Parenting For Heaven by Africa Publishing Company

Parenting for Heaven Written from the heart of a pastor who is passionate about nurturing healthy Christian families, Parenting for Heaven will equip parents and all those who work with children with the skills needed to guide youngsters into a saving faith. With the focus always on cultivating spiritual values, the author shares reliable research, biblical wisdom, and personal anecdotes with insight and humour. Not only will this book help parents gain insight into important topics like understanding their children and helping them develop a godly self-esteem, it will also highlight the need for parents to be spiritually anchored before they can establish the spiritual well-being of their children. What was Noah’s ‘parenting secret’? How did Moses’ parents – who only had a few short years of influence in his life – instil the values that were the foundation for his godly leadership? And what should parents do if they feel that their best efforts have not been enough? Answers to these and many other vital questions are explored in this colourful, practical book.

Saustin Sampson Mfune is currently serving as the associate director of Children’s Ministries at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists in Silver Spring, Maryland, USA. Born and educated up to secondary level in Malawi, he holds a B.Th. degree from Solusi University (Zimbabwe), and M.Div. and D.Min. degrees from Andrews University Theological Seminary (Michigan, USA). Dr. Mfune has worked extensively as a pastor and administrator in the former East-Africa Division in Harare, Zimbabwe. His most recent service before accepting a call to the General Conference was as president of Malawi Union. He and his wife, Gertrude, have two grown sons and two adopted children who are in their late teens. They are the proud grandparents of a bright little granddaughter, Shaneequa Neenee. Dr. Mfune is also the author of 111 Tips for Raising Godly Kids.

Africa

PUBLISHING CO.

Dr. Saustin Sampson Mfune

Heaven Parenting for

Africa

PUBLISHING CO.

AFRICA PUBLISHING COMPANY PO Box 111 Somerset Mall 7137, Western Cape, South Africa Tel: +27 (0)21 8527656 Cell: +27 (0)83 5704585 Fax: +27 (0)86 5022980 Email: info@africacopublishing.com ALL RIGHTS RESERVED This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise – without prior written permission from the publisher. Unless otherwise marked, all Scripture references taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission. ISBN: 978-0-9869799-7-2 Publisher: Marcos Cruz Editor: Cindy Hurlow Designers: Gill Howard & Taléne van Wyk Picture Editor: Carolina Stander Published in South Africa

Dedication In loving memory of my father, Pastor Sampson Rhodes Kazgeba Mfune, Mrs Wezi Kalindawalo, Mrs Deborah Kampini, and Mrs Moyna Chiwawa who are resting in their graves, waiting for the second coming of the Lord. Also dedicated to Pastor Fred and Mrs Barbara Wilson, and Pastor Kenneth and Mrs Alice Cronje who came into my life when my future seemed dark and void. They looked beyond my trashiness and, by Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s grace, helped my life to be recreated. Like my parents, they patiently, lovingly and kindly became involved in parenting me for Heaven.

Acknowledgements

For the successful completion of this book I am indebted to many people, but it is not possible to mention all of them here. Since several chapters are a direct result of my doctoral project dissertation, I want to sincerely thank Dr James J. North Jnr., who supervised the progress of my dissertation at Andrews University Theological Seminary. His guidance will always be appreciated. I would like to thank Ms Falesi Kaonga for coming to my rescue when I lost everything on my computer after it crashed. Unfortunately, I had not backed up most of my files, including this book. However, I had part of the hard copy of the manuscript and Falesi retyped the document for me; for this I am greatly thankful. I would also like to express my gratitude to Dr Angel Manuel Rodriguez, Director of the Biblical Research Institute of the Seventh-day Adventist General Conference. His insights proved extremely helpful with the contents of Chapter 1. Thank you to Maria Duchie of the GC for the diagrams on the nature of man in the same chapter. I would like to thank Arlene Taylor (Ph.D.) for her valuable guidance in the development of Chapter 6. Dr Taylor is an authority on the subject of the brain, and in March of 1996 I attended a 3-day seminar she conducted at St. Helena Hospital in California. Should you ever get the opportunity to attend, I would highly recommend her seminars.You and your children will never be the same – my wife and I wish we had known this information when our children were young. Gertrude, my wife, gave me many insights as I developed the manuscript. I don’t take this for granted, since she has her own workload. Thank you, my sweetheart. In addition, the things I saw in my children as they were growing up gave me a lot of material that I have used in this book. Thank you, Dumisani and Ding’ani, for providing me with such a wealth of material! I have always loved working with children. In my course of working with them, I have seen and learned many things that have given me ideas in developing the manuscript. Thanks, kids, for being part of my life. What can I say of Cindy Hurlow, my editor, for ‘murdering’ my book? All I can say is that her ‘sins’ are forgiven! I published the first edition of this book in 2006 and I really thought I had done an impeccable job. Then Cindy came along and rearranged my entire manuscript. When I saw her enthusiasm, I decided to add more information in certain areas. In the process, some information was removed but I’m happy I heeded her suggestions – it’s a different book altogether. I could not believe it when I read the final manuscript. The ideas were well knit together. I am thankful for her constructive criticism and patience.To her and the entire staff of Africa Publishing Company, I am greatly indebted. Many thanks for the great work done. I learned a lot from my dad, the late Pastor Sampson Rhodes Mfune, and my mother, Noliti Mfune. I thank God for giving me such loving parents. My thanks would be incomplete if I failed to mention my Saviour and my Redeemer, Jesus Christ, for giving me the life and health to complete this book. I firmly believe that the ideas the Lord has enabled me to develop and pen in these pages will help many parents in empowering their children to maximise their God-given potential, and to ultimately be found in the eternal kingdom of God. God bless each and every one of you.

Contents Acknowledgements

Introduction: A parentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s priority

1 Noahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s parenting secret 2 How to maintain the Spirit-filled state 3 A holistic approach to parenting 4 Ideologies challenging Christian parenting 5 When does parenting begin? 6 Understanding your child 7 Building self-esteem 8 Empowering your child with the principles of Jesus 9 Help your child develop a 4x4 mind capacity 10 The Ten Commandments of parenting 11 Mind the little foxes

11 17 25 33 41 45 55 63 73 81 103

Conclusion: Leaving a legacy

113

When being a good parent is not enough

121

Suggested Reading

124

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

Introduction: A parent’s priority There once was a lighthouse keeper who lived on

way into His kingdom. Yes, it is important that our

a rocky island in the sea. His colleagues from the

children get a good education. It is important that

mainland would bring him a monthly supply of oil

our children learn how to play the piano, violin, or

to use in the generators which powered the light-

any other musical instrument. It is important that

house.

our children eat good, nutritious meals. But of what

One bitter winter’s night, a ship crashed into

benefit will it be to them if, after they have obtained

the rocks off the island’s coast and many people

the best this world can offer, they are not found in

lost their lives. A distraught delegation from the

the heavenly kingdom? Yes, it is important that as

lighthouse keeper’s head office came to find out

parents you should provide for your children. But

exactly why the lighthouse had not been beam-

if providing for them means that you have no time

ing its warning. The man explained that the winter

for worship at home and your children are left to

had been extremely cold and a number of people,

grow up in a generally secular environment, what

especially the older folks on the island, had run out

will that benefit you as a family?

