The
Underworld Archives 826michigan-115 East Liberty Street-Ann Arbor, MI 48104-www.826michigan.org
Friday, December 13, 2013. Volume I. Issue I.
Breaking News
It’s Been a Wonderful Day in Human Evolution Will Mcgaughy- 18 UA Teen Reporter
Just recently discovered, the government secretly funded a project to study and cause the undead to have a “suppressed” personality, meaning that the undead show dramatically decreased levels of aggression and/ or desire for fully healthy human
flesh. Further testing and experiments concluded that the undead could understand
simple human speech, like telling them to: go in a direction, sit, and/or many other types of commands.
Zombie Update Will Mcgaughy- 18 UA Teen Reporter
Further studies have shown that the scientists were able to manipulate an undead’s brain to communicate with healthy humans. Although their speech is very incoherent, they were able to have conversations about their memories, which could open up a new discussion about whether the
undead could have normal memory functions and other functions working well in their brains. It’s amazing that we have come a long way in the studies of human evolution and how we can now manipulate the dead for better or worse, but this means that we will only keep advancing in human sciences. May the future be bright.
Overlord Vladov Markis is Kidnapped
corded the beheading of Sir Alles Rayne (his O v e r l o r d chosen double). Vladov Markis has The leader of the been attacked by a group was capsecret cult-like or- tured by Legion ganization: Sons soldiers. of Betrayal. When asked They kid- what his death napped and re- wish was, he asked Button- 17 UA Teen Reporter
for a press conference and had this to say: “Why bow to one man when our world depends on the cooperation of all beings and creatures?” When asked how he felt he said, “I feel like we
ask for more than we are willing to give. We depend on each other but won’t help each other, and put our faith in people who can’t help.” Vladov replied, “He is right.” Vladov resigned
his throne in hopes that we really can treat each other as family instead of as “bunkmates.” As for the cult, however, it has been disbanded until further work is needed.