The Yale Herald: Freshman Issue 2013 by The Yale Herald

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

From the editor Congratulations—you made it! You’re the pride of your family, the hero of your high school, the darling of your hometown. Reminder: you’re also a freshman again. Welcome to the bottom of the totem pole. You’ve probably guessed as much, but you’ll soon see that Yale is just plain big. Big spaces, big personalities, big football dudes at DKE. You might feel adrift in the vastness of it all. Because for the first time, it’s all up to you—do you wanna get out there and do everything, or are you gonna hide under your covers with your laptop and a Yorkside pizza intended for an entire froco group? (No judgment here.) In these pages, you’ll find what we think are the most important things for you to know as you begin your four years in New Haven. We haven’t quite figured out this place yet either so this may be a case of the legally visually impaired leading the blind, but we’re pretty sure we’re headed in the right general vicinity. For what it’s worth, our advice has withstood the test of time. We’re not going to tell you how the academic advising system works, and we won’t explain the dining hall hours. We’re certainly not here to shed light on the mysteries of the seminar application process (confession: we might never crack that one). For help with that kind of logistical stuff, please allow me to redirect you to Google or the YDN. (Actually, best to skip the YDN altogether.) But if you’re looking for a guide to the nitty-gritty and the everyday, you might just be in luck. Read on, and you’ll find

our thoughts on freshman year and hints of what’s to follow. The Herald team talks candidly about the experiences that await you—and, better yet, how to keep some semblance of your dignity in the neverending parade of confusion, surreality, and awesomeness that is freshman year at Yale. We dish on your future social life and your (many) academic existential crises. In short, this is a survival guide to your next few weeks and beyond. Whether you’re hitting the makeshift dance floor at Box or cracking the books in Sterling, overwhelming questions abound. Should you go home with that spandex-clad rando from Toad’s? Check out that TUIB concert? Down that dining hall “Jewish-style tilapia”? (The answers are no, yes, and under no circumstances.) And then there are classes. And extracurriculars. And wait—are you even going to make friends? Spoiler alert: yes. We’ve got advice on that too! So yeah, the Yale you’re about to encounter is unlike any place you’ve ever been. The good news is, we’re here for you. We promise. We’ll do our best to answer your questions—big and small alike—and to help you figure out how you’ll make the most of your four glorious years here. If that’s writing or art or web design or social media or business, do it for the Herald! If not, be our friend anyway? We can’t wait to meet you. —Maude Tisch Editor-in-chief

The Yale Herald Freshman Issue 2013 Editorial Staff Editor-in-chief: MAUDE TISCH Managing Editors: MICAH RODMAN OLIVIA ROSENTHAL Cover Design: ZACHARY SCHILLER Business Staff: SHREYA GHEI Special thanks: SOPHIE GRAIS EMMA SCHINDLER Thanks for reading. Have a nice day.

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

WHAT TO BRING by Tatiana Schlossberg

idnight, the night before college, you sit alone in your childhood bedroom. Your stuffed animals surround you on the floor as you share one last tea party before you have to grow up, once and for all. (This is how everyone spends his or her last night before college. Get hip.) Tomorrow, you leave for Yale. All your dreams have come true (except for your stuffed animals coming alive, but it’s just a dream deferred…for now), but one final hurdle remains: packing. Figuring out what to bring to college is one of the most difficult tasks in your young adult life. Sure, you know to bring at least one pair of underwear and a shower caddy—you’re no idiot. But it’s those essential items that will announce to your suitemates, friends and lovers: I have arrived. Well lucky for you, the Herald is here to help. The YDN will probably tell you to bring an extra loofah—just in case—but we’re here to bring you the alternative, weekly, inside scoop. Get ready for the Herald’s signature packing list, abridged version.

(Just in case.)

Shotglasses

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

A scale model of the Vatican You don’t have one of these?

A mattress cover

Look, which one of us wasn’t the editor-inchief of our high school newspaper, winner of the Nobel Prize, first Neanderthal in space, list just goes on and on! We get it, you did everything! Well guess what? In college, you don’t have that kind of time. Don’t sign up for all the publications and the ski team and the anti-gravity society and ballroom dancing and the Yale “entrepreneurial” society just because you don’t want to say no to the enthusiastic co-eds who will accost you day and night. Your inbox will be flooded with emails you don’t want and THEY WILL NEVER STOP. In the words of Robert Frost, “These wood are lovely, dark and deep / But I have promises to keep, / So fuck all y’all.”

Hangers

An armload of fun facts about yourself

Don’t you want the world to think that you know how to party? If not, it’s always handy to have somewhere to store extra paperclips!

Call me a princess, but these make a difference. Also, if you thought you were going to be sleeping on a featherbed, or that you’d be remotely comfortable without a mattress cover, you should also bring a grip on reality.

You are going to have more bonding activities and introductions in the first few days of school than you ever thought possible. After the inevitable “Where are you from?” and “What residential college are you in?” you’ll want to be able to *wow* your peers with something that will make them remember you. Try, “I have doublejointed toes” or “Believe it or not, I was the only survivor of the Titanic.” Feel free to try your own fictional narratives. When you get those quizzical looks from your new potential friends, you’ll know you’ve made it. If they walk away from you, whatever, you don’t need them anyway. You’re popular, you’re successful, smile, Jesus loves you.

Yale isn’t gonna give you nearly enough, and trust me, Jeeves will not be there to iron your tux after you leave it crumpled in the corner underneath a pile of a stranger’s vomit. Invest.

An extra loofah

Your C Hera opy of the ld Fr Issu eshman e, du h!

A realistic approach to extracurriculars

A working knowledge of a laundry machine

Endless patience A stapler Apart from the infinite introductions you’ll make, you’ll have to sit through a lot of things that you didn’t sign up for, including, but not limited to, Freshman Convocation, Kaleidoscope, Registration, Classes, Parties, Sleeping in a dorm. It’s important that you show your brightest face and toothiest grin to the 1,350 or so people who will all be your best friends by 2015. Tell them how much you love Yale! How you are intrigued by your roommate’s b.o.! They’ll wanna hear it, trust me. Alternatively, act jaded. It works for us.

But actually.

Seriously have someone teach you this before it’s too late. You’re thinking to yourself, “Oh, please, I got into Yale, I can do my laundry.” I was there. But before you know it, all your clothes are pink and too small for a teacup poodle. Swallow your pride.

You’re going to be receiving list after list in the mail of what to bring, advice from your parents or siblings and anyone else you’ve ever known. Their lists might not overlap with ours, but that’s a risk we’re willing to take. But the one serious piece of advice that we can give you is this: Bring things that make you comfortable and happy, that remind you of home without making you sad. This campus will be your new home for the next four years, and you should carve out within it a space that is all your own. Apart from taking shots, making yourself happy is the most important thing you can do during your time at college. So pack whatever will make that happen. But actually.

WHAT TO DO

Or, What not to do and how to do it.

by Carlos Gomez

o, you’re getting ready to leave home. Anxious? Excited? Does the thought of 4,000 new classmates make you pee your pants, just a little? You’re reading this, which means you already have a leg-up on the competition, but it also means you’re probably a loser (really? you can’t figure out what to do on your own?). But that’s okay. So are we. And so is everyone you’re about to meet (this is especially true for the ones who pretend they’re not. Econ majors, I’m talking to you). This list of dos and don’ts by no means includes everything you should or shouldn’t do in your first year (like attend your FroCo meetings, or get matching sheets with your roommate, or play dizzy bat on concrete), but they will get you started. Some are classics we want to make sure you don’t miss, the rest, lesser-known suggestions you won’t find in your Freshman Handbook. If you’re offended, we’re sorry, but maybe you should stay at home with your thumb in your mouth and your Pampers pulled extra tight. At the Herald, PC stands exclusively for Pierson College. Let’s begin.

1: Break up with your high school boyfriend/girlfriend No, really. You can’t spread your wings and enjoy your new college freedom with the old ball and chain tying you down. Small town hotties are great and all, but who doesn’t want a nerd in hipster glasses? (They know that the square root of 69 is 8.30662386, and they only had to work it out on their graphing calcs). Don’t wait until Thanksgiving. No one likes a Turkey Dump.

2: Make new friends! And repeat. Your first few weeks will be a maelstrom (you’re at Yale now, bitch) of name-games, handshakes, hand jobs, et al. You never knew this many people could be so interesting and fun and smart and cool! That is, until you realize half of them are practically aliens and the rest are clinically insane. Chances are, you won’t find all of your best friends the first day of freshman year, so don’t close yourself off just yet.

