Woroni Edition Four 2018 by Woroni

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

woroni VOL. 68, Issue 4. Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

PAGE 7 DATA MINED AND FINeD: WHO ARE THE REAL LOSERS? Cambridge Analytica and Facebook: What's the Deal?

PAGE 27 GREEN THUMBS, GREEN PLANET

PAGE 45 BANGSAR, KUALA LUMPuR

Sustainable Gardening as an Alternative to Commercial Food Production

Remembering my Ah Mah

PAGE 48 ARCHITECTUraL PARADOX: NEW RAMSAY CENTRE SOLElY CONSISTS OF A RIGHT WING

THE GOVERNMENT HAS BLOCKED ALL STUDENT MEDIA FROM ACCESSING THE BUGDET RELEASE Text: Woroni Editors Graphic: Sophie Bear

The Treasury has told student media organisations that they will not be allowed into this year’s budget lock-up. This comes after a year in which the government has: frozen Commonwealth Grant Scheme funding for bachelor degrees at 2017 levels, cut over 1,000 “specialist” student places, planned to increase student fees by 7.5 per cent over five years, and announced that it wishes to lower the HELP repayment threshold to $45,000. Student media organisations supply the entire tertiary education sector with detailed reporting on exactly how these changes play out. ANU’s Woroni reported on how the university’s entire Diploma of Languages program had been shut down due to budget cuts. The University of

Melbourne’s Farrago covered their university’s response to the government’s MYEFO plans. And Sydney University’s Honi Soit demonstrated that their university would lose $51.7 million if proposed funding cuts were passed. And we know there will be changes in this budget that need to be scrutinised: after all, Turnbull is already calling it a “baby-boomer friendly” document. By refusing to let any of these media organisations into the lock-up, the government is stopping us from having unbridled access to Treasury officials while analysing the budget, and will effectively prevent student media from being able to publish any stories until the day after the lock-up. The national post-budget conversation is shaped by Tuesday evening’s coverage – government, you

are stopping young people from having a voice in that discussion.

apply, they should just move the lock-up to a bigger room.

Student media was told that the reason they were not allowed into the lock-up was because there was not enough space.

And we’re not even asking for something new or extraordinary – student media was allowed into the budget lock-up in 2014, 2015 and 2016.

“Due to space restrictions, the lock-up is limited to professional news publications only.” In 2017, 580 media personnel were given access to the budget lock-up. Some seats were used by professional media to make comedy skits and report “behind-the-scenes” of the budget lock-up. It’s a weak excuse for the government to say that they can’t find enough space for a couple more chairs, when they do manage to find enough space for large camera crews to produce comedy routines inside the building. If the government truly can’t find the space for the media organisations who

That’s why we are signing this open letter: after a year of sustained attempts to change higher education policy, we at least deserve the respect to be able to examine the government’s policy suggestions. Young people at least deserve the respect to be able to examine the government’s policy. And really, what are you afraid of? If you believe your higher education policies are so good, government, why are you scared of ‘unprofessional’ student media outlets scrutinising them? Signed: Woroni,Et Cetera,Farrago Vertigo, Pelican, Honi Soit, Tharunka

Vol. 68 , Issue 04 News comment 4

Political Neutrality of ANU in Question Dylan Clements

So Fresh: Sounds of Nostalgia Playlist by ANU Students Multilingual 21

Love Me ‘Tinder’ Nick Blood

First Female Theatre Actors on Iranian Stages Miniature Malekpour

Why We Can’t Get Away From Facebook Brandon Tan 7

Data Mined and Fined: Who Are The Real Losers? Kanika Kirpalani

La Nature (Humaine) De La Nostalgie Melissa Nuhich

Meanwhile in Canberra Jasper Lindell International 10

Catalan Independence has Played Out on the Football Field. Should That be Allowed? Sam McGonigle 11

The Question Mark Over Aung San Suu Kyi Miriam Sadler 12

Creating a More Sustainable Global Economy Nick Blood ‘Memory’ Features 13

Artwork by Maddy McKusker 14

Memory Prosthetics Offer a Glimpse into the Future Emilio Lanera 15

A Letter Anonymous 16

Making Mandarin Memorable Zena Mason 17

Wait, Before I Forget Shae Maree Nicholson

Ancient Medical Recollections for Hair (Re)Growth Charbel El-Khaissi Discover 24

Technological Singularity Liam King

The Eternal Professor Aryanne Caminschi

A House is Not a Home Josie Ganko 38

Give Peas a Chance Ellen Makaryan 39

One Bad Song Jeremy Tsuei 40

Jack White Loses his way with Genre-crossing Album Boarding House Reach Maxine Beaumont 41

The Vaccines Make a Triumphant Return with Combat Sports Georgia Clarke

Three Unconventional Ways to Fish – And Destroy the Environment While You’re at it Brody Hannan 26

Nangs: A Sensible Chuckle, or Creamy Suckle Damian Bhalla 27

Green Thumbs, Green Planet Tallulah Milnes 28

Why the World is Waging War on Plastic Pollution Jessica Woolnough 29

The True Cost of Fast Fashion Gabriela Freeman 30

Porcupine Ridge Trail Montana Coombes 30

Side Hustle: High School Tutoring Aryanne Caminschi 31

Free University: What’s the Deal? Miles Tiley 32

Money Money Money Mia Jessurun, Miles Tiley & Zoe Halstead

The Universe Will Never be the Same Andy Yin

Volumes of a Memory Brigid Horneman-Wren

There’s Something About Teachers Noah Yim

Blockers: A Funny, Smart Sex Comedy for the Modern Age Josie Ganko 43

The Tomb Raider Movie Franchise Digs its Grave Alisha Nagle creative 44

Dreaming Emilie Morscheck 45

Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur Jia Huei 45

Love Unknown A Little Fuji Apple 46

Houses Mahalia Crawshaw 46

It’s Complicated Anonymous 47

Holy Shit This Nerd With A Projector Just Revolutionised The Way We Think About Public Architecture Will Fletcher Students Report Clearer Complexitions, Shinier Hair and Better Sleep Patterns After Leaving ANU Schmidtposting Caroline Dry 48

Culture 34

“Blurred Lines”: When Creative Influence Becomes Theft Isobel Klein 35

The Art of the Binge Brandon Tan

Architectural Paradox: New Ramsay Centre Solely Consists of a Right Wing Will Fletcher This paper is recyclable. Protect the environment and recycle me after reading.

2 acknowledgement of country

We acknowledge the Ngunnawal and Ngambri people, who are the traditional owners of the land on which Woroni is written, edited and printed. We pay respects to Elders past, present and future. We would also like to acknowledge that this land – which we benefit from occupying – was stolen, and that sovereignty was never ceded. Within this ongoing echo of colonialism we commit, as writers and editors, to amplify the voices and stories of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people at our university. We will honour the diversity of their stories.

Board of Editors

Editor in Chief: James Atkinson Deputy EIC: Nathalie Rosales Cheng Managing Editor: Jonathan Tjandra Content Editor: Mia Jerussurn Radio Editor: Zoe Halstead TV Editor: Linda Chen Art Editor: Sophie Bear News Editor: Max Koslowski

staff and Sub-Editors

Financial Controller: Brendan Greenwood Website Development: Nick Sifniotis Senior Sub-Editor: Ben Lawrence Senior Sub-Editor: Eleanor Armstrong Comment: Georgia Alexiou International: Brandon Tan Multilingual: Charbel El-Khaissi Arts: Miriam Sadler Reviews: Josie Ganko Environment: Jessica Woolnough Science: Liam King Business & Economics: Miles Tiley Creative Writing: Annabel Chin Quan News: Noah Yim News: Phoebe Lupton News: Kobie Chen News: Alessandra Hayward News: Luke Kinsella News: Dan Le Mesurier News: Jacob Thornton News: Georgia Clare News: JJ Klugg News: Jade Lin News: Max Lowe Executive Producer: Steph David Presenter Liason: Sonja Panjkov Radio Technical Officer: Adam Bell Music & Events: Annika Law Breakfast Producer: Imogen Purcell Radio Producer: Dorothy Mason Radio Producer: Maleika Twisk Radio Producer: Byron Dexter Radio Producer: Gil Rickey Radio Producer: Lulu Cathro Radio Producer: Darcy Bembic Art & Design: David Liu Art & Design: Millie Wang Art & Design: Hannah Charny Art & Design: Clarence Lee Art & Design: Valtteri Kuusisto Art & Design: Eddie Landale Art & Design: Maddy McKusker Senior Camera Operator: Bremer Sharp Senior Video Editor: Shasha Ma Camera Operator: Manya Sinha Video Editor: Caitlin Jenkins Video Editor: Hayley Pang TV Producer: William He TV Producer: Zachary Schofield TV News Reporter: Isabella Di Mattina TV News Reporter: Judith Zhu TV News Reporter: Ayaka Miki Tsu TV News Reporter: Amanda Au

Contact

Phone: (02) 6125 9574 Shop 14, Lena Karmel Building 26 Barry Drive, Acton 2601 Woroni is printed by Capital Fine Print.

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Send words to write@woroni.com.au and visuals to art@woroni.com.au. Woroni is powered by control f-ing your way through a file because your eyes are burning after staring at the computer for too long, and by the stress-induced adrenaline when Editors realise they have assignments due THIS WEEKEND AAAH.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

AFTER EXTENSIVE CAMPAIGNING, ANU CHANGES DISCIPLINE PROCEDURE TO INCLUDE SEXUAL HARASSMENT content warning: mentions of sexual assault and harrasment, insitutional betrayal. Text: Max Koslowski Students who have endured sexual assault or harassment now have a clear path to university disciplinary action, vice-chancellor Brian Schmidt revealed in his weekly blog post on Friday.

distribution of intimate images, as the university

makes a concerted effort to combat revenge porn.

Additionally, the amendment has incorporated a new section specifically titled ‘Sexual harassment and other forms of harassment’.

In Friday’s blog post, Schmidt wrote that the changes attempted to formalise a process The Discipline Rule is a piece of fed- that had been previously criticised as unclear. eral legislation that governs ANU’s student disciplinary process: if there “The Discipline Rule specifically allows for is a student misconduct, or if the uni- outcomes, including actions to be taken versity wants to review a student’s be- against the alleged offender, to be shared haviour, they must follow the statute. with the complainants,” Schmidt wrote.

These new changes to the rule have in- The proceduralizing and formalizcorporated definitions of sexual harass- ing of these issues attempts to enhance ment and assault into the document. transparency in a matter where victims are often hesitant to raise their expeThe definitions of sexual assault and ha- riences through fear of repercussions. rassment mirror those of the Sex Discrimination Act 1984. The rules now also ANUSA women’s officer Laura Perkov told specifically address the non-consensual Woroni that when students had come to the

university in the past with sexual assault and harassment complaints, they had been turned away due to an inability to investigate such concerns under the Discipline Rule. ANUSA president Eleanor Kay told Woroni that changes to the rule were an important step for ANU: “Changes to our discipline rule won’t fix the problem,” she said, “We need to change the cultures on campus that enable sexual violence. But this is one important step the university needed to take.” Kay also suggested that there were more significant policies that the university should prioritise: “ANUSA and PARSA in our demands on August 1 pushed for a centralised, independent office - a place where a student can get full information and be helped to begin on the process of reporting and

seeking help. Working on this 'first stop shop' should be a significant priority.” Changing the legislation was one of the key recommendations of 2017’s Rapid Context report into sexual harassment and assault policies at ANU. The Rapid Context report was a review of the university’s procedures, practices and communications surrounding its responses to sexual assault and harassment. The independent review produced a number of guidelines and models for improvement that the ANU has already implemented, including the mandatory online Consent Matters module, bystander training for staff and students and mandatory training modules for student residential leaders. The amendment was developed under the guide of the respectful relationships steering committee.w

THEATRE SHOULDN'T JUST BE FOR COLLEGE KIDS: ANU MUSICAL THEATRE COMPANY HOPES FOR BIG YEAR Text: Phoebe Lupton The ANU Musical Theatre Company announced on Thursday that its major production for 2018 would be Benji Pasek and Justin Paul’s Dogfight. The production marks a big turning point for the campus society that wants to make theatre more accessible than it has been in the past. “In terms of events and stuff that we’re putting on, in the past we’ve only really had the one musical production and if you haven’t made the cast or the orchestra or the production team, there hasn’t really been opportunities for people to “This year we’re really pushing to have more skills workshops, as well as social events.”

The musical production isn’t the only big change that has happened recently: at a special general meeting in October last year it was decided that the ANU Interhall Productions would have its name changed to the ANU Musical Theatre Company. This decision marked significant changes to the society’s inclusiveness and ability to engage with students. Most notably, the aforementioned name-change allows off-campus students as well as well as on-campus students to participate in the society’s events and production. According to Fraser, the society’s executive considered the name change to be more indicative of their aim to involve as many people as possible, as well as of their professionalism. The first of these events was a screening of the 1988 film, ‘Heathers’ in late

February, which was met with much enthusiasm and participation. Another event was a musical theatre dance workshop held at the Canberra Dance Theatre in March, which attracted a number of attendees who did not previously possess skills in dance or musical theatre, but were fans of this art form and willing to try something new.

Fraser events walks which ed to

spoke of the ability of such to include students from all of life and the positivity with many students have respondthe creation of the society:

“We’ve found already just through engagement at Market Day, and also at the first film screening that we had, that quite a few people who had signed up and attended that event mentioned

that they were off-campus students that weren’t part of a residential hall," he said. "Without any push on our part, there’s kind of been an organic response to people off-campus joining in, which is great.” Despite the ANU Musical Theatre Company’s early success, it will not be without its challenges in the coming year. The Kambri renovations have seen the demolition of the ANU Arts Centre, which the society has previously relied on as an ideal venue in which to host its annual production. This has forced the executive to source a venue off-campus that is both accessible and affordable. w Dogfight will run from the 15-25 August at the Belconnen Community Theatre.

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

Political Neutrality of ANU in question

Text: Dylan Clements Graphic: David Liu

The Australian National University has been at the centre of numerous controversies in recent times. A campaign on campus late last year exposed a recently signed Memorandum of Understanding between ANU and the Department of Immigration and Border Protection. The MOU commits them to cooperating on matters of mutual concern. This does not seem like the most appropriate partner for a university, since academic freedom from political pressures demands independence from federal government departments. More recently, it has emerged ANU is likely to accept a very large donation from the late philanthropist and Liberal Party benefactor to the tune of millions of dollars, Paul Ramsay. This donation will be made on the condition it is spent on a centre of 'Western Civilisation'. ANU will administer the centre as part of its undergraduate offering. But â&#x20AC;&#x201C; it will not be free to administer it how it pleases. It must satisfy overseers ensuring the teaching is sufficiently celebratory of Western Civilisation. This raises a rack of questions about academic freedom and disciplinary autonomy. But perhaps more concerning than this is the fact John Howard chairs

the board, and Tony Abbott sits alongside him on it. The fact both cut tertiary education funding to great degrees stands out. Worse still, both have appalling human rights records, especially with regard to refugees. Howard was pPrime mMinister during Tampa, refusing entry to legitimate asylum seekers despite being informed this breaches international law. He was the Prime Minister who looked down the barrel of a camera and lied to the Australia public about asylum seekers throwing their children overboard. The recently released Chilcot report into the wWar in Iraq implicates Howard, too. We continue to falter under the weight of the refugee crisis this illegal war played a large part in causing. Similarly, Abbott's short term as Prime Minister saw conditions for asylum seekers detained offshore severely worsened, and his record relating to refugees duly condemned by a host of international bodies. He also appointed Peter Dutton as iImmigration minister, whose recent pathos about white South African farmers, about two of whom are killed per week, and silence about the persecuted Rohingya people, about 400 of whom are killed per week, is only the most recent in a string of absurdities which speak for themselves. These do not seem like the kinds of people who should be installed into roles controlling a centre at ANU. Finally, this month, an ANU student who made what appear to be quite mild observations about Australia's

refugee policy, has been wiped from promotional material by the ANU. This student, Odette Shenfield, is the recipient of numerous prestigious awards, including the Commonwealth Attorney-General's Department and Australian Government Solicitor Prize, a University medal, and the Tillyard Prize. As part of a profile piece produced by ANU's marketing division in connection with the award, Odette briefly outlined what she had learned in her time at the university, including 'insights into the human reality behind the government's inhumane refugee policies' in the Public Interest Clinical Program. While this seems an innocuous comment, it was enough for marketing to remove her from the booklet published in connection with these prizes. The prizes are apparently intended for those who will not use words like 'inhumane' to describe the mandatory indefinite detention of refugees. Odette responded by saying 'the university prides itself on social responsibility and academic freedom, and I couldn't believe that a sentence that small that was answering what I'd learnt in a subject was going to be removed because a government department was giving a prize to one student'. This appears to stand in tension with the response of an ANU spokesperson, who claimed 'academic independence is a core ANU value,' and 'the university has a long history of managing donations and gifts from a range of private

and public donors and will not seek or accept gifts which are inconsistent with the university's mission'. Taken together, these controversies form part of a trend more problematic than it seemed at first sight. Canberra has long been home to a large and well organised campaign for justice for refugees. Recently, ANU â&#x20AC;&#x201C; afraid of upsetting the federal government â&#x20AC;&#x201C; is becoming a serious impediment to the task of organising and running this campaign. Regardless of the private beliefs and motivations of the senior management involved in making this decision, their actions have a negative impact on the goals of the campaign. One the one hand, they undermine the achievements of the very students whom the University chooses to celebrate. And, on the other, they serve to obstruct the social movement for justice for refugees. Odette is donating the winnings of her Attorney-General's prize to the Refugee Action Committee in Canberra, who campaign for refugee justice. Dylan Clements is a member of the ANU Refugee Action Committee.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

love me 'tinder' Content warning: Discussions of pornography, negative objectification, and female exploitation

Text: Nick Blood Graphic: Sophie Bear

Tinder and modern masculinity The recently-released Netflix series “Hot Girls Wanted” makes for some fascinating viewing. Originally a standalone documentary film directed by Rashida Jones (of Parks and Recreation fame), it has now been extended into a full series. The original documentary focused on the pornography industry from the perspective of women involved in it. Perhaps “ensnared” is a better word than “involved” for the specific situations it spotlights – it was some dark stuff at times. This series, by contrast, is exploring a much broader range of themes related to sexuality, gender and how these topics play out in modern society. Technological progress, in the form of Tinder and other apps, appears to have changed the dating game dramatically. The episode “Love me Tinder” focused on a 40-year-old guy who is pretty much addicted to Tinder (and its ilk) and casual relationships with girls much younger than him. From one perspective, he is perhaps the quintessential fuckboi – a guy who seems incapable of seeing women as anything more than objects of pleasure, and importantly, objects to be discarded when they stop being “fun”. Whether justified or not, this guy seems to believe he now has an effectively endless supply of new partners, and this makes it easy for him to move on to the next one at the first signs of “trouble” (that is,i.e. having to actually work on a relationship). A profound moment in the episode is set against the backdrop of one of his developing relationships with a girl who – unlike many others – challenges him and asserts herself in ways he’s not used to. At one point, he invites her to a party that she can’t attend because she has work. When she asks if he’s drunk, the texts quickly escalate into an argument: > Are you drunk? > It’s not weird to get drunk at a BBQ with friends.

> It’s weird when I’m 25, and I’m getting texts from a 40-year-old I’m dating while he’s partying on a Monday. Not trying to sound like a bitch, but does that make sense? > I’m sorry that you feel 40 is too old to have a great time with friends. Hopefully when you reach that age you will still enjoy life like I do. > Whoah, I wasn’t going that route. I’m sorry if I upset you. I like you. > Great to meet you. Wish you the best.

behaves is arguably driven by structural forces far older than Tinder. For the longest time, men have been socialized, especially by the media, to believe that success as a man can be determined by how many different beautiful women you sleep with, or how many “babes” you have draped on your shoulder. Part of what makes James Bond an icon of masculinity and success is that he has a different, new, and beautiful woman to bed each film.

And just like that, the relationship is over. It’s eye-popping how quickly and casually he decides to end it, but in the context of how this guy operates, and in the context of what technology makes possible for him, it makes sense. He can find a new girl to date with ease, so why bother with the ones that talk back? What’s profound about it to me is that he doesn’t seem either willing, or capable (perhaps both) to work through a fight with someone, even just a little one.

Such ideas are seemingly on their way out, groaning under the weight of their age and a broad social movement pushing for better representations of both men and women in the media. Yet also, we can see that this old idea has had new life breathed into it, perhaps, by technology that makes it far easier to turn that broken fantasy into a reality.

But that’s what lasting relationships demand. Whether it’s a three3-month thing, a long-term relationship or a lifelong commitment like marriage, relationships inevitably bring conflict. Even the happiest of couples will fight somewhere along the way. How people resolve that tension – how they communicate, how they see their partners, how committed they are to making it past that moment and learning/growing together from it – is a huge determinant of the long term success of that relationship. What this episode makes me wonder is the following: If a guy never engages in that process, how the hell does he ever learn the difficult work of building a stable, healthy relationship? As the episode suggests, he doesn’t. He remains locked in hollow, permanent adolescence. In this way, the episode serves as a powerful insight into modern masculinity and how it can be shaped by larger structural forces. In this case, one obvious force is that of technology, which has evidently impacted this individual’s approach to relationships. Yet also, part of how he

The episode is a rollercoaster of a story: you pretty much loathe the guy to begin with, and later (perhaps) come to pity him a little. At some point I stopped seeing just a fuckboi, and started seeing a broken man instead. An individual shaped by larger, structural forces that socialized him to believe and value the things he did, and in doing so, offered him the means to create his own gilded prison. That side of the story unsettles me and makes me concerned for this generation’s men. They not only face the same pressures of socialization I did a generation ago, but also the emergence of technology that normalizes it in ways the media never could. They face challenges we should all be mindful of. Equally, it makes me concerned for this generation’s women. Often posited as the asymmetrically dominant power in the domain of online dating, the episode suggests that they remain vulnerable to mistreatment and that, despite its newness, apps like Tinder can still act as vehicle that lets antiquated, misogynistic ideas about women reappear once again into the modern world.

