CONNECT, a yanasisters publication (WINTER 2024) by YANASISTERS

Winter 2024

a yanasisters publication

THE

H T U R T

UT K ABO S TAL RIAGE E L P U R SIX CO E AND MA LOV

love this will be

EVERLASTING

+ Endless Love + Inseparable + Ribbon in the Sky + Every Little Step + Always and Forever + Love Will Keep Us Together

Photo of Sammie and Rutha McCullough

love

EVERLASTING

Winter 2024

CONTRIBUTORS

Audra Sydnor with her husband, Otha, of 57 years. Married on December 19, 1966, the couple resides in Atlanta, Georgia.

FOUNDER & PRESIDENT Connection Coach, Speaker, Retreat Facilitator, Doula, Meditation Teacher, Reiki Master, Author, and Attorney Imani Monica McCullough is a vibrant voice for women worldwide. Through her transformative platform, YANAsisters, she thrives on helping women live more passionate and authentic lives.

Janice Glaspie with her husband, Michael, of 49 years. Married on December 28, 1974, the couple resides in Arlington, Texas.

Cheryl Fontenot with her husband, Wilrey, of 41 years. Married on December 18, 1982, the couple resides in Humble, Texas.

Sharon Callies with her husband, Craig, of 40 years. Married on September 3, 1983, the couple resides in Spring, Texas.

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF A writer since she was 8 years old, a reader since 3, today Kellyn O. McGee’s essence of being a learner and teacher shows up as a law professor, editor, certified yoga teacher, podcast lover, and owner of a virtual book cellar – with a collection waiting for the right moment to be savored. 2

Constance (Connie) Woods with husband, Antonio (Tony), of 37 years. Married on June 14, 1986, the couple resides in Savannah, Georgia.

Kelly Drake Patterson with her husband, Todd, of 29 years. Married on November 26, 1994, the couple resides in Austin, Texas.

IN THIS ISSUE

LOVE STORIES written by Imani Monica McCullough

ENDLESS LOVE Whoever said opposites attract must have been talking about Otha (affectionately known as “Syd”) and Audra Sydnor, a couple that met at a political rally party in New York during the civil rights movement.

16 INSEPARABLE Let’s travel back to 1972, a time of afros and mini-skirts... Nixon and Watergate... slang like “dig this” and “jive turkey”... and soulful singers like Natalie Cole. A time when Janice and Michael first met at the University of Texas at Austin. 20 RIBBON IN THE SKY The neighborhood party was popping, and kids were grooving to the beat of their favorite tunes. Cheryl (a junior in high school) was having fun, dancing and hanging with her friends, unaware that she had a secret admirer – her brother’s friend, Wilrey.

28 EVERY LITTLE STEP What if one accidental encounter allowed you to meet the love of your life? Can’t imagine? Well, maybe that’s because you haven’t heard the story of Craig and Sharon – who met by chance over forty-two years ago. 32 ALWAYS

AND FOREVER

It’s been over 40 years since Tony’s belief in life’s infinite possibilities brought Connie to him, and even now his eyes still twinkle as he relives their first meeting – as do hers. 36 LOVE WILL KEEP US

TOGETHER

EVERLASTING LOVE SPECIALS 11, 19, 31 The Truth (Six Couples Talk About Love and Marriage) 12, 24, 40 Celebrating Everlasting Love 35 All the Single Ladies

IN EVERY ISSUE 4

Founder’s Letter

Yoga Is A Prayer

23 What is YANAsisters? 44 YANA Playlist

LETTER FROM THE FOUNDER

My sisters, When the not-so-novel idea came to me to do a Valentine’s issue about love, I was excited! My excitement continued to grow as I realized that, in spite of what the media shows us, I’ve known so many couples who have stayed together for a lifetime – like Mr. and Mrs. Mack and Rose Crawford who were married for 69 years — and former Mayor Elzie and Mrs. Ruby Odom, who have been married for 76 years! What excited me even more is that I was able to talk to some of these couples about where they started – allowing me to feel all the energy surrounding their first meeting, their journey from strangers to friends to spouses, their pride for the families they have created, and how, after all these years, they would choose each other again and again. Since I’m “amongst friends,” I can also admit that there was a moment after we started 4

prepping this issue when the “gremlins” stepped in and almost made me secondguess my place in this conversation. After all, I’m a divorcée who, by society’s standards, has never quite gotten it “right.” I swear I could hear Halle Berry’s character in Boomerang (the 90’s movie) poking me in the head and asking, “But what do you know about love?” I also wondered how our many, many single, divorced, and widowed YANAsisters would feel about this issue. After all, it wouldn’t be great for an organization called “you are not alone” to make our members feel even more alone... By then, we were halfway through the interviews so there was no going back – only the option to keep pressing forward to see where this journey took us. And now, having completed this very special THIS WILL BE (AN EVERLASTING LOVE) issue, I’m so incredibly glad we did.

Interviewing these six extraordinary couples and receiving photos of so many more who have been married for 20+ years profoundly affected me in ways that I struggle to explain. The first word that comes to mind is gratitude. Soon after I’d written the last article, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the love I’ve experienced. Why? Because somewhere along the way I realized that no matter how the world sees me, I have been lucky in love... From the love that created me (as shown by my incredible parents on the cover), to those I’ve had the privilege of loving and being loved by (sometimes even at the same time! lol), to the love I’ve had the opportunity to witness (starting with my first wedding at age 3!) — I am so very thankful. And, I hope after reading these amazing love stories, ALL of my YANAsisters – single, dating, married, widowed, or “other,” will feel the same.

about giving as much or more than they seek, then in the words of Al Green, the end result is “simply beautiful.” The news often shows us all that is wrong in the world, so I hope you’ll find as much joy as I did in focusing on one thing that is right. And for the ladies that desire, but don’t currently have, a mate; I hope this issue helps you believe in the infinite possibilities. I’ll say it again, miracles happen each and every day. A thousand thank yous to the couples who shared a piece of their stories in this issue!

