I don’t know about you, but I know that I am damn ready for the month of March. Spring starts this month on Thursday March 20th and I absolutely cannot wait. I know that we are not quite to the riding season, but we are so damn close that you can almost touch it. I also know it is not like a light switch that flips to turn on the riding season, but we need to have a goal, a date, plan to get rolling to head into riding season 2025.
On that note, do you have your ride(s) all squared away and ready to go? Do you have any builds and customizations finished up? Have you completed pre-season checks and serviced everything that needs serviced? Have you checked your brakes? Have you checked your tires? Have you checked all of your fluids? Have you checked your battery? Get that shit done and get it done now! It won’t be long, well before you realize that it is possible, and riding season will be upon us and we need to have that stuff ready to go so we can see you out on the road!
I would like to extend a high level of gratitude for everyone that has been a part of this thing for now 178 issues. Our entire team would like to extend our sincerest gratitude for your support for Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa. Although there have been a ton of changes in the world in general, the world of publications and media, the motorcycle industry, the political climate, and the future of our sports passion, TRMI is still here and has ZERO plans of going anywhere! We could not do any of this without our valued sponsors, advertisers, and readers! The last handful of years have been very interesting to say the least as our world, alongside most people’s, has changed immensely. As the world has changed, we have been forced to change
On the Cover the
Bobbi Jo graces the cover and calendar this month making Chris Stoffel’s 1972 Shovelhead build he affectionally called “Polly” look even more amazing. The bike’s name and build are in remembrance of an old friend. Chris hails from Crescent and wanted to build this bike since he was 9 years old and first saw his neighbor’s new 1973 FLH owned by a soldier returning from Vietnam. He watched this neighbor transform that bike into a chopper and Chris wanted to follow suit. Life got in the way of the progress, and took a while to get started on the path, but away he went. His ornamental black smithing career sure didn’t hurt his efforts to make a different type of metal masterpiece. After a mere 20 years of gathering pieces and parts from all over the place, he got to fabricating and building. It only took a year of final assembly after he got to rolling on the project, and he completed it just after his 60th Birthday in May of 2023. If you see Chris out and about on his beautiful blue ride, give him a wave and check out his scoot. Ride Safe!
as well and the media landscape is way different now than in 2010 when we got rolling. We are going to keep the print side going, the online side going, and working at getting more social media type of content as we go further into the future. We value the presence of our advertisers on our pages, and the readers that frequent our trusted partners businesses. As we move forward, we are excited to continue working together, finding new ways to connect with our readers and highlight the incredible businesses and services that make our community thrive. Thank you again for being a vital part of our journey. Here’s to another great issue and many more to come!
As always, this time of year, we have been scouring the social media pages and bulletin boards for the upcoming events. We need your help and ask that you send us your events or those that you run across. Email them to vernon@ thunderroadsiowa.com and we will get them added. Also, on top of the event listing, we are also getting rolling on the bike night listing that we will start running also during riding season. Let us know so we can share the info with the biker world of Iowa and beyond.
Some dates of interest in March that we have to remember, Joe and Kim are hosting their Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet in Cedar Rapids March 2nd. Also, in March is the onset of Daylight Savings time on March 9th, whether you like it or not! On March 15th, the folks at Metro in Cedar Rapids are having their 30th Annual Pancake Breakfast. In 30 years, that is a lot of flapjacks! On the other side of the state on the 15th, swing into H-D of Carroll for some seasonal favorite foods, Corned Beef & Cabbage! The weekend of March 21-23rd brings the Omaha Chapter Antique Motorcycle Club of America Swap Meet and Bike show in Fremont, NE. This is the closest event to get motorcycle restorations judged by AMCA judges, and it is quite an event to see, and learn how motorcycles have evolved over the years. On the last Saturday of the month on the 30th, Route 65 H-D in Indianola is firing up some of the dealership’s events for the season. These are a sampling of the events, more on the back cover this month like normal! Hope to see you out and about in March!
Safe travels!
Vernon
vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Proud Editor/Owner Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa
Owner Thunder Guns and Thunder Guns West
IMDA Board Member
MRF Iowa Assistant State Rep
COC Liaison
NCOIR State of Iowa Representative
‘Tis the season . . . No, not that season! The season of almost-nice-enough-to-really-enjoy-a-ridebut-not-quite. There is still something you can do –get your bike in for its tune up or new tires or higher bars or whatever you’ve been thinking about all winter long, because when the seasons do flip, it will be fast, and EVERYONE will be trying to get their bikes in. Mark has had someone working on the side-hack setup for his Road King, and I suspect that when it’s ready, he’ll be chomping at the bit to take it for a spin, sand or no sand.
Another thing you can do while the weather is iffy is meet up with friends and share stories while you’re still able. If you’re like us, you’ve had another year of losing friends and loved ones and it doesn’t take too long to realize that each person who goes takes a part of you with them that no one else really knew. Whether it’s someone from your family growing up or your high school buddies, people from that era of your life remember events that made you into the person you are today.