COMMENT

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

Why We Can't get away from facebook Text: Brandon Tan Graphic: Valtteri Kuusisto

Without Facebook, I probably wouldn’t have been invited to friends’ birthdays or be contributing this article. Although Facebook founders Mark Zuckerberg and Eduardo Saverin initially created the social media platform for Harvard students, it eventually grew to accommodate anyone above thirteen years old. What started out as a simple “Hot or not” game that violated individual privacy and copyright has become a means to connect people, and inadvertently became Zuckerberg’s lifelong career. That said, I think Facebook is pretty much a required tool when navigating

through university. Even though it isn’t explicitly listed as a prerequisite, such as a textbook, the cost of not using Facebook for university far exceeds the usual arguments of the social media platform being a work distraction. Messenger has grown into a regular communication tool. Innovations such as file transmission or event reminders enable us to respond faster to new notifications rather than new text messages or emails. Google’s previous attempt at creating their social network, Google+ never seemed to have caught on, so we’re pretty much left with Facebook by default. Compared to most universities, ANU has a bustling online space. After all, news that ANU campus was flooded from heavy rain first broke out among university forums as a form

of user-generated content. From its 12,000+ member strong forum ANU Schmidposting, to the existence of pages such as ANUGothic or ANU Crushes, this builds a community that inarguably unites ANU students. Autonomous Facebook groups provide on-campus support and a safe discussion space to marginalised groups or people from the same background. First years venturing into a brave new world post questions on topics ranging from parking to handling their degrees, and are often instantly answered by students who have experienced the same thing.

at all in favour of a Facebook mention. Facebook’s only competitor is Wechat, primarily utilised by Chinese students who may not be on the former social media platform. As such, a Western-centric social media platform is emphasised, whether it be for social purposes or connecting with opportunities.

Furthermore, Facebook tends to be used as an alternative to digital marketing. The “news feed” format allows you to search for on-campus opportunities, whether it be society executive nominations or casual jobs available in Canberra. However, many groups have forgotten to utilise email newsletters as a form of communication to connect with their followers, which should not be expensed

The platform itself tricks users into keeping their data through different options. By deactivating your account, you’re “taking a break” and hiding your profile from searches and friends, but still liable to receiving emails as well as being tagged in photos. Permanently deleting your account is likely the option you’re looking for, but could take up to 90 days to process.

That said, simply having a Facebook account can be hazardous. Numerous employers allegedly use Facebook to gain a better understanding of their future job applicants through a casual glimpse at their behaviour.

For better or worse, Facebook is here to stay. It certainly can’t be “beat” – only resisted for the time being. The social network has certainly helped with our communication needs and support for a brave new world, and I can’t wait to see what Facebook accomplishes next.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

DATA MINED & FINED: WHO ARE THE REAL LOSERS? Text: Kanika Kirpalani Graphic: David Liu

The Cambridge Analytica scandal has saturated news in recent weeks. Just in case you’ve been living as a recluse, Cambridge Analytica is a British consulting and data mining company who recently made headlines for using the data of 50 million Facebook users to influence elections. Most notably, Cambridge Analytica was hired by the Trump campaign during the 2016 US presidential election and the Brexit side during the 2016 UK referendum. They’re basically the bad guys making sure the worst possible outcome happens in every election, they might also be behind the break up of the Spice Girls (rumoured but unconfirmed). So how did Cambridge Analytica become the Cruella De Vil of data? Well, they were not actually doing anything wrong; they saw an opportunity to manipulate Facebook’s privacy regulations for their benefit and went with it. Through Facebook’s regulations,

Cambridge Analytica was able to procure user data from a third party app. It may be logical that people who use this app by logging into Facebook assume their data may be used by that app for other means. As nowadays even grocery stores monitor what customers purchase and suggest specific items that may be desirable or on sale, it has become rather commonplace for our data to be used for purposes other than we initially intended.

000 users may have fathomed that their data would be used in some other way by the app, the Facebook friends who had their data mined certainly did not consent to it. When there is a player like Cambridge Analytica who is disrupting democratic systems through targeted and manipulative marketing techniques, one has to question whether their data is not only being used without consent, but further to bend their free will.

In most cases, we, as consumers, find these occurrences quite useful –, especially when advertisements are specifically directed. So, how is Cambridge Analytica using data for targeted advertising any different? A major issue arises when we consider how Cambridge Analytica got a hold of 50 million user profiles; while the app they used to procure the data only had 200, 000 users, Facebook’s regulations allowed the mining of not only those 200, 000 users but also their Facebook friends. While those 200,

The solution seems simple; get rid of Facebook, delete the data and that way no nefarious Cambridge characters will be able to manipulate you. In reality, detaching from a social media platform like Facebook is much harder. Most millennials grew up with Facebook; it is used not only as a networking tool, but also as an archiving system of sorts. As such, removing a digital history cultivated through Facebook is not an appealing thought for many. In hooking users from a young age, Facebook

ensures that consumers continue to use their product, no matter how they seek to use us. Although Facebook is a free platform, by opening data to advertisers users have become commodities without informed consent. While users can read through privacy policies, they are often not entirely accessible; one really has to delve into Facebook and its respective apps to understand how their data is being used. Moreover, for people who have grown up using Facebook, one might not think to compare the initial privacy policy from the time they joined with policies that might have been modified thousands of times by now. Facebook seems an altruistic player in the scandal, having exposed Cambridge Analytica once they discovered they had failed to delete the user data, but can we really trust a company that has stretched the lines of consent and thrived off the commodification of its consumers?

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT TEACHERS Text: Noah Yim Graphic: David Liu

Until quite recently, I was enrolled as a science student, majoring in physics. I had somehow persuaded myself in high school that I enjoyed physics. After two years of studying physics at university, I can confidently say that I am not a physics person. It hit me during one of my final exams last semester. As I was solving a question, I looked at the numbers and letters my pen was writing. What do these symbols mean? What am I even finding here? How is it that I know what to do to solve the question, but not what it actually means? Now I feel at home doing another, social science. So, I raised the question to myself: ‘Who performed this master deception, fooling me into believing that I like physics?’ I think that my teachers in high school played a significant role in that. I am lucky enough to be able to say that my high school teachers were fantastic. They were caring, knowledgeable, and passionate. Heck – they were so good that they made me love subjects that, in hindsight, I was thoroughly not of the right calibre for. After I graduated high school, I picked up tutoring jobs and started to realise just how good my teachers were. Other schools’ teachers seemed to be incompetent and devoid of passion. They had no long-term plans about the curriculum and seemed to just do everything to pass the time. When I arrived at university, I was frankly amazed by the people surrounding me, but especially in science. While I was struggling to understand basic concepts and to motivate myself to slog through the content, so many students seemed to be taking it in their stride without so much as a stumble. Their intellect, work ethic and drive were awe-inspiring. The thing is, the bachelor of science at ANU doesn’t have a very difficult level of entry; what were all these ridiculously intelligent people doing here? A great number of them told me that they were there because of their teachers from secondary schooling. They told me stories about how their teachers were so passionate that it rubbed off on them, or how their teachers instilled a curiosity about science within them. Some students told me about how their parents were resistant to them studying

science, instead wanting them to study something with a higher bar of entry. The PhB program was essentially made for this particular class of students – high-achieving students who want study science, whose parents were hesitant because of the low ATAR requirement. Teachers, with one sentence, one smile, one question, have the capacity to shape their students’ interests, ambitions and future prospects. However, in Australia, we seem to have just agreed that it is perfectly acceptable for teachers to not all be of a certain quality. We seem to have all agreed that it is perfectly fine that students have to go to a private school, or in some states, selective schools, to get to meet with, and learn from, these amazing teachers. This is not to undercut the fantastic work that teachers are doing all over the country; I hold the utmost level of respect and appreciation for them. However, it is a fact that in universities, and especially courses with high cut-off marks, private schools and selective high schools are severely overrepresented; on average, private schools in Australia perform 11 ATAR points better than government schools. Instead of firing off about Asian tiger mums or ‘pay-to-win’ tutoring practices in the letter section of the Sydney Morning Herald, perhaps the real discussion we should be having is why education isn’t attracting the best and brightest students and why we’ve all just silently acquiesced to this poor standard of secondary teaching in Australia.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

Meanwhile in canberra...pole vaulting to newspoll 30, in a display for the distracted Text: Jasper Lindell Graphic: Valtteri Kuusisto

LOSING 30 POLLS IN A ROW?

There was all the build up usually associated with settling in to watch a sunset. We all knew it was going to happen and we had a pretty good idea of when. And then, in a moment, it would be all over. This is how the wait for last Monday’s Newspoll result played out online the Sunday night before. We all wanted to be the first to see – or at least confirm for ourselves – that Malcolm Turnbull had failed his own test. “The one thing that is clear about our current situation is the trajectory,” Turnbull said in the infamous press conference when he publicly launched his bid to roll his predecessor, Tony Abbott. “We have lost 30 Newspolls in a row. It is clear that the people have made up their minds about Mr Abbott’s leadership.” Change Abbott for Turnbull in those comments and it takes on a haunting quality. It’s a statement Turnbull now regrets making. “Every month lost is a month of lost opportunities,” Turnbull said on 14 September 2015. In 2018, the lost months are still piling up. But take a moment to consider just how stupid this is: sitting up late on a Sunday night waiting for poll Twitter oracle @GhostWhoVotes to leak the results of the supposedly fateful Newspoll.

AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT! Turnbull told The Australian last week after the Newspoll loss. What he really meant is that his job is not to appear to be distracted by the polls.

would have got the keys to the Lodge and a much nicer office. But he didn’t get the chance to brainwash the rest of his colleagues.

In politics, where, as Turnbull says himself, the “election is there to be won”, saying you don’t care about the polls is like saying Ps get degrees and still needing an exemplary GPA to walk into a well-paid consultancy job.

Turnbull’s Liberal party is still much the same has the party of Tony Abbott’s era. Of course, cabinet has been shuffled but there was no wholesale replacement of ideology, factional alignment and power balance. It’s the new model body work with the same under-powered engine under the bonnet.

Sure, plenty of people declare their marks are irrelevant and Ps get degrees after their third lunchtime schooner in week 10, but they certainly don’t believe it.

At 10.15pm, the numbers dropped. “#Newspoll Federal 2 Party Preferred: L/ NP 48 (+1) ALP 52 (-1) #auspol”, read the all-important telegraphic tweet.

Polling doublethink is an important part of being seen to play the game. Turnbull’s first mistake was to show his hand by citing the polling as a reason for his 2015 leadership challenge.

That was it. Turnbull had lost Newspoll number 30, failing his own test.

Of course it was but that doesn’t mean that you should go and tell anyone.

It’s very easy to assemble a line up of politicians ready to denounce the importance of polls. “The only poll that matters is the one on election day,” reads one of the few talking points carved in stone on both sides of politics. But it’s also nonsense.

********

There is great interest in the polls. Political action is weighed up against what it will or will not do for the polls. “My job is not to be distracted by the polls but to focus on our policies and on delivering for the Australian people,”

All of this polling has a bizarre effect on the game of politics. At a time when strong belief in our political system and the politicians who inhabit it is hard to come by, there is often a lament for a lack of authentic leadership.

A leadership change may imbue a sense of optimism, or reduce the sense of failure, but it won’t present a new party to the voting public. So instead of having made up their minds about a leader, the Liberals must seriously entertain the idea that voters have made their minds up about the party. Voters have looked to leaders for vision and leadership. The last decade has left them bitterly disappointed on both sides. We have been looking in the wrong place.

The trouble is that polling has reinforced the messiah complex in Australian politics.

We seem to have assembled enough evidence, and inflicted enough political pain, since 2010 to show that the fortunes of a party can no longer solely rest in a leader and that those fortunes could be resurrected with a quick and ruthless change.

When Turnbull became prime minister and Liberal party leader in 2015, he

Turnbull has remained the more popular, more trusted and more experienced

capital in the eyes of Newspoll respondents. Never mind his ship has gone wildly off course, has an engine room of potential saboteurs and is taking on water, fast. A reliance on polling distracts us from a real conversation about what the government is, or isn’t, doing. Polling is easy, getting your head around the National Energy Guarantee isn’t. Trying to understand why capital-l Liberals, Tony Abbott among them, now want to intervene in their beloved free market to save a coal fired power station takes more thought than comprehending Newspoll’s two-party prefered result. Polling is the indicator, not the oracle. A political landscape mapped by polling leaves little room to move. Any chance for genuine engagement will always be clouded with the thought of what it will do the polls. Too much care for the results leaves less time, and places less emphasis on, the substance: policy, action, debate, vision. If the 1600-odd Newspoll respondents are cemented as the most important constituency in Australia, then we all lose out. Jasper Lindell is Woroni’s political columnist and a former news editor.

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

Catalan independence has played out on the football field. should that be allowed? Text: Sam McGonigle Graphic: David Liu

symbol. Martin Glenn, the FA chief executive, commented “To be honest, and to be very clear, Pep Guardiola’s yellow ribbon is a political symbol, it’s a symbol of Catalan independence and I can

body (FIFA), which created huge controversy in the United Kingdom. FIFA ruled that the decision taken by four British associations (FA, FAW, IFA and SFA) to display a commemorative poppy

The drive for the secession of Catalunya captured the world’s attention in October, when a banned referendum was met by a heavy police crackdown and the imprisonment of numerous members of the Assemblea Nacional Catalana (ANC) and prominent Catalan government ministers. The referendum represented a clear conflict of interest between the Catalan regional government and the conservative government in Madrid. The cConstitutional cCourt deemed the regional government’s introduction of the “self-determination referendum law” an illegal breach of the terms of the 1978 Spanish Constitution, affirming the importance of the “indissoluble unity of the Spanish nation”.

It is clear that there is unanimous agreement between football’s governing bodies about whether there is space for political activism in the game, and each national governing body has the responsibility to prevent strong political and religious symbols from causing offence and harm to the huge global audiences. Although you may feel sympathetic to Pep’s political agenda and seemingly harmless gesture, if ignored and left unpunished by the Football Association, the act helps to create a political space in football that would be too difficult and controversial to control. Irrespective of the political issues within football, the seemingly unrelenting controversy of the secession of Catalunya has once again resurfaced. The exiled, former Catalan president Carles Puigdemont who fled Spain following charges of sedition, rebellion and the misuse of public funds in the region’s independence referendum, has been found and remanded in custody in northern Germany pending a decision on his possible extradition back to Spain. From Monday, the German authorities have 60 days to reach a decision on the extradition request.

Throughout this period of political instability, the Manchester City head coach Pep Guardiola has always remained a vocal proponent of support for the imprisoned activists and politicians campaigning for Catalan Independence. Guardiola described the imprisonment of Sanchez and Cuixart as a scary development and a backward step for democracy. Under the tutelage of Guardiola, the champions elect Manchester City have undoubtedly been a class above the rest of this season’s competition, with the prospect of the treble still attainable. However, the coach himself has come under significant criticism for his continuous wearing of a yellow ribbon on match day. On Monday, the Football Association (FA) charged Guardiola on the grounds of wearing what is considered to be a political

FIFA’s stance as “utterly outrageous”.

tell you there are many more Spaniards, non-Catalans, who are pissed off by it”. It is clear that the question still remains about whether highly visible public figures in football have the right to publicly promote their political ideologies and religious beliefs. It has been suggested that the FA’s decision to punish Guardiola mirrors the ruling by football’s global governing

on their shirts during World Cup qualification games that occurred during a period of remembrance for Armistice Day was a form of political activism and warranted each association to be fined. The ensuing row to ban the display of poppy has continued to anger sections of the British public, with the decision even drawing criticism from the prime minister, with Theresa May describing

While the Spanish government continues to attempt to silence the campaign for Catalan iIndependence, with other Catalan leaders having either been jailed or hushed by the threat of prison, the issue will continue to be unresolved. It seems, for now at least, that the issue of secession will be silenced temporarily by the detainment of Puigdemont.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

THE QUestioN mark over

AUNG SAN SUU KYI Text: Miriam Sadler Graphic: Sophie Bear She was the darling of the West. The lone voice of freedom in a country isolated from the world for over 60 years. Aung San Suu Kyi seemed, for a remarkably long time, to be the woman who could save Myanmar from the strife that had consumed it since independence in 1948. When she finally took on the role of ‘State Counsellor’ (akin to the pPresident) in 2015, the world looked on hopefully. A woman who had tackled so many obstacles on her ascent was surely to bring peace to the troubled nation. As of January 2018, nearly 690,000 of the minority Rohingya population have left Myanmar for neighbouring Bangladesh. They are fleeing from a wave of unprecedented violence; the BBC reports some 288 villages have been either somewhat or totally razed. Human rights groups report mass sexual violence and routine massacre. The United Nations has described the situation as a “textbook example of ethnic cleansing”. International journalists and organisations struggle to get visas and have their excursions into the Rohingya Rakhine State closely monitored. On a domestic level, state propaganda pitches the crisis as a terrorist incursion and refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing, often in truly horrifying ways. In September 2017, Rakhine’s

Minister for Border Affairs denied mass rape on the grounds that Rohingya women weren’t attractive. International media gets most of its information from satellite images showing smouldering villages and the testimonies of refugees in Bangladesh. In the face of all of this, Aung San Suu Kyi stays silent. She has remained impassive as furious voices challenge her, call for her Nobel Peace Prize to be revoked and remove her from lists of influential women. She, in turn, has called the international reaction a ‘huge iceberg of misinformation’, even refusing to use the word ‘Rohingya’. What happened to Myanmar’s champion of Freedom? The West loved Aung San Suu Kyi because she was determined. She was almost regal in her support for democratisation and her love of her country. She was patient. She spent fifteen of twenty-one years under house arrest. She made the sufficient sacrifices to be a hero, only seeing her husband five times between 1989 and his death in 1999. Even when Suu Kyi was released, the Myanmar Constitution was pitted against her, the role of President not to be given to someone who was a widow or the mother of foreigners. So she created her own role as she had created her own rules for 21 years. The crystallisation of Aung San Suu Kyi as a concept occurred during a time of symbolic heroes and freedom movements. Writing in 2017 for

The New Yorker, Hannah Beech likens Aung San Suu Kyi to the icons of late ‘80s- Lech Walesa, Vaclav Havel and Nelson Mandela. As democracies were born in Europe, here was a woman attempting the same thing in a country far removed from Berlin Wall. How has she so utterly failed the Rohingya population? The thorn in Myanmar’s side is the powerful military, whose dictatorship was only dismantled in 2011. The civilian government and military form an uneasy alliance, but it is the military that is in charge of the crackdown in Rakhine. This same military held Suu Kyi under house arrest for 15 years. Perhaps then, Aung San Suu Kyi’s silence is mandated, and she fears they will rescind democracy as quickly as they allowed it. It could be a strategic calculation that to save Myanmar’s teetering democracy, she must turn a blind eye to the genocide of an entire ethnic group. In a similar vein, Suu Kyi is perhaps fearful of alienating her power base. Hatred of the Rohingya population is systemic in Myanmar. They are considered illegal ‘Bengali Muslim’ immigrants by many and spent much of the military junta era having their rights slowly eroded, culminating in the loss of citizenship rights in 1982. Perhaps Suu Kyi, as a member of the majority Bamar ethnic group, shares the anti-Muslim sentiment that pervades Myanmar.

Aung San Suu Kyi has been serially mislabelled. She was thrown into the role of a human rights icon almost by accident, having only returned to Myanmar in 1988 to care for her mother. She was in part asked to head the new National Democratic League (NLD) because her name added some credibility, as her father Aung San was the architect of independence. She had never experienced the reality of Myanmar’s years of turbulence. Her concept of freedom for Myanmar always featured her at the helm; in too many people’s eyes it was synonymous with freedom for Aung San Suu Kyi. She was careful in choosing her words. She demanded liberty and equality, but there was barely a mention on how to implement it, let alone a coherent policy on Rohingya discrimination. Pragmatic politician she may be, and may always have been, but human rights icon she is not. Whether by misunderstanding or deliberate misdirection, she had us duped. Vaclav Havel once warned Barack Obama of “perils of limitless hope being projected onto a leader." Limitless hope was thrown on Aung San Suu Kyi in abundance, inf lating her until she was ripe for disappointment. Aung San Suu Kyi can’t or won’t save the Rohingya, and we cannot continue waiting for her grand resolution. It isn’t coming.

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

Creating a more sustainable global economy Text: Nick Blood Graphic: Valtteri Kuusisto

In January last year, Oxfam released a damning report into global economic inequality. One statistic in particular grabbed headlines because it was so obscene: Just eight men own the same wealth as half the world. The report was much more than this one statistic, however. It was a 36page, 20,000-word masterpiece. Extensively researched, it relied upon hundreds of references and years of studies to support claims and statistics like the one above, which might otherwise seem unbelievable. It was densely packed with useful information that described not only the state of a global economy in crisis, but also the drivers and pressures that brought us to such a dangerous and unsustainable place. It was the impacts of economic inequality, however, that made for the most frightening and distressing reading. In one powerful example, the report described the human cost of offshore tax havens, detailing how the same amount set aside for a handful of elites could have equally helped millions of children: “Africa alone loses $14bn in tax revenues [annually] due to the super-rich using tax havens – Oxfam has calculated this would be enough to pay for the healthcare that could save the lives of four million children and to employ enough

teachers to get every African child into school.” This is just one example of the systematic consequences of our current global economic model, but it’s something I struggled to move past when writing this article. Making four million deaths just one part of the commentary is a great injustice. Tragedies of such magnitude deserve more than a passing mention. So, let me fixate for just a moment: Four million children died avoidable deaths. The number is, I suspect for most of us, literally unimaginable. It’s a genocide comparable in sheer body count to the Nazi holocaust, and yet it happens largely in silence, and remains a mostly hidden massacre today. Our collective apathy lets these kids die, and instead of taking some lesson from the horrors of inaction, we instead consign this sacrifice upon the altar of capitalism to the dustbin of history. Those deaths? Just a cost of doing business in the global economic order. If we want to make sure this sort of horror doesn’t repeat year after year, then we must do more than lecture and hector. We must look at solutions. With the stakes made clear then, I’ll shift to Oxfam’s proposed solutions to economic inequality. The Human Economy: Compatible with neoliberalism? Oxfam envisages an alternative to the broken global economic system we have now; sketching out the foundations of what they call the ‘human economy’, summarised in the quote below: ‘In a human economy, government is the guarantor of the rights and needs of all; it is a creative force for progress and responsible for

managing markets in the interests of everyone.’

monopolies and those where market prices don’t fully reflect value.

