The Solution News Since 1991
March/April 2010
Recovery
Happy, Joyous and Always Free!!
Growth
Renewal
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The Solution News Contents Page 4 - Dave’s Page: Then and Now
Page 24 -The 12 Step Buddhist
Page 5 - Menthol Nicotine's Partner?
Page 25 - Clarence Snyder
Page 6 - Loved One’s 12 Step Program
Page 26 - Fulton Oursler
Page 7 - Hotlines and Helplines
Page 27 - You’ve Got Personality
Page 8 - New Insurance Parity Rules
Page 28 - For Your Inspiration
Page 9 - Watershed Page
Pages 30 - Teen Drinking
Page 10 & 11 - Events
Page 31 - Dangerous Expectations
Page 12 - Rebecca B. - The Eagles’s Nest
Page 32 - The Wit of Henny Youngman
Page 14 - Tales of A Recovering People Pleaser
Page 33 - The Wisdom of Confucius
Page 15 - Penelope Love - The Glass Jar
Page 34 - Chef Lester’s Sober Sideboard
Page 16 - Alcoholism Movie Classics
Page 36 - Daffynissions
Page 18 - Alcohol-Induced Blackouts
Page 37 - The Solution Is In The First 3 Steps
Page 23 - MEEP Brings Help & Hope
Page 38 - Parting Shots
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Dave’s
Page In 1991 I was working in a treatment center in Boca Raton and after many years working in the field of recovery and with 18 years of continuous sobriety I decided to start a small newsletter for recovering people in Palm Beach County. It seems odd to think that the first issue, which I have hanging on my office wall, was created on a Brother Word Processor which was really just a fancy typewriter. That issue was typed and “cut and pasted” together on my desk. My old friend Ricky Seigel had a coffee shop on Atlantic Avenue called the Java Cafe and he was my first customer paying me $100 for the front page ad. I had seven other advertisers and for the first issue I collected $300 of total advertising revenue. I paid about $80 to have the eight page newsletter printed at a “Jiffy Print” type shop. They did 500 copies and I distributed them to about 30 locations in and around Delray Beach. I did the distribution on my motor scooter which cost about $2 for a weeks worth of gas.
The Solution News: Then and Now Over the years the paper has had its ups and downs but like my sobriety it has always continued in a steady upward direction. The passage of time has allowed the paper to grow into what I feel is a true and honest representation of my own personal beliefs about the joy of living found in our recovering lifestyle. Since that first issue this paper has contained serious articles and information about recovery, the twelve steps and topics of interest to people in recovery. Our Events Page, Advertising Directory Pages and Hotlines and Helplines have become a resource for professionals and recovering individuals. Toss into the mix the humor pages and the pages about our wonderful twelve step legacy which is the history of Alcoholics Anonymous, and you have the formula that continues to be the philosophy and editorial policy of the paper. One other feature that has distinguished The Solution News from other publications is the fact that it has always been free. Hence the “Happy Joyous and Always Free!!” on the masthead. We have been able to keep the paper free through the generosity of our friends and advertisers. To them I will always be tremendously grateful. Its nice to look back but even more amazing to see what we have become. Today I compose the paper on my computer. I actually have two computers on my desk with a laptop standing by in case two computers aren’t enough. The newsletter has become a forty page color and black and white tabloid newspaper. Unlike most free publications advertising is only one third of the paper with almost seventy per cent content. This ratio is unheard of in the free publication market. We distribute to over 125 locations in Palm Beach, Broward and Dade counties.We are truly the hub of recovery information for South Florida.
We have resisted the temptation to expand the hard copy of the paper throughout Florida and the nation, wishing to stick with our area of expertise which is the recovery industry and community of South Florida. The exciting news, however, is the fact that The Solution News is now available as it appears in its hard copy version on the Internet. Until recently the solutionnews.org website has been the Internet’s leading recovery information website. Now through the marvels of modern technology you can get the actual page turning edition on the website. How amazing it is to think that this idea of “love and service” to the recovering community as expressed in a small eight page newsletter has turned into a publication that is available to anyone in the world who wants to receive it. And yes, it is still free. This leaves us with the Happy and Joyous part of the masthead. Creating The Solution News has become my life’s work. It has allowed me to be happy and joyous in my work. I am truly blessed to be able to get up in the morning walk the twenty feet to work in my office and sit and create this publication. While working I am in contact with some of the finest people in the world. They have given me their love and supported this effort sharing my passion to provide help and enjoyment to those who, like us, have gone from the depths of despair to the heights of joy and settled into a life that is full of meaning and purpose. We often get so busy in our lives that we forget to recognize and thank the important people. I am blessed to have a forum to do this from time to time. There is neither room nor time to list all of the hundreds of people who have helped me and supported my efforts with The Solution News. So thank you all for making it a privilege and honor to publish this paper.
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Menthol May Be Nicotine’s Partner In Addiction Nicotine is definitely addictive, but scientists have been debating for several decades the effect of menthol in hooking people on tobacco. Some researchers suspect that menthol allows smokers to take deeper drags or puffs on cigarettes, drawing in greater amounts of nicotine and its byproducts. "It helps the poison go down smoother," says Jonathan Foulds, the director of the Tobacco Dependence Program at the University of Dentistry and Medicine of New Jersey's School of Public Health. In a cessation program at his university, Foulds found that people who smoked menthol cigarettes seemed to have more difficulty quitting than those who smoked regular cigarettes. Nearly 1,700 people were enrolled in the program. They signed up, Foulds says, because they wanted help quitting. Millions of Americans say they've tried to quit smoking, and some groups appear to have a harder time than others, such as low-income, less-educated African-Americans and Hispanics. The current cost of smoking, particularly in the northeastern United States, would certainly be enough to make a poor person want to break the habit. In New Jersey, a pack of cigarettes costs $8; in Manhattan, a pack costs $11. For many, those prices mean it's time to quit or cut back. But Foulds says it's not quite that simple when the body is addicted to a certain level of nicotine. Over time, he says, "Your body tries to inhale more smoke per cigarette to get the usual dose of nicotine. With regular cigarettes, it becomes harsh because nicotine and the toxins in the smoke are harsh on your throat." Menthol smokers, it appears, don't have the same problem. Those who smoke menthols say it creates a cooling, soothing sensation.
Menthol is a cooling agent, Foulds says, and that makes it easier to inhale more smoke per cigarette and perhaps get more nicotine. Dr. Kolawole Okuyemi of the University of Minnesota has studied disparities in black and white smokers, and the effect of menthol cigarettes on biochemical markers. A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that AfricanAmericans who smoke menthol cigarettes inhale a higher volume of carbon monoxide compared to those who smoke non-menthol cigarettes, according to Okuyemi. They also take in more byproducts of nicotine that can be measured in the blood or the saliva. "If you take a menthol smoker who smokes 10 cigarettes and a non-menthol smoker who smokes 10 cigarettes a day, the carbon monoxide, the nicotine and cotinine [a byproduct of nicotine] will be higher for the menthol smoker." That suggests "there is something about menthol that makes it easier to smoke more intensely," Okuyemi says. One of the biggest indicators of a person's addiction is how soon they light up after they get up in the morning, Okuyemi says. Studies show that menthol smokers light up sooner than regular smokers – as soon as five minutes after they get out of bed. Among African-Americans who smoke, the vast majority smoke mentholated cigarettes, and many of these studies compared biochemical markers in black and white smokers. It may have more to do with the fact that AfricanAmericans metabolize nicotine more slowly, says Okuyemi. That would mean that they are more likely to retain nicotine. Andrew Hyland of the Roswell Park Cancer Institute isn't entirely convinced that menthol aids addiction. Though not linked in any way to
Lorillard, which manufactures menthol cigarettes, Hyland's study was cited by one of the company's representatives as evidence that menthol cigarettes are no more addictive than others. Hyland followed 13,000 smokers for five years. He found that low-income and less-educated people had a harder time quitting, but he found no difference between whites and blacks, or menthol and regular cigarette smokers. He agrees that menthol's role in smoking is not entirely neutral. "If you look at how deeply people inhale or the puff volumes — how much smoke they bring into their lungs — some studies show that it is easier [to smoke menthol], but other studies show it's not," says Hyland. "To me, that means it is probably not a huge deal, especially relative to the thing that gets people hooked. The menthol is a tool, a marketing tool. Once they are hooked on the product, with the nicotine, that's when they're in trouble." Historical documents show that the industry did in fact target African-Americans in the late 1950s. At that time, African-Americans were no more likely to smoke menthol than white Americans. Lorillard maintains that a fourth of white Americans who smoke today smoke menthol cigarettes. About 75 percent of AfricanAmerican smokers use menthol cigarettes now, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. They start later in life and quit later, like 56year-old Larry Harrison, who gave up cigarettes after 38 years. "Fourteen days clean," he says. For those who don't think that sounds like a very long time, he says, "When you've been smoking 38 years, one day is a long time without a ciga{www.npr.org/Brenda Wilson} rette."
ADVANCED RECOVERY CENTER 1300 Park of Commerce, Delray Beach, FL 33435
Phone: 561-274-7417 Fax: 561-274-8715 TOLL FREE: 1-877-ARC-HOPE “Advanced extended care for the complicated and treatment-resistant addict.”
TO TAKE A VIRTUAL TOUR GO TO: www.arc-hope.net
6 Understanding a loved one's Twelve Step recovery program
Understanding a Loved One's Twelve Step Recovery Program It can be scary when someone you care about begins a Twelve Step recovery program. If that someone is an alcoholic who joins Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), you might feel left out, as if the person has joined an exclusive club and you don't know the secret handshake. More likely, however, you will feel the sense of hope and relief that the person enjoys. You will see that the person is making a dramatic life transformation -- abstaining from alcohol and building a healthy body, mind and spirit. If you truly care for this person, you will be curious about the source of this great lifestyle change. "When I first told my family I was going into treatment, they were stunned," said Cathy, a recovering alcoholic. "I wanted to talk, needed to talk, but none of us had the right words yet. Now, five years later, I realize that it doesn't really matter how perfectly you say something. You have to risk saying the wrong thing and just start communicating."
