Riding season is not over, there is quite a bit of decent weather and some longer days left so we can get out and about. September is still a part of the riding season. We can still enjoy a ton of time and miles on two wheels in September, we just need to do so with a little bit more planning and packing a little extra gear. September is a pleasant month for riding as we generally have some cooler temperatures and can enjoy our time riding and not as much cooking in the seat of our beloved machines. The evenings can get quite cold as the sun gets closer to the horizon before the sun sets every evening, so plan accordingly and enjoy the ride. There are still plenty of events on the Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa events list to hit in September, so check it out, get to what you can, and enjoy the cooler riding part of our season. On that note…about the event listing. Many are already planning events for 2025, so if you know of or are organizing things for events next year, email the information to vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com. We try hard to try to keep the most comprehensive list of biker events for Iowan’s around. We collaborate with several people to get events and we thank each one of you that sends events to us. We also work with our dear friends at TheBikerLawyers.com to help share the events far and wide. We post the Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Events list every Monday on Facebook, and then TBL share our list on their page to help further spread the word about upcoming events. The more we can work together, the more riders will know what is going on and where and try to keep as many people at events as possible. Help us keep our event list going, thanks in advance!
places, some old places, and many in between. I had the opportunity to see many old friends and met quite a few new ones. I reached out to some people that I normally would not even give the time of day to try to understand other’s perspectives and give them respect if I got respect from them. With our current political climate, it is easy to make snap judgements and discount people with alternate views from us and continue the road to being divisive as a whole. I implore you to try to keep an open mind about things. Try not to polarize every topic that comes up. Try not to readily discount someone completely because of one difference of opinion. Try to take people at their face value and realize that everyone does have some merit and some good ideas, despite not being entirely aligned with our own. Be open, be understanding, be respectful, and demand the same in return. Then if you do that in a calm and respectful manner and the thoughts and feelings of such are not reciprocated, then you can tell them to go pound sand. Be nice until it is no longer an option. The world is an incredibly messed up place, and it is in many aspects our own doing. We are allowing outside influence to jack up our means of dealing with others. If we try harder at being decent humans, we will have a more decent world to live in.
Also, in September the bike nights prepare for the final nights of the season. There are a few that continue into October, but most are done by September or earlier. These short events are great to ride to and grab some grub and a cold drink and meet up with some old friends and make new ones. This will be the last issue of the year with the Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Bike Night/Supper Ride list, so take advantage of the happenings where and when you can.
I had an amazing month of August getting to some new
On the Cover the
Three things that you can find plenty of in Iowa, tall corn, tall bars, and tall hot chicks. Cale Stork’s black Streetglide could be picked out of any crowd, as long as it is the only black one there. With Ashley modeling with his bike though, it makes it a unique view. With the tall green corn in the background on the cover, and the tracks on the calendar page, it made for an interesting hot photoshoot day. Luckily, we didn’t get into too much trouble to get the shots we needed for the September issue.
Also, along the lines of being decent to those that don’t necessarily agree with you, we should also be decent to those in our corner. Life gets too damned busy and things and sadly people, can slip through the cracks. I know that I am guilty of it myself. People that mean a great deal to me don’t always get the attention they deserve. If you think about them, shoot them a message. Much of life is not about what we have, what we make, or what we can get, but about who we have in our corner. Who we have as friends, brothers, and sisters. These personal connections can help make our success, or with a lack of personal connections stifle our success and happiness. Reach out to one person a week from your past just to say hello. I dare ya!
Ride like ya stole it!
