Focus on Adoption spring 2016 Preview

Volume 24 Spring 2016

Ka oopkitmashook’ FOCUS ON

The Resource for Canada’s Adoption Community

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How a ize an maxim c s ie il m fa rns their retu

Ka oopkitmashook’: Métis adoption

Parental advisory

New book will share adoptive parents’ unique insights, p. 8

Adoption in Islam

Meet the Milners

Open hearts, open wounds

A journey of faith through infertility to family, p. 10

From Alberta to Africa to Austin... and adoption, p. 16

Family finds more questions than answers in open adoption, p. 20

China’s waiting children

Two families explain how to adopt a special needs child from China, p. 22

Share Your Circle

photo contest

It’s time for AFABC’s annual photo contest!

We’re on the hunt for vibrant, candid images that capture what your circle of family, permanent connections, or adoption means to you.

There’s nothing like a photo to bring the joy, humour, and day-to-day reality (and chaos!) of permanent connections to life!

I How to enter Deadline for entries is May 15!

I Prizes Kids (0-12) can enter to win a Fujifilm Instax Mini 8 instant

Email up to 10 photos to contests@bcadoption.com, along with a completed photo release form (www.bcadoption.com/photocontest).

camera (includes film for 10 credit card sized instant photos)!

Please ensure your photos meet the following requirements:

Camera (photos and videos) and a one year AFABC Youth Membership!

Youth (13-24) can enter to win a Ricoh WG-M1 Action

• Photos must be high resolution (200 dpi minimum). Many phones take and/or email low resolution photos by default, please check and adjust your settings carefully. Low resolution photos cannot be accepted.

Adults (25 and up) can enter to win a Samsung Galaxy Tab

• Photos must be sent in JPEG or PNG format. They can be full colour or black and white.

Kayla Isomura Photography.

• Photos must include an adoption connection or a current or former youth in care.

3 tablet and a year’s subscription to Focus on Adoption magazine!

All entries will be included in a draw for a free photo shoot from Winning images will be featured in a coming issue of Focus on Adoption magazine and in our annual report, as well as added to our photo library of children and families who come together through adoption.

Thank you to our sponsor, Broadway Camera, for donating the prizes!

Contents Inside this issue: News and information

In focus

2 Editor’s letter 4 News and notes

Community

6 10 12 16 19 20 26

14 Celebrations 15 Let’s camp!

Books & media

Advice

24 Finding The Finding Place 25 Jen’s Picks & Recommendations

BC’s Waiting Kids 18 Meet Kendrick!

3 Tax tips for adoptive families 8 Parental advisory 22 Q&A: China’s waiting children

Ka oopkitmashook’: Métis adoption Perspectives: Adoption in Islam Adopted voice: Whose son, whose daughter Everyone has a story: Meet the Milners Opinion: Why profiles matter Open hearts, open wounds BC adoption update

Tax tips for families Expert advice to help you save, page 3

Métis adoption Ka oopkitmashook’ means adoption, page 6

On our cover “Our family­—a biological and adoptive blend!” says mom Jamie Giesbrecht of this cheerful photo from our 2015 contest.

China’s waiting children Experienced families explain the program, page 22

adoption FOCUS ON

The Resource for Canada’s Adoptive Families

Editor’s letter Ka oopkitmashook’ (adoption) This issue marks the first time in the history of our magazine that we have ever changed its name. It’s actually the same name—Focus on Adoption—except that the word adoption is written in Michif, the Métis

Advertising The deadline for placing and paying for ads is two months prior to publication. The publisher reserves the right to refuse any advertising which, in its absolute discretion, it deems inappropriate for publication. All advertisements must comply with Section 85 of the Adoption Act (Bill 51). The publisher in no way endorses or makes any warranty or representation with regard to any product or service advertised in Focus on Adoption. We may not be held responsible for any ad content, or any action or complaint arising out of an advertisement in this publication.

Contributions Focus on Adoption welcomes articles, letters, personal stories, photos, and artwork. All may be edited for length and suitability. While Focus on Adoption welcomes differing opinions, they are not necessarily those of the publisher. Reprint Permission Policy: contact the editor at editor@bcadoption.com

Magazine staff

In the magazine, we concern ourselves a lot with words and language and images, and it feels good to use

Editor: Mary Caros Assistant Editor: Brianna Brash-Nyberg Graphic Design: Joyce Lu Copy Editor: Moretta Shuert Design concept: Junxion Strategy

language as an honouring and as a cultural tool. We’ll be working with MNBC to bring even more awareness of

www.junxionstrategy.com

language. With this special change, we are honouring our new partnership with Métis Nation BC (MNBC).

Our organizations will be learning and working together in the coming years in an effort to find permanent homes for Métis children and youth who are in government care.

Métis language and culture to our magazine. Parenting a Métis child requires awareness of the unique history and customs of these official Aboriginal people, and we’ll be developing those stories in coming issues.