a lifelong disease and see the Twelve Steps as their new design for living. When people whose lives have been affected by addiction work the Twelve Steps, they can better sort out the things which they have no control over and the things for which they are responsible. Group meetings
The Steps start from a basic acceptance that we can control and change only ourselves and our own reactions to people and events. Twelve Step participants take ongoing inventory of themselves and honestly acknowledge the ways they have hurt themselves and others. When they are ready, they attempt to make amends to all persons they have harmed. Trust, acceptance, love, goodwill and forgiveness are key elements in a Twelve Step program just as they are important elements of any healthy relationship. "I discovered how good relationships get better and how unhealthy relationships get exposed when you work your program," said Cathy. "I've been friends with Hannah for years, but we had been partying friends. So when I entered recovery, we were really careful around each other. Then we began talking -- really talking. Now our friendship is deeper and more honest. Recovery has been good for both of us." "The Twelve Steps help us understand that we can't control the afflicted person or the disease. Al-Anon, the mutual-help support group for relatives and friends of alcoholics, teaches members to take responsibility for themselves and to let go of responsibility for the alcoholic. "
"Learning basic Twelve Step philosophy and language can open the lines of communication. Once you understand some Twelve Step principles, concepts such as powerlessness, spiritual awakening, higher power and making amends, offer a safe place to share one's experience, they will seem less like cult mantras and more strength and hope and to receive support and fel- Friends and family members are interconnected, suspended in delicate balance. When a loved like the simple guides they are intended to be." lowship. one begins the arduous journey of recovery, the balance shifts. With work and understanding, A Twelve Step program is one that adapts the Twelve Steps of AA to fit the particular needs of While the program is neither religious nor mys- relationships can be reshaped into something a mutual-help group. Narcotics Anonymous, Al- tical, it is considered spiritual in that members better and a healthier balance can be achieved. Anon, Alateen, Gamblers Anonymous, Nicotine realize they are not the center of the universe. A Recovery and support for the recovering person Anonymous, and Adult Children of Alcoholics higher power is at work, but that higher power are reciprocal gifts that keep on giving. are examples of groups with a Twelve Step can be defined however one chooses. Love, You can learn more about Twelve Step recovery God, nature, conscience, the positive energy in a at the Web sites of Alcoholics and Al Anon: foundation. group of caring people, or an unnamed sense of aa.org, al-anon.alateen.org spirit are all examples of higher powers. Most Twelve Step participants view addiction as {Alive and Free Hazelden.org}
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Hotlines and Helplines AA BROWARD COUNTY AA FLORIDA KEYS AA HOTLINE, North Palm Beach
954-462-0265 305-296-8654 561-655-5700
AA HOTLINE, South Palm Beach AA HOTLINE Broward
561-276-4581 954-462-0265
DEPRESSION AND MANIC DEPRESSION DEPRESSION - OVER 55 FAMILY CAREGIVER PROGRAM FLA. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
954-746-2055 954-746-2055 305-292-8445 800-500-1119
FLORIDA BAR LAWYER’S REFERRAL
800-342-8011
954-462-7202
FLORIDA HIV/AIDS HOTLINE
800-FLA-AIDS
AA MIAMI DADE
305-371-7784
ABUSE REGISTRY
800-962-2873
ADD PARENTS SUPPORT
954-473-8644
AL ANON HOTLINE, Palm Beach
561-278-3481
AL ANON HOTLINE, Broward AL-ANON/AL-ATEEN
954-491-1915 8884ALANON
FLORIDA INJURY HELPLINE FLORIDA INTERGROUP AA FOOD ADDICTS IN RECOVERY FLORIDA PET GREIF SUPPORT GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS HEPATITIS-B HOTLINE
ALIEN ABDUCTION SUPPORT GROUP
954-698-6926
ALZHEIMER’S ASSOCIATION
954-726-0002
ALZHEIMER’S COMMUNITY CARE AT RISK YOUTH PROGRAM BIG BROTHERS & SISTERS CAPITOL CITY YOUTH SERVICES
561-278-6649 727-726-8829 561-966-4120 850-576-6000
CATHOLIC DIOCESE OF ORLANDO
407-658-1818
CDC NATIONAL AIDS HOTLINE
800-342-2437
CHILD ABUSE HOTLINE
800-4ACHILD
COCAINE ANONYMOUS CODEPENDENTS ABNONYMOUS CONSUMER HOTLINE COSA (co-dependents of sex addicts) COUNCIL ON COMPULSIVE GAMBLING
954-779-7272 800-254-1333 800-848-3792 763-537-6904 800-426-7711
CRIMESTOPPERS CRIME LINE
800-510-5553 407-276-4581 1-866-325-0500 352-392-4700 800-891-1740 800-891-0707
HEPATITIS HOTLINE HIV/AIDS HOTLINE HOSPICE HOSPICE/HOMECARE BY THE SEA JEWISH FAMILY& CHILD SERV LAWYER ASSISTANCE RECOVERY, INC LUPUS FOUNDATION OF S. FLORIDA MARIJUANA ANON. MIAMI HELPLINES
800-545-2437 800-352-2437 954-467-7423 800-3923189 561-684-8443 800-282-8981 561-642-1722 561-279-8606 800-766-6779 305-358-4357
MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS FOUNDATION
800-441-7055
NTNL. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE NAR-ANON, Broward
800-799-SAFE 954-584-6578
NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS Palm Beach NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS, Broward
561-848-6262 954-476-9297
800-458-TIPS 800-423TIPS
NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS gold coast
954-476-9297
NAT. CTR. ELDERLY ABUSE
800-96-ABUSE
DASH (Divorced and Separated Help)
561-451-2312
NATIONAL RUNAWAYSWITCHBOARD
800-RUNAWAY
DEBTOR’S ANONYMOUS DEPRESSION & BIPOLAR SUPPORT
954.925.4068 813-878-2906
NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE
800-SUICIDE
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER
954-746-2055
The Solution News 640 Beacon Street, Manchester, NH, 03104
Phone:
603-657-5580 WEBSITE: solutionnews.org Email: solutionpublishingcompany@gmail.com
The Solution is not affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous or any other 12 Step Program although our content is directed towards those who have found the 12 Step philosophy to be a significant factor in their lives. The Solution News published by Sobersolution six times a year for people actively working on their physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being. We are committed through articles and advertising to provide a broad spectrum of recovery, renewal and growth information. The opinions are those of the contributors. We seek to attract advertisers who represent their products and services with integrity but we urge readers to be wise consumers.
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Obama Administration Issues Rules Requiring Parity In Treatment Of Mental, Substance Use Disorders The U.S. Departments of Labor, Health and Human Services (HHS), and the Treasury jointly issued new rules providing parity for consumers enrolled in group health plans who need treatment for mental health or substance use disorders. "Today's rules will bring needed relief to families faced with meeting the cost of obtaining mental health and substance abuse services," said U.S. Secretary of Labor Hilda L. Solis. "The benefits will give these Americans access to greatly needed medical treatment, which will better allow them to participate fully in society. That is not just sound policy, it's the right thing to do." "The rules we are issuing today will, for the first time, help assure that those diagnosed with these debilitating and sometimes life-threatening disorders will not suffer needless or arbitrary limits on their care," said Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius. "I applaud the longstanding and bipartisan effort that made these important new protections possible." "Workers covered by group health plans who need mental health and substance abuse care deserve fair treatment," said Deputy Treasury Secretary Neal Wolin. "These rules expand on existing protections to ensure that people don't face unnecessary barriers to the treatment they need." The new rules prohibit group health insurance plans typically offered by employers from restricting access to care by limiting benefits and requiring higher patient costs than those that apply to general medical or surgical benefits. The rules implement the Paul Wellstone and Pete Domenici Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act of 2008 (MHPAEA). MHPAEA greatly expands on an earlier law, the Mental Health Parity Act of 1996, which required parity only in aggregate lifetime and annual dollar limits between the categories of benefits and did not extend to substance use disorder benefits. The new law requires that any group health plan that includes mental health and substance use disorder benefits along with standard medical and surgical coverage must treat them equally in terms of out-of-pocket costs, benefit limits and practices such as prior authorization and utilization review. These practices must be based on the same level of scientific evidence used by the insurer for medical and surgical benefits. For example, a plan may not apply separate deductibles for treatment related to mental health or substance use disorders and medical or surgical benefits. They must be calculated as one limit. MHPAEA applies to employers with 50 or more workers whose group health plans choose to offer
mental health or substance use disorder benefits. The new rules are effective for plan years beginning on or after July 1, 2010. The Wellstone-Domenici Act is named for two dominant figures in the quest for equal treatment of benefits. The late Sen. Paul Wellstone, D-Minn., who was a vocal advocate for parity throughout his Senate career, sponsored the ultimately successful full parity act. He was joined by former Sen. Pete Domenici, R-N.M., who first introduced legislation to require parity in 1992. Champions of the legislation also included the bipartisan team of Rep. Patrick Kennedy, D-R.I., and former Rep. Jim Ramstad, R-Minn. The issue of parity dates back more than 40 years to President John F. Kennedy, and also was supported by President Clinton and the late Sen. Edward Kennedy. The interim final rules released today were developed based on the departments' review of more than 400 public comments on how the parity rule should be written. Comments on the interim final rules are still being solicited. Sections where further comments are being specifically sought include so-called "non quantitative" treatment limits such as those that pertain to the scope and duration of covered benefits, how covered drugs are determined (formularies) and the coverage of step-therapies. Comments are also being specifically requested on the regulation's section on "scope of benefits" or continuum of care. Comments on the interim final regulation are due 90 days after the publication date. Comments may be emailed to the federal rulemaking portal at http://www.regulations.gov. Comments directed to HHS should include the file code CMS4140-IFC. Comments to the Department of Labor should be identified by RIN 1210-AB30. Comments to the Treasury's Internal Revenue Service should be identified by REG-120692-09. Comments may be sent to any of the three departments and will be shared with the other departments. Please do not submit duplicates. U.S. Department of Labor releases are accessible on the Internet at http://www.dol.gov. The information in this news release will be made available in alternate format (large print, Braille, audio tape or disc) from the COAST office upon request. Please specify which news release when placing your request at 202-693-7828 or TTY 202-693-7755. The Labor Department is committed to providing America's employers and employees with easy access to understandable information on how to comply with its laws and regulations. Source: U.S. Department of Labor
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RNS & LPNS For Admissions Department We are looking for Florida licensed LPNS and RNS who are friendly & compassionate and able to work with alcoholics and addicts. The hours are a mix of evenings and nights with weekend work involved. We are also looking for an RN to supervise the clinical aspects of the department and work as an integral part of an allied health professional’s team.
Therapists
Behavioral Health Techs
Are you looking for a place where the concept of "team" has deeper meaning? We are looking for caring, insightful therapists who are committed to the highest quality care for our patients and who have the desire to support those who are struggling with addiction. Our facilities offer our patients comfortable and safe surroundings to begin their journey of recovery. The Watershed is Joint Commission accredited and fully licensed by the State of Florida. Our therapists provide individual and group counseling to patients in our inpatient treatment program. The therapist is able to develop a relationship with the patient that begins in detox and lasts throughout the entire length of stay. The therapist functions within the limits of their licensure, registration and/or certification. Graduation from an accredited college or university with a Masters Degree in a health-related discipline; licensed and/or accredited applicants preferred. Experience with chemical dependency and/or dual diagnosis programs preferred. The Watershed welcomes recovering individuals to apply! Recovering individuals must have a minimum of 1 full year of abstinence from drugs/alcohol to eligible for employment.
Are you a caring, compassionate individual? Are you able to provide supervision and support for others in a thoughtful, respectful manner? If you have these qualities we encourage you to apply for a position as a Behavioral Health Technician, (BHT). Our BHT's are directly involved in providing quality care for patients as part of the overall team and are responsible for conducting meetings and providing structure for our patients during their treatment experience. As a BHT you are the frontline staff member, having frequent interactions with the patients throughout their stay. As a result you are in a position to have a positive impact on the patient's view toward recovery. The average day for a BHT involves a variety of activities; there isn't a lot of time spent in one place since our patient's care is conducted in different areas of the facility. The BHT should have a clear sense of personal boundaries and be able to enforce clearly established guidelines. People with their own personal recovery experience are encouraged to apply! Must have a minimum of 12 months of sobriety.
Alumni Coordinators
We are currently seeking hard working, customer service oriented individuals with excellent communication skills to become members of our team. The Call-Back Representatives will work collaboratively with the Admissions Coordinators in order to admit new patients into our treatment facilities. This position involves making follow-up calls to individuals who have previously called The Watershed seeking treatment but were never admitted into our facility. Our goal is to reach out to those who may have avoided treatment in the past and assist them with their struggles of addiction, by offering our treatment services. This position is full-time with some weekends involved & located in our Delray Beach, corporate building.A year or more of 12step recovery experience is very beneficial to anyone working in this position. Prior call-center and/or healthcare experience are a plus!
The Watershed’s newest department is that of the Alumni coordinators! Coordinators main focus is in making contact with ALL of Watershed’s alumni dating back to it’s doors opening in 1998! Through this effort any alumni who may have encountered relapse and needs help can be given a means to get back into their recovery and those who are maintaining recovery can be orientated to our current program which offers a variety of services, activities and opportunities to our alumni & their families.Work hours currently are: Mon.-Fri. 10am to 6pm at our office in Delray Beach. Six months or more of active 12-step recovery is needed and being an alumnus of The Watershed is preferred. Having basic computer & phone skills is a plus.