Vernon
Proud Editor/Owner Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa
Owner Thunder Guns and Thunder Guns West
IMDA Board Member
MRF Iowa Assistant State Rep COC Liaison
NCOIR State of Iowa Representative vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Quote of the Month: “There is a time in late September when the leaves are still green, and the days are still warm, but somehow you know that it is all about to end, as if summer was holding its breath, and when it let it out again, it would be autumn.” Sharyn McCrumb
Another Freedom Rally, the 40th, and Sturgis, the 84th, are in the books and this season continues to race by. The years and events go by faster and faster, and while we lament the things we can no longer do or events we have to miss, we all the more appreciate the things we can do and attend. Some (hopefully, temporary issues) have wreaked havoc with our attendance at many of our favorite events and destinations this year. It’s the first Black Hills Rally in over 20 years we haven’t made and it’s easy to feel sorry for ourselves rather than buck up and play the hand we are dealt. As I read the posts about all the rides and times with friends we were missing, watched the web cam feeds and generally tortured myself, I was reminded of the fact that we have several friends who passed this year and will never go again. It’s incredibly sad that we won’t be able to enjoy their presence. Others have received life-altering news and the realization for them is that things have changed forever. We think that the norm won’t change; we get caught up in the pursuits of pleasure, the toil of work, and the accompanying joys and sorrows. But all these - the good, the bad and the ugly - are fleeting. The nasty changes of life are terribly distracting if we don’t keep the proper perspective and destination in mind. Life is a blip in eternity and as it’s been said “We all have eternal life; the only question is where will you spend it?”
In the here and now we all experience good and bad times. Do we get grumpy, discouraged and isolate or do we take courage, refocus and trust that God’s plan is more complex and wonderful than we can ever imagine? When it looks like things are out of control and we struggle with trusting God it may be in part because we also struggle with trusting ourselves. We have all made those wrong turns, messed up, have been rejected, felt abandoned or have been T-boned by the unexpected, but in it all God says, “Do not be afraid, for I am with you”. What we see as chaos, God can use for good. His plan does not fail and we are not big enough to screw things up beyond his ability to make things right. I like the saying, “When God put a calling on your life, He already factored in your stupidity”. That’s a comforting thought. We, as Americans, fret over things beyond our control; the weather, the job market, the stock market, our health, the kids and grandkids or how the next election is going to make or break the world as we perceive it from our tiny little view point. We can get stuck in an unhealthy mindset when we focus on all these. But this is real life and unfortunately, sometimes the situations and issues last for months or years. While these things are all important, ultimately our worry runs head long into our inability to control most outside events. Marcus Aurelius observed that “We have power over our minds, not outside events, and in realizing this you will find strength”. It’s almost like the old saying that “The only thing we have control over is our attitudes.” When we embrace the fact that seasons of life change, people and circumstances change, but God doesn’t, it will produce peace and restore a healthy attitude. A pastor friend says, “We desperately need to soak up the word of God, because when these pressures we experience come, they will produce the evidence of what we believe.” He also encourages others in how vitally important it is to keep asking and believing for a breakthrough, because “the joy usually doesn’t come until after the challenge”.
In it all, it’s okay to question God. He wants authenticity. Only when you are being the real you will you meet the real
God. God knows how fragile we are and even when we feel broken, his promises are true. What Jesus did on the cross is true, his grace and mercy are true and there is no separation from his love. Romans 8 tells us that we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. That neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Heaven’s promise is great even when it seems that the current state of affairs stinks. Grab hold of Jesus, remember what he did on the cross for you and don’t let go.
Blessings, Mark
Mark and Karla Cornick are with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Biker Accessories
Crispy’s Biker Apparel Cedar Rapids, Iowa Find Us On Facebook
Dirty Biker Design 122 S. John Wayne Drive Winterset, Iowa 50273 www.DirtyBikerDesign.com 515-444-9050
USA Fluid.Com
641-745-9360
Voice Only, NO TEXT Talk to Fready
Dealers
Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2351 www.baxtercycle.com
Heartland Harley-Davidson
117 S Roosevelt Ave Burlington, IA 52601 319-754-1100
www.heartlandhd.com
Indian Motorcycle of Mason City
Mason City Powersports 12499 265th Street Mason City 641-423-3181
Masoncitypowersportsinc.com
Metro Harley-Davidson 2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496
Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-265-4444 www.bigbarnhd.net
Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400 fullthrottleia.com
Harley-Davidson of Carroll 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610 www.carrollcycle.com
Food and Drink (Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations)
Ambro’s Roadhouse 917 Guthrie St De Soto, Iowa 50069 515-468-2236
Great Food!
