Here we go into October 2024. We have way shorter days, way less heat during the day, and way cooler nights, but we still have time to get some more miles on before winter sets in down the road a bit. Leaf rides, final runs of the year, final gatherings until spring, and toy runs are getting rolling starting in the month of October. All of these things are a biker’s way of going kicking and screaming into winter. I know that many of us will ride year around if given the proper conditions, and that is highly encouraged, but be wary of temperature, road conditions, and hazards on the road ways. As harvest is still in full swing this month, we have to watch for debris on the roads and slow-moving vehicles of the ag community on our roads. Then we also need to be wary of the extra animals that get rustled out of their summer homes, and run around in our path on the highways. Maybe adjust your speed in these times of the year riding, and make it home safely to ride another day.
It is no surprise to anyone that knows me, that I try to keep tabs on our industry, as well as other associated industries such as power sports issues and the like. On top of that, by necessity, I keep tabs on the guns and ammo world politically as well. Our state law makers are not in session until January, but next month are some local and State elections, on top of the major Federal level elections that we need to keep tabs on, be active in the voting process, and make sure we pick who we want to be in positions after the election is over. There are some astronomical impacts from our federal election, but at the state level, there are many things that will be discussed at the Capital in the next session that affect all of us as bikers and cannot be forgotten. There are going to be laws introduced in the Iowa Statehouse that cover motorcyclists’ rights including aspects of our First Amendment, distracted driving legislation that can directly impact riders’ safety
On the Cover the
Abby was looking racy as hell on this Shovelhead owned by Rick Herbst. Tyler at Road Rage just got this thing on the road after a long wait and it had to get out and break in the 93” Shovel engine to go get some photos taken and Abby obliged to make the bike look even better. Shots taken at a scenic retro gas station of Dean’s and a dead end road, both in Panama. The double rubber drive train at one point was Sturgis based, but like many Shovels, it morphed into something much different. Thanks Abby for giving Rick’s bike a little sweeter look!
and health, discussions about the future of internal combustion engines, the right to repair and modify our machines, as well as legislation involving the travel of ATVs/UTVs on our state and local roadways. Many of these things if not all can have huge impacts on us and our way of life. I urge all of you to get and stay involved and stay informed about what is going on politically around us. We really have so much to lose if we bury our heads in the sand and ignore what is going on in Des Moines and in Washington at the state and federal levels. Please consider joining if you are not already a member of a motorcycle rights organization such as Motorcycle Riders Foundation for federal level rights, or ABATE of Iowa for our rights here at home. Other entities to help with communication of issues and dissemination of information is the National Council of Informed Riders (National Coir). If you are a motorcycle dealer or run a business catering to bikers, another option for input into our biker world is joining the Iowa Motorcycle Dealers Association. I happen to be a member or leader in some aspect of all of those entities, and have tremendous respect for those fighting for our rights in our state and national capitals. Please consider joining or volunteering with these entities, and they all need the people and support to keep doing what we do.
I would like to thank everyone that has been a part of my riding season, and of this magazine this year and the decade and a half leading up to now. I cannot even put into words the awesome level of love and respect that I have for so many in the biker world that I have met and gotten to know over the years. I always look forward to new places, new faces, and new connections, and they are countless. Thank you for reading, thank you for supporting the magazine, and thank you for being a part of our lives here at Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa.
ML&R
Vernon Schwarte
Proud Editor/Owner Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa
Owner Thunder Guns and Thunder Guns West
IMDA Board Member
MRF Iowa Assistant State Rep
COC Liaison
NCOIR State of Iowa Representative vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Quote of the Month: “October is the opal month of the year. It is the month of glory, of ripeness. It is the picture-month.” Henry Ward Beecher
I was off work today, so Mark and I decided to head up to the Iowa City area and hit a few of our favorite haunts. We always enjoy a meal in the Amana Colonies (The Ox Yoke Inn, in case anyone is interested!) so we started off there, meandered through a few of the village’s antique shops, and then made our way towards the big city. Mark claimed he needed to drop some TRMI issues off at the Harley-Davidson shop in Coralville, but I have the sneaking suspicion that we would have ended up there anyway. We chatted with the greeter of the day, got a cup of coffee, and I set off for some serious browsing of the boot department while Mark went to look at oil and filters or whatever it is that guys look at in the shops. All too soon, it was time to go but as we headed for the exit, Mark paused.
