InsideOut Issue 10

Insideout Magazine issue 9

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Yip Staff Tarisai Mchuchu-Ratshidi Director

A project implemented by Young in Prison South Africa

Rozerie Bosma General Manager Clinton Osbourn Post-Release Coordinator Kholofelo Mashego Advocacy and Communications Coordinator Nkosinathi Buyana Life Skills Facilitator and Trainer Vuyokazi Magobiyane Life Skills Facilitator

facilitated by Clinton Osbourn, Vuyokazi Magobiyane and Iris Gooris

www.younginprison.org.za

Owen Butler Life Skills Facilitator Tlhabanelo Diholo Life Skills Facilitator Zamani Ndlovu Project Coordinator Johannesburg Joseph Mofokeng Life Skills Facilitator Tebogo Butie Life Skills Facilitator Co-facilitators Iris Gooris Javier Perez Brynne Peluso Haley Tillage Lauren Knoke Will Vaughan Masika Lewis Matisse Yoshihara Myra Orillaze Stephen Kusemererwa Willy Borkai Magazine design Conor Ralphs Meghan Judge Young in Prison 059 – 080 – NPO Community House 41 Salt River Road Salt River, Cape Town Tel: 021 448 5275 Fax: 021 448 3024 info@younginprison.org.za This project is funded by The European Union

This issue has been sponsored and supported by:

editorial.....................................2 contents

sun city......................................4 animal spirit..............................8 inside writing..........................10 letters.......................................16

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sun city

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I am the sun I make light where there is darkness I come and go When I come everything shines When I go everything is dark People like me a lot Especially in the holidays Because where there’s light There is a way I am very important Because I am part of nature The sun is everyone’s friend

Did you hear about the sun The sun is something that comes up Early in the morning To make light in the world Many people care about him Because he brings life in this world He is the sun and Makes light when it is dark Brings happiness in the world Makes people smile every day That’s why people love the sun Because he shines bright like a diamond

Energetic, involved, warm shine I rise between the people And get involved And I am better than darkness I let the morning shine Rising them hope Because I am an energetic one Feel me, I am good and warm I will make clothes get dry Let kids have fun I will always be there when needed And I am an international heater With me you can go all over the world

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“Some people WANT IT ALL” Things we take for granted when we outside, its the small things you miss the most!!!

The freedom of holding your children The freedom of bathing them in the evening.

Their laughter when you play their little games The freedom of telling them that you love them and them telling you “mommy I love you The little things they do that makes you angry but later we laugh about The vision of seeing their little faces once they done something wrong that innocent, little smile.

The joy your children bring into your life is always been takeing for granted is because you don’t really realise when that joy can be taken from you and now we behind the gates in a room with 4 walls and nobody to tell you I Love you mommy.

The FREEDOM of Loving Aakifah Smith

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There was a tree , it lives next to the see as he grow up life seems hopeless but one day the sun tells him do not worry I’ll give love as a friend I’ll be day and night giving you light and the sea will set u free to complete your dreams and trees will be green as hope !!!

Jermaine

I am the tree that needs to grow But in order to grow I need rain So that I can be strong It can bring fruit to the world Funny it seems but The tree did keep its dreams That was to live long And bring fruit to the world Siyabulela

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animal spirit The dog walking to the bush Hunt rabbit end guard a can To do not so to the meats and He is the type who have a black And white colour he is pretty and he like To eat meat and drink water And play with a cow all the time and He hustler all the time Simphiwo I’m like an elephant Who has a good memory And loves children He has a beautiful grey colour Big feet and a long trunk I’m part of a legacy That came a long way And will never disappear I’m also very brave And known for my intelligence I’m the type of animal That keeps my pride on my head Like a king who wears his crown I’d like to identify myself As a family man because I keep my family alive Wayne

There is one sliding between the grass And when it meets somebody It begins spitting poison on the human I like to be at the mountains Between the rocks Hiding myself from the people There is another thing I don’t meet with A monkey Always run away when it sees me Between the rocks I am sneaky like a snake Emmanuel

I’m a snake I like to move around When people don’t see me I like to lay in the sun I like to eat rats and small animals I like to be hiding When it is winter Because I don’t like it When the grass is wet Peter He is a rabbit that lives in the jungle With a lot of animals Who sleeps under a rock in the field Where he must stand and go Find something to eat for him self Some hunting dogs are looking for him And he is always alert and aware For dogs and wild animals That can chaise or catch him and eat him For him it is very hard because He don’t even know what can happen In his way forward Each and every step that he takes He must first look around both sides When you see him he looks happy and cool But inside he is always praying Or crying for his life The most time he is just running away And he survives Yandisa I’m like a dog Who protects his puppies Against anything that can be there I have messy hair but they can be combed I live in a dog cage with my little dog family Every day is like a year to me Because I live to keep my family alive And to protect my owner and his family That’s why the people call me a boy I like to bark at people I don’t know Jonathan

