Woroni: Edition 9, 2013

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WORONI PAGE 8

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The Australian National University Student Newspaper Since 1950

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NO. 9 VOL 65

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Forever Young: The Vice-Chancellor Joins the Twittersphere @young_ir #

PROFESSOR Ian Young, the Vice Chancellor of the humble institution that is the ANU, has joined Twitter!

Woroni had a sneaky Wednesday morning trip to the bar University Avenue to suss out the thoughts of your average ANU student on the topic.

The first student we approached, a gentleman in a becoming singlet top and fluoro shorts, despite the rather frigid weather, first had to be reminded who Professor Ian Young indeed was.

He then paused thoughtfully for a moment and stated that he doesn’t really use Twitter but he thinks he has a mate that does and maybe we should talk to him. He then offered to buy us a beer sandwich. We politely accepted declined and moved on.

Our next victim subject was a tall and lean fellow with an impressive amount of facial hair and who seemed to be wearing a burlap sack as a sweatshirt. As you do. This was a brief conversation in which he told us of his decision to live life away from the deep dark depths of social media because, in his opinion, the long fingers of Twitter, Facebook and the like, safeguarded capitalism and prevented independent thought.

We thanked him for his time and my companion asked where he could find a sweatshirt just like his.

We then met a girl with really, really shiny hair. She was in a hurry to get to the law school but said that she has Twitter though only uses it

while watching Q and A and doesn’t really care what Professor Ian Young is thinking about anyway. She rushed off, but not before I asked what the secret to her hair was. Olive oil apparently, if you were wondering.

We then ran into one of my friends who is a proud Tony Abbott voter. Her immediate response we have elected to quote exactly; “Ugh, he’s too old for Twitter.” Admittedly, she also believes in Temporary Pretection Visas and supports the Wests Tigers so don’t worry Professor, you can rationally discount her opinion.

The final student we spoke to was riding a bike.

We first commended him on his personal contribution to the fight to minimise national fossil fuel usage. He raised his eyebrows. In retrospect, maybe he was a climate change denier. His thoughts on Twitter were that the politicians who used it were annoying and that celebrities used it to plug products and get paid for their benign, misspelt musings. He said he would probably elect not to follow Professor Young as he likes to keep his intellectual pursuits separate from social media… or something.

On the whole, we probably should have canvassed a greater number of students. It was, however, nearing lunchtime and even intrepid student reporters start to lust after a burrito after a good five minutes of walking.

Signing off. And don’t worry Professor, at least Woroni is following you!

#c ut s

SAMANTHA BRADLEY

cu ts

#c uts

s ut c #

#cut s

ts #cu

RSHA Gets Poststructural in Restructuring LINDA MA THE School of Language Studies (SLS) will be merged with the School of Cultural Inquiry (SCI), the headline change in a suite of changes to the Research School of the Humanities and the Arts (RSHA).

At a forum to release the plans for public consultation last Tuesday, the Director of the RSHA, Dr Howard Morphy, confirmed the details of a restructuring that had been in the pipeline for months. The proposed changes, even before they were made public, have already caused controversy, with the resignation of the well-loved Head of the School of Cultural Inquiry, Dr Jill Matthews, in March, in protest at the changes.

The merger of SLS and SCI will result in the

establishment of a new School of Language and Literature, combining such diverse fields as Spanish, ancient history and film studies. This was justified by Dr Morphy as a means of encouraging collaboration between researchers working in different languages but through similar mediums such as literature, film or drama, or between English academics and linguists. It was this change that was vehemently opposed by Dr Matthews, who labelled the changes tantamount to an “abolition” of the School of Cultural Inquiry.

In particular, Dr Matthews may have feared the changes to the Gender, Culture and Sexuality program, which she was instrumental in pioneering at the ANU for decades. The Gender program will

THIS EDITION’S PULLOUT: INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS

be removed from the School of Cultural Inquiry and moved to the School of Sociology within the Research School of Social Sciences, hence entirely divesting it from its connection to the cultural representation of gender.

Other changes include disestablishing the Interdisciplinary Humanities Group, an association of autonomous research centres, and co-locating them with relevant academic departments. Art History will be separated from cultural studies and moved entirely to the School of Art to combine with Art Theory researchers there. Heritage and museum studies will be combined with the School of Archaeology and Anthropology to form Article continues on page 2

NEWS// 2

RSHA Restructuring Poststructural

NEWS BRIEFS

the School of Archaeology, Anthropology, Heritage and Museum Studies, which will begin to offer undergraduate courses in Heritage Studies.

Dr Morphy made it clear that the overriding reason for the changes was a significant decline in undergraduate enrolments in humanities disciplines such as English literature, film and cultural studies. He provided data showing precipitous drops in equivalent full time student load, including a one-third drop in undergraduate enrolments between 2010 and 2013 for the School of Cultural Inquiry. Hence, a “co-location” of “integrated clusters” of “cognate disciplines” was necessary to provide the sufficient “critical mass” for the efficient use of scarce research and administrative resources. He stressed that there would be no changes to the student experience, curriculum offerings and no direct loss of staff positions.

However, the document did indicate that some

VINCENT CHIANG DAVID TUCKWELL

Pope Refuses to Judge Homosexuals

Pope Francis declared this week that he had no right to “judge” people identifying as homosexual.

In response to journalists’ questions about corruption in the Vatican, Pope Francis said in reference to gay people “If they accept the Lord and have goodwill, who am I to judge them? They shouldn’t be marginalized”.

staff may be subject to reduced responsibility or classification.

Students and staff raised concerns at the forum that there will be no student representation on the change management steering committee, and that the School of Cultural Inquiry was devoid of representation on the steering committee. In addition, there were concerns that consultations about changes at ANU were run at particularly inconvenient times for students, with only a oneweek formal consultation period and little publicity, similar to the student consultation forums about ANU budget cuts during exams last semester. There was, however, a feeling that the College was being relatively transparent and upfront about the changes that were necessary in a challenging funding climate.

China Brings Out Government Debt Audit The Chinese government has ordered a national audit of all government debt. This comes in light of fears concerning Chinese economic stagnation, and an audit in 2011 which indicated that the local governments had accumulated a debt of 10.8tn yuan (1.95 trillion Australian dollars) by the end of 2010

Fossilised Policy Continues to Fuel Debate

Israel and Palestinian Authority to Resume Peace Talks

Israel and the Palestinian Authority have resumed peace talks after a three-year lapse. The two sides sat down in Washington for a dinner hosted by US Secretary or State John Kerry.

AJ AMERICA

The last round of talks broke down in 2010 after Palestinians insisted that Israel stop expanding its illegal West Bank settlements.

Kevin Rudd Wages War on Cigarettes Also Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, along with waging war on refugees, has also come out against smokers, and has hinted at a new cigarette tax to help the budget.

This follows the Rudd government having already increased taxes on cigarettes by 25 per cent in 2010. Currently, cigarette taxes make up at least 70 per cent of the cost of cigarettes in Australia.

Bradley Manning Guilty of Everything Else US whistle-blower Bradley Manning was found not guilty of “aiding the enemy” - the most serious charge held against him.

But he still faces a mighty prison term after the military court found him guilty of another 21 charges. Manning faces a possible maximum sentence of 136 years.

EDITORIAL BOARD Peter Agoth Samantha Bradley Vincent Chiang Fergus Hunter Ben Latham Areti Metuamate AJ Neilson Lillian Ward

THE ANU announced last week that it will develop a socially responsible investment (SRI) policy in response to continued advocacy by Fossil Free ANU and the ANU Environment Collective, a reassuring reminder of ANU’s leadership in environmentally ethical and sustainable practices.

However, the announcement also serves as a belated acknowledgement of what the ANU Environment Collective has been declaring for years: that ANU’s current investments are both environmentally and economically irresponsible.

The ANU’s recent track record when it comes to environmentally ethical investment is far from impressive. The ANU holds shares in coal, gas and oil that amount to over $80 million, and uncovering this required an arduous appeal process for the FOI requests issued by student campaigner and spokesperson for ANU Fossil Free, Tom Swann. It was not until February this year that the ANU finally sold its $1 million holdings in major coal seam gas miner Metgasco, despite the Vice-Chancellor promising to do so in 2011, following pressure from an Environmental Collective campaign.

In spite of this divestment, shares in Santos Ltd, a company that described itself as a “coal seam gas industry leader”, increased from 90 000 at the end of October to 190 000 by the end of December. A list of the ANU’s largest twenty investments released by the Vice-Chancellor in 2013, included at least thirteen companies directly involved in

SUB EDITORS Linda Ma David Tuckwell Dong Hyun Suh Dan Rose Sinead O’Connell Rob Selth Eleanor Campbell Josh Chu-Tan

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Campus News News Comment Features Life & Style Reviewed Science Sport

Jamie Cole Elise Terrell Ellen Trevanion Ross Caldwell Alice Desmond Lucia Masango Megan Jones Natasia Seo

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Radio Radio Podcasting Photos Website Video Video Visual Design

fossil fuels, according to the Environment Collec-A tive’s William Mudford. l The announcement also seems to undermined the documents released two months ago, whichp insisted that ANU’s current investment policyt was “ethically sound”, as well as a 2011 statementr made by an ANU spokesperson, assuring stu-i dents that “all ANU investments are made with at consideration of their environmental and ethicald impact”.

The announcement of a socially responsiblei investment policy is a significant victory for thew ongoing campaigns for divestment (namely, Fos-a sil Free ANU and the Environment Collective). d However, given the discovery of the Santosp investments during the Metgasco divestment,d many students are sceptical that the policy willI be strong enough to prevent future investment( in fossil fuels, let alone to require the divestmentC of existing shares and the securing of a fossil free ANU. Furthermore, the campaign has expressedfi concern regarding the VC’s unwillingness to in-Y volve an expert committee or offer a platform for( public consultation. z In the absence of any consultation measuresh taken by the university, the Fossil Free ANU cam-h paign has launched its own carbon budget solu-A tion consultation. This consultaiton is ongoing,w and its contrast against the ANU’s own SRI policyt remains yet to be seen. b

Advertising inquiries, submissions and letters to the editor can be sent to contact@woroni.com.au For more content, podcasts and photos, visit www.woroni.com.au

Keep up with us on: facebook.com/woroni Follow us on Twitter: twitter.com/woroni PRINTED BY CAPITAL FINE PRINT PUBLISHED BY ANU STUDENT MEDIA

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NEWS// 3

ANU Art Graduate Honoured

SOPHIE YATES

Photo: Ben Coughlan ANU Decision Makers: Erik Lithander

ARETI METUAMATE

-ANNOUNCING a range of budget initiatives/cuts last month, Vice Chancellor Professor Ian Young edeclared that, as part of their commitment to imhproving ANU’s financial position, his Executive yteam would be returning their two per cent pay trise to the ANU and he would personally be gift-ing $50’000 of his own salary (much more than atwo per cent of his salary in case you were wonldering).

A question asked by a student who was leaveing Llewellyn Hall after the announcements ewas “who is the ANU Executive anyway?.” We -at Woroni thought that was a good question and decided to find out. This is the first in a series of sprofiles we will be doing on the people who make ,decisions at ANU: the VC and his team. This week lI sat down to interview the Pro Vice-Chancellor t(International and Outreach), in his office in the tChancelry. e Quite fittingly, the person who was chosen to dfill this particular role, one created by Professor -Young (himself, a former Pro-Vice Chancellor r(International), is very much an international citizen. Dr Erik Lithander, originally from Sweden, shas been at ANU for just over one year. He and -his wife, Dr Fiona Lithander, an academic in the -ANU Medical School, moved here from Dublin in ,what was almost a coming home, since prior to ytheir time at University College Dublin, they were based in Auckland, New Zealand (the Pro ViceChancellor is also a New Zealand citizen). He has degrees from the London School of Economics and the University of Cambridge.

According to the ANU website, Dr Lithander’s job is to provide leadership on international partnerships and international government relations, international students at ANU, national and international student recruitment and admissions, and brand and reputation management. Instead of getting a detailed explanation of his job description, I asked him what he is working on and

quite bold: “I would like to provide ANU students with a much broader range of opportunities to learn in an international context”.

Dr Lithander said he was fortunate to come to ANU where so much of the “building blocks” of what his portfolio covers are already in place.

“Developing international links is happening everywhere already… and I don’t have to convince students to go abroad on international opportunities, they do it already. My job is to group them in a way which will help ANU improve its profile, improve its position, improve its performance”.

When asked why he moved to Australia, the Pro Vice-Chancellor said that he was attracted to working at one of the world’s great universities in one of the world’s great countries. “What about Canberra?”, I asked. He responded, “Canberra is a fantastic city to live in. If you like the outdoor life, which we do, then it’s right on your doorstep, and for a city which is as wealthy and as political as it is, it’s not a very pretentious city and I really appreciate that about Canberra. Anyone who listens, I’ll tell them Canberra is a fabulous place to live.”

With that extremely positive review of Canberra, I asked how much time he actually spends here because presumably much of his time is spent overseas building ANU’s links and international profile. “I do travel. But since I am quite new, I am trying to spend as much time on campus as I can to get to know people, know my teams and understand the place. That’s the best way I can promote the ANU when I’m out there”.

Who is a great inspiration for you?

“One of my inspirations, up until recently, was Lance Armstrong. Because I do a lot of sport and I read his books, I was mesmerised by his stories.

But like many others, I am now having to reconsider who my sporting inspiration is!”

“At a personal level, I am inspired by people who set themselves really difficult objectives and, despite everything else going on in their lives, they’re able to focus and dedicate themselves to something which is often bigger than themselves.

At a professional level, there is inspiration everywhere that you look.”

What’s your favourite cafe on campus and why?

“I have two answers for that. My favourite coffee is in the Street Theatre. They make terrific coffee. And it’s a lot of fun to go to Chats in the Art School because you get called “honey”. There’s something very pleasing starting the day by being called “honey” when you get your coffee.”

Do you read Woroni?

[Pause]. [Smiles nervously]. “Not regularly.”

Three words to describe your boss (Vice Chancellor Ian Young)?

When is the last time you spoke with an ANU student and what did you talk about?

“Measured. [Long Pause]. Driven. [Short Pause].

Inclusive.”

“The most recent student I spoke to was a prospective student but the most recent ANU student was the student speaker at a recent graduation.

We spoke about her time at ANU and she was so engaging and, like all ANU students I’ve met, very

If you have any specific question you think we should ask in future interviews, please email them to areti@woroni.com.au.

STEP aside Patricia Piccinini (of Skywhale fame) another young Canberran artist is stepping up to the international plate.

Tim Phillips, a resident of Weetangera who last year graduated from the ANU School of Art, has recently been awarded the 2013 Brett Whiteley Travelling Art Scholarship.

The Art Gallery of NSW oversees this prestigious scholarship, which is annually awarded to talented young Australian artists wishing to further their artistic education in Europe.

Phillips submitted a suite of ten still life oil paintings in his application for the scholarship. The works feature delicate glass jars, crumpled paper, portraiture, elongated rainbows and sticks arranged against muted backgrounds of pastel yellow, pink and cream. Euan Macleod, artist and judge for the award, commented it was Phillips’ art’s “beauty and subtle technique” that “gave him the edge” over other shortlisted artists.

“I was impressed at how he is working within the very traditional genre of still life but in a very personal way: finding a way to make it his own”.

“Tim’s current work demonstrates his conviction that the process of painting from the close observation and contemplation of simple things remains a compelling pursuit,” adds Ruth Waller, Phillips’ teacher and head of Painting at the School of Art. The scholarship, valued at $25’000, subsidises a three month residency at Cité Internationale des Arts in Paris and an additional three months in Europe. It will allow Phillips to work on his painting in an environment of highly regarded museums, galleries and some of the world’s best stilllife works.

The Brett Whiteley Travelling Art Scholarship is designed to extend the same opportunities afforded to a young Brett Whiteley, whose career was dramatically set in motion upon winning the Italian Government travelling art scholarship.

Whiteley was only 20 when he won the grant.

Come July next year, 22-year old Phillips will embark on a similar adventure of international travel and study. Macleod describes that “there’s no expectation on what happens next but I really believe that [Phillips’] work is really ready for that sort of challenge.”

The bursary is now in its fifteenth year. It was established by Whiteley’s mother in order to perpetuate the memory of her son and encourage excellence in painting.

A selection of finalists’ paintings is on display at the Brett Whiteley Studios until September.

COMMENT// 4 Enrol To Vote, Fools.

ALEX ANDREWS

THINK politicians don’t listen to you? It turns out you’re probably not speaking. According to a recent review of youth enrolment, for every twenty people under the age of 25 in the electorate of Fraser, nine aren’t registered to vote. The electorate of Fraser includes both the ANU and the University of Canberra, with the institutions covering over half the land area of the region.

