Woroni: Edition 14, 2011

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27 OCT 2011

Vol.63 VOLUME 63, NOno. 14 9

11 AUGUST 2011

The Australian National University Newspaper Since 1948

OBAMA'S GUIDE TO CANBERRA

KHMER ROUGE TRIALS (P.11)

( P.12)

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No fracking, please, we’re Canberran After a concerted campaign by the ANU Environment Collective, the university will ditch its shares in Metgasco, involved in controversial coal seam gas operations.

TOM SWANN WRITER

The Australian National University will sell its shares in Metgasco, a company involved in coal seam gas extraction in Northern NSW, following student opposition to the investment.

ANU Vice Chancellor Professor Ian Young announced the decision in a statement to students, in response to a campus campaign raising concerns about the environmental and social impacts of the booming coal seam gas industry.

The ANU’s decision is the latest controversy for the coal seam gas industry in NSW, which is drawing opposition from across the political spectrum. The rush to develop NSW’s vast reserves is seeing farmers, environmentalists, students, and even Alan Jones, all

calling for caution.

Tom Stayner from the ANU Environment Collective, the student group behind the Metgasco campaign, says they are excited about the decision and hope it will set a precedent.

“He took some convincing, but the Vice Chancellor is showing leadership on this urgent issue”, Stayner says. “The ANU should be about the public good. It shouldn’t be risking Australia’s clean water and farming communities--not to mention impacts on the climate.”

The Vice Chancellor’s short statement “notes” the students’ concerns, but does not say

why the University will sell its shares in Metgasco. An ANU spokeswomen said in a further statement “The decision was made by the Vice-Chancellor after concerns were raised with him, and he investigated the matter.”

The Canberra Times reports the Vice Chancellor said the decision was “pragmatic” and based on the low price of the shares, and also downplayed the role of the student campaign.

The ANU currently holds a 1% share in Metgasco, worth around $1 million, making it the 12th largest shareholder. The ANU’s total investment portfolio is valued

All’s well that ends Welling VINCENT CHIANG CORRESPONDENT

After much anticipation, Ben Wellings from the CASS has been selected to deliver the 2011 Last Lecture.

The Last Lecture is an annual lecture, symbolically marking the end of the ANU teaching year. This year, more than 700 students voted from a pool of 70 nominated lecturers to choose the Last Lecturer.

Wellings follows on from an esteemed tradition of lecturers, which includes Professor John Hutchinson in 2010, and Dr Alastair Greig in 2008.

Wellings, who obtained his PhD from the ANU, is Convenor of European Studies at the ANU,

although his research interests also extend towards the relationship between Australia and Europe.

According to his ANU Researchers profile, Wellings has also worked as a museum curator, a public affairs consultant, a researcher at the House of Commons and a merchant seaman maintaining England’s supply lines to cheap French lager.

Whilst Woroni was unable to ask Wellings to comment, it is accepted that he is an extremely well respected and loved member of the ANU teaching staff.

“I think it’s great – he was definitely my favourite lecturer last semester,“ said first year student Christina Rae, who enrolled in Wellings’ first semester course Europe in the Modern Era: Foundations of International Relations. “He will be able to provide an intelligent, engaging and witty speech.”

The lecture starts at 5:30pm in The Hall, University House on Thursday the 3rd of November.

Doors open at 5:00pm, and no bookings are necessary

at over $1 billion.

Students from the Collective say they discovered the investment in Metgasco’s annual report. They were spurred on by contact from several people in areas affected by Metgasco operations, who urged a push for divestment.

The students launched their campaign by installing a ‘gas rig’ made out of milk crates in Union Court on campus and starting a petition.

At a recent student forum, Vice Chancellor Young said that Australian Ethical Investments gives “the tick” to coal seam gas companies that don’t use the

controversial “fracking” technique, which he said includes Metgasco.

Critics say fracking, or hydraulic fracturing to release the gas, can cause major problems for water systems.

In a letter to the Vice Chancellor, the students cited Metgasco reports showing that fracking occurred at its Kingfisher natural gas operation and suggesting plans to use the technique elsewhere.

They also noted Australian Ethical Investments recently pulled out of Origin Energy due to its coal seam gas activities.

The NSW Government has banned fracking until the end of the year and introduced new regulations for the industry. A Parliamentary Inquiry on the impacts of CSG is currently underway and is due to report in April 2012.

Stayner, who has been studying coal seam gas and policy in class, says it can have serious impacts even without fracking. “They have to extract huge amounts of water, and the CSIRO is worried that will cause permanent damage to the water table, which could really damage farming in these areas.”

“And in the end, gas is still a fossil fuel. It causes climate change,” Stayner says. “In fact, it might be worse than coal overall.”

The students point to recent US studies which challenge the idea CONTINUED P2

Tragic death of student at Lake Burley Griffin ANGUS MINNS EDITOR

Police have recovered the body of a man from Lake Burley Griffin.

The body is believed to be that of 21-year-old University of Canberra student William Boyle.

Police are not treating the death as suspicious and at the time this article was written were yet to formally identify the body.

The discovery of the body came after Boyle’s wallet, phone and shorts were found near the lake at

Yarralumla.

Boyle was last seen by friends at the ANU Oktoberfest celebrations last Thursday, Boyle’s Facebook page was inundated with tributes from his friends.

In a media release, police stated that a postmortem will be carried out, and a report is being prepared for the coroner.

NEWS No fracking, please, we’re Canberran continued from P1 that unconventional gas is cleaner than coal overall as a source of energy, due to the methane that leaks during extraction and transport. Methane is 25 times more powerful than carbon dioxide as a greenhouse gas over 100 years, and up to 70 times more powerful over 20 years.

There has been no independent study of the lifecycle emissions of coal seam gas in Australia.

Although methane is included in the new legislation for a price on greenhouse gases, further regulation will determine whether and how much of the coal seam gas industry will have to pay for its ‘fugitive’ methane emissions.

(Section 5, definitions, of the Clean Energy Bills) The students urge the ANU to focus more of its investments on renewables. They point to the Beyond Zero Emissions study outlining a plan for moving Australia to 100% renewables in 10 years.

The University spokeswomen said “The University invests in renewable energy assets indirectly via managed funds.”

The Collective is currently considering what students can do to ensure that the ANU’s investments have the greatest possible positive environmental and social impact. They say the ANU’s investment guidelines, listed on the website for the ANU’s Financial and Business Services, seem not to include specific social or environmental criteria.

The University spokeswoman explained that “There is not a specific ethical investment policy, but all ANU investments are made with a consideration of their environmental and ethical impact, in consultation with the University’s Investment Advisory Committee.” She said the current “guidelines” lead “to the best ethical and financial results for ANU.” Metgasco is yet to return calls about its coal seam gas operations.

Student fee law passes parliament MARIE NGIAM NEWS SUBEDITOR

The Australian Senate passed the Higher Education Legislation Amendment Student Services and Amenities Bill 2010 on 11 October 2011, which will enable higher education providers to charge a fee towards student services and amenities. The fee is capped at $250 per student per year (indexed to $254 in 2011, thereafter indexed annually) and provides an option for eligible students to take out a loan similar to HECS-HELP if they wish. The Bill amends the Higher Education Support Act 2003 and also spells an end to voluntary student unionism which was implemented under the Howard Government.

ANU Vice Chancellor, Professor Ian Young together with

undergraduate and postgraduates students at the ANU applauded the passage of the Bill.

“This bill will restore much needed services - such as sporting and social clubs, campus counselling and health services to campuses all over the nation.

We are very pleased to hear it has passed”, Professor Young said.

“A high-quality educational experience for students requires a broad range of support services.

The amenities fee will allow universities to, once again, provide such services”, he added.

ANU Student Association President Leah Ginnivan echoed these sentiments.

“We strongly support this bill which will help provide better student services. The ViceChancellor has given us an undertaking that all the fees will

go to student organizations, which is a great outcome for students.”

“ANU students have been fortunate to have these services partly funded by the University, however other student associations around the country have been struggling to maintain sporting facilities, clubs and societies, advocacy and health and counselling services”, she added.

ANU Postgraduate and Research Students’ Association President Areti Metuamate also responded positively to the Senate’s passing of the Bill.

“We are strongly of the view that this Bill is a good thing for postgraduate students across Australia and would urge all universities to ensure that students have a say about where their money will be used,” Mr Metuamate said.

Housing Review SHAN VERNE LIEW WRITER

Should ANU still guarantee students in their third year re-entry to on-campus residences?

Students gave varying answers during the ANUSA Housing Reviews that have been held at each undergraduate residence over the past few weeks.

At the Housing Reviews, facilitators also asked students whether tariff rates have forced residents to take illegally paid jobs or was affecting the demographic of students living at their residence, how they felt the physical structure of their residence impacted their community, what they thought about integration between domestic and international students, whether students felt supported by their pastoral care networks, among other questions.

During each Housing Review, ANUSA representatives arrived at student residences to facilitate the discussion. The opinions students expressed at each Housing Review will be summarised into a final report, which will be used

EDITOR

On Wednesday 19th October a Special General Meeting (SGM) of the ANU Students’ Association (ANUSA) was held to debate four motions put forward by the Organisation of Critical Students.

The first motion proposed that ANUSA donate $1000 to the Refugee Action Committee

to provide transport for ANU students so they could protest at the National Conference of the Labor Party.

After a lively and often boisterous debate, the motion failed to win a majority of votes.

The next motion called for ANUSA to denounce offshore processing and mandatory detention of asylum seekers, while

to direct ANUSA’s lobbying of the university and government, according to ANUSA President Leah Ginnivan.

“We want the Housing Review to be a document that represents student views on all forms of accommodation available to undergraduates at ANU,” she said.

Students attending Housing Reviews were also given background information on accommodation issues. Facilitators told students that many of the residences required immediate attention such as extensive rebuilding, but that ANU has not been appropriately accumulating the funds required to cover the cost of such rebuilding.

The Ursula Hall Residents’ Committee has not yet decided when a Housing Review will be held at their residence.

A motion passed in ANUSA OGM 2 requires ANUSA to present an interim report on the Housing Review at the following OGM this Wednesday 26 October.

The written draft report will be open to further submissions before a final report is released publicly.

the third motion asked ANUSA to reaffirm its support for full marriage equality.

Both of these motions passed.

Finally, it was moved that ANUSA publicise rallies for marriage equality and refugee rallies at the ALP National Conference in December. ANUSA will publish details of the rally on its website and via media release.

A Publication of ANU Student Media

Editors Elouise Fowler Sophie Turnbull Angus Minns Simon Thompson Scott Bolton Tom Westland Uma Patel Cameron Knott Subeditors Marie Ngiam (News) Richard Keys (News) Izzy Roper (Opinion) Rachel Davies (Opinion) Lisa Visentin (Features) Gareth Robinson (Features) Jess Millen (Culture) Liv Clark (Culture) Will Walton (Sport) Farz Edraki (At-Large) Zid Mancenido (At-Large) Cam Wilson (Web) Tom Garwood (Web) Proofreaders Patrick Ingle Daniel Lynch Letters To The Editor Love us or loath us, we’d love to hear from you!

The best letter published wins a kilo of coffee from our friends at Lonsdale St. Roasters.

Send in letters to woroni@anu.com.au Submissions We welcome submissions for all sections of the paper.

Send them in to woroni@anu.edu.au or come to our office and have a chat.

Online Check out all the content from the paper + special web only content at www.woroni.com.au Woroni Editorial @Woroni Deadline Submission for the O-Week Edition (2012) are welcome until February 1st.

A special meeting for special people ANGUS MINNS

WORONI

Apologies

We would like to offer our apologies to Nakul Legha, whose review of the ANU Arts Revue was cut off midarticle in Edition XIII. The error was made in production.

The article can be read in full at www.woroni.com.au

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NEWS

THE FORTNIGHT WITH FARZ EDRAKI

Woroni’s guide to the world at large

NEWS QUIZ

Where in the world was Moamar Gaddafi hiding? In a cement drainpipe, apparently.

Unless you’ve been avoiding the television or newspapers, you’ve probably learnt by now of the death of former Libyan leader.

Members of the transitional army captured Gaddafi in his hometown of Sirte, the site of the final battle between rebels and Gaddafi forces.

Turbaned tornado A 100-year-old man has just completed a full marathon in Toronto, Canada. Known as the “Turbaned Tornado”, Fauja Singh took up running at the tender age of 89. He is said to be “overjoyed” at placing 3,849th at the Toronto Marathon. It took him nine hours.

Second time’s a charm May 21st: that’s the date that Christian radio evangelist, Harold Camping, says that Jesus will arrive on earth. Camping also predicted the Second Coming in 1994, but remains adamant that this time, he’s right.

Vikings ahoy

iStalk A Japanese phone company has introduced a smartphone application allowing women to secretly track the movements of their significant others. The “Boyfriend Log” was marketed specifically at women interested in keeping tabs on their beaus, by tracking the movements of other smartphones. The company has since been forced to “tone down” the application following complaints; now, an icon will appear on the targeted phone letting the user know that the application is running.

If you’re a keen archaeologist or Norse enthusiast, this story from the U.K. will likely tickle your fancy. A Viking burial site has been discovered in Scotland. Thought to be over 1,000 years old, the site holds the remains of a Viking, buried with his boat, axe, sword, and spear. This ship is held together with over 200 metal rivets.

Which Australian TV station needs a $50 million government handout to keep operating?

3 What instructions did hospital staff in Niagra Falls give to an 82-year-old, after she fell and broke her hip in the hospital lobby?

Lasso the moon? Nah, let’s colonise it Russia has expressed interest in setting up an underground colony on the moon.

Scientists have recently confirmed their longstanding suspicions that the planet contains volcanic tunnels, which could provide natural housing for the proposed lunar colony.

