The Yale Herald Volume LXI, Number 3 New Haven, Conn. Friday, Feb. 12, 2016
FROM THE STAFF The most perfect date I’ve ever been on was to Omaha Beach, in Normandy. Holding hands, we looked out over the rows of crosses and—fuck, this is the V-Day issue? Turns out love is the biggest battlefield of all! Kind of fucked up how Valentine’s Day is on the Sabbath, huh? At least we finally have a good reason to not put any work into our dates: Gheav has everything you need for V-Day! But feel free to take my idea. For Lent, I gave up on a two-year relationship, but I’m good, thanks—I’ve been filling my time by editing this paper and fighting off millennial existential angst. This issue of the Herald is a gift from us grizzled veterans to the new generation of hopeless romantics. Madeline Kaplan, MC ’17, reviews “The Last Song,” or The Best Nicholas Sparks Movie Of All Time (not a high bar), while Frances Lindemann, DC ’19, lives a Nicholas Sparks novel 30,000 feet above the Atlantic. And the amazing Claire Sheen, SM ’19, reminds us what Valentine’s Day is really about with a photo essay on her grandparents’ long love story. But we also know V-day ain’t all hugs and roses. We bare it all by revealing the first texts with our hookups. Charley Bardey, SM ’17, curls up on our bed and talks us through rejection on Grindr. Calvin Harrison, CC ’17, gets lonely enough to make a found poem out of Craigslist missed connections. Isabel Mendia, DC ’18, includes us in her Galentines day plans. And if you really really don’t have plans this weekend, we put the blacklist inside hearts this time. Just for u.
The Yale Herald Volume LIX, Special Issue: V-Day New Haven, Conn. Friday, Feb. 12, 2016 EDITORIAL STAFF: Editor-in-chief: Sarah Holder Managing Editors: Brady Currey, Tom Cusano, Rachel Strodel Executive Editors: Kohler Bruno, Austin Bryniarski, Sophie Haigney, David Rossler, Alessandra Roubini, Lily SawyerKaplan, Lara Sokoloff, Charlotte Weiner Senior Editors: Libbie Katsev, Carly Lovejoy, Kendrick McDonald, Anna Meixler, Jake Orbison, Jake Stein Culture Editor: Lora Kelley Features Editors: Emma Chanen, Calvin Harrison Opinion Editors: Charlotte Ferenbach, Lea Rice Reviews Editors: Luke Chang, Joe Kuperschmidt Voices Editor: Olivia Klevorn Insert Editor: Elias Bartholomew Audio Editors: Phoebe Petrovic, Korinayo Thompson Copy Editors: Genevieve Abele, Alexander Mutuc, Allison Primak ONLINE STAFF: Online Editor: Zoe Dobuler Bullblog Editors: Jeremy Hoffman, Caleb Moran DESIGN STAFF: Graphics Editors: Haewon Ma, Claire Sheen Executive Design Editors: Ben McCoubrey, Kai Takahashi BUSINESS STAFF: Publishers: Olivia Briffault, Russell Heller, Ellen Kim, Jocelyn Lehman
Please message me on Bumble, Brady Currey Managing Editor
The Yale Herald is a not-for-profit, non-partisan, incorporated student publication registered with the Yale College Dean’s Office. If you wish to subscribe to the Herald, please send a check payable to The Yale Herald to the address below. Receive the Herald for one semester for 40 dollars, or for the 2014-2015 academic year for 65 dollars. Please address correspondence to: The Yale Herald P.O. Box 201653 Yale Station New Haven, CT 06520-1653 sarah.holder@yale.edu www.yaleherald.com The Yale Herald is published by Yale College students, and Yale University is not responsible for its contents. All opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not reflect the views of The Yale Herald, Inc. or Yale University. Copyright 2016, The Yale Herald, Inc. Have a nice day. Cover by Haewon Ma and Claire Sheen YH Staff
2 – The Yale Herald
THIS WEEK
Incoming The Life of Pablo This album is so good that Kanye West had to rename it a million times. And insiders say Hillary Clinton will soon tweet “10 reasons Hillary is like your grandma Pablo.”
Outgoing Books All course readings are now stupid .pdfs on classesv2 anyway. Who needs a book when you have The Life of Pablo? Seriously though, Kanye West doesn’t read books, and has it all figured out: he has a kid named Saint and a new album coming out (see above). -YH Staff
Friday RALY presents: Sex Toys for Pleasure Workshop WLH 120 7:30-8:30 p.m.
Sunday Yale Ballroom’s Winter Ball Davenport College 8:30-11:30 p.m.
Tuesday Science in the News: Ebola Explosion! Barriers, Blood, and Bad Press Rosenfeld Hall 6:30-7:30 p.m.
Wednesday
Networking Mixer by CNSPY Yale Kelly’s Pub 5:30-8:30 p.m.
In this issue Cover 12 – Claire Sheen, SM ’19, reveals the true nature of love.
Voices 6 – Rianna Johnson-Levy, JE ’17, finds beauty and hardship on a Greyhound bus. 7 – Eve Romm’s, ES’18, deft translation of a Sappho poem is sure to make your knees weak.
Opinion 8 – Alyssa Miller, PC ‘16, talks chivalry (and not the Camelot kind). 9 – Isabel Mendia, DC ‘18, muses on the pressures of Leslie Knope’s brainchild, Galentine’s Day.
Special Issue: V-Day 10 – Alyssa Miller, PC ‘16, shines a light on the dark side of Yale’s sex culture 14 – Fly to London with Frances Lindemann, DC ‘19, to fall for a tall, dark stranger(?) 16 – Open up Grindr with Charlie Bardey, SM ’17. Let Jeremy Hoffman, PC ’17, take you out on a sweet first date. Then respond to Craigslist ads with Calvin Harrison, CC ’17. 18 – Scroll way way back to your first texts with old hook-ups. 19 – Uncover the surprising side of the Kama Sutra with Emily Ge, BK ’19.
Reviews 20 – What pop culture deserves a V-Day hookup? Plus: Miley makes sparks fly, Tom Hanks AIMs for the heart, Mel Gibson gets women. Feb. 12, 2016 – 3
CREDIT D FAIL
THE NUMBERS
Being loved (sinus infections) U know u hate to love them. They make you feel like you want to die, but shit...everyone’s gotta take care of you, you get to sleep for 4 days in a row, if you play your cards right you can get everything you ever dreamed out of a sinus infection and more. The key is to call your mom (Happy Valentine’s Day!) and tell her there are no doctors in New Haven—not even a lie—and that you must go home, immediately. Spend the weekend at your house and don’t leave bed unless you have to. The benefits are home cooked meals and not doing shit because you’re so goddamn sick. There are no non-benefits. So do yourself a favor and get a sinus infection. It’s pretty easy: just go bang someone who has a sinus infection. Bacteria is easy enough to contract if you really apply yourself...I am also single this Valentine’s Day and only sometimes take my antibiotics.
Index 224 Million
The estimated number of roses grown for Valentine’s Day.
245
Number of games NBA star Derrick Rose has missed in his career to injury.
0
Number of real roses planted at the mansion in The Bachelor.
9
The peak position of Outkast’s “Roses on the Billboard 100.
12
Number of roses in a dozen roses.
Sources: 1) CNN, 2) Chicago.suntimes.com, 3) Looper. com, 4) Wikipedia, 5) The rose industry – Nate File
Finding love (the letter D) D is for Daring. Do something dangerous. Dance with the devil. Get some D, if you’re into that. Have some discourse on Derrida or Dwayne the Rock Johnson. D.A.R.E.; if you’re into that. Date someone who you normally wouldn’t. Decide what kind of life you want with them, if you do. DREAM. Delight in dining hall dates, in Davenport, if you’re into that. Don’t let Dummies get you Down. Dress for success. Go to the Dentist. Write for Yale’s most Daring publication, the Yale HeralD.
Top Five Ways to make someone fall in love with you 5 – Show them that you can be fun and flirty and reapply your deodorant as needed.
No love (for the Superbowl) Fail: The panthers at the super bowl. EPIC FAIL XD!!! But honestly what happened at the superbowl this year? Is 2016 really the year of Beyonce and Coldplay? If so then it’s gonna be a 2016 full of fails because—even though Queen B can do no wrong—Coldplay sure can, and probably will, and it’s sure to be both entertaining and disastrous to see what Chris Martin can continue to give us, the American people. Also is Beyonce ok? Overall, Superbowl, more like Superfail!!! R.I.P. The only Superbowl I ever watched and thus the only Superbowl that ever mattered, was the one where Madonna called for “WORLD PEACE,” and no one heeded her, though maybe we should have. – Eugenia Zhukovsky YH Staff
Go the whole night without complaining
4 – about the P-set you have due tomorrow.
