YES! Weekly - February 9, 2022 by YES! Weekly

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There’s something special about the bond between a mother and daughter. For Sarah Blackwell and Wendi Spraker that bond is on display as the duo teams up for their local food podcast. The pair created “DORKS WITH SPORKS” and can be found driving around the Triad, and beyond, reviewing the wares of the latest restaurants, food trucks, and festivals.

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The Reynolda House Museum of American Art in Winston-Salem is highlighting the works of critically-acclaimed photographer KWAME BRATHWAITE. “The Black is Beautiful: The Photography of Kwame Brathwaite” exhibit began Saturday and will run through May 8. 5 Ambition. Betrayal. Corruption. Retribution. An empire in turmoil. No, these aren’t today’s headlines, but they could be. The timing, therefore, is fortuitous for the University of North Carolina (UNSCA) School of Drama’s upcoming production of William Shakespeare’s still-relevant, still-timely political saga CORIOLANUS, which opens Feb. 17 in the Patrons Theatre... 6 On Monday, January 31, a FIRE broke out in the Winston Weaver fertilizer plant located at 4440 North Cherry St. in Winston-Salem, but it was no ordinary industrial blaze. That’s because the flames were dangerously close to nearly 600 tons of ammonium nitrate, a highly explosive material used for making fertilizer. 7 Unique animation highlights BIRDS LIKE US, which marks the feature debut of director/screenwriter Faruk Sabanovic and is

inspired by Farid ud-Din Attar’s 12th-century poem Conference of the Birds. 8 WENDY AND DASHAWN HICKMAN are a married couple of sweetheart musicians, rooted in gospel roots and soulful tradition, who share a home in Mt. Airy and stages across the Triad. She’s a vocalist, he shreds the pedal steel; and music brought the two together 11 years ago, at a church gospel quartet program in Thomasville. “We were singing in two different groups that day,” Wendy explained. “We locked eyes and the rest is history.” 12 JENNA ANDERSON originally thought she would pursue a career as a concert pianist for ballets but grew to realize she dreamt of more. “At the age of 18, my father finally agreed for me to take ballet classes, and during that time I took a tutu-making class in California.” 13 “The City of Greensboro and the family of MARCUS DEON SMITH have reached an agreement to settle the lawsuit brought by the estate of Marcus Deon Smith,” announced City Attorney Chuck Watts at the February 1 meeting of the Greensboro City Council.

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Reynolda House highlights the cultural movement of the 60s with exhibition

he Reynolda House Museum of American Art in Winston-Salem is highlighting the works of criticallyacclaimed photographer Kwame Chanel Davis Brathwaite. “The Black is Beautiful: The Photography Editor of Kwame Brathwaite” exhibit began Saturday and will run through May 8. Organized by Aperture, the exhibition originally opened in Los Angeles before making its way to Austin, TX, and then Winston-Salem on its way to the New York Historical Society in Manhattan. In addition to Brathwaite’s photographs, there are examples of music, fashion, and more from the era in the exhibition. Allison Slaby, curator at Reynolda House, said that they’ve worked with Aperture in the past and were interested in hosting the exhibition when asked. “It’s just such visually stunning work. He’s such an incredible artist and we just thought it would be a good fit for our community. There’s so many inroads to the exhibition,” she said. “You can talk about photography but you can also talk about music. You can talk about politics, you can talk about fashion. There are just so many facets of Brathwaite’s work that were appealing to us.” Slaby said that the art appeals to the city of Art and Innovation. Opening during Black History Month, she hopes it would also draw a crowd. “It’s both art and innovative in his photographic practice but also in the different aspects of the exhibition that will appeal to different people,” Slaby said. “By no means is he a household name. But I think once you see the work, it’s so arresting, captivating and so strong, that you will be intrigued to learn more about him, his work, and the work that he and his colleagues with the African Jazz Arts Society and Studio did in the 1950s and 1960s. And really into the 1980s.” Brathwaite is credited with popularizing the “Black Is Beautiful” cultural movement that caught fire in the 60s and has been called “a central figure of the second Harlem Renaissance.” He is thought to WWW.YESWEEKLY.COM

have used his art, inspired by Pan-African activist and nationalist Marcus Garvey, to impact change in the late 50s and 60s. He captured everyday scenes from the Black community for the Daily Challenge and the City Sun and photographed some of the era’s biggest names including Miles Davis, Stevie Wonder, Bob Marley, James Brown, and Muhammad Ali. Known as the “Keeper of the Images,” the New York native co-founded the African Jazz-Art Society and Studios (AJASS) in Harlem, along with his brother Elombe Brath, in 1956. The organization was a collection of artists, playwrights, dancers, and designers. They would produce jazz concerts, African cultural presentations, and art exhibitions that traveled to colleges, universities, and Black communities for more than 30 years. He also co-founded Grandassa Models in 1962, a creative collective of Black women that challenged the beauty

standards at the time. The group would host fashion shows with clothes designed by the models, hold poetry events and discussions challenging beauty standards. Some of the original Grandassa Models included Mari Toussaint, Esther Davenport, Nomsa Brath, Clara Lewis, Beatrice Cramston, and Wanda Sims. Award-winning photographer and Reynolda House Art and Community Engagement Fellow Owens Daniels describes the exhibition as “exhilarating, exciting, inspiring, liberating, humbling and validating.” “It just hits you in the gut in so many different ways. The craft, the style, and the work of this man is something that you dreamed of and you have to pinch yourself to see that this is now reality,” Daniels said. “He captures the culture, the rhythm, the moment. He captures everything about your generation. I come from that particular period of time where Black

Is Beautiful was a revolutionary thing. It was not an everyday word. And in fact, it was not even, in the African American community, an everyday perspective.” Daniels suggests that while people of all ages come to visit, the younger generation should visit the exhibition. “It will re-anchor them and show them that they are a beautiful people, as well. We weren’t violent people. We weren’t ugly to ourselves,” he said. “Younger people, whether they are artists or not, can come in here and find a sense of worth, value, and beauty.” The museum will host several events throughout February and March around the exhibition including artist talks and a symposium with the artist’s son, Kwame S. Brathwaite. For Slaby, the most interesting aspect of the exhibit is how Brathwaite displays his politics in his art. “He was very much inspired by Marcus Garvey and his ideas about economic liberation and freedom from colonialism. The whole second section of the exhibition, which is Think Black, Buy Black is a really intriguing aspect of the show in that they were encouraging people in their organization, in their community, in the Bronx, and in Harlem to patronize Black businesses because of the economic liberation that it could afford them,” Slaby said. “They were keeping money in their communities. That’s an aspect of the exhibition that I really want to get across.” Daniels said that it is important to see Brathwaite’s use of politics in his works. “As an artist, we have a responsibility to document that information, archive that information, so that it will be a time capsule for the young people of today and the future.” For more information or tickets to the exhibition, visit reynolda.org/beautiful. Exhibition-Related Programs Gallery Talks: An Artist’s View $5 for members, $8 not-yet-members (includes Museum admission) Join local artists for talks in the Babcock Gallery. These 30-45 minute guided conversations through Black Is Beautiful will focus on the artist’s respective medium(s). Guests are encouraged to purchase tickets in advance and visit the exhibition before the talk. PAGE 4] FEBRUARY 9-15, 2022

