favorite scripture is Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things in Christ which strengthens me.” “I am so blessed to have such a wonderful circle of support from my family, friends, the Mississippi Witness Project, as well as breast cancer survivors,” said Warnsley. “Kind words mean so much, especially when you are feeling down. It amazes me how when I am having a bad day or feeling down, God sends the perfect words by random people.” The old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is not always true in her opinion. She believes that words matter – they can pick you up or pull you down. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” So she chose life. Nowadays, she spends her time sharing kind words to others who may be newly diagnosed or just sitting next to her in the treatment seats. Warnsley states she is a survivor and became a survivor the day she was diagnosed and started her fight. She says it’s not about how long the fight – it’s about sharing the information that she has learned, as well as supporting and encouraging others. In August 2016, Yolanda Warnsley began chemotherapy for a third time, and although a mammogram did not detect her cancerous tumors, she continues to advocate for them. It is important to receive yearly mammograms and conduct self-exams. Fighting breast cancer has been something dear to her heart because of her family’s history. She believes that breast cancer should be discussed openly because it is not gender restricted. Knowledge is power. PHOTO BY BRYAN MCKENNY
BY SALMEILIA JE' STEWART
A
s we begin a new season, it gives us an opportunity to let go of the past while embracing something new. In most cases, we tend to envision our transitions will go over smoothly. However, transitions can require some major readjustments and can be a painful process to endure. In any transition, you have to let go of something old to make room for something new. Whenever God is trying to take us to another level, there will be a time of feeling uncomfortable, alone and sometimes humiliated, and it is so easy to revert back to what we know. This can cause us to do a little salsa dance as we take two steps forward and two steps backwards. However, our God who is full of grace and mercy understands that transitions are not easy but necessary if we want to live a purposeful life. We serve a God that is big and is always finding new ways to reveal Himself to us. If we aren’t careful, we can become stagnate not only in our everyday life, but in our walk with God. Lately, I found myself “missing God” because He wasn't revealing Himself in the way He usually does. There was once a time when God would always speak and give me confirmations through people. Initially, I would always find myself a bit apprehensive, but over time, this became my new normal. After a while, I begin to rely too much on people giving me a “word” from God. It was so bad that I begin to second guess the voice of God Himself. There would be things I knew God was showing me, but if three people didn't confirm it for me, I would simply ignore it. Over time, I begin to slowly walk in unbelief. I had placed God in a box. Through much prayer, I finally realized that God has taken me through a process where I can learn to listen to His voice. This doesn't mean that God stopped using people to bear witness in my life. Lately, I’ve noticed that God has started to reveal more of Himself through my writing and through my visions. He said to me, “When you don't make time for me to do these things, it will feel as though you have missed me.” As I go through these transitions, it is a bit frustrating at times. I’m having to train myself to take the time to write as well as pay more attention to my
dreams. This process is only transitioning from depending less on people and more on God. Transitions are also a sign of God's love for us. The Bible says that the steps of a good man are ordered. The Bible also says that we go from faith to faith and glory to glory. We must remember that the “to” is the transition and life is full of many “to’s.” We can't get to step three without going through step one and step two. God knows that transitions help prepare us for the next level we are going to, and He loves us too much to allow us to skip steps. Sometimes until we are ready for step three, He will allow us to repeat steps one and two. He doesn't want to take us too fast or too slow. We also know that God will take us through a series of tests. These fiery trials of life are not fun nor easy, but are imperative to our human development. Through each phase of life, we become stronger, more resilient and confident. Transition is just another name for process. A process is a required series of steps one must undergo in order to achieve a particular end. As I become all that God has called me to be, there are certain things that cannot go with me to the next level. God loves me too much to allow me to fail, so I know that He is taking me through a process that will ensure that I will be ready for the great things that lies ahead. If I was to skip the steps at this time, it would only set me up for a catastrophic failure later. It is important that certain patterns and behaviors change in order for me to handle the things to come on the next level. Something as simple as being on time for meetings, making good on my promises and not overcommitting are small behavior patterns that I may be able to get by on one level, but not necessarily the case on the next level that God is trying to take me to. We all are in some form of transition. Life is a continuous cycle of one stage to the next. Let us understand that God is taking us through a transition to help prepare us for the things to come. He loves us too much to see us fail. Let us continue to be patient and trust God during our transitional phase. May the glory of God be revealed in all of our lives.