This statistic matters.

The majority of ANU students are undergraduates below the age of 25, living either on campus or in the surrounding areas. This low level of enrolment reflects a low level of student engagement with the electoral process and hampers the prospect of representative government.

It is obvious that student organisations, such as ANUSA, would find it difficult to lobby local members and Senators to address student issues when students are not to having their say at the poll.

Currently, we are not accurately represented in the selection of our local members and Senators, which not only diminishes the legitimacy of government but also diminishes the strength of the student voice. Do you care about the funding cuts to tertiary education, the maintenance of student welfare payments, or ensuring government supported places remain? It all begins with registering your name on the electoral roll.

Registering to vote is not only a moral responsibility; it is also a legal requirement. For a number of ANU students, Canberra is not their hometown, and many neglect to update their enrolment information upon moving to the capital.

However, section 101 of the Electoral Act 1918 deems it compulsory to update your enrolment if you have lived at a new address for more than twenty-one days.

Some may resist updating their enrolment because they only intend to stay in Canberra for a few years while studying. However, if our attitude as ANU students remains that of a transient population then the voice of students will never truly be represented in the formulation of government and policy.

Ensuring the student voice is heard is simple.

If you have either never enrolled or have not updated your registration since changing address you can either:

Paying For It The ANAO report found that much of Labor’s advertising too was guilty of dishonesty and money-wasting. On the Household Assistance Package, for example, while it significantly increased awareness, ANAO was critical of the fact that the campaign did not draw a clear link between the remuneration and the introduction of carbon pricing legislation.

The Agency was also critical of the campaign spending on Federal Government funding to Vic-

1. Enrol Online at www.aec.gov.au/enrol/ 2. Collect an enrolment from your local postoffice.

By updating your information before August 19, not only will you satisfy the requirements of the Australian Electoral Commission, but your vote will count towards the most marginal Senate race of 2013.

DANIEL ROSE ON 26 June, the Australian National Audit Office, which just what its name says, released their report into government advertising for the period between August 2011 and March 2013.

Briefly, all government advertising tends not be lumped into the “illegitimate” heap, because it can play a role in informing the public about new policies (such as the digital switchover), or changes to existing arrangements. The issue begins when the government utilises its incumbency to hoover up public funds for self-serving political advertising.

You might remember the outrage over the Howard Government’s advertising on the issue of Work Choices among others, for example, drew criticism from all quarters, particularly on the estimated $2b total price tag for his long reign. Then Opposition Leader Kevin Rudd was particularly scathing, saying, “Mr Howard can find on effectively government advertising paid for by the taxpayer to help his government’s re-election, but he can’t find $2 billion to fix our hospitals.”

of asylum seekers is a strange one.

Tim Burrows, an advertising industry insider and writing for Mumbrella.com, noted the strange timeslots and mediums of this campaign, essentially calling the Rudd Government out for something which Mr Rudd had condemned six years earlier.

“Your average asylum seeker doesn’t buy Sydney’s The Daily Telegraph in Indonesia,” said Mr Burrows. “Any peripheral reach of the ad into diaspora communities within Australia would make this one of the most inefficient and badly targeted media buys of all time.”

There are two conclusions to be drawn from this exercise: Either the Government’s ad agency, which Mr Burrows says enjoys an excellent reputation, is grossly incompetent; or the target audience is not asylum seekers.

If the target audience is not asylum seekers, then it must be Australian voters, and it seems a bit too fortuitous that an election is rounding the corner with asylum seekers one of the major issues for the mush-brained swing voters.

Nick Xenophon has already lodged a complaint with the Auditor-General over the issue, saying, “Over the years, both sides of politics have used taxpayer money as a cheap way of funding their torian hospitals, noting that the ads appeared in parties’ ads. This campaign is one of the most blathe context of a visible debate between the Victo- tant examples of this.”

So the challenge is this, for the partisan-players rian and the Federal Governments over the issue at home: When your team does this, you call them of hospital funding.

Of concern also was the Regional NBN cam- out as loudly as you would have if the other team paign, which stood out for the fact that while mar- did.

It is a terrible indictment on the voters (at least keting should have fallen under the scope of NBN Co, the Department of Broadband administered the swing voters), that with all of the policy choices they are offered, they are moved by stopping a the campaign.

It is fortunate for the Government, then, that small handful of people from entering Australia, there will not be another audit report into gov- people they will likely never meet, nor feel the ernment advertising before the next election, be- presence of. cause the most recent round regarding the issue

Tim Burrows...noted the strange timeslots and mediums of this campaign, essentially calling the Rudd Government out for something which Mr Rudd had condemned six years earlier.

The Only Alternative Left JOHN PASSANT THERE is a widely held view that Labor is the party of compassion and justice, of equity and the fair go and progressive values. Or rather there was a widely held view. After the Rudd government’s decision to deport asylum seekers to Papua New Guinea some may be starting to see the party in a less favourable light.

That is a good thing. But this PNG decision isn’t a one off sell out or a result of a takeover of the party by the forces of evil. It is consistent with everything Labor stands for and has stood for in its 123 year history.

Labor is a capitalist workers’ party. Its raison d’etre is to manage capitalism. If that means, in the view of its parliamentary leadership, deporting asylum seekers to PNG it will do so.

Certainly as a colonial settler state the ideological glue the Australian ruling class has used to unify workers with their class enemy, the bosses, has been fear of the “other”. Initially (and still) that was Indigenous Australians, part of the dehumanisation of Aborigines and Torres Strait Islanders used to justify killing them and stealing their land.

It has also involved fear of the “other” from other countries, expressed most notably in the White Australia policy but also more recently in the Yellow Hordes and the Red Threat sweeping down from Asia into Australia.

Boat people, refugees, asylum seekers became the new acceptable “other” that doesn’t alienate the ruling class and workers of countries with which we trade heavily and from which we import skilled and semi-skilled labour.

The new target means the ruling class can vilify and demonise asylum seekers in the hope that it will cement workers to the bosses rather than any sort of class solidarity that might challenge

the dominance of capital. It is the new White Australia.

Labor is as aware of the value of this ideological glue to capital as the Liberals, and until recently was losing the argument with and votes to the Opposition. Its decision to deport asylum seekers to PNG is its attempt to both strengthen the glue and win lost votes back.

Of course because the ALP is both a capitalist party and a workers’ party, it reflects to some extent the desire of workers under capitalism for a better world, for reforms, for equality and fairness. However as a generalisation progressive demands are only on Labor’s agenda if there is a campaign, especially by workers as workers, or a mass movement of tens if not hundreds of thousands fighting on the streets for change.

The three decades of class collaboration, begun

by Hawke Labor and the Accord, have destroyed working class militancy and rank and file union organisation. Strikes are now about one or two per cent of what they were in the late 60s and early 70s and the consequence is a Labor party totally wedded to neoliberalism and the occasional rationalisation of services dressed up as reform.

Across the globe the welfare state is under attack as profit rates decline. Marx argued that there would be a tendency of the rate of profit to fall because of the way capitalism is organised.

Workers are the source of value. Yet competition drives bosses to invest more and more in capital and relatively less on workers. This means, even with countervailing tendencies like lengthening the working day, cutting workers’ pay and state services like health and education, and increasing productivity that profit rates will fall over time. Only a massive devalorisation of capital – the creative destruction some capitalist

COMMENT//5 #Irony #Racism

economists talk about – can restore profit rates, but then only at terrible human cost.

As the pool of profits out of which state services can be funded dries up, Labor, like the Liberals, attacks them. Whereas the Liberals want to use a meat axe, the ALP at the moment uses a scalpel.

Labor’s recent history as the party of war or support for it, as the party now of the racist Northern Territory intervention, of cuts to public service jobs (over 5000 went last year), of refusing to increase Newstart, of not seriously addressing climate change (other than through half-baked market ‘solutions’ to a problem the market creates), of increasing inequality with over 2.2 million Australians living in poverty, of attacking single parents, of an increasing gender pay gap, of oppressing gays and lesbians, of sending asylum seekers to PNG, all raise an important question.

Why support Labor? Why be a member?

For many activists and young leftists that question is already answered. They don’t support Labor. But they are looking for a political home.

What is missing from Australian politics is a radical, indeed a revolutionary and specifically socialist alternative to the ALP. If you want to join the fight against the barbarities of capitalism, if you want to fight the system that breeds injustice and inequality, war, racism and homophobia, that sends vulnerable asylum seeks to rot in PNG, or even if you just want to find out more given that Labor is not an option, then you should consider one of the revolutionary socialist groups in Australia.

The author is a member of the Socialist Alternative and blogs at enpassant.com.au.

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ANU Lacking Overseas Options

aROHANA PRINCE e LAST semester I went on exchange to the University of Toronto. I bid farewell to my family and friends, packed up my winter gear and headed to the land of snow, moose and maple syrup for seven months of learning and travel. d It started off pretty well – the place I moved into was great (a Co-op in a three-storey Victorian house), the people I met were friendly and the university was beautiful, with its Hogwarts-esque buildings permanently dusted with snow. With a free gym, complimentary weekly massages, m craft afternoons and pancake-keggers (oh yes), it looked like it was going to be a fantastic semester.

And then it got better.

The first class I had at U of T was my fourth year history course on the US and the Vietnam War. U of T has waitlists for its classes, so, assuming I would miss out on a place in another history course, I’d changed at the last minute to this one.

I’d had to write a little blurb about myself to get in,

but, seeing as it was a seminar course with only 15 or so people I figured that was normal.

So I get to class, Monday afternoon, and the professor hands me a note as I walk in the door. “This is for the international module”, she said. Thoroughly confused, seeing as I already was international, I asked what that meant. “For the trip”, she said, staring at me like I was some fool, “the trip to Vietnam and Cambodia”.

And so it was that myself and 14 classmates ended up spending two weeks in Vietnam and Cambodia, at the expense of U of T, conducting interviews and research. We visited universities in Ho Chi Minh City, saw Uncle Ho in his embalmed glory, explored presidential and royal palaces and successfully avoided being run over by the sea of motorbikes. We saw killing fields, talked to survivors of the genocide in Cambodia and saw the glory of Angkor Wat from the back of an elephant.

Though I thought this was a pretty phenome-

nal and unique experience, and although my U of T classmates were also grateful and glad that they got to go on the trip, this kind of thing is not unusual at U of T. There are numerous courses that are offered each semester that involve some kind of overseas expedition. One of my friends was off to Ecuador and the Galapagos Islands for a summer biology course, another to Ghana for an internship and another to Israel as part of Peace and Conflict studies.

Tell you what, I would be much more interested in my studies if I could go overseas as part of a course. It’s not just a trip overseas, it’s the chance to explore a new place, to fuel interests and to be immersed in what you’ve just spent a semester learning about. Surely, if ANU regards itself as the best university this country has to offer, it could offer international modules like U of T. In the meantime, everyone should go on exchange – you never know where you might end up!

MARK FABIAN A few months back Zooey Deschanel tweeted: “home from tour and first things first: New Girl episodes I missed #thuglife”. A piece by Lindy West attacking Deschanel for being a “hipster racist” then went viral.

Hipster racism, says West, is “...racism. It’s, you know, introducing your black friend as ‘my black friend’—as a joke!”

Apparently, ironic comments about race are racist. I disagree.

If society wants to break racism it needs to do so by ensuring that race is no longer a serious matter. If nobody associates race with anything substantial then race disappears as a “legitimate” source of discrimination. The same goes for gender.

The best way to destroy the seriousness of something is to take the piss out of it. Introducing your black friend as “my black friend” is brilliant. You are recognising that he or she is indeed black, but that this is of no significance.

Some people are black, some are white. Some people are gay, some are transgender. These things must be acknowledged – people often insist upon it. The key is for these qualities to be of absolutely no normative consequence.

I was educated at a school populated almost exclusively by migrant children. We were ceaselessly”racist” to each other. For example, “Oi Fabian, how’s your salami?” or “Rouslan’s Russian, he was born drunk”.

Some people might recoil in horror, but I remember school as a profoundly inclusive institution. We acknowledged our various cultural identities but extinguished them as normative issues using satire. Through this process we created and assimilated a shared identity out of the things that really defined us.

Pretending that distinctions don’t exist simply drives the acknowledgement of difference underground and creates an elephant in the room.

More importantly, it annihilates difference, when we should be celebrating it.

West’s piece essentially argues that ironic “hipster” racism is just racism repackaged. But this is a rabbit hole: go far enough back in the metalevels and just about anything can be racist. An obvious example is that in culturally outlawing all acknowledgement of race you are, arguably, making race an issue and therefore being racist.

The important thing is intent. If you intend to be racist then that’s what you are, but if you intend to emphasise the ridiculousness of discrimination then you’re something else entirely.

This can get complicated in the case of, for example, men who “care” about women and therefore keep them out of the boardroom because it is a disgusting place. In such areas nuanced discussion of discrimination and intent is welcome, but Deschanel’s tweet should be left alone as a step in the right direction.

Taking the piss has limits. Many aspects of the fight against discrimination are not about negating seriousness. For example, taking the piss out of sexual harassment serves no purpose. Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” might therefore be ironic, but it is also definitely sexist.

But where our aim is to annihilate the seriousness of something we are best off satirising it. As Maya Angelou said: ‘I am serious, so I laugh a lot’.

The author blogs at markfabian.blogspot.com

FEATURES // 8

The Most Liberal Abbott

An Interview With Tony Abbott’s Lesbian Sister

LUKE MANSILLO AUSTRALIAN politics I have always contended is an interesting mistress. She throws up perplexing situations that we could all imagine as unfathomable to be fictitious.

One such example is Christine Forster.

Christine is Tony Abbott’s sister. She is a Liberal Party politician in her own right, a Councillor for the City of Sydney. Boil it down to its essence, she is a minor LGBT celebrity for one reason, she is the lesbian sister of a man who is perceived to be anti-gay seeking to become the next Prime Minister.

Woroni was granted an interview with Christine after the author ran into her on Oxford Street at an ungodly hour. In this two part series Woroni looks at her coming out in her unique situation and her position within the Liberal Party.

“I had to leave my ex-husband” Christine has found the woman she loves, Virginia Edwards. You can see the couple regularly at the Stonewall Hotel and around Sydney’s Taylor Square. They drink, they dance, they socialise with other Stonewall patrons. A few years ago this life Christine now experiences I doubt she could have imagined.

At one point she started to question her sexuality within her twenty year long marriage. She began the journey that lead her into the perverse position of being a sort of idol for gay Australia, a community that isn’t entirely sure what to feel about her.

It’s a schizophrenic relationship where the gay community supports an out and proud gay political woman but is hesitant to embrace someone whose brother has a perceived history of preaching deeply offensive things about the gay community.

“Over an extended period of time” she questioned her sexuality within her marriage. “I don’t suppose I’m unique in that sense that ... I gradually came to the realisation about myself that I was not able to remain married to my ex-husband because I was gay. It evolved. It wasn’t like a thunderbolt that suddenly hit me: Oh my god I’m gay!

It did actually happen over a period of years. It was kind of a slow realisation.”

The realisation that she could no longer continue her marriage that produced four children brought difficulties.

Coming out, she described as, “A very difficult process when you have a husband and children involved. It’s a difficult process for anyone to come out in a public sense.”

She went on to say “It’s much more difficult when, children and an ex-husband are involved following the breakdown of a marriage.” The greatest difficulty in coming out initially was “that is extremely difficult for children under any circumstances in which it happens.”

“I think it can be even more challenging in some ways for children when they have to get their heads around the idea of mum’s sexuality, on top of mum and dad no longer being together.”

“For the children it’s more I think about the breakup of the family ... It was very difficult for all the members of my family and everyone is still ... at their own pace, coming to terms with that. Everyone is coming along on a journey together. Some members of my family have adjusted to more quickly and others are still getting their heads around it. It is an ongoing process.”

Christine and Virginia, “Met because we both had children at a school in St. Ives on the North Shore of Sydney.” When their children were younger they became friends and, “Were friends for many years until that relationship started to develop into something more over an extended period.”

The two coming together involved the breaking down of two marriages: a messy joyless business. It was, “Traumatic for everybody. There is no easy way to end a marriage. It is always horrible. And it involves lots of pain and grief for everybody.”

First she was afraid, she was petrified.

If coming out once was not hard enough she had to do it twice.

When asked what additional burdens were present because of her brother being in public

It’s a schizophrenic relationship where the gay community supports of an out and proud gay political woman but is hesitant to embrace someone whose brother has a perceived history of preaching deeply offensive things about the gay community.

life with his unique profile. She did not agree: “It wasn’t an additional burden, but Tony was in public life and was perceived as having a certain position. I mean everyone knows what his stance on marriage equality is. So, people look at that and interpret that somehow he has a certain position about gay people. But that’s not correct. He doesn’t have a position.”