Ambro’s Roadhouse on Facebook
Bloodline Irish Pub 214 Public Square Greenfield, Iowa 50849
Bloodline Irish Pub on Facebook
www.metro-motorsports.com
Route 65 Harley-Davidson 1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125 515.962.2160
www.route65hd.net
Storm Lake Honda 3040 Expansion Blvd
Storm Lake, Iowa 50588 StormLakeHonda.com 712-732-2460
Zylstra Harley-Davidson 1930 E 13th Street Ames, Iowa 50010 515-232-6223
www.zylstrahd.com
Entertainment
Just 1 More 515-570-4206 641-757-0159
309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128
McCanns Tap NE 14th & 54th Des Moines, Iowa 50313 Bike Parking M-F 2:00-2 S-S 11:00-Close
Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-2258
Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River 1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600 www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com
Desperados
105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087
Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings
Flaming Office
201 W High Street Toledo 641-484-2255
Outdoor Patio, Happy Hour 5-7
Flaming Office on Facebook & Google
Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321
Western Iowa Ice 514 East Street Shelby, Iowa 51570 402-681-6521
Ice Delivered to Your Location
Wilson’s Tap and Recreation 1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395
Hobbies & Collectibles
Treasure Island Diecast/Facebook Hot Wheels, M2, Matchbox, Jada Ertl, Lightning, Harley, Maisto Buy-Sell-Trade 641-521-8036 rayaustinhd@gmail.com www.treasureislanddiecast.com
Insurance & Financial
State Farm
Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724
Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com
Legal
Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715 www.natanic.com
Shops & Fabricators
Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768
Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 307 E 5th StreetWashington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278
Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954
F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651 www.fandjracing.com
The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452
Custom & Full-Service HD Repair Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat by appt only 515-367-7336
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
not so USELESS RAMBLINGS not so USELESS RAMBLINGS
JOIN OR DIE
Twenty-three years ago this month, we witnessed an attack on U.S. soil. The World Trade Center Twin Towers were targeted. Almost every American citizen and hundreds of millions of people from other parts of the world collectively gasped and watched in stunned horror as planes crashed, buildings fell, and almost 3,000 souls were lost. People couldn’t believe that such an attack would happen to the United States.
Less than 24 hours later, American flags were flying all over the country. People that hadn’t owned a flag before suddenly had one on their porch. Flags were being flown on cars, pickups, and motorcycles everywhere you looked. Everyone came together to mourn the massive loss of life, including people in other countries, but we stood united and began to pick up the pieces.
Here we are twentythree years later and we are probably the most divided we have been since the American Civil War of 1861. Families are divided; brothers and sisters no longer speaking, children hating their parents. Lifelong friendships have been destroyed over differences of opinion. People shouting each other down, hurling hateful rhetoric over the latest propaganda from their favorite mainstream media bobblehead or celebrity entertainer.
“I will go take Trump out tonight!” - Maxine Waters, U.S. Rep. - CA
“It’s time to put Trump in a bullseye.” - Joe Biden, sitting U.S. President
“They’re still going to have to go out and put a bullet in Donald Trump.” - Rick Wilson, The Lincoln Project cofounder.
“When was the last time an actor assassinated a president?” - Johnny Depp, Actor
“I have thought an awful lot about blowing up the White House.” - Madonna, Singer
This type of rhetoric should NOT be coming from our elected officials. It is completely sickening that they push this kind of destructive and violent narrative. And to have high profile celebrities in front of their adoring fans spewing their calls for violence is certain to stir up some emotions in impressionable minds. But that’s what “they” want.
Right, left, or indifferent, what we witnessed on July 13th, 2024 is an absolute travesty. The attempted assassination of a former U.S. President and current presidential candidate is not something that should be occurring in the United States of America. United, remember? We’re supposed to be a united front, but we seem to have forgotten that.