What have I learned? First, I’ve learned that love is indeed a miracle. An unexpected call, a mistaken introduction, two people who “happen” to be in the same place at the same time... As you’ll see from the stories that follow, none of our interviewees were looking for love where they found it, sometimes in the most unusual ways. These stories reaffirmed my faith in the Divine and my belief that miracles happen every day. Second, I’ve learned that love is, in many ways, a choice. A choice to allow yourself to be fully seen and a choice to believe that somehow, in some way, you’ll be better for it. Finally, I’ve learned that love is a verb. The love stories - and even more, the Q&A session - confirmed that after the miraculous meeting, love does not just happen. It takes effort to cultivate and mature. And most importantly, if both people are intentional

My first wedding in 1974

Love and light,

Imani

P.S. To all the single ladies ready to open yourself to love, make sure you check out page 35. I’ve included a special invitation just for you! 5

Yoga IS A PRAYER by Kellyn McGee

YOU WERE CREATED FROM LOVE, FOR LOVE. In my yoga practice, there are many poses I can do without even thinking about them. What I sometimes lose focus of, though, is my breathing. It’s easy to let my thoughts take over, easy to let the why I came to the mat distract me from what the mat is for. It is the place to leave the world behind me and to just take notice of my inhales and exhales, whether I’m in a vinyasa (one breath per movement) practice, or if I’m slowing down the world around me in restorative poses.

found their way back to each other - have been married just over 51 years. My father and stepmother had been married 34 years at the time of his death.

It’s like my love…life? I can easily get distracted by the not-great dates, seeing successful unions, and the (current) absence of a partner. But when I slow down, I see those for what they are: hope. In a future united with my love.

Their unions remind me that the word we know as “yoga” comes from the Sanskrit root word “yuj,” which means to unite, to yoke, to join. That each individual practice of yoga is designed to unite the breath with a pose — and the idea of yoga off the mat is to yoke ourselves with the world around us, person to person.

I am forever hopeful to have love like my parents, whose divorce made way for their everlasting love stories. My mother and stepfather – high school sweethearts who

My parents’ stories, and the ones in this issue, exemplify the types of unions many of us have or seek. These couples are committed to the agreement they made to yoke with each other decades ago. And they remain so, despite – or because of – the external disruptions they have faced.

In the words of one of my favorite mantras: “You were created from love, for love.”

ENDLESS LOVE (Syd and Audra’s Love Story, 57 years and counting)

Whoever said opposites attract must have been talking about Otha (affectionately known as “Syd”) and Audra Sydnor. Syd describes himself as a “country bumpkin” because he grew up on a farm in southern Virginia. He left there to attend Elizabeth City State University (an HBCU in North Carolina), then went on to NYU to get an M.B.A. Notably, Syd had a strong appreciation for all kinds of music – including jazz, blues, and R&B. Audra, who Syd affectionately refers to as a “city slicker,” grew up in Philadelphia. She left there to attend Morgan State University 8

(an HBCU in Baltimore), then went on to Columbia to get an M.A. in literature and languages. Notably, Audra thought jazz, blues, and R&B music “was polluting the mind” because that’s what she’d been taught in Sunday School. One thing they did have in common, however, was an interest in politics. Audra and Syd had both been involved in the civil rights movement while in undergrad and each had spent a small amount of time in jail after participating in political events that their parents warned them against. As fate would have it, mutual friends led to

the “country bumpkin” and “city slicker” being at the same political rally in the Fall of 1965 – where they were discussing ways to solve some of the social issues that Black people were facing and ways to boycott (not protest). “At Columbia, we had a prominent law student who was the first Black to attend the University of Mississippi - James Meredith. He sponsored a political rally party at a friend’s house. And I saw this cute young lady sitting in front of me... At some point in the conversation, James Meredith disappeared from my mind – because I was a 23-year-old guy looking at a very attractive girl.” Audra remembers that Syd kept trying to connect at the rally, asking her questions about herself and about Philly. Although Audra thought he was cute, she wasn’t interested because he seemed too opinionated, and in her mind, seemed to always want to be right about everything. Plus, as Audra told Syd, she had an out-oftown boyfriend — to which he replied, ‘yeah, I know you told me that. But he’s not here and I am.” (Audra confesses she was a little impressed by his confidence.) Meanwhile, the political rally continued. “Because of Dr. King we were just beginning to be a little more vocal about who we are. Not sitting back anymore, being quiet and accepting all the nonverbal insults. We always wanted to be peaceful and vocal, but not radical... Blacks were under a lot of fire; it was a time when they were still using dogs and hoses [to stop demonstrations],” Audra said. In the weeks that followed, Audra and Syd continued to run in the same circles. Each time they saw each other they would “talk” (according to Syd) or “argue” (according to Audra) about everything from politics to music. Their first big “discussion” was about

Ray Charles; Syd liked his music, but Audra did not. Finally, Syd convinced Audra to at least give the music a chance, with a daytime outing (not a date) to the Apollo theater. Audra admits she was scared to death ... and that she absolutely LOVED it. She also appreciated that Syd didn’t have much money and chose to spend it on her. After that, they continued to explore New York City together, and Syd’s adventurous outings became fun for Audra. By Valentine’s Day, she agreed to go on a real date. “I hate to say he grew on me because that doesn’t sound very romantic, but over time, I learned to appreciate what he was saying and our conversations calmed down so we could have a healthier discourse and agree to disagree. [At first,] I was trying to force him to see my way of thinking, and he was trying to force me to see his way, and after a while we decided ‘well there is no way.’ It’s just a difference and differences are ok. And [the differences weren’t] enough to stop us from liking each other or falling in love.” A few months later, Audra graduated with her M.A. degree and completed paperwork for 9

and I grew up together. We had the book knowledge, but we were really two babes in the woods.” Audra admits that she had never thought about being a military wife. Syd decided to become an officer and served two tours in Vietnam, three years in Panama, and frequently traveled for other service duties. That meant Audra was often left to take care of the home and children.

the Peace Corps because she wanted to see the world. At that point they hadn’t discussed marriage, but they were still enjoying each other’s company. Then life threw a curve ball. Shortly after Audra’s birthday in September, Syd told her they needed to talk. His big news: Syd had to leave school because he’d been drafted into the Army, so they had to make some decisions. “At that point I realized that I really, really didn’t want to lose him.” The couple didn’t have enough time to get married before Syd was deployed in October, so they decided to do it when he came home on leave. Syd came back two months later, and they were married in an intimate church ceremony on December 19, 1966 – just 10 months after their first date. Sadly, Audra’s parents weren’t supportive of the wedding because of their age and because they hadn’t yet gotten to meet Syd. They chose not to attend.

