Handling the Seasons of My Life

I remember my mother and aunt talking about “the change of life” in hushed tones when I was a little girl. When I got older my mother told me that she hadn’t experienced the hot flashes or the constant changes of temperature in her body. She said she didn’t really feel anything except that her period ended with one big finale.

When I started experiencing irregular periods, long periods, periods that came just two weeks apart and some really heavy periods (one last hurrah) in my late forties, I hoped and prayed that I would have the same kind of menopause my mother described.

But I haven’t been so lucky. I’ve experienced some warm nights, when I’ve woken up sweaty; but I can’t say I’ve had that side effect very often. What I have experienced more than hot flashes has been anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. Moments when I’ve had to recite the Serenity Prayer while taking deep breaths in the driveway before taking the kids to school or before entering the building at work. I’ve also struggled with insomnia -- waking up in the middle of the night, as my mind decides to visit every To Do list in my life.

But the not-so-funniest experience of all was when I visited my OBGYN for an annual well-woman checkup on my one-year anniversary without a period. I laugh now at how I triumphantly told her I was in menopause. That was in October. Then, ironically, when I started working on this essay in January, I started my cycle.

It was a very light period that lasted for about six days. As each day went by, I had to face the reality of what it was. I felt devastated and angry – especially when I remembered an O Magazine article “The New Midlife Crisis” by Ada Calhoun that said menopause can last “anywhere from a few months to 10 or 13 years.” Thirteen years!!??

So, here I am, one year and three months after my last cycle wondering, “What kind of leftover 2020 bad juju is this?” Menopause comes into our life at one of the worst moments, when we have so much going on. Wouldn’t it be easier if we could just stop having periods right after we are done having children?

BY LOIDA CASARES

“Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?” — Fleetwood Mac

I have a daughter in college, a son who is a junior in high school getting ready to drive, and an incredibly busy life. Why can’t I be done already?

And if I can’t be done now, how can I (we) survive?

I can tell you that meditation has helped to ease my anxiety, especially when I struggle with insomnia. Working out has also helped. Achieving goals on my Peloton bike (like my 100th and 200th rides) has been really therapeutic for me as I experience this “change of life.” Menopause has caused my mid-section to thicken (more than usual) and it’s much harder to get it down the older I get. Thank goodness I’ve had the bike to work on that challenge. Exercise is helping me mentally as I work to reshape my body.

What helps most of all are gratitude and self-care. I’m turning 51 years old in a week. My eldest sister passed away from cancer at 42. My mother passed away at 69, her mother died at 58 and her sister died at 54; all three from diabetes complications. That’s why I’m grateful for menopause and everything that comes with growing older; because I know it’s a privilege denied to many.

That’s also why I realize that self-care is so important and listening to our bodies is key. I want to be healthy so I can have a great last one-third of my life. I want to enjoy the last years of my career and maybe even be adventurous and move to another city. I want to live long enough to retire, travel and enjoy the things I want to do.

THAT’S ALSO WHY I REALIZE SELF-CARE IS SO IMPORTANT AND LISTENING TO OUR BODIES IS KEY. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY SO I CAN HAVE A GREAT LAST ONE-THIRD OF MY LIFE.

What helps me most is remembering that growing older is definitely an honor and menopause is just one of the hurdles along the way.