N D E R \ S T A N D I N G \ S E L F
© Bjorn Saw, 2022.
The Kojiki—the Record of Ancient Matters—is said to be a mixture of cosmogony (a model concerning the origin of the universe) and the origin story of Japan as a nation. The Kojiki is divided into three parts. We will only deal with its first part: The Kamitsumaki (上巻, "upper volume"), also known as the Kamiyo no Maki (神代巻, "Volume of the Age of the Gods"), is focused on the deities of creation and the births of various deities of the kamiyo (神代) period, or Age of the Gods. It can be compared to the Hindu philosophy of Tattva (Shaivism), and are the basic concepts to understand the three-tired nature of the absolute truth, the individual soul and the universe at large.
But it actually is much closer to home—it describes the construct of man. Step by step, from nothingness to full embodiment. So please study it in reference to your own self—to your own body and mind. It is also a genealogy—an evolutionary process conducted over time, where one thing lead to another as pearls on a string of beads. Very orderly, one thing follow another, like one generation follows the next. We need nothing in place to begin our survey since we already possess a body, and to some measure a mind, as well as to our unexpected good fortune, we all partake in a common, but far from ordinary, spiritual nature that pervades and penetrates our consciousness whether we are aware of it or not.
This is not a generally accepted theory but if some can’t explain the symbology and this possibly can, especially if, like the saying goes—“If the shoe fits, wear it”— then this assimilation of the ancient text and of its extended foundation in Chinese and Indian thought, will bring it back to life with a significant import of understanding.
So with all things in place, let’s look at the beginning. Ie. Let’s look at our own sense of being right now. What is it in you that is untouched, unnamed? That deepest part of you that nobody can see? Before you identify it, before you add anything to it? This is the dark formless background we begin with. Plain bare consciousness, empty of content.
According to Japanese creation myth, in the beginning, there was a primordial chaos. In that chaos, there were particles of light, and eventually, some of that light rose and collected in what would become Takamagahara — or the High Plain of Heaven; the gods’ realm. The darker, heavier particles settled lower and became the earthly realm.
From the light, the first three creation gods came to be. The first Japanese god was Amenominakanushi, who was more of a genderless concept than a deity. After them, Takamimusubi and Kamimusubi were born. They are the source of the universe and the first
being. The combination and interaction of these three fundamental principles is what constitutes the fourth god—Umashiashikabihikoji; designating the budding of a reed, something being pro-generated, the inherent potentiality of the trinity. The realm, or context, these primeval forces inhabited was named—Amenotokotachi: the fifth principal/god.
The first god to appear as one of Kamiyonanayo (Seven divine generations of deities, the Primordial Seven) is Kuninotokotachi no Kami, and was the counterpart of Amenotokotachi no Kami, like mother and child—Heaven and Earth. Next, Toyokumono no kami came to be,—once again, as the centre between opposites. One theory is that 'Kumo' used in his name means 'assemble,' symbolising the way something drifting like floating grease gradually sticks together. By simply becoming conscious of it, we have ‘come’ into being. We suddenly exist. We are! For any one person this is the centre of the universe. From this we will build. The original three give rise to five pairs of sibling-couples (who are like brothers and sisters, and husbands and wives), the fifth and last of whom was Izanagi and Izanami, whose names mean “He Who Invites” and “She Who Invites.
Onisaburo Deguchi says: “89. God divided His spirit, power and body and created all things in such a way that He created first the body and later gave to it power and spirit.”
Once we are ‘born’ we strive to stand up, naturally rising to the challenge. We stretch out, up and down, right and left, spreading out a pair of arms, fingertip to fingertip. As we do simply getting out of bed in the morning, we spread our limbs fully wide—
浮橋, "floating bridge of heaven"), they churned the chaotic mass with the spear. When drops of salty water fell from the tip, they formed into the first island, Onogoroshima (“spontaneous-congealed island”). In forming this island, both gods came down from heaven, and spontaneously built a central support column called the Ame-no-mihashira (天御柱, "heavenly pillar") which upheld the "hall measuring
eight fathoms" that the gods caused to appear—a palace called Yahiro-dono. One hiro is one ’fathom’—originally the span of a man's outstretched arms, so the "eight-hiropalace" would have been eight times a pair of outstretched arms, ie. the reach and span of ourselves—our ‘sphere’ of influence.
And we breathe, a deep in-breath and expand. And so it begins, we fill up all of ourselves—in and out, up and down, side to side, front and back—the eight directions.
Ōyamatsumi was born between Izanagi and Izanami. He is a god of mountains (vertical), sea (horizontal), and war (conflict) in Japanese mythology. His other names are Watashi-no-Ōkami (also meaning ‘I’ or ‘me’) with Kaya-no-hime (daughter of Izanami and Izanagi) the eight following genderless deities: all depicting limitations and constraints. Probably due to the limited nature of Egos ‘I’ sense. The chart on the right depicts the eight cardinal directions with its contributing attributes according to the I Ching, the Chinese Classic. Contained within it is: Ichirei–Shikon (One Spirit–Four Souls), Sangen–Hachiriki (Three Origins–Eight Powers), O Sensei’s much favoured teaching formula.
• 8 genderless deities/principles paired up—heaven/earth.
• Ame-no-sazuchi (天之狭⼟神), Kuni-no-sazuchi (国之狭⼟神),
• Ame-no-sagiri (天之狭霧神), Kuni-no-sagiri (国之狭霧神),
• Ame-no-kurado (天之闇戸神), Kuni-no-kurado (国之闇戸神),
• Ohoto-mato-hiko (⼤戸惑⼦神), male deity
Ohoto-mato-hime (⼤戸惑⼥神), female deity
Deguchi says: 94. The power of God has eight functions, otherwise called the "eight powers". This is called "the complete power of God”: Hachiriki ⼋⼒:
1. Power of movement—2. Power of rest
3. Power of dissolution—4. Power of coagulation
5. Power of tension—6. Power of relaxation
7. Power of combination—8. Power of separation
Izanagi and Izanami circled the pillar in opposite directions and, when they met on the other side, Izanami spoke first in greeting. Izanagi did not think that this was proper, but they mated anyhow. They had two children that were born deformed. They petitioned the old gods for an answer as to what they did wrong. They were told that the male deity should have spoken first in greeting during the marriage ceremony. So Izanagi and Izanami went around the pillar again, this time Izanagi speaking first when they met, and their marriage was finally successful. From their union were born the Ōyashima, or the great eight “ancestral islands" of Japan— Platforms upon which we build and understand relationships, in correct order— heaven above earth.