3: Drop premed Immediately. No, it’s not normal to spend 68 percent of the day in tears, surrounded by sleep-deprived zombies who are always ready to jab a sterilized scalpel into your left aortic valve for your Orgo grade. Who needs science anyway? Curves are only acceptable on your dance floor hook-up, which bring us to:

8. Go to Tour de Franzia 4: Wednesday Toad’s It’s been a long week. There are still two days of classes left. Your econ problem set can wait (forever). So study-break it down at Wednesday Toad’s. There’s no Claire’s cake, but there is DJ Action. And he is spinning the hottest tracks. Wednesdays are Yale-only, so you’ll always have ample floor space to test your latest moves. Celebrate hump-day the right way at Yale’s premier music venue—the only place in town you’re just as likely to take and get shot/s! (We kid, we kid. That’s only on Saturdays.)

5: Resist the prepared food at Gourmet Heaven after Wednesday Toad’s And really, always. Yes, it looks delicious at 2 a.m., all crusty and lukewarm under the yellow heat lamps. But it looks markedly less appetizing when you’re lying prostrate on the bathroom floor of L-Dub, your chicken no-mein floating in toilet water and stuck to your shirt in equal amounts. (And even if you do keep it down, it looks just as unappetizing pouring over your fat jeans.) But you should:

Or RAD, or DKEs of Hazzard, or America F*ck Yeah, or Skanksgiving (okay, we made that last one up, but you get the idea). You haven’t done freshman year right if you haven’t done a real frat party with a real frat name (the more alcohol/sex/USA puns the better!). The Herald recommends DKE (for the music! Who doesn’t love “Wagon Wheel” followed by Tom Petty followed by Ke$ha?? We know we do).

9: Bike to East Rock Tour de Franzia may be over, but that doesn’t mean you have to put away your compression shorts for good! Escape the Yale bubble and take a scenic ride or hike to East Rock for a much-needed breath of fresh air.

10: Reexamine your sexuality Springtime at Yale means the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and new fruits are in bloom. Start the trend early and do it now. Because, really, there just isn’t that much closet space at Yale.

6. Stuff your face at the Freshman Dinner Sob uncontrollably at the last Harry Potter? Us too. But dry up, muggle—you can recapture the magic at Yale’s version of the Christmas Feast. No house elves (that we know of…), but there is a twenty-foot long challah (holla!). Extra points if you steal an ice-sculpture.

7. Shake your @$$ at the Freshman Screw

Okay, so now that you’re a lonely homosexual with no discernible career path, you are officially ready to enter the ivy-covered gates of Yale. Don’t be scared. We don’t bite. (Unless you want us to.) Remember, these ten commandments recommendations are just a starting point. Come May, you’ll have formed your own, personalized list of 2,892 dos and don’ts. And ultimately, this is the most important thing you will do freshman year: Figure out what works for you. Trust yourself. Keep an open-mind. And never eat the tofu ravioli.

Elaborate set-ups, tacky decorations, flashing lights, sweaty masses, questionable decisions—like prom but better! (Keep in mind: It only counts if you remember it.)

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

CREDIT/D/FAIL Cr

Free entertainment courtesy of your frocos! Perhaps, like I did, you’ve spent the last few months fearing the inevitable first-night dinner table conversation with your suitemates during which you will be expected to crack baseless jokes about how many times a week you plan to sexile them. Or perhaps, also like I did, you are dreading the anxiety attack induced by the impossible choice among the plethora of department-hosted panels that left you wanting more during Bulldog Days. Good news for you, you uncomfortable and misguided little prick! Your first evenings will be entirely consumed by information sessions covering everything from picayune paperwork to sweeping generalizations about social skills and race relations. You’ll learn not to accept mixed drinks from a guy who looks like he might put NyQuil in your mixed drink! You’ll learn that an independent tribunal is often helpful in intra-suite conflicts to determine whether Easy Mac containers can be left on the coffee table overnight! You’ll learn that although the sidewalk passerby looks real dirty, it’s possible that he’s a tired Yale student and not a knife-toting hoodlum! Your freshman counselors will bequeath these priceless nuggets of sage to your ignorant and groveling young selves. Thanks to these primetime presentations, you can sit on your alcohol allowance for at least another week! —John Stillman

F: Yale doesn’t make you hotter! Remember how when you dropped the Y-bomb to a foine chick at home she thought you were a veritable hood figure? Or, ladies, remember how ghetto fab the b-boys thought you were in the club when you told them you were matriculating to a college founded by colonials? Well kiss the days of the Yale-conferred hookup goodbye! Your targets, believe it or not, will largely be sporting the same blue and white sweatshirts as you are. So no more freebies with the power-hungry condom-puncturer who thought you could get her off the waitlist. It’s going to take some creativity now. Try working such angles as “I just really couldn’t see myself at Harvard”; “I’m a triple legacy”; “I don’t actually go here…I just live up the road on Dixwell”; “I had no idea New Haven was so blue-collar”; “I’m the first student to go to an Ivy in my school’s history”; “I’m walking on”; “Bet I’m further left than you”; or the tried and true “I don’t live in Morse or Stiles.” Because Yale is a place where everyone’s greatest asset is cancelled out like a cruel game of personality Scattergories, and any competitive edge you can find is necessary. —John Stillman

D Fast-track the Freshman 15! Try this: Every time you swipe your ID and walk into the dining hall, imagine you’re stepping to the buffet on a cruise ship! Because look, you basically are, and you should revel in it until the realization sets in (around day 30) that you actually prefer Crispix non-powdery and croutons non-packing-peanuty. In the meantime, get a head start on the swollen face and inflated abdominals. Opportunities abound for plumping up, whether it’s a bottom-of-the-carton serving of orange chicken at a froco study break, or a carnivorous breakfast fit for a lumberjack/freshman whose patience for introductions and handshakes has left him equivalently exhausted. Fortunately for those of you who have looked forward to this unshackling of restraint, the Freshman 15 comes with a negotiable decimal place! —John Stillman

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

Cr: The world is your oyster You are at an amazing institution with a questionable corporate business model, better-than-average food and the least reliable post office in the Northeast—the world is your oyster here, and your tabula is freaking rasa. You can reinvent yourself by breaking out of your high school shell and finally doing your own laundry! You can order food—get this—online, get it delivered to your room—wait for it—past midnight, in your jammies. Right? Isn’t that crazy? You can go to the High Street frats, decide you are displeased with all of them, and decide to save yourself for when Phi Beta Kappa has rush (PBK all day). You could decide that you don’t drink beer anymore because it has carbs, only to find out that New Haven is home to the best ‘za on this side of the Pacific Ocean. The fact that you need an astrolabe and GoogleMaps for iPhone to get through the Extracurricular Bazaar should be a testament to that fact that your world is about to eject a ball made from mollusk secretion. You are in college and you can do (almost, see below) whatever your heart desires. That is, to say, you are at Yale, and can do even more than that. And you should be happy as a clam. —Austin Bryniarski

Camp Yale. It’s like regular camp, except totally different. Frat parties, safe sex orientations, meet and greets, ice cream, cake, assemblies, forms—and you haven’t even started classes yet. The Herald brings you the Credits, the Ds, and the Fails of Camp Yale.