of oil for the heaters in their homes. As they had come to him, one by one, asking for oil, he had sold

My grandmother’s psychology

his supply to them to help them get through the

My paternal grandmother died in October, 2001,

winter. He assured the delegates that he had all the

at the ripe old age of 103. Although she did not

receipts and money in his office.

have any formal education, she was a natural psy-

His colleagues looked at him and said, “No one

chologist. Her approach and skill in giving advice

can deny that what you did by helping these people

was second to none. One of the many occasions

was noble. But your job was not to help the people

at which she showed her mastery was when our

on the island. Your job was to keep the lighthouse

first son was born.

sending out its beams of salvation. Because you

My wife and I decided to go to Malamulo Hos-

neglected your duty, many people have lost their

pital, situated at Malamulo Mission in Malawi, for

lives.” The man was dismissed from his post.

the birth of our first child. In addition to this being

Parents, it should be your priority to help the

one of the biggest hospitals in the country, we were

children God has entrusted to you, to find their

mainly motivated to go there because my parents How to maintain a Spirit-filled state1

worked there. My father, a pastor by profession,

This couple had three children: a boy, who was their

was working at Malamulo Publishing House as one

firstborn, and two girls. The boy was nine years old

of the translators; my grandmother lived with my

when this incident occurred.

parents. At that stage, I was working some 240 kilometres away in Dedza.

One early morning, the husband and his wife, as usual, had an argument. In the confusion that

We arrived at Malamulo on Thursday, 19 Sep-

ensued, the boy ran out of the house and took the

tember, 1980, and a week later, on 25 September,

path towards the river that was not far from the

we were the proud parents of a baby boy. About

village. He was whimpering as he went. Along the

two weeks after the birth of our son, we decided

way he met a man from the village who asked him

to return to our place of work.The night before we

where he was going and why he was crying. The

left, my grandmother called my wife and me and

boy told him that his parents were fighting and that

gave us the wise counsel that one can only get from

he was scared. The man asked the boy to follow

a loving grandmother.

him to the parents’ house where he would try to

She told us a story about something that had

talk to them, but the boy refused. The man left him

happened just after she had married. The village in

standing by the road as he walked back to the vil-

which she grew up was near a swampy area. There

lage to go and see if he could assist.

were a lot of snakes in the area; it was not unusual

When the man returned together with the

to meet a python crossing the road in the morning

boy’s father, they could not find him even though

as one walked to the fields.

they searched everywhere, calling his name. After

In her village there was a husband and wife who

some time they decided to return to the village and

continually had misunderstandings which occasion-

report the incident to the chief. The chief ’s mes-

ally led to fights. The elders of the village had tried

senger beat a drum summoning all men to come

to help the family on many occasions, to no avail.

to the chief ’s compound. When the men arrived, the chief told them that a boy was missing and that everyone should go out and search for him. The men went out, searching high and low, but could not find the missing boy. Late in the afternoon, a group of men neared a patch of overgrown weeds, with what looked like some kind of trail leading into the weeds. Upon examination, the men came to the conclusion that it was the trail of a python. The men beat the drum to call all the other men scattered throughout the area to come and help them. They began beating and throwing onto the bushes whatever they could find. Others built a big fire and fanned the smoke into the bush.

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

Pretty soon they heard a hissing sound, and then saw a large python coming slowly out of the bush, struggling to move. After the men killed the python, their worst suspicions were confirmed. Upon slicing it open, they found the missing boy in the belly of the snake. He was dead. My grandmother paused for a moment. I looked from my wife to my grandmother, wondering what use new parents like us would have for such a frightening story. My grandmother looked at us, then took a deep breath and said, “The innocent child died because of the foolishness of the parents. My son and my daughter, you are now parents. God has given you this lovely child. Don’t let your carelessness result in the physical, or above all, spiritual, death of this child. Take care of this gift that God has entrusted to you. The old serpent, the Devil, is alive and well. If you are not careful, he will swallow your child.” With that, she prayed and then we parted. Although this happened many years ago, the story has never left my mind. I have often thought of the many innocent children who have died spiritually, physically, mentally, or socially because of the carelessness of their parents. This book, Parenting for Heaven, is my effort to help parents understand the importance of their duty as parents, and to encourage them to be vigilant about protecting their children from the old serpent, the Devil.This book is not just a look at the theories and ideologies of parenting, but a practical guide for parents living in the twenty-first century. It is my prayer that the book you are holding in your hands will give you the insights and tools you need to help your precious children become ready candidates for heaven. Introduction: A parent’s priority

Noah’s parenting secret Noah – what a name for a parent! A certain pro-

children. The Bible puts it this way: “The Lord saw

nunciation of the name Noah sounds like ‘No

how great the wickedness of the human race had

One.’ Can you imagine someone calling his wife

become on the earth, and that every inclination of

‘Mrs No One’? In actual fact, there is a sense in

the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all

which the word ‘No One’ comes very close to the

the time” (Genesis 6:5). In Genesis 6:11, the Bible

actual results of Noah’s work. Even after preaching

continues, “The earth was corrupt in God’s sight

for 120 years, Noah could convince ‘no one’ but

and was full of violence.” In fact, things were so bad

his immediate family to go with him into the ark.

that “The Lord regretted that he had made human

What a track record to have on your curriculum

beings on the earth” (Genesis 6:6).

vitae! And let’s be honest: in our day, when stratewhich we measure performance, how long would

Common ground between Noah and modern parents

administrators keep such an unsuccessful preacher

In Luke 17:26-27, we read, “Just as it was in the days

on their payroll? Five years? Noah would have been

of Noah, so also will it be in the days of the Son

very lucky indeed.

of Man. People were eating, drinking, marrying and

gic planning and productivity are the buzzwords by

For those who focus on numbers, Noah and his

being given in marriage up to the day Noah entered

wife were definitely failures.Yet, in my view, they were

the ark. Then the flood came and destroyed them

tremendously successful because they were able to

all.” As you read this passage, you will notice that

win their children into the ark.This is success second

modern parents are in the same ‘boat’ as Noah for

to none. It is success par excellence, even though it

at least two reasons: firstly, Noah and his wife were

was achieved under very difficult circumstances.

parents just as we are, and secondly, according to

The environment in which Mr and Mrs Noah found themselves was not conducive to raising

many interpretations of this passage, we are living in the days before Jesus’ second coming. 11

Many times, when we read this Bible passage,

its full joy. What will heaven mean to us as parents

we focus on the negatives – “People were eating,

if, after we have received many stars in our crowns

drinking, marrying and being given in marriage.” But

for bringing others into God’s kingdom, none of

there is also something positive in this text for par-

those stars represent our children? Parents, inviting

ents. Notice how the passage begins: “Just as it was

and guiding our children into the heavenly ‘ark’ is

in the days of Noah.” If Noah and his wife were

our most important task.

able to win their children, Ham, Shem and Japheth, as well as their three wives, into the ark, it is also possible for us to win our children into the heavenly kingdom.

The million dollar question Naturally, the million dollar question that comes to the mind of any parent is: How did Noah and his wife manage to win their children into the ark

Noah’s success is a challenge

while living in such a terrible environment?