As the quote illustrates, one central component of this new human economy is the role of government as ‘guarantor’. This contrasts with the myth – debunked earlier in Oxfam’s report – that markets are always the most efficient and ethical way of allocating resources and are largely capable of self-correcting without government intervention.

Independent media. Rich elites and governments controlling most of the press hinder our ability to communicate essential facts necessary to affect positive change. This situation must be unwound.

Oxfam is perhaps wrong to attribute this idea to the philosophy of neoliberalism (something they do repeatedly). The idea of total privatisation and ending government regulation is itself a perversion of neoliberalism – an economic philosophy that emphasises free market capitalism, cutting public expenditure, deregulation, and privatisation. Here's the father of neoliberalism Milton Friedman on that topic in his seminal book Capitalism and Freedom: “The existence of a free market does not of course eliminate the need for government. On the contrary, government is essential both as a forum for determining the ‘rules of the game’ and as an umpire to interpret and enforce the rules decided on.” Despite erring here, Oxfam’s proposed solutions are overwhelmingly good ones, providing a realistic foundation that enables governments and business to find tangible ways forward. Some highlights among the many listed solutions are included below. Government management of the commons. Governments must reclaim (or maintain) control over public services, particularly natural

Cooperative international economic governance. Currently, many countries compete in a “race to the bottom” on things like corporate tax exemptions, tax havens, and domestic wage payments. This vicious cycle of underbidding creates disasters like the one described in Africa. Breaking the cycle requires international cooperation and commitment. Examples include an ASEAN minimum wage, a global wealth tax for billionaires (see Thomas Piketty), and an Anonymous Wealth Tax to deter the obfuscation of wealth ownership in shell companies and their like (see James Henry). Recognising the importance of women. Gender equality is critically important to addressing economic inequality and would ensure that both halves of humanity have an equal chance in life. As the American feminist and writer Charlotte Perkins Gillman argued, we “cannot lift the world at all, while half of it is kept so small”. Abandon the reliance on GDP. Gross Domestic Product (GDP) measures economic growth, but only certain types of it. It leaves out, for example, the housework done by millions of women (estimated to be worth trillions in unpaid labour). GDP alone is not a sufficient indicator of human progress. We must abandon the importance and influence we give to GDP alone and begin to benchmark progress and growth in other ways. These are just a handful of proposed solutions and a brief overview of the report’s findings. It’s impossible for such a small piece to do justice to the report. If you can spare the time and energy, I wholeheartedly recommend you take a moment to flip through it yourself. You’ll be amazed by some

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

Artwork by Maddy McKusker

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

Memory Prosthetics Offer a Glimpse into the Future Text: Emilio Lanera Graphic: Clarence Lee

'write in' that code to make existing memory work better, an important first step in potentially restoring memory loss."

If you struggle to remember important information, I come bearing good news. Scientists at the Wake Forest Baptist Medical Centre in North Carolina have just developed the first ever memory-restoring prosthetic for the human brain.

The memory prosthetic is specifically targeted to benefit those suffering from brain related injuries or diseases. During their research, Hampson and his team focused on improving episodic memory, which is memory related to our personal experiences and specific events that have happened to us. This is the most common type of memory loss in people with Alzheimer's disease, stroke and head injury.

This ground-breaking discovery came about due to the scientist at Wake Forest taking an alternative approach to restoring memory. Rather than trying to reverse memory loss, the prosthetic enhances existing memory-making ability. The implant uses a person's own memory patterns to boost the brain's natural ability to encode those memories and quickly recall them. The study’s lead author Robert Hampson says, “This is the first time scientists have been able to identify a patient's own brain cell code or pattern for memory and, in essence,

The researchers at Wake Forest Baptist enrolled epilepsy patients and underwent numerous tests to trial the prosthetic. Patients were first required to undertake a computerised memory task, which allowed researchers to monitor and record their neural patterns. The researchers analysed these findings to determine which memory patterns resulted in correct answers, and then played back the patterns through the prosthetic. It was implanted in the patient’s hippocampi before they participated in another memory task. In this test, the patients'

episodic memory performance showed a 37 per cent improvement. Another test the epilepsy patients performed was more visual. Researchers showed them a photo which they would have to identify amongst a series of other images an hour later. Similar to the first experiment, the patient’s neural patterns resulting in the correct answers were recorded and installed in the memory prosthetic. Overall, patient’s memory improved by 35 per cent. While this wave of innovation is expected to excite those who are suffering from brain damage, epilepsy or have an upcoming mid-semester

exam, Hampson says it may be a while before the prosthetic is released to the public. Ideally, the team at Wake Forest Baptist want to create a device that not only improves an individual’s memory ability, but allows them to hold onto specific memories they already have. This would allow people to retain more memories when their overall memory begins to fail, whether that is due to old age, disability or the stress of exams. While we may have to wait a little longer then we want for the memory prosthetic, there is no denying that it represents a huge breakthrough that is sure to benefit millions of people.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

A Letter Text: Annonymous Art: Eddie Landale

To, We made it; first year is finally over. It went as fast as the older years said it would go; I still can’t believe that only a year ago we completed the HSC… I wanted to say how grateful I am to have met you here at ANU. I have grown so much as a person because I have learnt from you. From encouraging me to “go out more and be more social”, to your late night lectures on how you need to “know people” to get ahead in life… Even the little things, like introducing me to “3005” and Spotify at first year camp, and sharing your delicious meals. I enjoyed every moment of it. You have definitely led me to opening up, and growing to be a better man. Sometimes the burden of expectations that you place upon yourself may leave you feeling hopeless, and sometimes even worthless; you aren’t on TEDx doing talks; you’re not getting a HD average;

you don’t yet have your own startup company. And you are sub par because of it. I wish I had a cure to this disease, this twisted disease that skews and distorts expectation from reality. But know this. People are often envious of high achievers and successful figures (I am guilty of this too). But However, it is not their perfect marks or their salaries, or even their title that make them great leaders and great people. It is their honesty, passion and their ability to influence others in positive ways that make them worthy of being great. It is their ability to value and invest in meaningful relationships to induce greatness in the people around them. Know that you have made a profound and positive change on one person this year. Know that you have influenced me

and probably so many others, by virtue of your honesty and caring nature.

measured in faith. Some say by love. Other folks say life has no meaning at all.

I think you have what it takes to be great.

Me?

First year is just a stepping-stone in the careers and exciting lives that we have ahead of us. Don’t let the material achievements of your peers make you feel any less of yourself.

I believe you measure yourself by the people who measured themselves by you.” Morgan Freeman (The Bucket List)

Once again, words cannot describe how thankful I am to you for keeping it 100 per cent real with me; I value your honesty and opinions more than anything else. You are the brother that I never had. And now it has come for the time to end this letter with a quote; “It’s difficult to understand the sum of a person’s life. Some people will tell you it’s measured by the ones left behind. Some believe it can be

Merry Christmas See you next year. From, ----- -Annonymous

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

MAKING MANDARIN MEMORABLE Text: Zena Mason Graphic: Clarence Lee I am on exchange at the University of Sun Yat-Sen in Kaohsiung, Taiwan’s biggest port located in the southern part of the country. You can find speakers of many languages in Taiwan, including Mandarin, Hakka and Min, of Chinese origin, and many native languages, such as Paiwanese. I came to Taiwan so that I could improve my Mandarin and of course, increase my vocabulary, and I am doing just that. But not in exactly the way I had anticipated. The Mandarin course I wanted to take was challenging to get into, and so to reach this level of proficiency, I have been forced to experiment and find creative ways of acquiring Mandarin vocabulary. Thankfully, I’m taking a class about theories of second language acquisition. There are a world of approaches, theories and methods out there, but many of the modern ones seem to focus on how to garner “intrinsic” interest in the language. That is to say: language teachers increasingly want to encourage students to study for the language and culture themselves and not solely for the purpose of knowing vocabulary, getting credits or showing off their polyglot prowess. The reasoning behind this is: interesting things are easier to remember. I am currently at the stage in my learning where I have well and truly surpassed beginners’ Chinese, but still face the task of becoming fluent. At this stage learners often quit because the progress you’re making becomes decreasingly visible. This makes it especially critical to keep trying different methods and techniques of memorising. You might practice the same material over and over again so that your pronunciation is perfect and you know every single word, but you will learn nothing but how to say a tiny segment of a huge language perfectly. And what you need at this stage is not perfection, but adventure. You must boldly go and seek out new words. The language teaching textbook described this time as a “magical time” in second language acquisition. Now, let me share with you a few “magical experiences” I had, as well as some not so magical experiences, and the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

Just Keep Listening For several weeks I did not know that Taiwanese Mandarin uses a different word for “week.” Even though I heard this word many, many times, even in the context of important sentences like “Next week we will focus on,” or “The exam is in week x,” I remained confused about the meaning of the word. But because I heard it so often, by the time I read the locally published textbook for foreign students and found its meaning, there was no need to do any memory drills or exercises!

Learn Through Doing

Taste the Words

I learned how to recognise the characters for “striated muscle” because I am taking a gym class just for the heck of it. Biology and physiology words like this are surprisingly easy to remember, because their meanings are often more straightforward than English. The word for “striated muscle” is literally “bone muscle.” Likewise, because I'm taking archery, I am now beginning to learn words like "bow," "arrow," "pull on strings” experientially. I can now use this topic as a basis for other things, even if the nouns are just a concrete reference for difficult literary grammar forms found in Traditional Chinese Wikipedia.

I spent several hours chatting with an “auntie” (middle-aged woman). She taught me a special verb for the way people bite the ends of pumpkin seed shells before eating them. The whole experience of eating pumpkin seeds with her made a significant impression, and it is as if the words are seared with a hot iron into my brain. This is the best kind of learning but it takes so very long to gather all those different experiences. Likewise, I know the word for “wholemeal bread” because I was trying to find it everywhere. Most bread in Taiwan is white and full of sugar. When I found out that it was “grain toast” I was already invested in this word. Unlike the experience with the pumpkin seeds, which was completely by chance, this time I sought this word. Thankfully, this is a pretty solid way of learning food vocabulary. Just find it and eat it!

Take a Trip to the Zoo I have become very familiar with the Chinese words for animals, such as “dog” and “monkey,” because these animals live on campus, but I also visited the zoo during the holidays. Just by standing in front of the exhibits I could listen to native Chinese speakers talk about animals. It was so weird listening to people say how emus and kangaroos come from Australia when I am also from Australia. Similarly, I learned pronunciations of certain words describing the native Taiwanese black bear from a small child who was correcting me as I read out the signage haltingly.

Follow the Rules Of course, regulation-related language is unavoidable, so through countless readings of course outlines, transport signs and parking signs, I am starting to pay attention when I smell the threat of a fine or a lost grade.

Learn from Context I am taking an interpretation class for local students. All the PowerPoints are in literary Chinese. This is the standard for university-level course material. But, thankfully, I took the Literary Chinese course at ANU before I came here (note this is a threatened course!), so I was able to figure out the complex grammatical meanings of characters acting in different ways depending on their location in the sentence. Even if I don’t know the meaning of a word, if I can see it in a sentence and figure it out based on context, it’s more likely to become meaningful and stick better in my memory.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

I Forget… Wait, Before Text: Shae Maree Nicholson Graphic: Sophie Bear Anyone who saw me perform stand-up at the Ramp It Up Gala held by the Disabilities Student Association last year might remember that after a couple of jokes I would say, "I think I've run out of material." Then, I would pause and then go again and tell more jokes, only to repeat the cycle. Nervousness was a factor, sure, but as always, there was something else at play: my memory, or more specifically, how my disability affects my recollection. Now, if there were ever a good time to have your disability affect your performance, it was at this event. Luckily, I recovered each time and managed to make a few people laugh (they were reimbursed accordingly), but my memory issues are not to be forgotten. My memory suffers a lot because of my fun array of disabilities. I’m the type of person who can remember someone’s favourite childhood chocolate because they mentioned it once, in passing, six months prior, but put me in an exam and I remember nothing. I can study content for weeks (and I mean really study), I can do all the readings, take constant notes, try all of the colour-coding memory tricks, but once I’m in an exam, or even sometimes in class and I get asked a question, I blank! I know the information is there – it’s that

tickle at the back of my brain – but between there and recollection is a thick fog that I can’t see through. I stumble over an answer and sometimes the act of answering can make things clearer, but I often don’t get the information out correctly and my grades suffer as a result. My poor memory affects my everyday functioning in a number of ways – all of them scary. I can be on my way to a task or even half way through one and I’ll suddenly forget what I’m doing and why. It’s like that entire action has been deleted, which can be very disorientating! Then there’s the ‘joy’ of not knowing where I am or the events that led me to that point. This usually happens when I wake up, especially when I wake up and I don’t have an animal near me. Having three cats means that waking up is usually coupled with the feeling of an animal close by – this means safety and home. If they’ve abandoned me to go cry at their food bowl, I can often have those moments of panic before I remember where I am. The scariest memory lapses have occurred when these two issues pair up. I have been driving and it will suddenly occur to me that I don’t know where I am, and not just that: I don’t know why I’m driving, where I’ve been, or where I’m supposed to be going. It can feel like I’ve lost time. The other major area that is affected is my speech. I can be half way through a sentence and

then I won’t know the next word. I’ll remember the meaning of that word, but the actual word that I had planned to say, that I could still remember three words prior, is just gone. I cover this up by inserting a bunch of words that form a similar meaning but often don’t make much sense. Having this happen in class can be very embarrassing. I always want to inform everyone present that I do know what I’m talking about, but it’s like someone has tampered with my delete button. So how do I get around all of the confusion? Exams are tricky but I have an Education Access Plan (EAP) in place that gives me some extra time. I still don’t do as well as I do in assignments, but it does make a difference. With assessment, I am in a constant state of either forgetting when something is due or forgetting my point, so this is where constant note taking comes in handy. If I get an idea, I will do what ever I can to document it: from sending myself messages on Facebook, writing down notes, to voice recording myself whilst I’m half asleep – anything at all that documents what I’m thinking. Before stopping work, I will also make sure that I write a ‘next step’ guide of everything that I was intending on doing so that I don’t feel lost when I return to the assignment. As for due dates and any kind of social arrangement, work

commitment, or important date, I have a very thorough planner with colour coding, and where possible, I will write in a journal to just go through what has happened in the day so I can check it later if I need to. I also write to-do lists every night before bed so I don’t forget what I want to achieve the next day. In terms of location and task disorientation, I work really hard to be mindful and to actively take in my surroundings and slowly try and work back to find out what is going on. More specific to driving, if I know I am running low on spoons, then I will always have the GPS going. It will tell me where I am, where I’m going and where I’ve come from – I find it’s really helpful for re-orientating myself. Finally, with speaking, I tend to make all my sentences as uncomplicated as possible. It doesn’t make me sound intelligent, but it can reduce the panic associated with forgetfulness, which is my main goal. Without interrupting the panic through one way or another, I end up creating a negative feedback loop that just makes matters worse. Memory difficulties can be tough and I would certainly be lost without my support networks (cats included), my EAP and the little tricks I’ve worked out along the way. This is only a small capture of how my memory impacts me and trust me, I’ve probably forgotten something!

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

STEPHEN HAWKING IN MEMORIAM On 14 March, esteemed physicist and activist Stephen Hawking passed away. Author of the record breaking A Brief History of Time and many research papers on cosmology, his work inspired many people during his life. In their pieces, The Eternal Professor? and A Theory Of Everything, Aryanne Caminschi and Andy Yin, respectively, will reflect on the Stephen Hawking they knew.

The Universe Will Never be the Same Text: Andy Yin Graphic: Clarence Lee and Sophie Bear When I heard that Stephen Hawking had died, I was dumbstruck. It seemed like he would be around forever. Even late in his life, he remained active in the public eye; he still delivered public lectures, and still voiced his opinions on matters like artificial intelligence and space travel. A revision to a paper he co-authored was submitted on March 4 this year, only ten days before he passed away. But, most of all, I think, I was struck because of what he represented. He was a person of our time, but when we heard him speak or read his writing, we were connected to a more mythical era, one linking back to Einstein. Hawking worked with the geometry of spacetime, with black holes, with the beginning of the universe. His discoveries were of the kind that changed how we thought of reality itself. Perhaps the earliest example of this is his 1966 doctoral thesis, Properties of Expanding Universes. It’s best known for its fourth and final chapter - a methodical, highly abstract, even enigmatic piece on a strange concept: spacetime singularities. It’s a mark of Stephen’s work that it is often hideously complicated, but its essential concepts are alluringly simple. Case in point: you probably already know what a singularity is. Think of the function y = 1/x. When x = 0, there is a singularity because division by zero is not well-defined. Roughly speaking, 1/0 ‘blows up’ to infinity. Singularities can also appear in models of spacetime - that is, the three-dimensional space plus one-dimensional time that we live in. For example, models that described black holes predict a point within where matter is concentrated to an infinite density, and where gravity is infinitely strong. Under Einstein’s general relativity, gravity is just the curvature of spacetime. According to it, objects don’t fall because they’re acted on by a force, but because

they’re following grooves in spacetime, like water following a channel. Therefore, the singularity is a point where spacetime is infinitely curved. Just as 1/0 isn’t defined, the model cannot even include or describe that point. Some found this worrisome; they countered that the singularity was nothing more than a mathematical artifact. To illustrate, we could say that a singularity exists on Earth: the North Pole. As you traverse it, your longitude abruptly changes by 180° and you’re suddenly facing south instead of north. This is a discontinuity, a kind of singularity. But if a different convention is used for north, it vanishes: if the North Pole is in London, suddenly there’s no singularity in the Arctic, and it’s in London instead. The singularity isn’t entirely real, just an artificial result of the mathematical model. Singularities in spacetime models are not as easily resolved, but were nonetheless considered by some to be unrealistic. Certain models displayed singularities only under very restrictive constraints - for example, a black hole that must be axially symmetrical, rotating, and electrically neutral. Some believed that, under more general conditions, the singularities would vanish like the North Pole. Chapter four of Hawking’s thesis refutes this: Hawking shows how more generalised models must also display singularities. The question: how is a singularity point in a spacetime model detected, if such a point can’t be included in the model? The answer: find out where things aren’t allowed to go. Hawking’s method involves geodesics: paths followed in spacetime by objects in freefall - that is, solely under the influence of gravity. Geodesics are curved by gravity because free-falling objects fall towards massive bodies like the Earth. A black hole’s gravity is so strong that nothing that falls in can escape – meaning that geodesics curve into it and

don’t come back out. At a singularity, geodesics must terminate. Hawking proves that a model must have a terminating geodesic under some constraining conditions. In succeeding sections, he removes or weakens a condition, and shows that a termination remains – that is, there is still a singularity. With the conditions sufficiently weakened, from highly specific models to more generalised models, Hawking’s proof could be applied to a model of the entire universe. Remember that y = 1/x displays a singularity at x = 0. Analogously, the universe displays a singularity at t = 0. Hawking’s thesis suggested that, at the beginning of the universe, the universe was compressed into an infinitely-dense singularity. Hawking would do further work on singularities with mathematician Roger Penrose, but it’s clear his thesis was already an astonishing result: that our universe at the Big Bang could be compared with a black hole. Yet it doesn’t actually say how the universe began. In fact, because there’s a singularity at the start of the universe, and because spacetime models break down at singularities, it means that general relativity can’t

explain the universe’s origin. Physicists would have to turn to quantum physics to bridge the gap. That’s why, I think, we were so struck when Stephen Hawking passed. His work was awe-inspiring in so many ways. On the one hand, he showed us what we knew about the universe, and what a strange and amazing place it is. On the other, he reminded us how much was yet to be known.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

The Eternal Professor Text: Aryanne Caminschi Graphic: Clarence Lee and Sophie Bear I was nine when I found a quote that read; “We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.” I later learnt these were the words of Stephen Hawking. They began a lifelong fascination of the universe, and everything within it. My childhood, in hindsight, was narrated by Hawking; i’d spend whenever i could with my father, watching documentaries about the universe. Growing up surrounded by his words ignited some kind of beautiful sentient love for knowledge within me. My eyes would widen in captivation, watching the same handfuls of documentaries on string theory and black holes and space. My world felt a little bigger, my mind a little more elastic every time. I became so quickly enamoured with not just the universe, but knowledge, and the process of learning, of exploring. As I got older, I never stopped valuing this insight. The heroism he had, in my eyes, developed past a genius of knowledge and the stars. Hawking quickly became emblematic, and the embodiment of, my love for learning. His effect on me created not only a deep sense of heroism and admiration, but permanence. To me, Hawking was a figure beyond time. He was always there as someone to look up to, to admire, to thank for a key part of my development. The man had a gift with words. I’d find solace and joy in what he spoke;

reassurance. My favourite, from a New York Times interview:

words he expressed about the world I know.

“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.”

Hawking always was, and will likely always be, a hero to me, though in a nuanced way. I will always hold immense admiration for the way his work touched me as a child and began my love for learning.

Words like this inspired me and shaped my worldview immeasurably. Anyone who knows me could vouch for the way these words alone apply to everything I feel. I look up to this man, now, not for only his aptitude with knowledge, but the tangible

Though his death was sudden, especially when I held such a permanence to his name, I’ll see Hawking whenever I learn. In this way, he lives on.

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

So Fresh: Songs of nostalgia Text: ANU Students in 2018 Art: Maddy McKusker A playlist of songs that evoke a feeling, a time or a place; that you overhear in shopping centres and get hit with a wave of emotions, or that you have no choice but to get up and dance to at a party. Songs that you put on when you’re missing someone, or need to feel powerful, or just want to feel safe and grounded. These are the sounds of nostalgia.

Best Thing I Never Had // Beyoncé

I always have to have a giggle when this one comes on. A friend of mine had been played by this guy and she was upset but more disappointed and angry than anything else. She very passive aggressively then played this song at full volume through a speaker so that said guy who had played her could hear it from across the hallway.

These Days // Rudimental & Macklemore

This song encapsulates my entire time at college with my close group of friends. As we all parted ways at the end of our two years at college together this song spoke to me. We were ending a chapter of our lives but we were still going to have a good giggle and reflect on the times we had. This song just makes me think of how lucky I was to have those people.