Cr:

Freshman buffet What’s another $75 casually stacked on your BARP bill, right? The student activities fee is an “optional” annual charge that automatically gets on all July Becoming A Real Person statements. If Yale’s tuition were even a little more like Oxford’s, this fee would, proportionally, be the cost of a Blue State run. (Did I mention you should take First-Order Logic?) But there’s no Camp Oxford. There’s a Camp Yale, it’s pretty literally a buffet, and you have money to make back. This is not the time to be discriminating; no panlist is too small or big, no info session too obscure or trivial, no classmate too perky or weird. But where’s the rub? you may ask. Ah! The four touchstone phrases of the overload at mail.yale.edu (forward rule to gm ail, nownownow), thanks to your $75? Claire’s cake, ice cream, Thai food, and pizza. As in, there will be. To have and to hoard. As in, beware the freshman 17, 20, 23, 26 (names withheld, numbers real). Cold truths to face later, my dears. For now, what about the overlap of the microfinance meeting on voodoo capitalism and the business society’s Asia Tomorrow Conference?!? Can’t believe the second thing is real? See you at the Herald ice cream social. —Cindy Ok

Crunch time Not only do they (you know, the Others, all these randos who pretend like they’re helping you but are secretly laughing at and feeling superior to you) not give you any kind of guidance on pooing, but no one actually teaches you how to shop for classes. Your frocos are the sweetest ever, tell you “sex is just not a big deal” (in the dining hall, standing on a chair, no less! Heyoooo) and provide you with lots of Claire’s cake, ice cream, Thai food, and pizza. But they’re so far removed from Camp Yale Round 1: Deferral Terminal that they don’t tell you about the deadlines (freshman seminar and English class online lotteries), the 4 a.m. signup lines (math classes), or the tiny little line on OCI that says “Permission of instructor required” (just. apply. you’ll get rejected, deferred, disillusioned. but always. just. apply.). Then everybody wonders why freshmen get stuck in big ugly lecture courses. Talk to people. Email professors. Meet with your froco. Ask people older than you, the ones who aren’t systematically being overstimulated, to coffee (and by coffee, I of course mean Claire’s cake, ice cream, Thai food, and pizza). —Cindy Ok

F: D:

(Social) networking There are no doubt some freshmen that begin their Yale careers with the mentality that the “network” they build will the most important thing ever when getting a job or a spouse or a midwife. Somehow, this network of people will help them on their path to success—the one where Wall Street (like, the New Haven one or the New York one) intersects with a sidewalk and ends at a pot of gold—but all of this network nonsense seems very postgraduate and boring. Social networking is the currency you will be investment banking with: for example, you are bound to experience the Facebookphotograph industrial complex that fuels parties’ existence. So there’s that. But you have to also deal with the randos that added you on FaBo/Insta/Twi over the summer with introducing yourself: “Hi, I’m Bianca…aren’t we friends on Facebook?” and that is comfortable for no one. So purge your social media accounts of those people and reap the benefits of circa 1,400 new or re-added friends/followers/ cult members/LinkedIn corporate hos because you’ve got some social networking to do. —Austin Bryniarski

F: Actually mandatory B.S. Just when you think your legal guardians have peaced out, your Dean, FroCo, everyone in your suite and Peter Salovey himself have your cell phone number. And they will all make sure that you are at whatever B.S. meeting is taking place at that time. My fave line is “we’ll all meet 15 minutes before and walk over together” to mandatory x-y-z event that I would rather spend in front of a minifridge because it is so hot at x-y-z location. Now, you’ll be at all of these because there exists no way to get out of them despite the fact that you are an adult and have read enough Thoreau to know that you shouldn’t have to put up with the bullshit. I’ll give you the SparkNotes pre-game to each event so you can sleep while you pretend to listen: Dean Mary Miller <3s Mesoamerica, one drink per hour, and condoms, condoms everywhere. —Austin Bryniarski

Unoriginality “What college are you in?” Worse than “do you sing?” (obviously in the shower I project my voice singsongedly, ask if I sing well, you gifted bitches); a step above “What was your GPA?” (I don’t remember, freak; one, my mental health, zero, yours). Find something other than the one of twelve names Excel randomly placed you next to. Please. What, did you say the residential college system gives one a sense of home within the bigger community in your Why Yale essay or something? How original. (No I mean so did I, but now that we’re in the bigger community let’s get past it.) Nobody cares what college you’re in, and don’t play the name-everyone-you’ve-met-randomly-inthis-person’s-college-this-person-you’ve-also-metrandomly-and-will-note-into-your-phone-as-greenshirt-girl-from-ldub-courtyard, either. And for the hate of small talk, never, ever introduce yourself as “Joey Fledgling, Ezra Stiles College Class of 2015.” Babble (Babel) on about something else. Anything else (except…no, not your Eurotrip, and not what car you drive). The humidity. What three colors you’d choose if you could only have three. How everybody’s Okay and everything’s Amazing. Maybe, later on, how everybody is not the most okay and everything’s not always amazing. Then fall back on talking in circles about—say it with me—Claire’s cake, ice cream, Thai food, and pizza. —Cindy Ok

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

GETTING TO KNOW 2017 by Emily Rappaport

od knows I’m no expert on friend-making. The first thing I said to one girl who ultimately became one of my best friends was that I didn’t believe her that her (kind of weird) name was her name. The first thing I asked a second friend was when she was going to stop hanging out with another girl in our entryway. The first time I met a third I interrogated her about the guidebooks she used during her gap year in South America. What do I know? Well, I actually know a couple of things that might be useful for you to hear. All of what you’re about to read is based on absolutely true stories that happened at one point or another when I was a freshman. Listen up. 1. Don’t tell people you’re going to run for President. I’m 100% positive that at least a couple of you who read this will feel alienated— but if you had grand plans to announce your 2030 candidacy during Camp Yale and this does absolutely anything in the way of changing your mind, it will all have been worth it. Please, by all means, dream big. Shoot for the moon. You want to be President, and I’m sure you’d do an awesome job. You’re super smart and charismatic, you did your Directed Studies summer reading, you were student body president, and you paged at the Senate last summer! You’re already qualified. But really. Don’t utter a word about it to a single person. Don’t even reveal it during those reveal-everything games on your FOOT trip. Don’t admit that your future candidacy is the reason you don’t want a beer, don’t admit that it’s the reason you don’t want to be in a photo with a red solo cup, don’t admit that it ever affects the way you do anything. I know that this doesn’t even remotely apply to the vast majority of you, but I promise, you’ll thank me too. 2. Don’t friend everyone on that residential college list you got. Because you got your assignments weeks ago, it’s possible that I may not have caught you in time to save you from this mistake. Fingers crossed that I did, because it’s just unnecessary. It’s also a surefire way of

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

making yourself notorious because absolutely everyone will know that you did it. If newsfeeds are saying “Dwayne Wade and 35 other people are now friends with Kobe Bryant,” everyone will obviously know that you, Kobe, are the serial friender. There is no need to be Facebook friends with a stranger. If you are someone who genuinely cannot resist that Add Friend button, I guess I kind of get it—but please, at least wait until you’ve met the person, even if it was just a quick handshake. 3. Don’t carry your DS books around under your arm. Yes, everyone recognizes that those are the books for DS, yes, it’s great that you’re doing it, you’ll probably win the prize. Backpack, messenger bag, tote bag, purse, suitcase, grocery bag, garbage bag, hobo sack, whatever, don’t care. But put the books away. Also, nota bene for whoever heroically takes on the challenge of throwing the inevitable first-Thursdaywithout-a-paper toga party: Make the Facebook event private. 4. Don’t leave your medical school applications lying around your suite. Honestly, my instinct is to tell you not to even print those medical school applications, probably not to even download them, possibly not to even think about them. But I can’t tell you how to do you, so my only demand is that you don’t leave them anywhere where anyone could ever see them. 5. Don’t scoff at people when they tell you they are in TD, Silliman, Morse, or Stiles. Duh! Why am I even telling you this? OF COURSE the fact that you were randomly sorted into JE (or your papa was in it) doesn’t make you inherently cooler and better than people who weren’t. Right? You know that. (Weird, I know, but a lot of people don’t know that.) 6. Don’t make out with too many people during Camp Yale. Send me a follow-up email if this one’s not self-explanatory.

I don’t think you’ll be this stupid, but here’s a quick note nonetheless on avoiding the obvious clichés: no business cards, no resumes, no SAT scores, no talking about Harvard admitted students weekend. Just no.

All kidding aside, friendship really does just happen. Remember— it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon.

All kidding aside, friendship really does just happen. If you’re like me, you’ll probably shy away from trite advice like this, but it’s too important for me not to share anyway: It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. It’s super common to change gears after first semester. Many of the people I spent my time with in the fall (who were almost all perfectly lovely and fun) seamlessly became people I saw once a week for lunch, or once a month at a party, or really never, in the spring. Conversely, the first week of second semester I randomly ate dinner with a couple of people I’d only vaguely known first semester, and almost instantly felt like they knew me better than the people I’d (happily!) been hanging out with all autumn. I met three or four of my closest friends just before summer vacation—at this point, most of the time we’ve been close has been while

Yale was out of session, but I can’t even remember what Yale was like before I knew them. And some of the people I’m most excited about spending time with this coming semester I met on a four-day training retreat for Harvest leaders after school was already over. For all I know, next semester could bring another cosmic shift. You will find your people. But I’m serious, shut up about your presidential campaign.

