Handling the Seasons of My Life BY LOIDA CASARES “Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?” — Fleetwood Mac I remember my mother and aunt talking about “the change of life” in hushed tones when I was a little girl. When I got older my mother told me that she hadn’t experienced the hot flashes or the constant changes of temperature in her body. She said she didn’t really feel anything except that her period ended with one big finale. When I started experiencing irregular periods, long periods, periods that came just two weeks apart and some really heavy periods (one last hurrah) in my late forties, I hoped and prayed that I would have the same kind of menopause my mother described. But I haven’t been so lucky. I’ve experienced some warm nights, when I’ve woken up 12
sweaty; but I can’t say I’ve had that side effect very often. What I have experienced more than hot flashes has been anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. Moments when I’ve had to recite the Serenity Prayer while taking deep breaths in the driveway before taking the kids to school or before entering the building at work. I’ve also struggled with insomnia -- waking up in the middle of the night, as my mind decides to visit every To Do list in my life. But the not-so-funniest experience of all was when I visited my OBGYN for an annual well-woman checkup on my one-year anniversary without a period. I laugh now at how I triumphantly told her I was in menopause. That was in October. Then, ironically, when I started working on this
essay in January, I started my cycle. It was a very light period that lasted for about six days. As each day went by, I had to face the reality of what it was. I felt devastated and angry – especially when I remembered an O Magazine article “The New Midlife Crisis” by Ada Calhoun that said menopause can last “anywhere from a few months to 10 or 13 years.” Thirteen years!!?? So, here I am, one year and three months after my last cycle wondering, “What kind of leftover 2020 bad juju is this?” Menopause comes into our life at one of the worst moments, when we have so much going on. Wouldn’t it be easier if we could just stop having periods right after we are done having children?
