ALICE – The Gay Girl's Glossy – April 2011

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G L O S S Y

T H E G A Y G I R L ’ S

, WHET. WHet, WHET

VICTOR(Y)!

| 2 0 1 1 | R 2 0

Launch Edition KIDS WILL BE ALL RIGHT”

A P R I L

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Psychology

WHO IS ALICE

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CAPE TOWN GAY PRIDE: Where were you?

I S S U E

EXCLUSIVE!

SURVIVING THE 7/7 LOndon Bombings

G L O S S Y

Meeting oprah!

CATWALK TALK adidas ckone.com errol arendz

m o n thly

The good girl’s guide to being bad

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2011 âˆŤ

www.isseymiyakeparfums.com

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PR E t o r i a 5 9 garstf o n tei n R o a d Mar o ela n a 0081 T: 0 1 2 4 6 0 0 6 2 6 Cape Town P o st n et suite 1 0 2 private b ag x 7 sea p o i n t 8060 T: 0 2 1 4 3 3 0 4 3 0 E : alice @ alice m agazi n e . c o . za W : www . alice m agazi n e . c o . za F: 086 659 0122 © APRIL 2011, SORTED DESIGN STUDIO * P U B L I S H E D MON T H L Y

Photographer Marguerite Oelofse Stylist Victoria MORONELL MODEL BOSS MODELS Make-up & hair bianca van hartkopf

(SORTED DESIGN STUDIO CC.)

COVER

P u b l i s h e d b y : S o rte d A & D i – creative c o m pa n y

Editor: ALICE C h i e f C o p y E d i t o r : K are n K uh n C r e a t i v e : W ille m J ac o b s . Z illa S ch o e m a n . j o y kl o ppers . j o ha n sch o e m a n . lea n d re b rettsch n ei d er F a s h i o n E d i t o r : L o rai n e S tey n Fe a t u r e s E d i t o r : I R E N E G R E Y V E N S T E I N d é c o r e d i t o r : C larissa Meyer f o o d e d i t o r : jaycee F erreira D i r ec t o r M e d i a De v e l o p me n t ( W C ) : I re n e G reyve n stei n A d v e r t i s i n g S a l e s ( GAU ) : J o y K l o ppers SU B S C RIPTIONS AND PRO M OTIONS M ANAG E R : L U C H E R R Y ( lu @ alice m agazi n e . c o . za ) SU B S C RIPTIONS : www . alice m agazi n e . c o . za

C ONTRI B UTING P h o t o g r a p h e r S : M A R G U E R I T E O E L O F S E . J o ha n n L atsky.

C ONTRI B UTING s t y l i s t s : vict o ria m o r o n ell . K are n gr o b b elaar .

C ONTRI B UTING W RIT E RS : b everli R h o d es . Natalie spires . R ON E L C R ON J E . L aure n fitchet . hei n swa n ep o el . lizelle jac o b s . m arga m all o . J aycee F erreira . gerhar d stry d o m . Natalie vict o r . G ia n fra n c o H u m a n . L yl o L essie . C arthwry n n W illia m s . Mari n a gree n . d ele n e va n d yk . A n i n ke va n A n twerpe n . K are n K uh n . karla lies b eek .

C ONTRI B UTING b r a n d s : err o l are n d z . A d i d as , calvi n klei n . I ssey m iyake . M K . hulla b al o o : r o cky m o u n tai n , klea n ka n tee n . l o rai n e stey n . c o tt o n eve n ts . triu m ph fi n a n cial m a n age m e n t . f o replay e n ergy d ri n k . q ueerlifegirls . c o . za . W H E T se n suality e m p o riu m . la d y africa b ush l o d ge . assegai . liza va n jaarsvel d eve n t i n tellige n ce . b o ek b lik . T D pr o t o c o l .

Best F i n a n cial A d vis o rs . L u n ch b o x m e d ia .

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Contents what’s inside?

Inside april 2011

14 16

e d ’ s letter

m i n gli n g with ti n sel t o w n ’ s greatest

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survivi n g the 7 / 7 l o n d o n b o m b i n gs o f 2 0 0 5

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A L I C E P R OMO T I ON

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the ki d s will b e all right

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sapphic sister stars

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C ape T o w n P R I D E , where were y o u ?

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c o m i n g o ut ? o r getti n g i n t o ? – laure n fitchet

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eat here : tashas restaura n t

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what ’ s c o o ki n g : C hicke n g o rg o n z o la – jaycee ferreira

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d o n ’ t m o ve i m pr o ve !

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catwalk talk : active

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catwalk talk : sa fashi o n

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catwalk talk : i n ter n ati o n al fashi o n

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catwalk talk : alice m ai n fashi o n

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y o u were sayi n g : Mevr o u jac o b s w o r d gay

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a b o ut a girl : e m m a ja n e – n atalie spires

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kies j o u t o n g : “ s o , h o e het twee girls n o u ei n tlik seks ? ” – Dele n e va n d yk

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wh o is she , this alice ?

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W H E T , W het , W het : the g o o d girl ’ s gui d e t o b ei n g ‘ g o o d ’ , ‘ b a d ’ a n d everythi n g i n b etwee n

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fi n a n ce gui d e : what if I d o n ’ t d ie ?

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get - it ga d gets : b luet o o th rear m irr o r

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see : m o vie reviews

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rea d : b o o k reviews

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happe n i n g : the pi n k girlfest

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i n terview : b r o ke n glass leaves m e with a b r o ke n heart

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picture this : m k awar d s

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the gig gui d e

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b ack d o o r : the “ f o o d ” critic

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Ed from alice

WORD FROM Wonderland For years she’s been my neighbour, I sometimes peaked over the fence when she’s doing gardening … what a body! And a stunning garden, I’ve always envied her cycads.

Now, she’s OUT, she’s LOUD, and heaven knows … she is PROUD! Strutting her stuff in the streets of the Mother City in a sensible pair of heels and a comfortable branded T-shirt – p28.

Mingle with Victor(y), she’s pretty, clever … or wait is that pretty clever and steaming hot? A stunning face and an open mind.

Meet her on p16 and grab a Klean Kanteen! I don’t leave home without it.

Nou met die nuwe ‘sig’ en all, besef ek toe nou dat ek ‘n trotse Gay Afrikaanse en Suid-Afrikaanse vrou is, Lizelle deel kleindorpiekaskenades op bladsy 56. So, tussen Wim Steyn se MK Awards (bl93) – wat rock chic was en ons beminde kotpissers (dit nou katte, honde of kinders wees – dis nogsteeds kinners!), wonder ek óók, is ek nou in, of is ek nou uit? Kinders ...? Die sielkunde en gay ouers … ‘n paar feite op bladsy 24.

Errol Arendz presents us girls with his Du Sud collection, one like you and one like me, totally wearable comfy and fabulous, this cat is the talk of the walk! – p45.

Marguerite Oelofse, her camera, one of Boss Models’ finest and a little bit of lace… what more can I say? – p47.

Beverli Rhodes shares her life story during the tragedy of the London bombings of 7/7. Hope and healing for all …

Ongeag my bankbalans, m´y rykdom lê in my hart. Ek leef om lief te hê, om te gee, en Alice is onder my arm. Sy het my in haar hart wanneer ek voete opskop, REM teen duisend decibels luister en uniek die geur van L’eau D’issey Florale – Issey Miyake wat ek in liefde se hare ruik.

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Going down with a little dirty clean fun, Cathwrynn and Marina talks vagina, orgasm, politics, toys … Time to get Whet.

Are we coming out or are we getting into, what is this urge to merge? Getting out of the closet stays relevant, but does it get easier? Lauren Fitchet get’s into coming out …

Let’s eat, let’s drink, let’s do some DIY Décor for under R1000.

Let’s go to a show, let’s show a little skin, let’s get married for goodness sake!

Who is this ALICE? – p70.

Well, I’m here! My first edition. I can’t possibly speak for everyone, I have a lot of voices, and need some more. Join me down the rabbit hole …

I feel like exploring.

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report Natalie victor

Mingling with Tinsel Town’s greatest Natalie Linda Victor recently relocated to Gauteng where she followed her passion for the film and television industry. Even at a very young age Natalie always knew she wanted to be in the film and television industry, and studied at Durban University of Technology to complete her degree in Television Production.

Whilst finishing her degree at D.U.T, Natalie worked with some of South Africa’s biggest names in the film industry namely Anant Singh and Grey Hofmeyer. She worked on several well-known productions one which has captivated South African audiences since it hit the Big Screen, Mr Bones 2. This young talented film-maker directed and produced the Love Jones music video called Out There, as well as Gonzo Republic music video called You Know You Want It. Natalie has gone on to do a variety of work on shows on eTV, SABC, Mnet as well as International stations serving as a Production Manager, Content Producer, ENG Production Manager, Studio Floor Manager, Marketing Assistant and Content Co-Ordinator.

By Natalie Victor

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s a young lesbian aspiring television and film producer, life hasn’t always handed me opportunities on a silver platter. I was ten years old when I first realised I was gay – and yes, this may seem young to most, but even then it was the one thing I was certain about. It was five years later when I was sure about yet another important decision in my life; that one day I would be a media mogul, entertaining and inspiring people around the world with television and film. After following my dream and graduating from University I soon realised the battles of being a female in the media industry and an even larger obstacle of being a ‘gay’ female in the industry. Never the less, in February 2009, after working in feature films for three years, I took the plunge and moved to the bustling City of Gold, Johannesburg, and made up my mind to push myself to the limits and prove that despite being different to what society expects, I would indeed succeed in the shark infested media territory.

It is two years later and I’m still trying to find my feet in Johannesburg, my new home away from home, and working 24/7 doesn’t exactly help anyone’s social life. I’m currently still driving around with a GPS stuck on my windscreen and a confused look plastered across my face.

I have since worked with people such as Paris Hilton, Mads Milkensen, Daniel Craig, Leon Schuster, Grey Hofmeyer, Naomi Campbell, just to name a few. But recently I fulfilled a life long dream, by meeting the woman that I held in high respect, the woman on my top 3 list of people to meet, the woman that changed my life forever. I have a list of goals and dreams scribbled down on an old piece of paper along with a list of 3 people I want to meet before I die, my own more detailed ‘bucket list’. At number one on list of 3 people to meet is the legendary King of Pop, Michael Jackson. The man that changed music forever and sang and danced his outrageous moves all the way into my heart.

Sadly we all know that number one will never be accomplished due to his unexpected death. At number two on my list is the most influential woman on the plant and the Queen of Talk Shows, Oprah Winfrey. Number three holds unsteady with my most shallow decision yet, I am still in a tossup between the gorgeous sultry Elizabeth Hurley and the poised yet beautiful Julia Roberts.

Never did I think I would be achieving one of these goals so soon in my life, but have just finished a documentary shoot with The Queen of Talk Shows, Oprah Winfrey.

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After travelling around South Africa filming for South African Tourism, I got a call offering me a position on the crew that would be making a documentary about Oprah and the school she opened in 2007 located an hour outside of Johannesburg in Henley on Klip. No doubt I didn’t even have to think twice about accepting the offer.

After much anticipation and preparation, I collected the American film crew from O.R Tambo Airport on Tuesday the 8th of March and headed straight through to the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls where it was said that Oprah had just arrived. After unloading copious amounts of equipment and setting up for filming her grand entrance into the school, which is said to be quite a sight, and waiting for four hours … only to find out she has decided to only make a public appearance the following day. (Are you kidding me! I just broke my back setting up more than 100kg’s of equipment … and she’s only showing her face TOMORROW?) Despite mounting frustration and aching muscles in every possible region of my eager body, I had to think that, well, tomorrow really isn’t that far away considering I had never thought I would be fulfilling this dream so early on in my life … Oh I’m sure I can wait one more day.

air literally buzzes with “ Theenergy and you can feel a feeling of awe wash over every

cell in your body, this is not just because she is one of the top three people on my list and one of my icons …

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I never got much sleep that night, and let’s be honest, who would if they knew they would be meeting one of the most powerful, most influential woman in the world the following day? It was 11am on Wednesday 9th of March, after setting up the large amounts of heavy equipment in the OWLAG Theatre, everyone on the school grounds fell silent and scurried to their places. I stood watching in amazement as every girl and every teacher in the academy had a role to play when Miss Winfrey arrived, a seat to take, a door to open, a pathway to clear and with no warning of when we should start recording, in walks the most graceful yet powerful woman I have ever had the opportunity of meeting. The air literally buzzes with energy and you can feel a feeling of awe wash over every cell in your body, this is not just because she is one of the top three people on my list and one of my icons … You feel this weather you like it or not, fan or not a fan, you can’t help but feel intimidated by

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Natalie victor standing in the same room as her, let alone meeting her and filming and working with her for a week. She gives you absolutely no option in that.

As embarrassing as this may be for me, I couldn’t help but feel nauseous all the way to my core and feel increasingly light-headed every time we were around her. It’s almost as if I wanted to be the watch on her wrist, travel with her wherever she goes and have her look at me every five minutes, even if it’s just to tell the time. I have had the opportunity to meet some of the sought-after celebrities in tinsel town but this past week of my life has been the most incredible life changing experience yet. To top it all off, I have had an offer to work on the rest of the documentary which will continue to be filmed in Johannesburg in April and again in September. There is no doubt I will be buying a ticket to California to attend the world premier with Oprah Winfrey and the biggest names in the industry in an attempt to raise over $80 million to help pay for the matrics of the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy of Girls to attend University both in South Africa and in the United States. Let’s hope I get invited back to the $50 million ‘Promised Land’ mansion in Santa Barbara, If not… It won’t be a problem, I’ve scaled many walls in my life and I’m sure her walls wouldn’t be a problem either. Look out Oprah Winfrey.

Throughout the next month, Samsung will be filming me for their new national campaign, documenting my life while I use their products in the adventures of my life and work, showing that young vibrant people with a taste for life use their products while jetting around South Africa and working on film sets and adventure sports and then making the video clips into a series of commercials and online clips. Relax time… what’s that?

In the next following issues I’ll also take you through a journey where I have taken on the task to climb the worlds 7 highest mountains to raise R7 million for 7 charities/organizations around the world. It has become my dream to travel the world and inspire the youth, to write a book and create a movement. In today’s society so many of our youth lose sight of what is important in life and sometimes lose faith in themselves because of the stereotypes given to people in our society – you need to be healthy, rich, straight and attractive to get anywhere in the world. And that’s not true – your life and future is what you make it. I want to inspire and show the youth and ladies specifically, that no matter how sick you are or how young you may be, you can achieve anything you put your mind to!

I will be taking on the challenge of summiting the extraordinary mountain of Kilimanjaro first, a kind of ‘warm up’, before attacking the next 6 mountains while panting and wondering ‘why did I ever think I could do this?’ The national campaign which started in July 2009, gained press from around South Africa including numerous newspaper and magazine articles and interviews on 5fm with DJ Fresh. The campaign has gained a significant amount of sponsors throughout the last few months and will continue to grow with support from companies and individuals around our country.

