DOWN IN THE DUMPS "DUMPSTER BABY" By Alex-Marc Dawson
TITLE SEQUENCE: INT. CIGARETTE BOX BAR, NIGHT Different drunken insects dance to 80s CLUB MUSIC. FRUIT FLY’S DAD spots FRUIT FLY’S MUM across the bar. He smiles and she smiles back. He walks over and coyly rubs his foreleg on her abdomen and face. They kiss with long exploring tongues and flailing limbs and collapse on the floor. A MOSQUITO BARMAN leans over the bar counter, acknowledges them with a dirty smile and goes back to polishing glasses. CAPTION: 30 SECONDS LATER EXT. PILE OF ROTTING LEMONS, DAY Fruit Fly’s Dad stumbles against the lemons drunkenly and looks at Fruit Fly’s Mum. He looks pleased with himself. She bends over in pain. FRUIT FLY’S MUM Oi, help me out would you? This is your fault. She picks up one of 500 eggs (containing an embryonic FRUIT FLY) and crams it inside a lemon. MONTAGE: 1) Inside the egg Fruit Fly grows into a maggot. 2) Fruit Fly (still a maggot) breaks out of his egg and screws his face up as lemon juice spurts in. He slowly chews his way out of the lemon - despises its sourness. He sees a light outside. 3) A happy and drunk Fruit Fly (adult) dances erratically to CONTEMPORARY CLUB MUSIC. He carries different pieces of fruit, more than he can hold on to. He spots a FEMALE FRUIT FLY, sucks on a grape and throws it behind him. He half struts-half staggers over to her. TITLE: DOWN IN THE DUMPS END TITLE SEQUENCE
2. INT. FRUIT FLY’S BEDROOM, DAY Fruit Fly, surrounded by rotting fruit, sleeps off a hangover. He caresses a blackberry. FRUIT FLY (sleep-talking) God you’re so fuzzy. I like that. How ’bout me and you take this somewhere else? I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you? HELEN hovers by his bed. She never speaks and uses Morse Code with her light. HELEN (flashing her light; subtitled) Get up. She prods him. He stirs and crushes the blackberry, its juices splash him. FRUIT FLY (still sleep-talking) Ooh I love a girl who can squirt. She intensifies her light into a small beam and angles it up his body towards his eyes. He giggles as the beam hits his groin. She concentrates the beam through his eyelids. He jumps up. FRUIT FLY (CONT’D) I’m up! (Beat) Ow, what did you do that for? She looks around at the disheveled room and looks at him in disgust. HELEN (flashing her light; subtitled) This place is a dump. FRUIT FLY Is it? He throws the blackberry in with the rest of the clutter and stumbles inside a condom lying on the floor. FRUIT FLY (CONT’D) I ain’t cleaning other insects’ stuff up. I rebuff. And anyway, it still looks usable. (CONTINUED)
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HELEN Do you even know what that’s for? FRUIT FLY Of course. It’s erm, for Halloween. (like a ghost) Oooooh. He gets out of the condom and sucks on a fermenting strawberry he picks off the floor. FRUIT FLY (CONT’D) So erm, why are you here? She blinks her light, introducing the flashback. FADE OUT INT. CIGARETTE BOX BAR, NIGHT. FLASHBACK FADE IN. Helen flashes her bulb on stage to an instrumental of ALONE by HEART, air punches to the song and points at a drunk Fruit Fly. A group of insects sway their arms in the air and cheer. Fruit Fly wears a banana peel like a lavish fur coat and scarf. He swishes it about. HELEN (flashing her light; subtitled) AND NOW IT CHILLS ME TO THE BONE / HOW DO I GET YOU ALONE / ALONE / ALONE She steps offstage. The audience cheer. Fruit Fly runs over to her, slipping on the banana peel in the process. Helen looks elated. FRUIT FLY That was amazing. So erm, life’s short. What are you doing tomorrow? EXT. MT. CRAPEREST, DAY Fruit Fly drags his body up a mountain of rubbish, Helen flies alongside looking quite content. Up in the sky is a line of light, the opening of the dumpster.
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4. FRUIT FLY Urgh.
Helen ignores him. FRUIT FLY (CONT’D) Urgh! He looks at Helen’s wings with envy. He jumps off the ground and tries to fly but falls back down. He holds his belly in his hands and sighs. FRUIT FLY (CONT’D) Can we stop? My legs hurt. She huffs and they sit down. They look at the opening of the dumpster. FRUIT FLY (CONT’D) What d’ya think is out there? She blinks her light for an excessively long beat but we do not see her light bulb. Her face and actions change from boredom and excitement to horror and despair. Fruit Fly stares into her bulb and responds with gasps, awe and finally a single tear. FRUIT FLY (CONT’D) It sounds beautiful. (Beat) I want to go. THEODORA walks up to the bottom of the mountain with a needle and notices Fruit Fly and Helen. THEODORA (shouting) Hey guys! Look what I found. Fruit Fly & Helen acknowledge Theodora. Helen looks annoyed. Through Fruit Fly’s eyes Theodora appears beautiful, sensual, despite stabbing herself repeatedly with the needle. FRUIT FLY (to Helen) Hey who’s that? THEODORA (shouting) It doesn’t hurt at all. Check out these rock hard abs! She gives a manly grunt.