Unwritten // Natasha Bedingfield This tune gloriously returned me to my life when I heard my neighbours singing it at the top of their lungs on a Tuesday night. There’s something about group singing that has always warmed my heart. Ever since, I associate this song with a sort of end of exams/we made it through/ happiness/excitement kind of vibe.

One Last Time // Ariana Grande

There was once this one year British exchange student who changed my absolute life. The last song we boogie’d to was a shitty Moose remix of this and as she sang along to the song, I realised it would be our last night out and that broke my heart a little bit. But now I just listen to this song and have very nostalgic memories of her year here and what a good egg she is .

Home Among the Gumtrees (Remix)

What can I say… Is this not the GREATEST AUSSIE TUNE EVER?! Picture 13 Aussie students in Siem Reap on Pub St suddenly given the option to choose the next song at a very dodgy looking bar on wheels. Obviously, we had to choose something iconic and Australian. This was what I selected. For the rest of the trip we made it our mission to get random

dodgy bars to play this and now it’s the song that encapsulates the entire trip.

Castle on the Hill // Ed Sheeran

This song is surely everyone’s ‘driving song’. It’s the type of tune you have got to play on a road trip. My road trip was the drive back from Denison Camp Grounds, Kosciusko post 2017 IB Endpoint. I was in the front passenger seat and trying to keep my driving friend awake while everyone else in the car was absolutely knocked out to the world. We were the “IB Mums” of our college and feeling incredibly proud and relieved that everyone had made it home and this song sorta just represents that.

Dog Days are Over // Florence and the Machine

I’d always really enjoyed Florence & the Machine but this enjoyment catapulted to LOVE when I heard someone play it at BNO. I was having a sing-a-long and a boogie to the song on the grounds of Burg with a close friend of mine who had recently been going through a rough patch. This was his absolute favourite song. He spent the four minutes absolutely grinning from ear to ear and singing his heart out. I hadn’t seen him that carefree and relaxed in a while and ever since that’s what I associate this song with – absolute pure joy.

BTSTU // Jai Paul

At the end of school, I realised I was in love with my friend. We were the ultimate star-crossed Romeo and Juliet, separated by the impenetrable divide between Canberra and Hobart. Just before I moved, he showed me this song and I used it as an effective tool to seem groovy in first year but was always semi-heartbroken when I heard it. It reminds me of feeling being both terrified of my new chapter and completely ready to reinvent myself. And that you always carry a piece of home in your heart.

Spanish Sahara // Foals

I first heard this song in Year 11, sitting under a tarp with some friends as it poured with rain. On the

cusp of adulthood, yet with it just out of reach, we debriefed about periods, sex and the most effective ways to get drunk. It was an hour before we realised the song had been on repeat and we’d followed it from its stark opening beats to piercing climax at least ten times.

Brightside

The

feels like the perfect song for moments of exhaustion and reflection. It motivates me to reflect and do better, but also makes me feel a bit better about what I’m doing and makes me want to dance; that’s a rare but beautiful thing.

Roll Up Your Sleeves // Meg Mac Killers I started listening to this song in Year

Now 15 years since its debut, the song is perfect for a wide variety of occasions, whether it be for celebrating a night out or mending a broken heart. It’s also experienced a brief period as an internet meme but failed to catch on. Personally, I’ve used the song’s meanings to accept hard circumstances that come along life’s way and always look forward to the positive in life. Maybe that’s cause I’m Mr. Brightside.

12 when it all got a bit much, and I’ve kept it up ever since. I associate with cold, winter-y walks to exams, panicked moments in the midst of writing an essay and the odd cathartic cry to let it all out. It inspires me to keep going, even if things aren’t going to plan.

Four Seasons in One Day // Crowded House I went on a very ill-fated camping trip with

Aiming for your head // Betchadupa two of my best friends, which included (a.k.a. the theme song from Blue Water High) Iconically Aussie, evokes super strong memories of childhood, from sitting down with a cup of Milo to watch the show after school, to growing up along the coast and watching the waves roll in, wishing I could be as cool as Bec and Fly (though I never actually learned to surf).

I Haven’t Been Taking Care of Myself // Alex Lahey Not such an old-y, but still a good-y – I heard this song previewed on the radio while driving home from a fun but exhausting weekend away. It was dark in a suburb I didn’t know, I was running out of fuel and I got so absorbed in the music I got lost; but f o r me it still

both the hottest days of the entire summer and a giant, terrifying thunderstorm which soaked us because we’d forgotten the fly of our tent. This song came on the radio as we drove an hour to the nearest town for ice cream (we were melting, in our defence) and felt so appropriate that we didn’t stop singing it the whole time. Sometimes the most chaotic adventures make the best memories.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

First female THEATRE ACTORS ON iranian stages Text: Miniature Malekpour Edited: Asefeh Abedini Graphic: Sophie Bear Despite the fact that theatre in Iran started using the European method in the Constitutional era, women were not allowed to act in the plays, nor were they allowed to watch them. This prohibition meant that female roles in plays were performed by men who were called “Zan Poush” [i.e. wearing like women]. At the beginning of the Reza Shah Pahlavi Kingdom, the first Armenian females - followed by a few Muslim women - found their way to the stage. Molook Hosseini, who is said to be the first Iranian Muslim female on the theatre stage in Iran, said: “I was wearing boy clothes and appeared as a Kalimi boy in theatre and was taking the role in this way. Because if they realised that I was a woman, the same people who were coming to the theatre and clapping for me would have killed me.” It was around the year 1921 that Qafqaz actors came to Iran and it was the Armenian women who paved the way for actresses in Iran. These women were as follows: Pari Aqabayev, Madam Siranoosh, Madam Asia Ghostantin, Loreta Hairapedian Tabrizi, Madam Galandarian and Madam Terian. Madam Terian was born in 1914 in Tabriz to her Qafqaz parents. They then moved to Tehran and she attended an Armenian School. She was sent to Switzerland at the age of 13 and lived there for four years to learn the art of theatre. After coming back to Iran, she got married to Aarto Terian. Madam Terian said: “I performed Saadi’s poem of Candle and the Butterfly on the Barbod Society theatre stage. Until then, no woman had performed on the theatre stage in Iran. Hence, my performance was highly welcomed. Unfortunately, in that period women did not have the permission to enter the theatre hall and watch. [It was] especially for men.” Madam Terian says that it was in the year 1935 that women were permitted to watch theatre plays. Madam Galandarian is the second Iranian Armenian female who played on the theatre stage in Iran. However, contrary to Madam Terian’s gender, she had always played in male clothes. She was born in Tabriz and started playing in the theatres of the Armenian School of Tabriz during the Ahmad Shah Qajar Kingdom. While Muslim women in Iran were not allowed to go to school and were expected to study at home privately, she played in the “Arshin Mal Alan” play in Tehran, in the male role of Askar for the first time. All the actors in this play were women which caught the interest of many, resulting in them being invited to the Golestan Palace to act for the women in Ahmad Shah’s Harem [King’s Wives House]. It was after the appearance of the Iranian Armenian women that actresses

such as Rogheyeh Chehre-Azad, Molook Zarrabi, Maryam Noori, Molook Hosseini and Esmat Safavi started playing in theatre. They paved the way for other women so that now, hundreds of actresses and female directors are working in Iran’s theatre and cinema. [This article was written based on the book “Acting Literature in Iran”, Author: Jamshid Malekpour, Toos Publications, 1363 (1984)] Despite the fact that theatre in Iran started using the European method in the Constitutional era, women were not allowed to act in the plays, nor were they allowed to watch them. This prohibition meant that female roles in plays were performed by men who were called “Zan Poush” [i.e. wearing like women]. At the beginning of the Reza Shah Pahlavi Kingdom, the first Armenian females - followed by a few Muslim women - found their way to the stage. Molook Hosseini, who is said to be the first Iranian Muslim female on the theatre stage in Iran, said: “I was wearing boy clothes and appeared as a Kalimi boy in theatre and was taking the role in this way. Because if they realised that I was a woman, the same people who were coming to the theatre and clapping for me would have killed me.” It was around the year 1921 that Qafqaz actors came to Iran and it was the Armenian women who paved the way for actresses in Iran. These women were as follows: Pari Aqabayev, Madam Siranoosh, Madam Asia Ghostantin, Loreta Hairapedian Tabrizi, Madam Galandarian and Madam Terian. Madam Terian was born in 1914 in Tabriz to her Qafqaz parents. They then moved to Tehran and she attended an Armenian School. She was sent to Switzerland at the age of 13 and lived there for 4 years to learn the art of theatre. After coming back to Iran, she got married to Aarto Terian. Madam Terian said: “I performed Saadi’s poem of Candle and the Butterfly on the Barbod Society theatre stage. Until then, no woman had performed on the theatre stage in Iran. Hence, my performance was highly welcomed. Unfortunately, in that period women did not have the permission to enter the theatre hall and watch. [It was] especially for men.” Madam Terian says that it was in the year 1935 that women were permitted to watch theatre plays. Madam Galandarian is the second Iranian Armenian female who played on the theatre stage in Iran. However, contrary to Madam Terian’s gender, she had always played in male clothes. She was born in Tabriz and started playing in the theatres of the Armenian School of Tabriz during the Ahmad Shah Qajar Kingdom. While Muslim women in Iran were not allowed to go to school and were expected to study at home privately, she played in the “Arshin Mal Alan” play in Tehran, in the male role of Askar for the first time. All the actors in this play were women which

caught the interest of many, resulting in them being invited to the Golestan Palace to act for the women in Ahmad Shah’s Harem [King’s Wives House]. It was after the appearance of the Iranian Armenian women that actresses such as Rogheyeh Chehre-Azad, Molook Zarrabi, Maryam Noori, Molook Hosseini and Esmat Safavi started playing in theatre. They paved the way for other women so that now, hundreds of actresses and female directors are working in Iran’s theatre and cinema. This article was written based on the book “Acting Literature in Iran”, Author: Jamshid Malekpour, Toos Publications, 1363 (1984)

‫ناریا رد ھک ینانز نیلوا‬ ‫دنتفر رتائت هنحص یور‬ ‫روپکلم روتاینیم ۀتشون‬ ‫ناریا رد رتائت ھچ رگا‬ ‫هرود زا ییاپورا ۀویش ھب‬ ‫اما دش زاغآ تیطورشم‬ ‫ی زاب ه زاجا اھنت ھن نانز‬ ‫ار اھشیامن رد ندرک‬ ‫ندید زا یتح ھک دنتشادن‬ ‫دندوب مورحم مھ اھشیامن‬. ‫اھشیامن نآ رد ھک نانچ‬ ‫ی زاب نادرم ار نانز شقن‬ ‫اھنآ ھب ھک دندرکیم‬ "‫دنتفگیم "شوپ نز‬. ‫هاش اضر تنطلس زاغآ اب‬ ‫ینم را نانز ادتبا یولھپ‬ ‫ھب و دنتفر ھنحص یور‬ ‫ناملسم نز دنچ اھنآ لابند‬. ‫ھک ینیسح کولم‬ ‫نز نیلوا دوشیم ھتفگ‬ ‫یور ھک تسا یناملسم یناریا‬ ‫تفر ھنحص‬، ‫تسا ھتفگ‬:«‫نم‬ ‫مدیشوپیم ھنارسپ سابل‬ ‫ھچب رسپ مسا ھب و‬ ‫و مدشیم رھاظ رتائت رد یمیلک‬ ‫متفرگیم هدھعھب ار نز شقن‬. ‫نز نم دندربیم وب رگا اریز‬ ‫رتائت ھب ھک ییاھنامھ متسھ‬ ‫دندزیم فک میارب و دندمآیم‬ ‫دنتشکیم ارم اج رد‬.» ‫ لاس دودح زا‬1300 ‫نارگی زاب‬ ‫نیمھ و دندمآ ناریا ھب ی زاقفق‬ ‫ار هار ھک دندوب ینم را نانز‬ ‫یارب ناریا رد نانز یارب‬ ‫راومھ ندش رگی زاب‬ ‫دندرک‬. ‫یرپ لثم ینانز‬ ‫فوباباقآ‬، ‫شوناریس‬، ‫نایناطسق مادام‬، ‫اترل‬، ‫مادام‬

‫نایرت مادام و نایردنلگ‬. ‫زیربت رھش رد نایرت مادام‬ ‫رد زاقفق یردام و ردپ زا‬ ‫ لاس‬1914 ‫دیآیم ایند ھب‬ ‫چوک نارھت ھب دعب ھک‬ ‫ھسردم ھب و دننکیم‬ ‫دوریم ھنمارا‬. ‫هدزیس نس رد‬ ‫هداتسرف سیئوس ھب یگلاس‬ ‫رد لاس راھچ تدم ھب و دوشیم‬ ‫یریگدای ھب و هدرک تماقا اجنآ‬ ‫ردو دزادرپ یم رتائت رنھ‬ ‫اب ناریا ھب تشگ زاب‬ ‫نادرگ راک ھک نایرتوت رآ‬ ‫دنکیم جاودزا دوب رتائت‬: «‫یور راب نیلوا یارب نم‬ ‫دب راب ھعماج رتائت ھنحص‬ ‫یدعس ھناورپ و عمش رعش‬ ‫مدرک ارجا ار‬. ‫نامز نآ ات‬ ‫یور ناریا رد ینز چیھ‬ ‫ھتفرن رتائت ھنحص‬ ‫ھمانرب تھج نیمھ ھب و دوب‬ ‫ناوارف لابقتسا دروم نم‬ ‫تفرگ رارق‬. ‫ھنافساتم‬ ‫دورو ه زاجا اھنز نامز نآ رد‬ ‫اشامت و رتائت ھب‬ ‫دوب اھدرم صاخ و دنتشادن‬.» ‫رد اھنت ھک دیوگیم نایرت مادام‬ ‫ لاس‬1314 ‫ه زاجا نانز ھب ھک دوب‬ ‫دنورب رتائت ندید ھب ات دنداد‬. ‫نز نیمود نایردنلاگ مادام‬ ‫یور ھک تسا ینم را یناریا‬ ‫ھتفر ناریا رد رتائت ھنحص‬ ‫تسا‬. ‫وا نایرت مادام فالخرب اما‬ ‫ھنادرم سابل اب ھشیمھ‬ ‫ھتخادرپ شقن یافیا ھب‬ ‫تسا‬. ‫ھب زیربت رد مھ وا‬ ‫ار رتائت راک و دیآیم ایند‬ ‫زیربت رد ھنمارا ھسردم زا‬ ‫عورش راجاق هاش دمحا نامز رد‬ ‫دنکیم‬. ‫ناملسم نانز ھک ینامز‬ ‫ھسردم ھب نتفر ه زاجا ناریا رد‬ ‫ھناخ رد اھنت و دنتشادن ار‬ ‫لیصحت یصوصخ روطب‬ ‫دندرکیم‬. ‫نیلوا یارب نارھت رد‬ ‫رد»نالالام نیش رآ« شیامن رد راب‬ ‫ی زاب رگسع ھنادرم شقن‬ ‫دنکیم‬. ‫ھمھ ھک تسا بلاج‬ ‫دندوب نز شیامن نیا نارگی زاب‬ ‫ھب و رابرد ھب لیلد نیمھ ھب و‬ ‫ات دنوشیم توعد ناتسلگ خاک‬ ‫ارسمرح نانز یارب ار شیامن‬ ‫دننک ارجا هاش دمحا رابرد رد‬. ‫یناریا نانز روضح زا سپ‬ ‫ینارگی زاب رد ھک دوب ینم را‬ ‫دازآرھچ لثم‬، ‫یبارض کولم‬، ‫یرون میرم‬، ‫و ینیسح کولم‬ ‫ی زاب ھب عورش یوفص تمصع‬ ‫یارب ار هار و دندرک رتائت رد‬ ‫ییاج ات دندرک راومھ نانز رگید‬ ‫و رگی زاب اھدص زورما ھک‬ ‫رتائت رد نز نادرگ راک‬ ‫لوغشم ناریا یامنیس و‬ ‫دنتسھ راک‬. ‫زا هدافتسا اب ھلاقم نیا‬ ‫یشیامن تایبدا« باتک‬ ‫دیشمج ۀتشون »ناریا رد‬ ‫روپ کلم‬، ‫سوت تاراشتنا‬، 1363 ‫تسا هدش ھتشون‬.

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

La nature (Humaine) de la Nostalgie The (Human) Nature of nostalgia Text: Melissa Nuhich Graphic: Sophie Bear

Le ciel était gris et la ville de Milan était trempée de pluie. C'était septembre et officiellement l'automne : un nouveau chapitre de ma vie. Cela m'attristait un peu de penser que c'était prévisible de la météo mais je pouvais déjà sentir que le temps passerait extrêmement vite dans une ville avec beaucoup de choses à découvrir et de nouvelles personnes à rencontrer. Cette pluie passera plus tôt que tu ne le penses, pensai-je. Tu ne t’en souviendras même pas quand le soleil commencera à briller. Nous avons pu sentir la transition de l'automne à l'hiver un mois plus tard, lors d'une soirée particulièrement belle en novembre, quand nous sommes montés sur le toit de notre appartement pour regarder un coucher de soleil glorieux qu'aucun d'entre nous n'avait jamais vu auparavant. Mes nouveaux amis et moi avons monté les escaliers rapidement, racontant des blagues dans différentes langues. Comme nous avons fait notre chemin à la clairière sur le toit, nous avons été arrêtés dans nos traces par la beauté du ciel au-dessus de nous. Une peinture composée de rose vif et d'orange, de violet foncé et de bleu, et des reflets dorés tourbillonnant autour des nuages pour l'emphase nous entourait. Quelqu'un a même plaisanté en disant que nous étions immortalisés dans un tableau de Van Gogh, résolvant immédiatement nos crises existentielles des jeunes adultes parce que oui, nous pourrions croire que c'était la seule explication plausible pour que la nature soit si gentille avec nous. Nous en avons été témoins, mais en même temps, il nous a semblé réconfortant de penser que nous faisions en quelque sorte partie de la peinture d'un peintre légendaire; la Nuit Étoilée 2.0. J’ai vu mes amis en souriants. Un mélange des langues – d'italien, d'espagnol, de portugais, de danois, et d'anglais – à côté du bourdonnement lointain du trafic de la ville a créé une sensation de paix et d'unité; malgré nos différences, nous n'étions que des êtres humains sous un ciel de Van Gogh. N'oublie jamais ce moment. Alors que le soleil se baisse de plus en plus vers l'horizon à chaque seconde qui passe, accroche-toi à chacun et ne le laissez pas partir car vous

ne serez plus jamais à la même place avec les mêmes personnes en même temps. En décembre, la neige a rendu notre monde blanc. Nous étions devenus comme des enfants, bâtissant des bonshommes de neige et jetant des boules de neige sur le même toit. Les Italiens nous ont dit que c'était la première chute de neige en cinq ans dans la ville de Milan. Nous nous sommes sentis spéciaux de connaitre la ville pendant ce phénomène aux

côtés des locaux qui étaient tout aussi excités que nous. La pureté de la neige nous a détourné de nos soucis des échéances de Noël et des examens, mais surtout, nos départs d'un endroit qui avait réussi à unir des gens de divers horizons avec un objectif commun. N'oublie jamais ce moment, continuais-je à me dire. Même quand on vit un moment important dans sa vie, il peut être presque impossible de ne pas penser au fait qu'une fois le moment passé, il va nous manquer terriblement. La nostalgie n'attend pas de frapper une fois que le temps est passé et que la mémoire a eu une chance de se solidifier, mais elle peut plutôt se produire même pendant que le moment est vécu. Malgré son existence, la nature a la manière d'unir les

gens, de nous arrêter sur nos traces et d'oublier n’importe quelle inquiétude à ce moment juste pour admirer sa création. Quand un phénomène se produit dans la nature, les personnes qui en font l'expérience tendent à donner un sens à ce qu'elles faisaient à ce moment-là, rendant ces moments plus mémorables. Malgré mes vœux d'oublier les pluies de septembre, je les aurais accueillies chaleureusement en janvier si j'avais pu

revivre les cinq mois qui ont déjà passé. Je ne m'en rendais pas compte pendant les évènements de ces cinq mois, mais la nostalgie avait déjà un effet sur moi avant que quelque chose n’ait commencé. Je me souvenais de la pluie, et comment elle trempait mes vêtements et me sentait étrangère et familière en même temps. Je me souviens de regarder le ciel embrasé de couleurs, et je pensais que c'est le même ciel partout dans le monde, sauf que j'assiste à une partie spéciale avec des gens spéciaux à mes côtés. Je me suis souvenue de la neige et du fait que ce n'est pas un phénomène propre à la ville de Milan, mais il nous a semblé que c'était spécialement pour nous - un ‘miracle de Noël’ dans une ville où il ne neige pas souvent. Chaque blague à laquelle on riait, chaque

personne rencontrée, chaque coucher de soleil hivernal qui était observé sur le toit avec des amis proches enveloppés dans des couvertures – ces souvenirs étaient mentalement enregistrés avec la prise de conscience tacite qu'ils ne répéteraient plus jamais de la même manière. Cependant, pouvoir les revivre dans nos pensées suffisait à calmer nos peurs. À la fin de mon séjour en Europe, nous jouissions ensemble de nos derniers moments là sous un ciel bleu et un soleil brillant malgré que ce soit encore l'hiver. Fin janvier, j'avais d'innombrables souvenirs de mes cinq mois à l'étranger, mais surtout, chacun était marqué par un phénomène de la nature. Que ce soit la pluie d'automne, la neige de l'hiver, ou le soleil inattendu ici et là, j'avais l'impression que la nature avait catégorisé mes souvenirs pour que la nostalgie puisse les rappeler sans effort; une bobine de film qui peut déclencher des souvenirs partout dans le monde.