Through it all, they stood by each other. Although they started with very humble beginnings as a teacher and a Private, Audra ascended to Assistant Superintendent and Syd rose to the level of Lieutenant Colonel. (Syd also completed his M.B.A. at Frostburg State University.) How have they made it 57 years and counting? According to Syd and Audra, they put God at the center of their relationship, always keeping I Corinthians 13:4-7 at the forefront of their minds (“Love is patient...”) and starting most days with “I love you.” They learned how to have arguments, how to compromise, and how to agree to disagree. And they learned how to find common things they enjoy doing together. The list has evolved over the years, and now includes working out, going to the theater, and going to smooth jazz concerts. They also had to learn to give each other space to do things that don’t involve each other. Finally, and most importantly, the couple attributes their success to the fact that they actually like each other. “I always say ... love is one thing, but you also have to like them. Like is: can you sit down and talk to each other without anyone else around?”

When asked about challenges they faced after For the Sydnors, the answer is a resounding YES; which is why they have an Endless Love. becoming “Mr. and Mrs.,” Syd said: “Audra 10

THE

TRUTH What advice would you give to your younger self (or do you wish someone had given to you)? “Pick your battles. Don’t sweat small stuff. Because in the end a lot of it is just small stuff... Also, remember why you fell in love in the first place.” - Kelly “Kelly’s mother always says ‘Kelly’s father makes me laugh every day.’ And they’ve been together for more than 50 years. So, the key is you have to make each other happy – even if you’re just being a goof – you’ve got to smile every day.” - Todd

“If I could go back and tell my ‘newlywed self’ something, I would tell myself, ‘Don’t worry about the small stuff.’ I would also tell myself to always communicate, communicate, communicate, and do it respectfully.” - Connie “Ditto to what Connie said about not sweating the small stuff. It’s not worth it. The things we used to have little petty arguments about, in the grand scheme, they’re nothing. I would also say it’s important to learn to compromise.” – Tony

“Be in Christ – that’s the key.” - Wilrey “Know who you are, be committed to your marriage, but also don’t lose yourself. Continue to grow and always find new ways to show each other you care.” - Cheryl “Learn to trust each other... and be patient – you’ve got to get through the initial phase (of marriage)... Also, stay in the moment. Do not let future expectations interfere with enjoying each moment. Remember God has a master plan for your marriage.” - Janice “One mistake we often make is focusing on what can I get out of it, when it should be what can I bring to it. It’s almost like an investment – you give it time in order for it to grow.” – Michael “Go to school and take care of you (and your husband).” – Sharon “Stay connected and continue to grow.” – Craig

“We probably wouldn’t have taken it,” Audra says laughing. “We stopped allowing definitive roles to guide us. When we were first married, Syd had his duties and I had mine. Our marriage became stronger once we carried out whatever responsibilities were needed at the time. After all, what difference does it make who takes out the garbage, or vacuums the floor, or takes the sick child to the doctor, or who cooks or pays bills? We were both very busy professionals. Whoever had the free time grabbed the chore!” - Audra “For a man, there is a line between being protective and being overly protective. It’s healthy to have different interests… The advice I give to others, and that I gave to my daughter, is make sure you like the person you are dating. Also, I told her dates that you must always respect my daughter. If you can’t respect her and treat her like a lady, then maybe you’re in the wrong relationship.” – Syd 11

Celebrating

usband, Elzie, h r e h d n a , y b u R ars of marriage e y 6 7 g n ti ra b le are ce

Everlasting Love Mack, d her husband, an se o R f o ry o In mem e years of marriag 69 d te ra b le ce o wh

t, husband, Earnes er h d an n io ar M riage 60 years of mar are celebrating

Celebrating sband, George, Dee and her hu riage 53 years of mar g n ti ra b le ce e ar

husband, Ron, Sherry and her riage 53 years of mar are celebrating

Everlasting Love Tony a are c and he r eleb ratin husban d, g 35 year Wayne, s of mar riage

husband, Ron, Cynthia and her riage 31 years of mar are celebrating 15

Let’s travel back to 1972, a time of afros and miniskirts... Nixon and Watergate... slang like “dig this” and “jive turkey”... and soulful singers like Natalie Cole.

INSEPARABLE (Michael & Janice’s Love Story, 49 years and counting)

On a seemingly ordinary day in August 1972, Michael was working at his part-time job in the campus bookstore. He had recently returned from Vietnam and resumed studies at the University of Texas. And, at the ripe age of 25, he was convinced that marriage might not be for him. In walked the woman who would change his mind: Janice, an 18 year-old freshman who was dressed in green “hot pants” and cloaked with excitement of all that college might bring. Michael couldn’t put into words what made Janice stand out but something made him ask her name... Janice wasn’t sure what she thought about Michael, or if she even thought much

at all, since she had a boyfriend back home. But she remembers him being “nice.” The meeting seemed uneventful and the two went their separate ways. Fast forward to Spring semester: Janice’s boyfriend was coming to town, and she was in a bind. She needed to rent a car for his stay, but the rental agreement required someone 25 or older. A friend suggested she ask “Mike.” Well, not only did Michael set up the car rental, he also paid the $25 deposit that Janice didn’t have! Several weeks later, Jan and Mike found themselves hanging out with a group after a basketball tournament. Janice – who had broken up with her boyfriend – mentioned to her roommate that she was hungry. Her roommate turned to Mike and said “Janice is hungry.” Those simple words, followed by a trip to the Pancake House was just the beginning. Their first real date, a concert one week later on her birthday, sealed the deal. “We had some dates after that, and he used to come over to Jester to see me while I was living there... He also used to send me cards all the time, and he sent me roses.” When asked when they knew this was forever, both laughed. Janice admitted that she was getting a bit antsy when they’d been dating a year and a half. During that time three of their couple friends had gotten engaged or married, including a couple they had introduced. Michael admitted he was taking his time to make sure “this” was right. In the summer of 1974, he finally knew. “Janice did something that was actually very simple, but it made me aware of how sensitive she was to things that I appreciated. The Jazz Crusaders were coming to Houston, and she arranged to get us some tickets to go to the concert. We really had a great time,

