The Fauxnix March 22, 2024

Beyda goes to Brazil, Tavil takes over The Fauxnix

By Nitza Hanan Features Editor

Rabbi Beyda will be leaving Yeshivah of Flatbush in order to pursue a new job starting next year. Rabbi Beyda will be joining the Brazilians starting September 2024 as their new rosh yeshivah.

There have been behind-the-scenes talks of the move for four years; however, Beyda confirmed his decision last year after the Brazilians’ visit. After the Brazilians came, Rabbi Beyda was so inspired by their fun and unique spirit that he just couldn’t give up the opportunity.

“They really know how to have fun, and that’s definitely something I feel is lacking here,” Rabbi Beyda explained.

To prepare for the move, Rabbi Beyda chose to take Spanish instead of Coding. However, like many, he was shocked when the Brazils arrived and were speaking Portuguese. Rabbi Beyda recalls the first meeting: “The moment they arrived

I greeted them with ‘¡Hola! ¿Como estas?’ They looked at me like I had tres cabezas (three heads).”

Thankfully, Ezra Harari, Flatbush’s designated Portuguese tutor, has been meeting with Rabbi Beyda twice a week since then to teach him how to communicate. Harari says that “Rabbi Beyda is really trying, but I don’t know if twice a week is enough. I can definitely see some minor improvements though.”

Those on Sophomore Seminar earlier this month were lucky enough to hear a preview of Rabbi Beyda’s Portuguese when he announced, “Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear.”

Meanwhile, Yeshivah of Flatbush has appointed a new rosh yeshivah, Mr. Mauricio Tavil! Rabbi Galpert exclaimed, “If the Brazilians want to take our principal, we will make a Brazilian into our principal!”

Mr. Maurcio is ecstatic to have this

Elmann kicked off valedictorian ballot for being Canadian

By Jacqueline Halabi Editor-in-Chief

SGO dictator Max Elmann has just been disqualified from consideration for valedictorian due to his recently revealed Canadian nationality.

As many already know, last year, the school administration modified the vale-

Faculty: Page 2

D’var Torah: Page 4

Ask Merle: Page 6

dictorian-appointing process from the student with the highest GPA to whoever is more widely known in school. The teachers first nominate their favorite students, and then the students vote for their closest friends.

After Elmann was suggested by SAFE teacher Mr. Tavil, Rabbi Beyda shot the

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Entertainment: Rabbi Galpert teaches opera

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role and is ready to implement many new changes to better the school. One of his major changes is the school’s hours. “We will be starting school at 2 am, and ending at 8 am,” he said. He believes that having classes only in the mornings will ensure students are fully engaged and

awake for their classes because “they have all day to sleep.”

After spending a year as the boys’ SAFE teacher, Mr. Mauricio is aware of their needs, so instead of Crawford’s, Hunan will be opening in school.

YOF opens mental health petting zoo

By Yvette Dweck Sophomore Editor

Feeling stressed, anxious, or nervous? Visit the school’s new state-of-the-art emotional comfort petting zoo, officially known as the YOF Triangle Capital Mental Health Petting Zoo Sponsored By The Cohen Family With Special Thanks To The Tawil Family Corp.

“I walked out of my office and the first thing I saw was a bunch of students stressing over a test,” said Ms. Yvette Beyda, head of testing accommodations. “The second thing I saw was a cockroach. That’s when I thought of this brilliant idea.”

So many students have been in need of a calming and relaxing place lately. With all the test weeks, APs, and Regents that are approaching, the students

Fashion: Rabbi Besser's new fragance

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at the Yeshivah of Flatbush were left with minimal ways to cope with their anxiety. When asked about the intense stress at Flatbush, freshman Joseph Dweck said, “There’s always someplace to be and something to do. I wish I could just get a minute to, I don’t know, pet an animal.”

Immediately after seeing, hearing, and understanding what students were going through, Rabbi Galpert approached Rabbi Joey Mizrachi. “I mean, I’m the best fisherman there is and the director of the Camp David Animal Room, of course Rabbi Galpert came to me to help him with our new petting zoo,” said Rabbi Miz.

Located on the third floor of the old building, the YOF Triangle Capital Mental Health Petting Zoo Sponsored By The Cohen Family With Special Thanks To

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Sports: Climb the scaffolding in gym class Page

Rabbi Beyda's favorite extracurricular activity in Brazil is Carnival

Crawford’s Francisco wins MasterChef

By Aleen Jaradeh Editor-in-Chief

Crawfords’ beloved Francisco has left his job at Flatbush to pursue his dream of becoming a world-renowned chef by competing on Fox’s hit television show MasterChef.

After consistent compliments by Flatbush students on his food while working at Crawford’s, Francisco knew he was destined for greatness. He decided to quit his job and submitted an application to be a contestant on the newest MasterChef season. After being selected for the opportunity to become a contestant, Francisco flew to Los Angeles, with the support of the Crawford’s staff and the entire Flatbush community.

said “While I definitely miss the great coffee Francisco would make me back at school, I couldn’t be more proud of him.”

Flatbush boys turn to Chasidic Judaism

On arrival, Francisco feared rejection, especially since he’s watched Gordon Ramsey’s anger on TV. However, after whipping up the most delectable strawberries with Nutella in a plastic cup, Gordon Ramsey immediately handed him a white apron, securing him a position as one of the 24 contestants.

The competition began soon after all of the contestants were selected, with one contestant eliminated in each episode. At first, Francisco had no difficulty fighting off other contestants and impressing the judges with his food. The judges were amazed at his quick speed at handing them a bagel, and could not get enough of his milkshakes.

However, after a colossal mistake, Francisco came one inch away from being eliminated. With eight contestants left, Francisco desired to impress the judges with frozen mango in a cup, a large hit with Flatbush students. However, he miscalculated the time the mango needed to freeze and was forced to serve room-temperature mango to the judges.

This placed him in a rocky spot and almost ended Francisco’s journey to fame. Luckily for him, a contestant who served the judges a Beef Wellington ended up forgetting to salt one area on the steak, causing the judges to send him home. Francisco was safe, though his confidence suffered a major blow.