Call-Back Representatives
The Watershed is a Drug Free Workplace and an Equal Opportunity Employer. For more information, please visit: www.thewatershed.com. To apply, please go to www.thewatershed.jobs.
Watershed Alumni - you don’t want to miss this!!!! Are you a graduate of The Watershed Treatment Programs? Do you have an interest in personal growth in your recovery? Would you like to be able to help others, even as you were helped? If the answer to any or all of these questions is "YES", then we want to hear from you! The Watershed has a unique one of a kind ALUMNI PROGRAM that is quite literally filled with events, activities & services for you!! It is a place to find support, fellowship and numerous ways for you to be able to reach out and help others. We currently have over 3,100 registered alumni members around the country and we want YOU to be a part of this community! We also have an Alumni Family Outreach Program for YOUR family members to offer them the same connection and support with each other, that now numbers just under 2,400!!! As promised….the NEW WATERSHED ALUMNI WEB SITE has begun!!! It includes a NEW FAMILY WEB SITE as well! To register either for the Alumni or Family site, just go to www.livesinrecovery.com today! You will find a place to register under "ALUMNI" and a place to register under "FAMILY". For each site, there are security measures and a verification process in place to insure that "only alumni" are on the Alumni site and "only families" are on the family site. This is a SOCIAL web site, where you will be able to chat, create groups and meetings, upload videos, create photo albums, find local meetings, be up to date on events, access the new Alumni Magazine, the monthly Alumni Newsletter and Life Saver's Club Newsletter, and SO MUCH MORE! Those of you already registered, do you remember receiving LOTS of emails from us?? Well, NO MORE! There will now be an email sent out ONCE A MONTH to let you know of all that is happening for the next 30 days and what to look for on the site. EVERYTHING will now be located on the web site. We hope that you will get involved with alumni if you aren't already. We have the Alumni Speaker Meetings EVERY SATURDAY from 9:30am to 11:30am at BOTH the BOCA and BOYNTON facilities. You MUST have 90 days clean and sober to attend. If you are a new alumnus with less than 90 days in recovery, we have special support meetings just for you! The ALUMNI SUPPORT meeting at THE WATERSHED APARTMENTS in Lake Worth, FL on THURSDAY nights, from 5:30 to 6:45pm under the tent by the pool. ALL ALUMNI with less than 90 days should attend so that you can gain important information related to your early recovery AND so that you can receive a 90 day medallion. For directions or further information or questions, contact Rebecca Balko at the contact information listed below. Last but not least…if you are an alumnus and have in interest in working in the field of addiction recovery and/or in our Alumni Department, The Watershed wants to hear from you! If you are interested in seeking employment you can either contact Rebecca Balko or go directly to our web site at www.thewatershed.com and go to Human Resources to place an "on line" application. *You need to have 1yr. clean and sober for most positions* We look forward to hearing from you! You can contact Rebecca Balko at: Rbalko@thewatershed.com (or write) 200 Congress Park Dr. Suite 101 Delray Beach, FL 33445 (PHONE: 877-416-9566 ext.88204)
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Events COCOA BEACH 20th SPRING CONFERENCE
"The Woodstock of AA" May 6th-9th, 2010 Lodging Info Holiday Inn – Oceanfront 1300 N. Atlantic Ave. Cocoa Beach, FL 32931 1-800-315-2621
For Details: http://www.woodstockofaa.com
2010 INTERNATIONAL CONVENTION OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS The 2010 International Convention of Alcoholics Anonymous will be held July 1-4 in San Antonio, Texas with the theme “A Vision for You.” A.A. members and guests from around the world will celebrate A.A.’s 75th year at this event with big meetings held Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday morning in the Alamodome. Other meetings, scheduled or informal, will take place throughout the weekend in the San Antonio Convention Center and local hotels. Registration opens in the Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center on Wednesday June 30, 2010 at 8:00 a.m. Registration will continue Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m., and Saturday from 8:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. The opening Party in the Park starts at approximately 8:00 p.m. Thursday evening, July 1 and ends at midnight. Marathon meetings will begin at midnight on Thursday, and run around the clock until Sunday morning. Meetings start at the Convention Center on Friday at 9:00 a.m. and continue until 5:00 p.m., with the same schedule on Saturday. Friday night and Saturday night from 8:00 to 10:00 p.m., we gather in the Alamodome stadium for Big Meetings. The Flag Ceremony will take place before the meeting on Friday night, and Saturday we will have an oldtimers meeting, where A.A.s with more than 40 years of sobriety will share. The closing meeting will take place in the Alamodome on Sunday from 9:00 – 11:00 a.m. For Information go to:
www.aa.org
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Events Women In Recovery Retreat Feedback You're Not Alone! Live and Let Live! One Day At a Time! They were just slogans on the wall until I went to a recovery retreat. It was at the retreat when recovery became real ... and do-able ... and even better ... Desirable! Over the course of the 28 hours of the retreat, I gained friends I hope to keep for a lifetime. I gained an understanding of myself and why I had let my disease make me feel like an outsider. I learned that pretty much every feeling I had in me was shared by someone else. I truly came to believe I was not unique. The meetings or functions - whatever you want to call them - they worked their magic on me. They helped me really understand how much alike we all are. There was a time I would have thought that was a bad thing, but now I understand how much comfort there is in identifying with the look I see in my recovering friends' eyes. I also discovered a source of strength in myself that I didn't realize existed. I feel stronger and know that I can do anything ... one day at a time. One thing is for sure - I didn't clean up my act to be miserable. I've resigned from the miserable society! Laughter rang through the rooms and frolicked through the trees at this retreat. Pure joy! Smiles that begin somewhere in the heart and spill out all over the place. We laughed till we cried, and then we laughed some more. If I had to try and find one word to describe the whole retreat, it would be "enriching." I feel so much richer now than I did before I went. The activities were stimulating ... they really brought out the best in us. The drumming, meditation and stress reduction activities were just what I needed to feel more centered and alive. The environment is unbelievably serene and peaceful ... I could feel myself relax and unwind from the pressures of day-to-day living. I stood there with over 100 women who were all very different ... yet just like me. Their fellowship means the world to me. I've made friends to last a lifetime, and I know we'll continue along the path to recovery ... one day at a time. Yep! I'll be back next year! Hope to see you here on February 12-13, 2011. By the way, the men-folk don't have to miss all this fun and recovery .. The Men's Recovery Retreat will be on April 10 -11, 2010. Tell your brothers, fathers, husbands, etc.
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Rebbecca B.
The Eagle’s Nest
The Eagle is an incredible animal, both in its presence, as well as its behaviors. Their body size, (depending on the species and sex), can range from 30 inches to 40 inches in length, with a weight of 8 to 15 pounds. Wing span can range from 6 feet to an incredible 8 feet! Eagles are capable of flying as high as 10,000 feet and can dive at between 100 to 150 mph, when aiming for their prey. The average lifespan of an eagle in the wild is 15 to 20 years, although 30 years is not that uncommon. An interesting behavioral fact about the eagle is that it is the only bird that will fly DIRECTLY into a storm, rather than avoiding it and finding a safer place. By flying into the storm cloud the eagle is able to use updrafts, which allow it to soar higher and faster – at speeds of 80 to 100 mph. One of the most fascinating aspects of the Eagle is the dynamic between the mother and the baby eaglet. Of all the birds – it is the baby eaglet that is the hardest to teach to fly. This is believed to be in large part, because the nests are located high in the mountains with very steep drops to the rocky terrain below. The babies see this and have no desire to leave the nest. When it is time for that baby to begin learning to fly, the mother will stir the nest. You see, up until this point the nest is a very warm, safe and comfortable place for the eaglet. All of its needs are met there – food, safety and the comfort of its mother’s wings. But the mother then begins to walk around the inside of the nest, breaking twigs and turning over the leafy content, causing holes to be produced in the nest structure, thereby allowing the wind access to the inside. It also causes the twigs to poke upward creating discomfort to the eaglet. The mother does this quite literally to make the eaglet desire to leave the nest. Often this process works and the babies will begin the act of learning to fly. Sometimes however, they are not convinced that “leaving” is a good idea, and still wish to remain in the nest. The mother will then begin “hovering over her baby”. The mother will flap her large wings just above the eaglet who will freak out and run around looking for a place to hide…but there is no place. The mother will rest and then repeat the process again and again.The reasoning behind this? “To get that eaglet motivated!” The baby eaglet however, will actually learn the mother’s pattern to rest and will take this opportunity to jump on the back of the mother’s neck so that mom can’t get him with her wings anymore! While the eaglet may think himself to be smart…in reality, this was the plan of the mother all along. At this point the mother will then take off with her baby attached to her back and soar him very high in the air. Just as the baby begins to
relax and take it all in, she will shoot out from under him, allowing him to flap his wings trying to fly as he falls to the earth. He, of course, isn’t strong enough yet. But no worries…she will fly below him before he can hit the ground and take him back up again. She will repeat this process and each time, his wings will become stronger as he fights and tries to fly. Ultimately she will take him back to the safety of the nest to warm and comfort him with her wings. This is done until the baby learns to fly. Once this is completed the mother still will not leave the eaglet – but instead she will begin to teach him how build a nest and to hunt. Sadly, the reality is that sometimes there are eaglets that simply “refuse to learn to fly”. When the mother eagle drops the eaglet so that he can strengthen his wings, he will simply fold his wings and let himself drop, so that his mother will do the work. When this happens the mother, realizing the eaglet is refusing to learn, will take him for a final flight and going out from under him, will allow him to fall to his death. Though it appears harsh, it is believed that she does this to protect the eaglet from a more horrible and slow death from starvation, beast or freezing. A friend and mentor of mine in Birmingham, AL a few years ago used the metaphor of the eagle’s nest with me, in an effort to show me what was happening in my life at that time. I had spent the first 18 years of my sobriety with the same friends, support group, living in the same city, keeping the same job and lived within a rocks throw of my parents. I was married, had bought my first home and enjoyed the sound of little feet and laughter from my step daughters every other weekend. Due to the loss of a job, my husband ended up applying for a job in south Florida. It took about six weeks to find out if he had it. During that period, I spent most of it in denial and completely uninterested in even entertaining the thought of this happening. (I was in a very comfortable place.) When they flew him down for his final interview, reality began setting in. I was in a total state of panic – I had NEVER even thought about living anywhere else or DOING anything else. I met with my friend and he told me about the eagle’s nest and said, “For whatever reason Rebecca…God is taking your nest apart. You are ready now and it is time for you to fly.” When my husband got word that he had the job, he had to leave six days later. Just like that everything had changed. I had two choices at that point: (1) Cling to the nest and “lose out” on what God had planned for me or (2) Take the next right step and “find out” what God had for me. After moving here and going through the process of growth that occurred as a result of
these changes, I became interested in learning more about the eagle. Through the aforementioned, it became clear to me what a close correlation there is between this aspect of nature and our own lives on a spiritual level. Not only through the process of just growing up, but more so, in going through the process of recovery. We enter into treatment and/or the rooms of recovery and it is a safe place to be. We have lots of warm faces, words of encouragement and reassurance surrounding us. We are allowed a time to “just be” and to rest. But soon we begin hearing about what we need to do to prepare for the real world, so that we can “live life on life’s terms”. The person working with us, (whether that initially is with the therapist or the sponsor), will inevitably begin to stir up the nest. Disheveling our comfortable place and poking holes in our ideas of how things should work. They will bring forth “truths” that poke at us and make it uncomfortable for us to sit idly by in our safe place. Why do they insist on doing this to us?? It is to get us motivated!! Ultimately the sponsor will take us from “idling in our safe place” and lift us to places we have never been – where we can see what needs to be done. They will allow us to make decisions and let us go, so that we can begin trying to apply what we are learning. Sure, in the beginning it’s like a train wreck most of the time…but that isn’t the point. We are developing spiritual muscle. Sadly, this isn’t the choice of everyone. There are those who “refuse to learn, refuse to grow”. Waiting for someone else to save them they allow their wings to fold and they fall. One day, there is no one there to catch them. But when we DO decide to begin working the steps, (to fly directly into the storm), this process raises us to a dependency and relationship with the God of our understanding. Often we will not want to leave the safety of our little nests…but God to, will allow us discomforts that cause us to be placed in a position for change. He will lift us far above our circumstances, with moments of great peace and tranquility, where our view is much larger and clearer. Then, like the mother eagle, He will swoop out from under us, allowing us to practice the spiritual tools we have been given, but growing, we are never far from the safety of His hand. As time goes on, we become stronger and our lives improve. God won’t just get us flying (sober), but like that mother eagle, He will also ensure us everything that we will need to survive and thrive. I for one am forever grateful for my Eagle’s Nest experience. (Rebecca B. – BeccainBham@aol.com)
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Recovery Bulletin Board A CHRIST CENTERED 12 STEP PROGRAM Every Tuesday 6:00 pm - 9:00 pm RSVP for Free Childcare New Children’s Recovery Celebration Station nrunhaar@FUMCBocaRaton.org FUMC,625 Mizner Blvd., Boca Raton, FL 33432
The BEACHCOMBER Family Center For The Treatment Of Alcoholism and Drug Addiction 4493 North Ocean Boulevard Delray Beach, FL 33483 Telephone: 561-734-1818 From Broward County: 421-6226 From South Palm Beach County: 276-6226
JOSEPH R. BRYAN, Director
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Therese Borchard
Tales of a Recovering People Pleaser
I think some people grow up believing in their heart and soul that they are loved and accepted and so therefore don't have to depend so much on other people to give them their daily dose of attaboys, the approval ratings that determine if they'll be able to function properly throughout the day. Me? I know, in my adult, neo-cortex, sophisticated part of my brain that I am loved. But the reptilian, immature brat part of my brain does most of the thinking in my noggin. So this girl is petrified of not being liked, of doing anything that might hurt somebody's feelings, of the slightest confrontation, because whenever she raised a concern in the past, the reprimand for challenging Person A was far more painful than the reason she raised her voice to begin with. I learned that the more comfortable way to live was to keep that trap shut at all times in terms of opinions that go contrary to the way the river is flowing.