JANICE DID SOMETHING THAT WAS ACTUALLY VERY SIMPLE, BUT IT MADE ME AWARE OF HOW SENSITIVE SHE WAS TO THINGS THAT I APPRECIATED. and I don’t know about her, but I think that weekend really solidified it for me.” Michael began to plan for their future, then finally had “a talk” with Janice in September. His romantic proposal was simply “I think I’m ready.” And ended with a plan to drive to Houston to ask Janice’s dad for her hand in marriage. Michael remembers arriving at her parents’ house and being greeted warmly by her mom, but her dad was nowhere to be found. For almost an hour and a half, Michael sat patiently in the living room waiting, while Janice’s dad took the longest bath of his life. Her dad later admitted that he just wasn’t ready to give his “little Janice” away. 17

Despite the long wait, the meeting was successful, and they had her parents’ support. Since Michael was in UT’s graduate school by then and Janice was still a sophomore, her dad offered to give them $1,000 to start their lives together, if they agreed not to have a large wedding. But Janice wouldn’t have it. She not only wanted a wedding, but one complete with custom-made dresses, a multi-tiered wedding cake, and a catered after-party with a band to celebrate. Thankfully, Janice’s mom said “we can do it” and three short months later, on December 28, 1974, the happy couple stood before God, their family, and hundreds of friends in a beautiful black and gold church wedding. Now, even after almost 50 years of marriage, Michael still smiles when he talks about his love for Janice’s “upbeat attitude,” and Janice still smiles when she talks about her love for how easygoing he is. And they agree that the best part of being married is “having somebody you can not only care for, but completely trust.” They acknowledge that no marriage is without struggle, remembering the early days as students when they’d scrounge for change in the glove compartment to buy bread, as well as the challenge of bringing two lives together, especially with their seven-year age difference. Having great examples in their parents’ relationships, they learned to work together as a team and learned that if they try to do what’s best for the other person, everybody benefits. They also learned to prioritize their time together, including going to church, traveling, enjoying concerts, sporting events, walking, and acknowledging the 28th of every month. And they never let a week go by without saying “I love you.”

Today, Michael and Janice are proud to remember where they started and where God has brought them – including the blessing of raising three incredible adult children who have good relationships with each other and with them, plus four beautiful grandsons. “You wonder ‘how could I spend the rest of my life with someone?’ Then you commit yourself to do all you can to make it the best marriage possible. Then you realize it’s really easy if you stay focused on each other.” Michael said. “Stay focused on each other and have God in the middle of everything,” Janice finished his thought. Inseparable, yes, they are.

THE

TRUTH How has your relationship and the way you handle conflicts grown over time? “I used to be ready to debate and argue... I’ve changed because I’ve learned everything is not worth all that. I’ve learned to pick my battles. I’ve also learned that you choose not only your battles, but also when you bring something up.” – Connie “What we’ve learned over the years is we have to value communication and learn how each other communicates and what they respond to, positively or negatively.” – Tony “A lot of people ‘go before they grow.’ They give up really quick. That was not my thing. We learned to sit in this together and work it out.” – Sharon (and Craig) “When dealing with conflict, we say ‘when you do this, this is how it makes me feel.’” - Todd “We’re a little more patient and I also say ‘let me step back for a second, and not jump to conclusions and not assume. Obviously if he did something, there’s a reason he did it.’ ” - Kelly “We learned to focus on the other person and to try to do what’s best for the other person. Then everybody benefits... In fact, we made a great discovery,” Michael says laughing,“... that we’re on the same team.” “I’ve learned that whatever it is that comes up that we might not see eye to eye on, it’s not life or death. We’ll sit down and figure out a way to compromise on it or find a way we both can live with it. We try to accommodate each other. If I know he wants something, or vice versa, we try to make it happen for each other...We have learned to move in the same direction.” - Janice

“We learned how to agree to disagree. Sometimes you can’t come up with one answer and say this is the way it’s going to be. When we finally learned that, our relationship went smoother... Also, after recognizing each others’ strengths and weaknesses, we learned to become a team and support one another. Teamwork makes the dream work, right! Today, we laugh a lot more about our mistakes because we know that every mistake is a learning, and humor is good for the soul.” – Audra “I’ve learned to be still, be quiet more. Listen more...Since each of us had ideas about how things should work, sometimes I had to say to myself, ‘Shut up Syd...Audra, let’s try what you said you want to do’... I learned that we are partners.” – Syd

“This is something that I wish I had learned a very long time ago (and still haven’t always done it like I should): Don’t ever say something that you’ll regret forever. That’s key to me because you can hurt people with your words.” - Wilrey “Some people would say there are rules to being married, but I think there are certain things to preserve the heart. I’ve said some silly things in my younger years that I can’t take back; we both have. Somebody described it as: there’s a piece of wood and when you put that nail in with a hammer, even though you can take it out, that hole is still there. Love always forgives, but you just have to be careful with what you say.” – Cheryl

Ribbon IN THE SKY

(Wilrey and Cheryl’s Love Story, 41 years and counting)

The first time Wilrey asked Cheryl to marry him was in 1980. The proposal wasn’t much of a surprise since the couple had been pretty much inseparable for over three years. The surprise was that Cheryl said “no.” Flashback: Got To Give It Up (1977-1978) The neighborhood party was popping, and kids were grooving to the beat of their favorite tunes. Cheryl (a junior in high school) was having fun, dancing and hanging with her friends, unaware that she had a secret admirer.