In the following episode, the judges surprised contestants with their supporters from back home. Francisco was shocked to see many Flatbush students and staff, who flew out to support him, renewing his confidence and inspiring him even more than before. Francisco knew he could win, and would not let his supporters down.

Flatbush students and staff watched as Francisco impressively heated up a chocolate chip cookie, which, when eaten, left the judges hungry for more. Gordon Ramsey even begged for the recipe so he could make them at home.

Flatbush’s soon-to-be Rosh Yeshivah, Mr. Mauricio Tavil, who flew out to support Francisco, commented, “Back in Brazil, I never had anything better than the food Francisco makes. When I was asked if I wanted to fly out to support him, I could not say ‘não.’” Rabbi Besser, who also flew out to support Francisco,

A few weeks later, the season finale had finally arrived. Francisco was up against celebrity chef Bobby Flay, though Francisco did not allow himself to feel intimidated. He knew exactly what he had to make in order to win. He effortlessly grabbed the ingredients he would need and started prepping his meal. With the clock ticking down, Francisco feared he would not finish in time. However, he luckily ended up finishing with just a few seconds left. The judges first tried Bobby Flay’s dish. He prepared a seared scallop piccata and boneless beef ribs with romesco sauce, over baked polenta. The judges tried to hide their reactions, but they were clearly impressed.

The judges then stepped up to Francisco and uncovered his dish, which consisted of a cup of baby carrots. Chef Ramsey’s eyebrows lifted, but he remained silent. Each judge tried a carrot, and as soon as Ramsey started chewing a decision was made. “Francisco … those were the best carrots I have ever tasted. There is a clear winner here and it is you. Bobby Flay, take your disappointing dish and self and GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!” said Ramsey.

The entire crowd broke into applause and the Flatbush fans who flew out to watch moshpitted with Francisco following his win.

Gordon Ramsey, who was in awe of the support of Flatbush fans, has decided to apply for the job to replace Francisco at Crawford’s. Additionally, the Chanis have been inspired by Francisco and are now applying to compete on MasterChef’s next season.

Faculty Freshman: Morah Mermaid

By Aleen Jaradeh Editor-in-Chief

Although just recently joining the Flatbush staff in February, Morah Mermaid has had a large impact on Flatbush students, and even other faculty members.

Morah Mermaid was born in 1971 in Pike Place Market in Seattle, WA. She attended Barista University, where she received a degree in the art of the beverage. Since then, Morah Mermaid has traveled the world, and has gained much popularity, specifically for her passion for coffee and creative drink-making. Only recently was the Flatbush community blessed to have her join the staff.

The impact Morah Mermaid has had on the students of Flatbush is abundant-

The Phoenix Staff

Editors-in-Chief: Jacqueline Halabi, Aleen Jaradeh

Senior Editor: Rae Levy, Sarah Levy

School News Editors: Leah Lati, Bella Shamayeva

Religion Editor: Elisha Kahan

World News Editor: Aliya Abergil

Features Editor: Nitza Hanan

Entertainment Editors: Henry Esses, Shirley Jajati

Fashion Editors: Sophia Madeb, Sylvia Saad

ly clear. Students can always be found in Morah Mermaid’s classroom during any time of the day, often expressing that her class gives them a jolt of energy and improves their mood. Students love her so much that they often come late to their other classes, or even ditch them completely, just to spend more time with her.

Students who have Morah Mermaid’s class first period remark that they can’t start their day without her. Some even go to her after school for extra homework help. Students even spend their lunch periods in her classroom, as they just can not get enough of her.

Shirley Jajati, a frequent visitor to Morah Mermaid’s classroom, expressed, “Although Morah Mermaid is new here, she has quickly become my favorite teacher.” Jajati also revealed that she loves

Morah Mermaid so much that she brings her to Ms. Bloom’s class daily, as she can not stand to be away from her.

However, some students are often frustrated with Morah Mermaid, as she constantly gets their names wrong. Margaux Lincer expresses her anger as she stated, “It’s -AUX! It’s like she’s not even trying.” Similarly, student Kendal Rose can’t fathom how Morah Mermaid possibly gets her name wrong every day. “One day she even called me Candle Gross. I just don’t understand,” Rose stated.

However, not only have many students become quick fans of Morah Mermaid, but so have other teachers. Ms. Mikhli is often seen hanging out with Morah Mermaid, lounging in her classroom. “I could spend every day with Morah Mermaid and not get sick of her,”

Fun & Games Editor: Esther Shemia

Sports Editor: Paulette Saada

Business Editor: Eric Azrak

Photography Editor: Victor Braca

Junior Editors: Leah Katash, Galiette Mita, Samantha Ryba, Bobbi Salama, Nina Tawil

Sophomore Editors: Yvette Dweck, Rachael Kopylov, Emily Tarrab

Design: Carolina Cohen

Faculty Adviser: Adam Hofstetter

By Emily Tarrab Sophomore Editor

Flatbush has recently been experiencing an unexpected increase in interest in Chasidic Judaism after dozens of boys joined Rabbi Gitler and Rabbi Mark’s new Tsei U’lemad class focusing on the teachings and traditions of Chasidism. Despite the overwhelming majority of the male student body being Sephardic Jews, approximately 87.4% of them have already made the transition into this Ashkenazi sect.

Since October 7, there has been a spike in the number of boys wearing tzitzit, but the “trend” has evolved into so much more. Boys are now often seen strolling through the Commons with thick beards after Rabbi Gitler said of his own beard, “As part of Chabad, we grow our beards out as a sign of piety, refraining from trimming them to maintain its natural growth, recognizing God’s creations.”

Overwhelmed, Head of School Rabbi

Ms. Mikhli commented. “She has made working at Flatbush ten times better.”

However, Rabbi Beyda divulged to students he saw at Chock while purchasing his yellow drink, that he is “skeptical about the addition of Morah Mermaid to the Flatbush staff.”