Let’s all pull together and make life extraordinary!

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Life TRUE LIFE STORY

Surviving THE 7/7 London Bombings of 2005

By Beverli Rhodes

Looking around us we are faced with tragedies every day. Earthquakes, floods, financial downfalls, terrorist attacks are all occurring more and more. Whether it is induced by nature or human conduct, it forms part of our reality. And every incident affects us personally and has a vast impact on our own lives...

Exclusively within Alice, for the first time since the London bombings incident of 2005, a brief light is shone into the private life of a 7/7 survivor and her life partner. This is snapshot of their story to be released as a paperback called Hate, Hope & Healing.

The Day of the 7th July I recall the morning of the day: it was a murky, damp and unseasonably cool the 7th July being a Thursday, in 2005. I was dashing about and Tina, my life partner mentioned she had a bad night and we would leave a bit later and she would drop me at the station entrance. So, after kissing our goodbyes, I took a later train in the London underground system (known colloquially as ‘the Tube’), little knowing that soon I would face the possibility of death.

The train tunnels are up to 30 meters below the surface. The explosion brought the train to an abrupt stop; extreme force removed all power and the communication systems between carriages. The 15 cm around the train within the diameter of 3.5 metres felt even smaller to me, like trying to push a sausage through a piece of macaroni! There was debris along the steel line of the carriage.

I was knocked totally unconscious for over 12 minutes; events are pretty patchy for me.

I do remember hitting the pole and feeling really hot on the left side of my face and body, like a bad sunburn. But I don’t remember much after that.

When I regained a form of semi-consciousness, I was confused. Just looking around my carriage, slipping in and out of consciousness, it was hard to focus and sapped my strength.

Eventually, I became conscious again. It was about 30 minutes from the time of the sudden lurch forward where I was thrown into the long pole situated by the exit doors.

I heard a feint ping sound, then blackness, deathly quiet, just a small sound of blood pumping in my ears.

Almost immediately I started a mental list, questioning myself, had I told Tina I love her, did I speak to my daughters, do they know their mother loves them, where is the will, can Tina find my will? During this time, I continued my personal shopping list, my emotions, my family, had I spoken to my children, had I told my parents I loved them? If I had experienced my last breath, had I left things properly? I hoped that others would benefit from my organs as a donor, along with all sorts of thoughts.

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Then there was silence for a few seconds, which felt like an eternity.

card or cheque. When the meter became £42.50 (about R550) he pulled over and sent us on our way.

Disoriented for the most part, I was unable to see clearly through the smoke, finding it difficult to breathe as the clouds were thick with fibres, asbestos dust, train oil, ceramic particles and all sorts of smaller bits. After a time, in a rather unladylike fashion, I managed to scramble to my feet.

Terror at the Hospital At the hospital where Tina worked, her admin staff had been watching television in the patient waiting room; they had noticed the Russell Square, Kings Cross train on the Piccadilly line.

They knew that it was on my journey to work in the city. The admin team approached Tina in between her patients and told her of the war like conditions in London. Worried for my safety, she had been frantically calling my mobile, to no avail as the mobile system was overloaded, then turned to emergency calls only.

Lots of people were mouthing prayers, or thinking, and everything became hushed. All on my train were led down the track in the dim strangely coloured emergency strip-lighting along the upper area of the tunnels.

Through the dizzy feeling while walking along the middle of the tracks, I felt a strange, warm sponging sensation in my face and mouth. I clenched my teeth and realised that they were not where they should be. I felt feverishly with my tongue, it took all my strength left in my face, to squash them back into place.

At the time I was not aware that its best to spit teeth out as an infection starts up due to the debris entering the wounds. I was to discover that later on.

Using the light from my opened flip-top mobile phone handset, I was just able to make out a feint outline of the others. Those of us who could still walk moved forward in single file as the driver forced open his door, pulled out the escape stairs from a hidden place under the train.

I was aware of the blind mice that were scurrying along to get as far away from the danger as possible. Even though they are blind and have no tails, the mice instinctively knew they had to run for their lives – pretty much what we were doing too.

When we got outside, up top in the dim, dull London morning, I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see a drizzly day in my life, or since for that matter.

Wandering on the Road We scrambled into the dim light of the drizzle in London.

Classified as walking wounded, we were ushered along and told to make our way to our local accident and emergency.

The main concern was the possibility of a further device, and dealing with severe injuries.

I was lucky enough to flag down a black cab which was on his way home. He wanted £342.50 (about R4 420) to take three of us to the top of the highway near our home in North London.

We pooled all our cash as the driver wouldn’t accept a credit

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Tina had to make the stressful decision, to leave the hospital and drive towards London to try to find me herself. She knew that if I was alive, with minor injuries that I would do my best to get home, following the routes we always used.

After the taxi dropped us we separated and began our individual trek to get home. I turned off into the residential area, others pedestrians gave me a few funny looks, but no-one asked why I was in such a state! Eventually I was walking in the middle of the road and took a brief rest on a traffic island leaning on a road sign. I recognised a car with Tina at the wheel, she had found me.

Eventual Medical Assistance We went home to our ground floor apartment. Checking over my injuries, level headed Tina said to call the emergency line to have my name removed from the ‘Missing’ list, and to report the nature of my injuries and the train I was travelling on. After that we went to our local accident and emergency centre and waited the five hours to see a doctor.

What followed was five years of medical treatment, operations overseas and dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) on a daily basis. Tina was able to inspect the hospital and the operating rooms due to her own hospital status, once we had the thumbs up I had all my procedures at the same hospital.

Same-Sex Couples Issue As a same-sex couple we experienced difficulties, a price we paid, the emotional pain was unavoidable. My medical records could not be shared with her, none of the diagnosis or treatment would be discussed with her being present. Yet, in Thailand she attended all the treatments, the investigative procedures and the operations. The agencies dealing with disability allowances, gave her the cold shoulder. Most procedures and admin

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TRUE LIFE STORY processes seemed to be designed for straight couples. The constant fight for information and the need to be seen as a couple, added to the stress of my recovery.

Our Future I’ve always been very grateful that Tina is level headed under pressure, her ‘bed-side-manner’ after 36 years in the UK National Health Service (NHS) sure did come in handy. She jokes about having Beverli version 1 for a 5 years and with Beverli version II since 2005, so 6 years now. I believe, and I’ve been told, I’m a totally different person in body, mind and spirit.

True Trooper Vasbyt Six years on, the main health issue that remains is the severe post-traumatic stress disorder. The nightmares, reliving the event are absolutely horrific. When I hear the combined sirens of a police car, fire engine and an ambulance, it’s a PTSD trigger for me and I end up going into hyper-alertness and need to hide away. In spite of the issues, I continue to deliver motivational talks and training workshops, passing on the survival skills and the keys to personal strength and development. I will not give in, I continue the fight against extremism, the terrorists changed my life and now I change the lives of others.

The health service and care organisations dealing with disorders caused by severely traumatic incidents, never gave a second thought for the effect of the 7/7 London bombings would have on the partners of victims, like Tina. There has been no support for her, and very little support for me.

Remember:

During the recent changes in our governing party, the ministers tasked with humanitarian assistance at the Home Office looking after survivors welfare, were not replaced. As an oversight each officer thought that the task had fallen to a different section of the ministry, not realising that in fact there is no minister assigned the care and welfare of survivors from acts of terrorism or soldiers returning from active duty.

Bless you all

... there are no winners in any war, only those that are left. ... those who have lost their lives, honour their memory.

In discovering these facts, we created a foundation soon to be awarded charity status, to assist all survivors from any act of terror. Specifically, the vision of the Survivors Coalition Foundation aims to provide advice and therapy for those diagnosed with PTSD – a World Health Organisation (WHO) recognised disability (it’s taken 30 years of lobbying to attain worldwide disability status!)

In order to understand the therapy required, although already a clinical psychologist, Tina trained as an Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Practitioner, specialising in PTSD – no surprise there then. We now head up a UK based research project called: ‘EFT 4 PTSD’ that targets soldiers returning from active duty diagnosed with PTSD as well as all survivors of terrorism related trauma. The research results will be presented to the House of Commons at an event later in the year. Already we have significant celebrity support along with ministers and other key charities.

Together we hope to make a difference.

Beverli Rhodes was featured on the BBC News, Sky and ITV Meridian as well as on Radio South East, London LBC with celebrity Nick Ferrari in the UK she was answering questions about the 7/7 event and the failings of the official inquest which ended on the 4th of March, Her fight for justice and appropriate compensation for all survivors from acts of terrorism continues. She has founded a charity called the Survivors Coalition Foundation to be launched this year.

Mz Rhodes has captured her day-to-day struggle to return to normality, in her diaries, soon to be released in a paperback book called Hate, Hope & Healing and the re-release of her first book in 1990 Finding Your Cosmic Connection.

Both of which will be available through our magazine.

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ALICE PROMOTION

A L I C E LOV E S TOSPOIL

YOU !

SUBSCRIBE AND WIN! SUBSCRIBE NOW AND RECEIVE 25% DISCOUNT ON 12 ISSUES OF A L I C E GGG!

GO TO WWW.ALICEMAGAZINE.CO.ZA One lucky subscriber will win a trip to Lady Africa Bush Lodge – Limpopo!

talk to ALICE!

Send your letters to letters@alicemagazine.co.za and stand a chance to win the magic mystery prize!

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Family VIEW on parenting

THE KIDS WILL BE ALL RIGHT

By Hein Swanepoel

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hether or not to have children is one of the biggest decisions that couples have to make, and this can be a complex issue in the gay and lesbian community.

Same sex parents face unique challenges, and often have to defend their decision to raise children among prejudiced family, friends, and other members of society.

Lesbian parenting has been researched extensively over the last twenty years, but due to naivety and social biases the general population is still in disagreement on whether lesbian couples should raise children or not. This article will review some of the relevant challenges and opportunities which lesbian parents face, in order to help couples make this life altering decision.

Hein is currently in the process of completing his masters degree in counselling psychology.

His work is based on the premise that interpersonal relationships are central to human behaviour, and his research is strongly influenced by the fields of cognitive, existential, and social psychology.

The majority of research has focussed on whether lesbian parents are the same as, or different from, heterosexual parents in some way. Thus, many researchers have tried to determine whether the children of lesbian parents lead lives that are similar to, better than, or worse than those led by children of straight couples. However, this may not be the best way to approach this question; seeing as such a philosophy would emphasize comparison to a benchmark of deemed heterosexual normality, as opposed to evaluating whether individual couples might be good parents or not (Clarke, 2002).

Even so, this is the angle from which people are approaching this issue, and thus I will discuss a few of the differences.

One of the first important considerations that couples face in their decision to have children is figuring out how parenthood will affect their lives and their relationship.

While reviewing parenting styles among same-sex couples, Perlesz et al. (2010) noted that household chores, parenting responsibilities, and income generating employment is shared more evenly among homosexual parents than heterosexual parents. Heterosexual couples almost always divide the household responsibilities according to societal stereotypes, where the wife will usually fulfil the role of primary child-care provider. Lesbian couples, on the other hand, tend to achieve a greater level of egalitarianism by sharing these responsibilities. Some researchers argue that sharing parenting responsibilities more evenly leads to more secure attachments between lesbian parents and their children, seeing as most co-mothers are more involved in child care than the average father in a heterosexual family (McCann & Delmonte, 2005).

Interestingly, it seems that even when lesbian couples share parenting duties; most children still form a primary mother attachment to one of the partners (Bennet, 2003).

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This is not to say that the child does not form a strong attachment to the other partner, research simply suggests that most children perceived one of their mothers as their primary caretaker. This perception was primarily due to the child’s subjective evaluation of the quality and intimacy of care, which is an important issue that couples should discuss. Seeing as both partners may feel the need to be acknowledged as a mother and caregiver, the couple should consider how they are going to react emotionally when the child clearly identifies one of them as the primary mother figure.

While surveying experiences of parenthood, Perlesz and McNair (2004) found that possible bullying and discrimination against their children was a major concern among lesbian parents. This is a valid concern, seeing as a relatively high percentage of children with homosexual parents are teased about this at some stage during their lives. Depending on the community that they live in, this might be a reality that couples have to accept and prepare for. The adolescent years are often especially challenging, and children may be weary of talking about their same-sex parents in front of their peers, and some might even try to hide this fact. Once again, this is something that couples should discuss and prepare for, seeing as feelings can easily get hurt when this happens. It is important to remember that this not a reflection of how the child feels toward his or her parents, but rather a measure of self-preservation. In more conservative communities, admitting to ones peers that you have homosexual parents may be almost as difficult as coming out of the closet, and parents may have to respect their children’s need for discretion until they feel comfortable to share this information.

academic and work performance, delinquency, sexual behaviour, or romantic involvement (Patterson, 2006). Instead, healthy adjustment is primarily related to warmth, affection, and quality of parent-child interactions.

While lesbian couples should be aware of the challenges and opportunities mentioned above, the final deciding factor as to whether they should have children should rely, above all, on whether they are able to provide a loving, caring, and nurturing environment for their child. If a lesbian couple is able to provide such an environment, no one in the world has any right to deny them of sharing their love with their children.

References Bennet, S. (2003). Is there a primary mom? Parental perceptions of attachment bond hierarchies within lesbian adoptive families. Child & Adolescent Social Work Journal, 20(3), 159-173.

Clarke, V. (2002). Sameness and difference in research on lesbian parenting.

Journal of Community & Applied Social Psychology, 12(3), 210-222.

McCann, D., & Delmonte, H. (2005). Lesbian and gay parenting: Babes in arms or babes in the woods? Sexual & Relationship Therapy, 20(3), 333-347.

Patterson, C. (2006). Children of lesbian and gay parents. Current Directions in Psychological Science (Wiley-Blackwell), 15(5), 241-244.

Perlesz, A., & McNair, R. (2004). Lesbian parenting: Insiders’ voices. Australian & New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, 25(3), 129-140.

Perlesz, A., Power, J., Brown, R., McNair, R., Schofield, M., Pitts, M., … & Bickerdike, A. (2010). Organising work and home in same-sex parented families: Findings from the work love play study. Australian & New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, 31(4), 374-391.

As for the long term outcomes for children raised by lesbian parents, many years of multidisciplinary research has provided resounding evidence that children raised by lesbian parents are just as well adapted as children raised by heterosexual parents, and there are really no significant differences between these two groups (McCann & Delmonte, 2005). For instance, one popular objection to homosexual parenting is that homosexual parents will raise homosexual children. Not only has research clearly shown that the vast majority of kids raised by homosexual parents grow up to be heterosexual adults, this argument is self defeating and makes no sense. If homosexual parents breed homosexual children, wouldn’t heterosexual parents breed heterosexual children? How then does one explain straight parents having a gay child?