“I used to go out to parties and stand around, ‘cause I was too nervous, to really get down...“ As Marvin Gaye’s “Got to Give It Up” came on (a newly released hit in 1977), Wilrey got his courage up to ask Cheryl to dance. One dance turned into all of the dances that remained until Cheryl’s curfew. By this time both were definitely smitten. “He was kind of quiet, but he loved dancing... I wasn’t used to couple dancing, but we clicked well on the dance floor.”

After the party, Cheryl Meanwhile, Wilrey invited Wilrey to (who had graduated come to her brother’s the year before) was graduation pool IT WAS NO SURPRISE WHEN quietly observing her. party and he happily He’d only seen Cheryl agreed. Wilrey, being SOME MONTHS AFTER HER once before, but a gentleman, came by GRADUATION WILREY DECIDED they hadn’t yet been her house soon after introduced. To make TO POP THE QUESTION. BUT IT to meet her parents things even more and make sure he had MAY HAVE SURPRISED WILREY awkward, Wilrey’s their blessing to date. WHEN CHERYL SAID...“NO.” friend had told him Their first “real” date he was hoping to see was at Astroworld, Cheryl at the party where they rode the and Wilrey didn’t want to step on his toes. biggest rollercoaster (although Wilrey later So, he watched and waited. And when his admitted that he hated rollercoasters). Once friend hadn’t made a move by the night’s again, they danced the night way, kicking off end, Wilrey knew it was time to make one of with “Last Dance” by Donna Summer. his own. The young romance continued, even surviving Although Wilrey had been in the band with a three-month break while Cheryl went to Cheryl’s brother, he didn’t have their home stay with her grandparents. And by senior number. So, it took a few calls and a little year, they both knew it was real. finagling to find it. Finally, he got the number and he and Cheryl talked a few times. Well, So, it was no surprise when some months not just talk - the calls sometimes included after her graduation Wilrey decided to pop Wilrey serenading her with songs like “Always the question. But it may have surprised and Forever.” Wilrey when Cheryl said...“No.” A few weeks later there was another neighborhood party in a friend’s garage. This time Wilrey was ready.

Actually Cheryl didn’t exactly say “no,” although that may have been what Wilrey heard. She actually said “not yet,” because she wanted to “do things in order,” by 21

finishing college first. So, their love story continued, as did her studies at the University of Houston. Ribbon in the Sky (1982) Finally, Cheryl started the 6-month countdown to graduation, and, after five and a half years of dating, Wilrey decided to give it one more try. This time, he went directly to her parents to ask for their blessing. They quickly gave it and the next day Cheryl’s parents brought home wedding magazines to start to plan. Cheryl graduated from the University of Houston on December 17, 1982 and the couple got married at her church the very next day. Always and Forever (1983 – present day) Forty-one years, three kids and two grandkids later, both admit that some days it’s hard to believe so much time has passed. “Marriage can be a rollercoaster ride, just like our first date.... It’s not perfect. You live day to day and you commit...And then there are different things that remind you why you got married and why you’re still married,” Cheryl said. But the love remains as strong, if not stronger than when they first married. Wilrey still “loves who Cheryl is as a person,” stressing that they “continue to be partners.” Cheryl still loves that Wilrey is “supportive, loving and committed to [their] family.” They still love to travel and enjoy regular date nights to stay connected. And, what’s really special is they can still find their groove on any dance floor.

Now that they are both retired, they enjoy spending even more time together – and, as they age, they are learning to depend on each other in new ways.

The couple attributes their success to keeping Christ in their marriage, learning to take time to process feelings before speaking, and not saying words that cannot be taken back.

“We’re committed to the marriage, making it work. And we know that every day is another opportunity to enjoy being with each other... It’s a new day.”

YANASISTERS is an intergenerational wisdom circle for women — like you. We’ve created this safe space, this spiritual space, to celebrate our womanhood. Here, with us, you will find healing. You will find happiness. You will find hope. And most importantly, you will find a new you. Join us at www.yanasisters.com

WHAT IS YANASISTERS? Connection is the essence of our community. Whether through our intimate online group, coaching programs, local meetups or one of our transformative destination retreats, we are here to support you in this season of your awakening. We share our stories, our pasts and our pain—lovingly and openly—to show one another that we are more alike than we are different. We defy the notion that differences divide us. We are women who are all shapes, sizes, skin tones and swag. But our spirits—our souls— are every bit the same. And we only have one rule. Leave all judgment at the door. You arrived here today, not by coincidence, but because you know existing isn’t enough. We believe that too, and we want to support you to manifest something meaningful in your life—whether that something is more joy,

more freedom, more confidence and selflove, a more fulfilling profession or a better relationship. YANA is as much about recovery as it discovery. As you exhale your pain and inhale your passion and purpose, you will find you can do—and be—anything. But first, Superwoman, you must take off the cape. When you need love, we’re here. When you need an embrace for your body or your soul, we’re here. When you need the freedom to explore those hidden, but treasured, parts of yourself, we’re here. When you need to free yourself to be yourself, we’re here. We, your sisters, welcome you with warm, open arms. BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 23

Celebrating s, husband, Charle Jennifer and her ars of marriage ye 30 g n ti ra b le are ce

Devo n celeb na and h e ratin g 30 r husban years d, of m Lavell, a arria re ge

Everlasting Love usband, Marc, Debra and her h riage 28 years of mar are celebrating

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Celebrating e, usband, Jermain Tonia and her h riage 28 years of mar g n ti ra b le ce e ar

Gail and her husband, Ca rl, are celebrati ng 26 years o f marriage 26

Everlasting Love sband, Anu, Alia and her hu e years of marriag 25 g n ti ra b le ce are

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EVERY little STEP (Craig and Sharon’s Love Story, 40 years and counting)

hat if one accidental encounter allowed you to meet the love of your life? Can’t imagine? Well, maybe that’s because you haven’t heard the story of Craig and Sharon — who met by chance over forty-two years ago. In the Fall of 1981, Sharon (a high-school senior) was chatting with her bestie, Crystal, as they sat in the school bleachers. Sharon had recently broken up with a boyfriend and asked Crystal if she could introduce her to someone new. After giving it some thought, Crystal realized she might know the perfect guy: her cousin. Sharon was excited about the possibilities and decided to call him that night.

