Youth Magazine Issue 5

Young.Fun.Free

Youth

Issue 05

Youth is a digital magazine run by the youth, for the youth. To help celebrate, educate and entertain while providing a free space to share your thoughts and ideas about the challenges faced by the youth of South Africa.

MANY THANKS TO THE TEAM

Designers: Lloyd Mwelo and Philisiwe Malinga

Founder/Editor-in-chief: Gloria Godwin

Copy Editors:

Models: Ashley Deshell, Mccaylyn Smith, Ntokozo Taylor Masilela, Quanz Letsie, Tanya Laurie and Tshenolo Demetrius Lebaka

Akhona Ntsume

Feature Artist (Take me home):

Rookshana Wilson

Visual Artist/Photographer: Banele Mhlanga

Contributing Writers:

Stylist: Gugulamalotshwa Make-up artist: Gugulethu Mtshali

Katlego Maphoso

Photography Assistant: Relebogile Nkotswe

Philemon Segone

Wardrobe Assistant: Innocentia Polori

Shonisani Mafhungo

Muse: Gugulamalotshwa , Gugulethu Mtshali

Ntombifuthi Alice Simelane Interview: Hugo Ntsika Nkosi- RedSea Concepts

THE COVER: URBAN LOVE STORY When both partners are for the streets but still find solace in each other.

Shot and styled by: Gloria Godwin Assisted by: Akhona Ntsume Clothing designed by: Philisiwe Malinga Models: Quanz Letsie and Tshenolo Demetrius Lebaka View page 42 for more.

CONT WALK

FEATURE

WALK WALK

FEATURE

08

21

HOW

HOW ARE AREWE WEIN A ROMANTICIN A RELATIONSHIP? ROMANTIC

Open Relationships

RELATIONSHIP?

11

16

13

TENTS How I became depressed after matric

49

INTERVIEW

36 42

THE TOXIC FRIEND: MENTAL HEALITH

Format-

26

less 28

L0VE 52

EDITOR’S LETTER Love is patient, love is kind- yet we put so much pressure on ourselves to get things done within the timelines of success we created for ourselves. Some of us are out here thinking “by the time I’m 25 I want to have a house, a car, a family, coins, etc.” which is great because I mean that’s goals right there but as you get closer to that age where you feel like you should have had your life in order but you don’t, it gets depressingly-sad (or sadly- depressing).

If you in your twenties then you know about those random sudden urges you get to suddenly get your life in order. You could legit be minding your own business, drinking water and suddenly that “get your life in order” hits you out of nowhere. Someone said it’s almost like a midlife crisis. I mean here you are, doing things but even you don’t know what exactly it is that you doing and when you look around you, it seems like everyone else has things figured out except you. Adult-ing is honestly a mess.

So that’s kind of what I’ve personally been going through for a while now and if you’ve been going through the same motions, then welcome to the fetch-yourlife club, a club where we unite to fetch-our-lives! ( no really we must create one).

I’ve come to realize that sometimes a “production break” is needed for you to think about who you are, what exactly you want, where you going and what the overall goals are, which in a sense is a form of self-love. Loving yourself enough to know that what you can do-you will and what you can’t, you’ll work on, without any pressure from anybody, including yourself.

I hope that we learn to understand that it’s okay to not have everything figured out right now and that we learn to show ourselves a bit more love, because in the words of my favorite queen mother, if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else. Can I get an amen.

Gloria Godwin

The Bluetooth Device …

Mamela - Mi Casa

Lucky Daye Ft Yebba – How much can a heart take

RAYE, Maleek Berry & Nana Rogues – Confidence

Filah Lah Lah – This is

Jazmine Sullivan Ft Anderson .Paak Price tags

Brent Faiyaz Ft Tyler, The Creator “Gravity”

Tyla – Getting Late Ft Kooldrink

Nasty C, Ari Lennox – Black And White

WALK

Styled and Photographed by: Gloria Godwin Assisted by: Akhona Ntsume

Designs by: Lloyd Mwelo & Philisiwe Malinga Models: Tanya Laurie & Ntokozo Taylor Masilela

How

How

Are we Are we inina a romantic romanti c relationship? relation

I

deally, the tale of a romantic relationship

the

meeting of two companions

who have either known each other for a while, went on a blind date, set up

by

their

friends,

miraculously bumped

or

have

into

each

other and voila Love lives here.

