Woroni: Edition 10, 2012

What Canberra Should Call Me, Maybe?

Man Hunting In Canberra

The Boss and Our Wayne

23

25

7

WORONI The Australian National University Newspaper Since 1948

Our Obsession With Obscure Olympic Sports 31

NO.10 VOL 64

AUG 20

University Holidays Under Siege GUS MCCUBBING

Palace Coup at UniLodge

VINCENT CHIANG

The UniLodge ResCom (Residents’ Committee) has been torn apart following the resignation of six key position-holders, including President, Treasurer, and Social Officer.

These circumstances have arisen following the apparent resignation of David Streamer, then President, who was removed after failing to fulfil the academic requirements of a scholarship linked to his position. Streamer has confirmed that UniLodge management rejected his offer to remain President on a voluntary basis, and that he was forcibly removed.

Immediately after Streamer’s removal, the UniLodge Treasurer, Arts Officer, Green Officer and Cultural officer also resigned. The Social Officer resigned prior to Bush Week, due to personal reasons.

This occurrence comes after a number of recent controversies concerning this year’s ResCom, including a rejected attempt by the committee to close meetings to the general UniLodge population, and the fact that ResCom does not yet have a constitution.

Residents have also expressed discontent with the ResCom’s general contributions to UniLodge life, which has been characterised as dry and lacking in community events.

“I didn’t even know what ResCom was,” said Andrew Gaffney, a first year currently residing at Kinloch Lodge, who is actively involved with a number of ANU student organisations.

“Apart from what my SR organises, there is virtually no social experience to speak of.”

More broadly, questions have been raised as to the extent to which UniLodge’s current state is a result of ResCom’s own inad-

equacies. A number of senior members of the UniLodge community have attacked the general competence of ResCom, including UniLodge SR Sam Guthrie, who delivered the following statement: “Personally, my experience of the 2012 Residents’ Committee has been disillusioning….The successes of 2011 haven’t been capitalised upon, and the opportunities presented by Lena Karmel missed; the committee has required stronger leadership, drive, passion, communication, direction, and professionalism all year.”

Guthrie also added to this: “It is my opinion that blame can only rest with the executive, as it would in any other organisation.

However, I must stress that I do not quesArticle continues on page 2

IT’S THE MOST CONTESTED ANUSA ELECTION IN YEARS DECIDE WHO CONTROLS YOUR MONEY AND SPEAKS OUT FOR YOUR UNI EXPERIENCE WE GIVE YOU THE LOWDOWN IN OUR SPECIAL ELECTION LIFTOUT P. 13

The University Education Committee has heard a proposal which would shorten semesters to twelve weeks ( in line with the Go8 institutions) and the mid-semester breaks to a single week.

This change was proposed as a result of a number of complaints from Colleges and Faculties. These included concern that there wasn’t enough time to mark exam papers before results had to be released.

The fact that examination management is nearing capacity was also raised as an issue It was highlighted that in the last eight years there has been a 41 percent increase in the number of students being formally examined at the end of Semester. It also mentioned the high percentage of ANU students in combined degrees would exacerbate the potential for clashes.

With examinations already being held on weekends and larger examination venues sources off campus proving more far more expensive without necessarily solving the issues, it was suggested that the only response was to reset the academic calendar.

However, there will no doubt be repercussions for many students should the Education Committee decide to follow through with this alteration. For example, the ability of clubs and societies to host events or trips would be significantly hampered.

Many students have also voiced concerns that the break is important for interstate students to return home and to finish assignments which are often scheduled to be due after mid-semester breaks.

Restructuring the calendar would require either a return to the 10-3 week, which has already been rejected, or a considerable reduction in the vacation periods. If approved, the restructure would be implemented from 2013, with an additional five days between the end of examinations and the return of results and the mid-year break extended to six weeks.

NEWS//2

Palace Coup at UniLodge

Article continued from page 1

tion their intention, only their execution.”

The ResCom executive has its own perspective on UniLodge’s difficulties.

When questioned, David Streamer expressed extreme dissatisfaction with his experience on ResCom, attacking the extent to which ResCom had to engage with “people who put [their own interests in] future ResCom/ANUSA/Union/other student elections ahead of ResCom’s interests.”

Streamer also critiqued the financial relationship the ResCom held with management.

“This whole community spirit programme funding is a joke,” Streamer stated. “Ashvin (the UniLodge Residential Life Manager)…has made it more difficult to access money with the increasing pile of policies and changes he’s introducing.

ResCom needs its own ABN and bank account as soon as possible and I’d highly recommend incorporation in the long run.”

“But only when ResCom has a proven record of professionalism and reliability, which

is still far from being achieved,” he reflected.

Reports have also arisen that the ResCom was only deprived of funding due to an incident where it was handed over $10,000 and did not provide any receipts to management.

As for the future, all is not lost for UniLodge just yet. Plans are currently being made to appoint the vacant positions for UniLodge ResComm, although a proposal to hold early elections for the 2013 committee was rejected. A student committee facilitated by UniLodge Management has also been active in attempting to establish a constitution. A finalised document is yet to be confirmed.

In the mean time, previous UniLodge Secretary Michelle Pereira is acting President of UniLodge ResCom, and interim officers have been appointed for most of the vacant positions. Woroni has heard that the 2011 ResCom executive has also been asked to return.

Business Unhappy Over Increased Food Safety Regulation

SHAN-VERNE LIEW

Food safety has become a substantial concern in the ACT, as newly released documents point to an increase in the number of responses to food safety violations.

The documents, which were released to the public in response to an unindentified Freedom of Information (FOI) request, show that the number of prohibition orders sent to ACT restaurants for food safety violations has increased from nine in 2010 to 42 in 2011.

Prohibition orders prevent businesses from handling food until food safety regulations are complied with.

By 30 March, the documents show that 18 prosecution briefs relating to food safety violations had also been submitted for consideration in 2012, while an additional 28 were being prepared.

My Café, Gus’ Café, Blu Ginger, Jewel of India in Civic, Café Garema, Prince Palace, Belconnen Halal Market and Kingsley’s Chickens were among the restaurants that had been issued with closure notices, according to the documents.

Health Protection Service director John Woollard told ABC that food safety violations become even more problematic in situations where restaurants are in breach of numerous safety requirements.

“Vermin infestations, rats, mice, cockroaches, through to filthy businesses, tem-

perature control where foods aren’t maintained at the correct temperature, a lack of hand washing facility, those sorts of things,” he said.

The increase in food safety activity has prompted the ACT Government to consider new regulations on food businesses, including a requirement for businesses to display a food safety rating at their venue.

The proposed requirement has attracted substantial criticism from restaurant and business owners, who have complained that food safety ratings would be detrimental and lack credibility.

“The ACT Government would need to employ the equivalent of nine full time employees dedicated solely to undertaking inspections. This raises issues of consistency in the assessments undertaken and the need for inspectors to be field assessed,” stated a submission from the Australian Food and Grocery Council.

Government groups have generally been more supportive of the scheme.

“Consumers will use the rating to consider where they dine. A more transparent regulatory system will provide consumers with confidence in the regulatory system and subsequently in the food system,” stated a submission from the Queensland Government’s Food Safety Policy and Regulation Unit.

Musical chairs on Union Board with newly elected Proctor set to jet off NAKUL LEGHA

After the election of four new student representatives to the Union Board last week, it appears more changes are likely with the revelation that Board member elect and current ANUSA President Dallas Proctor is planning to study abroad in Semester 1, 2013.

Dallas Proctor of Back To The Future was elected behind Jack Gracie of Fresh and Aizaz Syed of Grow Your Union, with the crucial post-graduate position won by Olivia Kelly of Grow Your Union by a considerable margin.

The elections saw a total of 1147 votes submitted by ANU students over four days.

However, it appears Dallas Proctor may only serve four months of his two year term which begins in September after receiving an offer from the ANU to study abroad on exchange. Mr Proctor failed to disclose this to voters despite receiving his offer well before Union elections took place.

Mr Proctor disagreed when asked by Woroni whether this was disrespectful to students who had elected him in good faith that he would complete his full term. “I think a 4-5 month deadline serves as excellent motiva-

tion for getting things done fast,” he said.

If he resigns, the appointment of his replacement will be at the discretion of the highly factionalised Board. Whilst this appointment may not necessarily reflect the platform Mr Proctor ran on, he told Woroni he believed: “I have a mandate on the back of the Back to the Future brand – a mandate that can (and should) be transferred to another Back To The Future candidate down the track.”

It is understood his running mate Tom Barrington-Smith would be next in line though the Board is under no constitutional obligations to follow Mr Proctor’s “mandate”.

Present Chair of the Union Board, Michael Hiscox, told Woroni: “Dallas is a respected member of our campus community and I’m sure that the Board would take into consideration his recommendation on who should take his place.”

It is likely that current Board member and former Grow Your Union candidate Xinyu Ru will become the next Chair of the Union Board with the election of two candidates from his ticket in these elections.

Correction Due to the unfortunate placement of sentences, “State of the Union Under Attack As Elections Begin” published in Edition 9 incorrectly implied that Fresh’s statement to

EDITORIAL BOARD Liv Clark Farz Edraki Nakul Legha Yasmin Masri Gus McCubbing Lisa Visentin Cam Wilson Dan Rose

Woroni about the prior political involvement of its candidates was in direct response to questions about its close connections to the Stimulate ticket. This was not the case.

SUB EDITORS

Interested? Apply!

Shan-Verne Liew Gareth Robinson Vincent Chiang Jess Millen Josh Chu-Tan Ben Henschke Fergus Hunter Maggie Thompson

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NEWS// 3 Union Politburo Fails on Accountability CAM WILSON

Residential Accommodation in Crisis WILLIAM GORT

The ANU executive entered into discussions with student leaders at ANU residential Halls about rent prices for 2013 and beyond.

ANU’s residential Halls, Burton and Garran Hall, Ursula Hall, Bruce Hall, Fenner Hall and Toad Hall are university owned buildings which are operated by the University. Most of these Halls were built around the 1950’s and 60’s. These Halls provide a minimum standard of accommodation, for a relatively low cost, with strong pastoral, academic and social communities.

Past university policies to keep rent low have pushed back significant maintenance and upgrades to the Halls. As a result the university has identified a maintenance backlog costing approximately $60 million for all the Halls combined. This is in comparison to a complete knock-down and rebuild option of well over $200 million.

These maintenance projects can be categorized as “life safety” issues, “livability improvements” and general backlog maintenance. The “life safety” issues are essential upgrades to Hall facilities to meet new building standards and address serious risks to life, these total around $5 million.

In order to fully fund these projects, rent would have to increase by almost 50% over a period of a few years. Residents and the University acknowledge that this is an unrealistic cost pressure for students to bear.

To better inform discussions on what is an acceptable and appropriate tariff to charge the ANU, the Interhall Council of Presidents from Residential Committees at each Hall commissioned a survey on cost of living pressures. Just over 700 students across all the residential Halls and Colleges responded to the survey

The data indicated that between 45%‐52% of student income is spent on accommodation (not including food at catered halls). According the the ABS, in Australia, “housing stress” is often measured as 30% of income spent on housing costs. Based on that benchmark these figures suggest many ANU residential students are suffering housing stress.

Almost half of all respondents have less than $50 per week after deducting essential living costs, such as rent, bills and food; 38% of respondents nominated they frequently found it difficult to fund essential study items, such as textbooks; and almost all respondents (97%) indicate they worry about money.

Of the two-thirds of residents who receive payments from their family, only one‐third were comfortable with it.

Residents were asked to respond to the item “ANU Accommodation is value for money”. The highest agreement rating (41%) for Burton and Garran Hall (B&G) ($175 weekly tariff) and the highest disagreement rating (68%) at UniLodge (~$226 weekly tariff). This is interesting since the accommodation at Unilodge is of a significantly higher quality than at B&G. The overwhelming majority of residents (63%) indicated they were not willing to pay for any increase to weekly tariffs. With one of the most common responses being that they cannot afford it and would have to work more hours.

These results support the ANUSA survey conducted last year which showed that many students’ academic results are harmed by high cost of living pressures. Furthermore, it shows that most students in residential accommodation desire residential Hall style accommodation at least cost.

The difficulty facing students and the uni-

versity now is to find a way to fund necessary improvements to these run-down buildings without driving out important demographics from the Halls, destroying their important communities.

The university maintains that the Halls should operate on an “user pays” basis, however student leaders believe that the university plays an important role in maintaining its own infrastructure and that current resident shouldn’t pay for the mistakes of past administrations. Students leaders do not see any need for increases in rent to pay for poor management by the university. They believe it will not be in line with equity policies, it will not be a financially viable policy in the long term and it will lower academic and living standards at the ANU for the on campus undergraduate community. These Halls provide incredibly important pastoral and academic support to students coming interstate and overseas to study in Australia. By driving rent up many students will miss out on this valuable experience.

Currently the university is considering a 6% tariff increase for 2013 which, on top of the 8% increase last year, amounts to an increase of $25 a week over two years. A massive shock for students on low incomes. Unfortunately the university does not seem willing to pursue other, more equitable, sources of funding for the project.

The outcome of these discussions will most likely be announced within the next few weeks.

If you live at a Hall of residence and want to find out more or have your say, contact your Residential Committee President.

As potential candidates for the ANU Union Board bombarded Union Court, barely twenty students attended the Union Board’s Annual General Meeting on Wednesday 8th August. Held in the depths of the Union building at 6pm, it offered one of the rare opportunities for its student members to directly interact with their elected officials.

Advertised as an event meant to “report to members on the Union’s activities over the previous year”, the meeting narrowly managed to reach quorum. Of the seven student directors, six were present in addition to three Union employees who remained quiet for most of the proceedings.

Chairperson of the Union Board, Michael Hiscox, ran the meeting at a breakneck pace, pushing through the agenda items in just seven minutes. Items such as the 2011 financial audit, minutes of the previous meetings and even his own annual report were taken “as read”, and were passed unquestioned – with Mr Hiscox barely looking up to check for consensus or even asking for abstentions.

Attendees were expected to have read and understood complicated financial documents in a matter of minutes.

After pushing through the agenda items, Mr Hiscox, who seemed to have surprised even himself with how quickly the meeting had gone, opened it up to the floor for questions.

Current Union elections issues were brought up. One student asked about whether Back to the Future candidate-elect Dallas Proctor would have a conflict of interest with his current position as ANUSA President to receive a curt reply of “not sure”. Another director, Sam Stapleton, said the board could ask Proctor to sit out, adding that any time discussion presented a potential conflict.

Tempers flared when asked about the vacancy on the Board, which was left empty for several months after Joel Dennerley jetted overseas for exchange and the subsequent appointment of previous Director, Ben Duggan. Stapleton admitted that there were no provisions to out ineffective, or absent directors. When pressed on why there had been a director absent on exchange who was allowed to keep serving, Mr Hiscox snapped that it would be “unprofessional” for a board to push for his resignation.

Further questions were asked about why Mr Duggan, who had acted unconstitutionally as Director in 2011 by failing to hold monthly board meetings, was reinstated over other applicants and whether there were any independent consultants involved in the process.

More information was given on the promised constitutional changes. The board has created a “constitutional review committee” to draft new sections or alter existing sections of the Union constitution, which several directors admitted was outdated. Students, according to Hiscox, will have input when they vote on the changes at a special general meeting, needing a two thirds majority to pass. The meeting itself has a quorum requirement of 100 members (five times the number they struggled to get on Wednesday night).

The current Union Board has been criticised for their lack of transparency and sluggishness to react to student needs.

COMMENT// 4

TWO MINUTES WITH Steve Foley, Head of John XXIIII College Educational background?

I did Arts & Law. My Arts degree is from UQ. I started Law at Queen’s University Belfast but completed at QUT in Brisbane.

What was your go to student meal when at uni?

I still find it hard to say no to a kebab.

If you were a student and didn’t get into Johns, what college would be your next choice?

It’d be hard to settle for a second best; I’d probably look for a share house (my colleagues up and down Daley Road know I mean that kindly).

What was your wildest moment while at university?

I note we only have two minutes, but after a quick visit to UQ you will see that there are no buildings named after me. I recall that I had more than one overdue library book fine.

What is one thing Johns residents should know about you but don’t?

I have a picture of the Phantom on my shaving mirror.

Favourite species of bird?

Pelican.

Favourite place to “hide the poo”?

You might ask that question of our growing ranks of alumni.

Which would you rather: raft down Sullivan’s creek or to find a dead pig in your bed?

The agony of choice. Could I just say that after consulting the J23 horoscope I see evidence of neither in our future.

What do you envision your college legacy at J23 will be?

I’d like it to be that the John’s community continues engaging with the broader university by further enhancing J23’s renown for academic success and social justice in a space where all collegians continue to know they are safe, valued and respected.

ROSS TAN

Red Tide

Since earning a world record in the 400m individual medley, China’s swimmer Ye Shiwen has been dogged by implications of doping, despite a lack of evidence.

Within China, the implication has been regarded as an attack by foreign media on the country’s achievements, at a time when xenophobic sentiment in China is already high.

The 16 year-old immediately came under fire from BBC commentator Clare Balding.

Executive director of the World Swimming Coaches Association, John Leonard, described Ye’s performance as “outrageous”, “disturbing” and “impossible”. “The Chinese have a doping history”, he said. “That is just history. That’s fact.”