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Thursday, February 17, 11 a.m. Fashion with Nikita D. Wallace, Founder and Creative Director, Winston-Salem Fashion Week Thursday, March 24, 11 a.m. Experimental photography with photographer and printmaker Kimberly Varnadoe Thursday, March 31, 11 a.m. Jazz with musician and bass player Matt Kendrick Thursday, April 28, 11 a.m. Photography with Owens Daniels, Reynolda’s Kenan Institute Creative Catalyst Fellow Reynolda On the House February 18, 4-8 p.m. Free Museum admission All are invited to visit the Museum after hours “on the house” (free of charge)! Enjoy live music by Diana Tuffin with The Matt Kendrick Trio and light hors d’oeuvres while exploring the exhibition. Kwame Brathwaite and American Photography in the 1960s and 1970s Wednesday, March 2, 3 p.m. Free with admission at Reynolda House Museum of American Art

With John J. Curley, Wake Forest University Professor of Art History Our Search for “Beautiful” Friday, March 11, 7 p.m. Free with advance registration, Reynolda House Museum of American Art Women of color who are leaders in our local community will share their personal experiences of changing beauty standards as another thoughtful layer to Black Is

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Beautiful during this in-person event. This panel talk will be moderated by Owens Daniels, photographer and Reynolda’s Kenan Institute Catalyst for the Arts Fellow. Panelists will include Nikita D. Wallace, Founder and Creative Director of WinstonSalem Fashion Week, and Amatullah Saleem, community activist. A reception will take place at 6:30 p.m. The Keeper of the Images Kwame Brathwaite’s Harlem with Kwame S. Brathwaite and Wake Forest University Professor of the Humanities Corey D.B. Walker March 19, 4 p.m. Free with advance registration Reynolda House Museum of American Art Kwame S. Brathwaite, son of the “keeper of the images” and Black Is Beautiful photographer, will join regional artists and academics for an interdisciplinary exploration of Pan Africanism. This panel

presentation will discuss Marcus Garvey’s influence on social activism, changing conceptions of fashion and beauty, the centrality of jazz and blues to twentiethcentury Black cultural identity, and more. Community Day Saturday, April 9, 9:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m. Free Museum admission Celebrate self-expression and empowerment with Reynolda during Community Day when Museum admission is free for all. Performances and programming, including hands-on art activities, are inspired by Black Is Beautiful: The Photography of Kwame Brathwaite. In the afternoon, the UNCSA Student Jazz Quintet will perform Brathwaite-era jazz. ! CHANEL DAVIS is the current editor of YES! Weekly and graduated from N.C. A&T S.U. in 2011 with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications. She’s worked at daily and weekly newspapers in the Triad region.

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UNCSA presents a contemporary take on a Shakespearean classic Ambition. Betrayal. Corruption. Retribution. An empire in turmoil. No, these aren’t today’s headlines, but they could be. The timing, therefore, is fortuitous for the University of North Carolina Mark Burger (UNSCA) School of Drama’s upcoming Contributor production of William Shakespeare’s stillrelevant, still-timely political saga Coriolanus, which opens Feb. 17 in the Patrons Theatre of Alex Ewing Performance Place, located on the UNCSA campus, 1533 S. Main St., Winston-Salem. This production, presented in collaboration with Play On Shakespeare, a non-profit entity that fashions modern translations of Shakespeare’s works, was adapted by Sean San José and is helmed by guest director Raelle Myrick-Hodges, former artistic director of San Francisco’s Brava Theater. Coriolanus will be presented at 7:30 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 17 through Saturday, Feb. 19; and 2 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 20. Tickets are $20 (general admission) and $15 (students with valid ID) and can be purchased in advance by calling 336-721-1945 or visiting www.uncsa.edu/performances. UNCSA venues are now open at full capacity and, due to local health mandates; audience members are required to wear masks. The cast includes Maddy Brown, Reagan Carraway, Olivia Daponde, Lukey Klein, Julie Lopez, Yasmin Pascall, Kobe McKelvey, Devlin Stark, Mimi Viglitetti, and Michael Washington. Many cast members will be performing multiple roles in the production, with Daponde, Klein, and Stark alternating as the titular character. “Our production of Sean San José’s Coriolanus is such a boon for UNCSA and especially for the Division of Liberal Arts to contribute to the production life at UNCSA,” said Martine Kei Green-Rogers, interim dean of the Division of Liberal Arts, who helped facilitate the collaboration with Play On and serves as the production’s dramaturg. “We are especially excited to welcome Play On Shakespeare to UNCSA and for the educational opportunities will open for UNCSA students.” Originally written by Shakespeare in the early 1600s (the exact year is unclear), Coriolanus is among the Bard’s final trageWWW.YESWEEKLY.COM

dies, one fraught with intense passion and political tumult, as it follows the rise and fall of the Roman general Caius Marcuis, celebrated for his heroic exploits on the battlefield but castigated for his disdain for the populace of Rome. His political aspirations prove his undoing. If he can’t lead the empire on his own terms, he’ll attempt to destroy it without mercy or remorse. Playwright San José, the artistic director of the Magic Theatre in San Francisco, has carefully updated Shakespeare’s language into contemporary English. Since its inception in 2015, the Play On program has commissioned dozens of contemporary playwrights and translators to adapt almost 40 Shakespearean plays into modern English. Many of the commissioned productions have been directed by minority and women playwrights, thereby adding further modern dimensions to these already-timeless works. Play On has teamed with artists and organizations worldwide to advocate and promote these translations in live theatrical productions, podcasts, publications, and film. The production of Coriolanus marks the first collaboration between UNCSA and Play On. Over the years, such esteemed performers as Laurence Olivier, Ian McKellen, Paul Scofield, Morgan Freeman, Christopher Walken, Tom Hiddleston, and Robert Ryan have portrayed the ferocious general. For his 2011 feature directorial debut, Ralph Fiennes played Coriolanus in a modern interpretation that also featured Gerard Butler, Jessica Chastain, Brian Cox, and Vanessa Redgrave, and earned Fiennes a BAFTA nomination for Outstanding Debut by a British Writer, Director, or Producer. In conjunction with this production, UNCSA’s Division of Liberal Arts will present “Found in translation? A panel discussion on issues of translation,” a free virtual event scheduled for 5 p.m. Wednesday, Feb. 16. UNCSA faculty member Hans Gabriel will moderate the panel with playwright Sean San José along with the hosts of the On Translation podcast: Mohammed Albakry, professor of English and linguistics at Middle Tennessee State University, and Joseph McAlhany, assistant professor at the University of Connecticut Department of History. To register for this free panel, visit www.uncsa.edu/performances. The official UNCSA website is https:// www.uncsa.edu/. ! See MARK BURGER’s reviews of current movies on Burgervideo.com. © 2022, Mark Burger.