“Hey, hold up a minute.” He jabbed off to the right with his thumb. “Let’s go look at that trike over there.” A gunship-gray Road Glide trike had caught his eye. Mark proceeded to do all the usual things - walked around it, squished the seat, kicked the tires, examined all the knobs and buttons on the handlebars - and off we went.
Now, I don’t know about your family, but in ours, stopping to look at something like that often signals a stealthy first step in a campaign toward an eventual purchase. Next will come the anecdotes from our many friends who have purchased trikes in the last 4 or 5 years. I’ll be regaled with tales regarding the comfort and stability on the long, wet rides and hear about the towing power of these machines. And let’s not forget that they have reverse for backing that trailer up! After that, Mark will step back in with the safety reminder that my bike does not have ABS brakes but the newer trikes do. And, last, the coup de gras while showing me a Facebook page: “Look at the cool trip Dave McCoy (fellow TRMI contributor) just finished on his new trike!”
Of course, this is all meant to get me dreaming about and wishing for a trike. And, I admit, that since we are not getting any younger, it does seem like a logical way to safely extend the riding season of our lives. So, as we headed south on 218, I sipped my coffee and mentally weighed the pros and cons of getting a trike.
As I mulled over the items in both columns, it crossed my mind that we have all been in this “wishing, weighing, and praying” situation many times. We wanted something badly enough to invest a lot of emotional, mental, and spiritual energy into it. Whether we were wishing for a new bike, a particular job, someone to spend the rest of our lives with, a clean bill of health, a better place to live, relief from anxiety, a raise, a better relationship with our kids – whatever we wish and pray for, once we receive it, its continued value to us will depend on our attitude toward it.
Seems backwards, doesn’t it? But the fact is that our human nature is always searching for something new, something better, and if we are not careful, we allow that search to become our driving force. If not kept in check by gratitude, that tendency will de-value and destroy every good thing and every good person around us. We end up taking for granted the very things we once thought we desperately needed. Instead, we need to deliberately call to mind the people, places, and things that we wished and prayed for in the past and thank the Lord for his blessings. Mankind’s
need to overcome this lack of gratitude is nothing new. The book of Psalms was written well over 2,000 years ago and Psalm 107:8 says, “Oh that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!” Sounds familiar, right?
One of the areas it seems especially easy to take for granted is God’s offer of his son Jesus to pay the price for our sin. It took a long time for me to realize that I was looking at this offer completely wrong. My uninformed viewpoint was that my sins would be taken away and then I would be magically “good enough” to run my own life, error free. The longer that time went on, I began to realize that this was not the case! No, I am pretty sure I will continue to sin in some way until I die. 1 John 1:9 reiterates that when it says, “But if we confess our sins to him, he can be depended on to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong. And it is perfectly proper for God to do this for us because Christ died to wash away our sins.” I finally understood that I will never be able to successfully live my life apart from a healthy relationship with God. This good relationship began with God’s plan for forgiveness, but it continues by me expressing gratitude for that gift and continuing to welcome God’s presence in my life. I am better able to understand spiritual truths when I think of them in terms of human things I can relate to, so if you’re still scratching your head, try this analogy: Jesus’s death paid for my house (my life). He is always welcome to make his home with me. And as long as I live in this house (life), I’m responsible for the upkeep (confessing my sins and expressing gratitude for his grace).
I don’t know if we’ll get a trike in the near future or not. But I do know this: I’m thankful for the awesome bikes I’ve ridden; I’m thankful for our many friends in the motorcycling community; I’m thankful that the Lord has paid the way for me to be forgiven of my sins – even when I’m in the middle of feeling uncertain of my future plans here on earth.
Blessings
– Karla
Mark & Karla Cornick are with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Biker Accessories
Crispy’s Biker Apparel Cedar Rapids, Iowa Find Us On Facebook
Dirty Biker Design 61 W Washington Street Winterset, Iowa 50273 www.DirtyBikerDesign.com 515-444-9050
USA Fluid.Com
641-745-9360
Voice Only, NO TEXT Talk to Fready
Dealers
Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2351 www.baxtercycle.com
Heartland Harley-Davidson 117 S Roosevelt Ave Burlington, IA 52601 319-754-1100
www.heartlandhd.com
Indian Motorcycle of Mason City
Mason City Powersports 12499 265th Street Mason City 641-423-3181
Masoncitypowersportsinc.com
Metro Harley-Davidson 2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496
Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-265-4444 www.bigbarnhd.net
Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400 fullthrottleia.com
Harley-Davidson of Carroll 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610 www.carrollcycle.com
Food and Drink (Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations)
Ambro’s Roadhouse
917 Guthrie St De Soto, Iowa 50069 515-468-2236
Great Food!