And speaking of remembering events, how many of you remember camping at Conesville the year it got down to 38 degrees and blew hard straight in from the North Pole – in MAY, no less! Talk about cold! And what about Hawgstock? I hope at least of couple of you were there the year it rained so much that people were using their inflatable air mattresses as rafts and floating down the road. (We met a nice young couple years after Hawgstock folded and they told us they were looking at some hunting ground to buy out in western Iowa. They said, wonderingly, “It was the weirdest thing. The property was beautiful, but there were bras in all the trees . . . “Mark started laughing and said, “You were right by Winterset, weren’t you?”) And there was the year the tornado touched down at the Freedom Rally in Algona and the year it must have been 100 degrees and the pump for the showers kept going out at The Horse Rally up near Sabula and the awesome year of the J&P Anniversary Party when they managed to get Arlen Ness and Michelle Smith and the Wall of Death to show up and the year that every time we rode it rained so hard that we were pouring water out of our boots when we stopped . . .
I’m sure your circle of friends has its own stories (probably some that you wisely keep on the down-low!) but whatever they are, keep the memories alive. You may even discover that similar memories of the same event will create a new friendship with someone who was previously a stranger. Bonus friend! It’s weird, but that bond is a real thing.
The Bible tells us that Jesus knew his time here was drawing to an end and guess what he did. Preach a sermon to a big crowd? Nope. Heal a bunch of sick people? Nope again. Calm a big storm? Nope, nope, and nope. Believe it or not, Jesus did the same thing in his last hours that we would do…he spent time with the ones who were closest to him, eating supper and making memories for them to talk about later, when he was gone. He told them he loved them and that they should love each other and that every time they remembered him and his sacrifice, they should join together in thankfulness to God. He then prayed for them, asking God to continue to take care of them. Toward the end of Jesus’s prayer, He also prayed for us. In John 17: 20-21 Jesus says this: “I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just
as you and I are one - as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.”
Just as reminiscing over awful or good or funny events we went through strengthens the bond of friendship, reminiscing over God’s grace to us strengthens our bonds as believers.
According to Jesus’s prayer, it makes us one. Maybe that’s why it’s so painful when we lose our buddies. Because we’re losing part of ourselves. Make time to spend with your friends, remembering. Make time to spend with Jesus and some of his people. Remember and honor while you have the chance.
Blessings – Karla
Mark & Karla Cornick are with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Biker Accessories
Dirty Biker Design 61 W Washington Street Winterset, Iowa 50273 www.DirtyBikerDesign.com 515-444-9050
Artificial Intelligence (noun): the theory and development of computer systems able to perform tasks that normally require human intelligence, such as visual perception, speech recognition, decision-making, and translation between languages.
Well, doesn’t that sound all warm and fuzzy? In theory, it sounds good. However, in practice, I disagree.
John McCarthy, an American computer scientist, coined the phrase “artificial intelligence” during the summer of 1956 in a proposal he, and several others, wrote a proposal for the famous Dartmouth conference. McCarthy is known as one of the “founding fathers” of artificial intelligence because of his extensive work and development in the field.
Marvin Minsky, a member of the Dartmouth Conference, was a cognitive and computer scientist who collaborated with McCarthy and cofounded the MIT AI Laboratory in 1959. He produced valuable research on AI neural networks and artificial intelligence.
The first AI programs used to kick your ass at checkers, written by Arthur Samuel in 1952. There was a robotic mouse created by Claude Shannon in 1950 that was named Theseus. The first artificial neural network, known as SNARC, was created by Marvin Minsky and Dean Edmunds in 1951. In 1957, Frank Rosenblatt developed an early artificial neural network that could recognize patterns.
low. Companies around the globe are developing AI powered robots that are capable of performing many tasks, simple and complex.
We now have Alexa and Siri running every electronic device in your S.M.A.R.T. enabled homes. SelfMonitoring, Analysis, and Reporting Technology was originally used to describe the monitoring and reporting of hardware failures. It is now used to describe a broader range of technologies that can respond to change in their environment, such as in smart homes, smart cities, and smart health. It can include artificial intelligence, connectivity with the internet, and the ability to learn from the environment. For instance, your refrigerator ordering replacement food items, your TV suggesting new shows to watch based on your viewing habits, or how Facebook shows you targeted ads based on a conversation you had while your smart phone was listening in.
YES, they are constantly listening; so is any Alexa, Siri, or Google device. There is even evidence to support the theory that your smart TV can hear and see you. Ever wonder why our cell phones no longer have a user replaceable battery? Your Alexa, Hey Google, and your smart TV rarely get unplugged, do they? Now your cell phone never shuts off…completely.
We can look back on the early beginnings of AI and scoff at how “simple” it was. It’s almost laughable at what used to impress us then compared to what we are seeing come to the market today. Modern AI has your washer and dryer talking to each other, your refrigerator tracking your groceries and ordering replacements when it senses you’re running
In the January edition of these ramblings, Life Imitates Art, I touched on the idea of AI being self-aware and out of human control, leading to the “Rise of the Machines” (see Terminator 3, circa 2003) and humans becoming obsolete and detrimental. Recently, I was inadvertently forced into a situation that illustrates that idea a bit too vividly for my liking.
While messing around with my fairly new laptop computer, I decided to check out an alternative operating system, Linux Mint. It is very small, very light, but supposed to be super
user friendly with a great user interface. I’ve run Linux machines in the past and was quite happy with them, but got out of it many years ago. However, with my ever-increasing dislike for Microsoft products, I have been exploring alternatives once again.
So, I’ve downloaded Linux Mint and created a bootable USB external hard drive, so that I can make my laptop start up off the external drive instead of the internal Windows based system. Simple, right? WRONG!
