Real Talk: Mental Health By Giselle Vallejo, MA, LPCC, The Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at VVSD www.vvsd.net/cohenclinics
Celebrating the Month of the Military Child As we go into the month of April, let us take some time to recognize and celebrate the many strengths of a military child. A military child will sometimes, if not often, experience a permanent change of station (PCS) and move out of state or even across the world! With that comes starting a new school, making new friends, adjusting to a new culture, and having to leave friends and family behind. In addition, they may also experience being away from one or both caregivers (if both are serving in the military) due to assignments or deployments. All these changes can be extremely difficult for adults, let alone children. Although changes like these can be exciting, for some it can cause distress. Having increased awareness of how children typically express challenges can help us be more supportive. We often see children either shut down, keep to themselves more often, or become more concerned with trivial things. In other cases, they may experience an increase in anger outbursts, or we may see a shift in their grades and schoolwork. While this is a general list of some common changes, it is important to keep in mind that not all children’s behaviors will be expressed in these ways. So, what are some ways that caregivers and others in their community can help support military children as they adjust to their new environments and changes? Communicate:
- Praise the things they are doing well.
It can be difficult sometimes to recognize successes amid managing multiple responsibilities. Being able to praise children for those smaller successes can go a long way. It not only reinforces those positive behaviors but also lets them know that you are paying attention. For example, “Thank you for picking up your plate after dinner” or “You did such an amazing job at completing your homework all on you own!” You are letting them know that even though you have also been very busy, you are grateful for their ability to adapt and be flexible. 24
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- Validate how difficult change can be.
When your structure becomes unstructured, even for a second, those changes are difficult, and people can often feel alone. Therefore, when someone recognizes your challenges and validates your emotions, it feels pretty good. It is as if they are saying, “What you are feeling is okay to feel”. Military children learn to become flexible, adapt to changes well, and are extremely strong. Let them know it is okay to feel upset, angry, or sad.
- Name your emotions and model healthy coping strategies.
Being able to name your emotions in front of a child can really help them put a name to theirs. Even if you have not experienced a PCS or deployment, as the child’s teacher for example, you can express your frustration when something does not go your way during a lecture
