CITY VOICES
FIRST PERSON
LETTERS
COVID asides on a visit to Maine
JOE FUSCO JR.
behind the plexiglass seemed nonplussed by our arrival five minutes before closing and charged us $1.50 yndi and I went to Maine extra for whipped cream and nuts. for four weekdays. She took “Attica, Attica,” I mumbled into some vacation time and I’m my mask. sort of retired. The four days in Maine also gave With plenty of masks, we left the Cyndi and I time to examine our afternoon of Columbus Day. My current situations. She is worried I won’t have enough retirement stuff to do and will become sullen and bored. I’m hopeful that she will enjoy her job at UMass Hospital enough to work into her seventies. “You are our Gravy Train and I’m fine with being melancholic,” I summarized. We also touched briefly on my COVID weight gain. “I need to find a program whereby I can lose weight and still keep my dietary desires and exercise output at their current levels,” I offered. “Cut out the Italians for lunch every Tuesday and Thursday,” my wife countered. A visit to Maine just isn’t the same in the We agreed to disagree then Age of COVID-19. watched the sunset behind the RGOEHL/PIXABAY Hannaford Supermarket as we planned a trip to the casino. Life is … OK. The first night in Maine, I feasted car displayed “low tire pressure” as Joe Fusco Jr. is a poet and humorwe turned off the Wells exit. It was on seafood chowder, stuffed ist who lives in Worcester. raining domesticated animals. We mushrooms, and picked lobster found a car repair shop on Route 1. drenched in butter along with two Tanqueray and Tonics. “My car is saying the tires are The second evening in Maine, low and we didn’t see any self-serve air pumps and my wife is expecting I gorged on hearts of lettuce with blue cheese, veal Parmesan with very soon,” I lied to the proprietor. raviolis, and two Painkiller cock“I charge $3 to check the tires, tails. “he replied. The third morning in Maine, I almost suggested that he I awoke at 4 a.m. to a throbbing, should charge a buck-a-tire but bright-red right toe the size of a thought better and thanked him bicycle horn. with a fiver upon completion. “I think I have an ingrown “Why was he looking at me so toenail,” I exclaimed to my sleepy strangely,” my wife asked. better-half. “Told him you had a bun in the “Might be gout,” she replied then oven, “I replied. At the motel in Maine, they gave re-slumbered. The might-be-gout worsened as us the keys to our room by passing them through the registration win- we attempted to walk Ogunquit Beach Wednesday afternoon. I dow in a COVID-19 metal bucket. limped back to the motel like ChesThe TV remotes were wrapped ter on “Gunsmoke” and googled my in COVID-19 plastic which made apparent malady. changing the channels very dif“Gout — the rich man’s disficult so we endured the “Jurassic Park” movies late into the evening. ease.” I went back to my ingrown toenail theory. The shower had three plastic That evening, the pain subsqueeze-tubes attached to the wall. The first contained shampoo, sided so we went to Dairy Queen after steak dinners for hot-fudge the third had conditioner, and sundaes to go. The young person the middle tube to my surprise
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WORCESTERMAGAZINE.COM
N O V E M B E R 5 - 11, 2020
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and infantile delight read “douche (shower gel).” “Can’t wait to douche with my pouf,” I would shout seductively to my wife from the bathroom at every opportunity. “Moron,” she would softly reply as the slots tumbled on her iPad.
WoMag’s not fake news? Ya gotta give ’em credit and you won’t regret it; WoMag entertains diverse views, from Antifa to Corrigan. That’s more than you can say for the mainstream news; Dem Party coatholders and stenographers, spewing out manufactured views again and again. You’re burnin’, lootin’ and rioting, oh what a joke. You just scored some new Nikes; you’re so woke. I’m guessin’ you got it all figured out - tear down Frederick Douglass’ statute, that’s what it’s all about. Dems put kids in cages, it’s a dirty shame. The GOP forged emancipation but the media just
plays the bogus information game. “Big Guy” gets his Ukrainian cut, while Hunter fills the crack pipe and smokes it up. Facebook and Twitter got the censorship goin’. They don’t want the truth for the public to be knowin’. Scores of brothers locked up under Big Guy’s watch without clemency; he claims he’s got their back yet he terrorized them without mercy. A Marxist Trojan Horse, the Big Guy’s gonna bring Chairman Mao to you with unrestricted force. Socialists support infanticide with clinics in minority hoods; a disproportionate number of black babies killed; as long as Planned Parenthood’s coffers are filled. Check out founder Margaret Sanger’s creds; she promoted eugenics to keep white folks ahead. William Thomas lives in Worcester.
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