To summarise then, the original three (or five) unmanifest deities/principles describe the internal aspects of the Absolute Godhead; the five (or seven) manifest deities describe the body and its extent; while the manifold deities include the eight powers, ie. the infinite universe and subsequent living beings that assist the existence of the soul.
After loosing his wife giving birth to the kami of fire, the Kojiki continues, “Izanagi, feeling contaminated by his visit to Yomi (the underworld), went to Awagihara (i.e. a plain covered with awagi) by the river-mouth of Tachibana in Himuka in Tsukushi and purified himself by bathing in the river; various deities came into existence as he stripped off his clothes and accoutrements and immersed himself in the water. The three most important kami, the "Three Precious Children" (三貴⼦ mihashira no uzu no miko or sankishi) – the sun goddess Amaterasu Ōmikami, the moon deity Tsukuyomi-no-Mikoto, and the storm god Susanoo-no-Mikoto – were born when Izanagi washed his left eye, his right eye, and his nose, respectively.”
And this is just getting up, setting up. Now we need a morning bath, a Misogi purification. We discard our attachments and cleanse ourselves from the shadow of the netherworlds we experienced in the darkness of night. Pre-Kojiki, Japanese myth was tied to the sea, wherefrom ancestral spirits would visit from the east. Possible visitors from seafaring Pacific Islanders? So the name, the land of the rising sun— Asahi—Japan, indicates this early morning rising. Rising as out of the sea of darkness by getting first our body together as described above, and then letting the water clean and purify (misogi) as it did Izanagi before his giving birth to the three most celebrated deities in Japanese history—Amaterasu, the sun goddess, and her two brothers, from washing his face and the rinse-water from his eyes and nose turning into the three siblings—born out of loss, suffering, disgust, resolve, penitence, cleansing, and awakening insight.
'Amaterasu-Ōmikami' 天照⼤御神 -the Sun goddess.
'Tsukuyomi-no-Mikoto’ ⽉夜⾒尊 -god of the moon (and night).
'Susanoo-no-Mikoto’ 須佐之男命 -god of the sea, wind and storms, (and of the stars (dark star?).
This resembles us opening our eyes and the light floods in, our being suddenly filled with light, both day and night. Then we draw in the breath through our nose, resembling the wind, and the sea in its heaving, filling our inside up, creating the space in which we exist, where even the stars marks out its expanse. Like the firmament in our own being. We have now created the context for our mind in the biggest sense possible.
These three also became the go-to deities for the usage of the ‘Sangen’: Square, Circle and the Triangle. A gradual scale from solid to flexible to flowing form— Kotai, Jutai, Ryutai. Where the Sun goddess stands for permanence, stability, the Moon deity for fluidity and change, and the Storm god stand for the wild free flow of the wind.
Deguchi says: “90. By body is meant matter. The body of God consists of three functions, which can be named solidity, softness and fluidity. These three comprise the Divine body.”
The Triangle represents ‘Iku-musubi’(tama), the power of birth and creation, the gaseous dimension. It symbolises initiative, the animal realm, and Masakatsu. Technically, the triangle represents entering and flowing movements.
The Circle represents ‘taru-musubi’(tama), the enriching power, the liquid dimension. It symbolises unification, the vegetable realm, and Agatsu. Technically, the circle represents blending and soft movements.
The Square represents ‘tamatsume-musubi’(tama), the power that fixes the soul in the physical body, the solid dimension. It symbolises form, the mineral realm, and Katsuhayahi. Technically, the square represents control and firm or ‘hard’ movements
The siblings portray the interactive study of combining our eyes and nose, the light and breath, in meditative insight, to comprehend who we are in a spiritual sense— who we are as a being. Now as a fully embodied being.
Only now can we interject the “Naohinomitama”, ie. the One Spirit (Ichirei) that acts as kind of a ‘reflective’ conscious container for the four souls: Shikon. The resultant spacial 4th ‘effect’ of the original trinity, the four quadrants, seasons, cardinal directions, and four temperaments, souls and mental faculties. Naohi whose function is described as 省 with one Chinese character can polish the four souls by reflecting what was done is proper or not. Naohi can distinguish right from wrong to guide the human so that it will not make mistakes, and calls for reflection, self reproach and repentance when mistakes occurs. Only this Naohi can be connected with ‘Heaven' and has a function to polish the four souls by controlling them. It gives feedback to Aramitama through shame, to Nigimitama through remorse, to Sakitama through awe, and to Kushimitama through notice.
O Sensei says about this:
“ In Japan, the feeling of shame is regarded as a certain kind of sensitivity and, therefore, a virtue. How can we not feel shame if we ignore our divine nature and our true purpose in life? This is the origin of all shame. Real understanding of Aikido will only come about through daily purification (misogi) and through constantly striving for the creation of a better world. Where a centre exists, it implies all that surrounds it.”
1. the turbulent (aramitama). ‘Courage’. Spring, East (facing), Fire.
2. the tranquil (nigimitama). ‘Relation’. Autumn, West, Water.
3. the happy (sakimitama). ‘Love’. Winter, North. Earth. 4. the wondrous (kushimitama). ‘Wisdom’. Summer, South. Heaven.
Deguchi says: “91. Spirit consists of four distinctive qualities—the ‘Shikon’: Activity, harmony, love and wisdom. These four ‘souls’ comprise the complete Divine spirit.” Together they are the five elements that make up ‘man’ visible in the ‘Aiki-Cross’ of O Sensei.
Understanding O Sensei in relationship to his teachers.