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Insideout Magazine issue 10 A gentleman covered in hair Beautifully brushed and washed He sleeps all night and day Long nails Showing the way he is wild Three beautiful colours Grey, brown and black It is Siyabulela the cat Siyabulela

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 Inside writing  Sometimes I wish heaven had a toll-free number

by Motebang Maitha Sometimes I wish heaven had a toll-free number.Twenty six years (six months, five days and whatnot), young and ambitious. I live life like it’s an adventure,thrilling, exciting, hard-hitting, sad, shocking, surprising, full of drama and I just took the whole package and ran with it. Today I am a senior student at college,a blog administrator and youth mentor for Young In Prison South Africa, a sous chef working as a part-time fruit intern for a very successful Ice cream company and an independent young man growing to become a responsibly aware member of the broader community. As an ex-offender I can sure tell you that this little adventure I’m living might as well be somebody else’s dread or nightmare. If you went from being an all-rounder,an academic achiever at school to being a mini version of a hot-headed, cold-blooded criminal and a hopeless drug addict.Lets say at 18 years you get arrested and sentenced to a decade in prison,hell. Then you come out 11 days before your 25th birthday.All of your close friends are dead, got shot down and killed in the very same neighborhood. Your only support system , your family, wrecked and crushed by family drama.A whole new world , a whole new different view of life , your head filled with so many question that you end up looking like a question mark yourself. Scatterbrained in a foreign reality, you now have responsibilities for yourself and others, expectations from your family, community and yourself too.

Lost….It took me ten days to finally make sense of what was going on around me.The rest of the time I felt like a beggar juxtaposed on some busy street corner and watching life just passby. But on the eleventh day , the day before my birthday, which was on the 12th of December 2011, I woke up from a dream,a very exciting dream. I woke up and told myself that I’m gonna make it come true. Since that day I have slept for days hungry, I have hurt and I have cried alone in my room at night because of the sacrifices, choices made, decisions taken and the life shaken by the consequences of such…My life, even though it sucks sometimes, It’s still my little adventure and I love it! Everything I have gone through, learned and experienced, not just within the past 19 months since I got out, but since my “introduction” to life - has brought me this far. I am the way I am because of where I come from and the choices that I have directly or indirectly made in partnership with life. As a young black man living life in the townships of the “teenage post-apartheid New South Africa”, overcoming the “poor man mentality” and the “illusion” called poverty can be a very tiring exercise.

My name is Motebang Masitha and I’m on a journey of understanding who and what I am including my “universal” purpose.I’m on a journey of successes. Overcoming such obstacles is just part of the life I live,living it is what I’m about. I’m “Not Yet Famous” but everyday I get to make my dream come true step-by-step. Who are you not to?….

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Death on the Wind

by Nomviwana Mbombo People kill things everyday From love to idle time And somethings die anyway From life to idle minds It couldnt really hurt to die No more than it hurts to live The people left always cry When theres nothing left to give Death is just the final sleep As dust to dirt we go In little piles that dirt we sweep And the wind outside still blows And the wind kills time itself It eats away this earth Everything once know as wealth The wind will turn to dirt again To know death is to know the wind That whispers through the trees And death is just another fwend Blowing into breeze

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NCE UPON A TIME there was Prince who had everything many could buy, but the one thing he didnt was unknown. To him mom was there but daddy wasn’t. So as the years went by daddy never appreciated so he decided to go look for a work because everything he had he got, he would like to capture the world and find his dream. As he went out the house he saw a rose that grew from a stone that lay beside a river outside his house, so by testing his faith he compared himself with the rose because it barred itself to breathe air and it fed itself by praying for raindrops. So he said to himself long live the rose that grew from a piece of concrete, outside the kings palace and in the jungle.

Wayne

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s r e t let To: Gavinita Taphel How are you doing, because here at home I stress alot just wish you could come home.

Gavinita we are missing you alot and you know what your child is growing very fast and she miss you also. My child how long will it takes for you to come home it already a year, you know what it feels like if I just can die the way I miss you. look here my child you must be strong because God have a reason why he puts you there and he have a reason why he keep you so long in that place but all I ask you to do is to chance not only to impress me but to be better person and to be a mother to your child. We miss you alot.