The success of Noah and his wife is a challenge to Christian parents living in this modern day and age.

When “me first” is the right thing to do

In the secret chambers of our heart – and this goes

In an attempt to answer this question, I will begin

beyond whatever power of influence we may have

by telling you about my first experience of airline

– we realise that if we are not able to win our chil-

travel. After getting settled in my seat, I heard the

dren into the heavenly ‘ark’ as Noah and his wife

voice of a flight attendant through the plane’s PA

did, no matter how successful we might appear to

system as she made the routine announcements.

be in the eyes of others, heaven will be robbed of

The words that caught my attention were these:

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

“Make sure that your oxygen mask is safely secured

God intervenes, parents cannot impart spirituality

before helping children and others.”

to their children if they themselves don’t possess it.

At first this puzzled me. Isn’t it the natural

In order to discuss the subject of spirituality, we

instinct of any responsible and loving parent to

must first define it. What is spirituality? When we

make sure that their children are safe first? But later,

say that somebody is ‘spiritual’, what exactly are we

when I had taken time to process the scenario in

talking about?

my mind, it dawned on me why this is important. If

The root word of spirituality is ‘Spirit’ – not just

a parent has no oxygen mask and becomes disori-

any spirit, but the Holy Spirit, the third person of

ented due to a lack of oxygen in the process of try-

the Trinity. When we say that somebody is spiritual,

ing to help their child, both they and the child they

what we actually mean is that he or she is filled

are trying to help could die. To avoid this train of

with the Holy Spirit.

tragedies, the parent or the helper would have to

Is it possible for parents to be spiritual when

be secured first. While selfishness is not regarded

everything around them is evil? To answer this

as a quality to be encouraged, in this emergency

question, we will refer again to Luke 17:26-27: “Just

situation, “me first” is the right thing to do.

as it was in the days of Noah, so also will it be in

The flight scenario is just one example of many

the days of the Son of Man. People were eating,

to illustrate the truth that parents need to be

drinking, marrying and being given in marriage up

spiritually anchored before they can establish the

to the day Noah entered the ark. Then the flood

spiritual wellbeing of their children. “Spiritual self-

came and destroyed them all.” In Genesis 6 the

ishness” is the right thing for parents to do. Unless

Bible also speaks of the earth being filled with vioNoah’s parenting secret

lence and corruption. However, I want you to take

and thoughts.” Another text in which we see these

note of how Genesis 6:9 describes Noah: “Noah

two aspects mentioned is when Jesus is talking to

was a righteous man, blameless among the people

His disciples in the garden of Gethsemane and He

of his time, and he walked faithfully with God.”

says, “the spirit [at the level of the mind, the brain]

Even when the environment was this terrible, there were righteous and faithful parents. Even

is willing but the flesh [the human body] is weak” (Matthew 26:41).

when the thoughts of men dwelt on evil continu-

To illustrate this idea I have provided diagrams

ously, when the earth was filled with violence and

below. The inner circle represents our mind and

corruption, there were parents who were filled

the outer circle represents our human body (flesh).

with the Holy Spirit. There were parents who

The first diagram attempts to show, in simple terms,

thought of God continuously, not evil.

Adam’s nature before the Fall.

We have established that Noah and his wife were deeply spiritual people. But how did they

Body (Flesh)

Mind (Brain)

maintain their spirituality under such adverse circumstances? I believe that the secret can be found in Genesis 6:3, where the Bible says, “My Spirit will not contend with humans forever…” The clue is right here. When other people completely ignored

Temptations only from without

the Holy Spirit – who had been contending with them – Noah still listened to the Holy Spirit speak-

His human body (flesh) was perfect and his

ing through his conscience. He implemented the

mind (brain or spirit) had no inclination towards

dictates of the Holy Spirit in his life.

sin. This means that Adam had no temptations from within. Ellen White puts it this way: “Satan was

Human nature and the Holy Spirit

not to follow them [Adam and Eve] with continual

How can we be like Noah? How can we over-

temptations; he [Satan] could have access to them

come as Noah did? To answer this question, we will

only at the forbidden tree.” Writing of the warn-

approach it from the perspective of man’s nature.

ing that Adam was given, she says, “If they stead-

Although we know that human nature is an

fastly repelled his first insinuations, they would be

indivisible whole which cannot be separated, for

as secure as the heavenly messengers. But should

the purpose of illustration only, I would like to rep-

they once yield to temptation, their nature would

resent it as having two parts: the mind (brain) and

become so depraved that in themselves they would

the human body. While there are many texts that

have no power and no disposition to resist Satan”

we can use to support this concept, let us look

(Patriarchs and Prophets, p 53, emphasis added).

at only two. When we read Ephesians 2:1-3, we

If you examine the passage carefully, you will

notice that Paul described human nature as hav-

notice that after the Fall, Adam and Eve’s nature

ing two parts: “…gratifying the cravings of our flesh

changed. The temptations were no longer only

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

begin to show the fruits of the Holy Spirit (Gala-

Their nature became depraved and they devel-

tians 5:22-25). Just like the wind, the Holy Spirit is

oped a disposition towards sin so that they could

not seen directly, but the effects of His presence

not resist it by themselves.

begin to show in a person’s life. The Holy Spirit will

The next diagram tries to capture this concept.

begin to change their life from within and continue

The inclination towards sin has developed, resulting

to provide strength to overcome the temptations

in temptations originating from within.

from without.

Body (Flesh)

Mind (Brain)

Temptations from within and without

Body (Flesh)

Mind (Brain)

Holy Spirit destroying temptations from within and resisting temptations from without

Adam now experienced temptations from both within and without. And, since we have inherited Adam’s fallen nature, we, too, face both internal and external temptations. How can we escape from this inherited situation? We discovered that Noah’s success depended on listening to the promptings of the indwelling Holy Spirit; our success will come from the same source. But how can we have the Holy Spirit in our lives? Jesus’ discussion with Nicodemus gives us a clue. Jesus tells Nicodemus that he must be born again with water and the Holy Spirit. Without this rebirth, one cannot see the kingdom of God (John 3:3-8). Jesus tries to get him to see that when he is born again, the Holy Spirit will begin changing him from the inside by destroying the natural propensity inside his mind to sin. The following diagram attempts to illustrate the born-again person. When a person is born again, even though the temptations from outside will still be there, he or she will begin to grow in Jesus and Noah’s parenting secret

How to maintain the Spirit-filled state How does a parent make sure that they are main-

Spirit of God was hovering over this ugliness.

taining the Spirit-filled state? In this chapter I would

In the Creation story I see an analogy with how

like to offer parents six practical, biblical methods

God works in our lives. Sin has made us shapeless,

that they can use to remain spiritually anchored,

empty and filled with darkness, but God has never

so that they can ultimately be a saving influence in

left us alone. His Holy Spirit continually hovers over

their children’s lives.

our lives, preparing us to respond to the voice

of God who wants to bring light and order into

Let God continually declare “Let there be light” in your life

In Genesis 1:1-3 we read: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light.”

our lives. If we respond to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, we are opening the way for our lives to be filled with Jesus, who is the Light of the world. With the Holy Spirit hovering over our lives, when Jesus says, “Let there be light” we will have the Light which has the power to recreate our lives.