The probing has unleashed a wave of furious and passionate indignation within China.

“The Western media have always been arrogant and suspicious of Chinese people,” Ye’s father said to Chinese news portal Tencent.

China’s state-run media outlets have followed suit by attacking Western media for unfair bias and cynicism towards a Chinese swimmer’s success.

On Weibo, which is China’s equivalent of Twitter, the solidarity has manifested itself into a meme. “Ye Shiwen = Yes she wins,” states the webpage. Other online users have attacked perceived Western jealousy and bias against Chinese athletes, and have demanded an apology from Leonard.

Lee Kaifu, the former president of Google China, went so far as to post Mr. Leonard’s home address to his 15 million followers. He later deleted the post and apologised.

This incident follows several months of rising anti-foreigner sentiment in China, and exposes a mutual cynicism and lack of trust between China and the West.

In early May, online video footage of a British man allegedly assaulting a Chinese woman, and another video of a Russian cellist cursing a Chinese woman on a train, generated a wave of anti-foreign sentiment from China’s online community.

On May 15, the Chinese government announced a 100-day crackdown on “illegal foreigners” in Beijing involving random spotchecks. The announcement was greeted with enthusiasm on Weibo. CCTV host Yan Rui further stirred tension by commenting on

Weibo that China should kick out “foreign trash”.

Foreign students living in China have reported a palpable increase in hostility from isolated groups and individuals. An exceptional number of violent incidents between Chinese and foreigners took place in Beijing over the summer.

With slowing economic growth, rising social tension and a few awkward international incidents, some have speculated that the rising xenophobia has been instigated by the Chinese government, which is seeking to cement control before the Communist Party power transition at the end of this year.

China has grappled with the uneasy tension between Western influence, and a rising, somewhat jingoistic, nationalism. The relationship may be taking an ugly turn, and Western media’s commotion over China’s new superstar has fanned the flames of antiforeign sentiment in China.

Want your creative work to be seen or read by thousands across campus?

Woroni is putting together a one-of-a-kind Creative Supplement and we need your work!

Poetry, Short Stories, Art and Photography are all welcome.

Email us at: contact@woroni.com.au

COMMENT//5

Mission to Mars IN THE LAB

ELEANOR CAMPBELL

Earth. NASA launched its second successful mission to Mars in 1996, with Pathfinder and its on-board microwave-oven-sized robot companion Sojourner landing on Mars in 1997. Sojourner was the first wheeled robot on Mars. It rolled around and collected images and data that suggested that Mars was once an ideal location for life to develop, being warm and covered in water.

It wasn’t until 2001 that the Mars Odyssey probe discovered ice under Mars’s dusty surface. This was the first physical evidence of water on another planet. Twin rovers Spirit and Opportunity landed on Mars in 2003 and found further evidence of the planet’s ancient waterways, including mineral deposits associated with free-flowing water. In 2008, the Phoenix rover observed snow falling from Martian clouds. Now it’s Curiosity’s turn to find some microbial life in amongst all that Martian water.

Curiosity is about three metres long and weighs 900 kilograms, with a top speed of 90 metres per hour. It’s equipped with 17 cameras and an array of instruments for analysing the content of mineral and soil samples.

Its objectives include identifying traces of chemicals that could indicate life, determining how soil and rocks were formed, and establishing a time-scale for the development of the Martian atmosphere by measuring levels of carbon dioxide and other gases. Curiosity will be spending two lonely years on Mars, before shutting down. If the rover finds evidence of life, we’ll know that Mars could well be an environment in which humans could survive. It seems like the stuff of science fiction, but manned missions to Mars might not be too far behind Curiosity’s trailblazing.

If you were lucky enough to be streaming the footage of the United States’ National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) control room on the afternoon of 6th August, you would’ve witnessed scientists dancing, hugging, high-fiving and crying with joy.

They had every reason to be over the moon.

Their US$2.5 billion Mars Science Laboratory rover, Curiosity, had just survived a deceleration from 21,000 kilometres per hour to sit comfortably stationary in a dusty crater, hundreds of millions of kilometres away from Earth. Getting to Mars is expensive and labour-intensive, but the data Curiosity will send back to Earth could change our understanding of life in the universe.

It’s a long and difficult journey to the Red Planet, which varies from about 50 million to 400 million kilometres from Earth, depending on both planets’ orbits. Since the 1960s, NASA, the former Soviet Union and now Russia have been launching satellites and landers in the general direction of Mars, but out of 39 launches, only 20 have reached their destination. Of those 20 successes, seven have been actual landings on the planet’s surface. The other 13 were satellite missions that You can follow Curiosity on Twitter, @Marprovided images of the Martian surface from sCuriosity, or you can find Curiosity’s abusive low orbits. alter ego, @MarsCuroisity. Both are worth In 1976, NASA’s Viking 1 landed on Mars your time. and sent back the first images from the surface of the planet - in fact, the first images from the surface of any planet other than

Each edition, the best letter to the editor will win a kilo of roasted ground coffee from Two Before Ten. Send letters to contact@woroni.com.au Dear Woroni, In the latest issue of Woroni (No. 9 Vol. 64, August 7), Mr. Kinyua suggested that the Olympic spirit reeked more of napalm, rather than loftier virtues like determination, courage and friendship.

He commenced by excoriating the price tag of the Olympics, with spending of $18 billion significantly exceeding an initial $3.5 billion budget. But bear in mind that for any large project, things never go according to plan. The UK government tripled its first budget to $14.5 billion after failing to get private financing for the main site. The security budget doubled last year as a review found that an extra 14, 000 personnel were required. Cost overruns for Olympic Games, while lamentable, are hardly unprecedented, with the Athens games costing 60% more than projected.

It’s true that a profitable Olympics isn’t guaranteed. But what it’ll definitely do is create a lasting legacy of improved transport infrastructure and sporting facilities that’ll continue long after the games’ conclusion. The goal is that five of the athletics facilities under construction will remain in use once the games end.

Mr. Kinyua then lambasted companies like Dow Chemicals as morally depraved institutions. Without insulting any of the victims, it’s erroneous to suggest that because an Olympic sponsor acquired a company that produced napalm 40 years

ago, that they’re engaged in the ultimate moral depravity.

Were we to employ Mr. Kinyua’s logic, why stop there? British Airways was fined $92 million this year for price-fixing.

The BP oil spill disaster in 2010 caused extensive damage to marine and wildlife habitats in the Gulf of Mexico. These companies are sponsors too.

Finally, Mr. Kinyua questioned whether the largest security operation post-WWII was justified. I would certainly think so.

Don’t forget the 1972 Munich Olympics, when 11 Israelis were killed by Palestinian terrorists.

Or the 2005 London bombings, which took 52 lives the day after London won the Olympic bid.

The Olympics is one of the biggest events worldwide. It brings together spectators, politicians, celebrities and athletes from across the planet. Any attack would be calamitous not only for any victims, but also for the city’s reputation. I’d rather err on the side of caution.

The Olympics is the ultimate celebration of sporting excellence. I’ve enjoyed watching athletes compete in sports like badminton and handball. I hope you’ve enjoyed watching too – not uncritically, but with an appreciation that the Olympics are a celebration of human values.

Regards, Andaleeb Akhand

Dear Woroni editors, This is just a small note to say thank you for publishing consistently great, frequent issues of Woroni. I thoroughly enjoy reading them, and appreciate the effort you as a team have put into recreating the newspaper. The new Woroni adds significantly to campus life and connects students in a way that previous years of Woroni just haven’t.

The quality increase has been incredible, and I hope that future year’s keep up standards and frequency of the paper.

Letter of the week

Thanks again, Katelyn

Confirm or Deny Pro Vice-Chancellor Liz Deane has announced her resignation from the end of August. Ms. Deane is leaving her position as Pro Vice-Chancellor (Learning, Teaching and Students), being just one and a half years into her five-year contract. Odd timing? We think so. We hear she was “strongly encouraged” (for want of a better phrase) to politely depart the University.

Rumours have been flying around ANU that the real reason behind Liz Deane’s

“resignation” from the Chancelry is that she is the true culprit behind Canberra-basedTumblr, #WhatShouldCanberraCallMe. The Chancelry refused to comment on this issue.

As much as we’d like it to be the case, we don’t think Lizzie is responsible for the gossip blog. Woroni has been informed by several sources that the true culprits are several ANU students living in a certain sharehouse on Limestone Ave.

COMMENT// 6

The Dark Side of American Politics THOMAS GOLDIE

Arts in Academia

NICHOLAS STRAUS

It is time to cease the experiment. Over the past decades, many Australian music schools merged into Arts Faculties across Australia: Tasmania in 1981, Sydney in 1990, the Elder and Queensland Conservatories in 1991 and Canberra in 1992. The VCA fell much later, in 2007. These mergers were part of the “Dawkins Revolutions”, in which Hawke’s Education minister John Dawkins also introduced HECS and converted all the Colleges of Advanced Education into Universities.

Suddenly, the conservatory was forced to act as a constituent department in a hostile environment.

We all know by now that conservatory education is far more expensive than most university courses. This is true across the world, and various solutions have been found. Harvard maintains its music faculty by running large (and admittedly shallow) courses for undergraduates not majoring in the field.

Eastman simply charges undergraduates $US 50,000 per year, allowing them to boast one of the most prominent faculties in the US. Australia has not been as clever as those overseas. There are no more than a handful of people studying music courses that are not music majors, and obviously the School cannot set its own tuition fees. The logic of having tenured ‘lecturers’ (I use quotation marks, because none of them deliver courses in the usual sense of the word) on senior academic salaries simply to teach a few hours a week, and then perhaps supervise a chamber music group or group class is questionable. In effect, the ANU is subsidising these staff to do very little that is measurable in terms of student outcomes.

The school and the university are fairly immiscible. Since the merger in 1992, students do not need college-level education or a tertiary entrance mark to enrol. Yet they are able

to enrol in electives across the university.

A lecturer has commented to me in private about the appalling nature of some students’ academic ability. No music student would deny that many fail courses, especially Languages that are required for singing majors.

The new structure assumes an ATAR of at least 80 for admission.

The proposal for the School of Music would make it resemble most other departments in the College of Arts and Social Sciences (CASS). Greater emphasis will be placed on inquiry and research – i.e. knowledge. Isn’t the concept of a university qualification for performance a bit odd? There is no guarantee of acquired skills or concepts in graduates from the old structure. Many students are graduating to discover that they have few core skills that may be transferred to a variety of professions – at least a graduate in English or History will have some experience in writing. This is not to deny that music students are learning, just that they cannot prove that they have learnt anything.

This raises further questions about other Arts programmes in the university. Is the place of a university to ‘teach’ Visual Arts or Drama? These are not similar to Public Policy or Classics or indeed any other fields at the ANU. The conservatory is a 19th century invention – previously students studied under a master-apprentice model for a lot longer than three years. Pretending that a three year programme with weekly lessons is the path to elite musicianship is a fantasy.

If the Creative Arts schools were separated from CASS, either into professional schools or stand-alone institutions, they would be able to change their funding structure to escape the HECS model, and who knows, they might even break even.

American politics has a right wing bent that surpasses any similar tendency in all other comparable developed nations. It has some of the lowest marginal tax rates, the stingiest welfare safety net and the lowest public healthcare of any OECD country. Rather than converging toward the European/Canadian/Australian norm, the USA has drifted further onto the extreme right in recent years with the rise of hardline libertarianism as the raison d’etre of the Republican Party. What could be so different in the United States that makes its social model so radically different to all other developed countries?

In the end it becomes hard to avoid a seemingly simplistic conclusion: race politics. It is a radical distinguishing feature of the United States compared to all other developed nations. The USA is over 30% Black and Hispanic. Most other comparable nations are far more ethnically homogenous. This also explains how the ascent of Barack Obama to the presidency has so radically inflamed libertarian tendencies.

This theory does not suppose that libertarians are racists; nor does it criticise the academic merits of libertarianism. This is instead a criticism of the Republican Party, which sees radical libertarianism as an effective vehicle to drive a wedge deep into the thick of American race relations in the hope of cementing a white majority.

So how do these two disparate concepts relate: ethnic homogeneity and economic policy? My theory is that the resentment the white working class feels about paying taxes toward welfare payments is a manifestation of race resentment. It is difficult to avoid diagnosing this as the problem when listening to the Republican candidate debates. Newt Gingrich, America’s paragon of dog-whistle politics, too often discussed the poor welfarereceiving masses in a way that sounded suspiciously like race baiting. Similarly, it was difficult to figure out how Republican antitax hysteria fitted with Michelle Bachmann’s call for the poor to pay “their fair share” of taxes without concluding that she was playing to white resentment of perceived unfair-

ness regarding minorities. Indeed, a majority of Republican primary voters reported that “positive discrimination” toward minority groups was more of a problem than racism when surveyed.

This race baiting precipitates a shift in discourse whereby whites, even poor ones, associate themselves with wealth and minorities with welfare. This works for a few reasons.

Firstly, it’s true to a fairly significant extent that America’s minorities are much poorer than whites generally. But it’s very easy to convince people that they are part of a hardworking middle class. Indeed, how many people have you met that aren’t convinced they’re middle class? This narrative of transfers from white to black is the kind of simplistic intellectual junk food that wedge politics feeds off. It also shoehorns nicely into existing prejudices about the nefarious motives of the “liberal elite”. Thus the Grand Old Party offers the perfect solution: no more taxes, no more welfare.

This bitter racial divide is highlighted in voter behaviour. The Democrats have not won the white male vote since Lyndon Johnson, and in recent times the racial divide in American politics has become ever more stark. In the 2008 election in North Carolina for example, Obama took virtually the entire African-American vote, while McCain took almost 70% of the white vote. In Mississippi, McCain took over 90% of the white vote, with Obama matching that figure for the AfricanAmerican vote. It should come as no surprise that these particularly extreme figures come from that old hotbed of racial conflict, the American South. Indeed Republicans have facilitated this process even further by gerrymandering congressional districts for the specific purpose of dividing voters along racial lines.

Viewed through this lens, it’s hard not to become just a bit more bitter about America’s devastatingly shallow and hysterical political conversation. But I for one can no longer avoid hearing an insidious undercurrent of racism.

7 God Is Not Dead MEI GODFREY-YIK

The Boss Rocks the Boat

While the Coalition castigates Swan for idolizing Springsteen’s music, Alessandro Moliterno believes there is a place for music in politics.

Some of you may remember the slight stink that was kicked up a few weeks ago when federal Treasurer Wayne Swan paid tribute to Bruce Springsteen as a primary source of his political ideals. Mr Swan copped a surprising amount of flak for these comments. There were two main responses: Clive Palmer said that he didn’t need to look beyond Australian music for inspiration, and Shadow Treasurer Joe Hockey argued that music is entertainment and not a legitimate source of political values. Great: a xenophobe and a philistine.

In response to the speech, Mr Hockey remarked: “It says everything about this government that it is guided by the principles of a rock singer,” and “If that’s the right benchmark we may as well have Glenn A. Baker and Molly Meldrum running the country.”

Mr Hockey stated that to him music was simply “entertainment” and pointed instead to thinkers and politicians of the past, such as J. S. Mill, Adam Smith and Robert Menzies as his sources of inspiration.

Interestingly, it wasn’t Springsteen’s political values themselves that were derided (for example, he supports marriage equality while the coalition does not). Nor were they the arguments put forward by Mr Swan, who condemned Gina Rinehart and Clive Palmer for using their wealth to influence politics beyond the means of an ordinary citizen, while championing a rock star who arguably does the same thing. In fact what was targeted was the very idea that music is anything more than just entertainment.

Leaving aside the snobbish undertone of Mr Hockey’s comments (as though someone would need to read Mill in order to form real

values), they are frightfully dull, and demonstrative of the coalition’s attitude towards culture and the arts. It seems rather strange that in a country that prides itself on its relative lack of class boundaries and a strong working people’s culture, a politician would be ridiculed for deriving his values from the lyr-

Rock… [is] inseparably linked with political struggles, from the civil rights movement in sixties America, through Rock Against Racism in seventies Britain to Live 8 in more recent years. ics of a rock musician. It also shows a striking ignorance of the fact that great thinkers from Plato to Nietzsche and beyond have seen music as fundamentally important to human affairs. It’s a part of what makes us human and what makes life bearable, and is therefore essentially connected with politics.

Rock and obviously other genres have been almost inseparably linked with political struggles from the civil rights movement in sixties America, through Rock Against Racism in seventies Britain to Live 8 in more recent years. Think of the frequent attempts by governments worldwide to censor or downplay the role of music, because it was

seen as a threat. And of course there’s the good old national anthem that, theoretically, expresses a country’s history and values in song form. Music has been used to celebrate victory or commemorate defeat, as a forum for criticism and commentary, as a manifesto, and it is particularly effective simply because it sounds good and therefore accesses our emotional side. Queue Springsteen.

He is a musician who has not shied away from activism outside of his music, but his fans will also point you towards the human quality of his songs (Bobby Jean, Born in the USA), their capacity to make ordinary life seem magical (Thunder Road, Rosalita come out tonight), not to mention demonstrating wisdom and a sense of fun (Badlands, Glory Days). In other words, he is loved for the values and principles that his music expresses.

And these values stand and fall independently of who expresses them. Apart from the obvious fact that culture both reflects and informs our engagement with the world and each other, it shouldn’t matter where one finds values. It is what they are that does matter.

