Winter 2015 preview

Volume 23 Winter 2015

adoption FOCUS ON

The Resource for Canada’s Adoption Community

Speciale r Fearntau tional Inte adoption

Increasing adoption placement success Putting fear in its place

Making exceptions

Meet the Eislers

Adult adoption

Ask the expert: Gina Fernandez

A family embraces cross-border open adoption, p. 6

All about the aboriginal exceptions committee, p. 12

How one family came together against all odds, p. 14

How one family fought the system and won, p. 20

An occupational therapist answers your questions, p. 22

PASS program

BY BRIANNA BRASH-NYBERG AND JANIS FRY

Early intervention for adoptive families “I was going through a very difficult time at the beginning of my adoption,” says adoptive mother Carrie Crowley. “I was breaking down and was desperate for support. I was isolated and emotionally exhausted.”

Crowley’s feelings are far from unique. Children joining their adoptive families from the foster care system have typically experienced inconsistent care, neglect, abuse, and/or multiple disruptions in their environment and relationships. The effects of these chaotic experiences are sometimes seen in behavior and in their relationships with others, especially caregivers. The adoptive parents also bring their history, experiences, and expectations to this new relationship. The inherent challenges to building a new parent-child relationship should be acknowledged and addressed as early as possible when a new family is formed.

PASS, or Parent Adoption Support Services, is an early intervention service designed to give adoptive families the best possible start. PASS utilizes a parent-coaching model that identifies the parent-child relationship as the central, most significant dimension in the family’s life. Parents are coached in attachment strategies, trauma-informed care, and the basic principles of child-centred play.

Practical help and support “The program provided a supportive outlet for our concerns, needs, and areas where we need further help and advice,” says adoptive mother Rebecca Ozbadem. “The strategies and advice we received could be used immediately, and we always felt that the PASS facilitator had our and our children’s best interests at heart.”

The Ozbadem family adopted a teenager and a younger child, and both participated in the program. “Our 15-year-old liked how the PASS facilitator asked for his opinion and help,” says Rebecca. “For example, he was asked to play with toys or read books to see if it would be a useful item for other children who have been adopted. Getting him involved this way seemed to give him a sense of empowerment. For our youngest child, she really enjoyed child-centered play time. It was a valuable opportunity for us as parents to follow her lead and make room for her to express herself. We would recommend this program to other families, and hope it remains an option for all adoptive families.”

Paula Hogan, who adopted twin toddler girls, agrees. “From the very first few sessions it was noticeable that both children were calmer, more

8 FOCUS ON ADOPTION

focused, and better able to communicate what was important to them. It was incredible to see each child’s unique personality shine through and a stronger attachment [to us] form.”

“PASS has given us knowledge that has helped us to be more effective parents,” says Ozbadem. ”The learning that we gained has given us perspective and benefited our family in many ways, such as understanding development, stress and trauma, the impact of early life experiences, and how to support our children through behaviours.”

“Knowing what was critical in their lives helped us understand specific behaviours,” adds Hogan. “One child had a hard time leaving the house, but having her own set of keys to hold as she left our home was all she needed to feel secure.”

Building relationships that heal “We believe that the greatest potential for healing lies within the parentchild relationship,” says Janis Fry, Program Manager at AFABC. “In fact, it may be detrimental to expect a newly adopted child to build a relationship with an external therapist.”

Hogan agrees. “Very few parents allow themselves the opportunity of shutting out everything else and focusing solely on the child in front of them. What we think our children enjoyed most was feeling like they were the most important person in the world.”

Another unique feature of PASS is that it is delivered in the family’s home.

“We found that new adoptive parents are typically so overwhelmed and exhausted that leaving the home to access services is just one more stressor for them,” says Fry. “So we go to them; by doing so we see the family interacting in real situations, not just on their best behaviour in a therapist’s office.”

“The support given by my PASS worker has gotten me through the really rough periods,” says Crowley. “I believe that all adoptive families should have this program in place prior to the child coming home.”