Boris Kryuchkov, the deputy science head of Moscow’s Star City cosmonaut training centre, estimates that a colony could be built as early as 2030.

2

Zootastrophe U.S. police have finally called off a search for a monkey, set free from a private zoo in Ohio.

The monkey was released along with 50 other animals by 62-year-old Terry Thompson. Only six of the animals were re-captured, while the others were shot and killed by officials, including 18 rare Bengal tigers, and 17 lions.

The reasons behind Thompson’s actions remain unclear.

Beef jerky

4 Which conservative radio personality campaigned against coal seam gas in a recent National Press Club speech?

5 What position was the ANU given by the Times Higher Education World University Rankings in arts and humanities?

Flooded

U.S. rock musician Meat Loaf has called AFL players and supporters “jerks”, after his performance at the AFL grand final was widely criticised in the media. The irritated rocker blamed his poor performance on logistical and technical issues, commenting: “I’ll tell you what, anybody that I hear announces that they’re going to play for [the AFL], I’m going to write to that particular artist a letter and tell them not to.”

Monks in Thailand have come to the aid of residents of the Pathum Thani province, which was threatened by floods. Along with other civilians and officials, the monks used sandbags to hold back floodwaters.

The floods are said to be the worst for several decades.

www.woroni.com.au

ANSWERS 1. She bowed her head instead of curtseying.

2. SBS. 3. Call an ambulance.

4. Alan Jones 5. Fourth.

Gaddafi captured, killed

1 What did Julia Gillard do to raise the indignation of etiquette experts during her first meeting with the Queen?

3

OPINION

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Myth makin’, price takin’ The “hard-working Australian” myth and our new breed of political conservatism

mitchell bennett WRITER

For all the news features, reporting of opinion polls and well-cast everymen looking forlornly at job sites in the ad breaks between them you could be forgiven for thinking we were one failed mortgage away from joining Greece under the bridge.

We aren’t. No hard-working Australian will be forced to occupy anything other than their commodious home. The brilliance of this current brand of political conservatism is that in a lot of ways it is the most “Australian” edition yet produced - and there’s nothing more “Australian” than pirouetting on the precipice of failure.

The key to this is understanding the political capital national narratives provide and the oftenunderestimated resonance of our own. The “hard-working” Australian, or rather the myth of the hardworking Australian, so key to political rhetoric and national pride alike has been the staple of

a cooling national identity for as long as bread has been broken in Australia. More recently this stock character has been co-opted more shamelessly than usual to the delight of liberal pundits the nation over. The hi-vis gilded rictus that is Tony Abbot has run the sycophantic if not profoundly effective angle of telling everyone how hard they have it and how little they have to show for it.

It’s an arms race of affluence that makes Australia look frankly ridiculous given the collapse of the Euro Zone and African food drought.

While cadet journalists burnt oil to highlight the contradiction between Swan’s Euromoney stewardship award and the dissatisfaction with government economic policy at home, the Economist took note of this confusing contrast. Hadn’t it heard just how tough we are doing it? This is the pervasive pessimism of one of the worlds most livable, wealthy and safe nations, ‘the next Golden State’.

What the Economist failed to capture was just how fragile the esteem of that state is.

From our much-noted linguistic litotes to our sad-face wall sockets Australia is a country with a severe attitude problem – we just refuse to be happy.

Many will admit to the spoils of the twenty-first century “lucky country” but few will be able to separate this from the divisive policies currently ascending the hill. Australia was born on the sheep’s back, not the solar panel, and it was whatever version of Abbot we believe existed then that was doing the shearing, not a legally-savvy red-haired bogan in a pantsuit.

The majority of comfortable Australians have come to believe they are under the threat of those whose identity has existed outside of that which is deemed true blue: progressives. In what appears to be the temporary suspending of logic and reason, the government has spent months educating people about a tax they were sure they didn’t want before they even knew what it was that they were upset about being lied to about. If this seems unreasonable it’s because it is.

The fact is there isn’t yet the

narrative that lauds the idealistic political female martyr. There won’t be for twenty years until we retrospectively get to appreciate the spoils of good policy: it seems that progressives cannot be hardworking; they can’t fight with the country in heart like their hard-hat clad peers, presumably because they were too preoccupied milling organic lentils in roo-skin teepees to help build Australia.

What has become clear is the danger in any limited characterizing of the nation, in personifying an entire continent and two hundred years of European and several tens of thousand of indigenous history as a pair of overalls.

“Hard-working” should never have been allowed to become a part of National identity at all. Australia hard-working? Show me a country that isn’t. Is it Denmark that only got their gig because of his dad’s mate? Or maybe Norway slept her way to the top? People sweat in the sun, work weeks of overtime and eat at their desks in Australia, but people do this and more the world over without overtime, maternity, holiday or

sick-pay, without public holidays, the safety of welfare or the support of retraining and education assistance, without union support and generous pay and more and more without the privilege of job choice. If you oppose the carbon tax you have the democratic right to do so, but you should know that any mention of hardship, “unAustralian-ness” or the failing of democracy is as egoistic as it is a testament to our reliance on this sunny, well-catered pity-party.

It is somewhat poetic that in our rush to reject the carbon tax through the vote at the next election we may actually will into being our very favorite ‘Strane character. If you didn’t get to enjoy the syrupy spoils of being a “hard-working” Australian in your lifetime, you can shake your fist at Bob Green satisfied that under the next Government your kids likely will. According to the ninety-seven percent of scientists who believe in man-made climate change, reviving the largest coral reef system in the world apparently takes an honest eighthour day’s labor.

Occupational Hazard Dong hyun Suh WRITER

“Capitalists, if you think that you can play footsies with these people, you are wrong. They will come for you and drag you into the streets and kill you. They will do it. They’re not messing around”. - Glenn Beck You may not have heard, but people are getting angry. Really angry.

They’re angry about the social and economic inequality, income disparity, corporate greed and crime and the influence of corporate money on governments.

United under the mantra ‘We are the 99 %’, the Occupy movement utilises strikes, marches, occupations of land and use of social media to create and express unrest.

The movement claims to be inspired by the Spanish Indignants movement, in turn inspired by the Arab Spring. The epicentre of the movement is the world’s financial hub: Wall Street, with demonstrations ongoing from September 17th. By October 9th, similar demonstrations had been held in 70 major cities and on October 15, a global day of protest saw events occurring in Australia’s capital cities But there’s confusion in the media and public alike over what exactly the movement’s aims are and whether or not all the clever cardboard signs and noise will ever actually achieve anything.

How relevant is this to us and why should we care?

Detractors (and they are numerous) have dismissed the Occupy movement as little more than a collective histrionic tantrum by kids who listen to too much Rage Against the Machine.

There’s a mixture of lofty contempt and bemusement in the way that the media has covered the Occupy movement’s participants and their actions. The philosophy of the movement itself has also come under fire, with critics stating that the protestors brandishing their Sony cameras, Nike sneakers and enough Starbucks pseudo-italiano in their bladders to sink a boat are just ungrateful hypocrites, gnawing at the hand that feeds them.

While the movement has been

denigrated as an unprincipled lashing out against the very free market that they benefit from, this is a gross mischaracterisation.

The Occupy movement isn’t against all corporations, free enterprise and capitalism per se, but the corruption and exploitation extant within them. It’s quite clear that what we have now is not a free market but rather ‘socialism for the rich and capitalism for the poor’. The ‘invisible hand’ is busy giving the rich a quick wristy under the table and then wiping itself off on the rest of us.

These problems are real issues relevant socially and politically to people beyond rock-throwing anarchist hoodlums. Occupy’s global repeal is a clear rejection of the status quo and the broad inequalities it continues to engender.

Maybe they won’t themselves change the world’s economic structure, their activism brings issues to the public attention.

It’s a shame that most of the attention has been diverted from the message to the messengers.

No, these people don’t have the answers, but they have some pretty good questions. Why should people have to suffer for the greed and incompetence of others? Why should the wellbeing of banks and corporations take precedence over people?

Why should 1 % of the population hold so much ill-gotten money and power over the other 99 %?

The Occupy movement is a manifestation of the friction that exists between the people who carry the system and the people exploiting it.

“We are the 99%” holds meaning beyond income or class level—it reflects the absence of assets, control and power for the 99 % of the population who are most affected by the economy on a daily basis. In the U.S, the top 1 % of households own 34.6 % of all privately held wealth while the bottom 80 % own only 15 %.

Say what you will about the legitimacy of the protestors themselves, the movement, the events, but there is no denying the legitimacy of their grievances.

OPINION

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Ninety-nine percent of what, exactly?

ZID MANCENIDO SUBEDITOR-AT-LARGE

I don’t understand contemporary protest movements.

Recently in India, Anna Hazare, went on hunger strike to protest the Government’s hesitation in passing an anti-corruption bill. It last four days before the government caved in and expedited procedures.

The protest was huge; India was raptured by this old man starving himself to death. In completely unrelated news, one third of India lives below the governmentestablished poverty line; that’s one third of India that has trouble feeding itself on a regular basis.

Oh well.

The latest Occupy (wherever you live even if it isn’t a financial center) movement is ridiculous.

Not because “uhh, why don’t you occupy a job instead” or

because “uhh, you guys are idiots. capitalism is the only thing keeping you alive right now” or because “uhh, you guys aren’t achieving anything” or because “uhh, you guys are just lonely hipsters who are desperately seeking something to do with your misery of a life- yeah, you went to university, got an arts degree, and now all you have to show for it is how unemployable you are”.

No, I think the Occupy movement is ridiculous because it’s all slogans, good will, and bad blood. It has no aims, no purpose, no raison d’être for its attempt at a coup d’etat. (I’m not sure what this means, but I do an arts degree, so I’m allowed to inaccurately use French to substantiate my points.)

To explain, let’s start with their big thing: “We are the 99%”.

What does that even mean? No, you’re not the 99%. 99% of us

are not camped outside buildings hoping senior bankers walk in the front door of their buildings (uhh, they park their Mercs underground, guys).

What’s that? You’re the 99% that believes that corporations are screwing us over and hoarding all the wealth? I see. But that still doesn’t explain why you’re now living outside these financial buildings.

What I want from the Occupy Movement and what we finally may see happen in the next week as negotiations between NYC and the protest organizers get underway is less random chanting and more concepts of what to do to fix it. I’m looking forward to this because so far, it’s just a bunch of disgruntled young people attempting to legitimize their own homelessness by camping in inappropriate urban places.

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“The invisible hand is busy giving the rich a quick wristy under the table and then wiping itself off on the rest of us.” www.woroni.com.au

OPINION

Oktoberfest raises questions SOPHIE TURNBULL EDITOR

At lunch time last Friday, Peter John Boyle posted a message on his son’s facebook page saying “family is a little worried, can someone please find Will”.

William Boyle had last been seen the night before enjoying drinks with friends at the Australian National University’s Oktoberfest event.

By Sunday, a father’s worst fears had been confirmed when 21-year-old Boyle’s body was pulled from the waters of Lake Burley Griffin. His keys, wallet and shorts were located on the lake’s shores. ACT Police have stated there were no suspicious circumstances surrounding the death, it was the tragic toll of misadventure.

Tributes to the University of

Canberra student paint ‘Boyles’ as a gregarious, popular young man.

He loved skiing, played and refereed rugby and worked parttime in the Parliament House café.

He’d done a stint in Canada after finishing school and scores of friends on the other side of the world have joined in mourning his death.

While William Boyle’s family, friends and colleagues grieve, the ANU should be asking a few questions about the Oktoberfest event. Even before news of this tragic death came to light, there was talk of just how out of control last Thursday’s events had become.

Arriving just after 4pm, I encountered a friend stumbling around the Teatro Vivaldi’s forecourt.

Clearly inebriated, he marveled that he’d just shoved a ten-dollar

note on the bar and asked how many beers he could get. He was given three. Now, barely able to hold them, he slugged them back in the unusually warm October sun. Hundreds did likewise. As I walked through Union Court an hour later, I passed a group of girls in school dresses as they entered the ANU Bar. Witnesses have reported that even people in school uniform, costume or not, were being served alcohol. Further down University Avenue, a burly-framed punter clutched a stein and vomited on all fours outside Melville Hall. He was a mess.

Displays like this must raise questions about the extent to which alcohol was being served responsibly and according to ACT laws at Oktoberfest. My friend shouldn’t have been able to buy one beer, let alone three. Alleged

Critically deluded DAVE ROWE WRITER

At an ANUSA SGM this last Wednesday a series of motions were put, proposing that the Association support equal marriage and denounce offshore processing.

More concretely, it was proposed that ANUSA disburse $1000 to subsidise bus tickets for ANU students intending to attend protests at the upcoming Labor Party National Conference in Sydney.

Fortunately the latter failed, but the former were carried.

Ideologues might endlessly debate whether student unions ought to have political agendas.

For pragmatists, the better question is not whether student unions should be sites for political activism on issues not directly relevant to student interests, but whether student unions are even capable of effective activism on such issues.

They aren’t.

One hardly envisages that Prime Minister Gillard is quaking in her boots at the passage of a handful of poorly-phrased motions on a grabbag of leftie issues du jour.

“Ms Gillard”, stammers a sweaty, breathless staffer in the PMO, “…we’ve lost…ANUSA… on social policy!”

I’d be surprised if it even gets a run in the Canberra Times and probably 95% of students at this fine university will be blissfully unaware of what has been said in their name. Though it’s a more daring move to siphon a chunk of ANUSA money into supporting a

demo run by third parties, it’s just as futile.

A thousand dollars might get 30 students to Sydney for the weekend, though the proposers of the motion were notably unable to get that many even into Union Court for an hour.

It’s not going to noticeably swell the ranks of the protest. It might even undermine the legitimacy of the rally. How does it look to have some of your true believers chartered in on university money?

What does it say about your cause if you can’t even get students to turn up unless someone spots them a twenty?

