Woroni: Edition 13, 2012

Seeking asylum from inside an asylum

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HARRY WHO? THE CASUAL VACANCY REVIEWED

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Why Gillard Really Slammed Misogynist Abbott

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WORONI The Australian National University Newspaper Since 1948

NO.13 VOL 64

OCT17

Young and the Restless: The Year That Was NAKUL LEGHA

Vice-Chancellor Professor Ian Young has stamped his distinctly managerial style of authority on our University and come out on top at the end of a tumultuous year for student organisations and the Chancelry. Despite only taking over former Vice-Chancellor Professor Ian Chubb’s mantle in March 2011, Professor Young now stands as one of the longest serving members in the University’s current executive administration.

This year alone, our eleventh Vice-Chancellor has overseen the exodus of Dr Brok Glenn, Executive Director (Administration and Planning), Professor Liz Deane, Pro Vice-Chancellor (Learning, Teaching and Students), Professor Mandy Thomas, Pro Vice-Chancellor (Research and Research Training) and Professor Lawrence Cram, Deputy Vice-Chancellor (Research) from the ANU leadership team. Registrar

Tim Beckett has also left the University.

All have officially either resigned or moved on to other positions although Woroni understands at least one of these vacancies was not voluntary.

On top of the retirement of Professor Robin Stanton, Pro ViceChancellor (E-strategies), nearly all of Professor Chubb’s appointments have seemingly been “managed out”.

Organisational change is perhaps inevitable in any leadership transition and vital for implementing a bold new vision of a leaner university, especially after Professor Chubb’s ten year reign.

However, the circumstances in which they have occurred raises eyebrows and gives weight to accusations that he is out of touch with the ANU community.

First there was the dramatic announcement in April that Chancelry would be looking to cut 150 jobs and slash funding to find $40 million in budget “savings” by the end of this year.

Hundreds of staff and students descended upon the Chancelry in protest. Professor Young stood his ground, keen to flex his leadership muscle. Just weeks later, he backed down in an embarrassing about face.

Once bitten, twice shy goes the old adage. But a civil engineer by training, Professor Young was never one for fluffy concepts like the Arts. He wanted to send a strong message about shoring up the commercial viability of the ANU and picked another, in his mind, seemingly inconsequential target: the School of Music.

Whether it was because of the deceptive manner in which it was announced (claims

by Chancelry the plan had been in the works for three years were directly contradicted by staff) or the striking ignorance it demonstrated about the role of the School of Music in the Canberra community, the proposed cuts galvanised our community.

Where hundreds – mostly aged Professors bedecked in tweed and weary Union officials – had turned out to protest the $40m

budget cuts, thousands of students, staff and members of the Canberra arts community gathered in force to protest the end of a performance-focused Bachelor of Music and the halving of music staff and one-on-one tuition.

Music students were distraught, the campus was outraged into action and the Canberra Symphony Orchestra, which relies on School of Music staff and students, pondered a grim future performing with a solo bassoonist.

It was obvious he’d picked the wrong battle to fight. It was a small school which provided high cultural value. The cost savings to come out of it were relatively insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

But, he must have thought, two back downs in the dawn of a new Vice Chancellorship does not a strong leader make.

No, Professor Young. A real leader builds a consensus, consults with the affected parties (the School of Music staff had been given no inkling of the plans nor had any Article continues on page 3

// Woroni elections guide // Page 16 // Woroni elections guide // Page 16 //

UNILODGE IS A DISGRACE {5} // VACCINATIONS: NOT JUST LITTLE PRICKS {7} // RNB: THE FINAL FRONTIER{21}

NEWS//2

ANU Union Woos Students with Bread, Circuses and Beer

BRIEFLY WITH SHAN-VERNE LIEW

Stupid Canberra

Snow carpeted the outskirts of Canberra last week, as October temperatures dropped to the lowest in the city since 1968. Ten people trapped in snow and floodwaters were rescued and evacuated during the temporary cold front, which has gradually dissipated.

The Bureau of Meteorology forecasts warmer-than-normal minimum and maximum temperatures from October to December.

Nobel WTF?

The 2012 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to the European Union. Since inception of the prize in 1901, this is the sixteenth time the prize has been awarded exclusively to a organisation instead of a person.

“The Union and its forerunners have for over six decades contributed to the advancement of peace and reconciliation, democracy and human rights in Europe,” said Nobel Prize chairman of the panel Thorbjorn Jagland.

“The stabilizing part played by the EU has helped to transform most of Europe from a continent of war to a continent of peace.”

The Nobel Prize in Literature was awarded to Chinese realism writer Mo Yan, which has led to nationwide celebration in China and positive coverage by state-run media. China’s government had condemned the Nobel Committee when the Peace Prize was awarded to Liu Xiaobo last year.

Robert Lefkowitz and Brian Kobilka were awarded the prize in chemistry for progress on G-protein-coupled receptors, while Serge Haroche and David J. Wineland were awarded the prize in physics for experimental methods for quantum systems. Sir John Gurdon and Shinya Yamanaka received the prize in physiology or medicine for discovering that mature cells can become pluripotent.

Canberra ACT Elections

Go vote!

The ANU Union has passed the biggest reform to their constitution in twenty years at their latest Ordinary General Meeting (OGM) last Thursday. The OGM has proposals to changes to 22 sections within the document.

The constitutional changes were drafted and proposed by Constitutional Review Committee, consisting of Union Board directors, and representatives from the Postgraduate and Research Students’ Association and the ANU Students’ Association. The majority of the reforms were to the Union Board electoral regulations, with the intention of mending a previously inadequate and outdated constitution.

Attendance at the meeting surpassed the 100 members, an unusually high number for university organisations. Students were plied with free food and alcohol to achieve the necessary quorum that was impressively accomplished in just six minutes. The

GUS MCCUBBING Woroni understands that ANU’s illustrious Burgmann College, ever the aesthetic trend-setter, is undergoing plans to construct what is known as a Dromenon on its southern lawns. Bearing a name which would perhaps induce most students to envisage a character from Transformers or Gladiator, it is in fact a “walking labyrinth”.

Burgmann’s Dean, Dr Phillip Dutton, built on this cryptic description in a public notice to residents, declaring that a Dromenon “represents a journey from the outer world to the inner sacred centre where the truth and the Divine may be found. It is a symbolic journey

aimed at creating reflection, contemplation, prayer and discovery of the truth.” Adding to this Dr Dutton highlighted that “more modern interpretations see the Dromenon as a concrete metaphor for raising consciousness and elevation of the human spirit and vision.”

Apparently Burgmann requires such transcendental tiling in order “to celebrate and enjoy its participatory and educative ethos in a shared, active and artistic medium”, as well as to “attest to the College’s intellectual values and creative atmosphere as a learning environment.” Dr Dutton confidently announced that the Dromenon “goes to our very purpose and ethos.”

The College will seek to raise a budget of

SUB EDITORS Ben Henschke Shan-Verne Liew Alex O’Sullivan Gareth Robinson Vincent Chiang Jess Millen

the later motions were passed shortly after without much fanfare. There was discussion about reducing the polling hours to limit the time demands on independent candidates, however one student argued that it might lead to confusion due to inconsistent voting times. As well, the proposed spending cap and changes to procedure when dealing with electoral misconduct were criticized as ineffective, but were put to the meeting without amendment and passed.

Some raised concerns over the voting process and how these votes were tallied. Two directors carried out the counting by eye, judging when necessary two-thirds majority was attained. All motions were passed without asking for abstentions or those against the motion.

The constitutional changes sought to help the Union become ‘more transparent’, as mentioned in the Union OGM Facebook event, which has been a contentious issue for the organization in recent times.

Burgmann Seeks $40k for Dromenon Phenomenon

EDITORIAL BOARD Liv Clakre Farz Edraki Nakul Dropbox Legha Yasmin Masri Gus McCubbing Dan ‘Kind Regards’Rose Lisa ‘The Fury’ Visentin Cam Wilson

meeting was held in a sectioned-off part of ANU Bar that was tightly packed with the eager students. Xinyu Ru, the Union Board Chair introduced the meeting as the “first [ordinary general meeting] in a long time”.

The agenda was run through in just over half an hour, with many of the changes passed without question or dissent. The changes deemed “non-controversial” by the Union Board were presented and passed en masse, whereas the more contentious sections were motioned separately. Sam Stapleton, who was the immediate prior Deputy Chair but has finished his term as director, introduced the majority of the constitutional changes to the meeting. In response to a query about standing orders, Mr Ru confirmed that students could ask questions however the Board was under no obligation to answer.

The ‘non-controversial’ group of changes, which consisted of 30 alterations to the constitution, was passed without much ado. Despite being deemed controversial,

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$40,000 from sources outside the College that would otherwise be unavailable and will not deter from priorities for the College. In a most enticing offer, all donations over $1,000 will be permanently recorded.

While the positioning of the construction, which totals thirteen metres in diameter and involves a five hundred metre “journey”, is yet to be officially confirmed, the Dean has indicated it would be somewhere on the southern lawns in between the roundabout and Hawker room. The Dean has also stressed that Dromenon will not affect the College’s famous Toga Party.

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r n t t t n e e . s . o s .

NEWS// 3

Young and the Restless

Article continued from page 1

idea their positions would be declared vacant overnight) and takes a moment to read the Enterprise Agreement his own staff have signed (it turned out the University didn’t have the right to spill staff positions).

Having a vision is one thing; getting others to see it is another.

But this time Professor Young was clearly onto something. Sensing the tendency of the University population (and its student associations) to become easily distracted, he ploughed on. As the fervour dissipated and students wandered off for mid-year holidays, it was quietly announced that the cuts would go ahead.

The NTEU was forced to back down and not a whisper was heard from ANUSA (Woroni’s approaches for comment were ignored).

A dejected Stephen Darwin of the NTEU told

Legislation and Lagers BEN HENSCHKE

A current ANU student and three ANU graduates were among the ACT election candidates grilled on their policies by students in the lead-up to the 20th October poll.

Third-year ANU student Trisha Jha, representing the Liberal Democratic Party (LDP) in the seat of Molonglo, and the ACT Greens’ James Higgins, ACT Labor’s Jayson Hinder and the Canberra Liberals’ Elizabeth Lee, all ANU graduates, joined Australian Motorist Party candidate Chic Henry at the ANU Bar for the ANU Students Associations’ Politics in the Pub on 10th October.

Summing up the LDP’s ideology as “most of the time, the less government the better,” Ms Jha said that her party would make things “simpler and easier” by removing regulations.

She cited an intention to remove of the ban on smoking outside of restaurants and pubs and vowed to “take a sledgehammer to planning laws” to keep down rents in the Territory.

Ms Lee, currently juggling her candidacy in the electorate of Molonglo with her poesition as a lecturer in the ANU College of dLaw, said that the Liberals would get “back -to basics, whether it’s roads, rates or rubbish.” s Mr Hinder cited jobs as the most impor.tant pillar of his campaign in Ginninderra, -warning that, “the Federal Opposition has -said they’ll cut between 12,000 and 20,000 ejobs, depending on which one you believe.” , Transport is an important issue for fel-low Ginninderra candidates Mr Higngins and Mr Henry, in what must be one eof the few areas in which the Greens and lthe conservative Motorist Party agree. y. Canberra could be “a 20th century city caught in the 21st century” if it does not improve its public transport system, Mr Higgins said, while car registration and fuel supply are issues on which Mr Henry will be fighting.

A student exasperated with the scarcity of mental health services on campus and in Canberra questioned the candidates on their mental health policies.

Mr Hinder lamented the fact that “there is only so much money to go around,” before reiterating Labor’s commitment to mental health as part of its overall health plan, while Ms Lee noted her concern about the high levels of

depression among lawyers and law students.

Labor has pledged $30 million specifically devoted to new mental health facilities, including around 70 new staff. The Liberals plan to improve treatment of less urgent mental health cases as part of their planned new $340 million sub-acute hospital, while the Greens have promised an extra $35 million to tackle the issue.

The underfunding of mental health in the ACT is a disturbing consequence of hospitals being run as “profit machines”, according to Mr Higgins.

While Ms Jha admitted that the LDP does not have a specific policy on mental health, she highlighted the party’s intention to cut spending in order to focus on major issues such as mental health.

Mr Henry said that a crackdown on school bullying would improve mental health. His party’s website recommends the “removal of liberties” as a punishment for bullying in schools, although it does not specify what these liberties are.

In one of the most heated moments of an otherwise placid debate, Ms Jha and Mr Higgins both condemned the public funding of the Catholic-run Calvary Hospital while it refuses to provide contraception to sexual assault victims, or to refer them to clinics that do so.

“It makes me ashamed to be running the the electorate where that hospital is based,” Mr Higgins said. Both he and Ms Jha agreed that the hospital should “play by government rules” if it wishes to receive government money.

Mr Henry drew jeers from the crowd for questioning whether hospitals should be rape counselling centres.

Candidates from smaller parties will hope to take advantage of the ACT’s system of multi-member electorates, under which minor parties have a greater chance of gaining seats. Five candidates are elected in the electorates of Ginninderra and Brindabella, and seven in Molonglo.

Labor currently holds seven seats, the Liberals six and the Greens four.

ANU Emeritus Professor John Warhurst has written that the election is “too close to call”.

Woroni “the compromise” was a “tremendously difficult decision but we had no choice”.

It has become apparent that Professor Young is a methodical (some say charmless) albeit delightfully moustachioed managerial mind who is at odds with much of the University’s culture. It’s a stark contrast from the forceful and personable presence of Professor Chubb who oversaw a decade of expansion and growth. But it’s the Vice-Chancellor we have and his vision for the University is becoming clearer. In doing so, he may already have isolated vast chunks of the staff and student population.

But in a rapidly changing higher education sector where performance indicators and metrics are the new black, Professor Young probably sees himself – to borrow the words said of another caped crusader – not as the Vice-Chancellor we deserve but the Vice-Chancellor we need.

High Speed Rail Gears Up SHAN-VERNE LIEW

Canberra International Airport is bidding for a High Speed Rail (HSR) link that is expected to transport passengers from Canberra to Sydney in approximately 57 minutes.

With Kingsford Smith Airport in Sydney expected to exceed flight capacity by 2027, the bid is part of a battle for Canberra Airport to become Sydney’s secondary airport to Kingsford Smith.

Infrastructure NSW and the federal government have said it would prefer for a second airport to be built within Sydney.

Proponents of HSR have argued that a rail link will provide Canberra Airport with the capacity to absorb excess demand at Kingsford Smith.

“High speed rail can set Canberra Airport up as the overflow airport Kingsford Smith desperately needs,” Australian Railway Association CEO Bryan Nye said to City News.

“As demand for travel into Sydney continues to grow, Kingsford Smith will increasingly fail to meet scheduled travel times, affecting not only airline reliability but also the experience of airline passengers.”

Transport from Sydney to Canberra currently takes about one hour by plane, 3.5 hours by coach or car, and over four

hours by train, according to The Canberra Times. A report published recently by Canberra Airport states that HSR travel from Canberra to Sydney’s CBD would require less time than travelling by car from Sydney airport to Sydney’s CBD. “Airlines will choose Canberra as their port because with HSR they can deliver their passengers into the Sydney CBD in under an hour and with superior frequency and certainty to the experience they will get via an over-subscribed KSA,” the report stated.

HSR is expected to cost 11 billion, which is roughly similar to the expected cost of instead building a second airport within Sydney.

Plans to build a second airport in Sydney have received resistance from HSR proponents who point out that a second Sydney airport would lead to noise pollution in the adjacent residential communities.

No residents want an airport in their backyard, Mr Nye said to City News.

The HSR proposal is part of a more ambitious $20 million federal government study into the feasibility of high-speed rail from Melbourne to Brisbane. However it is expected that a Melbourne-Brisbane rail plan would take decades to become operational and cost up to $108 billion.

ISD Election Results

ERNEST LEUNG The results are out for next year’s International Students’ Department (ISD) following a three-day election last week.

The Big Bang Ticket nominated a full list of candidates against a single independent candidate who contested four positions. Eight positions were uncontested.