Several research studies have proved time and time again that parents’ sexual orientation has no long term impact on their children’s self esteem, levels of anxiety, family relationships,

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Stars in the stars

Sapphic sister stars

By Beverli Rhodes

On the 10th of February 2011 collectively we entered the ‘Universal Consciousness Cycle’ where we are capable of conscious co-creation energy, using that energy of thousands of people to change governments like: Tunisia and Egypt with Libya being the next wave of energy. The event will lead to the birth of a New Solar Eclipse Cycle which starts on the 1st of July 2011. Both the planet Chiron and Neptune will remain closely together (in conjunction) within their sacred location all through 2011. For those who are unaware of Chiron, the planet moves your deepest emotions to the surface, in order to ‘deal and heal’, where, Neptune will help with activating both the angelic and spiritual realms, which will clear the traumatic energy. There is a New Moon sitting at 14 degrees Pisces, on a small star on the 4th of April.

A R I E S­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ The super smart Arian woman Arian always looks fresh and very together. Other sun signs find they will clash with the unbound source of energy, enthusiasm, and adventuress nature. There is a blossoming of new goals, possible successes that perhaps just didn’t happen last year, that could start in April. You may need to wait until later in the year to get that elusive new job, or just a job even. Watch the path of destiny unfold, remain open to new ideas and listen to all the suggestions in both where love and money are concerned, make your decisions carefully. Luckiest date this month; 22nd.

T A U R U S­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ The start of exciting changes in your work prospects. In the new 2011, the first few months of the year could be turbulent because of unexpected investments and expenditures. However, the situation will be far better as you enter the last phase of the year. Career prospects for Taurians on the hunt for jobs, finally looks a lot more positive. Prospects of a new job will be far greater if you undertake research about the company and give the interviewer the reasons why you would be the best candidate! Change to a more positive path of destiny will cancel out the more difficult unfavourable planetary positions of the past months. Luckiest date this month; 20th.

G E M I N I­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ Career prospects and monetary positions will look brighter for Geminians, especially those who work as finance consultants, auditors, administrators and press liaison officers. For the single one amongst you, an enormous level of success is expected.

Middle and early parts of the month should prove to be very stressful and distressing for most Geminians, because of economic turbulence. Luckiest date this month; 4th.

C A N C E R­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ This is a time of personal growth, a special time for most Cancerian women! This month you will be filled with imagination and creativity. You must stay positive and enjoy the essence of life. Professionally, it seems that the path of destiny will get you down and only become average in a month’s time. There are challenges, even some rather intense moments, which should clear by the end of April. On the personal front, family life will also have some issues through until June, but you will get through it. You will need to be strong for most part of 2011. Luckiest date this month; 20th.

LEO Leo’s have a fab month ahead professionally and better times overall! In regards of personal life, Leo ladies need to take care and treat softly. There are a few problems to be faced, handle them very delicately, or you could find that you will have to make great efforts to save your relationship. Students, come in with a strong energy too, a mix of good and bad times through until Easter. For the single Lioness, there will be a great deal of interest in you for the next 4 weeks, but don’t settle just yet, you need to be sure.

Luckiest date this month; 7th.

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V I R G O­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ During April the Virgo woman will see the start to many changes in all aspects of life. The opportunities are many, but the Virgo woman will find it hard to convert all opportunities into success. You may not appreciate the weak financial situation that will impact your personal lives through April, but it will clear just as quickly. Try not to become too annoyed and if you do, don’t let it show! For the student, there is a lot of interest and your marks will get to be a lot better, especially as you’re a perfectionist and will put a lot of effort into your assignments. Luckiest date this month; 18th.

L I B R A­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ The Libran woman can expect great gains in April. Much like the scales that balance everything, the month should be a relaxed period; there will be normalcy in all your life. This is the month, perhaps 6 weeks of stability for Librans, when peace and prosperity come naturally. In spite of many successes, there may be some disappointments but not too serious. You seem to be worried about money matters and career related issues will bother Libra ladies. There may be some changes in place of residence which will be for the better. Luckiest date this month; 8th.

S C O R P I O­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ The sting in the tail this month is that you need to be honest with yourself and others, especially your partner if you’re involved.

Where new relationships are concerned, don’t rush things; treat them with patience and care. The scorpion in you can be too quick to get into a serious partnership. On the job front; stop fooling yourself that you’re not capable of many different types of careers, come on you can do it, believe in yourself! Others around you need to be truthful as you discover that at work there are issues and possibly even someone who is stabbing you in the back. Watch yourself at work, don’t let someone else take all the credit for the work that you do. Luckiest date this month; 12th.

S A G I T T A R I U S ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ The sky guide for the Sag girls is quite good. Try to be less stubborn this month as it could end up hurting someone close to you.

If you’re not involved yet, this month sees a new love interest. For the unemployed, it’s a good time to increase your efforts, also to add to your education. You may find that you not only learn and retain more but you actually start to really enjoy learning. It’s a time of discovery too; learning about yourself will enable you to see the new horizons opening up. For the single lady, there is an interesting turn of events. Luckiest date this month; 9th.

C A P R I C O R N­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ The inner creative self want to be allowed to play this month! You hate to trust in the flow of destiny but that’s just what you have to do. This time, complaining won’t cut the mustard. Before you can change your life, you have to accept your life. Once you can honestly do that, love and a job that you like will flow into your life. Until then you may keep knocking your head against a brick wall.

Calm yourself and focus on your goals. Luckiest date this month; 30th.

A Q U A R I U S­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ Aquarians don’t like doing anything in a logical, traditional, methodical way. It seems that this month you will find a quirky way to get what you want! Just beware that you don’t keep going round in circles. For those looking for work, you need to plan your way ahead. You will have a positive frame of mind as far as relationships go, especially if you’re already in a long term partnership. If you’re single, you’ll find yourself feeling more loving towards others, which could attract someone special towards the end of the month. Relax and feel happier about the future. Luckiest date this month; 28th.

P I S C E S­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ The two sides of your personality make it hard to choose the path of destiny. Especially if you’re looking for work there may be job offers that aren’t quite what you wanted. With many opportunities for social activity, it is no wonder that single Pisces will meet a potential new partner this month. Those already attached may find that their relationship has blossomed into new life and it is a particularly happy time right now. Your focus this month is on matters of the heart. Practical issues such as a house move or job change may get put on the back burner until the time is right. Luckiest date this month;18th.

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Cape Town Pride

Where were you?

By Gianfranco Human

Gay pride 2011 – “Love our Diversity” in the Mother City. A city that is a destination of choice to many travellers from across the globe, gay men and women travel the globe from one Mardi Gras to another, visiting as many countries as they possibly can. “The Gay coastal tourism capital of South Africa” says Mambaonline.

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experience

“The guy in the green shorts”

t was magnificent meeting many international gay and lesbian people during this year’s Cape Town Pride 2011, but I could not help but wonder ... where are the proud South Africans and more so why is Cape Town Pride predominantly male, where are our lesbian sisters and more so where are our sisters from the townships and rural areas? It makes one think that many of us have grown up in a democratic country with legislature that gives us rights just like any other human being, however there is still so much hate and anger towards our family – the gay and lesbian society, across the country, not just in the cities we know and feel safe in. This was one of the challenges Cape Town Pride tried to tackle in this year’s festival and chose the theme of “Love is our Diversity” with the underlying issue of corrective rape as an area of focus. We are diverse and we are a democratic country but still, “WHERE WERE YOU?” Cape Town pride spans over a week and a half with events practically every day and / or night. From film festivals, lunch in the township, seminars and talks, a church service and many more. I will be taking you through a “blow by blow, day by day” of as many of the events I managed to get to in the week.

Day 1 - The Pride premiere held at the Labia theatre on Orange Street. I woke in the morning with the overwhelming feeling of excitement that the Cape Town pride festival was to kick off in the evening with the musical premiere screenings. Film is very close to my heart which increased the excitement. Sadly, I had to teach Zumba and class ended when the event started, so I was late. I managed to watch a couple of the music videos that were being screened – it was amazing to watch and sing along to in the setting of the Labia Theatre.

Outside in the courtyard, platters and platters of finger foods and bottles and bottles of bubbly.

Willie Stegmann, the food and beverage manager of Cape Town Pride, mentioned L’Avenir Wine Estate just outside Stellenbosch sponsored 70 bottles of champagne and 70 bottles of wine. We all stood outside, munching away, having a glass or two of bubbly and meeting wonderful, interesting new people. What a way to spend the first night of Cape Town pride.

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Day 2 – Friday night, long day in the office ... but it is Pride week. The line-up for the night was the Red party. One event, eighteen (18), yes 18 venues. Where do you go? Answer, as many places as possible. All the clubs in the village were filled with many people. For R30 you had access to all 18 venues, there was no need to drive as there were many cabs around to take you from one venue to the next. I only managed to get to a couple, think it is my age catching up with me. Regardless, it was a Friday night and we are normally out on a Friday. What is R30 for all the venues, the profits go to a good cause anyway. I tracked down the event manager Fadwa Walker who said that this collaborative effort between 18 clubs and restaurants raised a substantial amount of money for a good cause that would not have been possible without a core group of passionate volunteers from all walks of life, giving 8 hours of their time in feather boas, high heels and top hats to show everyone how we love our diversity. What an amazing evening, good music and a great party by all who attended, where were you?

Day 3 – The Pool Party. A scorching hot day with the sun beating down. A pool party was just the right event to attend. I had one question bugging me the entire time while being there; WHERE ARE THE GIRLS and where is the diversity? All were welcome! ALL! So where was everyone? All I saw were buff men in Speedo’s mincing around. In my opinion, this needs to change. It was a fantastic afternoon, with a heated pool and good music. Slightly overpriced drinks but the barmen seemed to have a heavy hand with the Long Island’s. Overall it was a relaxing and fun afternoon, where were you?

From the pool party it was straight, can’t help but giggle ... straight, to the Joseph Stone Auditorium in Athlone for the Mr and Ms Cape Town Pride Pageant. After a selection process the contestants were chosen by a panel of judges. During the evening they had to present themselves to the public and the panel of judges. There were great performances including 3D who wowed the audience with their Beyonce moves on stage. It was great to see a spectrum of contestants rather than the usual extremely thin emaciated looking men and women in a contestant like this. At the end of the competition and emotional Zhang Zi-lin was crowned the new Ms Cape Town pride and a composed Bradley Randall Benjamin was crowned the new Mr Cape Town pride. A wonderful evening to attend. Where were you?

Day 4. It is a Sunday; work in the morning and an event that I have been looking forward to going to all week. MZOLI’S in Gugulethu. I ended my normal Sunday Zumba class a little early to get myself to Mzoli’s. Many were weary of entering Guglulethu so Cape Town Pride hired a Golden Arrow bus to transport everyone to and from the venue; I wish I could have taken the bus into Juju-leteois, say Gugulethu with a limp wrist and a high pitched voice, Juju-leteois! But sadly I was late from my class, I felt special driving into the township, with a gay flag flying on the corner with friendly smiles and waves from what I coined ‘The Gay Pride Welcoming Committee”. I had a tear roll down my check at the overwhelming feeling of being welcomed as a community to the township however suspicious when there is a major issue of corrective rape that is rife country wide and known and ignored in the townships and other areas of South Africa and the world, like countries like Uganda where it is still illegal to be a homosexual. Cape Town Pride brings an event into the townships, but where were you? I believe this was the best event of the entire festival. Great people, cheap food and beverage and an atmosphere of ‘UBUNTU’. Where were you?

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CAPE TOWN PRIDE 2011

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Cape Town Pride Day 5. Holding down three jobs and attending all the events the tiredness was starting to catch up to me. None the less how could a person not attend the theatre especially when it is one of the trendy theatres in the City? Divas @ On Broadway was on offer. Jaco, a friend of mine called me to tell me he had already bought me my ticket.

I dragged myself off to the theatre and realised upon arrival that the venue had moved to Long Street, that’s how long it has been since I was at the theatre, not a problem the new theatre is walking distance from the last venue.

What a pleasant show, started recognising faces, pride followers that have been at all the other events. A group of talented performers / diva performed their routines to an excited audience. A well spent R85 ... and I got over my tiredness.

Day 6 & 7. Had functions like an Interfaith Service, the Sunset Beach picnic on Clifton 3rd beach, the Book Fair and a talk by Gender Dynamix. Sadly, where was I? I got caught up at work and could not make the events. Reports from friends say that the talk was powerful and the picnic was relaxing.

Day 8. The Pink Ball was the most spoken about event on the calendar. From what I heard, the year before was an absolute disaster. Why would anyone want to go ...

I believe this year was 100 times better than last year. Celebrities like Liezel van der Westhuizen attended and guest speaker Melanie Nathan who has also been invited, along with members of the South African lesbian rights group Luleki Sizwe to a discussion that could possibly stir action against ‘corrective’ rape, by the country’s Minister of Justice and Constitutional Development, Jeff Radebe. Compliments to the food and beverage manager for ensuring great food, and beverage was on tap at all times.

The highlight of the evening was the Auction where you could bit for items like the San Francisco Gay flag which fetched a pretty penny. The best thing about this auction is that the proceeds go to the Gay and Lesbian Shelter trust. Where were you?

Day 9. Cheese and wine fundraiser was held at the pride shelter trust in Oranjezicht; 1 Molteno Road.

Day 10. The big day arrives, The Pride Parade and celebration held at the Cape Town Stadium. Floats were built and people arrived in their thousands. I stand corrected but I believe there were over 4000 people at the parade, were did everyone go after the march? This year the route was changed and the march went through Green Point and Sea Point ending at the Cape Town Stadium, what a great venue to hold the celebration of the year. Thousands marched proudly through the streets, waving feather boas and marching in heels. SABC reports: “The annual Cape Town Gay Pride Parade kicked off with colourful floats and ritzy dress today where rainbows of resplendent colour, music and festive cheer were what characterised the pride. Organisers want gay rights better protected”. Festival Director Gareth Dallas says: “We are here to celebrate our queerness, our beautifulness, our trans- gender folk, our inter sex folk. But also to put a little bit of a spot light on issues such as corrective rape in South Africa and how wrong that is and why it needs to change.” There were also calls for South Africa to distance itself from Uganda because of its anti-gay stance. Gay Rights activist Melanie Nathan says: “How can South Africa welcome Museveni (Ugandan president) in this country, and thank him, and then go and invest in Uganda when they are killing and wanting to kill gay, lesbian, bisexual people, transgender too?”

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Gareth Dallas and Melanie Nathan being interviewed.

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Why is there a pride parade and what is the point? There is no struggle and need to be heard, seen and accepted for who we are, or is there? Where were you? Melanie Nathan in her interview with SABC shows a valid point. What about Uganda. Perhaps we need to have ‘these’ festivals that many turn their noses up to, for other countries like Uganda, or simply for our own people who cannot “come out” in the townships because of the fear of being raped. It is strange that we feel a sense of pride to be who we are but many do not support these momentous world recognized event. Where is your support and where is your pride to be who you are. Many said to me in passing that it was their 1st pride that they attending and it helped them realize who they are. It’s not just about feather boas, men in high heels but it is about loving our diversity, black, white, coloured, lesbian, gay, transgender, drag queens, men and woman. It is a bigger picture that we need to acknowledge and contribute in any small way as we possibly can. Even if it is just to mince around Sea Point and join the celebration, yes celebration, not party at the end as there is more to it than just a party. Where were you?