Ambro’s Roadhouse on Facebook
Bloodline Irish Pub 214 Public Square Greenfield, Iowa 50849
Bloodline Irish Pub on Facebook
www.metro-motorsports.com
Route 65 Harley-Davidson 1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125 515.962.2160
www.route65hd.net
Storm Lake Honda 3040 Expansion Blvd
Storm Lake, Iowa 50588 StormLakeHonda.com 712-732-2460
Zylstra Harley-Davidson 1930 E 13th Street Ames, Iowa 50010 515-232-6223
www.zylstrahd.com
Entertainment
Just 1 More 515-570-4206 641-757-0159 309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128
McCanns Tap NE 14th & 54th Des Moines, Iowa 50313 Bike Parking
M-F 2:00-2 S-S 11:00-Close
Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-2258
Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River 1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600
www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com
Desperados
105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087
Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings
Flaming Office 201 W High Street Toledo 641-484-2255
Outdoor Patio, Happy Hour 5-7
Flaming Office on Facebook & Google
Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321
Treasure Island Diecast/Facebook Hot Wheels, M2, Matchbox, Jada Ertl, Lightning, Harley, Maisto Buy-Sell-Trade 641-521-8036 rayaustinhd@gmail.com www.treasureislanddiecast.com
Insurance & Financial
State Farm
Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724
Photo and Art
Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715 www.natanic.com
Shops & Fabricators
Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768
Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 307 E 5th StreetWashington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278
Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954
F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651 www.fandjracing.com
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
not so USELESS RAMBLINGS not so USELESS RAMBLINGS Perseverance
Over the last several weeks I have traveled a few thousand miles over Iowa, Illinois, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Wyoming, and South Dakota. The wife and I spent several days in and around Sturgis seeing the sights. One of those tourist attractions was the Crazy Horse Memorial where we were lucky enough to catch a Hoop Dance performed by a mother/daughter team from the local Lakota tribe. The mother told the history of their tribe and how the hoop dance is a choreographed prayer to bring on health and healing. She also explained how her tribe, and others, are attempting to remain true to their roots yet still adapt to live a peaceful life despite today’s societal changes.
Later during our time out west, we traveled several of the scenic loops in the area from Needles Highway, the Custer State Park wildlife loop and even through Spearfish Canyon. Since we were already so close, we even took a trip to Devil’s Tower in Wyoming. The trail around the base of the tower is a 1.6-mile hike that offers amazing views of the tower and the surrounding countryside.
When we were headed for home, we took the Badlands Scenic Loop south of Wall and made stops at several of the overlook points. What an absolutely stunning piece of landscape. The formations out there are awe inspiring; how can a landscape so physically dangerous be so beautiful? One of the fact boards found at an overlook said that the entire area is constantly changing due to erosion at a rate of about 1 inch per year. If I were to return in 1 year, stand in the same location, and take a picture from the same camera angle, nothing would be the same, but the beauty would not be lost.
I just returned home from a solo 7-day ride of roughly 1,650 miles back and forth across Iowa and about halfway across Nebraska. I attended a large weekend long (Thurs to Sun)
“party” in southeastern Iowa. The party is something I’ve been attending since 2009. Over the course of those 15 years, I have witnessed many changes in the venue and the participants, but what hasn’t changed is the ability to have a great time.
After the weekend party, I took off from there with no real destination and no real plan other than just riding. I knew I wanted to check out an extremely small town in northeast Nebraska named Monowi (pronounced MONO-eye). Platted in 1903, the small village grew to a peak population of 150 in the 1930’s, but times changed and all the younger people were drawn away to bigger towns seeking growth and better jobs. By the 2000 Census, Monowi had a recorded population of just two remaining residents, Rudy and Elsie Eiler. Sadly, Rudy passed in 2004, but Elsie remained steadfast. I had the pleasure of meeting Elsie during my brief visit to Monowi. She is currently 91 years young and still running the Monowi Tavern, overseeing Rudy’s Library that hosts her late husband’s 5,000 volume book collection, and acting as the village mayor where she does everything she can to remain on the map and secure state funding for the village’s four street lights. Elsie and Monowi have been featured in dozens of human-interest news stories and televised segments around the globe, including one by Larry the Cable Guy about 13 years ago. While the village of Monowi has definitely gone through its fair share of changes, Elsie Eiler has maintained her small slice of Nebraska to the best of her ability.