But here’s where things got interesting. When Sharon called, the cousin that Crystal wanted to connect her with wasn’t home. Instead, his older brother, Craig, answered, and he and Sharon started talking. They talked that day, and the next and the next. For four days straight, they talked into the wee hours of the night about everything – from Sharon’s senior year to Craig’s first months in the Army. And, well, as they say, the rest is history. Think this story couldn’t get any more interesting? Wait for it ...These two lovebirds only had the opportunity to meet in person once before Craig’s military leave ended! But thankfully, once was enough. When Craig arrived at Sharon’s family home, Sharon waited in her room while her little brother “scoped” Craig out to let her know if he was handsome. Thankfully, he gave Craig a thumbs up... Meanwhile, Craig was still asking himself “who is this girl” that just appeared on his phone one day? All he knew is he didn’t want to miss the opportunity to find out. Although her first comment when they met was that Craig smelled like Comet (yes, the household cleaning product), Sharon also observed how he carried himself and admired that, unlike many young men their age, he was wearing “real” shoes. “When Craig left, I told my mom, ‘That’s going to be my husband.’” Sharon was right. Over the next two years,

they talked on the phone as much as possible, costing their parents hundreds of dollars in phone bills (at a whopping cost of $1.64 per minute). And because of the military schedule and distance, they only saw each other about five times before Craig asked Sharon’s stepdad for her hand in marriage. But that was enough time for them to know they wanted to be together. They got married six months later, on September 3, 1983 at Palestine Baptist Church. The wedding, according to Sharon, didn’t go as planned at all – from the decorations and dresses not coming together the way she’d hoped, to everything running behind schedule. But one thing did go right: the two became one. After the wedding there was only one more hurdle to clear before they could start their lives together – Sharon had six more months of Cosmetology school. The months sped by, though, and soon she joined Craig in their new home on the Army base in Hawaii. Unlike many new couples, Craig and Sharon described the early days of marriage as easy and fun – like 20 and 21-year old kids on an extended vacation. Although living together required some adjustments (like Craig learning to put the toilet seat down), and they had to get to know each other better (since they hadn’t spent much time together in person); there were lots of happy times hanging out at places like their favorite restaurant, the Yum Yum Tree. Even 29

the challenge of living on meager wages (with Craig’s first check totaling about $300) seemed easy to maneuver because they were together. When the money ran out, they’d just eat sandwiches and Lay’s potato chips, without much worry, because as they put it, “we didn’t know any better so we were good!” The harder times kicked in three plus years later when they started to have kids – far away from home, with the same limited finances that had to stretch farther. This meant that they had to grow up fast, as did their relationship. Following Sharon’s mom’s advice, they kept “growing up together,” staying connected, but also learning that it’s ok to be separate people who have different interests. Always coming back to her love for him as a provider, and his love for her open, honest communication. Always choosing their love. “I learned that sometimes [my wife] may need a little space, sometimes [she] may have different interests, and it’s ok if [her] interests are not [my] interests. That’s the key to growth.... And as she expands, she may introduce me to new interests.” 30

Today the couple looks back with pride at how far they’ve come spiritually, emotionally, and financially – noting in particular the pride they have for their four boys (and two daughters-in-love) and four grandchildren. In many ways, they feel like they beat the odds by building a family that, in their minds, no one expected to succeed. And now that Craig is retired from the military, the couple is able to spend more time together doing things like trying out new restaurants, traveling together (if Craig decides to join one of Sharon’s frequent adventures), and even making a fun day out of a trip to Costco. “My mom said ‘you guys have to grow up together and learn each other’ -- we’re still doing that at age 61 and 60.... We still have to grow up together. That never ends.” “I’ve learned that romance is not just the physical aspect of being together. Romance is connecting at unexpected times. Romance is not just flowers and roses. It’s the appreciation, it’s the recognition, it’s the supporting, it’s the listening...“ Craig said, then continued. “Nothing can be as romantic as the relationship that we have.”

THE

TRUTH How have you kept the romance and fun in your relationship? “Be connected. You have to understand when someone is having a bad day... And that is a form of romance. Romance is not just the physical aspect of being together. Romance is connecting at unexpected times.” - Craig (and Sharon)

“Even after all of these years, we will still dance the night away.” - Wilrey and Cheryl

“We flirt a lot. Little things, little touches... hugs and kisses... and we walk every day.” - Kelly “... or, I’ll vacuum something or wash something. We know where that leads now.” - Todd

“We laugh all the time. We tell jokes and have fun.” - Connie “We both enjoy traveling, creating new memories, entertaining – having people over (we love to host). We like hearing other people’s stories.” – Tony

“We wake up in the morning and I love you is almost the first thing we say. We still hold hands when we go places. We go out to do romantic dinners. We have candlelit dinners in our dining room. We still kiss and romance, there’s still that fire that has not disappeared – over time it’s gotten stronger in a very different way. We’re each other’s best friend.” - Audra “You should always try to remember the important dates. The biggest mistake we guys make is when she says ‘you don’t have to get me flowers this time’ -- you mess around and don’t get the flowers one time!.. I like to give Audra flowers without there being anything special. I try to tell her as often as I can think of it that I love her. - Syd

“We do things like dinner, movies or have friends over to play cards... and we like to travel... We also celebrate or acknowledge the 28th of every month... Over these almost 50 years, we’ve gone to so many concerts. We travel for the Capital Jazz Festival... Music and travel have been our fun things.” - Janice “And eating.” Michael says, laughing, then continues. “Valentine’s day we celebrate with other couples... We walk together... We do marriage counseling for others... and we have fun doing spontaneous things.” - Michael 31