Do you have a Métis connection or story? We’d love to hear about it! Contact editor@bcadoption.com.

Marsee,

Publisher Focus on Adoption magazine is published by the Adoptive Families Association of BC, a charitable, accredited, non-profit organization offering adoption support, information, and education. Find out more about AFABC at www.bcadopt.com AFABC Charitable # BN118 777 671 RR0001

Mary Caros Editor, Focus on Adoption magazine

Disclaimer The opinion expressed in each article is the opinion of its author and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Focus on Adoption. Many contributing writers to Focus on Adoption are experts from various fields and provide advice to our readers on their individual specialties, but readers should be aware that specific advice can only be given by qualified professionals who are fully aware of a family’s circumstances. Any reliance you place on such information is therefore strictly at your own risk, and we carry no responsibility for the opinions expressed and assume no liability or responsibility for any inaccurate or incomplete information, nor for any actions taken in reliance on it. © Adoptive Families Association of BC, 2016

2 FOCUS ON ADOPTION

Tax tips for adoptive families

BY ROBERT CURRAN The deadline for filing your personal taxes is approaching quickly. To maximize your refund, it’s important to understand the tax credits and deductions that are available to you. Many tax advantages are targeted to families, including families who finalized the adoption of a child during the year. Here’s a summary of those credits and deductions.

Adoption expense tax credit If you finalized the adoption of a child under the age of 18 during the year, a 15% non-refundable tax credit is available to you. For 2015, you can claim up to $15,255 per adoption. The claim can only be made for the year in which the adoption is finalized, but at that time you can claim your adoption-related expenses incurred in previous years. The eligible expenses include: • Fees paid to an adoption agency.

• Court costs and legal expenses related to an adoption order for the child.

• Reasonable and necessary travel and living expenses of the child and the adoptive parents.

• Document translation fees.

• Mandatory fees paid to a foreign institution.

• Mandatory expenses paid for the child’s immigration.

• Any other reasonable expenses related to the adoption required by a provincial or territorial government or an adoption agency licensed by a provincial or territorial government.

Family tax credit This credit allows couples with children under the age of 18 to notionally transfer up to $50,000 of taxable income to their spouse in a lower tax bracket. The maximum benefit allowed under the tax credit is $2,000.

Child care expense deduction The child care expense deduction is a deduction from your income (as opposed to a tax credit, which lowers your taxable income). To be eligible, your children must be under the age of 16 and the expense must be incurred by either you or your spouse in order to earn employment income, run a business, attend school or carry on research for which a grant was provided. In most cases the child care expense deduction must be claimed by the parent with the lower net income. The maximum amounts for this deduction are $8,000 for each child under 7, $5,000 for each child 7 to 16, and $11,000 for children who are eligible for the disability tax credit.

Child fitness tax credit You can claim the cost of registration or membership fees for eligible programs that promote physical activity, up to maximum of $1,000 per child under the age of 16 (or 18 if they qualify for the disability tax credit).

This credit allows for a maximum savings of $150 per child.

Children’s arts tax credit You can claim registration fees for an approved program of artistic, cultural, recreational, or developmental activity, up to a maximum of $500 per child under the age of 16 (or 18 if they qualify for the disability tax credit). This credit could allow a maximum savings of $75 per child.

Family caregiver amount This $2,093 tax credit is available if you have a dependant under the age of 18 with a prolonged and indefinite impairment in physical or mental function. This credit can be combined with other credits such as the caregiver amount and amount for an eligible dependant.

Tuition and education tax credits If your child continued in post-secondary studies in 2015 they may be eligible to transfer a portion of their tuition, education and textbook tax credits to your return. They first must claim the maximum credit they need to reduce their tax payable, but can elect to transfer any remaining credit, up to $5,000, to a parent or grandparent.

Amount for an eligible dependant In certain situations you may be eligible to claim a tax credit of up $11,327 for a dependant as an “equivalent to spouse.” This is a non-refundable tax credit that is reduced by the income earned by the dependant. You may be able to claim this credit if you did not have a spouse or common-law partner; you supported and lived with your dependant; and, in the case of a child dependant, they are under the age of 18 or they are dependent upon you due to mental or physical infirmity.

Robert Curran, CPA, CA is a manager with Heming, Wyborn & Grewal Chartered Professional Accountants located in Surrey, BC. Heming, Wyborn & Grewal has been providing sound tax, accounting and business development services in the Lower Fraser Valley for over 40 years. Visit them online at www.hwgca.com.

VOLUME 24 SPRING 2016 3

News and notes AFABC Board Chair Bill Hartley, AFABC Executive Director Karen Madeiros, MNBC Minister of Children and Families Daniel Pitman, and MNBC President Bruce Dumont.

BY ANDREA DRIEDGER

AFABC signs memorandum of understanding with Métis Nation British Columbia We’re honoured to announce that on February 5, the Adoptive Families Association of BC signed a memorandum of understanding with Métis Nation British Columbia (MNBC).