Usually that is the beginning of it all and

ship?

involves

as

we

have

seen

and

experienced it ends in marriage, a companionship or as the new lingo goes “it ends in tears”. Everyone has a clear understanding of these two notions, how the relationship starts and how it ends. The problem is the journey in between.

Obviously, all of us are not meant to fall in love in a similar manner otherwise, life would be boring if that was the case. Precisely that is not the question at hand, but it is the procedure which is undertaken when two people get to announce that they

in a relationship but what exactly

just get this one thing right -the art

does

into

of pronouncing ourselves as a

relationships would have probably

couple in a romantic relationship-

been easier in their earlier years of

we would at least cut to the chase

life. Maybe you could just meet a

and worry less about definitions and

person, you state thy desires and a

not being on the same page with

simple yes or no would get thy

your partner (because honestly you

where thy ought to be. These days

might be saying I’m in a relationship

we have levels, stages, phases and

that time your man is just dating).

whatever else you want to call them.

This will most definitely save us a

Just to name a few that do not

lot of time because some of us will

necessarily occur in this order, there

forever be in a fling, just dating or

is the meeting stage, then dating, the

honeymoon

“getting to know each other” stage

nothing wrong with that but to my

and honeymoon phase. Question is

confused people out there, a manual

do we confirm during or after these

would do us good.

it

entail.

Getting

stages that we are in a relationship?

Do you intentionally decide with your partner that we are now romantically relationship-ing or does it just happen?

It’s safe to confirm that love is a mystery itself. Surely even those who are in it do not have clear and precise

answers

because

what

worked for them might be what you wouldn’t even consider in a million years. However maybe if we could

phase.

Absolutely

Is

2021

the

year for open relationships?

Trust is a thing of the past. So, the real question is…. Don’t you think that all this could be removed and avoided if only the relationship was open? If

So,

the other day I was scrolling through

only it was a situation where I'm dating you

social media and a post about multiple

(exclusively) and you dating me (exclusively) but

partners at the same time catches my

in the same breath we also dating other people?

attention and this had me thinking, is 2021 the year for open relationships? This is the one topic that kept me up and questioning and with the polite, understandable, and shocking responses that I saw on the comment section, thoughts such as would people have much healthier relationships if they were to be open? Would people be happier in an open relationship? And are we set on making it a legal way of relationshipst

ing in the 21 century?

Imagine getting to know other people while being with someone. It's a situation where yes, I love you, but I want to be with them too. Is that not

honesty, which somehow creates a sense of trust because well... I told you and you agreed to it right? And you don’t have to feel some type of way when you see me flirting with your business partner, my high school mate, and your new friend. Well, in a perfect, non-spiteful and no insecurity filled world, this would be possible or at least I truly believe so. But realistically this might

Don’t get me wrong, Open relationships have

be the 21st century but there are a number of

been a thing for a while now as witnessed on

factors telling me why the concept of an open

reality TV shows like The Bachelor, Are You

relationship will crash and burn before it even

The One and Love Island in different parts of

took flight.

the world. I see new relationship norms that

people probably never even thought about before, quickly replacing traditional ones or should we say Stone Age love. But in all honesty romantic relationships are already stressful enough seeing that partners are constantly worrying about who's cheating on who, who is being dishonest, and who faces their phone screen downwards whenever they in your presence.

Somehow feelings never seem to be thrown but always caught. Yes, that’s the first factor.

Exclusivity is the name of the game in an open relationship and truth be told, who really wants

to play that game? In the beginning yes, an open relationship could probably work but just like the honeymoon phase all good things must come to an end and real-life kicks in.

It could work but someone somewhere will be catching feelings and once it's caught it’s kept. It's a situation that may get a bit sticky if I'm with you and the other person I'm with catches feelings. Catching feelings can be so deep that you don't want anyone else to share your partner with you and that can be a problem in an open relationship because well then it wouldn't be open anymore.

