GETTING A DIVORCE IT’S PRETTY SCARY BY JEFF MURPHY, Mediation Services of Southwest Michigan
Y
ears ago, Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “We have nothing to fear, but fear itself.” But he obviously wasn’t thinking about getting a divorce. Getting a divorce can be very frightening—it’s a lifechanging event that involves a multi-stage process that can take considerable time. People are afraid of the divorce process. They’re right in feeling this way because it can involve intense emotional stress, an ugly court battle, dealing with the spouse’s nasty lawyer, facing a biased judge, possibly losing their kids and their money, arguing with their soon-tobe ex-spouse over parenting time, child and spousal support and losing their privacy and self-esteem. These are all real, rational fears. We’ve had friends who’ve experienced one or more of these fears during and after going through a nasty divorce. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We’ve all been told the best way to handle fear is to face it head-on. This is absolutely true. It’s amazing how many things that we fear end up being no problem at all if we “just do it.”
26
June 2021
Each of those fears—endless court battles with aggressive lawyers, callous judges, not to mention the loss of dignity, relationships, and financial support problems—can be removed from the picture completely if you decide to mediate your divorce instead of fighting it out in court. The whole idea of mediation is to let you and your spouse negotiate and decide on the terms of your divorce, both financial and for the kids, with the help of a creative, neutral third party, the mediator. You and your spouse don’t have to “get along” for mediation to work. You can actually be in separate rooms if you have to. Mediation sessions are private and confidential, and there’s no bullying or intimidation allowed. You can both work at your own comfortable pace, not the court’s schedule. The process can sometimes be completed in a few weeks. Other times it may take six months to over a year to work through all the issues and complete the whole process. Importantly, when you and your spouse reach a settlement agreement, the chances are extremely high that you both will live
up to it. Because you worked it out together with the mediator’s help, each person’s concerns and views were heard and taken into consideration. You determined your own future, not a third party like a judge or jury. This means a more secure and stable future for you and your children. Lastly, the cost is significantly less than a court battle. In fact, it can be as much as 60–80% less. That helps reduce stress and preserve the finances. If you are facing a divorce, consider doing mediation instead of going to court. You may find the process reduces your fear and increases the chances of a better, more confident future for you and your children. Jeff Murphy Jeff is an attorney and mediator with over 35 years of experience in business, divorce, family law, and corporate legal matters. His practice, Mediation Services of Southwest Michigan, has served clients throughout southwest Michigan and Grand Rapids for the past 15 years. For more info, visit www.JeffMurphyMediator.com.
moxiemediagroup.com