O Sensei grew up in a time of great social change in Japan, where the old ways of a feudal society was slowly having to adapt to the coming of modern times. Morihei Ueshiba was brought up in an environment with deep religious and national roots, and though undoubtedly influenced by China, very much Japan had made it their own over the centuries. Confucian ethics, Buddhism in its many varied forms, including the esoteric Shingon lineage, the mishmash of Shinbutsu-Shugo: The Mix of Shintoism and Buddhism in Japan, the homegrown syncretism of the Yamabushi; Shugendō, all with an irritating splash of Western influence seeping in for good measure. O Sensei was wearing an old hat that he couldn’t, or didn’t want to, let go of. Instead he seeked it out in martial practice, in religious studies, and in Shinto cosmogony with its mythology, especially so with Oomoto-kyo, the rage of his day, the brainchild of Onisaburo Deguchi. Morihei having left a communal life set up in Hokkaido and his Daito-ryu teacher Sokaku Takeda behind, he ventured to Ayabe to begin a new life under Deguchi Sensei. His martial prowess and spiritual inclination would now begin to merge. This is where we must study him, –what is the spiritual? –what is the martial? –what is the mixture of them both? Deguchi was no martial artist and undoubtedly did not refer his spiritual insights to a proficiency in physical combat. Yet O Sensei managed to marry the two and used the spiritual language with its archaic metaphors to describe his inner being, both in regards to martial application, attitude and principles, as well as to describe his sense of self in the most profound spiritual way—his way of seeing and relating to the world from a deeply spiritual perspective outside of necessarily any martial references. Many of O Sensei’s own aikido students would openly admit to not understanding what he was talking about—not spiritually nor martially. When O Sensei described his martial abilities he was always referring to his internal body—its make up and function, its connection and power, which he had received technically from Sokaku Takeda. The principles applied follows an understanding of structure that is coherent, and aligned with, the rest of the universe (as they are ‘universally’ true), principles that apply equally well to body, soul and spirit alike. That’s why the spiritual language of Shinto based in the cosmogony of the Kojiki—the record of ancient matters, works. It’s applicable to several dimensions at once. We just need to see and realise what we are talking about in any given time. They can and do overlap, but when they do we need to be able to distinguish it. What belongs to what. The students that ‘got’ O Sensei’s martial ability saw nothing ‘spiritual’ in it (except maybe from the eccentric personal nature of O Sensei himself). They saw the power of Daito-ryu Aiki Jujutsu with added flair. Spiritual aspirants and spiritually realised people would find in O Sensei a kindred spirit, one in whom they could identify with. Many times, O Sensei would exclaim that they understood each other like no other. How many of us can bridge both camps?
O Sensei memories.
We were sitting on the platform in Iwama, maybe in 1993, and my then wife started up a conversation with an elderly gentleman who asked us if we were training with Saito-kun?—implying he knew Saito as a little boy. We said yes and inquired if he’d remember O Sensei from back in the day? ‘Ueshiba-sama’? ‘Hai, so desu’. He smiled and kind of let us know he’d been of tiny stature, eccentric, not local, and he had a gaze that would spiral out of his eyes in a flash, whenever he would bump into him— he made a motion with his hands, his index fingers spiralling out in front of his own eyes, showing us the energy O Sensei would have exuded. We waived goodbye and got onto the train to Tokyo. This encounter have stayed with me as it gave me a very personal sense of the man we call ‘great teacher’.
Be an island unto your self.
Out of the formless mass, the moving sea beneath your feet, the incredibly dark depth of time, our unknown past, we create a landmass, a platform upon which we stand. According to Hindu lore it was upon the turtle’s back we placed our support. Every creation needs its structural support, as do our individual lives and physical bodies. Lower back posture supports and stabilises our frame and spine. And as our separate lives are built upon our past generations no wonder “it’s turtles all the way down.” Literally built on the backs of our ancestors. Stacked one upon the other through infinite lifetimes.
The cosmic turtle mytheme has appeared in disparate cultures across the globe for millennia. The world turtle concept first appeared in Hindu mythology. In one Vedic story, the form of the god Vishnu’s second avatar, Kurma, is a great turtle, which provides a celestial foundation upon which a mountain is balanced.
Over in China, part of the traditional creation mythology involves a giant turtle named Ao, although the image in this case is a bit different. According to the legend, the creator goddess cut off the legs of the cosmic turtle and used them to prop up the heavens, which had been damaged by another god. It’s not quite carrying the world on its back, but it still puts a terrapin at the center of the universe, making sure that the very sky doesn’t fall down. The concept of a world turtle seems to have arisen independently within Native American myth and legend. In the creation stories of the Lenape and Iroquois people, the Earth is created as soil is piled on the back of a great sea turtle that continues to grow until it is carrying the entire world. Many indigenous tribes in North America refer to the continent as Turtle Island to this day.
In Japans distant past, Izanagi-no-Mikoto, meaning "He-who-invites" is the creator deity of both creation and life in Japanese mythology. He and his sister-wife Izanami are the last of the seven generations of primordial deities that manifested after the formation of heaven and earth. Izanagi and Izanami are held to be the creators of the Japanese islands. —Receiving a command from the other gods to solidify and shape the Earth (which then "resembled floating oil and drifted like a jellyfish"), the couple use a jewelled spear to churn the watery chaos. The brine that dripped from the tip of
the spear congealed and turned into an island named Onogoro-shima. A landmass was created upon which we stand and build our lives. A platform upon which everything else then rests. Every culture have this social structure and every individual share the same potential for structure in their own lives. Physically the turtle is our back support, strong enough to hold up our body. But it doesn’t stop here, the Japanese legend goes on: The two descended to the island and, setting up their dwelling, erected a 'heavenly pillar' (ame no mihashira) on it. Izanagi and Izanami, realising that they were meant to procreate and have children, then devised a marriage ceremony whereby they would walk in opposite directions around the pillar, greet each other and initiate intercourse. According to Hindu scriptures, at the suggestion of Vishnu, the devas and asuras churn the primeval ocean in order to obtain Amrita which will guarantee them immortality. To churn the ocean they used the Serpent, Vasuki, for their churningstring. For a churning pole they used Mount Mandara placed on the back of a Great Tortoise – the Kurma Avatar of Vishnu. The wonderful point being made is that the principles and metaphors all work on several different layers at once. We can ascribe meaning to them culturally, socially, psychologically, mentally, energetically, and physically—all at the same time. So wherever you are, wherever you lay your reference, you’ll be able to understand its function. And since for any principle to have any bearing on your life, for it to have any truth in your own experience, you’ll need to be able to feel it in your own body, and not simply as an abstract idea that may or may not apply to real life. The idea is, if it’s a universal truth, we should be able to find it in ourselves. To experience it firsthand. Physically, mentally and emotionally. If your support structure is not anchored in your physicality, ie in your body, your mental grasp thereof won’t have a firm foundation and will crumple under pressure. So bear that in mind the next time you hear of allegorical, mythological or spiritual odysseys. They should all relate, to your self.
