The Solution News

The Solution News May/June 2011

Recovery

Since 1991

Happy, Joyous and Always Free!!

Growth

Renewal

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561.450.6320 or call us Toll Free 1-855-SKILLS 4 LIFE lifestylescollegeofdevelopment.com

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The Solution News Contents Page 4 - Dave’s Page: Not A Glum Lot!

Page 14 - Vintage Anti-Drug Comics

Page 5 - Stress and Laughter

Page 17 - How I Could Be A Better Man

Page 6 - Oreo Personality Test

Page 18 - Lexophiles and Oxymorons

Page 7 - Rebecca B.: Me and My Shadow

Page 20 - Different Planets

Page 8 - Hotlines and Helplines

Page 22 - Two Sets of Prints

Page 9 - Watershed Page

Page 24 - The Age Page

Page 10 - Events

Page 25 - Ocean Walk Recovery

Page 11 - Negative People

Page 26 - Parting Shots Page

Page 12 - You Might Be An Alcoholic If.....

Page 27 - Riddles That Make You Smile

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Dave’s Page

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes. -Ludwig Wittgenstein

Police Blotter, Bath Police Department

Bath, Maine July 21 Call reported a person staggering down the street with a canoe on his head. When police responded, no person could be found.

July 23 Sgt. Seeviour responded to a report of the theft of Chinese food from a freezer in the Whitefield area. The complainant was in her residence at the time but did not see or hear anyone. The estimated replacement value for the crab rangoon and egg rolls is $40.00.

Recently the problems of the world continued in the middle east and as the economy continues to struggle, crime rates rise, natural disaters and our continuing wars take up the headlines and information overload in America today, it is easy to get caught up in the fear and

Not A Glum Lot negativity that is so prevalent. With all this negative energy being shot at us by every form of media every day, it is not surprising that the social ills of alcoholism, drug addiction, depression and high anxiety are so predominant..

Which brings me to the preceding items from the Bath, Maine newspaper. We are so fortunate to have been delivered from the terminal illness of alcoholism and drug addiction; from the dark and negative energy of active addiction to the bright light and sunny days of recovery.

One of the things that impressed me so much about the fellowship in my early days was the ability of our members to laugh at themselves and to “lighten up”. In fact it is said that the only rule in AA is Rule 62 which tells us not to take ourselves too seriously. I can certainly relate to the guy staggering down Main Street in Bath, Maine with a canoe on his head. The vision of breaking into someone’s house and eating their Chinese food is not far from my own reality in my drinking days either. These items are funny to those of us who have developed the ability to laugh at our own silliness This is not to minimize the devastation and pain caused to others by our addiction and this subtle distinction must always be made so that those who are unfamiliar with our program don’t feel we are making light of the pain we have caused. But for many of us the ability to laugh and enjoy our sober lives is the reward that we gain by changing our lives and doing the hard work work necessary to attain and preserve our recovery.

Our book says, “But we are not a glum lot. If newcomers could see no fun or joy in our existence, they wouldn’t want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. We try not to indulge in

cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world’s troubles on our shoulders.

When we see a man sinking into the mire that is alcoholism, we give him first aid and place what we have at his disposal. For his sake, we do recount and almost relive the horrors of our past.

But those of us who have tried to shoulder the entire burden and trouble of others find we are soon overcome by them. So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn’t we laugh? We have recovered and been given the power to help others”( Big Book Page 132) Over the years I have developed a few simple barometers and guideposts to measure the quality of my recovery. I usually know that I am off track if the guitar and fishing rod begin to gather dust. Another measure that is very reliable is my sense of humor. When I lose it I inevitable lose my serenity and find myself “grinding” through the days rather than going with the flow and staying in the moment. By laughing at myself I am able to retain a certain level of humility and successfully avoid returning to staggering down Main Street with a canoe on my head.

I decided to combat the negativity by doing a whole issue on Humor. Over the years these Humor pages have become a very popular feature of The Solution News so I thought that devoting a whole issue on this topic would provide a few smiles and maybe even some laugher to your days on the sometimes bumpy road to recovery. For much more recovery humor got to:

solutionnews.org

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Stress Management and Health Benefits of Laughter

By Elizabeth Scott, M.S.

Research has shown that the health benefits of laughter are far-ranging. While more studies need to be done, studies so far have shown that laughter can help relieve pain, bring greater happiness, and even increase immunity.

Positive psychology names the propensity for laughter and sense of humor as one of the 24 main signature strengths one can possess, and laughter yoga clubs are springing up across the country. Read on for more findings about the health benefits of laughter, and see how to incorporate more humor and fun into your life.

view something as a 'threat' or a 'challenge'.

Humor can give us a more lighthearted perspective and help us view events as 'challenges', thereby making them less threatening and more positive.

While wasting your time watching something marginally funny may actually frustrate you, watching truly hilarious movies and shows is an easy way to get laughter into your life whenever you need it.

* Social Benefits of Laughter: Laughter connects us with others. Just as with smiling and kindness, most people find that laughter is con-

* Laugh With Friends: Going to a movie or comedy club with friends is a great way to get more laughter in your life. The contagious effects of laughter may mean you'll laugh more than you otherwise would have during the show, plus you'll have jokes to reference at later times.

