TAKE ME AS I AM

BY LASHANA WILLIAMS

“...Tell me I’m the best, I am. I’ll be feeling like, yes, I am, I am. You know I’m the best… You’d be a fool to not take me for who I am...” — H.E.R. As I type the lyrics from H.E.R.’s song “As I Am,” I’m reminded of a small-framed little girl who thought she could do and be anything, but was stripped of her selfesteem by the words and actions of others. These events defined her; replaced her God-given truths with misguided beliefs. Her dreams and happiness shattered, leaving nothing but an empty shell of a girl devoid of self-love. And, as this little girl matured into a woman, those same events resulted in her devalued self-worth, diminished self-image, and depleted self-confidence.

The image of this broken little girl breaks my heart, for that little girl was me. After 38 long years of depression, a sea of tears and three years in therapy, the lyrics to the song have now become my mantra. And today I can honestly say that I love myself unapologetically; boldly and confidently telling anyone

who threatens my selfesteem. “You’d be a fool not to take me for who I am…” Unfortunately, this wasn’t always the case, and I wish I could go back in time and hug that little girl and tell her...

“YOU ARE A SUCCESS!”

When you overhear your mother’s friends say “Lashana isn’t smart, her public-school education is subpar at best. And if she continues to be boy crazy, she will never amount to anything more than a teenage mother on welfare,” they weren’t foretelling your future but directing their disappointment in their own children towards you. You were a straight A student, a leader in the making, with an imagination that books and movies are made of. But the minute you heard their words your light dimmed and your self-image diminished with it. And for this, my heart aches.

I wish you knew that although being book smart would help you get your undergraduate and graduate degrees, it would be your skills as a visionary, critical thinker, manager and problem solver that would help you climb the corporate ladder. But unfortunately, as you climbed your way to VP of Finance, traveled all over the world and built a consulting business, their words continued to haunt you. You never felt you accomplished enough or succeeded in anything you did. I’m here to celebrate you and tell you: Girl you made it; you are a success!!!

I’M HERE TO CELEBRATE YOU AND TELL YOU: GIRL YOU MADE IT; YOU ARE A SUCCESS!

“YOU ARE ENOUGH!”

Not having your father (or a positive male figure) in your life placed an irreparable hole in your heart that affected you and every relationship you’ve ever had. For years you suffered with a severe fear of abandonment - always thinking someone was going to leave you because you weren’t enough. Your fear of abandonment coupled with your diminished selfimage resulted in a series of unhealthy relationships. You suffered through physical, verbal, and emotional abuse in search for love. My dear Lashana, the open-hand slaps to your face, degrading words, and the lying and cheating were more about the insecurities of the males you dated and had nothing to do with you.

However, you internalized their actions much like you did the words you heard years ago. And with each act of abuse your self-worth was devalued. Each time you apologized for being you and tried to become the person you thought they wanted you to be, you, in essence, told them you didn’t value yourself enough to command respect – to be treated like the Queen God destined you to be.

Oh, how I wish you knew the love you were in search of was already within you. You didn’t have to unwillingly have sex, manipulate, or put up with disrespect and lies to force anyone to love you – they either love you or they don’t. If only when you looked in the mirror you saw the beautiful, intelligent, strong girl that I’ve grown to know and love. And if only you loved yourself enough to

tell all of your ex-boyfriends “...Don’t take me for granted. You’ll be regretting it… Grass ain’t green nowhere else… You know I’m the best… ” Because, Girl, I’m here to tell you that you’re more than enough!

“YOU ARE WORTHY!”

Your battle with low selfesteem wasn’t isolated to your self-image or selfworth. It also impacted your self-confidence. Each time you altered your way of talking, dressing and thinking to emulate one of your more (perceived) popular friends you were telling yourself and others that you didn’t have the confidence to be your authentic self. Each day you anxiously waited for your employer to tell you they made a mistake, that you’re not fit for the job (because of imposter syndrome), you were subliminally telling yourself and others that you’re not fit to be the leader God created you to be. Each opportunity you passed up because you doubted your abilities as an author, speaker, or coach, you were telling yourself and God that you weren’t ready to walk in your purpose.

If only you saw yourself through the eyes of others, you would never have believed that it was better to act, think and dress like someone else. You would have realized your gifts and talents are valuable to any company blessed to have you as an employee. You would have embraced your Godgiven purpose to educate, equip and empower others. Girl, you are more than worthy!

Unfortunately, I can’t go back in time. But I can look in the mirror and tell that little girl “you are a success, you are enough, and you are worthy.” I can also encourage other women who battle with low self-esteem, so they too can discover the love within. Together we can sing the lyrics to the song together as we walk in our greatness with our crowns and heads held high.

And tell all our naysayers and haters… TAKE ME AS I AM.