PHOTO CREDIT: GILI FAHIMA/FREEIMAGES.COM
WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • 19
20 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • October 2016
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE from a Male Perspective BY FELIX ANDERSON Felix Anderson is a brand advocate, speaker, service coach and founder/CEO of The Executive Concierges. With more than 20 years of customer service experience, he turned his passion into a dynamic company offering quintessential services crafting experiences only limited to his client's imagination. Felix has always served others, whether he was working as director of agency relations for the Mississippi Food Network, vice president of programs for the Memphis Food Bank or corporate trainer for Newk’s Eatery. The passion to serve others and to help them understand the core principles of customer service has always been at the forefront. After his mother was murdered at the hands of domestic violence, he become a voice for the voiceless and was selected as a 2014 Man of Character for his role in helping fight domestic violence. He is a health enthusiastic and leader that possesses an undeniable energy and practical wisdom distinctiveness like no other with a mission to teach you how to better serve yourself and those around you. Woman to Woman with Joanne: The Magazine was elated to have him share the effects of domestic violence from a male perspective. As stated above, Mr. Anderson’s mom was murdered at the hands of domestic violence in September 2014. Here is his recollection and perspective. y mom lived in Kalamazoo, Michigan at the time in a small town called Portage. From what I know, the domestic violence wasn’t an ongoing thing. My mom wasn’t that kind of person. If you said something crazy to her or did something crazy, she would put you in check and nip that in the bud. In her case, it was more of an if-I-can’t-have-you-nobody-can situation. She was preparing that day to come to Mississippi for the Southern Heritage Classic. I spoke with her that morning, checking what time she would arrive. The next day, my cousin called me and told me that my mom had been murdered that night. Her murderer had slit her throat, stole her vehicle and drove to Saginaw, Michigan. He placed the knife in her left hand as if she had stabbed herself. Then he went in and took a shower. They found
M
him two days later. The tough part for me was getting her body back to Mississippi. My grandmother lived in a small town in Mississippi, and at her request to bring her baby home, we did just that. My mom had a very light complexion, and to get her body here, she had to go through the normal autopsy and investigation, and then the body had to be shipped to Ann Arbor, Michigan to a funeral home to be held there. Then we had to fly her body to Mississippi. During that process, her skin began to darken. I didn’t grow up with my dad; I didn’t know him until I was 16 or 17. I knew of him, but I didn’t know him. I saw him marry another woman and raise another woman’s children, but he didn’t have any affiliation or connection with me. So, you deal with rejection. When he didn’t come to the funeral, which was about two blocks away from where he lived, that was probably the most hurtful thing.
The late Deloris Smith (Courtesy Felix Anderson) We had to drive to Michigan from Mississippi for my mom’s trial. It was in February, and the snow was up to my chest. So, I had to go through hell in order to get to another element of hell. When we got to the trial, maybe about 25 feet away from me sat my mom’s murderer. I’m in the court room sitting down, and there are about six armed guardsmen in the courtroom, plus the one who brought my mom’s murderer in, and they’re all watching me. In my mind, I’m thinking I’m about to be on World Star Hip Hop or an overnight YouTube sensation. But when he walked in, the peace of God covered me and God said to me, “I want you to forgive him. When you choose not to forgive people you are forfeiting your reservations in heaven. Who in the hell is worth you going to hell for?” So when I had the opportunity to speak, I got up and I said to him, “I forgive you, but I do not respect you because you took something that didn’t belong to you that was of value to me.” And I was at peace with that. Whenever there is a loss, you will always experience a series and a season of firsts. My mom was
born on September 4th, my dad’s birthday is September 9th, I met my wife on September 11th, my mom was murdered on September 12th and my birthday is September 26th. So, as you can imagine, September is a month filled with emotional highs and lows. I had to learn that there was no cookie cutter way to grieve. Everybody processes things differently. The things that really kept me strong were my faith in God, understanding who I am and understanding who He is. People would often ask where I gained my strength. I found one particular scripture and it changed my perception. Psalms 29:11 says, “The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace.” That’s when I really understood the peace that surpasses all understanding. I focused more on the good than the bad. I didn’t focus on my mom not being here – I focused on what she left for me to carry. My mom had left her legacy. She taught me the beauty of serving and I teach people every day how to serve for a living. Now I look at it as though I am carrying the mantle. At the time, I was working at Newk’s and I was the people manager and corporate trainer for the restaurant. Miranda Joiner came in and I knew her from times past; she had this poetry spot called Synergy Nights. She was looking for someone to donate a microphone. So, we bought the microphone and she named it Deloris Blue, after my mom. For me, it’s really symbolic for the fight against domestic violence because every time someone speaks into that microphone, they are speaking out against domestic violence, whether they are doing open mic, poetry or singing. I then partnered with the Mississippi Coalition Against Domestic Violence. I and about 12 other gentlemen did a take-the-pledge campaign against domestic violence. We all sat around a table and did our research, and found that 85% of the people who are abused are female according to the statistics. Then you have the other 15% of the people that are doing the abusing. My main issue was focusing on the 15%. What is the root cause of this? From a male perspective, most men have daddy issues and they were not taught how to properly communicate. Whenever I see abuse of any kind, it’s misplaced and displaced anger. They think to themselves, “I don’t have anybody else to lash out at, so I’m going to lash out at you, the person who’s closest to me.” It happens that way, be it physical, mental or psychological. I wanted to become that male voice to speak up for women who can’t speak up for themselves. This I do in loving memory of my mom, Deloris Smith.
WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • 21
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22 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • October 2016
Skin Care Tips for Fall BY TENE’ WANSLEY
I
t is officially autumn, and soon will be gone those hot, humid days, only to be exchanged for crisp and cool, exposing skin to a variety of environmental stressors. Another thing to keep in mind is that whether good or bad, your skin is the mirror to what’s going on inside your body, so be prepared this season with these tips and effective products that will keep your complexion looking flawless. Internal You are what you eat. It’s that simple. If you want the recipe for radiance, begin by assessing your nutritional habits and making healthier choices such as staying away from processed foods and when possible, choosing fresh, organic products. With the holiday season quickly approaching, don’t let yourself fall prey to office parties and toasting to the new season. When it comes to achieving youthful-looking skin, antioxidants are considered one of the most powerful anti-aging antidotes because they fight the aging effects of free radicals caused by the sun, environment and passage of time. You can get your fill of these by shopping your local farmer’s market this fall for produce rich in antioxidants such as dark, leafy greens, pumpkin, carrots, broccoli, berries along with high-fiber foods and lean proteins. These will not only keep you healthy but also help protect you from the visible signs of aging. Keep alcoholic beverages to a minimum – no
more than one a day. Alcohol disrupts your sleep cycle, dehydrates skin and destroys your body’s supply of vitamin A, weakening the skin’s ability to fight off damage by free radicals. External It is always best to find a skincare regimen best suited for your specific needs and to be consistent in use. Rodan+Fields offers clinical proven products to address anti-aging, adult acne, sun damaged and sensitive skin, but even if you are already using Rodan+Fields, it may be time to check in with your consultant and use the Solution Tool again to find out what the doctors recommend. Until then, here are some quick tips to help with the changing season. • Swap facial soaps for hydrating cleansers. Wind and cooler temperatures can dry out skin and cause redness or sensitivity, so switch up your cleanser game and keep clean with gentle products. Start by removing your makeup, and then use SOOTHE Gentle Cream Wash to combat dry, chapped, cracked skin. • Remember the importance of exfoliation. Exfoliation is a necessary step for healthy skin, even in dry months. A gentle exfoliant helps remove dead skin cells and clears the way for skincare treatments. Plus, it helps refine and soften the skin’s surface—and silky skin is always in style. • Keep your smacker supple. Your lips deserve just as much attention as your complexion.
