Tales from The World’s Loneliest Toll Plaza
Saturday, July 25, 2009
My name is Gregor. Not Gregory, Gregor. Don’t screw that up in your little book,Scooter. I manage this toll plaza. Yeah, it gets a little barren around here from time to time. We’re just in a bad spot is all. Don’t nobody take this route now that they put in one of them damned HIV lanes. But things will pick up soon. Mark my words. Business is about to boom. They’re building one of those Caribou Coffees right on the other side of here. Yeah, things are looking up alright.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Dammit! I told Gregor to have y’all go visit Vernon first. I got my hair all a’mess an shit. Ah well. Y’all are the first folks I’ve spoken to here in 3 months. Last fella was a professional hand actor. I didn’t recognize him. But it was neat all the same. I’d never met a celebrity before. I used to dream about being an actress. Almost made it too. Made it down to the finals in one audition. It was me and Kathy Bates. I still think I shoulda got the part. Then I wouldn’t be stuck in this dang booth. I’d be Academy Award Winner Bobbi March. Yeah, that sounds nice.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Was Bobbi telling you that dumbass Kathy Bates story? What an idiot. She never made it to the finals. Hell she didn’t even audition. Me and her is cousins. We was drinking and had both finished a 5th of Jim Bean. Her drunk ass stumbled into a Drive-in movie theater that was playing the Titanic. She stood in front of the screen and started screamin’ that she woulda saved that boat if she’d been there. Idiot. She shit on the cops when they came to get her. Go ask her to draw you like a French girl, hehe. Oh I’m Vernon, by the way. Pleasure.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Hey. I’m Annie. I started about a month ago. Actually, you’re my first vehicle. Haha! How ‘bout that shit! A whole month and I got one damn car. haHA! What is it? Do I smell? I’m just playin’ with ya baby. Seriously though, it’s a good job. I just come here, sit down, usually bring a magazine or two, then go home. Hell, I stopped wearing the uniform two weeks ago. What’s the point? No one’s here to see it. Plus, and this is just between us, it didn’t flatter my figure too well. I want to show off my goodies, you feel me? I’m trying to take Guillermo’s sexy ass home one of these nights. Yeah...
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Hi, I’m Guillermo...Oh Annie? She seems nice, haven’t really talked to her much yet. My shirt? Well, it’s sorta a long story. Guess we got time though, right? I was in a band when I got this job, and we needed a guitar player. I thought this job would be a great way to advertise, cheaper than the classifieds anyway. So I printed this on all of my shirts. I probably wouldn’t have done it if I’d known how empty this plaza was. And I don’t get paid enough to buy any new clothes. Yeah, I hate this place...and my life.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Aww don’t listen to him. Ever since he started working here all he wants to do is talk about that silly rock and roll band. You know it’s just him right? He don’t even have a drummer or a singer, much less a guitar player. Now me, back in my day I was one hell of a musician. Had my own Soul band. We opened for Jackie Wilson! Yeah...that was the heights for us. We were real close to taking off. But that damn record company wanted to change our name. I wouldn’t give up my band’s identity for nobody! Still don’t know why they insisted on the change. I don’t see no problem with Mike Hunt and the Hot Rods. You?
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Fine, I’ll give you some shit for your little book. My name is Shawna. I don’t like working here. I don’t like the people here. I don’t like standing in a box all day. I swear, every time someone happens to pass through here they feel the need to stop and converse. I don’t want to talk to them. I don’t want to talk to you. I just want to collect the toll, wait for 7 o’clock to get here, go home, and watch Ice Road Truckers...now pay the damn toll and leave me alone.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Shawna’s a real bitch, ain’t she? I got her this damn job when we were married. She don’t have to stay here, she does because she can’t let go of my sex. Not too many women can. Who can blame them, right? Reggie’s Mustache Rides are free! Haha! This job is a great place to meet women. I usually take one home every time they drive through here. ‘Course that’s only about every 6 months or so...
Saturday, July 25, 2009
I LOVE THIS PLACE! OH YEAH, THE PEOPLE HERE ARE MY BEST FRIENDS! THIS IS MY FAVORITE JOB EVER! I GET MY OWN BOX AND I CAN EAT AS MANY GOO GOO CLUSTERS AS I WANT! I LIKE CARS! I GET TO LOOK AT THEM WHEN THEY DRIVE THROUGH! I THINK THE PEOPLE LIKE ME TOO! THE DRIVERS ALWAYS ASK TO TAKE MY PICTURE! I SAY “OF COURSE, EVERYBODY CAN HAVE A PICTURE WITH LILY!” I’M LILY. YOU CAN COME STAND IN MY BOX IF YOU WANT. I DON’T BITE!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
The World’s Loneliest Toll Plaza
Saturday, July 25, 2009