[ WEEKLY ARTS ROUNDUP]

A WEEKEND IN THE ARTS: BLACK ARTISTS, VOICES, AND PERSPECTIVES Winston-Salem has several exhibitions that lift up the Black experience through a variety of artistic mediums. Don’t miss the opportunity to experience the following exhibitions over the coming weeks. BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL: THE PHOTOGRAPHY OF KWAME BRATHWAITE Marketing & Black is Beautiful Communications opened at Reynolda House Manager Museum of American Art this past Saturday. The exhibition consists of Kwame Brathwaite’s photography that originated in the 1960s. Brathwaite used his photography to popularize the transformative idea that “Black is Beautiful.” In addition to his work in photography, Brathwaite co-founded two key organizations: the African Jazz-Art Society and Studios (AJASS), a collective of artists, playwrights, designers, and dancers, and the Grandassa Models, a creative collective of Black women, founded to challenge white beauty standards. Upon entering the exhibit, I was greeted by the title wall. On the large egg-shell colored wall were the words “Black is Beautiful: The Photography of Kwame Brathwaite” in bold black letters. Music from prominent Black artists such as Aretha Franklin, James Brown, and Nina Simone filled the space creating an atmosphere of culture. The photos on the wall featured Black artists, musicians, models, and everyday people from New York City neighborhoods. Brathwaite’s photography draws your eye where he wants you to focus. There was a moment in the exhibit where I turned the corner to be met with four large, colorful pictures of Black women. Each photo carries its own weight and tells its own story. I felt myself being lost in the gazes of the models – staring directly at me or following their gaze in the photo. I’m thankful for the opportunity to explore the exhibit in an intimate setting. I felt like I could be alone with the pictures and have the time and space to experience my emotional response to the exhibit. As a Black person, there haven’t been many opportunities in art where I felt understood. Brathwaite’s photography captures Black people and tells our stories. When walking through the exhibit ask yourself “where is your eye being guided?” and let that start the conversation about the bigger picture. Black is Beautiful: The Photography of Kwame Brathwaite is on display at Reynolda House of American Art through May 8, 2022. For more information and tickets visit Reynolda.org.

Joshua Ridley

FROM WHENCE CAME THE WAKE BY MICHAELA PILAR BROWN AT SALEM COLLEGE Michaela Pilar Brown’s From Whence Came the Wake features pieces spanning over 12 years. The Elberson Fine Arts Gallery on Salem College’s campus serves as the home for this exhibit. From Whence Came the Wake features photography, sculpture, and prints. I visited the gallery on a rainy Monday afternoon. The gallery was empty, and the sounds of muffled conversation came from a distant room. The space felt heavy. I believe that art can carry energy much like living things do. I found myself walking slowly around the gallery as I visited each piece one-by-one. Much like a novel, I didn’t get the full idea in my first glance, but I could sense there was something more to be discovered as I continued my self-guided tour. Each image, painting, and photo contains their own individual characteristics but remains cohesive in their arrangement. During my visit, I spoke with Dr. Sharee Fowler, director of Salem’s Not-for-Profit Management program. She had attended the opening reception of the exhibition and was able to provide some insight that furthered my understanding of the exhibit. From our conversation, I learned that Michaela Pilar Brown is a Black woman from South Carolina, and the common thread in the curation of this exhibition is grief. Upon learning that, my observation and thinking shifted. I then felt as if I was understanding exactly what Brown was communicating through her pieces of art. Brown’s art serves as commentary on race, religion, the human body, and other topics. As you take your journey through this exhibit, I encourage you to take your time. Think about your emotional and physical feelings while observing the art. Through this lens, take a moment to think what is being communicated to you? The exhibit does contain graphic material that may not be suitable for all audiences; viewer discretion is advised. From Whence Came the Wake is on display in The Elberson Fine Arts Gallery on Salem College’s campus through March 11, 2022. ARTS COUNCIL is the chief advocate of the arts and cultural sector in Winston-Salem and Forsyth County. Our goal is to serve as a leader in lifting up, creating awareness and providing support to grow and sustain artistic, cultural and creative offerings throughout our region. We acknowledge that it takes every voice, every talent, and every story to make our community a great place to live, work, and play. Arts Council is committed to serving as a facilitator, organizer, and promoter of conversations that are authentic, inclusive, and forward-thinking. There are over 800,000 art experiences taking place in Winston-Salem and Forsyth County annually. To learn more about upcoming arts and culture events happening in our community please visit cityofthearts.com. FEBRUARY 9-15, 2022

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Winston fire could have been prevented

n Monday, January 31, a fire broke out in the Winston Weaver fertilizer plant located at 4440 North Cherry St. in WinstonSalem, but it was no ordinary indusJim Longworth trial blaze. That’s because the flames were dangerously Longworth close to nearly 600 at Large tons of ammonium nitrate, a highly explosive material used for making fertilizer. To put this into perspective, when radical right-wing nut job Timothy McVeigh blew up the federal building in Oklahoma City in 1995, he needed only 4,000 pounds of ammonium nitrate fertilizer to make a bomb that killed 168 people. It’s no wonder, then, why Winston-Salem Fire Chief Trey Mayo initially said there was enough ammonium nitrate on hand at the Weaver

plant to “be one of the worst explosions in U.S. history.” In addition to the threat of explosion, the spread of potentially toxic fumes led Mayo to order mass evacuations from the area, which included over 2,500 homes. As of this writing, nearly 7,000 people have been evacuated, including Valerie Cope and her two daughters. By Friday, the evacuation area was reduced from a one-mile radius to one-eighth of a mile, but Valerie was hesitant to return, telling the Winston-Salem Journal she was concerned about, “the remaining quantity of ammonium nitrate at the plant.” Said Ms. Cope, “You don’t know when an explosion will happen.” Fortunately, none of Weaver’s 36 employees or nearby residents were injured as a result of the fire, but that’s a miracle in itself considering the lack of safety measures at the facility. According to Deputy Fire Marshal Angela Sowell, the Winston Weaver plant “did not have alarms or sprinklers.” But how could that be? “They were not required to. The