Give them the ultimate moisturizing treat with the REDEFINE Lip Renewing Serum. Each capsule helps restore and maintain a fuller, younger-looking pout, all the better to be smooched over a pumpkin spice latte. • Hydration is your friend. Moisture, moisture, moisture (paging Jan Brady). As temps start to dip, help your skin out and amp up the hydration. Avoid tight, flaky skin by choosing thicker creams and lotions during the day, and don’t forget overnight treatments. • Don’t skip the SPF. Just because you’re accessorizing with scarves instead of sunglasses doesn’t mean harsh UVA and UVB rays aren’t coming your way. Before you head out the door, continue to slather your skin with a high quality sunscreen like ESSENTIALS Broad Spectrum SPF 30 Body Sunscreen. All of this information was obtained from the DermRF site, created to help answer those questions each of us have about how to take care of our skin and keep it looking healthy longer. For more tips, subscribe to www.DermRF.com and remember, “Skin is beautiful thing - wear it well.” Tene’ Wansley is a Rodan+Fields Executive Consultant, Visit her website at www.tenewansley.myrandf.com, email her at tenewansley@gmail.com or call her at 601-473-4414. PHOTO CREDIT: GRAPHICSTOCK
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WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • 23
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24 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • October 2016
Tougaloo College Girls Volleyball Team From left to right: (first row) Kristin Rice (13), Ashley Ruiz (24), Alexandra Jwainat (14), Saije Bady (18), Kenesha Odum (4); (second row) Kayla Cole (15), Carolyne Edwards (10), Jessica Porter (20), Bryanna Newson (11); (third row) Obadiah Montgomery (22), Eric A. Pilcher (Interim Head Coach), Taylor Kangethe (1)
T
he Tougaloo College Volleyball Team is blazing right now, having the best start in the program’s history. Currently, the Lady Bulldogs are 7-5 overall, 3-3 GCAC. The Lady Bulldogs have gained local attention with their success in winning and the selections of Players of the Week. Kayla Cole, a sophomore libero from Southaven, MS has been selected GCAC Defender of the Week three times since the start of the season, the most by a Tougaloo player. Carolyne Edwards, a sophomore outside hitter from Southaven, MS and Jessica Porter, a junior outside hitter/defensive specialist have been selected GCAC Attacker of the Week respectively. The Lady Bulldogs are under the leadership of Interim Head Coach Eric Pilcher, who took over after the departure of the previous coach. This season is Coach Pilcher’s first coaching experience, as he has served as Sports Information Director at Tougaloo since October 2007. Coach Pilcher says that he is honored and humbled to be placed in this position and
he remains positive and optimistic about his role as coach and having a successful season. He will continue to work hard to ensure that his players gain the full experience of a college athlete. With the season halfway finished, the Lady Bulldogs are looking to capture its first ever conference championship. Currently, the Lady Bulldogs are in third place behind Xavier University and Southern University of New Orleans after being picked to finish 5th in the conference. The Lady Bulldogs are a young team with no seniors and only 3 juniors. Coach Pilcher believes his team has what it takes to be successful and to be champions. “These young ladies work very hard in practice and play hard on the court, but the biggest reward is the hard work and dedication in the classroom.” With two presidential scholars on the team, the Lady Bulldogs currently hold above a 3.0 grade point average. The Lady Bulldogs are striving hard to make history and end with a winning season.
Here is the Lady Bulldogs complete schedule:
Join the Tougaloo College Athletic Booster Club today and support all our collegiate players. Sponsors and supporters tax deductible contributions are appreciated. Just contact us at
P.O. Box 10755 Jackson, MS 39289
WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • 25
CHIRVONA FRANK (Continued from page 16)
you are, your tolerance will change and you will not settle for mistreatment. If my Father in heaven loves me unconditionally, and would not have me suffer, I will not allow man in any form or fashion, male or female, to bring about any affliction upon me, not willingly allowing it. I love me, and that’s what I had to learn to do. It was a journey to self-love, and it’s still a journey to self-love. I learned how to accept who I am, and I learned how to trust God and believe that He wouldn’t put more on me than I could handle. He will be there every step of the way if you allow Him. He knew that I would have the children that I had. He knew that one of the twins would be blind, but He has graced me to be what I need to be for my children. He has graced me to be what I need to be for my friends and my family. We don’t have to stay in unfavorable conditions or situations. I don’t have to accept your treatment. I don’t have to accept being second. I don’t have to because I am the apple of God’s eye. He is going to give me His best because He loves me, and He is going to pull out that red carpet for me. So when I finally got to a place where I could break free of my ex-husband, and what I mean by break free of him was mentally and emotionally, not physically, because I left and