Our organizations will be working together to create programs and services that are sensitive to the needs of Métis children from care and the families who provide permanency for them!

Learn more about adoption in the Métis nation on page 6.

Kids win! Victory for First Nations children in Human Rights Tribunal case On January 26, the Canadian Human Rights Tribunal ruled the federal government discriminates against First Nations children on reserves by failing to provide child welfare services equal to those provided elsewhere. The ruling states the government must cease all discriminatory practices against First Nations children, and calls for the redesign of the child welfare system and its funding model.

The Adoptive Families Association of BC applauds the decision, especially the hard work of Cindy Blackstock and the First Nations Child and Family Caring Society of Canada for their diligent work on bringing the rights of First Nations children to the forefront.

There are currently 8,000 children and youth in government care in BC. Fifty percent of kids in care are Aboriginal, even though only five percent of all BC kids are Aboriginal. At AFABC we

4 FOCUS ON ADOPTION

are strong advocates for permanency for these children and youth through reunification, custom adoption, and adoption.

dropping more than half compared to five years ago. Source: BC Ministry of Children and Family Development

We will continue to support our partner organizations in the Aboriginal community and the fostering community to bring permanence to all kids in care.

Report calls for overhaul of BC child-services system

Ontario adoptions on hold amid Motherisk drug-test scandal From 2005 to 2015, the Motherisk program at Toronto’s Hospital for Sick Children analyzed hair samples from babies to determine whether their mother used drugs and alcohol during pregnancy. Over 9,000 tests came back positive, and many were used as evidence in child protection cases. This spring, the test was shown to be flawed and the lab shut down. Now Ontario’s government has ordered that up to 300 adoption cases involving Motherisk tests be put on hold while a judge reviews whether the children’s parental rights should have been terminated in the first place. Motherisk tests were used in four other provinces—British Columbia, Quebec, New Brunswick, and Nova Scotia—but none of them have initiated similar reviews.

Source: cbc.ca

Domestic adoption holds steady, international numbers decline The number of domestic adoption placements in BC increased slightly compared to last year, though overall the number seems to be holding steady around the 30 mark. International adoption has seen a steady decline, the number

In December, the Ministry of Children and Family Development (MCFD) released part one of the so-called “Plecas Review,” which examines the Ministry’s recent challenges. The report calls for restored funding and suggests a plan to increase stability and remove the burden of decisionmaking on front-line workers. The report also examined the strained relationship between MCFD and the Office of the Representative for Children and Youth. Part two of the report is expected in Spring 2016. Source: theglobeandmail.com

MedicAlert bracelets for people with FASD Northern Ontario is helping people with FASD receive MedicAlert bracelets that identify them as having the often invisible brain condition.

FASD can leave people vulnerable in emergency situations; for example, they may confess to crimes they didn’t committ.

“Hopefully once emergency responders have had some education, they’re going to understand to take some time with an individual with FASD,” said Constable Cindy Hourtovenko of the Anishnabek Police. While the program is being piloted in Northern Ontario, the bracelets will be available to anyone. Source: cbc.ca

OACAS prioritizes reconciliation with Aboriginal communities Following the release of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission’s (TRC) report, the Ontario Association of Children’s Aid Societies (OACAS) has committed to redoubling its efforts to build relationships with Aboriginal communities and restore the responsibility of child welfare services to them. OACAS has created a Reconciliation Framework that welcomes indigenous culture, creates relationships with Aboriginal communities, and supports restoration of jurisdiction, reconciliation, and public education. Source: oacas.org

Adopted Inuit fare better than non-adopted peers Researchers have found that Inuit children adopted through custom adoption display fewer behavioural issues than their non-adopted peers, even though both groups of children were prenatally exposed to substances associated with those issues. The study, published in the American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, followed 270 children in Nunavik. The study identifies the greater stability of the adoptive homes as the key influencing factor. Source: nunatsiaqonline.ca

Manitoba children’s advocate calls for better care options.

In a report titled Permanency Beyond Foster Care, Manitoba’s children’s advocate Darlene MacDonald states that the province must do more to protect the almost 6,000 kids in its care. “We need to see the system get more creative and more assertively seek out extended family and community members who can provide stable, loving, long-term options,” said MacDonald. Source: cbc.ca

Congo clears 72 adoptions The government of Congo has allowed 72 international adoptions to be finalized after a two-year wait. The Congo government had legally approved these adoptions, but when it put all adoptions on hold in 2013, it denied exit permits to the adopted children. This meant they could not leave the country with their adoptive parents.