The sky was grey and the city of Milan was drenched in rain. It was September and officially autumn: a new chapter of my life. It saddened me a little to think that this was to be expected of the weather, but I could already sense that time would pass extremely quickly in a bustling city with many new things to experience and new people to meet. “This rain will pass sooner than you think,” I thought to myself. “You won’t even remember it when the sun starts to shine.” We could feel the transition from autumn to winter a month later on a particularly beautiful November evening when we went up to the roof to watch a glorious sunset neither of us had ever seen before in our lives. My new friends and I raced up the stairs, telling jokes in different languages. As we made our way to the clearing on the roof, we were stopped in our tracks by the beauty of the sky above us; it was a painting made up of bright pink and orange, deep purple and blue, and gold highlights swirling around the clouds for emphasis. Someone even joked that we were being immortalised in a Van Gogh painting, immediately solving our youngadult continued onto next page

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

existential crises because yes, we could believe that this was the only plausible explanation for nature to be so kind. We were witnessing it at its best, but at the same time, it was comforting to think we were somehow part of a legendary painter’s painting; a Starry Night 2.0. I turned to see my friends smiling wide and embracing each other. A mixture of languages – Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Danish, and English – alongside the distant hum of city traffic created a sensation of peace and unity; despite our differences, we were all just human beings standing under a Van Gogh sky. Never forget this moment. Even as the sun dips lower towards the horizon with every passing second, hold onto each one and don’t let them go because you will never be in this place with the same people at the same time ever again. In December, the snow turned our world white. We had become like children, building snowmen and playfully throwi n g snowballs at each other

on the same rooftop where we watched the famed sunset barely a month before. The Italians told us it was the first proper snowfall in five years in the city of Milan. We felt special to experience this phenomenon alongside the locals who were just as excited as we were. The purity of the snow distracted us from our worries of Christmas deadlines and exams, but most of all, our departures from a place that had managed to unite people from various backgrounds with a common goal. “Never forget this moment,” I continued to tell myself.

once the moment passes, one will miss it terribly. Nostalgia doesn’t wait to strike once time has passed and the memory has had a chance to solidify. Rather it can occur even while the moment is being experienced. Despite its existence, nature has its way of uniting people, making us stop in our tracks and forget any worry in that moment just to admire its creation. When a phenomenon in nature occurs, people experiencing it tend to attach meaning to what they were doing at the time, making these moments arguably more memorable.

Even when one is experiencing an important moment in their life, it can be next to impossible not to think about t h e fact that

Despite my wishes to forget the rains of September, I would

have welcomed them wholeheartedly in January had I been able to relive the past five months again. I didn’t realise it at the time, but nostalgia already had an effect on me before anything had started. I did remember the rain, and how it soaked my clothes and felt foreign and familiar at the same time. I remember looking up at the setting sun, the sky ablaze with colours, and thinking that this is the same sky all over the world, except I get to witness a special piece of it with special people by my side. I remembered the snow and how it wasn’t a phenomena specific to the city of Milan, but how it somehow felt like it was specially for us – a ‘Christmas miracle’ in a city where it doesn’t snow often. Each joke that was laughed at, each person that was met, each winter sunset that was watched on the roof with close friends wrapped in blankets – these memories and more were mentally recorded with the unspoken realisation that they will never be repeated in the same way ever again. However, to be able to relive them in our thoughts was enough to put our fears to rest. At the end of my stay in Europe, we were enjoying our last moments together under a blue sky and the sun shining despite it still being winter. By late January, I had countless memories of my five months abroad, but most importantly, each one was marked by a phenomenon of nature. Whether it was the rain of autumn, snow of winter, or unexpected sun here and there, I felt like nature had categorised my memories so that nostalgia could recall them effortlessly; a reel that can trigger memories all around the world.

ANCIENT MEDICAL RECOLLECTIONS FOR HAIR REGROWTH Translation: Charbel El-Khaissi Graphic: Sophie Bear

‫ܠܽܘܛܩ ܳܬܝ ܺܢܘ ܽܢܣ‬ ‫ܐ ܳܝ ܥ ܳܪܕ ܐ ܳܪܛܘ ܽܚ ܡ ܰܥ ܕ ܶܩܘܐ ܰܘ‬ ‫̇ܗܝ ܶܦ ̈ܖ ܰܛ ܢ ܺܝܫ ܺܝܒ ܰܝ ܕ ܰܟ‬ ‫ܐ ܶܝ ܳ ̇ܛ ܰܕ ܠܶ ̈ܢ ܳܝܬ ܰܒ ܛ ܽܘܠܚ ܰܘ‬ ‫ܐ ܳܓ ܳܘ ܽܘܙ ܢܝ ܺܥܕ ܳܝ ܐ ܳܠܕ‬ ‫ܠܥ ܳܝܘ ܫ ܽܘܛܘ‬ ܷ ‫ܐܪܥ ܰܣ‬ ‫ܪ ܺܝܦ ܰܫ ܗ ܶܠ ܩ ܶܪ ܳܡܘ‬. Kill a swallow, And reduce it to ashes with a shepherd’s crook Whilst drying some leaves. Then mix it with the urine of young men Who are unacquainted with copulation (lit. knowledge of matrimony). Smear (lit. pollute) it upon the hair (esp. of goats and camels, but sometimes men) and it [the hair] rejuvenates handsomely.

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

Technological Singularity

Text: Liam King Graphic: Clarence Lee In mathematics, a singularity is a point in space that isn’t “well-be- computational and can be simulated haved”. (virtualized) by a sufficiently powerful (theoretical) computer.” The technological singularity describes a point in human civilisation An argument against this assumption, where self-accelerating technologi- consequentially the idea that we can cal advances cause infinite progress develop true intelligence, is the Chiover a finite passage of time. The nese-Room Argument. Proposed by explosion in force behind the prog- Searle in 1980, he finds himself in a ress comes from an unrestrained room, isolated from outside except by increase in computational speed or a crack in the door. Through this gap, intelligence, perhaps both. Searle is fed Chinese characters and using a system for accepting, manipulating According to Hutter, civilisation and returning the symbols – just an as will likely travel down the path computer does – he can return a string to a singularity through software of symbols that fools whoever is outside intelligence based on increasingly that, there is in fact, a Chinese speaker powerful hardware. This argument in the room. Translated back to computrelies on Moore’s and Solomonoff’s ers, this argument concludes that just laws. With the actual scenario because a computer may demonstrate an playing out to get there being understanding, that does mean it has a interacting rational agents, who are real comprehension. far along enough in the chain of development to construct another This raises doubt, little more. Even if it generation of even more intelligent is true and it can still always return the agents, which then become part of optimal answer, would there be a benefit the development team to build the to it thinking? next generation – ad infinitum. If the singularity is reached, through There are also the traditional AI ap- software intelligence combined with proaches based on knowledge-based more powerful hardware, there will be reasoning and planning software. two driving forces: increased intelliThe in vogue machine learning ap- gence and greater computational speed. proaches take flexible algorithms or Moore’s law is based on an observation, formulas and train it over real-world by Intel co-founder Gordon Moore in data, so it performs better when it 1965, that the number of transistors on encounters actual problems. Anoth- an integrated circuit, per inch, doubled er area aiming to achieve this goal is every year. In 1975 it was readjusted to Whole Brain Emulation (WBE). In every two years. To oversimplify, TranWBE, a scan of a brain (this includes sistors control the bit-wise operations long-term memory, the idea of self, that together “compute things”. Inetc.) is taken, then the question is creased capacity and speed are the hardrun through the brain. ware-side of the accelerating capacity. By Moore’s law and estimates on the Awakening the Internet is another ability of the human brain, computing possibility; this is based on using the systems and the human brain should be incomprehensible interconnected- on parity in 20-30 years. ness already existing in its structure. Such ideas rely on the Church-Tur- Thought is about far more than speed. It ing Thesis: is about depth as well – intelligence. Moore’s law was conceived in the time “All physical processes, includ- of engineers and scientists, agents that ing the human mind and body, are need to study, sleep and will eventually

die. People have, give or take, the same computational capacity. It’s not a matter of if, when it comes to computers doing the research, rather a matter of when. Solomonoff’s Law aims to conceptualise how AI methods will affect the rate of increase. It assumes Moore’s law for hardware that the computing community is doubling speed every two years. With computing speed doubling every two years, the output of two years of work in achieving increased performance will double. If this argument is taken to intersect the line of human intelligence, two years after this point the speed doubles, then one year later it’ll double again. The breaking point is approaching; after three years and six months it has doubled three times, three months past this point it has doubled again, then in 45 days to 22 days to 11 days it continues to double. Soon the time taken to double will need smaller units than seconds, the singularity it is approaching – it is here. The technological singularity is incomprehensible units of intellect. Unrestrained ability to achieve goals, in any environment – quickly. If it is coming, any chance to oppose it would be words whispered in the wind – the market forces are insurmountable. There would be many ways forward, but a world with monopolies, unemployment, resource exploitation seems unavoidable with the current way society is structured. Would advanced-nations stop exploiting developing nations? Under-classes in society be given a handup? Abuse of the earth be considered by industry leaders other than a variable in economic optimisation? Property

rights are at odds with the braveness required to ride this crazed-horse. Regarding their study “The Challenge of Revolution: Contemporary Russia in Historical Perspective”, Mau and Starodubrovskaia posit: “The study of the great revolutions of the past shows that they occur in countries that encounter fundamental challenges, which may be a consequence of local or of global processes, to which their institutional structures and the psychological outlook of the populations have rendered them unable to adapt themselves in the time available. […] The result is a sequence of fragmentation and breakdown processes, which the state is increasingly powerless to resist.” How could a human-centric society adapt, by choice or subconscious whim when near the singularity? Here fundamentals in the shared-space of the virtual and real world could change faster than the human brain to fire an action-potential from a nerve in the brain, achieve the most atomised component of thought. The chances the global-society could survive owning an infinite amount of intelligence seems remote. That humanity would stagger through to the sun engulfing of the earth always looked bleak, with the looming threat of climate change. Perhaps, the earth scientists spoke too soon as well. Would the civilisation make it to the Mad Max-esque sports-field of crazed actions and quiet minds they’ve predicted? Or would the theatre for the denouement of this great-story be empty streets with unprecedented amounts of hidden noise?

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

Text: Brody Hannan Graphic: David Liu

3. Dynamite Fishing

Tired of fishing with nets and bait? Don’t have the patience to stand for hours on end with a line and rod? Lack of senseless environmental destruction, getting you down? Luckily for you, I’ve compiled three easy fishing methods to sate your desires.

1. Cyanide Fishing When I first heard the word ‘cyanide’ and ‘fishing’ together, I couldn’t believe it either. The method involves crushing a couple of cyanide tablets into a bottle full of sea water, swimming down to a coral reef, and squirting the solution into the face of any fish you fancy. It’ll stun the fish, force it to the surface; making it easy to capture live coral reef fish. Believed to have originated in the Philippines in the mid 20th Century – the practice is used largely in the aquarium industry – where exotic fish are shipped to Europe and North America, for the use of aquarium owners. It’s a business that is annually worth about 250 million AUD. As I’m sure you could have guessed, this method of fishing is as bad for fish and coral as it would be for humans. Cyanide slows the photosynthesis process of coral, causing reefs to lose their colour and eventually die – eliminating one of the major food sources for marine life. American researchers believe that over a million kilograms of cyanide have been sprayed into Philippine reefs since the 1960s. There have even been reports of cyanide-caught aquarium fish developing cancer within a year of being purchased. Even though cyanide fishing is illegal in most Indo-Pacific countries, the practice is hard to combat. The average Philipino fisherman earns on average five times the price for a live fish than a dead one, making live fishing very attractive. The technique is also used to supply speciality restaurants in Hong Kong and other large Asian cities where customers will pay top dollar to see live exotic fish prepared before their eyes for dinner. The World Wildlife Fund predicts that 20,000 tonnes of live fish are eaten annually in the restaurants of Hong Kong alone.

Three Unconventional Ways To Fish – And Destroy The Environment While You're At It 2. Ghost Fishing While perhaps not a direct method of fishing, Ghost Fishing is still a result of negligent fishing and is just as damaging to the environment. It’s the term given to any fishing gear – usually in the form of nets, traps and lines – that is discarded, lost or abandoned in the marine environment. These nets, often invisible in the dim light of the ocean depths, ensnare all sorts of marine life – resulting in starvation, laceration and infection and even suffocation. Pained thrashing can also attract scavenger species, who then get caught in the same nets – creating a vicious cycle of destruction. World Animal Protection estimates around 640,000 tonnes of ghost fishing equipment is left in the ocean every year. From 2000 to 2010, the US National Marine Fisheries Service reported an average of 11 large whales entangled in ghost nets every year along the US west coast. In the same period, a total of 870 nets were recovered from Washington State (which only makes up two per cent of the US’ total coastline), with over 32,000 marine animals trapped inside. Closer to home, the Australian Fisheries Management Authority recorded 10 tonnes of abandoned nets in Australian waters – much of which was believed to have originated in Indonesia but swept to Australia by ocean currents. Careless fishermen sometimes abandon damaged nets and equipment because it is often the easiest way to get rid of them, and they can stay there for up to 600 years before decomposing. While there are biodegradable fishing nets out there on the market, they tend to be stiffer and catch less fish than conventional nets. Ghost Fishing is still a huge problem.

You may already be familiar with this one – using explosives to stun or kill schools of fish, making collection at the water’s surface easy. It doesn’t even need to be high tech – some dynamite in a plastic bottle is all it’d take for a fisherman to destroy any coral within 30m of the blast in a matter of seconds. What’s important to fishermen is not the explosion, but the underwater shockwaves generated can kill or stun fish much further than the area of the explosion. The shockwaves can damage the internal air bladders of fish causing them to sink to the ocean floor rather than to the surface for collection, making the process highly inefficient. Only 10-20 per cent of fish killed in Dynamite Fishing will float to the surface. Despite being highly illegal in most parts of the world for decades, the method is particularly prominent in the Philippines and Indonesia, as well as some African countries, such as Tanzania. It has been estimated that up to 70 per cent of the Philippines’ and 60 per cent of Indonesia’s coral reefs have been destroyed as a result of Dynamite Fishing, with 25 per cent and 40 per cent of fish of these countries markets, respectively, coming from Dynamite Fishing. And with growth rates of anywhere between 0.3-10cm per year, it can take up to 10,000 years for coral reefs to reform - that’s if there’s anything left. But who can blame the fishermen? 10,000 years means nothing to them. When you can kill hundreds of fish in mere seconds, and they are delivered swiftly to the water’s surface for easy collection – you can sell more fish at the market, in less time, and earn much more than before. When you’re desperate to feed your family, government laws and regulations for poorly patrolled

While these methods sound incredible, and the damaging environmental impacts seem overwhelming, the reality is they remain a core part of the fishing trade in much of the developing world. Driven by developed countries’ high demand for exotic fish – both dead and alive – the practice shows no sign of slowing. Despite best efforts of government and international NGOs, solving these economically-driven environmental issues requires changes in consumer behaviours, brilliant science, as well as clever policymaking.

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

Nangs: A Sensible Chuckle,

or Creamy Suckle? Content warning: drug use and mental illness. Hi friends! If you choose to use drugs, make sure you safe, responsible and with people you trust. Text: Damian Bhalla Graphic: Clarence Lee Nangs, a propellant for whipped cream, sold to people that bake but probably aren’t bakers. These shiny, clattering silvery dingle-balls are currently legal in Australia and can even be found at your local IGA, readily accessible for all your baking needs. Nangs are the gaseous chemical NO2, which when huffed, elicit a dissociative numbing experience that may lead to a sensible chuckle, hence the hip-diggity slang name “laughing gas”. Laughing gas was discovered in 1772 and was quickly utilised as a recreational drug. “Huffin’ parties” were quickly established in 1799 by Humphry Davy, or “Huffin’ Davy” as his friends hopefully called him. These parties were attended by doctors and members of aristocracy in what some might call a most elegant drug party. Nowadays any Tom, Dick and Felix can get their slippery little hands on them and bake éclairs until the cows come home. But it does make you think, how did they make whipped cream before nangs? And why is it called whipped cream?

The Biscuits: How do nangs work? No one fully knows on a molecular level, but we’ll give it a red-hot go and see what we can see. Nitrous oxide affects a plethora of ion channels (membranous porous proteins that allow for the passage of ions), but the predominant “off your chops” effects produced are thought to come from interactions with the N-methyl-D-aspartate receptor (the NDMA receptor). This receptor is an ionotropic glutamate receptor (iGluRs), which simply means it is a ligand-gated ion channel (this is a point in the membrane that opens to allow the passage of ions following the binding of a ligand, a substance that serves a biological purpose when bound) and is activated by the binding of glutamate and glycine. When opened, this receptor allows for signals to be sent between neurons in the central nervous system. Nitrous oxide is an NDMA uncompetitive agonist, meaning that while glycine and glutamate can bind, NO2 binds with the receptor at a site that blocks the ion channel. In people talk: the brain is unable to send/receive messages, and as a consequence

one will begin to see black and lack a clear grounding in reality. This is because someone has turned the lights off in your head and your brain is slushing around like a slippery slug, not knowing up or down nor even how to play the piano.

expansion of the area that the gas is in will typically decrease the temperature of the gas.

The extremely pleasurable sensation experienced occurs through an induced dopamine release via nitrous oxide stimulating the mesolimbic pathway – a dopaminergic pathway found in the brain. This is also thought to be a consequence of the antagonisation of the NDMA receptor.

There are numerous long-term effects of prolonged nang use, so numerous in fact that I won’t list them. But one would suggest prolonged use is not a good idea. But neither is the prolonged use of anything, except maybe eating vegetables. A key long-term effect, however, is a Vitamin B12 depletion, a depletion which leads to brain and nerve damage (bad stuff). This occurs after very prolonged use – like you’ve got a bathtub full of the ol’ whippits.

What about CO2 canisters?

Is it Addictive?

We all have that friend that does psychology and likes to pretend they do science, and they’ve likely told you CO2 canisters work just as well as NO2 because it’s just oxygen deprivation that causes the high. Not true, and psychology is not a science. While CO2 does negatively modulate the NDMA receptor, it does not produce mind-altering effects due to the absence of the stimulation of dopaminergic pathways as well as an incomplete inhibition of the NDMA receptor. What can be expected if you do huff a little CO2 is a large wave of nausea slapping you across the face, and if you hold your breath extra-long maybe even a coma. This is due to the resulting asphyxiation as well as the poisoning of cellular respiration.

Nangs are not particularly physiologically addictive, however, much like my love life, nangs only work for a short period. As a consequence the hand always reaches for another, desperately wanting to elongate the black magic sensation of falling down a rabbit hole. Consequently, those with mental illness may find it more pleasurable to live in this dazed and confused state, leading to prolonged use and the resulting inflictions that come with a concerning nang habit. Much more serious than that of a worrying marmalade habit.

My Mum told me I would die if I do nangs, is this true? Your Mum sounds like a sensible woman. Death from being a nang fiend can occur due to oxygen starvation as a result of inhaling too much nitrous oxide for prolonged periods of time. However, putting your head in a plastic bag can do this too, so maybe just remember to breathe after a minute. Inhaling directly from the nanganator is a little risky as the gas is very chilly at about -40°C, and can cause frostbite to the lips, nose (honestly don’t know how) and throat (not great if you’re a singer). It can also cause tears in lung tissues, leading sufferers to say: “My lungs hurt”. These risks are minimised by using a balloon, which helps warm the gas via normalising the gas pressure. The occurrence of frostbite is also particularly limited to crackers, which don’t allow for the expansion of the gas as a nanganator would. Any

Legality: So why are nangs legal? I don’t know. Feels like something people would protest, someone’s always making a ruckus about this or that. Some might call their protesting self-flagellation, but I wouldn’t say that. However, the statistics on nang related deaths are far less showing than one would think: between 2010 and 2018 there were only two recorded deaths from recreational nangs in Australia. Some might say the present “nang epidemic” is something 60 Minutes has blown out of proportion, but not me. And that’s nangs. Drugs affect everyone differently, and one person's experience may not necessarily apply universally. If you choose to use drugs, make sure you are in a safe environment with people you trust. Always seek help from professionals if things go awry.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

Green thumbs, green planet Text: Tallulah Milnes Graphic: Hannah Charny

Intuitively, growing food must be good for the Earth. At its purest, it’s an alchemy of soil, water, sunlight and air. Tiny seeds germinate, take root and thrive: and humans have been harnessing this process for millennia. Somewhere along the way, though, we messed up. Far from being “natural” and earth-friendly, commercial food production contributes between 2030 per cent of global greenhouse gas emissions. Could this environmental burden be alleviated by home gardening? And just how eco-friendly is growing your own food anyway? Peaches from the USA, coconuts from Thailand. We’ll keep seeing these season-defying fruits in big supermarket chains, even as we shiver through the Canberran winter. Global food exports mean that consumers now have more choice, year-round – and the planet suffers for it. Farm-to-shop transport, or “food miles”, are a huge contributor of greenhouse gas emissions. Some estimates put transport at 50 per cent of the emissions for fruit and vegetables (the rest being farm production, fertilisers and storage). Slashing these transport distances is a major benefit of home gardening. Instead of tomatoes from Italy (16,000km) and blueberries from China (9,000km), your food miles become “garden-to-kitchen”, measured in metres, powered by your legs. Along the commercial food supply-chain, storage and refrigeration are energy-hungry steps. Food that won’t be ripe for months is picked, then kept in an almost sci-fi suspended animation, until it arrives in our shops. All of this uses energy, whereas you only pick food from your own garden when it’s ripe, and your personal storage emissions are much lower. Supermarkets also throw packaging at consumers who don’t need it – but it isn’t always pointless. It’s something I only learnt recently, a sign

of my privilege in an ableist world, but pre-packaged foods are essential for many people with disabilities or mobility impairments. Clearly, we don’t want to take away all plastic if it takes away their independence – an eye-opening opinion piece in Metro by Shona Louise makes that clear. However, on the whole, supermarkets would do well to reduce their packaging. Lone lettuces, cucumbers and capsicums get wrapped up for a few days or weeks, then the plastic is discarded. That disposable plastic lasts centuries in land-fill, an unjustifiable lifetime for a single-use item. The recent #leaveitontheshelf campaign, where shoppers refuse to buy veggies in plastic, shows many consumers’ frustration about excessive packaging. It’s a good start, and hopefully, some of these people are also considering home-grown. Corncobs won’t come individually smothered in cling-wrap if you grow them yourself. At the other end of the food story, is what to do with the waste. Backyard composting has several benefits, namely that it diverts food waste from landfill. Food releases greenhouse gases like methane wherever it breaks down, and that includes in backyard compost bins. However, in the compost, food produces far less methane than in landfill. It also decreases reliance on energy-intensive manufactured fertilisers, manure, and compost products, so the emissions and packaging from those supply chains are avoided. Surprisingly little research looks at the eco-benefits of gardening as a whole (versus composting or packaging alone). Helpfully, one recent study modelled the emissions of home gardens by combining composting, the environmental savings from not buying commercial vegetables, and using recycled greywater for irrigation. They predicted that every one kilogram of

backyard vegetables would save an impressive two kilograms of CO2 emissions, compared to industrial farming. It’s encouraging to see the intuitive benefits of gardening supported with data, and hopefully, more detailed research will appear soon. But gardening isn’t all sunflowers and rainbows. My own low-point was going hand-to-hand with a wolf spider. The spider lost, but not without some choice expletives from me. Someone – I’m looking at you, possums of Canberra – ate my zucchini seedlings, and the January sun nearly fried my tomatoes on the vine. Gardening can be a battle, with random results, and many possible pitfalls. Students especially come up against logistical barriers to gardening, namely space and cost limitations. As to space, several authors have written books on optimising small spaces. Even basil on a windowsill saves transport and packaging emissions. Cost is a bit more difficult to reconcile, because a carrot crop that never sprouts can feel like money down the toilet. The best way to get a return on your money is to look after the plants well. Hopefully a seven dollar tomato plant will give you several punnets later, because the higher the yield, the more money saved. While not everyone has the means to garden, particularly at this student stage-of-life, the research shows that it really does decrease your carbon footprint. Avoiding long transport distances, growing with the seasons, cutting out plastic: home gardens subvert the current system where growing food costs the Earth. And it’s rewarding. I planted three sprouting potatoes in November, and fingers crossed, I’ll soon get to unearth a few kilos of carbohydrate gold. Compared to prosaic supermarket aisles, there’s definite magic in a little soil, water, sunlight and air.