I was with my parents, something inside of me still compelled me to answer the phone when he called. I still felt drawn to reach out to him when I didn’t hear from him because that “rescue spirit” in me just wanted to make sure he was okay. I had to deal with my emotions, and I had to hate him. Then I had to deal with the hate I had for him, and I had to be okay with hating him so that I could in turn love him and forgive him the way God wanted me to. A lot of times, we try not to deal with certain emotions and act like we will just get over it. It’s really not that simple. You’ve invested what seems like a lifetime into a relationship, a lot of years into a situation, and it’s not that easy to say, “Well, it’s over. What do I do now?” No, your emotions are still attached to that situation. You have to deal with separation anxiety, and it’s real. I’ve never been addicted to drugs, but I can only imagine how painful it is to go through a detoxification. Your body has become used to a thing, your mind has become used to thinking a certain way, your feelings your emotions are used to being a certain way. Now it’s time to change all that, and it’s hard to do. I think a lot of people stay in these situations because it’s a comfort level and it hurts to not be in it. It’s easier to go back because it’s a familiar place and I know this anxiety, I
know that hurt. I don’t understand this new hurt that I’m experiencing right now. Now I have to deal with myself, and most times, it’s easier to deal with foolishness than to have to take a look at you, to really look in that mirror and see you. The other things were excuses, so every time you looked at you in the mirror, you always had something or someone to blame. Well, I’m only this way because of this or that or him or her, but when it’s time to face you, and you have to do what you need to do, that’s a different story, because now you’re accountable. You have to make the decisions and do whatever it is that you know God has placed you on this earth to do, and there is no such thing as lost time with God because 1000 years is as but one day with Him. He will restore the years that the locusts have taken away. You won’t skip a beat. I had to read and study the Bible. I had to come into a covenant relationship with God so that I could realign my life with His will for me. Through it all, I have learned that things happen for a reason. What I have gone through does not define me and has not determined my ending. I can take comfort in the fact found in Jeremiah 29:1, which reads, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
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26 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • October 2016
MYA'S CORNER:
Being Different is good
H
i, I’m Mya Bell and I’m 13 years old. I wanted to talk about how things are in middle school and having to deal with all the drama that there really isn’t a cause for. I’m just a normal girl who goes to school to learn and have fun and talk to friends. I have to wake up already stressed out about what happened yesterday and what may happen today. I go to Germantown Middle School where sixth, seventh and eighth graders attend. There are three courtyards, one for each grade, and I’m in the eighth grade. Every day I get to school, I go to the courtyard. While I’m walking, I’m thinking about who’s going to be out there and who to talk to and where to stand, and if everyone will stare at me and start whispering to each other. The only reason I think that is because I’m a really shy girl at
school sometimes, and I really don’t know what to expect. You think you’re going to go out there and talk to everyone, but they see you and keep talking to someone else. Now you’re trying to figure out how to start a conversation. The next thing you know, you’re standing by yourself listening to each conversation trying to see which group you should go to. So, now you’re thinking, “I thought we were friends,” or “Maybe they didn’t hear me say ‘hey,’” or “Am I even with the right group of people?” I have to do that almost every day. It can be very hard and also confusing at the same time, but you have to stay strong and know that everything is going to be okay. I’ve struggled with not having a lot of friends, and not being as popular and cool as the other kids. But here’s the thing: You don’t
BY JAMYA BELL need a lot of friends to be cool or popular. You don’t need to have someone by your side everywhere you go just so you won’t be alone or not have anyone to talk to. That’s called standing out, being yourself and having confidence. The main thing to remember is that being different is good. God put everyone on this earth for a reason, and He made everyone different. That difference inside of you is your personality and a sparkle, and that sparkle is God within you. So don’t think that because you’re different, that makes you weird – it means you are very special, and you don’t need a lot of friends to be cool or popular. You can just have one best friend, and that’s fine as long as you know you are not alone and that you are very special. Talk to ya next time and remember, being different is good.
JaMya Elisabeth Bell (Mya, for short) is a native of Crystal Springs, Mississippi, and currently lives in Gluckstadt, Mississippi. She loves to sing, act, cook and draw, and her favorite sports are basketball and track. In addition to stage performances, she has appeared on the TV show “Nashville” and the film “Soul Damage.” She is the daughter of Woman to Woman with Joanne’s founder and CEO, Joanne Bell.
