COMMUNICATION MIND

Relationships And Technology

WRITER: CHRISANN REID

At first look, one might think that technology and interpersonal relationships would be a great fit. Technology has enhanced our ease of access to communication, and, let’s face it, good communication is the core principal of a great relationship. Cellphone calls, texts, emails… anytime anywhere just to say, “I love you,” “Thinking about you,” or “Miss you.” How could this be a bad thing? Used appropriately and respectfully, it is not! But like many things, if used inappropriately, problems can arise.

Which types of communication are appropriate for text or email? How about a personal disagreement with your partner that starts at home before work? Should that be continued on throughout the day through texts? I can tell you that this has become a more common expectation of couples that I see in counseling. This appears to be tied to the idea that if you are accessible through technology and this is important to me, you should be available to talk about it now. But does this promote effective communication and intimacy with your partner?

Couples need to agree that important discussions need to take place face to face when they can be truly focused on each other and the issue at hand. Communication is much greater than just the spoken or written word. Body language is a key component to any communication. Not to mention that expecting an important discussion to occur during work can be impacted by many distractions and cause a response that will most likely be misinterpreted.

Regarding technology and our expectations of personal space and our right to privacy, technology appears to have flirted with this on many levels. On the one hand, how private are our personal texts to our partner? Have you ever shared a “personal” text from your partner with a friend or coworker because it just didn’t seem to make sense or even be reasonable?

On the other hand, when is our personal time our own? Expectations of accessibility is not just about our partners expectations but can be impacted by the expectations of our boss, friends, or other family. Too many people have started assuming that if you are accessible through technology, then your availability is limitless. In fact, the sense of urgency in communication seems to go up when there is the expectation of complete availability.

When was the last time you were out at dinner and at least one of you was on his or her cellphone? It would appear that as a result of technology and its creation of “limitless” accessibility, we now need to specifically designate time to be alone with our spouse... no technology allowed!

We are all aware of the requests pilots make of flight passengers to turn off all electronic devices so as not to interfere with takeoff and landing. Why not have a similar request where relationships are concerned? (“Couples, please turn off all electronic devices as they may interfere with the most significant relationship in your life.”) Like any good thing in life that can be taken to excess, appropriate boundaries are always the best solution. Discuss it with your partner… face to face!

Source: http://www.loyolamedicine.org/newswire/news/facebook-used-evidence-large-number-divorce-cases-united-states