I messed around in Mint for about an hour then shut it down, shut off the laptop, unplugged the USB drive, and restarted the laptop as usual back into Windows. Instead of booting up, I get the dreaded blue screen. While it wasn’t the infamous “Blue Screen of Death” it sure as hell isn’t too far removed from it! This one isn’t telling me the hard drive is failing, instead it’s telling me that a program called BitLocker is now in play and that I need to enter a 48 character “Recovery Key” because there was an unexpected change in the system and I need to verify that this was done on purpose, or some goofy shit like that. Either way, it’s asking me for information I didn’t know anything about until this very moment.
The blue screen gives me a couple of website links to visit for more information. These links take me to the Microsoft website where I can login to my account. Hell, I barely remember actually having this account; I mean, I never use it for anything, but I guess if you’re running any semi-recent MS software or gadgets, you’re going to have a MS account whether you want it or not.
Once I’m in the account, I actually see a link for the BitLocker Recovery Key. In hindsight, I should have followed that link immediately, but I also see that the account information has an alternative email listed for contact information and account recovery, however it’s an account I no longer have any access to. I guess I better update that while I’m here. This is where this all turns to shit.
I change the email address, click update, and am met with a notice telling me that due to Microsoft’s dedication to account security and integrity that they will have to verify that there weren’t any nefarious persons attempting to take over my account. Therefore, my account is temporarily suspended for 30 days while they conduct their verification procedures. I have immediately lost the ability to gain access to the BitLocker Recovery Key link. The only thing I can do is say that I want to undo the change I made or that it wasn’t me that made the change; either option wants me to enter a 6-digit security code that will be sent to me in an email… at the address that I no longer have access to!
Ah, but there is hope! I can answer a series of questions about myself, my Microsoft products, and enter my two most recent passwords I’ve used on my account. I don’t remember those! Hell, I barely remember that I have an account here. It was pure dumb luck that I entered the right password to get into the account in the first place. Anyway, three attempts at that recovery process have failed. Now I move onto online technical support where I spend at least 3 hours over the next two days in online chat sessions with a total of 3 different people that very well could have been AI chat bots, for all I know.
The end result of those chat sessions is the repeated news that the verification system within Microsoft is 100 percent automated and that no human has the ability to alter or interfere with. There is nothing that can be done to regain access to my account unless I am able to supply all the information, correctly, that the form is asking for, or I have to wait 30 days for the automated system to complete its mission. In the meantime, I have a several hundred-dollar paperweight the size of a ASUS laptop at home.
I honestly do not recall seeing anything during the initial setup of this new laptop that related to BitLocker. If I did, I might have saved the 48-character recovery key into a text file; which would be somewhere on the hard drive, inside the laptop, which I cannot access without said recovery key. I know damn well I didn’t hand write it anywhere; I’m sure I’d remember that process. My mind ain’t that far gone, yet.
Maybe by the time this piece goes to print and is in your hands I will have regained access to my laptop. I can hope, right? I can assure you that once I have access to that laptop again, I will be saving everything important onto an external hard drive. From there I will most likely be removing any traces of Microsoft products and going back to using a Linux based system.
Those of you that are using a Windows based operating system, you might want to access your own Microsoft accounts and see if you can find the area for BitLocker Recovery. Copy ALL of your recovery keys into a text file. Then you can either print a hard copy or save that text file onto a USB flash drive for safekeeping… and don’t lose it!
I believe I saw some information online about disabling BitLocker so that it isn’t a factor. If I can find that again, I think I’ll post instructions on the NSUR’s FB page, for anyone that may be interested. If it’s there, you’ll be able to use #BitLocker to search for it.
In the meantime, I will be attempting to figure out a way to live my life without all of this Absolute Idiocy!
- David McCoy - david@thunderroadsiowa.com - FaceBook.com/TRMIDave - FaceBook.com/TRMINSUR
Morning Story
2931 7th Ave Ste. 400
Marion, IA 52302
Phone: 319-200-8244
Hours: Daily 7:30AM-2:00PM
Morning Story is a breakfast and brunch restaurant that offers homemade delicious plates in a relaxed, family friendly atmosphere. They even have Happy Hour every day from 12:00 PM - 2:00 PM, Featuring Half Price Brunch Cocktails, Fresh Juices, Espresso Drinks, & Bacon Flights!
Vernon and I had taken the kids along to Metro’s Winter Sucks Party and before hitting the big road and heading for home, we decided to take the opportunity to fill our bellies with a good breakfast. We looked online the night before, and Morning Story had some delicious looking food, and something mythical sounding…the Bacon Filght.
bacon strips were cooked to crisp perfection and offered 4 flavors, butter, maple, beer, and sriracha. Each one was delicious in its own right and made it impossible to pick a favorite. Shortly after finishing the bacon, our plates arrived. Soren ordered the ANF (America Needs Farmers) Hash. His plate came loaded with tender, thinly sliced steak, roasted mushrooms and tomatoes, spinach, garlic compound, and hashbrowns. The piping hot hash was topped with tender scrambled eggs and included a side of toast. Vernon ordered the Ultimate Omelet. This fluffy egg dish was loaded with ham, bacon, and sausage as well as roasted mushrooms, onions, and tomatoes. Melted Cheddar jack cheese rounded out the omelet and came with choice of English muffin or toast. Optional sour cream was available to top the omelet. I ordered the griddle combo. My plate had sausage patties, fluffy scrambled eggs, and a delicious Belgian waffle, lightly dusted with powdered sugar, and accompanied by warm maple syrup.