Your Granny Sarah Taphel Dear Zizipho It me your mother my child I just need to tell you that I miss you and love you we all are here at home can feel your space is open wide cause everyday we will say your name were are you coming back home and we only sometimes worry that are you alright. the house does not feel the same the funny caring and loving person is not there even your brother will miss you expecialy on weekends cause only the two of you guys in the house will wake at the same time to watch the cartoon from 6:00 to 8:30 so he miss you he will wake your sister Azola and you now azola does not like waking up early in the weekends so she will say to brother wait i'm gonna come and the cartoons with later on you can watch so long and your brother will reply to her I wish zizipho was here to watch with me. I also miss you even you are here 2 days help me with the household stuff cause I know you are the only one knows everything there's no need to tell you wat you must do even with olwethu you are some thing cause when you are here you iron her school clothes I love you my babby I wish you will return home soon and eat all the lekker stuff you like I miss buying them also I'm hurt & painful that you not around me and your family to cause you are my first born but I wish one day god will return you to us and never let go with you again and promise also into yourself you will be alway be around your family cause has a mother its painful and hurting not know ing were your child is sleeping nice or wats happening with her. but babby girlo always rember that no matter wat I will always love you and miss like hell.

Your Mother Babalwa

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Insideout Magazine issue 10 Dear: Nomviwana Hello there i am fine thanks and i really hope that you are fine, i am writing this letter not only to tell you that i miss you, but to tell you that i'll never forget about you although you are in prison, you must always remember that prayer is the key to success and that god has a plan for everyone and that god doesnt put you in a situation for no reason.

We really miss you here at home and its not the same anymore, you were always the joker in the family and without you jokes the days are actually longer, my child i want you to give yourself time to think about your life and what you want to achieve in it. I know that you had high dreams and hopes for yourself, but my child i want you to know that its not the end of the world, whats done is done, it cant be changed my child i want you to think about the present and how you want to improve your life from now onwards, you know that i'll support you in any way that i can and that i'll always be there for you no matter what happens yours sincerely your beloved mother Nokonwaba Mbombo

Dear: Noerieyah For the past 4 to 5 years you’ve cozed me lots of trouble and pain even leaveing from home for months without anyone knowing giveing me sleepless nights haveing to worry have you eaten are you in safe hands are you in a warm place have you got on warm clothes you takeing from others makeing me sick coz I don’t know when some1 gonna come and say noeriyah was killed or murdered or raped stabbed etc. doesn’t mean you in prison I dont miss you or long to have you with the family at home but regodless of what you stay my daughter and I would always love youand do for you what I can.

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Dear Jaun-Marie Visser How are you doing, we’re doing good a few more days, on. more month, then all of this will be over for good. See a good day when it will happen.

You are a smart & talent girl dont let this get you down. You got so much ahead of you. all you must do now it give hope we miss you, do you. know that, we miss all the fun we hade, even all the time we where anger with each other we miss it. cant wait for your. Return, don’t know how it will Be probly really fun, don’t cry promise me that. know that we love you eoeryday more & more will try our best to come.

You must see how Big they are getting still very playfull. they miss you. hope you are not geting beten down.

Love you very much Yours unknown Good comes to those who wait…

To. Bernadett Saayman Well that concern my health im kicking the highest scale. Just missing you.

Well first of all I want to say how much I miss you and how I think about you and thinking what made you like this I realy dont know if it’s your past that made you like this but i am realy missing my little angel. I want the two of us to be like we have been before you moved out of the house. I know you miss your daddy and after his death things change. people are telling me that you doing drugs but I dont believe it althou you getting thiner and everything seems to change I realy don’t know what to say But baby im here for you if u need help I will end my letter with tears in my eyes I realy miss my little angel and you know im always here if u need my help.

Yours sincerly Mother (Rachel) 18

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To Fatiema Davids Hi there Fatiema how are you doing hope you are okay just want you to know is that we miss you very much and we dont want you to stress that much because we know God has A plane for your life we are all hurting very much that you there and not here with us but we hope this time you here learnd your lesson and you wont do the same mistake againe cuz your chid is growing very fast and she needs her mother at home with her to take her to school to be there when she is sick most of all we need you to be the same fatiema that you use to be my child so plz take this time to think about what you want in life when you come out of prison cuz you are still very young to throw your life away like this and we hope you are done with drugs and friend when you come home just know that we are all praying for you to come to your sensors and know that life is to short to throw it away like that so plz my child it is up to you!!!