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code depends on the year it was actually built,” said Sowell. Unbelievably, she’s right. As Scott Sexton reported in the Journal, state codes requiring sprinklers didn’t go into effect until 1953, and the Winston Weaver plant was built in 1939. Sure, the North Carolina Building Code Council can create new regs, but, due to its age, the Weaver building was grandfathered-in and, therefore, exempt from having to install fire safety equipment. At this point, the General Assembly and Attorney General could challenge such grandfathered policies as they apply to the health and safety of a community, but don’t hold your breath, because that would put them in direct conflict with every business and industry which owns a pre-code building. At the very least, however, the State should put a cap on the amounts of ammonium nitrate that an individual or business can store. In any event, there’s also the little matter of liability and responsibility. Winston Weaver’s right not to install sprinklers and alarms may have been

protected by an archaic loophole, but that doesn’t let them off the hook for the monies expended by taxpayers who were either affected by or had to deal with the fire. First of all, the company should be made to compensate every resident who was displaced because of the fire. Then, they should also reimburse every public agency that took part in fighting, containing, and investigating the fire. According to Governor Roy Cooper who visited the site, over 25 local, state, and federal agencies have been involved thus far, including the SBI, ATF, State Police, and regional hazardous materials teams. It’s only by the grace of God that there’s not a huge chunk of WinstonSalem missing today, and all because a company hid behind its “grandfather,” who gave it permission to put profit over safety. ! JIM LONGWORTH is the host of Triad Today, airing on Saturdays at 7:30 a.m. on ABC45 (cable channel 7) and Sundays at 11 a.m. on WMYV (cable channel 15).

2021-22 Season an Evening with The Machine FEBRUARY 18, 2022

Darin & Brooke aldridge FEBRUARY 19, 2022

March

07 Voctave 25 Jump, Jive & Wail with The Jive Aces 26 Sons of Mystro

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23 In The Light of Led Zeppelin 29 Ballet Folklorico de Los Angeles

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15 Raleigh Ringers

AMSTAR CINEMAS 18 - FOUR SEASONS STATION 2700 VANSTORY ST, SUITE A, GREENSBORO / (336) 855-2926

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FEBRUARY 26, 2022

Sons of Mystro

Acts and dates subject to change. For up to date news, visit our website.

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visit: HighPointTheatre.com for more information | For tickets call: 336-887-3001

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A feathered fable told in Birds Like Us

nique animation highlights Birds Like Us, which marks the feature debut of director/screenwriter Faruk Sabanovic and is inspired by Farid ud-Din Attar’s 12thMark Burger century poem Conference of the Birds. Contributor There’s a distinctly British bent to the proceedings, with the voice-over cast headed by Oscar winners Jeremy Irons, Alicia Vikander, and Jim Broadbent. The characters they portray are, not surprisingly, birds, whose ostensibly peaceful — if sheltered — existence comes undone when they are whisked away to a different dimension, one that bears some resemblance to our own. The rest of the narrative is concerned with their efforts, some quite funny, to return to the sanctity of their home. Steeped in a surreal mysticism that might go over the heads of smaller children

— and, indeed, some of their elders — Birds Like Us also contains visual references that recall the likes of Ridley Scott, Fritz Lang, and Terry Gilliam, to name a few. Although the film is not presented in 3D, it looks as if it could have been, and even if the storyline becomes convoluted at times, the imagery is consistently eye-catching and enjoyable. One of the executive producers is Abigail Disney, whose great-uncle was Walt, and she’s certainly doing her part to contribute to the Disney legacy. The actors, including Khalid Abdalla, Sheridan Smith, and Christopher Villiers bring personality to their roles. Vikander is touching as Huppu, who’s preparing to hatch her first egg; Broadbent supplies comic relief, and Irons — again personifying cartoon villainy as the sneering Kondor — nicely conveys the character’s transition from heavy to (semi-)hero. Oddly, it has taken five years for Birds Like Us to roost here, having been produced in 2017. It may not be a classic, but it’s a well-paced, agreeable diversion for animation aficionados large and small. — Birds Like Us is available On Digital, On Demand, and DVD ($14.98 retail) from LionsGate Home Entertainment.

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Scare-free: Amityville Uprising is undead and all downhill Pity poor Amityville. The bucolic Long Island burg was the setting for the tragic DeFeo murders in 1974, followed by the publication of Jay Anson’s purportedly fact-based 1977 best-seller The Amityville Horror, in turn, followed by a blockbuster 1979 film and a countless slew of followups, knock-offs, and rip-offs. The latest of the latter is Amityville Uprising, the latest film from “auteur” Thomas J. Churchill (writer/producer/director/costar). Admittedly, the setting is Amityville, but in no other way is the film connected to the “haunted” house. Rather, it’s a low-rent zombie flick set in and around the local police station, which is in the process of closing, thereby qualifying this as an ersatz riff on John Carpenter’s 1976 classic Assault on Precinct 13 (which was itself remade — none too well — in 2005). An explosion at a nearby chemical plant WWW.YESWEEKLY.COM

— rendered in some of the cheapest CGI effects imaginable — unleashes a storm of acid rain that scalds anyone unlucky enough to be outdoors, then turns them into voracious zombies. For whatever reason, the filmmakers occasionally send up the material in a light-hearted fashion that undercuts an already flimsy storyline. It’s not funny. It’s not scary. It doesn’t work. At all. The practical effects aren’t bad, but everything else — the acting, the writing, the direction — is. The film’s original title was The Amityville Rising but, judging by the end result, “Amityville Downsizing” would be more apt. — Amityville Uprising is available On Digital, On Demand, and DVD ($19.98 retail) from LionsGate Home Entertainment. ! See MARK BURGER’s reviews of current movies on Burgervideo.com. © 2022, Mark Burger. FEBRUARY 9-15, 2022

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Happy Valentine’s from the Hickmans

endy and DaShawn Hickman are a married couple of sweetheart musicians, rooted in gospel roots and soulful tradition, who share a home in Mt. Airy and stages across the Triad. She’s a vocalist, he shreds the pedal steel; and music brought Katei Cranford the two together 11 years ago, at a church gospel quartet program in Thomasville. “We were singing Contributor in two different groups that day,” Wendy explained. “We locked eyes and the rest is history.” They’ve been partners, in life and melody, ever since. They’ll celebrate their debut release in the spring (and their 10th wedding anniversary in July). Spreading the gospel of pedal steel nearly all his life, DaShawn is a founding member of the sacred steel outfit, the Allen Boys. And Wendy’s never far from his side—often joining the set as a featured vocalist in their circle. “I grew up playing in church,” DaShawn explained, referencing his Mt. Airy upbringing in the House of God Church, Keith Dominion. “I still play there every Sunday that I’m in town. It’s where I learned and I love playing there.” It’s also the spot that brought the Allen Boys together—cousins who walk together in the light, sharing tradition and tunes. “Outside of us being a band we’re family first,” he said, “they forever have a place in my heart.” As does Wendy. “We both come from a solid musical background, and it’s awesome to pursue our dreams together,” she explained. Channeled by artists like Anita Baker and India Arie, Wendy’s voice shines with a splash of Tina Turner’s “raspiness” and reminds DaShawn of his most esteemed musical influence: his mother, Alice Hickman. “I grew up hearing a variety of styles and took from a lot of them and put my spin on it,” he explained. “But my mother is the one single individual that really influenced me. She’s the one that got me started playing Steel Guitar. She played lap steel, and one day she put it in my hands and I’ve been doing it ever since.” As a kid, he’d play along to whatever his mom would

