What Makes a Marriage Last Kim Carson’s interview with Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue Today, my conversation is with award-winning actress, author and activist, Marlo Thomas and her husband, writer/producer and media pioneer, Phil Donahue. They marked their 40th wedding anniversary with the release of their book, “What Makes a Marriage Last: 40 Celebrated Couples Share With Us the Secrets to a Happy Life.”
Kim Carson: Marlo and Phil spent time with
40 couples who shared their secrets to a happy life. Thank you so much for talking with me today. This is a dream come true. It really is.
Marlo Thomas: We’re pleased to be here. Thank you.
KC: So, let’s start with you two. What does
your journey look like for the last 40 years of marriage? I think I read somewhere where you both share gumption, gallivanting, and crushes.
Phil Donahue: Yes. Well, gallivanting, that’s
what your parents said you were doing when you came home late.
KC: That’s right. PD: That was a very, very Catholic word. MT: Yes. I think what we’ve learned is to
accept the other one. I think we got into this marriage thinking, “Well, I’ll change him” and he was thinking, “I’ll break her of that habit” and we did about 10 years of that which was difficult, and then we finally realized, “You know what? I like him.” I like him, he likes me and we started to realize it
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wasn’t about changing the other person. It was about accommodating the differences that the other person has. No matter how hard we try, he’s never going to be me and I’m never going to be him.
PD: And lose jealousy, that helped me a lot.
Jealousy is a very heavy burden on the person who thinks that when he’s away, there’s a tall, dark stranger hiding behind the drapes. That will crush you. It takes away all of your energy.
KC: It’s exhausting. MT: It is. PD: Very much so. MT: It’s hard on both people. I think the
biggest sense of trust, for me, is the fact that I know Phil has my back and that if I ask him for advice, he’s going to give me the advice that’s best for me, not the advice that’s most convenient for him. I know a lot of my women friends who are no longer married to those husbands who said that was something that broke their hearts when they realized that their husbands weren’t advising them for what was best for them but what was the most convenient to the husband.
KC: Yes. Agendas in a marriage are never a good thing.
MT: Yes, it really is. KC: My parents, they were married for 74
years until my dad died in 2019 but for the other couples that you interviewed in your book, what did they say about their parents’ marriages?
MT: That’s interesting. That fascinated Phil
and what – do you want to talk about that, honey?
PD: Well, yes, I did. I asked them and it’s
definitely consequential to the offspring. If your parents remained married and in reasonably good emotional condition, that has a huge influence on you. People who come from families that have remained and where the father still patting the mother on the ass that’s helpful. I mean that will - bode well for you. You have a better chance of forming a union that lasts.
MT: But Ali Wentworth who is married to
George Stephanopoulos, her parents got divorced when she was two. She knew what
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