Cape Town Pride 2011 was a massive success and I was proud to be part of it and was fortunate enough to attend many of the events. I wish I had more time to have been able to get to the ones I missed. Where were you? Hopefully, after seeing and hearing about my experience at Cape Town Pride 2011, you feel inspired to join in the years to come for whatever reason in your own capacity to show your support. I would like to extend an invitation to the gay and lesbian society at large to attend Cape Town pride 2012! w w w

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Thought on life and being

By Lauren Fitchet

COMING OUT? or GETTING INTO?

Lauren qualified at the University of the Witwatersrand with her Masters in Community-based Counselling. She has been working at a high school for the past few years. She’s a proud gay woman, who’s been in a relationship for three years. If you have any questions you would like to ask Lauren, mail her on alice@alicemagazine.co.za subject line “Dear Lauren”.

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esbian, gay, bisexual or straight – we’ve all felt that rush. You believe you’re in love – or lust – it doesn’t really matter what you call it, it is exciting. Your mind becomes occupied with that one person, and as a lesbian you inevitably fantasise about moving in together, getting a joint bank account, promise rings and making a list of possible names for your children (which in your ideal world shares both of your DNA). In the L-word, this idea is referred to as ‘the lesbian urge to merge’ – we say I love you too quickly, create a group of ‘our’ friends, move in together and ultimately make grand promises far too early in our relationships. The question is why? In my opinion, if coming out was easier, we may have a few more people to bounce these grandiose ideas off of.

Deciding to come out is a difficult decision, one which people mull over for various lengths of time. Different events may lead up to the decision, maybe you hadn’t been sure whether you were or you weren’t and you experience an interaction with someone that confirms it in your mind. The drunken night chatting with friends about life, love and sex – a conversation that you didn’t really feel a part of because you don’t feel alive, haven’t felt true love and sex has been a mandatory chore in heterosexual relationships. It could have been a totally different type of drunken night in which you take the plunge and finally ‘make a connection’ with someone of the same sex. Or possibly, it didn’t have anything to do with any alcohol and you meet someone who finally makes the risk of coming out worth it.

Along with the different events leading up to the decision are a variety of emotions which lead you to coming out of the closet.

These may include – among many others – fear or worry and excitement (I admit, people feeling excitement may be in short supply so we’ll refer to it from here on out as a sense of relief). We

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fear the answers to questions which we occupy ourselves with – “what will everyone think?” I believe that people have an inkling that you are lesbian – not that there are a list of signs for people to look out for but the answers, “No mom, Candice and I are just going to be in my room listening to music” or “No dad, don’t worry about the sleeper couch, Melissa and I will just share my (single) bed” are probably setting off some signals in your parents’ heads after six months even though you guys are just friends.

The second fear is that of acceptance. At the end of the day, the decision is only yours to make and once you have come to terms with your decision, those that really care about you will come around to it and choose to stay in your life. In all honesty, the people who choose to vacate their position in your life most probably fall into one of two categories – either they were already looking for a reason to end their relationship with you or they need to be educated so that they can realise that lesbians are not from Satan sent to corrupt young girls and degenerate society.

The final fear is whether or not people will still love you. Aside from being honest and straightforward, nothing has changed; in essence you are still the same person that you always were.

The impending feeling of relief may accompany the decision to come out, we really just want to get it off of our chest and tell someone. This may lead to the feeling of contentment as we are being honest with those who we care about and not having to hide the feelings that we have for others. Running around behind peoples’ backs and coming up with stories and lies to explain our actions can be very tiring – even stressful.

It’s only fair for me to share my ‘coming out’ experience – well my first experience of it with you. I was still in high school and had

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been wondering for a couple of years whether I was or was not lesbian. Then there she was – I fell head over heels in something with another girl at my school. To me, she was the most beautiful girl that I had laid eyes on. We chatted for a few months and – as all teenage girls do – exchanged letters by the dozen before one of us initiated the idea of going out with each other.

and put on our big girl panties – sometimes we have to be considerate and strong for those around us.

Enough about me – here are some things to think about if you are heading towards coming out of the closet: 1. Accept your decision yourself before you make a big thing of

Life

It was Valentine’s Day of my matric year when I experienced my first real kiss – we kissed hidden far away from prying eyes at a school social. Sadly, our elation did not last – Oh yes, I forgot to mention that her older sister and I had been good friends until she find one of our letters lying around their family home. I was told a couple of days later in no uncertain terms that her sister was not gay and that I should stay far away from her. I was scared of this rather muscular and athletic older sister and our interaction prompted the most nerve wracking coming out experience thus far – I needed comfort from my parents.

I arrived home in tears and sat down with my mom in her bedroom. I told her that I needed to talk to her – “I think I might be gay” I said. My mom must be paid her dues – at first there were questions – “Who?”, “since when?”, “why?” followed by the ever-ready motherly advice. Sadly, the initial understanding turned into a trying time for my family and me but we managed to come out on the other side fairly unscathed – but slightly wiser. The first thing that I learnt was through the compulsory therapy sessions handed down to fix me – I learnt about the damage that a professional with their own agenda can do. For me, this was where the first seeds of entering into a profession that helps people were planted. It gave me the potential to become an empathetic person who would really hear someone before unloading my preconceived ideas onto them. Secondly, my family learnt about love, even though my parents could have taken the easy route and hidden my sexuality from everyone – even themselves – they have come a long way in being there for me and supporting me through the break-ups, make-ups and confusion. They have been honest about their concerns and fears, giving all of us the opportunity to show unconditional love to each other – no matter what they say or who I date, at the end of the day we will continue to be there for each other.

coming out. People will ask you questions, some may even attack you or your choices and you need to be comfortable and confident enough to answer these without letting them think that they have won. In moments of weakness, you may contradict yourself but you need the courage to stand up for your decisions and in the future for your relationship.

2. Don’t apologise for your choice – it’s not a bad thing and it’s certainly no-one’s fault. There are many theories as to why people are gay and while I can’t advocate for one in particular, it’s clear that it is not a conscious decision for anyone.

3. Being gay comes with certain responsibilities. People have negative perceptions of gays and lesbians – the older or more conservative people are the more negative the perception. It is our responsibility to educate others and allow them to see that lesbianism is neither dirty nor deranged.

4. Finally, be patient. It may take time for those that we love to come around and be supportive because they need to deal with their stuff. But in the long run, we can’t run and write people off and then expect them to be there later. Of course, we have our limits – some lines should not be crossed but we need to stop and think about where these harsh words or difficult questions come from before we do something that we regret.

Although coming out can be a difficult experience and one that we don’t only experience once, I don’t think that many people regret their decision to come out (unless of course they are not gay). It is a decision which we need to take seriously. If things do not work out the way that you expect them to, there are organizations out there to help you and an entire LGBT community to support you. I have been with the same woman for three years and although we have met the proverbial pothole

Sadly, the third lesson is one which I struggle to pass onto others going through similar situations. Coming out is not only about one person, as much as we want others to be there for us and support us; we have to do the same. Our moms dreamt of our wedding days, while our dads conjured up pictures of bonding with their son-in-laws over a braai before the big game. But these dreams have to be at least modified and at most let go of. This is when we have to pack away our drama queen tendencies

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along the way – school systems (teachers comment read that home circumstances are unusual), certain spheres of society and at times the workplace, I don’t for one second of one day regret taking the difficult task of coming out of the closet.

Good luck, everyone’s experience is unique – even though people want to put us all into one box, we are all individuals – although we do have the right to be who we truly are.

Food Eat here

TASHAs Diversity Ambiance taste

By Jaycee Ferreira

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n the hustle and bustle of busy Brooklyn Square in Pretoria lies a fresh and new dining concept named Tashas, part of the famous brands group but family run by Rudi, his sister and parents. We arrived to an already packed restaurant on the Thursday evening for a light meal and chilled glass of wine.

We where greeted by friendly staff and personally welcomed by the owners that added a nice touch.

Waiters where quick to take our drinks order and recommended to start with a cocktail, I opted for the strawberry daiquiri that was refreshing and gave a light punch, my guests had a delicious coffee martini served on crushed ice in a frosted glass and a fresh mint mojito that was perfectly balanced with sweet and sour flavour.

The menu is diverse with a lot of variety that may be a bit confusing for some patrons because you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know what to order ... I kept on changing my mind and it took me a while to order.

by the glass that was well chilled and came in a descent wine glass that is nice to see for a change. Once you look at the menu and see the prices you might find it a bit expensive, but I assure you that the meal and portion size is well worth the price.

For dinner we ordered a chicken curry that was a bit hot for me but my guests loved it, served with basmati and sambals beautifully presented. I went for the Turkish flat bread topped with smoked salmon, cream cheese, caviar and oodles of fresh salad and micro greens. The other guest ordered their homemade beef burger which came as two mini burgers with thick slices of tomato, red onion and lettuce on mini sesame buns served with crispy fries in a mini milkshake glass. The burgers where great but could have been seasoned a bit more. To drink we ordered wine

The atmosphere was buzzy and a bit noisy with all the people on the square but we still had privacy and could have a decent conversation without screaming at each other.

I congratulate this restaurant on their food, ambiance and personal touches and will see them soon.

They are open 7 days a week for breakfast, lunch, dinner and all day meals with a glorious array of sweet treats to choose from.

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Taste WHAT’s Cookin’?

BAKED CHICKEN GORGONZOLA PASTA

By Jaycee Ferreira

An incredible dish to whip up if unexpected guests turn up for dinner, or serve at the pool for a lazy lunch with a nice organic green salad and an ice cold glass of Chenin Blanc. Most of the ingredients can be bought ready made and just add together and bake.

Ingredients: serves 4 Crumbed chicken breast fillets – 8 Uncooked fresh fettuccine pasta – 250g Napolitano sauce – 500ml Fresh double thick cream – 340ml Crispy bacon bits – 150g Crated mozzarella or Emmental cheese – 100g Finely grated blue cheese – 100g Salt and pepper Chopped fresh basil or chives for garnish Olive oil or butter for pasta To prepare: Pre-heat oven to 180ºC. Cook pasta according to instructions, drain and drizzle with olive oil or butter. Place in a large heat proof dish and top with crumbed uncooked chicken breast fillets.

Pour over Napolitano sauce and cream. Scatter bacon bits, blue cheese over and season to taste. Cover with foil and bake in a pre-heated oven at 180ºC for 25 minutes. Remove foil and sprinkle with mozzarella or Emmental and bake a further 10 minutes until slightly brown (grill for 5 minutes). Serve with crusty bread and salad.

Recommended wine: Robertsons Chenin Blanc, served ice cold.

Try adding a slice of cucumber for hot summer days.

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BAKED CHICKEN GORGONZOLA PASTA

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Style DON’t move, improve!

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FROM drab

TO fab FOR less than R1000!

here is a misconception that a beautiful room has to cost an arm and a leg to create. In this section, we would like to show you that this does not have to be the case at all! We have taken a boring looking room and turned it into a fresh and vibrant space in just a few simple steps! The secret is to keep an open mind when looking for your décor items and you will be sure to find some hidden treasures in the most unlikely places. Follow these 3 steps to creating the bedroom of your dreams: Step 1: Create a blank canvas

Remove all clutter from the room. Only keep the items that you really like and that you would like to use as a base for the design of your bedroom.

Step 2: Plan and decide what you would like to do with the space

Stand in a corner and look at the room in it’s entirety. Decide which areas need a bit of a lift and make a list of the items you need to buy to achieve this. Choose only 1 or base colours – in our example, black and white, then a few splashes of bright colours – in our example, we chose silver/grey and apple green.

BEFORE

Step 3: SHOP!

For our example, we chose to shop at Mr Price Home. They have a wide range of lovely bedroom accessories this season, but don’t stick to only the section or room items that you are looking for.

Browse through the whole shop and if there are items that you like and that fit into your colour scheme, try and think of new and creative ways to implement them into your space. For example, we used simple black under plates and glued silver fridge magnet hearts to it to the create a funky and interesting wall. The 3 hearts that we used on the side of the closet are also from different departments in the shop, but put together, look like they were made for each other!

The best part of this is that you don’t have to tackle the entire house at once. You can choose one room at a time and through these simple steps, create a space that you love and can’t wait to go home to!

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AFTER

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8. Jaquard Embosse tablecloth overlay – R59.99 each 9. White bedside lamp – R149.99 each 10. Silver hanging heart – R59.99 11. Driftwood hanging heart – R39.99 12. Silver hanging heart – R59.99 13. Round drape Table, Natural – R79.99

Fridge magnets, silver hearts – R19.99 per pack of 3 Black underplate – R25.99 each Teffeta runner, black – R79.99 each Satin ribbon tie-back – R29.99 each Padded hangers – R39.99 per pack of 2 Standard pillow case, black – R39.99 per pack of 2 Scatter pillows, Tokyo – R59.99 each

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Catwalk TALK – ACTIVE

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ape Town – Adidas Originals introduced its first ever in-house denim collection which is already on the shelves at Adidas Originals store countrywide. Offering two styles for both men and women in a variety of washings, denim is meant to stay and become an integral part of the overall Adidas Originals offer. The collection is going to be extended to other styles and will also build on continuity, carrying over successful and familiar fits from season to season. For men the offer consists of a classic relaxed fit called CONDUCTOR as well as the REKORD, a modern slim carrot fit. On the women side there is the skinny fit CUPIE and a boyfriend cut called WINNETA. Building on the popularity of the 3-Stripes brand in footwear, all denim cuts are specially designed to be perfectly wearable with a pair of sneakers. Straight but not narrow legs from the knee down as well as overall loose fits reflect the perfect street wear look.

Together with a lot of subtle yet sophisticated details, the jeans aim to become part of everyone’s everyday lifestyle.

Besides this premier in-house denim offer, the Adidas Originals Blue collection also introduces a beautiful collection of bags in top quality. With reversible canvas and nylon tote bags and multifunctional backpacks next to premium leather Weekender and Computer Bags, four one-of-a-kind styles complete the stylish look whether it is for business or a little weekend trip.

The Spring/Summer 2011 Adidas Originals Blue collection remains true to the direction of previous seasons presenting

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fashionable, yet playful design, new silhouettes, a fresh colour palette and love for details. The comprehensive, subtly branded collection speaks to the mature, trend savvy consumers by twisting Adidas Originals’ archive pieces into today’s street fashion.

The collection plays with classic, sporty elements and uses them in fresh new ways. Details like visible elastics, triangle inserts and curved side splits come from classic running gear while colour blocking and clean, subtle use of the 3-Stripes mark the sporty yet elegant touch of the Adidas Originals Blue collection. The outfit-driven concept led by apparel and completed by footwear and accessories can be worn for any occasion, whether it is when going out for dinner, on the way to the gym or just hanging out at home on a lazy Sunday afternoon. The Blue collection is designed to have fun and not taking oneself too serious all the time while still looking good and stylish.