Division is being sewn everywhere. Every time we login to our favorite social media apps, turn on the radio, listen to podcasts, or watch what passes for news these days, we are constantly being inundated with hateful rhetoric and propaganda. Here are just a few of the very notable instances of what I’m talking about…
Democrat congressman Dan Goldman: President Trump “cannot see public office again . . . and he has to be eliminated.”
“I don’t even know why there aren’t uprisings all over the country and maybe there will be.” - Nancy Pelosi, U.S. Rep. - CA
“And you tell them they’re not welcome anymore, anywhere.” - Maxine Waters, U.S. Rep. - CA
I am just barely over the half century mark on this planet and my interest in the realm of politics has only been serious for just over half of those years, but my memory is still pretty damn good, despite what my wife might tell you. I’m honestly having a hard time remembering when, aside from immediately after 9/11, we have been a united front, as a nation.
Shortly after the failed assassination attempt on Donald Trump, President Joe Biden came out and addressed the nation. He called for the nation to calm down, politically. He called for unity and for the political fire to be toned down. This is one of a very few times that I have agreed with Joe Biden during his presidency.
However, I think Ol’ Joe has missed the mark. I, along with many others, do not believe unity is going to happen. It doesn’t matter how much I want it too, it doesn’t matter
how much the others want it to, it doesn’t matter how much Joe Biden says he wants it to, I just don’t think it’s possible at this time, because this isn’t a political divide. We are fighting over morals, humanity, society, when does life begin, and what it means to be a nation.
Think about the last political debate, or argument, that you had; was it really about political topics like wetland management, natural resources, spending on education? No, it probably wasn’t. None of that drives people into a frenzy that causes their cheese to slide off their cracker and engage in political violence. Political violence has been increasing a lot more lately; both sides of the aisle have engaged in it.
One group thinks life begins at conception; the other group believes life begins at birth. One group thinks abortion should be banned 100%. One group believes it should be reserved for medically necessary situations, incest, and rape. One group believes abortion should be an option throughout the entire pregnancy, for any reason. Another group, thankfully a very small group, believes that abortion should be allowed immediately after a live birth. And at least one complete lunatic is on record saying that abortion should be allowed up until 18 years of age, just in case you decide your child isn’t going to amount to anything useful. I really hope she was kidding.
If we can’t come together and agree on things like when life begins or whether or not we should support the wholesale murder of babies, then none of the political points are going to matter. It’s not going to matter who the candidate is or what policies a candidate is pushing. This moral battle will never be fixed in a ballot box.
Aside from not being able to agree on life or how we define what a woman is, we can’t even agree on what a nation is. Some people argue that it’s the laws and territory of a people group, but others will argue that laws have to be fluid, that there should be no borders, and we should allow everyone in without question.
How can we ever expect to have a good nation if we can’t, as a people, agree on what makes a good one? How can we ever expect unity?
Is it really going to take another catastrophic event like we witnessed twenty-three years ago to unify the people again? Would that even bring us back together? Or are we completely lost?
In 1754, Benjamin Franklin published one of the most famous cartoons in history; the Join or Die woodcut. Franklin’s art is considered an early masterpiece of political messaging. At the time, Franklin was the publisher of the Pennsylvania Gazette and he had been chosen as a delegate for an upcoming conference in Albany, New York, to deal with a combined threat to the British from French and Indian forces. During the Albany Congress, reps from seven other colonies gathered to discuss the French threat and work on a treaty with the Iroquois Confederacy.
“The confidence of the French in this undertaking seems well-grounded on the present disunited State of the British Colonies, and the extreme difficulty of bringing so many different Governments and Assemblies to agree in any speedy and effectual Measures for our common Defense and Security,” Franklin wrote.
Franklin’s article and the Join or Die cartoon, with the cut snake representing the eight colonies, was a message that hit home as they were published in other colonial newspapers. So, here we are, right back in 1754. Divided. Fighting amongst ourselves. Killing each other over differing morals. Our nation is on life support. Is it even possible to join again or will we just let this nation die?