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The holy grail The quest for the 4.0 by Christina Huffington

ven the most casual observer would notice the sartorial transformation of Yale’s typically informal student body each January. Suits ornamented with “Hello My Name Is” nametags replace well-worn jeans, and students in shiny dress shoes navigate the snowpiled sidewalks in trepidation. The makeover is courtesy of On-Campus Recruiting (OCR) when investment banking and consulting recruiters descend on campus, interviewing hordes of applicants for summer internships. “It’s a bit of a herd mentality,” says one of the hundreds of students who partake in the interview process annually. The noted improvement in fashion, however, is not the only change OCR brings to New Haven. Yale’s campus—ordinarily a place that prides itself on the non-competitive environment it fosters—becomes home to very visible competition. Talk of grades and GPA—typically considered taboo or else relegated to discussion with parents or advisors—is common. So is this focus on the quantitative an isolated flare-up triggered by the presence of the recruiters or does it exist, albeit below the surface, year-round? There is, of course, no question that Yale students are driven: They made it here. But this drive manifests itself in different ways among the student body: Some students demonstrate their ambition by seeking achievement in extracurriculars or athletics; others focus on the pursuit of knowledge outside the classroom, conducting scientific research or studying abroad. But for a select few students, ultimate success lies

very simply in the pursuit of a number—in the pursuit of a perfect 4.0. A SINGLE-MINDED DESIRE FOR A 4.0 IS far from universal, and success in attaining it is even more unusual. Yale has not released grade distributions since 1981, but retaining a 4.0 through eight semesters at Yale is rare. Trumbull Dean Jasmina Besirevic-Regan, GRD ’04, says that in her seven years as dean, not a single student has graduated from Trumbull with a 4.0. She adds that “only a handful” of students get a 4.0 in any given semester. Discouraging statistics, however, do not hinder the ambitious. Though they are united in their desire for a 4.0, students’ motivations vary. For some, like Mike Jones, MC ’12, it’s “about the pursuit of my personal best. I believe that is all A’s.” For others, gaining entry to a prestigious graduate school or garnering a spot at a top financial firm is the driving factor: A junior who wished to remain anonymous points to this oft-repeated saying among his fellow law school hopefuls: 90 percent of what determines law school admissions is GPA and LSAT scores. Isabel Chen, SY ’10, who is currently enrolled in the Yale School of Public Health five-year joint program, feels the weight of grades now that she is applying to medical school. Having immersed herself in extracurriculars as an undergraduate, she is realizing that, at least in the admissions process,“GPA matters so much. I wish someone had told me, ‘Isabel, get the highest GPA you can, do stress over every single grade.’”

Parental expectations can add pressure to achieve top grades. Besirevic-Regan gets calls from parents worried about their children’s chances of getting into top law or medical schools. Amy Hungerford, the English Department Director of Undergraduate Studies, says that the students she sees stressed about grades are usually the ones “under intense pressure from their parents, often to get into medical or law school.” Most students, however, maintain that parental demands play little role in their quest for top grades. The aspiration for A’s—and the pressure that comes with it— is largely self-imposed. “Any sort of competition about grades is a competition you are having with yourself,” says John Ettinger, SY ’12. While Jones acknowledges

that “Yale is a healthy place” and is cognizant of the dominant belief on campus that “in the classroom it’s not me-versusyou,” he still feels a “personal pressure to perform better than my peers.” Getting A’s, he continues, is “a lot about competition.” English Professor Anne Fadiman, who encourages students to take her creative writing classes Credit/D/Fail, says, “Particularly in a small seminar, grades can also encourage competition and discourage collegiality.” Hungerford adds that it is difficult for professors when they see students “feel shame, which they impose on themselves, for grades they deem too low,” adding that “a grade as seemingly benign as a B-plus can sometimes seem to inspire shame.” The Yale Herald Summer 2013

PHI BETA KAPPA, AN ACADEMIC HONors society that inducts students based on their percentage of A grades, is one of the only visible manifestations of grade awareness on campus. Phi Beta Kappa— or PBK—began at Yale as what its current undergraduate president, Jeremy Lent, SY ’11, calls “Yale’s first secret society.” Phi Beta Kappa membership is awarded to undergraduates in three waves: once during junior year, once at the beginning of senior year, and finally at graduation. By graduation, a maximum of 10 percent of the class will have been inducted. While Lent acknowledges that entering PBK is “a very GPA focused event” the group itself is more of a “nice social organization.” Haun Saussy, Professor of Comparative Literature and the graduate president of Yale’s Phi Beta Kappa, says that he likes “that PBK has developed some social and intellectual activities in addition to the purely honorific business of recognizing people for their academic achievements, like dinners, discussions, and many cups of tea.” Lent says that Phi Beta Kappa was never a motivating factor in doing well in classes. “It came as a surprise to me,” he says. Jones, too, says he wasn’t motivated by PBK until he got in, adding, however, that he now feels compelled to keep it because he is part of “an organization that stresses academic excellence.” The anonymous ju-

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

nior says that though PBK remains within reach, he views it as “a status thing” and says he’s “kind of mad” at himself for having ever cared. Phi Beta Kappa inductees seem, for the most part, to be reluctant to flaunt their accomplishments. According to Saussy, the inductees are “modest and humble as well as brainy, so you would not see them marching down the street in PBK sweaters or flying the 4.0 flag.” While Phi Beta Kappans may be humble, they certainly make an impression in class. Fadiman finds an “undeniable correlation between very high grades and intellectual fervor,” adding that the Phi Beta Kappans she’s taught “have all been especially curious and interesting.” Saussy, too, says that he is pleased to see former students inducted into PBK. “These are very often the people who said interesting things in class, who wrote interesting papers.” Still, he emphasizes that “by no means” do Phi Beta Kappans have a “monopoly on brains” at Yale. While Jones calls Phi Beta Kappa “a great award” and stresses that he was “very honored” to receive it, he points out a flaw in the way it is awarded. In focusing on A grades, Phi Beta Kappa doesn’t take into consideration is how “hard and rigorous a student’s schedule was,” he says. Within Phi Beta Kappa, the larger self-imposed gag against talking about grades holds true. Lent says that he tries

Phi Beta Kappa membership is awarded to undergraduates in three waves: once during junior year, once at the beginning of senior year, and finally at graduation. By graduation, a maximum of 10 percent of the class will have been inducted. both individually “not to talk about grades with anyone” and that talk of GPA is virtually non-existent within Phi Beta Kappa. “I guess it’s the GPA elephant in the room,” he says, laughing. Saussy finds it “healthy that we don’t talk a lot about grades and GPA here. And really, what is there to say?” As could be said for the whole of Yale, the conversations at PBK veer more towards students’ “experiences, readings, projects, and travels.” Aspiring for a 4.0 can seem at odds with a campus culture where, in Ettinger’s words, “people really don’t talk about grades.” The anonymous junior echoes that sentiment: “There is a really strong culture against talking about grades and GPA,” adding that he has no idea who has a 4.0 on campus. Students for whom GPA is paramount can feel belittled by their more qualitatively-minded peers. “There are people

like me who think very quantitatively about what we get out of the class and there are those who criticize that,” says Jones. “I think they would almost call us shallow in our conceptualization of what we want out of a class.” Students who are critical of Jones’ approach are often those who, in his words, “view classes as a purely educational pursuit that is defined by how much information and insight they can gain from the class into their life or the lives of others or the world.” This view is “separate from grades” and Jones recognizes that if “your rubric is based off these qualitative factors of how much insight can gain, you’re probably less concerned grade-wise.” Jones uses an example to illustrate his point: “If I got a lot out of a class but I ended up getting a B-plus, I would still be unhappy with the class because, for whatever reason, I didn’t perform my best and for me

“There have been certain points when I could have taken a harder course than I did, but I was in danger in that class of getting a B plus or an A minus and that didn’t seem too appealing to me,” —Mike Jones, MC ‘12

that’s important.” Though his approach to classes and grades may differ from that of the majority of Yale, Jones feels no tension between himself and his peers. He doesn’t “look over peoples’ shoulders” and believes that working as hard as he can is an “absolute measure” and is irrespective of where he stands “relative to other students.” Ettinger’s approach is different. “Aiming at 4.0 is kind of silly.” Though he acknowledges that his freshman year, he “considered grading mechanisms when choosing classes,” he now believes that doing so is “kind of bad for you as a person.” He goes so far as to say that he is now “actually very much against” trying to have a 4.0: “I’ve tried very hard since freshman year—it’s been a real focus of mine—to make sure that grades aren’t at all a part of my decision making process. At this point I just take classes based on the content.” In his pursuit of a 4.0, Jones acknowledges that he has made a conscious decision to choose classes that will not pose a threat to his GPA. “There have been certain points when I could have taken a harder course than I did but I was in danger in that class of getting a B plus or an A-minus and that didn’t seem to appealing to me,” he says. The anonymous junior, who maintained a 4.0 through his first three semesters, remembers dropping a class even though it was “really fun” and “probably worth it” because he knew he “almost certainly wouldn’t get an A.”