PASS is currently available in the Lower Mainland, Victoria, Nanaimo, Kelowna, Nelson, and Kamloops with plans to expand to other communities. Families may self-refer, but usually an MCFD social worker will facilitate this. Post-adoption assistance coverage may be available to eligible families.For more information, visit www.bcadoption.com/pass, or contact jfry@bcadoption.com.

Extreme parenting #7

Goals, behaviours, and ... ducks?

BY CLAIRE IVER

All about Ethan So far in this column I’ve talked quite a bit about my second son, Ethan.

I’d like to give you a little bit more background information about him so you can better understand where I’m coming from. First of all, you should know that Ethan is very bright and has a great sense of humour.

He has his own brand of wisdom, which lives just under the surface of his impulsive little boy exterior.

Ethan did a ton of work with counsellors and therapists prior to coming into our family. He has “feeling language” down to an art and truly tries to move and heal his troubled soul.

Ethan has two behavioural designations – reactive attachment disorder and severe adjustment disorder. While I’m very happy the school gets more resources based on his designations, I honestly wonder if he would be labeled with them today. In fact, the rumour is that our school has reassigned his teaching assistant to another kid who has been in trouble for bullying my older son. For that reason alone, I’m happy to have her on the school ground.

That said, Ethan still struggles with troubling behaviours. When we talk about it, I make sure to tell him that, yes, some of those behaviours are expected from kids like him who have difficult beginnings. The good news is that once you’re in a stable family, like ours, it usually only takes a fairly short period of time to move through those issues. That might sound overly optimistic, but it’s pretty effective. It tells him that the expectation is that he won’t be doing those troubling things forever.

Ducks and social workers Last summer, for example, a challenging behavior was starting to become a problem for Ethan in the summer courses he was taking. One day we walked and talked as we took in the beauty of the lake on which we live. He pointed out a little group of ducks.

“Hey, look Mom, see the little one in the middle surrounded by all the other ducks?” he said. Hmm. Interesting.

“Oh, yes,” I answered. “Who do you think they are?”

“Social workers,” he quickly answered. Social workers? I thought about that for a minute, and it struck me that for most of his life, this little boy had been surrounded by social workers, counsellors, and educators, all cheering him on, giving him high fives and fist bumps every step of the

way. Any one of us would revel in so much attention. It must be a bit boring for him to just be a normal kid, in a normal family, doing normal kid things, without all the attention. I said as much to him.

Talking it out “Do you think,” I asked, “that you sometimes act out to get the attention again?”

He thought about it. “Maybe … yes.”

Our simple walk in the park ended up giving us the time and space to have a conversation about attention-seeking behavior. We also talked about what Ethan really wanted his life to look like. This allowed him to envision and articulate his own goals for how he wanted to behave in his classroom and with his friends. None of his goals involved attentionseeking behavior. Now that he’s articulated what we wants, he is definitely much closer to his goals, and I can guide him towards what he ultimately wants.

Claire’s 10-year-old son, Adam, was adopted from a Russian orphanage when he was 19 months old. Her second son, Ethan, joined their family from foster care at age seven. In this 12-part series, Claire shares the “fast and furious learning” that she and her family experienced when they adopted an older child.

VOLUME 23 WINTER 2015 9

International adoption update

BY BRIANNA BRASH-NYBERG

Numbers continue to decline It’s been a year since our last update on international adoption. In many ways, not much has changed. The same four licensed B.C. agencies and most of the same programs remain open. There were 117 completed international adoptions during the 2013/14 fiscal year in B.C., exactly the same number as there were in 2012/13.

If we look back over the last five years, however, it’s clear that international adoptions have been declining gradually (see chart). A 2012 article in the Globe and Mail claims that “The heyday of international adoption appears to be over.” Why? There’s no easy answer.

Russia, China, and Ethiopia A percentage of the decrease is liklely due to significant changes in three major “sending” countries: Russia, China, and Ethiopia. According to Citizenship and Immigration Canada, in 2013, Russia issued a directive that “seems to restrict the legislation on the adoption of Russian children by all couples from countries such as Canada that recognize same-sex marriage; do not have a bilateral agreement on intercountry adoption with Russia; and permit the re-adoption of Russian children without the oversight of Russia’s Adoption Authority, in those cases where the original adoption fails.”

