ISSUE FOURTEEN
Cara Walton Photography
March
ISSUE FOURTEEN Edited by Mike Arellano and Iain Oldman Cover Photo - Andrea Bianchi
WORST WE Much to the chagrin of mountain folk, March annually proves to be an odd, transitional month between the doldrums of winter’s last breaths and the early chirps of a wet and wonderful spring, turning into a muddy and ultimately miserable month for those of us who only own one pair of boots. Your friends will insist on going camping the second the sun comes out, and then you find yourself shivering yourself to sleep while your back aches over the hilly contours of frozen mud, and even the mountain of weed and whiskey you bring out to the forest can’t sate your hunger for sleep. March is the rebound relationship of the calendar months. You’re never sure
whether you truly believe you actually enjoy it, like when the pavement is dry and the uncovered sun begins to burn your cheeks red, or if you just want it to be over, like when you open your car door and inadvertently step right into a pool of still-warm St. Patrick’s Day puke. Oh God, is that this month? Damn. Damn damn damn. There’s nothing that I despise more than the overblown celebration of ancestry that few partying Americans actually have. Besides, what have the Irish given us besides James Joyce and America’s century-long fear of immigrant culture? St. Patrick’s Day usually coincides with the realization that winter is over- OH WAIT ITS SUPPOSED TO SNOW TOMORROW? GODDAMMIT! This is the Worst Week Ever.
Cara Walton Photography
EEK EVER
events you can’t miss
6x6x30 Art Show Spitzer Art Center Friday, March 6 5 PM - 8 PM Free
Sure to be the premier event of March’s First Friday activities, Spitzer Art Center brings us a mammoth of artistic endeavor with their unveiling of the 6x6x30 Art Show. The concept: a challenge to 27 of Harrisonburg’s best artists to create new 6x6x30 pieces of art EACH DAY, resulting in a whopping 750 pieces of original art on display. Contributing artists include Elwood Madison, Brandy Somers, Elaine Hurst, Jo Ansah, and many, many more. Be sure to stop in from 5-8 PM to soak in an immersive display of our town’s artistic breadth.
Coffee House by Elwood Madison Artful Dodger Friday, March 6 5 PM - 8 PM Free
Worst Week Ever contributor and all around awesome dude Elwood Madison opens his installation at the Artful Dodger this First Friday, finding the perfect venue for his show “Coffee House”. His works focus around the culture of the coffee shop and their contribution to culture and intellectual discourse throughout human history. The concept is sure to produce provoking pieces from one of Harrisonburg’s truly dynamic talents, so show up to the Artful Dodger at 5 PM to join in on the coffee house discourse of cultural relevance.
AGGROCRAB Aggrocrag, Crab Action, Plain Scrap Clementine Cafe Sunday, March 8 8 PM $5 Crab Action kicks off a kickass month of shows in Harrisonburg with their release show for Vampire Robot Werewolf Airplane at Clementine Cafe. Joining them in rock and roll battle are Harrisonburg party legends Aggrocrag, back on stage for the first time in THREE YEARS to complicate your problems with heart disease. Seriously, there is gonna be so much adrenaline. Plain Scrap from Richmond flesh out the bill, bringing their own ball-busting, energetic punk to the stage. Be sure to bring a jug of water with you to this show, we promise that you will sweat your genitals off during the three raucous sets. We care about you.
Hurricanes of Love, Lil Howlin’ Wolf, Palehoud, Buck Gooter Spaghetti World Monday, March 9 9 PM $5 donation
Spaghetti World hosts a night of eclectic goodness for the ears of everyone who comes out. Bluesman Hurricanes of Love comes from Baltimore with his fresh take on psychedelic folk while the six-foot-nine ex-riverboatman Lil Howlin’ Wolf (Chicago) plays a broken brand of lo-fi, creepy blues. The poppy and irresistible Palehound come to us on tour from New York (seriously, check them out) and local brain melter Buck Gooter rounds out what is sure to be an interesting, absorbing night of talented folks.