Ask them what their favorite ice cream flavor and then tell them that’s your 3 – favorite too. There’s nothing people love more than having things in common. Wow them with your scintillating knowl-
2 – edge of the types of cats kept by 20th century artists.
Just be yourself! Chew with your mouth
1 – closed. They’ll be impressed by the sophisticated person you are.
– Ashlynn Torres 4 – The Yale Herald
sarah.holder@yale.edu
VOICES
Shuttled By Rianna Johnson-Levy
It was the first time that my grandma expressed concern for me. “Oh, you are not putting my baby on a Greyhound,” roared Bernice. The last time I had seen her was at my high school graduation, when she had arrived an hour late, only to ask which of my sisters was the graduate. My aunt and cousins quickly chimed in about men on Greyhounds and the inevitable harassment and proximity to crime. “They all have knives.” “Stay as close to the bus driver as you can. Tell him if anyone tries to touch you!” I sat quietly. Traveling by bus was the cheapest way to get from Toledo, Ohio to New Haven, Conn. My tickets had been booked. Two days later, my sheepish parents dragged me to the station. My mom snapped a picture of me getting on the bus with an oversized duffle bag and a backpack full of books. Once settled, I sulked, staring out the window as the beige city turned to beige fields. I checked my phone and saw the photo of me that my mom had sent. My hair was tied up in defeat, my luggage dwarfing my body. I looked young. On a plane, I feel grown up, like I could order wine without being questioned. On a train, I am a customer, a traveler, and no one knows my story. I texted my mom back, as Western Ohio stole away any reception I still had. “That photo will be great for my Amber Alert.” The Greyhound offered no welcome as I embarked on my journey. The bus driver remained a faceless mystery, caged in behind a locked door at the front of the bus. He pulled over three times to shout at passengers who had the nerve to listen to music without headphones. These were the moments when I held my breath. My body would constrict, petrified, stuck where I sat with my legs tucked above my backpack. Throughout, the driver would switch lanes erratically. The sound of his heavy breathing alternated with coarse and violent groans. He cursed constantly. When he spit onto the cracked plas-
tic floor, I would look over to the man sharing the seat next to mine and half of my own. He was a mystery, as the skin on his face appeared to have been ground off entirely. Our shared glances between watery, tired brown eyes were my only source of comfort on the bus. His eyes shone out under the incandescent reading lights. Emerging from a collage of scab and bleeding flesh, the features of his face struggled to distinguish themselves. His cello grain eyes were a shade we shared with each other and most of the rest of the bus: brown eyes belonging to brown people. Indian, Latino, Black, and poor. We continued to make unplanned stops on the side of the road and at unmarked bus stations. We were shuttled on and off the bus, without explanation, and barked at by the driver when we did not comply with instructions we were never given. It was a sleepless night, driving through Ohio, New York, Pennsylvania. The bus was kept at meat locker temperatures, as if we were on our way to delivery at a supermarket. This is what it means to travel when you are poor, when the Greyhound knows it is your only option. When we arrived, blessedly intact, the sun came out and our bodies shook with lack of sleep and the stiffness of cramped and rigid sitting. The faceless man, my nameless companion, retrieved my outof-reach duffel bag from the luggage rack above our heads. He offered me some soup that had been dripping from a plastic bag he clutched the entire journey. I could not help but blush. I wanted to reach out and embrace him, pull him back to the closeness we had shared for so many hours. I knew better, so we filed off the bus and said thank you to our driver, revealed to be a paunchy, red-faced Napoleon of a man. We parted ways in the glowing station, where weary travelers slept on wooden benches and the walls were lined with gold.
Graphic by Shelby Redman 6 – The Yale Herald
Countdown to Perihelion: 14 days or Stolen Love Song A translation of Sappho Fragment 1
undying Aphrodite of the richly worked throne net-weaving child of Zeus, I beg you neither with longing nor with sorrow subdue, lady, my heart. but come here if ever elsewhere hearing my voice far off you gave heed, leaving the house of your father and came, yoking your golden chariot; and beautiful swift sparrows were leading you around the black earth spinning their frequent wings from the heavens through the bright sky. at once they come: and you, fortunate one, your immortal face smiling, ask what again I have suffered and why again I call you. and what I most wish to happen to me in my raving heart; whom again do I persuade to lead from here into your love? Who, Sappho, wrongs you? and indeed if she flees, swiftly she will chase, and if she does not receive gifts, she will rather give and if she does not love, swiftly she will love evenunwillingly. even now come to me, and free me from harsh cares, and whatever my heart desires to accomplish for me, accomplish, and you yourself fight with me
—Eve Romm
Graphic by Jason Hu YH Staff Feb. 12, 2016 – 7
OPINION
No penis required by Alyssa Miller When chivalry first emerged on the social scene, all knightly and shining and armored, the world was a very different place. But when we talk about chivalry today, we don’t mean the literal code of chivalry as spelled out in “The Song of Roland,” a ninth century French epic, or good old Arthur’s Camelot. I’m no medieval scholar, but it seems clear that chivalry in the traditional sense of the word is dead, and it has been for a while. But so are trials by combat and the Vikings. Still, it is important to understand the context in which chivalry appeared, and where our modern expectations for—or disappointments in—this tradition are rooted. The idea of chivalry emerged during a time when men pranced around the forest on horseback, and women hung around court like decorations. If you stopped someone in the marketplace and told them “heteronormativity” was a problem, they would probably think you were referring to another plague epidemic. In the historical sense, this was a time when gender roles in the public sphere were explicitly defined, and a breach of this code of conduct was considered an affront to Christianity, and thus to society as a whole. Today’s chivalry seems to be about bringing flowers on first dates, footing the bill, walking on the outside of the sidewalk to get sprayed first by a New Haven bus, and chocolates and puppies and rainbows and happiness...when provided by a man. Chivalry isn’t dead—it’s just incredibly, dichotomously gendered. What’s more, certain actions we deem chivalrous today seem to get confused with plain old common courtesy. There are certain acts of “chivalry,” as they have been nebulously defined, that are just nice things to do for another human, whether or not you are courting them. Sharing your umbrella with the person you are walking with, for example. Are you really going to let them get soaking wet while
you bask in the glorious warmth of your tarp-andmetal cocoon? Or holding open the door or gate to a residential college. That’s not chivalrous, that’s called having manners. It’s fucking cold outside, and your hands are already out of your pockets. Just do it. Then, of course, there are acts of chivalry that can be categorized as more explicitly romantic. And herein lies our simultaneous disappointment in the decline of chivalrous acts, and our rejection of chivalric culture as outdated and even misogynistic in the 2016 of progressive sexuality and gender politics. At Yale, we don’t like labels, and we don’t like gender roles based on preconceived notions of sex or sexuality because we don’t want them to dictate the ways in which we interact with one another. Power dynamics based on gender roles either foster resentment and hurt, or they are simply not applicable to the many kinds of relationships found on campus today. This doesn’t mean that acts traditionally viewed as chivalrous have no place in society, or that feminists have stamped out every ounce of civility in masculinity. It just means that chivalry doesn’t have to be gendered. Let’s take a look at some chivalrous deeds, traditionally performed by men and for women, to see just how much they actually rely on these arbitrary conceptions of gender. Offering to pay for dinner, for starters. Penis required? Nope. We’re all students. We’re all broke together. How about giving up your coat when someone is chilly? Must a heterosexual woman be on the receiving end of this gesture? I don’t think so. Next up, pulling out your date’s chair. Does this mean I have to propose now? Nah, you’re good. Or, standing up when your date walks in the room. This is a little Downton Abbey-esque, but it’s always nice to know someone is excited when you show up, and testosterone is not a prerequisite for excitement. And, in a similar
vein, standing up for your partner’s honor, or sticking up for them in sticky situations—last time I checked, we all get caught in these. Let’s keep the private parts out of this one, please. What about just asking someone out on an actual date? Maybe you do need balls for this one, but not in the literal sense. Whoever came up with the idea that the testes and scrotum should be equated with bravery has probably never been kicked there. So no, feminism didn’t kill chivalry, and no, it’s not really dead. Chivalry is about doing something nice for the people you care about. So if you have a special someone this Valentine’s Day, or you love your friends, or you just want to be a good person, do nice things. Go out of your way to show them you care. Pick up on the little details. Ask them about their day. Everyone deserves to feel loved regardless of gender, sexuality, relationship status, social background, or God-given genitalia. No matter your gender, be a good person, and don’t count chivalry out. So happy V-day, you knight in shining armor, you—and if you offer to buy me dinner, I won’t say “no.”