So it’s crappy activism. But it doesn’t do any harm, right? Well, the problem is that student unions aren’t meant to be bit players in national politics.

They’re meant to be major players in university politics.

They’re meant to be able to effectively lobby faculties, universities and governments on issues directly affecting the interests of students. They’re meant to credibly and coherently represent their constituencies.

Pissing into the wind of national politics has a cost. It undermines the seriousness of our representatives when they do have to speak out on our behalves on higher ed funding, Youth Allowance, campus safety for women or student housing.

It makes progressive stakeholders who are friendly to student unions more reluctant to back us, and it gives a free kick to conservatives who would do away with student

unions altogether.

Why make it harder for ANUSA to secure SSAF funding from the Chancelry next year? Why hand the next Coalition government fresh reasons to return to VSU? There are youth-led organisations which operate effectively in national political debates. Think of the Australian Youth Climate Coalition or even Oaktree.

Have you seen how scared conservatives are of the babyfaced leaders of GetUp? These groups are able to form their own agenda and pursue it.

They don’t have to stack their mates into meeting rooms to make quorum, and they can’t ever be accused of misrepresenting their constituents or neglecting their core responsibilities.

There’s also always the option of, you know, actually joining a political party capable of governing.

Students who do care about issues like marriage equality or humane treatment of refugees – and I do – would do better to try these options than to pass inconsequential motions in Union Court.

serving of under-agers is of even greater concern. Creating a situation where people are literally crawling home is downright irresponsible.

When asked for comment, ANU Bar Manager Suranga said that bar staff were reminded that “if people presented to the bar intoxicated, they’d be cut-off immediately”. He said that internal security staff were increased to 20, in addition to the ANU’s usual security presence in the area. Was it enough? Suranga concedes one flaw in the crowd control arrangements. The event was an open one, with people coming and going without ID checks and no ability for staff to effectively eject someone for unruly behaviour. “It’s hard to control people’s intoxication when even if they’re barred, they can get mates to buy drinks for them.

6

We weren’t asking anyone to leave the premises.”

The open nature of the event left bar staff to assume that anyone at the bar was over 18 when serving them alcohol. If minors were served as has been alleged, then the law was broken. Suranga denies that this occured, adding “my staff won’t serve anyone in uniform”.

There should be a full investigation into how this year’s Oktoberfest was run. In my opinion, it would reveal that the guidelines that underpin large events on campus need to be reconsidered. Last week the combination of the festive ‘drink until you drop’ culture of Oktoberfest, warm conditions and limited food outlets on campus after 4pm led to an unbridled drinking frenzy for a large crowd, and had tragic consequences for one.

No to a conscience vote RIDAH HASSAN WRITER

The campaign for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex (LGBTI) marriage rights will culminate this year in a protest outside the Labor Party Conference in Sydney when Labor will debate its policy on the issue.

The Greens, as well as many within the Labor Party, are calling on Labor to allow a conscience vote, claiming it is the best way of resolving the long-standing ‘debate’.

It is no such thing. A conscience vote will delay equal marriage legislation and supporters of marriage equality should reject it and demand that Labor politicians be bound by party policy to support full marriage rights.

The campaign for marriage equality is one of civil rights. It aims to win LGBTI people the basic right to publicly celebrate their relationships with the same social and legal standing that heterosexual couples have. It is centred around the crazy notion that everyone deserves to be treated equally by the law, regardless of sexual preference or gender.

Civil rights are not dependent on the conscience (or lack thereof) of those currently holding power in society. Civil rights are unconditional. Whether politicians personally agree with their demands or not, LGBTI people deserve the right to marry.

Despite this, there are still key supporters of the campaign who argue for a conscience vote. A conscience vote would allow “MPs and Senators...a free vote, and the freedom to vote for what their community wants.” wrote Greens Senator Sarah HansenYoung in The Age.

But what does a ‘free vote’ mean for those who oppose marriage equality, or for those come from an electorate opposing marriage equality? It gives them the “freedom” to uphold their bigoted and homophobic views of LGBTI people as second-class citizens.The real freedom that the 68% of Australians who support marriage equality want to see is the freedom for LGBTI people to live without discrimination, to marry and start families without state-sanctioned homophobia standing in their way.

Not only will a conscience vote encourage homophobes, it will likely end in defeat. Many prominent Labor figures (including Prime Minister Julia Gillard and far right faction leader Joe de Bruyn) have signalled that they are prepared to fight to deny marriage equality. Senior members of the Coalition, such as Tony Abbott, have made it clear that there will be no conscience vote in the Liberal or National Parties.

So a Labor conscience vote means the bigots will have the strength of numbers in Parliament.

In the lead up to the ALP National Conference, it is important that the supporters of marriage equality are clear in our message: that LGBTI rights are not a personal conscience issue, but one of human rights.

A change in the Labor Party platform is the only way forward for the campaign. For that reason the Equal Love campaign is inviting all supporters of marriage equality across Australia to head to Sydney for the protest outside the ALP National Conference.

The protest will take place in Hyde Park on Saturday the 3rd of December, commencing at noon.

OPINION

7

The Last Lecture

Thursday 3 November 2011 5pm for a 5.30pm start Dr Ben Wellings ANU College of Arts and Social Sciences The Great Hall University House (Building 1), Cnr Balmain Cr & Liversidge St, ANU The Australian National University Students’ Association (ANUSA), the Postrgraduate and Research Students’ Association (PARSA) and the Office of the Dean of Students, invite members of the University Community to attend the annual Last Lecture.

Each year, the Last Lecture provides a chance for students to choose a lecturer from the University whom they want to see give a captivating and enthusiastic lecture to the whole University at the end of the year.

In 2011, the Last Lecture address shall be delivered by Dr Ben Wellings, Convenor of European Studies.

Get in early as seats in the Great Hall are extremely limited.

This event is free and informal. Light refreshments will be served following the address.

Presented by

Information

ANU Students’ Association Postgraduate & Research Students’ Association Office of the Dean of Students

ANU Students’ Association E sa.admin@anu.edu.au T 02 6125 2444

www.woroni.com.au

OPINION

ANU STUDENT MEDIA (WORONI) EDITORIAL BOARD ELECTIONS

In Week 13, elections will be held to replace four outgoing members of the ANU Student Media Editorial Board: Elouise Fowler, Scott Bolton, Simon Thompson and Sophie Turnbull. The elections will rake place online. The link for the voting website will be emailed to all students at the ANU (undergraduate and postgraduate) before voting begins.

CANDIDATES: LIV CLARK

I started writing Woroni at the start of this year and am currently the sub editor of the culture section. I have loved writing for and editing Woroni this year, especially becoming extremely popular with all the boys after suggesting that porn wasn’t so great. Woroni has led me to leave the confines of Daley Road and do some exploring of Canberra with ‘Suburban Blurbs’. I travelled as far as Belconnen and Lyneham to meet the wacky and wonderful that Canberra has to offer.

As editor I want to get more people writing for Woroni and start up a column for the culture section entitled ‘leggings are not pants and other weird fashion crazes’. I also want to establish a Time Out style guide to Canberra on the Woroni website where students can review restaurants, bars and cafes.

Woroni is a great student publication and one that everyone can get involved in. Next year, I would love to see Woroni engaging with different parts of the student community to expand its relevance and distribution. Next year I want to make this all possible through various media forms, including helping to kick start the Woroni Radio.

VICTOR WHITE I am currently part of the Barry Drive team that broadcasts every Monday morning on 2xxFM. I would like to be an editor to develop the multimedia side of ANU Student Media. For ANU Student Media to offer consumer and contributors alike the best experience there must be as much choice in terms of what medium you can access. The backbone of this must be Woroni.

Without a staple, regular and readable Woroni there won’t be an interest in anything that ANU Student Media does. So far this year we have seen 13 editions with an ever-expanding list of contributors. This has been amazing work and if I were an editor this would be my main focus. However, through my experience on Barry Drive I am confident that we can grow the multimedia side. A radio for the ANU is a viable project in the next couple of year. Initially set up as a live internet broadcast radio, the plan is to broadcast on about a year or two.

In the news offices of Woroni there is space allocated for a radio station and I would love the opportunity to develop this for all students.

LISA VISENTIN As one of the sub-editors on this year’s Woroni team I’ve had the pleasure of working closely with the editors, other sub-editors and the staff writers to produce a fortnightly student publication that has been positively received across the university demographic. At only the completion of its first year under the new editorial structure, I believe this year’s Woroni team has already surpassed its predecessors in professionalism and content quality whilst also increasing readership and participation in the paper’s production. I would revel in the chance to help the editors build on the achievements of this year and firmly establish Woroni as the premier, most sough-after and highly respected student publication in Canberra and the envy of the other student publications around the country.

NAKUL LEGHA Ever since Nakul stopped taking ESL classes in Year 4, he’s developed the ability to string together a logical sequence of words - and promises to continue doing so with the vigour and enthusiasm only a migrant child can muster. He understands the hesitations students have about contributing to what’s sometimes seen as a ‘closed shop’. Overcoming his own apprehensions, Nakul has become a regular writer this year and his music and arts reviews or survivor accounts of Mitchell chemical explosions can be found anywhere from the front page to the culture section. Drawing from his experience, Nakul will strive for an open and collaborative Woroni that actively encourages budding writers to develop their craft. Along with a fresh dose of (B+) blood, Nakul has experience in large media organisations. Through his role on the ABC Advisory Council he’s worked to improve its relevance to young people and the quality of its programming.

As his collection of every Woroni edition since he started university can attest to, he loves Woroni and sees its potential as a hub for campus culture and community. His main focus is delivering quality content - with more opinion, creativity and irreverence. A Woroni that reflects the students it serves.

ZID MANCENIDO

Zid is currently Woroni’s resident anthropologist and a Sub-Editor-AtLarge. Troubled to the core, he grew up in South West Sydney, is racially tanned, and can speak Asian. Don’t let that fool you though, Zid most probably the most white, middle-class person you will ever meet. As of September 2011, he likes more than 100 of the 134 things on “Stuff White People Like” and has read almost 150 of the “1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die”. He also drinks Chai Lattes and frequents Lonsdale St Roasters. (Of course, never at the same time.) Zid knows that everyone wants a Woroni that is engaging, relevant, and pellucid. That’s why he’s spent the past semester building up Woroni’s writing pool, working to get poetry, artwork, and academics published, and trying to get more than just all ‘the regular people’ involved and interested in their student newspaper. Next year, he wants to build on these efforts and do so much more. Admittedly, everyone says that. So what does Zid bring to the table that isn’t a stock value, dream, or election promise? An unwavering commitment to be himself and nothing but himself. How novel.

CAM WILSON Cam Wilson is a third year Arts/ Science student running for the position of Woroni editor, again!

He is currently living at Burgmann College, a world away from his home on Sydney’s north shore.

Cam has demonstrated a passion for journalism; currently involved in the publication as Opinion and then Web sub-editor, he has been working as part of the team in these two positions for the last year, and as a contributor to the publication in the years prior. Other related experience includes being the editor of his college’s newspaper in 2010.

Outside of student journalism, Cam is both the Arts Representative for Burgmann College and the President of Interhall Arts Committee, enjoys playing AFL and listening to hiphop music. He hopes to take on an expanded role in the future to continue Woroni’s reputation as a premier student publication.

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Editorial, Schmeditorial The four of us have had the pleasure of editing Woroni for the past year. And to be honest, it was pretty tumultuous year, but a great one.

We started off the year with a bang breaking up with ANUSA. We ended it on good terms but it just wasn’t working anymore. They gave us a red goon and told us it was for the best. It was.

Ever since then things have been on the up and up. We’re proud of what the independent ANU Student Media has achieved in its first year.

We’ve helped secure a new office space in SA4, sponsored an ANUbred radio program, attracted a base of advertisers and built a large group of contributors.

However, there’s a lot more to be done: we’d like to see Woroni produced weekly, the creation of an ANU credited course in which course work contributes directly to the paper and even greater and more diverse participation across campus.

These things are all possible with the continued support that we have enjoyed this year.

We would like to thank the ANU for getting behind the model of independent student media. We’re also very grateful for ANUSA’s ongoing interest in seeing ANU Student Media succeed. Thank you to Woroni’s numerous contributors over the year. Writers, artists, photographers, poets, reviewers and web geniuses are the lifeblood of Woroni.

The sense of community that exists amongst the Woroni team has made the paper’s production a lot of fun. To our readers, thank you for picking up a copy of Woroni or following us online. Every letter to the editor, criticism, page view, comment and glimpse of someone reading a copy inspired us to make Woroni the best it could be.

Uma Patel, Cameron Knott, Tom Westland and Angus Minns, thank you for being a pleasure to work alongside during your time as editors. We have enjoyed your company immensely and know that we are leaving something we care about in very good hands.

To be honest it is quite a weird feeling to be writing our last editorial, leaving something that has been such a big part of our lives for the last year. However without trying to sound self-indulgent we have had a wonderful year and leave Woroni with an immense sense of pride. So for the last time, thanks. We hope you enjoyed it as much as we have. ~ Simon, Elo, Soph and Scott

FEATURE

TOM HERTEL

ANU graduate, proud new co-owner of Honkytonks bar LISA VISENTIN FEATURES SUBEDITOR

At 23 years old, ANU graduate Tom Hertel is the co-owner of Honkytonks, Canberra’s newest bar and the undeniable chatter of the Capital. Tom combined forces with Sasha Trpkovski, owner of Hippo Bar and Laurence Kain, former manager of Trinity Bar to throw open the doors to a large welcoming party of well-excited Canberrans two weeks ago.