Of the contested positions, the Big Bang Ticket took vice president, general secretary and one of two general representative (advocacy and welfare) positions. Huan Zheng, the independent candidate, claimed the other general representative (advocacy and welfare) position.

Only 209 votes were cast out of the more than 2,300 international undergraduate students who were eligible to vote. Candidates were seen campaigning in Union Court during the week.

“We are aware of the lack of engagement of international students in student affairs and the ANU generally,” incoming ANUSA

international students officer and ISD president Muhammad Taufiq bin Suraidi said. Mr Suraidi said he has been developing a plan to improve engagement with the department in 2013.

The lack of engagement was also highlighted by the scarcity of competing candidates.

Huan Zheng said she did not expect to win, but felt empowered and inspired by the number of students who supported her.

“Being an independent compelled me to work really hard and it was a good opportunity to engage the community early” she said.

It is not uncommon to hear international students treat ISD with cynicism and disregard. “ISD needs to be reformed to provide international students with a fresh take on engagement,” said incoming vice-president Cheryl Cheam.

However, these plans require immense support from relevant university bodies. Next year’s team will face the challenge of using its limited resources to advocate and deliver practical changes for international students.

COMMENT// 4

Why is There Still a Climate Change Debate?

ELENA TJANDRA

In 1941, when Milutin Milankovich proposed that changes in the Earth’s climate were related to greenhouse gases, he met with some disagreement from the scientific community. When the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change was established in 1998, the political Right rose up as opposition and created the climate change denial movement.

There has always been opposition to science and environmental predictions. But now we are living in a world where the climate science is undisputed. According to the National Academy of Sciences in the United States, 97-98 per cent of climate scientists believe climate change is happening because of human activity. Several other surveys have been conducted showing similar results. So why is there still a debate about the science of climate change?

The idea that climate science is not concrete was prevelant in the campaign against the carbon price. Let’s not forget Steve Fielding and Nick Minchin’s emphatic opposition to Kevin Rudd’s first proposal for the carbon pollution reduction scheme. While the carbon tax was eventually pushed through earlier this year, it has been watered down from Rudd’s original. The leadership change and election played an important role in delaying the process, but public debate is also to blame.

A phrase I hear a lot is “I’m still making my

mind up about climate change”. It particularly irritates me to hear this when the climate science has already been settled. I am sorry to break it to you, but climate change is not subjective and it certainly is not going to cease if you do not believe the science. But perhaps these attitudes are merely a reflection of the lack of clarity in the politics, encouraged by sensationalist media and those who have the money and power to negatively influence public debate.

In the August edition of The Monthly, Robert Manne shows how the vested interests of rich, companies with ties to the US Republican Party have manipulated public opinion into believing that there is indeed a climate change debate, with science supporting and denying human-induced climate change. For example, second rate climate scientists, Robert Balling and Patrick Michaels were paid by coal and oil companies to publicly promote anti-climate change views. In another example, negligible faults in original climate sci-

ence were highlighted and published in major science journals, unfairly questioning the credibility of climate scientists, even though 99 per cent of the other predictions were correct. When these publications came to light and the deniers found it more difficult to be published, they criticised the whole peer-review process.

These underhanded actions are not a product of the past. Only a few years ago, climate scientists were subjected to death threats and other abuse. Large-scale environmental policy is still met with criticism from the public and from large corporations. The public debate that still exists around climate science and the ideas perpetuated from the deniers delay the progress that needs to be made for the climate. It is depressing to think vested interests continue to pervade what should be a public debate on climate change solutions.

A few days ago, I had the pleasure of listening to Robert Manne at a conference on the future of humanity. He suggested vested interests and the Australian as well as the international political system would prevent

I am sorry to break it to you, but climate change is not subjective and it certainly is not going to cease if you do not believe the science.

real action on climate change, and that the future was bleak. But as much as I admire Manne’s commentary, I am more optimistic about our prospects for change, even if Gina Rinehart can influence the public debate by buying shares in Fairfax and inscribing “Our [supposed] Future” on a large iron ore boulder. Sure, vested interests exist and some may be still unsure about the science of climate change, but public attitudes are changing.

In the last few weeks, over 100 young people and the residents of Port Augusta walked from Port Augusta to Melbourne, talking to farmers and townspeople about Australia’s first solar thermal plant. They were met with positive responses, showing that Australians want to change from fossil fuels to renewable sources which do not damage the environment. This morning, members of the Australian Youth Climate Coalition gathered at Parliament House to present 21,000 votes from young people across Australia urging the government to raise its mandatory renewable energy target. Moreover, changes to the political system and media policies, which perpetuate unfair debate, are possible having seen media scrutiny in light of Alan Jones’ remarks, and the changes in question time as a result of the last election. While I may smirk at those unsure of the climate science, I have hope that these opinions will change. Public debate is shifting. The climate change deniers have not won.

COMMENT//5

UniLodge in Disgrace CASSANDRA WILKINSON ANU is renowned for its extra-curricular life, and specifically for its student body’s ability to autonomously organise extremely successful events, free from the influence of staff. This holds true right across campus, from the historic Bruce Hall Common Room Committee to the wildly successful Harry Potter Club. However the influence of one private corporation at ANU has seemingly aspired to reverse this trend, with seriously disastrous results so far.

You might expect that a company chosen

by Australia’s best university to house half of its resident student body would have a clear understanding of where it sat in our thriving campus community. Yet for utterly inexplicable reasons UniLodge constantly oversteps its role, with accompanying tales of highly questionable and at times, ridiculous, business practices.

Importantly, this is not an attack on lodge residents, who are by and large an extremely warm, diverse and tolerant bunch. In fact I’d say that lodge residents are the most welcoming and friendly on campus, perhaps brought together in anguish under what can only be described as ANU’s answer to the Big Brother house.

Dysfunctional management practices abound. Whilst Australia’s had internet banking since 1997, a reimbursement at UniLodge still consists of a receptionist peeling notes from a wad of cash. All funding for the Residents’ Committee (Rescomm) and Senior Residents arrives via cheques, sent from head office, cashed out and stored in a safe.

Arbitrary, and completely unenforceable, signs advertising $100 fines for petty misdemeanours plaster the walls (e.g. for not installing anti-virus software). Mysterious ‘cleaning’ and ‘administration’ fees are globally perceived as blatant profiteering, and a bond twice that of all other residences pays UniLodge an impressive flow of interest income earned on residents’ money.

One might expect Rescomm to fare a little better, with the insight of keen bright students. Not so. The Committee doesn’t have a bank account, an Australian Business Number or a Constitution. It doesn’t event keep a record of its transactions, instead piping cash through a literal black box. But given management’s attitude (quote “no student has the delegation necessary to bind UniLodge fund expenditure”), who can really blame them?

Whilst residents pay a $100 “Community Spirit Fee” annually (cheekily changed from “Residents’ Committee Fee” for 2012 in order to legitimise control of some $200,000 p.a. of student funds), management refuses to give residents any meaningful say on where their fees actually go. Funds are granted on an event by event basis, severely restraining the ability of Committee members to budget responsibly or to plan for multiyear capital purchases.

Expenditure reports of this fund do not exist, which is concerning in light of rumours that a 2011 $40,000 surplus was simply absorbed into UniLodge’s general revenues.

Some argue that students aren’t sufficiently competent to handle this kind of money, an absurd argument given the extent of financial support given to other hall committees through the ANU Department of Residential and Campus Communities. What is really concerning though, is that the main perpetuator of this argument is UniLodge management, who seem to do their very best to stymie any form of independent thought emanating from residents. Management seems to view Residents’ Committee as an elaborate puppet show, designed to promote a ridiculous “Community Spirit” branding that dom-

inates UniLodge’s marketing material.

When the Committee tried to draft a constitution earlier in the year, they were promptly told that a “Terms of Reference” document was the best they could hope for. Management “clarifies” the minutes from week to week, and won’t even let reps email all residents without approval, unheard of at other halls where students receive multiple emails direct from reps per day. Even in the upcoming elections process, UniLodge has its finger in the pie, appointing UniLodge employees as Returning Officers and demanding that all campaign posters be submitted for approval before publication.

UniLodge’s dictatorial management style has had a massive toll on life here. When it’s management’s way or the highway, there’s absolutely no encouragement or incentive to seek insight or advice from more established and experienced student organisations on campus. And frankly, part of the blame must fall on Daley Road student representatives, who often come across as scared, or suspicious, of UL’s size and potential sway. These tensions are alarming, eliciting Stockholm syndromeesque sentiments among lodge residents, hence creating barriers to productive collaboration with other residents’ associations.

Event management and representation for 2000 students is not something you can teach yourself, and without all ANU student leaders coming together to proactively support lodge residents, it is doubtful that lodge life will ever make the cut.

Aside from basic governance issues, the lack of an autonomous Residents’ Committee prevents the expression of a unified student voice. The importance of this cannot

For utterly inexplicable reasons UniLodge constantly oversteps its role, with accompanying tales of highly questionable and at times, ridiculous, business practices.

be underestimated: our laundry prices are extortionate, tariffs are unaffordable, there is no way to terminate a UniLodge occupancy agreement early, and there exists no academic support network.

Also, there exist huge tensions between different student demographics, and instead of facilitating discussion, UniLodge management rules by edict. For example, organising alcoholic events has made excruciatingly difficult, encouraging private room parties which, in complete isolation, cannot foster new friendships. Last Australia Day, photos of residents enjoying a beer in a blow up pool were lambasted by management - an idiotic response that, even if remotely justified, only served to induce feelings of cultural alienation in an environment that prides itself on diversity.

The pastoral care situation is the most depressing aspect of life at lodge. Most residents do not know the name of their Senior Resident, let alone their Community Coordinator or President; unsurprising given ratios of up to one senior resident per 115 residents.

Management’s response to this has been to institute a myopic emphasis on risk management, hoping that mandatory monthly 30-second interactions with each resident might prevent anything too disastrous from happening.

Unilodge is not a typical Civic apartment block, but a university accommodation environment where residents should be expected and encouraged to participate in the community. Since 1961, ANU’s other residences have proven just how achievable this ideal is.

Quite clearly, the answer is to confront the apparently harsh truth that well-resourced, elected student representatives are in the best possible position to facilitate real community building. However the most important concept to note is that management’s building maintenance and pastoral care responsibilities end well short of meddling in student advocacy, social events and control of residents’ committee fees.

OUT & ABOUT// 6

Civic2Surf

60 ANU students, led by Jack Bennetto and Evan England, completed a 320km relay from Canberra to Bondi Beach in 24 hours on 5th-6th October to raise awareness for mental health issues that are affecting young Australians. The total funds raised are currently over $40,000 for Batyr’s speaker train-

PHOTOS CLARE WELSH

ing programs.

Batyr is a non-profit organisation, founded

by ANU alumnus Sebastian Robertson. Its mission is to ‘give a voice to the elephant in the room’ – bringing young people’s social and mental health issues out in the open and removing the stigma.

COMMENT//7

Not Just Now, But Forever

MEGHAN THOMAS-RICHARDS

Illustration // Hannah Winter-Dewhirst

Not Just Little Pricks ALEX O’SULLIVAN Some of my best friends are mathematicians. One related a hilarious story, in which a graduate student was giving a seminar to others, describing his present research. He provided all the background information on the first slide of his PowerPoint presentation, and was greeted by laughter. It seemed that none of the thirty students had any idea what he was talking about. This is common to all the sciences. While linguistics students like myself find it easy to describe our area to the uninitiated, the sciences have become so specialised that experts may struggle with even the closest neighbouring areas.

An unfortunate by-product of this age of increased specialisation is the paucity of scientific literacy among journalists, and the public at large. Because science is quite specific, and focussed on incremental increases in knowledge, it is hard for the laypeople to understand findings, let alone place them in context. Hence the insanity that is the Australian Vaccination Network (AVN).

Feeding on general institutional distrust, especially of “ivory towers”, this organisation’s mission is to provide perceived balance to the reported benefits of vaccination. Despite not having knowledge of immunology, I know about the wonders of vaccination.

Diseases like polio and smallpox, which were responsible for the deaths of millions have been eradicated. It won’t be too long before malaria also succumbs to science, thanks in part to researches here at the ANU. However, a lack of clear communication about the way vaccines and immunisation work has led to confusion and out-right misinformation in the community.

The AVN claims that national immunisation programmes represent an attack on personal liberty, arguing that parents have the

right to decide on their children’s medical plan. They say the benefits of vaccination are far outweighed by their risks, including autism, auto-immune diseases and death.

Looking through news sites, blogs, and their own website, it appears that the modus operandi of the organisation is a pleading to look objectively at the facts. Well, there’s nothing wrong with that, is there?

However, the facts don’t seem to support their position. There appears to be a small body of data discussing the link between vaccinations and autism, but none of it is conclusive, let alone rigorous. One cited

An unfortunate byproduct of this age of increased specialisation is the paucity of scientific literacy among journalists, and the public at large. study referenced five cases – a far cry from a smoking gun.

What health professionals and governments need to do better is explain how they make their recommendations. Ian Frazer recently penned a piece for The Conversation which sought to do just that. He explains how the Human Papillomavirus leads to cancer, explains how the cancer develops, and then describes in easy-tounderstand language how the vaccine Gardasil works. About the only response AVN

representatives are able to form is the claim that his research is flawed due to his links with pharmaceutical companies. It’s certainly naïve to believe that drug companies funding research won’t lead to skewed results, but it’s equally silly to attack research funded by drug-companies on that fact alone.

I suppose it comes down to who’s easier to believe. A scientist who pleads the balance of evidence, the carefully formed, disprovable hypothesis, and the steady accumulation of facts is clearly less sexy than a well-spoken, emotional mother describing the claimed effect of vaccinations on her children. In the end, scientists need to sex-up their results.

Journalists cannot be trusted to represent results accurately, as shown by Media Watch’s recent condemnation of WIN televisions equal reporting of medial experts and the AVN in a story about a measles outbreak in Sydney. As Jonathan Holmes succinctly put it “there’s evidence, and there’s bulldust”.

Perhaps that’s a little unkind. Vulnerable parents worrying about their children may find it hard to think rationally about their issue’s health, and it is clearly tempting to blame a monolithic hazy combination of the World Health Organisation, governments and drug companies.

People, especially those with scientific knowledge, find it easy to dismiss these kooky viewpoints. But it should be obvious that most people do not think about health rationally, and perhaps a slightly more emotional debate could settle the issue. Academics and governments should sell the massive increase in wellbeing since the introduction of widespread vaccinations better, without resorting to arguments along the lines of “because we know what’s best”.

A Kenyan proverb translates to: “The earth was not given to you by your parents but lent to you by your children”.

Environmental issues such as climate change, water quality and human health due to pollution are huge issues that are we are confronted with today or will be in the future.

The main problem with dealing with these issues is the inability of humans to think into the future longer than the time they themselves will be on earth. We are not able to see the longer-term benefits of the changes.

It’s a deficiency of the human psyche to think, “Oh, I won’t worry about that, because I won’t be around when the sea levels rise or our soils are too degraded to feed ourselves.”

This perpetual cycle of selfishness feeds into our everyday lives since our elected leaders are not there to serve us, clearly being there for their own selfish needs. Little gets done because our politicians are too busy fucking around with popularity polls and big businesses to have time to actually make some proper decisions about the future of our country.

For example, if there was any type of forward thinking going on in the Queensland Government, there would be no coal seam gas wells, which are multiplying like rabbits on heat because someone had the brilliant idea of making it compulsory that electricity companies in the state produce 15 per cent of their electricity from natural gas. Why such a policy? To ensure the “future” of Australia’s energy needs comes from a less pollutionproducing source than brown coal.

Drilling a well into an aquifer and pumping the ground-water out, in a process known as fracking, produces coal seam gas. This process is done in order to displace the gas enough so it will escape back up through the well to be used as an energy resource. However, it’s not easy to control where the gas will escape and while it does go back up into the initial well created, it can also sometime leak elsewhere depending on the geological structure of the area.