Graphic by Alex Swanson YH Staff
8 – The Yale Herald
It’s only the best day of the year! by Isabel Mendia “What’s Galentine’s Day? Oh, it’s only the best day of the year!” So begins Season 2, Episode 16 of Parks and Recreation, with Amy Poehler’s Leslie Knope defining the episode’s titular event: a day for “ladies celebrating ladies.” Galentine’s Day provides a wonderful solution to a crappy situation for women, wherein they are divided into those that are in relationships and those that are single every second week of February. It turns the attention away from the societal pressures of having romantic love and towards the dependable joy of female friendships. But popular culture has transformed Leslie’s idea into a day for single women to bond together over chocolate and Buzzfeed-curated movie lists, and Hollywood churns out those films accordingly. These movies dictate to us that female-centric alternatives to Valentine’s Day are pity parties for single women, rather than instances of empowerment. The problem is that we’ve conflated the two; commiseration is not the same as support. Take the 2010 movie Valentine’s Day. I’ve forgotten most of its trivial plot over the past six years, but I still remember how Jessica Biel’s character, a successful publicist with a great group of friends, throws an annual “I Hate Valentine’s Day” party. Her hatred of the holiday is portrayed as bitter and destitute, hinging on the fact that she is single. Her party, instead of being seen as a vessel through which the movie’s female characters can bond together in celebration, is emptied of any positivity because of its basic premise. Its gloominess is only remedied at the end of the movie, when Biel and a sports reporter, played by Jamie Foxx, share a kiss. Biel’s hatred of the holiday is rooted in her loneliness, instead of in the many valid reasons to dislike the commercialized holiday, and as soon as her romantic future turns bright, her mood lifts. The movie How To Be Single will be released this Fri., Feb. 12, ostensibly to appeal to lonely women on Valentine’s Day weekend. The movie’s marketing indicates that spending time with female friends is only a necessity if you are both single, so that you can commiserate together. Their strategy combines the idea of Galentine’s Day with a forced celebration of female singledom. If you Google How To Be Single, you’ll discover parties taking place across the country on Feb. 13 that are actively promoted by its marketing team. The trailer, replete with Top 50 hits, announces that, “If you’re not having fun being single, then you’re not doing it right,” and that it’s “just the single best time of your life.” And it works. As I write this, my other single suitemate and I have already scheduled How To Be Single for 8 to 10 p.m. on Feb. 13 on our GCals. AS YOUNG WOMEN AT A LIBERAL COLLEGE, WE’RE treated to a much more self-aware treatment of gender politics than that which exists in many other places. My
hometown is the kind of neighborhood where people were shocked when I chose to move away to attend college, and where everyone, my peers and my grand-
mother’s friends alike, asks me about my love life before my classes or my college friendships. It’s the kind of society where a woman’s value is based on her ability to find a stable husband. My all-girls high school, despite its flaws, was the open-minded anomaly in this conservative community. My friends and I often attended proms and semi-formals with each other. In our sophomore year, my class gained a certain amount of fame when more than half of us went “dateless and shameless” to winter formal. Despite the year-round emphasis on sisterhood, though, there were still moments when being in a relationship put girls on a pedestal over their single classmates. Every Valentine’s Day, boys from our brother school would send flowers to the young women they were courting. All other girls would make the same joke every year: “It’s not just Valentine’s Day! It’s also Single Awareness Day, guys! And what’s the acronym for that?” “SAD!” My kid brother, a single senior at the school, has never made that joke with his classmates. Yale seemed to provide a refreshing culture of ambivalence towards one’s holiday plans. But even here, there is an abundance of activities over Valentine’s Day weekend that, instead of celebrating why it’s great to be surrounded by the love of suitemates and teammates, seem to focus on pairing up the entire campus community. Silliman has its annual speed dating dinner and the YDN has their blind date contest. Restaurants that usually belong on the list of Parent’s Weekend favorites become booked up by undergraduate duos. And ultimately, it’s women that seem to feel so much of the pressure on campus. Every time I’ve asked my single male friends about Valentine’s Day, the response has been almost unanimous—their entire bodies seem to
shrug in nonchalance. They don’t seem to feel the need to eat Ben & Jerry’s together either. There’s a reason that there’s a Galentine’s Day instead of a Broentine’s Day. Society does not define straight, white men by their marital status, but the idea of women putting careers and friends before family is still novel to many Americans. Just look at the recent study published by the CDC, stating that women of childbearing age shouldn’t drink unless they’re on birth control. Of course, fetal alcohol syndrome should be treated seriously, but the manner in which the CDC reduced women to child receptacles, regardless of their intention to have children, is incredibly harmful and degrading. Women are more than their ability to find a mate and reproduce, and we shouldn’t need Leslie Knope to remind us of that fact. When an institution as influential as the CDC tells you that your worth as a woman is directly correlated with your future role as a mother, though, it becomes imperative to have the support of those around you. In an interview with Amy Poehler and her partner in comedy crime, Tina Fey, the women discuss the sexism of the media’s insistence on pitting them against one another. Fey quips, “No one’s asking, like, Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, ‘What do you guys fight about?’” The premise on which Galentine’s Day is based is important—that women actively value the other women in their lives. So this weekend, you could go to dinner at Tarry Lodge with a significant other. But you could also bring your best friend a coffee in the library, or buy a pizza slice for your suitemate after a night out on High Street. Celebrate the people in your life for their ability to make you spend two hours chatting in the dining hall when you should be studying, or for that time you sang karaoke together at 2 in the morning. It’s not just single women who should celebrate platonic love, and it’s not just on Feb. 13. Celebrate your friends.
Graphic by Shelby Redman
Feb. 12, 2016 – 9
SPECIAL ISSUE: V-DAY
Sex Ed Yale’s efforts to improve sexual culture by Alyssa Miller
O
kCupid claims that Yale has the greatest sex drive of any college in America. With Yale’s obsession with its own hookup culture, that appraisal isn’t too off the mark. But the constant talk of sex can mask an important issue. In September, the Association of American Universities’ Campus Climate Survey on Sexual Misconduct cast a shadow on the vision of a happy, horny Yale. The results were startling: 55.1% of respondents reported facing sexual harassment, and this number climbed to 74% for female undergraduates and 84.2% for students identifying as “other gender.” The survey, which was answered by 51.8% of Yale students, also found that a quarter of undergraduates have had sexual encounters that fail to meet Yale’s standard of consent. But it’s possible that Yale’s problem is larger than just the yes-no binary of consent. According to Victoria Beizer, BK ‘18, the Women’s Center spokeswoman, “Yale’s sexual climate does not afford the sexual respect, autonomy, and regard for others that all people deserve. [....] We need to be more intentional in our efforts to make consent and respect an automatic, normal, and assumed part of every relationship.” Elias Bartholomew, DC’17 and Herald Inserts Editor, put it in plainer terms: “People think, ‘don’t rape people,’ but they’re not taught how to communicate.” The leap from a simple discussion of yes and no to a larger movement that addresses individual comfort, desire, and pleasure is a complicated one, that various campus organizations are working on. The survey result was especially frustrating for the campus because of the major effort different groups have made to build a positive sexual climate. One of these groups, the Communication and Consent Educators (CCEs), comprise a diverse group of undergraduates and hold workshops and information sessions that seek to teach students how to ensure they are having safe, healthy, and explicitly consensual sexual experiences. According to the Assistant Dean of Student Affairs and head of the CCE program,
10 – The Yale Herald
Melanie Boyd, their work also extends to “a wide range of social interactions, campus dynamics, and cultural norms to reduce pressure” in social settings. Their ultimate goal is to “give people the space to make mindful decisions,” says Boyd. The Reproductive Justice Action League at Yale (RALY), formerly Reproductive Rights Action League at Yale, works towards sex positivity and reproductive justice both on campus and in the broader community. RALY defines sex positivity as “creating a climate where people feel comfortable exploring their sexuality on their own terms,” says Sarah Grossman-Kahn, SM ’17, president of the group. For the CCEs, says Boyd, sex positivity means “starting from the presumption that sexual encounters have the potential to be positive, empowering experiences.” And the Yale Women’s Center defines it as “the idea that safe and consensual sexual empowerment is healthy and beneficial,” says Beizer. RALY hopes to bring that mindset to both Yale and New Haven through big thinking and direct action. “We’re committed to reproductive justice and freedom in general. We want there to be freedom in sexual ex-
We need to be more intentional in our efforts to make consent and respect an automatic, normal, and assumed part of every relationship. – Victoria Beizer, BK’18
pression,” says Marya Keny-Guyer, TD’19, the organization’s outreach coordinator. In an effort to promote open, positive sexuality, RALY is hosting two workshops on Feb. 12 titled “Sex Toys for Pleasure” and “Sex Outside the Box,” both of which encourage open-mindedness and discourse for healthy exploration of sexual practices.
