Paula's Tales of Lockdown

More tales of lockdown from Paula A Cole 2021 1. A Highland Holiday 2. Coming Down 3. A Night At The Gallery

A Highland Holiday

Hamish and Duncan are starting their Scottish adventure, booked into an old Baronial lodge.

Getting late in the season, so need to make the most of the weather, and going for an early evening walk. Looking ahead, they can see lanterns showing further up the hill and start walking towards them.

As they get closer, they see what looks like three old women stirring something in a large cauldron resting on a fire pit. Bit strange, said Hamish, let's go back to the lodge. When they get near, the see that strange Danish guy standing outside, talking to himself as usual. He never speaks to them , so they go inside and see Ophelia sitting in the gloomy reception lounge and Hamish says to her, you look a bit sad, come and have a whisky with us.

No, thank you, she said, I'll wait for Hamlet, I'm sure he won't be much longer. Suit yourself, says Hamish. I'm off to my bed. Duncan goes to his room and looks out the window before pulling the curtains. I don't remember that wood being so close to the lodge, will have a look in the morning.

Going down to breakfast, the manager comes up to them and says, I hope you don't

mind, but I've put two gentlemen from Verona at your table, there were no other spare seats.

Hope they speak English, says Hamish. Why are there so many people now, asks Duncan?

They are a group of travelling players, who heard a weather forecast, said a tempest could

be coming, so they've booked in for a few nights. They've offered to put on a play tonight for the guests.

In the kitchen, the cook is stirring large quantities of porridge. The housekeeper, Lady Macbeth, says to her, I can't get these tablecloths clean, I keep washing them, “out, damn spot” I say. The cook laughs, you'll never get that out, it'll keep haunting you.

The two friends set out for a walk, Duncan suggesting they ask Ophelia to come, but Hamish said, she'd never come without her boyfriend, and did you know, someone said he's Prince, seems unlikely. Let's go and look at those woods you think are in a different place.

Later that day, the manager makes an announcement to the guests...the Stratford Players are putting on a play this evening for your enjoyment, just a light-hearted one, do come along to the ballroom at 8 p.m. A light supper and a complimentary drink will be served at interval. Might as well go, says Duncan, the wi fi reception here's terrible.

Ophelia and Hamlet arrive early, wanting to get good seats at the front. Hamlet prefers to sit well away from the other guests, he's not used to mixing with such ordinary people.

The lights dim, people settle, and the players take the stage. Tonight, we will perform a favorite of ours, called “A Midsummer Night's Dream”.

How lovely, says Ophelia, who is looking very pretty with flowers in her hair, it's that one about fairies. I never know what that's all about says Hamlet, King Lear is more my style.

COMING DOWN A LOCK-DOWN LEVEL….

“At last, said one ugly sister to the other, let's get out and see who's around. I'm sick of being inside with Cinderella, always moaning about doing laundry and house work.

What else has she got to do anyway?”

Once upon a time, there was a young woman, not too far away, who lived on the top floor of an apartment building, so they walked along to see whether she was still there.

“Look, there she is, leaning right out the window, letting down her hair. Wow, it's incredibly long, isn't it.” “But look at all those split ends, laughed the other sister, (whose own hair badly needed the services of a hairdresser).

Nearer the woods, they could see smoke coming out of a chimney and went closer for a look. “It's those bears again, coming out of hibernation, bet they are wanting some porridge.”

A young girl came to the cottage doorway and called out to the sisters, “come and try some gingerbread, some old woman gave it me”. “Would it be safe to eat though, how would you know if she had washed her hands before making it” said the older of the two sisters.

“Well, said the blond young girl (such pretty hair) it might be a risk, but I'm willing to try it.” “Why not give a bit to the bears first, see if it makes them ill”, said one sister.

Moving on, they spotted that other girl, who always seemed to be wearing a red hood regardless of weather or fashion, swinging a large covered basket as she hurried along a path. In the distance, it sounded like a wolf howling, but they must be imagining that surely? Wolves wouldn't be moving around in daylight. Mind you, those three bears were strolling around.

“It's lovely to see people getting out and enjoying the fresh air, but have you noticed, no men around, must all be working from home”. “Not all of them, look, said the younger sister, “there goes those seven dwarves.” “Don't call them that, said the other, they are

“little people.”

“Whatever, said the younger sister, it's so weird how they all live

together in their bubble with Snow White. Do you think they're all gay?”

Giggling away, they continued on their walk.

A NIGHT AT THE GALLERY

It's 2 a.m. And most of the city is sleeping, but at the Art Gallery there's a hum of conversation. “I say Madam, says the Laughing Cavalier, here's a joke that will make you laugh.” “I doubt it says the Mona Lisa, smiling her enigmatic smile, but go on, try me.”

“Oh no, says one of Degas' dancers, glancing up from tying her shoe, not that one about.....”

“Be quiet, woman, growls Henry V111, resplendent in his magnificent gown, “get on with it man, we haven't got all night.” The Laughing Cavalier has lost his train of thought after all these interruptions, and looks across at The Scream, now he knows how he feels!

In the next room things are much more convivial. Most ladies are scantily clad, handsome young men show off gym-toned bodies, wine seems plentiful and delicious food on offer.

One of the Rubens ladies says to another “marvelous not having to wear a bra anymore”.

Downstairs the men of the Night Watch are preparing for another patrol, though someone will be in trouble, they should have left some hours ago.

Whistler's mother looks across at Rembrandt's mother and wonders what

she's thinking. Shame they haven't got a common language, she'd like to know more about her son. She thinks they both enjoy looking across at the waterlilies, thank goodness they are not in one of those rooms with all that naked flesh on show.

Upstairs in a quiet corner, the Madonna gazes sorrowfully down at her Son. Who would have thought all those years ago, when an angel came and told her what was going to happen, and she'd been so happy, such an honor, and look how it had all ended.

THE END Maybe?