- David McCoy - david@thunderroadsiowa.com - FaceBook.com/TRMIDave - FaceBook.com/TRMINSUR
The Fort
100 Oak St
Ft. Atkinson, IA 52144
Ph. (563) 358-9006
Mon: Closed
Tues - Sun: 10 am to 9 pm
Kitchen: 11 am
Add together a sunny Sunday with almost zero chance of rain, a new (to me) bike, the desire to get some saddle time to really learn how different a trike is over two wheels, and needing a new place to write about for some good food all equals a 150mile round trip to the northeastern corner of Iowa. Ft. Atkinson, to be exact.
Dinner specials offer broasted chicken and cod with soup or salad. And let’s not forget the potatoes, French fries, steak fries, sweet potato fries, baked potatoes, and hash browns.
Travis decided on the Patty Melt and French fries. Mandy chose the Mushroom & Swiss burger and the Brew City fries, which are a thinner version of the steak fries. Heather always wants to try everyone’s broasted chicken; she ordered it with fries and chicken dumpling soup. I set my sights on the Flashburger before we even left home this morning.
It didn’t take long at all for the food to arrive. Everything we ordered was just as it should be and piping hot. According to Mandy, the mushroom and Swiss burger was very juicy and cooked perfectly. The Brew City fries were hot, crispy, and seasoned very well. Travis was too busy eating to tell me how it was but considering that the plate was empty when we left, I have to assume that everything was satisfactory. Heather’s chicken & dumpling soup was a big hit, the broasted chicken had a nice crispy skin, and the French fries were crisp and hot.
Heather and I headed out and stopped in Lawler to pick up our friends, Travis and Mandy; then zipped on down the road to The Fort.
Now let me explain the Flashburger. I don’t know if this is something that originated at The Fort or if it goes by other names in other locations, but this might be one of my all-time favorite dinners. You get a hamburger steak (5, 8, or 12 oz.), smothered in cheese, buried under hash browns, topped with more cheese. Then you can add onions, mushrooms, green peppers, Jalapenos, bacon, and even a fried egg. You’re also able to substitute chicken or fish for any large Flashburger.
Situated on a corner lot right on the main highway through town, you shouldn’t be able to miss The Fort; it’s pretty good sized. Inside offers multiple tables, from two to 6 guests, and several stools at the bar. They also offer outdoor seating on a large concrete patio, if that’s your thing.
The four of us grabbed a 6 spot and within 60 seconds we were greeted by our server. She wasn’t wearing a name tag and I, sadly, neglected to get her name. She was very friendly and attentive during our visit; returning to the table to check on us just the right number of times.
The Fort offers a pretty decent menu for a small-town Iowa restaurant. Multiple appetizers featuring the standard deep-fried items and then throw in some soft pretzel sticks, nachos, garlic bread, and wings. The rest of the menu features multiple burger options, sandwiches, and wraps.
I opted for the fried egg and bacon; I was not disappointed. I ordered the Baby Flashburger; 5 ounces of hamburger steak that was lightly charred on the outside, but only slightly pink and super juicy inside. The hash browns were the perfect mix of crispy and tender, seasoned just right, and smothered in cheese. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about the fried egg, but it was thoroughly cooked with no runny center. And somewhere in the middle was all the crumbled-up bacon to enhance the flavor. It also comes with a side order of toast. I can’t wait to deliver magazines so I can order it again!
All in all, The Fort is a great dinner experience. Friendly staff, great food, and a nice place in the hills of northeast Iowa. If you get the chance, stop in for a bite and make sure you tell them Thunder Roads sent you!
Ride safe out there and watch out for idiots.
Sitting in for Melanie this month, David McCoy - david@thunderroadsiowa.com
If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@thunderroadsiowa.com.
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.”
The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
Why did Popeye punch the Pope? He heard he went to Mount Olive.
Reporter: “Excuse me, may I interview you?” Man: “Yes!” Reporter: “Name?” Man: “Abdul Al-Rhazim.” Reporter: “Sex?” Man: “Three to five times a week.” Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?” Man: “Yes, male, female... sometimes camel.” Reporter: “Holy cow!” Man: “Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general.” Reporter: “But isn’t that hostile?” Man: “Yes, horse style, dog style, any style.” Reporter: “Oh dear!” Man: “No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.”