RALY is able to do this type of work, which thinks outside the box and pushes the boundaries of what is traditionally considered “sexual literacy” in a way that the CCEs are largely unable to. As a group of students employed and directed by the Yale College Dean’s Office, the CCEs are much more constrained by the university and its prerogatives, which tend to focus more specifically on consent. To address consent, the CCEs hold mandatory classes at the beginning of every year for all freshman and sophomores. In small groups, two students from the CCEs discuss consent, healthy sexual practices, and bystander intervention. “While workshops obviously have limitations, I think these workshops have a huge impact on the way that the Yale students who go through them get a sense of Yale’s community values of respect, care and safety,” says CCE Nathan Kohrman, SY ’16. Through their sessions with the CCEs, all Yale students are given information to understand the boundaries of consensual sex. It seems, though, that something is still missing between information and action. With so many organizations working hard to create a positive and healthy sexual environment, the survey demonstrated that the conversation can’t end there. Beizer adds, “We are happy that widespread efforts have been made to raise awareness about sexual health and consent, but there is still more to be done so that all students respect and are respected by intimate partners.” She is not alone in that sentiment. “There are still persisting stigmas and biases that infiltrate discussions of sex on campus, and there needs to be continued dialogue in order to create an environment that is completely inclusive of all genders, races, sexualities, and identities,” says Grossman-Kahn. Keny-Guyer continues, “The report that came out in the fall was concerning, and we want to keep the conversation going. We want to increase sexual literacy, and we want people to feel safe exploring their sexuality on campus.” To accomplish this, RALY will go beyond just their workshops. They want sex positivity and safe sex
to have a place within the structure of Yale as an institution. “We would like to see Yale move in the direction of representing reproductive justice, especially through Yale Health. Ideal examples would be providing overthe-counter birth control of all types. We want to be an example for Connecticut in terms of access to cheap or free birth control,” Keny-Guyer said. Kohrman adds that Yale could address the way it parties: “Most off campus partying is in all-male houses—frats, varsity teams, a cappella groups. All male groups are, and in my experience want to be, a part of the solution. Working with them is crucial.” Currently, much of the work done by CCEs outside of their workshops is at on campus events like college screws or through other educational activities. “ I also think it could be cool if there were more parties hosted at mixed-gender and all-female off campus houses,” says Kohrman. But that would require larger social changes that go beyond education and awareness, which has traditionally been the main focus of CCE programs. While the nuances in definition of sex positivity are certainly important, they all point to the same general conclusion: anyone and everyone on this campus deserves to feel safe and supported in exploring their sexuality and in any sexual encounters they have (or don’t). The road to that free sexual Eden, though, is a long and winding one. “Yale can—and must—improve its sexual climate, but when I see and hear about all the work my colleagues and administrators are doing, I feel optimistic,” says Kohrman. As one of the most well known universities in the world, and a place where sexual harassment statistics compete with the national average, Yale is in a particularly primed position to influence others with positive change in sexual climate. “Every college in America has to deal with the scourge of sexual violence,” says Kohrman, “and I believe that Yale is at the forefront of this effort.” Yale’s groups working toward sexual respect and positivity on campus will continue their tireless work to address the threat of sexual misconduct while supporting its title of “sexiest” institution of higher education.
Graphic by Jason Hu YH Staff
Feb. 12, 2016 – 11
Gravity waves Following my grandparents’ love story through time and place by Claire Sheen YH Staff
12 – The Yale Herald
You exist, and you are here. Would you eat up my breath before it falls into my lungs like all these thousands of pearls, each one crying out as it heaps onto heaps of itself? Eat it up and breathe for me. Please. You exist, and you are a cabinet of costumes each with its own thick shadow, which is more than I can say for myself. I don’t know why I put on a different voice these days, stolen from bits of television and girls I admire. It’s got its feet anchored in wet sand, trying hard to be concrete. What I’m saying is, I think you can stay in this world. What I’m saying is you can stay. No, what I’m staying is you can say. You exist, and you spend your afternoons counting spots on your wrists, wondering whether you can grow freckles just by living here. And and and the truth is, your skin just doesn’t grow too well in this strange soil. You exist, and if you do it long enough, it will cancel out all those senseless days you spent as an aftertaste. I think I made a friend today. It’s too windy, and he can never hear my voice. But maybe yours. You exist, but in the wrong way. You might not.
Feb. 12, 2016 – 13
Foreign affairs Love. Actually? by Frances Lindemann
F
lying alone is not something I do frequently. I have a fear of airplanes and hate the unnatural feeling of being airborne. But there I was, walking the plank onboard the winged, firebreathing creature, on the phone with my mother listing all the reasons I would be okay. I was in the exit row, which was nice until the flight attendant began to list all my responsibilities in case of emergency, which triggered another list in my head of all the possible emergencies that could befall me. Then she told me I had to store all my carry-on items in the overhead bin since I was in the exit row, which, though a perfectly reasonable request, seemed to be too much to ask of an anxiety-ridden solo flyer, and I burst into tears as I packed away the books and magazines that seemed to be my only comfort. There was only one thing left to do, and that was to lose consciousness as quickly as possible. So I settled into my window seat, curled into a ball, and tried to make myself as small as possible to avoid interaction with the person beside me and convince myself I was at home in my bed. Unfortunately, the man who sat down next to me turned out to be a tangle of enormously long limbs that required about four times the amount of leg space that had been allotted by Virgin Atlantic. Fortunately, he also turned out to be extremely attractive, so much so that I even forgot to cry and frantically text my mother as the plane took off. I did, however, get to send a few Snapchats (“hot guy on my plane !!”) before falling asleep. I woke up from my fear coma to find myself in Heathrow. I left my beautiful seatmate without even a farewell snapchat, but I was still thinking of him at
Love doesn’t have to be funny or charming or come with a smarmy British smile.
14 – The Yale Herald
baggage claim. I couldn’t help wondering whether chance encounters with beautiful strangers ever really amount to anything. Like in Notting Hill, when Hugh Grant spills coffee (tea?) on Julia Roberts and the next thing you know he’s rubbing her pregnant belly on a park bench. Or in Stuck in Love, one of the best romantic comedies ever made, when Logan Lerman meets Lily Collins at a bar and chases her around (in a non-stalker way) until she eventually goes ice skating with him and cries in his car while he plays her his favorite Elliott Smith song. (I confess that the scene made me think long and hard about what my favorite song is, in case I ever found myself in that situation). These cinematic situations are also somewhat laughable, but somehow they pull on our hearts and imaginations and set us looking for that type of crazy, serendipitous love. But love doesn’t have to be funny or charming or come with a smarmy British smile to trigger an adolescent girl’s imagination. In my eighth grade English class we read Romeo and Juliet. We were twelve girls sitting around a table, picking at the pimples on our foreheads, hiking our uniform skirts up to show off our newly shaven thighs, twiddling our thumbs and OMG-ing about the messages we had and had not sent the night before on IM. The love story of the Capulet girl and the Montague boy was so far from our modern cultural conception of love— complete with hook ups, Blackberry Messenger emoticons and third base—that I don’t think any of us were much excited by the prospect of reading the play. But as soon as “in fair Verona we set our scene,” I was captivated. There was something electric about it. It represented a kind of love I did not believe in, but whose possibility—whose mere existence on the page—was like a blow to the senses and all their perceptions. Yet, you have to ask yourself, as Juliet cries to her lover “Deny thy father and refuse thy name!” isn’t that what love should be—a rejection of normalcy and everything it has to offer? At least, that’s what I’ve grown up thinking it should be, since romantic love enters our minds as a cultural construction long before it even begins to actually happen to us.