away with a good gust of wind.
"When will I care less about being liked?" I asked my mentor, Mike, last night. I was experiThat's very unlike me. encing the physical symptoms of flexing my But I believed in something so strongly that I non-people-pleasing muscle and it hurt like hell. couldn't let my people-pleasing nature stand in I hadn't slept in five days. I'd lost my appetite. the way of doing what was right. And I had that familiar knot in my stomach that Had I sat pretty and smiled for everyone, I'd end makes concentrating on anything else practicalup in the same position I was two Christmases ly impossible. "When will I wake up and not care about what other people think about me?" I asked him.
You must stop being a pleaser and reclaim your identity as a free self.
But you know what happens when you do that for too long? Your body starts to collect pockets of Cortisol, the evil stress hormone that mucks up every organ in the human body, especially the brain. Stress hormones in the prefrontal cortex of your brain do bad stuff--killing off cells and diminishing nerve regeneration--that make you into, well, a whackjob like me.
"The more times you exercise that muscle," he said, "the easier it gets, the less severe your
symptoms will be." ago, when, at a holiday party, a boy got hurt and my son David was falsely accused. I went with my friend's story because to challenge it and defend David would have created awkwardness between her and me.
I suspect that's true. As is this reminder from spiritual author, Henri Nouwen:
For as long as you can remember, you have I went for convenience over truth. been a pleaser, depending on others to give you an identity. You need not look at that only in a I did the wrong thing. negative way. You wanted to give your heart to A day later more details were learned, and David others, and you did so quickly and easily. But wasn't the villain at all. I apologized profusely to now you are being asked to let go of all these my boy and promised him that I would always self-made props.... You must stop being a pleashear him out first, before jumping to accusations er and reclaim your identity as a free self. or punishment. *** And I should hear myself out too. Because my work situation felt like that. Originally published on Beyond Blue at
It involved standing up to some people from Beliefnet.com. To read more of Therese, visit whom I desperately wanted approval. It risked her blog, Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com. being disliked from a handful of folks--friends You may also find her at: A few days ago I made a bold move ... profes- of friends, and enduring, I suspect, some hurtful www.thereseborchard.com. sionally. I didn't ruffle a few feathers. I blew that rumors and trash talk behind my back. chicken or turkey, or whatever the hell it was, Thus, where I'm at, this very moment, is an uncomfortable place.
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The Glass Jar On the starry summer nights of my childhood, I loved running, jumping and catching lightning bugs between the palms of my cupped hands-then peeking into the dark hole formed by my thumbs to watch them illumine a bright neon yellow while softy tickling my skin with their microscopic feet. Each time I caught one, the ticklish sensation spread like electricity through my arms and into my heart, which activated a reflex that opened my grip to release the beautiful critter back to the night sky. My love affair with lightning bugs continued for years and as I aged, I dreamed of ways to actually keep one of these beloved creatures as a pet. So I asked my mother if I could have one of her empty tomato sauce jars and I punctured holes in its golden twist-on lid. Immediately after sunset, I dashed out into the backyard and captured the first specimen in sight, delicately leading him into my jar before sealing it. I set the jar upon the patio table and watched the bug fly around within it for several minutes, enjoying my private light show I'd so cleverly created. I even named my new pet "Tomato." Yet it was not long before my mother found me and asked about what I'd just done. From our short discussion, I came to understand that if I loved Tomato, I'd have to set him free, and after mindful consideration, I then did so joyfully. Now, fast-forward 25 years to this moment, as this childhood lesson is rushing back to me in a flash of insight. Only this time, it's not about my relationship with insects, but rather with human beings-men in particular. Reflecting on my last three romances, I finally recognize how I unconsciously treated these dear beings just like "Tomato" by attempting to encase them in my idyllic "romantic construct," a glass jar I'd been spinning for so long, I simply could not see it anymore. Ahh, my first "real adult" relationship: a marriage that could not have started off more "storybook" if Hans Christian Andersen had written it himself. Immediately after my college graduation, a stunning 21-yearold from Switzerland willingly landed in my glass jar, which I sealed with an eloquent marriage ceremony. We lived within my jar comfortably for about one year until expectations built to a crescendo of such intensity that we began escaping through the tiny breathing holes-him to other women, and me to the office, the therapist and the gym in desperate attempts to keep myself attractive to him. After three more years without love, I unscrewed the lid and crept out, though he remained inside for several more months, attempting to lure me back in with promises that "things will be different" if I'd only give him a second chance. I didn't believe it and abandoned the relationship via a speedy divorce. Still, I was not free of attachment to my idea of "the perfect romance" and so the image of my fantasy drew me right back into the jar.
by Penelope Love
The second man I invited in was older, with the promise of more worldly experiences under his belt. This sharp-talking Wall Street gent entered my jar for the equivalent of one date, at which point I was convinced I wanted only this man in my jar forever. So skilled was he at flattering me in all the right ways, yet he made it clear that he didn't share my definition of romance and in so doing, shattered my jar before taking off. Still, I didn't believe him, assuming everybody, somewhere deep down inside them, wanted the same brand of "love and romance" I did. For nine months, I rationalized that he just feared commitment, that he didn't know what he wanted, yada yada-and I believed that somehow I could learn him about "love" by gluing back together the glass jar he'd shattered. This because he occasionally appeared at the scene of the shards and distracted me from my misery with sex. So I kept on fumbling in my pile of broken glass for months untilaha!-I discovered the only way out of this mess: to invite another man in. This third effort proved a charm! My new relationship instantaneously "fit" into the glass jar of my dreamsperhaps because at this point, I'd become crystal clear about what I didn't want in my jar. My partner and I lived so happily inside the jar that we explored every cubic millimeter of it together. When not holding hands like children, we were lifting each other up on our shoulders to new horizons and heights. We got our fingerprints everywhere while crawling and climbing up the sides, lovingly catching each other when we slipped and slid along the periphery. Then one day, we shined the glass from inside and clearly saw through it. Just to be sure, we peeked out the air holes and realized there was no more reason to contain our love within the jar-because the jar had served its purpose and it was time for us to spread our wings and fly out. Although I had the urge to fly, I felt so afraid-I didn't want to leave this perfect jar, yet I was overcome by the beauty of this man as he morphed before my eyes into a free being, an angel of love and light. He flew out first, leaving me with no choice but to allow the pain of a newly broken attachment to just be there inside me until I finally found the inner strength to let go of it too. I cried for days, comforted only by the divine wisdom of Tomato the Lightning Bug and my mother's words: "If you love him, set him free." In reality, I recognize that none of these men were ever "mine" to set free. Yet in choosing to see them as free and flying off toward their destinies, I now find myself free to do the same-no longer suffering in a glass jar of romantic attachment wherein my love can no longer be contained. Penelope Love, formerly of Counselor Magazine, is a Tantra instructor at The Self-Inquiry Center in Fort Lauderdale. She welcomes your letters at Penelope@OpenHeartTantra.com.
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Some Alcoholism Movie Classics Days of Wine & Roses (*****) Jack Lemmon and Lee Remick star in this very powerful film on how alcoholics love to drink together. Jack is a young struggling public relations executive who drinks to forget his problems and introduces Lee to alcohol due to her love of chocolate. Jack outperforms himself in two scenes; the greenhouse and the liquor store at the lake. A classic to not be missed.
The Lost Weekend (****) Starring Ray Milland and Jane Wyman. Milland won an Academy Award for his classic portrayal of an alcoholic who tries to kill himself. Milland's character slowly evolves as he steals and lies his way to another drink. Two great scenes - Milland in the Alcoholic Asylum at Bellevue and his vision of a Bat and a mouse in his apartment.
My Name Is Bill W. (*****)
NO RECOVERY - NO FEE OR COSTS
Starring James Wood and James Garner. My Name is Bill W. portrays the beginning of the AA organization in 1936. Great costumes and period music. Always cry at the ending. Love the scene where James is screaming that he is not sick and then runs into a tree.
660 E. Linton Blvd., Ste. 200-7 Delray Beach, FL 33444 ********** 6100 West Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 5 Margate, FL 33063 ********** 3353 West Mallory Blvd. Jupiter, FL 33458
Clean and Sober (***) Starring Michael Keaton. Clean and Sober takes a hard look at an alcoholic/addict who refuses to acknowledge his condition. Best scene is where Keaton is in rehab and asks the group whether he can change the channel on the TV in the group room. alcohol411.info/Alcoholic Movie Reviews.htm
Call Eliot M. Bader At:
1-800-854-9311
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The Watershed WELCOMES YOU to become a member of our newest and most innovative program yet‌.............. THE LIFE SAVER'S CLUB!!! In its most condensed definition - The Life Saver's Club is a service that allows its members, (YOU), the tools and support to help those people in your life currently caught in the grips of the progressive and fatal disease of addiction‌to get the very life saving help that they need. Along with this, the Life Saver's Club will also provide its members, (YOU), with services and information to benefit your life and enable us to recognize you and thank you for the efforts put forth in saving the life of another. The Watershed desires to have (YOU) become a part of this ground breaking, one of a kind opportunity. Because of this, becoming a member is fast and easy! Simply go to our web site:www.watershedalumni.com - and click on the (Life Saver logo). You will then be prompted to a registration form to complete and then click "submit". It's just that simple! As a member you will have resources to begin accessing information for support, to answer questions and enable you in your efforts to help others get the assistance that they need. Upon registering, you will receive a packet with information, Life Saver's Club Assistance cards to aid you in helping others and a gift just for joining! There is also a gift for making referrals, and in the event your referral comes in to the Watershed for treatment - A brick with you name will be placed at a designated site at our Palm Beach facility, to memorialize a life that has been saved. (On the Life Saver's Club site you will be able to see the names of our members, those who've made referrals and those who will have been a part of saving a life.) If the person you are trying to help is someone that will not be able to come in to treatment at The Watershed, no worries! We have a full time Resource Staff that will be ready to help that person locate treatment in their area that will fit into whatever budget or financial situation they may have. The Watershed cares about those suffering and desires to help them in whatever way possible. To refer someone for help there are several options: You can call "with them" to #1-877-97-LIVES; You can call "for them" to get things started or simply provide them with the Life Saver's Club Assistance Card that you will receive. You do NOT have to be an Alumnus of The Watershed to join. The Life Saver's Club is open to anyone that wishes to be a part of saving the lives of individuals caught in the grips of addiction. We look forward to hearing from YOU soon!