“Where it became an issue was because there was this incorrect perception of him somehow being anti-gay. I was aware that my story would become a matter of public interest because of that perception.”

“He was aware of that too, and was very mindful of protecting my privacy and protecting the privacy of my children. But that, through my process [of coming out], it was almost a ticking bomb in a lot of ways.”

“I did know at some point somebody would start asking questions. And also by that time Virginia and I had been living as an out gay couple for several years. Going to Stonewall and living like normal people do and in no way or shape trying to hide anything. It was simply a matter of time before somebody started to make a news story of it and that was purely as I say because of my relationship with Tony.”

Earlier this year Liz Hayes interviewed her brother regarding Christine coming out. She asked him to explain his now infamous, “A bit threatened by gays as so many people do it’s a fact of life,” comment. He said, “Certainly there were some tough times for our family hence the comment but the cohesion of the family was threatened at the time.”

Article continued on next page.

This comment from Tony didn’t sit right with me, so I asked Christine: How was the cohesiveness of her family threatened and who was threatening the cohesiveness of her family?

She stalled: “Well, I don’t want to comment, or put words into Tony’s mouth” then continued: “Certainly, you know my family was breaking down. And that came as a great shock to my siblings and my parents. Because my family had been perceived as being kind of rock solid. I had been married for twenty years. I was very much the very social centre of our family. I used to have my parents around for drinks on a Sunday afternoon and what have you. The marriage breakdown shook everybody up. For me I saw it coming but they didn’t see it coming.”

“It was a very big shock to them. I have no doubt for instance that my parents thought their whole world was falling apart because of the marriage breakdown and I imagine it was the same for my siblings.”

“They were all rocked to the core because it was for them was unexpected. They weren’t like me; they hadn’t gone through an internal process.

They just got the bomb shell.”

“So yeah, it was very shocking for them. For some more than others, my parents are quite elderly and things for older people can be harder. I imagine, what [Tony] felt, I certainly felt rocked to the core by the necessity to leave my marriage. It was a difficult time for everybody. I imagine he was just expressing how he felt at the time.”

I don’t know if this explanation adequately explains “the cohesion of the family was threatened” comment from Tony. It is difficult to imagine the cohesion of the Abbotts being threatened through the dissolving of Christine’s marriage; it may have been a shock but a chance of family cohesive damage? Nor does it explain the “a bit threatened by gays as so many people do it’s a fact

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of life” comment I doubt Tony at any point could call his sister to be much of a threat.

My other sources tell me that Christine is a bit of a fitness junkie, like her brother. She runs the two kilometres from Surry Hills to Town Hall in a morning. In my own opinion, any middle aged mother of four who can party to 4am and can name Stonewall’s finest drag queens is a bit of a legend whatever their politics.

With gusto she spoke of her favourite drag queens – and if you’re a Sydney gay it is mandatory to have one – Miss Minnie Cooper, Miss Pollie Petrie and Miss Charisma Belle.

If you know Minnie and Pollie you know they’ve got tongues that can cause whip lash.

Christine too has a certain down to earth disposition; an “I don’t take any shit from anyone” vibe. I can’t help but imagine that Christmas lunch with the Abbotts would be an interesting affair with her passionate razor tongue.

She is keenly aware of the internal machinations of the Oxford street scene: having ignored Miss Tora Hymen after the interview she playfully fretted that Tora may find out she did not have ultimate reverence for her as the true queen of

FEATURES// 9

Stonewall. She has a great sense of humour and doesn’t take herself too seriously; something rare in contemporary politicians. However, drag queen-adoring folk in touch with the gay community are rare characters to grace the halls of the parliaments of Macquarie Street and in Capital Hill. That’s a shame.

Unfortunately for those who are in favour of the hot LGBT policy topic in federal politics I got the impression we will not be seeing a great deal of Christine in the election or after it in national media if her brother is sent to the Lodge.

When asked if she would use her Office more for LGBT causes she said: “I don’t know that I could possibly to any greater extent.”

“I never shirk the topic if I am asked about it. I’m always very up front about where I stand about it, as I have been with you. And you know I suppose, people often come and ask me to support this or support that and I do. I do my best to support the gay and lesbian community in whatever I can do if needed. I’m not a gay activist by profession, I’m a politician, I’m a Liberal politician, I’m a local councillor that’s my main role in public life. That is my role in public life. So that’s where my focus

It is difficult to imagine the cohesion of the Abbotts being threatened through the dissolving of Christine’s marriage; it may have been a shock but a chance of family cohesive damage? Nor does it explain the “a bit threatened by gays as so many people do it’s a fact of life” comment I doubt Tony at any point could call his sister to be much of a threat.

is.”

Christine is a woman I have a lot of respect and time for. On many issues I completely disagree with her and she would completely disagree with me. When I mentioned to a friend I was interviewing Christine I got the response “She’s a lesbian and in the Liberal Party: how’s that working out for her?” That is an obnoxious position to take. She is a woman who has been through a lot personally, and has a brother who has been the Liberal’s federal head-kicker for just over a decade, a Minister of the Crown and now Opposition Leader.

Between the torment of a marriage breaking down and knowing that she was a public interest story that could explode over the front pages of the nation’s newspapers like a powder keg at any moment. Her brother’s history ranging from his Honi Soit uni days commenting on the politics of lesbianism, something Christine described as, “A testosterone loaded 18 year old student politician you say all sorts of silly things,” to his modern repeated habit of stepping in it on LGBT issues could not have made it easy.

A week after I interviewed her I ran into her at Stonewall at 3:30am on a Saturday morning. I had developed a habit of running into her there in the small hours. I told her I was a Western Suburbs boy and I was waiting for the trains to start after a friend of mine had picked up. She offered me a bed in her guest room: I declined. I thought it would have been too weird and didn’t want to be an imposition. She insisted and got Virginia on side trying to convince me.

I can confirm at least one Abbott has a heart.

I gave her and Virginia a cheeky peck to thank them, and saw the mothers of Oxford Street walk down to Bourke Street as I went off to Arq. The author tweets with the handle @mansillo

FEATURES // 10

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Is The Bikini A Form of Western Imperialism?

SAMANTHA BRADLEY

THERE are several sets of eyes on my back.

It is a Thursday afternoon and I am lying on a sunlounge in a red bikini next to a pool. It is at least forty degrees. I am on the bank of the Jordan side of the Dead Sea in a private day-only beach resort.

I know that I probably shouldn’t be wearing a bikini. I should be wearing at least a loose shirt over the top. Probably shorts as well.

An unspoken condition of travelling to conservative states, as a woman, is to abide by their customs of female modesty. It’s polite. Safer. As a traveller you want to observe, not offend.

However, today it is forty degrees, I am in a private space, and other foreign women are also in bikinis. I am also just a little bit angry.

And it is mostly the anger that makes me wear only the bikini. Not the heat.

This is an anger that I know is somewhat politically incorrect, uncalled for, misinformed. An anger that is probably also a subtle form of cultural imperialism. Of ignorance.

But fuck it. I am angry.

I am angry because two metres away a woman sits anonymously behind layers of black fabric that cover everything but her eyes, in the sweltering heat, while her husband and sons play wearing only board shorts in the pool. I am angry because her daughter, who looks younger than five, is wearing a swimming costume that covers her knees. I am angry because there are dozens of other women like her, sitting benignly by the pool while their men-folk enjoy the water

and sun.

I am angry because men are unashamedly staring at my bare skin, in front of their wives. In Australia men are at least subtle about these things. I am angry because when I meet their gaze, challenge it, they still do not look away.

There’s more. I am angry because when we visited a famous Mosque in Amman, the capital, I had to put on a horrible, shapeless gown over my figure and cover my hair and my brother did not. I am angry because inside this mosque there were no women praying. When I asked why I discovered it was because women were not allowed to pray there, with men. I then visited the smaller, shabbier, darker room next door that was where women prayed.

I am angry because when I tried to watch my brother play soccer with a group of local boys a couple of these boys somehow found rationale and reason to endeavour to grope me. I am angry because, by virtue of my hair colour, I am catcalled, propositioned and honked on the streets.

I am angry because to me this is such blatant sexism. Patriarchy. I am angry because to me these are archaic, unacceptable behaviours and practices.

Mostly, I am angry because sometimes I let these few, isolated experiences overshadow the beautiful, incredible experiences I am having in this country. Because these few people do the rest of their countrymen who are gentle, friendly, funny, intelligent and articulate, generous and incredibly, incredibly kind, a massive disservice.

I know my anger is also representative of my ignorance. Jordan is a progressive state in many ways. In terms of aid it makes Australia look incredibly bad.

More than 40 percent of the population of Jordan are refugees, principally from Palestine and Syria at the moment. As a state Jordan manages to provide these refugees, better than most other states in the world, though with some UN assistance, with high rates of sanitation, education, health care and shelter.

In terms of women’s rights Jordan’s rates of fe-

I realise, through both research and these conversations that the burka, chador, hijab, abaya and niqab are not, by any means, symbolic of female oppression. Furthermore, that constructing them as such is incredibly offensive to those women who chose to wear them.

male literacy and average female life expectancy are amongst the highest in the world. It also has one of the lowest maternal mortality rates.

I have met many Jordanian girls my age who wear similar outfits to my own and choose not to cover their hair at all. I have also met women who find autonomy in the choice to cover their hair or faces. Freedom from superficial judgments. Freedom from a male gaze that can sometimes be intimidating or threatening. A choice they made on their own, with no pressures or prejudices involved.

I have also found an easy sense of sisterhood with Jordanian women as I wander the streets and sights. The Jordanian women I have met have been friendly, funny and intelligent and we quickly engage in conversation.

I realise, through both research and these conversations that the burka, chador, hijab, abaya and niqab are not, by any means, symbolic of female oppression. Furthermore, that constructing them as such is incredibly offensive to those women who chose to wear them.

Travelling is sometimes a funny thing. When forming opinions about the places you visit it is easy to toe the dangerous line that is cultural imperialism.

So, I put on my sunglasses and ignore the stares. I do not however cover my bare skin. I do respect every woman’s right to dress as modestly as she pleases. However, this also includes my right to wear a red bikini when I am at the beach.

Because, well, I fucking want to.

FEATURES// 11

Why Lena Dunham Is Wrong

GARY OLDMAN “THE problem isn’t adultery, or perversity. It’s wielding your position of authority to subjugate the women who dream of a piece of the pie.”

- Girls’ creator Lena Dunham, in response to the Anthony Weiner sexting scandal, Vol. 2.

If anything, the only sexist in this entire spiel is Dunham. Firstly, Dunham is ironically reducing womanhood to the kind of patriarchal notion of a damsel in distress she would otherwise claim to abhor. The pie is just so damn dazzling that the women cannot resist.

Secondly, it perpetuates the stereotype that if something has gone wrong, it must be the man’s fault. Women are the ultimate victims in this narrative. The big bad man known for his shocking judgment must have manipulated the collegeeducated political blogger who one former friend described as ‘desperate for fame’. I mean, maybe Leathers did not know Weiner was married and had a child, despite knowing seemingly every other biographical detail on offer. And maybe, God forbid, Leathers had a brain and could clearly envision what she was possibly getting herself into.

But no, she was clearly subjugated and had no free choice in the matter. It’s that damn Patriarchy fucking with her mind.

Dunham’s analysis reduces many women to the status of automatons. With all their power, the

high-ranking male must save the lower-ranked, younger adult female, who is clearly intoxicated by the sight of his massive pie, from herself. In fact, an invisible Beam of Patriarchy actually coerced Leathers into seeking out Weiner in the first place. Even more so than normal, this concentration of energy drew upon the strongest Misogyny, Condescension and Chauvinism crystals mined from deep beneath the Patriarchy Headquarters at the Playboy Mansion.

I saw it myself using my Google Glass (Politically Incorrect Pig Edition).

And subjugation?

Please. The next girl who sleeps with a One Direction member must therefore be subjugated too. In Dunham’s world, asymmetry in power, when the man’s weighted more heavily, is prima facie sexism. That in itself is a sexist assumption towards both genders. But no, a selfdescribed feminist could not be sexist. As Ralph Wiggum would say, that’s unpossible. Also absent from her remarks is an understanding that Leathers sought out Weiner, not the other way around.

I guess Dunham will soon inform the world of Patriarchal Brain Control also being responsible for Leathers sending sexualised pictures to Weiner.

Here is Dunham’s concept conveniently broken down: A. Female wants a piece of powerful male’s ‘pie’ (pun intended).

B. Female loses selfcontrol.

C. Female seeks powerful male’s pie.

D. Powerful male realises female wants a piece of his pie.

E. Powerful male initiates SUBJUGATION MODE and militant sexism is prima facie utilised.

Dunham’s analysis reduces many women to the status of automatons. With all their power, the highranking male must save the lower-ranked, younger adult female...

Dunham fails to realise that this so-called “power” is a dynamic reciprocated between both parties. Many feminists are in a constant state of denial that a huge crosssection of the female population finds males in positions of authority sexually attractive. The phenomenon of female sports groupies is one I have seen many a time at Mooseheads and other clubs in Canberra. Most of the Canberra Raiders

players are decent, non-Duganesque individuals but if you want to claim that many of the women approaching them are moving in purely for the men’s physiques and personalities, you need a reality check. And these guys, to be honest, are in the majority from the most powerful young men in Australia or globally.

On the flip side, how many male garbage collectors do you see dating or being courted by more high-powered women? And no, potential male insecurity is only one half of the equation, not all of it. Women can crave success and power just as much as males for themselves, but they also crave it in their male mates much more than the other way around. To clarify, this is not all women but enough for a trend to emerge, just one for which social crucifixion is the penalty for bringing up.

Whether it is right or not, or if it is some sort of social conditioning, many women are attracted by powerful males. A biological component does certainly exist, but just try stating that at the next Women’s Collective Open Day (if they even let guys in). No one disputes the allure of large breasts for men. We should not dispute the fact that Weiner’s power were the boobs in Leathers’ eyes. Yet I know I am hoping for too much realism. Victim narratives sound better.

LIFE & STYLE// 12 Pubs and Grub

RUSY GALLARDO MAX ANDREWARTHA

FOR those wanting some quieter nights out away from the clubs, here’s our guide to the pubs of Canberra.

Debacle 24 Lonsdale St, Braddon This place recently got a facelift, and now looks just as much like a big wooden room with a bar as it ever did. The real drawcard for this place though is its beers, with an huge selection and some of Canberra’s best on top (the Liebenweiss rocks). The food is a bit pricey, but specials like two-for-one pizzas on Tuesday and the fact most of the beers are available in half litre glasses can make for an appropriately raucous student night out.

PJ O’Reilly’s 52 Alinga St Canberra The closest to campus but tends to draw a fairly older crowd than you might expect. Despite the baby boomer presence, PJ’s has nice food, nice staff and is all reasonably priced. Not a standout but nowhere near the bottom of the barrel.

King O’Malley’s Irish Pub 131 City Walk, Canberra City The bottom of the barrel. Ok, yeah, it’s fine if you want to have a few drinks outdoors but to me it has no redeeming features. It’s not cheap and the food we were served was, in the grand tradition of Irish Nachos, shite. Eat here at your own risk!

It’s Not For Everyone

Wig and Pen Canberra House Arcade, Alinga St Everytime I walk past this place I wish I were inside: looking into that interior through its jolly old English façade just makes you feel warm. It’s a place to go on cold nights at uni, when studying ceases to be an option and you desperately need a “boutique beer”. You can even discuss politics with the ever-present interchangeable bearded arts majors that lurk around the front door. This place is fun and over the years has become a part of student life.

BORIPAT LEBEL HAUTE Couture is the champagne of fashion (it’s sparkling, it’s expensive, and it bears a protected name). Do not confuse it with ready-to-wear (ever); the difference is a factor of one or two zeroes, when juxtaposing Maison Chanel’s two lines.

A gold-pleated ball gown embellished with gaudy opals and feathers from a Bird of Paradise is simply not good enough to warrant the elusive trademark (though it’s a good start). To be considered, a fashion house must comply with the strict rules set by the Chambre Syndicale de la Haute Couture, a committee in Paris made up of astute personalities.

And to be ordained, a house must then sew up some basic stipulations. An atelier or two in Paris with a specific number of adroit seamstresses and seasoned technicians must be labouring in the studios full-time (because part-time is so Prêtà-Porter; let the machines churn out the insipid work!). The costume jewellery must be custom tailored to suit the personal preferences and body contours of private clients (99% of whom are female and religiously follow the “French Women Don’t Get Fat” diet. Frequent fittings are a mandatory routine by the way.