The Canadian government’s website states that officials are seeking clarification of this legislation, but for the time being, the popular Russian adoption program has effectively ceased. In addition, adoptions from China and Ethiopia, once major sending countries, slowed down so dramatically in recent years that some agencies no longer accept applications for those programs.

Adopting from Ethiopia became extremely popular in the 2000s, and rumors of child trafficking and other issues followed almost as quickly.

In response, Ethiopian courts drastically reduced the number of files they would process each day in order to more carefully examine each case. This lead to a significant bottleneck. Adoptions that once took 18 months to complete can now take 5 to 10 years. This year, for the first time since 2007, Ethiopia didn’t appear on the list of the top six countries sending countries for international adoption to B.C. According to Statistics Canada, adoptions from China accounted for 55% of Canadian international adoptions in 2005. By 2009, the number had fallen to 23%. More recent statistics aren’t available. However, we do

10 FOCUS ON ADOPTION

What is the Hague Convention?

The Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption (or Hague Adoption Convention) was drafted in the early 90s in response to abuses that were taking place in international adoption.

Countries that have implemented the Convention and abide by its articles are guaranteeing ethical adoption practices and are recognizing that international adoption is a service to children without families.

The Convention ensures that families are eligible and suitable to adopt, that international adoption is in the child’s best interest, that information on the child will be collected and preserved for life, and that post-adoption services will be available to the family.

Canada has signed and ratified the Hague Convention. Signing means a country has agreed to the principles laid out in the convention. At this time, 93 countries are signatories. Ratification means a country has all the implementing legislation and regulations in place and is ready to enforce the agreement. Both the country receiving the child and the child’s birth country must ratify in order for the treaty to apply.

Source: https://www.bcadoption.com/resources/articles/ hague-convention-and-us-adoptions-canada

know that in British Columbia, adoptions from China accounted for only 15% of completed international adoptions in 2013/14.

In addition to restricting the number of international adoptions, China also recently increased the stringency of its requirements for potential adopters, introducing a body mass index requirement, among other changes.

Positive changes in sending countries Another, happier reason for the decline in international adoptions is an increase in domestic adoptions within the sending countries themselves.

In China, domestic adoptions rose from about 8,000 in 1999 to about 31,000 in 2011, according to an article on China Radio International’s English-language website.

Many countries are also making efforts to ensure their adoption system is ethical and not party to extortion, blackmail, child trafficking, or other illegal acts. Often, this takes the form of signing and ratifying the Hague Convention (see sidebar). Some countries may also be clamping down on international adoptions to avoid being perceived as unable to care for their own children.

Families still eager to adopt Time will tell whether the slowdown in international adoptions will continue. What’s certain is that families are still interested. Over 800 families in B.C. are currently waiting to bring home a child from another country. British Columbia’s four licensed agencies work with a wide variety of countries, from Bulgaria to Zambia. Each program has its own process and set of requirements, and timelines vary widely. In 2013/14, B.C. residents were approved to adopt children from Bulgaria, China, The Democratic Republic of Congo, Egypt, Ethiopia, Fiji, Ghana, Guyana, Haiti, India, Japan, Kenya, Korea, South, Lesotho, Lithuania, Nepal, Pakistan, Philippines, Russia, Sierra Leone, Ukraine, United Kingdom, United States, Vietnam, and Zambia. In most cases, 10 or fewer completed adoptions took place from any one country in the past year.

In B.C. during the 2013/14 fiscal year, the top six sending countries were: 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

United States (16) Japan (9) India (9) China (8) Vietnam (7) Philippines (6)

As overall numbers decline, the trend seems to be towards adoption agencies offering a wide variety of smaller programs. “We have licenses for 12 adoption programs right now,” said Cathy Murphy, the executive director of the Children’s Bridge, in a 2013 article in Today’s Parent. “But they’re all smaller adoption programs – we’ll never have a big China program again.”

The special needs option With the slowdown in many adoption programs, it’s possible that more parents will choose an option that can be faster, if not easier: special needs adoption. Some countries, such as China, Vietnam, and Bulgaria, have children with diagnosed special needs available for adoption.