first, the earth was formless (that is, it had a ter-

rible and very unimpressive shape); second, it was

In Psalm 23, the poem in which David describes

empty (meaning that this shapeless earth was des-

Jesus as the Divine Shepherd, tucked away in verse

titute) and third, darkness covered this shapeless

5 is a phrase that one could easily overlook without

and empty earth.

understanding its full significance.The psalmist writes:

Let us take note of three things in this passage:

Pray to have your head anointed with oil

But there is something much more significant

“You anoint my head with oil.” Although David is

that I would like us to notice, and that is that the

primarily talking about himself being anointed as 17

king, sheep also had their heads anointed for at

an attempt to get these worms out. You can imag-

least two reasons in the Old Testament.

ine the injury this did to the sheep! The shepherds

Firstly, there was what we can call preventive anointing that was done to male sheep to protect

therefore anointed the heads of the sheep with curative oil which would kill these parasites.

them from being injured. If you have ever been a

In Psalm 23 David thanks the Lord for anointing

shepherd of cattle, goats or sheep, you will know

his head with oil. What is David talking about? It is

that when two bulls meet there is usually a terrible

important for us to understand that in the Bible,

fight. It was the same in the days of David. For this

oil is used as a symbol for the Holy Spirit. And why

reason, shepherds would anoint the heads of the

does he focus on the head? Because the head is

male sheep with oil to soften the fur and make

where the organ called the brain resides.This organ

it extremely slippery. When a fight started, there

is used for making choices. Our heads – our power

could be no serious impact on the heads of the

of choice – must be protected by the Holy Spirit

animals because they would slip on contact, thus

so that when the Devil comes, he will just ‘slip’ upon

minimising injury.

contact and have no damaging impact in our lives.

Secondly, there was what we can term curative

However, there will be times when the Devil

anointing. In those days there were certain parasitic

will get us, just like those devilish parasitic worms.

worms that would infest the heads of the sheep,

Fortunately, there are two things working on our

causing terrible discomfort. In fact, when these

behalf. Firstly, the Holy Spirit will never leave us

worms burrowed into their ears, many sheep would

alone; He is ever present to work through our

begin to ram themselves against trees and rocks in

conscience, whispering to us and convicting us

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

of the wrong we have done. Secondly, once we

double-edged sword. Note how the apostle Paul

acknowledge our wrongs, the blood of Jesus is ever

describes God’s word in Hebrews 4:12: “For the

present to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Can

word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any

you see how important it is for our heads to be

double-edged sword, it penetrates even to divid-

anointed with the oil of the Holy Spirit?

ing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the

thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

Read the word of God

Why should we read the Bible seriously? In Psalm 119:105 David writes, “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” Compare this to Matthew 5:14 where Jesus says, “You are the light of the world...” If the Bible is indeed a light to our feet and path, this means that we can only see our path because we have been enlightened

As we read the Bible, our hearts will become convicted of sin and this will lead to genuine repentance. If we don’t read God’s word, we will never know the true state of our spiritual lives. We will be thinking that we know what we are, yet we will be as lost as lost can be. The following points describe our condition with and without the Word of God:

by the word of God. If we are stumbling in the

With the Word of God

darkness, how can we lead others? How can the

1. We are living.

blind lead the blind? We can never be the light

2. We are powerful.

of the world if we ourselves don’t have the light.

3. We have a double-edged sword to cut to the

We should therefore read the Bible consistently and prayerfully because it operates as a

depth of our soul. 4. We have a tool to correct our thoughts. How to maintain the Spirit-filled state

Without the Word of God

Spirit who dwells in us cannot do His work fully. Let

1. We are dead.

us pray for the blood of Jesus Christ to cleanse our

2. We are weak.

bodies so that the Holy Spirit can begin to work

3. We have nothing to cut and prick our

miracles in our lives.

conscience. 4. We have nothing to control our thoughts. As parents, we need to study the Bible, the

Believe in the power of prayer

Noah and his wife believed in the power of prayer.

Spirit of Prophecy, and many other Spirit-filled

The Bible tells us that “Noah was a righteous man,

books so that we can become enlightened Chris-

blameless among the people of his time, and he

tians.

walked faithfully with God” (Genesis 6:9). What does the phrase “walked faithfully with God”

Let Jesus cleanse you

mean? In Genesis 5:24 the Bible tells us about somebody else who walked with God. His name

In Matthew 21:13 Jesus delivered a strong rebuke

is Enoch.

to people who were misusing the temple. It had

Ellen White writes that it was through a life of

become a building where everything but worship

continuous prayer that Enoch walked with God.

was happening. Jesus drove them out of the temple

While parents cannot constantly be on their knees,

saying,“It is written,‘My house will be called a house

she says “…they can be uplifting their hearts to

of prayer,’ but you are making it a ‘den of robbers.’ ”

God. This is the way that Enoch walked with God”

Compare this verse to 1 Corinthians 6:19 where

(Testimonies for the Church, Vol. 5, p 596).

Pauls asks, “Do you not know that your bodies are

This is the starting point – a life of prayer. Here

temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom

are a few important principles to understand

you have received from God?”

about prayer:

Our bodies are the temples of God, but we so often turn them into dens of thieves. And when

Principle 1: Prayer and the brain

our bodies have become dens of thieves, the Holy

The Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy have a lot to say about prayer, and many books have been written on the subject. In addition, there is a finding in neuroscience regarding prayer which is worth mentioning. Research has shown that prayer helps to coordinate the electrical activities between the two hemispheres of the brain. This means that when someone is praying, both hemispheres of the brain are in active communication without any conscious distinction between the two. It is a whole-brain activity.

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

Principle 2: Acquaint yourself with Jobâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s method Follow Jobâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s example. In Job 1:5 the Bible tells us something very interesting about Job. The writer describes how Job often prayed for his children in case they might have sinned in their hearts. This is what we call intercessory prayer. Pray for your children not only because of the sins you can see, but also for the things they think about. An interesting study done at San Francisco General Hospital showed that people who had heart problems and were prayed for suffered fewer complications and had lower mortality rates than those who were not prayed for. What is interesting is the fact that the results were consistent whether or not the patients knew that they were being prayed for. Follow Jobâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s example. Pray for your children, intercede for them, and mention them by name.

Principle 3: Patience and persistence The well-known advocate of prayer, E.M. Bounds, once wrote that he believed Abraham could have saved the entire city of Sodom and Gomorrah if he had continued asking. When Abraham pleaded with God for the salvation of the city, he started by asking Him if He would save the city, should He find fifty righteous people living there. God answered yes. Abraham continued asking, and every time he asked, God replied yes. Unfortunately, Abraham stopped asking when God was still granting. Abraham lacked patience. When you read the story of Elijah on Mount Carmel, you will notice that he prayed persistently until the rain came (1 Kings 18:41-44). As parents, we need to know the importance of patience and persistence when it comes to praying. How to maintain the Spirit-filled state

Principle 4:The brook of Jabbok principle

Judges 13:8 records the story of Manoah.