If this guy’s entrepreneurial skills seem a little audacious and entirely enviable, it’s because they are. Ditching an exclusive graduate gig with EMI music in Sydney, Tom returned to Canberra at the beginning of this year to chase his long-held aspiration of opening a bar in his hometown. However, beneath the romanticism of this dream-chasing venture has been the cost-saving reality of moving back in with his parents in order to oversee the transformation of

the old site of Mama’s Trattoria into a workable bar. This sixmonth-long outfitting endeavour can be best described as an unpaid labour of home-grown love. Not only did Tom undertake the immense DIY task of revamping the pre-existing kitchen, the bar top has been constructed from recycled timber from a Newcastle wharf and the tables have been handcrafted from the flotsam of wooden crates that collect in Civic alleyways. Aesthetically, the bar pays homage to some of Canberra’s most talented creative types, including a spectacular feature wall emblazoned with magnificent butterflies of swirling golden, earthen hues injected with vibrant blues and reds – the incredible artistry of ANU Art School graduate, Lisa Tea. Having shaken and stirred cocktails since he was 18 at various local hotspots including Hippo, Trinity and Knightsbridge

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Penthouse, Tom’s veteran status within the Canberra bar scene dispels any scepticism that might otherwise be associated with his youth. Aiming to establish a “vibrant, uplifting, colourful venue” that appeals to an eclectic patronage, Honkytonks’s vibe is one which echoes the youthful exuberance of Tom’s own story.

He is the guy that jagged the gold to take a punt on a dream.

The place resonates with his vitality and enthusiasm as he flutters between patrons serving them up an especially delicious combination of quality beverages, wickedly tasty food and excellent banter. As for the Garema Place location? It was chosen for its ability to generate a “European street party vibe”, an ambience Tom believes “you can’t create in any other location in Canberra.”

As dusk befalls Garema Place, Honkytonks certainly appears to have hit the mark. It injects a pulsating energy into the urban grunge of the street as people spill into the alfresco area to revel in sangria-infused summery nights. Given its capacity to host outdoor DJ sets and live bands, Honkytonks is set to become an institution this summer. For now, Tom’s gregarious nature remains key to Honkytonks’s effervescence, despite months of minimal sleep and the scarcity of days off. It is, after all, all in the pursuit of the dream.

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FEATURE

10

WORD TO THE WYATT

Woroni’s Victor White chats to Wyatt Roy, member for Longman and surprise Obama fan VICTOR WHITE WRITER

A couple of weeks ago I had the chance to interview Wyatt Roy, the youngest Member of Parliament, and member for Longman. At just 20 years of age he defeated the Labor member in the 2010 election. There is something strangely charismatic about Wyatt. It could be the raw enthusiasm that he brings. There is the sort of energy that you feel from people who feel incredibly passionate about helping people.

Since taking office, his schedule has been grueling, especially when compared to a university student’s. Whether you disagree with his policy and philosophy or not, you have to admire the drive that it takes to get preselected, then elected on a federal level.

What’s your taste in music? Any of the country influence, coming from Queensland?

I have a fairly eclectic taste in music. I have splendor in the grass in my electorate and got out there last year and had a look at Coldplay, John Butler Trio and some others. I grew up on a strawberry farm so I had the best of both worlds; the farm wasn’t that far from the city.

Our generation often gets labeled as apathetic, do you agree and what can be done to combat this?

I completely disagree with that.

I think there is a perception, definitely, that we are apathetic or lazy, but my view on this is that we have been inundated with media more than any other generation before us, whether it’s the media cycle, it’s shorter than before, but social media, new media, these sorts of things. I think that our generation is very aware of what’s going on. Back home, my best mates are not political at all, but they know what’s going on. They want to get a job, they want to go to university and they are very aware of what’s going on, but because politics has devolved into this forum focused on 30 second media grabs, rather than policy challenges, I think they expect more from major political parties and from politicians. I think there is a difference between being disappointed in the political system and being apathetic in the political system.

What are you future plans, not 5 years down the track, but more focused on 15-20 years away?

Well as I said, politics is not forever, and I only have a 1.7% majority. Politicians don’t like admitting their mortality, but you are faced with it every day and you might lose, or things might change, or there might be a bad redistribution. But, for the time being I love my job. I genuinely love it, I get excited about the fact that I can get up in the

morning and help people. You can actually make lives better. In terms of fifteen years away, lets see, as long as I feel that I can be making that contribution, as long as I feel I can be doing that, but it is up to the people to decide.

I mean, if you had of said to me three of four years ago that I would be where I am today, I probably wouldn’t have believed you. So lets see what fifteen years brings.

How have you found the transition from a political science student to a federal politician?

It is a very unique experience.

This job, there is no university course, no traineeship nor apprenticeship that can prepare you for it. You just have to get your hands dirty and do it.

A great mate of mine is John Alexander (federal member for Bennelong and former tennis player) and he said to me a little while ago “I am thirty-nine years your senior, but we have the same political experience”. That transition has been interesting, and has been a steep learning curve.

The good thing about the election that I came in with is that you have a lot of support from people going through similar things. On our side, we have had the most amount of people elected with forming government ever, and there a lot of people who you can lean on the shoulders of.

How is it walking into a meeting, with Malcolm Turnbull, Joe Hockey or Tony Abbott, all of who have significantly more political experience than you. Do you feel like you can be taken seriously?

It’s a legitimate question, and when I first came here I thought that there would be more resistance to my presence. But I have been pleasantly surprised by the reception I have had. Our party has said that diversity is a good thing, and they have really embraced that. In 2010 you have me as the youngest, you have Ken Wyatt, the first Indigenous MP, and you have Natasha Griggs, the first woman elected from the Northern Territory. We have gone about saying that we should give that diversity a platform, and that a diversity of views are heard.

My colleagues have gone out of their way to make me life as easy as possible, and I have been very grateful for that, and it has made the transition a whole lot easier, so I that I can do a better job for my local members.

One of the biggest criticisms that people often level at politicians is that they are “professional politicians”, that they start off in the party and then staff someone and then run for parliament and have no real experience outside the political sphere. Do you think that is a fair criticism, and do you think it is a problem?

I think it is something we should be aware of, and as I said I think it is important that you have a parliament that is as representative of the Australian people as possible. I don’t think we need a parliament full of lawyers or real estate agents, but a few of each is a good thing. John Howard once said that he was worried about the shrinking of the gene pool in the parliament and he was talking particularly about the Labor Party, where they start in the union and then go and work for a minister.

Our party’s strength comes from our diversity and we have very wide range of backgrounds. Now that might make our discussions a bit more robust, but I think that this is a good thing when you are having a discussion on the future of the country.

Final question, if you were a U.S citizen, would you be voting for Obama or Bachmann?

You can have that scoop, I would be voting for Obama – definitely.

This interview was recorded as part of Barry Drive, broadcast every Monday morning, 9.30am, on 98.3 2xx FM. The audio of this interview is available on www. barrydrive.com.au. The video will be available through the Woroni and Barry Drive websites.

FEATURE

TRIAL OF THE KHMER ROUGE

11

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How justice is finally being done in Cambodia HARRY HOBBS WRITER

This winter I was offered the opportunity to work as an intern for three months in the Pre-Trial Chamber of the Extraordinary Chambers in the Courts of Cambodia (ECCC) – also known as the Khmer Rouge Tribunal. As a fourth year Arts/Law student I jumped at the chance. The ECCC is part of the new generation of international criminal justice – hybrid tribunals. Unlike the Yugoslav or Rwandan courts of the early 1990s, hybrid tribunals are located in the country where the mass atrocity occurred, allowing victims to witness the proceedings. These tribunals have also been adopted in Sierra Leone and Lebanon.

But the ECCC is particularly interesting for one reason – its extensive victim participation regime. Under this system victims can apply for civil party status and participate in the proceedings with near equal rights as the Prosecutor and the Defence counsel. Victims may question witnesses, examine evidence and, most importantly, they may confront the accused. In February 2008, Civil Party Theary Seng became the first victim in the world to ever confront a person accused of genocide and crimes against humanity in a court. She praised the ECCC, stating that the direct engagement of victims allows for “something concrete – that justice [can] be seen to be done”. But it does so much more than that, by providing a sense of agency to the victimised victim participation has the ability to promote healing and individual rehabilitation.

Unfortunately, being located within the country brings its own problems. The Court labours under an increasingly agitated Cambodian government, anxious to avoid a

plethora of criminal trials. Prime Minister Hun Sen, himself an exKhmer Rouge cadre and in power since 1985, has made his position clear, believing that Cambodians should “dig a hole” and “bury the past”. For the international staff involved in investigating or prosecuting Cases 003 and 004 the Information Minister, Khieu Kanharith, has some advice, “they should just pack their bags and return home.” The identities of the five suspects in these two cases remain confidential but they are well known throughout Cambodia.

Accused of crimes against humanity they now eke out a “meagre” living as a “prominent businessman in Phnom Penh” and a “deputy district commune chief”.

Frequently interviewed in the Cambodian press these “tortured” souls attack the Court and thank Hun Sen for protecting them.

The problem is that Cambodia never experienced a period of DeNazification and in fact, has relied on former Khmer Rouge leaders to form the backbone of the State since 1979. While the violent anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge certainly forced their hand initially, the international community must share some blame.

Cold war realpolitik prevented any significant development aid from reaching a ravaged nation, allowing patronage, corruption, and insecurity to spread. Today the judiciary is perceived as the sector “most affected by corruption”, with reports circling that “only one in six judges [have] a law degree”.

Even Nil Nonn, the President of the Trial Chamber at the ECCC has admitted to taking bribes “but only after a case is over”.

Nevertheless the Court appears to be making inroads. A national survey conducted in the immediate aftermath of the Case 001 judgment found that 72% of respondents have more trust in the

law than before the trial. However, before cracking open the Moet and congratulating themselves on a job well done, court officials would have taken note that despite this fillip, only 52% of Cambodians report having trust in the Court system, and only 48% in the judges themselves.

So continue the Court must. In late August, the Trial Chamber held Ieng Thirth, the former Minister of Social Affairs, and Nuon Chea, the President of the People’s Representative Assembly and Pol Pot’s Number 2 were fit to stand for a trial hearing. Over three days Nuon Chea’s defence team cast doubts on the expert report of Professor John Campbell (a specialist in geriatric medicine), painting an image of a man who has long lost any ability to function.

However, in the late afternoon of the last day something strange happened – the accused rose to his feet and cleared his throat.

Those paying attention in the public gallery would be excused for thinking that they could have detected the slightest of groans from his counsel. After three days of back and forth Brother Number 2 had had enough, launching into an emphatic and eloquent speech explaining to the Court that he did not understand what was going on, that of course he had dementia, and that he was far too old and far too decrepit to be expected to sit quietly all day. The relative ease and the apparent vitriol with which he gave this spiel seemed to entirely negate the evidence provided by his counsel. Although the Court decided to delay its decision, this is international law after all, it appears likely that Nuon Chea will get his day in Court – whether he wants it or not.

Whether the suspects in Case 003 and 004 do is anyone’s guess but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

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Micro-expressions & depression SHARIFA ALGHOWINEM WRITER

Ever since I was little, people were able to read my face and tell whether I was lying, embarrassed, jealous, angry, in pain, and so on. While I was amazed by their ability, the real reason for their perceptiveness was that my face was so easy to read, and my eyes revealed unspoken words. To this day, I cannot lie; I’ll embarrass myself if I attempt to. It is too obvious: my voice changes, my eyes role, and my lying smile appears! Since then I have started to read books on how to translate peoples emotions.

I was 15 and you can imagine how difficult it was for me at that age to understand scientific words! Besides, it is difficult to distinguish all these combinations of muscle movements if you don’t have the talent for it.

A few years later (actually more than a few), I saw the TV series Lie to Me, which is based on Dr. Ekman’s studies on emotions. In the show, a professional doctor, Dr. Lightman, was doing exactly what I was trying very hard to do: read emotions from people’s faces.

Being a computer engineer, that show inspired me and I thought

it would be a breakthrough if we could implement those studies in a computer program to detect the muscle movements that reveal emotions. Googling this I found several researchers who have been doing the same thing for decades which made me feel way behind.

However, I decided to be involved in emotion-related research, in particular detecting depression from face, voice, body posture and eye gaze.

For any emotion-based research, data collection is the most difficult and time consuming part. I consider myself lucky to have the Black Dog institute to collect the data from depressed and non-depressed people. Then the fun part comes in, where we teach the computer to differentiate between depressed and non-depressed subjects based on the data collection process. For example, it has been proven that depressed people have monotonic voices and less facial activity; they lack energy which may reduce the movements in their body, and they avoid eyes contact.

So, can the computer understand this? That is my research. In the future, the computer will be able to help depressed people by calling their psychiatrist, or even calling Lifeline for suicidal cases.

“Ever since I was little, people were able to read my face and tell whether I was lying or embarrassed...”

Selected highlights from the history of Australian-American relations.

From the discovery of the Australian landmass by Whoopi Goldberg in 1770 to the joint military operations in the Punic Wars, Australia and America have enjoyed a strong and well-fertilised relationship.

1773 Sir Donald Bradman attends the Boston Tea Party

An open letter to Barack Obama on the occasion of his first visit to Canberra, Australia.

The Boston Tea Party is commonly celebrated as a bold stand against overbearing British interference in the colonial economy. Few historians, however, remember the contribution of famous Australian cricketer and tea enthusiast, Sir Donald Bradman. Is this because Sir Donald Bradman, Australian cricketer and tea enthusiast, had little to no involvement in the Boston Tea Party? We report, you decide.

1985 President Ronald Reagan crosses the Great Victoria Desert on a camel.

As he nears the end of his journey, progress is impeded by a long and impenetrable fence. Addressing himself to a local farmer, Mr Reagan issues one of the most iconic lines of his presidency: “Mr Gorbachev,” he cries, “tear down this fence!” Mr Gorbachev declines.