Bishops, Azores, DJ Barkley + Silent auction Clementine Cafe Thursday, March 12 8 PM $5 for show
Harrisonburg’s favorite Frenchman recently injured the shit out of himself playing for the Palefire Brewery indoor team, and some good hearted folks have teamed up to help collect money for his hospital bills. The totally dreamy Azores joins forces with the 90s worshipping Bishops (Funny/Not Funny Records) from West Virginia to put on what is sure to be a grand show. DJ Barkley will spin downstairs to a silent auction to raise money for Andrea’s injuries. We’re coming to help you, mon petit prince!
Chasing Manet Court Square Theater Opening night Thursday, March 12 8 PM $12 The Valley Playhouse’s newest production “Chasing Manet” begins it’s two week run with an opening night on Thursday, March 12. If you’ve missed their past few shows, be sure to catch this witty comedy focused around the lives of two elderly women adjusting to their lives in a retirement home. The two women begin planning one last trip around the world in this exploration of character and spirit. Be sure to catch one of the showings before they hang it up for good. There’s even a “Pay What You Will” night on Thursday, March 19th, so there’s no excuse not to go!
Earthling, Ilsa, Vorator Crayola House Friday, March 13 10 PM Donations
Rocktown’s first metal show of March promises to be, like, HEAVY man. The indisputably brutal Ilsa headline the show, touring with their new album of doomy, sludge metal with awesome hints of classic hardcore thrown in. Richmond’s supergroup Vorator blasts into town cranking out waves and waves of furiously fast black metal, and Harrisonburg metal titans Earthling round out this showcase of distortion.
The Bodies, Azores MyMansion Saturday, March 14 9 PM Donations Touring buddies Henrietta and Big Awesome hop into Harrisonburg bringing with them the sad, poppy sounds of indie rock from the American south. Henrietta boasts an ear for heart-achingly compositions that sit with you for a few days while you gaze out of windows and their bus, while Big Awesome raise you back up through toe-tapping songs of irresistible poppy emo. One of our favorite local acts, the Bodies, makes a rare appearance, showcasing an individual sound of drony pop. Rocktown’s fastest rising band, Azores, rounds out what promises to be a badass night pure fun.
Perfect Pussy, Skating Polly,
Whorecough, Azores Clementine Cafe Wednesday, March 18 9 PM $10 adv/$12 show
If you missed Skating Polly at MACRoCk last year, I’m sure you heard all about it. The infectious sister duo put crank out skater punk jams that ring in your ears for weeks and thrash around with a stage presence that spreads throughout the room. Joining them on stage are one of the nation’s fast growing bands, Perfect Pussy, who play a totally unique style of audacious, sound heavy punk that is as composed and melodic as it is anarchic. The awesomely grimy Whorecough adds their crazy energy to the show with those rowdy heartbreakers Azores closing out the bill.
Yellow King, Hivelord, Unsacred, Treatment (WWE Booking Show) Little Grill Collective Friday, March 27 9 PM $4
If you’ve never been to a metal show at the Little Grill Collective, you HAVE to check this one out. There’s an odd satisfaction in having your heart chambers rattle with the glass at the little vegetarian place, and we can guarantee that is going to happen when Philadelphia’s Hivelords and Richmond’s Unsacred blow up the spot. Hivelords live and die by classic black metal, blending in elements of crossover doom and Unsacred (Forcefield Records) assault you with the increasingly popular style of black-as-fuck crust punk. Harrisonburg’s ultra noisey (and ultra talented) Yellow King bring the mosh, and Worst Week Ever best buds Treatment make their first appearance in Harrisonburg, bringing with them melodic and rhythmic postcore. Don’t miss this show to close out the month!
Cara Walton Photography
Crab Action Vampire Robot Werewolf Airplane
For the past couple of years the interstellar collective of musicians known only as Crab Action has steadily risen to become the premier entertainment act that demands your attendance in Harrisonburg. This quintet from Pluto has sold out the Blue Nile, closing out MACRoCk with their act “Mecrabbica�, packed Court Square Theater for the 24 Hour Project, and in March they are getting together with legends Aggrocrag to absolutely destroy Clementine cafe. Now Crab Action has taken the next step in their conquest of total Earth domination, putting out their first full length album Vampire Robot Werewolf Airplane to instill fear and horror into the home of every Earthling.