So, with all of these factors combined, personally I think that the idea of an open relationship will remain just that, an idea.

People in relationships (and even people not in relationships) are too busy trying to control each other by directing who must do what, when and why, when all that really needs to be present in that relationship is a sense of communication, honesty and most

Another factor is jealousy, I might be with

importantly trust.

you and with him too, but you might want

mutual

me all for yourself. Jealousy in a relationship,

communicate our feelings can we at least

never mind an open relationship, is always

have

there, and will never go away. This whether

relationship where feelings are there and

we like it or not results in insecurity. A real

present but the idea of exploring feelings with

case scenario is you might be sharing a

other people are an option too.

Only when we have a

understanding

a

conversation

and

about

we

an

openly

open

partner with someone else, but you might also be feeling like your partner likes you but likes the other one more, and that's a problem because once jealousy is there, it's really hard to get over.

Personally,

I

don't

think

that

open

relationships are about love but rather about figuring out love and navigating around love.

Some may say it's driven by being afraid of commitment, but I believe it's just testing the

The last factor is Resentment, it might have

waters because the waters need to be tested

started out fun but in the end, someone will

every once in a while. Ten years down the line

feel a sense of resentment because while

you don't want to find yourself being in a

you were with me and with them too, I

relationship with someone that is not for you

could have found someone who only

when you could have been with someone

wanted to be with me.

who was made for you. So open relationships

This causes the partner to start feeling like

in 2021 is it a yes, a maybe, a definitely, or a

you wasted their time. Then I am obviously

never? Really, it’s up to you.

going to hate you because honestly it starts with the little things.

Styled and Photographed by: Gloria Godwin Assisted by: Akhona Ntsume Designs by: Lloyd Mwelo Models: Ashley Deshell & Mccaylyn

FEATURE

When you think about the ghetto, the kasi, the hood, everyone has their own sense of style that helps portray who they are and where they come from.

Your sense of style normally narrates a story and this is a story told by Banele Mhlanga, also known as nizi.jpg, a self-taught visual artist and creative born and raised in Soweto, who tells the story of the flats through his photography series titled, Take Me Home.

FEATURE

FEATURE Teleporting to the past by recreating a moment in the past, using what we have in the present.

The vintage attire sets a focal point that winds back the hands of time which was inspired by all the icons that come from Soweto and it also represents the colourful aesthetic of the township which is not normally shown to the world.

FEATURE

FEATURE The environment, “The Flats”, with the textures, the feel and culture preserved throughout the years, ties it all together to bring that nostalgic feel and a sense of belonging. As for the cars, that adds a whole different element to the story with their extra pop of colour while driving the point home. Honesty we got super lucky with the cars because they were not planned for but they looked so cool going along with the theme we had for the whole shoot that it was impossible not to use them.

@nizi.jpg

It‟s 2021, a new year (2 months and a couple of days in) and most people swore to get rid of the “toxic” people in their lives, #NoNegativeVibes. But how does mental health relate to being a toxic friend.

We all know someone or might be that person. You know the “ I know I promised to help you with this but I can‟t make it “- 30 minutes before you actually supposed to get that thing done, or the moody one who dictates how you should feel when they feeling however they feel in that moment , the over-reactor, the unprovoked liar, the one who takes no responsibility for their actions or the controlling one.

Lately it has gotten so easy to avoid the struggles we might be facing mentally which has a lot to do with our psychological and emotional well-being , which in turn has a major impact on how we survive our daily lives, from how we think to how we feel and how we act or react.

At this point, most of us can admit to having had a mental breakdown of some kind at some point in our lives. Doesn‟t matter how big or small the breakdown might seem.

This might stem from exam anxiety, a bad breakup, not meeting your own expectations or even our relationships with our family and friends; which then lead to destructive behaviour such as being the negative person, reacting emotionally, being flaky or basically focusing on everything else outside of ourselves to avoid the inner work that needs to take place.