Having friends over for a party or game night is also a great setup for laughter and other good feelings.

Stress Management Benefits of Laughter: * Hormones: Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones like cortisol, epinephrine (adrenaline), dopamine and growth hormone. It also increases the level of health-enhancing hormones like endorphins, and neurotransmitters.

Laughter increases the number of antibody producing cells and enhances the effectiveness of T cells. All this means a stronger immune system, as well as fewer physical effects of stress. * Physical Release: Have you ever felt like you "have to laugh or I'll cry"? Have you experienced the cleansed feeling after a good laugh?

Laughter provides a physical and emotional release. * Internal Workout: A good belly laugh exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs and even works out the shoulders, leaving muscles more relaxed afterward. It even provides a good workout for the heart. * Distraction: Laughter brings the focus away from anger, guilt, stress and negative emotions in a more beneficial way than other mere distractions. * Perspective: Studies show that our response to stressful events can be altered by whether we

tagious, so if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you to laugh more, and realize these benefits as well. By elevating the mood of those around you, you can reduce their stress levels, and perhaps improve the quality of social interaction you experience with them, reducing your stress level even more!

How To Use Laughter: Laughter is one of my all-time favorite stress management strategies because it's free, convenient, and beneficial in so many ways. You can get more laughter in your life with the following strategies: * T.V. and Movies: There's no shortage of laughter opportunities from the entertainment, both at the theater and in the aisles of the video stores, as well as at home with T.V. comedies.

* Find Humor In Your Life: Instead of complaining about life's frustrations, try to laugh about them. If something is so frustrating or depressing it's ridiculous, realize that you could 'look back on it and laugh.' Think of how it will sound as a story you could tell to your friends, and then see if you can laugh about it now. With this attitude, you may also find yourself being more lighthearted and silly, giving yourself and those around you more to laugh about.

Approach life in a more mirthful way and you'll find you're less stressed about negative events, and you'll achieve the health benefits of laughter. * 'Fake It Until You Make It': Just as studies show the positive effects of smiling occur whether the smile is fake or real, faked laughter also provides the benefits mentioned above. The body can't distinguish between 'fake' laughter that you just start doing on purpose, and 'real' laughter that comes from true humor--the physical benefits are exactly the same, and the former usually leads to the latter anyway. So smile more, and fake laughter; you'll still achieve positive effects, and the fake merriment may lead to real smiles and laughter.

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Oreo Personality Test Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos: 1. The whole thing all at once.

2. One bite at a time.

3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.

4. In little feverous nibbles.

5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).

6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.

10. I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.

Your Personality: 1. The whole thing. This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.

2. One bite at a time. You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who

eat their Oreos this very same way. Just in total denial about the shambles you call like them, you lack imagination, but that's a life. You have a propensity towards narokay, not to worry, you're normal. cotic addiction.

3. Slow and methodical. You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly.

You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie. You have a highly curious nature.

You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie. You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside. You enjoy pain.

being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're 9. I just like to lick them, not eat them. only going to go the speed limit.

Stay away from small furry animals and 4. Feverous nibbles. Your boss likes you seek professional medical help - immedibecause you get your work done quickly. ately.

You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental 10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't breakdowns and suicides run in your fam- like Oreo cookies. You probably come ily. Valium and Ritalin would do you good. from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to up-scale restaurants.

5. Dunked. Every one likes you because You are particular and fussy about the you are always up beat. You like to sugar things you buy, own, and wear. Things coat unpleasant experiences and rational- have to be just right. You like to be pamize bad situations into good ones. You are pered. You are a prim. Nobody likes you.

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Rebecca B.

Me and My Shadow

“Rebeccahhhhhhhh! Rebeccahhhhhhhh!” my mom yelled out the front door.

“Whaaaaaaaaaat?” I yelled back. “COME HOME!” was her reply. “Comin’!!” I yelled back.

You see growing up in my neighborhood in Homewood, (which was a suburb of Birmingham), Alabama – this was a normal daily ritual played out by parents and kids everywhere. You could forget about having one of your friends try to impersonate you when responding to this call because, almost magically to us kids, each parent knew exactly if it was their kid’s voice or not. But what made this particular day different from the rest, were a set of circumstances now set in motion…that could never be reversed.

It was around 1974 and I was 9 years old. I had a very big imagination and it never failed but to help keep me entertained, even when no one else was around. I didn’t have an imaginary friend per say, but the dreams that came into my mind felt like it. For name’s sake we will call this powerful force – My Shadow. It didn’t matter where I went or what was going on, my shadow was always with me, taking even the smallest and most insignificant of things and turning them into grand adventures to be had! Yes, me and my shadow had already had many adventures, but today I would come face to face with finding that my shadow could get me into some kind of trouble!

Let me back up a bit and tell you the whole story: I LOVED television. In my opinion it was the greatest thing invented – second only to a kickball or a skateboard. I had an entire line up of television that I watched, all of which provided me and my shadow endless hours of imagination enjoyment. Some of my all time favorite shows included: Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie. Oh but for the countless hours I tried to make things happen by wiggling my nose, making up spells or crossing my arms and bowing my head forward quickly with eyes closed, like they did. But it was to no avail – I never made one thing move, or disappear or turn into a dog, nope not ONE thing. But then a new show came out and to my shadow and I, it appeared to offer the first REAL possibility of actually bringing out of the TV something cool and making it happen!