High School Administration

Rabbi Joseph Beyda, Head of School

Ms. Esther Hidary, Associate Principal

Rabbi Yigal Sklarin, Associate Principal

Rabbi Dr. Michael Atlas, Associate Principal

Rabbi David Galpert, Assistant Principal

Francisco shows off his winning creation

Senior Eli Helwani in his new hat

NYC’s hottest new nightclub: The Library

By Shirley Jajati Entertainment Editor

Under the cloak of twilight, a transformation unfolds within the walls of Yeshivah of Flatbush. Once a fortress of quiet contemplation, the library has taken on a new and unexpected identity: it’s now a bustling nightclub where the beats are as lively as the intellectual discussions once were.

As the sun dips below the horizon, students, usually immersed in profound texts of centuries of wisdom, slip into

the library with a sense of secrecy. The shelves, housing centuries of knowledge, now witness a different kind of behavior as the room pulsates with the electric beats curated by none other than Mr. Katz, the librarian turned DJ extraordinaire.

DJ Katz, known for his encyclopedic knowledge of crossword puzzles and JV debate, now orchestrates an entirely different kind of organization: the seamless blending of beats. The surrounding books, positioned as silent spectators, seem to nod approvingly to the amazing talent of DJ Katz and his crazy tunes.

Meanwhile, Ms. Berenstein, the librarian with years of experience cooking for her kids, puts her skills to use crafting virgin cocktails amidst the historical texts. The intellectual elixirs, bearing names like The Socratic Sip and The Jefferson Jubilee, add a spirited twist to the party.

In this bookworm ball, Ms. Shaposhnik, the librarian-turned-bouncer, wields a ruler with the authority of a nightclub security professional. She ensures that only those with the right moves, both on the dance floor and in analytical discussions, gain entry to this nocturnal haven.

Seniors’ commitments to Ashkenaz University exceed expectations

By Rachael Kopylov Sophomore Editor

With college decisions rolling in, Flatbush students are committing to schools across the country, though most choose to go to colleges in New York City. Many have committed to NYU, Macaulay Honors, Baruch College, and Yeshiva University, but a new university that was founded just last year has the whole Flatbush senior class in a frenzy: Ashkenaz University.

Experts predicted that fewer than 10% of Flatbush students would apply, and even fewer would commit to the school; however, over 30 members of the class of 2024 have already confirmed their attendance to AU.

Senior Aleen Jaradeh said, “Even though I’m not Ashkenaz, the school helped me fall in love with the culture. Ever since I visited the campus in Williamsburg last year, I’ve been dying to go there.” Of the 30 seniors who committed to AU, 75% of them attended Magen David Elementary School, a statistic that shocked the whole Syrian community.

One of the most emphasized values in AU’s mission statement is diversity. “Ashkenaz University is dedicated to fostering a diverse Jewish community,” the statement says. To do this, the school offers a $20,000 scholarship to only Sephardic students. The college also is home

The scene inside the library is surreal – students twirl between the bookshelves, their study notes transformed into improvised glow sticks. Books become unexpected percussion instruments, contributing to the rhythm that fills the room. Laughter, once confined to light and restrained chuckles, now jives with the beats, creating a scholarly symphony.

Word of the library’s transformation spreads through the Yeshivah like

Students of all grades enjoy the party atmosphere

wildfire. Tales of Shakespeare-themed dance-offs and midnight flirting fueled by Colleen Hoover circulate, cementing the library as the hottest spot in Yeshivah of Flatbush. The club has been especially popular with freshmen, who are often seen there by the hundreds even during daylight hours, still pumping music through their iPhones’ tinny speakers, unwilling to let the party come to an end.

Students trading Shakespearean insults

By Esther Lazerowitz Contributing Writer

to seven different Chabads and Hillels, as well as a daily Arvit—sorry, make that Ma’ariv—minyan for boys who do nightly shiur on campus. AU believes in upholding Orthodox Jewish values, such as keeping Shabbat and celebrating holidays, but also believes in upholding values specific to the Ashkenaz community, such as Friday night gefilte fish and Pesach laws. Rice, beans, and chickpeas are banned during Pesach, and possessing them during Pesach could be grounds for expulsion or even stoning.

Because of AU’s rise in popularity, Yeshiva University’s commitment rates are suffering. In fact, the two schools already have a bitter rivalry in everything from sports to school ranking.

Ashkenaz University was founded by alumni of the Ashkenaz Union, who, through a total of 5 people, pooled together tens of millions of dollars to found the college. YOF teacher Rabbi Joey Mizrahi was elected to be president of the Ashkenaz University board. “Ashkenaz University is so important to the Jewish community because it’s a college that completely focuses on the Ashkenaz culture, and strives to educate Jews of all different backgrounds about the customs,” he said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go daven shacharis.”

Many Flatbush students have recently picked up on a language previously unheard in the school’s halls: Shakespearean insults.

“It’s just so much more fun,” says junior Bobbi Salama. “I mean, before I only used to be able to call people basic names. Now, I can finally call them things like a ‘cream faced loon’ and an ‘obscene greasy tallow-catch!’”

This bold new trend was reportedly started by Mr. Hofstetter some time ago when a student frustrated him so much that he screamed “Thine face is not worth sunburning!” and stormed out of class.

Since then, the record for most Shakespearean barbs hurled at peers has been held by senior Ezra Rosenfeld. “Most people think I’m just a really nice guy,” he

explained, “But the truth is, I just don’t like modern insults. Now I can truly express myself in the way I want to, and I’m having a lot of fun with it.”

In fact, some students are having so much fun with the trend that they have refused to speak in anything but Shakespearean English. “’Tis quite entertaining to my friends’ and mine own amusement,” said freshman Barbara Namer. “Methinks at times difficult to comprehend to the fullest, yea, but entertaining.”

Surprisingly, English department chair Ms. Bloom declared that she absolutely despises the whole thing. “I can’t take it anymore!” she cried. “I’ve already got so many papers to grade from my AP Lit kids, and my AP Lang kids, and my seniors, but now I’ve also got all these students emailing me to translate things into Shakespeare for them! Make it stop before I am forced to exeunt!”