4.0 academic tips from the Herald

Though he wouldn’t classify himself as particularly grade-obsessed, his reasoning for dropping the class stemmed from being one semester away from Phi Beta Kappa inductions. He didn’t end up getting a 4.0 that semester, anyway, and in retrospect he “probably regrets” the decision to drop the class. At the time, however, the motivation of Phi Beta Kappa and the belief that he had “come this far” made him adverse to “fucking it up this semester.” FOR MANY HIGH-ACHIEVING STUDENTS, the greatest reward for their hard work comes not from official recognition from organizations like Phi Beta Kappa, but from praise and encouragement from family. “There is so much positive reinforcement that comes from getting A’s,” Jones says, though he jokes that his parents don’t give him “a dollar for every A like they did when I was in second grade.” Reinforcement can also come internally. Lent sees his grades as simply “a byproduct of loving what I’m doing.” Rewards can of course take a tangible form. At a time when, because of the economic downturn, getting into top graduate schools and finding ideal employment is more difficult than ever, a 4.0 can undoubtedly open doors. This is especially true in professions like finance and consulting and professional schools like medicine and law. Ettinger, who is also applying to finance jobs this summer, emphasizes that recruiters stress that “the whole resume paints a picture, it tells a story. The GPA is only one

1.0 “For non-science majors” does not equal automatic A.

component of that story and if all you do is get a good GPA then it’s not going to reflect well.” While many financial and consulting firms have cutoff GPAs to help them manage the enormous breadth of applications they receive each year, a 4.0 isn’t foolproof. The general consensus among both applicants and recruiters is that, while GPA serves as an initial filter, students will eventually be forced to show that they are not, in Ettinger’s words, “one dimensional.” Kristen Holzer, a recruiter at investment banking firm Lazard Frères & Co., acknowledges that “GPA is important because it gives us some base of comparison among students” and helps compare “thousands of resumes,” though she cautions that a “student with a 3.9 and no leadership activity will flounder in comparison to a student with a 3.5 who is the president of club x and a member of club y.” A recent Yale grad now at a top investment bank, who has “spent time on both sides of the fence” recruiting and being recruited, says that while a higher GPA “will always help during resumé screens” ultimately, “networking and relevant experiences will go further in getting someone an interview than GPA in any circumstance.” A high GPA is “worth prioritizing,” she says, but it is not “what is going to distinguish a candidate from the crowd.” When applying to less standardized professions like writing and journalism, “writing samples and extracurriculars probably trump grades” says Fadiman, though she adds, “Most employers would be happiest to see excellence in all three.” Hungerford says that while GPA matters in the graduate school admissions process, “it’s the writing sample and the quality of mind demonstrated there that matter most.” FOR A 4.0, SACRIFICES MUST BE MADE. As the anonymous junior puts it, “When push comes to shove, what do you choose?” For him, “Grades and classes have always been the most important.” Jones finds these sacrifices are minor. One “small regret,” for example, is not having gone to Wednesday Toad’s quite as much as he would have liked. “But if I really felt like I was making social sacrifices, I would change my behavior.” Jones “firmly believes” that he could “probably get an A in any class at this school if I worked hard enough, and I think all of us could probably say the same thing if we dedicated enough time and mental

2.0 Do 2/3 of the reading. You’ll be fine.

space we could achieve the highest grade possible.” The anonymous junior, too, says that in addition having “a minimum level of intelligence”—which he believes most Yale students possess—getting a 4.0 is about “being strategic and trying as hard as you can.” This includes having the skill to gauge what is and what is not important. Or as Jones puts it: “I know what not to do very well.” What he does do, however, might be frowned upon by fellow students. “I like a collaborative structure,” he says. “What is brown-nosing and is it acceptable? And is it networking or is it brown-nosing?” he asks. “At the end of the day, would I have a 4.0 if I weren’t close to all my TAs? I don’t know, but it certainly helped.” IN HIS 2006 CLASS DAY SPEECH, ANderson Cooper famously noted that since graduation, “I’ve never been asked what my grades were at Yale.” Joseph Gordon, Dean of Undergraduate Education, echoes this sentiment: “I’d guess there isn’t much correlation between GPA and success in most professions.” Professors often attempt to highlight the future insignificance of GPA by pushing students to take risks while at Yale. Fadiman believes that grades “can discourage students from taking risks, since it’s so tempting to keep on doing what has already earned them A’s in the past.” She finds that with the grade incentive removed it is often the case that students work “even harder than they would have for a grade” because “they can feel secure that they want to write because they love it and not because of a sense of obligation.” Dean Besirevic-Regan, too, encourages her students not too place too much emphasis on the pursuit of a number, adding that she is not always “as impressed with a student who has a 4.0 but has done nothing else.” She advises her students to step outside their comfort zone, often finding that they are “more proud of getting a B-plus in a hard class than getting an easy A.” The “saddest thing” for her is seeing a senior take basic drawing for the first time only to find that “this is their passion and what they love.” Saussy encourages students to remember why they’re at Yale. “Previous human experience has shown that garnering rewards at one stage of life is no guarantee that you will be rewarded, or simply happy, at the next stage.”

3.0 Coordinate your exam schedule. Skip town early.

4.0 Never talk more than the professor. Ever.

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

YALE Âˇ GLEE Âˇ CLUB

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EATING IN A look inside the hallowed, Hogwarts-like halls that will soon be responsible for saving you from starvation...

t’s pretty exciting when you first walk into any of the 12 undergraduate dining halls on campus. They look like they are straight outta 16th century England (that’s why you chose Yale, isn’t it?) and the menus appear to be... gourmet? The truth is, sometimes you want everything and sometimes you want nothing. But in the end, the food at Yale is better than what you might get at any other university across the country. What’s more, there’s variety—a lot of it. There’s always a plentiful salad bar if the hot foods don’t strike your fancy; if all else fails, a plethora of cereal—from Lucky Charms to All Bran— will suffice.

Sure, over time, you are going to get a little sick of some of the scarier and vaguely ethnic dishes (peanutty tofu, anyone?), but at least Yale Dining is creative! To put it one way, the default meal never has to be a cheeseburger or a slice of pizza. And that’s a very good thing. But let’s forget about the food for a second. The best part about Yale dining halls is that you feel like the most popular kid in your class when you’re in one. Trying to get a little work done during prime lunchtime? Forget about it. Our watering holes are so social, in fact, that trying to find a good spot for large groups to meet is one of Yale’s best-attended sports.