It’s all well and good to be pumping some gas for electricity to ensure our “future” energy needs. But I’m not sure pumping groundwater out of aquifers, which are also used for agriculture, is the best way to secure our future food-needs. Or whether the methane escaping from the coal seams escaping into the Condamine river is going to be good for the “future” of Australia. Parts of the river can be lit alight because so much ignitable gas is escaping.

It may seem a bit obvious, but it might have been a better idea to make companies producing electricity to have 15 per cent of their electricity coming from solar energy?

You know, seeing as it’s quite sunny in Australia? Maybe we should be heeding more to the Kenyan proverb to ensure the future sustainability of our species rather than using as many resources as possible as quickly as possible.

But what would I know, I’m only human and I should only really be caring about what might happen in the time that I’m here on earth not anything that happens afterwards, because it’s essentially not my problem.

COMMENT// 8

Hippopotamus Sweat: A Cosmetics Hit? IN THE LAB

Keeping Up With the Joneses LEV BRONSHTEIN

I find myself in the unenviable position of arguing that the level of vitriol directed at Alan Jones is due to his politics, not what he said about Julia Gillard’s father. Obviously, those obtuse comments were appalling and unwarranted. However, it is not hard to find innumerable examples of complete insensitivity either ignored or given the most minuscule of rebukes. We try to convince ourselves we desire consistent standards of public decency but find all manner of excuses to initiate selective backlashes on those falling afoul of such standards. The antiJones campaign will only be proportional when the need for a public dressing-down is separated from someone’s views on the carbon tax, gay marriage or the redistribution of wealth.

Two of The Chaser’s most noteworthy “jokes” demonstrate my point perfectly. Andrew Hansen’s infamous “Eulogy Song” was criticised by a number of people but never generated even an iota of the exposure and anger as Jones’s attack has in recent days.

One particular line about the radio shock jock and brain cancer victim Stan Zemanek, “...and his views were more malignant than his brain”, would have been as offensive to Zemanek’s family as Jones’ idiotic jibe was to Gillard’s. I do not recall anyone opposed to Zemanek’s positions coming forth to defend either the man or his family on a matter of human principle. This is hypocritical given that people of all political persuasions were expected to immediately condemn Jones’s jibe against Gillard. Clearly people feel justified in drowning right-wing-hack Joneses in their molten fury but insist they have the right to laugh when the opinionated conservative Zemaneks die after protracted terminal illnesses.

Even The Chaser’s far more maligned “Make a Realistic Wish” skit aimed at dying children only resulted in a temporary hiatus in the show’s production. Only a few years on, all is apparently forgiven and team is heavily involved in other projects.

As they should be, because a stupid mistake shouldn’t always mean a life sentence.

But I hold no doubts that these sentiments would have been borderline career suicide

if expressed by an Alan Jones or Andrew Bolt. Importantly, though, these two insensitive presentations by The Chaser were deliberately broadcast to a national audience.

While the relative privacy of Jones’ remarks does nothing to excuse his words, it does highlight the double standard a group of ABC comedians were held to.

Likewise, when Liberal strategist Grahame Morris called 7.30 co-host Leigh Sales a “cow” after her interview with Tony Abbott, scores of critics unleashed their salvos of anti-sexist rage (oblivious to fact that the words “prick”, “dickhead” and “bastard” are even more gender-specific). What makes this all the more perplexing is that soon after, just as Bob Carr was lambasting Jones and the Liberal Party for their supposed tag-team gutter politics, his Labor associate Bob Ellis had already accused Gillard of politically-motivated, “girly tears” over the death of her father. All without left-wing condemnation. A bit rich, don’t you think? I won’t even start on the discrepancy between Labor’s frequently vague accusations that Tony Abbott is a sexist but unbroken silence on the indisputably misogynistic text messages of Peter Slipper.

Focusing once more on the ABC, regular contributor Catherine Deveny has escaped even a fraction of the flak levelled at Jones for her previous putrid comments. Apparently a non-conservative comedian can’t be as socially sanctioned for making jokes about Belinda Emmett dying or wishing her former Age editor ‘arse cancer’. To put the icing on the cake, Germaine Greer is free to accuse Julia Gillard of having a large derriere on Q&A but God save the reputation of any male Coalition supporter with an identical opinion.

I am all for readjusting the attitudes and misbehaviour of the serially obnoxious. Yet as someone who identifies as a libertarian, not a conservative or progressive, it’s plain to my eyes that both major sides of politics readily play the “act on this, forget that” ballgame. Be my guest folks, take Alan Jones’ new Mercedes away. But be prepared to give the same proverbial punch to the ego of everyone who crosses the line into vile bullying – including your own team-mates.

ELEANOR CAMPBELL Temperatures in Canberra are finally starting to hit the low 20s, which is, of course, pool party weather. For those of us not blessed with the ability to tan, sunscreen is becoming a hot topic. Oddly enough, the next big advance in sun-shielding technology might be thanks to sweaty hippos.

Everyone knows that too much sun is bad for you, and there’s growing evidence suggesting that too little sun can be just as dangerous. The kinds of ultraviolet (UV) radiation that affect us the most are separated into two different ranges of frequencies: UVA and UVB. UVB affects the outer layers of our skin. It is responsible for sunburn and the occurrence of most skin cancers. UVA, on the other hand, penetrates further and affects the deeper layers of skin. UVA causes both wrinkles and loss of skin elasticity, and some skin cancers have been associated with this range of radiation too. UVA also causes tanning, which is the body’s response to DNA damage.

Neither kind of radiation is ideal for prolonged, unprotected exposure, but hiding indoors for fear of melanoma is neither fun nor sensible. Vitamin D is produced in our skin when we are exposed to UVB radiation. Lack of exposure to sunlight can result in vitamin

D deficiency, which is associated with reduced immune system effectiveness, bouts of flu, tiredness, and muscle weakness. Vitamin D deficiency has also been linked to asthma, heart disease and cancer.

Here in Canberra, the ideal amount of unprotected sun exposure varies from a few minutes a day in summer to several hours a week in winter. People with fairer skin may need even less than these recommended times, while people with darker skin may need more sunlight to reach healthy vitamin D levels.

After you’ve met your vitamin D requirements, it’s probably a good idea to lather on some sunscreen. Modern sunscreens are fantastic concoctions that typically combine chemical ‘screens’ and physical ‘blocks’ for UV radiation. Chemical components absorb UV before it reaches your skin, while physical ingredients reflect UV away. The higher the listed sun protection factor (SPF), the longer you can be exposed to sun before damage to your skin will occur. SPF 15 will protect you for fifteen times longer than your natural defences, SPF 30 for thirty times longer, and so on.

Unlike humans, who have to cover ourselves with sunscreens, hippos have the amazing ability to sweat out their own sunscreen.

Hippos secrete a bizarre red substance that resembles blood, but actually absorbs and reflects harmful UV very effectively. This hippo sweat is also an insect repellent and an antiseptic. It’s basically a sticky crimson wondersubstance. Investigations into how to harness this hippo-power are underway. You might be buying hippo-inspired sunscreens in the near future, and given sunscreens are known to be the best anti-ageing creams available, your skin will thank you for it.

COMMENT//9

Why Gillard Really Slammed “Misogynist” Abbott ON THE HILL

JOSHUA DABELSTEIN This week your Prime Minister used sexism in the workplace as a vehicle for her own political ends. I would have a problem with this but for two reasons: 1. Everything she said was actually true 2. It was nice to see her getting passionate about something other than ‘Mervin Ford’ Australia has found coming to grips with a female Prime Minister difficult. She was painted as a back-stabbing Jezebel by her political opponents in replacing Rudd, and an untrustworthy stateswoman after introducing a carbon tax she said she would never introduce. Establishing herself and her voice in the Senate has not been easy.

For the first time in my life, on Tuesday afternoon, I was proud of my Prime Minister. Gillard made international headlines for speaking her mind – for standing up for

all women marginalised by the kind of men who know that if they are able to yell louder, they’ll probably be listened to.

To understand what set her off, it’s important have a little bit of background. Gillard’s explosion at Abbott actually occurred not because of sexism on his part (on this particular occasion), but because of what she referred to as a ‘double standard’. Whether or not Gillard has been victim of misogyny was not the point.

The Coalition walked into Parliament on Tuesday with the mission of getting rid of Slipper for good, proposing a motion of no confidence in him in order to have him removed as Speaker indefinitely. This was in response to text messages sent from him to former staffer James Ashby referring to female genitalia as looking like mussel meat were shared with the press. This evidence is currently being used court proceedings, which the PM cited as being her reason for not discussing the matters in parliament and turning it into a “kangaroo court”.

Abbott proposed a motion removing Slipper as Speaker for good on the basis that he is a sexist and unfit for the position. Gillard’s 15-minute response, paraphrased ever so slightly, said that if we remove Slipper from these chambers for being a sexist, you, Mr

Abbott, should probably follow him.

The Coalition’s contention was that Gillard showed gross misjudgment in appointing Slipper to Speaker of the House in the first place. Therein lies the question, if Gillard’s government displayed such ‘gross’ misjudgment in elevating him to speaker of the House, why did the Coalition endorse the move? While the Coalition could ensure his vote for them in parliament for almost two decades his moral inadequacies were never worth bringing into question…

Abbott using the pretence of disgust at sexism as yet another immoral political point scorer set Gillard off on a 15-minute rant. Put yourself in her shoes.

She has an A-grade arsenal of terrible things Abbott has said about women at her disposal, and she is having to listen to him pretend that he has a moral issue with sexism when he’s really just playing politics, calling her judgment on Slipper into question.

The Coalition do not care about the integrity of those who represent them or back their bills. Liberal Party Senator Matthias Cormann emailed disgraced MP Craig Thomson asking for his support on a bill, only months after Tony Abbott announced that the Coalition would never accept Thomson’s support or vote on anything in Parliament. Perhaps

For the first time in my life, on Tuesday afternoon, I was proud of my Prime Minister.

Cormann could not hear Abbott’s voice standing so far below the White Knight’s high horse; perhaps it was a mistake; or perhaps, just like with regards to the Slipper situation, the Coalition has no regard for their public moralistic outcries when it comes to passing legislation.

When Slipper’s moral inadequacies, which seem to have been wrapped up by the Coalition in a neat bundle labeled ‘SEXIST’, no longer suited the Coaltion’s purposes, it became clear that they could be used as political ammunition against the Labor Government.

It is important to remember that James Ashby, the guy who has just received a settlement of $50,000 for launching the sexual harassment claims against Slipper, was contacted by the Coation’s Christopher Pyne and Mal Brough early in the year. News Limited Journalist Steve Lewis said in a text to Ashby that “We will get him”. Whether or not Slipper is a scumbag, he was set up and done away with as a tool for political gains.

The Coalition destroyed Slipper’s political career from the inside in a well-orchestrated move to bolster Coalition-guaranteed votes in Parliament by replacing him as member for Fisher with Mal Brough.

But on Tuesday, Abbott should have known better than to use sexism as a vehcle for such point scoring against Gillard. And using Alan Jones’ words, that the government should have “died of shame”, was just the icing on the cake.

COMMENT// 10 For ANUSA President’s response to last week’s ‘Don’t Make Us Foot the Bill’ and more, check our website www.woroni.com. au

WORONI IGNORES STUDENTS OF FAITH

Each edition, the best letter to the editor will win a $25 voucher to eat and drink at Two Before Ten Roasters!

Send letters to contact@woroni.com.au

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND Reply to “I reckon karma’s definitely real”

by Jamie Freestone & Mathew McGann, No. 12 Vol. 64, October 4.

There is one saving grace preventing me from dismissing this as the speculative drivel of an uninformed buffoon (or buffoons if it was actually written in tandem) and that is your opening sentence “karma, in the contemporary west”. Thankfully, the contemporary west’s version of karma, is not the version of karma as found in the canons of at least four religions, Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism and Sikhism, where the very doctrine is outlined “in full” unlike the idiot’s guide to karma presented in this article. You are actually grinding an axe, though that is obviously obscured to you by the fact that you have the objectivity of a parrot with a megaphone. The entire article is skewed and bursting at the seams with irrational assumptions that point out that the writer is either completely clueless about the mechanism of cause and effect (karma) or is seriously deranged and needs to poke fun at the doctrines of the entire south-east Asian region along with the millions of people who live there. You need to get a life, making fun of something you don’t understand is one sure way of shooting yourself in the foot and is akin to tattooing “moron” on your forehead.

Shakshi Gopal ANU 4th year Hindi/3rd year Sanskrit PS anytime you want to publically debate karma versus non-deterministic fate, let me know.

Response from the authors of the article Dear Shakshi, You make several asseverations but for brevity’s sake we’ll address two. First, a parrot with a megaphone would, of all amplified avians, be utterly objective in its pronouncements, merely repeating whatever

AGONY ANGUS MISSES THE MARK Reply to “Agony Angus” No. 12 Vol. 64, October 4.

In the Agony Angus submission in Volume 64 of Woroni, we found it worrying that mental health issues were brought up in the context of the back paper, which is known for being light-hearted and humorous.

Reply to the illustration included with “The studies focus and direction.

Perfect Troll” by Joshua Dabelstein, No. 12 Vol. Please appreciate that we of the Catholic faith, as well as our brothers and sisters in the 64, October 4. other great faiths, believe we have found this focus and direction and we cherish it dearDear Editor, As much as I like to get a few chuckles from ly, as the source of our very being. Though Woroni, your latest edition (Friday 5 Oct we welcome sincere debate and accept fair 2012), with the exception of Agony Angus, criticism, we should have the right to be free from the sort of unjustified contempt exwas no laughing matter.

On page 9, above the article “The Perfect pressed in the cartoon you published.

Troll”, you reproduce a grotesque cartoon of Will you issue an apology, recognising the major religious figures all engaged in obscene offence you have cause, in the next edition? sex acts with each other. You reproduced it If not, why not? twice, side by side. The prophet Muhammad Faithfully yours, is conspicuously absent.

Putting aside the issue of you publishing ex- Alex Millar plicit cartoon pornography, can you appreciate why someone of the Jewish, Christian, Hindu or Buddhist faith - a goodly proportion of ANU students - would take offence at Response from the Editors: this?

The article by Joshua Dabelstein is very critical of the filmmaker of The Innocence of Dear Alex Muslims, because he was a “lone nutter” who trolled some Muslims into violent reactions. We would like to apologise for the hurt and Yet by publishing the above cartoon, you do offence caused by the republication of a carthe very thing that Joshua was critical of; it toon which first appeared in online satiriwas not smart or relevant to the article - it was cal news publication, The Onion. It was not just a hideously offensive cartoon, published intended to belittle or attack the faith of any student nor does it accurately represent the gratuitously.

Put yourself into the shoes of someone with views and beliefs of the Editorial board. The faith. We are constantly told that our faith has point of its inclusion, as per the cartoon’s no value in public life, that we have no right caption “No one murdered because this imwhatsoever to articulate our views on any age”, was to highlight the fact that different matter of public policy; they are wrong, me- religious respond in vastly difference ways dieval, hateful, insane, whatever. We cannot to offensive imagery.The Editorial board acspeak about our faith because it’s a so-called cepts that the connection between Josh Dairrational bias. Whereas you are apparently belstein’s piece and the cartoon could have not bias in favour of anything, so you can ex- been made clearer. press whatever views you like - even if they are just plain cruelty - because we are wrong Regards, The Editors to cherish anything beyond ourselves.

Can you spot the double standard here?

I would humbly invite you to take a page out of your own book (pardon the pun) and heed the words of Andrew Oldfield in his article “Young Minds and Big Ideas” on page 11. He states that students “mostly seem to do what we feel is right, instead of examining why it is so”, concluding that we have an urgent need to discover fundamental values so as to give our

Letter of the week

it hears with no expurgation or prejudice.

Perhaps a nightingale or some other species known for its complex birdsong would make a neater analogy.

Second, the thrust of your letter is that we unfairly judged authentic, Eastern karma (EK), but in fact we ridiculed bastardised, Western karma (WK), as indeed we pointed out in our first sentence and which you point out that we pointed out in our first sentence, in your first sentence.