Crab action opens up the album with a pacing, thunderous track that forces your attention immediately, and you begin to feel your eyes dilate while your heart steps up its work. The Day the Earth Stood Still is a classic punk straight from the clubs of 1977 Essex. The rest of the A side really sets the overall theme for the album, thoughjust do everything classic, and do it right. While Vampire Robot Werewolf Airplane has it’s fair share of bridges, breakdowns, and walls of sound, the real meat of this album comes from the riffs that you imagine are being recorded while the band rides in motorbikes and sidecars, blasting sawed off shotguns at radiated mutants that escaped from the foothills of Yucca Mountain. Nothing is overwhelmingly heavy, but every chord is sure to make you bang your head.
And, for a band you just want to rage out to, Vampire Robot Werewolf Airplane is a surprisingly eclectic album, pushing forward to new sounds with each and every track, so much that you can’t get bored listening to the vinyl over and over again, despite only ticking in with six tracks. The result is a boorish, fun album wrapped up with guitar solo vines that weave in and out of your ears. Every track is unpredictable, from dark to catchy, raw or refined. We got a chance to ask these spacelords about their mission on Earth and just how close to true doom their album will bring us.
WWE: You’ve planted your act in Harrisonburg for a few years now, playing shows at practically every venue in town, with a wide array of artists. Do you have a particularly memorable show? CA: Almost all of them have been memorable for one reason or another. But our memory sucks. Our first show with Broccoli Killbush on guitar was horrible. All of us except the bass player (bass) had too many beers and played like crap. Then people tried to tackle Gnat King Cruel (vocals), failed, but in the attempt covered the Blue Nile stage in bodies and beer. Mark Finks, who was working sick that night, legitimately and reasonably wanted to kill us for making such a huge mess. For some reason he let us come back though. He’s the best. WWE: How long ago did you start writing this album? I mean, that’s gotta be a long trip from Pluto. I’m sure you wanted to set everything straight. CA: We came to your planet to clear up this whole “not a planet” misconception you Earthlings have about Planet Pluto. Obviously entering a Rock Lotto drawing was the best way to accomplish that and we wrote four of the songs between January and March of
Earth Year 2012 for that. Then ADHDTV (guitar) left the band, Thrasho Molestachio (guitar) and Broccoli Killbush (guitar) joined, and we wrote the other two songs. Recording and mixing was pretty quick thanks to Praveen Chhetri turning all the right knobs. But then things got really slowed up when our teleporter malfunctioned and the master tapes got lost in a time paradox between a black hole and the Crab Nebula. We eventually got back on track, Chris Porter and Jeff Guinn crushed the artwork, and now we’re done. WWE: This album has just boatloads of energy popping out. Is that, like, from some sort of Plutonian serum? Where’s that come from, man? CA: Between shows each member of Crab Action is kept in a suspended animation chamber and fed with dark matter piped via wormhole from a dying galaxy. This causes us to remain young and antsy. Beer and skateboarding will basically give you the same effect. Vampire Robot Werewolf Airplane
WWE: Vampire Robot Werewolf Airplane is constantly trading off musical themes, jumping from sci-fi horror to just straight up party punk. How important is it that you keep the adrenaline on the album flowing while trying to take us out of our atmosphere at the same time? CA: The various members of Crab Action have a staggeringly diverse repertoire of musical tastes and abilities, with the technical knowledge and innate sense of musicality necessary to meld them all into the unique and fascinating experience you describe. Unfortunately when you play your instruments with crab claws it all comes out sounding like hardcore and metal. WWE: Aside from the usual loops around the Kuiper belt and stopping at the rings of Saturn, do you have any plans to take this show on the road? CA: We’ve been invited by Emperor Ming the Merciless to play at Flash Gordon’s execution this spring, and we’ve got regular summer wedding sets at the Cloud City Frontier Culture Museum on Bespin. On Earth we’ve got shows coming up in Richmond at Strange Matter on March 6, in Charlottesville at Buddhist Biker Bar on March 7, and in Harrisonburg at Clementine on March 8.