Best dining hall dish It’s a baroque symphony of cheeses, a Bernini sculpture of butter, a rich rococo splendor to shame your mother’s famous recipe. Said Olivia Scicolone PC ’14, “It’s … inevitable.” Yes, the Berkeley Mac ‘n Cheese—it’s perfection. So why “Berkeley?” The recipe was born in fall of 2003 as part of the brand new Yale Sustainable Food Project (YSFP). It was one of the first dishes to feature only seasonal, locally grown ingredients. Berkeley’s dining hall was the pilot program, and the dish made its way to the other dining halls in 2005. “We were going to use whole foods, not processed foods, and the idea was that we’d shred our own cheese, use whole butter,” said Berkeley First Cook Aldo Gargamelli, who, with YSFP Executive Chef Cathy Jones, created the recipe. “It’s not a light dish,” he added. And that’s a good thing, too. The milk-based Béchamel sauce is thickened with whole butter, and it uses award-winning Cabot cheddar from Vermont. A secret ingredient? “A little Worcestershire … and a little Tabasco,” Gargamelli intimated. A very worthy honorable mention goes to the Organic Plain Brownie, but nothing tops the instant classic, this cheesy masterpiece from Berkeley. -Vincent Tolentino

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

Best one-on-one dining hall: What’s the best dining hall at Yale for meeting one-onone with somebody? At first, the answer seems like a tough one. Berkeley’s got the sweet loft, TD has the private VIP tables with all the old people, Davenport has the row of little tables by the window. The problem with all of these is that everybody-you-know is always there. And if you’re on a date or confronting your roommate about how she leaves her toothpaste caked in the sink, it can get really unpleasant to keep having to ask kids balancing plates of pasta and quinoa-mixed-with-stuff how their Thanksgiving breaks were, and whether they have a lot of finals (“Yeah, I do,” “Haha, yeah, me too.”). There is a correct answer to the question: the dining hall in the Hall of Graduate Studies. Eating there in the late morning, before the noon rush, reminds me of the time I went to the world basketball championships in Japan—for the most part, it’s silent (and when someone does talk, quietly, it’s generally in an East Asian language). There are other perks: stone, Gothic (actually no idea about this but it seems plausible) windows, a vaulted ceiling, a mix of individual and group tables, a fireplace, stained glass. Plus, there’s a Mediterranean wrap bar, ice cream at lunch, and at least five types of bread (focaccia, people). And the best part is, nobody-you-know is there! Which means that you can focus on your date, or your roommate, and you don’t have to wonder about whether that guy sitting at the next table is the one who gave you pink eye at the foam party. –Emily Rappaport

Best large group dining hall It’s a familiar dilemma. You and your entire FOOT group/political party/soccer team/acapella group/philosophy class are going to dinner. You know that this is not a job for just any dining hall. JE will not do with its smattering of ‘intimate’ tables, nor will highly-trafficked Morse accommodate all your companions. What you need is a Great Hall. Something on a Hogwartsian scale, with long, empty tables and an endless supply of desserts. And although you may not be guaranteed treacle or house elves, you can get pretty close to Potter perfection in the Timothy Dwight dining hall. With its central table stretching from one end of the hall to the other, there is plenty of contiguous seating for even the most expansive of discussion sections. Sure, you may have to walk the extra block or two to get to TD, but all that exercise will definitely be worth the effort. Think of all the feeble-footed groups that falter at such a hike and turned back at Berkeley or Calhoun. Their defeat leaves lots of empty chairs and whole trays of red velvet cake just waiting for your hungry group to descend upon them. –Amelia Urry

EATING OUT ... and some advice for what happens when starvation is preferable to another bite of tofu apple crisp.

our first meal in the dining halls will be somewhat impressive. (If you’re not impressed, even the tiniest bit, the first time around, well, you’re... screwed. Sorry.) “Oh, they serve quinoa!” your parent might say. “They definitely didn’t serve quinoa in the dining halls when I was in school. How do you even pronounce that, you think?? Look at this fancy school you go to, kid!” No sir-reeee, I bet they didn’t serve quinoa in 1810. But they sure do here, at this fancy school you go to now, kid. And get this: They have it everyday! You could eat quinoa from now until the end of time if you really wanted to! OK fine, from now until May 2017. But still. That gives you plenty of time to load up. Believe it or not, though, there’s a possibility—ranging from “I love quinoa so f***ing much” to “Let’s casually eat at Barcelona the really fancy restaurant in New Haven not the city in Spain”—that there will come a time when you skip your swipe

Best food cart: The Cheese Truck. Who likes the Cheese Truck? Everybody likes the Cheese Truck.

Best cheap meal: York St. Noodle House

Best 24-hour food As a freshman, an unnamed member of the Herald Staff fell asleep under the hot food bar at Gourmet Heaven. Enough said.

and brave the world of nickels and dimes outside these hallowed walls. And when you do, we here at the Herald want you to be armed and ready for action. Most of you are probably thinking, “Who would ever spend money to eat off campus when there’s a compulsory total-coverage meal plan with access to 13 all-you-can-eat buffets? Not me!” And you are, for the most part, totally right. If it seems irresponsible and just kind of gross to eat off campus three nights a week, or even one night a month, you are, for the most part—yup, you guessed it—totally right. But who says some fresh air (and fresh food!) every once in a while is only for the Scandalous Lives of Manhattan’s Elite (xoxo Gossip Girl, eh?). A birthday dinner here, a late night snack there, a meeting over coffee, uh, there. There are occasions for which the Berkeley dining hall just ain’t quite right, and with this veteran advice, you can get the Best of New Haven without breaking the bank. —Emma Schindler

Best fourth meal It’s 2a.m. The dining halls have already been closed for basically a whole day, and you’ve been chanting nice things about women at DKE for way too long. Your tummy’s getting an attitude and is in need of some non-alcoholic solids. Sounds like it’s time for some...Mamoun’s! Right??? So suck it up and walk the….however many blocks it is from DKE!! (Google maps only had the Delta Kappa Epsilon Club in Midtown. Sorry.) Some fun facts about Mamoun’s: It’s open till 3a.m., and there are always people eating there who look kind of too old and kind of too cool to be eating at the same place as drunk college kids. (Who are they? Where do they go after 3a.m.?? I wanna know!) The service is slow, so go with people you like. You can only tell each other you’re ordering falafel so many times. Or, be the cool kid! Order something different…like dessert! They’re really sticky and fun to pick out of your teeth. Or a spinach roll. Not sticky but also fun to pick out of your teeth. Oh, and, according to Jeremy G. from the World Wide Web, Mamoun’s is a “great place for ditching unwanted out of town visitors after Halloween parties.” Cold. Hard. Money. –Emma Schindler

Best new business The southwest corner of Park and Chapel streets got a bit meatier at the end of this past year with the opening of the New Haven Meatball House, a surprisingly hip spot that specializes in the unlikely cuisine of, well, balls of meat! Is this place a restaurant or a gay bar? Name-related jokes abound! But this restaurant takes its food seriously. These aren’t the bland spheres of mystery meat mass-produced by the cafeterias of your youth; these fine specimens are the real deal. The restaurant offers a streamlined menu that lets you pick your choice of ball (beef, pork, chicken, or vegetable), sauce, starch, and side. For those whose palates are too (under)developed for gourmet meatballs, the House also serves salads, sandwiches, pretzels, and pizzas. For dessert, try the delectable ice cream cookie sandwiches or, if you’re feeling particularly adventurous (years from now, for you underage freshmen), the spiked floats—frozen mixes of rum and soda and ice cream—another re-imagined version of a childhood staple. If the food itself doesn’t convince you, then the ambience of the restaurant might do the trick. An unrevealing exterior— shades drawn on two large windows, door always shut—gives way to one long, thin, dimly-lit room: one-part bar, one-part dining area. Something about the layout and the atmosphere of the restaurant gives off big city vibes, which should come as no surprise considering the restaurant draws its inspiration from an established NYC carnivores’ den—the Meatball Shop. But at the New Havcn Meatball House, you’ll never be too far from the college lifestyle: empty wine bottles line a shelf that extends around the perimeter of the restaurant. Maybe dorm-room and restaurant aesthetics aren’t so irreconcilable after all. You’re Yale students now, though. You shouldn’t blindly trust some periodical that you read, even if it is the most awesomest thing on campus. Don’t take our word for it. See for yourselves! Come for the puns, stay for the food. You might just… have a ball! –Eamon Ronan

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

LAST FRIDAY NIGHT... For the traditional The fall semester is filled with schoolsponsored dances, a phenomenon you may have experienced in high school as awkward throngs of kids freaking to those Top 40 hits. Although the last part of that statement still applies, college dances are not the excruciating exercises in social frustration of your pre-teen years. Instead, many Yalies pre-game beforehand, and people are not afraid to let loose. You may hear word of the annual ‘80s-themed Safety Dance that once was (and may it rest in peace) until it was termed last year too much of a hazard, contrary to its name, fraught with drunken debauchery. But the loss isn’t terrible, you won’t be missing much—that you’d remember, at least, and the music teetered between bad in an amazing way and terrible in the most awful way. So do not despair, for there will be many nights of school-sponsored hilarity for you to attend: when Halloween rolls around, get ready to dance the night away under the stars in the Pierson Courtyard at Inferno. It’s all romantic until you realize you’re dancing on a picnic table with people you don’t know, and you’ve lost your ID somewhere between the bathroom and the nearest entryway. (If this happens, not to worry, the kind soul who retrieves it will likely send you an email!) But the fun doesn’t end there. There’s also Calhoun’s Trolley Night, which features a unique party theme: you identify you relationship status with your shirt. Before Facebook, remember, this wasn’t public information. Here’s the deal: red shirt means taken, yellow means it’s complicated, green means go—or give it a shot, at least. And if you’re thinking, “Why bother wearing a red shirt to a college dance party?” you’re right—go green or go home. Other dances worth checking out are those hosted by the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual Transgendered, and Queer Cooperative (the LGBTQ CO-OP). The CO-OP’s parties