The allure of haute couture lies predominately in the fine details and delicate architecture. To construct a garment, the craftsmanship must be peerless and the quality of the materials world

class. It is also standard practice for the prices to never be shown with the actual clothes; there are no price tags. It is common knowledge that a blouse will cost around the $10,000 mark, whereas a dress will have an acknowledged quotation beginning at $100,000, not inclusive of tasteful adaptations where required.

The word “club” often gets highlighted in articles flirting with this cultured topic, and for good reason. Mega-luxury fashion is a mystic world open only to an exclusive circle that includes billionaire housewives with statements to make, glitterati heiresses with pink Bugatti’s to drive, luxury brand-endorsed celebrities with borrowed dresses to wear at glitzy events, and the rare millionaire editrix with the lion-tamer’s

The allure of haute couture lies predominately in the fine details and delicate architecture. To construct a garment, the craftsmanship must be peerless and the quality of the materials world class... whip (hint, Vogue USA).

Chanel’s “Haute Couture” proves to be the staple brand in any temperature/humidity-controlled wardrobe, due to its reputation for chic clothes (reliably) and for wearable collections (arguably). Said juggernaut, headed by (Kaiser) Lagerfeld, takes the customary tweed fabric (a textile also used in the cheaper frocks) to a whole new level, embellishing Coco’s legendary suit with faux pearls and/or glittering sequins to add extra pizzazz.

While other exorbitant clothiers such as Dior Couture, Armani Privé, Elie Saab, Valentino, and Versace Atelier all produce breathtaking specimens for the world to gasp at, their endeavours

lean heavily towards evening wear which is perfectly suitable for galas and red carpets, but which is inappropriate garb for luncheon at a ritzy spot. And since Chi-Chi ladies spend more time unwinding by means of the latter exercise, it goes without saying that Chanel is the only brand able to boast a profit in its extortionately priced made-to-measure jackets.

That’s not to say Chanel’s rivals (of which there are not many; it’s a small field) are wasting money on haute couture, only that haute couture is by no means the bread-and-butter of a fashion house any more. Haute couture today serves as the beguiling diamond powder that dusts a brand’s overall glamorous appeal; it’s a marketing ploy (these businesses are smart and savvy).

The trickle-down effect seeps into the second tier expensive line, passes through to the miscellaneous sub-labels, and even permeates the cosmetics and perfumes.

A good comparison is Armani versus Klein: both retail high-end ready-to-wear (Giorgio Armani and Calvin Klein Collection, respectively); both generously offer a profusion of affordable, diffusion lines (Armani Jeans and Calvin Klein Jeans, to name but two of the many offspring).

Yet despite similar business strategies, Armani has the upper hand when it comes to desirability.

The problem for Calvin Klein is that he’s not in the opulent Privé market.

Luxury vestments carry a powerful image and create an intoxicating fantasy that the media happily capitalizes on: habitual couture-donning celebrities and models readily tell the tale of how their experience of wearing fancy dress ties-in with the fairy tale of Cinderella - it empowers them (until midnight at least).

Haute Couture is seductive; it’s a wearable aphrodisiac. The finest silk appeals to the most basic instinct of human senses (tactile). The shimmering embroidery dances to enhance the mood of the setting (galactic). The overall beauty is arresting (hypnotic). Only a lucky few know how it feels to surrender one’s person to an episode of sartorial elegance and to experience the height of individualism at its most exclusive. It’s not for everyone. Period.

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INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS Why International Students Are Valuable to Australia

LILLIAN WARD

THE cuts to higher education announced by the Gillard government’s minister for higher education Craig Emmerson earlier this year mark an alarming disregard for one of Australia’s most important services, the provision of international education.

International education has maintained its position as Australia’s largest service export and fourth largest export overall behind iron, coal and gold. It is also one of the few Australian industries that have been largely unaffected by the global financial crisis. International education remains Victoria’s largest export and the second largest export of New South Wales and the ACT. At the ANU, international students make up 26% of the student population.

International education in Australia, where 40% of international students are from China, is

not only hugely important to Australia’s economy but also provides an opportunity for cultural exchange between Australia and its neighboring nations and trade partners.

As such the funding cuts’ calculated disregard for Australian universities jeopardies a major industry in international education as well as the rich diversity of the Australian student experience.

The 2012 ANU International Student Barometer found that the four most important factors influencing the university choice of international students studying are the

university’s teaching quality, institutional reputation, qualification reputation and the reputation of its country.

The impact of cuts to high education will hence have two-fold impact on international student’s choice of university. The cuts have attracted media attention that is damaging to the international reputation of all of Australia’s universities, and the resulting “tightening of the belts” already being experienced at the ANU may cause a serious shift in teaching quality.

The proposed funding cuts could have a serious

International education has maintained its position as Australia’s largest service export and fourth largest export overall behind iron, coal and gold.

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effect on both international student’s experience and their enrollment numbers as of next year and yet international students seem to have been largely left out of the conversation on the cuts, both by policy makers and mainstream media.

Through international education, Australia has been nurturing a rich university experience and cultivating the opportunity to educate students the world over. But it seems that in this season of political posturing, our leaders have forgotten the benefit of this service both for Australia and our region. Australia would do well to remember the value of its international students, as the loss of any enrollment is sure to deteriorate its universities.

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

GEORGIA LARKIN “OH harro, Asian!” is a common greeting from some of my friends here. This is invariably followed by some witty and original quip about fried rice, maths, kung fu or my personal favourite, “dumprings”. And it’s funny because they’re good friends and they’re being ironic and I know them well enough to know they would be distraught if they thought I would be genuinely hurt or offended. In a society so rife with the deadly virus, “political correctness”, it’s frankly quite refreshing to be able to joke about sensitive topics. But at what point does the line between satire and reality blur and where does intolerance really begin?

Hipster racism (racism masked in irony and satire) has become rampant in society and apart from the occasions where people deem it pertinent to be politically correct, people rationalise any disquiet about their comments by asserting, “Dude, I’m not racist. My neighbour is Asian.” Often as a defence, people make out that those who are offended by such comments need to lighten up and get a sense of humour. It’s all very well to be politically correct when circumstances force it upon you , but it’s really all about what you do when circumstances do not force you to be politically correct.

There’s an undeniably huge divide between the international students and domestic students here at the ANU.This article focuses specifically on students from Asia. It’s a divide that is obvious all over campus; from the libraries to the common rooms of residential colleges. Groups of students seem to naturally segregate themselves according to race and nationality. In doing so,all parties run the risk of becoming increasingly prejudiced and closed off.

International students arriving in Australia seek comfort and familiarity by immersing themselves within their respective student associations (ex. HKSA, TSA, CSA). These communities are designed to bring people of similar backgrounds together, help students feel at home and provide a supportive framework. This is positive, but an incredibly insular environment is often a byproduct of it as well. I’ve heard Australian students being referred to as ‘wai guo ren’ or “foreigners” by groups of Chinese and Taiwanese students; which I believe cements the unhealthy Us vs.

Them mentality. Asian hair-trigger sensitivity to perceived racism is also an issue as many international students use the term ‘racist’ by default in reaction to things that are not working out.

A popular Chinese phrase that encapsulates this cultural cocoon phenomena is ‘jing di zhi wa’ which translates literally into ‘the frog at the base of the well’. If one stays in this metaphorical well and fails to venture out, then one only ever sees the small patch of sky directly above them and thus, misses out on the bigger picture and countless life experiences. It seems an awful waste to travel so far and pay so much money for a Western education, only to spend the entire duration of a degree in a small ethnic bubble. If mere friendship is not a great enough incentive to leave this bubble and approach domestic students, then at least the opportunity to network and practice English with fluent speakers ought to be.

It should be noted that just as it would be intimidating to approach a big group of international students gathered around a sumptuous potluck feast, it would be just as intimidating for an international student to break the ice with a group of Australians. As they say, it takes two to tango.The tango in this scenario being a rather unsettling dance of ignorance and intolerance rather than of the sexy Latino ballroom variety. Domestic students, in turn, are at times guilty of being unapproachable and prejudiced.

The major issues I’ve observed are as follows: the lack of acknowledgment in distinguishing countries in Asia, the tendency to identify an international student as ‘the Asian one’ rather than by name, the use of ‘too Asian’ or ‘so Asian’ as pejoratives and the mocking of accents and lack of fluency in English. Asia is a diverse region with long and complicated conflict histories between states; failing to differentiate between these can be offensive (which is often the appeal). It never gets old when people hand me packages of food covered in Japanese or Korean and demand a translation. Some are genuinely surprised when I tell them that their guess is as good as mine.

“Chinese. Japanese. You’re all the same anyway,” is the comeback I’ve learned to anticipate and I am rarely disappointed.

When it comes to language, it’s easy to be frustrated and/or amused by people who can’t communicate proficiently and to also condemn them for it. “They knew what they were getting into when they came here to study...”, is all too often the callous sentiment. People often forget how difficult communicating in a second language can be. Those of you with difficulty empathising might recall the days when you were forced to learn French or German (or whatever) at school.

Imagine then being thrust into an environment where it’s the only means of communication.

Now, rather than struggling through a few sentences, and facing an unimpressed Frau Schmidt or Madame Dupuis, you’re met with impatient and derisive peers; a much more humiliating prospect.

Yes, I’m suggesting that it may be helpful to international students, who have learnt English as a second language, for you to slow down and use simpler words when you talk to them.

And recognize that idiomatic phrasing often cannot be explained by native speakers. But don’t do it in a manner that is condescending and snarky. The quality of their conversation is often an inaccurate representation of the quality of their thoughts. Though their conversational skills may not be up to Ozzie standards, they’ll have absolutely no difficulty calling you an asshole in their native tongue. These students are intelligent.

They pick-up nuances in tone and expression.

They know what’s going on, even if they are not fluent enough to defend themselves in English.

International students have obvious value here. If any domestic students cannot appreciate international students for the diversity they bring to campus, anyone with even limited business acumen can appreciate the amount of their education effectively subsidised by international

It should be noted that just as it would be intimidating to approach a big group of international students gathered around a sumptuous potluck feast, it would be just as intimidating for an international student to break the ice with a group of Australians.

students. In 2012, over 190,000 international students migrated to Australia to study and international education accounted for $15 billion in export income to the economy; making it Australia’s fourth largest export.

There are many generalisations in this article, but if you take a moment to reflect upon your own close friends, you may find that the overwhelming majority of them are from similar backgrounds to your own. I am in no way exempt from what this article points out. I too am V closest friends with those who, like myself, split their time between Asia and Australia and I’m certainly guilty of poking fun at both cultures. It is natural to gravitate towards those you have the strongest cultural connections and similarities to. There is a science behind it. The hypothesis of ‘cultural distance-conflict relation’ claims that the extent to which interpersonal interactions are enjoyed is based on the distance between cultural backgrounds of those involved and perceived similarity or dissimilarity. The less similar the two individuals are, the less contact is desired and and fewer rewards are gained. Another theory revolves around social identity and describes cultural tensions as a consequence of people identifying themselves within certain social groups or ‘in-groups’ and then perceiving these groups to be superior to others. This can culminate in negative beliefs about ‘out-groups’ (groups the individual does not identify with) and aggression towards out-group members; especially in environments where people fear their culture-based identity is being threatened.

Unfortunately I can think of no perfect solution to this problem. I can only hope that this article encourages reflection and introspection and a space for increased tolerance in the future. I just wish... “I wish I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat it and be happy.” Failing that, I wish people would treat those from different backgrounds with more empathy and understanding, or better yet, take a keen interest in knowing them so that they find something other than nationality or culture to be the gluing agent of friendship. I’ve found sports, computer games, courses or even just a shared appreciation of happy hour at ANU Bar all work too. Because unlike the unfortunate soul in the movie Mean Girls, I do “go here” and I see much potential for ANU to become a better-integrated and welcoming institution.

TARA SHENOY

INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS The Politics Of Being “International”

DEMAND and supply of international students in Australia has fluctuated over the past decade. The locus is migration policy and regulation. Currently, Australia is an unsympathetic, money-hungry landlord. Its voracious appetite demands exorbitant tuition fees from international students, but also costs them their culture, language and lifesstyle.

Migration resistance has emerged in various economic and legal forms, resulting in classism.

When it comes to immigration policy, international students fall into a widening black hole of legal protection. Disengagement with the legal, welfare and political systems of their country of origin is an unfortunate consequence of the international system. However, denial to appropriate access to the rights and freedoms of the Australian system is political tyranny. Of the policy areas that place the international student as a secondclass citizen, these include inaccessibility to many forms of public financial support, including those related to welfare and housing, unequal pay for the same work and the imposition of a threshold on the number of hours an international student is allowed to work, while domestic students have an unrestricted right to work. Even in terms of entry into Australia, there are various restrictions placed upon international student visas, including temporary student migration and stringent tests for entry, specifically income tests.

This is trench warfare and the view from the international trenches is ugly. The rise of migration-

related education scams targeting South Asia has played a major role in portraying Australia as a dubious education provider. While the Government made some warnings overseas, significant action taken was limited. This was noted by the South Asian community. Australia screams “multiculturalism” like a Hail Mary pass before South Asia turns towards a more receptive producer. It should be reminded that education is a commodity. To create a fully functioning export industry, Australia would benefit from a perspective less obsessed with economic exploitation of Asia and more focussed on holistic engagement with socio-cultural nuances and a foundation of equal respect.

In frank terms, the impasse between domestic and international student is not just a reaction to the lack of integrative structures but also to the propagation of a powerful xenophobic message.

This message has arisen from a deeply embedded insecurity in Australia due to its isolated geographical location, its young entry to the international sphere as a legitimate state actor and the persistence of a mythological external threat.

Therefore, Australia is a grudging gatekeeper for temporary international students, but those that aim to be permanent skilled migrants following graduation are overstaying their welcome. A common complaint is that this form of migrant lacks in English proficiency and steals jobs from the unemployed, more deserving Australian.

Language elitism allows English to be a social cur-

rency, where domestic students have the monopoly, giving it value and making it an instrument of power that ostracises the international student, for whom it is often a second or third language.

To maintain the culture, language and lifestyle from a country of origin is an act of resistance.

Consider the various societies that have sprung up in the Australian National University. They create social hubs, regaining their autonomy and providing a reality that is disparate from the assumptions of Australian culture that are marketed overseas. This is not a deliberate spit in the face of the domestic student, but instead, this is survival in response to forced exclusion.

The 2008-2009 street violence against South Asian students is an example of the dehumanisation of the international student. The Indian Government responded with travel advisories to Indian students in Melbourne, warning them of the increasing crime rate and the violence being perpetrated against them, deemed “currybashings.” The contemporary refugee issue is also a political manifestation of the grand cycle of fear.

It is the weapon of last resort bandied between Labor and Liberal, to capture the imagination of the misguided and misinformed. Howard led the charge with phrases like “border control” and “queue jumpers”, evoking notions of national security and injustice. Putting asylum seekers in detention centres for indefinite amounts of time, sending them back to their countries that deny them basic human rights, only serve to degrade

and oppress people who are already trying to escape horror. The current Labor agenda seeks to ban all boats from landing on Australian shores, contrary to its obligations under the Refugee Convention, sending them to Papua New Guinea instead. It is a product of privilege to be able to close our borders to the suffering.

Essentially, the capitalist model nurtures a culture of excellence. To achieve fulfilment, one must contribute to the regime to achieve a false enlightenment, or at the very least, reinforce a functional sense of purpose. It could be argued that the Australian citizen feels this disempowerment subconsciously and misplaces it upon the international student who then becomes a subject of oppression. Whether this is true or not, there is certainly a fiction being perpetuated to the international student that must be addressed with compassion.

The push towards assimilation is an unfair throwback to the White Australia Policy. A good and gracious host knows how to balance etiquette and good sense, to provide hospitability. However, a loving and welcoming host can adapt to the values and conduct of their guest, to allow for an empathetic, inclusive environment. Perhaps, instead of dragging their muck over the next embroidered rug, the Australian domestic student may choose to leave their shoes and chauvinism at the door.

international students are sponsored by their government to study abroad. Apart from that, studying, ideally with good grades, is highly valued and considered the highest ideal in the Confucius culture. Even if they are not sponsored by the government, they would be financially support by their families who paid high expectation on them. So regardless of their financial support, they can only be diligent, stay as late as they could, in order to avoid disappoint to their community. Yes, this is the signature of collective culture since we value the group more than our individual desires.

Not only avoiding disappointment, but the full-load requirement also pushes the international students to the extreme way of studying. Most of you may not know international students are required to study 4 courses every semester unless they take winter/summer course in advance. A full load sounds manageable in the first and second year of studies, but eventually it is tough and stressful in third year since you are most likely to do four 3000-level course together. This full load requirement constrains international students from stepping up in the key students organisation at university like the ANUSA, Woroni and the ANU Union.