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

WHY THE IS WAGING PLASTIC

Text: Jessica Woolnough Graphic: David Liu

It’s no secret that plastic has been a large environmental issue for decades. We’ve all seen ads that showcase the likes of strangled turtles, or the innards of sharks, to highlight the devastating impacts of our excessive use of disposable plastics. Until this year, however, we hadn’t seen a massive global effort to reduce plastic use and waste. Why 2018, though? Why have organisations, governments and communities from around the globe made this the year to finally take plastic pollution seriously? What is making the likes of #plasticfree and #WASUP (War Against Single-Use Plastics) become global trends? This growing momentum was kickstarted by a wave of renewed research attention, across the globe. In January 2018, a team at New York’s Cornell University suggested over 11 billion pieces of plastic were lodged in the Asia-Pacific oceans. This four-year study revealed plastic is having a devastating effect on marine life and ecosystems – including those in our very own Australian reefs. Prominent studies like this one gave other researchers a platform to voice their concerns and their own findings regarding the effects of plastic pollution. The focus on plastic pollution continued to grow thanks to the public support of

WORLD

WAR AGAINST POLLUTION

some much-loved science and environment figures. For instance, Sir David Attenborough standing beside the corpse of a baby albatross in his documentary Blue Planet II made for a striking and attention-grabbing scene. He explained the baby had died after consuming a sharp plastic, fed to him by his own mother, who had mistakenly believed it to be nutritious food for her offspring.

solutions and targets for reducing plastics. For example, Coca-Cola made the promise that for every bottle or can it sells, it will recycle a used one. After receiving public and scientific pressure to up their game, Coca-Cola modified their pledge – announcing that they will also increase the recycled content in their bottles from the current seven per cent, to 50 per cent by 2030.

before viable alternatives could be introduced to replace them. Whilst this may not seem like an issue to many people, straws are an important tool used by many people living with disabilities. And most paper or plant-based straws currently on the market just don’t work, or aren’t safe to use, for hot drinks. The campaign, and many like it, had some serious reconsidering to do.

It seems that at this point in time, the cries of researchers and public figures alike can no longer be ignored – inspiring an influx of action against plastics. One of the biggest moments so far this year was the EU’s announcement of its ultimate plan to wage war against plastic waste. According to The Guardian, the EU aims for every single piece of packaging in Europe to be either recyclable or reusable by 2030.

Also in attendance at Davos were the Evian mineral water brand, owned by Danone, who pledged to sell their water exclusively in 100 per cent recycled plastic bottles by 2025. This is a tremendous target, given their bottles currently only contain around 25 per cent recycled plastic.

Despite mixed professional opinions, it is the hopes of many that we can still reverse the devastation caused by plastics. Whilst there is a monumental amount of action to be carried out by companies and governments alike in the following years, we still have important roles to fulfil as individuals and active community members. For example, we as voters and consumers have the power to ensure these companies and governments keep their promises and commission the action and viable alternatives to achieve them. We should also stop and consider our very own plastics footprints. And for those of you who can, perhaps you will consider switching out plastics for the likes of keep-cups and drink bottles instead.

Whilst this plan is a tremendous target of its own accord (so long as the EU follows-through), the pledge had a secondary impact of perpetuating the war on plastic’s momentum. This was exaggerated by the announcement’s timing, which occurred roughly a week before the World Economic Forum on 23-26 January in Davos, Switzerland. It was here that the issue catapulted onto the world stage, in the form of international pledges to act. Plastics discussions in Davos saw several big companies announce their own

Pledged action and targets have varied from these more ambitious pledges to the not-so-thrilling – like the UK’s highly criticised plan, for example. Whilst many are rejoicing in the amount of pledged action worldwide, various environmental groups and researchers continue to argue that we need to improve the severity of our targets. More action is needed if we are actually going to be successful in saving our marine life and coral systems. Also starting to surface are symptoms of rushed and ill-thought-out actions. Take the campaign to introduce a ban on plastic straws, for example. The campaign wanted to ban plastic straws

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

the true cost of fast fashion Text: Gabriela Freeman Graphic: Hannah Charny

How many pieces of clothing have you bought this month? How many came from fast-fashion retailers like Cotton On, H&M or Topshop? Australians have become the second-largest consumers of new textiles, each buying on average 27 kilograms of new clothing per year. But as shown on the ABC’s War on Waste, Australians produce over six tonnes of discarded clothing in just ten minutes, which over a year would fill two and a half MCG stadiums. Globally, nearly 60 per cent of all clothing produced is put in landfill or incinerated within a year of being made. Although many people don’t associate fashion with the global waste problem, our obsession with cheap trends comes at a huge cost. Fast fashion is characterised by producing massive amounts of trendy low-cost garments, with new styles being added weekly or even daily. However, prices are often kept down by making clothes low quality and paying workers below minimum wage. Most garment workers earn around 25 cents an hour, while child labour and dangerous working conditions are also common. Environmentally, many of the synthetic fibres that make up fast-fashion garments take centuries to biodegrade. Even natural fibres, like cotton, release methane as they break down, and often release chemicals from dyes that leach from landfills into groundwater. The water it takes to produce one cotton t-shirt is enough for one person to drink for three years, meaning our country’s resources go into items that are slowly rotting away in landfill. Furthermore, underfunded charities are burdened with the million-dollar yearly expense of sending clothes to landfill that are too low-quality to be resold in op shops. Faced with such a huge issue, it can be difficult to know where to begin. However, by changing your own attitudes towards clothing consumption, you can become more sustainable without compromising your style. The first step to building a sustainable wardrobe is to re-evaluate what’s inside. If you have a clear personal style and are conscious of what you already own, you’ll be less tempted by fast-fashion sales and short-lived trends. If you’re unsure of your style, consider how you want to present yourself. Think about keywords (e.g. comfortable, colourful), which parts of your body you like to highlight, what suits your everyday activities, and people whose style you

admire. Try on everything you own and only put back pieces that suit your needs and make you feel great! Afterwards, you’ll be left with a pile of clothes you haven’t been wearing. But before binning or donating the lot, figure out why. If the item just doesn’t fit, the solution might be as easy as taking it in, meaning to make it smaller. My favourite pair of jeans were a brand-new Zara pair I found in the op shop for $10, which had been in stores just the week before for $50. They were too long, so I shortened them myself and now wear them all the time! Many items just need taking in, cropping, or cuffing to flatter your body and give them a new lease on life. These adjustments can be done easily by hand or with a sewing machine, with the help of YouTube tutorials if you’re unsure. Otherwise, getting things tailored is relatively cheap and pays off in the long run. Some items may just need maintenance or jazzing up. Instead of chucking a favourite but worn-out pair of shoes, get them resoled. If you have old jeans which still fit but are looking worn and boring, get creative! Patching, embroidery, stitching and fabric paint are all fun ways to make clothes new and interesting again.

Remaining items can be sold online or at a local market. Student stalls at the Pop-Up Village Market are only six dollars, and are an easy way to make a quick buck. You could also attend a clothes swap, which are regularly run by groups like Light Share, or organise your own with friends. By exploring these options before you donate, you can make money and help keep charities from being overburdened. After your clear-out, it’s important to step out of the fast fashion cycle and buy second-hand, or from sustainable brands. Canberra has great op shops, with many right in the city. If the idea of wearing someone else’s clothes grosses you out, don’t write off op shops just yet – many (like Red Cross) get bulk donations directly from high street outlets, giving you quality, new, branded pieces for a fraction of the price. If you’re willing to buy second-hand, but don’t want to wade through op shops yourself, you can buy from others on Facebook, Depop or Carousell. Vintage shops like Landspeed are another option; they cost a bit more, but find the good stuff for you. If you want to buy new but aren’t sure which brands are sustainable, check out apps like Good On You, which give brands ratings based on their ethical and environmental practices. Favouring natural over synthetic fabrics is better

for your health and comfort, as plastic clothing is often toxic and less breathable. Many sustainable clothing brands also have charity initiatives, so you can contribute to multiple solutions at once. Generally reducing the amount of purchases you make is good for the planet and your pocket. If you want something, write it down, and if in a couple weeks you still want it, you can make an informed choice on which brand to buy from and make your purchase. It’s much more satisfying spending your hardearned money on something you know you’ll love and wear often, compared to the passing excitement of sale purchases you never end up using anyway. It’s important to remember that when shopping, your purchase is your vote. By buying from a company, your money supports them, and says that you agree with their practices. Although your individual purchase may seem insignificant, companies won’t make changes until we as consumers start putting our money in the right places. Join the slow fashion movement today and start your own war on waste!

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

Reflection on Porcupine Ridge Trail Text: Montana Coombes Graphic: Sophie Bear Single file like marching ants. Small and insignificant as they're engulfed by the grandeur of the jagged hills. The gnarled fingers of dead gums grapple for life amidst the dense fog. It encircles and entraps, yet life breathes under the pervasive whites of its suffocation. In and out. The exhales are clouds quickly enmeshed with the mist. Sphagnum mosses shudder as they're trampled underfoot. It's cold. Move quickly. Left… left… left, right, left. Shrubs sprawl across the path attempting to reclaim their patches of

now exposed earth. Their limbs are battered and bruised by the soldiers. Green fern leaves fight to unfurl, ever-subject to the elements.

along with mother nature, standing tall and proud. She long ago plucked their petals, coercing them to distant lands in dances unteachable.

Their senses are satiated with petrichor. The crisp air is infused with the smell of eucalyptus as they thrive post-fire. The taste of dry wind is tainted with wild peppercorns and the faecal matter of native creatures. Flowers – whites, purples, yellows, reds and greens – once laced this hillside, cand lesticks swaying

The stream trickles softly – softer than the gushing river preceding it. She is thirsty. The seasonal snow has melted, revealing dirty secrets. Once pure white, now the flakes shrink with morsels of black blights. The ants admire the charcoal sparkle, but she

Side Hustle: High school tutoring Text: Aryanne Caminschi I tutor two high school students in English and social sciences on a freelance basis. I never really believed or intended I would become a tutor, I somewhat fell into it. Before arriving in Canberra, I applied online to almost 20 retail jobs in Civic. After receiving nothing back and venting my frustrations to a friend at my hall, he suggested I post an ad online offering high school tutoring. I figured “Why not?”, and within about an hour I had written a Gumtree ad, uploaded a photo and posted it. Within a few days I had received four or five calls, and so far (it’s been about a month) I’ve had close to 20 contacts ask for my help. This quick and plentiful response meant I could really choose who my students are, what my hours are and what content I teach. I primarily teach high school English and social sciences, for usually around four hours a week, making $30 per hour. One of my students is regular – two hours a week on a schedule. My other student and I have more irregular sessions depending on workload – some weeks I won’t see her; some weeks I will see her for five or six hours. I hope to maintain this workload, and possibly pick up some additional work in the summer or over the July holidays. So far, the difficulties I’ve faced have been fairly minimal. Though it’s never fun to try and sell yourself, it comes with the territory of freelance

work. I also found, after practice on the phone with tens of parents, it became a developed skill. The reason I didn’t go through an agency is I wanted complete control of my pay, hours and students. I love the autonomy that my job brings – for example, recently I changed regular Thursday sessions to a Wednesday so I could go to Perth to visit my family. It’s mostly for this reason that I love freelance work. I also like the growth opportunities I get for working for myself; I have the freedom to ask for a pay rise or pick up additional students. If you had any subjects you were good at in high school and feel like you could teach, post an ad on Gumtree and give it a go. I included my ATAR, the high school subjects I was best at, age range and subjects I’m comfortable teaching, location, travel preferences, a general bio and my rates. You set your own workload, and there’s next to no barriers to entry to become a tutor. The only advice I can give is to post your own ad and get yourself out there, because just taking that leap was a game changer for me. Got your own side hustle? Let us know at write@woroni.com.au!

twinges as it seeps out and gathers, forming thick dredge. Life chokes. Wind ceaselessly sweeps the long grasses. She frolics through the yellow – over smooth granite boulders speckled with sparkling quartz and capers with upward creeping moss. She whispers 'tread lightly' before whipping their faces. She is kind but furious. The rain spatters, mud forms, feet trudge. Raincoat fabric rustles against itself as the ants move. They quiver under her force but push on in pursuits of conquest. She is soft but growing impatient.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

Creative

Free University: What’s The Deal? Text: Miles Tiley Graphic: Clarence Lee

Who should pay for tertiary education is a perennial and well-worn topic, but perhaps deserves revisiting in light of the Turnbull government’s recent and ongoing cuts to higher education. The HECS scheme insulates domestic students fairly well from the 7.5 per cent fee increase implemented in 2017; we will probably survive the lowered HECS repayment threshold ($45,000, from $54,126 in 2015) and loan limits; and universities are expected to weather the December freeze of Commonwealth funding levels. Even before this, however, Australia’s university funding scheme was far from the most generous (though also from the most severe). So how do we shape up compared to the more socialised fee systems in other countries? Germany is probably the best-known example of a free university system, with zero tuition fees (even for international students) since 1971. They were briefly introduced in the intervening period, but student protests saw this quickly

quashed. In 2017 the Baden-Württemberg state government re-introduced tuition fees of around €1,500 per semester for non-EU students, but it remains the only state to do so. The free tuition system is controversial – a 2016 survey by the Ludwig Maximilian University found that 44 per cent of respondents favoured reimposing tuition while 46 per cent wanted to keep the free system. When told about the income benefits of university education, their responses changed: 60 per cent favoured a repayment system along the lines of Australia’s, and only 30 per cent opposed such a scheme. The most obvious motivation for free or low tuition systems is that they might make the benefits of higher education available to everyone, regardless of socioeconomic class – but many believe that Australia’s free education scheme failed to achieve this. More than this motivates Germany’s system: international students in Germany are more likely to work there after graduation, contributing to the economy; free education to international students also generates a certain global goodwill towards Germany. Critics suggest that those who benefit directly from higher education should bear the cost, rather than the general populace. The proponents of Germany’s

system counter that their system benefits the country, not just the student; it is difficult, however, to measure global goodwill in euros. Another common point of discussion is ‘degree inflation’, where an increase in higher education levels reduces the value of higher education to the student, in employability terms. This is a frequent argument against low-cost university systems, but is also a problem with social and corporate values. It is also undeniably problematic to restrict the availability of education in order to maintain its value; if we choose to do this, what is a “fair” way of distributing the benefit of education? The “market” has not yet seen a corresponding adjustment in the demand for degrees, because they still almost always provide a net benefit to the student. Australia’s affair with free university lasted from 1974, under the idealistic Whitlam government, until 1988 under Bob Hawke with John Dawkins’ massive reforms (the ‘Dawkins Revolution’), including the establishment of the HECS scheme. These reforms applied neo-liberal theory to the education sector – a familiar idea in today’s “marketised” universities – and were criticised for their commercial attitudes towards

education. The Whitlam system, while ideologically admirable, was very costly and did not significantly change the demographics of those in higher education – though enrolments did rise 25 per cent in a single year. Dawkins’ reforms were marketed as fair, because if it was still only the privileged going to university, at least the working class wouldn’t be paying for it.

Where can I go for free uni? While Australian universities aren’t likely to be tuition-free again any time soon, there are numerous overseas opportunities to avoid accumulating HECS debt, even if it is only for a semester abroad rather than a whole degree: • Germany (except for Baden-Württemburg) and Norway don’t charge any tuition fees for international students • Finland and Czechia offer charge no tuition on courses taught in their official languages, but do for courses taught in foreign languages (English, for instance) • Most French universities are heavily subsidised and generally charge €200€500 per semester. Various other countries including Austria, Italy and Switzerland charge somewhat higher tuition fees to international (non-EU) students.

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

MONEY MONEY MONEY Graphic: Millie Wang

Here are three money podcasts for anyone and everyone; from the third year science student who still doesn’t know what HECS is and, at this point, is too afraid, to ask to the actuarial studies student who can’t stop talking about Cryptocurrency. Next time you’ve got 15 minutes walking between classes (thanks, construction), plug in your headphones and learn a thing or two about what makes the world go round.

Equity Mates

Planet Money

Bad With Money

Text: Miles Tiley

Text: Zoe Halstead

Text: Mia Jessurun

Equity Mates is a podcast about investing and was recently ranked third among Australian finance podcasts by Finder. The show is run by two ANU graduates in their spare time: Alec Renehan, a Sydney Swans fan who studied Law and Asia-Pacific Security and graduated in 2016, and Bryce Leske, an Essendon Bombers fan who was studying classical percussion before the funding cut to the School of Music in 2012. Thereafter he studied a Bachelor of Business, graduating in 2015. Alec currently works for Coles, and Bryce for Woolworths.

What motivates someone to become an insider trader?

Gaby Dunn is a writer, actress and activist; also, she’s unbelievably cool. In Bad With Money, she brings a refreshing voice to some frankly unrefreshing topics.

The two met in their first year and later lived together in a sharehouse. They had a mutual desire to learn more about investment, and created the Equity Mates podcast as a way to share their journey with their listeners. Equity Mates is an introduction to investing from the ground up. They cover the absolute basics, introduce and simplify important concepts and ultimately explain how to choose better investments. Alec explains further: “The podcast follows Bryce and my investing journey as we develop our investing knowledge, speak to expert investors and unpack recent investing news. Each episode is 15 minutes – so it’s a good way to learn to invest in 15 minutes or less.” “We’ve had some notable guests, including former treasurer Wayne Swan, ABC finance host Alan Kohler, Executive Director of East 72 Andrew Brown and notable Australian businesswoman Susan Oliver. Another one was former Sydney Swans player Ted Richards who is working in finance now.” “I guess my biggest piece of advice would be to cut out the day-to-day noise and invest for the long term. Understanding the compounding effect of long term investments is a great way to build wealth.” Their most recent episodes have covered market corrections, the Trump-China trade war and Tesla’s recent troubles. The website also features a blog with articles such as Understanding Volatility and 7 Common Mistakes To Avoid When You Start Investing.

Is there any difference between $15 and $100 vodka? What does it take to make a t-shirt, from a cotton farm to Cotton On? NPR’s Planet Money answers all the questions you didn’t know you had, in just 20 minutes. As someone who never made it past the micro one mid-sem exam, let’s just say that economics is not my strong suit. But, Planet Money’s 2008 exposé “The Giant Pool of Money” had me understanding how sub-prime mortgages led to the GFC long before The Big Short sexualized Margot Robbie to make economics ‘accessible’. Whether you’re struggling to understand first year economics or just keen to learn something new, Planet Money has got your back!

Bad With Money explores the realities of grappling with America’s broken financial system as a young person. In the first season, the show focuses on Gaby’s own experience – by the second, it expands to cover a much broader and more diverse range of topics. The show strikes an amazing balance; although it focuses on all the complex ways the system is rigged against anyone who isn’t a rich, white, middle-aged straight man from a middle-class background, it doesn’t paint millennials as powerless. Instead, Gaby gets and gives genuine financial advice on muddling through in the system as it stands, without giving into the gripes of personal failure and responsibility so often enmeshed in personal financial planning. In this way, she frames it as a chance for young people who haven’t grown up financially literate – which typically means anyone who didn’t grow up wealthy, because as she highlights, this knowledge is almost exclusively learnt in the home – the chance to learn alongside her. Perhaps my favourite element is Gaby’s interviewing style. She has all sorts of people on the show, from financial professionals to her own friends and family, and encourages a level of candour and insight that makes every guest interesting to listen to. And she’s not afraid to challenge them – when guests fail to recognise the role of privilege in the financial system, she’ll ask them about it, and you get the sense that she’s happy to feature other points of view, but will never simply accept them and move on. I’ll admit I was sceptical at first, because I love Gaby but would’ve said I had no interest or knowledge of personal finance, but I’ve been well-andtruly won over. Despite the American context, I’ve learnt plenty from this show that has changed the way I see the world – but also enjoyed every episode. Season Three of Bad With Money started last week.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

blurred lines:

When Creative Influence Becomes Theft Text: Isobel Klein Graphic: Sophie Bear

part of Kookaburra”, with Larrikin to receive 5 per cent of all royalties.

Inspiration must strike from somewhere, right? We were repeatedly told at school that there are no new ideas, that it has all been done before. The music industry has seemingly embraced this with welcoming arms. The use of sampling in popular music has been rampant since the 1970s, but what are the creative, legal, and personal ramifications of such a contentious lack of distinction between inspiration and theft?

The issues with such a ruling were only just being revealed. Many in the Australian public considered that traditional children’s songs should be within the public domain due to extensive use within the community and the lack of openly recognised ownership. In turn, the case raised debate over the ability to privately ‘own’ tunes intrinsically tied to childhood nostalgia. If our initial introduction to melody and rhythm is withheld from adaptation, then where is the capacity or ambition to initiate artistic production?