Genesis 32 records a very important principle of

Although he and his wife were excited to have a

prayer. Jacob is planning to meet Esau but is afraid

child, they knew that it was not a simple responsi-

because he does not know what his brother will

bility and therefore asked the Lord to teach them

do to him. He first sends all his servants and ani-

how to raise the child.

mals to go ahead and meet Esau while he remains

We should know that the task of raising chil-

with his children and two wives. But as the burden

dren is not a simple one. It requires prayer and

of guilt and fear gets heavier, he sends his wives and

fasting.There will even be times when we will need

children ahead until eventually he remains alone.

to go on our knees and have all-night prayer ses-

He needs to be alone to wrestle with God.

sions for our children.

Jacob’s experience at the brook of Jabbok provides us with two useful principles. Firstly, we need

Principle 7: Guilt and sin turn giants into cowards

to have private time to pray to God. Secondly, we

The story of Saul and Goliath recorded in 1 Samuel

need to wrestle with God until we are blessed. As

17 provides another interesting insight into prayer.

parents we need to have time alone to pray and

The Bible tells us that when Saul was chosen to be

wrestle with the Lord.

Principle 5:The Gethsemane principle When Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane for the cup to be taken from Him, instead of removing it, God sent an angel to give Him strength so that He could bear the cross (Luke 22:42-43). As parents, we should know that there will be times when our crosses will not be removed, but God will always send an angel to give us the strength to bear them.Your cross could be a very troublesome child. God has promised to give you the strength and wisdom to know how to carry this cross.

king, he was the tallest amongst all the Israelites. We might ask, then: Was Saul afraid to engage in battle with Goliath because he was a giant? It was not because he was a giant, but because of the guilt that Saul felt. He knew that He was alone – God was not with him. The warfare that we are engaged in is more than what Saul faced. We are engaged in spiritual warfare on behalf of our children. We cannot afford to entertain any sin which will make our prayers shallow.

Pray that God may help you guard the avenues to your soul

In Proverbs 4:23 the wise man warns:“Keep [search,

Principle 6: Know how and why to pray

guard] your heart with all diligence, for out of

Jesus’ earthly strength and success depended on

it spring the issues of life” (NKJV). In her book

prayer. Luke 6:12 records one of the many times

Adventist Home, Ellen White says that we are to

that Jesus went out to a mountainside and spent

“guard the senses, lest Satan gain victory over them”

the night praying. Knowing he faced the important

(p 401). It is through our senses that the Devil

task of choosing his disciples, He realised that he

is able to penetrate our minds. Let us guard our

needed strength from above to achieve this goal.

senses and our hearts against his cunning attacks.

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

Parent’s Insight

How can we guard the avenues to our souls? The following points will help you to keep Satan frustrated:

Be selective in the kinds of materials that you read – read only what is spiritually uplifting Guard the things you watch on TV, DVDs, the Internet, etc. Listen to music which draws you closer to Jesus Keep busy in the Lord’s work Have an active worship programme at home Practice healthy principles Depend on the power of prayer

By God’s grace, let us remain filled with God’s Spirit so that we can do all things for our children through Jesus Christ who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13, adapted). How to maintain the Spirit-filled state

Building self-esteem the summer Pathfinder camps held in August each

You cannot go through life stoning people

year. It was a very exciting time for all the kids and

Can you guess what my nickname was when

I enjoyed the experience tremendously. At that

I was in school? You’ve guessed it – Shortie. This

time, my father served as the headmaster of Mala-

did not amuse me much. Fortunately (or perhaps

mulo Primary School which was approximately 70

unfortunately) God had blessed me, like the bibli-

kilometres southeast of Blantyre City in Malawi.

cal David, with the gift of throwing stones. While

When I was eleven years old I was introduced to

However, even though I enjoyed the camps

David directed stones using a sling, I only needed

very much, one thing began to happen that both-

my hands. And just like David, I never missed my

ered me so much that I became reluctant to

“Goliaths”. Whenever somebody shouted, “Hey,

return each year. You see, I am short in stature

Shortie!” my stone, like a guided missile, would

and that caused a problem for me when we were

fly through the air and hit my target. Luck was on

instructed to stand in line according to our height.

my side, too, because whenever anyone dared to

Being short meant that I would find myself standing

call me Shortie, somehow there would be stones

among the ten- and eleven-year-olds, even though

around. It seems as if stones were a common

I was fourteen or fifteen. As much as I became

resource that Malamulo Mission Campus was

excited when camping season came around, the

never short of!

thought of being grouped with the younger kids

More often than my parents would have liked,

hurt me very much. This problem almost made

there was some parent who would come to their

me stop attending these spiritual events, but thank

home and complain that I had thrown stones at

God my parents helped me to overcome this

their child. My parents tried every method under

difficulty – and the help came in quite an unex-

the sun to get me to stop this stoning activity, but

pected way.

it seemed that the more they tried to stop me, the 55

more the kids called me Shortie, and the more I

her left eye, running down like a small Victoria Falls,

stoned them. It was that simple.

I knew I was in big trouble. I quickly summoned my

One day as I walked home from school some girls began calling me Shortie. What annoyed me

legs to carry me away from this terrifying scene as fast as they could, and my legs did not argue.

most was the fact that they were girls! I looked

Arriving home, I rushed past my surprised par-

around and saw quite a big stone shaped like an

ents who were having lunch, and went straight to

egg, which had a sharp end. By this time I probably

my room. My heart felt as if it had developed some

had more adrenaline than blood flowing through

kind of rare disease that the medical fraternity had

my body. I reached for that stone and shot it at my

not yet discovered. It was jumping around behind

target. I smiled as I watched the girl scream, cover her face with both hands, and fall to the ground. “They should learn not to mess with me,” I said to myself. But something about the way she screamed kind of terrified me. Nevertheless, I stood my ground and pretended that I didn’t care as I watched the events unfold. Her two friends rushed over to her and lifted her up. When I saw how much blood was flowing from the top of

my ribs in every imaginable way. I slumped down on my bed, buried my head in my hands and just sat there, thinking like some ancient Greek philosopher, wondering to which planet I should escape. Suddenly I heard crying coming from outside. I jumped up and went to the window, and I saw them coming, the girl flanked by her parents. Her face and dress made her look as

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

if she had been baptised in a river of blood. I felt as

that “He who spares

though I had lost control of my breathing; my head

the rod hates his

was spinning, and I feared that I would pass out. I

son,” I decided

don’t know how long I was in this dilemma but the

to sit beyond his

next thing I knew there was a knock on my bed-

arm’s length.

room door. I remained silent. My father bellowed

My father looked at me, wrinkles – not of age,

my name at the top of his already loud voice, as if

but of anger – creasing his face, and asked me why

he suspected I might be going deaf.

I stoned my friends.

I sheepishly told him to come in. When he walked in he did not say anything, just beckoned me with his index finger, indicating that I should follow him. I did not know where we were going but we were headed for the bushes. I looked behind me but my mother was not following us – it was only him and me, and that spelled trouble for me.

