Eight Billion People in the World... Why Me?

This book is a collection of writing and art created by kids in the Writers’ Exchange and Writers’ Room after-school programs during our winter and spring 2023 terms.

The Writers’ Exchange is a community that supports under-resourced kids and youth to build their confidence and get excited about reading, writing and their own potential. All of our programs are free for the children and families we serve, and we could not exist without the support of our amazing donors.

Many thanks to anonymous, the Louis Family, Captain Scott Legacy Society, The Grayross Foundation held at the Vancouver Foundation, The Waterbury Foundation, Megan Abbott, Sasamat Foundation, City of Vancouver, BC Gaming, Bernard MacLeod, Seedlings Foundation, Premium Brands, Low Tide Properties, Canadian Red Cross and the Public Health Agency of Canada, Taylor Taliesin Foundation, Amir and Yasmin Virani Family Foundation, BC Social Venture Partners Foundation, CKNW Kids Fund, Face The World, Jim and Casey Fletcher, JTC Heersink Foundation, RBC Global Asset Management, Rogers Communications, Vancouver Fraser Port Authority, CLICK, The Wolrige Foundation, Tweedledum Foundation, Jamie Evrard, Mathisen Family Foundation, Raise-a-Reader and DECODA, The Hamber Foundation, Rain or Shine Homemade Ice Cream, Jeff Charpentier, Nancy and Ted Maitland, Grant Conroy and Genus Capital Management, SFU Vancity Office of Community Engagement, Diane and Robert Matson, the Chase Family, Royal Bank of Canada, Carlie Trueman, Constance Burnett, David Ferguson, Margaret Dickson, Morie Ford, Teresa Toews, Denise Baker, Mark Tindle, Not Just Coffee Fund and Vancity Community Foundation.

Sasamat Foundation

The Grayross Foundation

Seedlings Foundation

Taylor Taliesin Foundation

generously donated the printing of this chapbook

is an in-kind partner of the Writers’ Exchange

All of our programs take place on the traditional and stolen territories of the xʷməθkʷəy̓əm, Sḵwxwú7mesh and Səl̓ílwətaʔ Nations. We recognize that we all work within ongoing systems of oppression and colonization, and we commit to being a decolonial ally by building long-term relationships and by listening to, learning from, and amplifying the voices of our Indigenous friends.

Eight Billion People in the World…

WHY ME?

The Writers' Exchange at 877

Why You Shouldn’t Listen to K-pop by Chi Chi

There Is No Book by Joey

Bacon and the Baby Duck by Lucia

Yasmeen and Her Age by Yasmeen

The Trip! by Sara

Cheese by Hiba

Epic Facts About Dinosaurs! by Louisa

Random Quotes by William by William

Chess Win People by Hayden

Diala’s Candy Shop by Diala

June by Aimee

Hi by Mattias

The Knowledge Carrying Alien by Meisa

Maysaa’s Shop by Maysaa

The Pizza Story by Shadi

The Wolf by Gordon

The Chick by Sherry

The Police Catch the People by Mariana

DIS by Hamza

Hell Park by Kiana

How I Met My Friends by Sasha

My Life by Sydney

The Haunted House by Remas

The Little Unicorn by Marah

Candymine by Clancy

Zombies Are Attacking UBC by Hiba

Scream by Malak

Musical Fire!!! by Owen

Bloody Shelly by Sireen

Soccer Star by Khalil

Going to Jordan by Ahmad

Pizza by Monet

Green Story by Jade

The Writers' Room at Queen Alexandra & 1428 Charles

The Hallucination by Emerito

Kindness Spreads Everywhere by Mila

Cole’s Guide to Unicorn Make-up by Cole

Colour the Picture! by Natalia

Yogurt by Jaden

Colour the Picture by Nayeli

School by Anaya

My Dog Milo by Mia

Anna Goes Camping by Rosemary

Snow by A.S. ❤

Racetrack by Anthony

Good Friends, Good Family by A.S. ★

Riddle by Helena

Dino by John

Brown Bear by Ayla

Banan by Kevin

Bao by Chloe

Skytrain by Nico

Little Bunny by Brooklyn

TikTok Food Review by Karis

Hot Dog Boat by Aria

Singers by J.A.

Winter in Vancouver by Phyllis

The Exhausting Paperwork by Meghan and Tanya

Attack by Katelee

Ratatouille Cooks by Lilac

Perry the Flamingo by Aralyn

Your Birth Month, Your Flower by Ali

When You Try to Catch a Trainer’s Pokémon by Andrei

Sun and Moon by Wilson

Al-Haitham by Napaysni

Happy Birthday by Aiyana

=) by anonymous

Attack of the Gungans by Michael

Garten of BanBan 2 Tier List by Arjuna

Bow and Arrow by Omari

Part of My Pokémon Team by Cosmo

Celebrities by Kasper

Throw Away Your Orange Peel by Shirley

Things That I Did During Spring Break by Serenity

Grandview ¿uuqinak ′uuh Elementary

Turtle Avenger, Part 2 by Jerico

iii by Phoenix

Weird Things About Life by Ana Julia

Jeramy’s Funny Jokes by Jeramy

Queens of Wonderland by Kym

Fred Bear’s Family Dinner by Hassan

The Ancient Woof by Tia

A Day in the Life of King Duolingo by Lily

The Kitty Claw Adventures, Part 1 by Ghinnvieve

Chick by Ariana

The Last Fred by Shy

The Perfect K-pop Playlist by Diamond

Thunderbird Elementary

Random Fun Facts by Jaydrian

Sneaker by Hunter

Spring Rolls by Jorian

Just Madness by Athenna

Bug Thing by Briyanth

How Well Do You Know BTS? by Esther

Basketball by Kinan

Drawing by Amber

Just Breathe by Destiny

pey Elementary

Root Beer Dog by Max

VANCOUVER TECHNICAL SECONDARY SCHOOL

How to Build a Snowman by James

Mac n Cheese by Riley

The Hand by Tommy

Things You Can Put Popcorn Seasoning On by Mason

My McDonald’s Order by Pinto, Douglas, Daniel, Shafae and Elizabeth

Ratty Tatty by Hailey

Candy Fairy by Ashley

Starburst by Mackenzie

There and Back Again by Damien the Adventurer

Colour Me In! by Celest

Jokes by David

MiKAEla by Mikaela and Kae

THE YOUTH PROGRAM AT 877

Tony the Last Stand Bender by Jeff

Kennitron by Farley

The Rock by Philip

We Try Viral Recipes by the Writers’ Exchange High School Youth

A Day in the Life of a Live Action Stapler by Sequoia

Artificial Sweeteners by Tony

Where Am I? by anonymous

Conspiracy Theory: The Final Chapter by Stephanie

Autographs

The Writers' Exchange at 877 Why You Shouldn’t

Listen to K-pop

BY CHI CHI, AGE 12

"MY CARCUS MOLLA BAKA."

-OLI LONDON

1. You will be obsessed after listening to one song.

2. You will become broke.

3. You will feel like Cinderella naega byeonhae.

4. You will become distracted during class because you are thinking about K-pop idols.

5. If you become distracted, you will fail.

6. If you fail, you won’t be able to get hired and will become a disappointment.

7. You can only hear people say: “Onion-ha-say-oreo.”

8. You will become Oli London.

9. You will try to sing and fail miserably.

10. You will be a disappointment to your parents.

11. All you will be able to talk about is K-pop idols.

12. People will judge you.

13. You will do aegyo and apply aegyo-sal.

Good thing K-pop doesn’t exist.