People will be more likely to suffer from depression, personality disorders and other mental health issues because of factors like genetics, stressful events ,negative thoughts such as „I‟m a failure „, having unhealthy habits: like not getting enough sleep, or not eating, or when you reminded of trauma experienced.

But how do we work on being kinder to not only other people but ourselves as well?

Suggestions from www.mind.org.uk on what to do when you…

Feeling frustrated: Hit a pillow, rip up a newspaper or have an intense workout.

Feeling depressed, sad or lonely: Listen to music that uplifts you or write a comforting letter to the part of yourself that is feeling sad or alone

Feeling anxious, panicky or tense: Take ten deep breaths, counting each one out loud. Also take a warm bath or shower to help calm you.

Feeling spaced out: Drink a glass of ice cold water or chew a piece of ginger or chilli

Talking to trusted family and friends who no doubt probably got a taste of your toxic behaviour but who remain open-minded about mental health issues, provides support and attention to what it is that you going through; this is also very helpful when you think you might be in immediate danger of harming yourself.

Establishing certain habits on a daily, even when you are not under stress, helps you find ways to stay naturally calm if things go sideways.

Preparing backup plans might also reduce stress since it helps you feel in control of your life.

When you start being more positive and using words such as „I have made mistakes, but they have no power over me‟ and „I have limitless potential‟, the feelings of depression/ and anxieties will start decreasing.

In the meantime, avoid agreeing to taking up extra tasks if you struggle to manage your own, this extra work might leave you questioning your own potential and we don‟t want that!

Avoid situations which you feel like might cause you to explode in a fit of rage.

Take a break, because as much as you need a break, your friends and family members probably also need that break from you. This will help everyone calm down and this will help you put things into perspective and see things from their point of view, which is not always nice but needed for you to recognize what you need to work on.

It is also recommended that you see a professional since certain symptoms are unlikely to disappear on their own.

Over all, always remember to cherish life and accept what you cannot change. Be kind to yourself and be kind to others.

ART

Created by African Ginger (Seth Armando Pimentel) who is an established illustrator, painter and experimental visual artist currently residing and working in Johannesburg.

His impeccable style is a fuse between everything that he has learnt visually, influences from the inspiration he gets from different artists and the daily textures he observes and discovers throughout his life. He also focuses on pushing the boundaries of visual art conventions by combining traditional and digital work, into a hybrid of experimentation.

Continuously drawing and developing his style and approach to mental illness, he uses his practice to highlight the nuances in his own personal experiences and aims to create a visual bridge of understanding with his subjective experiences of dealing with mental health to a wider audience.

African Ginger uses his art to reflect the times and what we‟re facing as young people. This exhibition is honesty mind blowing and I‟m happy that we were able to see it face to face because this created an in depth connection which helps create a deeper conversation.

THOUGHTS… The exhibition allows us to have conversations about topics like emotion without even really having to speak because you staring at it and it‟s in your face. Reminds me a lot of a confrontation, you know when you staring in the mirror and you confronted with your own demons, reminding you that you actually have to sort through them? You have to sort through the pain, the anger, the trauma and so much more that we deal with on a daily.

Exhibition WHEN: 6th – 27th February WHERE: Kalashnikovv Gallery, Braam, Johannesburg

TAGS #Soloexhibition

Life sometimes is blurry because a lot happens so fast and we go through so many different phases, that it‟s easy to get lost in it all. It‟s easy to lose direction, focus and even your own identity.

But through all of these aspects, through the loss, the love, the pain and the struggle, the overall outcome of it all is growth and that is what I feel is the main part of this exhibition, growth.

I think that this exhibition is therapeutic because it expresses what I feel but battle to describe which is kind of funny because the whole creation of this was based on his emotions at the time but yet it is relatable to so many of us.

Personally I feel that Seth has always touched on the past, represents the present and somehow prophesies the future (maybe I‟m being extra but its true) and that is part of the reason why I find his work interesting.

The exhibition itself might have come to an end but fortunately you can always visit his Instagram feed to check out a few posts from the exhibition that was had and so many projects that he completed or is currently still working on.

