Chapter 13 Developing Healthy Social and Intimate Relationships
Social Relationships
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Social Health • Refers to the quality of our connections— or relationships—with others • In your relationships, do you: – Feel valued? – Respect rights of others? – Provide and accept help from others?
Benefits of Positive Relationships • • • •
Overall healthy well-being Improved adjustment to college Increased likelihood of graduating Improved physical health – Decreased smoking, drug use – Support helps maintain fitness routines
• Improved social support may be more effective in managing stress than medication
Relationship Types • • • • • •
Family Friends Romantic partner Acquaintances Work/school relationships Social networking (Internet) relationships
Internet Social Relationships
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Internet Social Relationships Advantages • Ease of access • Increase feelings of connection • Decrease loneliness • Decrease distance between people • Maintenance of relationships
Risks • Tend to be weaker than in-person relationships • Easier to avoid coping with difficulties such as sadness or loneliness • Can increase loneliness if misused
Relationship Needs • Vary among people – Quality is more important than quantity
• No perfect formula for the “right” number of friendships, acquaintances, and Internet-based relationships • Mental health conditions may affect ability to form relationships – Asperger’s disorder, social phobia
Sex • An individual’s classification as male or female • Determined by the presence of certain anatomical and physiological characteristics
• A set of behaviors • The experience of erotic pleasure
Sex Personal characteristics – Femaleness associated with femininity – Maleness associated with masculinity – More accurately referred to as gender
Certain behaviors defined as sexual – Touching certain anatomical regions of the body – Sexual intercourse
Sexuality • The aspects of a person’s sense of self that are used to create sexual experiences
Six Dimensions of Sexuality 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.
Physical Psychological Social dimension Orientation Development Skill
Sexual Orientation • Heterosexual: An individual who feels attracted to the opposite sex • Lesbian woman: Woman who is attracted to other women • Gay man: Man who is attracted to other men • Bisexual individual: Individual who is attracted to men and women
Sexuality and Culture • Many determinants of sexuality: – Biological, cultural, social, familial, spiritual
• Messages about sexuality – From others beginning at an early age – Media (television, movies, commercials/ads, etc.)
• Expression of sexuality varies among cultures
Sexuality • An individual has control over his or her sexuality – Dress, mannerisms, behaviors, statements
• Note: Manner of dress does not equate to an individual’s interest in or desire to engage in sexual relationships
Gender Role and Gender Identity • Gender identity: Beliefs, attitudes, thoughts, feelings, and social behaviors about one’s perception of his or her gender • Gender roles: Gender-specific behaviors – Influences are seen from birth: • “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” • Gender role socialization: Process, from infancy into adulthood, through which individuals are exposed to what their culture expects from people of a particular sex
Gender Role Congruency • Gender role congruency: Behavior matches biological sex • Transsexual: Gender identity does not match biological sex – A person who is anatomically a female and has a male gender identity
Developing Positive Intimate Relationships • Intimacy – Feeling of deep, trusting relationships • An emotional connection • Involves trust, openness, sharing of oneself, without worry of being judged or hurt
• Occurs in our closest relationships – Family, close friends, romantic partners
• Intimacy is a feeling, not an act – Intimacy does not always involve sex
Common Characteristics of Intimate Relationships • Relationships of mutual consent • Deep connections – Individuals do not merge into one but maintain connection and separateness
• Honesty and respect • Withstand challenges and disagreements – Respectful communication
Intimacy in Romantic Relationships • Cycle of Intimacy – Beginning: Safe topics discussed, common interests shared – Development: “Testing the waters” by sharing more personal information • Cycle of self disclosure, which leads to increased trust, and increased self disclosure, etc.
Intimacy in Romantic Relationships Cycle of Intimacy – Establishing commitment: After self disclosure, the individuals may want commitment – Relationship endings: Some relationships end, associated with decreased intimacy – Possible reasons: Betrayal; changes in goals or hopes; decision not to be in a committed relationship; lack of family or societal support; abuse
Abusive or Unhealthy Relationships • • • •
Support your friend Encourage your friend to seek support Never threaten or shame your friend into leaving Leaving a violent relationship can be complicated, even dangerous • National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-SAFE – Counseling center
Healthy Communication in Relationships • Basic Strategies – Clear, direct communication – Respect for other person maintained 1. I-Statements 2. Appropriate Expression of Emotion 3. Clear and Respectful Expression of What You Want and Need 4. Effective/Active Listening
Tips for Effective Listening • Give the sender your full attention • Make eye contact • Listen • Be empathetic • Be open to receiving the message
• Give verbal feedback • Acknowledge the sender’s feelings • Praise the sender’s efforts • Be unconditional
Expressing Anger Constructively • Disagreements and conflicts are inevitable in any close relationship. • By expressing anger constructively, intimates fight for the success of their relationship as well as for their individual needs.
Communication Medium • In-person communications are preferred, especially when the message is important or potentially emotional. • Flame mails – Avoid sending emails, text messages, etc., when you are upset or angry – Can lead to mistakes and misunderstandings – Can lead us to say things we would not otherwise say
Social Health Summary • Social health involves many types of relationships • There is no ideal number of relationships to have social health • Ask yourself what kinds of relationships are important to you – Having a variety of relationships is encouraged • Remember, social health involves healthy communication strategies
Defining Sexual Relationships • Sexual relationship – Involves two people who mutually consent to become physically intimate and participate in sexual acts such as kissing, caressing, stroking, rubbing, or penetrative behaviors (penile–vaginal intercourse, anal intercourse, or oral sex)
Sexual Relationship
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Defining Sexually Relationships • Sexually healthy relationship – “Is a consensual, nonexploitative, honest, mutually pleasurable, safe, and protected from unwanted pregnancy, STIs, and other harm” (National Guidelines Task Force, 2004).
Secondary Sexual Characteristics of Men and Women
Cross-section of the Female Reproductive System
Anterior View of the Female Reproductive System
External Female Sexual Reproductive Organs
Male Reproductive Organs
Birth Control Guide
Reproduced from U.S. Food and Drug Administration. (2011). Birth Control Guide. Online: www.fda.gov/forconsumers/byaudience/forwomen/vcmi i8465.htm.
Physical Activity & Health Connection • • • •
Relationships can be a source of joy or stress They contribute to physical health Exercise can be a part of your social time Physical activity can help mitigate the impact of relationship stress – Physical activity can even improve mood and reduce stress