DJ Katz mixes it up every night

YOF opens mental health petting zoo

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The Tawil Family Corp. attracted attention the second that Rabbi Miz opened the doors. The one thing that students love most about the new petting zoo is how the animals in the petting zoo are from Yeshivah of Flatbush’s very own wildlife! Mice, rats, cockroaches, and even tarantulas can all be found in the petting zoo, just like they have been found in the classrooms!

“One second I was nervous about my math final and the next second I was petting Maurice the Mouse,” exclaimed sophomore Joseph Dweck.

“Before every Goldberg chem class, I go to the petting zoo,” explained junior Joseph Dweck. “There’s just something about petting Ronny the Roach that al-

ways calms me down.”

Another reason so many faculty members and students love the new petting zoo is because it preserves Flatbush’s wildlife. The petting zoo takes in animals in pain or danger throughout the school and cares for them. Senior Joseph Dweck said, “I have seen many endangered mice in Penny Lane over the past few weeks and it makes me so relieved to know that these mice are being taken care of.”

Teachers are enjoying the new petting zoo as well. “I’ve traveled to almost every country in the world and I’ve never been to a petting zoo quite like this,” said Mr. Weinstein. “I guess the Yeshivah of Flatbush just has the best wildlife out there.”

Elmann disqualified for being Canadian

Continued from page 1 idea down immediately. “It’s school policy that the valedictorian must be born in the US. We are an American yeshivah, obviously,” Rabbi Beyda explained. Of course, Mr. Tavil was not penalized for the mistake, as his Brazilian nationality is almost as foreign as a Canadian one, so he couldn’t have known better.

As always, students are in complete agreement with Rabbi Beyda. “I mean, none of us were really surprised,” remarked junior Sam Busak. “Max is a cool guy, but he doesn’t know anything about American customs.”

Senior Steven Shamah, Elmann’s childhood friend from Canada, said, “My family moved before his, so when

he came I helped him learn about American culture. I don’t think he fully understands it yet, though. He tried to pay for his PT slice with Canadian dollars last week. And then he asked them to put on extra maple syrup.”

The student most angry at Elmann for infiltrating the country is senior Don Aldtrump. “These people come here and take our jobs!” he exclaimed, complaining that Elmann has been stealing SGO positions from hard-working Amerians for three years.

Elmann refused to comment when approached at his home in a tent behind Aviator.

Flatbush boys turn to Chasidic Judaism

Beyda released an official statement permitting boys to grow out their facial hair for religious purposes.

As Rabbi Gitler continues to encourage students to follow in his footsteps, Rabbi Mark does the same by emphasizing the importance of growing peyot, as, “it serves as our reminder to follow all Ten Commandments, and empowers the Jewish community to be proud of their identity, especially during such a turning point for the Jewish nation. Plus they look cool.”

Clothing choices are also changing. Almost all of the boys have taken it upon themselves to ditch their usual comfy attire of hoodies and slippers, and instead

D’var Torah: Pigs are not kosher!

By Elisha Kahan Religion Editor

Rabbeinu Bachya, cites a Midrash Tanchuma: “And why is [the pig’s] name ריזח For in the future, it will re- ? turn [רוזחל] to its status as allowed.” Or HaChaim explains that in the times of Mashiach, pigs will chew their cud, and thus will be deemed kosher under Torah law. Rambam would certainly disagree. In Mishneh Torah, he specifically notes: “Do not think that in the times of Mashiach anything will cease from the way of the world or there will be any innovation in Creation.” Furthermore, he emphatically states that even in the times of Mashaich, “the Torah… will be forever without additions or subtractions.” Rambam begs another interpretation of the Midrash.

In Moreh Nevuchim, Rambam explains that, before the sin at the Etz HaDaat, Adam had a perfectly objective understanding of reality, which categorized the world into True and False, as guided by a reasoning intellect. After Adam ate from the fruit (abusing his power of free will), however, he was immersed in a world where material pleasures can cloud reason, and nakedness can exit into the realm of embarrassment. This gives rise to ambiguous conceptions of “Good” and “Evil” in a man.

The essence of a pig, according to the understanding of Chazal, is the discrepancy between its outer appearance, the kosher sign of split hooves,

and its inner reality, its inability to chew its cud. Similarly, the fruit that Adam sinned with was a “delight to the eyes,” and yet, its consumption directly the commandment of HaKodesh Baruch Hu (his punishment was thus meted out Midah KiNeged Midah). In a world of Tov V’Raa, our desire toward the pig is strengthened by a hazy comprehension of the pig’s lackings. In the days of Moshiach, however, the pig’s “deception” will be so clear as to not to incite our desire to rationalize our actions, and through the reversal of the sin of the Etz HaDaat (the “return” described in the Midrash), our knowledge of Hashem will guide us toward truth, Bimheira Beyaminu! (see Ben Eish Chai for a similar concept).

An earlier source for the Midrash, Kohelet Rabbah, states the teaching in the name of Rabbi Meir. The reply of the Chachamim? לכ ןיאו ,ריאמ יבר ךיד שמשה תחת שדח: Enough, Rabbi Meir! There is nothing new under the son!” (It is quite possible that this was a dangerous teaching precisely because the Or HaChaim’s potential explanation!) In any case, the Yid is forever forbidden to the prototypical American’s breakfast of bacon and eggs.

A riddle for our dear reader: drawing from Mishneh Torah Hilchos Megillah 2:18, explain the connection between the above to Purim! (The writer welcomes reader responses.) "

The Eras Tour shown in Ms. Kaplowitz’s class

Continued from page 5

host a debate between Kanye West and Taylor Swift. Of course, Swift was triumphant and her historic win was documented on the Women’s History board in Ms. Kaplowitz’s room. Because of Swift’s immense popularity and her newfound political background, she decided to run for school valedictorian. She stated, “At least I’m a real American, unlike that fraud Max Elmann.”

The Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour (Taylor’s Version) movie has brought about so much inspiration to the student

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body. From now on, the film will be playing on all hallway TV screens in the building at all times.

are opting for white button-down shirts and dress shoes. Even Sammy Ashkenazi, a Syrian sophomore who typically embraces wearing loungewear to school, has finally decided to live up to his family name, expressing, “Wearing the Jewniform every day has enabled me to experience true beit midrash style learning or, as I now like to put it, shteiging.”