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Alcohol-Induced Blackouts Are Not Reserved For Alcoholics In 1995, a group of friends gathered at the New Jersey shore to celebrate the Fourth of July. Kevin Price didn't join them until sometime after midnight, so he started drinking immediately to "catch up." He remembers feeling a little sick around 2:30 a.m. and going to the bathroom, but that's the last thing he remembers about that night. He can't remember getting into his car, driving south in the northbound lane of the Garden State Parkway, or hitting a van that carried six church volunteers, killing five of them. When he awoke in a hospital three days later, he had no idea where he was or how he got there. As a result of this tragedy, Price pled guilty to five counts of vehicular homicide and was sentenced to 8 to 21 years in prison. Those who have studied Price's case believe he experienced an alcoholic blackout on that fatal night. Aaron White, an assistant research professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Duke University Medical Center and lead author of a study supported by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, describes such blackouts as periods of alcohol-induced amnesia. During these times, an individual actively participates in events yet has no memory or only partial memory of what occurred during the blackout. White emphasizes that blacking out should not be confused with passing out (falling asleep from excessive drinking or drinking oneself unconscious). Although an individual could experience a blackout prior to passing out, White says the two states cannot occur simultaneously. "If recreational drugs were tools, alcohol would be a sledgehammer," writes White. Even at low doses, alcohol impairs judgment, decisionmaking, impulse control, and other functions. When a significant amount of alcohol is consumed quickly, inhibitions lessen, making it possible for individuals to engage in an array of risky behaviors with no memory of what they've done. People in blackout states can drive cars long distances; have arguments and physical altercations; spend money; engage in criminal acts; or have unprotected sex. White says that because someone in the midst of a blackout is capable of carrying on conversations and is able to engage in complicated activities, it can be extremely difficult for others to recognize that he or she is experiencing a blackout and will not recall these events later. Contrary to long-held assumptions that blackouts only happen to alcoholics, we now know that blackouts frequently occur among social drinkers who drink too much. In 2002, when White and his colleagues
asked 772 undergraduates if they had ever awoken after a night of drinking unable to remember things they did or places they went, 51 percent reported experiencing at least one blackout at some point in their lives, and 40 percent experienced one in the year before the survey. Despite the fact that males drank significantly more often and more frequently than females, females reported experiencing the same amount of blackouts as their male peers. This outcome, says White, suggests that women are at greater risk than males for blackouts, likely due to differences in body weight and proportion of body fat. White says that young drinkers may also experience more alcoholinduced blackouts than was previously believed, perhaps because they can often remain conscious and keep drinking beyond a point where older drinkers would pass out. Because studies have shown that alcohol affects the teen brain differently than the adult brain, White says there are longterm cognitive consequences of adolescent alcohol abuse that places them at a much higher risk for becoming alcoholics. As dire as this all sounds, most alcohol abusers can recover cognitive functioning with abstinence and time. In her book "Blackout Girl" (Hazelden, 2008), Jennifer Storm writes that she was the one at every party who drank too much, never knew when to say no, and called friends the next day asking them what happened the night before. Her first blackout came at age 12--the first time she got drunk and the first time she got raped. Storm says the years that followed were a blur of binge drinking, cocaine use, and "blackouts, bulimia, and burials," as she lost herself and friends to addiction. Despite her horrific journey, Storm entered treatment and Twelve Step recovery and turned her life around in order to help others. Today she is the executive director of the Victim/Witness Assistance Program in Harrisburg, Pa., and a champion of victims' rights. Blackouts are frightening and potentially tragic. They represent a dangerous state of extreme impairment and are a clear warning sign of problem drinking. White highly recommends an alcohol abuse screening for anyone who suspects they have an alcohol problem. For more information on alcohol-induced blackouts, see:
ww w.duke.edu/~amwhite/index.html. --Published February 18, 2008 From Hazelden.org
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“ We all marvel at the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely do we consider what it went through to become that butterfly.” – Maya Angelou
-
Wellington, Florida Kim Koslow, LMHC, CAP Licensed Psychotherapist & Certified Addiction Professional
561-422-9898
www.GotRealRecovery.com
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Life is short, eat dessert first.... Edible Oils by Maura Fine
To see more delectable treats and other fine works of art visit:
blue mango.etsy.com maurafineart.blogspot.com
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JO LINDA BROWN
obcottages@aol.com
OCEANBREEZE COTTAGES Safe Supportive Living Delray Beach, FL Cell 561-523-2806 Call for Info
Tel 561-495-1001 Fax 561-495-1002 www.obcottages.com
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JEANNIE SAROS
CAP, LMHC, MH 8070
National Board Certified Counselor EMDRA trained and certified Clinical Hypnotherapist specializing in trauma. Director of Recovery Coach Training for sober.com and Intervention Strategies On staff of Lotus 12 and Dr. Arthur Rosenblatt, 6699 S. Federal Hwy, Suite 103
Holistic Life Coach Specializing In: Recovery/Addiction/Trauma Group & Individual Therapy Clinical Hypnotherapy, EMDR, Recovery Coach Training Offering “koffee and kounseling� as a free service to the community at Gizzies Coffee every Tuesday from 7- 9, all seekers welcome! 6699 South Federal Hwy, Suite 103, Boca Raton, FL 33487 jsaros@lotus12.com jeannie@sober.com sarosjsar@aol.com
Phone: 561-542-0941 Wanna Play? Come on a Gratitude Cruise 561-702-2312
www.sobercelebrations.com
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MEEP Takes Our Helping Philosophy Out In The World As suffers of addiction, we enter into recovery as individuals who soon become engrossed in the “we” aspect of a spiritual program. Shedding off our old ideas of personal gain and feelings of entitlement, we begin asking ourselves how to start our journey toward giving back what was freely given to us. Naturally, we gravitate toward our fellow sufferers, knowing that we possess a distinct wisdom of personal experience, which allows us to be of aid in manners that others could not. However, in Boca Raton, Florida, some men and women of recovery are carrying their message of spiritual principles further by being of service to their local community. Anonymously, business owners and investors, among a few, are collaborating together, “to provide lightly-used medical equipment to community residents regardless of age, gender, need or any other protected status,” according to the organization’s website at www.exchangeproject.org. This collaboration provides medical equipment and transportation of these goods to the individual in need without any financial compensation. The Medical Equipment Exchange Project Inc. (MEEP), founded on October of 2008, is a 501-C3 non-profit organization. The project was formed from the inspiration of a nonprofit organization, Sayville Cabinet for the Sick, which has served its local community for over thirty years by freely giving away lightly used medical equipment in Gillette Park of Long Island, New York. MEEP aims to be of service to those in need of medical equipment in a simple, no questions asked poli-
cy. By reaching out to their community, the volunteers of MEEP have been welcomed by local religious organizations, healthcare providers
and for-profit businesses excited to join hands in helping others. Recently, MEEP provided an elderly woman in Ft. Lauderdale with a hospital shower chair and a wheel chair in order to help make her life
more comfortable before she entered Hospice. Similarly, a wheel chair was provided by MEEP to a young man in recovery from addiction, Joshua H. of Boca Raton, who was injured in a motorcycle accident. “People brought meetings into my home, but it just wasn’t the same. [MEEP] allowed me to get to places. I wasn’t stranded at my house,” says Joshua. According to Joshua, MEEP came to his house at no charge to deliver the wheel chair. “All I had to do was sign a piece of paper,” said Joshua. Donated transportation allows MEEP to move, free of charge, medical equipment within the local area from those giving to recipients in need, who would otherwise be unable to receive care because of mobility and/or financial restrictions. As a company seeking Green certification, MEEP recycles medical equipment that would ordinarily be dumped in landfills or sold for scrap metal by redistributing them to those afflicted with health concerns. MEEP serves a portion of south Florida from Ft. Lauderdale north to Boynton Beach, Pahokee east to the Florida shore. The board of directors for MEEP presently consists of ten individuals in recovery and one nonaddicted accountant. Currently, MEEP is need of donated canes, walkers, wheelchairs, medical mobility scooters, shower chairs, new potty chairs and hospital beds. For more information or to make a financial and/or physical contribution, visit www.exchangeproject.org or email: donations@exchangeproject.org.