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WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • 27
Breast Cancer Survivors
HALL OF FAME Belinda J. Dixon
Bobbie M. Jones
Vera L. Smith
Five months ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and since then, my life has changed – not for the bad, but for the good. Hearing the words spoken, “Your report indicates you have cancer in the left breast,” was words I never wanted to hear. For a moment. I was taken aback, imagining what my life could have been, but within a split second, a calmness came over me and without doubt, God spoke and assured me I would not die and everything would be alright. Now I know the true purpose for my life, and my journey has taken on a new mission. See, my beloved friends, my walk with breast cancer is not by accident, nor is it because the cancer cells decided to wake up, for it is through divine intervention. Unless I’ve been there, how can I be the best advocate/motivational speaker God is calling me to be with humble passion and admiration? How can I tell my sisters who have gone through, are going through right now, or will be going through, and their families, “‘I understand”, “This is how I weathered the storms” or “This too shall pass”? I am grateful for this walk on my journey to destiny. Today, with much humbleness and thanksgiving, I am CANCER FREE. Keeping it real, Belinda J. Dixon
Hi! I am from Crystal Springs, MS; I am a breast cancer survivor. In 2010, I heard the dreaded "C" word that nobody wants to hear. I stared immortality in its face and refused to surrender my life to it. This has been a journey of faith which has allowed me to focus and deepen my relationship with the Master of my life. So, it matters not my circumstance or condition; I am determined to put my trust in the Lord, even when I don't feel like it. I refuse to let cancer rule my life; I rule it! And, I continuously give God all the honor and praise. For it was He who brought me through the storm and rain. He never left me; He took my hand and walked by my side. The Lord is my keeper, my healer, and through Him I am victorious. He is my strength and has given me wings to fly above the fray, the negativities of this world. It has not been easy. At times, troubles have abounded on every side, but my faith looked up to the Lamb of Calvary. Yes, I am thankful for all that He has done and is doing. He provided me with a loving and caring husband, Garcelle, who has prayed with me and for me; loving children; Jimmie Jones, who God recently called home (March 2, 2014); a loving daughter, Lavette James; a wonderful son-n-law, who God recently called home (Oct. 7, 2014); [yes I lost two sons seven months apart but God is still blessing]; six beautiful granddaughters; Rameka Jones, Shaniqua, Aireyonna, Aironese, Taylar and Kiersten James; siblings, friends, and a devoted church family, a supporting pastor and first lady, neighbors and former co-workers who have stood with me through this horrific time. For I know that with Christ all things are possible. I am now cancer FREE; and I thank the Lord for my doctors and caregivers. I know that when faced with atrocities in life, we must not fret or worry, but we must put our faith and trust in God and watch Him work a miracle in our lives. Ask me. I know. The LORD HEALED ME! I can truly say that the Lord is my Shepherd and I will dwell in His House forever. - Bobbie M. Cooper Jones I was diagnosed with Stage 1 Ductal Carcinoma in Situ (DCIS) four days before my 39th birthday on June 25, 2015. I wasn’t prepared for this. Cancer was not what I wanted to hear because I was already taking care of my mother after her stroke. I needed time alone, so I went to the park in Crystal Springs to get a peace of mind. I cried and I kept telling myself, “No, this is not right. Why me? I’m the one who is supposed to take care of my loved ones. I never expected to have anyone taking care of me.” It seemed as if my life was over, but I didn’t want to die. I wasn’t ready to leave my children and my grandson. My family needed me, but I was so scared. I prayed, handed it over to God and told myself I am going to fight for my life. I am grateful for my mentor, Santrilla Bailey; she was my prayer warrior. I had surgery two weeks later along with a double mastectomy. I did Tamil Chemo and now I have to take Tamoxifen for five years. I am a one-year breast cancer survivor, and my advice to anyone who has just received a cancer diagnosis is that this journey is not easy, but there are so many blessings along the way. We are fighters; you are a fighter and you will win the battle by staying positive and strong, and keeping your faith in God. This scripture is what kept me – Phillipians 4:13, which reads, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” - Vera L. Smith
I am a breast cancer survivor of 28 years. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on September 9, 1988, and I had surgery on September 12, 1988. This past September is a God-given blessing of 28 years. I know who I am and I know whose I am. I am a child of God, and in Him is where my faith, belief and strength come from. One of my favorite scriptures is Deuteronomy 31:6 which reads, “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” - Lizzie T. Turner
Lizzie T. Turner
Fashion Tips
28 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • October 2016
1 3 5
BY LaurenB
to Keep You Cozy and Chic This Fall
2 4 6