Following the significant increase of students’ religious and spiritual commitment, Rabbi Lord Dr. Teddy Chattah, a guidance counselor who also mentors the daily minyan, has launched a new initiative in collaboration with Rabbi Gitler and the Crown Heights Chabad. Every Monday and Thursday, which are

the Torah reading days during schacharit, the two supervise a group of six boys who volunteer to operate a Chabad table on Avenue J from periods 3 to 8. The students ask passersby if they put on tefillin that day. The table is equipped with two sets of tefillin, siddurim, and stacks of stickers featuring the Lubavitcher Rebbe and biblical verses that people can take with them. Students who partake in this, “impactful opportunity and service to Hashem,” as described by Rabbi Besser, an authentic Ashkenazi Jew, receive two chesed hours, helping them reach the school’s requirement of 30 hours per year.

The school’s rapid changes have led many Syrian community members to

wonder whether this religious transformation will extend to other SY yeshivot, or if it might even impact the lifestyle of girls in school and women in the community. While some individuals might view this pivot from Sephardic to Chasidic practices as a negative development, allowing for the loss of centuries-old tradition, others argue in defense of these changes and these boys, recognizing them as the “new generation” that will ultimately bring the Jewish nation closer to the holy days of Mashiach. Said newly Chassidic senior Avi Lati, “Umein!”

Students love Ruthie the Rat's pink harness and her calming nature

Beyonce to record her new single in Flatbush’s studio

By Galiette Mita Junior Editor

Flatbush students have been raving over the prospect of Beyonce recording her new country album, Act II, at our school ever since the superstar posted a teaser on Instagram featuring Yeshivah of Flatbush’s state-of-the-art music studio on February 30.

The rumor surrounding the post, which was captioned with the only words “Brooklyn X Houston,” has been confirmed by Rabbi David Galpert, mentioning that she had visited the school in late February to take a tour of the school’s studio. “Mrs. Knowles-Carter had messaged us by surprise saying about how she’d heard about this stunning new studio in Brooklyn and how every song they produce can be heard blasting the streets through all of NYC as if it possessed some kind of miracle power,” Rabbi Galpert had said. “She regarded our studio extremely highly.”

And Beyonce is spot-on. This isn’t the first time there have been reports of magical incidents happening in the renovated Flatbush studio. Last month, three freshmen walked out of the studio with their voices singing at an ultimate high, a perfect vocal pitch. Their next-period teachers couldn’t get them to stop singing, but she also didn’t want to because they sounded like beautiful angels.

In an exclusive interview with the

Entertainment Rabbi Galpert offers opera elective

popstar, The Faunix was able to ask Beyonce about her expectations of working in Flatbush. “I love Brooklyn. The vibes are just so real there and so I really think this opportunity will hit me like a ray of sun, you know? I could already feel it burning through my darkest nights,” she said. When asked about if she knew about the Syrian-Jewish community, Beyonce seemed pretty much all caught up. “I asked this woman if she knew where I could get a salad, since my team and I were starving after the flight. She was like ‘Yeah yeah sure, I got you. Turn left on Ave U and go to Ouri’s, they have mag salads.’ And so I was like to my driver, ‘To the left, to the left!’ After five minutes, we went inside and oh my G-d, I’ve never tasted a better kale salad in my life.”

For students, Beyonce’s arrival just brought a ton of excitement to their mundane school routine. A sophomore girl who wished to be anonymous remarked, “During lunch, my friend and I already planned to go downstairs and make TikToks with her, during her own break of course. How cool would it be to show everyone that I met Beyonce?!”

Dalia Sasson said, “Every day this school just gets more and more interesting. I’m going to go during my frees to sing a duet with Beyonce and ask if I could be in her new song. Country music got nothing on me. My vocals? On fleek.”

The administration has kept Beyonce’s arrival a secret until now, to avoid overwhelming Beyonce as she makes her trips to 1609 Avenue J. The last thing she needs is a bunch of high school girls mobbing her in the hallways. However, since it has been confirmed that she will be paying our school for their studio (for an undisclosed amount that Rabbi Galpert refused to reveal), there will be free Beyonce meet-and-greets in the basement and lobby of the Yeshivah of Flatbush! Bring your selfies and your Ouri’s salads!

Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour in Ms. Kaplowitz’s film class

By Leah Katash Junior Editor

This week, Ms. Kaplowitz presented and discussed a classic film with her classes. Although she usually reserves movies for her Film Studies elective, she believes that everyone must view this historic film that has truly revolutionized society and shaped it into what it is today.

Ms. Kaplowitz has kept her favorite film a secret for far too long. Before introducing Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour (Taylor’s Version), she kindly asked her classes to read up on the slides for the film in advance. Additionally, she generously offered her classes an extra credit assignment on the film, with the lowest grade on the latest test being a “19” and the highest an “89.” The students were told to memorize one of Taylor’s songs in

exchange for 13 points on their next test, Ms. Kaplowitz’s favorite number.

Unfortunately, some students became too infatuated with this assignment. They took inspiration from Mr. Hofstetter’s rap assignment, and began rapping Taylor Swift songs during class. Some students became too disruptive, so Ms. Kaplowitz played “You Need To Calm Down,” and the students were told to apologize to the cardboard cutout of Swift that stands in the front of the room.

The film was nothing short of entertaining for all classes. Each day the classes watched another song being performed and discussed for the remainder of the period the three minutes of film they had just watched. Together they dissected the art and beauty of the lyrics, as well as the spectacular performance that Taylor Allison Swift brought to the big screen.

By Bella Shamayeva School News Editor

The newest addition to the Yeshivah’s creative arts elective catalog is none other than “The Art of Opera” taught by Rabbi David Galpert: Assistant Principal by day, professional opera singer by night.

“I’ve always wanted to share my passion for the opera with my beloved students,” noted Rabbi Galpert. “It’s such a beautiful and unique genre that I know many music lovers in our school appreciate.” The course consists of learning the history of opera, experimenting with different octaves while singing, and the opportunity to perform a song of each student’s choice in a school assembly later in the year. The course ends with an inspiring trip to the Metropolitan Opera to watch one of Rabbi Galpert’s favorite performances.

