THE CONTRACT WITH YOURSELF Take back control of your life with the most important contract you will ever need
Dineshrie Pillay
publishing
Preface When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds, your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties, and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be. PATANJALI
When I was a young girl, my parents encouraged me to focus on my education and learn to become independent. They would often remind me of the importance of achieving good grades in school and in university. Comic books were replaced with encyclopedias; excessive exposure to television was replaced with library cards that encouraged further reading and growth; and toys mainly took the form of educational games, puzzles and creative activities. Fun, entertainment and loads of laughter came in the form of my two brothers. Together, we would fight and play pranks on each other, laugh at each other’s jokes and go out and have fun. As a family, we have always been there for each other to guide, encourage and support one another in our individual journey through life. When I failed my qualifying examination to become a Chartered Accountant for the second year in a row, I began to realise that there is a strong correlation between our mindset and our success in life. I understood at a very early stage that in order to achieve big aspirations I had to first work on myself. It was at this time that I began to focus my research in this area more than 12 years ago – to try to understand the factors that drive human behaviour. I continue to be inspired by each new principle that I discover and its impact on people once fully implemented.
The many principles and stories I am about to share with you are principles that form a foundation for living a healthy and fulfilling life just by focusing on and honouring the most important person in your life – You! My suggestion to you, as you read this book, is to read and digest one chapter at a time. The exercises in each chapter will take you around 20–30 minutes to complete. Keep a diary or a journal with you as you read and note down any action points or inspiring ideas that may come up for you. Take the time to do the exercises and the self-reflection questions at the end of each chapter. Understand that most of the ideas contained in each chapter may be new to you, so when you first complete the self-review questions, you may not have answered all the questions in the affirmative. This is okay. Re-read the chapter and re-assess yourself again within the next month. Just as with a contract of employment with an employer when you first start working, you do not know everything about that job within the first week or the first month. Similarly with this book, most of the concepts may be new to you. Give yourself permission and the time to learn each skill and to apply it within your life. The first step to change is awareness. The self-reflection exercise at the end of each chapter provides you with this first step. The second step to change is to take action. Success is about doing the simple things on a consistent basis. This book is a reminder of all those simple things. You are holding this book in your hand for a reason. I believe that there are no coincidences in the world and this book has found its way to you for a reason. My hope for you is that you will use this book to make quantum leaps in your personal and professional life as you continue to walk along your unique path and journey in life.
Table of Contents Foreword
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SPIRITUALITY
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Chapter 1: Interview with the mirror Chapter 2: Finding meaning in your life Chapter 3: Adopt a present-focused mentality Chapter 4: Feedback is all around you Chapter 5: Finding time for quiet reflection! Chapter 6: Say Thank You
14 29 36 43 50 57
EDUCATION
65
Chapter 7: Education is the door-opener Chapter 8: Education alone will not keep the door open Chapter 9: Brain gym
66 73 79
CAREER PATH
87
Chapter 10: Aligning your career with your purpose in life Chapter 11: Surround yourself with mentors Chapter 12: Compete with yourself, not with others!
88 94 100
HEALTH AND FITNESS
109
Chapter 13: Look after your health Chapter 14: Personal grooming towards success Chapter 15: Fuel for your body Chapter 16: Keep yourself fit
110 118 125 132
WEALTH BUILDING
139
Chapter 17: Live for today, spend within your budget Chapter 18: Live for today, save financially for tomorrow Chapter 19: Create multiple streams of income Chapter 20: Show that you can handle more money!
140 151 162 169
SOCIETAL INVOLVEMENT
177
Chapter 21: Volunteer your services Chapter 22: Mentor other people Chapter 23: “We” versus “me” mentality
178 186 194
PERSONAL AND FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
201
Chapter 24: The six non-negotiable clauses Chapter 25: Family time Chapter 26: Use your gifts Chapter 27: Be open to change Chapter 28: Make failure your friend Chapter 29: Self-belief – your reflection in the mirror
202 212 220 228 235 242
CONCLUSION
251
Summary of the clauses in the Contract with Yourself
252
Foreword Finding Me-time When I thought I could not go on, I forced myself to keep going. My success is based on persistence, not luck. NORMAN LEAR
We live in a fast-paced, frenetic world, where everything is due yesterday. With the continued advances in technology, streamlining of business processes, and even greater demands being placed on a smaller group of individuals, it is no wonder that stress, burnout and frequent illness prevail. One moment we are ushering in a New Year – the next moment we are taking leave for the Easter holidays, and before we know it, it is October and retail stores start putting up their Christmas decorations! In our pursuit to increase our material wealth, purchase luxury comforts, spend time with family and friends, build our careers and expand our business, the question remains – when do you set time aside to take care of the most important person in your life: YOU? 9
THE CONTRACT WITH YOURSELF
Legal contracts At this point, I would like you to reflect on your life. 1. What was the first legal contract that you signed? 2. When did you first sign it? Was it for your first job? Or a contract for your new vehicle? Maybe it was a rental agreement or bond for your first house? Was it for a rental agreement or bond for your business premises? Perhaps it was the legal contract that you signed when you were married! What are the common factors in all these legal contracts? 1. They specify, in clear words, how the relationship will be managed. 2. During the course of the agreement, that legal document provides a reminder to all parties about what needs to be done and by when. 3. It is a legal document that dictates how you should put OTHER people’s needs first over and above YOUR OWN. How many legal contracts are running your life at this moment in time? – Five contracts? – Between five and ten contracts? – More than ten contracts? If, like most people, you have in excess of five contracts, it should be no wonder then that life is PASSING YOU BY – you are so busy ensuring that other people’s needs are met, you have forgotten or have no time to meet your own needs. Remember – as long as you are in a legal contract with someone else, you are living THEIR dreams and not YOUR OWN! 10
FOREWORD
Our attempts at finding me-time While we are busy being a ‘rat’ in this race that we call life, we try to create me-time in various ways – some good, and some not so good.
The good attempts at me-time: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.
Full-day spa treatments Going out for a shopping spree Weekend holidays at local retreats Spending time with family and friends Finding time to read a favourite book Socialising and going out to a movie, music concert, or theatre Cooking a favourite meal or going out to a favourite restaurant.
The not-so-good attempts at me-time: 1. 2. 3. 4.
Over-eating and over-drinking Driving under the influence of alcohol Partying and drinking the night away Skipping daily exercise to laze around at home and watch television 5. Substituting a healthy diet with sweets, fatty meals and fast foods 6. Lazing around for most of the day or sleeping late for successive days 7. Getting addicted to drugs, alcohol and cigarettes as a means to ‘forget’. It is no wonder then, that by the end of the year, most people have gained weight, picked up bad eating habits, or have become addicted to drugs, alcohol or cigarettes – to name just a few. Consequently, the bulk of their New Year’s resolutions are about trying to get rid of the previous year/s poor attempts at me-time. 11
THE CONTRACT WITH YOURSELF
The Contract with Yourself What if there was a contract that EXPRESSLY stipulated how you should run your life? A contract that was designed by you, signed by you and monitored by you. A contract that honoured the wishes of the most important person in your life – YOU! Over the course of this book, join me on a journey as we explore together the various facets of what that ideal contract with yourself should look like. It might be the most important contract that you have ever signed.
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