Regardless of whether Mr Swan’s actions in his role as a senior politician reflect the values he claims to have picked up from Springsteen, we as citizens could hardly fail to benefit from a few more musical values in politics. Once again Joe Hockey has missed the point, but if he wishes to rectify this he should probably go into the nearest record store and buy Greetings From Asbury Park NJ and find out what he’s been missing.

I believe that the Christian world-view is intellectually credible and existentially satisfying.

I can’t possibly convey why to you in a poster, but a 700 word opinion piece might provide a more viable option.

The very idea that a religious belief, which must by definition require some kind of faith, could be intellectually reasonable may seem ridiculous to many people. However, the Bible calls Christians to be ready to give an answer for the hope that they have in Christ, indicating that there should be clear and identifiable reasons for the faith that we have.

I don’t believe that Christianity is incompatible with science, or our understanding of history. The bible does not provide a microbe-level account of how God created the universe, and while some Christians believe that the world was created in six literal days, many Christians believe that Darwinian evolutionary theory is consistent with the Bible.

Being a Christian does not necessarily blind a person to the wonderful discoveries of science. In fact, many Christians believe that science, the ability to systematically break down and analyse parts of our world, is a gift from God, and that the complexity and sheer improbability of our universe points to the existence of God. Of course Christians believe in the resurrection of Jesus, which is physically impossible. But if I believe in a God who can begin a universe from nothing, I can believe that God could raise a man from the dead.

Initially, I didn’t have a problem reducing the world to randomly colliding atoms. But the more I came to terms with the pointlessness of my own existence, the less the world made sense to me as a whole. If I’m just a selfish animal hell-bent on reproduction, why do I have an appreciation for music and art, and things that can only be described as beautiful? How could I explain things like self-sacrifice, or the fulfilment I experience when I stumble upon a hidden talent and think “perhaps I was made for this?” The Christian world-view allows me to see that I was made by God to achieve his purposes. It explains why I struggle with selfish desires, and why I need to be reconciled to God. It helps me to make sense of the unshakeable feeling deep in my core that there must be a reason for this beautiful but broken world.

You may disagree with me in every aspect of what I’ve raised. I’d love to talk to you about it. If you convinced me that the Christian world-view is intellectually untenable and existentially disappointing, you would certainly make my friends and family a lot more comfortable. I’ll be at the HA Tank on Thursdays from 1-2pm. But I’ve tried to be honest in this piece, and maybe you need to be honest too. Is your current world-view intellectually credible, and existentially satisfying?

For the opportunity to ruthlessly interrogate Christians on their worldview, please come along to one of the Focus Think Week events, until 17 August, or join us in the HA Tank from 1-2pm on Thursdays.

COMMENT// 8

Poor State of the Union

Union elections are characterized by lazy policy direction when what they really need is some business rationale.

STUART FERRIE ‘Twas the night of Union Board election And the students gathered ‘round With How-To-Votes and pamphlets And slogans ringing loud Perhaps you pref ’renced Fresh as first, Labor hackery aside, Their plans for salad and cheaper beer That got you on their side?

Or maybe you chose House Grow-YourUnion Who have ‘Liberally’ proclaimed unaffiliation Their promise of Grill’d burgers What drew your acclamation?

But then again the past is present And our future is presently to be past Was Back to the Future, with steady hands, For whom your vote was cast?

As the votes are made, the ballots counted One thing is plainly clear And it’s this great moral, this gem of truth That I’ll leave for you just here: Who gives a flying fuck?

I am writing this as the ANU Union Board election is underway. I do not know who has won, and quite frankly I am not sure I care. I do not normally consider myself particularly “disillusioned” or “disengaged”. But I felt (a) pathetic about this election. That is until I re-

alised that my scorn is due to the emptiness of the election itself; with poor policies that ignore the bigger issue of the sustainability of businesses on campus.

Quite frankly, the range of “policies” was just plain sad. The bids to bring more food outlets to campus are merely cosmetic differences between the three groups. The perception of limited ideas wasn’t helped when all 3 tickets bickered over a $1 difference in the price of beer when textbooks cost over $100 a pop. Finally, given that groups have to bribe students with lollies just to get us to take a pamphlet, I’m sceptical of promises to increase OGMs and OGM participation. However it is the first of these concerns that I think is a bigger issue.

To bring another food outlet (burgers, salads, whatever) on campus is strange and potentially damaging to existing businesses. I might be a first year Arts student who’s a bit sketchy with maths, but I like to believe I know some basic economic principles.

ANU is an exceptionally difficult market to do business in: students are only on campus

for approximately 28 out of 52 weeks in a year and the demographic has one of the lowest disposable incomes out of any social category in Australia. The number of students living in fully-catered accommodation and the proximity of the city with a greater range of products and better prices further suppresses demand on campus outlets. The businesses that do well on campus either have a fixed customer base (customers at God’s at Hedley Bull are mostly fulltime academic staff) or have enough of a reputation to attract non-ANU customers (Boffins, The Fellows, Teatro Vivaldi). The anecdotal evidence I have from an ex-employee at Zambrero’s is that the ANU store is the lowest grossing of any of the Canberran franchises.

The incredibly high prices of the bakery are evidence that the demand is simply too low for businesses to make a reasonable profit.

To bring in yet more competition will increase supply further, reducing profits for all.

Anyone can easily counter me on these points because we simply do not know the data. No surveys of businesses, cost benefit analyses

Growth may be part of the Union’s ethos, that growth does not have to be in purely quantitative terms. Investing in current union assets and ensuring the success of current businesses should be the catch-cry of the day.

or general study of the business model of the Union appears to have been done (although, as a mere first year, I may be wrong on this), but I certainly don’t see the current businesses being all-too-happy about more competition.

As softie-Leftie I took some mild satisfaction when Grow was forced to distance itself from any affiliations to the Liberal Party because it shows how toxic being “right-wing” can be at ANU. But it is becoming clear to me that fiscal responsibility, accountable governance and a conservative approach to Union growth (all watch-words for the dreaded Liberal-National hacks) are needed. To overextend Union resources and threaten business competitiveness at a time like this is dangerous. While growth may be part of the Union’s ethos, that growth does not have to be in purely quantitative terms. Investing in current Union assets (and I mean actual investment, not a dollar off beer) and ensuring the success of current businesses should be the catch-cry of the day.

I understand that this is the wrong side of the election to make such a bold statement.

Also, I now realise somewhat embarrassingly that I’ve made a very political statement about being apolitical. But with Student Association elections just around the corner and an increasingly dysfunctional Union, I cannot let this furphy of an election slip by without a word or two about its deeper implications.

But that’s just me. Maybe you don’t give a flying fuck? After all, it’s only your money being spent on your university, right?

e ,

Australian Universities Not Well Endowed Prof. Hilmer’s calls for the liberalisation of Australian tertiary education might be pertinent, but cannot pretend our universities will ever compete with the Ivy League or Oxbridge.

LUKE MANSILLO

Recently Prof Fed Hilmer, the Chancellor s of UNSW, came to visit Canberra to speak . at the National Press Gallery. He came not - to praise the government but to decry it. f Now all governments need to be checked, critiqued and criticised for their actions or ” a lack thereof, but for what the Chancellor o is decrying, the general student population - should have some reservations.

- Hilmer has declared Australian universities d are on a precipice; underfunded and smothered by regulation, and heading for decline without urgent and dramatic policy change. s Addressing the National Press Club, Hilme er, representing the ANU through its lobby o group, the Group of Eight, said universities should be free to set their own fees for Aus- tralian bachelor degrees rather than the current model of fee levels for local students being set by the Commonwealth.

Hilmer in his speech constantly referred to Australian universities as “world class.” . This is questionable. One tutor of mine with a Melbourne PhD described going to a job t interview knowing she was against an Ox- ford D.Phil and coming out second best even r though she had a better publishing record in the area. Very few Australian universities are y world class, and to claim so is to delude one’s self.

The Times Higher Education Supplement a ranks the University of Melbourne at 37th, - ANU 38th, Sydney 58th, and Queensland 74th in the top 100; another 3 in the next 100 universities. If the universities were to attempt to emulate the highest ranked univer-

sities students might be annoyed by Hilmer’s proposition. Harvard, Oxford, Yale, Princeton and Cambridge, all in the top ten, have the same feature:they charge through the nose for undergraduate education.

Furthermore, Australian universities are not like these institutions because they have money and can provide financial assistance for those most needy. Harvard’s endowment is equivalent to the entire gross domestic product of Uruguay and thus can afford two students per tutor in tutorials, language courses with 12 hours of face to face tuition, and to pay 63 percent of tuition fees through scholarships.

Their endowment grew

by US$4 billion or the entire GDP of Barbados in the last financial year. The ANU, with the largest Australian endowment, has less than a thirty-fifth of Harvard’s, or $1.2 billion.

In 2010 the ANU made a $137 million profit. So much for crying poor. Australian universities do not have Harvard money but they still have a lot of money that they could be investing in frontline education. However, not all universities in Australia are as lucky as the ANU. At Sydney University it is rare to have tutors with PhDs while at UNSW tutorials tend to start at 20 and can increase to 40 in business courses, not to mention the less well off non-Group of Eight Universities without the large financial endowments.

How would Australian universities attract the sort of money that would be required to produce the same elite standard of undergraduate education at Oxbridge or Ivy League universities? Hilmer suggests allowing universities to charge more for LLB, MBBS, and BComm degrees but no hint to what extent tuition fees would increase.

The UK domestic liberalisation experience revealed a universal increase in annual fees from £3000 ($4488) to £9000 ($13,465), creating a lot of angry students. The idea was better institutions would charge the maximum and less prestigious institutions would charge less, however, this was not the case. Oxford and Strathclyde universities charge similar amounts, yet the quality of education is arguably not.

In the wild freedoms of the US, Yale charges annually US$58,600, which includes US$42,300 tuition for a four year BA, or BSc.; whereas three year postgraduate law degrees are annually US$73,680 with US$51,350 in tuition.

The universities need more money to provide their public service adequately. BA kids are paying $5,648 annually, raise it to what we charge international students, $23568, and nationally see 550,000 domestic undergraduate become a little bit angry. This would

Very few Australian universities are world class, and to claim so is to delude one’s self.

also place education further out of reach of the most vulnerable in society. Students have a right to demand more from their universities. ANU BA international students are paying $23,568 annually while at Oxford international students are paying £13200 ($19,750).

We do not have the Oxbridge student-tutor ratio yet we find ourselves in tutorials ranging from 15 to 30 students. If domestic students are expected to pay more and at greater expense to that of Oxford, should they get at least an equal level of tuition?

The universities have decided to argue for increasing charges on students when the government potentially could fund the gap, or all of university education as it had between 1974 and 1989.The government has no interest in straddling a BA graduate with Yale-esque $220,000 debts before they have a proper job. Nor is it in the country’s interests to have 100,000 people graduate with that much personal debt every year.

Minister Chris Evans called Hilmer’s claims that universities are poorly funded and could slide into debt as, “alarmist and inaccurate.” “I don’t believe and the Labor Party doesn’t believe that making education prohibitively expensive … is the answer” he said.

Some things are amiss in university funding in Australia. The Minister is ignoring problems and fending off liberalisation, it might be time to start ameliorating these issues in Australian higher education.

Illustration // Joe Cummings

Changing of the Red Guard

The fortunate sons of Chinese Communist Party bosses seem poised to capture power, but is the hype over the “Princeling” faction just that?

BRENDAN FORDE

Until recently Xi Jinping was largely unknown outside China. For someone who will soon lead the world’s most populous country Xi’s status as an unknown quantity is extraordinary. Yet prominent or not, Xi will soon become an important figure in world politics.

Trying to correct this deficit of knowledge, commentators and observers have carefully scrutinised each public appearance by Xi, in particular his visit to the United States earlier this year. Much attention has been given to Xi as a member of the “Princeling faction”: a group of up and coming Chinese leaders who can claim a family connection with the Communist Revolution. Xi himself is the son of former Communist Party elder Xi Zhongxun. Beyond Xi other senior figures in China have also been associated with the Princeling moniker, including the fallen leader Bo Xilai and General Liu Yuan of the People’s Liberation Army. But with this increased emphasis on the phenomenon of Princelings a closer and more critical examination is needed to ascertain if power in China is about to be captured by a new political grouping.

Perhaps the first reference to the Princelings in the context of the Chinese Communist Party in English came with the publication of Princes and Princesses of Red China(i) in 1993. The book, by Chinese émigré journalists Ho Pin and Xin Gao, consists of short

vignettes from the lives of the children of leaders including Bo and Liu. These short biographies introduced many now prominent figures to the English reading world for the first time. The essential premise of the book is that these figures constitute an emerging, single and cohesive leadership elite. This new elite, focused on preserving the rule of the Communist Party while securing their own economic interests, were prepared to act to protect their new status in a rapidly changing China. Since then the image of the Princelings as a rising and ambitious interest group has persisted and has strongly influenced conceptions of contemporary Chinese politics. But how true is the story of the Princelings?

When the personal experiences and political behaviour of individual Princelings are examined and compared it becomes clear that there is less in common between them than is assumed. It is difficult to believe that three figures such as Bo Xilai, Liu Yuan and Xi Jinping have substantial enough links to interact and act in unison. A cursory examination of their biographies re-

veals obvious differences. While it is true that each figure can claim a direct family link to the revolution and the foundation of the People’s Republic their experiences of those links are far from similar. Liu Yuan’s father, Liu Shaoqi, was President of the PRC until the beginning of the Cultural Revolution. When the elder Liu was violently purged (he later died of medical neglect) his children were exiled from the capital to face suffering wherever they went. This experience has undoubtedly changed Liu’s political outlook. Liu, a commissar responsible for the General Logistics Department of the PLA, has been noted for his vociferous campaign against military corruption. Both Bo and Xi’s fathers suffered similarly during the Cultural Revolution but they were eventually politically rehabilitated and restored to power. The experience of the younger Xi and Bo varied greatly from that of Liu; it is even rumoured that Bo enthusiastically engaged in the denouncement of his own father. Ordinarily, such considerations of personal experience are not entirely important in poli-

Since then, the image of the Princelings as a rising and ambitious interest group has persisted and has strongly influenced perceptions of contemporary Chinese politics.

tics. But the premise of the Princelings rests on shared experiences in youth. There is not enough to suggest that any strong links were formed from similar experiences during that period.

Of course more recently members of the Princeling faction have expressed very different political views. Bo Xilai has fallen from power due to a scandal involving politics and corruption. Even at the height of his power Bo articulated a philosophy of development and culture that was rejected by the mainstream of Chinese politics. Liu Yuan’s campaign against corruption within the military has earned him attention, support and enemies. Xi Jinping has enjoyed a meteoric rise to the top of Chinese politics by supporting the elite consensus on China’s future. When Bo was removed from power earlier this year there was no evidence to suggest that either Liu or Xi acted to protect him. Rather, they stood by while he was dismissed and arrested.

Any analysis of Chinese politics needs to remain carefully cognisant of theories such as that of the Princelings. As a phenomenon of demography, the Princelings are more substantial. The success of certain figures in the field of politics is most likely due to their family connections. But they do not represent an organised political faction moving to deliberately dominate China’s government. Xi is not a representative of a faction of Princelings; he will be his own man.

11

University Inc.

Scapegoating the “posts” hides the fact that our Universities are becoming corporatised – but at what cost? internships. The very idea of the fully-em- of 1969 and the struggle for self-definition in

JESSE RUMSEY-MERLAN s t A few years ago, during a course on the philosophy of the Enlightenment, ANU lecturer Professor Udo Thiel noted in passing the decline in popularity of post-modernism and post-structuralism on university campuses.

In a show of hands it emerged that only a handful of students in his class had read any of Michel Foucault’s writing. As Professor Thiel pointed out, twenty years ago the poput larity of the “posts” was such that all of the - students in a philosophy class would likely - have read Foucault and other post-structuralists besides. At the time this comment - went largely unnoticed, the students perhaps too engrossed in Professor Thiel’s sartorial choices. (He always seemed to come to class n in a leather jacket, an interesting choice for an Enlightenment scholar.)

Over the course of my undergraduate career, however, the implications of this classroom moment seem to have become clearer.

At around the same time, The Australian’s Higher Education supplement ran a series of comments from various academics debating the decline of the humanities in Australian e universities. Some scholars contended that - the case was grossly overstated, while others sought explanations for the mooted decline. A common element to some of these critiques was the claim that the rise of the “posts” was largely responsible, because the destruction of disciplinary meta-narratives and the rejection of universalising theories had left students unsure about how to approach the humanities in a meaningful way.

Looking back on these comments now they seem to tell only one side of the story, placing undue emphasis on causal factors within the academy.

One of the most visible trends on university campuses in Australia in the past few years has been the increasing corporatisation of universities, and the effect that this has had on the student body.

This has occurred partly in response to domestic industry pressures and partly in response to overseas demand for quality training in obviously productive areas of study. The model of the privately run elite US university and the endless ranking of global educational institutes is also partly responsible. Among humanities scholars it is a generally accepted fact that this corporatisation has come at the expense of less apparently productive courses of study, such as literary studies, the social sciences and the creative arts.

The student body appears to have responded to corporatisation with alacrity. It has become entirely ordinary to see students striding through the campus in business attire, advertising their placement in industry

ployed student has itself become commonplace, something that was not the case among previous generations of university students.