“Be your own island, your own refuge, with no other refuge. Let the teaching be your island and your refuge, with no other refuge.” – Sakyamuni Buddha
“According to the Matsya Purana, Matsya, the avatar of Vishnu, first appeared as a shaphari (a small carp) to Manu-Shraddhadeva while he washed his hands in a river flowing down the Malaya Mountains. The little fish asked the king to save him, and out of compassion, he put it in a water jar. It kept growing bigger and bigger, until the king first put it in a bigger pitcher, and then deposited it in a well. When the well also proved insufficient for the ever-growing fish, the King placed it in a tank (reservoir), that was two yojanas (16 miles) in height above the surface and on land, as much in length, and a yojana (8 miles) in breadth. As it grew further, the king had to put the fish in a river, and when even the river proved insufficient, he placed it in the ocean, after which it nearly filled the vast expanse of the great ocean. It was then that Vishnu, revealing himself, informed the king of an all-destructive deluge which would be coming very soon. The king built a huge boat which housed
his family, saptarishi, nine types of seeds, and animals to repopulate the earth, after the deluge would end and the oceans and seas would recede. At the time of deluge, Vishnu appeared as a horned fish and Shesha appeared as a rope, with which the king fastened the boat to the horn of the fish. The boat was perched after the deluge on the top of the highest peak of Himavat called Naubandhana. After the deluge, Manu's family and the seven sages repopulated the earth.”
O Sensei and Deguchi.
Many Aikidoka and people in general do not fully understand the spiritual relationship a serious student has with his or her Guru. Because that is what Deguchi became to O Sensei—his spiritual mentor. O Sensei adopted Oomoto-kyo’s archaic Shinto-based language and used it to describe his Budo-to-become-Aikido, a name change from Daito-ryu, and in it we see his hearts departure from Takeda’s Daito-ryu martial mentality. The Daito-ryu techniques and format of training remained the same, yet O Sensei had changed. The infusion of spiritual teachings he gained moving to Ayabe, together with the heightened spiritual atmosphere instilled by Nao and Onisaburo Deguchi, within a context of spiritual revival that was attracting thousands of people to its headquarters, deeply affected O Sensei. Being in the presence of a spiritually awake person, while your heart is seeking, and is ready for, answers, is a very potent mix. A close and intimate relationship with your spiritual mentor will have profound effects on your being. Spiritual revelations and insights become part of the course. This is the inner attraction of a heart to heart transmission that can very rarely be understood by outsiders who have no firsthand knowledge of such an intimate bond. This always becomes apparent when Aikidokas try to explain and figure out O Sensei. They can only go on what they see—which is often only the physical outer techniques, or if they have the good fortune to find a teacher that can demonstrate and explain the internal workings of Aiki and Kokyu, they may grasp the principles behind the physical form. Yet this is far from yet being a transformation of your self. The transmission of secret techniques and principles do not amount to spiritual enlightenment—not by a long shot. For this to happen, requires a change of heart. And that can only come from a deeply personal realisation of the unsatisfactory nature of life itself and of its presence of suffering in all of its shapes. This is actually not hard to understand nor difficult to detect—we find it everywhere when we research personal transformation stories, or societal revival movements. It’s an existential quest—always has been, always will be. Ignorance and arrogance are the usual suspects when it comes to foes. So what made O Sensei distance himself from Takeda? It wasn’t because O Sensei was a ‘better’ or more ‘pure’ person, but because he had realised his heart was now following a different tune. Takeda’s Daito-ryu Aiki was his skill, his ‘trade’ and vehicle—in it he now had to display his religious sentiment and spiritual heart. And to his good fortune, much of Asian religion is based on esoteric yogic teachings that can be traced back thousands of years. The great ‘secret’ those teachings hold in their symbolic representations cater equally well
for spiritual, mental and or physical discoveries. Since, if they are true, they point at a universality of all things, meaning, they will all find its equivalent format—ie in the physical, mental and or spiritual truths inherent in our personal lives. Timeless wisdom rediscovered over and over again, past down through the centuries till today. So for O Sensei to use his Shinto vocabulary suited and fitted like a glove his martial (Daito-ryu) techniques. Obviously he wasn’t the first one to declare divine inspiration but he was one of few that could express it through his martial ability and turn it toward his spiritual realisation. That’s probably why it’s so hard for many to understand him, do we go for martial excellence or for spiritual enlightenment? Do we choose one, or the other? Or both? Bloody hell, where do we start? Each to their own I guess, and that’s why everyone’s opinion matters—we all can have a piece of O Sensei. But to O Sensei, the departure away from Takeda, was a choice that had to do with the spiritual heart. Deguchi would remain an inspiration and friend, while the teacher/student relationship with Takeda came to an end. The width and breath of Aikido today bear testimony to this duality and span between the martial and the spiritual, yet O Sensei carried both to an unprecedented level as a match of the two, at least if we are to believe the stories we are being told. Today, as well as back then, both Daito-ryu and Oomoto-kyo have their own ardent followers. So Takeda and Deguchi live on, and it’s probably only in Aikido where this dichotomy ever meets? Or has Oomoto adopted another O Sensei for its homespun transcendental Budo? It suddenly is beginning to sound a lot like the myth itself—that of the difficult relationship between the Sun Goddess and her quarrelsome brother: AmaterasuOkami and Susanoo-no-mikoto.
Zen and now.
Never ending time. Some call it zen when there’s a pause, a moment, in the flow of time, even though there’s never a break in this seamless stream. This is our reality, every second of our day. It’s not about being hyper active or about sitting still. It’s about recognising the relentless pull this stream has on you. It’s a constant. It’s like living water to your soul, a live-stream of God. It’s a source of excitement, a bubbling well-pool of never ending joy. It’s not about you or me, it’s about the underlying current. But if the surface is disturbed it’s hard to make out the natural spring underneath. That’s why paying attention when you wake up in the morning is so cool. The deep sleep state stills the minds activity through the night and subsequently the rested mind has greater access to its own depth. Then when you sink beneath the surface, you can’t but be aware of the limitless body of water you’re submerged in.
No need to tread water, no need to panic. Breathe in, and die to yourself. Close your eyes and let go. There’s no surviving this. This is the only path that leads to salvation —the path of surrender. Everything else are only ego constructs, of how to prolong living and remain alive as a separate entity.