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

are a delightful mix of “YMCA,” “I Will Survive,” and ferocious hookups. Fall semester is also marked by a flurry of college-sponsored screw-yourroommate dances. They culminate in the Freshman Screw, an event that will either lead to a budding romance, or turn into your worst blind date nightmare. You don’t get to find your date; your helpful and well-wishing roomies arrange everything for you, including how you and your appointed date will meet. Just remember to be extra-nice to your suitemates, or you may find yourself dancing to Shakira on the Women’s Table, rose in hand, waiting to meet your betrothed. Also worth noting are Yale’s notorious naked parties thrown by the Yale’s fourtholdest society, the Pundits, a group dedicated to extravagant pranks and tomfoolery. Rules include: 1) full nudity necessary although strategically placed accessories are often employed, 2) eye contact is essential but a quick once over is unavoidable, and 3) no touching, no kissing, no canoodling of any kind. Go figure. A naked party is truly an experience—The Insider’s Guide to the Colleges even named naked parties the number-one thing a student must do before leaving Yale. — Celeste Ballard w/ Sophie Grais, Diana Bass and Andrea Lynch contributing

It may not be obvious (or even sound possible), but Yale students do, on occasion, know how to party. But tread carefully, eager partygoer, for all Yale parties are not created equal.

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For the fratstar Some of you might be asking yourselves if Yale even has fraternities and sororities. We do, and they do most of the things you would think they do (or at least saw when your dad forced you to watch Animal House). Their houses are not very clean. They have an endless flow of beer. The punch they serve is often grain alcohol and a mixer so you don’t taste the alcohol, which is really awesome but also really dangerous. (Hey, ever hear of the adage, “Don’t drink the punch?”) There are around eight fraternities and three sororities, but the sororities don’t throw open parties. So here’s the lowdown on a few of the frats: ADPhi is the lacrosse frat. They throw a huge party on the first night of school where you will really learn whether or not being a fratstar is in your cards. They also throw a big pajama party, Jammy Jam, where—you guessed it—everyone literally shows up in their jammies! DKE and Zeta are both football/baseball frats and strategically located near Popeyes for a good post-fratting snack. DKE’s claim to fame is DKE Tang, a day-long marathon of boozing that takes place the weekend of Spring Fling. Your fratstar status will be confirmed if you make it to Tang, Fling and somehow squeeze in finals. DKE doesn’t stop at Tang, though—they host other punny get-togethers like DKEs of Hazzard and Tour de Franzia. Zeta covers the ’80s with RAD, a springtime fiesta that celebrates sparkle and spandex. The last athlete frat is Sig Nu, which is mostly soccer players and hosts the occasional late-night rager. SAE—Sigma Alpha Epsilon—is one of the non-athlete-dominated frats. Its claim to fame is Thursday late night. If the name got you fooled—almost every Thursday of the year, the brothers of this esteemed institution will host a party that doesn’t even start until 11 p.m., giving you ample time to get in your study hours before you shimmy on over to High Street for some drunken pong and sucking face. Right next door on High Street is SigEp, or Sigma Phi Epsilon. SigEp was once described to me as “Bro Lite.” Fratty charm, just dialed down a little. They host their share of Thursday night rendezvous as well. And AEPi is the “Jewish frat.” It’s far from Old Campus, but throws a mean Jewlo Shots mixer. —Lara Sokoloff

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If you are coming to Yale with Rory Gilmore-inspired, Ralph Lauren-dominated expectations, you (un)fortunately might be mistaken. Sorta. Yale still retains many of its preppy tendencies—try counting how many pairs of salmon shorts you see on a spring day—but the college has many scenes. And the old white men who founded our storied university would be surprised to see just how “alternative” Yale can be. If you are overwhelmed by the frat scene of Camp Yale and underwhelmed by the awkwardness of freshman suite parties, then put down your copy of Infinite Jest and give yourself a smug pat on your smug back: the hipster party might be for you. Finding these “alternative” areas of socializing can be a tall task for brandnew Bulldogs. Most of them will reveal themselves as you familiarize yourself with Yale, but that takes time, and you need answers now. We understand. Here is a list of things you can do to get closer to basking in Yale’s hipster mystique: Attend the Activities Fair and look for the most unenthusiastic groups. Ask the Blue State baristas what their post-work plans are. Explore the peripheries of Yale. In general, the farther you venture from the center of campus, the more likely you are to stumble upon a hipster enclave. Accept any and all invitations to potlucks, knowing that the numbers of organics will never make up for one fact: college kids suck at cooking. Hipster parties rarely advertise themselves as such; labels, of course, are for boxes. Occasionally, you might find yourself somewhere off-campus at a gathering of questionable affiliation. A few guys stand around looking uninterested; next to them, two Humanities majors discuss the

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difference between uninterested and disinterested. A small group watches the new Miley Cyrus music video on an iPhone – all find it “problematic.” At the center of the party sits a book of Louise Glück’s poetry – whenever someone reads from it, all of the party’s attendees must stop what they are doing immediately and appreciate. On the patio, a girl suggests leaving the party to conduct a séance. Where are you? What’s going on here? Is this a hipster party, or are you just at the Herald office? See if you can steer the collective conversation towards hipsterdom – preferably without your fellow partygoers noticing. Observe their reactions: “What does that even mean?” one might ask. “Is that term still relevant?” another might respond. “It’s just a result of lazy journalism.” Smile to yourself. You may not have found true friends – it’s hard to tell where you stand with hipsters – but at least you have found what you were looking for: Yale’s not-so-elusive hipster party. —Eamon Ronan and Jessica Sykes

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

EDUTAINMENT

To go or not to go? That is the question—the question that you will get to ask yourself approximately seven million times per weekend. Because that’s how many events there are. Every weekend. Real talk.

A cappella A cappella at Yale is, quite frankly, everywhere. But actually. A cappella does not retreat. It does not surrender. A cappella will turn your friends into perpetually swaying, endlessly harmonizing, occasionally tux-wearing shells of their former selves. And your friends will like it. They will think that a cappella is the best thing that has ever happened to them. And they will think that their joining an a cappella group is the best thing that has ever happened to you, too. There are no innocent civilian observers in an a cappella world. Because as much as you try to hide from a cappella, your Facebook events section and inbox will repeatedly fill with invitations to jam after jam. Your friends, newly converted to the cult of a capella, will give you distrusting looks when you claim that you cannot attend because you have plans to…erm…uh…wash your hair that night??? Basically any event planned by the University will feature an a cappella performance because the administration shares the twisted belief that a cappella was God’s gift to Yale. So what I’m trying to say is NO I DO NOT SING, NO I DO NOT SING, NO I DO NOT SING. But if you do, you’ll fit right in. —Hannah Gelbort

Movies Besides Wednesday night Toad’s, there’s at least one activity that there’s just not enough time for but that every Yalie partakes in anyway: watching movies. Be it a private screening in the Film Study Center, a packed showing of The Room at the Criterion, or a 3 a.m. Saturday observance of Step Brothers, nearly every student gets his or her fill of films. And for good reason—Yale all but caters to the cinephile. For the serious auteur, the school maintains enviable ties to the industry through the Yale in Hollywood summer program. For the more casual fan, the Film Society offers several screenings a week, Bass Library has a dependable and convenient DVD collection, and films from the Study Center’s encyclopedic library are freely rented to anyone with a Yale ID. But Yale doesn’t stand out merely because it tracks movies as carefully as books. A.O. Scott, the chief film critic at the publication all Yalies read (The Economist was a good guess, but the answer is the New York Times), not only came to answer student’s questions about film criticism, but also critiqued several student reviews beforehand. What makes it all the more remarkable is that there are so many film-related events that it’s impossible to make them all. So while you may come to Yale for the classes, make sure to stay for the credits. —Sam Bendinelli