Yep, once a week you could be certain to find me sitting in our living room, glued to the television set and waiting for one of my most favorite shows to begin – The Six Million Dollar Man! That show could light me and my shadow up for a whole week of adventures until it would again be time to watch the next great adventure of! There were a few reasons that I recall in why I liked it so much and they were: (1) I had had a crush on Lee Majors growing up watching I Dream of Jeanee (2) He had the abilities that the average person didn’t have because he was bionic (3) Due to his abilities, he got to have incredible adventures. For the first time I realized that THIS was actually possible! ~ It was also at this moment that my shadow began working on a solution.

Arriving to school it was one of my favorite days – hearing test day. I loved it so much because on the days of testing groups of kids would be in and out of the room, so rather than our regular work we got to do more fun things like art.

My maiden name,(Tackett), always meant that I was in one of the last groups to go for our testing, which was perfectly fine with me – more time to play. On this day however, it was also more time for “my shadow” to continue seeking out the perfect solution to make us bionic so that we could begin the incredible adventures we so desperately wanted to go on…and then it happened. An idea came that actually was the perfect solution!

“Rebecca Tackett” the woman at the door called, “come on honey, it is your turn to get tested”. My heart was just about to pound out of my chest with the insurmountable level of excitement and anticipation of pulling off the greatest plan my shadow had EVER come up with ~ fake the hearing test. Oh yes, you heard it right…fake it. You see my shadow remembered something that day that I had forgotten all about, a devise that could transform my life from that of a normal run of the mill kid, to a super kid with incredible power. A devise called a hearing aid! How could I have overlooked this potential the previous year? I laughed at the oversight and chalked it up to the immaturity of a first grader.

Now, I was mear minutes away from becoming…BIONIC! All that stood before me was the challenge of pulling off the greatest dramatic role of my entire life.

The upcoming challenge, although daunting, wasn’t such a feat in my mind.

I mean I had a track record of enthralling theatrical performances to include: Running a fever, (with the actual spike in temperature); Stomach aches; Nausea (including the vomit) and of course the creme de la crème ~ the self induced asthma attack. So although hearing loss was uncharted territory, I quickly deduced that it would only require a fine balance of just enough hearing loss for the “bionic ear”, but not so much that I would have to go to a special school or anything.

I entered the room and was seated inside the booth. The man performing the testing instructed me to put the head phones on my head and that every time I heard a beep, to lift my hand into the air to indicate which ear I was hearing the sound in. “Easy enough”, I thought to myself. Initially there were extremely faint sounds going back and forth between my right and left ears – all of which my shadow and I knew to ignore, and so I stared blankly at the wall. Ever so slowly the sound increased and for a good while I continued to sit and stare. My shadow however realized that for this to be authentic it would be imperative to appear not too bad off. So with the next beep, (which was in my right ear), I tilted my head ever so slightly to the right – as to indicate straining to capture what I thought I might have heard. The sound continued to get louder and I then began to lift my arm to indicate what I heard as directed, but to add that extra splash of drama, on some of the beeps I would begin to raise my arm…hesitate…then raise it the rest of the way, as to indicate my uncertainty.

When the test was over the man was very nice to me and gave me a sucker and I was escorted back to my classroom. I was absolutely filled with jubilation because the adventure had begun. Soon after this my mom took me to a hearing specialist – to which my shadow and I put on the same performance, but with even more confidence. I could just feel how close I was to obtaining that magical bionic hearing. My shadow and I layed in the bed endless hours thinking of all the ways it could be used. We could hear what my mom and dad said, even if the doors were closed. We could hear what the teacher and principle was saying when I was in trouble for something. We could even crawl up into a tall tree and perhaps hear blocks or even MILES away!

One day my mom sat me down and explained to me that I was going to have to go into the hospital so that they could perhaps find what was causing my problems. OH! This was to good to be true!! I was admitted and all the tests were run. I was then released to come home and we were awaiting the outcome. This brings me back to the beginning of my story. On that day when my mom yelled out for me, I was about a block away. She had called me out of habit and I had answered out of habit. She of course coming to the shocking realization that my hearing was not impaired and with every step home, I was overcome with the realization that I had just blown my cover. Approaching the yard I saw my mother…I didn’t even know a face could get that red or that certain veins even existed in the face.

Well needless to say, you can probably figure out what happened next.

Let’s just say my mom wasn’t a subscriber to the new line of thinking where you didn’t discipline your kids. I on the other hand found myself, when all was said an done, sitting in my room, just me and my shadow with all hopes of bionic hearing gone and realizing that perhaps I had taken things a bit too far .

As I lay on my bed that night I thought, “Next time I won’t go so far”.

As a recovering alcoholic of course, the next time was rarely different, but almost a sure fire guarantee to be an adventure of some sort! My shadow has been tamed a good bit today, but I can honestly say that given enough room and left unchecked, who knows what could happen!