There Is No Book

BY JOEY, AGE 7

(*coughing*) Hello reader,

I... I have bad news. Actually, there is no book. I hope you’re not too disappointed. I just glued the letters on, so please don’t try to take the letters off (especially the letter O).

Bacon and the Baby Duck

BY LUCIA , AGE 10

The mama duck gave birth to the baby duck. The baby duck made a friend who was named Bacon the pig. A snake tried to eat them but they ran away to find the mama duck. They were worried. Later, Bacon and the baby duck were blowing some bubbles, but the snake came back with its best friend. Tiger the snake said, “I’ll get the pig, you get the baby duck.” But the mama duck came out and said, “Leave them alone.” She got out her slipper, and when they saw the slipper they ran away. Everybody lived happily ever after.

Yasmeen and Her Age

BY YASMEEN, AGE 9

My name is Yasmeen and my age is nine and my birthday is in April.

The Trip!

BY SARA, AGE 11

We went to Jordan. Our Grampa and Gramma were in Jordan and we went so they could see us. At first they were in Syria, but they had to go to Jordan. It was so much fun. We even went to an indoor play park where there was a roller coaster. I also went to my friend’s home. There were two girls and two boys. They were so fun to play with and they were really funny. Our home in Jordan was so big even though it was an apartment. (At school we did enough writing, so that’s the end of this story.)

Cheese

BY HIBA , AGE 13, AND AHMAD

C heese can be stretchy and yummy

H ot and cold it can be

E very day it reminds me of a tasty corn dog

E ven though it’s so cheesy

S ome people like it on top of fries

E nd of each bite, my tummy wants more cheese

Epic Facts About Dinosaurs!

BY LOUISA , AGE 10

VELOCIRAPTOR

Length: 2 metres

Height: 0.5 metres

Weight: 15 kilograms

Diet: Leftover carcasses killed by larger dinosaurs

Fascinating fact: Velociraptors’ bodies were about the same size as a Christmas turkey!

PLESIOSAUR

Length: 4 to 5 metres

Height: 1 metre

Weight: 450 kilograms

Diet: Fish and molluscs

Fascinating fact: They lived in shallow waters near the coast.

Random Quotes by William

BY WILLIAM, AGE 11

“I am the straw.”

“It’s all skills, you’re just bad.”

“What if I turn into a ping pong ball?”

“Green is the colour of special.”

“You have to keep the kids special.”

“I don’t know anything anymore. Everything is a lie.”

“What if your birthday is on April 1 and people said, You’re a joke?”

“Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? Because he didn’t have the backbone to do it!”

“No, seriously—I don’t have a backbone.”

Chess Win People

BY HAYDEN

Diala’s Candy Shop

BY DIALA , AGE 6

At my candy shop, I have ice cream and chocolate syrup.

June

BY AIMEE, AGE 7

On my birthday I’m going to a camp called Camp Kiwanis. My cousins are going to play with me and I hope my mom is going to be there. They always bring new stuff at Camp Kiwanis. I will sleep in a cabin. A cabin is a little house made of wood and it’s outside of the city. I hope I’m old enough to go on the zipline. I think it would be a little bit fun and a little bit scary. My cousins and my sister, Sasha, have been at the camp. The zipline is only for kids age eight and up. I’m six now. Also, when I’m eight I’m going on the zipline as soon as I get there. I’m going to invite friends. I’m happy when I see my friends. I’ll be happy even if my mom’s not there.

BY MATTIAS, AGE 9

The Knowledge Carrying Alien

BY MEISA, AGE 10

Once upon a time there was an alien who crashed to earth. The rocket ship he was flying was destroyed. The alien was really confused. He looked around and spotted a flower. It fascinated him, so he walked up and touched it. Somehow, the flower started to grow. It grew and grew.

The alien was determined to learn about Earth’s cultures. After a couple of years, the alien knew almost everything and he got a new house. One day, he went fishing. He almost caught a fish but it started to get heavy. He was very confused, but when he was finally able to pull it out, it turned out to be a rabbit. He went back home with it and made the rabbit his pet. At first the rabbit was crazy, but after a bit of training it was nicer.

One day, when it was heavily raining, the alien and the rabbit went outside for a walk. The alien had heard a bit of rumbling, but he ignored it. Suddenly, lightning struck the rabbit. The alien was devastated. Then he heard something walking toward him. He turned around and saw a figure. It was hard to see clearly, but it looked like the figure had taken out some kind of object. Right before the figure came at the alien with it, the ghost of the rabbit appeared and blocked the hit.

The alien was scared and ran home. But when he got there, he realized that his home had been destroyed. The alien started to get angry. He wanted revenge. For a few days, he survived in the wild until he couldn’t stop himself from going to look for the figure. When he found it, it was much bigger. He picked up the sharpest thing he could find on the ground and threw it at the figure, but he didn’t really damage it and it disappeared into the woods.

The alien was still super mad and he still wanted revenge. He kept looking until he saw that first flower. Now it was much bigger. The alien tried to use his powers on the flower again, but this time the flower started to rot. Instead of being sad he was somehow fascinated. He tried using his powers on a tree and this time it worked and the tree broke. The alien thought about using his powers as an advantage over the figure. He kept on searching until he found the figure again, and he saw that it had become much clearer. What if the other one was just a clone? he wondered. He tried to use his powers on the figure, but it was much stronger now. He was able to defeat it, but his arms were hurting. He may have overused his powers.

Then, he saw the ghost of the rabbit. It silently said, Thank you. The ghost of the rabbit faded away, and the alien knew that the world was at peace.

Maysaa’s Shop

BY MAYSAA, AGE 6

My favourite candy is chocolate and ice cream.

The Pizza Story

BY SHADI

My favourite food is pizza.

The Wolf

BY GORDON, AGE 7

One night the wolf came to someone’s house. He took all their things and ran away. When the people woke up, they couldn’t find their things. The wolf had taken all their toys away!

Soon, the people found the wolf. The wolf was in someone’s room. He had eaten all the food in the house.

The Chick

BY SHERRY, AGE 10

Once upon a time a chicken laid an egg. A few days later the egg hatched. A snake was approaching the chicken and chick. The mother of the chick was very worried for her baby chick. As the snake jumped to bite the mother and chick, a pig jumped in front of them and saved them just in time. A tiger came and scared the snake away. Then the tiger saved the pig with a magic liquid, and the pig came back to life. They all lived happily ever after.

The Police Catch the People

BY MARIANA, AGE 6

Some people went to the police station to steal their stuff. They took all the stuff to use for somebody else, and they ate all their food. The robbers were playing together, but then the police all woke up and saw them. The robbers ran away but the police caught them. The robbers were tired when they were put into jail. The police looked in their bags and found all of their stuff.

DIS

BY HAMZA , AGE 8

DIS is a video game about soccer. You start off with bad players and you have to earn the good players. You practice free kicks, and also penalty and corner kicks.

Hell Park

BY KIANA, AGE 11

DAMIEN PIP

GREGORY ESTELLA THOMAS HIS FAT HEAD

TWEEK

Once upon a time there was a South Park alternate universe called Hell Park. In that park there was a famous “Mervama” song called “The Couple Who Stole the World.” That couple was Pip and Damien! Their outfits were purple and yellow. Damien wore a black crop top, a purple jacket and yellow jeans. Pip wore a yellow T-shirt, purple shorts and a bowtie. Pip and Damien were playing a concert and Gregory, Estella, Tweek and Thomas were there. They were performing “The Couple Who Stole the World” live! And the crowd went wild!