Our breakfast was a delicious start to the day, but if you are more of a late riser, they also offer a lunch menu that includes burgers and sandwiches, as well as salads. Breakfast is also served all day. Make your way to Morning Story and get yourself a hot breakfast and a cold mimosa, and make sure to tell them Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent you!
We arrived at Morning Glory early Sunday morning and were lucky enough to be seated right away. We ordered some coffee and began to look over the menu. There were classics like eggs and toast, pancakes, omelets, and benedicts. Then there were options like green chili chicken hash and the romesco avocado benedict. Whether you like a down home, simple breakfast or a new spin on an old favorite, you can find it here.
Melanie Schwarte melanie@thunderroadsiowa. com
If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@thunderroadsiowa. com.
We enjoyed a bacon flight while waiting for our meals. The
A man walked into the bar at a hotel that was hosting a convention of personal hygiene product salesmen. He sat down at a table with some of his fellow salesmen. Immediately one of the other salesmen says to him: “Hey Bill! We were just talking about you. Your territory sucks! Nobody was ever able to make a living in it before you. But now, you son-of-a-gun, you win the all-expense-paid trip to Vegas three years in a row, selling almost twice as much as anyone else in the whole Southwest region! How in the hell do you do it?” Bill replied, “Its easy! I take a big engraved silver bowl and fill it up with fresh dog crap. Next, I garnish it carefully with green onions, parsley sprigs, celery stalks, scallions, olives and thin-sliced red bell pepper rings. I take this to the airport and set it on a table on an elegantly embroidered white tablecloth. I serve samples on cocktail wafers to all who pass by. As soon as someone takes a bite they usually say ‘HOLY SHIT!! This fucking tastes like CRAP!!’ I reply ‘Yes sir! That’s what it is! Would you care to buy a toothbrush?”
physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. “How do you account for this?” he asked the brothers. “It’s hereditary, sir,” the older one replied. “I see,” said the doctor, writing in his file. “Your father’s the reason for your elongated penises?” “No sir, our mother.” “Your mother? You idiot, women don’t have penises!” “I know, sir,” replied the recruit, “But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could.”
Observing The Baby One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she said. “It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $67.50.”
A man goes for a prostate exam. The proctologist is checking him out when he finds a roll of hundreds up the guy’s ass. He pulls out the money and counts it “You’re not going to believe this, but I’ve just found $1900 dollars up your ass” “Hmmm” says the patient “Thats why I haven’t been feeling too grand”.
A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: “Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen-year-old secretary.” When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: “Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen-year-old boy toy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.”
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their s Im s B a s to
One day God came to Adam for a brief discussion. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news.” God said. Adam looked thoughtfully at his maker and replied, “Please give me the good news first.” Smiling, God explained, “I’ve created two new organs for you. One is called a brain. This organ will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and carry-on productive conversations with Eve. The other organ is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your intelligent life form and begin populating the planet. Eve will be very pleased that you are now equipped with this organ as she will be able to conceive children.” Adam, very excited, exclaimed, “These are great and wonderful gifts you have given me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?” God then looked upon Adam, and said with great sorrow, “The bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time.”
Little Johnny goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we’ll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense.” So, the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So, the little boy goes to his parents’ room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand what politics is now.” “Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are.” The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman get twisted at the local pub one night and conspire to rob the local bank. Drunk as they are, they try and rob the place but are too drunk to pull it off. As the alarms scream, they leg it out of the bank and down the alley. Hot on their heels are the cops, responding to the alarm. As the three drunks round a bend, they spot a Cats and Dogs Home and jump over the fence into the kennel yard. They see three burlap sacks lying on the ground and they each crawl into an empty bag. The cops leap over the fence behind them and spot the three bulging sacks on the ground. One cop kicks the first sack and the Englishman says, “Bark! Bark!” “Ah, must be a dog!” says the cop and he kicks the second sack. The Scotsman says, “Meow!” and the cop nods his head, exclaiming, “Must be cats!” and turns his focus on the last sack, kicking it sharply. The Irishman cries out, “Potatoes!”
“A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in
New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72. The following week, he walked in with another 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week. The teller said, “Fluctuations.” The Japanese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, “Fluc you Amelicans, too!”
There is a flea, that just hates his life. One day he goes to the flea master and says to him “I am miserable, will you please put me somewhere where I am happy.” The flea master thinks and says, “I have somewhere I can put you.” I will put you up on a horses hind, you’ll really love it there.” So, the master puts the flea up on the hind of the horse. The next day the flea calls the master again and says “You have to get me out of here. This horse is killing me with his tail” The master says “I have another place I can put you. I will put you up high on an old country singers beard named Willie Nelson. You’ll really love it there.” The next day the flea tells the master again “You have to get me out of here, this pot smoking guy is killing me” The master says “I have one more place I will put you and I don’t want to hear another word out of you.” “I will put you on young Taylor Swift’s snatch.” The master again tells the flea “You really love it there.” So, the master picks the flea up and place him onto Taylor Swift’s snatch. The next day the flea calls the flea master, the masters says “I told you I didn’t want to hear from you again, to leave me alone.” The flea says “But master you don’t understand, I’m back in Willie Nelson beard.”
