SMART AND GOOD LOOKING?!

WRITER: RICHARD T. BOSSHARDT, M.D., FACS

This article is for every boy who, in high school, wore thick glasses, carried a slide rule (or calculator) in his pocket, and used a pocket protector for all those pens. It is also for every girl who survived high school with a “grill” (braces) and whose only dates were those where she was tutoring one of the jocks in algebra. Take heart, there is justice in the universe.

I have friends who seemingly “peaked” in high school. It was the peak of their social life, and some peaked in other areas — athletics, relationships, etc. Their adult lives have been a study in unrealized potential and failed personal relationships. On the contrary, many of the so-called “nerds,” whose names seemed to populate the rosters of the chess club and debate teams and who were overwhelmingly represented in the honor society, have blossomed as adults and done some incredible stuff. Does the name Bill Gates sound familiar?

In high school, athletic ability was prized while intelligence was, more often than not, seen as a handicap or, at best, an awkward, somewhat embarrassing trait. Even today, in our supposedly enlightened age, it is still distressingly common to hear of children who try to hide their intelligence so as not to stand out among their peers. Appearances play a huge role in the interpersonal dynamics of youth, too. I remember that at one time I would have killed to have a real Gant shirt or a pair of Bass Weejun loafers. These were de rigueur for the cool crowd, of which I, of course, was not a part.

Fast forward to today. How does athleticism, physical attractiveness, and intelligence rate among adults when choosing a mate? Given that human beings are divided into male and female of the species (some would go so far as to say that men and women are different species altogether), it is not surprising there are gender differences in how mate selection is made. Social psychologists have studied for generations what men and women find attractive in the opposite sex. Their conclusions are consistent across generations and cultures… and very interesting.

With respect to physical attractiveness, it seems intuitively obvious this is more important for men than women. How many times have you found yourself saying, “How could she be with a man that ugly?” as opposed to the opposite?

Whether consciously or unconsciously, the physical features men tend to find most attractive are those associated with fertility. Youthfulness is one as confirmed by the sheer number of middle-aged and older men making fools of themselves with much younger women. Waist/hip width is an interesting feature. Men asked to rate attractiveness of the female form consistently prefer women whose waists are less wide than their hips. As waist width approaches hip width the perception of attractiveness declines. Weight enters in but is of interest because men prefer women that are not too thin, as well as those that are not too heavy. We can call this the “Goldilocks” paradigm. Are you paying attention, fashion world? Those malnourished waifs, aka models, with boyish hips and no curves parading on the runway are not attractive!

While women don’t go out of their way to seek out unattractive men, they do place a premium on other assets besides looks. What attracts women is usually income, material possessions (think nice car), and social status (think educated men in whitecollar professions). Before you accuse me of labeling all women as status-seeking gold diggers, there are legitimate reasons for this. Women are the nurturing segment of our society. If you doubt this, just observe a group of guys watching the kids versus the mothers. The former are more likely to be distracted by the football game on TV and let the little ones roam the neighborhood, while the moms will be focused on those kids.

Women’s liberation notwithstanding, women are biologically designed, both physically and emotionally, for the propagation of the species. Along with that comes an ingrained desire for food, shelter, and security. This is more likely going to come from someone who is a good provider. In primitive cultures, this may be a good hunter. In our culture, it is someone like Steve Jobs.

Yes, some studies have suggested that women are attracted to men who are “edgy.” These are the risk takers, extreme sports enthusiasts, rock stars, those who shave and bathe infrequently, etc. When it comes to the long haul, however, women prefer men who are more stable and reliable.

Where men and women converge, however, is in the areas of intelligence and personality. Both sexes are attracted to opposites who have a pleasant personality and good sense of humor, and who are generous, considerate, and interesting. While physical attractiveness wanes with time, the opposite typically happens with intelligence and, often, with personality.

Intelligent people tend to be successful at what they do, and as a consequence, their confidence goes up and they feel free to express their personalities.

IQ and attractiveness are related to a degree that is surprising and increasingly supported by studies. Don’t take the generalization too seriously, but it appears that attractive people are intelligent and vice versa. Which comes first is uncertain. It may be as simple as the fact the men who are more intelligent and successful will be more likely to marry beautiful women and, of course, their children are more likely to be both bright and good-looking since appearance and intelligence are highly inheritable traits.

Despite all the talk, studies, conclusions, etc., which seem to place such an emphasis on looks, wealth, athletic ability, and such, if you take a moment to look around, you will note that most people are not stunningly attractive, athletically gifted, extremely wealthy, or unusually intelligent. And yet, there still seems to be a “soul mate” out there for them, someone who thinks they are a “hunk” or a “babe.” As someone said, “Ain’t life grand?”