#Experimental #Mixedmedia

SOCIAL HANDELS IG: african_ginger

RATING

9/10

Sometimes

The Hardest Thing to Wear Is Your Skin YOUTH SUBMISSIONS

I grew up in a household where words like "you are beautiful", you are wonderfully made", "look at my pretty girl" competed with the oxygen to fill the air. I am well into my twenties and I vividly remember interactions with strangers that made me feel like there was almost something wrong with me. At that time, I couldn't pinpoint what I was going through; I mean I was just a child.

However, when I got to elementary school my mates constantly challenged the words and affirmations of my family. I learnt all those looks of disgust; pity and contempt had to do with the colour of my skin.

See my skin colour is no different from your Lupita Nyongo's, Alek Wek and Danai Gurriras. Yep, I am a dark-skinned girl! As a toddler I always felt pretty and loved, my parents made sure I knew that, but when I was made socially aware of my dark skin, I felt like my parents left out or forgot the "you are dark-skinned" part.

Maybe an emphasis would have made me receive the comments easier. But It came as a shock to me, I guess I never had thought about the fact that I was dark skinned-or was I colour blind-but it was most likely because I never

deemed my dark skin as less beautiful.

Now that I've learnt to love myself holistically so, sadly these kinds of insults to my skin colour never come to a complete halt. I’m learning to love and appreciate myself even though society, influencers and advertisers are not doing

As a young woman trying to garner her

enough to help readers rethink the debilitating

confidence in a society that perceives whiteness

and destructive impact of colorism. I have met

as more beautiful, acceptable, and more

so many dark girls who can't place any value in

meaningful than dark skin tones, without

themselves because society deems dark to be

meaning I found myself disregarding the positive

ugly. Well, it is not ugly, it’s the greatest entity of

reinforcement I was raised with, I cannot recall

yours and honestly the one thing that they use

how many days (and there were many of them) I

against you is the one that will forever empower

spent looking in the mirror wishing my skin were

you.

lighter. Also, I can't recall on how many

occasions I hear phrases like "you are too cute for a dark one", you are lucky to be dark and beautiful ", if you were a little bit lighter you would be a goddess" It's quite easy to listen to these remarks and laugh at their ridiculousness, but what do these paradigms even mean?

Personally I know that sometimes the hardest

thing to wear is your skin but to my dark girls, I honour you, you are loved and yes, your unique darkness is welcomed in this world! Because in a world without dark skinned girls… what a sad world that would be.

INTERVIEW Born and raised in the east rand K1 - Hugo Ntsika Nkosi, the 25 year old cofounder of RedSea concepts. A fashion institute dealing with styling, garment production, fashion consulting and so much more. In anticipation for the release of the brands new range, tagged by a Lookbook, we sat down for an exclusive preview for the range drop and while we were at it, got to know more about Hugo’s journey in the fashion industry.

Hugo Ntsika Nkosi @ntsika_redsea

YOUTH: Tell us about yourself, an overview of who you are and what you do.

I’d like to think of myself as a modern renaissance man. I don’t want to be boxed into a certain job, thing or category but I’m mostly into art, culture, fashion and styling.

YOUTH: The fashion institute, what is that about?

RedSea concepts was founded by myself and cofounder Lungelo Buthelezi, we founded the company six years ago out of the need to create lux. RedSea is a flamboyant institute, from styling, dropping garments, consulting for other fashion brands, graphics and so much more, which is why we don’t even call it a fashion house anymore; it’s a fashion institute representing luxury.

YOUTH: How did you get started? What inspired the begging of this fashion institute?

The beginning, my fashion journey stared when I was introduced to fashion by my late grandmother (my mother’s mom) Dora Nkosi. She was my first fashion icon. She’d wake up every morning with nowhere to go but she’d still dress up, wore makeup, got styled up and just hang out in the house, doing what she needs to get done for the day, you know. So she was one of the people that I looked up to regarding fashion. She is part of the reason of how I got introduced to okay these are garments and this is what looking good feels like and how it looks like, you know. My grandmother was a brilliant soul and dresses and that is where my love for fashion was ignited.