The Adidas Originals Blue line has been on sale from January 2011 at Adidas Originals stores and at selected partners in the Adidas fashion distribution channel.

Our pick for the evening: The divine leopard print fur jacket. Photography by Simon Deiner / SDR

Catwalk TALK – SA FASHION

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uch like the success of Joburg Fashion Week was the success of its designers. None more anticipated than Errol

Arendz Autumn/Winter DUSUD and Couture Collection.

The collection was filled with high fashion drama, opulent fabrics, bold prints and accessories to die for. It was a celebration of all things Errol. Anything and everything a ‘fashionista’ could ask for was on display. Long, lean and lovely was the runway silhouette du jour as the models strutted their stuff in front of an eager Joburg crowd.

Everyone came out to witness what would be worn this season

detailing, exquisite craftsmanship and modern approach to classic design. Whether you define yourself as Hip, Trendy, Traditionalist or ‘That’ girl, the new DUSUD and couture collection by Errol Arendz offers limitless prospects to express your style. The only thing better than putting on that little Errol number is having it ripped off! If it is sexy, classy, fun you are looking for this season, be sure to be seen in one of his masterfully created items.

Our pick for the evening: The divine leopard print fur jacket.

and everyone was left hungry for more, much like the models whom clearly have not eaten since the nineties.

Each piece of the collection was designed to capture the essence of the Errol Arendz look, with his highly recognized feminine

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Catwalk TALK – Inernational fashion

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e all become one. Calvin Klein has just launched the largest digital initiative in the company’s history to date

called ckone.com. It brings us all to the same level of brand appreciation and liberation through our social network and media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, Android and iPhone.

Integrating all walks of life and perfectly captured by renowned fashion photographer Steven Meisel, the campaign’s dynamic creative re-unites unisex underwear, jeans and fragrance with one unified concept – Authentic Individuality.

Calvin Klein Inc., still remains one of the leading fashion design and marketing studios in the world. As confirmed by Catherine Walsh, (SVP, American Fragrances, Coty Prestige): “ck one has maintained its status as an iconic global brand since it first launched in 1994”. An inspirational message of unity by bringing people together from a diverse range of cultures.

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FASH ION

Catwalk TALK – MAIN FASHION

Photographer Marguerite Oelofse Stylist Victoria MORONELL MODEL BOSS MODELS Make-up & hair bianca van hartkopf

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ALICE IN LACE &SAND

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YOU were SAYING

LIZELLE VERTEL Mevrou Jacobs word gay

O

m uit die kas te klim, is nie prettig nie. Om uit die kas te klim op ‘n klein plattelandse dorpie, waar jy vir een en twintig jaar lank mevrou Jacobs was, is katastrofies!

Pandemonium het in die hele dorp en kontrei losgebars toe ek van mevrou Jacobs van Klippan Boerdery na die lesbiër wat haar man vir die aptekertjie op die dorp gelos het, verander het. Om kop om hoog te kon hou, het meer as ‘n man op ‘n perd gevat. Dit het die moed van ‘n volbloed vrou gekos!

Wanneer ‘n mens skei, of laat ek liewer spesifiseer, wanneer ‘n vrou van haar man skei, is dit al reeds vir haar erg. Sy dra die pyn van ‘n paar mense en of dit nie genoeg is nie, ly sy aan die allerverskriklikste skuldgevoelens wat haar by tye laat voel of sy soos Jonker die see kan inloop.

Deur Lizelle Jacobs

Miskien veralgemeen ek nou, maar dis hoe ék gevoel het. Was daar ‘n see op die barre, stowwerige vlakte waar ons geboer het, het ek dalk in hom ingeloop om nooit weer terug te kom nie. Ek het nie net van my man geskei nie, ek het die ondenkbare gedoen. Ek het hom gelos vir ‘n vrou! In ‘n konserwatiewe boeregemeenskap. Ek dink ek het die brandstapel vrygespring, nét omdat dit nie meer gedoen word in hierdie beskaafde eeu nie.

Ek en my man het op die Springbokvlakte tussen nowhere en nêrens met katoen geboer.

‘Nowhere’ was ‘n klein dorpie, Roedtan, wat niemand ooit ‘n dorp genoem het nie. Almal het maar gesê ons gaan gou Roedtan toe. ‘Nêrens’ was die groot dorp, Potgietersrus, wat ons die dorp genoem het.

Op ‘Nowhere’ was daar ‘n koöperasie, waar die boere hulle boerderybenodighede gekoop het, ‘n vulstasie, poskantoor, ‘n paar General Dealers Wholesale to the public winkels, drie kerke en ‘n smerige hotel. Een van daardie winkels was ‘n vriendin van my s’n gewees. Simon Furnishers, waar sy aan die linkerkant van die winkel tweedehandse meubels, cheap blink juwele, seep, deodorant, mieliemeel, sheba en sweets verkoop

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het. Aan die regterkant het sy regte egte boutique klere, wat sy by modeparades in Johannesburg gaan aankoop het, verkoop. Name soos: Dior, Gucci en Delswa het beskermd teen die rooi stof, onder plastiese sakke op die rails gehang. Daar het ons straight, getroude en Sustersvereniging lede, tussen die mieliemeel en grootmaat seep, gekuier, ons melk en hoenders uitgeruil en ons duur ontwerpersklere klere aangekoop.

Die mans het geboer en in die aande ná werk in die hotel se kroeg gekuier, terwyl die vrouens kos gemaak het vir pappa wanneer hy tuis kom en die kinders gereed gekry het vir die bed. Ek het twee kinders, ‘n dogter, op daardie stadium op Landbou Kollege in Nelspruit en ‘n seun, toe in standerd vyf. Ons gesinnetjie het elke Sondag in ons bank in die kerk gesit en ná kerk het ek Sondagskool gegee. By kerk bazaars en skool atletiek het ek pligsgetrou in die versengende hitte, pannekoek en jafels gebak.

Ek het in ‘n familie ingetrou waar bobaas baksters en naaldwerksters hoogty gevier het en ek moes gou al hierdie voortreflikhede aanleer. My skoonma, ‘n stoere boervrou, nes al my skoonsusters, het my sommer kort ná my troue goed laat verstaan dat ‘n deetlike vrou se hande nooit ledig is nie. Sy het opslag vir my ‘n hekelpen en ‘n bol gare in die hand gestop en ek moes onder haar streng toesig begin hekel. En hekel het ek gehekel! Tafel lappe met die onmoontlike patrone, tee doilies, baadjies waarvoor jy vandag honderde rande sal betaal en ek kan nie eers meer onthou wat nog nie.

En ja, binne daardie verwysingsraamwerk en met my hele skoonfamilie op plase rondom my, raak ek, na een en twintig jaar, verlief op ‘n vrou. Die mooie apteker op ‘Nêrens’.

Berge val op my! Heuwels bedek my! Goed dat ‘n mens nie in die toekoms kan sien nie, want as ek geweet het wat die volgende twee jaar op my gewag het, het ek nou nog op die Vlakte, met my reuse diamantring, gesit en teemussies hekel.

Ek het swaar gekry, want ek het my skoonfamilie, vir wie ek lief was, verloor. Die verlies van veral een van my skoonsusters, was vir my baie erg. Ek en sy was van varsity dae af, beste vriende. Ek het haar broer seergemaak en het haar vyandigheid begryp. Ons het ná baie jare darem weer begin kommunikeer en ons kosbare vriendskap hervat. Vir een van my ander baie goeie vriendinne se skielike afsydigheid, het ek nie begrip gehad nie.

Sy het eers na ‘n paar jaar my gay wees aanvaar, maar ons het so ver verwyderd geraak, dat ek en sy vandag nie veel in gemeen het nie. Maar nou ja, some you win, some you lose. Daar was, en dit was vir my baie weird, party vrouens wat my van die heel begin af heeltemal aanvaar het. Van my beste vriendinne tot vrouens wat ek net van sien geken het. Hulle het my op straat voorgekeer en opreg uitgevra na my welstand en dan vir my suutjies en half oor die skouer kykend, vertel dat ek gelukkig is om van my man ontslae te wees en dadelik oor hulle s’n begin kla.

Al hierdie dinge, almal se pyn wat ek gedra het – my man se pyn, my twee kinders se pyn, my ouers se pyn en my eie pyn en al die onnodige skuldgevoelens, wat nie goed kon wees vir enige gees nie, het my gemoed verduister. Ek het aan depressie begin ly.

Ek was permanent siek en moeg en het verskriklik minderwaardig gevoel. My nuwe liefde, Anne-Marie, nege jaar jonger as ek, pragtig, hups en in die fleur van haar lewe, het gelukkig nie veel simpatie met my gehad nie en ek moes teen wil en dank aangaan met die lewe. Vandag is ek baie dankbaar daaroor. Ek het ook, uit jare se ondervinding in die boerdery, geweet dat as ‘n siek koei gaan lê, staan sy nie weer op nie. Ek kon myself nou nie met block en tackle en conveyer belt onder my pens deur, op my voete hou nie, maar ek het ander maniere gevind om staande te bly.

Vir my ouers was dit ‘n hengse skok en ek het hulle verskriklik jammer gekry. Hulle het nooit my keuse gekritiseer nie, maar ek kon die pyn in hulle oë sien.

Ek het ‘n bisarre speletjie op straat en in winkels begin speel. Wanneer mense

Ek het uit my statige, groot plaashuis uitgetrek en saam met my seun, met die karige onderhoud wat ons gekry het, in ‘n huurhuis op ‘Nêrens’ gaan woon. Die dorp waar ek al die boerdery se besigheid gedoen het, waar my dogter prefek op skool was en my seun toe in standerd ses. Ek moes ook vir die eerste keer in my lewe vir ‘n baas gaan werk en díe outoriteit bokant my en die dodelike roetine, het my siel amper dood gehad. In die strate en winkels het mense my aangestaar asof ek ‘n alien was en my dan óf vermy óf my skynheilig gegroet.

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YOU were SAYING my gegroet en ewe skynheilig gevra het hoe dit met my gaan, het ek net die nodige antwoorde verskaf. Dan het ek so vier treë aangeloop en skielik omgedraai. Net om hulle te vang waar hulle onbeskaamd na my staar en agter bakhande fluister. Oeee, dan het ek lekker gekry wanneer hulle so verleë raak as ek met ‘n halwe glimlag staan en hulle reguit in die oë kyk. Aan die eenkant was dit vir my heel komieklik, maar aan die anderkant het die minderwaardigheid my opgevreet. Ek kon my net voorstel wat hulle alles van my sê!

Ek het ernstig aan myself begin werk en in ander denkrigtings begin belangstel. Ek het kursusse in Reiki gedoen, ‘n Louise L Hay kursus bygewoon en boeke begin lees.

Boeke deur onder andere, Louise L Hay, Diana Cooper, Deepak Chopra, Ronda Byrne, Eckhart Tolle, om net ‘n paar te noem. Na elke boek was ek nader aan die waarheid en het uiteindelik met Gregg Braden se Secrets of the Lost Mode of Prayer, goud gestrike.

Vandag weet ek wie ek is. Ek glo in myself en is trots op myself, al het dit nie maklik gekom nie.

‘n Baie groot genade was my kinders. Hulle het my nuwe lewe met oorgawe ondersteun en my help dra wanneer my gees wou vou. My ouers het na ‘n tydjie die hele ding verwerk en vir Anne-Marie liefgekry en aanvaar soos een van hulle dogters. My drie susters het nog ‘n sussie en pêl bygekry! Weird soos wat dit mag klink, het ek, my ex man en Anne-Marie, ná die groot seer en vernedering verby was, groot vriende geword.

Voor sy dood het hy naweke en met Kersfees of ‘n familie aangeleentheid, saam met ons en die kinders en my familie gekuier. Ek weet vandag dat ek ‘n bevoorregte vrou is met so ‘n wonderlike liefie en lieflike kinders, familie en ex.

Na ‘n jaar of twee, het die stof uiteindelik ook in die dorp en omgewing gaan lê en die mense het weer iets anders gekry om oor te skinder. Gelukkig verneuk die spul straights mekaar só in hierdie dorp en omgewing, dat daar altyd iets is waaroor die nosy gemeenskap weer op hol kan raak.

Ek en Anne-Marie bly dood gelukkig op ‘n plaas en ek doen nog steeds al my besigheid op ‘Nêrens’. Met die hulp van al die wonderlike waarhede in my boeke, het ek van my minderwaardigheid en skuldgevoelens ontslae geraak. Ek het nog steeds my goeie vriendinne wat by my gestaan het en het ‘n paar heerlike gay vriendinne tot my lewe bygevoeg. Na sestien jaar saam met Anne-Marie kan ek sê: My lewe is vol en ryk en lekker!

Hoe lui die gesegde, “tyd genees alles” en as ek vandag vir ander vrouens in dieselfde gay bootjie kan raad gee, is dit: Go for it! Dis al die seer en swaarkry werd!

Lekker gay wees!

Lizelle en haar lewensmaat Anne-Marie is al vir 16 jaar saam. Die twee dames is die trotse eienaars van Lady Africa Bush Lodge in Limpopo Provinsie. Vir meer inligting oor Lady Africa gaan na www.ladyafrica.co.za A

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Interview about a girl

Close-up and personal

By Natalie Spires

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’m in the studio with Cape Town photographer Emma Allen-Rowlandson of Emma Jane Photography. The smooth white walls glow with the soft light radiating from the flash units, a black backdrop flutters lightly in the breeze from a nearby fan, a box overflowing with wigs, feather boas and other props sits motionless in the corner.

The fan is switched off and Emma lies down stomach-first on the enamel floor with her legs outstretched, balances her slick Canon 7D camera carefully in her hands and focuses with intent to shoot. Slowly she presses the shutter-release button on the camera, the studio lights flash dramatically and I am transfixed.

Natalie Spires gets up close and personal with Cape Town photographer, Emma Allen-Rowlandson of Emma Jane Photography who talks about shooting wildlife in Kenya, gay weddings and running her own successful business.

Later that day I meet Emma at a coffee bar near Blouberg beach, not far from the photography studio. She comes in smiling, dressed casually in loose fitting combats, Havaianas and a black spaghetti strap top. She apologises for being late as she sits down opposite me. “I’ve just finished a family shoot on the beach with the wind pumping at a hundred kilometres an hour”, she says animatedly. “The kids kept blocking the sand from their eyes and photos of children with their hands in front of their faces usually don’t make it to the family album! I really had my work cut out for me!”

I think to myself that it must be just one of many stumbling blocks in this line of work, but Emma seems to take it in her stride. With her business only three years old; and already an impressive portfolio behind her, this girl is surely going to make some sizable waves in the photography industry. Despite being born in South Africa, her English roots and the twenty-odd years she spent living in the UK have given her a classic South England accent she can’t shake. It’s charming. She orders a latte and a giant glass of water which she gulps down in seconds. “Keeps the tummy flat” she says smiling and I am suddenly drawn to her slender, toned figure … but let me not digress! I want to know what it means to be a gay photographer and businesswoman in South Africa.