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DaShawn and Wendy Hickman sing around the house. As an adult, he does the same with Wendy. “Her beautiful voice reminds me of my mother’s, so oftentimes I find myself playing what I hear her doing.” Together, the Hickmans offer each other unyielding encouragement—with a healthy dose of criticism. “She lets me know when I need to ‘tighten up,’” DaShawn noted, ”but she’s quick to say ‘yeah babe, you did that.’” Their mutual support resonates in a lively show. “We support each other be it on stage or behind closed doors,” DaShawn said. For Wendy, there’s “something electric” in the experiences they share onstage, from small gigs to festival stages—including the NC Folk Festival for whom they’ve become something of regulars. “The Folk Festival is always a thrill,” she said. “It’s where music meets, and people of all backgrounds come together.” Speaking literally and poetically, “the festival helped us link up with some great people like Riley Baugus, Anya Hinkle, Molly McGinn, Charlie Hunter, and Laurelyn Dossett,” Wendy noted—they’ve performed as part of Dossett’s “Songs of Hope & Justice,” and in the theatrical holiday concert, “Beautiful Star: An Appalachian Nativity.” “We absolutely Love Laurelyn,” Dashawn added. “She really gave us a platform as a couple.” The sentiment is echoed for Charlie Hunter (and by extension, the whole Flat Iron jazz crew). “Man Listen!” DaShawn said, “Charlie Hunter blows my mind.” They became friends after meeting at a seminar Hunter moderated during the 2019 Folk Fest, and he’s producing their upcoming debut album—currently being mastered with an intended spring release. “We went into the studio back in November,” DaShawn explained of the sessions (with Benjy Johnson) at Earthtones. “Myself, Wendy, Charlie, Atiba Rorie, and Brevan Hampden went in for three days—worked hard and it came great.” Musing on their unique sounds, where “sacred Steel meets African drums,” DaShawn is excited

to put their first record out in the world. And while the upcoming album will be their debut record, it’s hardly their recording debut, having appeared together on Anya Hinkle’s “Eden and her Borderlands,” and Riley Baugus’ “A Little Black Trains A Coming.” “‘Uncle Riley,’ as we call him, has become family,” DaShawn said. “We laugh and cut up and play some really good music.” Turning to Hinkle, the couple considers being a part of the album (which also features Graham Sharpe of the Steep Canyon Rangers) a highlight of their career. For Wendy, recording with Hinkle opened a door to being part of the “Bluegrass at the Crossroads” series, where she sang on “Lift Your Voice, Bow Your Heads,” (which charted among the “Top 10” on Bluegrass Today). “We were recording at Mountain Home Music Company, when producer, Jon Weisberger, asked me to join on some bluegrass gospel tracks,” Wendy explained of the song, which also features Travis Book (of the Infamous Stringdusters) Joe Cicero (from Fireside Collective) and Lonesome River Band’s Sammy Shelor (a five-time winner of the International Bluegrass Music Association’s “Banjo Player of the Year” award). While Wendy’s voice made the charts, DaShawn’s steel glistened in his workshops with the PineCone Piedmont Council of Traditional Music, as a host of the Piedmont Blues Preservation Society’s “Backbeat Blues Jam,” and supporting nearly a dozen artists on stages—including joining the Joy Band with Molly McGinn. “I’m blessed to stay busy,” he said, referencing upcoming work with Nate Turner; and listing those he’s been sitting in with (Jared Church, Drew Foust, Mia Kamil, Mason Keck, Joel Kiser, George Sluppick, Carrie Smithy, J. Timber, Jimmy Washington, and Dave Willis). As a couple, Wendy and DaShawn are working on their original music, which they’ll debut as guests on The Martha Bassett Show (where DaShawn will pull double-duty as a member of the TMBS house band). ”Martha brings in some of the best artists—and it’s something different every time,” DaShawn said. “I’m happy to be back for this season.” “We love Martha!” Wendy echoed. But most of all, they love each other—as highlighted in the romantic works they cover. “We do covers that relate to our style,” DaShawn noted, referencing Sam Cooke (who this writer considers a primo Valentine’s artist). As for their own Valentine’s plans, they’re keeping it simple. “Believe it or not, we love to be home and cook, so I’m thinking that’s the move this year,” Wendy said, recalling a few Valentine’s memories they’ll keep to themselves. “Just know I’m blushing,” she added with a laugh—and advice for couples out there: “don’t let it get too materialistic. Just be present. Material things can’t amount to the love you share in your heart and soul.” DaShawn agreed. “We just want to spread love through music,” he said. “Which helps us because we get to do it together. There’s nothing like having the person you love beside you.” Wendy and DaShawn Hickman will appear on The Martha Bassett Show on March 3. ! KATEI CRANFORD is a Triad music nerd who enjoys spotlighting artists and events.

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Sarah Blackwell

Eat and Dish: Mother-Daughter podcast serves up local food reviews

here’s something special about the bond between a mother and daughter. For Sarah Blackwell and Wendi Spraker that bond is on display Chanel Davis as the duo teams up for their local food podcast. Editor The pair created “Dorks with Sporks” and can be found driving around the Triad, and beyond, reviewing the wares of the latest restaurants, food trucks, and festivals. They grab their meal, and then set up their podcast equipment in the car, to dish about their latest foodie experience. “My and I drive around to local restaurants, try their food, and give a rating on it. Initially, we started doing it as takeout only but we’ve discovered here lately that we really enjoy going inside,” said Blackwell. “We talk about the food, the restaurant, and the history of the restaurant if we know it, and we talk about our food memories. At the end of the podcast, we give the restaurant and the food that we ate a rating.” Collaboration and working together is not new for the women. Spraker is now the CEO, head chef, and recipe creator of a food website called Loaves and Dishes. Blackwell, a local content creator, helps her with recipes, making videos for the YouTube channel, creating content for social media and the website, along with doing some part-time box office work for UNCSA. “I’m a nurse by training and a few years ago I left nursing to work on the website full time. It was more than I could do by myself. At the time Sarah was still in college,” Spraker explained. “She has a degree in teaching and can teach music. After she graduated, she said we should start a podcast but it took us a while to figure it out and how to make it relate but that’s how we came up with ‘Dorks with Sporks.’” The ladies said the idea just took off from there, with the perfect name. “We’re just pretty dorky in general. My mom’s best friend from college suggested ‘Dorks with Sporks’ and it just sort of stuck. It suited the general vibe of the podcast,” Blackwell said. “We’re talkYES! WEEKLY