Growing up with that history in mind, I then thought of myself as someone who must dress up and dress other people as well, but I wasn’t impressed with anything in the stores so I though why not create my own garments, and that was around grade 9. That’s when I decided to start my first brand, which was basically the beginning of my journey.

YOUTH: What are the highlights so far in this journey?

Other than the really exciting release, if I’m honest I don’t really like dwelling on highlights or lowlight but surprisingly staying true to the brands morals and values is a highlight for me. Not losing the brand identity that we stared with over the past few years is something I’m really proud of. Also being invited to VUT to showcase our range- mind you this was like my second range that I’ve ever dropped and here I was being invited to the Vaal to give a young demonstration on how things are done.

YOUTH: Describe a typical day in the office for you.

A typical day in the office would be that I’m never in the office. I prefer being in the forefront, doing different things. Either I’m styling or out trying to market, sourcing fabric or spending time in places where I try to get inspiration from.

REDSEA REDSEA REDSEA REDSEA

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YOUTH: Something we really want to know is when is the drop and what can we expect?

We planning on dropping our next Lookbook really soon and in this you will see that we took a different approach then we normally do. We normally do formal and lux but we are doing something different this time around so you must look out for that.

YOUTH: What’s your favorite place to shop?

Zara understands the type of gent that I am so if I’m not making anything myself, I know that they’ve defo got me covered.

YOUTH: What items catch your eye?

Shoes! Definitely shoes. I could genuinely live in Chelsea Boot forever! That’s the most important shoe in my life. I might just drop a collection of that myself.

YOUTH: Who are your style hero’s?

Let me run you through my top5, 5- Uglybruv, geez that gents aesthetic is ruthless and Punk. I love it.

4- David Beckham..

3- My father! I think the expensive taste I have, I got from him.

2- My late grandma that I mentioned earlier. Dora Nkosi.

1- ASAP Rocky. Fully inspired by that man and the way he handles himself.

How I became depressed after my matric results

It's that time of the year again, emotions are high, tensions are rising, and the matric results are out. An epic battle between expectations versus reality. For some your reality is way better then what you expected, for others your expectations fail to meet your reality.

I remember the night of getting my results like it was yesterday.

For the most part I was calm, very excited but at the same time very anxious. Then I thought about how hard I worked, all the effort I put in, all the hours I spent, and I thought to myself, nah fam you worked your butt off so there is nothing for you to worry about, like absolutely nothing.

Then the results came, you know the moment of seeing something but still doubting that it is what it is. I mean I felt like I worked hard, felt like I gave my all, felt like I deserved to get what I wanted to get but here I was, not happy.

Thing is people underestimate how much something like your matric results can actually affect your self- esteem. I mean from the very beginning we are told that a formal education is so important, that without matric you not really going to go anywhere and having believed that almost all my life, I was confused. It's a different type of feeling when you are happy because you passed but at the same time you not happy because you know you could have done way better and now here you are, confused as heck because you didn't get what you wanted but you got what you needed to get.

I remember crying, crying my heart out because I felt like how? Why? When did I not give enough!?

When did I slack! Because I mean I tried, I really tried; maybe I even tried more than I've ever tried in my life. So how?

After the questions I remember being angry, and then mad (which is basically angry X5), I remember being mad at myself, for having these high expectations because now I was

disappointed, mad at my family and friends for telling me I could do it and here I was not having done a single thing, and mad at the universe because I mean flip everything and everyone in the universe.

So not only did you get something way below your expectations but here your family is, congratulating you for your marks, here your family is being proud, your aunts and uncles making phone calls to you and while all of this is going on, inside of you, you are mad but now you have to keep that in , you sad but you have to hold it in , you want to cry but you have to hold those tears back, but most of all you disappointed because somewhere inside of you, you know that you could have done better, you could have done so much better but you didn't and it's disappointing.