“not only were we on time in one of Delta’s brand-new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel-it was great! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it’s the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!” “Well,” muttered the beautician, “I know you didn’t get to see the pope.” “Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.” “Really?” asked the beautician. “What’d he say?” He said, “Where’d you get the terrible haircut?
One day these two best friends Jay and Bob were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Jay’s leg and bit his dick, since no one was around for miles Bob called a hospital and told the doctor “Quick Quick I need your help my friend got bit by a snake on his penis.” The doctor told him “Son your gonna have to suck the venom out yourself” Bob asked” Please doctor there has to be another way to get rid of the venom” The doctor says “Sorry there’s nothing we can do” So Bob goes running to his friend and when he gets there Jay says with pain “So what did the doctor say?” Bob says” Doctor said your gonna die”
A woman was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. She mentioned the trip to the beautician who responded, “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?” “We’re taking Delta,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!” “Delta?” exclaimed the beautician. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?” “We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott.” “That dump! That’s the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is slow and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?” “We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.” “That’s rich,” laughed the beautician. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.” A month later, the woman again came in for her regular haircut. The beautician asked her about her trip to Rome. “It was wonderful,” explained the woman,
A blind man applies for a job at the wood factory, but the manager refuses as he says what can you do, you’re blind. The blind man says I can sniff any piece of wood and tell you what type it is. The manager says that’s useless for my business but just out of curiosity I’d like to see you do it. The blind man says ok, so the manager gathers all his staff to watch. He places a piece of wood on a table and says to the blind man, what’s this wood? The blind man replies Pine wood and the manager says great, you got it right. The manager then places another piece of wood on the table and asks the blind man to sniff it and the blind man says this is Redgum. The manager says you’re right again, that’s amazing. Not to be outdone the manager calls his secretary out of the office and asks her to take all her clothes of and to lay on the table. She lays on her stomach and the manager says to the blind man, ok what’s this one. The blind man sniffs along the woman’s naked body and says, “bit tricky this one can you turn it over. So, the manager gets the secretary to lay on her back and the blind man sniffs up and down the woman’s naked body and says, ahh you can’t fool me, that’s the shithouse door off a tuna boat.
Three guys were talking in the local bar. The manager was so sure that its bouncer was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no could beat him. The challenge was that the bouncer would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money. Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters, karate masters, and all had failed. Then one day this geeky little fella with heavy black rimmed glasses came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge. After the laughter had subsided the landlord said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done, he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar! Everyone looked on in amazement as the landlord handed over the prize and asked “What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a construction worker, Mixed Martial Arts fighter, what?” “No” the man replied, “I work for the IRS.”
...December, 2003...
My Beloved Green-Eyed Bride had taken ill on a cold, early-December Saturday afternoon at our home in Northeast South Dakota. Before midnight on that fateful day, she was in the Intensive Care Neurological Unit (ICNU) of Merit Care Medical Center in Fargo, North Dakota. (This is a long and painful story to tell, so I’ll make it as short as I can, but still deliver the message.)
The Beaver called me every day for the first year after my Green-Eyed Bride’s untimely passing, as did our Brother, Mac. I will never forget those men and how they helped to keep me standing upright and moving forward. The Beaver called it “Kicking the can down the Road.”
I rode in the shotgun seat of the ambulance with the driver while the Nurse/ EMT tended to my unconscious wife on the gurney in the back of the vehicle. It was a cold, windy and snowy trip to Fargo that night. Slow, too. When we got her unloaded in the hospital, they rushed her off to an ICNU bed and took me to a Family Waiting Room on the ICNU Floor. I began to make calls to her Family members and to my Family members, followed by a few calls to a very few Friends, The Beaver and The Belle were at the very top of that short list.
Although they lived 300 miles from that hospital, The Beaver and The Belle were there before any members of her Family or my Family arrived. My Baby Brother, The Dean, lived 250 miles away and arrived shortly after The Beaver and The Belle. Over the next five or six days, anyone and everyone who was ever going to be there had come. We all said our “Good-Byes” to her and let her go on to be with her mom, her dad, her sister, and with God. She was unconscious when we loaded her into the ambulance in South Dakota, and she never woke up in Fargo. She did, however, open her beautiful Green Eyes and looked right at my daughter, then right at me, just before her eyes locked on to a random spot of the ceiling as she took her last breath. Nikki and I were holding her hands when she left this World to go on to the Next. Flatlined.
A few nights later, back in our South Dakota Hometown, The Beaver read a poem at her Wake Service. The poem was titled “Christmas in Heaven.” He was as solid as any man I’ve ever known, but how he read that piece without cracking, wavering or weeping is still beyond me. (There are a number of versions and variations of this poem, on the InterWebs, but I know damn well ‘which’ version The Beaver read to us that night!)
Over the years that followed, The Beaver told me time and again, “If anything ever happens to me, I want you to have Dirty Gurl, and The Belle knows it.” I always took The Man to be good for his Word but had hoped to never test him (or her) on the matter. (Who would?) Every time he mentioned it, I would always tell him, “You aren’t going anywhere and you’re damn sure aren’t going anywhere before I do!”
I was wrong.
The Belle called me early one October evening a few years ago. When I saw her name (not his) come up on my phone, I knew something was Bad Wrong. She said, “The Beaver was killed on an adventure bike accident this morning in Ecuador. You can come and get Dirty Gurl any time you want.” I could tell that she was (probably) in some state of Shock and that she really needed to be ‘heard.’ As I recall, my response to her was, “Slow your Roll, Belle! Let’s get his remains back In Country, have a decent Memorial Service for him, and then tell me how you feel about handing over Dirty Gurl to me.” Of course, I too, was in some stage of Shock and needed to stop and sort things out as well.