What is Peter Pan’s favorite place to eat out? Wendy’s.
Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria’s funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, “At last, they’re finally together.” Her sister sitting in the front row said, “Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?” The priest replied, “I mean her legs.”
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
d, , she e cond ?
It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on, that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. “What is that?” he asked. She said, “I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg, I had them tattoo ‘Merry Christmas,’ and on the inside of the other one they tattooed ‘Happy New Year.’” Perplexed, he asked, “Why did you do that?” “Well,” she replied, “now you can’t complain that there’s never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!”
What’s the difference between you and an egg? An egg gets laid.
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.” Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas.”
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts.
A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous. While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no. The doctor says, “There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various hand sizes dip their hands into and let them dry. She does not crack a smile, but later she laughs. The doctor says, “What’s so funny?” She says, “I’m imagining how they make condoms.”
What do you call a horny cow? Beef jerky.
“Daddy, where did I come from?” seven-year-old Rachel asks. It is a moment for which her parents have carefully prepared. They take her into the living room, get out several other books, and explain all they think she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sit back and smile contentedly. “Does that answer your question?” the mom asks. “Not really,” the little girl says. “Judy said she came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from.”
What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving? “Thanks for coming!”
What do you call an expert fisherman? A master baiter.
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara Desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. “Well sister, this looks pretty grim.” “I know, father.” “In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.” “I agree.” “Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?” “Anything father.” “I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.” “Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm.” The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. “Sister, would you mind if I touched them?” She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. “Father, could I ask something of you?” “Yes sister?” “I have never seen a
man’s penis. Could I see yours?” “I supposed that would be OK,” the priest replied lifting his robe. “Oh father, may I touch it?” This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. “Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life.”
“Is that true father?” “Yes, it is, sister.” “Then why don’t you stick it up that camel’s ass and let’s get the hell out of here.”
What’s Moby Dick’s dad’s name? Papa Boner.
An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, “Excuse me, but I’m not a gynecologist.” “I know,” said the old lady. “I want you to take my husband’s teeth out.”
Three words to ruin a man’s ego. “Is it in?”
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?” asked the one. “Well, not exactly.” His friend replied, “She’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.” “Oh, I see, kinky, huh?” “Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead.”
A married couple are out one night at a dance club. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? Twenty years ago, he proposed to me and I turned him down.” The husband says, “Looks like he’s still celebrating!”
Why can’t a blonde dial 911? She can’t find the eleven.
He came over and fixed everything.” The husband says, “Honey, how did you pay him?!” “Oh, you know,” the wife says, “he told me that I could either bake him a cake or have sex with him.” Somewhat relieved the husband asks, “Whew, so what kind of a cake did you bake for him?” The wife replies, “Who do you think I am? Betty Crocker?!”
Why are most hurricanes named after women? Because when they come, they are wet and wild and when they leave, they take your house and your car.
Bob goes to see his friend Pete. He finds Pete in his barn dancing naked around his John Deere. “What are you doing!” asks Bob. Pete stops dancing & says, “My wife has been ignoring me lately, so I talked to my psychiatrist and he said I needed to do something sexy to a tractor.”
Have you heard the joke about yoga? Never mind, it’s a bit of a stretch.
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked why, he replied miserably, “My wife missed the bus.”
A woman was nagging her husband to cut the grass, to which the husband answered, “What do I look like to you? A landscaper?!” Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, “Honey, can you fix the faucet?” The husband replied, “What do I look like to you? A Plumber?!” Two days later, a light bulb went out and she begged him again, “Honey, can you change the light bulb?” His reply was, “What am I? An electrician?!” A few days later, the husband comes home from work to find that the lawn is cut, the faucet is fixed, the light bulb is changed. Very surprised, he says, “Honey, what happened here?” The wife replies, “You know our new next-door neighbor?
An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, “I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?” The husband replies, “First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!”
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? Fo-Drizzle.