Rebecca B. (BeccainBham@aol.com)

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Hotlines and Helplines

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Therapists

Behavioral Health Techs

Are you looking for a place where the concept of "team" has deeper meaning? We are looking for caring, insightful therapists who are committed to the highest quality care for our patients and who have the desire to support those who are struggling with addiction. Our facilities offer our patients comfortable and safe surroundings to begin their journey of recovery. The Watershed is Joint Commission accredited and fully licensed by the State of Florida. Our therapists provide individual and group counseling to patients in our inpatient treatment program. The therapist is able to develop a relationship with the patient that begins in detox and lasts throughout the entire length of stay. The therapist functions within the limits of their licensure, registration and/or certification. Graduation from an accredited college or university with a Masters Degree in a health-related discipline; licensed and/or accredited applicants preferred. Experience with chemical dependency and/or dual diagnosis programs preferred. The Watershed welcomes recovering individuals to apply! Recovering individuals must have a minimum of 1 full year of abstinence from drugs/alcohol to eligible for employment.

Are you a caring, compassionate individual? Are you able to provide supervision and support for others in a thoughtful, respectful manner?

If you have these qualities we encourage you to apply for a position as a Behavioral Health Technician, (BHT). Our BHT's are directly involved in providing quality care for patients as part of the overall team and are responsible for conducting meetings and providing structure for our patients during their treatment experience. As a BHT you are the frontline staff member, having frequent interactions with the patients throughout their stay. As a result you are in a position to have a positive impact on the patient's view toward recovery. The average day for a BHT involves a variety of activities; there isn't a lot of time spent in one place since our patient's care is conducted in different areas of the facility. The BHT should have a clear sense of personal boundaries and be able to enforce clearly established guidelines.

People with their own personal recovery experience are encouraged to apply! Must have a minimum of 12 months of sobriety.

Alumni Coordinators

We are currently seeking hard working, customer service oriented individuals with excellent communication skills to become members of our team. The Call-Back Representatives will work collaboratively with the Admissions Coordinators in order to admit new patients into our treatment facilities. This position involves making follow-up calls to individuals who have previously called The Watershed seeking treatment but were never admitted into our facility. Our goal is to reach out to those who may have avoided treatment in the past and assist them with their struggles of addiction, by offering our treatment services. This position is full-time with some weekends involved & located in our Delray Beach, corporate building.A year or more of 12step recovery experience is very beneficial to anyone working in this position. Prior call-center and/or healthcare experience are a plus!

The Watershed’s newest department is that of the Alumni coordinators!

Coordinators main focus is in making contact with ALL of Watershed’s alumni dating back to it’s doors opening in 1998! Through this effort any alumni who may have encountered relapse and needs help can be given a means to get back into their recovery and those who are maintaining recovery can be orientated to our current program which offers a variety of services, activities and opportunities to our alumni & their families.Work hours currently are: Mon.-Fri. 10am to 6pm at our office in Delray Beach. Six months or more of active 12-step recovery is needed and being an alumnus of The Watershed is preferred. Having basic computer & phone skills is a plus.

Call-Back Representatives

The Watershed is a Drug Free Workplace and an Equal Opportunity Employer. For more information, please visit: www.thewatershed.com. To apply, please go to www.thewatershed.jobs.

Watershed alumni – you don’t want to miss this!!!!

Are you a graduate of The Watershed Treatment Programs? Do you have an interest in personal growth in your recovery? Would you like to be able to help others, even as you were helped? If the answer to any or all of these questions is “YES”, then we want to hear from you! The Watershed has a unique one of a kind ALUMNI PROGRAM that is quite literally filled with events, activities & services for you!! It is a place to find support, fellowship and numerous ways for you to be able to reach out and help others. We currently have almost 4,100 registered alumni members around the country and we want YOU to be a part of this community! We also have an Alumni Family Outreach Program for YOUR family members to offer them the same connection and support with each other that now numbers 4,400!!!We hope that whether you are an alumni or a family member of an alumni, that you will join our social web site called Lives in Recovery. To register just go to www.livesinrecovery.com today! You will find a place to register under “ALUMNI” and a place to register under “FAMILY”. On this site, you will be able to chat, create groups and meetings, upload videos, create photo albums, find local meetings, be up to date on events, access the Alumni or Family Magazines, the monthly Alumni or Family Newsletter, the Life Saver’s Club Newsletter, and SO MUCH MORE! We hope that you will get involved with alumni if you aren’t already. (YOUR VOICE IS NEEDED!!) We have the Alumni Speaker Meetings EVERY SATURDAY from 10:30am to 12 noon at BOTH the BOCA and BOYNTON facilities. If you are a new alumnus with less than 90 days in recovery, we have special support meeting just for you and we WANT YOU TO COME! It is called the ALUMNI SUPPORT meeting and is held at THE WATERSHED APARTMENTS in Lake Worth, FL on THURSDAY nights, from 5:30 to 6:45pm under the tent by the pool. There, you can gain important information related to your early recovery and upon reaching 90 days get your MEDALLION on Anniversary Saturday the last Saturday of the month! (IF YOU ATTEND ALUMNI SUPPORT MEETINGS YOU MAY ATTEND SATURDAY SPEAKER MEETINGS) For directions or further information or questions, contact Rebecca Balko at the contact information listed below. Last but not least…if you are an alumnus and have in interest in working in the field of Addiction Recovery and/or in our Alumni Department, The Watershed wants to hear from you! If you are interested in seeking employment you can either contact Rebecca Balko or go directly to our web site at www.thewatershed.com. Just go to Human Resources & place an “on line” application. *You need to have 1yr. clean and sober for most positions* We look forward to hearing from you! You can contact Rebecca Balko at: Rbalko@thewatershed.com (or write) 200 Congress Park Dr. Suite 101 Delray Beach, FL 33445 (PHONE: 877-416-9566 ext.88204)