The adoption suspension occured after Congo authorities discovered the system was beset with corruption and falsified documents. The ongoing freeze aims to ensure the country complies with domestic and international adoption laws in order to prevent child trafficking. No further adoptions or exit permits will be granted “until

the new law on adoptions currently under debate is finalized,” said Congo Justice Minister Alexis Thambwe Mwamba. Source: againstchildtrafficking.org

Saskatchewan to ease restrictions around identifying information for adoptees and birth parents The Province of Saskatchewan is reviewing their regulations around access to birth records in an effort make it easier for adoptees and birth family to reconnect. Currently, it takes a minimum three years for the system to even begin working on a case. The province says more information about new regulations will likely come this spring.

Source: cbc.ca

Early trauma may impair body’s ability to heal stress A study in the Journal of Traumatic Stress has found that teens who experienced trauma before age 1 recover more slowy from stress than peers who experienced similar trauma later in childhood. The researchers noted that more studies are needed to identify the cognitive and behavioural symptoms associated with this delayed stress recovery, how long the delay persists, and which potential interventions may help. Source: istss.org

South Korea works to change perceptions of adoption Adoption has long been a taboo subject in South Korea, due to the cultural importance of knowing a child’s bloodline. In an effort to find more homes for the child in its care, the South Korean government is sponsoring a new photo campaign, Letters from Angels, which features Korean celebrities posing with children available for adoption. The campaign hopes to reduce the stigma of adoption. Source: channelnewsasia. com

Kenya to review adoption policies The government of Kenya has created a steering committee to review the country’s current adoption policies and framework. The committee was created when the Kenya National Assembly heard from female MPs who shared their experiences with infertility and the difficulty of adopting children domestically. The committee will also produce recommendations on the prevention of the sale and trafficking of children in domestic and international adoptions. Source: capitalfm.co.ke

Education highlights AFABC’s Education team is excited to share their spring lineup with you. Here’s what they’ve got planned so far.

Workshops • Safe Babies • Attachment Toolkit

Webinars • Openness and Adoption • LGBTQ and Adoption • Adopting Teens and Tweens • Transitioning Children to Adoption • Adoption and Social Media Dates and details are still being finalized.

Visit www.bcadoption.com/education and sign up for our monthly enews at www.bcadoption.com/enews for up to the moment information.

On-demand webinars As always, our on-demand webinars are available to view at any time. Just visit isit www.bcadoption.com/webinars and look for the “View Recorded Version Now” tag under the webinar’s description.

Do you have an idea for a topic we should cover or a webinar we should offer? Get in touch with Rebekah at rcraig@bcadoption. com.

Looking for event listings?

Find them online.

Visit our website at bcadoption.com/events and subscribe to our E-news at bcadoption.com/enews for up-to-the-minute event information.

VOLUME 24 SPRING 2016 5

Indigenous identity

Ka oopkitmashook’: Métis adoption

BY BRODIE DOUGLAS, DANIEL PITMAN, AND LEONA SHAW FROM MÉTIS NATION BRITISH COLUMBIA

“Indigenous identity” is a space for the unique and important voices and concerns of Aboriginal people. Fifty percent of kids in care are Aboriginal, even though only five percent of all BC kids are Aboriginal. At AFABC we are strong advocates for permanency for these children and youth through reunification, custom adoption, and adoption. Search for the word “Aboriginal” on our website at bcadopt.com to learn more.

Who are the Métis?

The Canadian Constitution includes three peoples in its definition of Aboriginal: First Nations, Inuit, and Métis. The Métis emerged as a distinct people and nation on the plains of western North America during the fur trade in the late 1700s. Many of the European traders established familial relationships with First Nations women. These relationships resulted in children of mixed European and Aboriginal ancestry, and these mixed Aboriginal people married other mixed Aboriginal people. Over time, they developed a culture that was a distinct fusion of both European and First Nations cultures. Historians refer to this fusion as ethnogenesis.

Adoption in Métis history As the Métis nation developed and grew, its people saw importance of keeping Métis children within the Métis community as paramount.

Through historic customary adoption, referred to as ka oopkitmashook’ in the Métis language of Michif, communities ensured that parentless children were cared for by a member of the family or at least by a member of the child’s community. Sometimes a ceremony would be held to acknowledge new family members when a custom adoption took place, but usually the adoption was treated in a matter of fact way.

Grandparents, in particular, were encouraged to adopt children because they could pass on their family’s Métis culture and identity. Godparents (named at the child’s baptism) were also seen as a good choice because they already had both a physical and spiritual responsibility to the child in question.

In addition to ensuring children’s needs were met, custom adoptions also created and reinforced family connections. For example, when young children lost their biological parents, their adoption by other family members was seen as a way for their original family to survive death. The family’s history, traditions, and stories would live on in the adopted children, who in turn remained connected to the traditional community.

6 FOCUS ON ADOPTION

Métis history and cultural resources www.scaa.sk.ca/ourlegacy/exhibit_metisculture www.louisrielinstitute.com

Learn Michif (the Métis language) www.learnmichif.com www.michiflanguage.ca

Colonialism’s legacy of destruction In contrast to the positive influence of custom adoptions, Canada’s government-administered child welfare system has had a destructive impact on Métis families. Many Métis children attended residential and boarding schools, where they suffered the same traumas as other Aboriginal children. The devastating impact of these schools eventually gave rise to to the Indian Residential Schools Settlement, which is a multi-billion dollar agreement between the federal government, churches, and survivors that in turn led to the Truth and Reconciliation Commission.