A couple of nights into my stay in London I was at the strangest nightclub I’ve ever seen. Huddled outside below heating lamps, packs of twentysomethings stood smoking, cigarettes in one hand and hugging their bare arms with the other. Inside, the club was decorated like a luxury ski chalet, complete with wooden beams and moose heads sticking out of the walls. There was a photobooth that churned out snowflake-bordered photographs of girls with little black dresses and cold red knees, and the bartenders wore ski goggles as they poured out shots. I don’t remember how exactly I bumped into him, but suddenly there he was: dark-haired, sexy long-limbboy from my flight. “Hey, you’re the girl from the Virgin Atlantic flight, right? Let me buy you a drink!” He bought me a drink, and another one, and I even bought him a few, because hey, it’s the 21st century, and the whole time I couldn’t stop thinking about how surreal the whole situation was. The next morning I woke up to a series of texts from him asking me how long I was in London for and whether I wanted to get a coffee with him. I didn’t respond; instead, I rolled over to look at my boyfriend— the whole reason I was in London and looked forward to our plans for the day. Still, I couldn’t help but feel that I was missing some great opportunity for a kind of love that went beyond the quotidian, the kind of love that springs out of chance encounters in rom-coms and Shakespearean masquerades . When Romeo and Juliet fall in love “at first sight,” they are both masked, their identities obscured. In some sense this is what made-up representations of love do to us. In the Inferno, Dante encounters two lovers— Francesca and her brother-in-law Paolo—who fell in love by reading aloud the story of the illicit love of Lancelot and Guinevere. Francesca seems to have fallen in love with this tale of love itself, not with Paolo. In the eyes of God, Francesca is damned because she is an adulteress, but in the eyes of the reader, she is damned for falling in love with a story rather than a man. Of course, my own encounter was more likely to result in a one-night hookup than a love affair; at best it
would lead to a relationship complete with hand-holding and movie-going, but that would still be light years away from what Shakespeare meant by romance. As soon as the encounter became more than just a passing flirtation, it was likely to lose all its vitality. I’m a little embarrassed to say I can’t even remember two words that we spoke to each other. But that’s entirely the point, of course. I didn’t see this guy at all. I saw myself seeing him. I reached for the metaphorical popcorn with extra gusto because I was finally part of the narrative I had experienced as an observer for so long. To what extent is falling in “love” merely a reproduction of its fictional representations in literature
and media? Personally, I’ve fallen in love with more fictional characters than I think I ever will people. It can be exciting and entertaining, but can also leave you wondering whether real life has something different— and better—to offer than stories, which can leave you wandering through a maze of your own fantasies. I think I would rather have the real-world relationship I have than one that exists largely in my own head, my boyfriend in Under Armor over a knight in shining armor, but what is lost in translation between storybook and reality? In our modern age, more than ever before, we assign a special importance to romantic love as the fountain of real meaning in our lives—hence the commodification
of occasions like Valentine’s Day and the emotional selfflagellation some of us undergo if we’re left single come February 14th. But I’m scared to think that I’m looking so hard for something I’m not even sure is real, because I grew up thinking I must in order to be happy. I’m scared that I’m looking so hard for cinematic romance that if real love—whatever love really is—stares me in the face, I’ll be too blind to see it for what it is. I’ll smile and politely say I’m sorry, but I don’t recognize this story.
Graphic by Rachel An
Feb. 12, 2016 – 15
SPECIAL ISSUE: V-DAY
Adventures in Grindr by Charlie Bardey YH Staff Grindr sits on my iPhone screen immediately adjacent to “Ham Horn,” an app that singularly produces the air horn sound effects you hear in Drake songs. This placement leads to my first main complaint about Grindr: their icons look too similar (a black silhouette on an orange background), and sometimes I accidentally open Grindr when I’m trying to punctuate a moment with an air horn. Grindr makes a terrible air horn. If you’re thinking of downloading an air horn app and you’re thinking of Grindr, look elsewhere. Grindr has other purposes, though, first and foremost emotional validation and devastation. I first downloaded Grindr as a spectator with no interest in meeting up with anyone. Grindr terrified me, and I imagined that the best case scenario if I used it would be that I was murdered. Still, I was curious. I made myself a profile with no picture, name, or description. Almost immediately, I was inundated with messages and pictures. Tactics varied. Some opened with ‘hey cutie’ or some variation thereof (which, given that I didn’t have a picture, must have been a lucky guess). Other users opened with a neutral ‘hey,’ and, when I didn’t respond, followed up less neutrally with a picture of their dick. One user, named ‘older top here loves to eat ass’ slid into my inbox with the line “older top here….. loves to eat ass.” Brand consistency is crucial. Emboldened by the knowledge that someone out there was interested in eating my humble little ass, I waded further. I added a photo—a no nonsense mirror selfie—and added “Yale” to my description, hoping to cash in on that sweet, sweet elitist prestige. If the messages were rolling in before, I would have to brace myself for a veritable deluge. But that’s actually not how it turned out. Instead, the messages stopped. Completely. Not sure if there was a glitch in Grindr, or if the picture of me was somehow less enticing than the infinite possibility of a blank profile. Probably the latter. I went from being Maybe Oscar Isaac But Also Maybe Your Perverted Mom Who’s Trying To Hit On You to being stupid little Charlie. I get the disappointment. I’m nowhere near as interesting as your disgusting and immoral mom. If you’re wondering whether Grindr is right for you, I will say this: Grindr has been a hallmark of gay culture for the better part of a decade, and though it is easy to criticize Grindr for its facilitation of casual sex that many would consider emp-
ty and meaningless, fuck that. The Puritans died like a billion years ago, and we don’t have to keep listening to their stupid ideas! If you don’t want to have casual sex,
Beyond Tinder Fun new dating apps we bet you haven’t tried yet 1. FarmersOnly.com 2. You and IQ 3. Club Penguin 4. EquestrianCupid.com 5. BikerKiss.com 6. Gluten Free Singles 7. The League 8. TallFriends.com 9. Woad’s 10. Yale Class of 2019 group
In other words don’t, and let the older tops who love to eat ass eat ass. Live and let eat ass. At the same time, Grindr lays bare some of the worst racism and femme-phobia the gay community has to offer, and it can be a horrible place if you’re not white, fit, and #masc4masc. So use it with caution, unless you want to have your ass eaten by an older man, in which case, godspeed. Happy Valentines.
Don’t want to come on too strong? Try some of these playful euphemisms:
1. Boinking 2. Frickle-frackle 3. Sexual congress 4. Carnal embrace 5. Driving Miss Daisy 6. Making the beast with two backs 7. Smooshing 8. ET phones home 9. Knowing in the Biblical sense
Graphic by Joseph Valdez
16 – The Yale Herald
Missed connections
Calvin Harrison YH Staff
The following poems come from condensing and arranging individual lines and complete posts from the Craigslist Missed Connectins section. No original words were added. I.
III.
You were in front of me
I was too nervous to approach you
We talked a bit in line
I mumbled how beautiful your eyes were
You told the cashier where you from paid and then ask him if they have any -------
I had an overwhelming desire to suck your cock
Hmu if you want a bj.
I saw the wedding band
You made a comment about the licence plate on my car and that i was far from home
I couldn’t take my eyes off you
We chatted for a few minutes while we both pumped gas you seemed really nice
I flirted a little I got nervous and choked I didn’t want to get ahead of myself I wish that I asked for your # I was totally feeling you 100%
i could use a friend here
I’m pretty sure that you will never see this post.
hope you see this IV. II. w4m (naugatuck) m4w (branford) We were at the park our kids were having a great time it was late summer perfect weather talked for two hours inched closer and closer couldn’t take my eyes off your lips were glistening from your lip gloss played with your hair gently touched my arm i was too shy to make the move blushing said our goodbyes will not hesitate to kiss your lips I may have lost my soul mate.
Remember all the snow we shoveled that first winter at your mothers house and how I stayed over a couple of days because we made sure I was stranded with you in the storm Come back to me, if you read this… do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
k-i-s-s-i-n-g If you are truly the other half of my heart, we will find each other again.