Because these children are often more difficult to place within their home countries, the process for Canadian applications may be fast tracked. China, for example, has a separate special needs program that operates on a different timeline from its much slower regular and relative adoption programs.

Did you know?

Haiti has recently re-opened to B.C. residents following closures due to the 2010 earthquake and the country’s 2014 signing of the Hague Convention. Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, and Saskatchewan still have a suspension on adoptions from Haiti.

Kenya and Zambia are both open to adoptions by Canadians.

However, both countries require prospective parents to foster the child in-country for several months, with additional time for the completion of the court process.

The United States is the only international adoption program open to same-sex couples.

India’s non-relative program is once again open to Canadian adoptive families. Although priority is given to families of Indian descent, non-Indian prospective parents can also apply.

Several agencies offer a small Japan adoption program. The children are usually healthy infants under six months of age.

Children with HIV can be adopted from several countries, including Vietnam and Lesotho. HIV is now considered a chronic but manageable illness, similar to diabetes. For more information, see “Adopting the Positive” in our spring 2014 issue (also online at www.bcadoption.com/resources/articles/adoptingpositive-hivaids-and-international-adoption).

According to Sunrise adoption agency, China is currently placing applicants in the regular (non-special-needs) program who have a log-in date of December 2006. This means those families have been waiting for a match for eight years.

These countries are suspended by all Canadian provinces and territories, or have placed restrictions on adoption by Canadians, according to Immigration and Citizenship Canada: Cambodia (except Quebec), Georgia, Guatemala, Liberia, Nepal, Pakistan, Rwanda, Benin, Russia, and the Democratic Republic of Congo.

The needs of children in special needs programs range from relatively minor and correctable physical issues such as cleft palate to permanent conditions such as Down syndrome, autism, and FASD. Prospective families should be aware that different countries recognize and diagnose special needs differently. This means that some special needs may not be recognized or diagnosed until after the child comes to Canada. For two families’ stories, read “Meet the Singers” in our winter 2014 issue and “Meet the Yrjanas” in our Spring 2013 issue (also available online).

“All international adoptions are ‘special needs’ adoptions,” says the Canadian Pediatric Society’s website Caring for Kids New to Canada. The professionals interviewed for this article agreed that any parent who adopts internationally should be prepared for that reality, and should be willing to access resources and support to help their child adapt to their new life and family.

International adoption is a complicated and ever-changing landscape – one that is often unpredictable, frequently joyous, and sometimes heartbreaking. AFABC has years of experience helping our members navigate their adoptions, and we’d love to help you too. To find out more, visit our website at www.bcadoption.com/international.

VOLUME 23 WINTER 2015 11

Increasing adoption placement success

BY BRENDA MCCREIGHT

A strengths-based approach Everyone begins a new adoptive placement with high hopes that a “forever” family has been created. Sadly, about 15% of adoptive families find their dreams shattered as they realize that despite everyone’s best intentions, the adoption isn’t going to work. An adoption breakdown is heartbreaking for everyone involved – the social workers who placed the child, the therapist who tried to resolve the issues with the family, the parents who thought they were up to the task of parenting this child, and, most of all, the child who must suffer rejection and loss once again.

Here are some tips I’ve developed through my years of working with adoptive parents, children, and professionals.

Tips for adoptive parents Parents need to access all the training they can prior to adoption. Take advantage of the variety of courses offered by AFABC; attend adoption conferences and workshops; take online courses in adoption and special needs; and talk to other adoptive parents. It’s especially important to take courses on challenges and special needs such as FASD, ADHD, attachment, the neuroscience of neglect and abuse, and dealing with birth families. Even though the prospective parents may not plan on adopting child with any of these concerns, they are very common in children adopted from foster care. The potential child is at high risk of having one or more of these needs, even if they’re not apparent at the time of adoption.

Create a support system before the child arrives. Find babysitters who can manage children with challenging behaviours (try students in the local child care programs). Connect with the AFABC support coordinator for your area and the local FASD support group, if one exists.

that the parent’s old wounds may be re-opened by the child’s triggering behaviours. The parent may assume that his way of healing should also work for the child, when in reality that rarely happens. Sometimes, looking into an emotional mirror can cause severe emotional dysregulation for everyone.