This elective is a great chance to implement past knowledge and spark intellectual growth. Senior Ralph Braha, a student in AP Music Theory, has been loving it so far. “This class is the perfect way for me to appreciate the beauty of music in a way I never could have imagined,” he remarked. “And I’ve always wanted to have a fun class with one of my favorite Rabbis!”

As time progressed, and the classes got deeper into the film, some got increasingly more emotional. A few tears were definitely shed, as this masterpiece of a film resonated in the hearts of many. To improve students’ moods, Ms. Kaplowitz played “Shake it off,” and Mr. Weinstein came into class to dance along.

The film has even inspired students beyond the classroom. Ms. Kaplowitz’s students decided to dress in traditional Taylor Swift attire, including friendship bracelets, cowboy boots, glitter, and face paint. It quickly became a schoolwide trend, as do most things in Yeshivah of Flatbush. Soon after, the unwritten girls’ dress code of Centrals and hoodies was no longer enforced, especially when various faculty members began partaking in the trend. It has drawn in Mike the security guard, Ms. Schulman, and even Dr. Atlas. Additionally, friendship bracelets have become a form of currency. They are now used to buy lunch from

Junior Nathan Hasson, a frequent hazan for tefillot, enjoys enhancing his pizmonim with different tunes. The Art of Opera allows him to take his singing to the next level. “I’m excited to prepare a hype performance for next year’s Seminar when I sing Kaddish in an opera tune. Maybe Rabbi will even let me duet with him in ‘You Raise Me Up’ on Saturday night,” he said.

Senior Ezra Harari said this elective is the best thing that ever happened to him. “It reminds me every day that coming all the way from YDE was worth it. The Divinity of opera and how it can be used to appreciate anything, from Havdalah to history, is ravishing.”

If people are still unconvinced that this course is worthwhile, they haven’t heard from Rabbi’s top student: senior Albert Lessler. “I’ve always had a love for music but never really had the chance to express it,” commented Lessler. “Now my family claps for me after I finish singing while I cook new recipes.”

It’s evident that this new elective is one of a kind and an opportunity not to be missed. Although it is only open to boys at the moment, if enough girls are interested, Ms. Carroll Dweck-Sutton has agreed to lead a girls’ opera elective next year.

the Chanis or exchanged for a free detention or missed minyan from Rabbi Dushey. Many are questioning the amount of bracelets that Chani wears, but she is more than comfortable. “I’m just bejeweled,” stated Chani.

A greater surprise than the movie was Taylor Swift herself visiting each class. The icon flew in on her private jet to greet the students of Yeshivah of Flatbush. However, students were only able to take pictures with her if they came to office hours. Other faculty Swifties were also spotted taking selfies with Swift, such as the Mayers, Ms. Bloom, and Mr. Rothbort, who came down to greet the legend. When asked how she was able to arrange this visit, Ms. Kaplowitz responded with, “She calls me Kappy, I call her Tay Tay. We are really just the best of friends.”

Ms. Kaplowitz’s AP Gov class was so inspired by the film that they decided to

continued on page 4

The class's final exam includes a performance at Lincoln Center

Ask Men

By Merle

For this issue, Merle decided to give her readers a chance to get men’s opinion instead of hers. Sometimes it feels like we just don’t know what’s going on in their heads, so for this issue we will Ask Men.

Dear Men,

I don’t understand the music that boys listen to; why does it have to be ear-splitting rap music? I understand everyone has different music tastes but the noise is terrible. I don’t understand what the artists are even saying. Most of the

Fun & Games

time it’s just empty words that don’t have real meaning.

Why can’t they listen to Lana Del Ray, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo, basically anything else? It’s so ridiculous that because it’s “what everyone likes” then they have to listen to it.

Don’t even get me started on the moshing. What is the point? Everyone just jumps around saying “Ay” eight times in a row before they get bored and tired. Please inform the boys they need to work on their music choices and dancing skills.

Taytaylover89

Dear TayTay,

The music is good, chill.

Hey Men, Men, what is the deal with cargo pants? I just don’t get it because you don’t know how to wear anything else. A girl has a rotating wardrobe where she can stitch a million different outfits together. She has a holiday wardrobe, a summer wardrobe, a winter wardrobe, a spring, fall, pajama, friends, a party, and a school wardrobe. Why can’t boys be a little different, have a little spice, a little flair, a little person-

ality?! Please help me understand so I don’t get annoyed when I see boys in the same outfits every day.

Thanks,

Purimguru22

Dear Purim,  IDK TBH it’s not that deep.

Hi Men,  I really don’t get it. Why are boys so bad at communicating? I asked him if we could match for Purim but he just said sure. I mean, can he show some enthusiasm?

Why is it so hard to ask me what I want to do? I feel like we’re always doing things he wants to do and I’m planning it. Even the places we eat, what is it with Dixie? Especially at 11:19 in the morning, how is that normal? How is that not illegal in every country?

-leftonopen24/7

Hey, Left,  Dixie is just delicious, gives us that protein, you just don’t appreciate it.

Purim Connections

By Esther Shemia Fun & Games Editor

Dear Men,

WHY IS THE CENTER GYM

PACKED AT 5 EVERY DAY? Like is it a trend that everybody needs to exercise in that gym now? Is there something in the mirrors that makes the boys so attracted to themselves? Really I don’t understand, I just want to go on a small jog on that treadmill in the gym, I can’t be huffing and puffing in front of 30 senior boys, it’s just not practical. I want to be comfortable in the gym, but it feels like a zoo when I walk in. Don’t even get me started on the smell. Men, please do something! -pilatesprincess378,

Dear Princess, Uhhh IDK, nothing to do, we just like working out.