Ghost stories.
There is a spirit realm, a subtle dimension mostly out of reach for our normal state of consciousness. Some say there’s a possible breach in the fabric when we sleep, and with it a chance to experience this non-physical space. Drug induced states can also open a portal to experience this borderland. Meditative absorption techniques and spiritually guided rituals can create a deeper state of mind, that in turn can serve as the meeting-ground for the influence of these otherworldly dimensions. Neuroscientists try to pin it to subtle brain activity to rule out any inference from outside. Whatever the cause of these extraordinary events that people are experiencing, there is a whole universe of diversity within them. Taking it all into account, honestly, it doesn’t seem to be very different from what we all experience here on Earth; with the good, the bad, and the ugly. It has every nuance of experience, from the dark to the light within it. Yet the light seems to be so much brighter and the dark so much darker. The extremes are highlighted to the point where the nuances goes amiss. This is where many fail to see the resemblance to our ordinary lives. So people, especially spiritually inclined people, put undo importance to these unseen realms as if they are more special than our everyday lives. They direct our attention to the heavenly realms, something they derive personal satisfaction from, as if they now have a backstage pass as it were. Others, more inclined to fraternise with the darker side, equally find their own niche to grant them special status. Yet, these ‘ghost’ realms, whether real or not, do not change the status quo of your existence. They may be deemed more subtle than your ordinary experience but in content they deal with the same issues you face every day here at home. To escape our world for another doesn’t really change much. You’re still caught up in Samsara—just now a little bit more mysterious that you can claim to know. Well, join the masses. We have all been there. It’s like learning to skateboard. Practice and you’ll get good at it. Now, in regards to the people you meet, bright or dark, their influence may or may not help, just like in normal life. Some you watch out for, some you love. The learning curve is the same. Who are you? In this world and in the next?
The form has a shape.
Each thing has their own specific shape and it follows that no two things are alike. The quality of their distinction are often overlooked, and we miss the nuances that goes with every bend and curve. We may look similar but that’s where the comparison ends. As we become more in tune—ie. embodied, we feel ourselves more in every detail. Yes we realise there’s a feeling aspect to every form, and as it changes, shifts and shapes, the emotion flows uninterruptible from one to the other, just as you would pour liquid from one vessel to another. The shape it takes has its own inherent feel to it—it’s a coherent structure that is plastic in its constant movement. It changes all the time, like the sea, never still, yet it never looses its nature. It constantly remoulds itself, and if you would freeze it in time you’d find no loss in its structural integrity. It’s like the tiny particles—the cells and atoms of our
body—tumbles and shifts as we move, even as we breathe, just as the sands on the beach moves as the waves hits the shore. As a panther moves across the ground, everything moves with it. In the largest possible way it’s the shape of the universe, mirrored in every little detail. Yet what is fascinating individually is its specific unique quality each form display, always new, as nothing really can be replicated as time sweeps away what used to be.
To feel what you yourself are is wondrous, and to be able to feel another is even more wondrous. To feel other things as you would feel yourself gives you the grasp of the infinity of expression. This is how you enter into union with all things.
Full of Grace.
Your movement blows me away. The way you move your arm, the way your eyes seek somewhere to land.
I have no place for you to rest, but let me be what I am to myself—the moving sea upon which you can soar. Seabirds do not fear not seeing land. The infinite ocean is their home. The more you accept me as I am the more you’ll see of yourself. True teachers have no method to teach, they are what you seek. The Ocean of Being can seem frightening to the young but the old albatrosses don’t look back when they fly out to sea. They know that’s where they live and that’s where they’ll die.
When asked,
Do you have a satisfactory answer? Do you know who you are? This is not meant to put you on the spot but it highlights the existential question “who am I?” and it very quickly gets you up to speed with where you’re at. It’s a simple question with direct consequences. Either you know or you don’t. Sometimes we think we know, as we identify ourselves according to our gender, age, background story, profession, name and inclination, and though that may all be true, it’s not the core being of who you are in essence. If you are a seeker, someone who’s starting out in life not knowing what’s it’s all about, but seriously want to find themselves, these questions are not foreign. They reside in their hearts as unavoidable, must-be-solved queries, as their lives will hold no meaning without their ultimate answers. This is the human existential quest that we may have been faced with at one point or another in our lives. For some, it becomes an all-consuming journey, not satisfied unless he or she come to a complete understanding through direct experience of who and what they are. Seek till you find, is the prerogative, as the very flimsy assurance we rest our whole case on is; “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” and “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” It rings true in our heart and based on that we put everything else on hold to seek the holy grail of eternal life.
This question will always hold potency in it. Because it brings you back, every time, to who you are. It becomes a reminder, a wake-up call yet again. It’s never not relevant, nor is it ever boring—it faces us with the ultimate challenge to meet as human beings in the knowing of our non-separateness. Ultimately seeing ourselves as the unified being we are, with all our differences displayed. The answer you seek will become your own experience, displayed through your eyes and smile as you meet yourself in every other being.
Knowing and Unknowing.
—Their relationship, their distinction and their unity, is one of the greatest stumbling blocks for spiritual aspirants, because with spiritual insight comes unwavering faith in the unknown. Suddenly the world doesn’t seem real, everything in it is deemed illusory, hiding its underlying real source—our true nature. The impact of this realisation can tilt us to the misapprehension that all things are not where the Truth lies, distancing themselves from, and separating themselves from the ultimate union of form and no form, word and no word, the known and the unknown. Unbeknown to themselves they do upon themselves what they themselves claim to abhor—to divide and separate. By championing the great unknown, they inadvertently distance themselves from any real and immediate non-difference when they converse about it, having already made a clear separation of it in their mind, missing the all important point that truth is always applicable and real in everything we think, say and do. We can’t separate our understanding of the truth to our expression of the truth—they have to be one and the same. Therefore you can’t talk about truth without living out its non-dual essence. You can’t set apart not knowing from knowing, unless your expression stem from their fundamental non differentiation. Yes we know the unknown, therefore we can express it in words and action. That’s the whole miracle and its mystery. Therefore it was said: “In the beginning was the Word”. We can’t subset the manifest universe to an abstract Absolute unknown, even though it is our fundamental essence which we live with an awareness of (and how could we not? since it’s our ultimate nature). When we finally marry the unknown with the known we no longer make a separation, yet we do not loose their distinct difference. We know what’s what and see it in everything. Therefore we can rejoin the world without a moments hesitation and join in the everyday workings of mankind. Now a full uni-verse and not an illusory chaos. That why, in the last of the ten ox herding pictures, he returns to the market place and joins with the merchants and townspeople. We now understand the unknown in the known and we never forget, yet we never allude to it without its firm anchoring in its manifest form—the known. Not a hairbreadths width separates them. Do not fall into the Advaita trap of championing the unknown over the known by saying everything is the Self, ie. claiming the unknown to be only thing real. They claim oneness and non-duality but by doing so instills separation. They do so from a not so subtle pride. Pride of thinking they know what others don’t know. Thinking their teachings are the highest. That’s why Jesus is so challenging for them, because
he is the living word, the living truth that see no separation between father and son. Yet there is a distinction. Why is this so important? Because if you pretend to teach, and advocate the unknown as opposed to the known, you inadvertently impose a dualistic mindset in a fundamentally pristine undivided self. You’d actively teach separation, all good intentions apart. Then people become ‘knowers’ as opposed to not-knowers, even if they would claim not knowing as their essence. See how pride works its way in? Once you see it, it’s not subtle. This is the reason Christianity very much opposed the Gnostic version of their dogma and had to rebuke it for it not to distort the teachings of Christ.