How to get a sick date by Jeremy Hoffman YH Staff
If you don’t go on many dates like me but want to on VDAY, here’s what you should do. Let’s assume this is a first date. High stakes. You cannot let your date know this is a date before you go. The stakes are too high. Too damn high. You’ll need to trick your date into spending a long night with you to make this spontaneous. First thing you’ll need is a car. Tell your date you want to study at the Divinity School since you’re already in your car. Why not. Could be a quiet place. Upon picking up your date to go to Divinity School, have your steamiest tunes ready. I’m talking alternating between sexy sax and Peruvian flute with smooth R&B. Banks vs. Future. Back n forth n back n forth. It will be a ballet of emotions in the car. Make sure the heat is turned up and the sun roof is open. Hot n cold n cold n hot. They’ll know you weren’t really planning on going to the Divinity School. So where to? Why are we sweating and listening to steamy tunes? Say something fun and fresh like “Hey, I don’t actually have that much work, do you want to do something fun and fresh? Or even dangerous? And pioneering?” They’ll know what you’re thinking, realizing there is a steamy takeout bag in the back seat, as well as a picnic table, space heaters, candles, and blankets. “Oh—That’s just some stuff I left in my car from my last camping trip with my EXXXXX. But...now that we have food and all of this equipment...want to just trespass and eat at the new colleges?” You ask, armed with knowledge from your intro psych class that your date will misattribute the extra adrenaline from trespassing to an attraction for you. Boom. Spontaneous. Dangerous. Fun. Fresh. Perfect Date. You’re welcome.
Graphic by Haewon Ma YH Staff
Feb. 12, 2016 – 17
SPECIAL ISSUE: V-DAY
Heyyyy... recalling awkward first texts u sent to former flames Soo I might be heading back soon would you be opposed to me possibly coming over for a bit...?
are you going to the YIRA info session lmao
Just read your marginal comments. No need to apologize, I appreciate (your) blunt criticisms– prefer them actually. On the topic of bluntness, would you be interested in getting coffee sometime–to talk about our class of course?
did u watch Glee last night?
A reaction to your Maison Mathis kale?
can you get me a ride to church? or are you not going?
The City of Evanston might pull a fast one on us Evanstonians. I'd appreciate your support to get them to stop. The city has put the Harley-Clarke Mansion, one of Evanston's most beautiful and storied public lakefront properties, up for sale. And now they might sell the property for less than half of its market value so it can be turned into a boutique hotel.
the new yorker can be so onanistic Did u get my email about Kafka’s father
There's no evidence that this sale will benefit our community. Selling this historic lakefront property at a fraction of its value is shortsighted and contrary to the values and interests of Evanston. Please join me in demanding Mayor Tisdahl and City Manager Bobkiewicz stop the sale by signing this petition. It takes less than a minute and we need your help! Graphic by Haewon Ma YH Staff
18 – The Yale Herald
Textbook to sexual nirvana by Emily Ge
This Feb. 14, forget your candy hearts and your teddy bears. Forsake your chocolate fondue and your G-Heav roses. And instead of reading your friends’ gushy posts, think about this for a change: In the beginning, the Lord of Beings created men and women, and in the form of commandments in 100,000 chapters laid down rules for regulating their existence with regard to Dharma, Artha, and Kama. Eight hundred and some odd years before a pagan fertility rite was transformed into a Christian feast day, a book about love was written. In the Kama Sutra, which has alternately been described as a “textbook to sexual nirvana,” “a guide to erotic living,” and “a lecherous seducer of innocent souls,” there are more than 1,000 chapters organized into seven overarching sections. Apparently. But no one could blame you for thinking that the entirety of the Kama Sutra is a book with dirty pictures, a kind of fourth-century Hindu Playboy. After all, that’s how it’s often presented to us. A quick Google search for “kama sutra” brings up 14,300,000 hits, and most of them follow a similar vein. Blurbs like “10 Kama Sutra Positions That Will Save Your Marriage” and “2 Dirty Girls Go Full On Kama Sutra” pop up. Even Jason Derulo joins the action with a song featuring Kid Ink (Kama Kama Sutra / Kama Kama Sutra babe (yeah) / Kama Kama Sutra). I made the mistake of clicking over to the “Videos” tab, which I do not recommend to anyone in search of spiritual and sexual enlightenment. There are seven sections of the Kama Sutra, but the only one worth mentioning seems to be the second, “On Sexual Union.” The index of this section reads as follows:
• Kinds of Union according to Dimensions, Force of Desire, and Time; and on the different kinds of Love • Of the Embrace • On Kissing • On Pressing or Marking with the Nails • On Biting, and the ways of Love to be employed with regard to Women of different countries • On the various ways of Lying down, and the different kinds of Congress • On the various ways of Striking, and of the Sounds appropriate to them • About females acting the part of Males • On holding the Lingam in the Mouth • How to begin and how to end the Congress. Different kinds of Congress, and Love Quarrels
Even this index of the Kama Sutra’s most famous section seems more intriguing than the racy yoga poses we’re all used to associating with the text. I’m sure I could write this entire essay just on erotic spanking, or “Striking, and of the Sounds appropriate to them,” but rest assured. The rest of the seven sections are written with regard to manly needs and desires: “About the Acquisition of a Wife,” “About a Wife,” the particularly provocative “About the Wives of Other People,” “About Courtesans,” and “On the Means of Attracting Others to One’s Self” (the last section contains an interesting assortment of herbal potions for depleted old men). Based solely on the titles and indexes of the seven sections, the most obvious conclusion is that the Kama Sutra is completely ignorant of womanly needs and desires. Is that the case? Well, it depends. On one hand, the Kama Sutra sanctions acts of rape, adultery, and cruelty. Vatsyayana, the central figure of the text, advises his readers to woo virgins first by courting them and then by sending them figurines of erect goats. Then, if that doesn’t work, he instructs his readers to give the virgins liquor and then to take them by force. He also advises men to take advantage of “widows, women who have no male protector, wandering ascetics, and beggars. . . for they are vulnerable.” On the other hand, Vatsyayana instructs his readers to have sex so that the woman “enjoys her climax first.” Unlike Christian sexual moralities, the Kama Sutra celebrates sex performed solely for pleasure. Moreover, it recognizes women as sexual beings who deserve to have their erotic pleasure valued by men. And although there are instructions for men on how to efficiently commit adultery, the Kama Sutra also puts forward the notion that women who do not derive sexual pleasure from their husbands should leave them and find satisfaction elsewhere. In many ways, the Kama Sutra depicts a recognition of female sensuality (and also for same-sex love) that is still radical today. Vatsyayana famously says, “A woman desires any attractive man she sees, and, in the same way, a man desires a woman.” In the Kama Sutra, women are not an inferior group; instead, they are sexual equals who demand and deserve equal pleasures. The Kama Sutra is surprisingly contemporary; throughout its seven sections, sex is considered to be sacred and just. Fourth-century Hindus believed that the three purposes of life were dharma (piety), artha (prosperity), and kama (sex). For them, sexual pleasure was a divine act, and the pursuit of physical love was akin to a spiritual quest. Regardless of what you think of the text and its variability of interpretation, if you come away from the Kama Sutra without understanding that, you’ve missed something rather important. For the readers of the Kama Sutra, sex was good and moral and righteous—if only all of us in the 21st century could feel the same way. Hopefully you’ll all have exactly the kind of Valentine’s Day that you want. Whether you’re lurking in dark corners of frat houses or scrolling through your Tinder matches, remember that pick-up lines and ambient lighting are not always necessary for falling in love and being sexually fulfilled. Based on what we’ve learned from sacred fourth century Hindu texts, all you need is some erotic spanking and a few highly suggestible goat figurines. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Graphic by Jason Hu YH Staff Original image courtesy of PopHealthy Living Feb. 12, 2016 – 19
REVIEWS Swipe left, swipe right by Yale Herald Staff
Valentine’s Day: The holiday itself can go either way, but unfortunately for everyone, the 2010 rom-com Valentine’s Day tastes like dollar store chocolate. In what few would call a “complex puzzle,” Academy Award-winners (Kathy Bates! Jamie Foxx! Julia Roberts!), middling TV stars (Patrick Dempsey! George Lopez!), and a Fearless-era Taylor Swift unite to tell unexpectedly interwoven stories of love, lust, and infidelity. One of these involves Jason (Topher Grace) discovering that his girlfriend Liz (Anne Hathaway) works as a phone sex operator, but it’s okay because he learns to accept her for it. That is the sort of depth this movie achieves, not once or twice but many times over. -JK