Flatbush Cartoon

By Jacob Nussbaum Phoenix Cartoonist

Springs hottest new sustainable slippers

By Sophia Madeb  Fashion Editor

Brown Blocks are the new footwear trend for this upcoming season. Block shoes are slippers made entirely of natural materials, crafted from 100% wood. They come in three colors resembling various shades of the material: soft chestnut, chocolate brown, and a dark brownish-black. Block shoes have a satisfying click-clack sound as one walks, drawing attention wherever they go. Additionally, these high quality slippers are sanded down to perfection and then glazed, giving them a fresh shine. They have excellent durability and are easy to clean, capable of withstanding mud, water, snow, and dirt.

It's like walking on a cloud

used to wearing on the runway.  Fashion stylists believe these shoes are the new look for everyday casual wear, and Flatbush students have significantly contributed to their popularity by wearing them to school. However, customers should be careful when purchasing the open-heeled shoes, as school advisors have been sending kids home for violating dress codes. An anonymous student shared that she initially believed no one would notice her choices of footwear. Normally, she wears her Uggs slippers to school, but the clicks-clack sound of the Block shoes has made it more noticeable to the teachers.

As Block shoes hit the runway this season, they left consumers astonished. One model mentioned that wearing the shoes initially felt uncomfortable. Like all shoes, they require some breaking in, although it’s a bit more difficult due to them being made fully out of wood. After breaking them in, she felt like she was wearing the High-Jump boots from Subway Surfers. Another model admitted that she first thought the stylists were out of their mind for suggesting these shoes, but upon trying them, she said they provided great fit, support, and far more comfort than the high heels she’s

Standard of Fabulous JAP aesthetic taking over Flatbush

Students believe that Block slippers are best for school due to their immense comfort, which they consider the most important factor in school shoes. However, some have complained about the slippers lacking proper traction, leading to occasional slipping and sliding. Some students have fallen in the middle of halls, the Commons, and even slipped down the stairs. One embarrassed sophomore said she fell down the steps in front of everyone in between periods, leading to even more traffic in the staircase. She commented, “I don’t know if it was the dust or the shoes, but I looked like a cartoon character slipping on a banana peel.”

Rabbi Besser launches fragrance company

By Shirley Jajati Entertainment Editor

In the hallowed halls of Yeshivah of Flatbush, where wisdom and tradition intertwine, a peculiar tale unfolded, exceeding the usual scholarly pursuits. The tale of Rabbi Besser, a man known for his incredible knowledge of ancient texts and his affection for a certain aromatic indulgence, who has embarked on a journey that will forever change the fragrance landscape.

It all began one afternoon during Talmudic studies, when Rabbi Besser’s distinctive scent wafted through the hallways like an energetic matzah ball, bouncing from one unsuspecting student to another. His love for cologne was legendary, and students joked that they could detect his presence from a mile away—a gift, some said, bestowed upon him by Hashem. That fateful day, inspired by the divine essence of his favorite fragrances, Rabbi Besser decided to embark on a mission of aromatic proportions. The idea struck him like a bolt of heavenly lightning: why not create his own cologne, a scent so divine it could be described as “a whiff of Mashiach”? Thus, Besser Essence was born.

As the launch day approached, Flatbush buzzed with excitement. The fragrance release event was an extravagant affair, complete with a red carpet and Rabbi Besser leading thousands in a passionate kumzits. Adorned in a pink velvet suit, Rabbi Besser, ceremoniously sprayed the first bottle, releasing the much-anticipated aroma into the air. The crowd held their breath, both in awe and mild trepidation.

The scent, a unique blend of sacred texts, meaningful seminars, W rizz, and a lock of Fuzzy Wuzzy’s missing hair, enveloped the room. Some claimed to have had transcendent experiences, feeling as if they were momentarily transported to a higher plane of existence. Students debated its merits during Torah study breaks, and the fragrance even made its way into the curriculum—a true testament to its impact on the community.

The scent was everywhere—the old building, the new building, Touro, Prep, Starbucks … it even made its way up to the tennis court on the roof. The aroma reached such intensity that students began attending classes armed with gas masks, hoping to shield themselves from an overdose of sudden revelation.

By Sylvia Saad Fashion Editor

After years of popularity within the Ashkenazi Jewish community, the Jewish American Princess aesthetic has finally gone global and seeped into Syrian culture at Flatbush. No longer will the vocally fried voices of teenage girls remain

solely in sleepaway camps and Birthright trips. Now, Aviator Nation girls run our streets.

The number of Aviator Nation storefronts throughout Brooklyn has quadrupled, and it is difficult to walk outside without passing one. Next to the Avenue J Starbucks, an Aviator Nation store will replace the train station within the next

The announcement sent shockwaves through the Yeshivah, and whispers of anticipation spread faster than the video of Beni Keda’s dunk. “The fragrance,” Rabbi Besser claimed, “encapsulates the sweet scent of redemption, a perfumed journey toward spiritual elevation.” The marketing campaign for Besser Essence was nothing short of epic. Posters adorned the walls with Rabbi Besser standing stoically, holding a small vial of his creation, accompanied by the slogan “A Whiff of Mashiach—One Spritz Closer to the Holy Land.”

year. This will make JAPs’ shopping experiences significantly better, as drinking a strawberry acai refresher is the only way to fuel a shopping trip. Instead of stopping for a drink between classes, students will be able to make other fiscally irresponsible decisions. With Van Cleef stacked wrists, shopping makes for the ideal mid-class workout.

Golden Goose sneakers have also become increasingly trendy. These luxury shoes come pre-worn in and dirty so you don’t have to worry about messing them up yourself. Something about dirty shoes just screams opulence and royalty, just like your token Jewish American Princess.

Another Ashki trend that made its

As time passed, however, the scent began to dissipate, no longer threatening unsuspecting students. Besser Essence became a symbol of his brave venture into the world of fragrance. It served as a reminder that, in the pursuit of knowledge, even the most unexpected endeavors can arise, leaving a lasting mark on the pages of Yeshivah of Flatbush history. And so, the legend of Rabbi Besser and his aromatic creation, Besser Essence, “A Taste of Mashiach,” lingered in the air, much like the lingering love he has for all his students and G-d’s creations.

way over is Love Shack Fancy skirts and dresses. No matter the season, these floral and bright skirts have taken over seminar fashion. In the height of winter, the sneak peak of summer brings hope of warmer days.