If it weren’t for social media, I don’t know that I would have ever known about Monowi; I first heard of it in a Tik Tok video and it sparked my curiosity to research it and ultimately plan to make a stop there during my solo bike vacation. Another social media post that I saw during some downtime in my trip garnered another destination that just happened to be very close to where I was spending the night. Who runs a road, not to mention two intersecting roads, right into a large tree without removing that tree?
The Tree in The Middle of The Road, also known as The
Iowan Round-About, is located at 2401 350th St in Brayton, Iowa. If you put that address in your GPS, you’re sure to find it. My google maps search was “tree in road” and it popped right up. The tree is a 100-foot cottonwood that, as legend has it, grew from a cottonwood stick that a surveyor, reported to be a man named Umphrey Parker, used to mark the separation of Cass County and Audubon County back around 1850 or 1851. That stick took root and became the impressive spectacle that it is today, despite the graffiti that some people have spray painted on the massive trunk. One hundred and seventy plus years old, twisted, battered, broken, knurled, and abused, but still thriving in a very peculiar spot.
What is the point of all of these useless ramblings about my trips and the sights I’ve seen? Well, I guess they are to illustrate that despite all of the changes, troubles, hardships, obstacles, destruction, and abuse that may occur in our lives, we can all still persevere and grow. We don’t have to be victims of our misfortunes. We can let these things destroy us or we can grow and stand tall.
The tribes of indigenous people, despite our sordid history, have continued to teach their children their ancestral ways so that their legacy does not disappear. The wind, rain, and the natural movement of the Earth will forever be changing the landscape of places like Devil’s Tower, Needles Highway, Spearfish Canyon, and the Badlands, but their beauty will never fade. The weekend party may see many more changes, the participants may come and go, but I think that because the spirit in which it is intended is so strong, the party will last well past my lifetime; at least I hope it does. I don’t know what the future holds for the little Nebraska village of Monowi, but I sure hope that it doesn’t become the next ghost town. Elsie has kept it alive through many changes and seems to be very happy there. And if a simple cottonwood stick can survive and flourish into a 100 foot, 174-year-old tree, we don’t have to fall apart when something doesn’t work out the way we would have liked it to.
This country is changing every day. Little bit by little bit. The way we teach and raise our children, the way we operate on a day-to-day basis, the way we function and what we accept as “normal” in society, the way we communicate, the way we travel, and even the way we govern. Who am I to say what is right and what is wrong? I’ll never tell you how to raise your children, or how to worship, or how to live your life, but I’d expect the same courtesy extended to me.
Sadly, that doesn’t seem to be the case in this country; we have a very small group of people telling the rest of the people how to live their lives as if we are all the same person in different shells. We’re being treated as if we’re just slaves to provide for the very small group that attempts to tell us how to live while they abuse and mistreat us.
We can accept that narrative or we can adapt and persevere. Our forefathers had a vision when they founded the United States, but I think that vision has been completely bastardized. Personally, I think we have very little time left before that vision is completely lost. Do we weather the storms or crumble? Do we remember our roots and not let “progress” take us down? Do we end the fight for our place in this world even if we fight alone?
I know that times change, but I don’t have to agree with it. Of all the things that change, why did our morality and decency have to become so corrupted?
On a side note, if you’ve never seen a hoop dance performance, I would recommend it. Honestly, for myself, I found it to be a very moving experience. Something about it really hit me. It actually brought a bit of calm to me; a sense of ease. I’m still not 100% sure what it is or was, but I do know that it is something I’m not likely to forget anytime soon.
- David McCoy - david@thunderroadsiowa.com - FaceBook.com/TRMIDave - FaceBook.com/TRMINSUR
El Mariachi
120 Main St
Columbus Junction, IA 52738
(319) 552-6302
Mon – Sat 11:00 am - 9:00 pm
Over Labor Day weekend, Vernon and I were spending a couple of days in Conesville with friends and celebrating our 10th time around the sun as a married couple. We decided to hop on the bike and head over to Columbus Junction for some hot food and cold air conditioning. We pulled up at El Mariachi and headed inside. As soon as we stepped inside, we were greeted by a friendly waitress and some delicious smells coming from the kitchen. The dining room was decorated in a traditional Mexican restaurant style, with plenty of bright colors and music to round out the vibe.
cilantro, and lime wedges to dress the tacos, as well as a bowl of rich broth for dipping. The Fajitas Funditas arrived as a HUGE plate of piping hot, perfectly seasoned chicken and steak with onions and peppers piled high on top of a bed of delicious Mexican rice and all covered with gooey melted cheese. Warm flour tortillas on the side finished off the plate. You can also add shrimp to the Funditas if you so choose.