She and I spoke every day over the next couple of weeks, then one day she informed me that “...his remains are in the U.S. We will be having a Memorial Service for him on the last Saturday of this month and when you come, be sure to bring a trailer.” I was honored when she asked me to be the last of five invited Eulogists to speak at his Memorial Service. It was the easiest piece of public speaking I’ve ever done, and I’ve done a fair amount of public speaking.
At the Memorial Service, I told the room how I had met The Beaver and The Belle; how important they were to me and how much I loved them. I went on to say how grateful I
was for having made a ‘Bucket List’ ride with The Beaver. He and I had never taken a long ride together and we both wanted to do US Highway 2 from the Red River to Glacier National Park. We did that ride, and it was the last time I saw him. I also told the room about The Beaver calling me every day for the first year after we lost my Green-Eyed Bride and swore, to that room, that day, I would do the same for his widow.
Some of my ‘own’ cooks were: “Gas House Greg” Stillson (Exhaust.) Kasey “Ray Bob” Cerroll (Antique John Deere ammeter.) Duane Baete (Custom dash, fender struts, miscellaneous welding and metal fabrications.)
Dirty Gurl was waiting patiently for me in their shop when I arrived a couple days before the Service. The Belle really wanted me to get that bike running and ride from the chapel to the golf course, some ten miles away. Dirty had not been started in at least a year, and maybe two or three years. After a certain amount of Tender Loving Care and some fresh fuel, I rolled it outside and fired it RIGHT up!!! The Belle was giddy! I was thrilled. Although there were dozens of motorcyclists on hand, there were only two bikes and two riders in the procession from chapel to golf course: Me on Dirty Gurl and Nevada on The Beaver’s 2017 Indian Dark Horse. We rode ‘em like we’d STOLE ‘em! Neither Nevada nor I seemed to mind the cool (cold?) late-October Central Minnesota air that night.
So, now you-all know a bit more about The Beaver, The Belle, and this wrider, but not much more about Dirty Gurl.
Please allow me to enlighten you just a bit.
Dirty Gurl was born a 1937 Indian Chief Motocycle with a stock 74 Cubic Inch Motor.
The pronouns for Dirty Gurl are: He, Him, Her, and SheeeIt!
Over the years, there have been a number of Cooks in the Kitchen. That is to say there have been many hands, many tools, and many modifications made to the old machine.
Some of these Cooks and their modifications were before I ever met the Nasty Little Bitch: Starklite Cycle (Cut down frame neck, powder-coated frame, ‘51 Chief hydraulic front end, lopped off frame tabs, plugged seat post hole, etc.)
In more recent times: Buddy and Matt at Elite Industrial Services in NSC, SD (Industrial Strength Trailer Hitch.)
Other mods, updates, improvements, et cetera, happened after I turned her over to the Beaver: Rocky Halter and the Late, Great Toney Watson (Improvements to exhaust pipes, Cycle Electric generator, rear wheel, rear brake, etc.) “Kiwi Mike” Tomas (84-inch engine, Primary Drive, Clutch, Three-Speed Overdrive Transmission, electric start, and leaf-spring elliptical front end, PM front wheel and brake, handlebars, etc.) Harley Boy and Corkskrew at the Choppe Shoppe in J-town (Handlebar extensions and re-configuration, etc.) These guys all had their hands on the Build for sure, and possibly others, I just can’t remember.
But there was no way in hell that we’d have ever got this Pile up and running without the help and encouragement from my son, Tom, “The M-Fing Bomb” Miller, aka “Tree Trunk.”
I was just getting up and around, learning to walk with a cane, when we began this Build. (I had fallen from an ice-covered roof a year earlier.) It did great things for my confidence and determination to walk again by committing to put this machine on the road. The Beaver tried to pay me for building Dirty Gurl but I wasn’t having it. He tried to buy my precious ‘39 rear wheel and brake, but I taught him how to find his own and return mine instead.
Today, I ride the SNOT out of this bike, and I’m sure The Beaver would be proud!
I hooked up my home-grown trailer to Dirty last summer (mid-July 2024) and rode across Iowa and into Wisconsin with Sick Rick and Captain Bob. That bike never missed a lick! Never put a wrench on it. Just rode it like I’d stole it; the way it’s s’pozed to be.
After the Harley Joe Invitational in late-September 2024, flip the page....
RK and I were hanging with Kory, Colin, Stoner, Travis and a bunch of fine-looking Ladies at the Alpine Inn when Colin asked us how fast we rode on the Interstate coming down to Omaha. I told him I didn’t have a speedometer, just an ammeter. He asked me how long it took the semis to pass us. Fifteen seconds? Twenty seconds? I just looked him in the eye and said, “We were passing them!” I could have knocked him over with a feather!
Long live the Dirty Gurl!
Never washed and never will!
Godspeed, Beaver! Godspeed, Mac! Rest in Peace, my Beloved Kathryn.
Thanks to everyone named above.
Thanks to Merit Care ICNU/Fargo
Thanks to Bill Wilson and the H.P.