This is largely due to the decline of Whitlamstyle welfare programs. We should not unduly judge such changes, but note that these are new phenomena that define our generation of undergraduates. In the 60s, 70s, and perhaps even 80s, to dress on university campuses according to current fashions as dictated by high street clothing shops would have been regarded as gauche.

Today even many lecturers feel compelled to dress the part with brand shirts, heels or sports blazers, reflecting industry best practice.

While it may be easy on the eye to see well-heeled students on campus there is a drawback to all of this. The downside is that in general we appear to have lost some of our critical acuity and worldly interest. Part of the reason Foucault and the “post-ers”, for example, were popular in days gone by is because they were inspired by intellectual traditions such as the Enlightenment or Marxism, and significant events like France’s general strikes

One of the most visible trends on university campuses in Australia in the past few years has been the increasing corporatisation of university and the effect this has had on the student body.

a world riven by the struggle between communism and capitalism. In the age of latecapitalism, students no longer seem to be motivated to struggle much over anything, perhaps reflecting the apathy of advanced capitalist societies more generally. We are content to follow the latest twitter trend, or the most popular youtube video documenting someone’s particularly undistinguished achievement. The fetishisation of the “built” body seems to be running at an all time high, with no parallel in the mental arena. The question, then, is where are we headed?

In the wake of the 2008 financial crisis, New York Times editorialist Thomas Friedman, and even Barack Obama, pointed out that in the US the nexus between elite higher education institutions and corporate law and finance firms had produced a culture of contentment, where fewer and fewer students had the courage to venture off the beaten path that leads from graduation stage to corporate desk. That admonition has gone largely unheeded in the US, but it may be time we also think about its import here in Australia. We should not reject professionalism wholesale, for to do so would surely be to discard both baby and bath water. Nevertheless, universities should remain permissive spaces, nourishing alternative thinking, and not merely accepting uncritically the narratives of our time.

Any comments welcome. Please write to me at u4321675@anu.edu.au

Hack S

eason 2012

General information on the ANusa elections GUS MCCUBBING

WHO AM I VOTING FOR?

You will get the chance to vote for the six executive officers, fourteen genreps and twelve faculty reps.

EXECUTIVE OFFICERS President Sits on the University Council and other ANU Committees. Together with the VP, the President is involved in representation of and advocacy for undergraduate students. The President is also ANUSA’s official spokesperson and they must make every effort to inform members of issues relevant of their welfare and of decisions made or actions undertaken by the ANUSA on their behalf.

Vice President Involved in co-ordinating student appeals. They also sit on university committees and act as the President’s alternate on various university committees. Their focus is on internal education matters such as faculty policies and information services.

Education Officer Deals principally with the Higher Education policy of the Association.

They are responsible for organising tertiary education campaigns as well as preparing submissions for relevant Government bodies on things such as

housing, youth allowance, HECS and C&S committee, the Grants and Af- campaigns to ensure that the academic interests of students are promore recently, the campaign for a Na- filiations Committee. tected.

College Representatives sit on tional Student Concession Card.

GENERAL-REPRESENTATIVES the College Education Committee of Gen-Reps are their respective College, and facilitate General Secretary supposed to im- class representative programs.

WTF IS ANUSA? Responsible for the plement ANUSA There are two faculty representatives internal adminisprojects which for each of following colleges: Arts; tration of ANUSA. The ANU Students’ Associalie outside the Asia & the Pacific; Law; Engineering They run and ortion (ANUSA) is the repreExecutive portfo- & IT; Science; Business & Economics. ganise the meetings lios. They are also sentative body for underof ANUSA’s repreresponsible for graduate students. ANUSA sentative councils reporting to the is responsible for student as well as looking SRC, providing JUST HOW DEMOCRATIC advocacy in educational after and interpreta communicaIS ALL THIS? matters, social events and ing the constitution tion link between essential legal and welfare and other ANUSA the student body With a total of 8,800 undergrad stuservices.

ANUSA is made documents. and ANUSA, as dents, last year 13% (roughly the up of an executive, college well as a means of same as the percentage of Australians representatives, department Treasurer keeping the Exec who thought we did a good job at the officers and general repreResponsible for the a c c o u n t a b l e . Olympics) of ANU students voted. sentatives who all serve for financial organisaHowever as they tion of ANUSA. a year. The ANUSA office is are themselves They must also located above the Commoncompletely unacensure that the fi- wealth Bank in Union Court countable there is POLLING TIMES nances of ANUSA nothing to make and is open 9-5 every day. are professionally them do a good ANUSA is responsible for audited, but on ocjob, let alone any- 20 August 2012 11:30am-4:30pm Bush Week, Universal Lunch (University Union) casion, don’t. thing at all.

Hour, Student Space, man21 August 2012 12:30pm-6:30pm aging clubs and societies, (University Union) Social Officer student advocacy campaigns 22 August 2012 10:30am-12:30pm Responsible for orand free jelly beans.

(ITA Gallery Foyer- Art School) ganising and overFaculty 22 August 2012 1:30pm-4:30pm (Uniseeing O-Week, Representatives versity Union) Bush Week, ANUSA BBQs and other social events. The Social Officer is College Representatives analyse aca- 23 August 2012 10:30am-4:30pm also the first point of contact for clubs demic issues of relevance to their (University Union) and societies (C&S) and sits on the College and formulate strategies and

ANUSA Ticket profiles A Naked ANUSA You might have noticed that A Naked ANUSA does things a little differently. We’ve been called idealists, unorganized, and had our fair share of naysayers. But here we are!

We’re a fiercely ideological and values-driven ticket – that’s what matters to us. We believe that deepseated problems with the nature of student representation exist. That elections draw such vitriol from students is testament to this. We believe that a more democratically engaged, critical thinking student

body will address these issues. The time has come for institutional change.

We are open to ideas, connected to real students (beyond Facebook), and growing all the time. No secrets, no shady deals, no “end student poverty!” manna from heaven.

We’re not going to inundate you with a thousand fancy-sounding policy points – that’s not what matters. We want to rework and reclaim the relationship between students and politics. We dare to bare, and are hella proud of it.

Common Thread Here are Common Thread’s top five priorities for 2013.

Mental Health. 1 in 4 of us experienced mental health problems last year. We need a well-equipped counselling service with quick accessibility. Our health and wellbeing program will provide free daily breakfasts and regular fitness classes.

Education. Common Thread will oppose any changes that threaten quality of education. We want students to direct changes to their degrees.

International Students. We will create a guide to assist those moving to Australia, revive the Academic

Skills and Learning Centre English Course and provide better emigration advice.

Smartphone App. Common Thread has blueprints drawn up for an app going live in O Week 2013. We’re committed to student engagement and better communication with students.

Financial Accountability. ANUSA deals with your money and must be transparent. Common Thread will set up a financial review committee and reform the bookkeeping process. Our comprehensive policy is online.

The Front Row Ticket The Front Row Ticket is a group of independent ANU students, from a wide range of backgrounds, who are committed to making ANUSA more open and accountable. This year The Front Row Ticket made a conscious decision to get rid of the meaningless political promises and create policy students are passionate about and has the potential to be brought into reality. Some of the exciting ideas we want to bring off the ground include Free Brekky Bar in the Student Space, Longer

library opening hours, Drop in study sessions, The Secret Life of ANU: A Guide Book, Release of Quarterly Budget Reports, A Multi Story Car park Party, Free Parking for Car-Poolers, One Big ANUSA party per term and a National Student Concession Card. For an ANUSA at the Front of Student Lifestyle, Education, Welfare, Finances, Communications and Mental Health and Well-being Vote 1 The Front Row Ticket.

* All department representatives were elected unopposed, here is a bit about what to look forward to in 2013…

Queer* Department

Women's Officer

Disabilities Officer

Environmental Officer

International Officer

Indigenous Officer

STUART FERRIE

BETH RICHIE

LOUISE STOCKTON

LEILA ALEXANDRA

MUHAMMAD TAUFIQ BIN SURAIDI

BROGAN GOODE

Independent

Independent

Independent

What can students of your department look forward to?

It’s going to be another exciting year in the Department with a similar number of social events, potentially more letters in the acronym, even more ridiculousness happening on our Facebook page and more condoms and dental dams for all! Seriously though, it should be a fantastic year and ultimately, what we do isn’t just up to me, it’s up to everyone, with the exception of people who don’t identify under our fairly broad membership criteria.

What can students of your department look forward to?

My goals as Officer for 2013 include working with ANUSA Faculty Reps to take a closer look at the gendered aspects of various departments and faculties here at ANU; running a domestic violence awareness campaign in collaboration with local community services; and working towards having a specialist counsellor available to ANU women in crisis. Also, it’s about time the Women’s Dep had its own ball...

What can students of your department look forward to?

ANU Disabilities members can look forward to a wide range of services and events, including:A strong and engaged campus presence. Advocacy for undergrads and post grads with disabilities. Awareness raising events - the Spoons event earlier this year was a great success and will run again in 2013.

A variety exciting of social events.

An ongoing social media presence.

A push for an ANU Disabilities space on campus. 2013 will see a strong and engaged presence of ANU Disabilities on campus.

Students of Sustainability

What can students of your department look forward to?

Students of Sustainability are a participatory-autonomous group, engaging with environmental issues and advocating change and broader environmental awareness on and off campus in discussion, skill-sharings, teach-ins and active campaigns in fun, positive, creative and social ways. We pursue those topics where energy and passion flows, from bottled water consumption to bike maintenance to gardening to divestment from coal seam gas company, Metgasgo.

Get your active-on at meetings Tuesday, 5-6, at the Food Co-op.

Independent

What can students of your department look forward to?

In 2013, international students can look forward to an ISD that will make them feel welcomed as part of the ANU family. The ISD will be more open and accessible to them and their needs. We will strive hard to serve the International Students through addressing and listening to their ideas, concern and thoughts. This role will no longer be neglected by the ISD as it has been neglected for so long.

Independent

DID NOT REPLY

National Union of Students (NUS)- Delegates to the Meetings of National Conference TOM NOCK

BEN DUGGAN

My work as a General-Representative on ANUSA this year has given me a thorough understanding of the everyday problems students face, and the realistic and practical ways to solve them.

The most pressing I believe to be student income support, student housing and fairness/equity in the academic system. If elected as your NUS delegate I will work at a national level to ensure these issues get the attention and action from government that they deserve.

I believe the National Union of Students needs to be a more effective advocate for student issues in 2013 with the Federal Election in focus. I would work with NUS to deliver more effective training for our on campus representatives on both ANUSA and the Union. NUS is in a strong position to build and resource national training programs that can be delivered both on campus and online to support student organisations including clubs and socities,

EDWARD BYRNE Accountability Now!

Independent

Independent

MICHAEL HISCOX Independent

HARRY PATRICK Independent

DID NOT REPLY

DID NOT REPLY

JACK GRACIE

MEGAN LANE

Accountability Now!

Accountability Now!

CHARLOTTE BERCLAY

DID NOT REPLY

DID NOT REPLY

DID NOT REPLY

EMILY CRITICOS

MATILDA GILLIS

TIM LAMUSSE

The Front Row Ticket

The Front Row Ticket

The Front Row Ticket

It’s ridiculous that you can purchase a student fare in the ACT/NSW but not in any other state. I am committed to making sure the national student agenda includes the creation of nation-wide transport concession cards. I also believe that youth allowance payments are insufficient. Student allowance rates need to be increased and made more flexible for those who work.

I would deliver ANU students long overdue reforms including: i) the implementation of a National Concession Card, so students could get cheaper transport and student prices everywhere, ii) the elimination of illegal course fees, so that students can’t suddenly be forced to pay for things required to pass a course, iv) putting textbooks on HECS. I would be able to advocate for these as I would be independently representing ANU and not a political faction.

I would bring a nerdy passion for national education policy. I’m one of those rare specimens that gets a kick out of reading the 2011 Higher Education Base Funding Review, which found that university are ridiculously underfunded. I hope to work with the federal government to see practical solutions, like textbooks on HECS, a reality. Things like universal concession cards and they are past debate – students want them now.

ZACHARY BARNES

RILEY BOUGHTON

My work as a General-Representative on ANUSA this year has given me a thorough understanding of the everyday problems students face, and the realistic and practical ways to solve them.

The most pressing I believe to be student income support, student housing and fairness/equity in the academic system. If elected as your NUS delegate I will work at a national level to ensure these issues get the attention and action from government that they deserve.

I believe the National Union of Students needs to be a more effective advocate for student issues in 2013 with the Federal Election in focus. I would work with NUS to deliver more effective training for our on campus representatives on both ANUSA and the Union. NUS is in a strong position to build and resource national training programs that can be delivered both on campus and online to support student organisations including clubs and socities,

CAITLIN DELBRIDGE

ALICE WADE

Accountability Now!

Accountability Now!

Stronger Unions Need Women

Stronger Unions Need Women

Stronger Unions Need Women

I aim to raise the profile of women within the NUS so women’s rights and issues are promoted throughout the ANU. I believe it is vital that students can see the importance of women in positions of influence. I hope that we can draw attention to some of the major issues that exist for women, both locally and internationally, but with a particular emphasis on issues for young women at university.

As someone who has attended multiple NUS conferences as an observer in my time at ANU, I understand how NUS operates.

With this experience and knowledge, I will work hard to make sure ANU is not neglected by NUS through working closely with their executive ensuring the voices of all students are heard equally. With more women in tertiary education than men, I believe it is important we are represented equally.

If elected as an ANU NUS delegate I will work with NUS to provide real outcomes on campus.

I will be a proud voice for women’s issues on conference floor and I will make sure ANU is included in every student run campaign. Representing ANU within the national union is an important job, one that women should have more often.

ISOBEL MORPHYWALSH

SASCHA SILBERSTEIN

The Front Row Ticket

The Front Row Ticket

Having been elected to go last year and being the NUS ACT Branch Indigenous Officer means I would be able to deliver a clear link between ANU Campaigns and National Campaigns. I would make sure ANU students had a voice at NUS and actively participated in shaping NUS for 2013’s direction.

The maintenance of strong policies in the departments is something I am really passionate about, including the continence of the new Mental Health and Disabilities Department.

I will head to the NUS conference with a fresh face and experience in advocating for student issues. I am not affiliated with any political party or faction so students can be assured that policy, rather than politics will always be my focus.

I will be working on the National Student Concession Card, because no one likes paying full fares when they go home; and the Fund Our Future Campaign, because we deserve quality education.

WTF is NUS? NUS (National Union of Students) is the peak representative body for tertiary education students in Australia. Students of member organisations elect several delegates to attend the NUS national conference, which is the supreme decision-making body.

Delegates also function as advocates for the tertiary institution and state throughout their term, ensuring student representation at a national level.

President

Vice President

Education Officer

Secretary

Socials

GALVIN CHIA

EMMA ERIKSEN

PENNY RUMBLE

CHARLOTTE GLICK

MORGYN BENSTEAD

What will you bring to ANUSA? Student representation isn’t about ego or individuals – it’s about getting the job done, and done damn well. What I want is irrelevant; what we want to bring matters.

We’ll bring more participatory democracy to ANU. We want to cultivate a critical, thinking and innovative student body that thinks outside the box. We will bring the political determination, analytical frameworks and grassroots networks to instigate institutional change. Oh, and we might just get naked, too.

What will you bring to ANUSA? With help from the other members of the Naked ticket, we will bring to ANUSA a new outlook for student representation. A refreshed perspective on why caring and being involved in ANUSA is important, relevant and simple. Other than an epic bow tie collection and the most famous armpit hair in the territory, I will bring an inspired, excited, idealistic and pragmatic attitude to making ANUSA the best site of community building at the ANU.

What will you bring to ANUSA? After getting involved with (and then running) the Queer Department, I learned how much fun it was possible to have at university.

More importantly, I got the drive and skills to fight for students’ interests – particularly when it comes to resisting cuts and improving mental health services and women’s safety on campus. I have fought and I will fight tooth and nail to see the ANU put students first. Bite with me?

What will you bring to ANUSA? A Smiley face on the end of all emails :) I plan to bring experience with on-campus societies involving high organisation/low levels of sleep. Within meetings I will ensure constitutional validity, and proper procedures. Finally, I will ensure ANUSA remains accessible and friendly – we’re a group that chooses to engage students through laughter and dedication to genuine opinions about how the university is run. Our ticket is never fully dressed without a smile.

What will you bring to ANUSA? As current president of the ANU Harry Potter Club, I’m passionate about connecting students. I want to see an ANUSA focused on growing the fantastic campus life that we already have. I want to give clubs the capacity to run more and better events, through better communication and access to resources.

I want to run an O-week that will spark lasting student engagement throughout the year, starting with more varied activities and more C&S involvement.

I wish I was a…

More productive insomniac. Better at aussie accents. Member of The Wiggles. Able to more effectively communicate the drive and compassion of our ticket.

I wish I was a…

First year, so that I could go back and get more involved earlier!

A Naked ANUSA

I wish I was a…

Dirty, dirty hippy. So food would be free and I wouldn’t have to worry about showers. Alas, the worries of modern capitalism are burdening indeed.

A Naked ANUSA

I wish I was a…

Time lord, so that I could show everyone that doing simple things can change the course of our existence.

I wish I was a…

Boss Vice-Chancellor. Failing that, though, I’ll do my best to make our VC do the right thing for students.