The US Circuit Court of Appeals recently upheld the ruling that Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams’ 2013 hit Blurred Lines infringed copyright by illegally copying Marvin Gaye’s Got to Give It Up. The case, which was monitored closely by industry experts for potential future impact, concluded in granting Gaye’s family USD$5.3 million. The Blurred Lines case is particularly interesting given the long and diverse history of music copyright infringement rulings. While this ruling was straightforward and with little consequence, some previous cases, however, presented much more complexity. A famous Australian example is the considerable similarity between the 1934 children’s song Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree, rights owned by Larrikin Music, and the classic Men at Work 1981 hit Down Under. Identification of the identical melodies, voice and flute respectively, surprisingly originated in an episode of Spicks and Specks in 2007. By the next day, Larrikin Music had commenced legal action against the Down Under songwriters. The court case took just under a year, ultimately ruling that Down Under “reproduced a substantial

The “Kookaburra/Down Under” infringement ruling had tremendous professional and personal impacts on Men at Work. The flautist Greg Ham said he was “terribly disappointed that that’s the way I’m going to be remembered – for copying something”, with the case tarnishing his reputation in the music industry permanently. The copyright case has been tied to his early death in the public’s eyes. Whether it was correlated or merely coincidental, it demonstrated a clear response to the personal ramifications of such theft, even when unintended. Another infamous example of copyright infringement is between Queen and David Bowie’s 1981 Under Pressure and Vanilla Ice’s 1990 Ice Ice Baby – two songs with intros that I personally cannot differentiate. Vanilla Ice almost directly sampled Queen’s bass line without credit or royalties. Ice famously insisted that the melodies were not identical due to the addition of a beat between notes but later insisted he was joking when presented with an infringement lawsuit. This case is fascinating for a vastly different reason to the ones above – Queen and Bowie, and Ice settled

outside of court. Ice’s agreement to give financial recompense and song-writing credits signified his admittance of theft. This case initiated discussion about the legal system’s strength in protecting creative, as well as financial rights. Ice freely admitted in an interview with Smash Hits magazine that the idea of sampling came from “[going] through old records that my brother had… he had a copy of Under Pressure. And putting those sounds to hip-hop was great". Ice drew from what he knew to construct a modernised musical piece, and this is an illustration of the support that should be granted for artists to experiment and produce original sounds. So what influence do these copyright infringement cases have on the music industry? Sampling is never a clear issue, as certain chords are undeniably found in many pop songs. Due to the US doctrine of Fair Use (an abstract and unquantifiable phrase) limited use of copyrighted material may be used without prior permission if credit is given. Hence, lawsuits seem to do little for clarifying the future status of creative rights within the industry as legal recourse case-by-case. Musical creativity is quashed through fear of legal disputes, as what we consider public work cannot be reinvented. Nonetheless, creative endeavours do require protection, particularly the pioneers of the music industry who are deserving of copyright for their innovation. Such laws are necessary to allow profits to be acquired as well as the right to choose when and where the piece is used, but copyright must be enforced appropriately to not lead to suppression of imagination and reasonable use. Imagine a world with music without creative protection, without risks, without inspiration. That’s what I think the Blurred Lines lawsuit is leading us toward.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

The art of the binge Text: Brandon Tan Graphic: Hannah Charny

“Just one more episode, I can’t wait to see what happens next!”. My first stab at binge watching was an attempt to watch the second season of Stranger Things alongside a group of friends. Starting at 10 pm, I intensely consumed the first three episodes before my body slowly crashed out, and I missed a huge chunk of the remaining episodes. My friends and I finished at 5 pm, at which point even though I had missed out a huge part of the climax, we were happy it was finally over. Binge-watching, now a verb in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, refers to “watching many or all episodes of a TV series in rapid succession”. With the advent of Netflix and unlimited access to a wide variety of shows, binge-watching is now easier than ever. No more waiting for TV marathons or buying the DVDs. Most TV shows are currently geared to making "season-long arcs", where character development and a central plot slowly advance through each episode. Rather than being distracted for a few weeks on a certain TV series, the process gets done in a little over a weekend. Cliffhangers are quickly resolved, and

the small details are important; minor characters and key plot devices are used rapidly and have immediate payoffs. On the other hand, you don’t get the opportunity to process what happened. When asked about the series, you’d probably only remember the conclusion and memorable moments. When continuously viewing content on a laptop screen, the amount of blue light radiation emitted affects sleeping patterns, so it might be worth using a TV instead. Here are a few binge watching tips to get yourself started! Do some research! Each TV series differs in length. For instance, most US TV shows tend to have 23 episodes, in comparison to their modest British counterparts. TV shows with twenty-minute plots are arguably easier to finish in the long run. In addition, it’s easy to be annoyed by the formulaic repetition of shows with “monster of the week” plots. Reading up on a few “Skip it/Watch it” guides are very useful in cutting away some fat and focusing on episodes with substantial plot developments.

Choose your time and location. There aren’t many times in a year where we get three-day holidays. Those are probably the days where you can get your friends around too, and bond over witty banter. In comparison, binge-watching during the school holidays can be a little overwhelming since it can often get repetitive watching TV content. Structure your viewing session. “Quality over quantity”– It’s certainly not a competition to finish first. Take steady breaks when you’re overwhelmed or when your eyes need some rest. Keeping yourself hydrated and fully functional is something you want as well. Creating a schedule where a lunch break happens in between viewing sessions as well as discussing key plot developments with friends is something I’ve frequently done to make the sessions more enjoyable. In other news, Netflix is currently hiring an “editorial analyst”, where primary duties would be to binge watch their shows and analyse them. You've got to be proficient in Japanese, but it's surely a job many of us wouldn't mind doing for a multinational corporation (and learning Japanese for!)

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

Volumes of a memory

Text: Brigid Homeman-Wren Art: Maddy McCusker When I was six, my grandfather told me that my books were my friends. His intention was probably to discourage me from dog-earing pages or damaging spines, but books have been so central to my life that I’ve always taken those words quite literally, treating books as friends. Part of this is because of the way I’ve always documented time. I have shoeboxes of birthday cards and scrapbooks of primary school certificates. Perhaps it’s hoarder genetics, or maybe just a compulsion towards recording and keeping things that hold meaning, but I’m drawn to the way a spine, cover and pages can hold a whole history. So, a toast to the way books shaped me, and the world I get to see now.

The Album

I grew up in the generational switch to electronic storage. Somewhere around

2003, like many others, my family’s “growing up” photos moved from a pile of photo albums in our lounge room to a revolving desktop slideshow. Everything vitally important to me lives on a hard drive, and I’m slowly (very slowly) embracing the cloud. But opening a folder on my laptop and clicking through the photos and family videos has never had the same sentimentality of stumbling across the collections of my Mum’s post-university travel pictures. For maybe the same reason I just can’t use e-books, I don’t think a screen can ever live up to the physical importance of holding a snapshot of a moment in your hands. It tends to mean you look at it for a little longer, at a moment that was and is real.

histories that have become vital to the way we see the past. And what about the ones we’ve faithfully kept ourselves? Something used more as an outlet for confusion and existential angst than anything more purposeful may one day develop into something as important.

The Journal

The earliest novels may be thousands of years old, and the genre may even have developed into something capable of producing Fifty Shades of Grey, but being able to transport yourself into a different world and learn something from the people who live there has never wavered in importance. We probably all need to let loose from our compulsory reading, pick up a novel and find ourselves in a new world.

I was given Anne Frank’s The Diary of a Young Girl for Christmas when I was nine. While I don’t pretend to have ever written anything of such importance, I’ve never let go of the feeling of amazement that simply pen and paper could give such insights into someone’s life. Journals that have been saved by the families of world leaders or smuggled from prisoner of war camps paint pictures of

The Novel

I vividly remember the age when I first started engaging with fiction. Before I could read, I wrote pretend stories involving lines and lines of squiggled prose. In them, fairies lived in my jacaranda tree, and Snow White had many more adventures with the dwarves. A few years later, it was the ultimate pride of my year one life to make the leap to Aussie Chomps.

With not a lot of time and a whole lot of nostalgia lately, I’ve been turning back to old books. I’ve re-read a few and have found my way back to Roald Dahl’s short stories. Reading him in childhood, you’re drawn to the unapologetically gruesome themes he treats with such humour. His stories for adults treat the macabre (read: abattoirs and guesthouses that people never leave) with a little more realism, just as much of the ridiculous, and come across with an equal amount of heart. It’s like a visit from an old friend: you’ve known each other for a long time, but there

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

A House is not a home Text: Josie Ganko Graphic: Millie Wang and Sophie Bear

The concept of ‘home’ is a strange one when you think about it. It has no discernible definition, and can only really be described as the feeling you get when you are ‘at home’. The classic cliché tells us that “home is where the heart is” – but what about the physical spaces that many of us are lucky enough to call home? I know when I first moved into my single room in my first semester at ANU, it certainly didn’t feel like home. But soon, my small space became my sanctuary. It wasn’t my home because it was where my heart was (I spent most of my time there alone). It was my home because it was familiar and safe. Later when I developed a close group of friends, I grew attached to the room because of the memories I made there – and this attachment grew stronger every day. Why is it that the structures we spend so much of our time in become so essential to our concept of home? I’ve only had to say goodbye to two homes – once when I moved house at a very young age, and again when I moved rooms within UniLodge. I’m incredibly sentimental, and I really struggled with leaving my first room in Canberra. So much had happened there, and I had changed so much over my 18 months in that room. When I arrived at my new room, I felt numb. Nothing felt the same. However, thanks to the fact that all UniLodge Rooms are identical, as soon as my bed sheets were put out and my posters put up, this new room was home again. So maybe home isn’t where the heart is, maybe it’s just where the familiar is. Moving into a new space, even when surrounded by loved ones, always feels unfamiliar. It’s not until we settle into a space by bringing out our belongings and, most importantly, making memories there that it truly becomes home. It’s strange to think that in the life span

of one house, various families or people will call it home. We do not attach to the physical structure of the house, nor the bricks and cement that create its foundation, but rather the sense of a familiarity and fond memories we get from time spent in one place. The same can be said for the cities and towns that we live in. They can also begin to feel like home once we have explored the surrounds and discovered our favourite spots. I never thought I would truly feel at home in Canberra. Now my mum gets mad at me when I’m visiting my family and I refer to returning to Canberra as “going home”. If we look to music for explanation, Dionne Warwick tells us “a house is not a h o m e ”. T h i s definition rings truer for me – while physi c a l structures a r e mea ningful because of the experiences we have in them, a house itself does not make a home. A house can be part of a home, but home really takes many other forms: A city, a space, a room, a restaurant. Creating memories in new places will inevitably mean we carry our homes with us, no matter how far we travel in life.

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

Give Peas a Chance Text: Ellen Makaryan Graphic: Millie Wang

I could not accept indifference, so I mustered up my willpower and went vegan. Did I die? Clearly not. Have I become a more conscious consumer? Absolutely.

For many people, being vegan is an unattainable concept – it is something they either haven’t considered, can’t be bothered doing, or are staunchly opposed to. There were a number of barriers originally preventing me from adopting a vegan lifestyle. First of all, I spent my high school years in boarding school, meaning that the idea of eating vegan was simply laughable and impossible, unless you were happy eating lettuce and bread for every meal. Secondly, I come from a non-Australian background. Those who come from families with varied ethnicity would know how important food often is to our cultures, especially at family gatherings. I am both Russian and Armenian by heritage, and I vividly remember growing u p eating meat and dairy in a bu nd a nc e for almost every meal. When I decided to become a vegetarian at the age of 13, my family initially laughed at this ridiculous act of ‘teenage rebellion’, and then continued to disapprovingly lecture me about the dangers of a vegetarian diet. I never would have admitted it back then, but my switch to vegetarianism came with an underlying desire for attention and wanting to be different from everyone else. After a few months, however, I came across a video of how chicken nuggets were made – that pretty much solidified my vegetarianism forever. I always knew, in the back of my mind, that something terrible was happening to these animals, but seeing the slaughter in HD at the age of 13 was worse than any sort of horror film I had ever encountered. It took me another six years to finally make the leap to veganism. The idea of being a vegan always seemed stupid to me, even when I was a strict vegetarian. Cows don’t die when they are milked and bees are happy to provide us with their honey, right? But there is always more to the story. It got to the point where I could no longer plead ignorance, and

Here I was living in a developed country with abundant resources and access to a variety of foods, and my only excuse for not going vegan was that I liked cheese too much. I love Camembert cheese and I love scrambled eggs, but there was a limit to my love. I could not justify telling myself that my tastebuds were more important than the billions of animals slaughtered annually for the egg, dairy, and meat industries. Not to mention the ridiculous amount of natural resources needed to accommodate for these industries, and the pollution and environmental degradation that comes with them. The word ‘vegan’ draws a defensive mechanism in many people; they flinch at the word and often have a brigade of anti-vegan jokes at the ready. Unfortunately, food industries don’t want to shed the truth on how our food is made, so it is down to the consumers to figure out what is cruel and destructive and what is kind and more

sustainable. No lifestyle is perfect, and the point of veganism is not to be perfect. We need to do what we can with what we have, and most importantly, try to minimise the harm we are causing to the animals and the planet to our best ability. It is no longer an excuse to plead ignorant to how your food is made. “Not responding is a response - we are equally responsible for what we don't do.” – Jonathan Safran Foer, Eating Animals

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

ONE BAD SoNG Text: Jeremy Tsuei Graphic: Eddie Landale

So I’d just finished a day of volunteering with kids Yeah, I work(ed) with kids. Volunteering too. I’ll show off while I can, ‘cos I’ll need it. -and, you know. I’d crashed at home: had a ten-minute nap and a tetrapack of something with ‘liquid breakfast’ on the side – then, well. I’m obliged to go to the gym a few times per week, aren’t I?Oh yeah, I gym too. Look at me. So I’m in my car, off to campus in the holidays, still wearing my (very) colourful volunteering shirt, wondering if any of the PTs I know will be there, whether I’ll be home before seven p.m.I mean, not technically my car, but we’ll say it was my car. -and then this horrible song comes along in my shuffle. Maybe only horrible in retrospect now, but anyway, this compilation album – underdeveloped, overproduced, saccharine lyrics amalgamation, telling me something about living a happy life with a loved one or whatever and, ugh, I am not. Feeling. It. Up a little circular ramp, and I’m greeted by a smattering of red taillights – it’s

that time of the day. Usually this would be when I’d crank my music up and start headbanging, but – no, not this time. So I stop. I’ve stopped. In a 70 zone, I’ve stopped. I’m stopped. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. And maybe this one’s it. Up to 70, almost at my destination (not really), the song’s almost over, second gear, third gear, and— The song stops because the aux chord has been jerked out my phone. My heart stops because I pressed on the footbrake too late and the whole car’s shaken but I’m stopped again. In the silence that I wouldn’t have minded not so long ago, you would’ve been able to hear my gut drop. Two syllables, and there goes my PG rating for the day’s events. And in Road Ready we were meant to be talking about collisions rather than accidents because accidents suggests that no one was at fault, so did that mean this collision was my fault? But now I’m driving off to the side of the road, so I guess at least the car might be okay? Probably won’t be able to get to the gym though. And might not be home before seven pm.

And what is that smell? It’s as crap as the song was. I’ve smelt it before. Although it wasn’t so thick last time. And oh boy I’ve stepped out of the car and the front grille’s become – well, what

has it become? I used to think cars had little (or rather, huge) faces, especially this one, since it’s been in the family for twelve years or so now. I guess this is a disfigured face.

Disfigured because it’d taken a towbar to the nose. I look to the front, and the car ahead looks kind of okay. Crap. But they were the nicest people I could have crashed into. The guy two cars

in front was fine but he even stopped to help us. We traded names and numbers like a proper group of new friends. And my dad, who Ubered over about an hour afterwards, snagged

a picture of me sitting in one of the camp chairs we had in the car, miserable in my (very) colourful volunteering shirt next to my – well, his – disfigured face of a car, and he never fails to bring that one up on his phone whenever the conversation with friends turns to my driving. So yeah, there’s my memory. P-plater

life, uni life, life in general, I suppose. Shit happens, y’all. Jeremy wrote off the old family car. He has only had one other accident since.

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

jack white loses his way with the genre-crossing album Boarding house reach Text: Maxine Beaumount Graphic: Valtteri Kuusisto

A far cry from the foot stomping blues rock many know him for, Jack White’s new offering is a trudge through a handful of disparate genres, with none of it done particularly well. Jack White’s clumsy and often surreal wander through rap, spoken word, soul, funk, and blues, leaves you craving the energetic garage rock that sprung him from obscurity. The refreshing country/blues fusion that defined his last solo album — Lazaretto — is predominantly out, replaced by an ill-fitting, genre-hopping collection of songs, the only thing binding them being the occasional tight blues groove. Even with White’s intentionally created reputation for strangeness — whether that be claiming Meg White (his then wife) was his sister during live shows as The White Stripes, or collaborating with

the Insane Clown Posse — his music was always punchy, and built along the same distinctive musical lines. The punch is gone, with the exception of one or two tracks, and the lines are stretched much too far. Boarding House Reach stumbles between a dull rock ballad (Connected by Love), poor attempts at soul/funk (Why Walk a Dog?, Corporation), slightly jarring spoken word tracks (Abulia and Akrasia, Ezmerelda Steals the Show), and his first attempt at rap (Ice Station Zebra). In amongst these strange twists and turns there are a couple of songs in keeping with his repertoire — namely, Over and Over and Over, and Hypermisophoniac. While retaining their blue/garage rock roots these tunes come along with denser arrangements, some new (for White) synth sounds, layered rhythm sections, and the same satisfying riffs and grooves White is known for. There is enough freshness in these two tracks to keep his fans interested. It’s a shame we didn’t see an album of songs like these.

You can tell Jack White wrote Boarding House Reach alone in a small, spartan apartment with an army cot for a bed. If there were anyone else there, they might have advised him against his new set list and told him how much they had enjoyed Blunderbuss. There’s good reason people generally stick to their genre, especially when you have Jack White’s distinctive aesthetic. You didn’t hear Bob Marley play some Celtic folk tunes in between One Love and Three Little Birds, and you probably shouldn’t hear Jack White rap between Hypermisophoniac and Over and Over and Over. Listening to Boarding House Reach, it’s clear these genre lines are harder to cross than White might have hoped. Probably because rap, funk, and soul are hard. People dedicate their entire lives to just one, so it’s not surprising that his first stab leaves a lot to be desired. Though we know Jack White can create catchy, well crafted songs, this album isn’t full of them. This new offering will probably have his fans turning down rather than turning up. Hopefully we see him return to his blues roots sometime soon.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

the vaccines make a triumphant return with combat sports Text: Georgia Clarke Graphic: Valtteri Kuusisto Our first taste of new music from The Vaccines sans drummer Pete Robertson brings us straight back to the garage of an original Brit-rock band. I’ll admit that it took me a few full listens of the album to get it, but right now this is topping the list as my favorite new record of 2018 (although we haven’t yet heard AM’s Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino – stay tuned). Combat Sport’ quenches a thirst that many fans of Indie Brit Rock (myself included) were left with

after the arguably more ‘experimental’ sound of their last record. In this post English Graffiti era the band are heading back to their roots and giving a raw but clean look at who the Vaccines are – and where they are going. The familiar opening riffs of I Can’t Quit is classic Vaccines, a cocktail of frustration and ripping power chords - exactly what we’ve come to expect from the band. They also try out a glam-rock-Vampire-Weekendstyle sound on their track Put It On A T-Shirt but with their signature garage-band edge. This kind of experimentation works wonders for the vibe of the album.

The refined sound of Maybe (Luck of the Draw) is a quintessential poprock love song with catchy lyrics and an uber-danceable 80s tune. Young American was a massive stand out, with an almost seductively-intoxicated-Alex-Turner vibe without all the hardcore noise. The intimate lyrics of Justin Young paired with the smooth synth of Freddie and Arni, make for a perfect combination. My favourite track of the whole album has got to be Your Love Is My Favourite Band, with its fun bubblegum pop sound that undoubtedly reminds me of the transformative summer bonding montage

between two misunderstood best friends in an indie coming of age story. When all is said and done, this album sounds entirely and authentically Vaccines. Both Freddie and Justin have said that they feel ‘enthusiastic’ about their come-back to music this year, and boy did they deliver. Comparing ‘Combat Sports’ to their first or perhaps even second albums would show how much their sound has matured. They manage to do this without straying from the crux of The Vaccines – the powerful grunge and energy of a couple of mates bangin’ out some tunes.

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Become a Disaster Recovery Volunteer with ANGLICARE! Will you be ready to support your local community when a disaster occurs? To find out more about upcoming training sessions contact: disaster.recovery@anglicare.com.au OR (02) 6245 7188

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

Blockers: a funny, smart sex comedy for the modern age Text: Josie Ganko Graphic: Sophie Bear

somewhat funny, teen sex movie. I was pleasantly surprised to find this film was so much more.

The only way to start this review is with the preface that we should not judge a book by its cover nor a movie by its title/promotional materials.

The move is littered with smartly written jokes, and even the bits that should be cringe-worthy are somehow seriously funny. I could’ve done without the vomiting sequence, but other than that the jokes were surprisingly sharp and thoughtful, and rarely relied on cheap gags.

Blockers is the latest film from producing team Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, and is the debut directorial effort by 30 Rock and Pitch Perfect writer Kay Cannon. The story revolves around three high school best friends, Julie, Kayla and Sam, who make a ‘sex pact’ to lose their virginity at their senior prom. Three of their parents, Julie’s mum Lisa (Leslie Mann), Kayla’s dad Mitchell (John Cena), and Sam’s dad Hunter (Ike Barinholtz), soon catch wind of the plan and set out to ‘cock block’ their daughters. The promotional trailers, movie title and general premise all led me to expect a stupid, but hopefully

One of main reasons this movie has all the makings of a classic modernday sex comedy is the diversity strewn throughout. We learn early on that one of the girls, Sam, has agreed to sleep with her male prom date as a part of the pact despite the fact that she is crushing on another woman. The exploration of her sexuality throughout the one night span of the movie is surprisingly nuanced, especially when it comes to the development it espouses from her estranged father, Hunter.