Dear Mr President, What an honour it is to welcome you here to the Australian capital city, Canberra: a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, surrounded by a very large carpark, where women are women, and so are the men.

Here, we call a roundabout a roundabout and a spade a Section 14 firearms infringement.

As you disembark from Airforce One, take notice of the swarm of planes as they take off for faraway cities such as Sydney, Wagga Wagga, and Sydney. Watch the freight planes being unloaded – what secret, exotic treasures are buried in those crates? Salmon? Mustard?

A strange Italian delight known as “lasagna”?

Canberra is, it is said, a modern day Timbuktu.

You are no doubt accustomed to the history and tradition of Washington DC. While we have nothing to compare to the majesty of the Lincoln Memorial or the not-quite-so majestic Jefferson Memorial, you’ll want to reserve time in your schedule to see such wonders of the modern world as the Eastlake Power Generator, which celebrates the arrival of electricity to the capital in 2001.

We hope you enjoy your stay in our beautiful city. We’re quite proud of it, and we think when it’s been unwrapped and properly dusted down it’ll be a settlement of world renown.

1929

1972

The Great Depression

Watergate

As is well-known to all but the dullest of schoolchildren, the American continent begins, in the early thirties, to sink into the molten rock on which it floats, due to a sudden increase in the number of obese people in Florida. Australians quickly rally to pull America out of the so-called “Great Depression” or “Sinking Decade” with a pulley and a winch.

This joint venture between Australian and American entrepreneurs envisions a great aquatic theme park that features marine animals acting out famous scenes from the American Civil War as well as from the hit Australian comedy, Picnic At Hanging Rock. Disaster strikes when President Nixon arrives to preside over the barbeque at the Opening Ceremony. Mr Nixon throws the tongs to the ground, declaring, “I am not a cook.” The statement is later misreported.

1952 The ANZUS treaty is signed Australian Prime Minister Robert Menzies, New Zealand Prime Minister Gerald Merino and US President Eisenhower – statesmen and, it can now be revealed, members of a ménàge-à-trois that spanned continents. In 1952, this sexual pairing is formalised with the ANZUS treaty. To this day, leaders of the three countries are obliged to engage in activity “up to and including heavy petting” once every year, or twice every year if the New Zealand Prime Minister happens to be attractive.

The United Soviet Repulics of Woden.

After hostilities ceased at the end of the Second World War, Canberra was divided into two “zones of influence”. The Soviet-controlled Southern Quarter provided artistic inspiration to architects everywhere, particularly to Bedouin designers in the nearby suburb of Belconnistan.

The Queen’s Belltower When Our Monarch and Sovereign Lady vists us in Canberra, she often condescends to present us with a gift. On one such occasion she presented us with a National Carillon. On her next visit she acceded to popular demand and presented the city with a copies of several reference volumes, including How To Use Your National Carillon and 100 Ways With A Glorified Bell Tower.

The Statue of Timidity.

Like the Statue of Liberty, the much derided Australian imitation “The Statue of Timidity” is a powerful beacon to the rest of the world: “Give me your ugly and your maladjusted, give me your huddled masses of dull public servants yearning for an undeserved promotion.”

The meek shall inherit the Earth, it is said, and judging by the evidence to date, they’re starting with Canberra.

Things to see and do whilst in Canberra.

Parliament: The Not-Quite-So-White House Unlike the system prevailing in the United States, the Democrats only hold power in Australia at the personal whim of Gareth Evans.

Brodburger Fine Lakeside Dining Like Americans, Australians like to slaughter wildlife and place it between buns. You may, however, find that Australian brugers seem sparse and devoid of the usual amount of extruded content. The discerning American tourist should therefore supply their own mayonnaise, gravy, extra salt and pepper, ketchup, pickles, hamsteak, beaver anal glands, dripping, fertiliser, deep-fried calf stomach, and whale meat.

The Walter Burley Griffin Memorial Carpark Walter Burley Griffin was the architect whose stunning vision has informed the built environment of the capital since its founding in 1913, and especially since the arrival of its first residents in 1989. Griffin dreamed of a city of rolling hills and lush gardens. In his memory, the people of Canberra constructed the world’s largest carpark.

The Australian National Gallery and Incinerator Under Australian law, all paintings and other artistic publications must be purchased on behalf of the Australian people by the National Gallery, and ceremonially burnt. This, surely, is the reason behind Australia’s vibrant art scene.

FEATURE CAM WILSON WEB SUBEDITOR

WHY ARE WE ALL SO SAD?

ELOUISE FOWLER EDITOR

Between retiring from the ANU Chancelry and accepting the Chief Scientist position, Ian Chubb spoke to Woroni about growing up in rural Victoria, his love of pies and his time at the university.

Born in 1943 to small-scale farmers in rural Victoria, playing with his dog Cloudy, form some of Chubb’s earliest memories. ‘I was always South Melbourne and he was the opposition – all I know is that dogs can’t kick, so I used to win all the time.’

Now a proud Swans supporter, Chubb said he loves to eat ‘pies and watch the Swannies.’ He then corrected himself ‘…well maybe not pies because my wife doesn’t let me, but I love to watch the Swannies.’ The only time his children have seen him cry was when they won the premiership in 2005.

Leaving Cloudy at home, Chubb

‘vividly remembers’ his first day at primary school. It was the ‘first time I’d played with other kids.’

At his small, rural school ‘there were 25 kids from many different years and only one teacher.’ Upon reflection, ‘they were some of the most formative years of my life, in a way, because you were very much left to your own devices.

I guess that’s what’s set me in good stead.’

Lamenting his parent’s lack of opportunity to pursue education because they were ‘poor and suffered from being born into particular circumstances,’ Chubb also drew from his own experiences and decided he wanted ‘education to be inspirational and accessible.’

‘So deep in me is buried this notion that it shouldn’t be the circumstances of your birth that determine your life’s opportunities: it should be how hard you’re prepared to work and how hard you’re prepared to commit.’

This philosophy clearly informed

It is a devastatingly beautiful spring afternoon. The sun is out and gently creating skin cells in trauma, there is not a worry in the world, and to top it all off, there are pictures of Scarlett Johanssen naked, leaked and widely available at anyone’s convenience. What a fantastic day.

In spite of these miracles, there are masses of people who still have the nerve to be unhappy.

I recently stumbled upon an interview between famed comedian Louis CK and host Conan O’Brian in early 2009 about how “everything’s amazing and nobody is happy”. Fulfilling Shakespeare’s stereotype of the jester, Louis spoke with great wisdom about the absurdity of people complaining about their mobile phone’s terrible service, the delay on their international flights, or the accent of the customer service provided at 2AM. To summarise, Louis CK argued that people have so much - more than ever before - but still are unhappy.

Common sense suggests that we’re just becoming more spoilt.

Everyone has seen the overindulged, lazy child sulking about their (extravagant) presents at Christmas – we take this stereotype and extrapolate it to Generation Y and the wonderful gifts of technology, social profession and the like that has been gifted to us.

Gregg Easterbrook in his book The Progress Paradox breaks this down into two separate phenomena; revolution of the satisfied expectations, and collapse anxiety.

Revolution of the satisfied expectations refers to the increasingly hard to satisfy hunger for new conveniences - whether this be the iPhone 9.6GS or his opposition to accepting undergraduate domestic fee paying students at the ANU. ‘The reason we didn’t charge fees in my time was because if ANU was Australia’s best university, then all Australians who were capable should be able to come here and not be blocked by money.’

When questioned what he thought of the other Vice-Chancellors who didn’t stand with him on this matter, he drolly noted: ‘I think of highly of them, as they think of me.’

‘You’ve got to have courage of your convictions. If you haven’t got courage, it doesn’t matter how strong your convictions are; if you haven’t got any convictions you should be sitting in your tinny, fishing on the Murray.’

Chubb’s conviction gave him a share of admirers and detractors while in the top job at ANU. Believing in the interdependency

KFC’s Quadruple (bypass) Down.

The flip side of this immense expectation is the constant fear that what we possess could be taken away from us.

But do we even know what makes us happy? Dan Gilbert, a neurologist and author of the book Stumbling on Happiness, argues that humans are very poor at guessing what will make us happy. This effect – called the “impact bias” – is the tendency to overestimate the hedonic impact of future events. For instance, it would be safe to assume that a millionaire lottery winner is happier than a recent paraplegic?

Wrong! In this case – and with most life events – changes to our lives rarely affect our happiness three months after the fact.

In Stumbling on Happiness, Gilbert goes on to talk about what we perceived as “natural” and “synthetic” happiness. Natural happiness refers to the generic, sought after, daytime movie happiness where the protagonist wants something, and then receives it – like an impoverished individual winning a raffle cash prize and finding happiness.

Synthetic happiness, on the other hand, is happiness created by justifying circumstances as positive and wanted - like the same person winning a Pedegg in a raffle and finding happiness.

The interesting thing is that despite most people’s assumptions, there is no difference between synthetic and natural happiness in affecting happiness levels. In fact, synthetic happiness may have a greater effect due to accepting the circumstances (“I won a Pedegg – at least I won something!”) rather than having more choice and expectations which, in studies have been shown to have a

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dampening effect on happiness (“I won all this money – it’s actually not that much, I spent it on the wrong things, etc.”).

Certainly, most people in Australia have no shortage of choice and expectations.

The role of narcissism in this must be acknowledged. The persistent self-interest in the face of reason points to nothing other than a widespread feeling of entitlement, stemming from the inability to understand the plights of others.

While this certainly has always been present, its predominance has really been established in the last few decades. Lasch in The Culture of Narcissism links this to multiple socio-cultural factors such as the rise of commercialism, the obsession with appearance, ingrained need for independence and the cult of personality present in the media. In fact Twenge and Campbell (2009) in The Narcissism Epidemic showed that 10% of Americans in their twenties have full-blown narcissism, and huge amounts of others have traces of it – attributed to feel-good parenting, social networking, easy credit and the power of celebrities. All we do is focus on what matters to us – and what matters to us, is how happy we feel.

We live in such fantastic times.

The progress that we’ve enjoyed in the last decade alone - let alone the two millenia - boggles the mind. Instead of always looking for something bigger and better, looking out for ourselves, or doubting your our own happiness, we should be grateful for what we do have. In fact, we should be helping those who don’t have what we have. We have everything, so there is no good reason not to be happy.

between the teaching and research departments, merging the two areas was one of his most controversial moves.

Before the restructure, Chubb saw the ANU as a ‘table covered with unconnected balls of wool where you could pick up any ball of wool and toss it away and nobody would care’. He thought, ‘what we needed to do was to stitch this into a tapestry so if anybody pulled the thread the whole tapestry would buckle, and people would say hang on a second, you can’t do that.’

Far from his days as a pupil at a small rural Victorian primary school, Chubb remarked from his new honorary office overlooking the ANU campus: ‘Nobody should forget where they came from.’

IAN CHUBB

THE INTERVIEW

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~ WHAT’S ON ~ DISCO

ART Fred Williams: Infinite Horizons 12th August - 6th November National Gallery $15 Members, $10 Concession (Children 16 years and under are free)

Fancy Dress Roller Disco Saturday November 5th 6.3010PM Woden Southern Cross Club Basketball Clubs Tickets $12 (Kids under 5 free) from VDL members and from Oztix.

COME AS YOUR DERBY ALTER-EGO! Or whatever you want to come as. We’re cool like that. Bring quad skates or inlines, sorry no skateboards or scooters. There’ll be an offskates area too, so don’t fret if you prefer to dance in your own feet. Come along and help raise some funds for Australia’s FIRST campus-based roller derby league!

Check out the website here: www. varsityderbyleague.com

The exhibition showcases the works of one of Australia’s greatest painters, Fred Williams.

This is the first major retrospective of Williams’ work in over 25 years. It highlights his strength as a painter and includes important large oil paintings and luminous gouaches that reveal his distinctive approach, often combining a feeling for place with a strong abstract emphasis.

MUSIC PLEASE NOTE STONEFEST FESTIVAL HAS BEEN CANCELLED. Instead, a new event will be held this year, which will see Stonefest return to its roots as a festival held to celebrate the unveiling of the University’s foundation stone in 1968. The Stonefest ‘Rock On’ party will be held in the UC Refectory and on the UC Concourse and will feature some of the nation’s best dance and hip hop artists.

For more information on the Stonefest ‘Rock On’ party, visit http://www.uclive.com.au/ node/56

LECTURE Not Just The Lungs Of The World: Lessons from Yasuni ITT 26th October 2011 Manning Clark Theatre 3, ANU This seminar focuses on the global common good embodied in the Yasuni National Park, a UNESCO World Biosphere Reserve. Although much of the popular debate about the Yasuni ITT Initiative revolves around the reduction of CO2 emissions, the most valuable aspect is the protection of the area’s biodiversity and the upholding of the rights of Indigenous peoples.

THEATRE The Fall Of The City October 26th to October 29th ANU Drama Labs FREE As part of an ongoing research project, director Andrew Holmes presents Pulitzer Prize-winning poet dramatist Archibald MacLeish’s groundbreaking radio verse drama The Fall of the City for five performances only,.The Fall of the City is the second production in a research project overseen by ANU PhD researcher Andrew Holmes investigating the possibilities for MacLeish’s verse drama in the 21st century. Seating strictly limited. Bookings essential - to book please contact andrew. holmes@anu.edu.au for enquiries and booking

FASHION Fashion with a conscious 7.30om, Thursday 27th October Hellenic Club Tickets $40 The evening features charity fashion show, live dance performances, live music and guest speaker from the Salvation Army. All proceeds donated to Salvation Army.

Fashion Parade Through The Ages 10AM-2PM House of Representatives Gardens Old Parliament House Re-live dresses throughout the ages from the 1920s to present, hats included. All funds raised will go towards Frocktober raising money for and awareness of ovarian cancer research. All dresses and hats in the parade will

COMEDY Cold Chisel Cold Chisel have promised to showcase one or two new tunes.