Not knowing is everyone’s sense of being. That is the fact for sinners and saints alike. And most action throughout the 24 hours happens through not knowing. So normal we don’t give it much attention. Upon realisation we highlight not knowing because it is rightly the fundamental state of being: Having nothing, knowing nothing, being nobody. Yet when we have accustomed ourselves to this living reality of the not known and it’s no longer a novelty, then we can become more nuanced in our general understanding of what it means to live from the not known. Then our responses will span a larger context, inclusive of the known and the unknown in an equal amount, –the two sides of the same coin.
Spiritual Narcissist.
What the spiritual narcissist hates is being plain normal—just like everybody else. The spiritual ego’s lifeblood is about being special—to stand in stark contrast to the ‘unenlightened’ masses. The ego has now elevated his own game, from just being ordinary and different to being special and spiritual—high jacking the spiritual ideal for its own purposes. It’s not too difficult to gain some spiritual insight if pursued, even by a self serving individual, but to see through and identify the ego is a completely different ballgame. To endeavour to give up the ego is very different from pursuing insight and revelation. So an ego can easily live and thrive within a spiritual worldview as long as it is not being too closely scrutinised. And of course, the ego is aware of those dangers and stay well clear of any genuine self reflection. This is why ego death has always been the ultimate goal for all true spirituality and religion— because without it, the ego will run the show. Once the “I” is gone, we can see ourselves just as everyone else, that every face mirrors back your own, and you’ll make no distinction between you and another. A real and true guru won’t let you get away with only receiving deep insight but will challenge the core of who you think you are. He is there to dismantle your notion of self—your own heightened sense of pride. The spiritual ego tries to hide behind the big “I am” but the Buddha himself called it “the conceit of I”. When you meet a real guru, you’ll feel like you’ve met yourself. You’ll see your own face in his or her face. This is simply happening because he/she sees you as themselves and they do not question your ‘unenlightenment’ as they only see the free part—which is, lo and behold, your very
own true self. Yet this is exactly why in the light of this, the ego stands out like a sore thumb. It can’t but be recognised. This then, is when your true conscience is pricked and you see yourself as you truly are, warts and all. Mind you, this is a good thing. It humbles us and we realise we’re not that special after all. You’re thrown in with the rest of us, to share the struggles and joys of everyday life. But now with fresh eyes that don’t deceive. We don’t fool ourselves that we live on ‘planet Advaita’ as an untouchable and claim our inner experience to be different from others. We are cool with seeing the world as it is, and we never loose sight of the mirror perfect reflection it casts upon all alike.
Hush hush—mum's the word.
Don’t say a thing! Jesus Christ, in what century do we live? Sign an affidavit stamped in blood, swear on your mother’s grave, secrets never to be revealed. Family honour codes not to be broken or face the omertà. Cut off the hand that strays. Excommunication, the ultimate punishment from the specials club—we are not them kind of types. Ancient symbols and secret handshakes make up for lack of identity. Bonds tied in pride while fear masquerade as relationship. Keep up the pretence at all costs or suffer humiliation and alienation. People leaving say they wake up from a bad dream. When I left my community of 12 years I felt like walking out into the sunshine, able to breathe again. The mental attachment snapped and freedom was a deep sigh of relief. A real bond is an inner connection that is eternal—to Life itself, to Self, and to Truth. It’s in your heart and it will never go anywhere. It’s like—if God passes by your door your heart is instantly moved and as you open the door the wind sweeps you out of the house in an instant. Rumi described it beautifully:
“When it’s cold and raining, you are more beautiful. And the snow brings me even closer to your lips. The inner secret, that which was never born, You are that freshness, and I am with you now. I can’t explain the goings, or the comings. You enter suddenly, and I am nowhere again.
Inside the majesty.”
Pride makes us think we’re the only one, that our secrets are personal and belong only to ourselves. We say our inner life is private so you guard it like it’s special, like no one else knows it. But waking up we realise everyone’s the same—there are no
private lives, there are no secrets—what you have, everyone has. We’re not special. So your feigned pride is for nothing. Simply a way to make you feel better about yourself but in reality it only makes it worse. This acted isolation only bottles us up and pretending we know something out of the ordinary sets you apart—your views and opinions now seen as cherished truths, we use as props for our personal cause, instead of lending credence to what we all share equally—humanness, love and affection.
With no thing being secret you loose that special feeling. We become just what we all are—an open book with nothing hidden. Then our action will either be in line with this openness or not. Doesn’t matter if you’re a tough guy or a smart guy, clever or dum, it levels the playing field. You can try to hide but even the hiding is seen as it is. The game is up. Come out with your hands held high—surrender.
Walk away.