ALWAYS AND FOREVER

(Tony and Connie’s Love Story, 37 years and counting) “There’s a rock next to my bathroom sink, and as I’m brushing my teeth, and shaving, and trimming my beard – [I see the rock and] it says one thing: BELIEVE. Every day I get up, I never stop believing in what’s possible. That’s why I have her because I believed.” - Tony

It’s been almost 40 years since Tony’s belief in life’s infinite possibilities brought Connie to him, and even now his eyes still twinkle as he relives their first meeting. It was the fall of 1984, and Tony was ending his first year of active duty in the Republic of Panama. That night, he and two of his Air Force buddies decided to go to the club on the base to kick back...That same night, Joyce was dragging her new friend, Connie, to the same club to introduce her around, since Connie had just gotten stationed there. She didn’t really feel up to going out, but finally relented. Not long after finding a table, Connie spotted Tony and his two friends coming into the club. “He’s cute,” Connie said, pointing in the guys’ direction. “He’s a friend; I’ll introduce you,” Joyce responded.

organically moved from casual conversations, to friendship, to dating. “There’s no big, huge moment. Everything in our relationship just happened organically... I think in my mind I just assumed [our engagement] was going to happen before one of us left Panama, but I don’t even know if I verbalized it.” Connie said. In fact, they easily fell into conversation about “what ifs” that explored where they might want to live, what type of house they might like, etc. And, they had fun doing literally anything – from reading to each other to sitting in silence.

IT’S BEEN ALMOST 40 YEARS SINCE TONY’S BELIEF IN LIFE’S INFINITE POSSIBILITIES BROUGHT CONNIE TO HIM, AND EVEN NOW HIS EYES STILL TWINKLE AS HE RELIVES THEIR FIRST MEETING.

Tony and Connie exchanged introductions and chatted a little, but that was the extent of their meeting. It wasn’t until after the guys left that Connie admitted to Joyce that she’d been talking about one of the other guys in the group, not Tony!

But by then, the seed had been planted. And in the coming weeks, Connie and Tony would often run into each other as they were leaving their barracks. Tony remembers thinking that Connie was refreshing because her background was similar to his, they had the same values, as well as the same aspirations – plus, she was just easy to talk to. Fortunately, Connie felt the same way. They

At some point, Tony admitted that he didn’t want to live life without Connie. And sometime thereafter, Connie called her dad so that Tony could ask for her dad’s blessing. They were married on June 14, 1986, at Connie’s home church in Oklahoma.

“To be honest, I really didn’t care about the wedding. It was fun and all, but the best part of it was when we got to the hotel room afterward and we just kind of passed out. We were so tired,” Connie said laughing. Like most couples, the honeymoon period included learning how to merge two lives. They had to figure out the big things (like how to marry Tony’s love for budgets with Connie’s free spirit), and the small things like “their way” of doing certain things around the house. Fortunately, they quickly realized that “life is short, and things are not worth fighting over.”

Seven years into the marriage, their first child was born. “I had an overwhelming sense of purpose once we had our daughter,” Tony said. There were the usual parenting challenges, but the biggest one came about 10 years into their marriage when their son, Evan, got sick. “When he was about 5 months old, Evan got RSV... Long story short: he almost died.... It was a really scary time and ...we both had to be there to hold each other up, and at the same time deal with all the things that were happening...That was like the pivotal moment where I was kind of like, okay, he’s always going to take care of us, and I’m always going to be there for him and the kids,” Connie explained. Thankfully, Evan beat the odds and recovered; and their marriage was made that much stronger. After almost 38 years of marriage, Tony and Connie still smile as they talk about their love for each other. Tony as he speaks of how he loves that Connie is passionate (especially about their children, Evan and his older sister, Aysia), has incredibly positive energy, has always had a “strong sense of self,” and is constantly reinventing herself. And Connie when she speaks of Tony’s kindness, of his heart, that he’s slow 34

to anger, patient, and kind; and that he’s the kind of person who won’t stand to see anyone mistreated. What makes their marriage work is that they genuinely like spending time together: traveling, creating new memories, hosting people in their home, and hearing other people’s stories. What are they most proud of? Who their children have become and their relationship with them. Plus, they are proud of all the things they envisioned as a young couple that have now come to pass.

“When we first met each other, we used to story board...We would clip things out of magazines and say, ‘this is my focus, this is what I want to do’...I think if you can’t visualize something happening for you, or with you and your significant other, it doesn’t come into existence...Everything that we talked about when we were younger, we’ve accomplished.” Tony said. What comes next?.. If the past 40 years are any indication, anything is possible, if they believe.

LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER (Todd and Kelly’s Love Story, 29 years and counting) 36

Thanksgiving Day, 1993: Fans at the Dallas Cowboys Stadium were in a frenzy because the game against the Dolphins was not going their way. Meanwhile, Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, Kelly Drake, was wondering why her boyfriend, Todd, was making his way towards her on the field. Todd gave Kelly a made-up story about hanging a sign for his friend, then the team photographer conveniently appeared to take their picture. After the photo, Kelly turned around and was shocked to see that her sister and future brother-in-law had rolled out a banner that read, “KELLY DRAKE, WILL YOU MARRY ME?” The crowd went wild again as Todd got down on one knee and Kelly said “YES!” It had the makings of a Hallmark movie, all the way down to the media replaying the proposal on tv for days to come.