However, the federal government has been reluctant to take responsibility for Métis survivors. Because the church-run schools most Métis children attended were provincially rather than federally funded, their survivors were excluded from the Indian Residential Schools Settlement.

The government began phasing out compulsory residential school education in the 1950s and 1960s as the public began to understand their devastating impacts. Government authorities decided that Aboriginal children would receive a better education if they transitioned into the public school system. This led to the 1951 Indian Act amendment that enabled provinces to provide services to Aboriginal people that didn’t exist under federal jurisdiction. Child protection was one of these areas.

In 1951, when this amendment was passed, 29 Aboriginal children were in foster care in British Columbia; by 1964, there were 1,466. An alarmingly disproportionate number of Aboriginal children were apprehended from

the 1960s onward. By the 1970s, roughly one-third of all children in care in BC were Aboriginal. Approximately 70 percent of the apprehended children were placed into non-Aboriginal homes, where their heritage was routinely denied. In some cases, the foster or adoptive parents actually told their children that they were French or Italian.

Eight laws (guidelines) of traditional Métis custom adoption: 1. Whenever one parent died or was unable to care for a child or children, the other parent assumed full responsibility.

Today Aboriginal children and youth make up 5% of the general population of BC, but approximately 52% of the 8,000 in care of the Ministry for Children and Family Development. Haphazard identification of Métis children makes it difficult to know exactly how many of those Aboriginal children are specifically Métis. It’s clear, though, that decades of marginalization and colonialism continue to take a toll on Métis families today.

2. If both parents died or were unable to care for their children, the grandparents assumed responsibility.

3. If one set of grandparents could take care of all the children involved, they did so. If not, then the grandparents would divide the children up but would take great care to keep them in touch with each other.

Who can be a Métis citizen?

Unlike First Nations people, Métis do not have a national registry. Instead, Métis identification and Citizenship is administered by the five Governing Member organizations of the Métis National Council. The Governing Member for British Columbia is Métis Nation British Columbia (MNBC).

MNBC registers Métis people as Citizens, and maintains a Central Registry that supports the collective voice of Métis throughout their homeland.

4. If the grandparents were unable to care for any of the children, another relative such as an aunt, uncle, or older sibling would assume responsibility.

The Métis community strives to be inclusive and to share and promote culture and traditions within Métis families. In 2010, the Métis Nation legislated adoption provisions into its Citizenship Act. This means that non-Métis people who are legally adopted by a Métis and are under the age of 19 can register as Citizens of Métis Nation British Columbia. By encouraging cultural inclusion in adoptive families, the stigma of difference that many adopted children face by be reduced.

6. The community would share food, clothing, and other forms of help with anyone who was taking care of children through custom adoption.

Métis children who are adopted by non-Métis families can also be registered as Citizens of Métis Nation British Columbia. In order for their application to be approved, they must be able to show a genealogical connection to a Métis ancestor. This can be difficult for people who don’t have access to their Métis ancestral records or their biological families.

When applying for Citizenship with Métis Nation British Columbia, adoptees are encouraged to identify that they (or their ancestor) were adopted. Other documentation, such as court records, live birth registration, church registers, and sometimes even DNA testing can sometimes be used to confirm the relationship between an adopted Métis child and their registered biological relatives.

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7. Orphans were never abandoned to strangers.

8. Often, widowers or widows would remarry so that their children would have two parents.

Métis Nation British Columbia develops and enhances opportunities for our Métis Chartered Communities and Métis people in British Columbia by providing culturally relevant social and economic programs and services. Representing more than 12,000 provincially registered Métis citizens and a majority population of nearly 70,000 self-identified Métis people, the MNBC is recognized by the provincial and federal governments and the Métis National Council as the official governing organization of the Métis Nation in the province of British Columbia. Learn more at: mnbc.ca

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VOLUME 24 SPRING 2016 7

Parental advisory

BY CAT MARTIN

Shattered expectations

The consequences of early trauma

I’m a mom of four children, all adopted at different ages and stages. My first child was born in the US in 1997 and adopted as a newborn. In 2006 I adopted three more children from Liberia in West Africa. They were 2, 4, and 13 years old (though the 13 year old wouldn’t actually join our family until he was nearly 19).

I quickly realized that adoptive families experience some unique issues.

I rarely hear people outside the adoption world use the terms Auditory, Central, and Visual Processing Disorders, Executive Functioning Disorder, Attachment Disorder (RAD), Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FASD) or Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD). The rates of learning disabilities and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) are going up across the board, but the rates within the adoption community seem to be even higher. We also know that adopted people are much more likely to experience mental health issues.