Kayla on the other hand comes from a multi-racial household where her father Mitchell takes on the overbearing and emotional care-giver role, while her mother Marcie (Sarayu Blue) is the voice of reason and disciplinarian. While this gender-role swap is exploited for some laughs (especially by John Cena’s character), it still feels meaningful. This is especially true when Marcie gives an impassioned speech about why they should respect their daughter’s abilities to make her own decision like they would for a son who was considering having sex for the first time. Finally, Julie was raised by single mother, Lisa, and the film explores the anxiety Lisa feels about Julie leaving for college when she has been at the centre of her life for 18 years. Lisa takes on the controlling mother stereotype, but the context given to her motives means the audience still empathises with her.

It’s hard to believe, but Blockers is probably the most meaningful exploration of the ‘teen’s losing their virginity’ trope I’ve ever seen in a film. The central teenage trio, Julie, Kayla and Sam, are well developed, funny and intelligent women, which is all too rare in movies of this genre. Not all of the parents in the movie are on the cock-blocking mission, and those who are have legitimate and developed reasons for their quest, whether it be regret over a teenage pregnancy, or an absentee parent trying to reconnect. They all ultimately come to the right conclusion, (mild spoiler alert) that their daughters can make decisions for themselves, and should be allowed autonomy without interference. For a fresh take on the teen sex comedy, Blockers is definitely worth a visit to the cinemas. It’s original, genuinely funny and progressive and modern without making a big deal about it.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

The Tomb Raider Movie Text: Alisha Nagle Graphic: Sophie Bear The video game-to-movie crusade is getting a little old. Here lies Tomb Raider, yet another disappointing attempt to take a great game and somehow emulate it on the screen, ending in familiar heartache. Once again, Hollywood grabbed an already clichéd plot redeemed only by immersive gameplay and astounding visuals… and somehow made it worse. The result: a bland, typical action flick with stakes that would perhaps alarm a small child. Tomb Raider merges elements from its two most recent games, with most of its plot harking back to the first game released in 2013. Lara Croft is an independent renegade living in London several years after the disappearance of her secretive, quasi Indiana Jones dad. After gaining clues as to his whereabouts she sets out on a journey to fictional island Yamatai, where she is captured by a puzzlingly motivated expedition leader, Mathias Vogel, and his small troupe of slaves. Mathias is seeking the ancient tomb of Queen Himiko, the Mother of Death, so that somebody can weaponise and use her “power" to start a global genocide and “cleanse humanity”. It has taken him seven years to excavate the tiny island and he still hasn’t found the tomb entrance (which he would’ve stumbled across had he simply walked ten minutes from camp because it’s huge and above ground). Lara must escape Mathias and learn the truth of her dad ’s fate,

inevitably raiding Himiko’s tomb along the way. This film takes itself much more seriously than previous instalments – a change that would’ve worked well if it spent some time developing the characters in between the fights, chases and eventual tomb raiding. Unfortunately, most of the movie is devoted to shunting along the action, and the growth of supporting characters moved to the background. Worst of all is its treatment of Lu Ren, who after a promising introduction becomes the leader of a backup crew and disappears. By the conclusion, Lu has had no character development and has shown on-screen personality inferior to the Ewoks in Return of the Jedi. Another waste of potential is the addition of Lara’s dad, Richard Croft. His presence proves a bold change from the original storyline, yet fails to serve any purpose except for becoming the source of several information dumps. This technique feels lazy and boring, and at the end of the film when Richard faces an intense moral dilemma, Lara shows no significant emotional torment in response – odd considering her motivation for travelling to Yamatai was to find out what happened to him. Brave and pragmatic as her character is meant to be, every scene where Lara interacts with Richard feels forced and unnecessary. Also, enough with the flashbacks. They are infuriating and nobody in Hollywood seems to believe me. It’s a shame Alicia Vikander had so little to work with, given the obvious talent she demonstrated in Ex Machina and her Oscar winning

performance in The Danish Girl. Her Lara is actually quite enjoyable, especially in the action scenes, and she brings vulnerability to the character that we hadn’t seen onscreen before. Vikander is let down by the utterly bland and tactless dialogue. The Tomb Raider script is laughably onthe-nose, summed up by Mathias’ memorable line “You shouldn’t have come here. But I’m glad that you did”. Vikander’s helplessness in adding dimension to her character is clear. Lara also miraculously gets stronger throughout the film with no obvious payoff, making the transformation absurd. In the opening scene she is beaten in a gym fight. By the end she has barely slept, is wounded and presumably disturbed by everything she’s just learnt. Yet during the climax she escapes booby traps with ease and attacks foes with newfound skill and stamina. This is all very video game-y and just doesn’t translate well. Withholding disbelief, most of the action scenes are actually enjoyable enough in a cinema. However, they don’t evoke any real thrills or stick in your mind after. The CGI was at times poorly rendered – a sin considering the most recent game boasted some of the most beautiful graphics ever seen. There are many clear references to stressful situations from the game that might appease fans, but for me these just highlight the difference between what makes a good game and a good movie. When you control Lara, the level of tension becomes visceral because her life is in your hands. This also applies to the absolute boredom of watching people solve puzzles on-screen, unable to help or guess the solution yourself. In one such sequence, the characters

work as a team, shouting out possible solutions – a subpar version of the hat-grab scene in Temple of Doom with all the suspense of Dora the Explorer. Watching Lara yell out colours and instructions to herself as you sit passively in the theatre: yet another gaming aspect rendered useless when put on film. The surprising nature of Himiko’s curse revealed at the climax is a nice touch – the first hint of innovation in an otherwise weak and unoriginal plot. But accompanying this moment of ingenuity is – wait for it – a jumpscare. There is a spring underneath Himiko, which makes her pop up like a jack-in-the-box. Why? This sharp jab at a moviegoer’s intellect could be easily ignored in a game due to deeper engagement and investment. Tomb Raider ultimately feels like a poorly crafted cash-grab, and will probably soon be forgotten in the same fashion as the equally disappointing Warcraft and Assassin’s Creed movies. When cruelly comparing this film to Indiana Jones, one might assume Hollywood has learnt nothing and indeed gone backwards since the 80s. Nobody can come up with new ideas, hence the influx of poor remakes and adaptations like this one. It is depressing to think there isn’t a single executive in Hollywood with a clear enough vision to help fix this problem. But the unfortunate truth is that while the money continues to roll in, Tomb Raider style remakes will continue to be the norm.

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

Dreaming Text: Emilie Morscheck Graphic: Maddy McKusker

Adolph lay on the grass, an air of contempt about his features. The freckles that had danced across his face were now a pale imitation of what they had once been. He checked his pocket watch; he would have to go back to work soon. His eyes slid shut as he dreamed of a time when the sky did not have a metallic glare, and when he could fish freely from the little brook that ran at the bottom of one of his father’s paddocks. It was a nicer time then. Adolph took in the familiar surroundings. He was sitting on the hill that overlooked the paddocks and, in the distance, the farm house. A sturdy tree claimed the hill peak, the trunk wider than his arm span. He ruffled his feathery hair and after smiling to himself, rolled down the hill with a boyish delight. The grass wasn’t quite as soft as he remembered it to be, and the air remained stale around him. The man got to his feet unsteadily and looked around at the empty paddocks which should have been alive with the gentle sounds of grazing animals. Even the farmhouse didn’t have a trail of smoke breathing from the chimney. His father should have been calling him down to the barn. Though, he did catch one sound: the faint tinkle of a bicycle bell. The bell’s metal, having long rusted, hadn’t rung for a time. Excited, he rushed across the paddocks, leaping over fences, to get to the dirt road which led to the town. He watched her come up the road with a casual elegance. She was wearing a frock, her hair tied up in a bun under her sun hat as she peddled towards him. A smile lit up her face and she waved. To him, she was pretty as a day and as perfect as

he remembered her. He lounged against a fence post as she rode the bicycle to a stop and dropped it to the ground. Adolph wiped his sweaty and dirty hands on his trousers; he just had to go and roll down that hill, didn’t he? “Adolph,” she said. Her pearly cheeks glowed red. She wrung her hands together in her white silk gloves. Adolph suddenly wished that he was wearing something other than his dirty, stinky work

clothes, but Maggie didn’t seem to mind. He took her hands from under the fence and pulled her closer. They were cold. Adolph was sure he could warm them up with his touch. Her eyelids fluttered under his gaze and he leant forward. A secret embrace was the least she could give him in that moment: a town girl and a farm boy were never meant to be together. Their lips met and Adolph wrapped his arms around her tiny body. She remained cold, almost hollow. The feel of her reminded Adolph of his father’s pocket watch, which had

turned cool to the touch following his death. Maggie stepped away and flushed again, looking down at her feet. Her hollowness reminded him of everything that was wrong. Maggie was dead, and so was that life. A farm boy no more, he was a different person now, for better or for worse. A producer of numbers and ideas, Adolph’s work had become the by-product of someone else’s demands. His father’s paddocks, with its hills and brooks… they were no more than a stormwater drain. Penitent, he tore away from her and sped up the hill, the metallic taste of her lips clinging to his own. The others had warned him about coming here, but he had to come and see it for himself. He just wasn’t ready to let go of the past. He didn’t want to depend on the fabricated world of his memories. He found the door embedded into the back of the tree and pulled it open, twisting the hidden handle in the knot of the bark. It didn’t creak like the farm’s barn doors did, but swung open with ease. The noise and lights of the outside flooded in, overwhelming his senses. People darted around, not even glancing at him as he burst forward on the grey, grassless street. Feet pounded the sidewalks. Blocked by towers, the sun’s warmth was substituted with the agitated pounding of the people’s footsteps. Retreating from the room that contained a replica of his entire childhood world, Adolph began to move toward the crowd, taking a deep breath. He was a fool to think that any of it could have been real. His watch ticked at him, a reminder once again that he had to go, or he would be late. As he shut the door behind him he wrenched the little chip from under the green light. After tucking it carefully away into one of his breast pockets Adolph dissolved into the crowd, the sound of doors slamming and the heavy bustle of people absorbing just another insignificant grain of life.

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

Bangsar, KL Text: Jia Huei Graphic: Sophie Bear Marlboro Reds hang heavy in the corner of this old home. They colonise the twelve Ringgit smoke that usually presides. It’s not my home, though. I’ve stayed here four or perhaps five times. It’s not the Sheraton, or even a Meriton – you could fill a book with all the amenities the house lacks – but it’ll last the four seasons and the price isn’t PAX. Beads of holy plastic thread through my fingers as the prayers are passed, round and round. Heady perfumes of char kway teow sing to me from the kitchen, over the oscillating sounds of Our Father and Hail Mary. The aroma beckons like sirens on the rocks, and I, the chubby, Asiatic Odysseus, twist and turn in Creative agony against the ropes of the rosary that binds me. My auntie stands over my mother’s mother, my Ah Mah, her own rosary in hand. The crucifix sways above my Ah Mah like the pendulum in a grandmother clock, marking time. If you ignore the pipes and tubes and the steel frame, you might think her napping. Slow droplets trickle down

against clear plastic. Only the IV drip sheds tears for the mother of mothers who lies powerlessly, with aubergine bruises inflicted by immobility. Ours is a family that prays together, but cries alone.

the pain - holding stress and sadness at bay. In the old house, the smoke sat in the air shrouding sorrow with a numbing miasma. But the wispy clouds were a small comfort to me, a reminder that I was amongst family.

The doctor thinks she can still hear. I recall, when I was back home – my home – they would hold the phone to my head. Just talk to her, they said.

My father’s father was guilty of the same crime; my Ah Kong, who I had never met. He would later cross my mind with each drag of a Winnie Blue, a little stick of incense for a lost ancestor. I smoke in memory of a man I could not remember. It was, I suppose, an empty gesture.

But what could I have said to the giver of my mother’s life? To someone I had met – perhaps – all of three times? What words would suffice to comfort a life on the line – a life held up against the reaper’s scythe? When at first I spoke to my Ah Mah, each sentence marched out like a dutiful soldier, unfeeling. Before long they grew riddled with unfamiliar emotions, crashing like waves against the rocks. Ancient memories re-surfaced, taking the form of in-jokes and foolish promises. I spoke with all of the Herculean might I could muster, feeding words that I hoped would make her stronger. I pleaded with the hound of Hades, to turn this gentle soul away from infernal gates. All of the fathers were smokers, except mine. For them, each cigarette dulled

We did not linger in the old house forever, even if we had desired so. We packed up. We flew home. I wasn’t certain when she had finally passed. We went back for her funeral. We packed up. We flew home. The longer time goes on and the older I become, the more I seem to remember, like roots that tunnel ever deeper. Just as Odysseus set sail for Ithaca and arrived home ten long years later, I’ve kept the thought of her with me, ten long years later. I remember her between steaming strands of kway teow, in portraits of the Divine Mother Mary and in that single and last Glory Be before we got to eat.

Love unknown Text: A Little Fuji Apple Graphic: Sophie Bear That second, those moments of peace, In vivid memories I return. Yet no matter how lively my life is now, It’s in my memories that my passions burn. Tenderness spills over the edge at the faintest thought, and my creativity is drained away… in the trappings of love, I’m caught. Perhaps that was love in that moment, Or maybe a fleeting peace. It replenished me but left me empty, My longing will not cease. Whenever that scene I revisit, My feelings unlatch their hold, By that seaside, beneath that tree… my unrequited love did once unfold.

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

IT'S

COMPLICATED

HOUSES

Text: Dylan Clements Graphic: David Liu

Text: Anonymus Graphic: Sophie Bear

Text: Mahalia Crawshaw Graphic: Sophie Bear

Content warning: self harm

If I had a dime for every time you’ve called me stupid, I’d be a millionaire by now. If I had a dime for every time I’ve believed you since, I’d be a billionaire by now.

so futureless?

But I know you never meant it, that it was all just pent up frustration: you’ve got so much shit going on in your own life, your love was just lost in translation.

Home: where I should have felt safest, but I found myself no longer wanting to go back, trying to find any excuse to stay out, in fear of your unpredictable wrath.

Vivid memories of me sitting in your lap by the bookshelf in the corridor upstairs: you read me all my favourite childhood stories. I felt so secure, so protected, always without a care.

I know you didn’t mean it, and you probably don’t know to this day, that the bumpy marks on my wrist, were my attempts at feeling okay.

You pushed me to be the best out in the world, but made me feel so insignificant at home.

But you changed all of a sudden… Mummy… what did I do wrong? Since when did everything I do make it so difficult for us to get along?

When you saw the fresh cuts, you shrieked at me, “YOU DAMNED UNGRATEFUL FOOL!” But all I wanted you to see was past my skin, the lashes on my heart made by you.

You’ve never had the intention to hurt me, or so I think… because that’s not what parents do, right?

Again, I understand, you tried the best you ever could, that the version of love you now show me, is the only love you ever understood.

Parents are supposed to love, supposed to nurture, supposed to show their children that they can conquer all, supposed to help them dream up a wild future – or, at least, that’s what I’ve been told.

Mother, now I ask only one thing: please, reconsider your hurtful behaviour. Maybe then you’ll finally understand why I ran away from you as a teenager.

But if that’s the case… Why did you make me feel so unlovable, so burdensome, so powerless,

All that seems left of my crippled soul is a lifeless, hard, thick callus. But I’m sure that under it all there’s still my childish, undying love for you.

It’s chilly, it’s cold Winds floating past, clamouring into your pockets to hold your hand But I don’t care Because I’m walking these streets In a different place With the same face Enamoured by these bricks and these windows Thinking about the stories they hold Because all of these houses house more than just housing They house people And those people have hearts Hearts they cart, cart around Wheelbarrows piling up names And mounds, mounds of thoughts Take this one, This one right here A quiet little street Next to one busier At the corner With daffodils in the grass And Christmas trees climbing up Up to the eaves In it is a lady A sad lady A sad old lady She sits on her couch No Wait She sinks She sinks in her seat Sinks into her tears That she weeps Missing Missing him She dabs her eyes with a tissue, overused Those eyes as grey as the sky Before folding it neatly Placing it back, in her back pocket And she stands up, brushing off the crumbs of her past, and fixing her armour as she fixes her blouse And she keeps doing the things she did with him without him Because she can She can do everything herself So she opens the shed To pull out the lawn mower Drinking her gin without him Uncorking her wine He was in this house but a day Did you know that? It breaks my heart But I start Start to see Him

Week 7, Semester 1, 2018

holy shiT!

This Nerd With A Projector Just Revolutionised HOW WE THINK ABOUT Public Architecture Text: Will Fletcher Graphic: David Liu It is the position of the idiot that all territory buildings should look visually appealing 365 days a year. There is absolutely no need to put any thought whatsoever into designing stimulating public buildings as long as you have a projector and the ability to direct the huge influx of roving masses. To design a building with even a hint of colour is foolish. It is cheaper to simply project photons than to apply paint and the ability to change designs with ease suits the attention-deficient temperament of the modern citizen. As someone who has watched many a movie projected onto a high school whiteboard

(the optimum viewing standard for your third watch of Lord of the Flies), I have some feedback for the National Capital Authority: The buildings – lets square them up to a 16:9 ratio and splash on a coat of off-white. We could reserve 4:3 format for the Film and Sound archive. The lawns – please make them less green. A lot of good art has the colour green in it so I think we should change the lawn colour to better suit a projection. If you can’t change the colour I’d suggest replacing lawns with concrete. Projections on the lake – Lake Burley Griffin takes up a lot of prime projection space, I’m thinking that we can either rejig the water (replace it with milk?) or perhaps

lay a floating cover on the surface. Bam! The lake is now a beautiful beach through the power of projection. Photonic Projection Authority – I think we should issue every citizen with a pocket projector that they may use to project whatever they’d like onto any building. I suggest you consider replacing snail-mail with digital projections that span tens of kilometres throughout Canberra. As a final sidenote, can we project sound??? Please look into this. Thanks for your time, Will

Students Report Clearer Complexions, Shinier Hair and Better Sleep Patterns After Leaving ANU Schmidtposting Text: Caroline Dry Graphic: David Liu Students today have an impressive assortment of lifestyle fads to choose from. This helps to distract them from the fact that they have dropped tens of thousands of dollars on ‘hopefully’ getting a grad job and that they can’t even afford a down payment on an outer-city carpark. One of these trendy coping mechanisms is called the paleo diet, for people who understand exactly nothing about science and are going to make sure everyone knows it. There’s also those people who go on regular juice cleanses and do yoga at 5am but also like to take unidentifiable pills at festivals and go blind for three hours. And now, a hip new underground movement is taking hold at our university: cutting Schmidtposting out of one’s life completely. Schmidtposting, for the uninitiated, is a Facebook group which is really beyond

definition. Some might say that it is the personal diary of that guy in your politics tute who has a tragic inability to say anything without the preface “allow me to play devil’s advocate”. Others would claim that it was a page originally designed to monitor the movements of parking inspectors, until it went horribly, horribly wrong. One undeniable truth of Schmidtposting is that it is an integral part of ANU life. For this reason, the decision to leave it might sound shocking. Schmidtposting, many would argue, is a biological need. Where would we all be if we couldn’t count on the guarantee that someone, somewhere, was going to post a link to an article titled “Genocide: is it that Bad?” on the very day that exams start? However, new evidence suggests that staying up until 2 am, throwing insults that you would never have the courage to say in real life, is not a very healthy thing to do. Recent studies have shown that students who did manage to abstain from Schmidtposting felt “cleaner,” “less empty

inside” and that “maybe the baby boomers are wrong about us after all”. There were also reports of bouncier hair, better grades and whiter smiles. The scientific reasons behind the general improvement of those people who left Schmidtposting are yet to be identified. Several theories have been raised. Maybe the time spent laboriously researching a topic to prove someone on the internet wrong would be better spent researching for actual assignments. It is even possible that your lecturer is saying something important as you ignore them completely and instead focus on editing the perfect spicy possums-areactually-cats meme. The sad reality is that we will likely never fully understand this phenomenon. However, if you’re physically incapable of giving up caffeine, can’t afford any mason jars to carry your weird green health concoctions around in, and are unable to go to the gym because it’s a rea l ly long walk to get there, consider going Schmidtpostingfree. Your body w ill LOVE you for it!

Vol. 68 , Issue 04

Architectural Paradox: New Ramsay Centre Solely Consists of a Right Wing Text: Will Fletcher Graphic: Katie Ward At the bequest of our affectionate and extremely white billionaire headmasters the newly announced Ramsay Centre has undergone such a massive last minute redesign that Kevin McCloud has dropped dead in his flat pack home. Worry not, immaculately well- dressed ghost of Kevin, as there are some downright awesome ideas in the new building plan. They include:

Underfloor heating powered by Adani Certified coal.

Every academic integrity issue is resolved by Alan Jones live on air from an in-house broadcast studio.

They’ve built an actual ‘Western Cannon’ which is an exquisite reproduction of a US Confederate Army gun.

To give the impression of diversity they’re going to hire people straight from the catwalk to stand still and be actual model minorities.

All the offices are double glazed, but the air-conditioner only works when the windows are open.

It’s so enlightened that there’s actually no way to turn off the extremely powerful and hot lights.

High security areas of the building have done away with fingerprint sensors and have been replaced by an armchair-phrenologist in-residence.

FULL MERITOCRACY: would-be interns will battle to the death in a specially constructed Arena of Blood.

Secret meetings between powerful ANU figures and donors! This is not exactly an idea or a feature, just like a really cool idea I think we should all support in general.

10.

“Going forward we’ll be engaging with our custo- the student body and various stakeholders with a view to synergizing our aims and establishing a compromise weighted heavily towards the interests of our good political buddies and their ill-gotten fortunes”.

‘Shady Political Tie’ Racks: keep track of who really pays the bills around the place with the inbuilt storage in every desk. The Chancellery has assured students that they hear and understand their concerns relating to the Ramsay Centre. By this they mean that, yes, the sound waves are reaching their ears and each word individually is understood according to the relevant definition. They’ve also announced a new program aimed at dealing with the problematic aspects of the Ramsay Centre and the University in general. Senior Management Consultancy Expert Sip Lervice had this to say:

Sudoku By Sebastian Rossi

Comic by Maddy McKusker

'Cocktail Hour' by Sophie Bear