ALEKS SLADOJEVIC

TASMAN VAUGHAN

AMY MACKINNON

What will you bring to ANUSA? Commitment, leadership, pragmatism, and openness. Commitment to the job and advocating student interests. Leadership in working with a strong team of individuals who are engaged, passionate and hardworking. Pragmatism in getting real results that you can see and quality services that you can use. Openness and transparency in the way ANUSA runs.

I will bring direction, empathy and cohesion to an association that exists to improve the ANU student experience.

What will you bring to ANUSA? Experience. I was the replacement Social Officer following Bush Week 2010. This enabled me to understand how ANUSA and the University bureaucracy operate. I’ve also been a Bush Week Director. I know the issues ANUSA faces and with the Common Thread team I can fix them. I’m running because I’m committed to strengthening the vibrant ANU community. Clubs and societies are the lifeblood of this community and Common Thread will support them like never before.

What will you bring to ANUSA? I will bring to ANUSA a track record of building student organisations, a desire to make sure the educational interests of all students are addressed and a passionate belief that undergraduate learning and teaching should not compromised for the sake of a business model. I will work to make learning communities, study groups and academic help available to all undergraduates and will advocate to protect the interests of the ANU’s undergraduate community.

I wish I was a…

Bit less OCD. Less folding of tea towels, underwear and shopping bags.

I wish I was a… ble to speak Indonesian fluently.

The more Indonesian I learn the less I feel I know.

Common Thread

ALEX BELL-ROWE The Front Row Ticket

What will you bring to ANUSA? Buenos dias Amigos y Amigas. I wish to make ANU a more accessible and efficient learning environment for all students, through increasing library hours, increased availability of textbooks and drop in study sessions for all disciplines.

I am also committed to increasing awareness of some ANU’s hidden resources, such as “how to” guides for exchanges, using the medical centre and structuring your degree.

I wish I was a…

Fighter Jet Pilot, because watching the first 5 minutes of the movie “Top gun” has somehow found its way into my daily “waking up” rituals.

Common Thread

ISOBEL MORPHYWALSH The Front Row Ticket

What will you bring to ANUSA? I bring passion, experience and great ideas. Having sat on ANUSA for the last two years I have experience in how ANUSA works, what it can do and how it can be improved.

My passion for welfare, equity and advocacy issues coupled with my experience will mean great initiatives are brought into fruition such as an ANUSA pastoral care network, regular free breakfast as well as making sure students voices are being represented in the university.

I wish I was a…

Superhero with the ability to make things come to life out of magazines.

A Naked ANUSA

A Naked ANUSA

SOPHIA STANLEY

OLIVIA CLARK

What will you bring to ANUSA?

What will you bring to ANUSA? Being new to ANUSA, I naturally bring a fresh perspective and insight, enhancing my ability to provide ANUSA with new and unique ideas. I am genuine and open-minded. I want to make a difference. I want to help improve the ANU experience for you, your friends and all other undergraduate ANU students, through assisting with the many challenges that you face, from Mental Health to housing.

What will you bring to ANUSA? I’ll bring you an O Week and Bush Week that is better promoted and spread out across the Uni. I’ll bring greater inclusivity and make it easier for international and Canberra students to get involved. There will be great day events like trips to the beach and Scav hunts. I want more themed events (like Halloween and Christmas in July), free breakfasts for those deadly 9am classes and workshops (like cooking and First Aid) in the Student Space.

I wish I was a…

Hermione.... then I would have a time turner. Its seriously tough being a student and fitting everything in..

I wish I was a…

Person who is a tiny bit less hyperorganised: almost all of my word documents are indexed according to a 3-4 digit alphanumerical code.

I wish I was a…

Host on Hamish and Andy. Hamish and Andy and Sophia.

TIM LAMUSSE

CHANUKA PERERA

GOWRIE VARMA The Front Row Ticket

The Front Row Ticket

What will you bring to ANUSA? I will bring an unquenchable addiction to caffeine that gives me super-human focus. When you add this focus to my revoltingly high interest in education policy, you get some kind of Education Officer monster. There’s little doubt that tertiary education is ridiculously underfunded. It will be my responsibility to let the current government and future governments of Australia know that ANU students demand that they pay their share.

What will you bring to ANUSA? I am someone who is addicted to spreadsheets, color coding and Skittles. Not only do I have these weird affections, but I also have experience of being treasurer for AFEC during 2012 as well. I also find myself being the only non-law executive candidate on my ticket. I am committed to providing financial stability, integrity and transparency for ANUSA. I will also look to improving the support ANUSA will provide to clubs and societies.

What will you bring to ANUSA? I don’t bring good looks or athletic ability to the table, but I have a plethora of great ideas to make the 2013 social calendar better than ever. With regular ANUSA parties, an ANUSA ball, more live music, an international food fair and the best O-Week you can imagine, as your Social Officer I will keep the events coming all year round!

Food, parties, speed dating, trivia, laser tag, Bollywood dancing? Got it covered.

I wish I was a…

Honey badger. It’s been referred to by the Guinness Book of World Records as the most fearless animal in all the animal kingdom. it really doesn’t give a s**t

I wish I was a…

Someone who lived on campus for just one day so I could enjoy all the rumoured fun that college kids have.

What will you bring to ANUSA? Dear ANUSA. I bring you two years professional experience in administration, commitment to the advancement of our student experience and incredibly neat handwriting. The secretary has traditionally been one of the first points of contact between students and ANUSA. Although I’m a law student I promise I don’t bite. My perfectionist attitude coupled with the never say never attitude pioneered by the most influential philosopher of our time – Justin Bieber, will not allow me to disappoint you. Peace.

Common Thread

The Front Row Ticket

SHAN VERNE LIEW

A Naked ANUSA

Common Thread

Accountability. ANUSA’s internal controls framework is currently insufficient, and requires restructuring to protect against fraud. This means implementing independent, clearly-defined, review mechanisms of its account book, transaction procedures and Treasurer reports.

Mandatory disclosure of financial metrics to students. Determination to bring open consultation forums to ANUSA’s budget planning process, stemming from experience running Housing Review. Currently, several line items in ANUSA’s budget never receive scrutiny – ANUSA needs open participation to be credible as an organisation.

The Front Row Ticket

Common Thread

I wish I was a…

A person who owned a dishwasher.

Common Thread

I wish I was a…

Big bottle of red wine so I could be the solution to everyone’s problems.

PRU DAVIE

I wish I was a…

Person who was witty enough to actually write an amusing 25-word excerpt about whatever they wish they were. You win some, you lose some.

General representatives

JORDON MORRISSEY A Naked ANUSA Beautiful, beautiful, man.

KATHERINE PROUTING A Naked ANUSA Enthusiastic, excited, enterested.

SUZY NOPAMORNBODEE A Naked ANUSA <3 you all!

XE LILLEBJORN A Naked ANUSA Confident, energica, fleissig.

ADRIAN YONG A Naked ANUSA I’m Not Insignificant

NICK HORTON A Naked ANUSA Young… but Committed.

PAULINE LIM A Naked ANUSA Like a boss.

PASHANE PADERANGA A Naked ANUSA Oppa Gangnam Style!

MILLY COOPER A Naked ANUSA Avocado, optimistic, endearing.

STACEY LITTLE A Naked ANUSA You’re Breaking It!

MELANIE COLLINS A Naked ANUSA Serendipitous, ebullient, assiduous.

MICHAEL HARRISON

JEDDA ELLIOTT

MARK JEHNE

KEITA MATSUMOTO

ERIC CHAN

ALEX SALLABANK

Common Thread

Common Thread

Common Thread

Common Thread

Common Thread

Common Thread

Driven, determined, enthusiastic

Committed, open, results-driven

Amateurish-baker, smiley, curious

Vibrant, friendly, committed

Owl, artistic, passionate

Ambitious, reliable, easy going

VINCCI LEE

JO RICHARDS

POLLY HENRY

JOSEPH WALKER

LUCY CALDWELL

TARA PERAMATUKORN

Common Thread

Common Thread

Common Thread

Common Thread

Common Thread

Common Thread

Responsible, enthusiastic, patient

Open, determined, understanding

Fun, colourful, naps.

Keen as mustard

LUCY MCFARLANE

JESS BOLTON

KIARIE NDEGWA

MARK ROWE

Common Thread

Common Thread

The Front Row Ticket

The Front Row Ticket

Welcoming, passionate, considerate

ALEX DAVIS The Front Row Ticket Energetic, Adventurous and Enthusiastic

CHARLOTTE BERCLAY

Genuine, dependable, affable

TOBY MOFFATT The Front Row Ticket

ODETTE SHENFIELD The Front Row Ticket

Energetic, outspoken, diligent

AAKRITI SHARMA The Front Row Ticket

The Front Row Ticket Energetic, impartial, determined

WILL COLLETT The Front Row Ticket

The Front Row Ticket

Compassionate, thoughtful, nerdy.

KARAN SAVARA The Front Row Ticket

CAITLIN DELBRIDGE

ALICE WADE

EDWARD BYRNE

JACK GRACIE

MEGAN LANE

Stronger Unions Need Women

Accountability Now!

Accountability Now!

Accountability Now!

ETHAN MOODY

EVAN PACKARD

ZACHARY BARNES

RILEY BOUGHTON Accountability Now!

ALEX CAREY

Accountability Now!

JAMES KOVAL

Accountability Now!

Enthusiastic, sincere, happy-go-lucky

ELLEN CLIFF

Open, Friendly, enthusiastic

Stronger Unions Need Women

Driven, Independent, Creative

SAM DUNCAN

Committed, approachable, vivacious

Driven, Empathetic, Honest

Stronger Unions Need Women

Accountability Now!

Funny, creative, trustworthy

Open-minded, friendly, laid-back

Accountability Now!

Driven, honest, reliable

Accountability Now!

JORDON MORRISSEY XE MEERSOHN A Naked ANUSA

Asia Pacific

Engineering & COMPUTER

NATALIE KALACHOR NICK HORTON

BEN GILL

A Naked ANUSA

Arts

CBE

Law

PATRICK FOLEY

MELANIE COLLINS

SHANE PADERANGA

STACEY LITTLE

With impending budget cuts threatening the survival of the ANU School of Music and other arts courses, I’d like to see the cost of smaller and expensive-to-run classes subsidised so they can continue to run. I’d also like to see the promotion of internships, cross-collaboration between the Arts Faculty and clubs/societies, and more arts social events. Arts students are here to make the ANU a more colourful and delicious sounding place!

A Naked ANUSA

A Naked ANUSA

A Naked ANUSA

A Naked ANUSA

Based on observations from an appropriately large sample size the science faculty is good, but could be better. Science could be better represented within ANUSA, by active representatives that seek feedback and act according to the scientific method. Recommendations: Lecture recordings should work, Wi-Fi should be accessible, and course outlines should be helpful. The students of the science faculty could be better represented, and they should be better represented.

We would like to see both the CAP language program more integrated with social media and the development in the college of a more collegiate atmosphere. We are proposing the introduction of an intra-college mentoring scheme, pairing up later- and first-year students, extension lecture series developing contemporary language skills (like “netizen” speech), and a digital pen pal system with ANU’s partner universities.

I want to take the good approaches that courses use in teaching and apply them to improve other courses. Departments shouldn’t be keeping effective learning systems isolated from each other!

It’s terribly impolite! I’m Pat Foley, and as part of NAKED, I’d like to encourage greater transparency, more communication, and more interaction within the student body and the College of Engineering and Computer Science. Let’s make it the best it can be.

ELLEN RYKERS

SAM KREITALS

SANJAY GOVINDAN

RUOHAN ZHAO

ZAIGA THOMANN

ASHLEIGH RALPH

CAROLINE SKINNER

CARL REINECKE

JENNIFER DARMODY

Common Thread

Common Thread

Common Thread

Common Thread

Common Thread

We want to see the College of Asia and the Pacific continue to provide high quality experiences for students. To ensure this, we will streamline the Year-in-Asia program making the application process more transparent; facilitate better communication between students and staff; create and share a database of study, volunteering, and scholarship opportunities available to Asia-Pacific Studies students; and we will run a camp for first year Asia-Pacific Studies students.

We want to see better industry relationships between the College of Engineering and Computing Science and leading companies.

We’d like to see more companies at the careers fairs, with more internships offered and an introduction of industry sponsored scholarships, which are present at many other Australian Universities in the form of the co-op scholarship. We also want to see more computers licensed with engineering software throughout campus to enhance the ANU Engineering Degree.

Where to start? That CASS is dysfunctional is common knowledge.

That the arts student body is widespread and under represented is equally well known. Our job as arts college reps is to fix these problems.

Social events and tough representation at education committee is key to fixing this. We want a better CASS, we all deserve a quality education, and in the coming year we are the people willing and able to defend your degrees.

We want to see the relationships between domestic and international students strengthened throughout the CBE. We want to see students having the opportunity to instigate change and development in their courses during semester to ensure students receive the high quality of tutoring and lecturing they deserve.

We want to see students having access to guest lecturers from all fields of business, economics and finance to help guide and encourage students to their dream careers.

Common Thread believes that studying law can be an incredibly rewarding experience but we also understand that sometimes, it can be quite daunting and isolating.

We believe we can change this by ensuring that law students are provided with adequate support throughout their degrees. This includes improving the quality and quantity of assessment feedback, ensuring that students are offered a breadth of elective choices and facilitating student consultation on contentious issues such as group assessment.

SOPHIE TAYLOR

WILL KEEN

DANNY FOX

HANNAH LAWSON

DANIEL PAYTEN

ERIC ALLILOMOU

OSCAR MORGAIN

ALEXIA FULLER

IMOGEN BLANCH The Front Row Ticket

The Front Row Ticket

CASEY WHITE

MARGARET LONG

JOHN BODEN

As your Science Faculty Reps, Sophie and Oscar will strive to improve communication, consistency, and sociability within the College of Science. Their priority is to increase communication between students, class reps, science faculty reps, and staff. They hope to achieve this through smaller tute and lab sizes, encouraging postgraduate lecturers to give public lectures and guest lecture in undergraduate courses, and creating a uniform penalty policy and course guide structure across the faculties.

1. Publish a guide of studentwritten reviews of courses (including information such as course material, workload, and teaching quality) 2. Join up with the Arts Faculty Camp to provide 1st years with the opportunity to meet more people and subsequently encourage greater participation 3. Set up a portal, accessible from wattle, providing a central point of reference for information of internships, scholarships and volunteer programs on offer

Danny Fox and Imogen Blanch, your 2013 College of Engineering and Computer Science (CECS) candidates would love to see a more involved student community by working with relevant societies to provide and promote social events such as faculty camps. We wish to put our educational needs as our first priority. This will include ensuring that all aspects of lectures are recorded, organising information sessions about degree and career pathways, and more. We will continuously seek thoughts and advice from the student body and societies to make improvements in the CECS.

As Arts Faculty Representatives, Casey and Hannah want more availability for students to information and advice regarding courses, majors and degree requirements.

We also want more direct and clear communication within the faculty, and between all faculties regarding student’s degrees. The profiles and contact details of the Arts Faculty Representatives also need to be more widely advertised and accessible, so that students know that they can contact us to represent them no matter the issue.

We want to see a more connected and consistent science community. The College of Science needs a consistent college-wide policy on assessment and administrative processes (ie. late penalties) to ease the strain and confusion on students taking many different courses across disciplines. We also want to see more communication and interaction between students from different science disciplines and also between students and researchers.

The Front Row Ticket

The Front Row Ticket

The CBE needs to optimise better.

Lecture delivery should be adapted to more effectively take advantage of improvements in information technology. Let’s embrace productivity gains, not fight them. Tutors should be selected on a more holistic criterion which considers both communication skills as well as grades. We would also like to see more couches and sitting space in the CBE building. We are not even close to consuming the maximum floor space endowed.

The ‘Law School Reform’ report called for essential reform to the delivery of legal education at ANU with a focus on student wellbeing and a move away from black letter law. It is essential that effective and appropriate reforms are made, through an open dialogue between students and the law faculty. In conjunction, the expansion of the Law Reform & Social Justice program would be of great benefit to students and the wider community.

CHARLES CARROLL

ANTONIJA KURBALIJA KELLY KRISTOFFERSON Common Thread

The Front Row Ticket

The Front Row Ticket

The Front Row Ticket is committed to seeing a drastic improvement in the quality of teaching, learning and SELT results in the College of Business and Economics. We will advocate for compulsory use of whiteboard cameras for lecture recordings, equitable access to exam viewing, and greater consultation with students. Margaret and Daniel are both passionate and enthusiastic CBE students who are committed to increasing engagement between the college and its students.

As your Law Fac reps, Eric Allilomou and John Boden would like to see the promotion of practical legal skills through course assessment. As a law student, it is entirely plausible to graduate without ever having to speak in a moot, conduct a client interview or articulate legal reasoning in ora argument. By including moots and group oral presentations in the means of assessment, law students will have more opportunities to brush up on their practical legal skills and become better-rounded law graduates.

PENGFEI XU Independent

Inside the Mind of a Campaigner the International Student Ethnic? Probably international student.

Low English skills Easy to manipulate/ charm Action: ATTACK

ANUSA Veteran Heard he got like 42% primary vote.

He knows like all the Burgmann kids.

Action: FELLATE

Post-grad Tweed, canvas tote and menopausal? Probably post-grad.