Our waitress let us choose a table, then immediately delivered us a heaping bowl of fresh, hot chips and a small carafe of fresh salsa. The chips were salty and delicious, and the salsa had just enough spice to be perfectly mouthwatering. We snacked on the traditional combo while we looked at the menu and waited for our drinks. After asking the waitress for recommendations, Vernon ended up choosing the Birria Tacos and I opted for the Fajitas Funditas.
In very short order, Vernon’s plate arrived loaded with four crispy Birria tacos, filled with tender beef and melted cheese. There was a generous portion of fresh onions,
Both entrees were large enough that we could have easily shared, and the prices were very reasonable. Though we could not finish our lunches, we sure tried our hardest to make it happen. It just seemed wrong to waste the incredible meals in front of us. They also had delicious looking desserts and ice cream if you are still hungry after your meal. We hung out a while and mooched the A/C while we finished our drinks before heading
back to the campground for the night. On the way out, we spent a few minutes talking to our waitress about the rally and she was a good sport about our ornery behavior. She even offered to look us up if she made it out to the rally grounds that evening.
El Mariachi is open six days a week, offering delicious, authentic Mexican food and ice cream and if you haven’t been there, you need to plan a stop the next time you are in the area…and when you do, be sure to tell them that Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent you!
Melanie Schwarte melanie@ thunderroadsiowa. com
If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@ thunderroadsiowa. com.
I had a big fight with my wife last Halloween. I yelled at her, “When you finally die, I’m getting you a headstone that says, ‘Here Lies My Wife - Cold as Ever’.” “Yeah well,” she shouted back, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that says, ‘Here Lies My Husband - Stiff at Last.”
The bell rang for school to start and John walked in late. Mr. Clark asked, “John, why are you late?” He replied, “I was on Cherry Hill.” Then he sat down. Ten minutes later Nathan walked in late and Mr. Clark repeated, “Why are you late?” Nathan answered, “I was on top of Cherry Hill.” Five minutes later Kevin walked in late and Mr. Clark said to him, “Kevin, where have you been?” Kevin replied, “I was on Cherry Hill.” Ten minutes later a girl walked in the classroom and Mr. Clark asked, “Hi there, what’s your name?” The girl replied, “Cherry Hill.”
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist!
Why don’t witches ever have babies? Because Warlocks have hollow weenies.
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I’m not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
Why don’t witches wear panties? So, they can get a better grip on their brooms!
A guy and girl had sex poem competition. Guy: “Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can’t put yours in mine.” Girl: “Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won’t know the depth of mine.”
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had no body to go with him!
How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope!
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, “I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parent’s room and my mom’s feet were in the air and she was screaming, “Oh God, I’m coming!!!”
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. “Grandpa, what are you doing?” the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. “Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma’s idea!”
A man goes to his doctor complaining about migraines. His doctor tells him, “I also suffer from the same ailment. Every time I get one, I give my wife oral sex. When she has an orgasm, she tightens her legs around my head which gets rid of the pain. You should try it sometime.” Two weeks later on a return visit, the patient tells his doctor, “Your suggestion worked and I’d like to tell you that you have a very nice house.”
What is a zombie sleepover called? Mass grave.
In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: “Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin.” Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: “Returned unopened.”
Why don’t mummies take time off ? They’re afraid to unwind.
A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can’t hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, “I,” then at his knee, meaning, “need,” and he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, “handsaw.” The man on the first-floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate. The man on the third-floor freaks out and runs down to the first-floor yelling, ‘’What the hell is wrong with you!? Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!’’ The
laborer looks at the carpenter and says, ‘’I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming.’’
What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.
What’s a pumpkin’s favorite Western?
The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly
Three guys survive a plane crash in the desert. They wander for days, starving and thirsty. They finally come across a lone house and knock on the door, desperate for help. A crusty old lady answers, and says she’d be happy to help if one of them will agree to satisfy her sexually first. After a quick discussion, one of the guys decides to take one for the team. He walks in to her bedroom while the other two wait outside the house. He tells her to close her eyes and open her legs. He quickly runs to the kitchen and grabs the first penis-shaped thing he can find, an ear of corn. He shoves it in her, and throws it out the window. Grabs another, rams it in and throws it out the window. She is finally satisfied and agrees to cook for them. He goes outside to get his friends, and they exclaim, “We’re actually not hungry anymore. We just ate some delicious corn on the cob!”