How I Met My Friends

BY SASHA , AGE 9

Hi! I’m Sasha. I met Louisa in grade 1. I met Sherry in basketball. I met Meisa in grade 1. I met Sydney in grade 3. I met Lucia in grade 2. My best, best, best, best, bestie is everyone

My Life

BY SYDNEY, AGE 10

Once upon a time I was going to tell you about my life. So then I went to the toilet instead. Bye now.

The Haunted House

BY REMAS, AGE 9

I was staring out the window looking at the creepy house across the street. I heard my mom calling me for dinner, but I was curious about the creepy looking house. Someone had lived in that creepy looking house a long time ago.

While I was eating dinner, I was still thinking about the creepy house. I told myself that I should text my friends to meet up so we could try to break into the creepy house. My friends were saying it was haunted, but I didn’t think it was. Maybe it wasn’t, but I can’t just say because no one knows.

So, that evening, I texted my friends and they agreed to break in with me. The next morning, we met up at my friend Chloe’s house. Our plan was to go to the creepy house and try to break in. Once we were in, we would look around, but we would stick together. If something happened to us, then RIP. And if nothing happened to us, then I guess that’s good.

So we went. We tried and tried until we managed to break in. Inside, we saw someone so we tried to leave. But the door closed in front of us and we couldn’t get out.

The Little Unicorn

Once upon a time there was a unicorn and her family. One day a monster came and the unicorn flew away. She flew away to a forest, but when she got there she thought about her mom and dad. She started to cry and she flew back to the monster and defeated him. Then she saw that her parents were still alive. They all lived happy ever after.

Candymine

BY MARAH, AGE 9 BY CLANCY, AGE 12

Someone told this guy about Candyman. He told the guy to say “Candyman” three times, and the guy did it. But instead of “Candyman” the guy said “Candymine.” The man said, “That’s not how you say it.” And the guy said, “I don’t care.”

Zombies Are Attacking UBC

BY HIBA, AGE 13, WITH HELP FROM HER VOLUNTEER, LEO

A cold wind barrelled down Main Mall and Lisa shivered. When she had put on her blue dress that morning, she hadn’t thought about how cold it would get after the sun fell. All she’d been thinking of was seeing Hiba. Her best friend had been gone for a whole week and had just arrived back last night. Something rustled in the bushes beside Lisa and she jumped. A squirrel dashed out of the greenery. For a moment, Lisa was relieved. But then she turned around and saw a figure behind a tree. It’s just another squirrel, she thought, and kept walking. She was so excited to see Hiba that she didn’t realize that someone was following her around.

Lisa was thinking about all the good times she’d had with her best friend when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She freaked out and turned around, but she saw nothing. She kept walking and, suddenly, she felt a pain. Something had bit down on the back of her neck. She fainted and fell down on the ground. Blood was all around her and when she turned over to look at the sky, there was a man standing over her who looked as if his skin was all green. Then he turned away and started heading to her best friend’s house. That’s when it hit her... he was a zombie.

Scream

BY MALAK, AGE 11

Once upon a time there was a girl named Ella. Ella was 14 years old. She had five friends who all wanted to go trick or treating with her. Ella said it was a bad idea because her sister Emma had gone missing on Halloween. But Ella still went.

That night, Ella got a lot of candy. After she and her friends finished their trick or treating, Ella went home to take a warm bath. After her bath, she got some of her candy and got a Coca Cola and made some popcorn. Then she watched a movie while she waited for her mom to get home.

After about three hours, Ella heard a loud bang on the door. She went to open it and saw a scary man. She started to scream and the man said, “You’re my next victim, so watch out!”

Ella was scared to death. She called her mom and started to cry on the phone. Her mom was worried and came home as fast as she could. Ella told her mom everything that happened, and her mom was traumatized about what she heard.

The next day, before she went to work, Ella’s mom told her, “Do not open the door for anyone, do you hear me?” Ella said yes. But after Ella’s mom left, she heard a scream and then a thump on the floor. The phone rang, and when Ella answered she heard a deep, creepy voice saying, “I will get you.” Ella was crying, but she said, “What’s next, huh? Are you going to show up in my living room? Well I have a camera set up!” The creepy man said, “Look behind you,” but when Ella did no one was there. “You’re not scaring me, and whoever you are stop the act,” said Ella, and then she hung up. That’s when she saw a man dressed up as Ghost Face. Ella started to scream and the man tried to get her but then the alarm went off. Ella was taken to the hospital. Ella got better, but on her last day at the hospital, she saw the Ghost Face man again, and it started all over.

Musical Fire!!!

BY OWEN, AGE 9

Oooooh! Yeah! �� Suffocating burning oh! Yeeah! �� Started from the wood, put it together yeah! Wanna stop it... grab a fire extinguisher, oh yeah!

�� And blast it!

Credits

Musical by Owen

Starring Owen

Directed by Owen

Published by Owen

Bloody Shelly

BY SIREEN, AGE 10

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Mary. She was only 10 years old. One day she went to the woods with her friend Kaysey and her other friend Sirene. Her mother said, “Never go to the woods—especially the Roach Wood.” Mary was a kid who got into a lot of trouble at school. She would pick fights with a girl named Shelly who had braces and glasses. Mary would call her names and once she even broke her glasses.

Mary and her friends went through the forest anyway. They stopped because Sirene needed to tie her shoes, and when they looked up they saw a girl with glasses standing there. It was Shelly, and she was carrying something under her arm. The girls got a better look, and Mary asked, “Who is that?” Shelly just said, “Time to get revenge!”

The girls tried to run away, but Shelly was too fast. She grinned and the girls started screaming at the tops of their lungs. Shelly said, “Oh, I wish you hadn’t done that...”

The next day at school, the girls were not there. Shelly was acting normal.

Be careful out there my friends...

Soccer Star

BY KHALIL, AGE 10

One day there were five kids playing soccer. Then two famous soccer players showed up. Their names were Ronaldo and Messi. The soccer players met the kids and the kids got Ronaldo and Messi jerseys. Then they played versus Ronaldo and Messi and Ronaldo and Messi won. The kids all got autographs then Ronaldo and Messi went home in their Lambo.

Going to Jordan

BY AHMAD

I’m excited to travel to Jordan so I can see my cousins. I haven’t seen them in seven years. When I see them I am going to hug them, but I am also going to be kind of shy. We are going to arrive there at 9 p.m. Everybody will surprise me and my family. I am excited for the food and to see my family. We are taking them lots of presents and they’re giving us presents too. The last time I was on a plane was seven years ago.

Pizza

BY MONET, AGE 10

Green Story

BY JADE, AGE 7

My favourite colour is green.

TREES FLOWERS BUSHES

The Writers’ Room at Queen Alexandra & 1428 Charles

The Hallucination

BY EMERITO, AGE 10

Emerito was getting along with his day. He was typing on the computer when the teacher noticed that he was being quietly mindful of his space. “Emerito, come here please,” said the teacher.

Emerito froze. Am I in trouble? he thought. He walked over to the desk. “Emerito, excellent job. I hereby award you with this bucket-filler.”

A bucket-filler was a prestigious award granted for good conduct at Queen Alexandra Elementary School. Emerito was happy. It’s nice to get recognition!

Bucket-filler safely in the bucket, Emerito went to lunch feeling great. During 6th period, Emerito noticed something odd. The bucket-filler was mysteriously back on his desk. How did that get there? he wondered. It couldn’t have been the teacher. I must be hallucinating, Emerito thought. He went to the school secretary’s desk, where the bucket-fillers were kept. Not a single one had Emerito’s name on it. That’s strange, he said to himself. I usually have a good memory

It was weird, but what else could he do? Emerito went on with his day.