“Because they call me Shortie,” I replied defiantly and without hesitation. “How many have you stoned so far?” he continued to cross-examine me. I hesitated for a moment and then replied, “I have lost count.” “And how much have you grown after stoning

We walked for about two kilometres into the bush

so many people?”

until he found a shady tree and sat down. I remained

I had no reply.

standing like a statue but the look in his eyes made

He then looked at me thoughtfully and said,

me quickly sit down – and since I was sure that he

“Son, the way I see it, you won’t grow much taller

was about to apply Proverbs 13:24 which states

than this.” I looked at him in amazement. “Your Building self-esteem

mother is short,” he continued. “Your grandmother

going to accept the way God made you and allow

is short, and most of your uncles are short.” He

Him to use you as He sees fit. But the truth of the

paused for a moment, then said slowly and delib-

matter is that you cannot go through life stoning

erately, “You have inherited short genes, son, and

people.”

unless a miracle happens, you will not grow much taller than the height you have attained.”

I was silent, allowing what he had said to sink in. He took a deep breath and continued, “Look

I looked at him as if he came from outer space.

at it this way. God is building a house and He

What was he trying to say? He continued look-

knows exactly where this short brick –,” he said

ing at me then said, “You have to decide what

while pointing at me, “– will fit into the plans of

you are going to do in life. Either you are going to

His house. In John 9:1-3 there is a story of a blind

live the rest of your life stoning people, in which

man. When people asked Jesus who had sinned –

case I am prepared to buy a briefcase for you

whether it was the blind man or his parents – Jesus

to carry your stones in; or you are

answered that neither of them sinned but that the man was blind so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. And, also, remember the story of Lazarus. In John 11:4 Jesus said that Lazarus’ illness and death had been allowed so that the Son of God would be glorified through it.” He paused for a moment, and then said, “Son, God allows certain things to happen to us for His glory. It is up to us to keep trusting Him.” After he finished speaking, my father looked at me and asked, “Do you have anything to say?” “No,” I replied. We prayed then walked back home together. Three phrases my father had used lingered in my mind for a long time: “Accept yourself the way you are,” “You cannot go through life stoning people,” and “God allows certain things to happen to us for His glory.”These are truths that have become a part of my life. After this experience I slowly began to think of myself differently. I decided to accept myself the way I was, which I still am: short. I will be forever grateful to my father, who, in his own way, helped me to accept myself and to develop a positive, Christian self-esteem.

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

Defining self-esteem There are many definitions of self-esteem and unfortunately most of them emphasise the word “I”. For this reason, self-esteem is generally defined as believing in yourself and what you are able to accomplish. A keen Christian observer will notice that these definitions are not Christ-centred because they make man the centre of everything. What the Christian parent needs is a Bible-based definition which will lead their child to believe in the power of Jesus Christ. My definition of self-esteem is therefore based on Philippians 4:13 which says, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” True selfesteem will enable your child to know that Christ can give them the power and confidence to do all things through His strength; it is being empowered and enabled by Jesus Christ. This is the motivating factor that will impel, compel and propel the child to become all that God has created him or her to become.

How to build your child’s self-esteem I would like to refer to Jesus’ analogy in Matthew 7:24-27 in which He speaks of two houses built on different foundations. One was built on rock and the other was built on sand. Most likely these houses looked similarly attractive from the outside but down below the surface, where no one could see them, the foundations were significantly different. Undoubtedly, the builder who built his house on the sand would not have had to deal with the same difficulties as the one who built his house on the foundation of solid rock. There are many philosophies in today’s world which take a cosmetic approach to building selfBuilding self-esteem

esteem by placing the emphasis on the appearance of a person. Just like in the story of the houses, emphasising the appearance can be likened to placing the emphasis on the building itself, rather than on its foundation. However, the real and primary issue in self-esteem is the foundation. Genuine self-esteem is what the house – the child – is built on; how the house looks is of secondary importance. In simple terms, we can therefore say that selfesteem has two parts. The first part is the foundation – whether the child is built on rock or on sand. This is what gives the child moral might. It is what goes on inside the mind of a child that defines the foundation of the child. The second part of selfesteem is the house itself – the outward appearance of the child. Just like in the analogy that Jesus used, the real test of Christian self-esteem in a child occurs when the clouds gather and the storm hits. If the emphasis has been cosmetic all along – that is, how the child appears – that child is very likely to crumble under the storm. But if the child is built on the Rock, Jesus Christ, that child will be able to withstand the storms of life. We need to realise that just as quickly as we make deposits of virtue and Christian values in the bank account of our children’s lives, society is fast making withdrawals, and, before we know it, our kids are spiritually bankrupt. We therefore need to have our children empowered by the principles of Jesus Christ so that they can be practically equipped to face life’s challenges. In the following chapter we will look at practical ways in which we can empower our children.

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

Parentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Insight

Children with Christian self-esteem become a blessing to others Some time ago, my colleague and I spent a weekend visiting a certain part of Malawi. We arrived on a Friday afternoon and were taken to the homes of kind church elders who were going to host us for the weekend. Our church meetings began that very evening, and the next day was also full of exciting activities. On Saturday evening, after my shower, I was tired and wanted to watch the news. My host turned on the TV and to my amazement, I saw CNN on the screen. This puzzled me because in this part of the world you cannot watch CNN unless you have a satellite dish and a decoder. My curiosity got the better of me; I asked my host if he had a dish and a decoder hidden somewhere because I did not remember seeing one the previous day when he had taken me on a short tour of the surroundings of his house. I had only seen an ordinary antenna which picks up local TV signals. He smiled and told me something that struck my mind like a bolt of lightning. He told me that the management of the company he worked for had made arrangements with the company that provided DSTV (cable) in the area. The deal was that his company would subscribe to DSTV and in turn DSTV would erect a large satellite downlink dish on top of a little hill that was not far from the houses of the workers. After the signals were downloaded from DSTV they would be re-transmitted to the homes of the workers through what is termed Low Powered Television (LPTV). As a result, the workers did not need to each own expensive equipment in order to watch CNN or the other DSTV channels. All they needed in their home was a simple, ordinary antenna and a TV set. Early on Sunday morning I jogged to the top of the little hill where the big dish was located. As I sat on a rock on top of this hill and looked around me at the many houses that were being blessed by this arrangement, I could not help but think of a child who has been empowered with a Christian sense of self-esteem. This child will become like a big dish sending out blessings to all those who come in contact with him or her. The purpose of our receiving blessings is to bless others. Building self-esteem

Empowering your child with the principles of Jesus your children? Empowering your children to be

what God wants them to be will require two

Some years ago, when I was in my second year

crucial ingredients. These are a good relationship

of college, I bought a small mono cassette tape

between you and your child, and your availability

recorder from an American missionary. With a

to your child. When I say a good relationship, I am

great deal of excitement I went out and bought a

referring to a situation in which a non-threatening

cassette tape which was marked recorded in stereo

relationship exists between you and your child; a

as a split track. I did not know what this meant,

situation in which your child feels free to express

and neither did I know the meaning of mono cas-

him- or herself in your presence.Your availability to

sette tape recorder. Nevertheless, I got my cassette

your child is determined by how much time and

and put it into my little mono tape recorder and

effort you are willing to invest in your child.

for two years I enjoyed some excellent a cappella

What is empowerment? How do you empower

In relation to the philosophy of empowering,

Let them know that they are made in the image of God

music.