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THEODORA (CONT’D) (moaning sexually) Ah that’s it. A little deeper. Ah, there we go. HELEN (blinking her light; subtitled) Hey Fruit Fly, you said you like a girl who squirts. FRUIT FLY (to Theodora) We can’t hear you! (to Helen) She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, don’t you think? Helen looks disinterested. HELEN (blinking her light; subtitled) Who Theo? I guess so. Not like I haven’t heard it before. FRUIT FLY What d’ya mean before? IAN flies in through the dumpster lid with a grape skewered to his nose, the most luscious grape Fruit Fly has ever seen. Fruit Fly drools. Ian trips on the tip of a mountaintop and crashes down the mountain’s side into Theodora who is too busy stabbing herself with the needle to see him coming. She pants and has an overly exaggerated orgasm. THEODORA (winks at Ian) Was that as good for you as it was for me? (Beat) You’ve got a little something on you. Ian emerges from the pile with the needle sticking into his chest. In a state of shock, he pokes it. IAN Ow, get it out. Get it out. She pulls the needle out in one swift movement, the tiniest globule of blood seeps out. Ian spots it and faints.
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THEODORA Christ almighty. MANDEL enters and pulls the grape off of Ian’s nose. He goes to lick it but polishes it with a tissue and holds it up to the sky. MANDEL (clears his throat) Hola The Higher Power. Thank you for this offering you have so kindly given to me. (noticing Fruit Fly) Hey Fruit Fly, look what T.H.P. gave to me! (licks the grape sumptuously) Mmmmmmmmm. It’s so [beat] grapey. Fruit Fly salivates, leans towards the grape and almost falls down the mountainside. Mandel swallows the entire grape. His body swells to twice the size. MANDEL (CONT’D) (mouth full of grape) Me and T.H.P. are tight. That’s why I call him T.H.P. THEODORA If you’re so tight why doesn’t he let you go outside? MANDEL He does. THEODORA Well then why do you use Ian? She looks at him in disbelief. He looks uneasy and bleeds a little from his knees. THEODORA (CONT’D) Aw, has someone had an accident? He wipes the blood away. MANDEL No. And I don’t. In fact, I’m on my way out now. He flies upwards towards the light past Fruit Fly.
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MANDEL (CONT’D) Get a load of this, maggot. Time slows down. Helen looks disinterested, Theodora grins with self-righteousness, Fruit Fly looks in awe and Mandel cannot quite believe that he is so close to the dumpster lid. He reaches a hand out into the light. Only to get smacked down by a giant, newborn baby’s hand from outside the dumpster. He crashes into a mountain and Fruit Fly laughs hysterically. As KIRK arrives at the base of the mountain, the silhouette of the baby hovers over them and the dumpster goes dark. Fruit Fly’s laughter dies and they all look up in horror. FRUIT FLY What the dump is that?! HELEN (blinking her light; subtitled) F-U-U-U... The bloody, wrinkly baby falls into the dumpster onto Theodora. A long beat. There is movement underneath a fold of skin and a MUFFLED ORGASM. Theodora crawls out. THEODORA Did you see that?! Woah-ho! She grunts, looks up at the baby and raises her eyebrows. THEODORA (CONT’D) (wearing a blonde wig and smoking a cigar like Jimmy Savile) Now then, now then. Helen & Fruit Fly run down the mountain to inspect the baby with the others. It flails and cries. They look at it in disgust. FRUIT FLY What is it? Helen shrugs and looks at Ian. He shakes, mortified by all the blood on the baby. Theodora prods him and he falls over, comatose with his eyes still open. Mandel struts over to the baby and leans on it. MANDEL It’s obviously a gift from T.H.P. for me. (CONTINUED)
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Theodora grabs hold of its umbilical cord and ushers Helen over. She does so reluctantly. THEODORA Here, take this. Hey, look at me guys! Helen swings the cord and Theodora skips over it. THEODORA (CONT’D) Faster Helen. Huh. Huh. Helen looks at her vindictively and swings the cord as fast as she can but Theodora break-dances in between jumps. The baby cries and the insects flee from its giant tears. Kirk throws Ian over his shoulder and runs off to safety. The baby explodes with excrement. Kirk sees, shakes and drops Ian. KIRK No way. (Beat) It poos?! He sprints towards the faeces, darting between the baby’s thrashing legs and dives head first into it. KIRK (CONT’D) (hyperventilating) Oh my tibia. This is the best poo I’ve ever had. Thank you H. Power. You’re the poweriest. (holding a piece) These chugganuggets - I just can’t. I just can’t even. He falls backwards into the poo and moves his limbs up and down to make a four winged angel. The others creep out their hiding spots and look on in disgust. MANDEL As I said, I believe esto es para mí. Kirk you can keep the poo. But T.H.P. personally handed it to me. FRUIT FLY Pah, I was watching and he didn’t hand it to you. You were just in the way. MANDEL What are you saying maggot? Fruit Fly strolls up to Mandel.