The set list will also feature more than 20 of the iconic band’s classic songs.

Renowned drummer Charley Drayton (Keith Richards, B52’s, Divinyls) will be drumming on tour. One fifth of tour profits will go to the children of recently passed Steve Prestwich.

Josh Thomas - Everything Ever 7.30pm, Saturday 29 October Canberra Theatre $40 In this show, Josh will talk about everything that has ever happened.

Ever.

WORONI 2012 Want to contribute to your student newspaper next year?

We’re looking for expressions of interest from anyone who wants to be involved.

We’d particularly be interested in hearing from people who might like to join our team as columnists, staff writers, reviewers, photographers, artists and cartoonists.

We are looking to appoint an Art Director and several members of an Art Team to take Woroni’s visual look to new heights next year. Experience with InDesign and Photoshop would be a definite plus for these positions.

Illiterate? We’re also looking for people who want to get involved with podcasts and radio shows.

If any of this sounds like you, or you just want more information, please email us at woroni@anu.edu.au. xx Woroni

www.woroni.com.au

CULTURE

Exam etiquette UMA PATEl EDITOR

Exam time: tis the season to be indoors and studying while we begrudge our friends in other cities that have already completed their academic year. The taunts of possible happiness do not end there, the weather is the complete opposite of the Canberra stereotype but the ducks and the unemployed are the only ones free to enjoy it.

The exam season brings change; having fun is suddenly a stressful activity, No-Doze becomes a food group and there is enough room for an anti-carbon tax rally on the ICBM dance floor on Thursday night. The most significant change is arguably in the temperaments and sensitivity of those planning to vomit 3 months exertion or a collaboration of 15 other people’s notes in the space of 2 or 3 hours.

A few rules need to be followed in order to navigate the period without ending up as a part of the concrete foundations of the new UniLodge. The first and most important is do not chatter within elected study zones. Libraries are obviously part of this zone but exams have a way of colonising previously fun places as spaces for rote learning and coffee sipping only. This includes dining rooms where food is now a side to reading material, previously unsuccessful cafes that are ideal for their lack of people and ample table space and anywhere else

formerly associated with fun and conveniently close to refreshments.

The second is that even is you are certain you will get 120% in your exam, have already finished exams or never had them in the first place, you must constantly put on a facade of an imminent failure and a hate for life. As Good Charlotte recently whined in a top 40 hit, ‘don’t you know misery loves company?’ If you are happy during exam period then you are not in Canberra or you have no friends.

The third rule is do not touch anyone else’s study notes.

Readable and thorough study notes are more sought after than a sighting of the Queen. Treat them like you would treat someone else’s Macbook, they’re precious, no one else understands them and you are condemned to relentless tears if you spill liquid on them.

Although, relentless tears is an expected part of exam season anyway.

Exam time brings out the worst in people. No body wants to be held accountable for the atrocities committed in order to succeed like the leaders of a badly run Libyan insurgence campaign.

Blood will be spilt (by paper cuts), exam invigilators will be a bit too passionate about whether your phone is on and your REM cycle will be long forgotten. This is the complete opposite to usual student life. Indeed, if it were not for Parliament House, Canberra would be unrecognisable.

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Movie review: Midnight in Paris Scott Bolton EDITOR

Genre: Comedy, Fantasy, Romance Director: Woody Allen Lead actors: Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams Cast: Kurt Fuller, Mimi Kennedy, Michael Sheen, Kathy Bates

Midnight in Paris is the latest creation from the cult writer/director Woody Allen. For those unsure of Woody’s work, a Woody Allen film will split an audience.

The story follows a small group of American tourists as they visit Paris. At the centre of this group is Gil (Owen Wilson), a Hollywood screenwriter, who is struggling to change craft, wanting nothing else but to leave Hollywood behind and write novels.

On midnight walks around Paris, Gil’s nostalgic dreams become reality as he is taken back in time to 1920s Paris. Each night, at the strike of midnight, Gil travels back to learn from his literary idols, Hemmingway, Fitzgerald and Gertrude Stein.

In typical Woody Allen fashion

the story is about himself and his views; showing Paris through his eyes. The protagonist Gil, is a version of Woody, and typically speaks mainly in ‘Woody Waffle’.

It is a credit to Owen Wilson acting ability that he can play such a neurotic character, but still draw the audience in.

I have heard Woody Allen described as the ‘chronicler of urban neurosis’. It is this neurosis that will make or break the film for you as an audience member.

Allen is able to beautifully create characters, situations and scenarios that drip with awkward tension. The American characters, in particular, will make you unbelievably frustrated. Whether it be the neurotic Gil, his self important fiancée Inez (beautifully portrayed by Rachel McAdams) or the ‘pedantic’ Paul (Michael Sheen), their interactions will leave you cringing. This imperfect present is contrasted beautifully with the fantastical past in the two

love interests. By day Gil must deal with the obnoxious Inez and by night must win the attention of the lovely Adriana (Marion Cotillard).

Woody’s fans will really enjoy this film, as it seems he is back to his old tricks. In particular, he was able to draw me to Paris, creating the sense that it is a living breathing entity. This is something that Woody has been so beautifully able to do with Manhattan, but has struggled lately to do outside the US. Midnight is Paris is far better than Vicki Cristina Barcelona in this way.

This fantastical story is a whimsical journey of self discovery, without subtlety in its messages. Woody Allen fans will enjoy, but for those new to Woody, please be aware of what you are in for. Otherwise you might be left wondering.

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COUCHSURFING

I did but see her Secret Service protection

FARZ EDRAKI SUBEDITOR-AT-LARGE

AMY CLAIRE THOMPSON WRITER

“You’re British! Are you excited about the Queen being in Canberra?”

“No.” If you’re one of the people who asked me this question in the lead up to the Royal visit this month, I’m very sorry for disappointing, and for (presumably) answering in a snappy sort of way.

To be honest, a “no”, in answer to that question, is probably the greatest understatement of the century. Frankly, I couldn’t give a damn – and I’m sure I’m not the only British exchange student to feel that way. Royal excitement, I’ve noticed, tends to sort of pass us by.

The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh visited my home university last semester, and some people were excited, but most weren’t. Of those who were excited, most were international students, as far as I can remember.

The only reason I knew about Her Maj’s visit was because of the sudden influx of elderly people topped with funny hats in the Students’ Union, and the bizarre appearance of the Secret Service on the roof. With guns. I kid you not.

Aside from the spies, the only thing that remotely interested me in this Royal visit was the fact that The University of Sheffield succeeded in getting the Queen to wear 3D glasses for a photo-op.

For some reason, this made me smile a ridiculous amount.

I suppose, though, that in the aftermath of the Royal Wedding, it would be natural for people to expect me to be excited. But, I was in London the day before the wedding (BY ACCIDENT), and walking down the Mall to the palace, there were more Americans than Brits. It was kind of terrifying.

I will grudgingly admit that, like every other girl in the world, I did turn on the TV to watch Kate walk down the aisle – but, in my defence, I have spent five years as a Fashion Editor. I sort of needed to see the dress of the century.

No: I hate to disappoint, but the only time this Brit has ever been remotely interested in the monarchy was when Princess Diana was mentioned in an episode of ‘Spooks’. The Queen coming to Canberra doesn’t hold quite the same amount of fangirlish joy, I’m afraid.

Ask me about Obama’s visit, though, and you will be met by a whole lot more enthusiasm!

Speak Singlish, lah What defines Singaporeans among other Asian classmates STACEY YEW WRITER

My friends and I were discussing what being Singaporean meant for us while lounging at the Burton & Garran Hall during an event organised by the ANU Singapore Students’ Association (SSA). Our lighthearted banter was all about whether Singlish (our colloquial brand of English) distinguishes us apart from other Asian students on campus. I wonder, however, if that is all that differentiates us or could there be something more that makes us truly unique.

For Singaporeans, Singlish has been known for its mish-mash of the Hokkien dialect, Bahasa Malayu and Tamil languages. The use of Singlish is common among the lesser educated and poorer communities.

Once considered an embarrassing degeneration of British English, Singlish today has earned a reputation for being typically Singaporean. The manner of speech has served as a unifying factor among locals that bind us in the midst of our cultural melting pot. My friends noted that when Singaporeans gather, the tendency is to slip into our Singlish mode.

Sentences are often laced with local colloquialism, peppered with an all too familiar ‘lah’ and ‘lor’.

The inevitable ‘aiyoh’ sprouts when an unbelievable morsel of gossip erupts. Not surprising since such expressions are recognisably Singaporean. Some can even don the T-shirt to prove that point.

The weird manner of our conversation is not all that distinguishes us though because more than our peculiar speech is our highly globalized outlook on matters. Singapore’s exceptional

blend of resourcefulness and creativity, coupled with an entrepreneurial spirit set us apart from other students in the school. The power of the human spirit has helped us ride through turbulent times in both economic and financial storms.

No longer is there a pure reliance on government intervention alone to shield the country from external shocks but rather, there is a drive - an internal resilience you might say, that is marked by selfdetermination and an ingenious problem-solving instinct.

Furthermore, the connections and ties that Singaporean students have developed over the course of doing business in different networks give us the opportunity to view the world through forwardlooking lenses. The country has never been one that closes itself from global ideas and influences.

In fact, Singapore is known to be one of the most receptive countries in the world to accept advances and breakthroughs in the fields of science and technology.

As Singaporeans, we have that potential to set ourselves on the path for exponential growth if only our mentality for globalization continues to expand.

There are definitely greater limits for economic reach through innovation and a larger stage for creative expressions that remain untapped.

With a more intertwined global economy, Singaporeans must be poised to ride onto the next wave of development. Not only do we just talk shop in Singlish, we need to make sense in all of our discourses, rhetoric and decisionmaking abilities in order to secure that niche for uniqueness.

www.woroni.com.au

Congratulations! You’re leaving Canberra over the summer period.

Whether it’s an exchange program in Columbia or a brief sojourn in New Zealand, it’s not so much why you’re going away that matters – just that you’re going, and soon.

Having made the decision to travel, it’s now time to plan your trip. Have you booked flights?

Have you consulted Lonely Planet?

Have you posted irritatingly smug updates on Facebook of your impending departure, much to the ire of Canberra-bound friends?

Yes, yes, and yes.

What often falls last on the To Do list is perhaps the most difficult to organise: accommodation. Hotels are over-priced, hostels booked out with Contiki-goers, and park benches dubious.

Here’s where CouchSurfing.org comes in.

It started as an idea: would it be possible to crash the living rooms of relative strangers in foreign cities? That’s what American Casey Fenton wondered in 1999, when he sent e-mails to 1,500 university students in Iceland, asking for a place to stay. Fifty people offered him accommodation.

Twelve years on, Fenton’s idea has materialised into a global online social network, where members can find accommodation with fellow members, and in turn act as hosts themselves. To date, over eight million people have Couch Surfing profiles, in 246 countries. An average surfer is 28 years old, and likely lives in the United States, Germany, France, or Canada.

Chances are, you have or you know of somebody who has surfed, or you’ve hosted travellers

DO

1. If surfing, research your host. Where exactly is their house/ apartment? Is it easily accessible by public transport?

Do they have references on their online profile verifying their credibility?

2. Have a back-up plan, in case your first choice in Couch Surfing host doesn’t pan out.

3. Have an open mind.

4. If possible, find a surfing buddy. At the very least, make sure you tell somebody where you’re going, and the details of who you’re staying with.

yourself. For some, the experience can be a daunting one. After all, how often do we open up our homes to strangers? Rarely, if ever (unless you count humouring the occasional Mormon or primary schooler for a yarn or charitable Caramel Koala).

Yet, the experience is almost always fun, and – at its best – life-changing.

Staying with a Couch Surfing host isn’t at all like staying in a hotel or hostel. For one thing, it’s free. More importantly, it’s a great way of experiencing the culture and customs of a city with a local as your guide. The Couch Surfing directors claim to: “envision a world where everyone can explore and create meaningful connections with the people and places they encounter.”

As a host, you experience your own city through entirely different eyes: suddenly, The Pheonix isn’t just another dive bar, it’s a hub for Aussie live music and beer; roundabouts are a novelty rather than dizzying inconvenience; Queanbeyan isn’t a dump, instead it’s quaint, and rustic.

As a surfer, if you’re lucky enough to have good hosts, you’ll find yourself in interesting, often unexpected places. Couch Surfing has led me to couches in Berkeley, bars in New Orleans, and cycling trips in San Francisco. Blessedly, all of my hosts were kind, generous, and keen-spirited; they offered me not only their homes, but also their bikes, their shoulders, and one memorable host even cut my hair. In return, I cooked (and burnt) pancakes, shared my food, as well as Australian euphemisms (“You call redheads what? As in, orangutan?”).

Convinced? Here are a few DOs and DONTs that may help guide your first or next Couch Surfing experience.

DON’T

1. Treat the couch merely as a free place to crash for a night or two. Do something nice: cook your host breakfast. Buy them a round. Compliment them on their couch.

2. Be nice, but not too nice. If I had a penny for the amount of stories I’ve heard of Couch Surfing gone awry as a result of hosts/ surfers caving in to sexual desire – I’d have at least one penny.

3. Be messy. You’re a guest; act accordingly.

4. Reply to messages like this: “Hi i saw ur profile pic, u seem realli hot. i’m visiting canberra from wangarratta, if ya want some quick fun let me know. what’s ur number? ps. i’m not creepy i swear. pps. i bench at least 50. da truth.”