When we change up, we alter the game. The same rules do no longer apply. When we leave one paradigm for another, we must take leave of behaviour that conforms to the former. We can’t continue to respond in the same way if we truly want change. We can’t believe that a certain set of actions, done long enough, will ever change the results. For change to happen we must alter the way we do things. When you respond in kind, and even multiply the force to counter an offence, you’ll never reach your desired effect, you’ll never solve the issue. The action/reaction scenario only escalates the conflict, or simply pushes it forward to occur again. To beat someone into submission never work long term. Like when Israel that have Palestine under their thumb, simply just add more weight upon it to squash any resentment voiced— they meet aggression with aggression in a never-ending cycle of violence. It’s not smart. The status quo is a hellish life that people are forced to live through. Generations of young children will never know what normality is like—what it means to live in a peaceful society. If men are serious and sincere in their intention to put a halt to the violence we must be ready to walk away from old and dated behaviour. We must stop reacting to violence with more violence. We must dare to say no to a government that use force to subdue their own people or their designated foes. The stronger part must be the bigger person, to have the strength to walk away from conflict. Life is not a boxing ring. Life is for living. You can’t arm yourself to justify self defence. Gandhi set a wonderful example, and so did Mandela. They had principles they wanted to live up to. They left the normal way of the world, where the strongest gets to rule, and pursued a path of non-violence through their own personal choice. Sometimes you have to take leave of your peer group if you want to step up, to elevate your response. We can’t be to fixated with either race or creed, nor can we be to identified with nationality or religion, if we want to champion what is truly human. We have to dare to step away from our own culture and conditioned biased preferences if we truly want to transcend the deadlock set by opposing forces, risking the wrath and condemnation of our own people to the point of being labelled a traitor and shunned accordingly.
Walking away is not safe. To stand free, independent, is often a lonely task. But to evolve as a human being you will have to walk away from your present situation. Nothing changes unless you move. That’s why a monks life is a homeless life, and that’s why a wandering ascetic in India never sleep in one place more than one night. You can’t hang out with your old friends any longer. Not if you want to change. Just walk away, like Gautama did two thousand years ago.
My gain.
When I let go and become you, I gain. The more you have to offer the more I gain. There’s a strange filtration process going on as nothing egoic will stick, I will only be the best of what you are. There’s a spectrum where only purity can exist, where no dust can alight, so despite your shenanigans I’ll see right through it. How can you hurt me when you can’t touch me? It’s not thick skin nor a good jaw—it’s because I’m not there! I am you. And not only am I you but I also gain access to everything you have—your history and your ancestry. A little freaky but it’s not really. It’s the natural osmosis of being when you take down the barriers. When you flow into each other and erase all boundaries like if they never were there in the first place. Sharing identities is seeing our ultimate oneness in the non-dual absolute state. Don’t take it personally, it’s not. It’s the same across the board. To become you, implies everyone, anyone. It’s a little like getting married—you gain access not only to your spouse but to his or her whole family, history and all. That’s why, when we sit down with the Saints, they smile at you like you are their own, and you’re perfectly at ease, at home in your self. That’s when I can echo what Sri Ram Surat Kumar said to me when we met—“I only learn from you”.
Bag of tricks.
I remember my grandmother frowning. I had just shown her a card trick, where with a flick of the wrist I’d hid the card on the back of my hand making it disappear from her sight. I was quite pleased with my new skill. Yet her reaction made me see what she saw—a cheap way of making an impression. I felt a tint of shame that comes with the cheap gratification of ego. This moment have stayed with me through the years and it carries over into so many fields. There is so much emphasis on learning skill sets, or bags of tricks, that we can display to show we know something. Some more relevant than others, and some more beneficial for the greater good. Yet I’m left with a feeling of unease when having to show and tell. Feeling like I’m a card fraudster, or gimmick man. No doubt, skills are a must and must be applauded, yet can we differentiate between hanging your life on a specific skill set and creating attachments that we identify with, and the development of life skills that will enhance learning for the greater good.
My grandma wasn’t interested in me impressing her with a trick. She’d be happy just to see me smile. That taught me a valuable lesson. We don’t need anything external to satisfy anybody’s desire. We don’t need tattoos to show who and what we are. We don’t need gimmicks to display to impress. All that is fear of not having, fear of not being, enough. So we add, a trick here, a skill there, a piercing where? We add to complete. Personally I’m afraid to add even the tiniest bit, knowing granny will be watching but also because I know I can’t rely on anything exterior. Inner worth need no outer props. The less I can rely on the stronger I become. Having nothing, being nobody, is how we came into this world, and is how we will leave it. Emptiness, or nakedness of being, leaves you vulnerable but it’s the best place to be. Raw and unadulterated feels good. If you ask me to show you what I know, I’ll just smile. That’s enough.
Reasons for Being.
In the whirlpool of life, numberless actions perform to numberless beats of the drum, each holding its own reason for doing so, may in the end amount to the same urge to be and to become more of what we already are. The never ending surge for air, the expansion to stretch for more room, to claw back some of that time one lost. Like a river bursting its banks, flooding the plains, filling a need, a release. Life force—the ever new birth of being something else—the change ever present. It percolates to break the surface, each time in a new fashion. How do we capture this non stop movement? Do we engrave it in our soul to lay claim to it, or do we let go with both of our hands and let it be, itself? But like streams of red hot lava leave traces on the soil, burn scars upon the surface to remind us, shaping the landscapes we occupy, so do we carve out the future by our action. What are the reasons for being?
Faith. The Queens Faith is not just hopeful thinking nor a blind belief. The media rightly points out that her Faith was central to who she was, but sometimes making it sound as if it had been an attitude she’d carried, almost like a chosen garment. But Faith is not something you add to your persona as a mere positive attitude because you believe in it. The Holy Spirit, which is a real thing, by the grace of God through the name of Jesus Christ, imbues you and all who are fortunate enough to be touched by it. That immersion if you like, body mind and soul, will leave you transformed. And once you surrender your actions, your will, to this overreaching presence of God within your being, you’ll bow down to the truth of it and it will be your living, very real, daily experience. Yet it’s not personal. It does not belong to the individual. We only participate in a greater reality who’s presence is made known through our Faith. In this we are but servants of a greater sense of being, that is the love of God itself. We are all equally participating in this servitude, whether we are aware of it or not. Becoming conscious of, and touched by, the Holy Spirit we are granted insight into
ourselves and made aware of the egoless presence of love as the very nature of who we are in essence. Thereof do we have the Queens smile and the twinkle in her eye when caught unguarded. Faith is the inner knowing, the living presence of the spirit by which we are granted life. This life is not exclusive to one creed or culture. It’s a personal relationship we all can have to our maker—an inner knowing that connects us to one another across borders and frontiers. That’s why the Queen was the peacemaker and saw no difference between people, high or low, rich or poor. Her Faith did not allow for any differentiation. Born into fortune she carried her cross with dignity and outstanding perseverance till the very end. I’m sure she’ll be warmly welcomed wherever she’s destined to go.