Additionally, natural hair has fallen off the map. Keratin treatments are all the rage for straight hair without the hassle of whipping out the flatiron every morning. The treatments have become so strong, chemicals have begun seeping into JAPs’ brains and affecting their speech. Common indications of infections are randomly yelling “Oh my gawwwd,” or overly enunciating words. If these symptoms seem familiar, seek immediate help.

Sports

New street-crossing team gains popularity

By Rae Levy Senior Editor

As the school continues with its renovations and more classes are held in Touro and Yeshivah Prep, a new street crossing sports team has been formed. Students who participate in the team weave and dodge through oncoming Avenue J traffic as they go back and forth between the Flatbush building and Touro. Some of the more elite players have started crossing the street with their eyes closed. Students try to cross the street as quickly as possible while trying not to get hit, especially as rumors spread that the student with the fastest crossing times gets a few extra sign outs.

The Department of Transportation was called a few times over fears of the dangers involved with street crossing, but Dr. Tawil's business students used their negotiation skills to send them packing. The team has been assured by Rabbi Prag that they have G-d on their side so they don’t have to worry about traffic.

The team is coached by Mr. Weinstein, whose experience crossing Avenue J every time he teaches a class makes him a natural fit. To motivate his team, Mr. Weinstein has introduced a tournament where the top players compete in a more difficult game. Each round of the tournament has the students going to different places on the way to class. The first round is to stop by Starbucks, so which-

ever student that gets from Flatbush to Starbucks then to Touro the fastest wins. The challenges get more difficult as the game progresses. Some include stopping by Chock or Bagel Hole in the morning. The eventual winner of the tournament came back with a grandma slice from Pizza Time!

While the game is mostly judged by how fast the students can get from point A to point B, it’s not the only way to win. Students earn style points by doing cool moves, like jumping over cars and doing midair flips. Another way to earn points is to avoid the most electric scooters while crossing.

“Some students were getting so good at this that I needed to increase the difficulty,” Mr. Weinstein explained. “So I asked the school security guards to start shooing students away from the middle of the road and telling them to use the crosswalks at the corner.”

There has also been talk of the faculty creating their own league. Ms. Savdie said that because she has to teach in Prep, “I might as well have fun while making the trek between buildings.” The league for teachers would have different rules from the student teams, with the goal being to cross the street the slowest and be as late as possible to class. Many students have been cheering on the teachers as they cross, yelling their names and encouraging them to go even slower.

Sportsman Spotlight: Blumenthal’s bouncy ball

By Nina Tawil Junior Editor

There is a brand new sport sweeping through the halls of the Yeshivah of Flatbush, introduced by none other than Rabbi Blumenthal himself. Many students have observed him playing with the famous purple bouncy ball during his classes, and even during tests. And it seems that the bouncy ball is not the only constant presence - Rabbi Blumenthal’s

PE curriculum now includes climbing the scaffolding

By Bobbi Salama Junior Editor

This spring, a new gym activity is being added to the roster.

Although new sports have already been started, they were only meant to be temporary until the technicalities of the more exciting things were worked out.

“This semester’s gym classes never really had a permanent schedule. We were just biding our time,” says Coach Robyn Dweck. “We believe the students will be very excited about this, especially since at the moment it’s seen as an addition that will be removed once construction ends.”

therefore unanimously approved by the administration.

Students share similar excitement over the new addition. “Since the workers do it already, it can’t be that hard,” junior Peter Parker said. Another junior, Jacob Oved, added: “It’s like rock climbing, but better. More risk, more reward. I’m sure Harvard will let me in once they see I’m an avid participant in the sport.”

Beginning in April and following through until the end of the year, students will be climbing the scaffolding surrounding the building. This will take place on the side of the building currently inaccessible to the students, and construction workers will be forced to work inside or on a different part of the building.

“Since there’s no light being let in through the windows anymore, we figured it would be a good idea to let the students get some sunlight as the weather gets warmer. We put our heads together and came up with the idea of scaffolding climbing,” reasoned Athletic Director Adam Ginsburg. While this may cause construction to slow down, it’s all for the greater good of the students and was

A senior boy who requested to be referred to as Tarzan has been getting a leg up on the competition ever since the idea slipped out in gym one day. “I’ve already been climbing the scaffolding for two, three weeks now,” Tarzan said. “When this starts happening, I’m not letting anyone else beat me. I’m already working toward setting a world record for the fastest lap around the school.” His current time is 7 minutes and 48 seconds.

Most grades are looking forward to the possibility of this extending into next year, and maybe even the following year as well. “We could do this until we graduate!” freshman Jack Yossef exclaimed.

Meanwhile, the seniors are lamenting that they didn’t have more of an opportunity to dabble in the sport, and are hoping they can pursue it in their respective colleges. “Hopefully NYU has a scaffolding climbing team. With so much scaffolding around the city, how could they not?” says Grace Bawabeh. “And if they don’t, there are enough of us going that we can just form one.”

humming is always there, too.

This gave some creative Flatbush students an idea to combine the bouncy ball and the humming into a new sport, aptly named SBB (Singing Bouncy Ball). This exciting new game has students singing along to Rabbi Blumenthal’s favorite songs, including beloved Hasidic tunes like Madrigos and popular hits like Shemesh, all while bouncing the ball.

The enthusiasm is palpable among the students, with many not just enjoying

the rhythmic bouncing but also eagerly awaiting the chance to add this unique activity to their resumes. Junior Susie Masri is already thinking ahead to college admissions, confident that Yale will have to accept her now thanks to her participation in SBB. Classmate Emma Kamagi finds the bouncy ball and Rabbi Blumenthal’s presence in class to be her favorite part of the school day and is thrilled to be able to participate in this new sport with him.

As the SBB team gears up for their first official game, the halls of Yeshivah of Flatbush are buzzing with excitement. Who knew that a simple bouncy ball and some humming could spark such creativity and camaraderie among the students? The SBB team is sure to be a hit, bringing even more joy and fun to the school community.

Flatbush excels because the students practice multiple times each day

Senior Mario Dweck (bottom right) tries to earn bonus points while he climbs to the top