Every year, you may only see a few international students running for General Representative (certainly the International Students’ Department too), less likely the College Reps, not to mention the part-time Executive, Woroni editors or the Union managers. Hence, international

students’ matters are rarely brought up to a top level of discussion. Some international students may not even know what ANUSA/Woroni are throughout their degree. But I reckon my good friend made a change last year when he was the first Gen Rep elected with a majority of support from his international peers who casted the first ever vote in their undergraduate.

Up to this point, studying abroad sounds frustrating because of the student visa condition and travel expenses. But I forgot to mention at the very start that I am the kind of person to prefer happy endings.

There are two best choices in my uni life so far – to come to ANU and ti live at Bruce Hall. (Woroni editors, please let me show off the Bruce Pride! Bruuuuce!) Studying at this world-class university does not only bring you a unique identity at work in Australia and your hometown, but also the opportunity to reach a widely diversified group of students. Apart from the various nationalities of international students, the wide diversity happens on the hometown of the domestic students – ranging from capital cities like Sydney to country town like Cooma. My neighbours from Melbourne and Cairns may talk about the latest fashion show while my floormates from Armadale and Bellingen would tell me the best cake they have ever baked. Regardless of their interests, they are all very friendly, kind and easygoing young Australians who bring me to the dance floor at Meche and watch the Melbourne cup together. Most importantly, they minimise

the cultural shock I may need to face after moving to Canberra – this big hole in Australia.

Some international students may not find college a very good place to stay because it is hard to get to know the Aussies without holding a drink on their hands. Australians are famous for smashing down alcohol, but they also respect others’ choice of drinks. Even if you are holding a coke or solo, you won’t be left out because they respect the freedom to choose. I also remember that my hallmate from Townsville kindly bought me my first ever bottle of cider and taught me the Aussie way to “enjoy” alcohol.

Apart from the drinking culture, international students find local Aussies lacking the enthusiasm to know about them. This may be true when it is hard to start a conversation with someone who is culturally different from yourself. However, remembering the Moon Festival I held, as the International Rep of Bruce Hall last year, the argument can hardly stand. The attendance of international student was the highest ever that they took up half of the seats since the Moon Festival is celebrated every year among the Chinese communities, Japanese and Koreans. At the same time, half of the participants were domestic students who may have never tried mooncakes or played lanterns before. Hence the key to attracting the international students get out of their study cave is to let them organise part of it!

Since we are paying so much for the tuition fee here, it is important to know and make use of everything ANU provides. But I look forward to the day that international students can share some more of the concessions domestic students enjoy when we are paying so much for a life experience here in Canberra and the rest of Australia.

Study Abroad Is Fun

VINCCI LEE STUDYING abroad has been one of the most popular things-to-do at ANU. You can tell by looking at the attendance of the student mobility seminars.

But to most international students, moving from their home country to an absolutely new foreign land, study abroad is a mix of everything. Why most, but not all? Because some international students are exchange students from North America and Europe, countries which share a similar culture with Australia,. Most international students, however come from Asia (which is culturally distinctive from Australia) to get a degree here.

You may be curious why I put a question mark in the heading. Because studying abroad is a mix of everything to most international students.

It is hard to identify international students simply by their family names or appearance. It may be possible by accent, but the easiest way is to look at the student card – whether there is a NSW transport concession sticker on it. It is lucky and generous of the ACT government to offer international students concession fare. I may be too greedy when I ask for the same concession at the NSW, but certainly I am not alone when my good friend was extremely happy after his student card was mistakenly stuck with the concession sticker. Eventually he travelled to Sydney more often in that particular year. As an old Chinese saying goes, “Thousand miles of travelling is better than studying and digging into books”. Surely international students are keen to explore some other beautiful places in NSW like Byron Bay, Armadale or even country like Bellingen, but this motivation could be hit by the expensive transport fee. International students pay more than double the domestic tuition fee, but most of us are barely told anything about it.

Diligence and all-nighters can be some other important features to identify international students. Like some domestic students, some

I also remember that my hallmate from Townsville kindly bought me my first ever bottle of cider and taught me the Aussie way to “enjoy” alcohol.

INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS

We interupt this pullout for a message from the International Student’s Department.

From The President Himself MUHAMMAD TAUFIZ BIN SURAIDI

THE International Students’ Department (ISD) is the peak representative body for international students in ANU. What does this mean? Is ISD carrying out its role properly before 2013 and in 2013? Is ISD geared towards serving its role after 2013 and beyond?

These are the challenges I face as the President of ISD. When I won the election as ANUSA International Officer in 2012, I won this position unopposed and with this office comes the mantle of ISD’s Presidency.

I joined ANU in the second semester of 2010 and the only thing I know about ISD was that it hosted a very expensive International Ball that year. In 2011 and 2012, it did host some interesting social events such as The Amazing Race, more International Balls and Harmony Days. These events are good because it brought international students and domestic students together. These events also brought a sense of solidarity and unity among the international students.

However, in 2010, 2011 and 2012, there were a lot of things happening in ANU which ISD was nowhere to be found. There were discussions on increasing the fees for accommodation of which some 45-50% of international students are resident. There were discussions on the Students Services and Amenities Fee (SSAF) and the pool

of funds that comes along with it. There were also discussions on changing course structures and school reforms going about in ANU. Sadly, ISD was not present in any of these discussions.

To add salt to the wound, ISD did not even raise these issues to the international students it serves for their opinion and sentiments. As a result, many decisions which affected the international students were made without having any of the international students’ representatives present in the lead up to those decisions.

So, when I came into this office, there is a lot of work to do. As President, I was blessed to have 21 outstanding students agree to step forward to reconnect, revive and refresh ISD. To reconnect ISD with the international students, we put forward a myriad of initiatives to bring ISD and international students together.

We host weekly drop-in sessions at ANUSA so

that international students can come and share with us their thoughts and concerns so that we can do something about it. We also now host the International Students’ Welcome Evening at the start of every semester to welcome new international students and to also ensure that they know what is ISD and our roles in their journey here in ANU. We also host frequent networking sessions where students and ANU staffs can come together and network thus building a useful relationship which allows students to know what is going on in ANU and for ANU staffs to know what students are thinking.

To revive ISD’s advocacy functions, we worked hard to reconnect with the school, ANUSA and PARSA. ISD is now an active member of key committees in ANU, ranging from the University’s Student Experience Committee, University Safety on Campus Committee, ANU Mental Health Roundtable

So, when I came into this office, there was a lot of work to do. As President, I was blessed to have 21 outstanding students agree to step forward to reconnect, revive and refresh ISD.

and many others. ISD now have a strong working relationship with ANUSA and PARSA as a lot of what we do can complement each other’s agenda. ISD is also pushing forward policies that will improve international students’ representation in the school. ISD is now pushing for stronger representation in the Halls, a more safe and secure ANU, and also to have National Clubs and Societies recognised by the University for providing international students a home away from home.

Lastly, through our outreach to our constituency, our advocacy front and rebuilding a strong working relationship with ANUSA, PARSA and the University, we hope to refresh ISD’s image as ANU’s peak representative body for international students.

To conclude, everything that ISD do must be to better international students’ lives in ANU. To achieve this, we must strengthen our connection with all international students, we must be proactive in gathering the opinions and sentiments of all international students and advocate for the interests of international students. ISD must never forget this and international students must never expect anything less from ISD.

Photo: Courtesy of International Students’ Department

LIFE & STYLE// 18 Why Young People are the Best Change Makers EMILY MURRAY IS there any mainstream phrase more patronising and controlling than “Young people are the leaders of tomorrow”?

Oh move over you older person! Young people are already in the game of changing the world! In some areas, young people are the game makers!

Talk about social media, blogging, online video and mass group protests – who’s controlling the message here? It’s young people all over! In climate change activism and poverty reduction – who are the major domestic players? Youth-led organisations!

If you need convincing of the awesome power and capacity of today’s young people, here are ten reasons why young people can be the strongest social force for positive change.

1. Young people have nothing to lose We have no mortgage or credit card debts to repay, no family to support, and no career to leave.

We have no reason to not risk “everything” we have on an ambitious campaign or dreamt-up organisation – because we have nothing to lose!

2. Young people are unconstrained by the way things “should” be

response to our new learning.

6. Young people are used to asking questions when we don’t know something We’re used to not knowing everything, and it’s not a big deal for us to say “I don’t understand” or “What do you mean by that”. Admitting that you don’t understand something is vital when you’re dealing with major world issues, as the vast scope of these issues mean that most people can’t understand every part of what they’re up against.

Our humility and willingness to learn positions us best for dealing with these giant issues.

7. Young people are optimistic On the whole, we’re more optimistic than older people. Perhaps because we have less experience with how difficult the world can be, or we don’t understand the full complexity of the problems we’re up against. But perhaps it’s because we believe in ourselves and our own capacity to bring a bit of good into the world. And I know this for sure – no one ever changed the world by being a pessimist.

Winter is Loving

8. Young people are energetic We aren’t as restricted by the social expectations of how our political system, economy, families, religion, and international system should be run. We haven’t lived long enough to become too attached to the way things should be done. This frees us to see better ideas for the future.

3. Young people aren’t desensitised to injustice Young people haven’t seen as much of other people’s suffering, so it still shocks and appalls us.

We aren’t desensitised to awful wrongs merely because they’re normal. Our new perspective, on the wrongs that older people have resigned themselves to, keeps us on track – after all, who wouldn’t want to work their darndest to set those horrific wrongs right?

4. Young people are fluent in modern technology Young people are the best masters of modern IT, which lets us share information, fundraise, and gain support from across the world in an instant. We use this technology intuitively every day as a virtual extension of our physical bodies.

These tools can rouse a world into action – and we are in control of them.

5. Young people are accustomed to learning new things We’re inside or have just left school or university, so we’re used to receiving and digesting vast amounts of information quickly and then applying it to problem situations. We’re good at learning and good at adjusting and adapting in

We do sports and dance, we stay up all night partying or studying or talking to our friends, we eat lots of sugar and we’re conscious of the importance of exercise. We have endless reams of energy to put towards changing the world.

9. Young people know what it is to be marginalised Young people under 18 can’t vote (even though we pay taxes to the government), can’t watch all the movies (even though we pay adult prices for cinema tickets), can’t drink alcohol. There are even age limits on when young people can leave school and when they can start having sex. These are all important decisions that define who we are and what we do with our short lives on this planet – but young people are marginalised because they don’t get to make these decisions for themselves until they reach a particular age. We know what it is to be marginalised in society, and so we’re all the more willing to fight against social injustices.

10. Young people love and forgive In my experience, the best mark of a change maker is someone who loves and someone who can forgive. Young people are more accepting of other people – we love without needing a reason and we can forgive and move on without holding dark endless vendettas. This makes us great leaders of positive social change.

ROSANNA BEATRICE STEVENS An explanation of a place wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a stigma, wrapped in a round about.

block transforms into a vomit-stained hub of postpubescent grindery and living out #YOLO in all its possible venues: Krave, Meche, ICBMs, Moose Heads, The Phoenix, Tree House, and North Bar. Despite this, there are those who wish that Canberra at night were a glary, gossipy Kings Cross with a pukey nightrider bus. There are those who wish Canberra at night were a hub of 11pm dinner spots and one unticketed tram ride away from ten cosy pubs. And there are those who wish the Canberra Gentlemen’s Club wasn’t all the way in Fyshwick. And to everyone who wishes Canberra were something it isn’t, and everyone who chooses to continually mourn for their lost nightlives, I bring the good news: Canberra does nightlife differently, and fabulously. In the form of house parties.

Let me be specific: Canberrans throw the best themed house parties with the best dancing and the best music for dancing, ever. Last weekend I was invited to a bling-themed house party complete with a floor covered in chocolate coins, a pool table installed outside accompanied by a gas heater and a fire in a 44-gallon drum. I left just as most of a room of sweaty bling-donned dancers sang along to Whitney Houston’s ‘I Wanna Dance with Somebody’. Simultaneously, on Wakefield Avenue a David Attenborough party was afoot, which involved guests dressed as animals drinking and talking in rooms set up as different ecosystems. In Canberra there are house parties where people set up zine tables and have bands playing in their backyards. There are ugly jumper house parties, and esoteric-themed house parties involving altars, tarot card readings and cakes with purple icing. All a house party takes is a ridiculous idea, central heating, and a Facebook event page.

If you’re not convinced, consider this: the hibernating months in Canberra are the best to begin to test the spoils of other people’s houses: you can dress more legitimately outrageously than in a nightclub, you can still struggle to hear a conversation over the chorus of people singing ‘I wanna feel the heat with somebodeh’, it’s highly unlikely you’ll be evicted for making out with someone of the same sex, you can still bellow out ‘Come on Eileen’, and if you really want, you can still hit up Cube or ICBM’s later to have your backside fondled. But before you venture into the inner city square with the highest reported rate of assault of anywhere in Canberra, try a house party: just try it. Contribute to the legacy of dress-ups and bathtub bars that makes this city so great in winter.

Make the frigid night yours, and by god, make it themed.

IT’S that time of year in Canberra: the unreasonably cold time. For some of us, this means heated floors or the deep woody smoke of an open fire.

For others it means black mould on the walls of our 1960’s uninsulated houses and sleeping with a blanket over our faces to keep our noses warm until it becomes too stuffy to properly breathe.

Then we emerge from beneath our doonas like triumphant orcas breaking through the ocean to snap up a seal.

But no matter the weather or the pervasive chill seeping up from the earth, Canberra is a consistent champion of drinks and company. For some of us, this means getting smashed at the B&G Multiculti Ball with kids who can afford to celebrate racial diversity through the medium of alcohol. For others, it means gulping a beer on a worn table at The Phoenix and heckling a poetry slam. For others, it means sharing feelings with fellow residents during another weekly episode of nepotistic hall Tim Tams and hot coacoa. Did you know that in 1995 the God of ANU Residential Halls invented Tim Tam nights after watching the trailer to the Baby-Sitters Club film? The God was overcome by the trailer’s use of ‘Dreams’ by The Cranberries that it realised everyone should have seven best friends, and this would be achieved by appointing one person a leader who would emotionally blackmail other people on their residential floor to cram into a tiny room and play UNO. Factoid.

Canberra also hosts the best chameleon commercial block known to man: by day the square with frontages on Northbourne Avenue and London Circuit is an en masse bus depot with a comic book-cum-record store, a Zambreros, a ScientoloFollow Rosanna Beatrice Stevens on Twitter @ gy church and its Pancake Parlour business front, RosannaBeatrice. a yoga studio, and a London Burger. By night, the

LIFE & STYLE// 19

l e

Avoiding The Parent Trap

s e m yEVELYN LAZANAS hFOR the record, I am a mother of zero. I have enever parented anything (goldfish don’t count) snor do I really know the first thing about pareenting so please don’t under any circumstances tpin this on the fridge or file it away as future sadvice to all you future parents. If that’s what fyou’re looking for – weird as it may be – there’s

nothing for you here. There’s nothing to act on, tno consciousness-raising or attitude adjusting dadvice, no strategies or slogans or help or even Isolace about child raising, because one of the -absolute last things this world needs is more aadvice on raising children. s In the last 100 years since we really got serisous about education as a universally good idea, swe’ve managed to take the 15 years of chiledren’s lives that should be the most carefree, dinquisitive and memorable and fill them with a ,disparate collection of stress attacks and a neu-rotic fear of failure. I openly consider myself a -victim of this social phenomena; being that of ethe “Fear-of-Failure Generation”. g Education has become a dress up box of good eintentions, swivel-eyed utopianism, cruel com-petition, guilt, snobbery, wish fulfillment, spehcial pleading and consideration, government sintervention, bureaucracy and social engineer-

n n a a y f n p y f y . t

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ing. And as far as I can see, there’s no stopping it. Parents have no rational defense against the byzantine demands of the education-industrial complex. But on the flipside, this multi-national business says that they’re acting in the children’s best interests.

So let’s all just scrap happiness and settle for success. We gave up on happiness at what, the age of four? Childhood has become a war of attrition. Only the obsessively competitive and driven make it to the finish line.

Over-achiever Hilary Clinton smugly told us that it takes a village to bring up a child. Oh my God. If only. If all it took were some happy, thatched smocked village, we’d all have bought villages.

We would all buy ten villages – we’d adopt villages. But no dusty higgledy-piggledy clucking sleepy-town hamlet is going to get your kid into the pre-school that is the feeder into that primary school which will fast track them to that other school that will give your child half a chance of getting into that university that will lead to a life worth living.