In 2006, Liberia was a country in turmoil, it was just a few years after the civil war had ended, the infant and child mortality rates were incredibly high, and the adoptions were being processed relatively quickly.

I feel fortunate that I had the opportunity to volunteer in Liberia for five months when I adopted my children. I saw firsthand how war had devastated the Liberian people and their previously beautiful country.

This insight helped me understand where my children were coming from, and how much they had to learn.

After returning to Canada my life changed. I’d imagined it would be like my life before Liberia: carpooling, sleep-over parties, baking, cooking, and sibling fights, just multiplied by three. Instead, our family’s whole way of being in the world changed. My 3- and 5-year-olds did not adjust to life in Canada the way I thought they would. At first my instinct was to give them time to adjust and orient themselves to their new lives.

However, just when I thought life was starting to settle into a nice routine, it became apparent that all was not well.

Alone and in chaos My children weren’t like most other children. They lacked social skills, didn’t make friends easily, and were often isolated during recess and lunch. One child was often in trouble and performed poorly at school. The other was considered a “good girl” because she wasn’t disruptive, but she didn’t speak and couldn’t complete even the most basic tasks independently. I can’t count the number of teacher’s meetings, doctor’s appointments, and assessments we went through. We received diagnosis after diagnosis, but no support; lots of suggestions, but no action.

I really felt like I was in this alone. Only my adoption friends seemed to understand what it felt like to live in a constant state of chaos and to love a child who doesn’t love you back.

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I learned that early childhood trauma often leads to learning disabilities, visual, central and auditory processing disorders, and to the child experiencing a perpetual state of fight or flight. ADD, ODD, and RAD diagnoses are based on sets of behaviours that come from long-term intense grief, loss, and fear. The behaviours themselves are not the problem. They are the language a child uses to communicate that they are in crisis.

Reacting to the behaviours only makes things worse. For the behaviour to subside, we must address its root causes.

It’s all up to you Our current system simply doesn’t offer resources for families like ours.

It’s incredibly hard to seek help from professionals only to discover they’re even more lost than you. Their lack of understanding of the effects of adverse childhood experiences is often less than helpful, and their recommendations can actually cause setbacks. We’re gradually seeing more awareness of the impact of early childhood trauma, but it’s

still rare to come across a teacher, physician, therapist, or social worker who has the skills our families really need. It’s like we’re the proverbial square peg trying to fit into the round hole.

Over the last nine years my children’s development and healing has largely been up to me alone. I’ve spent countless hours on the internet and most of the resources I’ve found have been in the US. Thanks to my nursing background, I feel comfortable at most professional conferences and have been able to access information and strategies meant for physicians, social workers, and therapists. Some of the programs I’ve incorporated into my children’s healing have included auditory processing therapy for my non-verbal 7 year old, Girl Guides of Canada for socialization skills, and Big Sisters and PLEA for 1:1 support for the pre-teen and teen years. I’ve also developed a couple of programs that include personalized executive functioning training, and a non-academic teaching and grading approach for the elementary school. Both have been extremely effective.

This hasn’t been easy. I changed my children’s schools in order to find one that would work with my children’s unique needs instead of punishing unwanted behaviour. I tapped into the knowledge and skills of many friends, read everything I can that I think will help my children, and found a family physician who has been unbelievably supportive through it all.

I find comfort in being surrounded by a wonderful community of adoptive parents who experience similar issues with their children. We all breathe a little bit easier when we share our stories and resources.

Parents as experts My experiences as an adoptive parent inspired me to write my new book, Gotta Love ‘Em: Understanding the Behaviours of Traumatized Children and Your Role in Their Healing. It combines insights and strategies from parents who have experiences with the education system, the healthcare system, the government, counselors, and more. Parents will learn about the importance of facing your own past issues, the necessity of self-care, and the value of staying connected to the adoption community.

This book is not just for adoptive parents, though!

• Educators will learn that school can be a terrifying place for children with early childhood trauma, and will learn some simple strategies that can help them in their learning and socialization.

• Physicians will learn that their office is the entryway into medical assessments and resources, and that parents need understanding and direction.

African Heritage Camp All families with children of African heritage are invited to join us for a fun-filled weekend! We have African crafts and games planned to celebrate our children’s heritage, as well as all the usual great camp activities such as hiking, archery, riflery, and a hot dog roast. Fun will be had by all!

When: April 15-17, 2016 Where: Camp Homewood, Quadra Island, BC Contact: Diane Dunbar at at 250-923-8795 or di-dar@telus.net

• Social workers and counsellors will learn that a traumatized child’s behaviour can push even the most solid family to the limits, that in times of crisis parents must remain the heads of the family, and that attachment is everything.

• Adoption agencies will learn that in addition to pre-adoption education, post-adoption support needs to be available, if not mandatory, for all families.

• Prospective adoptive and foster families will learn what’s involved in parenting children who experienced early childhood trauma, and will become better equipped to care for them.

