It is OK Not to Be OK

Sometimes life will hit us like a ton of bricks flying off the back of a truck going 100 miles an hour. Recently, I found myself feeling like I had been BEAT DOWN by life. There were so many moments when I felt alone. I had convinced myself that people had their own “things” to deal with and no one wanted to listen to what I was going through.

I had allowed the pressure of the circumstances to surround me and create a barrier between me and the people that I had valuable relationships with. It wasn’t a barrier of protection per se, but instead a barrier used to “fool” the world into thinking that I was ok. See, it’s easy to fool people when they don’t have the ability to get close and discern that something is wrong.

Over time, however, this weight began to become too much for me to bear. I was crying all the time and one morning, I even had to convince myself to wake up and get up. Once I got moving, I would have “the talk” with myself and go on with my day. What is the talk? It’s the conversation where I convince myself that I am ok. It’s a skill I learned as the oldest child. I was the go-to person for my younger siblings’ hurts and problems, so I learned to appear strong even when I didn’t feel strong.

Fast forward, my husband and I were hanging out with a set of married friends. My girlfriend and I were secluded away in the kitchen chatting. She looked across the table at me and asked, "How are you?" I evaded the question by responding really quickly, “Good, how have you been?” After catching me up on the latest and greatest, she REPEATED a question that she had ALREADY asked me. “So, how have you been doing?” Now, this time, I knew I had a choice. I could believe the lie that I told myself about no one caring or I could challenge that thought and take a different action.

I took a breath, looked up and kept it real. The reality was that I wasn’t ok. I slowly unloaded my bricks in the safety of our friendship, and guess what? She was carrying an almost IDENTICAL load and struggling with the SAME feelings of loneliness and isolation. I walked away from our conversation that evening feeling lighter, filled with hope, and full of appreciation. My only disappointment, was that I didn’t do it sooner.

Each day will not be butterflies, rainbows and roses. Life happens to the best of us, but we do ourselves a disservice when we allow what’s happening to create a persona of perfection and a barrier of isolation. Make a choice to stop believing the lie and allow yourself to be ok with not being ok. You’ll open yourself up to FREEDOM.