Oh no, we need far more than a village. We need au pairs who speak three languages and musical nannies and special tutors and counselors and Olympic veterans with knee problems to coach

hand-eye coordination. We have to have orthodontists and yoga teachers and voice coaches and judo masters. There have to be camps for creative writing, equestrian lessons every Tuesday afternoon, exam strategists and synchronized swimming instructors. We need analysts, nutritionists, speech therapists.

I haven’t even had kids and already I can feel my hair turning grey. I know I’m going to fall straight into rhythm with this whole regime, just like my parents did with me. I’ll wear that phony smile when I have to listen to other kids’ achievements, all the while hiding my deep resentment at their success and secret Schadenfreude at their stammers and chronic eczema.

When I look back on my school years, it’s what happened outside the classroom that I loved - not so much the schooling itself. I so clearly remember gossiping about boys and last Saturday’s 18th and getting blind drunk by accident and hunching over with hilarity at all of those things the next day. That said, even the majority of teachers – in the later years especially – became humanized and it’s great going back and being able to give them a gentle punch on the shoulder and reflect on the good old days when I got 14% in an extension maths test and it occurred to me that maybe

I should drop maths. At first it was devastation at the failure but in retrospect, I absolutely treasure those failures because they’re undoubtedly the most memorable and most hilarious moments.

I really hope that in the next generation or maybe the one after that that we all calm down and education stops being about the fear of parents being projected onto their kids. At the end of the day, interesting people are usually never the former captains of everything or the blonde Juliets who memorized poetry and had legs as long as ladders. The failures, the weirdos and the mangamad kids with blue hair are the good ones. This isn’t wishful thinking either; it’s a rule.

My only advice to kids today is this: don’t worry about failing maths, it’s meant to be failed. Don’t be like me and work too hard for something you don’t care about. Don’t embrace naivety because it’s convenient; instead, get a fake ID, go out, drink, party, have fun in the best way you know how. After all, you don’t want to end up being that fat 42 year old accountant calculating taxes for the people who spent their schooldays copping a feel behind the gym and learning how to roll a really good joint.

REVIEWED// 20 Classic Delights

ELLEN TREVANION AS you may have noticed by now, I and my fellow reviewers tend to focus on modern indie, rock and pop music. There is precious little about the other experiences on offer in Canberra but there is far more than that around. The Canberra jazz scene is far more animated than the classical one; however, there is the occasional gem.

Coaxed out of the house by the promise of spending time with my mother in a strictly notalking environment, I went to watch the Morgan State Gospel Choir at Llewellyn Hall. Guest artists Woden Valley Youth Choir opened with a tightly controlled set of Australian works which displayed the best elements of the genre - vocal lightness, flexibility and, to be frank, the cute factor. Morgan State themselves opened with an exceptionally disappointing first bracket. I’ve always believed that operatic sopranos do not belong in choirs and the complete obliteration of the melody line by their uncontrolled warbling demonstrated exactly why. They more than made up for it, however, with a stunning second bracket of modern American music including “Sleep”

by Eric Whitacre. Moving on, Morgan State truly came into their own with a spontaneous selection of gospel songs which brought more than a few audience members to their predominately elderly feet. We also discovered that the best voice on stage belonged to the accompanist who took a break to solo in one of the best pieces of the concert. Ultimately, however, they overstayed their welcome as the afternoon performance strayed into the evening and its third hour.

The Canberra Institute of Music and Related Arts has been around for quite some time. Working with a fine mix of local amateurs and trained singers, directors Colin Forbes and Patricia Whitbread have staged a number of operas and Gilbert and Sullivan comedies at St Philips Church in O’Connor. This year, the company tackled Mozart monster Don Giovanni with surprising results. Peter Laurence in the title role was vocally excellent but over-acted throughout, aiming for comic effect at the expense of dramatic impact.

Veteran Peter Smith also brought out the comedy as Leporello, the Don’s servant, delivering a hilarious rendition of ‘Madamina, il catalogo è questo’ (‘Madame, this is the catalogue’). Madeleine Rowland as a coquettish and playful Zerlina and Elisha Holley as the spurned and vengeful Donna Elvira were both excellent, despite both struggling slightly with the demanding intervals and quick runs. The highlight, however, was Tanuja Doss’ Donna Anna. Handling the demanding role with supreme command, she was particularly strong in duets with a vocally weaker Charles Hudson (Don Ottavio) which brought out a lovely, silvery quality to her voice. Although she missed a few abrupt leaps above the stave, her control was generally masterful.

While vocally strong, the production did, however, disappoint in some areas, failing to bring out the dramatic elements and serious themes and coming across instead as a light comedy.

Given the nature of the space and the accompaniment, with Colin Forbes’ flawless piano replacing a full orchestra, this is largely unavoidable however the general tenor of the performances exacerbated it. In some places, this was slightly disturbing as lines about domestic violence and sexual assault are delivered with a light-hearted lilt. The fall and damnation of the Don come across as comic rather than dramatic and much of the gravitas and drama is lost. It is a shame to see one of Mozart’s most magnificent and darkest operas reduced to comic farce but it is wonderful to see the quality of singers available in Canberra and to listen to some of the most beautiful melodic lines ever written.

Ellen is a former member of the Woden Valley Youth Choir.

R

O m g m s o i w

s m a t s l l

Basking with Blasko LISTEN // CONCERT Sarah Blasko I Awake Tour The Playhouse CHRISTINA RAE ON Monday the 22nd of July, Australian songstress Sarah Blasko kicked off her national tour to promote her latest album, I Awake at Canberra’s The Playhouse Theatre. I Awake is Blasko’s fourth album under her own name, released at the end of 2012. Her tour will take her from The Playhouse to Byron Bay’s Splendour in the Grass festival and theatres in Bunbury, Western Australia, and Renmark in South Australia, spanning three weeks from the end of July to mid August. In 2009 Blasko won the ARIA for Best Female Artist for her album As Day Follows Night after winning the ARIA for Best Pop Release in 2007. With her ethereal voice over indie-pop and a quirky style, Blasko is undoubtedly one of the more remarkable Australian artists.

The Playhouse is an intimate venue. On a raised stage, Sarah Blasko’s support act Ben Fletcher strums acoustic tunes with a country Mumford and Sons-esque croon to accompany his Jack Kerouac inspired songs. He sings a stripped down cover of Mental As Anything’s song ‘Live It Up’ before swapping to an electric guitar for his two final songs. Fletcher is a charming performer, using pedals and effects to emulate a drumkit in order to dramatically highlight the dynamics in

his music – a backing band would have made his music more engaging, however.

After the interval Blasko’s four-piece band enter the stage. A typical set up: electric guitar, piano, percussion and bass guitar. Blasko herself then emerges and the concert begins. It becomes evident as the show goes on that Blasko’s band is multi-talented with the bass player alternating between the bass guitar and a double bass and her guitarist swapping between guitars and even onto a banjo. Her guitarist is also her support act, Ben Fletcher.

She sings mostly songs from I Awake, like the eponymous title track and ‘God-Fearing’ though occasional crowd pleasers like ‘We Won’t Run’ are slipped into the set list. In one song she is accompanied by recordings of a Bulgarian choir she’d recorded the album with. In another, she dons a pair of long, sequined gloves and dances, waif-like during the musical introduction, letting the sequins glitter in the spotlight. Her singing is without fault. Fragile and emotive. Her stage presence however comprises wholly of frenetic dancing that is both intriguing and confusing at the same time.

The most powerful moment of the show is Blasko’s return for her encore. Making the most of the Playhouse’s intimate setting, she begins by revealing that the song she is about to perform, ‘An Oyster, A Pearl’, was written for her niece. Accompanying herself on the piano, the true emotional depth of Blasko’s voice becomes evident as she sings, ‘It’s just the way of this world/let it be your oyster, your pearl/make you an honest girl’.

With her ethereal voice over indie-pop and a quirky style, Blasko is undoubtedly one of the more remarkable Australian artists.

Tate’d Love

ion.

Turner’s late, atmospheric works are captivating. Here he seems to portray the Sublime more effectively than his earlier works, which sought to transpose it directly from nature. It was for these works, with their ‘unfinished’ appearance, that Turner was most thoroughly lambasted.

During his lifetime ROSIE GOLDFEDER ONE difficulty with charting an artist’s develop- Turner was also often ment in an exhibition is that it often doesn’t really criticised for his use of get good until the end. I found it hard to motivate colour. The heightened myself to see something exciting in a wall of five blues and reds are similar landscapes through Turner’s earlier peri- sometimes jarring in ods. As Britain’s ‘most acclaimed artist,’ however, his yellow-tinged landit is worth wading through the less enjoyable scapes, yet his experimentation did lay the works to reach the final room.

Gilt frames and provincial subject matter ob- seeds for later, interestscure appreciation of Turner for what he was: a ing results.

The curators have taken some pleasure master of light. This celebration of light can be appreciated immediately on entering the exhibi- throughout in weaving into the exhibition the tion. His work was thought to pre-empt Impres- criticism Turner received during his career. Two sionism, unsurprising given his skill representing portraits begin the exhibition: beside a flatterlight and that he took to painting outside in his ing, likely commissioned, portrait of the artist as landscapes, according to the Impressionist fash- a young man, is a later portrait by Count Alfred

SEE // EXHIBITION Turner From the Tate: The Making of a Master J. M. W. Turner National Gallery of Australia

REVIEWED// 21

D’Orsay from 1851, that shows a rotund and very short man, displaying the ‘uncouth’ manners hinted at. I would have liked to see more of the insults included in the wall text, but one tour guide did politely offer that he was commonly known as the ‘yellow dwarf,’ proving critics were as creative with insults then as now.

The later Waves breaking on a Lee shore, Margate, c.1840 is a thrashing seascape.

Turner’s restraint and masterful manipulation of the slightest detail hint at the foamy fringe of crashing waves. Turner moves beyond classical landscape painting to an almost unresolved, brusque aesthetic that seems to embody the violence of the natural elements he seeks to portray. With these works he achieves the movement and atmosphere prized by abstract artists more than a century later.

The curators have taken some pleasure throughout in weaving into the exhibition the criticism Turner received during his career.

Just before the exit is the strangest work in the exhibition: War. The exile and the rock limpet, exhibited 1842. A comically giant Napoleon looms over a featureless landscape. A presumably distant redcoat nevertheless shares a reflection in the lake beside the pensive commander.

This heightened work is likely a statement on the futility of war, by an artist who lived through the Napoleonic wars.

Reasons for the work’s inclusion can only be guessed at. The companion piece of a sea burial, however, is one of the best in the exhibition, and the work does highlight Turner’s mastery of landscape painting.

Despite the best efforts of the curators, a friend walked out of the exhibition with the thought, “There were a lot of ships”. It is an uphill battle attempting to present the masters in a new light, but worth the effort to see Turner’s development towards a new kind of landscape painting.

Turner From the Tate: The Making of a Master is showing at the National Gallery of Australia until 8 September.

Do You Want to Know a Secret?

WATCH // MOVIE We Steal Secrets: The Story of WikiLeaks Alex Gibney 2013 MICHAEL QUINCEY O’NEILL I’M guessing that the entertainment facilities at Ecuador’s embassy in London aren’t up to scratch. “Wikileaks” has recently published a linefor-line annotation for Alex Gibney’s new documentary, We Steal Secrets: The Story of Wikileaks (for those interested, found here: http://wikileaks. org/IMG/html/gibney-transcript.html), punctuated with acerbic corrections and a spitfire tone. Mostly these “corrections” are concerned with Wikileaks’ reputation, hotly protesting that Gibney’s summation of its earlier successes are not complimentary enough, before repeatedly listing Wikileaks achievements which Gibney’s documentary seems to have let slip. It’s all a bit self-important, and even feels a bit like stumbling across a copy of Shirer’s The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich covered in inky, red swathes of Hitler’s paranoid notations.

Needless to say, We Steal Secrets is hardly a panegyric to its central subject, the infamous Julian Assange, the man who dared to embarrass the world’s most powerful national security state, the United States of America. An emaciated semialbino with a face constantly twisted in a look of general distaste, it’s easy to present Wikileaks’ founder as somewhat less heroic than just megalomaniacal. Yet you have to admire the man’s gall: throughout, Assange’s determination to uncover the truth, regardless of the political threats or for that matter ethical conundrums, is indomitable,

and while the cabals in hindsight have proved less significant than initially promised, merely adding to the already extensive list of America’s war crimes, it’s inspiring to see someone stand up against the continuous pig-shit excuses regurgitated throughout the documentary by Bush’s former cohort of spies and generals – even if that figure does make for a less than inspiring David.

Gibney is a prolific documentary film-maker.

Recently he’s begun to average about three of them a year, and it seems I only just walked out of Mea Maxima Culpa, spirits flaring over the child abuses of the Catholic Church (I think tears might have been involved, and a characteristically Irish urge to hit someone or something). Yet if he’s one of the most prolific he’s also one of the most manipulative, his documentaries often engaging the audience’s emotional faculties rather than seeking their intellectual engagement. He has an innate gift for setting the mood, picking the right music for the right image, so events easily unfold according to his own narrative, rather than as the objective facts stand. He revises the character of Bradley Manning’s outer, Adrian Lamo, whose interview looks like stock footage for your typical dead-eyed, monotonous hacker, as a conflicted, moral figure, gliding over how Lamo lulled Manning into a false sense of trust, assuring him of legal protection for Manning’s confession, before preying on others after

Manning’s arrest.

There also appears to be an innate desire to sensationalise the story, perhaps because a lot of it is already so familiar to his audience. In an interview for Wired concerning the documentary, Gibney explained: “the initial presentation of the story was that Bradley Manning was a pure political figure … I don’t think that’s a sufficient explanation of why he did what he did. He had this idea that he was in the wrong body and wanted to become a woman … I think it raises big issues about who whistleblowers are, because they are alienated people who don’t get along with people around them, which motivates them to do what they do.”

Needless to say, ‘We Steal Secrets’ is hardly a panegyric to its central subject, the infamous Julian Assange, the man who dared to embarrass the world’s most powerful national security state, the United States of America.

Manning’s political convictions (“… because without information, you cannot make informed decisions as a public”) are swept aside in order to illustrate his gender issues as a central cause for the leaks.

Hackers throughout are constantly portrayed as loners and outsiders, as if you have to be emotionally disconnected in some way to want to reveal US human right abuses.

As you can tell, I’m having trouble reviewing this film on an aesthetic level. But its subject matter is so politically charged, so recent in memory, that it’s almost impossible to divide aesthetics from its message. To be fair Gibney doesn’t seem

so much politically biased as just trying to create the best story from the events at hand; we get to watch American gunships mow down innocent people milling about a Baghdad suburb, juxtaposed with former Obama spokesman Robert Gibbs discarding it with a particularly demonic sangfroid.

And Gibney should be commended for asking what should be obvious questions like, what if Assange’s two alleged rape victims are actually telling the truth? And why is Assange being held more culpable for the speculative blood of those exposed by the cables than the actual blood shed by the people behind these leaked documents?

In many ways We Steal Secrets is also the story of how modern society rushes to conclusions, fashioning heroes and villains from media punchlines and malformed evidence.

Covering a lot of familiar territory, We Steal Secrets can come across as a tad slow and obvious, but Julian Assange is a fascinating subject, and it’s the exploration of his personal story, from an ambitious punk with a primordial internet connection to a world-class dissident, that serves as the heart of the film. It’s your typical overreaching tragedy, the protagonist slowly becoming more isolated, more suspicious as the power rushes to his head; and one of the most revealing things about Assange’s character comes from the revelation that in order to agree to an interview with Gibney, Assange required either a million dollars or Gibney’s complicity in spying on his enemies.

It may not be completely honest but it packs an emotional punch, and one can’t help leaving the cinema thinking that the Ecuadorian embassy must make for a cold bunker.

SCIENCE// 22

Research Roundup ELEANOR CAMPBELL Name that Dolphin Researchers at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland have discovered that bottlenose dolphins will respond to their ‘names’. It was previously known that young bottlenose dolphins give themselves names, unique ‘signature whistles’, but this research has demonstrated that dolphins use each other’s names to get attention. This is the first example of non-human animals consistently referring to themselves and close family members by name.

Somebeardy to Love JAMES ANSELL AUSSIE Folk Rockers The Beards once sang that “having a beard is better than having a woman”, but a new study has suggested that men may not have to make the choice between their luscious facial locks and female (or male) companionship.

The study, out of the University of New South Wales, is the latest piece in over 40 years of research looking into the effects of beards on male attractiveness. In the study, 371 women and 177 men were shown pictures of men in various stages of facial growth: clean shaven, five day ‘light stubble’, ten day ‘heavy stubble’ and fully bearded.