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Darren Littlejohn-The 12 Step Buddhist
The 12 Steps: A Necessary But Not Sufficient Cause For Recovery I'd like to address a few points that I hope will and alcohol abuse. But for the 12 Steps to work work that I do to help anyone who wants it to be helpful to people who suffer from addictions for extended happiness and spiritual growth, my find as much relief as they can. I have been and their many related consequences. My posi- opinion is that the individual has to be willing. unsuccessful without the 12-Step community. tion is that I encourage anyone who is suffering Some of the criticisms of 12-Step culture Maybe that makes me a loser. But I prefer to be from addictions to try anything and everything have a basis in reality. But it's a mistake to think this kind of loser than the kind I was outside of they can to find relief. I've found mine in an that the 12-Step world is some kind of static recovery. integrated, comprehensive, multifaceted These programs work well for My position is that I encourage anyone who approach to recovery that includes, but is those who want them to work - most not limited to full participation in 12-Step is suffering from addictions to try anything of the time. But there are some peogroups, psychotherapy, medication, com- and everything they can to find relief. ple who just don't get it, no matter munity service and involvement with how hard they try. If you're one of Buddhist and other spiritual communities. entity. Most meetings are dynamic in that they those, I wrote the 12-Step Buddhist for you. If Incidentally, there is a difference between spiri- change topics and speakers each week. There's you feel that the 12 Step communities, be they tual and religious. Many methods are listed in no such thing as "AA, SA, OA, NA" in reality, AA, NA, OA, GA or any other "A", are religious each chapter of the 12-Step Buddhist book. You just as there really is no such fixed entity as "the cults or will force a particular spiritual view on might not need all or any of them. But in my government," or "the self," for that matter. you, then I encourage you to read the book, try case, some are sicker than others. If you're like Everything is fluid, impermanent and depend- lots of different meetings and groups and talk to me, and are tired of suffering, then it makes ently arising. So remember if you have a fixed different people. If you're in a part of the counsense to try anything and everything you can. idea based on limited experience, you may get try that has a heavy Christian influence and you While I'm not a representative of AA, NA, different results with a little open mindedness. don't feel that you relate, then certainly look at OA, CA, SA, GA or any other "A", I do have Or not. It's up to the individual. my article on how to start your own meditation over 25 years of experience with the 12-Step Here's a little advice. If you go to meetings oriented meeting based on the 12 Steps but with model. I used it for 10 years, abandoned it, and someone tells you that you have to believe more of a Buddhist view. This is one example. I almost died and took it up again. Now in my in their form of a higher power, please go to realize that there are alternatives but I have no second decade of recovery, I feel better than I another meeting, talk to other people and read experience with SMART Recovery or similar ever thought possible. I attribute this to the the literature very carefully. In smaller towns, programs. I've written about what works for me methods I outline in the book. this variety may be harder to find. There are and it works extremely well. For those who need proof of the efficacy of alternatives, such as online communities. Darren Littlejohn, author of the 12-Step the 12-Step programs, I offer my own experi- Finding the right fit for you may require diliBuddhist (Beyond Words/Atria 2009) is a ence. If you're an addict and have found other gence and fortitude. But remember, as my friend recovering addict and a practitioner of Zen and TibetanBuddhism, as well as a former methods that work for you, that is fantastic! In Chuck recently said, we always find what we're mental health specialist. He earned a BA my case, it (12-Step recovery) works when I looking for. in Psych in 1991 and worked in chemical work it. It won't if I don't. I've tried it both ways For me, participation in the 12-Step world-by dependency and acutepsychiatric care faciliand prefer the results I get when I put my heart that I don't mean any single group or meeting or ties during college. Darren took 2 years of into my 12-Step community. But for those town or individual, but the overall concept of graduate school in Research Methods for who'd rather not participate in 12-Step, for being an active member of a 12-Step communiPsychology. He has been a Buddhist practitioner since the mid 80’s. A spiritual crisis led whatever reason, then of course they will do ty-has no substitute. Let me repeat that. In my to a relapse in 1994 with10 years of sobriwhat they decide to do. experience, there is no substitute for one addict ety.After regaining sobriety in 1997, Darren If an individual doesn't want to go to 12-Step talking to another. If you've found one that worked on recovery with a new zeal, incorpomeetings, they should of course be free to works for you, that's great. Personally, I'm a lot rating many years of psychotherapy, 12-Step choose any other method that they like. If the happier when I am able to interface with addicts work, Zen and Tibetan Buddhist practices. While relapse with long-term sobriety is comcourts do send someone to a particular type of who understand not only the mind of the addict, mon, returning for a sustained duration is 12-Step group, such as AA or NA, and they don't but the principles and practices of recovery. I extremely rare. Darren’s program, which want to participate then they of course should feel more whole and complete in a way that I've became the basis for the book the 12-Step still comply with the court. But outside of insti- never encountered anywhere else when I'm Buddhist, is an integrated approach that is tutions, I'm not sure that will work long term, interacting with fellow recovering addicts. But it hard won over a span of more than twenty particularly if it is against the person's will. wasn't always the case, and I wrote about these years. For how-to articles, audion/video podcasts, There is some data to suggest that forced com- difficulties in my book. Many people have writworkshops, and resources see pliance in non 12-Step treatment is beneficial ten to me that they strongly relate with such the12stepbuddhist.com for some kind of reduction in incidents of drug experiences. It is my hope and intention with the
AA HISTORY
“I've Never Quit Being Active� by Clarence Snyder February 11, 1938, I had my last drink. I was a chronic alky, and through a long, involved miracle, I met my sponsor, Dr. Bob, one of our co-founders. He put me in Akron City Hospital, where I met the alkies who had preceded me in the Fellowship.
when I came to this Fellowship, I was in no position or condition to handle anything difficult! I kept things simple. But I must add that when I first began I was well sponsored.
I took measures now summarized in the first nine Steps of the program: admittance of need (the First Step), surrender (Second through Seventh), and restitution (Eighth and Ninth). Having done this, I no longer had a drinking problem, since it had been turned over to a Higher Power. Now I had - and still have - a living problem. But that is taken care of by the practice of Steps Ten, Eleven, and Twelve. So I don't have to be concerned about anything but a simple three-step program, which Fifteen months later, I with practice has become habitual. organized the Cleveland, Ohio AA group. The activity Step Ten enables me to check on myself and my activities of the day. I in the Cleveland area was have found that most things disturbing me are little things, but still the hectic. I spent practically all very things which, if not dealt with, can pile up and eventually overmy time obtaining and fol- whelm me. My daily checkup covers good deeds as well as questionlowing up on publicity for able ones; often, I find I can commend myself in some areas, while in AA, lining up cooperation others I owe apologies. with civic and church groups, hospitals, and Step Eleven is done after my daily inventory. I usually need the peace courts, and helping new groups to start. resulting from prayer and meditation, and I do receive guidance for my life and actions. So what do I do now, thirty years later? I have never quit being active, although my position in the Fellowship has modified over the years. I Step Twelve, to me, does involve not only carrying the message, but attend an average of two meetings per week, when I am home. I am also extending AA principles into all phases of my daily life. asked to speak at various groups. In addition, I am invited to take part in numerous group anniversary programs and AA roundups around the I learned long ago that this is a life-changing program, but that, after the country (and sometimes out of the country). Many people call upon me change occurs, it is necessary for me to go on making the effort to for counsel and advice on both personal and group problems. I have an improve myself mentally, morally, and spiritually. extensive correspondence, since I have made so many friends in AA from coast to coast. Once in a while, I sponsor someone. Cases where This is my simple program, and I recommend it to anyone who wants a about everything has been tried, by everyone else, often wind up in my good life and is willing to do his share of helping. hands. C.H.S., St. Petersburg, Florida - A.A. Grapevine, November 1999 I have not found the program to be difficult, and I maintain that if it does {Clarence died in March of !984 with 46 years of sobriety} seem difficult for anyone, he is not doing it "right." Certainly,
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AA HISTORY PAGE
High Praise for the Charm of Recovering Alcoholics High Praise for the Charm of by Fulton Oursler There are times when I wish I were an alcoholic. I mean I wish I were a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. The reason is that I consider the AA people the most charming in the world.
gives them a charm that never was elsewhere on the land and sea; it makes you know that God is charming, because the AA people reflect his mercy and forgiveness.
They are imaginative, and that helped make them alcoholics. Some of them drank to flog their imaginations onto greater efforts. Others guzzled only to block out unendurable visions that arose in their imaginaSuch is my considered opinion. As a tions. But when they found their restorations, their imagination is journalist, it has been my privilege to responsive to new incantations and their talk abounds with color and meet many people who are consid- might, and that makes them charming companions, too. ered charming. I number among my friends stars and lesser lights on stage They are possessed a sense of humor. Even in their cups they have been and cinema; writers are my daily diet; known to be damnably funny. Often it was being forced to take seriousI know ladies and gentlemen of both ly the little and mean things of life that made them seek their escape in political parties; I have been enter- the bottle. But when they found their restoration, their sense of humor tained in the White House; I've bro- finds a blessed freedom and they are able to laugh at themselves, the ken bread with kings, ambassadors very height of self-conquest. Go to their meetings and listen to their and ministers; and I say that I would laughter. At what are they laughing? At ghoulish memories over which prefer an evening with my AA friends to any person I've indicated. weaker souls would cringe in useless remorse. And that makes them I asked myself why I considered so charming these alcoholic caterpillars who have found their butterfly wings in AA. There are more reasons than one, but I can name a few. The AA people are what they are, and they are what they were, because they are sensitive, imaginative, possessed of a sense of humor, an awareness of the universal truth. They are sensitive, which means they are hurt easily, and that helped them become alcoholics. But when they found their restoration they are as sensitive as ever; responsive to the beauty and the truth and eager about the intangible glories of this life. That makes them charming companions.
wonderful people to be with by candlelight. ********************** Fulton Oursler was a magazine editor, religious author, and Hollywood screenwriter, and was an early Oxford Group member and friend to AA. He passed away in the year 1952.
His official relationship with AA is as follows: Sept. 30, 1939, the very popular weekly Liberty Magazine, headed by Fulton Oursler, carried a piece titled "Alcoholics and God" by Morris Markey (who was influenced to write the article by Charles Towns). It generated about 800 inquiries from around the nation. Oursler (author of The Greatest Story Ever Told) became good friends with Bill W and They are possessed of a sense of universal truth that is often new in their later served as a Trustee and member of the Grapevine editorial board. heart. This fact that this at-one-moment with God's universe had never In Oct. 1949, Dr. William D. Silkworth and Fulton Oursler joined the been awakened within them is the reason they drank. They have found Alcoholic Foundation Board. a power greater than themselves, which they diligently serve. And that
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YOU’VE GOT PERSONALITY Sandra Chatelain, RN, LCSW, ACSW, CAP “The terms ‘spiritual experience’ and ‘spiritual awakening’ are used many times in this book which, upon careful reading, shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself among us in many different forms.” (Appendix 2 Big Book)
inability to accept responsibility for flaws, lack of empathy, overblown sense of entitlement lets them exploit others, freely points out flaws in others in order to exalt themselves. Injuries to their inflated egos interfere with recovery.
When I was in social work school studying various theories about the Obsessive/Compulsive: Perfectionistic and inflexible, “work-aholic”, terroots of human behavior, a prevailing idea was that people with personal- rified of mistakes, conformist and judgmental, joyless. Fear of not doing ity disorders (also know as character disorders) are not “analyzable” and recovery “perfectly” hinders the process; fourth step may become a novel. are especially resistant to change. Since personality is so deeply ingrained and feels so completely Dependent: Submissive, passive, helpless, fears “who-I-am” as a human being, a person often has disagreement and fears abandonment, people no recognition that anything is amiss. Personality pleasers. Seek a strong leader to tell them what to fits like a skin. Because of this and because of the do (and who will be responsible for the outcome). discomforts of initial abstinence, the sufferer may Insistence on taking a stronger person “hostage” be blind to some of the characteristics that saboinstead of relying on the group can interfere with tage a contented recovery. recovery. (see step 4 p. 43) “Psychiatrists and psychologists point out the deep need every human being has for practical insight and knowledge of his own personality flaws and for a discussion of them with an understanding and trustworthy person. AA would go even further. Most of us would declare that without a fearless admission of our defects to another human being we could not stay sober. It seems plain that the grace of God will not enter to expel our destructive obsessions until we are willing to try this.” (12 & 12 Step 5, p. 56)
Avoidant: Shy, socially uncomfortable but longing for closeness, fears embarrassment, has few friends. Fear of public exposure prevents being known and interferes with recovery.
This is not an exhaustive list or description of each type. It is presented as food for thought for the relapse-prone person. The most important point is that personality change sufficient to bring about recovery IS possible, even if you recognize yourself in these descriptions. All of the steps are designed to encourage thinking about our thinking Some of us seem unable to achieve the necessary and to report on what is found and to “patiently and stability (home group, working relationship with a persistently try to correct what is wrong.” A diagsponsor, support network, recovery-based social nostic description is a name and, if it has a name, life) necessary for maintaining abstinence and actually working with the someone else has done it; you are not alone. No shame. steps. Here are some personality types who struggle with recovery. Some folks will have just a trait or two which lends a particular “flavor” to per- Like psychoanalysis twelve-step recovery is a long process but, unlike sonality, but some will show most or all of the maladaptive characteris- psychoanalysis, there is no “Big I” and “little you” dynamic and there is tics. These are presented in the spirit of identifying what needs to be a clear written set of instructions in either the AA Big Book (our King revealed and healed:** James Bible) version or the NA Basic Text (Modern American Bible) version, depending on preference. There is a cheering section too. Paranoid: Guarded, secretive, very sensitive to criticism, quick to assume negative motives to others, humorless. Strong mistrustfulness interferes The personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcowith recovery relationships. holism turns out to be so gratifying that many continue in the process and willingly uncover the deeper or subtler manifestations of those defects Manipulative: Two basic types: overtly antisocial and seemingly socially which have undermined the ability to achieve “the joy of living.” The payconforming. The first challenges authority, breaks rules, victimizes oth- off is The Promises. This is the only form of “therapy” that I know of that ers and blames them for it and the second becomes authority, changes the has a written guarantee: follow these steps and get these rewards…not rules to suit themselves, victimizes many others and blames them for it “maybe”, but promised and not “sometimes” but always. Keep trudging. (think some politicians). They are often compulsive liars. Contempt for the principle of rigorous honesty plus difficulty with being directed inter- ** clinical personality type definitions from the DSM-IV fere with recovery. Sees sponsor as parole officer. Sandra Chatelain, RN, LCSW, ACSW, CAP Histrionic: Constant need to be the center of attention either by virtue of appearance, clowning, performing, “drama queen” (of either gender) plus Sandra Chatelain, RN, LCSW, CAP, retired from Nassau County (New an insatiable appetite for praise or approval. Extreme concern with how York) Dept. of Drug & Alcohol Addiction as director of a treatment proothers are perceiving them interfere with recovery. gram in the county correctional facility. She has a private practice in Delray Beach, Florida, and uses Psych-K and EMDR as adjunct therapies. Narcissistic: Grandiose sense of self-importance, a desire to be envied, She has been in practice since 1979.
