Ministry families often bear the burden and cost of church leadership in silence. In his book ‘As For Me And My House’ by ACC Pastor Daryl Potts shares the research and insights from many ministry couples and their children.
Heaven’s Highway or Hell
on Wheels? By Daryl J. Potts
W
As I analysed the interview transcripts in my PhD research, I discovered the issues ministers and their spouses wrestled with were the same, whether the ministry couple was satisfied with their family’s spiritual outlook or not. In fact, overall, there seemed to be a greater awareness of these burdens and challenges amongst those who were satisfied with the children’s spiritual outlook and stated all their children were still attending church and following the Lord.
hile there are many benefits and blessings experienced by families who are engaged in ministry, there is also a challenging side
to ministry.
One particular spouse of a male minister I interviewed regarding her ministry/family journey, who was obviously hurting, said, “Ahhh, it was hell on wheels. Some of it was great and some of it was “Get me out of here.””
When pastors over-engage with their ministry responsibilities, it can result in pastors and their spouses not being as aware of the challenges their families encounter, which can in turn result in not giving their families the attention they deserve.
The realities of the challenges of ministry upon the family can often be a shock and in many cases, a disappointment in the lives of those that have entered without an awareness of the issues that ministry families are confronted with. Having an awareness of these challenges is paramount to enjoying a flourishing family life while fulfilling the call to ministry.
A key ingredient in the Triple ‘A’ Model of Ministry Function and Family Fulfillment is to have a resolute awareness of the burdens the ministry family experience in order to mitigate such burdens by giving attention to help the family flourish as they are engaged in ministry together.
I conducted some round-table discussions regarding the ministry/family journey amongst pastors and their spouses within the areas I was responsible for in our movement. I discovered that many pastors and their spouses thought they were the only families that wrestled with the burdens that ministry places upon their family lives, and that most other ministry families seemed to have an easy time. Many were relieved when they attended these round-table discussions to discover others also faced the same challenges. Realising that these challenges weren’t as unique and freakish as they thought, but were rather very normal for ministry families, lifted a heavy burden off many ministry couple’s shoulders.
The blurring of home and work boundaries is common in pastoral life. David and Vera Mace, in ‘What’s Happening to Clergy Marriages?’ discovered the major challenges clergy families are confronted with were: congregational expectations, the tyranny of time; regularity of time; regularity of moving geographically; and the battle of the budget. Norman Blaike, in his research regarding Australian mainline church ministers entitled ‘The Plight of the Australian Clergy’, revealed that many of the factors associated with the Australian clergy occupational context have a bearing on the clergy’s marriage and family. Factors such as unrealistic expectations placed on the spouse and children of the clergy; disrupted routines; lone-parenting; lack of privacy, mobility
The purpose of this and the following chapter is to identify what these common burdens and challenges are in order to create an awareness of them, and to. Normalise them so ministry couples understand they are not alone or doing something wrong. 40