WWE: Can you give us any insight into any typical band dilemmas that are inflated due to the fact you’re all blasting through the thoughtless void of space, cramped in a used spaceship? CA: The A/C on the star cruiser has been out of order since it failed in Earth Year 2000 due to Y2K incompatibility. With 5 or 6 stinky dudes in the ship you can imagine it gets pretty rank in there, and you can’t just roll down the window because you’re in outer space. Also, Anthrax’s “I’m the Man” single has been stuck in the tape deck and we can’t get it out. It was cool for at first, but after 3.6 billion miles it’s gotten old. The Unnameable Horror (aka “Lloyd”, drums) and Booze Worm (guitar) both have outstanding parking tickets in every star system from Klingon to the Planet of the Apes so we’re constantly having to dodge bounty hunters. WWE: So, do you want to party with us or exterminate us? CA: We’re here to party. You’re here to die. So both really. But don’t take it personally, these things just tend to happen once we get going.
Cara Walton Photography
WORST WEEK EVER
Lizzy Has A Dance Recital She Can’t Get Out Of
Cara Walton Photography
it’s cold. really cold up here. temperatures so cold you’ll turn black. the cold so brutal you can’t stand it. so much of my time is hers. so many beautiful women in bars. so cold your fingers feel broken. the coffee so warm it burns. the love so good it hurts you. it’s cold. so cold you can’t stand it. you’ve come to the riverbed an ocean. so cold you forget what it means. Eliza made cornbread for breakfast
the edges crisped up in a pan of butter. it’s cold. Lizzy doesn’t want to get up. it’s Saturday. Lizzy doesn’t understand it’s Saturday. it’s cold. Lizzy has a dance recital she can’t get out of but all she wants to do is “kick it” with friends. Lizzy pirouettes through the dance steps, habitually moving her body. you can’t stand it. you’ve come to see her dance but she doesn’t make it. she’s late. it’s cold. so cold you can’t stand it. so cold you forget what it means. A. LOGAN HILL
You might as well be dead to me. Gone. What more is out there than what is here? Didn’t it all follow you through the air, and travel the ocean’s floor-wait at the terminal, smirking proudly, wet and dripping, with a sign in hand-WELCOME HOME!!!
Does it still hate me when you are a world away-or has its pulse weakened by the miles? Does it breathe vengeance more steadily, or did it die since you aren’t around to mother it? “I demand you to come home.” I returned years later to “home”, a lost land; forgiveness, or bust. Cara Walton Photography Cara Walton Photography
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decades the bottom of these tomb stones have eroded, left for the years to unravel. the top of these grounds have thrived, given to the years with pleasure. the tips of my toes are eventually lost feeling, still, I stand here with a gaze. the years haven’t been good to you my friend, I know, I know, same here. decades of lust and dust stands still in the air, I keep my eyes stretched upon. Until a piece pierces my eye.
KENNETH W. PHIPPS JR.
Matt Jarrels
Album Reviews
Cara Walton Photography
Vomiting Dinosaurs - Worship the Porcelain God
If you’re not familiar with Harrisonburg’s kings of grind yet, Worship the Porcelain God is perhaps the perfect way for this absolutely brutal three piece to introduce themselves to you. Their first label release (Grimoire Records) is filled with what you need to satisfy your metal quota, as each track beefs up from the last with technical, unrelenting grindcore and classic death metal. Vomiting Dinosaurs harkens back to the glory days of old school New York style death metal on this release, kicking your ass from the first track, “Crypt Kegger”, all the way to the finish.