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For Your Inspiration The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Successful Life Ralph Waldo Emerson
To laugh often and love much; to win and hold the respect of It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know intelligent persons and the affection of little children; to what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your earn the approval of honest critics and to endure without heart's longing. flinching the betrayal of false friends. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you To appreciate beauty always, whether in earth's creations or will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the men and women's handiwork; to have sought for and found the adventure of being alive. best in others, and to have given it oneself; to leave the world better than one found it, whether by nurturing a child or a It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon, garden patch, writing a cheery letter, or working to redeem I want to know if you have touched the center of your own some social condition. sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. To have played with enthusiasm, laughed with exuberance, and sung with exultation; to go down to dust and dreams knowing I want to know if you can sit with pain- mine or your own, with- that the world is a little bit better, and that even a single life breathes easier because we have lived well, that is to have out moving to hide it, or fake it, or fix it. succeeded. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips Chief Yellow Lark of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, Lakota Nation to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. O Great Spirit whose voice I hear in the winds, hear me. I It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. come before you one of your many children, I am small and I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to weak, I need your strength and wisdom. Let me walk in beauyourself. If you can bare the accusation of betrayal and not ty and let my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset. betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore Make my hands respect the things you have made, and my ears sharp to hear your voice. Make me wise so that I may undertrustworthy. stand the things you have taught my people, the lesson you have hidden in every leaf and rock. I seek strength not to be I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretgreater than my brother but to fight my greatest enemy, ty every day. And if you can source your own life from its myself. Make me ever ready to come to you with clean hands presence. and straight eyes so that when life fades as a fading sunset my spirit may come to you without shame. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver moon, 'Yes!' Thich Nhat Hanh It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much Our true home is in the present moment. money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and To live in the present moment is a miracle. do what needs to be done, to feed the children. The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green Earth in the present It doesn't interest me who you know, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire moment, with me and not shrink back. to appreciate the peace and beauty that are available now. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have Peace is all around us in the world and in nature, and within us; studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside It is in our bodies and our spirits. when all else falls away. Once we learn to touch this peace, we will be healed and I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you transformed. truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. It is not a matter of faith, it is a matter of practice.
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Teen Drinking May Cause Irreversible Brain Damage by Michelle Trudeau "Which makes it easier to consume higher amounts and enjoy For teenagers, the effects of a drunken night out may linger long some of the positive aspects," Dahl says. "But, of course, that also creates after the hangover wears off. a liability for the spiral of addiction and binge use of these substances." A recent study led by neuroscientist Susan Tapert of the He adds that there is a unique feature of the teenage brain that University of California, San Diego compared the brain scans of teens drives much behavior during adoleswho drink heavily with the scans of cence: The teen brain is primed and teens who don't. ready for intense, all-consuming learnTapert's team found damaged ing. nerve tissue in the brains of the teens "Becoming passionate about a parwho drank. The researchers believe this ticular activity, a particular sport, pasdamage negatively affects attention span sionate about literature or changing in boys, and girls' ability to comprehend the world or a particular religion" is a and interpret visual information. normal, predictable part of being a "First of all, the adolescent brain teenager, he says. is still undergoing several maturational "But those same tendencies to processes that render it more vulnerable explore and try new things and try on to some of the effects of substances," new identities may also increase the Tapert says. likelihood of starting on negative pathIn other words, key areas of the ways," he adds. brain are still under construction during the adolescent years, and are more sensitive to the toxic effects of drugs Damaged Brain Tissue and alcohol. Tapert wanted to find out in what way binge drinking affects a Thought, Memory Functions Affected teen's developing brain. So using brain imaging, she focused on the white matter, or nerve tissue, of the brain. For the study, published last month in the journal Psychology of "White matter is very important for the relay of information Addictive Behaviors, Tapert looked at 12- to 14-year-olds before they used any alcohol or drugs. Over time, some of the kids started to drink, a between brain cells; and we know that it is continuing to develop during few rather heavily — consuming four or five drinks per occasion, two or adolescence," Tapert says. three times a month — classic binge drinking behavior in teens. So Tapert imaged the brains of two groups of high school stuComparing the young people who drank heavily with those who dents: binge drinkers and a matched group of teens with no history of remained non-drinkers, Tapert's team found that the binge drinkers did binge drinking. She reports in her recent study a marked difference in the worse on thinking and memory tests. There was also a distinct gender dif- white matter of the binge drinkers. ference. "They appeared to have a number of little dings throughout their "For girls who had been engaging in heavy drinking during ado- brains' white matter, indicating poor quality," Tapert says. lescence, it looks like they're performing more poorly on tests of spatial And poor quality of the brain's white matter indicates poor, ineffifunctioning, which links to mathematics, engineering kinds of functions," cient communication between brain cells. Tapert says. "These results were actually surprising to me because the binge And the boys? drinking kids hadn't, in fact, engaged in a great deal of binge drinking. "For boys who engaged in binge drinking during adolescence, we They were drinking on average once or twice a month, but when they did see poor performance on tests of attention — so being able to focus on drink, it was to a relatively high quantity of at least four or five drinks an something that might be somewhat boring, for a sustained period of occasion," she says. time," Tapert says. "The magnitude of the difference is 10 percent. I like In another study, Tapert reported abnormal functioning in the hipto think of it as the difference between an A and a B." pocampus — a key area for memory formation — in teen binge drinkers. Teenage Tendency To Experiment To Blame Reflecting their abnormal brain scans, the teen drinkers did more poorly on learning verbal material than their non-drinking counterparts. Pediatrician and brain researcher Ron Dahl from the University of What remains unknown, says Tapert, is if the cognitive downward Pittsburgh notes that adolescents seem to have a higher tolerance for the negative immediate effects of binge drinking, such as feeling ill and nau- slide in teenage binge drinkers is reversible. {www.npr.org › News › Health › Your Health} seated.
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When It Comes To Recovery Are Your Expectations Dangerous? Seven Concepts To Keep You Out Of Danger I have come to believe that expectations can be one of the dirtiest words in the English language. More often than not, expectations are rarely realized, especially in the world of the alcoholic/addict -- whether in recovery or not. We have heard sayings like "don't get your expectations too high, or curb your expectations." Try as you might, you can't help but to dream, plot or plan out calculated moves in order for your expectations to come to fruition. You have a tough enough time trying to control your expectations in regards to your own personal life, but pinning those invisible and emotional expectations on the alcoholic/addict and their recovery is more often than not doomed for failure. You need to be bold enough and strong enough to let the alcoholic/addict's recovery unfold as it is meant to, not as you want it to. This is an important start in reining in your expectations, and in doing so you will be ahead of the curve. Your expectations should not be part of the alcoholic/addicts life as they have nothing to do with you and whether you are doing the "right thing or not." Even if you believe you have found the best rehabilitation program in the world, remember that it is not your program and your expectations should not be pinned on the alcoholic/addicts performance or success. Even with the best intentions toward recovery, the alcoholic/addict may have a relapse or two. Not only will your expectations be unfulfilled or even shattered, but the alcoholic/addict may be doubly frustrated by not meeting his own expectations or yours. It will help your frustration or anxiety if you understand that this disease is a chronic battle. Like any disease, it's harder to understand when you don't have it. If your expectations are not met, it may be difficult to cover up your disappointment. It's possible that the alcoholic/addict will sense this and realize that they are the reason for this sorrow. If they start to lose faith in themselves as well, this may create added pressure and possibly fuel a downward spiral. They may think "what difference does it make, I can't do anything right, for once again I have failed my family and friends with not satisfying their expectations or mine." So how can you successfully deal with your expectations? 1) Try to keep things in proportion. Be honest with yourself about what your loved one can and cannot accomplish. Even clean and sober, they may not be capable of certain tasks or responsibilities. Their addiction might at one time been an excuse for laziness or zero motivation, but at the same time just because they have embraced a clean and sober lifestyle they may not have the aptitude to become a lawyer or teacher.
Carol Bennet, MA
through. Everyone should be proud, but please remember that those 30, 60 or even 90 days are only the beginning of an arduous journey. The alcoholic/addict has been clean and sober for the width of an eyelash compared to the YEARS of substance abuse. You do the math; it will probably take more than a few months to become confident and assured in living a clean and sober lifestyle. 4) On the other hand, don't diminish the hard work and dedication that went into striving for a life of sobriety. Keeping it balanced, with no expectations not only for your sake, but for the budding recovery of the alcoholic/addict will be important as recovery issues -- ups and downs may lay ahead.
I have come to believe that expectations can be one of the dirtiest words in the English language.
5) I know that you may know this instinctively, but don't expect that the alcoholic/addict is "cured", no matter what they say, how they act or how they look. There is no conventional "cure." All that they have accomplished is a detoxification stage, and they are only just STARTING to understand, realize and hopefully appreciate how good life can be living a clean and sober lifestyle.
6) Your expectations will be kept at bay if you present a matter-of-fact attitude, stay neutral, and extricate yourself from babysitting their recovery program. It goes without saying that if you don't expect anything, you won't be disappointed. If the alcoholic/addict continues a life of sobriety then great. No need for a party, just accept it as normal behavior. Their own new life style should be celebration enough. If the alcoholic/addict is over 18 and opts to return to his or her addiction, don't demand what their plan is, as they are presenting you with expectations that they may not be able to fulfill -- and in turn your own expectations may not be fulfilled as well. The safest path for you to take is the hope that they will turn themselves around with their own compass. Hope is different than expectations. The recovering alcoholic/addict has their expectations as well. If their expectations do not stem from a place of reality then they may not know how to handle the disappointment from an unsatisfactory outcome. If your expectations run a parallel course then you both are going round and round losing site of what's realistic and doable. Don't let your expectations feed the alcoholic/addict to a place where they cannot be successful. 7) It's important to mention that certain expectations are fair and realistic. For example, if the alcoholic/addict (whether in recovery or not) lives at home, you can and should expect certain rules and regulations be followed. Keeping their room neat and clean, helping out with family chores, contributing financially, etc.
There is no room for lofty or unrealistic expectations in a recov2) Don't be overzealous about small victories or too nonchalant about larger accomplishments. I believe the more you keep things "normal" and ery program -- and these can be dangerous. Each person's expectations are stop looking at your alcoholic/addict in a "fish bowl" the more relaxed, different and the pressure of fulfilling them for oneself or another can be too great a strain. Work hard at leaving your expectations in the closet, in understanding and patient everyone involved can be. 3) Keep those expectations on a very realistic level. For example, if the a box deep in a back corner. It will be healthier for all involved and alcoholic/addict is coming out of an in-house rehabilitation program, chances are you both just might have those invisible expectations met chances are that program was only for 30 or maybe 60 days. Most reha- beyond what you could have ever hoped or dreamed for. bilitation programs will offer some kind of after care, such as a sober living house or continued care at their facility, but with fewer restrictions. It is understandable that you and everyone else is thrilled that the alcoholic/addict has been clean and sober for probably more days than you can remember. He or she looks healthy, talks with confidence and is really feeling good about themselves and the experience they have just gone
******************** If I can be of service to you or your family, please e-mail me at Carole@familyrecoverysolution.com or go to http://familyrecoverysolutions.com . Family Recovery Solutions offers a free hour of phone counseling worldwide. Call: (805) 695-0049
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The Wit of Henny Youngman A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months. A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student. How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.' I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts it into an unlocked car.