Why don’t zombies like pirates? They’re too salty.
graphed some skin from his scrotum to widen his lid. He should have 20/20 vision when he wakes up.” The parents responded, “So his eye is going to be normal?” “Well, like I said, his vision will be normal but he may be a little c*ckeyed.”
How do you mend a broken Jack-o’-lantern? With a pumpkin patch!
How many cannibals does it take to change a lightbulb? I don’t know but you really shouldn’t be in the dark with a cannibal.
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it’s only fair, given that you’re blind, there are five things that you should know:
Two women are discussing life in the retirement village they live in with their spouses and how they like it. One woman tells the other that she misses sex though to which the other replies that her and her hubby still have sex whenever she wants. The first woman asks how and the second woman says every so often when he’s in the bathroom getting ready for bed, she gets naked and lays on the bed holding her legs up in the air so when he comes out, he can’t help but have sex with her. The first woman decides to try this a couple of weeks later. Her husband is in the bathroom getting ready for bed so she gets naked, lays down and struggles to get one leg up and then the other as she’s holding them shakily. Her husband comes out and exclaims, “Good Lord woman, put in your teeth and brush your hair...you’re starting to look like an asshole!”
Roses are red Nuts are brown Skirts go up Pants go down Body to body Skin to skin When it’s stiff Stick it in The Longer it’s in The Stronger it gets It goes in dry and comes out wet It comes out dripping and starts to sag It’s not what you think...... It’s a Teabag
Once upon a time, a doctor performed surgery on a young boy with an eye defect. After the surgery was done, he said to the parents, “”Your son is going to be just fine. We
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6-foot-tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
“Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?” The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, no, not if I’m going to have to explain it 5 more times.
A man is on his deathbed, and he asks his wife, “Martha, soon I will be gone forever, and there’s something I have to know. In all these 50 years of marriage, have you ever been unfaithful to me?” Martha replied, “Well, Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.” Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons?’” Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker, and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?” Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?” Martha asked, “And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.” “I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.” “Alright,” Martha said. “Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?”
The Motorcycle Book
Let’s Find Something to Look Forward to...
It’s always a weird time of the year for me and I have had this same creeping feeling around this time every year. It was this way as a young farm kid in Northwest Iowa, it followed me to college for the short miserable time I was there (look college is great for some people, ‘twas not for me). I had a couple of horrible professors that were just there to milk out the retirement clock, they both admitted it, I learned nothing from them, and everything they taught or attempted to teach was massively outdated. But, as a young adult, or now a ‘hmmm” slightly older adult, I get the same feeling this time of year and I don’t really know why.
and you hook up with some random and get a trick or treat pass to countdown, but the next day you wake up and BOOM it’s November, you have to put on said slutty witch costume on the morning of November 1st and drive home, knowing everyone in traffic is seeing a slutty witch doing the walk of shame.
Before we go on, there is nothing wrong with the walk of shame, it should be called the “laid parade” because who shouldn’t be happy about knocking boots! Also, my wife says girls that go out looking to get laid have a change of clothes with them and they won’t have to put on the costume the next day, but yea, whatever, I like my idea better. Especially… “laid parade”.
It is a strange feeling of melancholy that is not there one day and boom it’s there the next. It starts on Labor Day weekend, but it continues until around Thanksgiving. I flip then…the holidays always bring me joy…I love them. I know there are those around that just hate the holidays and whatever reason that is, I’d say that I feel sorry for them, but I don’t, I mostly don’t care how someone feels, don’t have time for that. Legit, what good is me worrying about how someone else feels going to do any good? You do you, right?
Seriously, I do love the holidays and for me like a lot of people, Halloween flips that switch. My spousal unit and kids are really into Halloween, I am fine with it. I shrug my shoulders; help decorate what I need to and let’s have a drink. I am not dressing up, not going to a costume party and sure in the hell not going to a bar that night. I do love me some slutty nurses, sexy witches, slutty nuns and well, just ladies dressed slutty that night. I mean, I am not that cranky. I just don’t wanna make any effort. I have often said, can you imagine the ultimate walk of shame the day after Halloween? Say you are going out as a slutty witch,
The feeling that I was talking about is a transitional feeling perhaps because it’s the end of summer before autumn sets in, which is fine, but the death kneel that is winter and darkness that consumes us. That dark, forbidding sadness that kicks us in the nerts when it’s dark before we are done working, dark when we go to work… it’s horrible. Maybe that is why I embrace the holidays so much…to try and focus on something wonderful.