Love Actually: Love Actually is built around the same structure as Valentine’s Day only it’s 100% better and 95% more British (hey, Laura Linney!). Yes, Love Actually takes place during the Christmas season, but does that matter? Aren’t Christmas and Valentine’s Day both winter holidays that inspire love and feature the color red? If you can make it past this issue of timing, you’ll enjoy ten gently-connected, often meaningful love stories, played earnestly at every step. From a genuinely affecting look at a marriage’s rough patch (cheers to the late Alan Rickman) to a guy who moves to the US to meet hot American girls, there’s truly something for everyone. -JK
The Bachelor as a dating show: Look up the success rate! -LC
The Bachelor as a comedy: Look up their job descriptions! -JK
The Lucky One: How does your star couple turn down having sex on the hood of a classic Mustang, and on a boat at night, only to decide on a gross attic? Not a romantic bone in their bodies. Also, the length of this blurb suggests how forgettable it is. I do remember there was a dog. -LC
Top Gun: Is it strange that whenever I get milk at the dining hall, I glance at the machine’s thermometer and get a little excited when the dial is in the “Danger Zone”? Maybe. But the fact that getting milk brings Top Gun to mind with the chords of “Take My Breath Away” suggests the hold it has over the imagination. Sure, the characters are shallow, but the fast motorcycles, faster planes, and beach volley ball in cut-offs all combine to present a fable celebrating American style and southern California sunshine. -LC
“Love Drunk” by BoysLikeGirls: I didn’t have a pop punk phase. But my older sister did, and she had a car, which meant I had zero DJ privileges on the way to school. This song came up a lot, and while I can’t remember most of the words today, its grating chorus pops into my head from time to time like a ghost with guyliner on a mission to overuse a metaphor. A quick Wikipedia sesh reveals that the song also sounds exactly like The Killers’ “Somebody Told Me,” making it arguably plagiaristic. The worst offense “Love Drunk” commits is being plain boring. In fact, I apologize for unearthing it from its crypt deep in the annals of 2009. Don’t even read this. -JK
“Drunk in Love” by Beyoncé: 2016 is on track to be the umpteenth coming of Queen Bey, and there’s no better time to look back on Yoncé’s past accomplishments than Valentine’s Day. 2013’s “Drunk in Love” heralded (wait a second…) a new phase in the career of B -- one bursting with personality and candid sexuality. She and Jay and whoever produced this masterpiece created a visceral experience. As Bey belts and whispers seemingly off the cuff seductions, it’s impossible to feel nothing. On Valentine’s Day, treat yourself to one of Bey’s finest jams, especially if you yourself are drunk, in love, or both. -JK
Romeo and Juliet: Communication is key in any relationship, and these two just don’t cut it. Also, Billy Boy, the hyper-sexualization of death is not okay, Freud-be-damned. -LC
High School Musical: Just like Romeo and Juliet, but with lower stakes and higher reward. And a kickass finale number. -JK
Titanic: I have never actually watched the whole thing (but who needs to?). One night my freshman year I skipped to the last 15 minutes, and I still cried. My roommate walked in on me. I did not care. The pageantry of the final scene breaks my heart every time. For Valentine’s Day, however, too much tragedy can put a damper on things. -LC
“My Heart Will Go On”: I study to this song. Not just the soundtrack version for Titanic: the piano and violin versions are just as good. This summer when I was working on a farm in South Africa, there was a struggle between the farmer and me over the CD player. He wanted Le Miz; I wanted Celine. He would try to switch out the CD when I was out of the room. Guess who won... -LC Graphic by Haewon Ma YH Staff Original images courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
20 – The Yale Herald
Film: You’ve Got Mail
Romcom Rewind Film: What Women Want Let’s start with the obvious: What Women Want—Nancy Meyers’ zany, jumbled, turn-ofthe-millennium proto-pop-feminist rom-com— has not aged well. Unlike life in the year 2000, people don’t smoke at work anymore, Meredith Brooks’ “Bitch” is no longer the feminist anthem du jour, and romantic comedies have nearly outgrown Freaky Fridaystyle mind-switching antics. Yet What Women Want remains the all-time highest-grossing non-franchise film directed by a woman (sorry, Shrek and Pitch Perfect 2). And, for all its many, many shortcomings, it is still an oddly charming exploration of gendered subjectivity (or, to put it in Y2K-speak, ‘what women want.’) Who better to answer Freud’s famously unanswered question than Mel Gibson as Nick, an ad executive significantly less interested in what women want than what he wants from women (unsurprisingly, sex). Despite being raised by a single mother and surrounded by women at all times, Nick is a chauvinist pig (similarly, the film itself—directed and co-written by women, with a roughly 80% female cast—fails the Bechdel test). After he’s passed over for a promotion that goes to hot-shot new girl Darcy (Helen Hunt), Nick attempts to imagine “thinking like a broad” to write a campaign for lipstick. Oddly enough, the film itself – directed by a woman, with a roughly 80% female cast – fails the Bechdel test. While listening to “Bitch” and waxing his leg, Nick accidentally electrocutes himself, waking up with the ability to hear the thoughts of any woman around him. Of course, there’s quite a gap between knowing what someone thinks and what they want. Even Darcy scarcely knows what women want: at one point she tries to design an ad campaign premised on the (again, very 2000) idea that what women want is “to be online at the airport.” Fortunately for Mel Gibson, he isn’t dealing with ‘women’ in the complicated, polymorphous sense, but instead an endless series of female characters with pretty transparent desires: Lola (Marisa Tomei), wants to get laid; Erin (Judy Greer), to be noticed; Nick’s daughter Alex (Ashley Johnson), to be loved; and Darcy, (what else?) to ‘have it all.’ Mel saves them all. Far more insightful than either Gibson or Hunt is director Nancy Meyers—the title What Women Want is more apt as meta-description. Judging by its financial success, What Women Want was what a good number of women wanted: not just another improbable, sappy romance, but a movie where a man actually empathizes with a woman, as Nick does, by fits and starts. What Women Want is broken, backwards, contrived, less-than-halfway cute, and quite literally doing the absolute least it can: showing a man even try to care. — Nick Henriquez
For those who haven’t seen an ABC Family rerun of You’ve Got Mail, say hello to Nora Ephron’s rom-com classic, which delights in Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks falling in love via instant message. Since they share no personal details with one another—she’s Shopgirl, he’s NY152—they unknowingly meet in person as enemies. His Barnes and Noble stand-in threatens to put her children’s bookstore out of business. They have no idea that they’re actually soulmates. What a dilemma! Almost ahead of its time, You’ve Got Mail pokes at the existential implications of online and offline personas. The film turns 18 this year, and by this point, we’re used to filtering love and loneliness through the internet. When Ryan says she wandered into the over-30 chat room as “a joke,” we’re already primed to suspect it was not a joke. We’ve seen Her. But You’ve Got Mail is also the product of a simpler time. As tunes like “Splish Splash” and “Rockin’ Robin” roll on the soundtrack, the film ditches any potential melancholy to force its audience into compliant, adorable fun. With its doilies and mid-email finger waggles, You’ve Got Mail may be the most aggressively twee film of all time. At the eye of the storm is peak-era Ryan, playing children’s bookstore owner Kathleen Kelly. She bops about in Ann Taylor turtlenecks while rereading Pride and Prejudice ad infinitum (she loves that Jane Austen loves words like “thither”). She wistfully reminisces about “twirling,” a beloved childhood pastime. “I was thinking about [Joni Mitchell] tonight as I was decorating my Christmas tree,” she types to Joe while disentangling a string of “twinkle lights” (her words). Of course, Christmas is pivotal in the world of You’ve Got Mail—its culturally homogenous Upper West Side serves up a feature-length advertisement for the color beige, save for the pointed casting of Dave Chappelle as Joe’s best friend. This is a fantasy, pop-up book version of New York, and You’ve Got Mail demands that you thoughtlessly enjoy it. You can practically feel the film clamp open your eyes to Joe and Kathleen’s cutesy chemistry, drowning out all else. If that’s not your cup of tea, run far away. None of this will prepare you for Joe’s horrifying third act antics (spoilers ahead, but you have had 18 years to watch this). After Joe and Kathleen complete their stress-free breakups (with Parker Posey and Greg Kinnear, both playing cardboard cutouts), Joe decides his best course of action would be to emotionally manipulate Kathleen through a fabricated love triangle. When Kathleen realizes he has been playing double duty as pen pal and IRL confidante, the music swells, and she gushes, “I hoped it was you!” What? Despite myself, my eyes watered, and I realized that You’ve Got Mail had destroyed me. Regardless of how you feel about saccharine cultural products, it is undeniable that this film knows how to orchestrate its desired emotional response. Sentimentality wins. Ew.
