A Different Lens Mental Health Monthly
By RanDee McLain, LCSW
Healthy Communication thru Military Separation I am officially about 6 weeks into being a geobachelor. As I mentioned before, my partner took orders overseas. These orders have us geographically separated for approximately 24 months. Once the shock wore off, we talked a lot about what that would look like and how we can best stay connected. Neither of us are new to the military life or extended time apart. He has over thirty-six years of military experience himself and I am a veteran as well. That does not make it easier. A few months ago, I talked about the rollercoaster of emotions involved in military transition and some strategies to get thru the difficult times. One of those strategies was healthy communication…. but what does that really mean? What does it mean to have healthy and effective communication and why is it so important? Let us start with the easier question of why it is so important. Healthy communication fosters healthy relationships. Healthy communications reduce misunderstandings and can elevate a sense of connectedness. When partners can communicate effectively even thru distance it can boost the overall moral of both individuals. I will reiterate what I said before BE INTENTIONAL. Set aside time for conversations and minimize the distractions. That may be hard with time difference but do your best. My partner and I have a 17-hour time difference. That means one of us is either waking up or going to sleep while the other is wide awake. That makes for interesting conversations. The other choice of time is right in the middle of my workday. Sometimes, I can schedule this for a convenient break. The challenge is actively working with veterans …. I can’t always schedule their crisis moments. So many times, a call in the middle of day isn’t feasible.
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WWW.SanDiegoVeteransMagazine.com / APRIL 2022
The other challenge with the timing of calls is striving too not be superficial. It is easy to fall into the rut of …how are you? How is work? How was workout? …. the same series of questions on repeat. In my case we are usually in a time crunch, so we hit the basic. Even though we talk often there is a lack of substance at times. This is on me to be more intentional in my timing and communication. Here are a few ways to keep the communication going. Emails: Generally, emails are a quick and effective way to share information. Emails are great to give updates or keep your partner in the loop on current things going on. The challenge of emails is at times you can not truly understand the emotion or personalization that comes across in a phone call or video chat. You are not able to express the same level of connectedness. Care Packages: This is where you can be creative and let the kids in your life put input into the package. This can include cookies, photos, magazines, hygiene items…. really anything your loved one may be missing while they are away. This is especially impactful for holidays they may miss while they are away. Cards/Letters: These are inexpensive and meaningful. These can be re-read over time and used as mementos. It is a great surprise for your service member to receive. I recently learned that the dollar store has some great cards – very inexpensive. This is also great to include the kids and they each make a special card for your loved one. Phone/Video: There are various apps that can be used to video chat. WhatsApp is a free app that allows you to video chat and text with your loved one. This app only uses the data but no additional fees. This is great to actually see your loved one. There are many ways to stay connected. Find what works for you and your loved one and be intentional! Stay healthy…and stay communicating!