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Events

ATTENTION!! Meeting Slots are available: smoking, non-smoking, most time slots available for more information call Kathy K. (561) 926-0330, OUR CLUB, 219 S.Dixie, Lake Worth

6th Annual

“RECOVERY ROCKS”

OASIS OF THE SEAS 7 Night Eastern Caribbean Cruise October 8-15, 2011

Visit www.royalcaribbean.com for a virtual tour.

Join us for an unforgettable cruise to Nassau, St. Thomas, and St Maarten on the incredible Oasis Of The Seas where the ship IS the destination!!!

Spiritual Lectures by Msgr. Ron Beshara, Author of “Treasuring The Treasure: Exporing Spirituality” Secure your room and receive a $50 per cabin onboard credit by contacting Donna Campbell with Eileen’s Travel at (561) 655-2234. Ask for RCI specials for further discounts.

Interior Cabin $1093.19 (N)*

Central Park $1283.19 (CV)*

Boardwalk $1343.19 (B1)*

Ocean Balcony $1093.19(D5)*

*Stateroom Category. Rates are per person based on double occupancy and INCLUDE all meals, gratuity, entertainment, taxes and fees. Rates sublect to availability abd cab change without notice.

It’s all about having fun in recovery!

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NEGATIVE PEOPLE TRY TO BRING OTHERS DOWN This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. Remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.

people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?

It was wonderful explained the woman, not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great!

They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's We're taking Continental, was the reply. We got a great rate! a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too were overContinental? exclaimed the hairdresser. That's a terrible air- booked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at line. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and no extra charge! they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?

Well, muttered the hairdresser that's all well and good, but

We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber I know you didn't get to see the Pope.

River called Teste.

Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the service surly, and they're overpriced. So, whatcha' doing Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand, when you get there?

I knelt down, and he spoke a few words to me.

We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Oh, really! What'd he say?

Pope.

That's rich, laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other He said: Where'd you get the crappy hairdo?

12 Thanksgiving Trivia Questions Y

You Might Be An Alcoholic If ....

For some reason, there's salt on the rim Having a hard time staying on the side Two hands and just one mouth... - now of your basketball hoop. walk - left, right, stumble, fall.

THAT'S a drinking problem!

You are lying in bed and it feels like you're on a merry-go-round.

You wake up in the bedroom, your under- "Norm!" is what they say when you enter wear is in the bathroom. the bar.

You sound like you're speaking a different language and get irritated when others don't understand you.

You're now the proud inventor of the When you can focus better with one eye "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim Fast shakes made closed with Jim Beam.

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

You wake up in the morning and fall off the hood of your car.

If you only have two brain cells left and they're not talking to each other.

The parking lot seems to have moved when you were in the bar.

You can focus better with one eye closed.

You bought your current pick-up truck because it has a cool place to hide a six pack.

Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a The back of your head keeps getting hit picture of your liver in the shape of a by the toilet seat. bottle.

For the money you spent on Thunderbird, Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you could've bought the car. you with, "Hey, it's VomitMan!" Sincerely believe alcohol to be the eluThe doorman asks for your ID just to see sive 5th food group. how long it'll take you to find your pants.

You have a reserved parking space at the Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of liquor store. your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying Thanks to you, Jack Daniel's stock is up onions.

15 1/4 since Friday.

Barney, that dinosaur is damned funny!

Worried friends call to make sure you You think, Four Basic Food Groups are returned the goat.

Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and You drink long enough to realize "Drink Women/Men. Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personEvery night you're beginning to find your al challenge. roomate's cat more attractive You think the nutritional information on You lose arguments with inanimate the back of a beer can is proof that you objects. should be able to buy it with food stamps

Every woman/man you see has an exact twin.

You wake up to find Windows 95 installed on your machine.

If you keep asking your wife "where are the kids?", but you don't really have a wife and you're talking to the refridgerator.

You discover in the morning liquid cleaning supplies have disappeared.

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.

Job interfering with your drinking You know for certain that putting your foot on the floor does not stop the room from spinning.

The producers of the television program "Cops" still send you Christmas cards The glass keeps missing your mouth.

When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?

Vampires get woozy after biting you.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep The only drinking problem is not having a When hangovers become an attractive from falling off the earth. drink right now. alternative lifestyle.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name You fall off the floor... alcohol stream. is... uh..."

Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of coincidence?? - I think not!

When vomiting becomes a relief. incohol.