Don’t rush things. It can take years – yes, years – before the family begins to feel like a family. In older child adoption, the process of attachment and the creation of family bonds may not happen until the child reaches young adulthood. Parents can’t expect to feel or look like a neurotypical family for many years.

The adoptive parents should be prepared to adjust and lower their expectations of the child’s capacity to behave. Most children adopted from foster care have extreme challenges in learning, behaving, and developing relationships. The parents will have to learn to be flexible and adaptable in the face of chronic non-compliance.

Tips for children and youth Children and youth can’t be expected to truly understand the concept of belonging to a new family. They may also have the disadvantage of challenges in their capacity to attach or behave. It’s important that professionals try to prepare the child for the major changes that will happen, and to answer the child’s questions about why and how the process will proceed. The move to a new family often triggers old loss issues and creates new ones as well. These can be masked by the excitement and chaos of a new placement, but they will surface when things calm down. When this happens, they often get mis-labelled and mis-treated as attachment disorder.

It’s common for one spouse to initiate the adoption process and the other to be less enthusiastic, albeit still supportive. However, the less interested spouse is still going to have to live with and parent the adopted child. It’s vital that both spouses be equally educated and equally active in parenting once the child is placed. If there are any doubts about this, then the adoption plan should be reconsidered.

There are some behaviours that are very difficult for adoptive parents to manage and which create strong deterrents to family bonding. These include lying and stealing, sexual acting out, suicidal or self harming behaviors, and injuring animals. Generally, these behaviours are not a stage and they are not a reaction to the changing placement. Instead, they reflect a more serious and chronic problem. The parents will need strong support to manage this, and the child will need therapy and intervention from professionals who have expertise in these issues.

At first glance, it may seem ideal to place children who have a history of trauma with parents who have a similar history. People often assume this means the parent will understand the child’s issues more easily, and be better equipped to parent them. However, my experience indicates

Children and youth are expected to manage too many loyalties: to birth family, to foster family, and to the new adoptive family. They may also feel pressured to maintain these previous loyalties or to let go of them before they are ready. Either way, their conflicting and confusing feelings

18 FOCUS ON ADOPTION

lead to acting-out behaviours. Adults will need to help the child explore these many ties and bonds and to find a way to accept each of them.

As the child settles and relaxes in the new family, she may engage in behaviours that either didn’t happen or weren’t noticed before the adoption placement. Often, the new parents are blamed for the behaviours, rather than supported in addressing them. It’s important that any new negative behaviours are fully assessed and that the parents are educated and supported rather than blamed.

Tips for professionals Make sure the home study is thorough and has been double checked by a team for missing items and different interpretations of the information presented.

It is crucial to long-term placement success that parents understand the needs of the child or youth they are adopting. A full neuropsychological assessment is often considered too expensive, but it is far less expensive than an adoption breakdown later on.

There is a balance between forcing too many services on a new family and not providing enough. It’s important to assess the needs of each family in the early stages of the placement and make referrals (or not), based on that family’s needs and circumstances.

Many families will require specialized services for years. Some will need the services continually, while others will need the services intermittently over the years. Ensuring that these services are available, appropriate, and accessible by the family is a key to placement success. The services need to be specialized to the unique dynamics of adoption as well as the unique needs of the child and the family.

Many children and youth have existing relationships with siblings, with foster parents, and with birth family members that need to be continued post-placement. However, it is often a source of severe stress on the adoptive parents to manage the demands of these various groups of people. Services such as mediation and conflict management should be provided to the parents so that their focus can be on their new family, rather than on coping with a child’s past relationships.

Don’t blame the adoptive parents for not being able to manage the child or youth. A collaborative and strengths-based approach will create family bonds, while a blaming approach will break a placement faster than any other single problem.

Tips for therapists Therapists who work with adoptive families need training in adoptionspecific issues as well as in the neuroscience of FASD and the long term impact of early neglect and abuse. This will allow the therapist to understand the unique needs of the whole system, rather than just the parents or the child.