The results were quite interesting. The female participants reported that they found the men with full beards were the most masculine and would be the best parents for their children, while the men with heavy stubble were thought

to look the healthiest and most attractive. Meanwhile male participants reported that the more hair there was on a man’s face, the more awesome he was at everything; with fully bearded men being rated the best in every category and clean shaven the worst. The authors speculated that clean shaven men were rated poorly as lack of facial hair was reminiscent of pre-pubescence.

They also found that light stubble was perceived as being patchy, which raised concerns about the virility and testosterone levels of the men in question.

So the answer is pretty clear, gentlemen: throw away those razors and let your beards grow free!

Your luck is bound to improve. And as an added bonus, that sexy facial hair will also help keep you face warm through the rest of the Canberra winter.

Gold’s Explosive Origins Researchers at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics have observed emissions from a short gamma-ray burst 3.9 billion light years away that link such bursts to collisions between neutron stars. The emissions suggest the formation of heavy metals like gold. The team of researchers believe that all the gold in the universe might have been formed in similar collisions.

Leviathan Lived

By studying partial skeletons of an ancient bony fish, Leedsichthys, scientists at the University of Bristol have determined that these creatures may have grown up to sixteen metres long. Researchers studied bones and internal growth factors of 165 million year old specimens, and concluded that these fish may have been the largest of their kind ever to exist.

Sponge Farming A European research project called BAMMBO has been set up with the goal of finding sustainable methods of harvesting a neglected source of valuable bioactive compounds: the ocean floor.

Numerous compounds identified in sea sponges, algae and bacteria have useful effects that warrant further study, including anticancer and antiviral properties. BAMMBO aims to develop environmentally-friendly ways of collecting samples for research.

Memory Mice Scientists have successfully implanted false memories in mice by stimulating the mice’s brain cells with laser light. The mice displayed signs of fear when put into a certain cage, as they remembered that they’d received electric shocks in that cage once before, expect that those shocks had never actually happened. Research of the formation of memories may find a place in courtrooms by providing deeper understanding of why eyewitness accounts are so often inaccurate.

Fat or Fiction?

ELYN LITTLE-BICKNELL HALF-WAY through this bitter Canberra winter and you’re over it. You’re sick of piling on the layers every time you leave the house only to strip them off again once embraced by overworked heaters inside every building on campus. What alleviates these winter blues better than warming winter comfort foods? Pies, custard, pudding...

Weeks of winter eating following exam stress bingeing have thickened your undesired winter insulation layer, the one that can’t be stripped so easily.

It’s time to melt the snowman and opt for reduced-fat, low-fat and fat-free groceries. Because they are healthier, you feel inclined to buy two low-fat brownies for desert rather than one.

Eating low fat foods means less weight gain, correct?

Not quite. What many people fail to realise is that reduced-fat products can still cause you to put on weight, sometimes even more than their full-fat alternatives. How can this be? Reduced-fat products are often high in sugar, and when you consume more sugar than your body needs, the excess energy is converted to fat and stored for another day when you might need it.

Excess glucose is transported from the stomach to the liver where it is converted to molecules of fat known as triacylglycerols. These fat molecules are then shuttled from the liver into expandable storage warehouses, the cells of adipose tissue.

The largest pockets of adipose tissue for energy storage live under the skin around the abdomen, bottom and kidneys.

Alas, that extra winter weight has not budged, as devious marketing thwarted your good intentions. Low-fat products appeal as a healthier option but often due to sugar content they are far from it.

Is it false advertising to label jelly as ‘Lite- fatfree’? It’s technically not lying. Jelly isn’t made from fat, just a bucket-load of sugar stuck together with gelatine.

In other products, fat is removed and replaced with sugar. Why? Because sugar is cheaper to produce, can be used as a preservative, and substitutes the taste and texture fat provided.

Fat took a real hit about thirty years ago, wearing the blame for society’s growing health problems. Fat contains more energy than sugar and

any excess energy is stored or circulates in the blood, clogging arteries. Excess fat is harmful for your health but swapping excess fat for double the amount of sugar can have the same consequences, plus added health risks. Large quantities of excess glucose circulating in the blood over time causes insulin resistance, leading to diabetes and tissue damage, commonly cataracts.

When it comes to carbohydrates, a class of compounds broken down into sugars, fibre is the key! Fibre slows the rate at which glucose or fructose in foods is broken down in the body and supplied as energy. This provides your body with little packets of energy consistently over a longer period of time reducing the excess sent into storage. This is what it means when foods are advertised as having a low glycaemic index.

Without fibre, the breakdown and release of sugars into the body rapidly provides more energy than your body needs at one time, unless you’re going for a sprint or other intense exercise which requires lots of energy immediately. Without this rapid flurry of activity, the majority of energy is not needed straight away and sent directly to storage. This is why fruit is good for you but fruit juice can be just as detrimental as soft drink, and why wholegrain or multigrain options are better than standard refined white flour; these healthier options are higher in fibre.

Sugar content aside, low-fat foods can be unhealthy if the small amount of fat present is of the least healthy variety. Trans or saturated fatsM form low-density lipoprotein (LDL) plaques that clog arteries. On the other hand, foods high in the right kinds of fat can be healthy. Avocado, nuts and fish contain healthy fats such as monounsaturated, polyunsaturated and omega fatty acids, which have various roles in maintaining good health including aiding in the reduction of LDL in the blood.

The moral of the story is you shouldn’t isolate dietary fat while ignoring other contributing factors to body fat. Fat and sugar should not be deemed as evil entities out to demolish your health goals. There are many healthy fats and carbohydrates that are needed for energy or for use as building blocks in your body. The difference lies in how the body responds to the form in which they are consumed.

Earth: The New Skrillex?

SCIENCE// 23

HAYA ANWI

THE typical all-nighter consists of that time bee tween 1am and 5am, when we think we are in ‘The Zone’, and are pumping out that pesky essay, d nodding our heads to a montage of loud, grungy d songs. Cue that dubstep. Well, recent information d from a NASA spacecraft has shown that we huk mans aren’t the only ones that can drop the bass. .

The spacecraft was able to record the sound of d the Earth from space. Named Chorus, the audio e sounds remarkably similar to an electronic beat.

It is not a mash-up of all the car honks and bird chirps of the planet, but instead consists of radio w wave oscillations from the Earth’s radiation belts. !

These radiation belts are two concentric donutd p a

shaped layers of plasma that are anchored by the magnetic field, with the planet sitting comfortably in the ‘donut hole’. The outermost and innermost layers are positioned thousands of kilometres above the atmosphere. It is believed that particles in these layers, including high-energy electrons trapped in the belts, originate from solar wind, which is emitted by the Sun. The Chorus radio waves pose a unique problem. The waves are thought to energise the socalled killer electrons. These electrons are ridiculously high in energy, and have the potential to interfere with satellites, affecting our GPS systems and telephones. In 2010, the Galaxy 15 satellite

short-circuited after being pounded by these electrons.

Craig Keltzing, a member of the NASA program that studies the belts, compared the killer electrons to surfers that can ‘ride’ the radio waves.

Satellites are very vulnerable to these packets of electrons streaming through the waves. NASA is investigating methods of predicting when the electrons and waves are at their most dangerous.

In the mean time, the Chorus Earth song continues, and Skrillex might need to lift his game. Interestingly, Saturn and Jupiter also have radiation belts. Planetary scale billboard chart, anyone?

ELLEN RYKERS Drinking alcohol kills your brain cells.

THERE are probably few of us who’ve managed to avoid the dreaded hangover headache thus far: the dull ache reverberating in your skull that increases to an agonizing throb if you try to move.

It certainly feels like your brain cells are dying, so it’s no wonder that this has become widely regarded as a ‘fact’.

Fortunately for everyone who likes to indulge in a few on a Thursday night, this is a myth. Current evidence suggests that alcohol doesn’t directly kill your brain cells. Alcohol clearly has some effect on our brains – just look at any drunk person and there’s sure to be slurred unintelligible gibberish, stumbling into gutters and choices being made that they’ll regret in the morning.

Luckily, these effects are reversible. Even for alcoholics, damage sustained at the ends of neurons, which leads to altered communication in the brain, can repair itself. There are, however, some other nasty effects of long-term excessive alcohol consumption, like brain shrinkage. Damage to the liver, our toxin-processing organ, can result in a buildup of toxins in the brain, and eventually lead to decreased brain function. A lack of vitamin B1 is also prevalent in alcoholics, which can result in some unpleasant brain disorders.

What about drinking in moderation? An Australian study indicates that moderate drinking curiously, results that don’t conform to accepted might be associated with better mental cognition. theory (the Paradigm) are often challenged as Those who drank up to 14 drinks per week for error by the researcher. But these anomalous men, and up to 7 for women, exhibited better cogresults build up and the science reaches a crisis nitive functioning than non-drinkers, occasional point at which radical new theories explain the drinkers and heavy drinkers. data better – revolutionary science – and thus a But don’t go downing a glass of celebratory new Paradigm is accepted. A ‘Paradigm Shift’ has wine just yet – there’s also evidence that drinking occurred. alcohol, even in moderate amounts, detrimenParadigm shifts can be observed in the histo- tally affects brain plasticity. Plasticity refers to the ries of many sciences, for instance in astronomy reorganisation of neural pathways in our brain. (as above), biology (evolution by natural selec- When we learn something new, for example, tion) and geology (plate tectonics). connections in our brain change. Drinking alcoKuhn further argued that the new paradigm hol could potentially worsen our brain’s ability to was so different that the old paradigm could not make these new connections. The consumption be understood through the lens of the new. This of alcohol was also observed to negatively impact is a subtle philosophical point that has been hotly the production and retention of new cells in rat debated (critics tend to see it as a form of radical brains. postmodernism or cultural relativism) however So while our brains cells may not be suffering it seems clear that there is a revolutionary aspect death by drowning in stale alcohol, too much to to the history of science. The shifts in thought that drink for too long certainly isn’t healthy for our followed such work as that of Copernicus or Dar- brains. As for drinking in moderation, there’s win, for instance, make this much obvious. a bit of evidence both ways but a health profesSo, occasionally, a radical idea shifts the foun- sional would say “less is better”. However, I’m dations of science, and it is never the same again. not a health professional and I’m pretty certain This revolution occurs despite scientists working none of what I’ve said here is going to put a halt within their strict rules of hypothesis and evi- to drunken escapades at Mooseheads on a Thursdence, and despite their nerdy lab coats. Just how day. So enjoy your next drink in the knowledge strict are scientists with their rules? Science is that you’re not ruthlessly murdering helpless litnot an authoritarian state after all. Thus we must tle brain cells, even though the throb of a hangomeet Paul Feyerabend: next time… ver headache might suggest otherwise.

The Road to Revolution

MICHAEL ROBINSON “New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any other reason but because they are not already common.”

- John Locke, 1690 REVOLUTIONS are usually considered bloody affairs. In science, this is rarely the case, as those white lab coats do stain easily. It would seem crazy to think of science as having a revolutionary history, or a sort of dialectic that puts one theory in the red corner and another in the blue. Science is normally thought to involve thousands of tedious hours of hard work gradually adding to our understanding of the world.

Yet we have already encountered the ‘Black Swan’, that piece of evidence that refutes a hy-

Alcohol

pothesis, and we have struggled with how to proceed from there. Standard practice would be to reject the hypothesis, and continue further research, and in fact, that is how the majority of science is conducted.

What happens when someone develops a new theory though, one that fully explains all the existing observations, but in a novel way? Sometimes, this shakes the foundations of science; new science can only progress in light of this new idea.

In 1543, Nicolaus Copernicus died in the same year his work De revolutionibus orbium coelestium (On the Revolutions of the Celestial Spheres) was published. It is possible he got to see a copy on his death bed. In this, he proposed that the Earth and other planets revolved around the Sun: a quite heretical idea for its day. Prior to this, increasingly complex models for a geocentric (Earth at the center) explanation of the movement of the planets and the Sun had been accepted.

It would take some 200 years for this idea to be fully concluded by Isaac Newton, but Johannes Kepler and Galileo Galilei largely resolved Copernicus’ ideas very early in the 17th Century.

It could be argued that a century or so of observing and theorising does not qualify as a ‘revolution’. However, it is clear that scientists post-Copernicus were transfixed with his new idea, and it would soon become foundational to astronomy.

Thomas Kuhn, in The Structure of Scientific Revolutions proposed that science goes through stages. Normal science is highly productive, but,

The author blogs at traversingtherazor.wordpress.com.

SPORT// 24

Z

Buddy Brilliant, but Worth His Weight in Gold?

CHARLIE AUSTIN THE GWS Giants are doing everything they possibly can to lure Lance “Buddy” Franklin to Skoda Stadium next year. Without a win in 2013, GWS realises that they’re desperately struggling on field and in need of some A-grade talent to aid the development of its younger players. They’re in the fortunate position where they have plenty of room in the salary cap to financially entice any player in the competition to join the club.

However, just who is the right man for the Giants and at what price? The GWS administration firmly believes that the man is “Buddy” Franklin and that he is worth $12 million over six years.

It’s an astonishing figure, one never seen before in this game. While the AFL may pay some of it, GWS’s willingness to offer this type of money highlights their strong belief that Franklin is the man destined to lead GWS to its first premiership.

From all reports, it appears GWS will likely get their wish. Franklin’s management has put off contract talks with Hawthorn until the end of the season. While Hawks supporters may hold out hope that Franklin will re-sign, the stalled negotiations are normally a sign that Franklin is packing his bags to Sydney. For most of us, the GWS offer appears simply too good to refuse.

The facts are simple. Hawthorn can simply not

come close to matching the financial offer made

by GWS. In fact, its best offer allegedly falls $5 million short.

GWS has seen the hugely positive effects of Gary Ablett at the Gold Coast Suns. We only have to look to Ablett’s 49 disposal and two-goal performance in last week’s win against Collingwood to see the impact just one player can have. GWS will be hoping that Franklin can have a similar or perhaps even greater impact in Sydney’s west.

The money demands it.

Yet, I’m not too confident that Franklin will deliver the same benefits as Ablett. In my view, there are far better alternatives at a lower cost; Scott Gumbleton, Josh Kennedy (WCE) or Mark LeCras, just to name a few.

While there is little doubt that Franklin, at his best, is the most talented player in the competi-

tion, he achieves these dazzling heights far too infrequently. The erratic nature of Franklin’s game is his biggest challenge. Franklin’s challenges with inconsistent form at the Hawks will not be helped playing in a poor performing and developing side like GWS. In Sydney’s west, Franklin cannot expect the same sharp delivery into the forward line and will not have the solid support of forwards like Roughead and Gunston.

Last season, Franklin’s goal accuracy was at a poor 51 per cent and this season has hovered at around 56 per cent. Compare these figures to Josh Kennedy’s accuracy of 74 per cent in 2013 and you begin to see clear evidence of Franklin’s kicking woes.

Of course, it would be negligible for me not to mention Franklin’s apparent poor off-field be-

While Hawks supporters may hold out hope that Franklin will re-sign, the stalled negotiations are normally a sign that Franklin is packing his bags to Sydney. For most of us, the GWS offer appears simply too good to refuse.

haviour. While much of the innuendo about his off field antics may not be true, there is enough factual information to suggest it should deter GWS from signing Franklin. Last year began with Franklin’s driving licence being suspended as well as AFL Chief, Andrew Demetriou, allegedly being outraged at Franklin’s intoxicated behaviour at a Grand Prix corporate event. He was also forced to apologise after verbally abusing a woman at a Melbourne bar. For a new football club like GWS trying to build a strong culture, there is enough baggage with Franklin to suggest the club should look elsewhere.

Ultimately what is most important for GWS is Franklin’s influence on the field, not off it. Franklin’s ability to make the impossible look easy is something which supporters cannot stop watching. When he dribbles the ball through the big sticks from the sharpest angles, he becomes the most exquisite player the game has perhaps ever seen.

If he can be on the top of his game often enough, there is little doubt he’ll be a major addition to the GWS line up. I suppose eventually it’s a trade-off; GWS must truly question whether Buddy is really worth a $12 million risk?

J

Big Brother is Botching

ZACH MACKEY THE television match official. The decision review system. The man upstairs. Call it what you want, but they are all the intrusion of technology into sport, and to be honest, I don’t like where it is going. Every weekend there is some howler from

the NRL that leads to Gus Gould and commentators of the same ilk to harp on about the need for greater technology and analysis of tries scored.

This is what the system is in place for. However, when you have cricketers (i.e. Steve Smith) not being trusted when he says the ball carried, and others (i.e. Stuard Broad) refusing to be honest and admit when they know the umpire is wrong even though he hit it, and technology being made a mockery of, I question its necessity.