Kindness Spreads Everywhere

BY MILA , AGE 6

It spreads in different places, like Regina and Africa or in Shanghai or in Barcelona or in Vancouver.

It can spread in everybody’s bodies. Maybe in their hearts. And there are many things to do.

Like: holding the door, helping people with their lunch bags, letting other people go first, having playdates, saying something nice to people.

Cole’s Guide to Unicorn Make-up

BY COLE, AGE 7

8. Put more blush and put more colour and look in the mirror to see how it looks.

1. Put blush on your cheeks.

2. Look in the mirror and see how it looks.

3. Put lipstick on.

4. Look in the mirror that you used for the blush and see how it looks.

5. Pick your eyeshadow colour, and see how it looks in the mirror.

6. Put cute stickers on your lips and look in the

mirror to see how it looks.

7. Put popping out stickers on your eyeshadow and look in the mirror to see how it looks.

MIRROR EYEBROWS

Colour the Picture!

BY NATALIA , AGE 8

BLUSH LIPSTICK EYELINER EYESHADOW

Yogurt

BY JADEN, AGE 10

There was a yogurt who walked into a shop and got put on display. A girl named Emily bought the yogurt and took it home. The yogurt was scared and confused. Emily grabbed a spoon and the yogurt said, “No, no, no!

Please don’t eat me!”

“You talk?” said Emily

“Yes! Please don’t eat me!” said the yogurt.

“Well, too bad. I’m hungry,” said Emily, and ate the yogurt anyway.

“Ooh, that’s delicious,” she said.

Colour the Picture

BY NAYELI, AGE 6

I LOVE MY DOG MILO!

BY ANAYA, AGE 7

My Dog Milo

BY MIA, AGE 9

My dog is black and white. He loves swimming and he is four different breeds. I know he has some shepherd, but I forget the rest. So, bye!

MOM, ARE WE GOING YET?

Anna Goes Camping

BY ROSEMARY, AGE 7

WE'RE THERE!

I WANT TO MAKE A TREE HOUSE

IN TWO MINUTES I'M COMING!

THEY SET UP THE TENT

TIME TO GO

I'MABUILDING FIRE

THE END!

BY A.S. ❤ , AGE 8

We are playing in the snow. It is fun.

Racetrack

BY ANTHONY, AGE 7

Good Friends, Good Family

BY A.S. ★, AGE 8

FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE IMPORTANT

Riddle

BY HELENA, AGE 6

Give me wood I survive. Give me water I will die.

FRIENDS

BY JOHN, AGE 8

Brown Bear

BY AYLA, AGE 9

This brown bear is very hungry so he is looking for honey.

Banan

BY KEVIN, AGE 9

Once upon a time there was a guy named Banan who was the king of a castle. One time a guy named Orange went to attack Banan and his castle. After Orange attacked Banan, Banan attacked Orange. Orange got very angry and attacked Banan with a fireball. Banan got so angry that Banan and his guards shot a cannonball at Orange. Then a war happened. Banan and his men put one of Orange’s men in a rocket and shot him to the moon. A bird ate a fish, then the bird got dizzy and died. Banan went to a small company called Apple. They thought Orange was there, but Orange thought Banan was at Wal-Mart. Banan and Orange agreed to play checkers. Banan lost and so he raged. Orange ran for his life, and Banan and his men chased Orange to the castle. Once they reached the castle, Orange had nowhere to go. Banan kicked a melon at Orange and then the melon went after Banan.

Bao

BY CHLOE, AGE 7

How do I look, Daddy? said big brother Bao. Not again, said Mr. Bao.

Skytrain

BY NICO, AGE 10

Nico and mom are going to the Skytrain. At King George they have Tim Hortons.

Little Bunny

BY BROOKLYN, AGE 9

Once upon a time a little bunny was wearing a pink dress.

TikTok Food Review

BY KARIS, AGE 12

Fruit Roll-up Ice Cream

Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Ingredients:

՘ Rainbow fruit roll-up

՘ Mango ice cream

What did you like about it?

I liked the crunchies. I liked the cold ice cream. There was a good combination of the mango ice cream and the fruit roll-up.

What would you change about it?

I would want it to not get stuck in my teeth.

Hot Dog Boat

BY ARIA, AGE 9

(BTW, it’s a hot dog boat.)

Singers

BY J. A ., AGE 10

I'M IN LOVE WITH THE SHAPE OF YOU ❤

SHAKE IT OFF

YOU THOUGHT I WAS YOU? FOOLING.

RINGRING

AT MIA'S APARTMENT

WHAT'S WRONG!? ALSO, WHY ARE YOU WEARING YOUR PJS?

SURE. THANK YOU

Winter in Vancouver

BY PHYLLIS, AGE 11

HI! IT’S ME, MIA. MY HOUSE, NOW!

YESTERDAY I WAS SUPER BUSY AND I FORGOT TO PUT MY WET CLOTHES INTO THE DRYER. SO NOW I'M LEFT WITH THESE PJS.

HM... NOW WHERE ARE MY PJS...?

BACK AT MY HOUSE

WHY IS THE SCHOOL CLOSED? WELL...

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD WEAR YOUR PJS, SO I WOULDN'T FEEL LEFT OUT.

HI! HI!

YOU SURE YOU WANNA GO NOW?

The Exhausting Paperwork

BY MEGHAN, AGE 10, AND TANYA, AGE 10

UGH YES

HE'S DIVORCING ME

THOR'S HAMMER FRED STARTS SLEEPING

YESSS! WOAH

IKR WOAH

GUCCI, GUCCI... OH NO, IS THAT CARLA?

I FEEL SO GOOD, I'LL GO TO THE MALL

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SINCE THE DAY WE DIVORCED

AH!

HEY, EXCUSE ME

BY KATELEE, AGE 10

… ... JHON, WHERE'S THE GOAT?!

Ratatouille Cooks

BY LILAC, AGE 10

HELLO! WELCOME TO RATATOUILLE COOKS!

TODAY WE ARE MAKING CHEESE! MY FAVOURITE...

OOF, SORRY

REC ONE HOUR LATER

SO HOW DO I USE THIS?

JUST TYPE IT IN THE SEARCH BAR

NOW WE WILL MILK THE GOAT

UMM... JHON HOW DO I DO THIS?

UMM...

JHON ARE YOU STILL RECORDING?!

OK GUYS...UM, SO MY ASSISTANT FORGOT TO FILM, SO SADLY WE HAVE NO FOOTAGE OF US MAKING CHEESE

OH, SORRY!

HOURS LATER

HERE'S THE CHEESE....

BEHIND THE SCENES

AND THIS IS MY ASSISTANT JHON! ANYWAY, BYE GUYS!

I TYPED CHEESE INTO THE SEARCH BAR... NOW WHAT?

$10! JHON, WE'RE ON A LOW BUDGET

WE SPENT ALL THE MONEY ON OUR GOAT... SO YA!

THE END!

WE CAN BUY GOATS BUT NOT CHEESE?

HELLO, I AM PERRY

Perry the Flamingo

BY ARALYN, AGE 9

AND I'M VERY EXCITED!

AND LIFE IS GREAT! LIKE IT'S RAD!

*DOOR OPENS*

UH OH...

*DOOR OPENS*

I'M SO EXCITED FOR MY DATE!

*SLAM*

EEK! RUN NOW!

UM, SO WE NEED TO ESCAPE

SO NOW WITH A FULL STOMACH, LET'S GO TO THE CANDY SHOP

WHOA!

THAT'S THE ONE I SAW ON MY CAMERA!

YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!

THE END!

Your Birth Month, Your Flower

BY ALI, AGE 11

When You Try to Catch a Trainer’s Pokémon

BY ANDREI, AGE 12

WHEN YOU TRY TO CATCH A TRAINER’S POKÉMON

GOT TO CATCH HIM GET HIM

ALSO NERF

Sun and Moon

BY WILSON, AGE 12

Al-Haitham

BY NAPAYSNI, AGE 12

Pokémon Cosmog the Space Poof

Happy Birthday

BY AIYANA, AGE 13

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

WHO SA DERE?

Attack of the Gungans

BY MICHAEL, AGE 12

YOU SA GOOD HEY HAHA

NOOOOOOO

GET JARJAR ROGER ROGER SEBULBA VS. JARJAR

POODOO!

Garten of BanBan 2 Tier List in My Opinion

BY ARJUNA, AGE 8

BEST CAPTAIN

S OPILA BANBAN BABY OPILAS

A NABNAB SLOW SELINE

B C BANBALEENA

JUMBO JOSH

D F

Bow and Arrow

BY OMARI, AGE 6

Part of My Pokémon Team

BY COSMO, AGE 12

PART OF MY POKÉMON TEAM

SKELEDIRGE

Celebrities

BY KASPER, AGE 12

THE ROCK

HE'S BALD

HE DOES AN EYEBROW RAISE

BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH

HE HAS HAIR

HE'S DR. STRANGE

CLICKER, THE LAST OF US

HAS A FUNGUS

SPONGEBOB

HAS NO HAIR

Throw

Away Your ORANGE PEEL! (The Last Orange)

BY SHIRLEY, AGE 13

GOING IN...

THROW AWAY YOUR ORANGE PEEL TO

GOT IT. PULL ME BACK...

*THE LAST ORANGE*

HELLO? PULL ME BACK! OH NO... WHERE'S THE ORANGE?!

BE CONTINUED...

Things

That I Did During Spring Break

BY SERENITY, AGE 12

THINGS THAT I DID DURING

SPRING BREAK

TOURNAMENT SNUNEYMUXW NANAIMO

91 TEAMS MADE IT MADE IT TO 8TH PLACE

VICTORIA

MOM'S WORK AND JUST FOR FUN

SLEEPING BUT WAKING UP AT 5 A.M.

SWIMMING WITH TEAMMATES DANCE FOR JANT PLAYERS

THAT'S IT

Turtle Avengers, Part 2

BY JERICO, AGE 10

The turtles are back.

The turtles were parachuting above Egypt while they were on the phone. They landed and started a campfire and did their math homework. They booked a flight and fell asleep. Out the window they saw it was snowing, and they also saw a bunch of feet walking by. Because they were turtles they were low to the ground and could only see feet. Then they got home to their apartment building and realized they had accidentally taken someone else’s ID while they were looking at all the feet. They had to go all the way back to Egypt to return it.

BY PHOENIX, AGE 12

Weird Things About Life

BY ANA JULIA, AGE 12

՘ One day we all die

՘ IDK

՘ No one cannot lie

՘ Soulmates are confusing

՘ Anime is underestimated by people

՘ There is always one missing sock in the washing machine

՘ There is always too much to watch but when you’re looking for something to watch you can’t find anything

Jeramy’s Funny Jokes

BY JERAMY, AGE 12

Every time I’m bored I play a BORED game.

A “Karen” is... a person who demands to see the manager about their order even when the order is fine.

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?

A: An Impasta.*

I’m so bored I went outside and knocked on my own front door, then I ran inside and said, “Who is it?”*

*These two are from Google.

Queens of Wonderland

BY KYM, AGE 9

If I was prime minister...

՘ All mansions would be $300.

՘ I would start a purge so that all victims of murder could have revenge. Everyone would come back alive and restart.

՘ I would make sure that no one litters. The consequences for littering would be that you have to eat so much ice cream that you’ll go to the hospital.

՘ I would change the country into an extreme wonderland where there is so much candy. There would be lollipop trees, rivers of gummies and every single candy in the world. All beds would be made of gingerbread that will never rot and would always be clean. It would also grow back in seconds and it would be waterproof.

՘ All healthy food would be free and would never run out.

՘ I would have a snake emperor that would be the boss. It would be a female and her name would be Rose.

Fred Bear’s Family Dinner

BY HASSAN, AGE 9

HAHAHA, I WILL CLOSE IT DOWN

FRED BEAR’S FAMILY DINNER

BIRTHDAY PARTY ME

I GOT AN IDEA

DAD, HELP!

HAHAHA

NO! DAD BRO! STOP IT!

HE MADE IT JUST FOR ME

THIS IS ANUBIS. HE IS AN ANCIENT WOOF. HE ACTS LIKE A DOG TOO.

The Ancient Woof

BY TIA, AGE 9

ONE TIME HE TOOK A POO IN THE KING'S SHOES

SO HE HAD TO BE CAGED!

SO THEN HE BIT THE BARS

DIDN'T WORK OH NO!!!

FINALLY...

WE'RE FREEEEE!

THE END

A Day in the Life of King Duolingo

BY LILY, AGE 12

1 a.m. Wakes up.

1:30 a.m. His worshippers praise him.

2 a.m. He goes in his sauna.

3:30 a.m. Puts his crown and his wig on.

4 a.m. Fencing practice.

5 a.m. Eats a mouse.

5:30 a.m. Flies to Writers’ Exchange.

10 a.m. Eats snacks at Writers’ Exchange.

11 a.m. Goes to the bathroom to take a big dump because of the snacks.

12 p.m. Has a bad stomachache. Decides to take a shower to feel better. #selfcareking

12:30 p.m. Hungry again for lunch because his stomach is empty. (Lunch: fried crab from a Chinese restaurant.)

1:30 p.m. After lunch he goes to Hype Chocolate for vanilla ice cream with fruity pebbles and whipped cream on top.

2 p.m. Oopsy, forgets he is lactose intolerant. Back to the bathroom.

3 p.m. Decides to watch a movie and relax. Watches Despicable Me. #selfcareking

4 p.m. Movie over. Time for skin care. #selfcareking

5 p.m. Listens to the rain and falls asleep.

P.S.: Duolingo is an owl.

Found on Google.

The Kitty Claw Adventures, Part 1

BY GHINNVIEVE, AGE 11

DEATHPAW

Prologue

“AAARGH!” the serpent yelled “Where is that snivelling son of a beetle!?”

“I’m not a beetle, nor a boy,” said a new voice. “Aha, come on out, Slitheryn.” “NO!” Slitheryn hissed. “You have to give me your report, you snivelling moonsforsaken reptile!” said the serpent. “Argh! Fine!” Slitheryn spat. “The best place to light it is the middle of the Birchwood Forest where the very flammable leaves are located.” “How far is it?” Reyna asked quizzically. “It’s about ten anacondas away.” “Very well,” Reyna said while she intertwined her tail with Slitheryn’s. “Let’s go set a fire.”

Chick

BY ARIANA, AGE 11

There once was a restaurant called Half Past Hen. It was owned by a chicken named Chick. Chick loved eating KFC with his friends. One day, as he was biting into his juicy big crunch sandwich, he had a vivid flashback of a time when he saw his neighbours getting thrown into a KFC van. At the time, he didn’t understand what he was seeing. But suddenly it all made sense. In the same moment, he noticed his family walking by the KFC and he made eye contact with his mother. His mom raced over to him and started yelling at him. She grabbed him by the wing and dragged him all the way home.

