Yale Bulldog Days 2013 • Calendar of Events
Monday, April 15th, 2013 Yale:00 pm • Yale and Yale at Yale Yale. [Yale.] 3:00 - 4:00 pm • Master Class: Introduction to Psych with Marvin Chun Yale’s most renowned psychologist guides you through the wacky adventures of Shawn and Gus, in their first four episodes. [Luce Hall.] 3:00 - 4:00 pm • Introduction to Stalking Attractive People you see at Yale Practical lessons, like how not to type their name into the status bar rather than the search bar on Facebook. [WLH 211.]
3:00 - 4:00 pm • Learning to not be Stalked as an Attractive Person Those interested in attending should submit a headshot to the Yale Rumpus. [WLH 211.] 4:00 - 5:00 pm • Master Class: Learning to Loathe the Harkness Bells, with the residents of Branford Suite C-31 Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding. Dong. [Branford Suite C-31.] 4:00 pm - 5:00 pm • Avoiding Wile E. Coyote with the Yale Road Runners Mmmmmbeepbeep! VROOM... [Wall with tunnel painted on it.]
Yale Recommended Event
5:00 -6:00 pm • Drinks with the Yale of the ’50s Club Come along, chaps, for a swell time with all your favorite gents. BYOB (Bring Your Own Butler). [Mory’s.] 7:00 - 8:00 pm • Trying out Kinky Moves with the Yale Chess Club We’ll definitely teach you how to mate and make a connection en passant. [WLH 119.] 8:00 - 9:00 pm • Spooning with the Yale Dining Staff They made your lunch, now they’ll make your night. Come join us for some cuddling and canoodling. Forking may follow. [Swingers Space.] 9:00 - 10:00 pm • An Ice Cream Anti-Social Come for the ice cream, leave because of other people. [Rosenfeld Hall.]
10:00 - 11:30 pm • A night with the Computer Science Department Join us as we consider C++ moving forward and vivisect a virgin she-goat. [AKW Hall.] 11:00 pm - until • Finding a Boyfriend, with the Loneliest Boy on Campus Attractive Girls Welcome. [Bass Library.] 12:00 - 1:00 am • Beer Pong with Ronnell Higgins, Yale Police Department It’s not a trap. Bring your friends and all your marijuanas to YPD (It’s a frat, trust us)! [101 Ashmun Street.] 12:00 - 1:00 am • Respecting the Role of Women with DKE An hour of honest, open discussion about rape culture and beer pong in today’s society. [DKE.]
8:30 - 9:30 pm • How to Stroke Your Cat and Twirl Your Mustache with The Evil Association Those without mustaches are permitted but discouraged. [The Secret Lair.]
Yale Recommended Event
Tuesday, April 16th, 2013 All day • Saying No to the Homeless with YHHAP Please come help us out, if you have a moment. No? Well, thanks anyway. God bless you. [Everywhere.] 11:00 am - 12:00 pm • Helping Richard Levin Move Out, with Peter Salovey That’ll be the second time since Mrs. Levin threw him out last September. [Woodbridge Hall.] 12:00 - 1:00 pm • Baseball Tryouts by Coaches Bud Abbot and Lou Costello How to Get to Third Base ;-) [2nd Base.] 1:00 - 1:30 pm • Master Class: Breaking up with your high school sweetheart, with Dean Mary Miller Attendees will learn to use useful phrases such as “seeya,” “toodles,” and “so long and thanks for all the sex!” [Woolsey Hall.] 2:00 - 3:00 pm• Introduction to Name-Dropping with Directed Studies Learn to sneak obscure literary references into everyday
conversation better than Kant argues for synthetic a priori judgments. [WLH 007.] 3:00 - 3:50 pm • Master Class: A Talk with Gen. Stanley McChrystal Dissing your boss, getting fired, and getting a decent yet unsatisfying teaching job. [Claire’s.] 5:15 - 6:15 pm • Master Class: Mindful Meditation, with Master Yoda Sign up for a panlist, you will. [Dagobah Room, Branford College.] 6:00 - 7:00 pm • International Students Clique-Forming Session ざなぱそずきぁ [倳倵偂偖] 8:00 - 8:30 pm • Yale Society for the Appreciation of Extracurriculars Penguins welcome. [Commons Walk-In Freezer.] 9:00 - 10:00 pm • A Night of A Cappella with the Jizzwinks (!) Featuring such classic hits as The Sound of Silence, Midnight Train to Georgia. Also, semen. [Sudler Hall, WLH.]
Yale Recommended Event
10:00 pm - until • Crying Yourself to Sleep with The Yale Herald Our second-most-common use for tissues. [305 Crown St.]
12:00 - 1:00 am • Learning to Recite the Alphabet Backward with SAE It’s as easy as ABD! [SAE.]
11:00 pm - 1:00 am • Getting Mugged on the New Haven Green with a Knife-Wielding Hobo Meet interesting people. [New Haven Green.]
12:00 pm - 1:00 pm • A Midnight Tour of Grove Street Cemetery with the Ghost of Nathan Hale I only regret that I have only one life to--wait, shit...[Grove Street Cemetery.]
Wednesday, April 17th, 2013 10:00 am - 11:00 am • Skull and Bones Signups Join the organization that’s placed such important Yalies as George Bush, George Bush, and Preston Bush. [64 High Street.]
12:45 pm - 1:30 pm • Saying Goodbye to These Friends You’ll Never See Again If you come to this event, you’re already doing it wrong. [Old Campus]
10:30 - 11:30 am • Master Class: Look at All that Shit Up There, with the Yale Astronomy Department What the fuck is that sparklyass shit? Stars? Yeah, you’d better believe those are fucking stars. Fuck yeah. Space, Bitches. [Davies Auditorium.]
All day • Not Being Sued for Trademark Infringement by Making a Fake Bulldog Days Publication with the Yale Record This is a parody. It is completely false, and now you can’t sue us.See: 17 U.S.C. § 107
11:30 am - 12:30 pm • Master Class: Happiness, with the Philosophy Department This event has been cancelled, as the Philosophy Department has been killed in a bus accident. Yale Recommended Event
This work of parody brought to you by:
Interested in humor writing, art, design, business, publicity, or online? Join us for jokes and pizza at our staff meeting!
Tuesday, April 16 th, 2013 at 8 pm in WLH 209 And while you’re here, stop by and enjoy the talents of lots of funny people at Yale’s oldest (and best) stand-up comedy show,
The Cucumber! The Branford-Saybrook Room Tuesday, April 16 th, 2013 at 10pm Thank you Yorkside! Lunch, Dinner, or a midnight snack at Yorkside Pizza, 11:00 am-1:30 am: Without them, this pamphlet wouldn't be possible. If you need a place to eat, Yorkside has variety and crazy-late hours on its side.
Yorkside welcomes admitted students! We are open for lunch, dinner, and late-night until 1:30 am.
Directions: From Payne Whitney: Take the stairs between Morse and Ezra Stiles colleges. Then walk east, past Toad’s Place (not the Yale Bookstore). Turn right on York Street, and Yorkside is just a few steps away. From Old Campus: Walk to the Elm Street Gate and turn left. Walk until you reach Au Bon Pain, then turn right, and Yorkside is just a few steps away!