Incidentally we also think EK is nonsense, although you appear to use it interchangeably with “the mechanism of cause and effect”. But effects are notoriously hard to tie to causes. A ready example is the writing of your letter. The ostensible cause is that we wrote an article criticising EK, yet no such article exists; did our article about WK cause you to write an angry response about our mishandling of EK? It’s hard to prove. Perhaps in a previous life we did write an article about EK, although this seems unlikely.

Unless, of course, the cosmos is continually destroyed and recreated in an endless cycle, thus allowing for infinite permutations of events, including the one you imply by your criticisms, so that in an earlier iteration of the cosmos events proceeded very similarly, but we wrote a brilliant, scathing article taking down EK. Therefore your criticisms may well stand, ironically, if we accept Eastern concepts of karma and cyclical cosmogony. But such a situation would also imply that everything that could possibly happen has happened, rendering any criticism or praise you make, somewhat trivial.

Jamie Freestone Mathew McGann

While we understand that the segment is fictional, and was unlikely to represent the exact situation of any reader, the submission was clearly intended to represent a person with depression.

We also understand that the possible aim of the segment was to satirise Agony Aunt segments. However, we don’t believe depression was an appropriate vehicle for this purpose.

While we commend Woroni for raising mental health issues in the paper, we believe it would be better suited to a more

serious context that provides constructive advice, given the sensitive nature of the issue.

Having talked to ANU Counselling, we believe useful points of contact should be included in any article related to depression, as is done in other professional publications. The Counselling centre also recommended that if mental health is raised in this context, there should be an explicit statement that the segment is fictitious.

For people who are experiencing depression, or having feelings of low self worth,

contacting these services may help: • ANU counsellors and GPs • https://blueboard.anu.edu.au/ is a forum for those who would like to discuss mental health issues online • Lifeline - 13 11 14 • Kids Help Line - 1800 55 1800 (for young people up to 25) • Mental Health Crisis Team - 1800 629 354 Zoe Neumayer and Odette Shenfield

11

China’s Wild West Growth and development has changed the face of China writes Alice Dawkins You’re walking down a dusty, winding street, growling old motorcycles swerving past you on one side and lamb carcasses swinging off a moving trailer on the other.

Each and every street corner is a feast for your eyes; tasty kebab meat stalls, buttery Middle Eastern-style bread stands, women adorned with colourful headscarves embroidered in ethereal gold thread. The sights, the smells and the sounds all suggest that you’ve been dropped into an archetypal street scene from The Kite Runner. Think again – you’re in Kashgar, a town not in Afghanistan but rather China’s Xinjiang autonomous region.

Stroll through the busy crowds in the Sunday livestock market, you’ll hear not a word of standard Mandarin spoken, and the eyes that glance at you with casual curiosity are not Han Chinese eyes, but almond-shaped eyes of blue, green or hazel. Watching the old men with majestically long white beards eating Xinjiang-style ramen noodles together, the younger men body-wrestling a series of stubborn cattle, and a group of wives making lunch on trestle tables, the world stands still for a moment with a sense of timeless community atmosphere. It’s the same buzz felt at fundraiser barbecues and kids’ weekend football games back home.

Speak to any local in Kashgar and they will undoubtedly tell you that the city is un-

recognisable from even three years ago. A number of areas of the historic old city have been demolished to make way for grey, homogenous towers that have begun to symbolise the modern era of a frenetic and faceless Chinese construction style. For many Han Chinese people, the old city areas of Kashgar are not seen as an enviable place to visit. As I took the twenty-seven hour train ride from Urumqi, Xinjiang’s capital, to Kashgar, I started up a conversation with my lively and wonderfully opinionated twenty-something Han Chinese female passenger. Hearing of my travel plans, she stared incredulously back at me and told me quite frankly that if I stayed in the wei zu ren (Uyghur) part of town, I would undoubtedly be raped, pillaged and plundered by all of its locals.

She went out of her way to drive me from the Kasghar train station to my accommodation in the heart of the old city alleyways, and sat

locked in her car glancing warily at her surroundings, refusing to drive off until she saw me enter the front door of my hostel safely.

Most non-Chinese people know only of Kashgar in relation to the violent clashes between the Uyghur minority and the authorities, which became international news throughout 2009. A chatty taxi driver in Urumqi frankly told me, “We Han Chinese and Uyghurs used to be like brothers. But since the past few years’ events, there is no such relationship.”

As it often proves to do, history makes a mockery out of these ethnic and religious tensions. Travel further north in Xinjiang to Turpan, a town deep in the scorching Taklamakan Desert, where you’ll find Buddha grottoes and towering Islamic minarets, equally as ancient, yet just a few meagre kilometres away from each other.

Any traveller to the town during a Friday

Watching the old men with majestically long white beards eating Xinjiang-style ramen noodles tegother, the younger men body-wreslting a series of stubborn cattle, and a group of wives making lunch on trestle table,s the world stands stills for a moment with a sense of timeless community atmosphere.

can witness the sizable square around the Id Kah mosque fill to the periphery with Uyghur worshippers. It’s an incredible sight and homage to the notion that religion is a strong element of quotidian life throughout Xinjiang. However to an outside observer one cannot shake the feeling that this snapshot of a culture comes with a use-by date. With the growing numbers of Han Chinese in Xinjiang cities like Kashgar, and a strong march forward by the leadership to modernise the area, the elephant in the room of the Uyghur culture’s future sustainability cannot be ignored.

There is a plethora of examples in China of places which have rapidly transformed from an ethnic minority epicentre to a sprawling Chinese metropolis overnight – such as Harbin, an icy city in China’s most northeastern province. During the twentieth century, it went from a significant area for Russian Jews to a gargantuan testament of the new China, with not a functioning synagogue in sight. A connection between these two frontier cities may seem tenuous, but the thought cannot be shaken of whether the picture of the Uyghurs at the Id Kah mosque will crumple into antiquity, like the lost Jewish population in Harbin.

12

Seeking Asylum From Inside an Asylum In a recent visit to Darwin, Lisa Visentin visited the Northern Territory’s three immigration detention facilities and spoke with asylum seekers. This is her investigative report.

“How much money did you pay the people smugglers?”

It is late on a mid-September afternoon inside the Northern Immigration Detention Centre (NIDC), one of three detention facilities located in Australia’s remote northern capital. The muggy Darwin air is thick with mosquitos and moisture, the telltale sign that the sluggish heat of the oppressive “build-up” season is only weeks away.

But you wouldn’t know this inside “Interview Room 1”. An oversized air-conditioner is blowing an arctic gale into the small whitewalled room, which is empty except for a white plastic table and four white chairs arranged in an interrogation-panel on one side of the table. From the outside, the room is but one door on a long demountable block punctuated at varying intervals by other doors, each one mounted with a sign designating it as Interview Room 2, 3, 4 and so on. Every room appears to be completely white, as though the theme of “asylum” has been misinterpreted and applied to the décor. In fact, the whole facility exudes this bleak irony – its purpose is not sanctuary but institutionalised confinement.

The block is located beyond the first procession of security cages, but before the impoundment – a kind of frigid demountable no-man’s-land between freedom and detention, and the furthest checkpoint a civilian visitor can go. Beyond the next set of cages, one person a week is trying to take their own life. Outside our room an employee of Serco, the company contracted to run Australia’s immigration detention centres, stands guard.

Inside the room, mounted in top far corner behind a panel of glass, is a heavy-duty security camera capturing the man sitting across from me in its direct line of sight. Before answering my question, his eyes flick hesitantly upwards to the camera, acknowledging its intimidating imposition upon our conversation.

“US$18,000”, he responds, explaining that this sum, which was paid in cash to a people smuggler in Iran, bought him passage on a boat from Indonesia to Australia. Recounting his voyage, he tells me that there were 160 people on his boat, each paying somewhere between $15,000-$22,000. In one of the many idle hours inside NIDC he crunched the numbers – the people smugglers made over $2 million from his boat.

“This is the real evil”, he tells me, before adding, “but anybody who endangers your

life, money is nothing”.

Mr X*, whose name has been changed to protect his identity, is an irregular maritime arrival, a suspected unauthorised non-citizen, a “boat-person”, a “queue-jumper”. To some politicians, who are either ignorant or deliberately deceptive, he is an “illegal”. In human terms, which seem to be infrequently used in this encaged world of bureaucracy, he is an Afghan Hazara man fleeing what the Australian Government and the rest of the world is coming to recognise as the ethnic cleansing of the Hazara people by the Taliban.

Another man I spoke with, Kazim Darwish, an Afghan refugee who has been living in Australia since 2010, had never encountered the terms “queue-jumpers” or “boat

udron’s comments in the matter of the applicant known only as S302 are any indication, the High Court is unimpressed by this enforced procedural discourtesy: “I am afraid the law forbids me to identify you by name. I do apologise for that.”

When kept segregated from the Australian community, usually behind razor-wire, and often in the easily-forgotten outskirts of already-remote towns, this dehumanising politico-speak has been immeasurably successful in repacking an issue of humanitarianism as one of procedural pragmatism.

Yet sitting across from me, Mr X was not a consonant followed by a numerical sequence, but a diminutive, softly-spoken man, whose round face accentuated his distinctly Asiatic (Mongolian) appearance; the very features

The razor wire perimeter fence surrounding the Northern Immigration Detention Centre

people” before arriving here.

“I think it’s offensive terminology that politicians and the media are using because, for the ordinary Hazaras who live all their lives as refugees without any identification, there is no access to any department of the United Nations in Afghanistan or Pakistan. There is no queue. We don’t have any alternative way other than boats to come here.”

This creation and dissemination of political labels is only one example of the officious nomenclature which has become a systemic feature of Australia’s refugee processing regime. Serco staff, for example, refer to detained asylum seekers as “clients”, as though indefinite mandatory detention is now to be understood as a contract for services, solicited upon arrival.

Our legal system refers to asylum cases not by the name of the applicant but by their Government-assigned number. If Justice Ga-

that make Hazaras easily distinguishable from the dominant Afghan Sunni population, and readily identifiable to the Taliban.

After I explained to him that I was merely a member of the Darwin community, and not affiliated with DIAC or the Government, he spoke to me candidly about life in Afghanistan, his boat journey and his now-monotonous existence inside Australian detention.

He told me about his wife and two young children, girls aged two and four years old, whom he left behind in Iran; how he uses his allocated internet time of one hour per day to speak with them via Skype; how he can see them, but because cameras (including webcams) are strictly prohibited they cannot see him; how he cries after each conversation because he is worried his daughters will forget what he looks like.

He asks me what Darwin is like because,

despite having been detained in the city since mid-July, his knowledge is limited to the cross-hatched view of sparse-bushland beyond the razor-wire, the blistering tropical heat, and the alluring expanse of rolling blue sky above. I explained to him that the photos I had hoped to show him of Darwin and my family had been seized by Serco in a security check on the way in - a seemingly excessive meansure given that NIDC detainees are not criminals. Tapping his head with his index finger he tells me what numerous independent reports and inquests confirmed ad nauseum: “nearly everybody inside is sick”.

Far from the exception, as mendacious political posturing would have you believe, Mr X’s story is the quintessential narrative of Australia’s detention system. Currently, Hazara people make up 18 per cent of the 7670 people currently in immigration detention, making them the largest ethnic group coming to Australia by boat, while Afghani nationals are second only to Sri Lanka nationals as the most represented nationality.

Herein lies a hypocritical paradox plaguing Australian’s immigration detention system. This month marks the eleventh consecutive year of the deployment of Australian forces in Afghanistan, in service of the stated goal of dismantling the Taliban regime. The same regime which has made a routine activity of killing Hazaras, recording many of their mass-slaughters and posting the videos on YouTube. Put simply, the Australian Government and the Hazara people share a mutual enemy in the Taliban. Yet this fact is one which escapes any mention when it comes to Government rhetoric on asylum seekers.

In fact, the revival of offshore processing on Nauru and Manus Island, in what is now being dubbed the Pacific Solution Mark II, is predicated on the idea of deterring these very people, whose country our forces have invaded to fight a war against the same militant regime from which they are now fleeing, from seeking refuge within our territory. It’s exclusionary politics masked in thinly-veiled humanitarianism, and exploited by deliberately misleading rhetoric for political advantage.

The Government hopes the Pacific Solution Mark II will achieve the political expediency embodied by Abbott’s sloganeering (“stop the boats!”) while ostensibly pursuing Gillard’s more noble goal of “stopping the deaths at sea”. All evidence so far suggests that it will do neither, costing a fortune in the process.

The Dept of Immigration website states “It is government policy that children will not be held in immigration detention centres.” // Photos Lisa Visentin taken at Darwin AIrport Lodge

SPOTLIGHT ON ASYLUM SEEKERS

BY LISA VISENTIN

The Pacific Solution Mark II

13

“For those who come across the seas we’ve [no longer] boundless plains to share” In the two months since the Government reinstated offshore processing, it has had one eye nervously fixed on the polls, while the other roves our oceanic frontiers – both searching for an indication that the policy is working. Unquestionably, both would have reached disparate conclusions. The boats have not only continued to arrive, but they have done so in record numbers. Last month, 35 vessels were intercepted carrying 2360 asylum seekers – the largest number of arrivals in any month on record. However, with the Parliamentary deadlock resolved, and a “solution” in place that boasts the legitimacy of the Expert Panel, the media cycle has moved on. In this respect, the new regime has been a political success for the Government; it has had a positive impact on the polls by not having a negative one.

It is this dissonance between outcome and rhetoric which highlights the paradox operating at the heart of this new regime. Human rights lawyer and refugee advocate Julian Burnside QC told Woroni that the Pacific Solution Mark II is completely incompatible with the main stated purpose of saving peoples lives at sea. “Interestingly, what is going to happened under the new proposal is that people will get in boats in Indonesia and once the risk of drowning has passed, they will be intercepted by the Australian navy or customs, and will then be taken to Nauru or

Manus Island. Now, I think it’s rather odd to save a person from a risk once the risk has passed.”

The second, glaring strategic flaw that underscores the Pacific Solution Mark II is the inherent contradiction between its “no advantage” test and the limited capacity of the Nauru and Manus Island centres. The intention of the “no advantage principle” is that no asylum seeker will be deterred from getting on a boat because they will be forced to endure comparable resettlement times on Nauru or Manus as endured by those in places like Jakarta, Kuala Lumpur and Pakistan. On this basis, Mr Burnside says they can expect to wait “anywhere between 5-50 years, or perhaps the rest of their lives.” Practically, it is expected that a wait of around five years will apply. With the number of boat arrivals since the policy change already surpassing the combine capacity of both centres, the intention of the “no advantage principle” is so blatantly untenable that its proposal, from a purely operation perspective before humanitarian questions are even contemplated (and there are many), beggars belief.

Most troubling is the fact that the no advantage test has no impact on processing times, but rather operates only once they have been assessed as legitimate refugees. With this in mind, Australia begins to wade into the realm of arbitrary detention, a human rights

violation under the International Covenant of Civil and Political Rights. In order to distance itself from this legal quagmire, the Australian Government has insisted that Nauru and Manus Island will bear the legal responsibility for all processing operations, a claim so utterly unfeasible it’s provoked the explicit condemnation of the toothless tiger of refugees, the UN High Commission on Refugees.

It pointed to the fact that “Papua New Guinea does not have the legal safeguards, nor the competency or capacity to shoulder alone the responsibility of protecting and processing asylum-seekers transferred by Australia.”

According to Mr Burnside, Nauru also has a distinct lack of legal infrastructure as “it does not have any domestic legislation which even deals with refugees, and it doesn’t have any domestic experience handling refugee claims.” How this hurdle will be overcome is yet another of the multitude of details to which the Government has failed to offer any clarity. Worse than obfuscation, this appears to be policy on the run.

All this frightfully grey territory, and for what? According to Mr X who, from inside detention has spoken with his friends back in Afghanistan via Skype, there is no such thing as a deterrent to people who face the prospect of death.