13

Recovery Bulletin Board

“We all marvel at the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely do we consider what it went through to become that butterfly.�

-Maya Angelou

14

Vintage Anti-Drug Comics

15

Your Ad Here 603-657-5580

16

Jack Kean

How I Could Be A Better Man

17

Will getting ketchup out of a bottle really mean I am a better man?

I sat down in the aptly named waiting room at the doctor's office and my attention was drawn to a seductively posed woman on the cover of a slick magazine. Disregarding Over 55 and similar publications I immediately grabbed the aforementioned magazine. After fully appreciating the cover photo my attention was drawn to a very large teaser for 14 pages guaranteed to make me a better man.

While I'm not totally convinced that I need to become a better man, others may have a contrary opinion. Was it possible that any of these 14 pages could apply to me? I quickly thumbed to the section in question and began learning what it would take to become a better man.

The first article was titled, "How To Disarm A Gunman."

Excuse me? Here it is the twentyfirst century and the measure of a man is whether he can disarm a gunman? I don't think so. After a career in law enforcement let me assure you that attempting to disarm a gunman ought to be darn near the last thing on earth you want to do. If this is something that comes up in your life on a regular basis trust me you are doing something wrong.

"How To Fire Someone" was the second winning entry. Oh yeah, this is great stuff. First I disarm the guy then I fire him for good measure, or vice versa. One of the intriguing suggestions made here was to get someone else to do it. Getting someone else to do the dirty work hardly seems the path to becoming a better man.

The next article I perused was, "How To Get Ketchup Out Of A Bottle." I'm not kidding. Clearly this is one of the great challenges of mankind and a requirement for being a better man. Who came up with this stuff? Then there was, "How To Start A Fire Without Matches." Hey, a better man carries matches; we invented them so we wouldn't have to make fire with a stick.

"How To Replace A Toilet," and "How To Do a 180 Degree Turn" were other helpful pieces. I never thought that the ability to replace a toilet was the true measure of a man, unless he happened to be a plumber. Where will I practice making these 180-degree turns and how often are they really necessary?

Then there were great articles about carving a turkey and removing stains. Darn we men have to be versatile. "Hi honey, I just disarmed a gunman, fired my secretary and got some ketchup out of a bottle. Unfortunately it got on my new shirt so now I'll get that stain out and be back in a jif to carve that turkey."

Other suggestions contained in the 14 pages included not attending church drunk and never re-heating anything containing tuna. There was also the required reminder to put down the toilet seat. That seems to be a major problem for the fair sex.

Darn we men have to be so versatile, it's not just hunting and fishing and football anymore.

(More from Jack Kean at http://www.keanwriter.com/)

Dr. Steven Golden, Chiropractic Physician Cornell Graduate - 22 Years Experience

Sensitive to the needs of the recovering community Auto Accidents - Chronic Pain - Neck and Back Pain - Headaches Full Physical Therapy and Massage Little or no out of pocket expense to recovering people and their families.

4880 10th Avenue, Lake Worth

230 SE 23rd Avenue, Boynton Beach

561-439-3800

561-738-7738

18

LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS) 1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

50 TOP OXYMORONS 50.

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Act naturally Found missing Resident alien Advanced BASIC Genuine imitation Airline Food Good grief Same difference Almost exactly Government organization Sanitary landfill Alone together Legally drunk Silent scream British fashion Living dead Small crowd Business ethics Soft rock Butt Head Military Intelligence Software documentation New York culture New classic Sweet sorrow Childproof "Now, then ..."

Synthetic natural gas Christian Scientists Passive aggression Taped live Clearly misunderstood Peace force Extinct Life Temporary tax increase Computer jock Plastic glasses Terribly pleased Computer security Political science Tight slacks Definite maybe Pretty ugly Twelve-ounce pound cake Diet ice cream Rap music Working vacation Exact estimate Religious tolerance

And the #1 Oxymoron......

1.

Microsoft Works

19

Do you want to help those people in your life currently caught in the grips of the progressive and fatal disease of addiction…to get the very life saving help that they need?

Do you want to spread the message that WE DO RECOVER? To make an impact on YOUR community one person at a time?

The Life Saver’s Club is a recovery resource offered by The Watershed Addiction Treatment Programs and is unique in that we don’t simply offer help to those who are going to come HERE. We have a department of full time Resource Specialists, who are trained and experienced in throwing out a life line to those who are suffering with facilities and services in their area that will fit whatever budget or financial situation that they may have. By joining and becoming a member, you can have the peace of mind in knowing that the person you refer to call us will receive prompt attention and that NO REFERRAL goes unassisted.

Becoming a member is fast and easy! Simply go to our new web site: www.LivesinRecovery.com and register or give us a call at 877-416-9566 Ext.88426 and start the process of healing for those around you needing help! Membership benefits include: Acknowledgements, Recognition Gifts, Intervention Materials, Life Saver’s Club Cards and soon Educational Packets that will enable you to be an educator about addiction and recovery for your community and more! The Watershed’s Support Team is available 24/7 for any questions or support you may need along the way.

We look forward to hearing from YOU soon!!!

Rebecca Balko, C.A.C. Alumni Department Manager # 877-416-9566 (Ext.88204) Rbalko@thewatershed.com

20

A Relationship Seen From Different Planets Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are moving steadily toward...I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: ...so that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer ...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face.

Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed--even before I sensed it--that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a darn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him.

I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, those scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Myabe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their"Roger," Elaine Says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...Oh, my, I feel so..."

(She breaks down sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the right answer.

"It's just that...It's that I...I need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes." (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag or Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of.

A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he's pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.

They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

21

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22

Two Sets Of Prints Footprints in the Sand

Butt Prints In The Sand

One night I dreamed a dream.

One night I had a wondrous dream,

I was walking along the beach with my Lord.

One set of footprints there was seen,

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints

The footprints of my precious Lord, But mine were not along the shore.

in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my

But then some stranger prints appeared…

Lord.

And I asked the Lord, “What have we here?”

When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

There was only one set of footprints.

I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life.

This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.

Those prints are large and round and neat, But Lord, they are too big for feet.

“My child,” He said in somber tones, For miles I carried you alone.

I challenged you to walk in faith,

"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You,

But you refused and made me wait.”

You would walk and talk with me all the way.

“You disobeyed, you would not grow,

But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints.

The walk of faith you would not know..

So I got tired, I got fed up,

I just don't understand why,

And there I dropped you on your butt.”

when I need You most, You leave me."

“Because in life there comes a time

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you,never, ever, during your trials and testings.

When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

When one must fight, and one must climb, When one must rise and take a stand, Or leave their butt prints in the sand.” . Author Unknown

23

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24

The Age Page Darn Right I Want That Senior Discount First let’s review all the benefits of becoming eligible for senior discounts.

Close to the top is laughing at your kids because the curse is coming true. At some point when your children lived at home you must have said, “When you grow up and have kids I hope they act just like you.” Well, they are and we just barely hide our smiles. The next important benefit of getting older is that it really beats the alternative. Sleeping late; no rush hour traffic; and travel, pretty much completes my list, though feel free to make your own additions. Getting a senior discount on pancakes should not make anyone’s list.

It is true that I once wrote the definitive article on senior discounts (which I unfortunately can’t find on my computer) and assumed that nothing more should or could be said on the subject. However, I was driving down the road in my little RV while listening to satellite radio when a talk show host started complaining about senior citizens getting a discount. With all the possible topics of interest from global warming to oil spills how this subject made it on the air is beyond me.

“Just because you are old doesn’t mean you should get stuff for free or at a discount,” he bellowed in the radio. After a few minutes of this harangue I pushed a button and heard someone discussing whether Nancy Pelosi’s plane really needed an entertainment center. I wonder if Nancy asks for the senior discount at Wendy’s. Oh well, back to the topic at hand.

Let’s get real here; senior discounts are not going to change your life style.

A free cup of coffee with your gravy biscuit at Chik-fil-A is nice, but won’t make it possible for you to take an Alaska cruise or pay for a tummy tuck.

Seeing a movie for $6 instead of $8.50 is a fine thing but it won’t save enough to get those new golf clubs. In other words, as perks go senior discounts are more like using the executive washroom than having a live-in maid.

Still and all I want those discounts and feel it is my duty to support businesses which have learned the secret of our spending habits. Whether our incomes are $1,000 a month or $10,000 a month it’s now ours to spend. My objective is to spend every cent that comes in every month (not that hard to do all things considered). We seniors have scrimped and saved just about all we are going to scrimp and save. If this were a beer commercial I’d say, “It’s Miller time.”

But let’s get back to discounts for a moment. With a little effort you can get folks to send you e-mail discounts on a regular basis. Right now on my computer there are discounts for Quiznos Subs, Bugaboo Creek Steakhouse, Barnes & Noble, Red Lobster, Romano’s Macaroni Grill, and Longhorn SteakHouse. None of these are senior discounts but we do have the time to take advantage of their offerings.

I remember asking for the senior discount and having cashiers make a joke about me not looking old enough. They don’t do that anymore. Now they are just as likely to give me the discount automatically. Wonder why that is?

The bottom line is that it doesn’t hurt to ask for a senior discount. Many places have them but don’t advertise the fact.

Why isn’t the senior discount for pancakes a great deal? Because while it is true that you pay less; you also get less. Wow! Eat some pancakes for me anyway and enjoy.

by Jack Kean

Signs of Growing Old 1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

2. Your back goes out more than you do.

3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.

5. You are proud of your lawn mower.

6. Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.

7. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

8. You sing along with the elevator music.

9. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

13. You answer a question with, "Because I said so."

14. You send money to PBS. 15. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

16. You take a metal detector to the beach.

17. You know what the word "equity" means.

18. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

19. Your ears are hairier than your head.

20. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

21. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

22. You got cable for The Weather Channel.

23. You can go bowling without drinking.

24. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

25. People send you this list.

25 Hopeful New Halfway House

Hopeful New Halfway House

Ocean Walk Recovery THIRD STEP PRAYER used by Dr. Bob I’m sorry about the mess I’ve made of my life.

I want to turn away from all the wrong things I’ve ever done and all the wrong things I’ve ever been. Please forgive me for it all.

I know You have the power to change my life and can turn me into a winner. Thank You God for getting my attention long enough to interest me in trying it Your way. God, please take over the management of my life and

everything about me. I am making this conscious decision to turn my will and my life over to Your care and asking you to please take over all parts of my life.