Myles Munroe once said: â&#x20AC;&#x153;The greatest tragedy in

Eventually I had the opportunity to buy a ste-

life is not death but a life that never realised its

reo tape recorder. I will never forget the surprise I

full potential.â&#x20AC;? It would indeed be a tragedy if your

got. I took my cassette and placed it in the new ste-

child failed to adequately realise his or her poten-

reo player and the old cassette was transformed.

tial because they were not adequately empowered

There was an orchestra playing along with the sing-

to do so. In this chapter we will focus on sixteen

ing, something that my old mono cassette player

simple things you can do to empower your child

could not play. The orchestra had been there all

to maximise his or her God-given potential. These

along; what was missing was the right player to

ideas will empower your child psychologically,

bring out all that was on the cassette.

emotionally, morally, socially and spiritually.

In this experience I learned that we are like cas63

settes recorded in stereo. But many times we do

son’s achievements, he still would have been proud

not have the best that is in us brought out because

of him even if he had never played a single game.

we are being played in the wrong machine. I see

To love your child unconditionally does wonders

Jesus as a stereo tape recorder that can bring out

for them for at least two reasons. Firstly, they will not

the best that has been embedded in us. Let us rea-

try to avoid you when they have done something

lign ourselves with Jesus in whose image we are

wrong, because they know that your love for them

made. Once we have done this, let us help our

is not based on performance. Such acceptance from

children to do likewise.This will enable our children

you will, in fact, inspire them to do their best.You will

to maximise their God-given potential.To be made

have filled their ‘tanks’ with self-worth and security,

in the image of God is to know that you belong to

a combination of fuel which will keep them going

no one else but the King of the Universe.

through life’s journey.

their impressions and perceptions of God through

In his book, How to Build Confidence in Your Child,

our behaviour. Therefore, if you only show love to

James Dobson relates the experience of John

them when they have done something good, but

McKay, a football coach from the University of

withhold it when they have erred, you will be imprint-

Southern California. In a television interview some

ing in their minds that God does the same thing; that

years ago, he was asked how he felt about having

is, when they are good, God loves them, and when

a son who was a successful and talented football

they are bad, God withholds His love.This is definitely

player. McKay replied that, while he was proud of his

not something you want to imprint on your children.

Love your child unconditionally

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

Secondly, we should realise that children form

While we tend to emphasise the motivating fac-

tors of hunger and suffering, let us not ignore the

A marine biologist friend once told me something

fact that the boy had pleasant memories of his

that gave me much food for thought. He told me

home environment. When he remembered home

that certain species of fish grow in relation to the

he even went so far as to say that even his father’s

body of water around them. He explained that

servants were treated better than what he was

a whale, for example, will grow into a huge mam-

experiencing (Luke 15:17). He most likely remem-

mal when it is in the ocean; but if the same whale

bered the loving words of his father and the tear-

only had a small dam as a home, it would not grow

stained face of his mother as they said goodbye to

as large.

What made the prodigal son come home?

Create an empowering home environment

him. I can imagine his father’s voice choked with

Is this not the same with children? Is it possible

emotion: “Remember, son, we will always love you.

that your children might have the mind capabilities

There will always be a place for you in our hearts.”

the size of a whale, but that these same abilities

I’m sure that when the boy thought of all of this, he

might be greatly reduced due to the environment

knew that he had a home to go back to.

that they have developed in?

It is possible that one day one of our children

There is much literature on the market which

may venture into a ‘foreign land’. And should that

will provide keen parents with the insights they

happen, we would like them to be bonded to us in

need to develop their children’s minds’ capabilities.

such a way that they will always know that they can

Allow me to mention one thing that many parents

find forgiveness when they return home.

have done without realising its detrimental and Empowering your child with the principles of Jesus

far-reaching negative effects. Many parents have a

know that this is not the message we intended to

sizeable collection of books on their bookshelves.

pass on to them.

Usually, children see us get a book from the book-

While the fear that your children might damage

shelf, so they also go to get a book. But many of

your books is genuine, we can prevent this without

us quickly stop them from handling our books

destroying their interest in books, a very impor-

because we fear they will damage them. If this is

tant source of knowledge. Have a section on the

done repeatedly, children will learn to leave books

shelf where you can put their books. When they

alone. But what we have done has effectively killed

see you reading, direct them to the books from

their desire to read! We end up giving children the

their section, and as they leaf through their books,

impression that books are not for them, although I

teach them not to write on or tear the pages out. Undoubtedly, a few pages will suffer some damage, but in time they will learn. As much as possible, take the time to read to them. This will not only develop their thirst for knowledge, but will also provide bonding time between you and your child. Expose your child to a wide range of information. The wider their range of knowledge, the more equipped their minds will be to understand the general issues of life.

4â&#x20AC;&#x160;

Know your role as a parent

In the life of a child, a parent should function as a catalyst. In chemistry, a catalyst is defined as something that accelerates a chemical reaction. What is interesting to note is that catalysts only facilitate the reaction without becoming entangled in the chemical reaction itself. As a parent, you help make things happen in the lives of your children. You help your child to achieve their God-given identity without getting entangled in that identity.

5â&#x20AC;&#x160;

Teach them about Christianity

Parents should know that children are not born Christians just because they are born in a Christian home. They need to be taught to know Jesus Christ. Take time to teach Christianity to your chil66

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

dren, simplifying biblical concepts to a level they can understand. Buy good Christian books that can assist you in teaching them. And remember, what you do is more important than what you say; we teach our children by our example more than by our words.

Dedicate your child to the Lord at the earliest age by taking them to church

I’m really bothered by the practise of some parents who don’t take their child to church until the child is three or four months old. Unless there is some kind of outbreak of disease in the area and your doctor has advised you not to mix with other people for fear of infection, ignore these unchristian practices. It is important to bring your child to the church as early as possible (see Luke 2:27-28 and 41-42).

Be like rain to your children

When the climate is dry you may be tempted to think that there is nothing in the dry and bare ground you see. But just wait for the rains to come. Once it rains, you will be amazed by all kinds of things growing out of what appeared to be useless soil. The seeds were just waiting for the rains to come so that they could grow. As parents, we need to be like rain to our children so as to allow all their hidden talents and capabilities to blossom.

Don’t give up on the cocoon stage of your child’s life

Sometimes parents become discouraged by what they see in their children. It may just be the ‘cocoon stage’ in your child’s life. Life is a process, not an event. Remember that the beautiful butterEmpowering your child with the principles of Jesus

fly you see was once an ugly caterpillar encased in

esis 1:2-26; Psalm 33:6).

a seemingly lifeless cocoon. But it is this very tran-

The words we use create either a positive or

sition from a caterpillar (life) through the cocoon

a negative image in a child’s mind. Every time we

stage (which appears to be useless) that brings

interact with our children we are creating images

forth a butterfly (life again). Every time you deal

in their minds, which in turn create attitudes. These

with your children, look beyond what is apparent.

attitudes will eventually determine their ‘altitude’.