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9. FRUIT FLY I’m saying Mandel, (beat) maybe it’s for me. Or maybe it’s for Theo. It did fall on her. MANDEL Chorra, I’m telling you it is mine. FRUIT FLY Theo’s. MANDEL Mine.
The baby poos again onto Kirk. He loves it. KIRK Guys I think it’s mine. MANDEL Stay out of this weevil. THEODORA & HELEN (Helen blinks her light; subtitled) Ooooo. Kirk looks upset and drops some poo. FRUIT FLY Hey, leave him alone. Don’t be such a dumper man. MANDEL (holding himself proud) Perdon? Me, a dumper?! The baby stops crying, followed by a long awkward beat in the dumpster. A crisp packet blows past. Mandel edges up to Fruit Fly, determined, goes for a punch but it’s just a slight tap. Fruit Fly looks astonished, a beat, then punches him back. The two break into a fight, throwing fists and kicks. Mandel takes to the air and Fruit Fly clambers up onto the baby to get closer. The baby thrashes about and cries again. They fight over the body, at one point Fruit Fly trips and looks as if he’s about to fall but grabs hold of the baby’s nipple. He pulls himself back and the fight continues until they wrestle on the baby’s eyeball. Suddenly, the dumpster goes dark again. A giant pair of hands reach in and pick up the baby.
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10. THEODORA Jump Fruit Fly!
Fruit Fly looks upwards to the dumpster lid, as does Mandel. MANDEL As if you’re going to see outside before me. FRUIT FLY So you haven’t been then? MANDEL Cállate. The fight continues but the downwards wind prevents them from moving much. The baby is pulled out of the dumpster and they squint in the sunlight. They stop fighting and look out onto the world in all it’s mesmerizing beauty. GIANT PAIR OF HANNDS Euch, disgusting. Get off. The hands flick Fruit Fly & Mandel off and they SCREAM, falling back into the dump. Fruit Fly jumps onto Mandel and pulls his wings out. FRUIT FLY Fly Mandel! Use your wings! MANDEL I can’t! We’re falling too fast. Use yours! FRUIT FLY Yeah I’m too fat. They SCREAM again and Mandel bleeds from his knees into Fruit Fly’s eyes. His eyes sizzle. FRUIT FLY (CONT’D) My eyes, I can’t see! THEODORA Ian? She turns to where Ian lays comatose but he is not there. In the air he clumsily zigzags up and catches Mandel. FRUIT FLY What about me? Helen steps forward.
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HELEN (blinking her light; subtitled) I’ll go and Theodora steps in front of her. THEODORA Throw me up to catch him Kirk. Kirk sculpts a trampoline out of poo but it collapses. KIRK Okay okay I’m coming. Ian, still carrying Mandel to safety, looks proud with himself. Mandel acknowledges him with a pat on the arm. Ian sees the blood pouring out of Mandel’s knees and faints. They crash into a mountain, leaving behind a trail of smoke in the air. Unable to see clearly, Fruit Fly SCREAMS. Kirk throws Theodora into the air and she catches Fruit Fly. They embrace and she orgasms. Fruit Fly beams in excitement and hugs her tighter. THEODORA (during orgasm) Ooh, ah hold on. Ah, too much Fruit Fly. Too much. Ah, yeah that’s just right. They crash into the bottom of the dumpster. As the litter clears she holds him carefully in her arms. He looks at her and sees her as a live-action cockroach. FRUIT FLY Urgh. I mean Theo, is that you? THEODORA Uh-huh. They look deeply into each others’ eyes. FRUIT FLY Thank you for saving me. While we’re here I just thought I’d mention She strokes him with an antenna. He swats it away, slighty revolted. Helen & Kirk run over. Through his eyes they appear as a live-action firefly and dung beetle.
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FRUIT FLY (CONT’D) (hysterical) Oh my dump! You guys look dumping disgusting. He dies in her arms with his face frozen in horror. A long beat. Kirk CRIES HYSTERICALLY. Theodora looks disheartened then violently shakes him. THEODORA That was it?! She looks up to the dumpster opening. THEODORA (CONT’D) Whyyyyyyyyyy?! Fruit Fly II enters sucking on a fermenting strawberry and wearing a giant afro and banana peel coat. He places his hand on her shoulder. Except Kirk they all walk off. FRUIT FLY II (O.S.) Who wants to get some fruit? Kirk picks up Fruit Fly’s body, hurls it over a mountain of rubbish and skips away as if nothing happened. On the other side his body lands in a pile of decaying corpses - all varying members of his family.