The voices of experience Adoptive parents of traumatized children dedicate their lives to helping their children overcome and heal from their adverse childhood experiences. These parents have valuable insights to share with the childhood professionals they turn to for help. As one of those parents myself, please hear us and help us heal our children.

Visit Cat’s website at gottaloveem.com/Book/ to learn more and to pre-order her book.

You can also find her on Facebook as Gotta Love ‘Em, and on LinkedIn as Cat Martin.

VOLUME 24 SPRING 2016 9

3000

1305

Aboriginal Non-Aboriginal

2650

1390

2642

Waiting Children

Aboriginal NUMBER OF CHILDREN Non-Aboriginal WAITING FOR ADOPTION Aboriginal WITH NON-ADOPTION Non-Aboriginal AFTER CARE PLANS Under 12 yr 12 and Over Aboriginal

2719

1330 YTD

1293 2014/15

1244 2013/14

974

942

581 663

(Apr-Nov 2015)

578 725

551

423

599 694

479 463

974

NUMBER OF CHILDREN NUMBER OF NEWLY IN PERMANENT CARE

APPROVED ADOPTIVE HOMES

Aboriginal Non-Aboriginal NUMBER OF AVAILABLE ADOPTIVE HOMES PLANS WITH ADOPTION

Aboriginal Aboriginal Non-Aboriginal Non-Aboriginal

Adoption Placements WITH NON-ADOPTION NUMBER OF CHILDREN AND AFTER PLANS YOUTH CARE PLACED FOR ADOPTION

NUMBER OF ABORIGINAL CHILDRENOFAND YOUTH PLACED NUMBER NEWLY

500 3000

357 727 617 1898

376 791 566 1948

375 914 599 2056

2000 250

YTD

2014/15 2014/15

2013/14 2013/14

4032 416

4214 366

1305

1390

1495

Aboriginal NUMBER OF CHILDREN AND YOUTH WITH CUSTODY Non-Aboriginal TRANSFERS TO A NEW GUARDIAN (under s.54.1 of the CFCS Act) 2

2719

283 1293 44

257 1244 34

228 578 725

239 599 694

223 581 663

YTD

2014/15

2013/14

2625 177

2739 274

2970 227

791 104 1948 170

914 75 2056 152

(Apr-Nov 2015)

727 108

69 1898

YTD

69 313

(Apr-Nov 2015)

38

31

YTD 284 56 18 228

(Apr-Nov 2015)

B.C. Adoption Update

Adoption Placements

2642

284 1330 56

In Non-Aboriginal Homes

ADOPTIVE HOMES

2650

1000 0 0

YTD

2014/15

104 416 51

53

283 44 47 239

2014/15

2014/15

2013/14

75 366 32

43

257 34 43 223

2013/14

2013/14

300 3000 200 100 1500 0

1330

1293

1244

2015/16 2014/15 2013/14

974

942

974

313

416

366

2625 2014/15 2739 2013/14 2970 2015/16 2015/16 2014/15 2013/14

2015/16 2014/15 2013/14

3955

4032

4214

2015/16 2014/15 2013/14

300 1500 200 1000 100 5000 0

3000 300 2000 200 1000 100 0 0

500 400 150 300 100 200 100 50 0 0

300 50 200 40 30 100 20 0 10 0

forfull 2013/2014 2014/2015 differ slightly from previous (Apr-Nov 2015) To* Data view the report visitand the Representative for Children and Youth’s websiteAdoption at rcybc.ca.Updates for the following reasons:

26

4214

500 4500 400

0

APPROVED ADOPTIVE HOMES In Aboriginal Homes

NUMBER OF Transfer ofAVAILABLE Custody

0 750

2970

Aboriginal Aboriginal Non-Aboriginal Non-Aboriginal

Adoptive Families

1000 1000 500

2739

3955 313

4032

1500

2625

(Apr-Nov YTD2015) (Apr-Nov 2015)

3955

2015/16 2014/15 2013/14

All data as of Nov. 30, 2015

493 481

Non-Aboriginal

After Care Plans Adoptive Families

1500 0

B.C. Adoption Update – December 2015* WITH ADOPTION PLANS

1495

284

283

257

2015/16 1330 2014/15 1293 2013/14 1244 2015/16 2014/15 2013/14

Target

300 2625 177

2739 274

2970 227

313

416

366

284

283

257

2015/16 2015/16 2014/15 2014/15 2013/14 2013/14

69 2014/15 104 2013/14 75 2015/16 2015/16 2014/15 2013/14

18 2014/15 47 2013/14 43 2015/16 2015/16 2014/15 2013/14

1. Numbers in the Adoption Management System change as workers add data from their files.

2.NUMBER Some April UpdateAND numbers referred to November 2014 instead of March 2015 as MCFD’s Corporate Data Warehouse (CDW) Portal OF2015 CHILDREN database was turned off in December 2014 for a data clean-up.