Remember that the darkest hour is just before

Think of how Jesus handled Mary the prosti-

the dawn.

tute. He treated her with dignity, and it was this

treatment that helped Mary develop a good atti-

Be aware of your expectations

While we should aim high for our children, if the standards we set are too high and the children fail to attain them, it becomes a frustration both to you and your children. The expectations we have for our children should be according to their developmental stage and mental capabilities. If the standards are too high your child could become

tude towards Jesus and consequently towards Christianity. Again, in John chapter 4, the Samaritan woman was treated with dignity. The positive attitude towards her helped her own altitude: she, together with her entire village, was transformed. Use words that will inspire your children to be achievers, words that help them move from a level of mediocrity to that of victors and pioneers.

your child the impression that you do not uphold

any standards for them, or that you don’t expect

which they know they are loved and trusted; when

them to achieve anything great. This approach will

they develop in an atmosphere in which they are

also be demoralising for your child and they will

allowed to experiment with their own ideas – how-

not learn to think of themselves as someone who

ever childish those ideas may seem – they become

can achieve.

like a sponge thrown onto a pool of knowledge,

demoralised and demotivated. On the other hand, you do not want to give

Trust your children

When children grow up in an environment in

As a parent it is your duty to study the abilities

which slowly absorbs success. This will empower

of your child and set realistic expectations based

them to be useful to society, to creatively solve

on their capacity to achieve.

problems and to have the courage to examine the

existing notions and norms. They will not fear to

Know the power of words

Words can build up or destroy a child. The wise

erect pillars of their own ideas for others to follow. They will not walk silently through history.

15:4 he writes, “A soothing tongue is a tree of life.”

Our Creator knows the power of words very well.

is not people, but ideas. If a country is following

After all, He used words to create the world (Gen-

communism or democracy or whatever form of

man, Solomon, said that “…the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18) and in Proverbs

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

Help them to be thinkers

I would like to suggest that what rules the world

government, it is because they are using someone’s

informed faith; obedience must be intelligent. We

ideas. Ideas rule the world and come from people

were given the power of choice so that we could

who are able to think.

reason about things.

One of the greatest gifts you can give to your

Reason and faith (faith does not mean an

children is, as Ellen White puts it in her book Edu-

absence of reason) are not in tension with each

cation, “to train them to become thinkers and not

other but give momentum to each other. The

just mere reflectors of other people’s thoughts”

more you reason, the more your faith increases.

(p 17). Critical thinking skills will help them to ana-

This turbine kind of operating – faith and reason

lyse the situations they are confronted with and

working together in a complementary fashion –

enable them to make positive decisions. A lack of

will develop what I have termed infinite thinking.

this critical thinking ability will degenerate a child

The more you know, the more you discover that

into a human puppet. Unfortunately, thinking has been divided into two camps which have come to be viewed as diametrically opposed. One mode of thinking can be likened to the Hebrew mindset during biblical times and has been labelled conservative. The other mode of thinking has been likened to the Greek mindset during biblical times and has been labelled liberal. Often, we place these modes of thinking in a state of tension with each other because of the way we use them.Take the way the Bible is viewed, for example. Some people will say, “I believe in what the Bible says and I will not ask questions.” Others will say, “Why should I believe everything that the Bible says?” Both dimensions have elements of truth and

you don’t know as much as you thought you knew, and this provides the impetus to keep learning.This makes the turbine wheels of thinking keep on turning. I believe that this is what we will spend our time doing throughout eternity; the mind thinking higher and higher still.

Teach your children to be mankind and globally oriented

Help your children to develop an attitude of not being small-minded. Help them to look beyond their local achievements. When Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon on July 20, 1969, he was a man who looked beyond his first step on the moon. His words, “One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind” highlight qualities of a person

error. Training children to be thinkers is not

who knows that their actions, no matter how

simply to make them believe in something,

small, have the potential to impact the world.

but to move them to the level of rea-

Such people will not only be concerned

soning and asking intelligent questions.

about themselves but also about the gen-

This will lead them to understand why they believe what they

eration they are living in, which will influence the next. They are able to think

believe. Children

about others – whether close

need to have an

by or on the other side of the world – and know Empowering your child with the principles of Jesus

that their choices and actions can make a differ-

Children who grow up with this kind of humil-

ence to these people.

ity have no time for holding grudges and talking

about other people. Gossiping is only a word

Teach positive competition

Help your children to compete positively. Firstly, help them to know that they should only compete

they find in the dictionary. Such children learn that negative attitudes fill one’s life with negative vision, and that the person who dwells on these negative

because they have been impressed by high stand-

visions is destroyed by such an attitude because

ards which they should emulate from others. Sec-

ondly, they should learn to compete against their own standards. Each achievement is simply a step towards the next.

they cannot rise above their negativity.

Empower your children not to be consumed by the fires of this world

I am always inspired by watching the Olympic

If children know from their earliest days that suc-

Games. During these games it is not only medals

cess does not mean an absence of problems, they

that are won, but new world records that are set.

will be empowered to not be consumed by the

The participants know the world records which

fires of life. Children should know that people who

were previously set and they come determined

have truly succeeded in life are the people who

not only to win, but also to set a new world record.

have gone through the fires of life without being

Sometimes there are people who have broken

consumed.

their own world record and set a new one. We

Exodus 3:1-4 records an experience of Moses

need children who compete against their own high

while he was taking care of the flock of his father-

standards to continually set new standards.

in-law, Jethro. While herding sheep he noticed a

Teach your children humility

bush that was on fire. What really caught his attention, however, was not that the bush was burning,

Most tensions existing among human beings are

but that it was not being consumed. It was this

the result of a lack of humility. When true humil-

phenomenon which defied that laws of nature

ity has been instilled in a child, contrary to what

and sparked his curiosity. He decided to go nearer

many humanistic philosophies teach, the child will

and examine the situation. And when he did so,

not become a ‘doormat’ for everybody to wipe

he heard the voice of God. Children should be

their feet on. True humility gives us the ability to

empowered in such a way that even when

embrace all humanity. In his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, author Dale

Carnegie

observes

life’s issues catch fire, they will not be consumed. What gets people’s attention is a living testimony of a person who is not

the

consumed by problems. This should

ocean gets the homage

lead other people to hear the voice

of all rivers is because it is

of God through the testimonies of

lower than them.”

our children.

that

“the

reason

PARENTING FOR HEAVEN

Parentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Insight

TV or no TV... that is the question I have heard many arguments for and against having a television in the home. Some people believe that if we are to save our children from the negative influence of TV we should keep it out of our homes altogether. Others have argued that although it is true that there are bad programmes on TV, the truth of the matter is that there are also very good programmes on TV. They say that the problem is not with the television itself, but in the way that it is used. However, those who are against owning a TV argue that having a television for the sake of the few good programmes is like being served nutritious food on a garbage can lid; they say that there is so little good on TV that it is not worth the risk. A friend of mine, who never owned a television set in his home, once told me that he got the shock of his life when one day he overheard his children discussing a number of TV programmes. Whether his children knew about these programmes through discussions with their friends at school or by watching them at neighboursâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; homes, he could not tell. But he told me that the discussions he overheard revealed that they had a good knowledge of the programmes. This debate brings to my mind the situation in the Garden of Eden. In order to develop a Christian character in Adam and Eve, God placed the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the garden so that they would learn to use their power of choice. God could have put them in the Garden of Eden without exposing them to the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, but He chose not to. When it comes to TV, I would rather risk owning one and help my children to develop character by wisely exercising their power of choice. They will need to be taught to discern between those programmes that are healthy and worth watching and those that are trash. The resulting ability to make positive choices, in my opinion, makes the risk worthwhile. Empowering your child with the principles of Jesus

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