FAMILY Heaven’s Highway or Hell on Wheels? by Daryl J Potts

Ministry families often bear the burden and cost of church leadership in silence. In his book ‘As For Me And My House’ by ACC Pastor Daryl Potts shares the research and insights from many ministry couples and their children. Heaven’s Highway or Hell on Wheels?

By Daryl J. Potts

While there are many benefits and blessings experienced by families who are engaged in ministry, there is also a challenging side to ministry. One particular spouse of a male minister I interviewed regarding her ministry/family journey, who was obviously hurting, said, “Ahhh, it was hell on wheels. Some of it was great and some of it was “Get me out of here.”” The realities of the challenges of ministry upon the family can often be a shock and in many cases, a disappointment in the lives of those that have entered without an awareness of the issues that ministry families are confronted with. Having an awareness of these challenges is paramount to enjoying a flourishing family life while fulfilling the call to ministry. I conducted some round-table discussions regarding the ministry/family journey amongst pastors and their spouses within the areas I was responsible for in our movement. I discovered that many pastors and their spouses thought they were the only families that wrestled with the burdens that ministry places upon their family lives, and that most other ministry families seemed to have an easy time. Many were relieved when they attended these round-table discussions to discover others also faced the same challenges. Realising that these challenges weren’t as unique and freakish as they thought, but were rather very normal for ministry families, lifted a heavy burden off many ministry couple’s shoulders. The purpose of this and the following chapter is to identify what these common burdens and challenges are in order to create an awareness of them, and to. Normalise them so ministry couples understand they are not alone or doing something wrong. As I analysed the interview transcripts in my PhD research, I discovered the issues ministers and their spouses wrestled with were the same, whether the ministry couple was satisfied with their family’s spiritual outlook or not. In fact, overall, there seemed to be a greater awareness of these burdens and challenges amongst those who were satisfied with the children’s spiritual outlook and stated all their children were still attending church and following the Lord. When pastors over-engage with their ministry responsibilities, it can result in pastors and their spouses not being as aware of the challenges their families encounter, which can in turn result in not giving their families the attention they deserve. A key ingredient in the Triple ‘A’ Model of Ministry Function and Family Fulfillment is to have a resolute awareness of the burdens the ministry family experience in order to mitigate such burdens by giving attention to help the family flourish as they are engaged in ministry together. The blurring of home and work boundaries is common in pastoral life. David and Vera Mace, in ‘What’s Happening to Clergy Marriages?’ discovered the major challenges clergy families are confronted with were: congregational expectations, the tyranny of time; regularity of time; regularity of moving geographically; and the battle of the budget. Norman Blaike, in his research regarding Australian mainline church ministers entitled ‘The Plight of the Australian Clergy’, revealed that many of the factors associated with the Australian clergy occupational context have a bearing on the clergy’s marriage and family. Factors such as unrealistic expectations placed on the spouse and children of the clergy; disrupted routines; lone-parenting; lack of privacy, mobility

and resettling family; loneliness, financial restrictions; and lack of time for leisure, were identified as some of the difficulties Australian clergy families encountered. Cameron Lee and Jack Balswick, in their book ‘Life in a Glass House’ disrobe the responses of a group of clergy families who were asked to describe the greatest disadvantages of being in the ministry. Their answers came down to five road recurring themes: not enough family time together; high expectations; low pay; the difficulties of moving; and the lack of privacy. Michael Morris and Priscilla Blanton’s research also revealed five challenging factors of ministry life: mobility; financial compensation; time demands and expectations; family boundaries; and social support.

Three generations of the Potts family

These challenging factors from David and Vera Mace’s research in the 1960s, Blaikie’s research in the 1970s, Lee and Balswick’s research in the 1980s, and Morris and Blanton’s research in the 1990s regarding the burdens that ministry places upon the family appear to have similarities to the findings of my own research of ministry families from 2015/2016. As the participants in my research discussed the issues that they wrestled with regarding their ministry/family journey, the most frequently emphasised ministry challenges that were identified will be described in detail in my book. Many issues that were described are ministry-related, and many are family-related. I have focused on the ministry-related issues.

Summary list of Church Related Issues of the Ministry/ Family Journey

Time constraints

Limited finances The difficulties of relocation

Ministry demands Small-church challenges Unrealistic expectations Competing priorities Balance of ministry and family Church conflict

Extract from ‘As For Me and My House’ by Daryl J. Potts published with permission. Available from www. koorong.com or amazon. com