Shit, canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t vote.

Action: ABORT ABORT

First year College kid The guy I slept with last week.

Vomiting? Probably hung over. Vulnerability levels high.

Physical contact and subtle promises of future sexual gratif ication should win vote.

Action: LUNGE

Art & Culture

Anthea Clarke Recuerdos www.antheaclarke.com

LIFE & STYLE// 22

WORONI COMMUNITY NOTICEBOARD THE 2012 GREAT GREEN DEBATE WHEN: Wednesday 3rd October, 7.30pm WHERE: Bruce Hall Should Coal Seam Gas play a larger role in Australia’s energy future? This year the Sustainability Learning Community’s Great Green Debate will be addressing this hotly contested issue. Come along to hear distinguished panelists argue their opinions on the economic opportunities and environmental risk of Coal Seam Gas in Australia.

Contact: slc@anu.edu.au

CATCH-22,

by Joseph Heller WHEN: Evenings: 22 - 25 August @ 7.30pm Matinee: 24 August @ 1pm WHERE: ANU Arts Centre TICKETS: Adult $15 / Concession $10 / Member $5 All Matinee tickets $5 The satire Catch-22 follows Captain Yossarian as he attempts to escape his bombardier duties in the Second World War. His attempts to be declared unfit to fly are defeated at every turn by the mysterious Catch-22, an undefinable rule that defies all logic. The world-famous novel, based on Heller’s own experiences in the US Air Force, was adapted for the stage by Heller himself.

Bookings: nutsanu.wordpress.com or at the door

Bruce Hall presents THE BOOK OF EVERYTHING

by Richard Tulloch WHEN: 30th August till 1st September, 7.30PM. WHERE: Drama Lab, ANU Arts Centre TICKETS: Students $15/Adults $25.

Thomas is nine and he’s started writing a book. His father says all important books are about God. Even so, Thomas writes down all the interesting things he sees that other people seem to ignore: tropical fish in the canal, a deluge of frogs, the Son of God popping in for a chat… He also writes down his greatest determination: When I grow up, I’m going to be happy.

QUESTIONS ON CHINA’S GLOBAL INVESTMENT WHEN: 5th September, 8.30 AM-1PM. WHERE: Molonglo Theatre, Level 2, JG Crawford Building 132, Lennox Crossing, ANU SPEAKERS: Mr Michael Stutchbury, Editorin-chief, The Australian Financial Review; Dr Ken Henry AC, Head, The Australia in the Asian Century Task Force; and various speakers China’s surging direct investment around the globe could be a source of scarce capital investment for savvy host economies but it also raises questions by a China-weary public.

Contact: rsvp.crawford@anu.edu.au 02 61256411

Got something you want to tell people about? get your event on OUR noticeboard by sending a short spiel to contact@woroni.com.au

LIFE & STYLE// 23 Burqa Ballads FARZ EDRAKI

The Phantom Tumblr

The hipster blog ‘WhatShouldCanberraCallMe?’ is growing in popularity.

Pru Davie asks who is this person, and what are they doing here?

There is but one thing puzzling the entire populous of ANU at present: who the hell is writing WhatShouldCanberraCallMe? For those of you who lead productive lives outside of the internet, this is a blog with funny quotes and observations about life, particularly student life, in Canberra. It’s a blog that captures every feeling you’ve ever had about any Canberra-specific event or place with a hilarious mix of videos and pictures. It is updated daily, with new insults to UC students (we were all thinking it, anyway), new observations about your stereotypical mature-age student apparently being more knowledgeable on the relevant subject matter than everybody else (surely even lecturers agree with these) and even the occasional reference to the ever loveable and always hilarious Page sisters (I really did need that second beer).

The blog is so accurate, so incredibly candid, that it is both addictive and disarming.

Consequently those of us who spend our lives discussing the blog’s contents (and who are obviously succeeding in our pursuit of academia...) have come to one conclusion: we must know the writer. He or she must be one of us. There is an enemy, a traitor, a Darth Vader among us. In the same way that Chuck, Blair and their cohort of carelessly beautiful friends do not know who Gossip Girl is, we ANU students have not been successful in our endeavour to discover the identity of the author of this revolutionary

website. However, in some ways, it is the mysterious identity of the author that has added to the elusive nature of the blog, making it all the more addictive. It is a vicious cycle.

Personally I want to know who the author is for two main reasons: firstly, to congratulate them, and personally thank them for filling my life with newfound joy and entertain-

If it did turn out to be my neighbour in first year, a friend from a tutorial, the guy who always eats Subway on the same day as me - would I feel betrayed? ment, and secondly, to ask them how long it takes to think of these amusing observations and find relevant clips that are appropriate for capturing the desired feeling. Surely it is quite a large time commitment. That’s why it is both confusing and impressive that this author manages to know so much about specific Canberra/ANU places, events and people, and yet simultaneously spend a helluva lot of time creating this beautiful blog.

Despite the frustrating circumstances surrounding the identity of the author, nobody

“My mother wears a burqa/ my father does it too/ I have to wear a burqa/ the burqa, it is blue” – the opening lines of “Burqa Blues”, by all-girl Afghanistani rock group, Burqa Band.

The track’s videoclip has over 400,000 views on YouTube, and features three women in blue burqas jamming inside a living room, interspersed with clips of daily-life scenes in what appears to be Kabul. The lead singer grips a microphone from under her hijab; another woman drums along in minimalist, Meg White style. It is surprisingly catchy, and, well, just plain surprising.

Formed in 2002 with the help of German music producer Dahlke and label Ata Tak, the girls released their first single and a selftitled album in 2003. They’ve even played at a public gig in Koln, Germany – something they could never do in their home countries.

Afghanistan is not often recognised for its rock musicians. Not startling considering the Taliban’s strict prohibition of music in public, which only ended when they were ousted from government in 2001. (Kabul recently hosted its first rock festival in 30 years, “Sound Central”, last September.) Even less common is the association between the Middle Eastern country and female rock outfits.

If all-girl pop/rock groups exist in Afghanistan, they’re based underground; Burqa Band was the first to garner international attention.

Where are the women now? According to several online interviews, Burqa Band is on permanent hiatus after the lead singer moved to Pakistan to pursue a music career. If MySpace activity is anything to go by, their last login in 2007 indicates that, at least for now, the burqa-bound musos have set aside their guitar and drum kit.

Burqa Band’s music is still around in the internet ether, with their light-hearted, tonguein cheek lyrics: “You give me all your love/ you give me all your kisses/ and then you touch my burqa/ and do not know who is it”.

You can check out Burqa Band’s Last.fm page here: http://bit.ly/burqabandradio, and is complaining – browsing it certainly is pref- the YouTube video of their single, “Burqa erable to listening to lectures, actually do- Blues”, here: bit.ly/burqaband ing readings or participating in any form of group sport. In the days between new Suits episodes, and until the new season of Community returns, this is the ideal tool for procrastination, with the added ease of never having to leave the comfort of your bed. With classic observations about our daily lives, including specific references to people we all know and love, this is potentially the most addictive website since Facebook during any given hectic assessment period.

But I must ask myself – would the blog be as exciting, as hilarious and scandalous, if we were to know who the author was? If it did turn out to be my neighbour in first year, a friend from a tutorial, the guy who always eats Subway on the same days as me – would I feel betrayed? Would I feel like this person had dug too deep into my life? Would I feel like curling into the fetal position, drawing the curtains and hissing at any intruders?

Perhaps. Perhaps. Indeed, maybe this person is so wise, so well-adjusted, so omniscient, that they foresaw the dangers of revealing their identity. Or maybe this person just foresaw the potential for a lawsuit. Either way, they’re too clever to be discovered. So until they are, I promise to keep embarrassing my friends by linking them to inappropriately accurate examples of how I feel when they have sex loudly. You know who you are.

LIFE & STYLE// 24

The False Duality of Womanhood (AStory of Two Holes) A LADY

In a world where everyone seems to be chasing the perfect “soulmate”, where minorities etch to have their monogamy legalized and where the online dating industry is worth a whopping $4 billion per year, there seems to be a zero tolerance policy for adultery, cheating and plain fucking around. The urge to cheat and the reasons behind it are complex and varied. They range from mere boredom with the relationship and a lack of sexual fulfillment, to the more sinister problems of the individual not believing they are worthy of love, purposefully punishing the other partner for the absence of affection or needing to stroke their ego with multiple conquests. Or maybe, it’s as simple as being that fucked up on any given Thursday night.

But what if you are not “technically” committing the unforgiveable act, but rather, are aiding and abetting an individual by playing the illusive other? When you make that “it’s only human” mistake to add a little extra sugar to someone’s bowl and a little more drama to your life, you have to ask the question: have you sabotaged your chances of getting the idyllic white picket fence, replacing it with the branding of a “mistress”. Are you

now destined to receive no love or intimacy, and just cheap and easy sex?

The Madonna/Whore complex is pretty simple.

As Freud understood it, men see their mother (with the obvious exceptions that come with an abusive/dysfunctional relationship) as being the epitome of the “perfect” representation of what a woman should be and act like. Thus the vast majority of men are confined to a rigid duality that separates love and sex, and the lack of cohesion between these ideas means that they want to date the “good girl” and have kinky sex with a slam piece on the side. As the story goes, Madonna or Mary conceived Jesus without the messy, depraved sexual act. She was the ideal wife and mother because her disposition was devoid of primordial urges.

Therefore, a man’s capability of engaging in

“immoral” behavior and his sense of erotic liberation only feels appropriate with the company of a “whore”.

It is this inability to combine the two which Freud argues is the root-cause for most sordid affairs. Freud has unwittingly conceptualized a “responsibility escaping mechanism”, that places the onus back on women as being the problem within committed relationships.

Furthermore, he has legitimized the thought that women can be neatly defined by either of these two roles. Thus, if Freud is to be taken seriously, women are trapped by the inevitable tag that comes with numerous sexual partners and a desire for sexual exploration, and are not viable candidates for something serious.

If we were bound by Freud’s logic, women who are comfortable enough to probe and

As Freud understood it, men see their mother (with obvious exceptions that come with an abusve/dysfunctional relationship) as being the epitome of the “perfect” representation of what a woman should be and act like.

diversify their sex lives will automatically be thrust into the labeled realm of a “whore”, a label that most men have immense difficulties overlooking and accepting. Maybe it comes down to the inherent selfishness of people, that they want to commodify relationships so that they own something that is entirely their own and that has not been “shared around”; it comes down to that notion that perhaps greed plays devil’s advocate, and that serves to remind men that they must bury their sexual insecurities through ridicule, judgment and an assertion of their dominance.

I guess there is no real way to escape society and the ingrained morals that comes with being a member of it. At the end of the day, aren’t we all just actors oscillating being differing roles and differing parts? We could do that. We could accept that nothing every really changes and that we are bound to live in a world where we have to hide our past, our cravings and our true personalities. Or, we could say “fuck you” to any person that tries to belittle us based on our life experience and find someone that actually accepts every facet of our existence and doesn’t impose a hubristic notion of morality onto us.

LIFE & STYLE// 25

Canberra Man Hunt CHLOE SEVIL

Take a casual run past Ainslie oval (but not too hard, you don’t want to break a sweat). The men’s AFL team train here at around 6:30pm.

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Conveniently, Ainslie Football Club is located right next door, a regular for aftertraining drinks.

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Go for a dip at Civic Pool, make sure to arrive at around 6:30pm.

Floating bandaids, floating hair and possible infection matter not as the Mens Swim squad slide into the water in lane two

Bumping Bits in Online Dating

HEATHER MCGOWAN

The internet dating phenomenon fascinates me. The glossy television advertisements make it seem like such an attractive option: softly-lit, good-looking couples frolic on the beach or wander through hayfields, gazing deeply into each other’s eyes, while the voiceover invites you to sign up online so that you too can meet your soul mate. Now obviously, the rational part of my brain tells me, this is a false ideal, designed to manipulate one into forking out hard earned cash for the opportunity to be cyber-ogled by online perverts. However, the less rational part of my brain has already opened my laptop and signed me up for an account.

As I was scrolling through the list of what the site had suggested as potential matches, the first thing that struck me was the abundance of normal dudes – students, professionals, tradies – all young, and without any apparent creepiness, the definitely dodgy 48 year old TruckDriver66 aside. It seems as though finding a partner is becoming an increasingly difficult enterprise, even among the young population. This phenomenon is not isolated to Canberra, either. There were plenty of similar results all across the country. And not just men; young women, too, are going online to find romance.

Now, this may not be a news flash to some, but it still surprised me, as I had always considered online dating as the province of the over 30s, or of the recently divorced (for confirmation see Diane Lane and John Cusack in the fairly awful Must Love Dogs). So when I saw a plethora of early twenties Canberrans searching for partners, I stopped to think.

Is it actually harder to meet people than in

bygone eras, or is this kind of thing simply symptomatic of our generation? Are we so incapable of regular social interaction that our romantic endeavours have to be mediated through a computer screen? The media keeps reminding us that Generation Y relies heavily on virtual communications like text message, email and Facebook, at the expense of face-to-face contact. But is that necessarily a bad thing?

As I started to receive contact requests from the online would-be Romeos, I noticed how uncomplicated and straightforward the interaction became. Someone indicated their interest and I responded by reviewing their profile, assessing their likes and dislikes, level of education, marital status. If I was impressed, I invited the potential beau to formally contact me. There was none of this messing about, spending an hour talking to the person before realising that it definitely wasn’t going to work out, not least because they had no idea who Joel McHale was or how to use a possessive apostrophe. It certainly proved an efficient way to cut the wheat from the chaff.

Efficient as it may be, I found that I couldn’t stick with the online thing for long, and deleted my profile after a weekend of online dating exploration. I guess that for me, lovelife shouldn’t be about efficiency, and that the simple “getting to know you” phase, which the online process largely cuts out, can be fun and interesting. Even if it’s tragically bad, it can make great material for late-night conversations with your friends, where you can reminisce about how the real life TruckDriver66 repeatedly said “youse”, and then offered to buy you a drink at North Bar.

It’s Olympics time and the Kookaburras are steadily working their way through the pool. Drop by the National Hockey Centre in Lyneham on Thursday nights, around 8pm to check out potential future Olympians (and their stick skills…)

Thursdays

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Avoid Civic at all costs. Night-rider bus fares from Tuggeranong are cheap; enough said.

Head to Manuka and the “Public” bar and position yourself close to a heater if public servants are more your thing

LIFE & STYLE// 26 THE SEVEN SEAS

Ireland Guide KIERAN PENDER

Stay?

Generator Hostel Dublin – Located in Smithsfield Square, three light rail stops from the main drag, Generator is a modern hostel with plenty of features. The lack of a kitchen is a downside, but with a great supermarket across the square offering delicious rolls and wraps for only a few euros, this is a minor problem.

With family – If, like me, you are one of the vast numbers of Australians with Irish heritage, you may be lucky enough to have family living somewhere in the Emerald Isle. And there is perhaps no better way to see Ireland than with a local, so explore your family tree and start making phone calls!

Where?

Eat? With expatriates from Australia to ArgenPossibly the more important question when tina, Ireland has a worldwide reputation far it comes to a meal is not what to eat, but what outweighing its relatively small size. But a to drink. And the clear winner here has to be trip to the Emerald Isle quickly reveals why: Guinness. While it is available worldwide, a it is a place of beauty, culture and good craic.

Guinness poured at a Dublin bar is somehow tastier than any Australian equivalent.

When?

Food is reasonably similar to what one In Ireland it seemingly rains in summer, might find at home, and price is usually autumn, winter and spring. That said, June moderate. If in Galway, search for an excelis probably the best month for those hoplent small cafe called Mixed Greens, an eco ing to avoid a downfall, although again the friendly healthy lunch option offering a variweather is famously unpredictable. To avoid ety of salads, sandwiches and burgers - great the crowds, pack a rain jacket and head over food and good prices. Top tip: Spar superin September; at this time, it is still warm markets offer delicious chicken wraps for enough to be pleasant, and there is still plenty only three euros! to do.

Visit?

Dublin – The Irish capital is almost a compulsory visit, especially given most travellers will fly into its airport. Spend a few days enjoying the city, and don’t miss visits to Trinity College, the Guinness Storehouse and Temple Bar. Galway – Located close to the impressive Cliffs of Moher and scenic Aran Islands, Galway is a good base for exploring the Irish countryside. Nevertheless, the city has much more than just a convenient location going for it – with serious history and a great pub scene, Galway is a good place to stay for several nights. Find a venue with local music and enjoy the craic – an Irish word for fun and enjoyment.

Sligo – Nestled on the North West coast of Ireland, Sligo may not be the tourist hotspot of Dublin or Galway. It nonetheless provides the gateway to a county of incredible landscapes – mountains, beaches and imposing cliffs. Not far from Sligo is the beautiful Rosses Point, and for those into golf, an excellent course overlooking the ocean.

Melbourne

Transport?

