Suicidal Ideation is not a Death Wish by Robi Sonderegger

Suicidal Ideation is not a Death Wish

By Robi Sonderegger

Following one of the most spectacular showdowns in antiquity (recorded in 1 Kings 18), word got back to Queen Jezebel that Elijah had completely exposed the fertility god, Baal, and the mother goddess, Asherah, as fraudulent. He had challenged all 950 prophets that ate at the Queen’s table to a heavyweight title fight on Mt Carmel. Not only did the Queen’s ‘fertility prophets’ prove impotent, the God of Israel deliver a great knockout punch – sending fire from heaven in a demonstration of His absolute authority. To add insult to injury, the crowds seized the charlatan prophets and put them to death. Upon hearing this news, Queen Jezebel sent a message to Elijah inferring, “If you’re not dead by this time tomorrow, then may it be done to me what I intend to do to you”. So, Elijah ran for his life into the wilderness. It’s interesting to note that many leaders, just like Elijah, can seemingly take on the world… perusing incredible ministry exploits. Yet, they can also get knocked for a six when faced with personal peril. Elijah’s faith was so bold and his courage so fierce that he brazenly walked into this world heavyweight title fight – with the ‘bookie odds’ down at the local TAB stacked against him 950 to 1. Yet, upon hearing that a ‘WANTED Deador-Alive” poster has been distributed, calling for the capture or execution of Elijah, he became so unnerved that he ended up collapsing under a juniper tree asking God to take his life. The Final Straw If you’re a Ministry leader, you know this story well. Not just because you have studied it, but because you have lived it. For example, you preach one of the most anointed sermons ever, yet it’s misconstrued and critiqued

in a hostile Facebook chat. Sound familiar? Or perhaps your flawless reputation of upstanding character and integrity is undone by a moment of ‘moral’ mismanagement (there but the Grace of God go we all). Maybe it’s been years of investing your life’s blood, sweat and tears into the local congregation, only to go on long service leave and have a Coup d’état be staged for the church’s leadership!!! Or how about this… the funds are raised, the land is purchased, the engineering designs are signed off on, and then the building of a new sanctuary is blocked by one council member who is ‘hell bent’ on delaying or frustrating the approval process. Why is it that touching heaven can so easily be followed by a crash landing back down to earth? Why is it that the camel’s back has the capacity to shoulder such incredible weight,

but the it’s the addition of one final straw that breaks the camel’s back? Under Pressure The reason why is quite simple and can best be explained by the physics of pressure. The illustration I’ll often give on stage is when a hand is wrapped around a raw egg, is almost impossible to break. But a single point of mild pressure applied on the side of an egg can easily penetrate it. If we focus our attention on one single problem, ruminate on it all day and dream about it all night, it’s enough to break us. Unless we are able to disperse the pressure, the accumulation of many small things (resulting in fatigue and exhaustion) or the anticipation of overwhelming stress to come (anguish fuelled by fear) can bring us undone. Even Jesus reached that point in the Garden of Gethsemane – knowing all that was about to come. Matthew 26:38 records Jesus as saying, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” It’s not that Jesus or Elijah had a death wish, but rather, this is the expression typically given when you quite simply don’t know how to go on. But thank God, when a person gets to the end of their rope, God goes ahead and ties himself into that rope to catch, support and encourage them through our dark times. If you have ever been at a place where you have emotionally bottomed-out, be encouraged to know Jesus knows what you’re going through, and as such, He can gently lay you down in green pastures and by still waters to refresh and restore your soul, and then lead you along the right paths of righteousness for His names’ sake. In fact, that’s exactly what He did for Elijah. The angel of the Lord woke him and said, “get up and eat”, having prepared fresh bread baked on the hot coals and a jug of water. Enter into His rest A sabbath is required to restore one’s mind, mood and emotions. Sabbath is like the reset button we hold down for five seconds when our smart device is playing up. When your neural smart device (aka your brain) is not thinking as logically, rationally and clearly as it should, don’t give it the boot, give it a reboot it. Don’t just ‘take’ a sabbath, learn to take His light and easy fitting yoke upon you. A sabbath is not a momentary pause before stepping back into the fray; a sabbath is not just something you ‘take’. A sabbath is (a) something you prepare for (rest requires organisation and discipline),; (b) something you observe (rest is set apart as Holy); and (c) something to enter into (entering into God’s rest). Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). Rest isn’t just something you do. Rest is a state of being and a way of living. When you understand Sabbath, well ‘rested’ is who you become. It’s when you have been refreshed and well rested that you can have transformational encounters with God. Elijah travels another 40 days into the wilderness, bound for Mt Horeb (otherwise known as Mt Sanai), which is the last place God revealed himself to mankind – when delivering the Ten Commandments to Moses). You can anticipate the scene is being set for showdown 2.0. When Moses encountered God, there was wind, earthquake and fire. But this time round, God was in none of those things. Rather, what followed was a soft small still voice… a whisper that asked Elijah ‘what on earth he was doing here’. Elijah’s response is particularly interesting. He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” (1 Kings 19:14; NIV). This response is what I like to call ‘3 simple steps to self-destruction’. 3 Steps to Self-Destruction Whether or not we are aware of it, all too often, this is exactly what you and I do when feeling overwhelmed. Firstly, we declare our own righteousness and point out how hard we’ve been working. Secondly, we blame everyone else for the circumstance we find ourselves in. And thirdly, we develop a victim mindset as we nurse, curse and rehearse all the bad things. But when we are humble enough to allow God to give us a ‘checkup from the neck up’, we can experience transformation through the renewing of our mind. The story ends by God highlighting how inaccurate Elijah’s catastrophic thinking had become. With a little course correction and realignment, Elijah is redeployed back into the ministry. In fact, Elijah is sent back the very same way he came… back past the place where he asked God to take his life. Ironically, death was the one thing Elijah was ultimately denied… not just in that moment, but in perpetuity. So, when next you feel like you might be ‘done’ with ministry, just know, God is not ‘done’ with you. Just like faith, we all have a measure of hope. So, feeling hopeless, from time to time, is not that same as having no hope. It simply means you have less hope. To have ‘no hope’ means life is already over. It’s impossible to have no hope and still be breathing. With this in mind, so long as you still have breath in your lungs, you have hope. And if you plan for, observe and enter into God’s rest, even though you may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, there’s no need to panic. He’s with you, for you, comforting you, preparing you, anointing you and providing for you. “Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.…” (Psalm 23:6).

Dr Robi Sonderegger is an internationally recognised Clinical Psychologist, known for taking psychology from the frontline to the home front™. Dr Robi has worked with corporations, governments, churches, universities/ schools and humanitarian agencies in more than 25 countries.