Please, God, move into my heart. However You do it is Your business but make yourself real inside me and fill my awful emptiness. Fill me with your love and Holy Spirit and make me know Your will for me. And now, God, help Yourself to me and keep on doing it. I’m not sure I want You to, but do it anyhow.

I rejoice that I am now a part of Your people, that my uncertainty is gone forever, and that You now have control of my will and my life.

Thank You I praise Your name. Amen

Ocean Walk Recovery Sober Supportive Housing

David Mitchell

561-929-6900 511 South Broadway Lantana, Florida 33462 3/10 mile South of Lantana Rd.

A Close Walk To The Ocean

Ocean Walk Recovery offers a fresh start to men recovering from active Alcohol and Drug Addiction, by living a day at a time in Safe Supportive Housing. We offer HOPE in a fun, helpful, caring, clean and sober environment. Our focus is on showing you, the recovering man, that you are not alone any more. Our home is located a mile and a quarter from the beach, with many job opportunities and over 100 nearby 12 Step Meetings each week. Our units are fully furnished, with coin laundry facilities on the premises. The local Bus Stop is right outside our front door. There are many stores, including banks, groceries and a K-Mart, near Ocean Walk Recovery, these close locations make it easy to purchase needed items. Those same stores, which have many possible job opportunities, are located less than a half mile's walk from our front door.

Ocean Walk Recovery’s goal is to provide a supportive environment to bridge the gap between stopping active using, going to Detox or Treatment, if needed, and returning to living a full life. We have 23 years of experience with helping thousands of Addicts and Alcoholics getting and staying Clean and Sober. We can help you or your loved one as well. We will provide healthy support, training and direction for living day to day, through the concerns, fears, all the ups and downs of re-entering the work force and family relationships. Ocean Walk Recovery is a place where men may learn to live peacefully with themselves while staying Alcohol and Drug Free. In a peaceful recovery setting, our goal is to help residents develop new healthy relationships with other men, who are also new in recovery, as well as men from our community who already have many years of recovery.

Ocean Walk Recovery has a ZERO tolerance policy regarding any drugs or alcohol, which includes any over-the-counter item like mouthwash, cold medicines, after shave, food items like vanilla or anything that contains any mood altering substance.

Ocean Walk Recovery also has a ZERO tolerance policy regarding any violence, threats of violence or intimidating behaviors.

Ocean Walk Recovery requires all residents to attend at least one 12 Step meeting every day. Each Resident may attend the meeting of his choice. Available meetings near Ocean Walk Recovery include: Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous or Gamblers Anonymous. ONCE A DAY -- WITH NO EXCEPTIONS.

Location: 511 South Broadway, Lantana, Florida 33462 3/10 Mile South of Lantana Road 1/2 Mile north of Hypoluxo Road 1 1/4 Mile walk to the Beach and Ocean

Contact: David Mitchell, Director 561.929.6900 oceanwalkrecovery.com

The 9th Step Promises We are going to know a new Freedom and a new happiness. We will not Regret the Past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word Serenity and we will know Peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our Experience can Benefit Others. That feeling of Uselessness and Self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in Selfish Things and gain Interest in our Fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole Attitude and Outlook upon Life will change. Fear of People and of Economic Insecurity will leave us. We will Intuitively know how to Handle Situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these Promises?

extravagant

We think not.

They are being Fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always Materialize if we work for them.

___________________ Ocean Walk Recovery Sober Supportive Housing

David Mitchell

561-929-6900 511 South Broadway Lantana, Florida 33462 3/10 mile South of Lantana Rd.

A Close Walk To The Ocean

26

Parting Shots

Riddles That Make You Smile

27

Most riddles are a form of lateral-thinking puzzle. To get them, you have to move laterally in your mind, away from the expected line of thought. This is especially true of funny riddles. What did the others do when the cannibal was late for dinner? They gave him the cold shoulder, of course.

Then there are the riddles that aren't really jokes, but they make you smile when you hear the answer. If a plane crashes on the border of the U.S. and Canada, in which country do they bury the survivors? They don't bury survivors, of course.

Laughter is good for the brain. Okay, I am waiting for the research on that, but it will be proven someday.

Oh, and no political jokes here. By the way, do you know what's wrong with political jokes? They get elected! Okay, maybe just that one. Here are a few more riddles that will make you smile.

Riddles 1. What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots tell his students?

2. Is it legal for a man to marry his widow's sister in the state of California?

3. How many times can you subtract 5 from 25?

4. What two things can never be eaten for breakfast?

5. What did the fish say when he ran into a concrete wall?

srewsnA .ecno siht od ot gniog ylno m'I .ylesolc siht hctaW .1 .daed s'eh ecnis ,ton ylbaborP .2 morf gnihtyna tcartbus uoy retfa esuaceb ,ecno tsuJ .3 .eromyna 52 ton s'ti ,ti .renniD dna hcnuL .4 ".nmaD" .5

6. Imagine you are in a sinking boat and surrounded by sharks. How do you survive?

!gninigami tiuq tsuJ .6

7. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the

.esruoc fo ,elcitrA dniFtserevE tnuoM .7