Film: The Last Song If you remember one thing about The Last Song, it’s the sea turtles. But you don’t remember one thing about The Last Song. You don’t remember one thing about The Last Song because you saw it in 2010 in your friend’s basement and immediately pushed it out of your brain to make room for AP Psychology notes and Foster the People lyrics. So allow me to refresh your memory: Long-Brown-Hair Miley Cyrus stars as Ronnie, a teenager who rebels against her small-town family by wearing layered tanks. Ronnie, whose unusual name makes her a dynamic character, falls for sensitive animal-lover and native Australian mammal Liam Hemsworth. They speak to each other in exclamatory sentences. They kiss passionately. They passionately kiss. They help some baby turtles reach the sea. Also Greg Kinnear is in this movie. He dies. Despite all these promising plot points, The Last Song seems to be an underappreciated work in the Nicholas Sparks canon. Even dedicated fans believe it lacks the scale and emotional punch of The Notebook. According to Wikipedia, many critics “found its screenplay and casting incoherent.” I do not dispute these criticisms. The Last Song is soggy and silty and cardboard-thin. But The Last Song also has everything you could possibly want in a romance. It has puppy-dog eyes and wide shots of the ocean. It has teen angst and an original soundtrack. It has family values and a supporting character unironically named Blaze. Everything fits neatly into its predictable and contained little universe. We don’t watch romance movies for their realism or their grit. We watch them for their mushy declarations of love, for their tortured metaphors, for the abs of Liam Hemsworth. We want unconditional love and certain resolution—the things that can be so scary and complicated in real life. Nicholas Sparks knows this. So though we might not want to admit it, The Last Song is a really satisfying movie. And as Ronnie sagely exclaims partway through the movie, “Truth only means something when it’s hard to admit.” — Madeline Kaplan YH Staff Graphic by Haewon Ma YH Staff Original images courtesy of Wikimedia Commons Feb. 12, 2016 – 21
BULLBLOG BLACKLIST What we hate this week being the big personality in a GroupMe
nobody hearts my content brr nie sanders 2016!!!!!
oyster crackers on the other hand
frozen bike locks
how oysters aren’t that sexual
be less mysterious, love
how love works in mysterious ways Martin Shkreli
the Pundits That Little Old Poop
we just wanted to see some peen :(
Marco Rubio’s lips come close and sniff just to make sure
anxiety that maybe I have garlic breath
why so plump???
Feb. 12, 2016 _ 23
Get your passport ready. [Summer comes sooner than you think.] On December 15th, applications opened for Yale Summer Session Abroad 2016. We offer the best choice of programs taught all over the world: Africa, Asia, Latin America, or Europe. Full-credit programs in language, culture, arts and social sciences.
Applications deadline: February 15, 2016. Enrollment limited. PROGRAM LISTINGS: AFRICA
EUROPE
Society and Politics of North Africa
History & Culture of Southeastern Europe
Private Law & Contract Enforcement in the U.S. & France
Intermediate Modern Standard Arabic I & II
In Kafka’s Spirit: Prague Film & Fiction
Intermediate German I & II
Visual Approaches to Global Health
Travel Writing
AFST S325/GLBL S361/HIST S236/MMES S285/SOC S236 (So) The legacies of colonialism and nationalism, political systems, and opposition in North Africa and the Maghrib in the 21st century. July 2 – August 6 ARBC S130-S140 (L3-L4) An intensive intermediate course in Modern Standard Arabic with an emphasis on all language skills. May 29 – July 23 FILM S340/HLTH S350 (So) Learn to translate complex global health concepts such as HIV/AIDS, human rights, and conflict through hands-on filmmaking and storytelling. June 24 – Aug 6
Intermediate Kiswahili I & II
SWAH S130-S140 (L3-L4) Study of Kiswahili structure and vocabulary based on a variety of texts from traditional and popular culture. May 29 – July 23
Advanced Kiswahili
ENGL S247 (Hu) Examines travel writing, surveying a wide range of works, from long-form “place” essays to destination articles, from travel memoir to adventure odysseys. May 28 – June 25
Rome
Elementary and Intermediate French I & II
Elementary Italian I & II
ASIA
Advanced Language Practice
Japanimation and Manga
ANTH S283 (So) Focus on the social and historical context of the production and consumption of manga and anime. May 28 – July 2
Southeast Asia in Context + Southeast Asia’s Cultural Mosaic
ANTH S230 Explore themes such as Southeast Asian religion, archeology, rural development, politics and regional integration. June 18 - July 23
SPAN S130-S140 (L3-L4)
Cultural Studies of Peru
Intermediate Italian I & II ITAL S130-S140 (L3-L4)
History, Culture, and Film in Tuscany
ITAL S152 (Hu) Apply language skills while living and studying in the Tuscan city of Siena and engaging in travel and other cultural encounters in Tuscany and Rome. May 29 – July 23
Second Year Russian I & II RUSS S130-S140 (L3-L4)
Russian Culture
FREN S160 (L5) Introduction to contemporary French culture and current events intended to further skills in listening comprehension, speaking, and reading. May 21 – June 25
Age of the Cathedrals
RUSS S242 (Hu) Russian language study with an interdisciplinary and hands-on exploration of Russian cultural history in its transformations from the early 18th Century to the present. May 29 – July 26
Third Year Russian I & II
FREN S305/HUMS S267/LITR S176 (Hu) Discussion of gothic architecture, urban and economic renewal, and intellectual life of the 12th and 13th-century Paris. July 2 – August 6
RUSS S150-S151 (L5)
Russian Culture
RUSS S242 (Hu) Comprehensive review of grammar, with an exploration of Russian cultural history, extensive vocabulary building for social sciences and practical vocabulary. May 29 – July 26
Belle Époque France
Elementary Portuguese for Romance Language Speakers
Intermediate Spanish I & II
ITAL S153 (Hu) Italian language study at the elementary level with an exploration of Italian literature, film, and culture. May 29 – July 23
Advanced Culture and Conversation
Paris and the Cinema
PORT S352 (Hu) An intensive elementary course in Portuguese language emphasizing development of all language skills, with an introduction to Brazilian cultural history. May 29 – July 23
Tale of Two Cities
FREN S150 (L5) Improve comprehension and speaking and writing skills through the study of modern fiction and non-fiction texts, film, museum visits, and theater performances. May 21 – June 25
LATIN AMERICA Introduction to Brazil
ITAL S110-S120 (L1-L2)
FREN S130-S140 (L3-L4) Perfect skills in understanding spoken and written French and in speaking and writing. May 29 – July 23
FREN S369/HUMS S214/LITR S247 (Hu) A study of important works of literature, painting, sculpture, architecture, music, and decorative arts in turn-of-the-century France. May 28 – July 2
PORT S112-S122 (L1-L2)
HUMS S250 (Hu) Consider how Rome’s contributions to western thought are recorded in the very fabric of the city. May 29 – July 2
FREN S110-S120 (L1-L2) Develop language skills, communicative proficiency, self-expression, and cultural insights through extensive use of authentic audio, video material, and field trips. May 29 – July 30
Intermediate and Advanced French I & II
AMST S449 (Hu) Memory powerfully shapes our understanding of our lives; examine how photographic images equally powerfully shape our memory. July 2 – July 30
GMAN S130-S140 (L3-L4) Intensive, content-based language course that teaches linguistic skills through a variety of texts and media, with special emphasis on the culture and history of Berlin. May 29 – July 23
CZEC S243/FILM S143 (Hu) Introduction to Prague’s intellectual culture and the Jewish question through contemporary film, fiction, history, language and travels. June 26 – July 31
SWAH S155 (L5) Development of fluency through readings and discussions on contemporary topics in Kiswahili. May 29 – July 9
Photography, History, Memory
ECON S276 Study the design of written and oral contracts, with particular emphasis on economic efficiency, and the body of law that governs them. June 18 – July 23
HIST S299 (Hu) & SOCY S286 (So) Multidisciplinary study of Southeastern Europe from antiquity to modernity. July 2 – August 6
Intermediate Spanish I & II SPAN S130-S140 (L3-L4)
Spain, 1936 to the Present
FILM S153 (Hu) Introduction to French cinema and culture that focuses on the stylish romance as well as the mysterious underworld of cinematic Paris. July 2 – August 6
SPAN S248 (Hu) Spanish language study with an analysis and discussion of the historical, social, and cultural development of Spain from the Civil War to the present. May 29 – July 23
Paris in the ‘20s
LITR S244 (Hu/Wr) A moveable feast. Study iconoclastic writers of the 1920s, including Hemingway, Stein, Breton, and the Surrealists, in the city that inspired them. May 28 – July 2
Language, Culture, and Society of Spain
SPAN S242 (L5) Increase knowledge of the language, history, and culture of Spain, within an immersion program set in Valencia. May 21 – June 25
SPAN S247 (Hu) Spanish language study with an analysis and discussion of the historical, social, and cultural development of Peru from Pre-Columbian times to the present. May 29 – July 23
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