The Yale Herald Summer 2013

Concerts

If you ask an upperclassmen about the music scene, you’ll most likely hear something like, “Ugh...what music scene?” This answer is socially correct (and oh so hip) but factually false. Yale is a great place for music so long as you’re willing to look for it and listen. Toad’s, for all its faults, is still a legendary venue. Bob Dylan and the Rolling Stones aren’t coming around any more, but the place still brings impressive acts to campus, especially when it comes to hip-hop. A$AP Rocky, Kendrick Lamar, and Snoop Dogg (Lion? Wait who cares) have all performed in the past year or so. If you’re still not satisfied, Manic Productions, a CT booking agency, brings great indie acts to venues further from campus, and BAR usually brings solid DJs to their dance floor? And hey—New York is always a thing. “OK,” you say, “but that’s New Haven. I want to know about the Yale scene.” Fret not; I said it exists, and I meant it. Saybrook Underbrook is a coffee-house style venue for your standard singer-songwriter fare. Your friend who mixes on Ableton is probably “performing” at one party or another. And if you’re particularly adventurous, you can make the trek to 216 Dwight, where WYBC Yale Radio hosts around two concerts a month featuring small Yale, New Haven, and touring bands of a more...eclectic nature. It’s a great place to find the most interesting music in Yale’s orbit. The space is a grimy basement littered with PBR cans, but hey, you’re there for the music, aren’t you? The takeaway is this: do not despair. Despite what people might tell you, Yale’s music scene is a vibrant place where you can both hear your favorites and find great new material. Dance/ rock/mosh/twerk on. —Colin Groundwater

Theater Thespians at Yale range from actors with professional experience to newcomers to the trade, but they all share a wealth of creative energy and a deep appreciation for the art. At the beginning of the year, uninformed freshmen can feel like the theater world flew by them, as auditions tend to happen early in the semester for a great number of shows. A full collection of the upcoming shows, as well as sign-up information and scheduling of auditions, can be found on www.yaledramacoalition.org. Students can get funding from the Yale Dramatic Association (known as the Dramat; www.dramat.org), which puts up sevens hows every year and uses the facilities of the Yale School of Drama and the Yale Repertory Theatre. Yale also has a Cabaret and an experimental theatre troupe called Control Group, as well as numerous improvisational comedy troupes and sketch comedy ensembles. In short, it’s all there for any Yalie aspiring to get involved. —Elias Kleinbock

BOOLA BOOLA The Game, also known as the Yale-Harvard Football Competition, will occur for the 128th time at the Bowl in November. Having it at Yale means you don’t have to put up with Harvard’s unsurprisingly draconian anti-tailgating rules. For the record, we lead the epic series 65-54, with eight ties. We’ve lost the past four Games, but that is fine because you will be there to cheer this time. For more fall entertainment, follow Yale’s unfairly good-looking soccer talent at Reese Stadium. In total, Yale has 35 varsity teams. First of all, go support the ones your suitemates are on. Your next order of business should almost certainly be to go to an Ice Hockey game in the winter—last year our boys were ranked #1 in the NCAA for the first time in history. Ingalls Rink, commonly called the Yale Whale, is the team’s curvaceous home, and is likely within walking distance of your residential college and Old Campus. Fun fact: It was designed by the same architect responsible for the St. Louis Arch. A little more history: Yale played the first known ice hockey game in the United States in 1896, against Johns Hopkins, and our program is the oldest in the U.S. In springtime, follow our lax brothers in Reese Stadium, baseballers at Yale Field, and impossibly elastic gymnasts at Payne Whitney. If you’re around in New Haven in the summer, try not to miss The Race, also known as the Yale-Harvard Regatta. It’s outside New Haven, but predates The Game by over 20 years. It’s like watching the scene in The Social Network when the Winklevi get beat, but even more gratifying. What matters isn’t what team you yell for or which player you crush on; just before you get your degree, give a lung’s worth to Yale athletics. —Marcus Moretti

A little bit about IMs: Don’t fret, precious. We weren’t recruited either. But then no one asked us to join any teams after witnessing our athletic prowess. And when we tried to play club sports, we were told to leave. We were a little surprised, because we were the soccer superstar at our Jewish day school. And so it hurt for a couple secs and then we wiped our glasses off with a shammy and went about our day. But so then a curious thing started to happen. Our thighs started to touch each other when we walked. Our faces looked a little rounder, our stomachs a little…There’s really no other way to put it: We had become buffarillos. Just real porkers. They tell you about the Freshman 15, but they most certainly do not tell you it continues. So what were we to do? IMs, of course! They are SO much better anyway. No one stops you on account of running a little funny or having to stop every now and then to take a puff from your inhaler. The possibility is limitless with Men’s and Co-ed Touch Football, Men’s and Women’s Soccer, Co-ed Golf, Co-ed Lawn Volleyball, Tennis, Cross country, and Table Tennis in the fall; Men’s and Women’s Volleyball, Squash, Co-ed Inner-tube Water Polo, Co-ed Swimming, Ice Hockey, and Basketball in the winter; Ultimate Frisbee, Co-ed Soccer, Co-ed Golf, Softball, Field Hockey, Billiards, and Co-ed Lawn Volleyball in the spring.

The Game in history by Ivan Dremov

The first Harvard-Yale battle took place at New Haven’s Hamilton Field in 1875, when American football resembled European rugby more than today’s game. Between 1875 and 1927, the last year Yale won a national title in football, the sport was shaped by Walter Camp, YC 1880, who coached the Bulldogs from 1888 to 1892. Camp earned the nickname “Father of American Football” for bringing innovations such as scrimmaging, the “11 men to a side” rule, and the precursors to the today’s “four downs for ten yards” framework. It was no wonder that with Camp on the sideline Yale went 22-5-3 against the Crimson in the first 30 Games. In the first half of the 20th century, football exploded on the national scene and, in order to satisfy fans, the University built the Yale Bowl, which opened in 1914 as the biggest football stadium in America with a capacity of 70,000 (after renovations, its capacity now stands at 61,446). Yale has gone 22-23-1 in home match-ups against the Crimson, and has played Harvard in the last game of the season every year since 1945. When the Ivy League was formed in 1954, Yale and Harvard became official rivals. The ’60s was one of the best decades for Bulldog football, as the the team won or shared four Ivy League titles. In 1968, quarterback and Heisman nominee, Brian Dowling, BK ’69, and running back Calvin Hill, PC ’69, a future NFL Hall of Famer and father of NBA superstar Grant Hill, led one of the finest teams of the century. Coming into The Game, Yale was undefeated, and the campus was ecstatic as they left New Haven for a championship game on the road against Harvard, who was also undefeated. A linebacker on the ’68 team, Andy Coe, TD ’70, recalled students “gathering in the Berkeley quad and calling to Brian [Dowling]. Then he’d show up at the window, and it was like God came out.” Dowling began the game with a superhuman performance, helping the Bulldogs build a 22-0 lead. Desperate, Harvard’s coach replace the team’s starting quarterback with backup Frank Champi, who had only thrown 12 career passes. Despite Champi’s inexperience, the Crimson used an opportunistic defense and a scrappy offense to claw back within eight points of Yale with 40 seconds left in the fourth quarter. With time running out, Champi hurled a pass at running back Vic Gatto, out for the most of the game with a hamstring injury, for a touchdown. The catch inspired hundreds of Harvard students to rush the field. It took 15 minutes to clear the grass before the Cantabs completed a two-point conversion and tied the game. The following Monday, the Harvard Crimson ran the infamous headline, “Harvard beats Yale, 29-29.” After a three-month search in 2000, Harvard Magazine traced the origin of the line to Crimson photographer Tim Carlson, who heard “a drunk undergraduate” utter “Harvard beat Yale” while celebrating Gatto’s touchdown on the field. The 1968 game remained a gold standard of excitement for the Yale-Harvard rivalry until 1999, when quarterback Joe Walland, TD ’00, put Yale ahead 24-21 with 29 seconds remaining and passed for the winning touchdown to tight end and former New Orleans Saint Eric Johnson, JE ’01, who finished the game with 21 receptions for 244 yards. The first overtime in the history of The Game took place six years later, when Yale blew an eight-point fourth-quarter lead and committed three turnovers in three overtimes; the Cantabs won 3024 on a Clifton Dawson rushing TD. Yale’s 34-13 victory in Cambridge five years ago ended a fivegame Yale losing streak, and gave the Elis the conference title in the process. But since then, each end-of-season match-up has brought another crushing defeat for the Old Blue. The Yale Herald Summer 2013

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The Yale Herald Summer 2013