CONNECT: FEELING GOOD? (Spring 2022)

LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE

BY MISTY ROBINSON

A few years ago, I found myself becoming root-bound like one of my beloved plants. A tangled mess under the surface, experiencing stress with no room to grow. It was time for a change.

Back then, I had experienced quite a few losses. In spring of 2019, my mother transitioned. She was truly my best friend as anyone who knew me or saw my Facebook page could see. No matter how prepared I thought I was, the pain and grief of her loss were more than I expected. I took a month off work to grieve and to attend a memorial service on her birthday.

Finally, I returned to work. But, after being back at work for only an hour, I received a call notifying me that my nephew had died. Ten days after my mother. All this sadness in the same month that my brother had been murdered years before was too much.

My husband could not comprehend my pain. Sadly, our marriage continued to deteriorate in the midst of my mourning. By the end of the year, I left my husband and moved into Mommy’s empty house. I had no idea what my future held. I was scared, terrified really — irrationally so, afraid and full of anxiety. I leaned into God.

I was alone. To me, it seemed everyone I knew had someone in their space — a spouse, children, roommate, sibling. Someone to connect with at the end of the day. I didn’t have that. How could I fill up the time? I started reading more. I hit up all the socials seeking inspiration, motivation, anything to distract from the ruminating thoughts and isolation I felt.

Just a month later, the pandemic arrived. Unbelievable to all of us. No visiting friends and family, restrictions from all normal activities and being careful even just going outside. Due to the shutdown, my work hours were reduced, so I was regularly home for 7 days straight without any in-person interaction. I questioned how I would survive this and keep myself sane.

I fought succumbing to my sadness. God started speaking to me, or rather, I started listening. He said, “Get up!” So, I did. Instead of “blooming where I was planted,” I decided to bloom where I was transplanted.

Music filled my home. I developed new interests and revived old ones. I became adept in working with crystals and their healing properties. I practiced aligning my chakras. I became a registered yoga teacher. During election time, I joined the Black Women’s PAC and helped register voters. I learned how to use Zoom, did virtually therapy, and FaceTimed with my nieces often. But, the best thing I could have ever done was to develop a closer relationship with God. I prayed, read, and spent so much time in God’s presence. I was reminded of who I am. Focusing on the Almighty made me feel safe. Peace arrived. Much of the fear and anxiety fell away. Eventually I got back to work fulltime, which was a blessing.

Three months later, the famous Texas freeze happened. Pipes exploded in my house and I was off to live in a hotel for three months during the ongoing pandemic. I navigated home repairs from a distance.

My first day back in my home was Mother’s Day. The excitement of going home kept sadness of missing Mommy somewhat at bay. I went about putting things back in place. Unfortunately, as I was pulling a rug back into the room, there was a pop. I heard the loud sound echo as I lost my balance. The culprit? A fractured foot. Off work for three months and it was my driving foot!

My friends and I joked about whether I was “Jobetta,” Job’s descendant! What else could go wrong?

Finally, I told myself “that’s it! Enough of the transplant shock. Life will continue to happen. You’ve been on your own for two years. It’s time to embrace where you’ve been transplanted and BLOOM!”

I cultivated new friendships while keeping the old. More often, I noticed the shining of the sun which had always been there. Beautiful clouds working their way across the sky. Nature walks. I became so intentional about spending time with the Creator. No distractions, no excuses. I chose to make God my best friend and He told me to “FEAR NOT!” I plastered affirmations all over the house and continued to journal as I always have. I stopped being so afraid. It was really working for me.

I felt renewed. I no longer believed the lies I was taunted with during my aloneness. I loved on myself. I believed what God says about me. I laughed, I lived. I allowed myself to see a bright future.

When I think of my life, I realize it is evolving like one of my beloved plants, changing throughout the seasons. I continue growing in areas that can’t be seen and establishing roots in my new environment.

I love my life. It is not what I imagined AT ALL, but I am definitely living in the fullness of joy. My daughter and I have reconciled. I have love and joy with my children and grandchildren. I am healthy and happy. My sisterhood is strong. I love to give and pour into others. I am discovering and rediscovering talents and gifts. I pursue the things I love. I am in bloom. I know who I am and whose I am. That is the greatest gift.

All I can say is “God, look what you’ve done! I am free!”