As you can imagine, these guys don’t take anything they do too seriously, and in a world of metal elitists and sound purists, that’s just a goddamned breath of fresh air. Finally a death metal album I can just sit back and absorb without thinking “well, does this make me a better person?” Noit fucking won’t. And that’s great. Worship the Porcelain God maintains steadiness and fills expectations without subcoming to predictability, with each track offering a tiny flair of individuality while maintaining strictness to the theme- colorful, thoughtless brutality. Technically, the album is as good as you’re going to get from any death-grind outfit. The blast beats are punctual, the notes jump in unison, and when they do choose to create walls of pure sound it is succinct and appropriate. You aren’t going to be listening to three minutes of noise waiting for the fruit to bear on this album, Vomiting Dinosaurs just shoves the apple right down your throat.
Candidate Demo - Let Your Agony Bells Ring
Since Candidate Demo’s beginnings, it’s been hard to find the right array of adjectives to describe the fucked up aggression of their songs. Nihilistic? Tumultuous? Antagonistic? There’s just an odd aura of anger that juts out from bands that scream with this much tenacity over drum machines. Let Your Agony Bells Ring is, however, Candidate Demo’s most ambitious outpouring yet, an intriguing blend of abrasive punk and lo-fi half-jazz. On tracks like Hackle’s Rise you find yourself tapping your foot, and when you notice you ask yourself “what the hell
am I doing?”. There’s an implacable cloud of catchiness throughout the album, and it’s not even where they choose to throw in harmonies. When the song drops and you hear a primal scream break through a cloud of tribal, electronic drums are the most memorable moments of this album. Let there be no debate- Candidate Demo is Harrisonburg’s most instantly recognizable band. Love them or hate them (love them), the duo has their signature and that’s something you can’t say about so many bands in small towns like ours. Let Your Agony Bells Ring is just a further testament to this fact, another notch on the batshit-crazy belt these two dudes hold their pants up with.
Suter Bay - Personal Episodes Affirm Nothing Under Tra
Written by Iain Oldman
Suter Bay is one of the growing number of young bands that are aching to cement themselves in Harrisonburg’s growing scene and making my cobwebbed ass feel super old. Thanks, guys. On Personal Episodes Affirm Nothing Under Traditional Sentiments (whew, catch your breath), this sleepy duo chooses to ink out a foothold for themselves using two of Rocktown’s favorite sounds- folk and punk. The album is unusually eclectic for a group that chooses the anti-folk genre, jumping from dreary, solo singersongwriter pieces to poppy, hook driven punk ballads
aditional Sentiments
that are more Tim Barry than Sleeptalker. Pleasantly, you can observe the growth and potential that these guys have carried on from last year’s recordings. Each track has purpose and dictates memory, and the lyricism has grown leaps and bounds on tracks like From the Top and The Only Person. All and all, you can see the direction this group is headed, and that direction is up. It’s only a matter of time before Suter Bay demands attention on show bills and controls the town’s murmurs.
Written by Iain Oldman
Malatese - Dry Rot Resident
Malatese has carved their name into the annals of Harrisonburg musical lore through their ability to maintain and carry this town’s alternative punk scene, challenging expectations along the way. With each release, the group seems to separate themselves from any labels that Bandcamp tags or Facebook event pages want to affix onto them: psychedelic punk, avant garde, postpost-punk. Trust us, their new cassette release Dry Rot Resident insists on challenging any categorization. The more and more I keep listening to this release, it’s hard to describe it as a recording because it feels like listening to an organism. Every track leads to a different path of living, breathing experimentation that are cobbled
together with loose definitions of harmony, like the track Normal Sea., which builds and builds with a mandatory responsibility from the listener to pay attention to each and every instrument’s path through the track. And, of course, when that track ends and you think you’ve figured out Malatese’s theme, they hit you with Hemorrhoid Chakra, which begins clunking around like a traditional garagepunk composition. Dry Rot Resident would get listeners absolutely pissed if it weren’t so unbelievably engaging. It’s hard to not imagine this album, though very early on, as being Harrisonburg’s top album of 2015. It’s just that good. From start to finish, Dry Rot Resident is a whimsical, terrifying tour through the fucked up brains of Harrisonburg’s best and most complicated composers.
Now booking shows for local and out of town bands, contact Michael Steele at
worstweekeverbooking@gmail.com
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