Tip #1: Put away your prints and let your solids shine! Shine is definitely in this season with gold lamé fabric popping up on runways everywhere. But if you are not on the red carpet, the dazzle may be too much of a distraction. To get your shine on without being too over the top, try adding a few shiny accessories to your solid color tops and bottoms. Big shiny buckles on purses and even some shiny gold flats are also a great way to jazz up any outfit. Tip #2: Bring your blazer! Blazers are a necessity for every woman and can match just about any outfit, so you should always keep one in the car. Blazers can be worn with dresses, jeans, dress pants and skirts. They can quickly change your outfit from casual to dressy, and they come in any number of styles and colors. If you already have your basic black blazer, navy blue, cream and red are also great colors to try this fall. You can also rock a bold pink blazer to show support for breast cancer survivors in October. Whatever color you choose, a blazer is a must-have item for fall. Tip #3: Let it all hang out… No wait, just your shoulder. Asymmetrical shirts and sweaters have definitely made a comeback. Think the ’80s with bold color tops and cute graphics with that sexy one shoulder showing. For a bold look, wear your asymmetrical top a little loose and pair it with a lot of accessories. For a more subtle look, a black or gray asymmetrical sweater looks great with denim and heels. Of course, your shiny accessories can also make it perfect for a night on the town. Tip #4: Even if your boots are made for walking, don’t forget your flats. Boots are always a fall favorite, but this fall, go for your open-toed booties. Booties are short boots that come up to your ankle,
and the ones with fringe on them are definitely the most popular. Try olive green and khaki with your skinny jeans and a plain white tee for a great everyday look. For those chilly fall nights, grab a sweater or blazer to throw on over it to keep warm. Pointed-toe flats are the new craze this season, coming in all colors from bold red, bright yellow, and of course, your basic black. Flats are a great way to stay comfortable, still look professional and look great with pretty much any length of pants, but especially this season’s cropped pants, which leads me to tip number 5. Tip #5: Shorten your pants to show off your shoes! Cropped pants are a great way to show off your shoes and come in all styles from dressy to casual. The most popular length is the ankle length pant, which looks great with your pointed-toe flats. To make sure your shoes really stand out, wear a plain solid color top and a few matching accessories. However, if you want more than just your shoes to show, roll your favorite skinny jeans up above your calves to make your legs look longer and more muscular. Don’t be afraid to play peek-a-boo with fashion this fall! Now we have come to the bottom line. Last but not least, my final tip for fall fashion. Tip #6: Wear what you want, but always wear a watch! Watches come in all styles. Try multi-colored bands or bold faces to stand out, or you can add charms and jewels to them for added shine. They can be worn alone on your wrist, or with lots of bracelets and bangles on the same arm, which is my personal fave. Watches are a fully functional accessory, but they are also fashionable and fun. For women with busy schedules, watches are a must-have this fall! PHOTO CREDIT: CHELSEA FRANCIS/PEXELS.COM ADDITIONAL CREDITS: GRAPHICSTOCK, ADOBE STOCK
WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • 29
Tips for Buying a Home When Starting Over BY MESHIA EDWARDS
Meshia “ME” Edwards is a REALTOR/Broker, License #20161, at Community First Real Estate, LLC. She is a Military Relocation Professional (MRP), a Sellers Representative Specialist (SRS) and a member of the Mississippi Realtor Institute (MRI). Call her at 601421-6878 or 601-956-6567. [Agency Information: Community First Real Estate LLC 20350]
S
tarting over is never easy when it comes to rebuilding, but it is very possible. I am one who speaks from professional and personal experience. Everything in life starts with a decision first and foremost. Once you have made your decision that you want to move forward with homeownership and rebuilding your credit status, below are some things that you should find beneficial with your journey. Step 1: As stated above, your first step is your decision that you want to become a homeowner. Step 2: You will need a steady job! This step cannot be overlooked or taken lightly. Lenders want to see that you will be able to pay for the home that they are lending you money to purchase. Step 3: Become familiar with what’s on your credit report. There are several sites where you can receive a free credit report. The scores may not be accurate with what lenders will pull, but the items that appear on the credit should be the same. Most lenders will pull from the three main
credit agencies, which are Experian, Equifax and Transunion. Step 4: It’s time to make your wrongs right! Contact the creditors that have reported negative items on your reports to see if they will accept a settlement and update your report accordingly. Credit repair specialists can assist in this step. You can do it yourself, but if timing is a factor, I suggest hiring someone. Step 5: Stay current on all of your credit obligations. Do not get back in the habit of paying your obligations late because that will be reported to the credit bureaus and affect your credit scores, which can hurt you when that time comes to purchase your home. Step 6: Save, save, save! Put away funds from each paycheck. This way, you will have a down payment when the time comes. Step 7: It’s time to contact your preferred lender. It’s time to be preapproved! Step 8: Contact a trusted REALTOR to begin your new home search.
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30 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • October 2016
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WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • 31