DEFINING & SETTING
Boundaries
F O R A S U C C E S S F U L FA L L Results, Relationships, and Being Ridiculously in Charge is the subtitle of the book, Boundaries for Leaders by Dr. Henry Cloud, and is still touted as essential read for everyone who aspires to lead companies, teams and cultures that are defined by high performance and healthy relationships. Published in 2013, Cloud’s book addresses a critical question for people in any organization or group: “With the many benefits that appropriate boundaries provide, WHY don’t we establish and maintain boundaries in our professional and personal lives?!”
WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES?
Cloud states, “A boundary is a structure that determines what will exist and what will not.” Boundaries are made up of two essential elements: what you create and what you allow. They can be defined as limits that people set — both physical and emotional in nature — creating order and a healthy sense of personal space. So, boundaries show where something ends and another begins. Many types of boundaries exist: physical, emotional, personal, time and social. They come in the form of a state or property line, office space, defined procedures, calendar blocking, acceptable behavior … the list goes on.
PURPOSE OF BOUNDARIES
Boundaries establish limits to protect and guide us. Ultimately, boundaries put the control in your hands and put you in charge of your life. Although setting or having boundaries in place may sound intimidating, the beauty is that when they are deliberately put in place and followed, they will guide you to success. Like traffic lanes, they keep you safe and on the right course. Appropriate boundaries help to ensure that your relationships grow and are healthy and that you’re protected from negative influence or manipulation by others.
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She Means Business 2020
Setting and consistently maintaining boundaries at work brings focus, with successes to follow. For example, here’s Cindy’s story about boundaries she put in place. As a new coaching client at KDIC, Cindy came to us with the need to develop and grow her mindset and confidence in feeling, being and appearing put together and at the top of her game. She was stepping into a new leadership role in her career and needed to have everything in place to support her new endeavor. Her goal was to have a process that kept her organized and on top of new tasks, while presenting herself in a poised and confident manner. Knowing the requirements of the role, her own personal limitations, and her short- and longterm goals, we put a plan in place. Boundaries began with an efficient layout of her office space, desk and workspace. Both hard copy and electronic collateral materials were laid out for easy access and friendly, efficient daily use. With supportive procedures and systems in place, next Cindy set guarded time aside in her schedule. This included an early morning planning time, before staff arrived for the workday, so she would be ready for her day and to lead her team. Also, a weekly strategic time block was set aside for projects, planning and thinking through the demands that would come with her new position. With boundaries set and honored, Cindy’s sought-after poise and confidence was won! She now confidently leads her team, makes it to meetings with the correct folders and documents in hand, and closes the end of her workday knowing that everything is in place for her next day. She is also able to handle the inevitable “unexpecteds” with grace because she has a solid foundation to work from.
HOW TO EFFECTIVELY SET BOUNDARIES
To set effective boundaries for yourself, you might begin in much the same manner as Cindy’s process did.
• Decide what you’re trying to achieve or what adjustments you want to make. • Be honest with yourself. How do you operate? What are your strengths and limitations? • Consider your past. What has worked before and what hasn’t? • Seek support with a coach (or a trusted successful colleague/mentor) who can help you with the process. • Decide on a set of actions or steps that will support better boundaries. Then deliberately take the first step; it will guide you to the next. How has setting boundaries affected you? What successful boundaries do you have working in your world? Are there others you should put in place that will help set you up for success this fall or in 2021? Kelly Duggan is an Image Consultant specializing in executive and personal image development, etiquette & communication skills. She is a certified member of the Association of Image Consultants International. Contact Kelly at: www.kellyduggan.com.
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