“Many of them want to come to Australia and I tell them that they will go to Nauru and

THEN

not Australia but they say ‘what choice do I have? If I stay I could die’”.

Last week this sentiment was echoed officially by Afghanistan’s Ambassador to Australia, who publicly stated that the prospect of being transferred to Nauru or Manus Island would have no deterrent effect upon the thousands of Afghanis currently waiting in Indonesia.

Sadly, the unavoidable conclusion seems to be that Nauru and Manus Island will once again become a warehouse for the most desperate of people for whom return to their country of origin is simply not an option.

According to Nick O’Haslam, Director of Researchers for Asylum Seekers, the reinvented Pacific Solution II sets out to impose “exactly the kind of circumstance that you would expect to have the worst outcome because it does create indefinite periods of detention, and we know that that periods over 6 months in particular are likely to be psychologically damaging but also we know that if you don’t know how long its going to be that uncertainty in itself is pathological.”

This is the policy that the expert panel described as “hard-headed but not hard-hearted”. As the weekend news cycle delivered the first report of self-harm on Nauru, these words ring more hollow than ever.

• 7670 people in immigration detention (30 Sept 2012) • Longest person held in detention: 1152 days • Refugees facing life in detention due to adverse ASIO assessments: 57 • There are 694 children in immigration detention; 514 children in community detention (30 Aug 2012) • 59 babies have been born in detention since 2010; three remain in detention

• The Howard Government’s Pacific Solution*: • Total cost of $1 billion to process 1700 asylum seekers, or $500,000 per person.

• Comparison with onshore centres*: • 1700 asylum seekers for 90 days each at Villawood (Sydney) would have cost around $35 million – or 3.5 per cent of the cost of processing them offshore.

• Christmas Island cost $1,830 per detainee per day; Villawood cost $238 per detainee per day at (June 2006) • The average cost for maintaining the facilities on Nauru and Manus Island was $2 million a month for each facility.

DETENTION STATS COSTS

NOW

• Pacific Solution Mark II – according to the Expert Panel • Nauru - $1.2-1.4 billion for 1500 people** • Manus Island: $0.9 billion for 600 people** • Comparison with onshore centres***: • Total Cost of detention centres for 2010/11: $772 million • Average cost per detainee 2010/11: $137,317

MENTAL HEALTH JUL 2010 - JUN 2011

Deaths: 6 • Psychiatric hospital admissions: 93 • Voluntary Starvation: 1,320 • Self-harm attempts: 336 •Psychologist consultations: 12,062 •Diagnosed with mental illness: 451 (Sept 2011)

*Figures based on Immigration data and published in A Price Too High: the Cost of Australia’s Approach to Asylum Seekers - independent report into the Australian Government’s policy of offshore processing of asylum seekers on Nauru, Manus Island and Christmas Island**these estimates do not include running costs.***Figures published in Joint Select Committee on Australia’s Immigration Detention Network

14

Obama Romney Showdown

The Presidential race is as tight as it gets, explains Andaleeb Akhand The key question for the 2012 US Presidential election is: can Obama win himself a second term, or is a Romney White House a viable possibility? Before the first presidential debate, winning the White House seemed to be increasingly unlikely for the challenger Romney. However, a commanding debate performance in front of 67 million Americans last week has completely reshaped the election race. An uncharacteristically lacklustre display by President Obama has boosted the Republicans and sent Democrats scrambling.

For the first time since he accepted the Republican Party nomination, Mr Romney topped the widely-read poll of polls conducted by the RealClearPolitics website, albeit by only 0.7 points. And he led Obama by two points in daily tracking polls by Gallup and Investors Business Daily. The pair were tied in another tracking poll by Rasmussen, with both on 48 percent. According to the Pew Research centre, Mr Romney has a 49 percent lead over Mr Obama, who held 45 percent support among likely voters.

To put it more succinctly, what has always been a tight race is now going to come down to the wire. With less than a month to go before voting, what will be the crucial factors in determining the final electoral outcome?

The fate of the race essentially boils down to a few battleground states. Of these, none are more important than the state of Ohio.

No Republican in modern times has entered the White House without winning Ohio, but

Romney faces significant challenges in securing the 18 electoral votes that come with the state. Unemployment stands at 7.2 percent, less than the 7.8 percent that is the national average. Under such circumstances, it’s difficult to convey a message of new leadership required to fix a bad economy. That is not to say the Republicans haven’t tried, arguing that it is Ohio Governor John Kasich of their own party who’s most responsible for the state’s economic wellbeing.

But Obama has certainly not neglected Ohio, with the federal auto bailout benefiting the state immensely, and being among the mostvisited states by the President. Ohio, and these other battleground states leaning towards Obama, need to be converted to the Romney camp if he hopes to win.

The next two presidential debates, and a vice-presidential debate this week, will also play a pivotal role. The US Vice-Presidential debate, historically an entertaining sideshow, has now moved squarely to the spotlight. The pressure will be on Joe Biden, the current US Vice-President, to ease the pressure on the Democrats. Certainly, Biden isn’t lacking in experience, with 36 years in the Senate and a presidential campaign under his belt. Contrast this with Romney’s running mate Paul

Ryan, who is a relative novice, albeit with undisputed expertise in budget matters and a reputation for being one of the Republican Party’s intellectual leaders.

Biden has also a reputation for being notoriously gaffe-prone. On one memorable occasion in 2010, after introducing the President at the signing ceremony for healthcare reform legislation at the White House, Biden turned and embraced his boss while excitedly whispering into Obama’s ear: “This is a big fucking deal!” It was loud enough to be picked up by the cameras and microphones in the room. Fox News picked up the blooper and repeatedly ran the clip, much to Biden’s embarrassment.

When it comes to actual policy however, how do the two candidates differ? As with any election, the economy is the focal point.

Obama has said that the path to prosperity is to preserve and expand government programs – such as job training and college loans. Romney said he would cut government spending to rein in the debt while instituting taxes and other policies that he thinks would help small businesses grow. These differences in their economic approach came out most visibly in the first presidential debate.

Healthcare is another key issue. Medicare is the nation’s biggest buyer of health care,

To put it more succintly, what has always been a tight race is going to come down to the wire.

spending $550 billion last year to provide care for 48.7 million Americans. However, the taxes currently being paid by workers and employers to finance the program are insufficient to cover the full cost, and since 2008 the government has drawn off its trust fund to cover the difference. Without any change, that trust fund would run out in twelve years.

Both candidates have significantly different ideas to fix the problem. President Obama is relying on his landmark legislation – Obamacare – to solve it. It includes cutting projected Medicare spending, adding revenue to Medicare through a 2014 payroll tax on highincome workers and new fees on drug companies, medical device makers and insurers, and using these new revenue and savings to finance a range of free preventative services such as flu shots and breast cancer screenings.

Romney, however, would repeal Obamacare – officially known as the Patient Protection and Prescription Act – and replace the current Medicare system, starting in 2023, with a “voucher” or “premium support” payment plan. Commencing in 2023, he’d give government vouchers to people to buy their own insurance. The idea is that private insurance companies would compete for that business, providing more value and better quality while driving down prices.

The outcome of this presidential contest is not simply one that will affect America and Americans. It affects the world, and so while Australians and other nationalities cannot vote, hopefully you will join me in observing what is surely going to be one epic contest.

Naturopathic Tendencies

Olivia Clark examines the rejection of traditional medicine for the ‘magic’ solution

e I recently taught my Mum to use Facebook. r,I knew as soon as I had signed her up that dit was going to end badly. But I didn’t real-ise how much of a disaster it was going to 8be until I went home last weekend to find a dbox of pills in the kitchen labelled “Mango ,Magic Diet Pills.” Concerned that someone .in my family was having some sort of life critsis, I asked Mum who had bought such a risdiculous item. It was more concerning when -Mum opened one of the bottles and took -two of the pills with a glass of water. “Daroling” she said earnestly, “I was on Facebook -the other day and this advertisement popped -up on the side about how to loose weight ,quickly…. Isn’t it amazing that Mr Facebook oknew that I wanted to lose weight?” (She is sstill convinced that there is a ‘Mr Facebook’ .controlling all of the one billion users). When -‘Mr Facebook’, or as I later informed her, a -questionable drug company in China, promeised her a weight loss miracle, she faithfully ,accepted it.

- What is it then about a cure that sits outside econventional Western medicine that makes rus so excited? There is the obvious answer -that everyone wants to improve themselves -and people that promise ”magic” techniques yoffer some sort of hope. There is also a lot of credence to be given to the idea that humans shave been healing themselves naturally for dthousands of years and some homeopathic eremedies are sometimes actually effective. t But are we just being fooled? Earlier this gyear, the darling of the homeopathic/naturopathic world, Ian Gawler, faced a storm of criticism from the medical community after years of claiming that he healed himself from secondary cancer. After being diagnosed with bone cancer (osteosarcoma) in

his right leg, Gawler had his leg amputated, but the cancer soon spread to his lung, pelvis and spine. Doctors told him he had only months to live and yet, after pursuing a series of natural remedies, he survived, wrote a bestselling book about his experience and set up a foundation where he preaches the power of natural remedies. He now makes his living wearing a questionable blue kaftan whilst claiming to be the only person in the world to have lived through secondary osteosarcoma. A big claim to make, especially considering two eminent Australian oncologists, Associate Professor Ian Haines of Melbourne’s Cabrini Hospital and Professor Ray Lowenthal, of the Royal Hobart Hospital claim that Gawler did not have secondary cancer at all, but rather advanced tuberculosis, a disease that can sometimes mimic certain forms of bone cancer.

Gawler is not alone in attempting to spread the message that people can be healed through natural means. Jessica Ainscough, a perky, 24 year-old who is the Online Editor of Dolly magazine is the latest pin up girl channelling naturopathic remedies.

Ainscough was diagnosed with epithelioid sarcoma, a rare form of cancer, which is almost impossible to treat. Similar to Gawler, she rejected Western medicine to attend the Gerson Insitutite in California which claims to have healed thousands of cancer patients through a strict regime of 10 raw juices and five coffee enemas a day, all whilst following

a strict vegan diet. Ainscough has now set up a website, ”The Wellness Warrior”, where she details her path to recovery with her mother, who has also been diagnosed with breast cancer Ainscough invites you in with her pretty smile and with blog posts featuring words like”transformation”, ”healing” and ”superfood,“ accompanied by impossibly happy people.

And yet for all the success stories, there are also many stories of lives lost too soon due in part to the rejection of Western medicine. This was seen most startlingly in the death of Australia’s most famous astrologer, appropriately named Athena Starwoman, who died from breast cancer after trying to heal herself by meditation and herbal remedies. After seven months, she finally admitted herself into hospital but by this time it was too late. Before she died she was said to have commented that she regretted her decision to attempt to heal herself.

And this is where the problem lies, we are not being sceptical enough when people promise us magic solutions. We become irrational when we are at our most vulnerable and we are all of a sudden open to something, anything that will give us a quick solution. It is the dangerous combination of overwhelming vulnerability and the desire to regain control over one’s body, coupled with a growing number of ”herb peddlers” charging upwards of thousands of dollars for ”treatments”, that leads to many people not only wasting away their life savings but also suffering immense

We become irrational when we are at our most vulnerable and we are all of a sudden open to something, anything that will give us a quick solution.

pain and frustration when they realise it has not worked. The reality is treatments like chemotherapy make you feel and look like crap and at the end of it all, there is some chance that you may not even survive. But statistics show that chemotherapy does usually work. Evidence also shows that natural remedies do not work. No natural remedies have provided a cure for cancer or other serious illnesses, although in some cases they may relieve symptoms and make the process of healing easier.

Any treatment that relies on ‘exceptions’ cannot be asserted as effective. It’s true that natural remedies do work for some people, like a Melbourne tradesman, Scott Stevens who, following Gawler’s advice, overcame a life threatening case of skin cancer. But then again we can never know whether it was the strict vegan diet or something else that cured him.

But as a good friend recently said to me, the power of natural remedies for things like the flu or other small ailments is that it often takes more time that you spend thinking about getting better. This is where the power of herbal remedies lies, much like the placebo effect. If we really believe that we are getting better, for some inexplicable reason, we just might. This has scientific backing; in medical trials conducted around the world, usually 1/3 of patients taking placebos for basic complaints actually get better.

The Mango Magic Diet Pills unsurprisingly haven’t made my Mum lose weight. But all these promised ‘cures’ have got her thinking about health and her body and for the first time in ages she ditched the ciggies for the gym.

Let us be sceptical then, but there is always room for a bit of blind hope.

16 Woroni Elections Meet THE candidates Stuart Bryson Q1 What do you think is (or should be) the role of Woroni at the ANU? Q2 What will you bring to the table?

Q3 Any big plans in particular?

Fergus Hunter

1. A strong student media presence is essential to a healthy culture on campus. ANU Student Media and Woroni should provide something for everyone.

2. Passion for, and skills in, journalism in all its forms. A commitment to a strong ANUSM that will continue to grow and interest more people.

3. I want to see development of digital media. ANUSM should be producing awesome video content, it’s the most popular format in the world for a reason.

1.Woroni informs as much as it entertains. It should hold the University and our representatives to account, but should also be a showcase for creativity.

2. I bring my experience at a major regional newspaper, four years on ANU society executives including President of the IR Society. Also, Armenian Nutmeg Cake.

3 Let’s build an app which delivers each edition of Woroni directly to you, subscribes to podcasts, and lets you listen to Woroni radio live.

Ben Latham

1. The role of Woroni should be to act as a dynamic vehicle for student expression and creativity that captures the voice of our university.

2. As a zealous reader in my first year and a passionate contributor in my second, I will bring enthusiasm and fresh perspectives to the table.

3. My biggest plan is to foster a stronger sense of community at Woroni by establishing a fortnightly get-together between writers and editors at the release of each edition.

Vincent Chiang

Josh Dabelstein

AJ Neilson

ROB SELTH

1. Woroni exists as an outlet for student news and writing, which I like. However, I would also like to see Woroni become increasingly professionalised.

2. A year’s worth of sectionediting experience, two years’ worth of writing experience, an understanding of how overseas student newspapers operate and a karaoke machine.

3. I would like to establish regular writers’ workshops, to ease the layout process by adding additional design editors, and to consolidate and expand Woroni multimedia.

1. Entertainment, information, critical analysis of the goings-on at anu and the broader community, and the freedom to express those opinions.

2. I have the enthusiasm of the proverbial fat kid espying his first piece of cake as he walks out of fat camp. That, and a year’s broadcasting experience and six months as a sub-editor for Woroni radio.

3. More avenues for public broadcasting, expanding our podcast database and holding more Woroni-run social events.

1. Woroni’s role is to stimulate our free thinking student body, and facilitate its right to know what is going on on campus and why.

2. I have years of experience of working with various Woroni teams, I am very engaged in student life both on and off campus, and I’m a media nerd.

3. I want Woroni radio played in cafes and bars on campus, stricter delegation of tasks within the team, constant web updates, and bi-weekly drop-in sessions for writers. I want 2013 to be the year that ANU students make their laptop browser homepage Woroni.com.au

1. Above all, to be a forum for student voices. Woroni should be engaging and relevant for students, but should also be able to challenge us.

2. Wide understanding of culture and politics, enthusiasm for journalism, and the ability to emergency-write 500 good words on pretty much anything.

3. Being honest here – no specific big projects in mind. But more individual content ideas than I can count, and eagerness to kickstart ideas from others.

Elections will begin Monday 29th October and will run for a week. Voting will be conducted online and can be completed in less than a minute. We promise no one will accost you in Union Court.