Love and Respect, Alice
1030 Miles In 16 Hours & 1 Minute on a Dirt Bike…Wahoo!
The Fuzzy Biker
At 4:20 a.m. my motorcycle cranked to life. 7 miles later I was on I-80 West heading for North Dakota. Under the dark of night, I held the speed down. A few hours later, now on I-29 in South Dakota with the earth washed in morning light traffic was rolling at over 90 miles per hour. This ride was out of sight. It would be1030 miles later at 8:21 pm that evening before I was home again.
I’d picked up the new bike in Utah just 3 weeks before. A day earlier I’d ridden 500 miles round trip to Davenport’s Black Hawk Antique Motorcycle Swap meet. It was on that ride home that I decided to do an infamous Iron Butt run the next morning…on a dirt bike. We were going the distance; we were going for speed…kinda. There was very little planning for this ride. I didn’t want to talk myself out of it. The first real issue showed itself on South Dakota’s I-29. Traffic here was fast at over 90 mph, and I was pushing 95+, even kissing 101 once. The bike got 37 miles per gallon at this speed, and I’d have to slow down to 80-85 mph to increase my range per tank. It worked. I’d planned for 5 fuel stops, it took 7. The second Issue was that I had to stop twice to simply get off the bike for a while. Iron Butt my A**!
Traffic was low in the Dakotas; the weather was good with sun and little wind. The bike was comfortable with a great seat and good riding position. Crazy thing was, for a big single, there was very little vibration, a great ride and plenty of leg room. The bike’s 8-inch suspension worked well. I never once had to fight with this bike. It just did what needed to be done. I was falling deeper under its spell. I was falling in love. Really wish I’d had a larger windshield though.
For gear I was sporting a full face Shoei Neotec helmet, possibly the best helmet ever made in my opinion. My
jacket was a Royal Enfield Nirvik with full armor, vents open and the liner out. The two pairs of gloves I had were both Royal Enfield: one a light vented pair and the other insulated. Tour Master boots were on my feet. I had great gear and that really did make the ride. Thank you, Baxter Cycle, for the recommendations!
At a little town north of Hillsboro, North Dakota I stopped and ate my lunch. This was the halfway point. I was just over 500 miles into my ride, and it was time to head home. The ride was a blur of highway and fuel stops.
As I entered Iowa again, the sun was at my back and starting to say goodbye. I was feeling emotional. The weather was perfect and the road friendly. My bike, the latest Royal Enfield Himalayan 450 ADV, had performed flawlessly. I was tired, I was hungry, and I had just completed my dream ride. As I neared my turn for home, I didn’t want this ride to end. So, I just rode past my exit and rolled down I-80 another 10 or 15 miles before I came to my senses and turned the bike around. I felt like I knew this amazing motorcycle so much better. It had taken care of me, it was my partner and my new best friend and the ride, it was my prize.
Would I do another Iron Butt or was this one enough? The ride had taken a lot out of me. I often ride 500-700 miles a day but this, this was really something else. Going out 500 miles just to turn around and head home was mentally exhausting. The next time I’ll pick a good destination. That will give the ride more purpose. It had been a fun day. Life is good. Wahoo!
The Fuzzy Biker rode over 60,000 miles in 2024 on several motorcycles and currently has several Royal Enfield’s and a few Harleys in the garage. Follow his adventures at Forgotten Motorcycles on YouTube.
Iowa’s Spring Ride: Back on the Road After a Long Winter
It’s been months. Months of staring at my motorcycle in the garage, running my hands over the dust that’s settled on the gas tank like a quiet accusation. Months of longing, of checking the forecast every day, looking for that one sign—just one—that I could finally get back on the road. Winter in Iowa is a cruel mistress, locking us in an icy grip and stealing away the roar of our engines, the freedom of the open road, and the pure joy of the ride.
But now, spring is here.
It starts subtly. A day above freezing. A patch of asphalt revealed under melting snow. The sun setting just a little later. And then, suddenly, it happens—March or April gifts us a string of warm days, and it’s time to ride. The battery gets charged, the oil gets checked, and the ritual of bringing the bike back to life begins. The first turn of the key, the first rumble of the engine—it’s a kind of magic.
Iowa in the spring is something special. The countryside stretches out in every direction, miles of winding backroads cutting through fields just beginning to wake up from winter. The smell of fresh earth, the cool breeze, and the promise of adventure—it’s intoxicating. Every rider in the state knows that first ride back is a little surreal, almost like a dream you’re scared you’ll wake up from. But it’s real, and it’s glorious.
One of the best early-season rides has to be the Great River Road along the Mississippi. Starting in Davenport, heading north through Guttenberg and Marquette, and riding along those bluffs—it’s the perfect way to shake off winter’s rust. The river’s still cold and high from the snowmelt, but the roads are clear, and the scenery is stunning. If you haven’t done this ride in the spring, you owe it to yourself.
Of course, no good ride in Iowa is complete without a stop for some solid Midwestern food. After months of hibernation, nothing tastes better than a hot plate of wings and a cold beer. The first stop for many is always the iconic pork tenderloin sandwich— because, let’s be honest, it’s an Iowa staple. For my money, you can’t beat a tenderloin from Joensy’s in Solon or the B&B Grocery in Des Moines. Breaded, fried, hanging over the bun like it’s trying to escape—perfection.