300 FOCUS ON ADOPTION Target YOUTH PLACED FOR ADOPTION 300 3. The CDW data clean-up impacted historical data.

200 Source: Adoptions Management System and MCFD Corporate Data Warehouse portal.

177

274

227

Resources, support, events, and education

REGIONAL CONTACTS

SUPPORT

EVENTS

Vancouver Island

Support groups & community

Event listings

Correen Coons is the Adoption Support Coordinator for the South Island. Correen serves Nanaimo, Gabriola and the southern Gulf Islands, and everything south to Victoria. Contact Correen at 250-507-0716, 1-855-463-4018, or ccoons@bcadoption.com.

We know families thrive with the advice, support, and kinship of others. We help build connections for pre- and postadoptive families and for youth in or from foster care. For a list of support groups in each region, community services, family events, and other adoption resources, visit www.bcadoption.com/support.

Our events welcome everyone in the adoption community to meet for support, connections, and fun! We offer a variety of events, from playgroups to family outings, parent meet-ups and support groups, to marathons and fundraising opportunities!

See our complete event listings at www.bcadoption.com/events.

PASS in-home support

ONLINE

Dianna Mortensen is Team Leader for the Provincial Support Network and Adoption Support Coordinator for North and Central Vancouver Island. Communities include Port Alberni, Tofino, Comox Valley, Powell River, Campbell River, Gold River, Sayward, Port McNeill, Port Hardy, and the Gulf Islands from Parksville north. Contact Dianna at 1-866-334-3873, or dmortensen@ bcadoption.com.

Lower Mainland & Coast Sarah Reid is the Adoption Support Coordinator for Vancouver Coastal, from Richmond north to the Sunshine Coast, the Sea-to-Sky, and from Vancouver east to Maple Ridge.

CContact Sarah at 604-320-7330 Ext. 105, 1-866-900-7330, or sreid@bcadoption.com.

Jennifer Hillman is Adoption Support Coordinator for Fraser Region, Surrey, Delta, Langley, White Rock, Abbottsford, Chilliwack, Mission, Hope, Yale, and Boston Bar. Contact Jen at 604-320-7330 Ext. 101, 1-866-900-7330, or jhillman@bcadoption. com.

Interior Dianna Mortensen is the Adoption Support Coordinator for the Interior region, including the Kootenays, the Okanagan, and the Thompson and Cariboo regions. Contact Dianna at 1-866-334-3873, or dmortensen@ bcadoption.com.

North Sherrie Jones is the Adoption Support Coordinator for the Northwest/Peace River region. Major centers include Dawson Creek, and Fort St. John. Contact Sherrie at 250-786-5370, 1-866-902-7330, or sjones@ bcadoption.com.

Bev Fowlie is the Adoption Support Coordinator for the North Central region including Prince George, Quesnel, Terrace, Prince Rupert, and Smithers. Contact Bev at 1-866303-4591, or bfowlie@bcadoption.com.

There may be times when your new, adoptive family needs counselling or professional support. Our clinical support services ensure the best start for adoptive families. Find out more at www.bcadoption.com/clinical-supportservices.

Speak-Out Youth Regardless of age, no one stops needing a family. Our youth programs offer a place for youth adoptees and youth in or from foster care to be heard and supported, while allowing them to develop programrelated skills. Find out more online at www.speakoutyouthzone.com and www.bcadoption.com/speak-out-youth.

EDUCATION Webinars, courses, and more Education supports and strengthens adoptive families. Whether you are thinking about adopting, are already parenting, or are a professional in the field, there are courses designed with you in mind. Join us for face-to-face workshops in major cities across British Columbia, log in to a webinar from almost anywhere, or register for an online course. Find out more at www.bcadoption.com/education.

AEP-Online The Adoption Education Program Online (AEP-Online) is a 12-week course delivered by the Adoptive Families Association of BC on behalf of provincial governments to help meet the needs of prospective adoptive parents across the country. This program fulfills the legal requirements for adoption education in the areas it is offered. Find out more at www.bcadoption.com/adoptioneducation-program-online.

Facebook facebook.com/bcadoption AFABC Vancouver Island Adoptive Parents AFABC Adoptive Parents of Aboriginal Children in BC AFABC FASD Parent Support AFABC Waiting Parents Group AFABC Speak-Out Youth Group AFABC GLBTQ Adoptive Parents Support Network AFABC Single Adoptive Parent Support AFABC Adoptive Dads–Men Supporting Men

Twitter @bcadopt @speakoutyouth @focusonadoption

Blogs > vancouvercoastaladoption.blogspot.com > adoptioneducationonline.wordpress.com

Looking for something?

Find our complete, up-to-the-minute list of events, support groups, community resources, and more on our newly revamped website at

www.bcadoption.com.

e www.bcadoption.com/support e www.bcadoption.com/events e www.bcadoption.com/resources VOLUME 24 SPRING 2016 27