Adele Rae Cameron Sculpture and hand dyed and woven textiles

Art & Culture

Caitlin Jolly Hand painted silk http://caitlinjolly.tumblr.com/

While this is the final print edition of Woroni for 2012, we will be publishing a zesty creative edition to finish off the year! Out November 1

LIFE & STYLE// 19 THE SEVEN SEAS

Miss Sarajevo KIERAN PENDER

Image // My Bed , Tracey Emin, 1998, shortlisted for the 1999 Turner Prize

Contempoartophobia MACLAREN WALL

If you walk into an art gallery today, some of you may experience the following symptoms: confusion, hate, amazement (the bad kind) and thoughts of “my five year-old cousin could make this”. Upon diagnosis by an accredited art historian, you may be diagnosed with what we in the industry call “Contempoartophobia”. But do not fear! As much as this disease may make you think that all contemporary art is pretentious, confusing and pointless, there is a simple cure. Contrary to popular belief, contemporary art is your friend, not your enemy.

One simply needs to embrace it and give it a chance. You may be surprised what you find.

There is no set definition for contemporary art and this is a reason why people get scared when confronted with it. As Yoda (not only a great Jedi, but also a great art historian) would say, “fear leads to the immediate narrowing of the mind… the narrowing of the mind leads to arrogance and hate… arrogance and hate leads to Contempoartophobia (the dark side)”. Technically, contemporary art is defined as any artwork made after World War Two. However, the term is more than often used to describe new artworks made within the past five to ten years or so. It is art of the now, depicting the world in which you exist in all its horror and glory.

But why is it people genuinely seem to hate new art? How come people flock to see Napoleon’s tea pot, but pass on viewing a photog-

raphy exhibition on climate change? At the recent Biennale of Sydney the number of audible scoffs, snorts and sarcastic laughs amazed me (yet more symptoms). People seemed to take a millisecond glimpse at works, judge them and immediately move on to the next room, leaving no time to assess and analyze

Sufferers of Contempoartophobia just need to learn to not generalize contemporary art so much and give it a chance. what they see. To fully appreciate what they see in front of them, these people must assess their own definition of art and what ”good” art is. When the average person with Contempoartophobia thinks of good art, images of Michalangelo’s David, Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa and perhaps even the odd Monet spring into mind. I’m willing to bet they don’t imagine Maria Cardoso’s The Museum of Copulatory Organs, which if you didn’t get to see it in Sydney, is a room full of insect penises.

There is a simple cure to Contempoartophobia. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) it is up to the individual to change their lifestyle choices.

Sufferers need to realize that art is not always about being pretty. It’s about creating a connection, putting forward ideas, destroying ideas and making you laugh, cry or have any other imaginable reaction. In general it is about making the audience engage in a process of thought. For an artwork that is purely made for aesthetic purposes, the idea presented by the work is “I LOOK NICE”.

However, not all art has this purpose and one must especially consider this fact when looking at contemporary art. I’ll be the first to say that there is a lot of crap art out there.

Sufferers of Contempoartophobia just need to learn to not generalize contemporary art so much and give it a chance. When the impressionists made their first works, they were ridiculed for being “painters of mere impressions.” Today we embrace this fact.

In the same way, people need to embrace some things about contemporary art; only then can you cure Contempoartophobia.

As silly as it may seem, people should sometimes enjoy the fact that they dislike what they see. But to achieve this, they need to go one step further and actually think about why they hate it. Perhaps the artwork that you passionately hate the most is actually the best artwork you’ve ever seen. After all, it has got what it wants – it has stimulated some sort of reaction out of you. So what do you think the insect penises are about?

While it may not be U2’s most famous song, perhaps the Irish band’s most moving ode is to a city in the Balkans. Miss Sarajevo recalls the devastating three year long siege of Sarajevo, which ultimately led to over 12000 casualties and wreaked unimaginable sorrow on the city’s inhabitants.

As Bono resonates “Is there a time for keeping your distance, a time to turn your eyes away? Is there a time for keeping your head down, for getting on with your day?”

With the breakup of Yugoslavia in full swing, government forces took exception to Bosnian plans for independence. Troops were positioned around the city and shortly after the new state was formally recognised the army began a bombardment campaign that would last from the 5th of April 1992 to the 29th of February 1996.

Incredibly though, mid-siege the Bosnian military organised the creation of a tunnel from Sarajevo to a small village on the opposite side of the airport, going directly under the United Nations controlled runway.

Knowing the runway would not be bombed

by Yugoslav forces, it provided a safe passage between their encircled city and the outside world.

This lifeline literally kept the city alive, with supplies, electricity and even animals being funnelled through the tiny subterranean passage to a desperate populace suffering through day after day of terror. Thanks to this tunnel and the eventual intervention of Bill Clinton, the siege was finally ended with the Dayton Accord in 1995 and today Bosnia and Herzegovina is a proud and rapidly developing independent country.

Standing atop a small viewpoint overlooking this incredible city, it is hard not to be moved. Only 18 years ago Sarajevo was being pounded to rumble day in, day out. Yet now the buildings are mainly rebuilt and the many grave sites provide a poignant reminder that this is not a normal city.

Although bullet ridden apartments in neglected suburbs offer clues as to the stark history of Sarajevo, it wouldn’t be difficult to mistake the city for any other thriving Eastern European metropolis while wandering its many bazaars and alleyways. With mosques, synagogues and churches of several denominations all within walking distance, it is hard to believe such a place of tolerance and acceptance could be targeted with such ferocity.

Waiting for sunset from the outlook, our guide Adam reflects thoughtfully on this amazing place.

“Is there any other capital in the world where cemeteries so prominently dominate the cityscape?”

While a golden glow may have set over Sarajevo that evening, the metaphorical sun has only just started rising over this superlativedefying city.

LIFE & STYLE// 20 Want to hear your song on Woroni Radio?

Request a song every Thursday: www.woroniradio.com.au 11am - 3pm Keep an eye out for podcasts woroni.com.au/podcasts

Want to hear your song on Woroni Radio?

Request a song every Thursday: www.woroniradio.com.au

The Constitution regarding A Fail in Examinations (CAFÉ) BORIPAT LEBEL November is a minefield of scattered examinations. Some of the luckier students will walk through breezily; others will get their heads blown off. A top specialist in the field would like to share a standard protocol he created (CAFÉ), which details his procedure in dealing with a failed exam.

Article 1. Panic, by all means.

Article 2. Don’t tell your friends; they’ll make fun of you. Don’t tell your parents, because they’ll make fun of you too.

Article 3. Ditch your old friends and form a new group of friends who get HDs. New parents are not easy to come by, so start the adoption process as soon as time permits.

Also find a good lawyer, as restraining orders might be needed.

Article 4. During this period, money must be conserved. Resist the urge to splurge on material goods; you will need all of your savings to bribe the lecturer.

Article 5. On the topic of money, Bill Gates once told me “You don’t become a billionaire [HD], unless you’ve been bankrupted at least twice [F].” In other words, you’re going to fail again, YAY(?).

Article 6. Periodically remind yourself that you are the fiercest of them all. No usurper matches your divineness, because you’re the reigning monarch of (drumroll, please) “Loserville”!

Article 7. My man Obama keeps rapping “Change we must, yo, ye…” and failure is a type of change. And thus, we are devoted Democrats. With that said, if failing is not new to you, then you have definitely aced no.

6 (Hallelujah!).

Article 8. If you’re an out and proud foodie, then I say, “Cook till you drop, and eat till you gain it all back!” As Gordon Ramsay once famously said “Life throws you lemons?

Make lemon meringue pie!”.

Article 9. Write a “good bye” note, just in

case. However, if your writing style fits the lab report genre, then spare your loved ones the tedium. Try to be comical about it; for example, To my sunshine, Life is bull! LOL. Gotta go!

Love you, XOXOXOXOXOXOX!!!

Article 10. Burn the condemned textbook and SOL (“Scream Out Loud” – I’m pretty sure I just invented the new LOL) to express and embrace your new religion. Hint: burn it at Unilodge, no one will ever know.

Article 11. Earn some money (so that you can travel to a country where weed is culturally acceptable) and distract yourself by finding a part-time job in the entertainment industry. Porn studios don’t discriminate grades – in fact more Fs means more money.

Article 12. Even ANU failed to secure best university in Australia. We are one.

CAFÉ Approved by F

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Jay Sean

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Canberra Gig Guide

MARTIN PEREZ

Experimental label HellosQuare recordings bring the fourth and final installment of its Abstraktions series, once again held in the foyer of the Street Theatre. Gilded, an eltroacoustic duo from Perth, will be supported by local favourites mornings. Tickets are $10 and the show kicks off at 8pm.

For some bombastic R’n’B club bangers, look no further than Jay Sean’s appearance at Academy Nightclub on the 20th. Signed to Lil’ Wayne’s Imprint, Cash Money Re-

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Jordie Lane

cords, this will be Jay Sean’s first appearance in Canberra. It’s an early show, kicking off around 8pm and wrapping up by 11 – tickets are $59 through moshtix.

Melbourne’s Jordie Lane brings his acoustic folk ballads to the increasingly popular ‘Paperback Sessions’ at Smith’s Bookshop on the evening of the 22nd of October for $15.

The legendary Billy Bragg will be performing at the Canberra Theatre for one night only on the 23rd of October. Tickets are $86 and will afford you the privilege of

seeing him play two sets: one of covers of old Woody Guthrie songs, the other of classics from Bragg’s expansive back catalogue.

On the 26th of October hardcore punk band Black Coffee will be playing in the converted tool shed (known as the ‘Rug Box’) of a suburban Canberra terrace house. They play a searing brand of ‘80s era hardcore and will be supported by new band Hygiene (for fans of: Despise You), as well as by a new look Eye-Gouge! It starts at 8 and is free – search Facebook for details.

LIFE & STYLE// 21

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R’n’Bummer: Hipsterfication’s final frontier

ROSS TAN

R&B. Rhythm and blues. One of the broadest genres of music; in fact, arguably, the original genre of popular music as we know it.

However, until recently, contemporary R&B has tended be a somewhat underappreciated critical ‘black sheep’ of musical genre. For example, after fourteen years, Triple J has still not chosen a single R&B “Feature Album of the Week” (Frank Ocean’s recent ground-break- ing album was snubbed…. for Angus Stone).

Moreover, unlike almost every other genre, many of which have even received d revival from the graveyards of musical extinction, R&B has been consistently overk looked by indie/alternative crowds of tastemaking blogs like Pitchfork, despite the self-professed worship of eclecticism and “deep appreciation” of R&B’s cousin, hiphop. If R&B were to be blogged about at all, it would mainly be for (rightfully) hating on Chris Brown’s Rihanna-bashing ways or Usher for unleashing Bieber unto the world.

How things change. Over the past eighteen months, the genre-formerly-ignoredas-R&B has become “cool”, “trendy”, and as some might even say, “hip”. The reason?

A new wave of R&B artists have joined the elite ranks of indie folk, the ever-present electro-pop, and underground hip-hop artists in working bloggers, tweeters, and professional media critics alike into a frothy orgasmic frenzy at the very mention of a new

mix-tape, album or live appearance on SNL. Led by a circle of young artists including Frank Ocean, Miguel, and The Weeknd, with “blue-eyed” repping from Holy Other and How to Dress Well, this nascent movement has been tagged as “Hipster R&B”, “R-NegB” and most snarkily, “PBR&B” (referring to American hipsters’ shitty beer of choice).

Although an eclectic group, what these artists have had in common is media-savvy DIY promotion and the fusion of contemporary R&B with electronic aesthetics and indie-rock attitude; hooking critics and dilettantes alike in the wave of R&B hipsterfication.

The music these artists produce is still unmistakably R&B— with smooth crooning, falsetto wails and most importantly, the panty-dropping R&B backbeat, all still very much present.

As a skinny, bearded white dude who’s fond of “minimalist deconstruction”, How to Dress Well is way out on the edge of R&B’s spectrum; nevertheless, his latest track, “& It Was U” it still filled with a sultry falsetto and thumping, thrusting backbeat. In fact, that’s the entirety of the damn song.

However, what’s missing from these songs is the overblown, so-polished-its-gleaming

production of commercial R&B, with its only three song-types: “Gettin’ freaky in da club”, “Gettin’ freaky under candlelight”, and “Shit my heart’s broken”. Instead, the alt R&B producers give us spaced-out synthesizer beats, off-kilter dirty funk that evokes vintage ‘80’s Prince, and ballads that hark back to Stevie Wonder whilst exploring some EDM textures Avicii wouldn’t mind cribbing.

There’s also some lyrical depth beyond the selling of sterilised sex appeal for breakfast, lunch and tea. “Honey got some boobies, like wow, oh wow” does NOT a good lyric make, Usher.

Granted, these alt.

R&B guys still sing plenty about sex, if anything far more explicitly, but it’s done with intimacy, vulnerability and god-forbid, modesty. “Forgive me, it’s my very first time”, Miguel pleads in “Use Me”, before climbing a falsetto ladder of sweet nothings, culminating in the screaming wail, “Devour me/defile me.”

The Weeknd’s simultaneous disgust and enthrallment towards the debauched drugs, partying and easy sex that other R&B acts idealise is utterly hypnotic. “Bring your

The music these artists produce is still unmistakbly R&B - with smooth crooning, falsetto wils and most importantly, the panty-dropping R&B backbeat, all still very much present.

love, baby, I could bring my shame/Bring the drugs, baby, I could bring my pain” he moans, as his lust and regret washes over you. Indeed.

With the major-label release of Miguel’s new album, Kaleidoscope Dream (which is fantastic) this month, following other recent releases by Frank Ocean (who debuted at No.2 in America), How To Dress Well and Holy Other, and with these artists now performing at Coachella-level festivals and live on TV, this new wave is now bursting into the mainstream, and enjoying widespread commercial and critical success at that. In November, the world’s largest record label, Universal, will release The Weeknd’s three 2011 mixtapes as a trilogy album, indicating the record exec faith in the commercial appeal of these talented up-and-comers.

An even more startling marker of success, Usher has jumped on the bandwagon, releasing a surprisingly excellent single, “Climax”, produced by indie dance hero, Diplo.

But given his status as the gold-standard for contemporary male R&B popstars and as master of bouncing between top 40 Eurodance and R&B trends, perhaps Usher’s alt.

R&B embrace should not be that surprising.

Still, the moment that Chris Brown drops a track crooning about his sexual insecurities against filtered lo-fi drums might be the time to jump ship and find a new subgenre to start fanatically raving over and show off your impeccable and oh-so-with-it taste to your friends.

REVIEWED// 22

Killing A Classic

WATCH // FILM Wuthering Heights Directed by Andrea Arnold 2012 ROBERT SELTH Far too many film versions of classic English novels make the same mistake: thinking that anything written in the nineteenth century has to be grand and glossy. So it’s a relief to find that the new adaptation of Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights, written and directed by Andrea Arnold with a co-writing credit for Olivia Hetreed, does nothing of the sort. Instead it plunges wholeheartedly in the opposite direction. Light on dialogue, heavy on imagery, and produced on a visibly low budget, the film reduces the story to its bare essentials and savours its rough, wild, and primitive extremes. The problem is that in the process of boiling them down, the novel’s extraordinary scenes of melodrama are not enhanced, but simply become rather colourless and pedestrian. It’s clearly meant to be a case of less-is-more, but in the final product, sadly, less is just less.

For those who don’t know the story: a close bond is formed in childhood between Cathy Earnshaw and Heathcliff. Heathcliff is a street urchin whom her father has taken pity on and brought home to live with them. Cathy’s brother Hindley hates him, and after their father dies he begins to abuse him. As a teenager, Cathy meets Edgar Linton, who is rich and charming but lacks Heathcliff ’s energy and passion. Edgar asks her to marry him, and the tormented Heathcliff runs away from home. Years later, a stern and powerful adult, he returns to take his revenge on them all.

Andrea Arnold’s treatment of Heathcliff is unusual and problematic. To begin with, she breaks with tradition by making him black.

This in itself is a fine decision; in the book we assume he is some kind of foreigner, perhaps a gypsy, and black works equally well.

Unfortunately, Arnold then chooses to have

everyone’s hatred of Heathcliff be a matter of race (Hindley consistently calls him “nigger”), which obscures the arguably more interesting themes of sibling and sexual jealousy. The film also eliminates most of the adult Heathcliff ’s cruelty, whilst making Edgar into an unlikeable fop. This is sadly reductive – much of the story’s drama lies in the fact that both men have their virtues and their failings, and it is genuinely hard to say who deserves Cathy’s love. In fact, Arnold has committed the classic mis-reading of this novel: taking Heathcliff as a great romantic hero and ignoring the serious moral ambiguity of his behaviour. The result is that her film is shallower, and less moving, than it could have been.