Right, let’s start at the beginning! How did you come to be a photographer?

I grew up spending a lot of time barefoot in the bush with my dad. He’s a wildlife ecologist and photographer and taught me a lot of what I know. I moved to the UK when I was nine and it wasn’t until I returned to Africa some years later and spent some time in Kenya and Ethiopia that I realised just how beautiful this wilderness was.

I decided then that I wanted to capture it on film to share with people who weren’t able to experience it firsthand. While so many young girls grew up wanting Barbie’s, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on the latest camera!

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about a girl

What a fantastic opportunity, I’m slightly jealous! The African bush can be dangerous though; did you ever encounter any problems out there?

Well, my Dad and I would head out at dawn and spend the entire day in the bushveld, exploring and checking out our favourite spots. One thing I love about wildlife photography is you never know what you’re going to see round the next corner. The rest of the family didn’t dare come with us because it was unusual for us to come back to camp before dark!

At one point our 4x4 got stuck in some mud and we were stranded in the middle of the bush overnight.

The next morning we saw hippo tracks all around the car, which was a bit scary, especially as the river had flooded, and we were unlikely to be rescued any time soon. We had no water left so had to brave the walk to camp which was about thirty kilometres away! After about five kilometres, and an hour or so

Do you do any other photography in addition to wildlife and

of nervously looking about us for danger, we saw a

weddings?

vehicle and managed to flag it down. The driver, who

I’ve done a few product shoots – mostly jewellery – and was commissioned

was a worker from the camp, was clearly surprised to

to take photos for an online catalogue a little while ago. I’ve touched

see us walking through the bush unarmed!

on fashion photography and was asked recently to shoot the launch of Bench clothing in South Africa. I’ve also been very busy lately with portrait

You’re more wedding photographer these

photography. I do a lot of family shoots, couple shoots, engagement shoots

days than wildlife photographer – how

and groups of friends – either in the studio, on the beach, in the forest or

and why did you move over to shooting

parks.

weddings?

Well as much as I’d like to spend all my time chasing

How would you describe your style?

lions around the savannahs, animals don’t pay you

I like shooting things naturally, as they unfold. One of the main reasons I adore

for taking their picture! After I moved to Cape Town

wildlife photography is that I’m purely a bystander, watching and waiting for

from London in 2006 my finances were a bit tight

something to happen, it’s not posed – it’s raw and sudden and if you manage

and I decided that since I had all the right equipment

to capture a special moment on film it’s so rewarding!

it made sense to try and make some money from my photography.

What camera do you use?

I’m a Canon girl! (She’s immediately animated) I recently got myself a Canon

I started offering to do free shoots to build up my

7D which I’m thrilled with. I’ve also got a range of lenses I use for various

portfolio and gain experience; also, there’s far less

types of shoots … and a good insurance company!

pressure to perform when you’re not getting paid!

A

There are actually a surprising number of people

What’s the best part of being a photographer?

who can’t afford a wedding photographer and were

I find it very compelling looking through the lens and knowing that I’ve

counting on Uncle Bob or Aunty Sheila to take a few

captured an amazing shot. Everything looks different through the lens and you

snaps for them – a little pro bono photography can

find a new appreciation for your surroundings. Often you capture things that

be very rewarding!

are missed by the human eye. It’s a huge sense of achievement.

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To the outside world photography seems like a very glam profession – would you agree?

It can be. There are two elements to it – on the one hand you’re doing something you really love and are passionate about; it’s an art form which is generally quite glamorous! On the other hand, though, it sometimes involves a lot of travel which yes, can be glam but means time away from home and lots of lonely hotel beds.

Tell me about shooting gay weddings Being a gay woman myself doesn’t necessarily give me a free pass into the world of gay weddings. In fact, I got into shooting gay ceremonies purely by accident. I was asked by a friend of a friend to model for a recently launched gay wedding website – as a bride! They in turn gave me advertising space on the site.

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The first gay wedding I shot was as a gift to two of my best friends who had finally been able to tie the knot after an uphill battle with acceptance from family and friends, finding an officiate who would marry them (at the time there were only a handful in the Western Cape); and finding a venue. They were officially the first gay couple to get married at Zevenwacht Wine Estate. After that I registered as a wedding photography service provider on a couple of other gay wedding sites and the work started rolling in.

Have you done any other gay photo shoots?

I’ve done a number of same-sex weddings, and a little while ago I was asked to do a lesbian shoot for Exit Magazine, which is a predominantly gay male publication, but they wanted some girly posters up in the gay clubs to promote the gay girl scene.

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about a girl Do you think there’s a market for gay-focussed photography or other service providers in South Africa?

Yes, definitely. I think we all like to do business with people that we can relate to and share a feeling of mutual respect with. There are a lot of gay-friendly or gay-focussed service providers out there but not many that are widely publicised or marketed which means there’s a gap in the market for running a successful gayfriendly service provider for all things photography or wedding related that is marketed well – for South Africans and people abroad, particularly those in countries where gay marriage isn’t yet recognised. This could encourage more gay tourism in South Africa, too. The gay community in South Africa is not nearly as close-knit as, say, Los Angeles, and I think we could learn a lot from these supportive and connected societies that exist overseas.

of others, in particular the traits of determination, thoughtfulness gratitude. I’m motivated by motivated and energetic people!

Do you make time for personal photographic work? If so, what do you enjoy photographing?

I think it’s always important to make time for personal photography. It’s a good reminder of why I love it so much! I recently got two kittens and can’t seem to stop shooting them!

They grow up so fast and I’m so scared I’m going to miss something. I also generally have my camera with me wherever I go; I never know what might happen or where I might end up.

Where would be your favourite place to shoot a wedding?

With my roots being in the African bush I would have to say an idyllic bush lodge somewhere out in the sticks with beautiful

Speaking of Los Angeles, did you ever watch The L Word series?

Yes, I loved it!

Didn’t we all?! Who is your favourite character on the show and who is the character you’re most like?

My favourite character is Dana Fairbanks, I love her sportiness and sense of humour, although I’d have to say I’m most like Shane McCutheon. No, I don’t sleep around, but I can relate to her fierce independent streak and stand-offish attitude when she’s double crossed!

Do you ever collaborate with other photographers and on what assignments?

I do. Sometimes I call in some help for larger weddings and have a number of photographers I like to work with. It always adds something special having two photographers at a big event – it means one of us can focus on getting the more typical album shots and the other can look to get those ‘stolen’ moments and hidden smiles that so often make the best pics!

Who or what inspires you in your personal life and work?

In photography circles, Jean-Pierre Uys is a hero of mine. I’ve done a couple of shoots with him and if I ever get married I’d love him to shoot my wedding. He’s got a unique gift in that he sees a prime photo op and is able to capture it beautifully. He’s incredibly down to earth and approachable, despite having ‘made it’ as one of the world’s best photographers and at such a young age too!

scenery!

How do you market your business?

There are a lot of free marketing tools out there today and I make an effort to keep my Facebook page up to date with my latest goings on. I also advertise in local community papers from time to time, and my car is covered in branding. My main marketing comes from my website which I’ve recently updated and includes a portfolio of my work. I’m also getting a blog up and running on there soon – watch this space!

If you could be invisible for one day with your camera what would you do?

(Laughing) What a question! Um … I think I’d want to follow known criminals around who are up to no good and help capture evidence on film to get them caught! I feel very strongly about justice!

Let’s get personal! Are you single?

No… (smiles) I’m very much not single! I have the most amazing girlfriend who I am totally in love with.

How long have you been together?

Just over two years.

How did you meet?

Online funny enough, even though neither of us had ever tried online dating before!

My dad also inspired me a lot and gave me the support I needed to give photography a go! He’s a great wildlife photographer.

In my personal life, I get my inspiration from the various qualities

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It’s obviously meant to be! Any wedding bells yet?

(Laughs) Not just yet, but someday for sure!

Where will we find you on a Friday night at 9 pm?

Probably at the computer editing with a giant mug of coffee! I’m quite hard on myself when it comes to progress and often won’t allow myself to go to the loo until I’ve finished a section. I listen to melodic trance while editing which helps me with concentration and keeping my momentum.

What advice do you have for photographers just starting out?

I would say that you need to be prepared to put in the hard work – often over the weekends and doing as many free shoots as you can to gain experience. Network as much as possible – much of life is moulded by who you know. Be bold. If you know of someone who is getting married or is pregnant, ask them if they wouldn’t like some free photos done. Also try and find out where short courses on photography are being held, they’re usually affordable and very helpful. There are also many online tutorials and blogs that can be useful too. Most information is free if you’re prepared to look for it.

Any exciting future projects?

I have a few ideas rolling around in my head. This winter I’m hoping to have some down time to spend thinking about the possibilities of branching into different directions. I am drawn more and more to abstract photography and am thinking to do a few eye-catching pieces of abstract art for printing on large canvases for people to hang in their homes. Once you’re a confident photographer the opportunities are endless and it’d be a waste not to let your mind run free with creative ideas and turn them into action!

How can our readers contact you?

There’s a contact form on my website, www.emmajanephotography.com or they can email me directly on emma@emmajanephotography.com. I put together a lot of customized packages for clients, so it’s always best to tell me what you want and we go from there!

Emma and I hug good-bye like old friends and I leave the coffee bar feeling utterly inspired and motivated. I whip out my cell phone at the first chance I get and call all my girlfriends to tell them about my genius idea for a fun girly shoot on the beach next weekend …

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KIES JOU TONG

“So – hoe het twee girls nou eintlik seks?” D

ie afgelope vyf jaar maak ek Jan en Anna Alleman-en-vrou bewus van die unieke uitdagings waarmee LGBTI mense gekonfronteer word. Ek doen dit op verskillende

platforms. Een tipe intervensie is ‘n baie suksesvolle een dag sensitiserings werkswinkel oor Menslike Seksualiteit. Dit is spesifiek gemik op gesondheids-diensverskaffers, meestal binne die staatsdiens.

Tydens die werkswinkels, moedig ek en my kollega, liewe Jay, die mense aan om dié vrae te vra wat hulle nog altyd wou vra, maar nooit die geleentheid gehad of gegun is nie.

Dit verbaas my steeds wat uitkom as daar vir mense carte blanche gegee word om oor seks en seksualiteit uit te vra en te praat … Selfs al staan die persoon in ‘n beroep waar die algemene verwagting is dat hulle alles moet weet van “die voeltjies-en-bytjies-dingevan-die-lewe”, is Menslike Seksualiteit ‘n veld wat in die verlede en tot vandag nog, baie min aandag kry in na-skool kurrikula. Dan praat ek nie eers van die impak van meeste Afrikaners se Kalvinistiese verledes, gemarineer in skuld en skaamte nie!

Sonder uitsondering, is die een vraag wat ALTYD gevra word, meestal met ‘n angsbelaaide giggel en oë wat afkyk na ‘n leë gat wat die skaamte moet help insluk – “so – hoe het twee girls dan nou eintlik seks?”.

Nou, jare gelede, het die vraag my net eenvoudig tot in my diepste wese geïrriteer! Ek het by verskeie geleenthede die onweerstaanbare behoefte gehad om sarkasties iets te skree soos “Het jy geen &$@%*! verbeelding nie?” of “Wie dink jy het al die duisende vibrators gekoop by SEXPO?”, menende dat daar nie naastenby soveel lesbians is soos die getal vibrators wat verkoop is nie.

Deur Delene van Dyk

Kies jou tong

Maar dit was toe, voor ek nog verstaan het waar die vraag dan nou eintlik vandaan kom …

Die vraag is heel moontlik gebore uit die individu se diep gesetelde geloof in die heteronormatiewe model. Groot woord, maar eenvoudig gestel, lyk die model so: Die pappa, die mamma, die 2,4 kinders, die hond, die kat en die white picket fence …

Oor die algemeen, word daar rolle gekoppel, meestal gestereotipeerd, aan elke komponent van die model. Byvoorbeeld, die man sorg en die vrou versorg. Tussen die lakens of op die kombuistafel, is die man meestal die een wat penetreer en die vrou die een wat (soms onderdanig) gepenetreer word. Dus is daar ‘n “top” en ‘n “bottom”, om nou meer bekende gay terme te gebruik. Daar is ‘n (lewendige) penis en ‘n vagina betrokke.

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KIES JOU TONG

Dus: twee girls = geen penis = geen seks. Oningeligtes vind dit baie moeilik om te verstaan dat seks, wat nog te sê van vervullende seks, kan plaasvind sonder ‘n penis. Op hierdie punt moet ek bysê, ek glo die straights wat die vraag so maklik vra, se sekslewe is heel moontlik vreeslik saai …

Graag wil ek verder uitbrei oor die kompleksiteit van heteronormatiwitieit, en ja, selfs meer ingewikkeld is dit as om die woord uit te spreek. Elke mens, maak nie saak van hul seksuele oriëntasie nie, aanvaar aanvanklik die model as die enigste. Tot natuurlik anders oortuig. Daar is nog geen ander erkende model wat dié model uitdaag nie, veral omdat dit die keuse is van die sogenaamde hoofstroom. As gevolg van jare se geloofs fundamentalisme, homofobie, en heteroseksisme, is ‘n selfde-geslag paartjie en hul gesinslewe nog nie erken as ‘n nuwe model van keuse nie. Selfde-geslag paartjies volg dikwels die heteronormatiewe model om in te pas by die norm, die hoofstroom. Geinternaliseerde homofobie, wanneer die skuld en skaamte van buite, onbewustelik eie gemaak word, speel ook ‘n groot rol.

Behalwe vir die afgelope paar jaar wat gesinne met selfde-geslag ouers meer aanvaar word, deur steeds ‘n baie klein persentasie van die samelewing, kom die meeste homoseksuele mense uit ‘n heteronormatiewe huis. Dit is dus in ons lywe en koppe se vesels ingeweef. Ek onthou nog goed hoe ek op twaalf jarige ouderdom op ‘n meisie in my skool verlief geraak het. Ek het nie geweet wat dit beteken nie en het vir lank daaroor gewonder. Alhoewel ek geweet het dat gay mense bestaan, was ek glad nie bewus van wat dit beteken het nie. Dus was die maklikste verduideliking aan myself dat ek dan ‘n seuntjie moet wees. Ek wou nie ‘n ‘piepman’ hê nie, dus was dit nie ‘n trans issue nie. Ek was vir lank bietjie deurmekaar en bietjie té butch vir baie se smaak.

Ja, so het selfs die terme butch en femme hul bestaan te danke aan die verwagtinge van dié van ‘n man en ‘n vrou binne ‘n intieme verhouding. Net voor my voorgenome huwelik, en ja, hierdie feminis het ook van ‘n gedeelte van die heteronormatiewe instansie gebruik gemaak, het my lewensmaat se ma gevra wie gaan die man en wie gaan die vrou wees. So al is sy ‘n moderne vrou, wat sonder ‘n probleem haar gay kind al jare terug met liefde aanvaar het, het sy ook na die wêreld gekyk deur die oog van die penis. Ek het haar nie kwalik geneem nie.