Then there’s beer. After a long ride, nothing beats stopping at a local brewery, kicking back with friends, and toasting to the return of riding season. Big Grove Brewery in Iowa City, Confluence Brewing in Des Moines, or Pivo Brewery in Calmar—all solid choices for a post-ride pint. The first sip of a well-earned beer after miles on the road is one of those simple pleasures in life that reminds you why you ride in the first place.
Of course, we all know that the weather in Iowa can be unpredictable. One day, it’s 65 and sunny; the next, there’s a freak snow shower. Spring rides can be a gamble, but it’s
a bet most of us are willing to take. The key is layering— throw on a leather jacket, pack some gloves, and expect the unexpected. If you’ve ever been caught in a cold snap on the way back from a ride, you know exactly what I mean. But even when you’re shivering, there’s something about being out there on two wheels again that makes it all worth it.
The best part of spring riding, though? The camaraderie. We’ve all been cooped up too long, waiting for this moment. There’s a unique joy in rolling up to a small-town bar and seeing a row of bikes lined up, knowing every single rider there feels the same way you do—relieved, excited, maybe even a little emotional. We nod at each other, clink our bottles, and swap stories of winter upgrades, summer ride plans, and near-mythical road trips we swear we’ll take this year.
For me, that first long ride of spring ends the only way it should—with a full stomach, a cold beer, and the satisfaction of finally being back on the road where I belong. Winter took its best shot, but it didn’t win. The bike is back, the road is calling, and I’ll be damned if I let another warm day go to waste.
So, if you haven’t already, get out there. Pull the cover off, fire up the engine, and remind yourself why you fell in love with riding in the first place. Spring is here, Iowa, and it’s time to ride.
And I get it, I really do, it’s been one of the easiest winters in recent memory and we all know we are not out of the
woods yet, after all, how often do we get dumped on in April, even early May. Not unheard of at all by any means in Iowa but that is the roll of the dice we face. November now, December snow is the kind of snow that you keep all winter long, the dirty, crusty, icky snow that just becomes unpleasant to be around. But snow this time of the year, while it may bring more volume, it can also dissipate in short order and things can be back on track to resuming our normal Spring patterns. Sure, it could bear 15 inches on a Friday but my Monday it starts becoming a memory. I am fine with that. More than fine to be honest because I know the planet is shifting, day light is sticking around. When that happens any snow we get won’t be.
And that means I will be out riding soon! Like so many I get a special charge out of my day when I can ride to work. To work, home from work, thinking about riding while I am at work, sneaking off on my bike over the lunch hour during work, just makes that day so amazing on so many levels. The morning chill in spring can be a biting bitch, but a bit of pain goes away quickly.
Here is to surviving another winter dealing with PMS (parked motorcycle syndrome) and the respite that we are facing.
Don’t let it slide, get out and do it. Plan that trip, make that excursion, find that town you have never traveled to and get the appetizer. Spring is close enough brother!
Todd “Crash” Davis
Feb 22 Sleeping Angels Foundation 7th Annual Angel Gala Boone
Feb 22-23 56th Annual O’Reilly Auto Parts Rod and Custom Show Monticello
Feb 22-23 Mama Tried Motorcycle Show Milwaukee, WI
Mar 2 Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet Cedar Rapids
Mar 7-9 World of Wheels Omaha
Mar 7-9 World of Wheels Chicago
Mar 15 30th Annual Pancake Breakfast Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Mar 15 Corned Beef & Cabbage HD of Carroll
Mar 16 Wile Wade’s High Performance Swap Meet & Trade Show Des Moines
Mar 21-23 Omaha Chapter AMCA National Swap Meet Fremont NE
Mar 29-30 35th Annual Donnie Smith Show and Swap Saint Paul, MN
Mar 30 Ready, Set, Ride Event Route 65 HD Indianola Apr
4-5 Heartland Steam Bettendorf
Apr 5-6 Chopper Show at D7 Expo Mason City
Apr 5-6 38th Annual North Iowa Motorcycle EXPO Mason City
Apr 6 Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet Rock Island, IL
Apr 19 BACA Pancake Breakfast Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Apr 19 Bike Blessing Route 65 HD Indianola
Apr 26 620 Spring SxS Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
May 2-3 Vintage Torque Fest Dubuque
May 3 14th Annual Sleeping Angels Fun Run Boone
May 3 19th Annual Chrome Diva Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
May 3-19 Annual Chrome Divas Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
May 4 7th Annual 1st Baptist Church Blessing of the Bikes Muscatine
May 10 2nd Annual Ride for The St Florian Children’s Miracle Burn Camp Cedar Rapids
May 16-17 Rust Revival Conesville
May 17 Spring Open House Route 65 HD Indianola
May 20 Bikers Inside the Beltway Washington DC
May 23-25 Bagger Racing League Hastings, NE
May 22-25 Redneck Revival Conesville
Jun 14 Sons of God MC Old School Chopper & Antique Motorcycle Show Iowa Falls
Jun 20-21 NCC MX Waterloo
May 4 41st Annual Spring Auto/Cycle Parts Swap Meet Monticello
May 9-10 NCC MX Season Opener Waterloo
May 10 The Rust Run Antique Motorcycle Poker Run Atlanta, NE
Jun 21 Summer Open House Route 65 HD Indianola
Jun 21-22 Rumble In the Sand Conesville
Jul 3-5 ABATE of Iowa Freedom Rally Algona
Jul 3-5 Iowa Hog Drags and Nostalgia Reunion Humboldt