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash. My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City? My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Take my wife... Please! That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position! The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest. This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope. If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas. If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first! My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
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The Wisdom of Confucius A superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.
I want you to be everything that's you, deep at the center of your being.
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.
Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.
I will not be concerned at other men's not knowing me;I will be concerned at my own want of ability.
It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.
And remember, no matter where you go, there you are. Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.
I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and
It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them.
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
Look at the means which a man employs, consider his motives, observe his pleasures. A man simply cannot conceal himself!
Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
Death and life have their determined appointments; riches and honors depend upon heaven.
Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself.
Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire.
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. Faced with what is right, to leave it undone shows a lack of courage. Go before the people with your example, and be laborious in their affairs.
imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself. If we don't know life, how can we know death?
He who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger.
If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear?
He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult to make his words good.
If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people.
Heaven means to be one with God. I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of.
No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance. Old age, believe me, is a good and pleasant thing. It is true you are gently shouldered off the stage, but then you are given such a comfortable front stall as spectator. Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. Silence is a true friend who never betrays.
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Chef Lester’s Sober Sideboard
Fellowship, Fellowship, Fellowship!! have over the years written about the meeting after the meeting. A potluck, buffet, or dessert affair to extend our fellowship time can be so rewarding. Taking that one step forward is taking this idea and proceeding to go to those who can not come to us. We often go to early meetings and get out in sufficient time to take a crock-pot dinner or microwave re-heat casserole to share with a shut-in. We call our little group the “Bungalow Buddy Brigrade.” We make the arrangements in advance for a time that is convenient for our homebound friends. When we can schedule it after a regular meeting we find the enthusiasm of the previous meeting spills over into our second gathering. This year sure is breezing and freezing along quite fast. And, I do mean breezing and freezing! Wow, we have had some rather windy and frightful cold days the beginning months of this year. It is wonderful to linger after meetings to visit with so many of our “arctic” friends from the frozen north, who have escaped the snow for Florida weather. Unfortunately, the weather hasn’t been as warm as we residents of the sunshine state prefer. Still, when we see the weather reports of the cold-cold north…it is better in the deep-deep south! Fellowship among ourselves is so important. Staying in touch with each other can be vital to our well being. We have a few friends in the program who are now home-bound. They are no longer physically able to get to meetings as they once did. One area we who are able can be of service is to bring fellowship to them. It is not uncommon these days to find those who have now been in programs for thirty plus years. Getting together for a “mini” meeting with them can be rewarding. In our column we
There is no protocol we follow. Sharing the topic of the meeting we just attended, reading from the Big Book and talking about our strengths, hope and experience as we enjoy a meal together is rewarding. We feel it lifts our spirits even more so than the person we took the meeting to. Since giving to others is a major part of keeping what was “so freely given” to us, is in our program, we find this form of giving back to be most rewarding. We have a marvelous crock-pot dish to share in this edition of the Sober Sideboard. It is ideal for any occasion. It’s great for a family or company get together. If you choose to feature it in a meeting after the meeting for a shut-in friend it will be double please. To rephrase one of signature trademark lines…”Try it…your HEART will be glad you did!” This scrumptious chicken dish is our laid back version of a creamy northern Italian dish from Tuscany. So, let’s grab our chef hats and aprons and head for the kitchen.
CHICKEN ITALIANO (Serves 4) INGREDIENTS: 2 tablespoons vegetable oil 4 large skinless boneless chicken breasts or 8 thighs 1 package of dry Italian salad dressing mixed with 1/4 cup of water 1 8 ounce package of softened cream cheese 1 10 3/4 ounce can of condensed cream of chicken soup 1 package frozen pearl onions 8 ounces thinly sliced fresh mushrooms
PREPARATION: Heat the oil in a skillet to medium high heat and sauté the chicken until lightly browned. Add the Italian dressing and water. Scrape to loosen the brown bits on bottom of the pan. Pour the mixture into a crock pot. Mix the cream cheese and chicken soup together then stir it into the crock along with the onions. Cover and cook over low heat 4 hours. Stir in the thin sliced mushrooms about ½ hour before serving.
SERVING: You can serve this marvelous chicken entrée right in the crock-pot. Sprinkle chopped green onions or parsley as a garnish. Terrific sides are quick chicken Raman noodles, a steam-in-pouch of your favorite veggies, a “sinful” deli dessert and hot coffee. This meal is easy to put together and easy to transport if you share it with a home-bound friend. However you do it all who partake will be clucking your praises with “That’s DEE-licious!” “Try it…Your tummy will be glad you did! –Chef Lester Chef Lester, author, columnist, and television host chef is a graduate of the Culinary arts Academy. Questions comments, and suggestions? E-mail: cheflesterlee@yahoo.com
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Daffynissions A.A.A.A.A. - an organization for drunks who chirpes - a canarial disease, no tweetment fee-fi-fo-bia - fear of giants drive choconiverous - biting off the head of the flatulance - an emergency vehicle that picks abundunce - a dumb bunny chocolate Easter bunny first you up after you are run over by a steamroller accordionated - able to drive and refold a road chutzpapa - a father who wakes his wife at 4 flopcorn - the unpopped kernels at the bottom map at the same time a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper of the cooker aeroma - the odor emanating from an exercise room after an aerobics workout F-mail - report cards mailed to parents of poor students Alfred Hitchcooking - the act of stabbing the frozen peas to get them to cook faster
fobia - the fear of misspelled words
ambidextrose - able to put sugar in coffee with both hands
frisbeeterianism - belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof
amoebit - an amoeba/rabbit cross able to multiply and divide at the same time
frust - the small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until one finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug
anthropawmorphic - a dog with hands an udder failure - a cow that doesn't give milk anythingarian - a person who changes religions religiously aquadextrous - possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with one's toes baggravation - a feeling of annoyance and anger one endures at the airport when his bags have not arrived at the baggage carousel but everyone else's bags have bananosecond - time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement baudy house - a bordello with a modem bawlroom - a hospital nursery Beelzebug - Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out bromo-sexual - an individual who finds sex nauseating Bruise Lee - an inept martial-arts student bullemia - ability to tell endless tall tales bureaucat - kitty who sleeps on your undies
funkinetics - a very energetic form of step aerobics that mixes exercise and soul music
Frisbeeterianism
gemuine - an authentic precious stone
cinemuck - popcorn, soda, and candy that covgiraffiti - vandalous spray-painting really high ers the floors of movie theaters up crapezoid - the area within earshot of a politician's megaphone idiot box - the part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't decafaflon - the grueling event of getting quite figure it out for themselves through the day consuming only things that are good for you inoculatte - to take coffee intravenously when deifenestration - to throw all talk of God out running late the window intaxication - euphoria at getting a tax refund, dĂŞjĂ stew - leftovers which lasts until you realize it was your money dentopedology - the science of opening your to start with mouth and putting your foot in it jeanealogy - study of Levi's, Wranglers, and dijon vu - feeling that you've tasted this mustard other denims before disoriyenta - when Aunt Sadie gets lost in a karmageddon - it's like, when everybody is department store and strikes up a conversation sending off all these really bad vibes, right? and then, like, the earth explodes and it's, like, a seriwith everyone she passes ous bummer
burgacide - when a hamburger can't take any doltergeist - a spirit that decides to haunt somemore torture and hurls itself through the grill lambpoon - to make fun of sheep place stupid, such as your septic tank into the coals L'eggs benedict - socks for monks elephone - how elephants call home bustard - very rude metro bus driver cashtration - the act of buying a house, which essoasso - guy who cuts through gas station to magnocartic - an automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts renders the subject financially impotent for an avoid the red light indefinite period mallennium - a thousand years of shopping faux pass - a fake hall pass chairity - donating your La-Z-Boy
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Our AA History
First Three Steps of AA Define the Problem, Solution In 1934, Bill W., cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous, got a call from a soldier in World War I, Bill said that he "doubted whether the religions of former drinking buddy, Ebby T. "Rumor had it that he'd been committed mankind had done any good. Judging from what I’d seen in Europe and for alcoholic insanity," Bill recalled. "I wondered how he had escaped." since, the power of God in human affairs was negligible, the Brotherhood of Man a grim jest." In reality, Ebby was two months sober. Again, Ebby had a This disappointed reply: Just choose Bill, who wanted to your own concept of a recapture the spirit of higher power. That their earlier drinking power can be anything escapades. When that prompts a fundaEbby came to visit, mental change in your Bill pushed a drink thinking and action. across the table. For some, that might Ebby refused it. be a traditional concept of God. But for "The door opened, others, it could be a and he stood there, friend, a book, or even fresh-skinned and a breathtaking sunset. glowing," Bill recalled. "He was This second discovery inexplicably differshook Bill to the core. ent. What had hap"It was only a matter pened?" The answer of being willing to to that question evenbelieve in a power tually brought Bill to greater than myself," sobriety, and to the he wrote later in Twelve Steps of AA. "Alcoholics AnonBill Wilson and Ebby ymous" (AA General Doctor Carl Jung Before Bill could forServices, $6). "Nothing mulate the Twelve Steps of AA, he had to make two discoveries. He had more was required of already gained the first one from Dr. William Silkworth, the attending me to make my beginning." In short, the next step was a simple desire to physician during Bills first "detox." Silkworth said that Bill had a disease change, a willingness to accept help from someone or something else. with both physical and mental dimensions. The physical part was an After Bill accepted these ideas, he never took another drink. abnormal craving for alcohol, and the mental dimension was a delusion. It was Bills belief that, someday, he'd be able to control his drinking like Silkworth, who'd diagnosed Bill as an incurable alcoholic, was dumbnonalcoholics. Bill desperately clung to that belief, despite the contrary founded by Bills transformation. "Something has happened to you that I evidence: No matter how often he vowed never to drink again, every time don't understand," Silkworth told Bill. "But you had better hang on to it." he touched a drink, he ended up drunk. In effect, Bill had discovered two core principles of recovery. First, admit Now Bill had a grasp of the problem. Like other alcoholics, he got drunk the problem, powerlessness over alcohol (or other drugs). Second, open not because he was weak-willed or sinful. Instead, Bills body and mind up to a solution, a "Higher Power," any source of help outside yourself. worked differently from other peoples. These principles are, in essence, the first three steps of AA: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageThis idea suggested the next question: How could they give up their delu- able. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us sion of controlled drinking? And how could they avoid taking that first to sanity. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care drink? of God as we understood Him. Ebby had an answer. One of Ebby's friends, also an alcoholic, had seen Carl Jung, the famous Swiss psychiatrist. Jung pointed out that since early times, some alcoholics had recovered through what he called a "vital spiritual experience", a complete change in thought and action. Short of such an experience, said Jung, the prognosis for alcoholics like Bill was death or insanity. This "God talk" was tough for Bill to swallow. After his experiences as a
Bill longed to carry this message to other alcoholics. But that presented another problem: Spiritual experiences can hardly be produced at will. How could he help other alcoholics clear a space in their minds and hearts for such change?
This article was reprinted fro Hazelden’s Alive and Free, articles available on the Internet at hazelden .org.
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Parting Shots: The First Three
Bill The Biker
Bill & Lois at Steppingstones
Anne and Dr. Bob Smith
Bob and Bill
Bill & Lois Surveying the Recovery Scene
AA #3 Bill Dotson
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