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ing about food which we’re both kind of nerdy about, arguing and talking about all the random things that we’ve seen on the road. It suits us.” Three seasons later the duo is going strong, traveling place to place with forks (or sporks) in hand to try out the latest food craze. They are looking to wrap up season three in May and celebrate their fourth year of podcasting. “We have enjoyed it even if nobody else did,” Blackwell said, laughing. “We don’t have a huge following but it’s been challenging. Our first full year of podcasting I was teaching full time so trying to prerecord enough and recording on breaks so that I could teach was difficult.” Blackwell said another hindrance has been modifications made to restaurants due to the pandemic. It did force them to try foods that they wouldn’t have tried otherwise like Taste of Ethiopia and Jerusalem Market in Greensboro. “It has been really difficult. Places are closing, there have been strange hours and now a lot of places have not been able to be open due to needing extra help. So it has been difficult but it’s been a lot of fun.” The duo often goes beyond the food in the fact that they begin recording while driving to whatever restaurant they are heading out to that day. Spraker said it offers a glimpse of what is going on in their lives. She points out that in earlier episodes her grandson, and Blackwell’s nephew can be heard from the backseat. She jokes that you can “hear him grow up in the backseat.” “Sometimes our conversation goes all over the place. Mother-daughter-type things. Maybe one of us has something going on in our lives that we talk about. Maybe we have widely differing opinions about something and we just argue about it,” she said. “We found that our listeners comment back to us that they enjoy the mother-daughter aspect as much as they enjoy the food review.” Spraker calls working with Blackwell “a wonderful growing experience” and said it gives her a chance to see her professional side. “I think when you raise a child, you know one aspect of them and you send them out into the world and you hope that they have everything they need to start life and move on. But you don’t often, as a mom, get to see the professional working side of your child unless you’re just attending some work function with

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Wendi Spraker

Mother-Daughter duo behind “Dorks with Sporks” podcast them or something,” she said. “Sarah and I have been working together daily for a couple of years, and it has been a great working relationship because although we think similarly on a lot of things, we think very differently about a lot of things, too. She doesn’t mind speaking her mind and saying what she has to say and I’m respectful of that.” Blackwell said that working together hasn’t changed their relationship. “We’ve always been pretty close. I don’t feel like I have to take breaks from mom. In fact, when I go a day or two without talking to mom I’m like, ‘I haven’t talked to mom. I need to call her and see what she’s doing,’” she said. Spraker and Blackwell said that listeners can always expect an adventure or two from their podcast. “They’ll get to ride along and just hear whatever the latest is in the car on the way there, the food history, and if we have any background for that particular restaurant — like if we tried it before, liked it or didn’t like it or whatever,” Spraker said. “They can expect that we will give a really honest rating to what we have tried. Now we have regular arguments on the show about this. We tried to set it up at the beginning where we would both be rating the same way. But since we can’t come to an agreement even now, almost at year four, this is how it happens. I give a rating for rating based on what I had today. It doesn’t matter if I’ve eaten there before in the past and it was delicious or if I know the owner and they are nice people. None of that matters. What matters is what was served to me today. Sarah always adds in her past WWW.YESWEEKLY.COM

experience, if she goes to this place all the time to get her coffee and she went today and they forgot to put the cool whip on the top or whatever, then she will forgive that and she’ll be like, ‘it’s always a ten.’ You get an honest opinion from both of us.” In the future, the Mother-Daughter team is hoping to expand beyond the Triad for season four. “We’re trying to plan a big trip to Chicago. In a lot of the episodes that we’ve talked about, we have mentioned there’s a couple of a place in Chicago that we went to when we went on a work trip a few years ago that we absolutely loved. So we’ve talked about them non-stop on the show. So we’re trying to plan a trip to Chicago to try those restaurants and a few others,” Blackwell said. “I think that we’re hoping that that’s going to be the finale of season three because right around that time we’ll be putting out our 100th episode. As far as season four, my hope is that we can go to some other places in North Carolina. We’ve traveled to Asheville and Charleston, but I’m hoping that we can kind of extend our range. Maybe go to some places in Tennessee, South Carolina, maybe even Georgia and Virginia. We’ll have to see what we can do with COVID restrictions and things like that.” To learn more about Blackwell, Spraker or hear their podcast, visit www.dorkswithsporks.com. ! CHANEL DAVIS is the current editor of YES! Weekly and graduated from N.C. A&T S.U. in 2011 with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications. She’s worked at daily and weekly newspapers in the Triad region. FEBRUARY 9-15, 2022

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UNCSA student travels internationally to make Tutus When you are following your dreams, sometimes you just have to ask. For University of North Carolina School of the Arts student Jenna Anderson the ask paid off in a big way. Naima Said Anderson grew up in a very conservative evangelical Contributor Christian home in California, where her screen time was limited and she spent hours practicing piano. When she was allowed on the Internet, she spent it looking at ballerinas. “I always loved Ballet. I used to go to the public library when I was little and check out every single ballet book multiple times. I was only allowed 20-minutes a day on the Internet, so I spent all my time watching Ballerinas, especially Margot Fonteyn,” she said. “My favorite was waiting every December for PBS to air ‘The Nutcracker,’” said Anderson. Anderson originally thought she would pursue a career as a concert pianist for ballets but grew to realize she dreamt of more. “At the age of 18, my father finally agreed for me to take ballet classes, and during that time I took a tutu-making class in California.” There she met Claudia Folts, founder of Charlotte’s TuTu.com. The meeting was the catalyst for the then 22-year-old leaving home, going to New York, and attending the Parsons School for Design’s Sewing Summer Intensive in 2015. “I had to see if I was good enough since I didn’t know if I had actual skills. After the program was done, they offered me a spot for their fashion program afterward, but I wanted to do costuming and had finally gained the confidence to pursue my dream of dance costuming.” From there, she went to Chicago to intern for Travis Halsey at Halsey Onstage for a year. It was during her time there, even battling homelessness that she heard about UNCSA. “Everyone who has a passion for costuming has heard about UNCSA. They have a reputation in the creative community. I cold-called them and asked if they took volunteers. They informed me that they are a professional shop and asked who I was and why I was calling,” Anderson said. “I informed them I was into ballet and wanted to make tutus. They agreed to meet with me after Nutcracker finished, so I begged my YES! WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 9-15, 2022

Jenna Anderson parents to give me a loan to get to North Carolina.” After reuniting with her mentor, Folts, at Charlotte Douglas International Airport, Anderson headed to Winston-Salem. “Jenna is special. All of my students are hardworking and create beautiful pieces, but Jenna had the passion and drive that was going to get her places in life to continue pursuing costume design,” Folts shared. “I was lucky enough to meet her in California when I was teaching a class, and I have been watching her journey ever since. The world is a lot smaller than we think, and I know Jenna will do big things.” If Anderson had any doubts about traveling to UNCSA, they were soon dispelled. She found herself packing up her things in Chicago and moving to the city of Arts and Innovation in 2017, with the promise that her colleagues would assist her along the way. “I became their first apprentice. I couldn’t believe it, but I had nothing. I had no savings and no one living here I knew. The women at the shop said they would take care of me if I moved here to work with them. I am indebted to those women. They housed, fed, and clothed me. This was the first sense of community I ever had,” Anderson said. Helping her adjust to the transition was Marissa McCullough, director of dance costumes at UNCSA. “From my very first phone conversation, I knew Jenna was a special person and that she absolutely had to come and be a part of the UNCSA Dance Costume Shop family. Since she has arrived in WinstonSalem Jenna has grown by leaps and bounds both as an artist and as a human. It has been a privilege to watch her grow