Dear Thabisa Hi there its you mom trying to find how are you doing there, we mic you me you sister and your cousin brother.

Im not going to turn my back on you just because you are where you are right now, but I want you to know that I love you and I wanted you to be fine. one day I and I expected that you would finish your studies and have a carrer that you would follow one day but I guess all that did not happen and I want you to tell how much I still care for you and supporting you.

Now that you have learn from your mistake I want you to change for the future because you will be a mother just like me you will have to know how to be responsible love you take care and will mic you From your mother Primerose 19

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Dear: Donny The reason why I’m writing, this letter is because I miss you very much and can’t stop thinking about you and what we had and all I can say is thank you for being an big inspiration in my life for four years I can’t thank you personally now because I’m in Pollsmoor and appearing at/in Wynberg court the 28 August.

But when I come out, I’ll come thank you and have a nice chat. I know you somehow dissapointed in me but had no choice. Hope you come visit me or bail me out then I’ll be forever gratefull. Hope you okay and keep well & hope you enjoy your birthday on the 6 August. Happy belated birthday Love from Nicole aka Smiley Nicole Megan Fillies

Dear Mother I had so much experience in my life but all of it was fun time best of holidays, resturants etc But my best experience was the time you show me how to work earning my own money making me independant the best part about working was communication it thought me how to communicat with differant Thing mother you thought me so much besides working pitty I went wrong but I promise you mother of mine I am going to chang when I get out here I will start working earning agen my own money so I can put away to study on so that I can live my dream’s and one of my dreams are to give my mother & daughter the best of everything So if I do come out of here I’ll try not try but Im going to do my best and be the best mother to my beautiful most adorable daughter.

I love you mother and my angel Aqeelah and but of cause you to dad. I always carry you guys’ in my heart & play With lots of love From Ayesha To: My Dearest Beloved Jonathan Beuques/Beugues I don’t know even how to start this letter on how much love you showed me…. We have faught to be 2gether as well as went through tough challenges 2gether aswell!!!

But, want you to no every minute that passes every breath I take its all with you. I can be far away from you but my heart is with you 24/7 babes!!!

So my love when I get out ill spend more time with you and my perants and let’s leave the bad alone and do the good 2gether So ill say no goodbye my love for now…

Love your Wife- Mishkah Beharolen

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Dear Mother I had so much things on my mind am sorry for every thing. Thank you for watching over my children for the time that am not with them. And when I come out I will be the girl that you want me to be. I miss being with my two children. But don’t worry I’ll be home soon.

From Simone Calvert

To my beloved mother Jy is soos 'n blom wat staan En kyk or die veld En is daar 'n problem is vra mammie Maar dan kom daar nie windjie terug nie Van iemand wat mammie lief het Ek geer vir mammie baie probleme Maar as ek voor die blom staan en praat Slaan my woorde weg in die donker dik mis Maar daar is lug in die donker dik mis As ek in 'n gattie weg steek Dan voel ek soos 'n muis Mammie ek is soos 'n kat wat ' n muis vang Maar ek kan net nie saam mammie se vlag vlieg nie Ek het baie dinge gesien en oor gekom En my kop gestab Maar ek het nog nie vir mammie verskoning gevra Vir die dinge wat ek gedoen Ek weet mammie se voet is harder en stekker as myne En die dinge wat ek doen Dit pas nie by my nie Mammie as ek uit kom Wil ek my self leer Om aan te pas in die buite lewe En ook sorry dat ek mammie se hart gebreek het

TO MY BIG MAMMA

Yours faithfully, Johnley Rabie

I know we had some ruff times together. The worst one of all was the one when they wake us up at 3:00 in the morning. Now you the one takeing care of my kids there’s no words that can express what you and my kids mean to me. Im sorry that you have to struggle on your own.

The Day when im set free we will be more of a family and put the past behind us. I love you Thank you Love: your only daughter A.S

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THIS LIFE These stories were created by participants from the YiP SA post-release project and were published a long with a range of other stories in the first edition of This Life, a 112 page book that we printed ourselves. They were created over a 5 month period, which included drawing lessons, character development and story telling workshops. I knew it would be a challenge for them to complete but I also knew that they would be capable of it. The stories reflect the circumstances they they live in and most of them are real life experiences. Hopefully in telling them they have a new understanding of what they have been through and realise that they are capable of things that they never thought possible. I have been so impressed by their effort and proud of the outcome.

- Clinton Osbourn

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