His mom talked to him about how wrong it is to eat your own kind and he admitted that he had become addicted to chicken. His mom sent him to chicken rehab.

2 years later...

When Chick was finally released from chicken rehab, he went to check his bank account to see how much he had.

He had 49 cents.

He still owned the restaurant that he had been hiding from his mother, so he went there. It wasn’t doing too good. He had run out of chicken. So, he had to take a shortcut. He drove to his grandma’s house and threw her into his van.

Fast forward...

The new chicken dish was the best dish he ever made. People travelled from all over the world to try this dish. His business was booming now.

The Last Fred

BY SHY, AGE 13

Fast forward 157 years. It was a nice day for Fred to be at the beach. The sun was shining, there was one cloud in the sky and the breeze was just perfect. Fred was happy to be on the first day of his vacation from his career in acting. He was sipping on his coconut peacefully, but then he saw an alligator approaching who looked annoyed. They talked for a while about Fred’s career. The alligator was jealous because Fred was famous and he wasn’t. Fred decided to go home. The alligator started to follow Fred and as they were crossing the street the alligator attacked Fred and there was no one around to see. The alligator got away with it.

The Perfect K-pop Playlist

BY DIAMOND, AGE 11

BOY GROUPS GIRL GROUPS

Stray Kids

Twice

Gods Menu Queen

The Sound Cry for Me

Maniac Celebrate

Back Door Moonlight Sunrise

Case 143 Set Me Free

Chamber Likey

Mixtape: Time-out

Red Velvet

EXO Psycho

Love Shot Red Flavour

Growl Queendom

Call Me Baby Happiness

Monster

Russian Roulette

Love Me Right Bad Boy

Birthday

Random Fun Facts

BY JAYDRIAN, AGE 12

1. Most monkeys weigh less than the tongue of blue whale. That’s a whole lot of tongue.

2. There are more subways than doctors.

3. Rats laugh when they are tickled.

4. Butterflies taste with their feet.

5. Dolphins sleep with one half of their brain at a time, and with one eye closed.

Sneaker

BY HUNTER, AGE 12

Ingredients

1 pound chicken

½ green onion

1 medium carrot

3 cloves garlic

20 spring roll wrappers

Spring Rolls

JORIAN, AGE 13

1. In a bowl, combine ground chicken, green onion, carrot, garlic, soy sauce and salt. Mix well.

2. Separate the wrappers.

3. Put 1 tablespoon of meat mixture on a wrapper.

4. Wrap it up.

5. Do it again.

6. In a pan over medium heat, add 2 inches of oil

7. Fry the wrappers until golden brown.

8. Dry and eat.

Just Madness

BY ATHENNA, AGE 12

Bug Thing

BY BRIYANTH, AGE: 13

BUG-THING

(IDK WHAT IT IS)

MY GOAL TODAY: FIND OUT WHAT THAT METAL THING IS

THWAM!

HUH, SOME BUFF GUY IS HEFTING IT UP...

HE THREW IT UPWARD!

HONEY, I THINK I DROPPED THE ANVIL

UH-OH DROPPED?

BUT BELIEVE ME, FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME, THIS IS COMPLETELY NORMAL BAHEETHARAN

How Well Do You Know BTS?

BY ESTHER, AGE 14

1. Whose favourite colour is purple?

2. Whose biggest fear is chairs?

3. Who drives the most?

4. Name all of the members of BTS.

5. What was the second performance they did?

6. Where are they now?

7. Who raps the most in OT7?

Basketball

BY KINAN, AGE 13

Yo mama so small she has to slam dunk her bus fare.

1. OT7

2. Jimin

3. RM

4. Jimin, Jungkook, Jin, RM, Suga, Jhope, V

5. Yet to come

6. Military

7. Suga

BY AMBER, AGE 13

Just Breathe

BY DESTINY, AGE 12

BREATHE. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay. Just breathe. Breathe. And remind yourself of all the times in the past that you’ve felt this scared. All the times you’ve felt this anxious and overwhelmed. All the times you’ve felt this level of pain. Think of all the times you felt like giving up. Then remind yourself of each time you made it through. Life has thrown so much at you, and despite how difficult things have been, you’ve survived. Breathe and trust that you can survive this too. Trust that this struggle is a part of the process. And trust that as long as you don’t give up and you keep pushing forward, no matter how hopeless things seem... you will make it.

Root Beer Dog

BY MAX, AGE 12

Vancouver Technical Secondary School

How to Build a Snowman: A Step-by-Step Guide

BY JAMES, AGE 15

1. Find snow (100% pure, look for it in Antarctica to find snow with no grains of sand or rocks).

2. Grab 100% pure snow and form a snowball.

3. Roll 100% pure snow and form a bigger snowball of 100% pure snow (70 cm circumference, 70 cm height).

4. For the second 100% pure snowball, repeat step 1 and 2.

5. Roll second 100% pure snow and form a 100% pure snowball of 100% pure snow (50 cm circumference, 50 cm height).

6. For final 100% pure snowball, repeat steps 1 and 2.

7. Roll final 100% pure snow and form a small 100% pure snowball of 100% pure snow (30 cm circumference, 30 cm height).

8. Add accessories to 100% pure snowman (Gucci necklace, 100% diamonds for eyes and smile, $100 Canada Goose, 100% pure goose fur in case he gets cold, 100% pure dark oak wood arms, 100% pure carrot nose).

Mac n Cheese

BY RILEY, AGE 15

Sometimes you don’t realize your strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness.

The Hand

BY TOMMY, AGE 16

Things You Can Put Popcorn Seasoning On

BY MASON, AGE 13

1. Popcorn

2. Potato chips

3. French fries*

4. Chicken nuggets*

5. Strawberries*

6. Cucumbers*

7. Rice cakes

*You should taste test this first

8. Toast

9. Cheese bread

10. Grapes*

11. Meat berries (that is a joke)

12. Watermelon*

13. Ramen noodles / spaghetti

14. Hail water (rare)

Pinto

My McDonald’s Order (Is Better Than Yours)

BY PINTO, DOUGLAS, DANIEL, SHAFAE AND ELIZABETH (AGES 15 TO 16)

՘ Double chicken burger (no pickles or cheese)

՘ Large fries

՘ Medium drink (mix all the sodas into one)

Daniel

՘ Large iced tea

՘ Double cheeseburger

՘ 10 chicken nuggets

՘ Large fries

Elizabeth

՘ Large fries

՘ Oreo McFlurry

Shafae

՘ Big Mac

՘ Quarter Pounder

՘ Large fries

՘ Poutine

Ratty Tatty

BY HAILEY, AGE 15

BY ASHLEY, AGE 18

Candy Fairy Starburst

BY MACKENZIE, AGE 16

There and Back Again: A Bobbit Tale

BY DAMIEN THE ADVENTURER, AGE 13

It is in the Misty Mountains. It is past the Lonely Mountain. It began long ago; it was on July 14, 2742. The dwarves of Morab were making gold. They did it for their king, King Smith. He was a greedy dwarf. He loved gold so much. But when it comes to gold, bad things will happen.

The dwarves heard some stomping on the ground. King Smith had a grandson. His name was Thor. Thor turned to his friend Liam and said, “Sound the alarms.” Liam said, “Why?” and Thor said “Cerberus.” Then Thor yelled down to the town, saying, “There is a cerberus coming. The cerberus’s name is Droog. He is half dragon. He has scales like a dragon and three heads. The heads look like dogs. The fur is red and black. He has black eyes. He has a long snout with dragon teeth.”