Yasmine Naghdi and I cannot wait to see what she does next,” McCullough said. Focused on her future, Anderson jumped right into her work, determined to design and create a variety of tutus. “Each tutu is different than the last, but I’d have to say I love my traditional piece, which is the pancake tutu that sticks straight out, known to be a staple to most people. I also loved one of my romantic tutus, which hangs down like a dress. I designed this romantic tutu for a Spanish ballet performance, where I won first place at the Arts Council of WinstonSalem’s Art of Fashion exhibit.” It was Anderson’s co-workers that encouraged her to apply for UNCSA. She began her classes in 2018. “I never thought I’d be good enough to get into such a profound school. This was my first formal education since I was homeschooled and I will be graduating with a Costume Design and Technology degree, and a Minor in Arts Entrepreneurship at the age of 29.” After realizing she wanted to do more than sew, Anderson began looking for ways to contact ballerinas. While she had planned a trip to Royal Opera House pre-pandemic, she was forced to pivot. She reached out to Yasmine Naghdi, an international ballerina at the Royal Opera House via Instagram. “I told her who I was and that I made tutus and asked her if she wanted one. She responded the same day and wanted to work with me. My childhood dream just became possible,” said Anderson. “From there I got in contact with the University of South Essex and began to plan my trip to England. During that time, I received a grant from UNCSA to work on my inde-

pendent project. This opportunity had blown up. I was the first American to work with an international ballerina without going through other means or organizations.” Naghdi sent YES! Weekly this statement the collaboration: “Jenna was always very kind and friendly in her messages, especially her initial approach which I respected, and I think it will be wonderful to be able to use this tutu for years to come in various gala performances. It was of course lovely of her to mention that once she’s created the tutu here in England, I will be able to keep it,” Naghdi shared. “To have a tutu tailor-made by Jenna for me is very special. I hope this tutu and I will share many happy performances together.” Anderson is expected to travel to England in mid-March to work on the tutu and matching headpiece for Naghdi and will be blogging about her experience. Anderson said that the most important lesson she’s learned out of life is to “just ask.” My life motto is to stay true to yourself and rise above. No one knows you like you know you, and you just must believe in it and not be afraid to ask, just ask. This all happened because I asked,” she said. “Yasmine doesn’t know me, or my skills, but because I asked, she said yes. If you’re doing it and it doesn’t work, try it again a different way and a different day.” For more information on Anderson’s designs, blog or to donate, visit https:// www.jsqdesigns.com/. ! NAIMA SAID is a 23-year-old UNCG theatre graduate and host of Heeere’sNeeNee Horror Movie Podcast.

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“My broken heart would rather have Marcus back”: City of Greensboro settles Marcus Smith lawsuit for $2.57 million “The City of Greensboro and the family of Marcus Deon Smith have reached an agreement to settle the lawsuit brought by the estate of Marcus Deon Smith,” announced City AttorIan McDowell ney Chuck Watts at the February 1 meeting of the GreensContributor boro City Council. The prepared joint statement, which Watts was invited to read aloud by Mayor Nancy Vaughn, continued: “Importantly to these parties, the total settlement of $2,575,000, the majority of which will be paid by the City of Greensboro and the remainder by Guilford County, will financially benefit both the parents of Marcus Deon Smith and his children, and will formally acknowledge, with a commemorative plaque, that Marcus Deon Smith’s life mattered. These parties will soon request judicial approval of the settlement and dismissal of the lawsuit without any findings of wrongdoing and liability. After the settlement is concluded, these parties intend to move forward in the spirit of respect and reconciliation.” This was the apparent culmination of Smith et al v. City of Greensboro et al, the Federal Civil Rights lawsuit filed in the Middle District of North Carolina on April 10, 2019. Shortly after midnight on September 8, 2018, the third evening of that year’s North Carolina Folk Festival, Marcus Smith, suffering from a diagnosed mental illness, approached a group of Greensboro Police Officers and asked to be taken to the hospital. They did, after hogtying the 38-yearold Black man facedown on Church Street until they noticed he’d stopped breathing. He was pronounced dead at the hospital. The city’s initial press releases stated that Smith collapsed, with no mention of being hogtied. Under deposition last year, Vaughn, former GPD Chief Wayne Scott, and current chief Brian James all stated that they did not consider the fatal restraint a “significant” detail that belonged on the initial press releases. In November 2018, Vaughan called the first WWW.YESWEEKLY.COM

PHOTO BY CIARA KELLEY

Mary Smith with a photo of Marcus press release “a lie,” but would later walk back that statement. Named in Mary and George Smith’s suit were the City of Greensboro; GPD officers Lee Andrews, Jordan Bailey, Christopher Bradshaw, Robert Duncan, Alfred Lewis, Michael Montalvo, Justin Payne, and Douglas Strader; and EMTs Ashley Abbott and Dylan Alling. None were disciplined for the incident. Strader was fired from the GPD for an unrelated offense and later hired by the Graham police department. Andrews resigned in 2019, and Montalvo retired in 2020. On the same evening the settlement was announced, plaintiff attorneys Flint Taylor and Ben Elson of the People’s Law Office of Chicago and Graham Holt of Greensboro issued the same statement, but with this preface: “As a result of much blood, sweat, and tears by the Marcus Smith family, community activists, and the Smith legal team, the Greensboro City Council voted last evening to settle the Marcus Deon Smith case by releasing the following joint statement.” Their announcement of the joint statement had the following coda: “While the details of the agreement are still confidential, we on the legal team and on behalf of the Smith family want to thank the activists of Greensboro and all those of goodwill in the Greensboro community for standing shoulder to