The whole thing is shot on handheld in a 4:3 aspect ratio. This is meant to give it a raw, visceral edge, and to some extent it works; but many viewers will find it simply makes the film look amateurish. On ABC’s At the Movies, David Stratton called the style “fauxdocumentary” and provoked Margaret into a rare moment of real bitterness. Several of the actors have not worked in film before, including the teenage Cathy and both the teenage and the adult Heathcliff, and their performances do not impress. Indeed, there are only two performances of any note, and one of them is only in the piece for the first third. That is Paul Hilton as Mr Earnshaw, excellent as a man trying to be a good Christian while everyone in his care is swept away by decidedly unChristian passions. The other is Kaya Scodelario (Effy in Skins) as the adult Cathy. She is very good, though the film’s advertising is fixating on her because she is the only recognisable face in the cast.

The most serious problem is simply that the film takes itself too seriously. By aiming for a kind of elemental tragedy and solemnity, Arnold ends up just being monotonous. The film plods along with no variation in pace or tone, and its emotional effect becomes rather like its colour palette: washed-out, unvarying, and dull. Wuthering Heights is a story of extremity, but it needs to be handled with nuance and imagination, and this disappointing production has little of either.

It’s clearly meant to be a case of less-is-more, but in the final product, sadly, less is just less.

Harry Who?

READ // BOOK The Casual Vacancy J. K. Rowling 2012

PICO PAL This review needs to begin with a pact.

Neither writer nor reader will compare The Casual Vacancy to the book about the boy who lived. Comparing J.K Rowling’s latest to Harry Potter is about as silly as bringing a baby to a nightclub. The Casual Vacancy showcases Rowling’s flair for bringing characters to life, for intricate world building, for eliciting laughter and tears, and it deserves to be read on its own merit. Because if there ever was a book to clobber your mates over the head with until they read it, this would be it. And at 503 pages and built like a brick, The Casual Vacancy is up for the job.

If you’re looking for a hero in The Casual Vacancy you’re not going to find one. The man who could have filled those shoes is parish councillor Barry Fairbrother and he dies within the first few pages. (Yes, we know what Barry rhymes with, Potterheads). The book deals with the casual vacancy that opens up on the parish council after his death. Told in Rowling’s signature third person narration, the novel helicopters between the perspectives of residents in Pagford, a not–so–sleepy English village. The characters are oftentimes fickle, ambitious, bitter, angry, cruel, and at all times, thoroughly human. The book is broken into seven parts (stop counting and comparing right now, Harry Potter nerds).

Each part is broken into smaller pieces, each piece dedicated to one character. As soon as you become invested in one character, the helicopter narrator flies on to the next.

The structure can be off–putting; it is difficult to keep up with the pedestrian details of the lives of characters you are not invested in from the outset. But stick with it. The beauty of a mosaic is lost in a close–up, but from a distance, the design is unmistakable.

No detail in The Casual Vacancy is with-

out significance. Trust that this is Rowling, and that this vortex of moments and choices in the lives of unlikeable people is going to spin into one irrevocable, unforgettable end.

So why the ‘casual vacancy’? It’s more than an empty seat on the parish council. Rowling has explained that the phrase can give meaning to death, to the unmistakable imprint left behind when our loved ones pass on with such casualness, at an arbitrary time beyond our choosing. The casual vacancy could also refer the empty space in a book without a protagonist. Each character flits into the vacancy, yet none have the unflinching selflessness and bravery and loyalty and kindness we expect of our paper heroes. And never was a town in need of a hero more than Pagford.

It’s hard to pin down what the book is about. It’s about death and grief, love and cruelty, poverty and welfare, individual and collective responsibility, growing up and dealing with adulthood. Pagford is home to a satisfied middle class and to a class the politically correct call ‘socioeconomically disadvantaged’. Rowling says the working title for the book was ‘What Do We Do About Krystal Weedon?’ Krystal Weedon belongs to the latter class. Her mother is a drug addict, who insists on bringing children into the world she cannot provide for. Krystal is the ‘school bike’ and resident delinquent. She loves her baby brother fiercely. She’s the glue cementing her family together. And in many ways, the book is about Krystal, about the ‘poor’, those objects of charity who should take ‘responsibility’ for their own lives. Like all the characters, Krystal is easy to judge and to disdain, but the magic of The Casual Vacancy is that if you give her enough time, Rowling makes you empathise with the distasteful and love the unloveable. Just don’t expect the book to be as light as the tone might suggest. Expect to be unable to read the last few chapters, because you’ll have hot, ugly tears running down your face. Finishing it is like a bereavement.

My friend asked me whether The Casual Vacancy is life changing. I said it was. Now read it.

REVIEWED// 23

Looper Trippy But No Inception WATCH // MOVIE Looper Directed by Rian Johnson 2012 STEPH COX

Stephen Hawking, in an unusually facetious mood, once stated that he knew for certain that time travel into the past isn’t possible because he held a party for time travellers and no one showed. Well, Mr Hawking, did you ever think that maybe a) Future time travellers never received your invitations Or b) Your invitees didn’t even want to go to your dumb party anyway (awks) Or c) Time travel WAS invented, but then was immediately made illegal?

That third scenario, incidentally, is the starting point for the recently released Looper. Looper is a film mostly about time travel, determinism, and personal responsibility, and also quite a lot about how adorable Joseph Gordon Levitt is. Or Bruce Willis, if you’re so inclined.

I would describe Looper as tidy, or neat.

It is aesthetically consistent, well shot, and nicely directed; the script was capably written, although unmemorable. A friend complained that the suspense was poor, and that the big reveal was easily predicted. That’s just it, though.

Looper isn’t trying to fuck with your head. It’s trying to make a point. The plot develops inexorably to a point where there is only one course of action left to our doe-eyed protagonist. Does Joe have free will? Were his actions predetermined completely, or only to an extent? How the flip can someone’s decisions be predetermined only to an extent? HMM! Firstly, instead of thinking about determinism like it’s some kind of creepy slash fiction script that everyone adheres to whether they realise it or not, think about it in terms of probability. Thanks to pre-ex-

isting circumstances, something is more or less probably going to happen. Okay, now imagine space-time as something kind of like a skin. Please keep reading. There’s more. So, when this space-time skin suffers trauma (I’m talking Time Travel, you guys!), a blister will probably appear. In order for things to continue operating in the best of conditions, this blister is going to have to be burst. Gross, right.

In Looper, bursting the space-time blister is called ‘closing the loop’, which sounds a lot classier and is probably more intuitive to everyone besides me.

Unfortunately for Joe, he’s in a bit of a damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t situation. He’s forced to decide not only where his responsibility lies in the present, but where it will lie in the future. I want to

Looper is a film mostly about time travel, determinism, and personal responsibility, and also quite a lot about how adorable Joseph Gordon Levitt is.

talk more about this, but I would totally spoil whatever parts I haven’t already if I did that.

The thing which I liked most about this movie, then, was the way it toyed with these ideas in a safe, bounded medium. It didn’t introduce much to the debate, sure, but come on guys – this is a blockbuster movie, not a book, for crying out loud.

To balance this out a little, I’ll also mention the thing I liked least about this movie. Basically, it was a bit weird how few ladies were in it. I mean, I counted THREE. In, like, an entire, over-populated, future world – really, just three gals? Three women, whose roles contributed more to keeping things moving than anything of real significance? The worst part is that the writer almost made one of them a really awesome super cool character. But then at the last second, opted for something easier to pull off. I guess.

Whatever. Being lazy with the female characters cost this movie probably ¾ of a star for me. Which takes it to about 3 ¼ total.

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Johns Play: A Ten Out of Tenor Performance WATCH // PLAY Lend Me a Tenor Johns XXIII Play 2012 VINCENT CHIANG

Sex. Death. Opera. These words would generally not be out too of place in a typical conversation concerning Johns XXIII College; recently, however, everybody’s favourite hall of hooligans has also proven that it can take its Thursday night reputation and transform it into something artistic. The end result? A theatrical wonder.

As a piece of theatre, Lend Me a Tenor is relatively contemporary, having seen its original run less than three decades ago, as well as a recent Broadway revival; nothing is contemporary with regards to the narrative itself, however, as the play utilises a similar plot line to Shakespeare’s The Comedy of Errors. Max, an idealistic would-be opera

singer, has to struggle with the fact that his girlfriend is more enamoured with Italian opera tenor Tito Merelli than with him. To make matters worse, Tito is coming to town.

However, it soon turns out that Tito has gone missing, and so in a last minute patch-up, manager Saunders forces Max to disguise himself as Tito and perform in his stead. The performance is a success, and Max uses the opportunity of being Tito to regain Maggie’s love. And then Tito returns; hilarity ensues.

Clearly, then, this is a comedy. And yet, Johns, in its first of many triumphs, avoids the common pitfall of comic student productions, in ensuring that everything is tightly-fit – that there is no excess, no pointless absurdity for its own sake. In fact, under the direction of Alexandra Davis, it is all startlingly professional: the set is impressive and fitting for the performance, the action is well formulated and well executed, and best of all, the comic atmosphere ne-

cessitated by the play is captured perfectly.

Of course, no matter how well-refined the direction, there is always margin for error unless the individual performances are also outstanding. In the case of Lend Me a Tenor, however, what we see is nothing short of brilliant as well. Brendan Byrne, Hannah Wood, and Joe Walker are magnificent and larger than life as the three most dominant leads, evoking exactly the proper kind of power in their performances that a play revolving around opera necessitates. Parallel to this, Evie Hall, Kiren Ahluwalia and Sally Lewis offer effective comic foils, adding to and balancing out the insanity wherever necessary, especially in the case of Ahluwalia, whose body language is a spectacle of seductive hilarity.

In his umpteenth appearance on-stage this year, however, it is the diva-esque Dylan Van Den Berg who offers the most absurd laughs, with his performance as the jaded manager Saunders cutting exactly

the right degree of cynical humour at exactly the right moments. Tim Horan also deserves a special mention for taking the most seemingly irrelevant character within the play and transforming the role into a fountain of comedic flamboyance and, indeed, an audience favourite.

When all is said and done, Opera is probably not the socially dominant art form that it once possibly was. Nevertheless, it is still a particularly powerful presence in Western artistry, whether in performance, or in its cultural significance. And as this particular production proves, when we appropriate opera in the right sort of way, when we can take its majesty, and the powerful presence of opera singers on-stage, and integrate it into a play about mistaken identity and sex – well, that’s when we have something special. That’s when we have serious (comedic) entertainment.

REVIEWED// 24

Down the Rabbit Hole

WATCH // PLAY Harvey Directed by Shaun Wykes 2012 JESS MILLEN

Questioning the blurred lines between imagination and reality, and the universal human choice between individuality and social conformity, the latest N.U.T.S. offering will strike a chord with just about anyone.

Directed with impressive attentionto-detail by Shaun Wykes, Mary Chase’s Pulitzer-winning comedy Harvey examines the age-old dichotomies of style and substance, and of reality and fantasy. With a few standout performances from a generally solid ensemble cast, Wykes’ production is an absurd, eccentric charmer.

Harvey takes its name from the figure that stands at the centre of the play’s

conflict: a giant, imaginary, anthropomorphic rabbit that can only be seen by a man called Elwood P. Dowd, played with quirky, chipper sweetness by Tom Westland.

While his bunny best friend brings much joy to Elwood, the presence of this imaginary rabbit greatly distresses those around him. Caitlin Hodder is excellent as Elwood’s uptight and frazzled sister, Veta, and Georgia Ginnivan provides some great comedic moments as Veta’s socially (and sexually) frustrated daughter, Myrtle Mae. The two of them teeter around the stage like stuffed marionettes, providing a simultaneously funny and poignant contrast to Westland’s relaxed physicality as the kooky Elwood.

For such a wordy play, it comes as a surprise that the funniest moments of Harvey occur in the absurd silences, the actors’ responses to each other and the quietly deadpan throwaway lines. Morgan Heath-Williams steals an early scene as Elwood and Veta’s Aunt Ethel – her understated, subtle performance is a

perfect accompaniment to the hysterical tension that emanates from the other women.

The tiny stage of the ANU Drama Lab may have caused some logistical difficulties for the design team, but the cramped set provides an ideal backdrop for the action. Watching Harvey is like peering into a crumbling dollhouse, where the beautiful vases, lampshades and mahogany bookcases do little to disguise the shakiness of its foundations.

The trade-off for having such an intricate set is one rather long scene change in each act, when the theatre is flooded with blue light and the cast transform the stage from head to toe. It’s a long process, but an effective one, as the intricate details of the set allude to the importance that Veta and Myrtle Mae place on appearances that forms the thematic basis for the play.

The set change brings us to the mental asylum, where Veta attempts to commit Elwood. Of course, nothing goes to plan and

hijinks ensue, with some great physical comedy from Dylan Van Den Berg as Dr. Chumley. Will Morris and Jessica Symonds build a charming chemistry as Dr. Sanderson and Nurse Kelly, while Brody Warren is suitably stuffy and indignant as the family’s elderly legal advisor Judge Gaffney.

Written almost seventy years ago, the themes and ideas that Harvey presents are now familiar, well-trodden questions, but it doesn’t hurt to be reminded of them once in a while.

Elwood may go everywhere with a giant imaginary rabbit; he may seem a simpleton in his enthusiasm for the everyday and the banal; he may fail to pick up on social queues, implied suggestions and figurative speech; but he is infinitely more content than any of the socially-aware and self-conscious characters around him.

Harvey is a sweet, charming romp – it may need some polishing here and there, but it has a heart of gold.

Tame Impala Backs it Up LISTEN // CD Lonerism Tame Impala 2012 ROBERT SELTH

Simply put, psychedelia is music made to sound like a vivid and richly textured dream. Pop and rock melodies and structures are fleshed out with sonic effects that make the music sound like an expansive, thickly layered vista of bright colours and patterns. Its origins, of course, lie largely in ‘60s music made by people who were taking LSD, for people who were taking LSD. But to tie the genre down to drugs is to trivialise it immensely. At its best, psychedelic music makes you feel like you’re in a trance,

drifting through waves of glorious sound, carried on pulsing guitar lines and drums.

Perth band Tame Impala, who have now followed up their 2010 debut Innerspeaker with sophomore album Lonerism, are among the best at creating this effect. The new album is psychedelia par excellence – better than their first, and better than most other contemporary bands who aim for this kind of sound.

Lonerism is overflowing with good tunes and wonderful instrumental passages. Fuzzy guitars swirl around echoing pianos on a sequence of remarkably accomplished rock songs that only sound better for the spacey production.

There’s a surprising amount of variety too. “Why Won’t They Talk to Me?” soars with plaintive beauty. “Elephant” chugs along on a deep, pounding groove.

“Led Zeppelin” is an excellent homage.

But it’s very easy to just let it all wash over you without registering any of these songs individually, let alone paying attention to the lyrics. If you do make the effort to focus on the substance of what you’re hearing – and it doesn’t really matter if you don’t – then you’ll find that there’s a lot of pathos here, but also a great deal of joy.

Hardly any tracks really stand out from Lonerism. It needs to be taken as a whole, a sun-drenched fifty-five minutes of songs that naturally slide together into a seamless whole.

Like Innerspeaker, Lonerism has been produced by long-time Flaming Lips collaborator Dave Fridmann, and the sonic similarities to that band are striking: the sound is thick and complex, but also very shiny. Every strand of music in the mix of instruments is clear and distinct, yet

as a whole it sounds smooth and dense.

Tame Impala also employ the Flaming Lips’ classic trick of playing fast, frenetic rhythm sections underneath slow, ballad-like melodies, which sounds inherently trippy. Together with plenty of reverb, the whole effect becomes deliciously grand and blissful.