One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, “Why are you home so early?” He answered, “Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.” She said, “Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?” Jimmy replied, “The question was ‘Who threw the trash can at the principal’s head?’”
3 unwritten rules of life. 1) 2) 3)
Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, “Mother, I’ve got a stomachache.” “That’s because your stomach is empty,” the mother replied. “You would feel better if you had something in it.” That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up, “That’s because it’s empty,” she said. “You’d feel better if you had something in it.”
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
You know you’re getting old when your wife says, “Honey, lets run upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “I can’t do both.”
Enthusiast December 1961
Push On, the Highway is There For the Taking.
I joke a lot about, well a lot of things, and I say some stupid shit from time to time. It’s not really that much different than anyone else I would imagine, sometimes I say shit to be funny, sometimes to prove a point, and sometimes just to display a little moxie.
I will sleep when I am dead. Heard that one? Sure you have, likely even used it and it was my phrase for a good couple of decades. I never wanted to miss anything! I’ve always worked a couple of jobs it seems, but still found time to “trip the light fandango”, spend time on my bike, golf, hunt, fish, grill, entertain, and in my additional time, well…the fandango. I didn’t need much sleep, we had shit to do and only so much time to do it in. Of course, running at wide open throttle always and I mean ALWAYS catches up with you. You just can’t maintain for an extended period before your body shuts the hell down. Yes, you are correct, I did not learn my lesson quickly and as a matter fact would get angry because I felt I should be able to keep going. It only took a few decades before I learned the importance of passing up always being on the go and switching to taking things a little calmer and respecting what my body tells me to do.
death with knocking on the windowpane, but this never came up. Mostly because I wasn’t about to tell a dying man I think you screwed up and didn’t do the things you wanted to do.
Because he always put it off until “later”. Man, I hate hearing people say stuff like that. I will go to the beach later. I will buy a new bike later. I will have dinner with my wife later. I will call my buddies and plan a ride. Later.
Or just as bad; Someday. Someday I will go on that fishing trip, someday I will do whatever. I know not everything we every want to do is possible because of time, money, ability, and more but the simple fact of always putting shit off until another time is just fuckin stupid!
I have had friends that have told me on a perfectly good Saturday they couldn’t go on a ride, couldn’t golf, couldn’t meet me at the lake. Why? Because they had to mow their lame ass yard. Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds! Not just on your death bed because it really sounds lame then, but in the middle of winter, looking back, ya, sure am glad I MOWED MY YARD which can be done any day of the week, rather than make a memory with my buddies.
Some of life’s lessons can kick you right in the private parts, and it has as I have said before…and it’s true, a man getting kicked in the balls hurts way more than a woman giving birth to a child. I can prove it. If birthing a crotch goblin hurts so much, why do women do it time and time again? You never EVER hear of a man that got smacked right in the nuts say, “gosh, I wish I could go through that pain again. Doesn’t happen. Well, maybe on one of those international game shows but I will refrain from further comments. Fact is, getting whacked, even figuratively, can really be a pain. I’ve been smart enough to pay attention to some shit and learn and I have done my best to share with not only my wife and kids, but my friends as well.
Here is my best piece of advice and I have written about this many times, not only here, on these award-winning pages of Thunder Roads, but in other areas and even spoken about it at various functions. It was a painful lesson that I learned in 2010 and it was the last thing my dad taught me before cancer ravaged a once powerful man. The key is, I don’t think he even knows that he taught me this. In fact, I know he didn’t because we talked about a great many things when
I think a perfectly manicured yard is a sign you need to seek professional help in the first place. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY cares about your grass. But to give up doing cool shit because of it is even dumber. That is just a small example, but it’s an important one.
My old man never did buy another bike, never went to Canada fishing and hunting, hell he would leave deer camp early “to get ready to do some shit for someone” that didn’t do him any good. He never took all his vacation time, left MONTHS of it on the books when he died.
For what?
Screw that. I am lucky to have a wife that looks at stuff like me. We will scrimp and save and not go blow money at the movies or in bars, putting away a few bucks here and there so we can do stuff like we do and recently did.