the day TCU (Kelly’s college) played Texas Tech (Todd’s college). Todd spotted Kelly But this is not where the story begins; it on the football field with the TCU dancers actually started more than 20 years earlier. and bragged to his friend that he knew her, then “proved it” by inviting Kelly and her Kelly and Todd didn’t meet in college or at sister to dinner after the game. The night a bar or in the airport. As they describe it, was filled with easy conversation, lots of they’ve kind of always known each other – with laughs, and a stolen kiss under the guise Todd being “almost like the big brother” that of “I’ve always wondered what it would be Kelly grew up with. Their parents were college like to kiss Kelly Drake” — followed by “this friends who’d known each other forever – shouldn’t go any farther” because they were double dating when they were young and joint both in relationships, lived in different cities, family trips after marriage and kids. Though and, most importantly, never ever wanted to years would pass in between them seeing each damage the family friendship. other, Kelly remembers that whenever she visited Todd’s stepsister, Todd was somehow Insert more “almosts” as their parallel paths always there – mysteriously next to her in continued, and finally, the moment when every family photo. Todd’s mom received Kelly’s Christmas card and said: “You should call her.” One call led So, what was the pivotal moment when, like to a weekend visit in Corpus Christi, and the in the movies, their eyes locked and they longest - and best - first date either of them “knew”? According to the happy couple, had ever had. “there was probably always a little something there.” “I felt like if I didn’t at least date him I would never know...And I didn’t want to spend For years, there were moments of “almost” my life wondering ‘what if he was the one I that never quite ignited. One of those was should have been with?’” 37

A wedding gift from Kelly’s grandmother highlighted the magic of this union: a love letter that Kelly had written to Todd when she was five and a picture that Kelly drew when she was nine with the words “Todd and Kelly’s future house” at the top. As if it was always meant to be... And surely it was. The couple has celebrated almost 30 years together, thankfully with more ups than downs. One of the most challenging times was when, after five years of it being just the two of them, they started a family. Suddenly everything shifted and Kelly found she needed more support.

After that date, there was no formal discussion, just a “knowing” that this was finally happening. By then, Kelly was in her second year of dancing with the Cowboys, so their schedule was not ideal. But, from February to August, they talked on the phone often and saw each other whenever possible – with as many as six weeks in between. The relationship moved quickly because, after all, they’d already done the hard part of developing a friendship and getting to know each other’s families. “I didn’t want to not be with her...I didn’t want to not be in the same house with her. I didn’t want to not experience Wednesday, Thursday or Friday – or whatever day it was – with her... So, I asked if she’d like to hang out, like forever.” Having tested the water, the question “will we?” became “when will we?” That question was answered when Todd made his way down to the Cowboys field that winter-white Thanksgiving day to propose. And, almost exactly one year later, on November 26, 1994, they became “the Pattersons.” 38

“There was a time when I was like ‘yeah my wife takes care of everything.’ It got to a point where I could see she wasn’t happy because I wasn’t helping.” “One day I flat out said ‘chores = sex. I’m just going to lay that out there for you, because if I have to do all of the chores, I’m mad and I’m tired... So now he’ll go mow the lawn then come in and say ‘Babe, I mowed your lawn.’” They looked at each other and laughed. Kelly and Todd got through the early childrearing years, attributing their success to learning each other’s love language, reading books like His Needs, Her Needs, and recognizing that most things just aren’t that serious. Plus, they now walk three miles together every day and they work together as representatives of Thrive by Le-Vel (selling products that have helped Kelly’s knee discomfort, took away their need for coffee, and afforded them some bucket list trips). Finally, they make sure they follow Kelly’s parents’ example of making each other laugh each and every day. As Todd sees it: “I don’t want to be on this journey with anyone else. This is my best friend in the whole wide world.”

YANAsisters Bookclub Ladies, are you looking for all the perks of a bookclub, without the full accountability? Sign up on yanasisters.mn.co to be notified of our quarterly book, then choose if you want to participate in each live/virtual discussion. Our April book is Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan.

YANAsisters Retreat My sisters, have the demands of life made you forget who you are and what you are capable of? If so, join us for the ultimate retreat in the North Georgia mountains on August 23-25, 2024. For details, including the early bird discount, go to www.elohee.com. Make sure you also check your inbox or meetup for details on our free virtual retreat later this month!

Celebrating sband, Darryl, Kaye and her hu e years of marriag 22 g n ti ra b le ce are

husband, Ivan, Listiani and her riage 21 years of mar g n ti ra b le ce e ar

Everlasting Love husband, Scott, Jessica and her riage 21 years of mar are celebrating

Katr in are c a and h e eleb ratin r husban g 20 d year , Marcu s of mar s, riage 41

Celebrating sband, Tony, Kim and her hu riage 20 years of mar are celebrating

Erika are c and her h eleb ratin usband ,K g 20 year areem, s of mar riage 42

Everlasting Love husband, Tony, Kamla and her ars of marriage ye 20 g n ti ra b le are ce

Tracye an dh are celebr er husband, Rodne y, ating 18 y ears of m arriage

YANA EVERLASTING LOVE Playlist We created a playlist that’s all about Everlasting Love! Search for “YANA EVERLASTING LOVE” on Spotify or use the QR Code below. Promise to Love (Kem) This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) (Natalie Cole) Golden (Chrisette Michelle) Inseparable (Natalie Cole) The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face (Roberta Flack) Spend My Life With You (Eric Benet, Kevin Davis) Loving You Is Everything (Ayanna Gregory & Kalyn) I Believe in You and Me (Whitney Houston) Endless Love (Lionel Richie, Diana Ross) Ribbon in the Sky (Stevie Wonder) Always and Forever (Heatwave) Lovin’ You (Minnie Riperton) Let’s Stay Together (Al Green) At Last (Etta James) Do 4 Love (Snoh Aalegra) You Bring Me Joy (Anita Baker) Nothing Has Ever Felt Like This (Rachelle Ferrell, Will Downing) Love Will Keep Us Together (Captain & Tennille) If This World Were Mine (Cheryl Lynn, Luther Vandross) Still in Love (Brian McKnight) Thinking Out Loud (Ed Sheeran) The Truth (India Arie) Best of Me (Anthony Hamilton) Best Part (Daniel Caesar, H.E.R.) Can’t Take My Eyes Off You (Ms. Lauryn Hill) Every Little Step (Bobby Brown) Real Love (Mary J. Blige)

All content in Connect is for informational purposes only and should not be considered to be advice or counseling. Always seek professional help in connection with any questions or issues you may have regarding your health or the health of others. © You Are Not Alone 2024 www.yanasisters.com For requests or questions, email to info@yanasisters.com

CONNECT, a yanasisters publication (WINTER 2024)

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ENDLESS LOVE

Yoga Is A Prayer

My sisters,