shoulder with us in this long struggle for transparency and justice in the Marcus Deon Smith case. We are gratified that this agreement will honor Marcus’s deep love for his children and that the City of Greensboro will formally recognize that Marcus Deon Smith’s life matters.” After reading the joint statement aloud at the council meeting, Watts stated, “it is my expectation that this process of drafting a longform settlement and getting the necessary approvals will take some time.” He told the mayor and council “further comment regarding the facts and circumstances or the settlement would be inappropriate.” The next day, Mary Smith messaged YES! Weekly that “My broken heart would rather have Marcus back than any settlement. We all would,” she continued. “But the Smith family can hardly find the words to express how much we appreciate the love and the people in Greensboro.” Smith also thanked “our attorneys, organizers and advocates like Hester Petty, Rev. Nelson Johnson, and the Beloved Community Center, the Working Class & Houseless Organizing Alliance, Greensboro Justice Coalition, and so many good folks I can’t mention them all.” She concluded by thanking “the homeless community that loved Marcus so much and appreciated what he did for them, from haircuts to giving them socks, and the folks who worked with him and them at the Interactive Resource Center. I love you all, and so does my husband George and our children.” “City officials made the Smith family, our community organizers, and lawyers fight for 3 long years and I hope that everyone gets to rest and heal now,” said Cherizar Crippen, of Black Lives Matter Greensboro and Southerners on New Ground. “But I’m worried that it won’t last long in a city where justice is more of a hashtag than a reality. Sending all my love to the Smith family. I’m glad there were consequences for what they did to your kin.” Crippen praised the settlement, but said, “it should not be mistaken for justice.” “Every single person who aided in the miscarriage of justice for Marcus Smith has been allowed to avoid accountability for their actions leading up to and following his murder at the hands of GPD,” continued Crippen in a Facebook message

to YES! Weekly. “GPD and city officials worked diligently to cover up this murder. All of them were allowed to retire, resign, stay with GPD or go to another police department. They even get to run for elected office again. So, what’s preventing this from happening to someone else? This isn’t a fluke, it’s a pattern.” Eric Robert, who is challenging Vaughan and Justin Outling in the upcoming mayoral election, condemned council for announcing and then tabling an independent investigation into Smith’s death. “It should have taken place and council should have voted for unanimously! Good human beings would not have put a grieving and already traumatized family through hell by litigating the inexcusable.” Robert also criticized Watts. “The city attorney has been exercising poor judgment as he keeps on giving bad counsel, but, as he stated in a recent email to me, ‘I am the City’s lawyer and I am not obligated to provide testimony or information about the actions of my client.’ What if Marcus Smith had been a member of his family?” “This money won’t bring Marcus Smith back,” said Cecile “CC” Crawford, who is running to unseat Goldie Wells as the District 2 Representative. “But his family deserved to have recognition that his life had value. I hope this brings Mary Smith and her family, at least some small amount of peace. Council may not be able to speak on the case, but we all need to speak about the need for transparency from our elected leaders.” Franca Jalloh, who is running for an AtLarge seat on the council, agreed. “A city that cares for its citizens cannot do so by criminalizing mental health challenges and addiction. Marcus Smith paid the ultimate price for struggling in ways that many decent people struggle. Sadly, this case is not an anomaly. Reaching a settlement of this size will not bring Marcus Smith back to his family, but it does send a much-needed statement of accountability to our city. I hope to see more examples of such accountability, and will continue to work hard as a leader in this city so that we have less need for such a decision.” ! IAN MCDOWELL is the author of two published novels, numerous anthologized short stories, and a whole lot of nonfiction and journalism, some of which he’s proud of and none of which he’s ashamed of. FEBRUARY 9-15, 2022

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I’m a woman in my mid-20s. In the last year, I’ve noticed that a number of my core friends have begun to exhibit traits and values that I don’t really identify with. I do my best to show Amy Alkon up for them, but when I go through Advice a hard time, they don’t seem all that Goddess concerned with my well-being. However, I have a history with these people, so I feel I owe them my loyalty. —Disappointed The fact that something has gone on for a while is not reason for it to continue. Take the long “history” of people eating people — dating back 100,000-plus years and still occasionally (though criminally) practiced today. These days, sure, there are restaurants that specialize in “traditional fare,” but their entrees tend to be roasted leg of lamb — as opposed to roasted leg of Bruce.

Likewise, the “because history!” argument for staying with a friend (“We’ve been in each other’s lives for 17 years!”) is not reason to braid each other’s hair and skip off together into year 18. “History” in the friendship context often means having lots of shared experiences (especially misadventures like ending up side-by-side in the back of a police car after getting caught shoplifting at age 10). Some of these “historical” experiences — like your friend being there for you in tough times — can make you feel you’ve got an unpaid bill to work off, endlessly indentured friendservant-style. But do you actually owe them? Doing good for you probably did some good for them. Research by psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky finds that two of the most effective ways we can make ourselves meaningfully happier are regularly “practicing acts of kindness” and “nurturing social relationships.” You might also consider that a friend who helped you surely did it by choice — not because you held her at gunpoint and demanded, “Listen to me sob about my ex for 26 hours straight!” However, because we’re prone to feel guilty asking ourselves the legit (and

healthy) question, “Hey, what do I get out of this friendship?”, we often end up populating our lives with fair-weather friends: there for us whenever they’re in need. Granted, friendship is not always 50/50. However, if the give and take balance is generally 5/95, your friendship is less a friendship than a usership with a nicer name. We tend to be hard on ourselves if we end up with a collection of toxic friends — or friends who aren’t bad people but just aren’t good people for us. Though we believe we carefully handpick our friends according to shared values, attitudes, and interests, the formation of our friendships may have more in common with closing our eyes and throwing darts than with some Socratic inner dialogue on a potential friend’s merits. Psychologist Mitja Back finds we often form friendships through “mere proximity” — like being next-door neighbors or being assigned to sit next to each other for a semester in a college class. Understanding this might help you be as discerning about your social world as you are about your physical one: “Um, maybe that house next to Acme Turn-You-

Radioactive Chemicals is not such a steal.” This is vital because the sort of people you’re frequently around shapes who you are, seeping into your thinking, habits, and motivation. So, it’s important to have a “core” group of friends who share your values: the bedrock principles underlying the person you want to be (your ideal self). These friends, simply by being who they are, will motivate you — monkey see; monkey do! — for example, inspiring you to work harder or smarter. Also, at times when you see nothing but gloom and doom, they’ll pop up all human flashlight to point out everything you’ve got going for you. This isn’t to say you should exile every person in your life who doesn’t exactly share your values. Just be sure they’re in your life not because they’ve been there for eons but because you choose to keep them around: They’re fun; they share your sick obsession with the 1972 Pinto; or they need you and you feel good giving to them (though they can’t give back in equal measure). If you decide to part company with opportunistic, emotionally toxic “friends,” avoid any temptation to take the “Off

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with your head!” approach — like abruptly disappearing without explanation. This is mean, and it can lead to ugliness and ostracism by mutual friends and acquaintances — as can “constructive” honesty: explaining that you can no longer be friends with such selfish users. It often pays to fade: Simply become increasingly less available...like for those amazing opportunities to devote your entire weekend to helping your bestie move — in exchange for a pepperoni and dust pizza they make you eat in the back of the U-Haul. ! GOT A PROBLEM? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com). Follow her on Twitter @amyalkon. Order her latest “science-help” book, Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence. ©2022 Amy Alkon. Distributed by Creators.Com.

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