Rented a brothel in Deadwood. Damn right, we both had a ton of important stuff we could have been doing for work, but we had a group of friends that haven’t had a lot of time up in the Black Hills, some had ridden a bit, some nada. So, we set it up, Badlands, Wall Drug, Sturgis, stay in Deadwood, ride out to Devil’s Tower, spend time at Custer j
Monument, Bridal Viel Falls, Needles, Iron Mountain Road, and Rushmore.
From the planning to the riding, it was amazing on so many levels. We all had a memorable time. Sure, it had a pitfall or two. My buddy picked up a leak in a new tire, it was hot as balls, road construction, hail, rain…all the normal stuff that is going to happen when you crank out 1700 plus miles.
Speaking of it being hot, if I may, why don’t more people travel with ice cold water? It’s a no brainer! Look, you might be able to find a place to cool off every 100 miles or so, but why suffer? What happens when you are on the side of the road and it’s hotter Than Satan’s taint? You need to keep cool. I don’t care if you have a cup holder or not, I do, I love it. Bring some damn water. It’s not that hard people! I have a small cooler I keep iced with 5 - 6 bottles of water, sunscreen, Gold Bond, or Anti Monkey butt, a Yeti 22 oz cup that keeps my ice, well, ice. Heck, we often have a couple of bags of jerky because a HANGRY wife is a nonfun wife. Pack your supplies, enjoy your ride.
But get out and ride! Do something you wouldn’t normally do, take a weekend away with your spouse on the bike, even just the next town over. Life is too damn short not to, so do the stuff that makes you happy. Screw that yard work and ride!
Besides, there will be plenty of time for sleep when we are dead.
Todd “Crash” Davis
Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Iowa Bike Nights and Dinner Rides and
Back Forty Bike Night at the Barn Des Moines (2nd Wed May, Jun, Jul, Sep)
Benolas Baxter
Cruise Night Britt (3rd Wed Jul-Sep)
Pete & Shorty’s Clarksville
Whiskey Throttle Bar & Grill Cherokee
Croz Nest East Des Moines (Every Other Wed)
Supper Rides Harley-Davidson of Carroll (2nd Wednesdays)
Dinner Rides Zylstra HD Ames
Thursday
Edwards Bikes on the Hundred Block Council Bluffs (3rd Thursday)
Roar Into Harlan (3rd Thursdays)
Stumpy’s Bar & Grill Duncombe
Metro HD Cedar Rapids (2nd Thursday May-Sep)
East of Omaha Bike Night Griswold (1st Thurs May-Sep)
VFW Post 9662 Des Moines (Every Thurs Apr-Oct)
Screamin’ Eagle Waterloo (May-Jul)
Chommy’s Bar/Grill Eldon (3rd Thursday)
Thunder N2 Atlantic Bike Night Atlantic (2nd Thurs May-Oct)
Tip Top Lounge Ames (start Jun 1)
McGrath Powersports Cedar Rapids (Last Thurs May-Aug)
Maggie’s Rumble Room
Capt. Roys Vintage Bike Night Des Moines (1st Thurs)
Eddie’s Tavern Seargeant Bluff
This list is what we have found and what has been submitted. Before heading to any event, please check weather and make sure the event is not cancelled. Not responsible for misprints and typos. If you have any other events to list, please email vernon@ thunderroadsiowa.com
Friday
The Talk Shop Lounge St. Charles (Every Friday)
Kilroy’s Redfield (1st and 3rd Friday)
Cruze N’ to Corydon Bike Night (3rd Fri May-Aug)
Bondurant Bike Night at the Rails (4th Fri May-Sep)
Thunder Nites Newton (2nd Friday Jun-Aug)
Off Point Pub Davenport (Every Friday)
Burt’s Dog House Boxholm (Every Other Friday)
Wet Spot Runnells (Every Friday)
Mean Machine Cycles Elkhart (4th Friday May-Aug)
Tavern 36 Mitchellville (1st Friday)
American Legion Post 232 Polk City (2nd Friday May-Sep)