I live for summer every year, there is so much I love about it. This summer was one of my favorites, we rode our asses off, made some amazing memories with old friends, new friends, and took people on some great adventures. We traveled, over-nighted at places, stayed up way too late with friends (of course paid for it the next day) but man did we have some great nights and days this summer. Lake days are incredible, days when you see ladies in bikinis floating in the lake are way better than winter parkas. Bike nights, bike events, poker runs, I love it all.
I love much of what autumn brings, cool crisp mornings, still warm enough to ride and excuses to have fires and cook out. I love to hunt, and it really motivates me, and I do my best to embrace all the great things that fall brings, but I cannot explain why as much as I love fall, I still get that weird feeling when summer morphs into fall.
When I was a rugrat on the farm, I dreamed of many different adventures, usually with a boat or two wheels. I would ride my ass off as many months as I could and for me Fall was a really busy time of the year of course. Hello! Farm kid! And I loved the harvest. The smells, sounds, looking at acres and acres of golden crops getting chewed up by massive combines, the tractors, the culture, all of it. It signals the end of the growing season.
I would love riding around rural roads, seeing the operations take place…even ours when I had a break from the action. I would crank it up and ride for as long as I could. I have written about great fall rides in years past on these awardwinning pages of Thunder Roads Iowa, going for a “leaf run”.
Mad props to a lot of the great people in Eastern Iowa for introducing me to that very term. For those that don’t know, they have printed maps that show all the great roads in Eastern Iowa, of which there are plenty, and the best views of the changing colors of the hills and valleys. It’s breathtaking. The way the entire culture embraces it on that side of the Hawkeye state is something I wish would spread.
Oh hell, speaking of the leaves changing, I just read a GREAT article that predicted the best fall foliage the state of Iowa has had for years. All because of the amount of rain we have caught up on, trees are very healthy this year and the process to change over is predicted to be one of the best in the last decade. So, we have that going for us, which is nice.
Look, fine, I will admit it, I do love riding in the fall, I do love going to a football party, I love the opening of deer season, pheasant season, fall golf, campfires, Saturday night football parties, slutty nurses, and more leading up to Thanksgiving, but that does NOT take away from the feeling I get this time of the year as we transform from summer into the death grip of winter’s cold hand on our throats.
Of course, I love some snowstorms, I love ice fishing, I love super cold nights around a fire. Yea, it can be a random Tuesday in the middle of the winter and 12 below zero and you may find me around some burning logs, having a beverage and watching the smoke drift up into a super cold winter sky. I find peace in it.
But that doesn’t solve the reason why I always feel this way this time of the year. I know it’s not the election, I am doing my best to avoid all the pure shitshow that is this year’s election, which seems to be the same shitshow that we have every four years. It seems harder and harder to avoid this crap, but election year or not, it doesn’t mitigate the feelings that sit in the pit of my stomach as the warm days of summer leave us a distant memory of hot chicks on bikes, hot chicks in bikinis, and hot chicks in sundresses.
I guess at least we have slutty witch season to look forward to.