CULTURE

POETRY

“22”

by JOHN DUNCAN arthur boyd: she cried ‘transubstantiation’ -

Mantodea

by AMANDA TAPLIN

They as went the whole way there, and found the empty black, Discovered that the hole was large, and chose not to come back– They stared a while, the gormless eye that held their feet in place Gazing blankly at their ragged forms, a pale and weary face Up-turned from every fraying collar, staring into space While they felt their chests expand, filled with the subtle hands of Grace– They as went the whole way there may feel themselves released From the path that bound their feet to walk through strife, but end in peace From trying to fall asleep at night, while jungles squirmed outside With insects bent on flesh and clicking mouths on every side– From lying freezing on the ground while dust dried out their tongues Leaving hardened leather bits to bite, to drink the blood that runs– From waking in the morning just to sleep beneath the night Let them turn, and feel the closeness of the black instead of fright Let them know that now the monstrous deep that wide before them lies, Is unanswerable, it’s not their fault, just lean forward with a sigh– They as went the whole way on, and found that they were lost, That the only thing that held them was the morning’s biting frost After nights of stepping unknown through the streets that made their town And refusing to look up at those who refused to look down– I turn my love to look at them, though only backs it sees, And as I walk behind, I feel that gaze shift onto me.

- CONNOR DRUM

How do we do this; do this, do this and then silence I fear I depend On you For no reason other than the general idea Same notion slow motion That makes frost on the windowpane Misty heat under the sheets-That reason, no other (the unconscious search) Drawing the mantis to the other In heat, in death Binocular field of vision they see all and do not see at all Compound eyes of illusion and reality, elongated transient.

Equilibrium-- cadence of harmonies Echoing to the rhythm Of life in solitude Missing the unsung melody Diversify, and die with the truth

which is the Irrevocable tragedy of your lingering presence Haunting my every slumber For you are my phantasm and I cannot sleep without you.

why don’t you eat dirt and feel closer to Earth !(?) i slipped ,jointlessly, seemless quicksilver ,going downdown until I wrapped my serptentine form around the core , a cold static stone (our thighs) [II] (gently) /mornings are not sunrises, and arenot accompanied by angels/donot underestimate them they are violent the darkform ,plunging into his crucifixion (before the mirror(trailing you the fissured fortune which transcribes the anatomy of a moment ;the lines on your face [III] trembling mirror ;her eyes a thousand sunsets tumbling merge into incandescence her spine soft like wax candle light passes through ,her fragile embryonic glow trailing y(our) curves) citysmogstars revert to endless haste (but at least that’s bright

&

the sunset has found her way ,demure tucked into the ethereal longmists upon floodplains (the magistrate) [IV] (before the mirror ,defeated society constructed only silent structures) she mumbled ... ‘light decays into heat ;heat is the simplest form of energy ;cold is the absence of energy.’

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CULTURE

POETRY

The Lantern in the Cave

by STUART OWEN

Within us all is a long dark cave, hidden in a shadows mist, hidden plain and all betwixt We long to keep it, the winding back, and fear that it grows to a mouthing light Travelling at a stumble, like hands without light, like eyes without their precious sight While the burrow crumbles dug with curling toes, clenching deep into the earth, and till tears water will not grow.

And in the dim above us all, at the tip of all our thought, there sleeps a light, a Sun adored.

Dripping all with radiance and imagination pure, one unseen conductor just a beat before the score Some convinced of a harmony in chaos; some convinced of the clashing of tides, Just a few have found their light, ones who looked themselves above, and carry pain to sigh a smile; to send the raven with the dove, Some are more equipped than others to dispel the burden, eagre to be lifted from some blame By placing the creation; A breathing new beat to an old fading name or a shiny new name to a gruesome old game.

Because we are so good at hiding, deep inside our caves, using all its dark around to hide us from some state We forget that we are filled with light, we forget that by us we are saved, we forget that all that’s everywhere, is, was and will create, So here we are, and where are we? And one, and all, the same.

Spilling light into your cave throws off the cold with a rising day, takes to the form and emerges from clay, And promises to keep it captured, to keep it hearted in the way So every time you might curl back, and every time you linger in, you take a lantern with you, and when your tunnel dampens, dim.

Remember the light at the entrance, and sing.

Look to the light in your hand.

“30”

by JOHN DUNCAN to the cries of loud fools we dragged the magistrate /that old shadow/

“31”

out. beneath the thunderladen antiphon ,the disjointed songs of high summer crackling baking the bush.

by JOHN DUNCAN remember that night ,a long january night,

Seductively, she read the red dotdotstop the morsecode of sheoaks standing memories deep in weary river banks

they’re always shadowy reprieves we ran along the road) three drinks down,laughing in the face of the viscous newmoon darkness we had nothing to prove)

each footfall (he dragged behind ,rhythmically ;haul.armslength.halt.haul...) met with soft cool hushes of dust on barefeet

its soft dust cooling our bare legs,scratched by newspaperagedsepia rye and random tussock,

(then),she languished upon the landscape like a Bloodlust Queen scalding hill and plain in rosemadder swell. agonisinly stretching out contorted paths of shade - finally, refuge, relief.

countless echoes & aromas, contorted through the summer night remember how we fell? and tumbled our cries the staccato treble to the nocturnal low

but the old dark man the magistrate the edge of shadows melted with the day,

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CULTURE

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Sage advice REVIEW Sage

Batman St, Braddon

ANGUS HESLOP WRITER

Maybe I’m old fashioned but there’s something a little odd about Sage Restaurant. Situated in Gorman Arts House, just north of the Canberra Centre in a modern and elaborately decorated room, the dining experience is certainly a flash one. Oh, and before you read on, yes, this is another Woroni review which will require parents and a decent credit limit.

So, back to the details, Sage is a flash experience. I’ve even heard it described as a journey into food!

However, the menu still has me confused. In an effort to appear what I can only guess alternate and different, the old entré, main, dessert process is replaced with a menu split into four areas, each with four dishes to choose from.

Part four is desserts, so that leaves you with 12 dishes to select from for the key stuff. Diners can choose to have two, three or four dishes. We went for three dishes, including dessert. But then it gets more confusing. Because my folks chose to begin in menu part one and the brother and I in part two, the meals would come at different times. By the time mine had arrived, the rents’ meals were finished and cleaned away.

And it is this that seems a bit of a wank.

As the diner, you are given strict guidelines on how you will dine at their restaurant and if you choose to not follow their exact process you will suffer. Maybe I’m a traditionalist, but they’re supposed to be waiting on you, right, not you on them? The kitchen just doesn’t seem to be able to cope with patrons ordering from different sections of the menu. You have to wonder why they’ve gone down this alternate menu route in the first place.

Pricing is based around the four part menu, with two choices costing $60, three $70 and four $80. However, rugby families be warned – you don’t get much for your buck. This is minimalist dining at it’s best. However, what they do produce is excellent in most cases. There is also a $110 ($160 with wine) seven course degustation option if you’re after more of a feed. Oh, and if they ask if you’d like a champagne with a ‘cocktail influence’ on arrival, I would politely decline, as this seemed to be a sound effort to disguise flat champagne.

However, for these problem points, the food is excellent and the presentation is of a top standard. The menu pushes boundaries. The Broom pearl meat is a novel option and went down well. The slow cooked pork belly is excellent, as is the beef bourguignon (even though it doesn’t actually come as a stew – despite the bourguignon title). The butterscotch crème brulee was the pick of the desserts.

Also, the staff need to let their hair down after work or get pissed together or something. There was a notable angst in the room between the staff and this does bring the mood down a bit. As such, there wasn’t much warmth from those on the floor, more just an efficient and impersonal level of service. Conversations could become awkward when dragged on (there’s only so many adjectives a diner can use to describe pearl meat), and you got the feeling sometimes that they were trying to convince you that you were having a good time.

So Sage is definitely a solid dining experience. Great food with excellent, innovative flavours.

Perhaps go on a weekday when the staff are less under the pump and the kitchen isn’t in overdrive.

And avoid for a first date, unless you know you have lots to talk about to fill the big gaps between each course.

Honk if you’re at Honkytonks!­­­ REVIEW

Honkytonks

5 Garema Place, Civic

SIMON THOMPSON EDITOR

The Canberra bar and dining scene is such that a new venue’s reputation can precede itself just over a week after opening its doors. With Honkytonks, there were instant rumblings by wordof-mouth and social media: bold declarations of how it slotted into Capital cool, each version as different as the people making them.

It’s an eclectic fit out: tall recycled tables with loud orange and yellow stools sit below indoor hanging plants backed onto local artwork. Across the room you’ve got leather banquettes heaped with cushions backing onto darker, moodier colours. Are they reconcilable? The multitude and variety of the punters certainly says yes.

So what’s all the fuss about?

My impression of Canberra’s newest watering hole shows the devil, and the fun, is in the detail.

Obviously, drinks are Honkytonks’ raison d’être. It’s a warm Saturday afternoon, so a white sangria jug ($25) is a logical recommendation from the selection of traditional red sangria and punch. Establishments in other cities have shown cocktail jugs to be an enormous success, so I think they’re onto a good thing here. The mint, lemon and

lychees strike a good balance between sweet and acidic, but all in all, it’s a simple, refreshing summer drink. Bring it on.

As for wine, Honkytonks shows that less can be more. The list is short, and evidently displays a non-protectionist balance between European, South American and other new world offerings. An establishment’s attitude to their wines is to me, evident in their offerings by the glass. So when you’ve got pinot blanc, malbec and Bordeaux all making an appearance by the glass, sommelier Adam Nordone has succeeded in creating a list that is current, seasonal and shows original thought. Plus, there aren’t too many bars in town serving wines by the glass in Riedel glassware.

The beers on tap have been chosen carefully, according to co-owner Tom Hertel. Erdinger Weissbier gives instant order-envy served in its traditional glass, but it’s what Honkytonks has lurking in the fridges that I’m after. Among Belgian stalwarts Duvel, Chimay and Leffe, I’m recommended a Queensland brewers Burleigh Brewing Co ‘70s style’ pale ale.

It’s more akin to Little Creatures’ take, with a cloudy, bronze hue and intense, fragrant flavours. It’s a beer list worth denting.

But it’s the food where Honkytonks is really doing something different. My first impression was that tacos and gourmet hot dogs (both $5) were a bold take on bar food.

The gourmet hot dogs are produced locally, and served in little buns which are easier to eat that one would think. I started with the Boutique Banger (no one can accuse these guys of taking themselves too seriously) with button mushrooms sautéed in rosemary and spinach, and its the funghi that steals the show along with the smart pairing of truffled mayo. Superb. Señor Dog is smothered with a light guacamole and a simple salsa. A layer of shaved manchego adds some intrigue. One of the hallmarks of a good chef is the use of clearly fresh produce and housemade sauces and stocks, present here thanks to Chef Tom Keogh.

The tacos offer chicken or beef incarnations, and they’re simple and light thanks to their obviously fresh preparation. The chicken is a little bland as compared to the beef, however a healthy amount of chilli is welcome on both, with light sour cream providing a good balance. The perfect match for that wheat beer.

Honkytonks deserves its warm welcome into the Canberra scene.

There are some smart blokes behind this place, obsessing over the details from little-known Aussie beers in the fridge and a snappy wine list, down to neat touches like the coat hooks under each table. Having said that, it’s certainly early days. But to label Honkytonks is to miss the point; just sit, eat and drink. Worry about everything else later.

CULTURE

Animals are getting shorter Woroni is recruiting.

ZID MANCENIDO SUBEDITOR-AT-LARGE

Featured Artist: Pratham Rathore “My main motivation in photography is to find things in the environment, be it natural or manmade, that show emotion, character, pattern and change. The leaves on the ground, the colours of a sunset, the symmetry of an old rusting fence, and even patterns and lines on the road all mean something to me. They all show the weird and wonderful nature of our environment, always changing and clashing with itself, and yet in some ways, always remaining the same.”

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I promise I’m not making this up. In a recent article published in the journal Nature: Climate Change, Jennifer A. Sheridan and David Bickford from the National University of Singapore contend that, “Observed and expected patterns of decreased body size are widespread across different taxa, and are likely to be reported from an increasingly wide array of taxa over the coming century” essentially because of climate change.

A type of Scottish sheep is now 5% smaller than it was in 1985. A house sparrow’s weight dropped one seventh between 1950 to 1990. The graceful warbler (a bird, not a singer from Glee) dropped 26%. And it’s not just animals. Grass, grains, and other flora are getting smaller too.

All this matches experimental research that suggests for every additional degree Celsius, a variety of plants lose between 3 and 17 per cent in size and fish shrink by 6 to 22 per cent. (Before you ask: Yes, they bred a bunch of animals and plants in temperatureset containers and checked to see whether they were growing or not. Yes, people get paid to do this sort of thing.)

So what does all this mean? In Sheridan and Bickford’s own science jargon: “The consequences of shrinkage are not yet fully understood, but could be far-reaching for biodiversity and humans alike… Being able to predict change is critical in creating strategies that reduce negative effects and guide positive courses of action.”

So basically: ‘we don’t know, but it could be big, all we really want is to do is just continue to be rational human beings and you know try and stop bad stuff happening’.

Sweet.

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CULTURE

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The importance of being uncool ROSE BOLLARD WRITER

Coolness is a state of being which I will never attain and -most fortunately- I accepted this a long time ago. As someone who enjoyed cross stitch as a child, filing recipes as a teenager and now debating motivated holidays as a uni student– none of these in irony– it has become apparent that there is a middle aged woman living inside me, and I will never be ‘cool’.

This hasn’t stopped me from being interested, if not astonished by fashion/hipsters/coolness generally. Almost anything can become fleetingly fashionable, no matter how vulgar it may be. At the top of the long list are ug boots, low-slung jeans on guys, pleather leggings, jeggings and spraying oneself tangerine. These items have many qualities, they are all unattractive, unflattering and uncomfortable. That’s three ‘un’s’. And yet, somehow, thanks to Kate Moss, fashion designers and the like, people go out of their way to wear these items.