The Irish train network is a reliable and effective means of getting around, if somewhat Dublin-centric. With no real rail infrastructure on the west coast, any journey from Sligo to Galway, for example, is either taken by bus or via Dublin. Thankfully the buses are excelROHANA PRINCE lent, reasonably cheap, and have free wifi on During the break I had the pleasure of visboard. Finally, Irish Rail is part of the Eurail iting my favourite city in the world. Away network – handy if you are planning an ex- from the frost and chill of the capital, I intended trip around Europe. dulged with my family in all the things one should do in Melbourne – ride on trams, Cost? watch Collingwood win at the MCG, shop Prices in Dublin are in line with most ma- and, most importantly, eat. jor European cities, although the Irish recesWe kicked things off with breakfast at a café sion has led to a dip in the cost of living. Away tucked away in the hustle and bustle of the from the city and things are a little cheaper, South Melbourne markets, in-between rows but still comparative with other Western Eu- of booths selling everything from salami ropean countries. In short,it isn’t cheap, but and sugared almonds to pastries, pies, pasta thankfully not ludicrously expensive either. and parmesan. After squeezing into comfy lounge seats at the corner table covered by Fun Fact? copies of The Age, all three of us settled for The creator of Guinness, Arthur Guinness, the muesli. My prejudice against ordering was so confident in his product that he signed muesli when eating out was well and truly a 9,000 year lease for the factory land! overturned when we were presented with three tapas style plates (the kind that usually would be filled with papas bravas) filled to the brim with locally mixed muesli and King Island yogurt, topped with toasted hazelnuts and a smattering of honey. The creaminess of the yogurt contrasted the crunchiness of the muesli and the hazelnuts while the honey added just a touch of sweetness. I had to work hard not to polish off the remains of my sister’s as well as my own.

Just as wandering through the city and its many shops is a compulsory activity whenever my family is in Melbourne, so too is a visit to Aix, the creperie in Centre Place. Hidden in an alleyway not unlike the café version of Diagon Alley, Aix is no bigger than a tram carriage. Even on the dreariest of days, one’s heart will be filled with warmth at the sight of the front counter filled with overflowing baguettes and huge slices of frittata.

But if we’re talking comfort food, the sweet crepes are where it’s at. If you have all of half an hour in Melbourne the one thing I would recommend to do is to sit yourself down on one of Aix’s tiny tables, order a crepe with Nutella (or maybe the one with raspberries

A Brief and Incomplete Culinary Review

and white chocolate) and just watch the many passers-by make their way through the tiny alley way along the cobbled stones. The place is alive with chatter and hubbub of lunchtime conversations and is especially lovely in the wet, when the cobblestones glisten, the shop signs glow, and the buildings seem to warm you as much as the freshly cooked crepe on your fork.

Up another (slightly larger) alleyway, commonly known as Chinatown, is the Kimurakan Japanese Café. My sister and I accidently stumbled upon it one night before a Collingwood game and we were more than pleasantly surprised at what we’d found. The place is a little simple, but the friendly Japanese waitresses and the sounds of the latest Asian pop sensations more than make up for the lack of stylish décor. For $10-$15 you can get a Bento box filled with sizzling meat, steaming hot rice, gyoza, tofu, bean sprouts and salad. My Bento of choice is the Salmon, which is cooked in a tasty teriyaki sauce. The highlight of the meal is (if you ask for it) the fried rice, which for $1.50 extra, is possibly the rice dish incarnation of heaven itself. I don’t know what it is about that combination of rice, egg and carrots, but I would eat it by the bucket load if my stomach allowed.

As our time in Melbourne drew to a close, I found time for one last stop off on the way to the airport. If you venture down Degraves Street, near Centre Place, you’ll find on the Flinders Street Station end a cupcake shop.

Little Cupcakes is another of those Melbourne cafes that seems up serve up happiness on a plate. With my departure looming, I ordered a “Brownie Day” mini cupcake and sat behind the wooden bench at the window.

As I watched the people go by, I savoured every last crumb of that tiny cupcake and said my goodbyes to Melbourne for another year.

“I’ll be back”, I said to myself, “and next time I’ll have the raspberry and dark chocolate”.

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REVIEWED// 27

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REVIEWED// 28

Pleaure with Punch

READ // BOOK Ancient Light John Banville 2012

JESS MILLEN

Cosi

Ursula Hall Production VINCENT CHIANG WATCH // PLAY Cosi Ant Franzi 2012 Given the string of controversies and scandals that have plagued on campus residences over recent years, one could make the case that of all the Daley Road colleges, Ursula Hall least resembles a mental institution.

Nevertheless, the 2012 Ursies production of Cosi is as sincere as it is enjoyable, although the overall performance is not without its rough edges.

Set in an Australian mental hospital, Louis Nowra’s play depicts wannabe-director Lewis’ (Matthew Dunn) attempt to stage a production of Mozart’s classic Cosi Fan Tutte with a colourful cast of the hospital’s patients.

As the production comes to fruition, the patients – and Lewis himself – all experience a degree of personal change, as vignettes of the rehearsals and the events around them flash before the audience’s eyes.

In a sense, it is perhaps this focus on shorter sequences which proves this production’s undoing at times. With its small size and claustrophobic back-stage area, the ANU Drama Lab is not built for sharp set changes, and this becomes painfully obvious when the between-scenes darkness often lingers on for just a little too long. Of course, once we are the lights come up over the action, the humanity of the play’s characters shine through all the more effectively (with assistance from the Lab’s intimate size), but something of the theatricality of it all is lost nevertheless; little things really do matter in the long run.

But there is humanity, and the characters, though occasionally over-acted, do reach into the audience’s hearts. Radiating from almost all of the patients is a certain endearing quality, and the most mild-mannered of them all, Henry (Luke Powter) and Ruth (Claire Seton), are nothing but lovable – you really just want to give them a hug. The exception to this rule of attraction, of course, is the obligatory theatre narcissist, Roy, whose self-absorbed antics (captured skilfully by Steve Harrison) are enough to make one livid, exactly as the character requires.

Above all else, however, it is Lewis who must tie all of the (literal) insanity together, and Dunn accomplishes his character’s task admirably with a very raw, natural calmness.

With that said, Dunn’s predominant interpretation for the character does not necessarily translate well to some of the play’s more intense emotional scenes, although come the finale’s solemnity, this is pleasantly irrelevant.

This is, again, a college production, and so the lack of technical polish is forgivable but unfortunately still present. Nevertheless, Ursula Hall should be proud of having done justice to Nowra’s text, and for having brought it to life with poignancy and delight.

Damn, John Banville is good.

He is the literary equivalent of someone who can effortlessly pat their head and rub their stomach while balancing atop a unicycle; his writing brings together intricate plots, beautiful prose and sudden, game-changing twists with casual pizzazz.

His latest novel, Ancient Light, is a variation on a theme – like many of his earlier offerings, it features an older man sifting through his memories, bringing together the various threads of his life to a devastating finish. Captured in a writing style renowned for its poetic quality, the smallest details of the everyday are illuminated with such skill that they become as breathtaking as a sucker punch to the jugular.

At its core, Ancient Light is about two major events in the life of the ageing Alexander Cleave: the clandestine affair between his fifteen-year-old self and his best friend’s mother, and his adult daughter’s suicide many years later. Cleave’s life story touches every emotional pole: it is heartbreaking, bitterly funny and refreshingly sensual.

Recently, a wild, frothing-at-the-mouth craze for romantic fiction has led to the rise of easy erotica, a genre that predominantly features two cardboard cut-outs pining moodily for each other between bouts of dry humping and light emotional abuse.

These books are, unfortunately, a tradeoff, where the opportunity for enjoyment

depends entirely on your ability to sit back and let your libido repeatedly bitch-slap your brain.

As it turns out, we can have our cake and eat it too – Ancient Light is proof that a novel can be both sexy and smart. It can’t be classified as smut by a long shot, but Banville’s work weaves a story of stolen, forbidden pleasures and obsessions.

However, unlike E. L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey, which was written with all the grace of a collision between a semitrailer and a freight train, Ancient Light delivers titillation without the accompanying urge to gauge one’s eyes out with a spork.

Where James’ writing style provokes the desire to set yourself on fire (not figurative, passionate fire but the searingly painful,

forget-the-horrific-dialogue-you-just-readbecause-you-are-literally-being-consumedby-scorching-flames kind of fire), Banville is a true and elegant wordsmith, weaving thrilling stings of sensuality into a body of forceful but vulnerable prose.

His eroticism is subtle and delicately-assembled, and Ancient Light is peppered with all the confusions, excitements and startling intimacies of real-life sex.

This complexity is Banville’s speciality.

Much popular fiction today presents mildly upstanding but ultimately hollow characters who serve as empty shells onto which we can project ourselves. Ancient Light moves in the opposite direction, evoking Alexander’s narrative voice so strongly that the character inhabits us as we read.

As a result, we feel both his past and present with astounding power. His fifteen-yearold heart pumps erratically in our chests the first time his older lover gives him a lift home; we squirm through the memories of his boyish fumbles and faux pas; we feel the ache of his nostalgia and grief as a man in his midsixties, combing through his memories for something, anything.

The sensation of reading one of Banville’s novels is akin to the feeling of putting on glasses after years of short-sightedness.

At first, some things feel too close, too infocus, and the sudden vividness of detail may feel uncomfortable, but then, as you acclimatise, everything is imbued with a sudden clarity and intensity that makes you wonder how you never tried this before.

Ancient Light is the full package – beauty and brains, sex and sophistication, pulled together by an author who has been acknowledged by many as the master of his art.

Damn, John Banville. Damn.

MAHLER! Death Sentence LISTEN // CD Mahler : Symphonie No. 9 Chicago Symphony Orchestra 2010 JACKSON MOORE

Following on from the death of his daughter, the diagnosis of a fatal heart condition, and the discovery that his wife had been having an affair and had decided to leave him, the great Austrian composer Gustav Mahler sat down to write his last completed symphony, the Ninth.

If the Ninth Symphony embraces the disintegration of Mahler’s personal life, it also speaks for the moral, political and spiritual decay that was beginning to infect the society in which he lived. Composed between 1909 and 1910, Mahler’s Ninth Symphony lays bare a German culture and a tradition of German music that had become, by the beginning of the twentieth century, increasingly febrile and fractured.

Although the Modernist movement was still, roughly speaking, a decade away, the Ninth can be understood as a prophetic vision of the destruction that would come to devastate both the Austro-Hungarian Empire and the German Symphonic tradition with the advent of war in 1914.

The first movement begins with an uneasy truce between a bruised resignation and the dawning realisation that one’s commitment to life can never be static – it must be re-

newed over and over. As such, this movement has a convulsive quality to it – indeed, it is a series of failed climaxes, wherein the pathos resides, not so much in annihilation, but in the repeated and often heart-breaking juxtaposition of the will to triumph and the slow, bloodied recovery from failure.

The second and third movements of this symphony are essentially polemical; they contain music of such cynicism that one

could be forgiven for dismissing them as the ranting of a bitter old man. Although these movements bristle with the anger and frustration, they are by no means reactionary: the

dissonances, atonality and sheer chaos of the third movement in particular imposes, ineluctably, on the listener a sense of the avantgarde, even a century after it was written.

It is in the fourth movement however that the true scope of Mahler’s ambition is revealed: the Ninth Symphony concludes with both a stirring, poetic affirmation of life, and a cold, almost Zen-like, acceptance of death.

Like the first movement, it is a procession of essentially failed climaxes, but unlike in the first, this no longer seems so painful. As the music is gradually stripped bare, we approach the extreme horizons of sound and soul. As the great American conductor Leonard Bernstein put it: “It is terrifying, and paralyzing, as the strands of sound disintegrate ... in ceasing, we lose it all. But in letting go, we have gained everything.”

For the symphonic novice, I would recommend either the 1998 Deutsche Grammophon recording with Pierre Boulez conducting the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, or the 2008 EMI recording with Sir Simon Rattle and the Berlin Philharmonic. While these recordings may lack the prestigious pedigree of earlier recordings by Bruno Walter or Sir John Barbirolli, when listened to in conjunction with a first-rate stereo system (or a good pair of headphones) these modern, digital recordings provide a clarity of sound, in addition to rigorous interpretation, that is apt to provoke a most visceral pleasing reaction.

REVIEWED// 29

The Innocence of Youth CHLOE SEVIL

READ // BOOK Fifty Shades of Grey E. L. James 2012

I Am Eleven Out of Eleven God, while others thought carefully and considered the word’s collective value. One child named Remi, from Maguelone in France, talked about “the first love”, which is of your family and friends, “the second love” given to those in romantic relationships, and finally SINEAD O’CONNELL “the third kind of love” that is, “the love you Melbourne director Genevieve Bailey re- have for people you don’t know…you feel cently created a multi-award winning film, their pain and you just love them”.

I Am Eleven – a documentary that cleverly In another question asked to Remi about interviews eleven-year-old boys and girls from fifteen countries around the world. Her project reveals a remarkable portrait of those among the human race who are not yet old enough to be tainted by cynicism or weighed down by their experiences, but so young to be either ignorant or oblivious of their surroundings.

When watching the film, you quickly realise that it is one of those rare movies that holds you in its grasp; the audience are willing puppets holding a firm grin on their face for the entire length of the feature. The experience was in many ways like looking in a mirror, both literally and figuratively. As the children on the screen are almost always smiling to the camera, so too the audience find themselves continuously smiling as they watch the film unfold.

That said, it is important to mention that just as the youthful innocence of the cast will War and what it means, he answered humforge a smile, they may also bring you to tears bly: “Man arrived making war and man will with their unexpected wisdom. When asked die making war”. I sat in awe in front of the about the notion of Love, many of the chil- screen, thinking about the impossible insight dren spoke of their brothers and sisters and

WATCH // DOCUMENTARY I Am Eleven Genevieve Bailey 2012

Incidentally the children were also asked this question, to which almost all of them answered: “We’re really just all the same”. It makes you realise how much we can learn from children, if we just listen.

these bright-eyed citizens must have in order to see the world this clearly. Contemplating this complexity, however, seems arbitrary, as the purpose of this film does not lie in the realm of academia. Its purpose is, quite simply, to let them speak and for us to listen.

As they reveal the “private obsessions and public concerns that animate their lives”, they also expose the similarities and distinctions between cultures. One obvious contrast is a girl from New Jersey who talks about creating four day weekends if she could change the world, while a young girl from Kerala discusses how she would build a new home for her “sisters” at the Orphanage in which she lives.

It’s a colourful and inspiring film that makes you wonder about the places that nurture and host these minds. What unites all of these children? Is there a theme? Can we thread them all together through an abstraction?

Incidentally the children were also asked this question, to which almost all of them answered: “We’re really just all the same”. It makes you realise how much we can learn from children, if we just listen.

I Am Eleven was the winner of Best Documentary at the IF Awards, the Audience Award at the Melbourne International Film Festival, the Newport Beach Film Festival and Cleveland International Film Festival, thus it is obvious that I need plead no more in stressing its exceptional quality and power.

You need a break from War and Peace.

You’re stranded on your holiday with a bunch of over-attentive relatives. You’re stuck at the airport with nothing to read – you face the bleak prospect of the airport bookstore selling the vapid biographies of no one you care about. Fifty Shades of Grey is just waiting to jump out and grab you by the short and curlies, as it seems to have done with so many other women with a sense of curiosity and half a libido. You’ve read a little about it already – new wave female-friendly erotica; tick. A plotline; tick. You take the plunge.

Anastasia Steele is about to graduate from uni. She’s bookish, with a straight HD average, but luckily has been blessed with social skills. Unfortunately, she’s annoying – think Bella Swan annoying. Side note: Fifty Shades of Grey is based on hard-core Twilight fanfiction. Her chosen way of speaking is “murmuring” and she has a propensity to fall over at awkward moments. Enter Christian Grey – a successful, attractive multi-gazillionaire owner of an economic empire. Add some taboo sexual fetishes (read: whips, cuffs – not the pink fluffy kind – and spreader bars) and you have Steele’s quirky choice of love interest.

The novel is an exploration of an extreme sexual fetish, with plenty of steamy intimate scenes for those wondering if the label “mum porn” really applies. It’s a fun read, but the popularity of the book is, in some respects, worrying. Christian’s taboo sexual fetish is centred around themes of Dominance and Submission, Christian being Dominant. Submissives essentially renounce their right to any form of willpower and completely give themselves up to whatever takes Christian’s fantasy. Submissives wear what he wants them to wear and behave as he orders them to behave; they call him “Sir”.

The book’s popularity is essentially exposing a broad target market to a situation where the man’s sexual pleasure is utterly based on a woman’s submission. Is this really ok? It’s encouraging that the market for more adult reads targeted at women is expanding, but for me, I found it abhorrent that Steele would even consider absolutely forfeiting her willpower to this man, all because she loved him.

I would have liked to see a female character with more gumption and a little less easy acceptance of what her beau proposed. Steele falls too easily for Grey, making her question her limits all for the love of one man.

So why then, is the book so popular despite its weak writing style, taboo sexual fetishes and a female lead who remains in thrall to a clearly troubled man who admits he’d like to hurt her for sexual pleasure?

It’s the thrill of the ride. You’re reading something “naughty” and illicit and you know others are doing it too. It’s a secret club – someone might giggle on the plane in front of you and you discover later as you pass that they’re reading Fifty Shades on their Kindle.

It’s also the primordial thrill and uncertainty of the unknown, of things unexplored and taboo. Christian Grey is the epitome of this idea – a tall, dark stranger, forbidden and potentially dangerous, beckoning you to leap off the edge into the unknown. Whether you jump is up to you.