Droog came to the door and broke it down by breathing fire. When Droog got into the mountain the dwarves tried to defeat him with spears, but the spears just bounced off his scales. Then Droog hit the dwarves and the king with his tail and knocked them out—including Thor’s grandfather. “No!” said Thor. He grabbed as many people as he could and left.

As they were fleeing, they saw an army marching away. Thor asked their king, Felix, for help, but King Felix did not want harm for his people. Thor never forgave him, and never forgot.

This is where I come in. It begins in a hole. It was not a dirty, disgusting wet hole. It was a bobbit hole. A bobbit is like a hobbit but with flip flops on.

We start in the year 2942. I am, as you know, Damien the Adventurer. Harry the Grey came to my bobbin house. Harry the Grey asked me, “Do you want to go on an adventure?” “No” I said. I do like adventure but I was afraid to go on one. So I just went back inside my house.

The next day, at 4:20 a.m., someone was knocking on the door for some reason and it woke me up. Who is it, I wondered, and then went to the door. It was 14 dwarves with Harry the Grey. They talked for the whole morning. They told me how Droog had stolen their home. There was a key that they could use to get in, but they needed a robber to find the shiny stone.

I finally said yes, and we left right away. When we got close to Rivendell we were chased by some hungry wolves and goblins. Harry the Grey helped us get inside the secret entrance to Rivendell. He ran to it and yelled at us to jump inside. So, we did. The wolves and goblins did not want to go in because some elves came and destroyed most of them. We went to the end of the tunnel and we found Rivendell. We spent four days there. While we were there, we found out that we have to reach our destination

before the first day of winter. The elves gave me one of their swords. It would turn blue when goblins and orcs were around.

When we left, we went to the Misty Mountains. Harry the Grey stayed for a bit to talk to Lord Ben. I went with the dwarves to the close Misty Mountains. The close Misty Mountains were very dangerous, because there was a fight going on among the local people, but we got there safely. We went into a cave, but then the walls opened up and some orcs appeared. They grabbed us. They took the dwarves to their king, but threw me into a giant hole. I fell for a long time. When I landed at the bottom, I was shocked that I was still alive. But then a weird person came and tried to attack me, so I ran far away until I reached a room where you can make rings. I chose to make one. When I finished, I put it on and turned invisible. I was excited to have this ring. I went looking for the dwarves. I looked for two hours and then was so happy when I finally found them.

I took the key from the guards and let them out of their cells. I made the dwarves follow me, and led them out of the caves. We went into the woods, but then the goblins came. Harry the Grey told us to run, so we all ran to a tall tree and climbed up it. The goblins started to try to push it down, but Harry the Grey saw a butterfly. That inspired him to summon the eagles. The eagles came and got us, and we started heading east, to Marabou.

Colour Me In!

BY CELEST, AGE 16

Jokes

BY DAVID, AGE 15

Tips

R stands for reason

Q stands for question

A stands for answer

Re stands for response

Q : What do you call it when Iron Man leads you and your peers across a safari?

A: Iron argide.

R: The joke is about chemical nomenclature (the naming of chemical compounds).

Q : How do you disapprove of a smart Joker?

A: No more, “AHA” for you Mr. “HAHA.”

R: The word “smart” corresponds to the expression “AHA” in the same way that “Joker” corresponds to “HAHA.”

Q : Would you remember me in a year?

Re: Yes.

Q : Would you remember me in a month?

Re: Yes.

Q : Would you remember me in a day?

Re: Yes.

Q : Knock knock.

Re: Who’s there?

Q : Did you just forget me?

MiKAEla

BY MIKAELA, AGE 15, AND KAE, AGE 15

ARE YOU THE STRONGEST BECAUSE YOU'RE SATORU GOJO?

OR ARE YOU SATORU GOJO YOU'REBECAUSETHE STRONGEST?

The Youth Program

Tony the Last Stand Bender

BY JEFF, AGE 14

Part 1

Water. Earth. Fire. Air.

My grandmother used to tell me stories about the old days, a time of peace when the Avatar kept balance between the White Tribes, the Black Kingdom, the Rainbow Nation and the Yellow Nomads. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. But all that changed when the Rainbow Nation attacked. Only Tony mastered all four spectrums. Only he could stop the ruthless rainbow benders—but when they needed him most, he vanished. Two years ago, my father and the men of my tribe journeyed to the Black Kingdom to help fight against the Rainbow Nation, leaving me and my brother to look after our tribe. Some people believe that the Avatar was never reborn into the Yellow Nomads, and that the cycle has been broken. But I still believe that, somehow, the Avatar will return to save the world.

Part 2

White. Black. Rainbow. Yellow.

A hundred years have passed and my brother and I have discovered the new Tony, a Yellowbender, and although his Yellowbending skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he’s ready to save anyone. Still, I believe it is Tony who can save the world.

Kennitron BY FARLEY, AGE 13

Introduction

There once was a young man named Kennitron. The best description I can give of this man is that he had Lighting McQueen sunglasses, a bike helmet, cargo shorts, sandals and a shirt saying, “I ❤ PIXAR.” He also looked a lot like Channing Tatum. He lived in Los Angeles with his grandmother (who looked a lot like him), and he was part of a gang called the CARS Fan Club. His grandmother turned out to be the only member. Kennitron always had one dream: to win a rap battle and buy a Ferrari.

Part One

Kennitron and his grandmother drove to the nearest gas station. Inside they saw a young man who was being bullied. Kennitron walked over and threatened the bullies. The young man was wearing a vest and glasses, and looked a lot like Christopher Mintz-Plasse. “Yo, stawp buwin’ mwa’ fwiend,” yelled Kennitron. “Thank you, man,” said the man being bullied. He had a nametag that read “Quag.” Kennitron left the gas station in a sports car.

Part Two

Kennitron got home and realized that his grandma was missing! He wrote a letter to his uncle (who just so happened to have been let out of prison the same day). “What the hell is this?” said a very confused man in a prison outfit who looked a lot like Keanu Reeves. “Oh, it’s from Kenny,” he said as he held up a letter that had nothing readable on it. A limo pulled up next to Kennitron’s house and out came a man in a very nice suit. It was Kennitron’s uncle. The man came inside the house and sat down and stared at the wall, ignoring Kennitron. He seemed to be no help...

Part Three

About a week later, a Porsche drove into Kennitron’s neighbourhood and parked in a house beside Kennitron’s. Out came a man who you might know. His name was Ice Cube, and as soon as Kennitron saw him he ran out of his house. Ice Cube ran into his house just in time. But Kennitron noticed the Porsche and did something evil.

Part Four

Ice Cube got into his car and for some reason it wouldn’t start... his gas tank was open and there seemed to be water in there! He knew exactly who did it! He went to his neighbour’s house and saw a man asleep in the yard with a gas container. He yelled at the man and the man started crying. The man

called the cops and told them that someone had yelled at him. The cops arrested Ice Cube while Kennitron watched in terror. But Kennitron loved Ice Cube too much, so he bailed him out.

Part Five

Quag and Kennitron went to school. (It turns out that Kennitron was 35.)

Kennitron and Quag were eating lunch when a man with blue skin and gold chains came up to them. “Yo, the name is Blue, and I challenge you to a rap battle, yo,” he said. Kennitron agreed and they set a time for 8 p.m. on Saturday. Kennitron went home and got tickets to an amusement park. It was Saturday at 2 p.m. and he decided to go on the scariest ride there. He got on and sat emotionless for the entire ride. Then, after the ride was over, he fell to the floor crying. An ambulance came and took him to the hospital. The time was now 7:30 p.m.