Three Roots.
You and I have three very real roots, or relationships that we need to be aware of. First, we are an integral part of this universe since it began. Secondly we are bound to this planet from birth to death. Thirdly, we can’t escape our own body. What do these relationships have in common? They all have a centre and a periphery. O Sensei said, “a centre implies a periphery”. We can call these the opposite ends to a spectrum, yet they are not the same nor equal. One has a beginning, the other an end. Living on this Earth we have by now realised that gravity will not let up unless we break the limits of the atmosphere. That’s our extent, our sphere of living. Earth’s centre will pull us back down like on an elastic umbilical cord stretched to the max. Once it snaps we’re lost in space (or we have to motor home by our own efforts). Funny that, that’s how we’re born from our mothers.. Anyway, with the planet, it’s pretty obvious since it’s round and uniform and the laws of physics are clear cut. With our body it gets a little trickier, but we still can make out a centre and a periphery—I have done so recently using a five pronged pentagram star to outline two legs, two arms, and a head. As Aikidoka, this is where the majority of work lies. To become body conscious and integrated, connected and functional from centre to periphery. When we then read and study cosmology, especially in relationship to the founders beliefs and methodology based on mainly Japanese mythology and its Shinto origin story, we have to be able to place ourselves in its midst in order to fully comprehend it. What we can detect early on is that all three relationships share common attributes and if we dive deep enough into it we can come to appreciate the exact same laws pertain to all three equally. We will see the Cosmos in our own makeup and vice versa. The mythology will come alive within our own body as we explore their relationship. It can take on an almost mystical nature and widen our sense of being as we get we’re an intricate part of something so much bigger. The bigger view is fundamentally based on spiritual insight and revelation, that enables you to make the necessary connections (both in mind and body) that will present you with a holistic perspective in regards to body/mind/heart, or body/soul/spirit or you/Earth/Universe. You will find yourself, like O Sensei declared, at the very centre of the Cosmos,
inside and out. And mind you, this is not mere fanciful thinking but can be a direct experiential reality backed up by science today. You will find yourself in awe.
What lives on?
When we go to bed at night we have no fear of sleep, certain that we’ll wake up in the morning. We do not know what tomorrow will bring but we assume most likely more of the same. When you open your eyes and the sun is up early, you know it’s a brand new day. It could be a brand new life. Passing through deaths door, there will be a closing of the light before dawns light break through yet again. Wait then, and be reassured that nothing is over. You will still be there, as you always have been, but free from the shackles of the past. Freed from a sense of limitation, to an exuberance of spirit. If your sense of identity is strong you will not lose yourself, but remain composed as you pass through into the afterlife. If you have prior knowledge of your spirit you won’t be to surprised though I’m sure we’ll all be overwhelmed by its glory, and even if you have no prior knowing or faith in what shall come, no need to worry, it’ll be alright. More than alright really, no need to fear, God will never disappoint. As life is a learning so it remains to be after death. Life is not extinguished as we pass on, but we enter a new day—unknown but certain. Remain then, steadfast in your Faith, because it will be your guiding light for what is to come. Don’t be afraid. God is love, and love never dies.
The Son of Man.
Karna—the firstborn, son of Surya, the Sun. He’s special, very talented and very human with all our foibles and worries. He epitomises us as a human being, the first of many. Being the son of the Sun who was always the highest God in the earliest cultures, made him the Son of God. Karna, born of virgin Kunti, was abandoned and set adrift on the river, was found and adopted by ordinary parents, and later as a man, when he found out who he was, he opted not to claim his birthright as he saw no difference in high or low. He would later die by the hand of his brother that was most like him; Arjuna.
“Karna”, sounds like the flesh and blood we are, was the unknown elder brother of the five Pandhava brothers born after him. They represent five interdependent aspects of their divine origin as they all have a separate celestial father to which they claim their heritage, each highlighting an inherent quality that combined makes us what we are.
The Five Pandhava brothers; the first three by king Pandu’s first wife Kunti, the next two (twins) by his second wife Madri. Their independent qualities combines and connects physically and dynamically in a coherent structure of five direct lines, outlined by an elemental pentagram: our human body, where the primary relationship,
the first three brothers, is the vertical between heaven and earth, from our feet to our head. The legs alternating between receptive ‘Earth’ quality and supportive ‘Metal’ quality as we shift our weight and move, while retaining the vertical axis to our head, defined as ‘Wood’ as in ‘Tree’—a growing rising living verticality, also associated with ‘Wind’, as in ‘breath’, and life-force. From this vertical axis, the two horizontal branches grow, our arms, represented by the twins, the youngest brothers, the secondary relationship of ‘Fire’ and ‘Water’—the yin and yang balance and polar opposites, all together making up the complete human being.
So we can relate to these five aspects, the five brothers, co-dependently working together, connecting the dots. Karna is the overlooked, unseen or unknown elder brother, that contain the five within himself. He’s the one forgotten, the one neglected. And as the Mahabharata story unfolds, Karna stands in direct antagonism to his separate five brothers. They can’t accept him nor he them. This demonstrates how when we fixes on the whole, the parts subsides, and when we stress the parts we somehow loose the whole. Yet like in the pentagram, Karna, is in the very centre of it all, the hidden rightful heir to the throne—the eldest.
The first three brothers set the stage. They come in succession, and represent the beginning of man, symbolically rising from the earth; the firstborn Yudhishtra son of Yama. Then his first relation; Bhima son of Vaju, representing heaven, and then his second complementary brother; Arjuna son of Indra. These three are our fundamental vertical relationship—a triangle between feet and head. A pyramidical form securing our balance and providing the structure for the next two siblings—the offspring of the Ashvins twins; Nakula and Sahadeva. They are our arms, horizontally extending, working opposing forces as Fire and Water, as Ka and Mi. Depicted as Inazagi and Inazami in the Japanese origin story, as brother and sister. The In and Yo guardian deities.
The central person is the unseen Karna, right at the intersection between the vertical and horizontal, at the epicentre of the cross—at the core of our being. Named Toyokumono in the Kojiki.
