January 1 Youʼre finally going to do it. Youʼve a made a promise to yourself and youʼre going to keep it, goddammit! Take one long, good, last look at that gut - itʼs the last time youʼll ever see it looking that way. Now go for that jog. Tuesday, January 5, 2010
February 15 It始s totally normal. Everyone gains weight over Valentine始s Day...all that chocolate. How can anyone expect to stay fit when they始re bombarded by Whitman始s Samplers and tiny, delicious hearts? Tuesday, January 5, 2010
March 18 You始re deep into month 2 and you始re doing great. Be happy you made it this far, most people quit after a couple of weeks. Seriously though, don始t sweat it. It始s mostly water weight. Green beerinduced water weight...probably some potato weight too. Tuesday, January 5, 2010
April 12 A couple of hiccups early on but nothing some power-walking and smoothies can始t fix. You始ve got extra motivation now too. Global Warming is quietly supporting your cause by making this the hottest April in a decade. Gotta pull out those shorts a bit early. Spring has sprung! Tuesday, January 5, 2010
May 24 The pools open in less than a week. Are you ready? Mostly. You始ve been maintaining a healthy balance of triweekly runs around the park and breakfast by Kashi. Whether it始s a 2, 4, or 6 has yet to be determined, but there始s definitely a pack emerging. A couple more weeks and people won始t be able to stop complimenting you on your ab. Tuesday, January 5, 2010
June 11 The half-way point. Six months ago you made a vow that this would be the year of the new, healthy you. It始s only June and you始ve already lost four pounds. That始s more than four times as much as you lost last year! Who says people never keep their resolutions? Tuesday, January 5, 2010
July 5 Has anyone ever passed up a barbecue? Of course not, so why should you be expected to all because of a silly promise you made in January? The hot dogs, hamburgers, and ribs weren始t going to eat themselves. It would have been a shame to let all of that food go to waste. It was your duty to eat....for America! Tuesday, January 5, 2010
August 19 Time for that last vacation of the Summer. I sure hope Ft. Lauderdale knows what it始s in for. You and your crew are gonna TEAR. SHIT. UP. And don始t concern yourself with the fact that you probably won始t get any exercise for the next six days. Standing around and drinking for twelve straight hours is equivalent to running for like, three. Tuesday, January 5, 2010
September 3 These resolutions are impossible to keep. Aside from a few weeks in June, you始ve basically failed up to this point...again. Next month brings Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas. How is anyone supposed to contain their gluttony through all of that? Just accept it, it始s over. Give up now and start over next year. Tuesday, January 5, 2010
January 1 You始re finally going to do it, for real this time. This year you始ve got two resolutions. Number 1: Get in shape. Number 2: Avoid the following romantic relationships, all major holidays, the Irish, and Patriotism. You始ve got this. Godspeed. Tuesday, January 5, 2010