People will call you ungrateful, because I mean you didn't "not" make it, you didn't fail in technical terms, but you did fail yourself and that hurts even more. I mean if you flat out failed, your family members are there to comfort you and tell you that it's not the end of the world. But if you fail yourself, and you actually voice those opinions, people are going to look at you as if you are crazy, dramatic, and very ungrateful. They going to look at you as being selfish because you actually made it so what are you complaining about?

I was depressed because I felt like I couldn't really talk to anyone about it. Because I felt like people were going to judge me for being selfish and so I had to downplay how I

really felt and act happy because that is what is expected from me right? Well wrong because all I remember is crying my eyes out almost every second because again, I failed myself, I expected so much and blamed myself for expecting so much and being

over ambitious because nothing rip’s apart an ego then failing to meet expectations, especially your own expectations.

So if you going through the emotions I'm not going to tell you to not cry because

personally I found a type of serenity and release in crying and wailing, so cry but know that after you done crying, we move on and we implement the next phase in our journey, even if it's one that we never thought we would have to take, we do it anyway because the dream is not over, it might just take a bit longer but it is definitely not over.

If you going to take it from anyone take it from me, there is always a plan, the dream is not over, the plans are not ruined, things can still happen because there is so much opportunities. So many things can happen for you, maybe it might take an extra year but we can make it happen because if I know anything about ambitious people with high expectations it is that we don't give up, we don't stop, we keep moving, so let's keep moving towards those goals and dreams.

“The Lost Boys without a story”

Formatless L0VE

What comes to mind when we think about love? Why and what has led us to this definite definition and thought about this feeling of deep affection towards something or someone? This shared common idea about the concept of love has been the most ‘accepted’ and the one seen to be the most ‘valid’. The ideology of reaching or experiencing ultimate love involves and has always been that of romantically being in love with someone.

Love has always been portrayed in a preformatted manner meaning; it has always been red and held the ‘Cinderella happily ever after’ narrative for centuries.

Any other forms of this feeling have never qualified as authentic or treated at the same value as love that is being experienced when one is in a romantic relationship.

Because this century has brought about so much change and eradicated so many templates in terms of how life should be and what it should look like, It is about time that we treat LOVE as universal and versatile as we claim it is and try dismantling this set idea of how it should look like.

This concept of romantic love being the ultimate level that one has to reach to experience deep affection is influenced by all walks of life. From basic literature to world renowned movies people have made it seem like it’s the second compulsory purpose of living. There is no fault with this ideology for all we know and judging from either empirical or theoretical experience it works. People do find the ultimate joy and happiness with falling in love with a particular somebody and they do live happily ever after. The problem is it being treated as the only source of love when all other people want is to fall in love with money, their families and most importantly with themselves.

Any experience we have ever had with love shapes how we are to practise this feeling throughout our livelihoods. If you are questioning why we need to advocate for different types of love to be treated at the same value as romantic love, your answer lies in the different experiences people across the globe have had in loving whoever or whatever. As much as some of us are falling in love most of us are falling out of it because they have discovered ultimate joy in loving their children or fallen in love with themselves or romantic love is not what they thought it is.

Therefore the best thing that we could ever reward ourselves with is to understand and practise love for ourselves so that we could fully feel it without any other person influencing our decisions.

Love is the most sensitive task ever especially when we find it hard to define it from a personal point of view, we tend to seek for validation or that meaning from someone or something else. Love is not what your parents say it is, not a culmination of your friends stories about how many boys have broken their hearts, not even the ultimate experience that your uncle has had after he left the wife that has been torturing him for years only to find out that he was not even attracted to women after all. It is personal to you and you are alone. It’s for you to discover at your own time and it could represent many things such as laughter, pain, tears, money, and travel, abundance, and many other aspects of life. Love could be about yourself, you, and your family spending time together, or you having a long-life partner and all of these.

Love has no manual. Nobody knows what it should look, feel, taste or sound like. We all have our own different experiences.

Some of us have never experienced the red, happily ever after and that’s fine there should be no judgement because this universal language has many different levels to it. As much as love is colourless, ageless and bypasses all types of boundaries and surpasses even the greatest knowledge love should be format-less because honestly there is no prescription for how it should be experienced.

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