SPORT// 30 CALLUM FRYER

On the track in Athens, eight years ago, Australia comfortably cleaned up. We took home five of the possible 12 gold medals, three more than their nearest competitors (Russia and Great Britain, two apiece). On top of that were two silvers and a bronze. The might of the Aussies on the pines was expect-

ed to showcase again four years on in Beijing.

Instead, however, Australia finished with one silver. One lonely, measly silver. It was won by a 24 year old, who less than a year before

Our Golden Girl

had broken her neck in a racing accident. In Athens that same girl had taken out a gold and a bronze. Now 28 years old, the oldest, most experienced and most loved rider of the Australian track team once again flew the flag for us. Australia won one gold, one silver and three bronze, our golden girl eight years on from her last was returned to where she deserves to be; on top of the dais. Anna Meares won one gold and one bronze.

In an Olympics that were a disappointment for Australia, it is ever so important to be able to deliver on expectations and hold your head high. Anna Meares can do that.

She made the finals in the keirin, bronze in the team sprint and without a gold medal, Australia’s track team entered the final day with Meares as our last true hope. She had a semi-final against Shuang Guo and in a best of three match up she easily delivered, winning in two to advance to the final that everybody wanted: Anna Meares vs Victoria Pendleton. Australia’s golden girl takes on Queen Victoria of Great Britain. A rivalry that has spanned almost a decade and most recently stepped up to a new level in Melbourne at the world championships. 31 year old Pendleton beat Meares into a silver in the sprint, crashing (due to Meares) in the final resulting in a disqualification for Meares in one of the rounds. Tensions were high and even Meares,

Brumbies Embarrass Canberra Again

usually one of the nicest, most lovely cyclists, engaged in a little bit of smack talk leading up to the Olympics. As far as track cycling goes, this was the biggest rivalry, made even bigger by the fact that Australia had not won a gold yet and that this was to be Pendleton’s last ride. Australia was awake, Britain was cheering, Meares was focused and Pendleton was determined. They lined up next to each

Anna Meares took out Victoria Pendleton in the way deserved of our Golden Girl, with style, grace, power and something so beautiful when an Aussie beats a Pom; ease. other, eyes staring straight ahead, they were announced and then the gun went. For what was the biggest race of the meet it certainly was spectacular, but perhaps only if you’re an Aussie.

In the first round Pendleton managed to win, but only performing what is known in track cycling as a “flick”. With 200m to go, if you are under the red line on the velodrome

you’re not allowed out. However what a lot of sprinters do is “flick” their bike at the other rider to cause them to hesitate and slow down. It is considered a dangerous but exciting move, and Pendleton pulled it in desperation. To her dismay she didn’t manage to control it and came out of the red sprinters lane, causing her to be disqualified from that round. When the referees announced it, she was shocked, the royals were shocked and the crowd gasped. That was the moment that she lost the gold medal. Pendleton, not the most mentally strong rider, could not come back.

The second and final round resembled more or less a great rider dispatching a lesser rider in an earlier round of the competition as opposed to the two best sprinters of their generation. Anna Meares took out Victoria Pendleton in the way deserved of our Golden Girl, with style, grace, power and something so beautiful when an Aussie beats a Pom; ease.

Anna Meares is our greatest female track cyclist ever. Everything fitted into place, she’d worked so hard to come back from the broken neck she suffered five years ago, carrying the Australian track program’s flag. Finally, our power is being restored, but still and until she retires, Anna will be our number one girl, flying home with a gold medal around her neck, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Super 15 Wrap Up

ZACH MACKEY

The Waikato Chiefs have won their first Super 15 trophy, with a convincing 37-6 win over the Durban Sharks in Hamilton. This was the end of a remarkable year for the Chiefs, beginning with them being smashed at home by the Hurricanes in their first game of the season, to then convincingly finish the season as minor premiers, even after a string of losses. And fittingly, the game was an apt goodbye (at least for now) to an adopted son of Hamilton, Sonny Bill Williams, whose cameo for New Zealand Rugby has brought him a Super 15 Championship, World Cup win, and runner up in last year’s competition.

The game was a close affair, much closer than it should have been. The Sharks have travelled for every game of the finals, to Brisbane, back home to Durban and finally to Hamilton. This eventually showed, as the incredible pressure the Chiefs piled on turned into points. Even so, the start of the game was played in the Chiefs’ defensive 50, kept there by the Sharks’ attacking raids and questionable kicks by Chiefs flyhalf, Aaron Cruden. The Sharks were the first to trouble the scorer with an early penalty to Fredrick Michalak. Quick to follow was a converted Chiefs try, which almost became a double for Tim Nanai-Williams as a cross field kick almost found the rampaging winger as referee Steve Walsh played advantage. Ill-discipline plagued the Sharks in the minutes before halftime and they went into the break 10 points down.

Just after half time, a try to Kane Thompson gave the home side one hand on the trophy – an advantage they looked certain to control. The final 20 minutes of the game turned into a swansong for the Chiefs, as they doubled their points through tries to Masaga and Sonny Bill Williams, ably supported

by a host of penalty goals to Aaron Cruden.

This was optimised in the 77nd minute when SBW scored under the posts, sprinted past the deadball line and jumped into the arms of his home supporters, celebrating in the victory.

Thus, the second season of the expanded Super 15 season has come to a close. After last year’s fairytale Super 15 season, high hopes were held across Australia for a repeat of the Red’s run to the trophy. Alas this wasn’t to be, as the Australian provinces floundered throughout the season, with the exception of the ACT Brumbies, who agonisingly fell short of the finals. Once again, the Queensland Reds made it through as winner of the Australian conference, but in an upset the Sharks broke through the fortress that is Suncorp Stadium.

Empty promises were made by the Waratahs, who next year are said to be covering the turf of Allianz Stadium in paper – as that is all the team seems to be good on.

Hopefully the Western Force can resolve the issues out West, and give some hope to the Blue Army – the most passionate supporters’ group in Australia. This seems to be on the cards, as coaching issues are on their way to be resolved. The Force will miss inspirational captain, and superman on the pitch, David Pocock, but the young playing group will be able to move on.

The Melbourne Rebels showed what they could be capable of this year, in what is only their second season, defeating the Canterbury Crusaders during the season– a certain claim in the competition.

Finally, our home team of the ACT Brumbies cruelly had a finals berth snatched away this year, but with their core group of players, and an influx of big names, supercoach Jake White is surely on the path to bringing the nation’s capital success.

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SPORT// 31

Give Oscar A Leg Up MURRAY ROBERTSON

Armchair Decathletes Why Do We Enjoy Obscure Olympic Sports So Much?

ZACH MACKEY

What is it with some sports at the Olympics? For four years, little attention is payed, but as soon as a new host city brings the biggest sporting amalgamation to town, we cannot leave the couch. Canoe Slalom, Trampolining, BMX, Modern Pentathlon, suddenly we’re hooked.

I can honestly say, I am a sports nut. I cannot get enough of it. With the Olympics, I suddenly I had a smorgasbord of sports in front of me for two weeks and loved it, but what really tickled me about the Olympics was being able to watch high quality sport of a nature I had never experienced before. I have felt like this before, becoming engrossed in the Snowboard Cross and Ski Jump competitions during Vancouver 2010, and now, my obsession has grown. Just like a kid in a candy store, I have to have it all. If it’s on, I’ll watch it, and I’m not the only one.

I see the appeal that kept us glued to the screen is the ‘Olympic magic’. This seems to be a phrase thrown around by the media at this time of year, but there is an allure. Why else would myself and 50 other college students wake at the ungodly hour of 5.30am in the middle of Bush Week to watch the opening ceremony. Yet there we were, and didn’t we love it.

Furthermore, we Aussies are known for supporting the underdog. The sports that we have never really had an interaction with drew us in, and we couldn’t help but support it. We were more than happy to sacrifice sleep and endure another McDonalds advertisement in order to watch the Australian womens’ water polo team on their charge to the final, or cheer Jessica Fox as she won silver

Just like a kid in a candy store, I have to have it all. If it’s on, I’ll watch it, and I’m not the only one. (yes another one) in the final of the Women’s Kayak (K1). This is in our DNA, and there doesn’t even have to be an Aussie in the competition. Indeed, I found myself engrossed by the team archery battle between Mexico and Italy.

It’s not even the obscure sports that drew us in. Only twice since the Olympic Games begun have I witnessed the TV in the common room not switched over to one of the eight glorious Olympic channels Foxtel has provided us with. Firstly to watch the Super 15 final on Saturday night, and secondly so the latest episode of Toddlers and Tiaras could be watched (not supported by this writer). This blatant obsession on everyone’s part typifies the magic surrounding the games. Never before has such compliance been seen in front of the TV. The debate over Lifestyle You and Fox Footy was quelled, at least until August 13, as the athletes were cheered. When a member of our postgrad community took to the waters of Eton for the final of the men’s rowing pairs, the common room had standing room only, as a large number gathered to view the event. In my short time at college I haven’t witnessed such national support. It was incredible.

The question shouldn’t be why we enjoy obscure Olympic sports so much. It should be why do we love the Olympics so much? The spellbinding allure of the games kept us there and all that I can adequately say on this matter, is that, for this writer at least, the couch was not be vacated until the 13th August. For now, bring on the Paralympics!

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The second men’s 400m semi-final was a standard race, with runners from Grenada and the Bahamas fighting it out for first and second. The coverage of the race started and the combatants were introduced, none as exuberant as Usain Bolt yet who could be, each with a small smile or a wave, with muscled arms and the confident air of professional athletes. Yet something strange happened. As the smiling South African runner was introduced, the camera dropped dramatically to his legs, or lack thereof, and the biggest drawcard after Usain Bolt and the US Basketball team was revealed.

The outcry that has accompanied Oscar Pistorious and his involvement in these Olympic Games has been so severe that you have to remind yourself that he has not taken drugs but that he has prosthetic limbs. These limbs, called Flex-Foot Cheetah blades, are a result of Pistorious having both his lower legs amputated below the knee before he had a chance to blow out his first birthday candles.

The main problem, as far as I am concerned, is performance enhancement. Would people be as outraged if they saw him running with two peg legs, like a demented pirate? The blades that support him are scientifically proven not to provide extra assistance to his running: they do not give him extra power or propulsion. They are actually a poor version of the human leg, one is specifically designed to run. He lacks the balance that the foot provides, the feel of the ground that the toes allow. While his lack of lower leg may mean that he has less lactic acid and less fatigue in his muscles, it does not give him an outrageous advantage.

Incidentally, Pistorious came last in his semi heat and second last overall. Sadly, it means that he is still regarded as a novelty, a feel-good story. But he is better than that.

Imagine the hardships he has endured, the difficulties he overcame to get to London.

It would be a different story if he emerged victorious in the 400m, yet he did not. We should not begrudge this man, we should respect him.

I couldn’t care less that Pistorious is running. I understand that as soon as he starts to defeat able bodied athletes the same questions will be asked, the same theories discussed. He is not a Marion Jones. He is not a drug cheat, but a walking, talking example of determination and grit. We should hail him as a hero, and not question his advantage, or lack thereof. How could anyone tell a man with no lower legs that he has an advantage over an athlete with two complete legs?

Let the boy run.

Death Sentence TOM WESTLAND

Hardly, it seems to me, can you be blamed for the predicament in which you have, through no fault of your own, landed (although perhaps, comment dirait-on? somebody might have warned you): you are now eleven paragraphs into the first sentence of Henry James’s The Portrait of a Lady, and you, (sweet, frangible dandelion that you, almost unquestionably, are) indubitably, already, are thoroughly, and perhaps, almost, irrevocably lost, and can only cling to the forlorn hope that – but let us, before we continue with this thought, first say a little something about the structural elements of this novel, which has remained a classic of American literature ever since it was written some several hundred years, apparently, before the invention of the full stop, and which is constructed in two volumes, fifty-five chapters, and approximately three sentences, and which concerns, in matters narrative, the coming of age (in – and feel free to contradict me, by sending a self-addressed envelope to the address on your screens – a figurative as well as a literal sense) of Isabel Archer, who, with the possible exception of the sea in The Old Man and the Sea, is the least lifelike major character in the history of American letters, and who seems to spend much of the novel not getting married to gentlemen, until, of course, she does get married to a gentleman, at which point she realises that there isn’t very much to be gained by the marrying of gentlemen except the tantalising mirage of a plot (readers are invited to take advantage of this little parenthesis to take some tea, embark on an invigorating perambulation, or prepare themselves mentally for the uphill climb which follows); though, since we have just passed our very first semicolon, I feel it would be an excellent place to pause, for, I promise, only a brief diversion, to discuss a certain curious feature of the Jamesian sentence, which is filled – indeed, one might even be so bold, if one were the sort of person in the habit of being bold in this manner, as to choose instead the vocable “stuffed” – with scraps of fashionable French, which you could, were you still in the mood for boldness, very well conclude were pas tout à fait nécessaires, but which add a certain je ne sais pas où sont les toilettes pour dames to the sentence, however, were you to take time to decipher them, you would barely – CHAPTER TWO – have the time to sit with your favourite three-volume English dictionary and enjoy Mr James’s stridently rococo, hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian diction in our own tongue; yet, I think, we are, and almost certainly, reaching that sweet moment where, it seems, we see once more that sweet, pulchritudinous, long-forgotten thing, the second hyphon – the sentence will, and after many long years, praise be to God, end.

The Back Page PERLUSTRATING ASSERVATIONS Examining commonly held beliefs with a blow torch and a bunker buster

“I reckon karma’s definitely real” JAMIE FREESTONE MATHEW MCGANN Karma, in the contemporary West, is often defined as a belief which holds that: what goes around, comes around. Evidence for karma can be found in the fleeting moments when people find that when they feed someone else’s parking metre or hold a door open for an elderly person, that a pleasant surprise of equal magnitude often comes their way.

The converse (i.e.evil actions incur bad luck for the doer) is also often reported. But basing an entire model of the universe on occasional undocumented examples of fairly workaday happenings deserves further scrutiny; an extrapolation of this curious rewards scheme should provide some insight as to its feasibility.

From a scan of the literature there seems to be no clear measure of how “good” or “bad” an action is, which makes it difficult to know exactly how deeds are repaid. Are rewards proportional to the size of the act or do you only get rewards for small acts? If so, why bother with large scale philanthropy?

Do you get a uniform rewards no matter what the good deed? Again, why bother with large kindnesses? If this weak karma hypothesis is true, then the universe seems to have devised a uniquely poor incentive structure for good deeds.

Worse is if the corollary is true and punishments are similarly non-linear in their relation to bad deeds. For if a heinous act of butchery incurs the same bad luck as littering, then clearly the universe has set up a moral hazard whereby the Kony’s of this world can slaughter people with impunity while merely having to suffer through a life-

time of butter-side-down toast accidents and birds shitting on their newly washed jeeps.

Of course, the system may be linear, with the lack of correlation being explained by us having incomplete information. Perhaps Bill Gates’ incredible largesse is rewarded handsomely by a lifetime of tantric orgasms, which would explain the characteristic reticence of the CEO: the lucky devil struggles to talk much, being in a state of constant sexual paroxysm. More worryingly the strong karma hypothesis implies that those people suffering horribly are perpetrators of equally shocking cruelty getting their just deserts. Happily this means we don’t have to feel bad for these “victims”. Now that we know the karmically efficient universe is simply punishing the worst, we can step back and applaud justice being done. The woman in the Democratic Republic of Congo who gets raped to death by a machete was previously the object of our pity but, assuming karma is in operation, we should celebrate the punishment of someone who must have committed even worse atrocities herself — her violent, disgusting death should be celebrated as a righteous vindication of cosmic justice.

If karma applies universally, then the connections are impossible to comprehend; if karma is applied randomly, then it is in fact indistinguishable from the randomness it seeks to abjure. The rules aren’t clear and so it is not a game one can play intelligently to maximise the good in the world. However, karma is not all bad; the belief justifies the lavishing of praise on vapid celebrities and financiers for their assumed good deeds; and the spitting in the face of those necessarily evil African AIDS victims.

Q.E.D.

WORONI BOOKSHELF

For if a heinous act of butchery incurs the same bad luck as littering, then clearly the universe has set up a moral hazard whereby the Kony’s of this world can slaughter people with impunity while merely having to suffer through a lifetime of butter-side-down toast accidents and birds shitting on their newly washed jeeps.

Some of you may remember Aunty Flo from previous editions of The Back Page. Unfortunately, our beloved wise woman has decided to hang up her pinafores. Luckily, she’s put us in touch with another advice columnist.

Introducing.. Agony Angus. Telling it like it is, AA answers your relationship/ university/ life queries and quandaries. Write in with your questions atcontact@woroni.com.au

Dear AA, I’m in love. Only trouble is, the girl I’m in love with is... well, she’s a student politician. I don’t want it to get in the way of our relationship, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore.

I have to sit through countless photoshoots and strategy meetings. She blurted out her campaign slogan once during sex. It’s unbearable. What do I do? Should I just throw in the towel?

Signed, Unstimulated

Dear Unstimulated, Mate, you’re approaching this from all the wrong angles. First things first: free food. A student politician is always hovering ‘round some BBQ or another. Take advantage of it now while you can. (There’s only so many jelly beans from Student Space a stingy man can live off, am I right?) Second, at least you’re getting some bedroom action. Stacy won’t even sit next to me on the couch when I want to watch Fat Pizza anymore. Bloody devo. Have another sausage and hang tight, AA