I’m not arguing for a complete absence of technology to exist in sport, but just to bring it back to the days when league referees made a decision on the field, and didn’t feel the need to double check

everything. Sport is played by humans and is officiated by humans. Thus there will be natural error, but on the whole, to officiate a game is a referee’s job where they are getting made.

There aren’t muppets out there, but trained and payed humans.

Personally I like the American system of doing things, such as in the NFL and basketball. If there is an issue that the umpire has, they have the ability to call a halt to the game, go to the sideline, and themselves watch the action from a number of angles to make their own decision.

Firstly, the power to question a decision should be taken out of the players’ hands. They are there

Every weekend there is some howler from the NRL that leads to Gus Gould and commentators of the same ilk to harp on about the need for greater technology and analysis of tries scored.

SPORT// 25 to play, not officiate. Secondly, get rid of “the man upstairs.” Follow the lead of the Americans and allow the on field official to double check something if they feel the need. I can’t see this happening in cricket, so allow the umpire to call upstairs if they aren’t sure. Encourage this, but further encourage making a decision for yourself and stick with it.

This is where I get to my main gripe. Shane Watson, an opening batsman for Australia has, quite frankly, been a wanker recently. He has made a complete mockery of the decision review system (DRS) reviewing the most absurd decisions.

Therefore, I am invoking a new law for cricket.

Shane Watson can never review a decision again.

End of rant.

Sport just needs more good and honest players such as Adam Gilchrist. Unfortunately it seems there will also be the runts like Stuart Broad whose being has brought technology into sport.

s h r h s y o b s b

s s g e r

, e ; y

A Win for Liverpool, but a Victory for Melbourne

JOSHUA CHU-TAN JUST over 95,000 exuberant fans piled into the hallowed Melbourne Cricket Ground last Wednesday to witness first hand, history being permanently engrained into Australian sport.

The iconic Liverpool Football Club arrived on Australian soil for the first time in their illustrious 121 years of existence and the atmosphere that greeted them was second to none.

The visit to Melbourne was part of the 2013 pre-season tour for Liverpool to prepare for Brendan Rodgers’s second term as the manager of the Reds.

Liverpool were to play A-league side Melbourne Victory in a friendly game at the MCG with fans down under absolutely ecstatic at the thought of being able to see their footballing heroes in the flesh.

With the full squad arriving in Melbourne, including captain Steven Gerrard and talismanic, albeit controversial, striker Luis Suarez arriving late, the fans excitement mounted even higher as

evident by the mobs that greeted the team everywhere they went during their stay.

The atmosphere at the game was something spectacular. With the iconic “You’ll Never Walk Alone” song being sung before every Liverpool game, the Aussie fans relished the opportunity to sing it at the MCG before the game.

The packed stadium of overseas Kopites decked in red gave a truly hair-raising rendition of the song.

“I want to put on record a huge thank you to people of Melbourne and Australia. The ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ at the beginning was

a real tear-jerker,” Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers said.

The game itself wasn’t impressive. Despite “Captain Fantastic” Steven Gerrard sending the crowd into a frenzy with a first half goal, the Reds didn’t dominate an undermanned Melbourne Victory side the way you would expect a Premier League team to do. The young Victory squad do deserve a lot of credit for the way they performed though as they really were able to hold their own not letting the occasion get to them.

Luis Suarez produced a little bit of magic at the last play of the game to set up new signing Iago

With the iconic “You’ll Never Walk Alone” song being sung before every Liverpool game, the Aussie fans relished the opportunity to sing it before the game. The packed stadium gave a truly hair-raising rendition of the song.

Aspas to seal the 2-0 win but the overall performance showed that there is still much work to do for Rodgers before the start of the season.

However, the average performance should not take away from the momentous occasion that this match was. It truly lived up to its massive build up and showed that despite a run of poor seasons from Liverpool, a club that can attract 95,000 people to a pre-season friendly are without a doubt among the biggest clubs in the world.

This also was a massive win for Football Australia, being able to host Manchester United and Liverpool in a span of two weeks. With the reception that both teams received, don’t be surprised if big clubs continue to travel to the land down under for years to come.

OUT & ABOUT// 26

What Was...

Photo: Ben Coughlan ANUSA Battle of the Bands Photo: Courtesy of ANUSA Meowket Day

Photo: Courtesy of ANUSA

Photo: Courtesy of PARSA PARSA BBQ

ANUSA Gender Free Speed Dating

...and What is To Be Friday August 2 The John Mackey Quartet The Street Theatre 7:30pm (part of the Capital Jazz Project, which runs until August 11) Saturday August 3 The Second Hand Salmon, Brother Be and Second Sun The Phoenix Bar 9:30pm Sunday August 4 Jimmy Barnes Canberra Theatre Centre 7:30pm Monday August 5 Schitz & Giggles Smith’s Alternative 7pm Tuesday August 6 Short + Sweet 10 Minute Theatre The Court

Photo: Janis Lejins

yard Theatre 7:30pm (also August 7-17) Thursday August 8 Interhall Musical – CATS ANU Arts Centre 8pm (also August 9, 10, 14-17, and 2pm August 17) Friday August 9 Alison Wonderland Academy Saturday August 10 Fun Machine The Croatian Club 8pm Wednesday August 14 Chloe and The Vienna Secession The Front Gallery & Café 8pm If you would like an event advertised in Woroni, email contact@woroni.com.au.

MISC// 27

Horoscopes with the Retrograde Mystics

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Poor Cancer, this month the moon enters your fifth house and your planets zigzag about, giving you a serious case of the blues.

Most of this is motivated by your poor luck in love, but listening to a lot of Adele while rolling in the depths of your blankets and lamenting that your ideal lover got away (nevermind, you’ll find someone like them) will not get you out of your funk. Neither will trying to tumblr your angst away. Remember that you can still have it all. Redirect your energies to focus on your studies or work life. Jupiter’s guiding hand suggests that you should spend more time with friends you haven’t seen in a while, as these connections may prove to be more engaging than a failed love life. And if that doesn’t work, take Shakespeare’s advice and get thee to a nunnery, quick smart. We hear there are a lot of good ones in Fyshwick.

Leo (July 23 – August 22) Your fiery nature comes to the forefront this month, Leo, and you may find yourself engaging in a serious argument with someone important to you. While lions are the kings of the jungle, the presence of watery Neptune in your fourth house means that your friend will trample you like an elephant. It may just be better to concede this time.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Venus is perpendicular to Mars and Jupiter and your ruling planet Mercury forms an obtuse angle with the sun and the moon. This has triggered an unusual urge to touch people, sensually and affectionately. While this may creep people out, it may also create new connections (literally) – don’t worry too much, it’s just a passing phase.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) YYou may need to ask someone to steal your credit card this month, Aquarius, because a thief would likely spend less than you. Despite your usual good taste and frugality, you find yourself casting aside your standards in the name of low fashion and consumerism. Those tights from Supre are a bad idea.

Libra (September 23 – October 22) Lucky Libra, Venus’ irregular movements ensure that Cupid’s mischievous arrow of love is pointed in your direction and promises to bring you a plethora of sexy suitors. Be they hipster arts girls, cute science boys or that mysterious gender studies student that you met in the Diversity Learning Community, Cupid’s arrows make you open your heart and pants to new possibilities. Just go with the flow.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Pisces, Pisces, Pisces. Stop throwing yourself a Pity Party. Recently you probably perceive a peculiar sense of persecution over particular matters. This is due to Pluto’s annual prohibition from participation in the planetary pantheon. Nontheless, comparing your panic over possible Ps in Parasitology (BIOL3142), pales when paralleled to your partner’s personal problem of being pursued by a perilously paedophilic pelican.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Scorpio, the sun lights up your sign this month giving you a boost of confidence and a renewed sense of first year fun. Though Bush Week has passed, you may find the siren lure of Academy’s foam-covered floor or Moose’s $4 Jaeger Bombs calling to your inner party animal. This is all well and fine, but remember you actually have to attend tutorials. Participation marks don’t favour the hungover (or still drunk).

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Warlike Mars makes his presence known in your seventh house this month, Saggitarius. Your fierce demeanour encourages you to undertake risky business.

While jaywalking to seem super edgy is an acceptable expression of your identity this month – no one understands you, Sag – we’d advise you to stay well away from that drug cartel.

HARRY LAWLESS

1.

Mythical submerged city. (7) 3. Pagan for “ye gods”, sometimes said by superheroes to express surprise (5) 6. Anger. (3) 8. Half of three and three of half (5) 10. Chinese berry, aka ‘Wolfberry’, alleged superfood (4, 5) 11. Makeshift knife used in prison (4) 12. Characteristic, identifying feature (7) 14. Bloke who visited China; pool game. (5, 4) 16. Black and white animal native to China.

(5) 18. Former capital of French Indochina, now Ho Chi Minh City. (6) 19. Village in Middle Earth, home to men and hobbits, and the Prancing Pony. (4) 20. The little mermaid. (5) 21. Worship/Respect. (6) 22. The Street on which Jean Valjean lived while in Paris – named in the song “The attack on ___ ______” (3, 6) 23. These secrete hormones into the blood.

(9, 6) 25. Filming equipment used to create tracking shots; child’s toy. (5)

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Taurus, Uranus is burning up due to close proximity to the sun this month. This makes things tense and moody in the coming weeks. Calling your manager an arsehole won’t rectify your recent downturn in financial prospects. On the contrary, it will lead to your demise in the workplace.

Fortunately, this will give you time to attend yoga classes and destress while perfecting your downward dog position.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) This month, you will feel an overwhelming affinity for cats. Lolcats will dominate your newsfeed, you will write all of your assignments in Miaows using Written Kitten, every attractive person you see will have cat-like eyes and feline features and you will nostalgically break out that Hello Kitty backpack from Year 8. If you’re feline like a good time, your ideal date this month will be to the Interhall Musical CATS. Don’t miss this purrfect opportunity to find true love.

CROSSWORD Across

Aries (March 21 – April 19) Aries, a retrograde Saturn creates the potential for a windfall in your otherwise calm life. This may take the form of a street proposition, a rainbow paddlepop, a perilously paedophilic pelican turning on your worst enemies, a winning two dollar scratchie, a Sky Whale sighting, a run-in with a drug cartel, catching the bus on time, or a cup of coffee. Make the most of it.

Down 1. Opposed to separation of church and state. (20) 2. Small salamander; whose eyes are often used in magical potions. (4) 4. Premature insects (6) 5. Jason Miraz hat (7) 7. Former/Formerly. (9) 9. Squalid building (5) 10. Manipulate electoral boundaries (11) 11. Training ground/meeting place for many Japanese martial arts (4) 13. Stretchy bra. (9) 15. Hercules’ flying horse (7) 16. Individual units that when combined create images on a computer screen (6) 17. Christian profession of faith, outlines what they believe. (6, 5) 23. Pleasant and agreeable French city. (4) 24. Belief in a god (6) 26. Mythical Himalayan monster. (4)

Gemini (May 21 – Juno 20) Your ruling planet Mercury has moved into a sunny zone for a period of time. Things are looking up for you, Gemini. Your charming disposition will entrap many friends during this period. But remember, winter has arrived – watch out for two-faced white walkers in the guise of friends and make sure you pay your gas bill.

1.

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19.

23.

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11.

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9.

12.

21.

16.

17.

25.

3.

10.

14.

22.

11.

13.

18.

4.

15.

20.

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26.

24.

The first Woroni reader to correctly finish the crossword wins two complimentary tickets to Dendy Canberra! Take a picture of the finished crossword and post it to the Woroni Facebook page for adjudication.

If a Quiz is Quizzical

Confessions of an ANU Hobo

HARRY LAWLESS General Knowledge 1. What is the name of Postman Pat’s black and white cat?

2. Most people know that a tomato is both a fruit and a vegetable. Less people know that the banana is both a fruit and a …

3. What do conspiracy theorists claim was NASA’s motivation for faking the moon landings?

4. Name a country beginning in A that doesn’t also end in A. 5. When did we stop using leeches medically?

6. What is the surname of Kate Winslett’s fiancée.

7. What year did we transfer from old parliament house to the present building?

8. Guy Fawkes Day celebrates the attempted assassination of which English king?

9. From what country did Russian Caravan tea originate from?

10. How many in a ‘score’?

Maths If you add the age of a man to the age of his wife, the result is 91. He is now twice as old as she was when he was as old as she is now.

How old is the man and his wife?

Husband – 52; wife – 39.

1. Jess 2. Herb 3. To win the space race with Russia 4. Azerbaijan, Afghanistan…there are probably more 5. Never. We still use them for some complex plastic surgery operations. 6 Rocknroll 7 1988 8 James I 9 China 10. 20

LEILA PACKETT

LIV N. ONDAHEGE

I like a good bed as much as anybody else; I am, however, also very lazy. The other thing worth mentioning about me (to set this article up) is that I recently moved off-campus this year, and much to my chargin, discovered I could no longer simply walk back to my humble on-campus abode.

The result was ugly.

On the first couple of nights out, at around 3am, I was faced with a dilemmas. On the one hand I could cycle home, braving the cold, Canberra night time, exercising in a way that would have made me tremble in fear in my college days. Alternatively, I could take a cab home, and spend some of my poor (what an apt adjective!), hardearned, almost non-existent money. It was the very definition of hard times: Dickens himself would have wept.

That is, until I discovered a third option.

Unlike on the El Peso ads, the third option did not involve choosing both (although I guess a halfbaked attempt to ride home, only to accidentally stumble into a cab anyway probably happened a few times as well). What I realised, one particularly dire night, was that I could simply not go home for the evening at all. I promptly called up my UniLodge friends, who, in a state probably drunker than I am, let me sleep on their floor. No hanky-panky occurred, but I was indeed deeply satisfied by the whole experience.

The next time I slept on-campus, the situation was more dire. I had spent the night wandering aimlessly around bottom floor Moose, in a state of existential ennui; I was completely oblivious to “WINTER IS COMING” has become a vastly popular catchcry for those of us pop-culture fans who live in places where annual temperature drops still affect our capacity to take out the garbage without a pre-game pep talk from our housemates.

But when it comes to seasonal dread for pixie girls, Game of Thrones couldn’t have it more wrong. Winter approaching is not a time for trepidation but relief. Overcoats, shapeless shifts and thick woollen stockings bring with them the freedom of looking waifish without having to wait eight hours between nibbles of quinoa salad.

Ladies: I apologise for being the first one to call it but SUMMER is finally coming and this is what you should truly be dreading. As you all know by now, getting a bikini body is a slow process for the

the hedonism of Johns crew, preparing itself for its weekly fornication ritual otherwise known as “indiscriminate fucking”. There would be no ritualistic sacrifice of money for me that night either: there was no way I was cabbing home after that experience. Instead, I stumbled into the UniLodge Kinloch common room (a nice-looking smoker let me in) and wallowed in my own drool on the couch there.

At this point, I was beginning to feel like a serial offender. Of course, a part of me was also gratified when two days later, somebody informed me that they had been disgusted to find liquid all over the UniLodge couch on the morning after my misadventure. I had committed one crime, which had been mistaken for another. I was like a super villain, except my special power was a combination of fantastic drooling, a complete lack of shame, and a hyperactive intellect which found delight in situational irony.

So I continued. I began to sleep on-campus on big nights out as often as I could. I began to sleeping in Chifley, after the security guards had done their rounds, sneaking from security guards (between sleep and desks) in a fashion that would have done Solid Snake proud.

I slept at all of the Daley Road colleges, sometimes sneaking into friends’ rooms, other times just obnoxiously knocking on their doors at really late hours. I did try sleeping in the laundry at Burgmann once as well, which did raise a few eyebrows, until I offered law summaries in exchange for people’s silence.

I event slept at the Woroni offices once. I hear that one of the editors does this a lot too. He is totally stealing my gimmick.

What is the moral of this article? I honestly have no idea. On the one hand, I guess what I wanted to demonstrate was that sleeping oncampus is a legitimate tactic in combatting laziness. On the other hand though, I guess what you really might want to get out of this article is that somebody has slept on that couch you are sitting on at the moment: somebody has used that couch as a peaceful sanctuary, as a source of solace on a tempestuous Thursday night. And so you too are sharing in my experience: you too are, in fact, a part of this on-campus sleeping narrative. Congratulations. pixie girl and a regime must be introduced well before others begin to desperately hit ANU gym.

This is mostly because exercise is not an option for us: it produces the unsightly appearance of general health and wellbeing, rather than that of a starving tortured artist. To return to a BMI of 17 but maintain the bags under one’s eyes and a clammy hue to your skin deprivation is the only option. I wish you all luck, and may the girl with the smallest Drindl win the unofficial summer body debut competition come Oktoberfest this year.

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Lots of Love, Leila.

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