Baie huwelikseremonies tussen selfde-geslag paartjies lyk maar soos dié van hul heteroseksuele genote. Daar is die verlowing.

Die butch vra om die hand van die femme. Daar word selfs ouers gevra. Dan die troue self. Die een in ‘n groot balrok, ingestap op die maat van die troumars, aan die hand van ‘n pa of as die pa weier, ‘n manlike vertroueling, afgegee aan die een wat voor by

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die preekstoel wag, in ‘n manlike snyerspak. Daarna verwys hulle na mekaar, met trots, as “my vrou”. Iets aan daai tipe verwysing laat my altyd ‘n bietjie dink aan ‘n besitting …

Daar is ook dié paartjies wat hul eie reëls maak. Soos wanneer twee buthches of twee femmes in ‘n verhouding is. Gereeld hoor ek hoe onaanvaarbaar dit is. Nogal van selfde geslag liefhebbers hulself. Weereens, pas hulle, volgens die enges, nie in die voorgeskrewe boksies nie! Mens sal nou dink dat alle homos is meer oopkop, nie waar nie?

En, daar is ook dié heteroseksuele paartjies wat die heteronormatiewe model uitdaag. Hulle doen dit deur of nie te trou nie, of nie kinders of diere te hê nie, of om enkellopend te bly, of waar die pa die meer versorgende rol inneem, soos om die huishouding fisies eerder as finansieel aan die gang te hou.

Nou wat gebeur met ‘n selfde-geslag paartjie as die heteronormatiewe model slaafs gevolg word? Seker nie veel nie, hang maar af van die twee vrouens se verwagtinge van mekaar.

Dit kan wel konflik veroorsaak indien die mag van die penis deur een van die twee geinternaliseer word, soos wanneer die een deur die ander misbruik word omdat sy fisies en / of emosioneel minder sterk is. Of nog erger, wanneer hulle mekáár misbruik. Of as jaloesie die oorhand kry. Hierdie voorbeelde kan natuurlik ook verskeie emosionele oorsake ook hê.

Aan die einde van die dag maak dit nie saak nie! Top of bottom, butch of femme – dit is elkeen se eie keuse en voorkeur.

Solank meer en meer mense bewus word dat, as dit nie vir heteronormatiwiteit was nie, dié woorde en hul gepaardgaande stereotipes en vooroordele, nie sou bestaan nie!

En ek? Ek glo ek is vloeibaar. Miskien is ek so gemaklik met vloeibaarheid omdat ek so ‘n passie het vir die verstaan van menslike seksualiteit, met al die verskillende lae, selfs die beperkte binêre en bokse daarbinne. Ek glo die probleem is nie homoseksualiteit nie, maar mense se onvermoë om Menslike Seksualiteit in sy totaliteit beter te verstaan.

Kontak dié professional Dyke gerus by delene@2ndsight.co.za of volg haar blog delenewordlig.wordpress.com om deel te wees van haar journey om ligter te word.

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This ALICE...

Photographer johann latsky Costume, Make-up and Styling Michael Ivy MODEL Solène Baffi BRIDES Hilda Koekemoer & Maryke Francisco CREATIVE Assistants Karen Grobbelaar & CHARL PITOUT Words Alice

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WHO is SHE

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ou’ll see you’ll never get used to not living with Alice anymore … But who is ALICE?

Ah, this takes me back to that old classic: Sally called when she got the word, And she said: “I suppose you’ve heard – About Alice”.

When I rushed to the window, And I looked outside, And I could hardly believe my eyes – Alice is the girl next door, The girl everyone fell in love with She is an independent career woman A free-spirit A seducer A mother A bride A lover A wife A fairy A queen A teacher A homemaker A proud SA citizen A sportswoman A gardener A traveller A partner A chef A lady A witch A student A role model Your best friend And Sally called back and asked how I felt, And she said: “I know how to help – Risk it down the rabbit hole and discover this wonderland of Alice where you would meet a friend in all aspects of life.

You’ll see you’ll never get used to not living with Alice anymore …

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SENSES & SENSUALITY

The Good Girl’s guide to being

‘Good’, ‘Bad’ and everything in between Sex positive educators Marina Green and Cathwrynn Williams from Whet Sensuality Emporium in Cape Town share a feminist perspective on women’s sexuality in history, and how we can reclaim our sexual power today. www.whet.co.za

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ike all women, including those who love other women, our range of sexual experience is astoundingly diverse. Some of us would score pretty poorly on a simple ‘female-pleasure’ biology test while others have been fortunate enough to learn either “in the playground” or through a commitment to their own research.

Regardless of our sexual orientation, women remain heavily influenced by men’s ideas about our sexuality. This perspective is reinforced, both overtly and by implication in the media, feeding our fears, expectations and limitations around our sexual power.

It is only fairly recently that South African women-who-love-women have found a stronger social and political voice, let alone a solid sexual identity, however both still remain under threat from ignorance and prejudice.

The 1970’s saw the feminist movement play a key role in debunking the ludicrous assumptions of mainstream society and medical professionals. This included pseudo-illnesses, like female ‘hysteria’, the treatment for which was manual masturbation ‘until paroxysm’(orgasm). The tedium and lengthy exertion of the treatment caused doctors to hand this labour over to nurses, and ultimately led to the invention of a steam driven vibrator.

Homosexuality was widely held to be a psychiatric illness. Medical textbooks in use at the time were anatomically incorrect and devoid of useful information on sexual arousal in women. Shamefully, many textbooks still are.

Patriarchy has worked hard to maintain the status quo, forcing women to identify with the stereotypes of virgin or whore. The whore is the free but overly sexual woman and the virgin, the sexually repressed but sanctified daughter or wife. Social institutions still impact negatively on women’s sexual self-image today. By acknowledging our inheritance of abuse, guilt, misinformation, shame and fear we can take back some of our own sexual free-will, to remember that knowledge is power and power means loving our sexual selves unabashedly. We can liberate ourselves from both the

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notion that a sexually powerful woman is a dangerous demon, and that great sex and boundless pleasure is beyond our reach.

Sex positive basics Our main sex organ is the clitoris, not the vagina. The term vagina is commonly misused in place of vulva, which refers to a woman’s external genital organs.

The clitoris contains 8 000 nerve endings and interacts actively with 15 000 others throughout the pelvis. Direct and indirect stimulation is necessary for clitoral responsiveness. Approximately 75 percent of us need continuous, direct external clitoral stimulation to orgasm.

There are 18 parts to the clitoris and it is ten times larger than popularly believed. The largest portion of the clitoris – the internal legs – straddle the vagina and urethra and extend through the soft tissue that lies between them. The clitoral bulbs within the labia become noticeably erect when stimulated, and this accounts for the external changes in labial skin colour, shape and texture when aroused.

The G-spot lies a few centimetres inward on the upper wall of the vagina and responds to direct, firm pressure. It is a location rather than an anatomical structure and feels markedly different to clitoral or vaginal orgasm. G-spot stimulation can trigger female ejaculation (prostatic fluid is released via the urethra). Deep penetration – which may touch the cervical area – is often only pleasurable after extensive arousal of the more superficial genital areas.

Apart from the genitals, erogenous zones are scattered throughout the body – primary, secondary and tertiary. One can build a more intense total body experience by including all the senses. More intense pleasure is possible when spreading the energy back and forth between the erotic centres of the body to create a fuller ecstatic experience. Accessing one’s sensual imagination and emotions through the eroticism of the body can be exquisite.

Meditative techniques such as mindful breathing are key to tuning out the inner critic, relaxing and being more fully turned on.

Orgasm Women are capable of a range of orgasmic experiences. More than 15 types of orgasm have been described by sex educators, which may be a useful observation though we should guard against additional performance anxiety. Orgasm types include clitoral, vaginal, g-spot, rectal, full body orgasms, and even tantric energy orgasms. Some women are known to orgasm in their sleep, while meditating, giving birth, breastfeeding or fantasy alone. All of these are perfectly legitimate and wonderful ways to experience orgasm.

None are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ or need to be classified as better or worse, moral or immoral, aspirational or less legitimate.

Fears that women may become dependent on toys, lose sensitivity or that toys are a replacement for a person are unfounded. A balanced life includes private solo sexual time. Investing your total sexual needs in one person creates issues of jealousy and unrealistic expectations. Sexual neediness contributes to the intensity of relationship dynamics, while the truth is that when each person is able to cultivate their own sexual fulfilment, they can then share sex from a place of overflow and not dependence.

Look out for our next article: How to choose the toy that’s best for you …

Orgasm can be a learned skill. Thousands of non-orgasmic women have learned how to experience orgasm for themselves and with partners. Dr. Betty Dodson, the American sex activist extraordinaire, describes orgasm as: ‘when the body takes over’. Some of the barriers to this include a fear of expressing ourselves, lack of knowledge, sexual shame or trauma. Being able to identify these common obstacles is a good starting point to addressing them.

Playtime for Good Girls?

Buying a vibrator, dildo or any other erotic product is not a quick fix for sexual dilemmas.

Why does Whet advocate the use of toys for solo or partner play?

For some women a vibrator is a way to experience their first orgasm especially if they have been struggling to do so. A vibrator can provide the continuous, consistent stimulation necessary without fatigue or in the case of partner sex, eliminates the concern that a partner is getting tired or bored. This offers the freedom to relax and simply experience the sensation to the point of orgasm, however long that takes.

Choosing and buying sensually designed products honours the personal importance of sexuality and helps to set an intention to prioritise this aspect of our womanhood. It is imperative to know our own bodies, before mind-blowing partner-sex is a possibility.

A woman is a complete sexual being without a partner – she is first and foremost responsible for her own sex life, her own orgasmic experiences, and her own erotic identity. Sexy products give one an additional arena to express personal style and preference. Some toys may be enjoyed with a lover, while others may remain your private pleasure.

Most importantly toys are toys – they are meant for fun. Toys can vibrate, pulsate, stimulate and energise in a variety of ways encouraging a broad exploration of sensations. Playfulness is a key ingredient in a dynamic, growing sexuality. Having fun liberates us from the heaviness of social issues around sex. Fun has a positive impact on our physical and mental health.

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FINANCE GUIDE

WHAT IF I DON’T DIE? O

ne does not like to be a profit of doom, but recent studies have shown that most South Africans are hopelessly inadequately insured against disability; hence my first article for Alice is about disability. It is important to create wealth yes, but even more important is to protect the ‘creator’ of the wealth.

People in same-sex relationships often still think of themselves as ‘single’ and they don’t ever sit down together and talk about life changing events in terms of finances. Love is a wonderful thing, but when hardship strikes and financial difficulty creeps in, love walks out the front door. Do you and your loved one know what is going to happen if either one of you are in an accident or become seriously ill?

It is not a secret that we are living in a dangerous country, crime, road carnage etc. I don’t even want to go into the detail; we all know what I am talking about. These days medical technology is extremely advanced. Unfortunately this comes at a price and living with a disability or serious illness can cripple a relationship financially.

The medical aids will cover the cost in hospital, but then what happens when I get home, where will the money come from if I need special equipment to make my life bearable, if the equipment is not needed to sustain my health, the medical aid won’t pay for it?

What if I need a full-time nurse to look after me, who will pay for that, does the medical aid allow limited resources in this regard?

How will my loved one cope with already having the emotional burden of living in the constant shadow of my illness/disability, will she be able to put in the same effort at work as before or will she eventually lose her job/career because of stress and emotional strain? People working for big corporate companies often rely on the disability insurance that the company offers, not even knowing what it covers.

Some of the facts; • Most of these types of insurance covers you for own or similar occupation or any position that you are reasonably qualified for.

• Very difficult to get a favorable claim, you might be an accountant ending up as a driver because you are able to drive a car still, you are not totally and permanently disabled, because you are still working, imagine the drop in income.

• Most cover only 75% of your basic or pensionable salary.

• Are you currently able to live off only 75% of your salary?

Imagine trying to do that with the added expense of living with a disability or severe illness.

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By Ronèl Cronjè

It is not only the main breadwinner in the house that should be insured against disability. Even if the second spouse is not working or working for a very small salary.

Example; One spouse is working for R8 000 per month and this goes towards the electricity bill and groceries in the combined household.

After a serious motor vehicle accident this spouse looses the use of both legs and one arm is also partially impaired and she has limited use of that arm. The other spouse is working full time for a big corporate company and will not be able to see to her needs during the day and she is also required to be out of town often.

They will need to appoint somebody to look after the disabled spouse during the day. This person might also have to cook for them sometimes and do the grocery shopping due to the other spouse having commitments at work. The disabled spouse had no disability cover at work and did not have a policy covering disability either. Not only are they loosing the R8000 per month, but they have the added expense of the nurse/caregiver and additional medical expenses.

Disability Insurance has come a long way since the days when you had to be totally incompetent of taking care of yourself to qualify for a disability claim. Some of the bigger insurance companies would not just look at your ability to do a job, but they also look at your activities of daily living. These would include your ability to bath and dress yourself as well as several other activities. These products can be structured to specifically cater for the individual’s needs.

One could use an Income Protector type of policy to ensure a constant monthly income. Work out how much all the extra staff would cost and ensure the spouse for that monthly amount on an Income Protector Policy, it keeps track with inflation, in other words, the monthly payments increase with inflation every year and it pays until age 65 or prior death. I hope I answered some of the questions that might arise the moment you or your loved one are in an accident or become seriously ill. No one wants to prepare for the worst, but to be unprepared is even worse!

Ronèl Cronjè Qualified Financial Planner (NQF6) Best Financial Advisors C: 0828788342 • E: ronel@bestfin.co.za • www.bestfin.co.za

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Music

listen to this

REM

Collapsing into the present?

By Karla Liesbeek

NOT! M

ichael Stipe might as well be called the Muse for the Heartbroken and he has claimed this title since he started singing for R.E.M in 1983. Even listening to something like ‘Shiny Happy People’ could get you sulking rather than jumping with joy.

Why? It’s nostalgic.

And now Stipe escorts R.E.M back on a brand new journey with Collapse Into Now, an album that jumps back to what the band used to be good at. So, let’s step back more than almost two decades.

The emotions of endearment Stipe’s golden voice has evoked for so long, has always been synonym with anthem-like choruses and a benchmark success in record sales.

Well, up to the new millennium when drummer Bill Berry left the band and R.E.M announced a ‘musical change in direction’.

Their last sporting chance was seen with Monster and then New Adventures in Hi-Fi. Then, without Berry, came a rather half-baked line-up for this emotional super group, with founding members Mike Mills (guitar) and Peter Buck (bass) still on board. There was Up. There was Reveal. Then Around the Sun. And then Accelerate.