Todd “Crash” Davis
Sep 22 D18 Toys for Tots Ride Burlington
Sep 26-29 40th Annual MRF Meeting of the Minds
St Louis, MO
Sep 28 5th Annual Harley Joe’s Invitational Bike Show Omaha, NE
Sep 28 Apple Fest Car and Bike Show Woodbine
Sep 28 2nd Annual Poker TaTa’s Run Carroll
Sep 28 Backroads Biker Fall Classic Everly
Oct 5 Handle Bar Jockeys 20th Anniversary Party
Jefferson
Nov 8-9
Veteran’s Day Event & Holiday Event Big Barn HD Des Moines
Nov 9 Veteran’s Brunch Zylstra HD Ames
Nov 29 Black Friday Big Barn HD Des Moines
Dec 14 Holiday Open House Big Barn HD Des Moines
2025
Jan 31-Feb2 World of Wheels Kansas City
Oct 5 Helter Shelter Ride In Bike Show with the Litas Des Moines
Oct 6 Toy Drive Harley Davidson of Carroll
Oct 13 D4 41st Annual Toy Run Des Moines
Oct 19 620 Foundation 10 Year Gala Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Oct 25-26 Spooktacular Event Big Barn HD Des Moines
Oct 13 40th Annual Fall Swap Meet Monticello
Oct 19 Screamin’ Chili Cook-Off & Toy Drive Zylstra HD Ames
Oct 31-Nov 3 Lone Star Rally Galveston, TX
Nov 1-3 Iowa Steam Council Bluffs
Feb 5 ABATE of Iowa Lobby Day Des Moines
Mar 7-9 World of Wheels Omaha
Mar 7-9 World of Wheels Chicago
Mar 29-30 35th Annual Donnie Smith Show and Swap Saint Paul, MN
Apr 4-5 Heartland Steam Bettendorf
May 2-3 Vintage Torque Fest Dubuque
May 3 14th Annual Sleeping Angels Fun Run Boone
May 10 2nd annual Ride for The St Florian Children’s Miracle Burn Camp Cedar Rapids
May 20 Bikers Inside the Beltway Washington DC
May 22-25 Redneck Revival Conesville
Jul 3-5 ABATE of Iowa Freedom Rally Algona
(NHTSA) released their 2022 Traffic Safety Facts for Motorcycles. The 15-page report details motorcycle safety data including geographic, demographic and other factors in crashes and fatalities involving bikers.
As is often the case, how statistics are framed can shape the narrative surrounding the numbers. NHTSA lists “Key Findings” from the report. Some of the major findings include:
• In 2022 there were 6,218 motorcyclists killed, 15% of all traffic fatalities. An increase of 1% from the previous year
• An estimated 82,687 motorcyclists were injured in 2022, a 3% decrease from 84,898 motorcyclists injured in 2021.
• 35% of motorcycle riders involved in fatal crashes in 2022 were not properly licensed.
• 42% of motorcycle riders who died in singlevehicle crashes in 2022 were alcohol-impaired.
On these four points, the Motorcycle Riders Foundation (MRF) has a strong message, too many bikers are being killed and injured on our nation’s roadways! It is unacceptable that 15% of deaths on the road are motorcyclists. An easy and obvious way to help bring that number down is to ensure those on motorcycles are properly trained and licensed to operate motorcycles. Additionally, the number of alcohol-impaired deaths is disgraceful. Reducing or eliminating impaired riding would make a dramatic difference to these numbers.
However, some of the points made in the report are spun in a way we find troubling. For example, NHTSA lists as one of its key findings:
In States without universal helmet laws, based on known helmet use, 54 percent of motorcyclists killed in 2022 were not wearing helmets, as compared to 11 percent in States with universal helmet laws.
What is not highlighted is that 63% of all fatalities nationwide involved a rider wearing a helmet, based on known helmet use. Additionally, the lack of a mandate to wear a helmet doesn’t mean a motorcyclist can’t wear one. It just means that those riding are allowed to decide for themselves. This fact is spotlighted by the fact that 11 of 32 states without a mandatory helmet law (Alaska, Arizona, Connecticut, Florida, Idaho, Missouri, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, Texas, Utah and Wyoming), had the same number or more deaths among riders wearing helmets as without helmets.
MRF President Kirk “Hardtail” Willard” quipped, “Looks like NHTSA won’t stop until all bikers killed are wearing a helmet!”
Another point to note is that an estimated 4.1 billion more miles were ridden on motorcycles in 2022 than the previous year. This is a 21% increase in miles traveled while fatalities only increased by 1%, showing that while the number of fatalities increased, the rate of fatalities per mile traveled decreased. One of NHTSA’s “Key Findings” for this report is that motorcycles in 2022 had a 26.16% fatality rate per mile traveled. They do not point out that in 2021 that same rate was 31.27%, giving motorcycles a reduction in fatalities of 5.11%. Meanwhile, passenger car fatalities dropped 0.07% and light trucks dropped 0.04% based on miles traveled.
Some other facts from the report:
• 35% of all motorcycle riders involved in fatal crashes in 2022 were speeding.
• 66% of fatalities occurred in urban areas.
• 36% of fatal crashes occurred at an intersection.
• 58% of deaths happened during daylight hours.
• 92% occurred on non-interstate roads.
It is also important to note that according to NHTSA, “For the purposes of this fact sheet, motorcycles include 2- and 3-wheeled motorcycles, off-road motorcycles, mopeds, motor scooters, minibikes, and pocket bikes.” However, in a move the MRF applauds, motorized bicycles (previously included in these numbers), have been removed from the motorcycle category and will now be categorized as bicycles.
