SPIRIT IDENTITY SPI THE INS AND OUTS OF INTROVERTS AND EXTROVERTS

WRITER: VICKI GRAY

SOURCE: Facebook Surveillance of Former Romantic Partners: Associations with PostBreakup Recovery and Personal Growth; http://w ww.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3472530/: Facebook Stalking Statistics 2012; http://ansonalex.com/infographics/facebook-stalking-statistics-2012-infographic/: Can Facebook users show popu larity of Windows Phone 8?; http://www.neowin.net/news/can-facebookusers-show-popularity-of-windows-phone-8 (Accessed January 6, 2013)

Humans are hardwired for social interaction; what varies from person to person is the degree to which an individual finds the interaction energizing or exhausting. Imagine this scenario: you are headed to an acquaintances’ house for a cocktail party on a Friday evening. Are you in the car thinking how terrific it will be to meet some new people and have fun while engaging in small talk over a glass of wine, or are you planning how you can leave after just one hour of meaningless surface talk (regardless of how good the cocktail tastes) to get back to that good book you were reading or the game that is on TV? Which of these two situations better fits your attitude? The answer to this simple question might determine whether you are more of an extrovert or introvert.

The labels extrovert and introvert were first introduced by psychologist Carl Jung nearly a century ago to describe how people are predisposed to particular personality types, which, in turn, affects the amount and type of social interaction needed. Jung asserted that it is helpful to view an individual somewhere on a continuum rather than absolutes. However, over time, these labels and theories have been distorted and misconceptions have resulted.

It might be helpful to imagine that we all carry around a social gas tank, figuratively, and the goal is to keep this tank full. How this is accomplished is very different for the introvert than for the extrovert. An introvert would refuel with “alone time,” whereas the extrovert would refuel through interactions with others.

Research suggests that up to seventy-five percent of our population is comprised of extroverts and that a mere twentyfive percent would describe themselves as introverts. Anytime such a disparity exists in numbers, a majority and minority occur. Unfortunately, as it is typical with minority groups in general, introverts have been marginalized. Extroverts have historically been viewed as more likeable and friendly and introverts as shy and aloof. Thus, leaving introverts in a position of needing to defend themselves and their inherent personality style.

Before you decide to place me in the introvert’s camp, given that I am in some small way defending the underdog, I am an ambivert! A WHAT? You read correctly. An ambivert is a person who shares, equally, tendencies from both the introvert and extrovert personalities. I believe this places me in an unbiased position to reflect fairly on both personality styles. Let’s explore some common myths surrounding these two types of personalities.

Dispelling The Myths

EXTROVERTS

Myth: Extroverts are overly dependent on others.

Truth: While extroverts prefer to be with people, they are capable and content to have their “alone time,” as well. They thrive in social settings; yet, this is not to be confused with needing constant interaction with others.

Myth: Extroverts must dominate conversations.

Truth: If extroverts receive energy from outside sources, then when they are around other people they naturally want to engage in conversation. Attempts at filling in silence are not meant to dominate the conversation but rather to connect and draw energy from that exchange.

Myth: Extroverts are confident at all times and in all social settings.

Truth: Confidence can be described as believing in one’s self and abilities. People’s moods and feelings are not fixed but rather fluid, so extroverts also experience self-doubt. To an outsider, the extrovert appears to be easily engaged with others and enjoying the social event. However, they might be battling with internal thoughts of negativity or criticism, such as, “I just know I am boring this person.”

Introverts

Myth: Introverts are loners who don’t enjoy the company of others.

Truth: Introverts crave and need human connection and benefit from relationships just as much as the extrovert. In fact, introverts tend to create very strong emotional bonds with a small network of friends and derive an immeasurable amount of satisfaction from these interactions.

Myth: Introverts are shy.

Truth: The terms introvert and shyness are not synonymous. Shy individuals crave connections with others but experience anxiety about these interactions. Introverts need a reason to leave their inner worlds, which is rich in emotion and thought.

Myth: Men are more likely to be introverts.

Truth: Men and women make up both personality styles equally. However, women have had to adhere to social norms of hospitality and friendliness, stereotyping them as extroverts. Historically, men have been depicted as the introvert type, such as “the strong, silent type,” “a man of few words”…you get the point.

Both groups are able to engage socially and be alone successfully. We all have memory foam personalities. Our personalities fit us uniquely and perfectly.

We deviate, when needed, in order to function relationally and adhere to societal norms, but most prefer to stay within their comfort zone. So, you will find that while an introvert tends toward introspection, he or she can be the “life of the party” in small spurts and with lengthy recovery times in between. Conversely, the extrovert, who tends toward seeking the company of others, can experience blissful moments of solitude, so long as human interaction is anticipated to take place in the very near future.

Which personality type is more advantageous? If you were to browse the Internet, you would find countless articles, sites, and sources in defense of extroverts and in defense of introverts. But at the heart of this debate is the need for individuals to be understood, accepted, and embraced for their individuality.

So… here we are on the ride home after that cocktail party. The extrovert has already excitedly arranged for plans with new friends for tomorrow, whereas the introvert is relieved to be headed home with no plans for the remainder of the weekend… and their respective social gas tanks are full.