The therapist must understand that the parents should be involved in therapy so that the child doesn’t begin pseudo-bonding with the therapist.

The therapist should have time in his work to see the family as frequently as required, rather than when she can fit them in. A large family with multiple issues may take up much of the therapist’s week.

The therapist should understand that the family will grow and evolve over time and support all its members in learning to live together, rather than focusing solely on one specific issue.

Not every disintegrating adoption can or should be saved, but there is much that can be done to support and increase the success of vulnerable adoptive placements. Learning how to best respect and respond to the specific needs and strengths of each family and using a collaborative approach to relationship enhancement will increase the likelihood of success for even the most vulnerable of adoptive placements.

Brenda McCreight, Ph.D., is a therapist, author, and consultant specializing in services for adoptive and foster families dealing with challenges such as FASD, ADHD, conduct disorder, attachment disorder, developmental delays, and cognitive impairment. She is the mother of 14 children (12 by adoption) and she has seven grandchildren. She can be contacted through her web site at www. theadoptioncounselor.com, or by email at brendamccreight@gmail.com.

Supports for families PASS The Parent Adoption Support Services program is an early intervention service designed to ensure the best start for adoptive families. PASS follows a parent-coaching model that identifies the parent-child relationships as the centre of family life and the parent as the therapeutic agent for change. See our article on page 8 or visit www.bcadoption.com/pass.

Webinars AFABC offers a variety of webinars on topics such as attachment, transracial adoption, food issues, transitions, prenatal substance exposure, and other challenges adoptive families face. Visit www.bcadoption.com/education for a list of upcoming webinars.

Support Coordinators Did you know there’s an Adoption Support Coordinator in your region who can support your family? Find them on page 26.

More from Brenda Brenda McCreight has written many excellent articles for Focus on Adoption over the years. To read some of them, visit www. bcadoption.com and enter “Brenda McCreight” into the search box at the very bottom of the page. Don’t miss her article called “Increasing Success in Older-Child Adoption.”

VOLUME 23 WINTER 2015 19

B.C. Adoption Update November 2014 Waiting Children NUMBER OF CHILDREN WAITING FOR ADOPTION Aboriginal Non-Aboriginal Under 12 yr 12 and Over

FISCAL YTD AS OF OCT. 31, 2014 2014

1019 415

604 428

591

On November 18, the Representative for Children and Youth released B.C. Adoptions Update, a follow-up to Finding Forever Families: A Review of the Provincial Adoption System.

The update included this infographic, which illustrates key adoption statistics for this fiscal year-to-date and the two previous years. To read the report, visit www.rcybc.ca.

2013/14

974

547 427

375

599

2012/13

1023 427

596

409 614

1200 900 600

1019

974

1023

2014

2013

2012

1295

1244

1319

2014

2013

2012

300 0

After Care Plans NUMBER OF CHILDREN IN PERMANENT CARE* *includes children on Continuing Custody Orders, Family Law Act and Adoption Act wards

With Adoption Plans With Non-Adoption After Care Plans

Adoptive Homes NUMBER OF NEWLY APPROVED ADOPTIVE HOMES

NUMBER OF AVAILABLE ADOPTIVE HOMES

Aboriginal Non-Aboriginal

Placements TRANSFER OF GUARDIANSHIP PLACEMENTS (S. 54.1)

ADOPTION PLACEMENTS

Aboriginal

2014

4107 1295 2812

2013/14

4214 1244

2970

2012/13

4424

1500

1319 3105

500

2014

2013/14

2012/13

142

224

212

2014

253

2013/14

257

276

33

37

224

216

2012/13 41 235

2013/14

2012/13

151

154

135

153

Non-Aboriginal

52 101

2013/14

227 74 153

0

250 125 0

2012/13

212 74 138

142

224

212

2014

2013

2012

253

257

276

2014

2013

2012

300 200 100 0

2014

2014

1000

Target

300 200 100 0

151 144

154

135

2014

2013

2012 Target

300 200

300

100 0

153

227

212

2014

2013

2012

VOLUME 23 WINTER 2015 29