Towards the end of Lonerism’s final track, “Sun’s Coming Up,” the song dissolves into a bubbly wash of sound. The kaleidoscope gradually condenses into the beginnings of the next melody, and then, with no warning, cuts to silence.

The effect is clear: though we can now no longer hear it, the music is definitely still going on somewhere. You would never actually reach the horizon of a musical landscape as expansive and as interesting as this.

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Move Over Miami, LA’s Back

EDWARD MACKY

Metta World Peace aka The Elbowing Ron Artest, has signalled the Los Angeles Lakers intentions for the upcoming NBA season by claiming that it is “definitely possible” that they will be able to set a new NBA win record, and thus surpass Michael Jordan’s Chicago Bulls 72-10 record in the 95-96 season. Such a claim is confident to say the least, considering the Miami Heat claimed the same thing two seasons ago, when the so-called “Big-3” formed in Miami. They ended up achieving a 58-24 record and not even qualifying as number one in the East.

With the arrival of Steve Nash and Dwight Howard on the West Coast, as well as a number of other quality supporting players such as experienced journeyman Antawn Jamieson and young-gun Jodie Meeks, the Lakers have a team that is arguably much more than the “Big-3” that Miami created two seasons ago.

With Pau Gasol and Kobe Bryant, we’re looking at a big-4 and a far better supporting cast than the “Big-3” have at the Heat franchise.

Kobe will have a star point guard to feed him for the first time in his career in Steve Nash, which will ultimately take some pressure off the five-time NBA champion, who is

often left with a lot to do, whether it be on his own onus or due to the lacklustre performances of others around him. Kobe clearly struggled last season, shooting just 43% from the field, his lowest since his sophomore year, and 43.9% in the playoffs, his lowest since 2004. As Kobe enters the twilight of his career, he is going to need someone to take away that pressure and Steve Nash has proved throughout his career that his vision makes him the perfect candidate to do this.

Quite simply wherever he has played he has managed to better his teammates around him, and for the first time in his career he is surrounded by a team of all-stars. The potential results from this arsenal is mouth-watering.

However, while the Lakers are no doubt the best team on paper, it may take some time for the team to properly blend, much like it took time for Lebron James and the Heat to really become a team rather than merely a group of individuals. Nash will be running a Princeton

style of offence that the Lakers won’t be used to, and it is also possible Dwight Howard won’t be back to his best until perhaps mid-season, due to a back injury that kept him out of the end of last season and the Summer Olympics While the Lakers will be aiming to reclaim the West, it is going to take something to stop the rising powerhouse that is the Oklahoma City Thunder, who with a mix of talented youth and experienced veterans managed to beat the Lakers in just five games in the Western Conference Semis last year and advance to the finals. Furthermore, the aging San Antonio Spurs, as well as the cross-city rivals Clippers will be looking to rain on the Laker’s parade.

All these teams can easily score a 100 points a game and it will be just as important for the Lakers to put on solid defensive play as well as the obvious amazing offensive play that will be on offer. However, with a fit Dwight Howard – a three time defensive player of the year awardee – it will be an extremely plausible possibility that they will be able to shut

The real story of this season is the rejuvenated Lakers and the haters who despise the way they have bought, not built, a team of superstars.

down the big teams in the West, as well as the East, to less than a 100 points on a regular basis. Another team in the West that look likely to make their first run at the playoffs in a while are the Golden State Warriors, who have recruited big with big Australian Andrew Bogut and veteran Richard Jefferson, as well as picking some solid offensive playing rookies in the draft, such as Harrison Barnes and Draymond Green. If Bogut and rising star Stephen Curry, who are key to the Warriors chances of a playoff berth yet are both injury prone, can stay healthy throughout the season, the Warriors will be one of the most entertaining offensive forces in the NBA. I could talk all day about the West before having even had a chance to analyse the East, but the real story of this season is the rejuvenated Lakers and the haters who despise the way they have bought, not built, a team of superstars. Ironically, it may be an issue of money that splits the team up in the near future, as the NBA luxury tax, which taxes marquee players, is expected to rise triple fold for the Lakers for the 2013-14 season, perhaps taking them to a financial boiling point that not even their cashed-up owners can sustain.

The NBA begins on October 31 AEST.

Demetriou Swoops on Cricket’s Summer Limelight

MURRAY ROBERTSON

Andrew Demetriou is a cunning man. Any person who bulldozed a path from junk player at North Melbourne to CEO of the most powerful sporting organisation in Australia should enjoy that label. Demetriou is aware that AFL is carried out under the gaze of the winter sun, leaving an abyss in the heart of the AFL fan during the summer months.

Thus, this wise and powerful man has taken it upon himself to encroach into the domain of the cricket season. The AFL intruded meekly at first, a day here and a day there.

Then they became bold, ripping great chunks off the cricket season until an entire month had been whittled away. Which brings us to the Gilette Trade Period, a headline-grabbing

AFL marathon of double-crossing and team re-building that travels up until the 11th of December, deep into the heart of the cricket season. The unnecessarily long trade period keeps AFL in the news the whole year round, a bonus for one and all.

This trade period has been more exciting then most with the introduction of free agency, an American-styled system where players with a certain amount of service at a club can jump ship, as it were, and join another club. The biggest fish to be landed was Brendan Goddard by the usually placid football club of Essendon. Unfortunately for Essendon fans, Goddard is not the saviour. Deficiencies in defence and in the forward line have found Essendon wanting the last two sea-

sons, but good luck to everyone involved.

Next to go was Quienten Lynch, the big lad from West Coast, Collingwood made a wellexecuted decision to obtain this 30 year old, and in doing so upset their incumbent full-forward Chris Dawes, he of a much younger persuasion. Dawes is rumoured to be heading to the Melbourne Demons, an out of the fire and into a much smaller and poorer fire situation.

Trade week arrived on Monday, with the news that Kurt Tippett, a hulking full-forward from Adelaide, declaring that he wanted to join recently crowned premiers Sydney.

If successful, this move could see the Swans at the top of the table for the foreseeable future, a situation that is ideal for everyone.

The Swans copped severe backlash for their coup in scoping out Tippett, mainly

because they are allowed an extra $800,000 in their salary cap for living expenses. For those naysayers out there, it may appear that the Swans are hoarding their money to snatch someone like Tippett. Yet most of the accusations are falsified and it is most likely rumours to undermine the Sydney Swans impeccable reputation as iconic heroes.

Moving on, the cricket season has actually begun, the Sheffield Shield is being fought out by Australia’s states and a World Cup was won and lost. Little of this has been discussed in Australia, with thanks going to Andrew Demetriou, who has triumphantly manoeuvred AFL into the limelight deep into the summer. However, everyone deserves an AFL break and an endless supply of KFC cricketing commercials to kick-start the summer.

SPORT// 27

A-League Kicks Off RYAN GRAHAM

Stoke City is a Disgrace JOSHUA CHU-TAN

Stoke City is becoming a regular in the English Premier League every since their promotion in 2008 with manager Tony Pulis and an incredible fan base. It is safe to say that the Britannia Stadium is one of the hardest places to play in England with the Stoke faithful being some of the loudest fans in England. However, the way they play is atrocious, full stop.

Stoke City have implemented the same style since they have arrived back at the top flight of English football. They score from free kicks, long throw ins from Rory Delap and...well that’s about it. They boast one of the biggest and strongest defenses in the league and play very physical football. Some might say too physical, but they never back down from a challenge, evident when Ryan Shawcross came flying in breaking Arsenal’s Aaron Ramsey’s ankle in a tackle a few seasons back.

Personally, I really dislike the way that y Stoke play football. It is ridiculously boring t to watch, however they do get results. They can’t seem to win very often, but they sure can force a draw. To me, their arsenal of players are the most technically ungifted in the - Premier League. All they do when they get the ball, is counter attack or just bomb long balls forward hoping that somehow the ball will end up in the back of the net. Other than that they are happy to sit back and defend,

and while it does get results I think this way of playing is an injustice to the “most beautiful game in the world.”

This attack on Stoke City could stem from my recent frustration from Liverpool drawing with them despite having 63% of the possession and a plethora of chances . However, in my defense, I have disliked Stoke ever since they were promoted and I believe I do have some merit to my argument.

To me, their arsenal of players are the most technically ungifted in the Premier League.

The game against Liverpool this year was one of the dirtiest displays from a team I’ve seen in awhile. Taking people out in the air, stomping on people’s chests and reckless challenges are all part of the “Mighty Potters” regiment. If you read my previous article about Suarez and his reputation with referees, then watching this game all but confirmed my views. Suarez didn’t dive once in the first half but went down to a lot of hard challenges by Robert Huth, with

very few free kicks were awarded to him. Unfortunately he did have a terrible dive in the second half in the penalty box, but given the circumstances of the game and the fact that Stoke seems to get away with even the most malicious of fouls, I don’t blame him.

This brings to me the point of the comments made my Stoke’s manager Tony Pulis, who is slowly losing favour amongst the Stoke fans. Pulis claims that they should ban players if they dive bringing to light Suarez’s dive in the second half. He complained about Suarez getting away with the dive and believes that he should be banned to prevent this from occurring again. However, he failed to mention an even more despicable moment in the first half where his defender Robert Huth blatantly stomped on Suarez leaving him with a purple souvenir on his chest. Huth got away with nothing, and not even a free kick was awarded. If anyone should be suspended from that game, it should’ve been Huth. Absolutely pathetic in my eye that he didn’t even acknowledge this incident.

I’m tired of Stoke City and the way they play. Their talentless pool of players, hypocritical manager, disrespectful fans and “physical football” (which looks as though their checking a player in ice hockey instead of playing football) really get on my nerves. They are destroying English football with their negative style of play.

IN an opening weekend expected to be dominated by Del Piero and Heskey, the ALeague as a whole far outshone the star signings. In five quality games, the league managed an enviable overall attendance of 93,000 – nearly 20,000 per game – with less fancied teams mostly taking the points.

The Melbourne Derby between Victory and Heart opened the weekend in thrilling fashion. The second largest crowd in A-League history flocked to Etihad Stadium to see a tactically sound performance from the Heart under rookie coach John Aloisi, embarrassing the much fancied Victory 2-1 on their home turf. The Heart’s tireless work-rate and pressing prevented Ange Postecoglou’s side from creating any meaningful plays– save for an excellent cross from Archie Thompson which was dutifully finished by New Zealand starlet Marco Rojas in the first half.

In Wellington, Italian legend Del Piero and his new Sydney FC teammates struggled in their 2-0 loss too a far superior Phoenix outfit. Del Piero looked unfit and sluggish despite setting up several impressive plays, and was far outshone by 19 year old Wellington debutant Louis Fenton, who played a part in both goals of the game. The Phoenix demonstrated attacking prowess with new signings Jeremy Brockie, Benjamin Totori and Belgian Steyn Huysegems providing new options for the side who have traditionally relied on star Paul Ifill in the final third.

Former England international Emile Heskey also failed to shine in Newcastle’s game against Adelaide. In a straightforward 2-0 victory for Adelaide, the Jets demonstrated tactical deficiency from the Jets who opted to send long balls to Heskey rather than develop play from their strong midfield.

Western Sydney Wanderers meanwhile were solid in their debut A-League game.

The Wanderers surprised many critics and matched the challenge of reigning Minor Premiers Central Coast in a 0-0 draw at Parramatta. Whilst the Wanderers struggled to find the clinical finish required to secure three points, they clearly had the better possession in a game that the Mariners simply didn’t seem interested in.

Perth Glory meanwhile made up for their grand final loss in front of 15,000 home supporters by defeating new rivals Brisbane Roar 1-0. Brisbane striker Besart Berisha continued to surround himself in controversy sparking two brawls in the game, six months on from his game winning dive in the grand final. Eager to cement their position as the team to beat, Perth won the close encounter through an excellent Billy Mehmet header in the 88th minute.

The Back Page

WORONI BOOK CLUB

PERLUSTRATING ASSERVATIONS Examining commonly held beliefs with a blow torch and a bunker buster

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. “ JAMIE FREESTONE MATHEW MCGANN

This packet of asseverations is normally delivered by Americans but has been a ubiquitous liberal catechism for more than 200 years. For the sake of brevity, we address each claim in sequence as succinctly as we can.

1. Self-evident. This bold opening sees the authors claim access to a priori truths about the world, without gathering evidence from the world. It’s a brazen opening which defies the work of most analytic philosophy from the last three centuries. One could certainly request a bit more epistemological parsimony from messrs Jefferson et al.

2. Men are created equal. This first, allegedly “self-evident”, “truth” is evidently false. Men (and women) are created unequally. Being created equal should strictly involve being identical in every way, an exceedingly rare condition which applies to very few pairs and occasional trios of people. A looser definition of “equal’ is also incorrect, as some people are born with congenital defects, diseases, mutations and often they’re born dead — hardly a state one would consider equal to those born live.

3. Men have unalienable rights to life, liberty. A review of the literature quite quickly shows that men’s rights are alienable, if not morally then at the very least legally. Children, committed people, sub-functional cretins, people in comas and those who abnegate their rights every time they strap on a gimp mask and go hell for leather without a safety word are all examples of people relinquishing their allegedly inalienable rights. This fact should have been particularly evident in 1776. To wit, whereas some people were born as descendants of wealthy plantation operating slave owners, such as Thomas Jefferson,

and therefore born with massive inheritances and the right to vote and not be molested, others were born as descendants of slaves who worked on said plantations and who could not vote and were molested.

5. Pursuit of happiness. A point of clarification here: this right is also clearly not unalienable, but even if it was the Declaration doesn’t further specify that we will be unimpeded in this pursuit. But is this a right worth mentioning? Have we not also the right to pursue a near infinite list of other states of being too? We find this claim to be, if true, trivial in its consequences.

6. There is a Creator. The entire passage assumes there is an agential, capitalised force which has endowed people with the above rights. Not only is there no evidence to demonstrate the existence of this god, there is also, as we have seen, evidence to demonstrate that even if he did exist, he was singularly inept at endowing people with unalienable rights. We find, therefore, that at best this Creator is a rhetorical flourish from the deistic authors, at worst an impotent demi-god who exists but can’t even uphold said rights, something which is relatively easy for Earthly judiciaries and legislatures, despite their general incompetence.

We propose a more sober rewrite might go something like: We hold these postulations to be well supported by evidence, that very few men or women are created equally (identical twins excepted) and that they are endowed by natural evolutionary processes with highly developed prefrontal cortices providing them the capacity to appreciate abstract concepts such as justice and liberty and that being cognizant of these concepts might frequently lead to them wanting to assert some claim to unmolested furtherance of them via rights to life, liberty and the (in all likelihood, unsuccessful) pursuit of subjective states of well-being.

Being created equal should strictly involve being identical in every way, an exceedingly rare condition which applies to very few pairs and occasional trios of people.

G’day Praying On My Knees, Dear Agony Angus, You keep talking about how he wants to fulI’m having problems with my Christian fill you emotionally, but it really just sounds boyfriend. We’ve been going out for 2 years, Some of you may remember Aunty Flo from we’ve moved in together, and he’s even given like you want him to fill you physically, if previous editions of The Back Page. Unfortu- me a promise ring. He’s kind, intelligent and you get what I mean. And what I mean is, nately, our beloved wise woman has decided he fulfills me emotionally. However, I feel like sounds like you’re keener for a root than a to hang up her pinafores. Luckily, she’s put his religion is coming between us. While I love pig in a heat. I don’t reckon he’ll be talking us in touch with another advice columnist. him dearly, I don’t know how to respond when some bloke’s kingdom after he’s visited your Introducing.. Agony Angus. Telling it like it queendom, trust me. And the religion of he talks about us spending eternity together is, AA answers your relationship/ university/ your children won’t be a problem, just tell in the Lord’s kingdom, and I dread the day life queries and quandaries. Write in with we talk about children and their beliefs. What him to pull out. I pray that you won’t have to your questions at contact@woroni.com.au wait too long for his second coming. should I do?

Footy, beers, chicks, In desperation, Agony Angus.

Praying On My Knees.

Agony Angus