I am not suggesting that these items are appreciated by all, but there’s always one group willingly to embrace them. A tattoo saying

“Strength” in incorrect Japanese on the ankle might not be my cup of tea, but for others, it’s their primary means of expressing themselves.

Ditto for “Little Miss Bossy Boots” t-shirts, hair extensions and fingernail piercings.

That said, there is a very narrow space reserved for items which will never be cool, which is quite a feat. First on the list are transition lenses. The wearer looks as if they have bronze cellophane stuck to their glasses and those around them can half see their eyes, depending on cloud movements. Number two are joggers and jeans. They may have once had their hey day but I see the likelihood of a resurgence as very low. (NB: Sneakers and jeans for a boy are a different matter). Number 3 is a little less certain, three quarter cargo pants on girls. For some reason they are just a bit repulsive (if something can be ‘a bit’ repulsive).

I would dearly love someone to prove me wrong on the above three, to confidently walk through campus in transition lenses, sneakers and jeans and be the coolest person at Oktoberfest next year. But this seems unlikely.

It is somehow comforting that certain items are off limits, even for hipsters.

Same but different: ARTillery ADELAIDE RIEF WRITER

Lady Gaga. Sky high shoes and Kermit dresses. And human rights?

No? I say YES! Despite being one of the more eccentric, outthere pop stars in our collective cultural “What the…?” box, I have to admit to having a heap of admiration for her.

But we’ve all read enough pseudoacademic articles on Gaga’s postmodern referential Euro-pop sensibilities. This is about more; it’s about ARTillery Festival.

Heard of it? Think super keen young activists and artists using their creative artillery to defend human rights, and take action on Amnesty International campaigns.

The inspiration for Canberra’s inaugural ARTillery Festival derives from the idea that “what’s different makes us the same” – a quote from the indomitable Gaga, whose message of acceptance has spoken to many young people all around the world. In many countries, under governments not so dissimilar to ours, human rights defenders are persecuted, treated differently, because of their race, their gender and the words they speak or write.

But as Gaga reminds us - we are all different, and that difference is

our strength, bringing us together under our common humanity.

The vision for the ARTillery in Canberra is to explore the meaning of “same and different” in an effort to draw young people and Canberrans into a dialogue of empathy and understanding with those individuals who seem so different, yet share the same humanity we do. What makes us different in age, gender or location on the globe can also make us the same if we take action to defend the rights of others, which are ultimately the rights we all share.

ARTillery events are aimed at having a positive and engaging outcome on human rights issues like these. We aim to make a real difference in the lives of people at risk by changing government policy, campaigning for leniency for those facing the death penalty or those imprisoned for exercising their right to freedom of speech.

As human rights are often difficult to understand, or even accept, we have chosen to engage with the power of art to communicate, educate and inspire people to take action.

Part of this comes from our belief in the power of art to suggest, to comment, to create an idea or an emotion in a way that other

forms of communication cannot – because art does not tell us what to feel or how to feel it, but presents the world through an alternative viewfinder. It asks us to consider how we might be very much the same in feelings, thoughts and dreams as someone imprisoned for speaking their mind, in a country not so far from here. This is what the human rights discourse needs – something beyond dry recitations of the rights enshrined in UN Conventions, something engaging and exciting and worth celebrating, and most importantly, worth protecting.

So after the exam haze lifts, check out artilleryfestival.com/ canberraevents and start your summer holidays off with some human rights lovin’. We’re planning two events that will rock your socks off including a Poetry Slam called “PoeticaAcademica”, where we’ll crown a “human rights hero”, and “masterPEACE”, an exhibition that will jazz up Canberra’s inner city with works by local artists in the windows of friendly independent shops. But most importantly, come celebrate International Human Rights Day on a sunny Sunday afternoon at our Grand Finale Picnic at Glebe Park on 10th December.

SPORT

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The gentlemen continue to play John Goldie picks up the World Cup story where he left it last time...

JOHN GOLDIE WRITER

A fortnight ago, we got to the business end of the Rugby World Cup, starting with the Northern Hemisphere semi final play off between Wales and France.

The game was stained in the 18th minute when the 23 year old Welsh skipper, Sam Warburton, was sent from the field for a blatantly illegal tackle, leaving his team with 14 men for the remainder of the game. Wales looked dangerous for most of the game, but conceded too many penalties.

They were left desperate, with France ahead 8-9, after 23 attacking phases went unsatisfied in the final passage of the game.

On the following Sunday, Australia was put in their place by a dominant All Blacks side with their eyes firmly on a place in the grand final.

The greatest controversy of the game was the banter surrounding the respective fly-halves.

Quade Cooper had been in terrible form for most of the tournament and the All Blacks were fielding third choice Aaron Cruden, due to injuries to Dan

Carter and Colin Slade.

Australian coach Robbie Deans and Captain James Horwill cleverly tried to play up Cooper’s prospects in the media prior to the game in an effort to intimidate the 82kg Cruden.

The ploy failed fairly abruptly however, when Cooper put the kick off into touch on the full.

Psychologically, Australia never recovered. On the other hand, in the 6th minute, All Black winger Irsael Dagg got a spectacular off load away from the floor, on the side line and at full tilt, putting Ma Nonu into space to claim the only try of the game.

For the remaining 73 minutes, Piri Weepu steadily slotted penalties for New Zealand, putting them ahead 20-6 at fulltime.

Australia recovered some decorum, claiming third place over Wales in the play off last Saturday.

The Wallabies held the lead for the whole game, with two tries and a drop goal to Berrick Barnes on the scoreboard, to Wales’ one try.

In the final play of the game, after 30 phases, a heroic Wales crossed for a consolation try, but it wasn’t quite enough. The final

score sat at 18-21 to Australia.

Finally, last Sunday saw the grand final between France and hosts New Zealand.

The All Blacks went into the grand final as clear favourites.

They demolished France 37-17 in the pool stages, who went on to suffer an embarrassing loss to Tonga.

In addition, there were some serious change room issues, with an unpopular coach and players choosing to hit the town and get sloshed celebrating their win over Wales, instead of resting up. Each to their own.

Needless to say, France saved their best performance for last. The game was rough, with possession and territory both fairly balanced.

The scoreboard opened up in the 15th minute when the New Zealand forward pack performed a slick line out move, creating a gaping hole for No 1.

Tony Woodcock to take 5 points.

A penalty early in the second half put them on 8, answered almost immediately with a textbook try to French captain Theirry Dusautoir.

This left the score at 9-8 and the All Blacks spent the rest of the game demonstrating that games are won with tackles, not tries.

An exacerbated France was kept off the scoreboard as the clock ticked away and at 80 minutes, New Zealand crowned their team world champions by one point.

The last time an All Blacks jersey lifted the Webb Ellis trophy for his country was in the inaugural Rugby World Cup of 1987. From 1991 through 2003, the Kiwi’s Tri Nations rivals got the better of them every time.

At the last world cup in 2007 it was France who knocked the All Blacks out in the quarterfinals

18-20, in their worst world cup performance to date.

On Sunday night, All Blacks captain Richie McCaw, 31 years old, a veteran of 103 international caps, in his last world cup campaign, was apotheosised by the adorations of the New Zealand public as he stepped up to the podium at Eden Park to reclaim the trophy that the country has been craving for 24 years.

So for any Kiwi readers, enjoy it while it lasts.

Team of the fortnight Will Walton Sports SubEditor

1. Les Bleus! Everyone thought they knew the script. You all said New Zealand would win. Correct so far. You all said that France didn’t deserve to be there. Well no, guess they didn’t, but there they nonetheless were. You all said that it would be a walkover. Wrong.

Catastrophically, abysmally wrong.

France showed up on Grand Final night and produced an Eiffel Tower-raising performance. Now that’s especially amazing, since, despite my fear of stereotypes, I assume they all go through at least a pack a day?

2. Craig Joubert. There were a number of players who played quite well for the All Blacks, most of them hailing from New Zealand (bombshell). However, certainly one of the standouts for the Kiwis was South African referee Joubert, who, along with Richie McCaw, was a constant thorn in the French side all night.

Well done him.

3. Casey Stoner. Australian MotoGP rider Stoner has claimed his second world championship.

That’s it. There was going to be the standard sarcastic quip after that, most likely concerning the fact that he looks like a tranquilized meerkat. But it’s the MotoGP, and that just doesn’t warrant the time, effort, nor page space. Good job Casey Stoner 4. Manchester United. Beaten 6-1 by Manchester City. Beaten 6-1 by Manchester City at home.

Beaten 6-1 by Manchester City at home in a derby game between 1st and 2nd in the EPL. It’s so beautiful it’s very nearly poetic.

Oh and they lost 6-1.

5. Mario Balotelli. Italian Man City striker Balotelli recently had a spot of bother after he, with the help of some pals, managed to set fire to his own house. That’s slightly dumb, although perhaps understandable. How, you may wonder, did this innocent little mishap occur? Well, turns out they were setting off fireworks in his bathroom. That’s extremely dumb and made me fall off my chair in something resembling an epileptic fit.

7. Some random Czech PCL. Reportedly, a Czech football referee was so very sloshed during the match he was officiating that he took it upon himself to send off three players, from the same team, for no apparant reason. AND they had to keep playing because there is no official rule that prevents an intoxicated referee from taking charge of a match. Latest reports suggest that, pending termination of his career, the maligned official has applied for Johns XXIII.

6. The A-League. The A-league continues this week. I’ve heard some teams are doing well. That must be lovely.

8. Sydney Roosters. It appears as though the chooks have decided to sign Daniel Mortimer. Not to pre-judge, but it would seem as though things better than that decision include tuberculosis.

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9. My reader. It serves my ego occassionally to believe that there is, somewhere, remarkably, a person out there who has read team of the fortnight with something along the lines of regularity. To whomever you are, I say this: thankyou, and seek professional help, there’s clearly something not quite right with you. Mostly the thankyou thing though.

10. Now for my final thought.

This is the last team of the fortnight for the year, and it’s a chance to reflect upon what we’ve learnt together. The most poignant lesson? Sports stars are, as a rule of thumb, dumb. Extremely dumb. It’s almost unfair quite how dumb some of them are.

It’s a slight paradox though, for if they were not quite so dumb, then I would be short on material.

So, genetically blessed simpletons, I salute you for your gaffes, blunders, stuffups, and generally astounding level of social and professional dysfunctionality.

What would we do without you?

BACK PAGE

with Farz Edraki

YOU CAN’T REVIEW THAT! with JAMIE FREESTONE

Life The novel opens with a prologue called “Conception” wherein two inebriated characters have desultory sex following a blackout. Then we jump forward to a lurid set-piece involving blood, screaming and pain in which the main character, You, enters the world in one of the most grotesque literary introductions to a character since Snowden lay dying in the back.

The book has an interesting structure, with each day (a sentence) running fluidly, sometimes imperceptibly into the next; each week (a paragraph) containing at most one new idea; adding up to the 75 years (chapters) that contain the whole narrative. This was a bit long. 75 chapters is sort of a bit nineteenth century, somewhat Dickensian — and in fact Life is a bit Dickensian, with its eccentric minor characters, moral weightiness and throngs of poor people.

The early chapters get bogged down in the bodily functions of the idiotic lead, who sees the world like a character from a Faulkner novel. Chapters 5–12 are harder to recall, but made for pleasant reading, despite a barely perceptible, yet haunting feeling of dread. The tragi-comic sequence covering chapters 13–18 ranges from poignant to just uncomfortable to read, as You, surrounded by gawky and selfconscious peers, somehow manage to standout as even gawkier and more self-conscious.

Chapters 18–30 promised to be the most interesting but while the writing hinted at some revelatory insight, what we actually got was some pretty mediocre material about You trying to find themselves in university, Europe and hobby cooking — in that order. After a string of exploitative casual sexual trysts, You settle down with a demographi cally appropriate partner who doesn’t piss Your parents off too much and who has the same views on how frequently one should clean the fridge out. Then You propagate some side characters and the next ten chapters fly through a staccato sequence of barely conscious vignettes involving changing nappies, taking kids to soccer training and the occasional promotion at the inconsequential bureaucracy You settled for working at.

The middle passages were pretty dull, lacking the vibrancy and anticipation of the earlier chapters. They seemed mainly to be concerned with the drinking of wine, the renovating of bathrooms and the curating of superannuation schemes. The final section winds down and devolves into a repetitive, bucolic account of retirement in Somewhere Bay and makes for lazy holiday reading, until the agonising final few chapters which are poignant in their melancholy.The story ends with a whimper and while some people were hoping for an epilogue — there was none.

Some have called Life a sub-Joycean bildungsroman and it’s true that there wasn’t as much sex as one might hope for and there are long passages that simply devolve into maudlin self-reflection from the neurotic protagonist. But there are plenty of laughs all the way through and You, although flawed, is lovable. To anyone looking for an extended read I’d recommend Proust, of course, but Life always seems to get in the way whenever you try to read something really epic.

Better than non-existence.

ANSWERS TO CROSSWORD: ACROSS 2. Dingleberry 5.Boob 6.Numbnut 7.Douchebag DOWN 1. Nincompoop 3. Dolt 4. Dingbat 8. Chump

CROSSWORD SWEARWORD Historical insults.

1 2 3 4 5 6

7

8

Across 2. “Dear god Phillip, you’re acting like a _____.”

5. Silly or foolish.

6. Easily deceived.

7. An object used for female personal hygiene.

TOP FIVE

5

Down 1. A simpleton. Rhymes with “poop”.

3. A dully, heavy or stupid fellow.

4. Term used to describe an eccentric individual, or balls of dung on the buttocks of sheep or cattle.

Things Faster Than ANU Internet 5 The process of continental drifting.

4 A three-toed sloth.

3 Penny farthings.

2 An elderly lady running to catch the bus.

1 A three-toed sloth, riding a penny farthing.

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