Part Six

Quag was at the rap battle, waiting for Kennitron. He decided to do it alone. He said, “Yo, I’m Quag, they call me very swag!” Blue was speechless and he passed out. Quag had won the rap battle. The next day at school, Kennitron was left alone. Then he saw Quag with many friends.

Part Seven

Kennitron got a letter. It said, “I got your grandmother. You will get her back if you beat me in a rap battle.” It was signed “Big K.” Kennitron was horrified and asked Quag if he would help. Quag said no, so Kennitron went to Ice Cube’s house. Ice Cube said no too, but Kennitron offered $100,000. Ice Cube resentfully accepted and taught Kennitron to rap.

Part Eight

It was the day of the battle and Kennitron was prepared. Big K revealed himself—he was wearing camouflage clothing. It was Kennitron’s grandfather, Big Kenny! Beside him was another man and it was Quag! Kennitron still had confidence because he had Ice Cube on his side. Kennitron said, “Yo I’m Kennitron, I gwot awl the swag, don’t dis me or I’ll get mad!” Big Kenny had a heart attack and Quag got scared and ran away.

Epilogue

Several weeks passed and Kennitron had a large bag of money and a Ferrari. Quag and Ice Cube came up to him but Kennitron said, “My name isn’t Kennitron, it’s Mark, and I’m part of a program where I get paid millions for taking care of old ladies.” He got into his Ferrari and drove into the sunset.

Credits

Written and directed by Farley

Wells

Cast:

Kennitron Channing Tatum

Grandma Channing Tatum

Quag Christopher Mintz-Plasse

Ice Cube As himself

Big Kenny Johnathan Banks

Blue Charles Baker

Bully #1 Christian Bale

Bully #2 Jonah Hill

The Rock

BY PHILIP, AGE 14

We Try Viral Recipes (So You Don’t Have To)

BY THE WRITERS’ EXCHANGE HIGH SCHOOL YOUTH

Crunchy Fruit Roll-Up

Ingredients

՘ 1 fruit roll-up

՘ A few spoonfuls of ice cream (we used fruit sherbet, but any kind is okay)

Instructions

1. Unwrap fruit roll up and put a few spoonfuls of ice cream inside.

2. Roll it up like a burrito. (Pro-tip: or fold it like a dumpling!)

3. The fruit roll-up should be crunchy when you bite into it.

Our Reviews

“10/10”

“Way better than I thought”

“Pretty good”

“Good, but sticky”

“Decent”

“It would be better if you just put the fruit roll-up in the freezer”

“Good, very sweet”

Sushi Bake

Ingredients

՘ Seafood (we used imitation crab and tuna but you could use shrimp, scallops, salmon, etc.)

՘ Kewpie mayo

՘ Furikake

՘ Roasted seaweed

՘ Cream cheese

՘ Green onion

՘ Sriracha sauce

՘ Sesame seeds

՘ 4 cups of rice

՘ 3 tbsp rice vinegar

՘ 1 tbsp sugar

Instructions

1. Cook rice (rice cooker is superior).

2. Mix rice with rice vinegar and sugar.

3. Cook, then let it cool a bit.

4. Mix together seafood, kewpie mayo, furikake, cream cheese and sriracha in a bowl. Make sure seafood is cut into small pieces.

5. Layer rice on the bottom of a pan then sprinkle some furikake on top.

6. Put your seafood mixture on top and spread it out over the rice.

7. Put some mayo, sriracha and sesame seeds on top (you can draw cool shapes with the mayo and sriracha).

8. Put in the oven at 375 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes.

9. Top with green onion.

10. Serve with roasted seaweed.

11. Enjoy!

Our Reviews

“It tastes too white”

“It’s good”

“This disrespected my ancestors”

“It’s gas”

“Not bad”

“Rice cooker”

A Day in the Life of a Live Action Stapler

BY SEQUOIA, AGE 14

Artificial Sweeteners

BY TONY, AGE 14

Artificial sweeteners exist. The end.

That was the joke, just like the existence of artificial sweeteners. Okay, so tell me: Why do people use artificial sweeteners?

You may be thinking, “Because sugar makes you unhealthy,” but at the end of the day, artificial sweeteners have already made you mentally unhealthy. For example, people who drink diet soda are people who don’t realize they have Stockholm Syndrome.

I will now judge you based on your favourite artificial sweetener:

՘ Sugar: You’re normal, at least.

՘ Sucralose: You’re kind of normal but a bit off.

՘ Aspartame: You’re odd.

՘ Sugar alcohols (sorbitol): You’re funny, but it isn’t because of your jokes.

՘ Acesulfame potassium: You are having an identity crisis.

՘ Saccharin: Who are you? Seriously.

՘ Stevia: You should be put under house arrest, with flickering lights and lead in your water.

Speaking of which, if you think stevia shouldn’t be on the list because it’s “all natural,” that’s where you’re wrong. If stevia is all natural, then the same can be said for anything that comes out of your body. And before you think about having any artificial sweeteners, remember this: Anyone can live in your walls, including me. That is my final message. Goodbye.

Where Am I?

BY ANONYMOUS

Hello... where am I?

Conspiracy Theory: The Final Chapter

BY STEPHANIE, AGE 17

Dear Writers’ Exchange readers,

I am going to finally reveal myself. My name is Stephanie and my volunteer Stacey and I have been writing these conspiracy theories since I was in fourth grade. I am graduating from high school in two months now. I’m incredibly grateful for Stacey, as well as for Jen, Phillies and everyone who’s helped me grow at Writers’ Exchange.

Writers’ Exchange is the place where I learned how to read, write and understand the true meaning of life; I also learned how to not get financially scammed by almost every institution in our system. Uncovering these truths over the past nine years has woken me up—not from the Matrix but instead by learning the importance of persevering, believing in yourself and always improving yourself. My theory is that if you believe, work hard and keep a positive mindset, you can achieve anything you desire. I am taking this last conspiracy with me as I head into university to pursue an undergrad in social science and eventually to succeed as a lawyer and politician, and to fight for opportunities for every child. I will learn the system and then change it. Watch me.

My heart will always remain in the 877 WE location with everyone.

Love, Steph

AUTOGRAPHS

Gratitude

We could not run our programs without all of the amazing literacy volunteers who helped the kids learn and create during our winter and spring after-school programs at Grandview ¿uuqinak’uuh Elementary, Thunderbird Elementary, χpey Elementary, the Writers’ Room at Queen Alexandra Elementary, Vancouver Technical Secondary, Britannia Secondary School and our Writers’ Exchange spaces across Vancouver.

Many thanks to A., Abbigail, Alice, Anna, Barb, Beatriz, Brian, Caelin, Chloe M., Chloe S., Chris, Christina, Claire, Colin, Corey, Dana, Dom, Feven, Gerna, Grace, Gregory, Hannah, Heather, Helen, Irene, Iris, Jane, Jayha, Jeff, Jen, Jiah, Kachi, Kaila, Leah, Leonora, Liana, Mahima, Marcela, Marianne, Matt P., Matt L., Mohini, Mona, Naiya, Paige, Ryan, Sheri, Shivany, Stacey, Terry, Tracy, Vicky and Yvonne

Writers’ Exchange Program Staff

Anne-Claire Parent, Ayesha Irfan, Caroline Amor, Ciara Martin, Danielle Domingo, Dragon Eastman, Eman Salem, Haley Wells, Jennifer MacLeod, Lloyd Fields, Omar Tanbouz, Phillies Tanafranca, Quynh Nhu Truong-Thi, Sarah Grasse, Stephanie Slen, Teddy Iyke and Tracy Liu

Book design by Melanie

Kwan

melaniekwan.com