‘Crush with Eyeliner’, but more in the line of evocative emotions in songs like ‘What’s The Frequency Kenneth?’.

‘Oh My Heart’, the only ballad-like effort on Collapse Into Now, features lyrics such as:

Four albums in one decade that scattered (and smothered) the loyalty of R.E.M fans in different musical directions. Yes, some singles achieved number one spots, but none of these albums achieved the same conversation points as the album they released during the 90’s. Unfortunately this is what happens if you tamper with a tried and trusted recipe. And, more unfortunately, the healing process takes time IF that kind of process ever kicks in.

The kids have a new take/a new take on faith. /Pick up the

Now, with a downward spiral decade behind them, the band returns with Collapse Into Now, a gem of an album that cannot be missed. An older, still emotional, but much more mature Stipe makes a comeback that could easily be the equal of a 90’s album like Monster. Not as naughty and decadent as an old hit like A

of the Heartbroken can be. Older, but still on track with the R.E.M

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pieces/get carried away./ I came home to a city half erased./ I came home to face what we faced./ This place needs me here to start./ This place, is the beat, of my heart.

Oh my heart/oh my heart ...

The Muse of the Heartbroken is back in a way that only the Muse nostalgia he is known for.

But is old man Stipe collapsing into present day music with an album title like Collapse Into Now? Not a chance. Never!

Gadgets get-it gadgets

Bluetooth Rear MIRROR?

T

he WD0608 Bluetooth hands free car kit from TD Protocol, is the latest in Bluetooth technology that enables you to speak hands free in your car. The first thing that strikes you about this mirror is its ultra thin and stylish design.

The unit connects via Bluetooth with your handset and via FM signal with your car radio. It effortlessly clips over your existing mirror in seconds and acts like a normal mirror. When you receive a call, the caller’s name appears on the high definition LED screen. With a click of one button on the mirror, your call is answered and you can talk without being on the lookout for Metro!

The mirror has a built-in microphone that picks up your voice in the car and you can hear your caller through your car speakers.

If you want to make your call ‘private’ the removable Bluetooth ear piece comes in handy. As soon as you remove the ear piece it automatically disconnect from your car radio and switches over to the ear piece, so no one else will hear what you’re planning for the weekend.

Some other super cool features are: • Integrated MP3 player that plays your music from a USB, SD/MMC and mini USB memory card • Built-in speakers for those of us who don’t have a car radio • Rechargeable Li-ion battery (support 11 hours talk time) and the charger plugs into your cigarette lighter • elephone book updated from your handset • It re-connects automatically each time you get in your car • AND most importantly, you can sign the ‘Oprah No Phone Zone Pledge’ without feeling guilty when you answer that ‘all important’ call!

You can pick this mirror up at a recommended retail price of R1,450.00 For more information contact Marco on 084 583 6641 or triumph@axxess.co.za

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See recent movies

Black Swan Review by Gianfranco Human “the guy in the green shorts” Directed by Darren Aronofsky, screenplay by Mark Heyman, Andres Heinz (as Andrés Heinz), John J. McLaughlin (as John McLaughlin) and story by Heinz (as Andrés Heinz) starring Oscar winner Natalie Portman as Nina Sayers, gorgeous Mila Kunis as Lily talented Vincenet Cassel as Thomas Leroy.

The films synopsis: A ballet dancer wins the lead in Swan Lake and is perfect for the role of the delicate White Swan – Princess Odette – but slowly loses her mind as she becomes more and more like Odile, the Black Swan.

More like ... a film that grabs your attention from the opening sequence and mesmerises you till the very end with a massive twist at the end. There is no question as to why Natalie won the Oscar for her performance. I have spoken to many people who have watched the film and asked for their comment. Many head shakes, smiles and looks of confusion at the question. Despite the mixed reactions I watched it and I was blown away by this film, will Nina become her black swan was a resounding question and can she?

The camera work was intimate and powerful, was close to Nina at all times and we felt her, no, we really felt her. We somehow became her in many ways and wanted her to break out and become her black swan; we felt her mother’s pressures from all angles and aspects of her life. The make-up, costumes and styling was flawless and the musical score was a mix of the traditional swan lake and modern sounds we know which enhanced the film to its high point. The visual effects was natural, all in all a mind twist of note and I expect everyone to watch it.

Wow!

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BLUE VALENTINE Review by Aninke van Antwerpen Co-written and directed by Derek Cianfrance. This is a film that pretty much observes itself. It’s an intimate, raw and candid account of a relationship that stretches over a time span of six years by cross-cutting between the past and the present.

It starts off with modern day working couple Dean and Cindy, he is a house painter and she is a nurse, already six years into marriage with a daughter. Then it plays back to the past and shows with great charm, the time where they met and fell in love versus the present, where you find yourself wondering throughout the film, where did their love go, really being a story about inner defeat and the exhaustion of hope.

The two lead actors, Ryan Gosling (Half Nelson) and Michelle Williams (Brokeback Mountain), portraying Dean and Cindy, at age 24 and 30, give powerful and emotionally honest performances, not giving you your average night out at the movies and even challenging at times, but it is a delicate rarity of cinema and definitely worth a watch.

Read Must read

Pomp 11 Afrikaanse kunsjoernaal

unbearable lightness

By Portia de Rossi Review by Aninke van Antwerpen In her memoir, Portia De Rossi talks about the internal struggles and disorder since she started working as a model at the age of twelve. It’s a brutally honest account of her battle with anorexia and of a life lived in the closet consumed by fear and solitude.

Only taking in 300 calories a day, dropping to a shocking 37kg even so that it became life threatening at one stage. She takes the reader on an emotional journey with her, sharing her deepest thoughts and feelings not skipping through anything but paying attention to all the fine detail. You feel her pain as you are reading it, the pressures of working on a hit television show in America wanting to be seriously skinny and hiding her true self to the outside world. She eventually talks about regaining control, finding her way back and meeting the love of her life and present wife Ellen Degeneres.

It is beautifully written and pulls you in from the very first page, not wanting to put it down. This is not just a book for people who suffered from an eating disorder, but for anyone who ever struggled with being accepted and isolation and it surely leaves a lasting impression. w w w

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Hierdie opwindende nuwe titel in die Afrikaanse mark stel Suid-Afrikaners bekend aan die konsep van ‘n uitsonderlike kuns- en kultuurjoernaal. Pomp is ‘n stylvolle, lewendige en polsende publikasie wat die kunste in Afrikaans vier. Dit verleen ‘n wegbreek vir die ondersoekende gees, en stel ten toon die beste wat Suid-Afrika het om te bied in kuns en kunstenaars.

Hierdeur word neigings en tendense bekend gestel en word jong toonaangeërs gelanseer. Die visueel-prikkelende inhoud bestaan uit uitnemende foto-joernalistieke elemente en ondersteun daardeur die gesaghebbende seksionele snit wat dit maak deur die verskillende genres van die Suid-Afrikaanse kuns- en kultuurlandskap: skone kuns, fotografie, beeldhouwerk, argitektuur, leefstyl, reis, kos en wyn en vele meer.

“Die pragtige boek wat uitgegee is, is enig in Afrikaans. En plesierig. Soos Afrikaners. Maar nie elitisties soos Afrikaanse publikasies in hierdie trant altyd was nie. Dis nie akademies nie, maar dis verskriklik slim. Slim soos in anders dink en kyk en heilige koeie by shopping centres uitmekaar haal. Want dis nie “anders” soos in my traitors heart nie. Dit is net.

Ek het so lekker gekyk, stukkies gelees oor al die onderwerpe wat vir my ter sake en inspirerend is en die onbevange Afrikaansheid opgetel voordat ek nog vinnig deur die gewigtige voorwoord gelees het. Ek gaan vir myself ‘n kopie koop en dit vir almal wys wat kom kuier en binnekort sal daar ‘n teekoppie-ring of ‘n nat wynglas-watermerk op die voorblad wees. Die tweede hoogste roeping van die boek: om so rondom gekuier en oor gepraat te word – dis nie heilig nie. maar hierdie een is spiritueel op baie plekke.” (Redaksielid van ‘n bekende tydskrif) Kalahari Boeke beskryf POMP as: Kontemporêr. Visueel gedrewe. ‘n Aanwins vir jou intellek én koffietafel. ‘n Über-stylvolle publikasie wat ‘n grenslose reeks onderwerpe dek, onder andere Argitektuur, Film, Kuns, Letterkunde, Musiek en blaaie meer.”

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Happening FEATURED EVENT

The PINK GirlFest A

fun packed weekend full of activities at the bottom of Majuba mountain Volksrust, situated on the border of KZN, Mpumalanga and the Free State with just 2 hours drive from JHB. The objective would be for the Pink GirlFest to be put on the map as a world renowned Women festival similar to the Dinah Shore Weekend and Ohio Festival. To organise an annual event to support the local community and offer a networking platform for upcoming Women musicians, dj’s, artists, sports professionals, magazines and the corporate industry.

Entertainment includes Karen Zoid, Margaret’s Daughter and Cortina Whiplash and Burlesque Performance. Dj’s includes Lindi Lush and upcoming dj’s.

Featuring well known personalities: • Tove Kane and Kerry Knowles as MC’s.

• Tanya Visser (Gardening Expert with the Gardening Show on DSTV) – Gardening and DIY. • Bonita G (ex Carte Blanche presenter) – Motivational Speech • Sanet Smith (Self Defence pro) – Self Defence demonstration • Caryn Louw (Golf Pro) – Golf Clinic • Mountain Biking & Hiking by Run like a Girl • Belly Dancing Workshop

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It’s the 1st for South Africa!

The Pink GirlFest. 30th April to 2nd May

Activities include Horse Riding, Quad Biking and off road Golf Carts.

Fantastic prizes to be won in our Rope pull, Mud Wrestling, ‘Streep sak spring’ and Wet T Shirt competitions: Harley Davidson Gift Packs, Zippo’s, Barnyard Theatre tickets, Jeep clothing, Weekend away at Piggs Peak Casino Swaziland and Lady Africa.

R500 per ticket includes all of the above and accommodation options at the venue. B&B and guest houses are available at a negotiated rate ranging from R100 pp.

Book your ticket now at Computicket http://www.computicket. com/web/event/pink_girlfest/327484459/0/25049317 www.pinkgirlfest.co.za Contact Kerry Knowles 082 894 6114 or Judith Nel on 082 976 7997

Interview FEATURED EVENT

Broken glass leaves me with a broken heart C

ape Town is alive with culture at the moment and there are some incredible (and very attractive) women out there doing some amazing work. I was perusing my arty groups on Facebook, right after I stalked some potential life partners and found out that Arthur Miller’s play Broken Glass will be showing at The Fugard Theatre in District Six. “Who’s Arthur Miller?”, I hear you murmur. Only one of the most famous American Playwrights of all time and he was once married to Marilyn Monroe – lucky man!

Broken Glass stars Sir Anthony Sher (a stage legend) and three women whom I think are South Africa’s top actresses at the moment. The luscious Anthea Thompson, vivacious Claire Berlein and the classical beauty that is Susan Danford. It’s also directed by industry goddess Janice Honeyman.

By Lylo Lessie

Lylo Lessie has been single, since, well forever. She has been prowling the pink strip for years but she still hasn’t got lucky. So, she’s finally decided to broaden her horizons.

After watching Andrew Lloyd Weber’s production of Cats and seeing all those women in spandex, she is now convinced that the theatre is the place to pick up the lady of her dreams. But Lylo Lesssie can be a little, shall we say, obsessive. Once she’s got her eye on you, you better adjust you privacy settings because she’s not giving up!

So, I decided to meet up with Anthea Thompson, my pick of the litter. I started by driving past her house every morning, just to become more acquainted with her schedule.

And last week, we just happen to bump into each other at Dias Tavern. She was quietly nursing a whiskey in the corner. Her dazzling red locks blowing in the breeze of the Daewoo fan. She said she’ll answer a few of my questions if I picked up her tab. They didn’t have Tab so I ordered her a Coke Light instead and we started chatting.

So what’s Broken Glass about?

The play is ostensibly about a failed marriage. But there is so much more to it. A doctor gets called in to treat a woman who has been struck by a sudden and baffling paralysis; Doctor Hyman.

Did you say ‘hyman’?

Yes that’s his name. It’s set in New York, Brooklyn in the 1930’s.

They’ve been around for a long time!

So, as I was saying, Doctor Hyman Ha-ha!

Yes, he is introduced to her husband; an intense Jewish man in his late 40’s clad in a black suit, which seems to indicate his outlook on life.

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And he is played by Sher?

That is Sir Sher to you, for those people who don’t call him Tony… like I do.

The wife’s illness is psychosomatic and the play deals with the husband’s denial of his roots and culture. This al takes place during Kristallnact – which was when there were a series of attacks against Jews throughout Nazi Germany. Questions of identity, denial of identity and the cruelty of cultures against each other are raised throughout. And finally, we see how all of this could lead people to a state of paralysis.

It is then revealed that the husband suffers from impotence.

So he couldn’t it get up?

Yes. Oh, so he could?

No, but there’s also emotional impotence.

So he couldn’t get his brain up.

Can we move on?

What has it been like working with Claire Berlein and Susan Danford?

It’s phenomenal being with two really strong women in the prime of their careers.

I want to be with two really strong women.

I’m finding working with women is just an incredibly gratifying experience. In that so much of the sexual politics is set aside for the aim of creating a wonderful endeavour.

Do you have pillow fights in your underwear after rehearsals?

I’m sorry but what has this got to do with the play?

Well, nothing, but there is a bed in the play isn’t there?

Yes, but Susan Danford uses it.

Nice!

The Fugard Theatre has recently been taken over by new management after some controversy, how is the new staff treating you?

You arrive every morning for rehearsals and there is always someone to open the door and welcome you and always someone at reception to greet you. The staff is incredibly warm and generous. You feel like the creative process is being facilitated.

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Can I have your BBM? I don’t own a Blackberry?

You’re a little berry aren’t you?

You’re all just like a big fruit bowl of creative juices.

Sorry let’s continue.

Sir Anthony Sher doesn’t just fly down to South Africa for any old play. It must be quite something playing alongside the master.

Initially I was hugely intimidated. But after some bumbling first scene rehearsals, some blushing and awkward attempts at what seemed like acting 101, I finally addressed the elephant in the room and said to him, you’re just so good! It’s like watching a master class in acting every day.

So you felt like a naughty little girl in the class!

No, not that kind of class.

I’m sorry you’re not a girl you’re a woman … I bet you got detention.

What else are you up to apart from Broken Glass?

I work as part of an all female comedy line up called Cracks Only alongside Shimmy Isaacs, Marianne Thamm and Anne Hirsch.

These are three phenomenal women, who inspire me. They get my creative juices flowing.

Flowing? Juices?

They think and work outside the box, something which has always appealed to me because at my very heart I’m anarchic.

You’re hot!

After that Ms Thompson excused herself and went to the ladies room, after 20 minutes I went to check on her, but she had disappeared. I drove over to her house and waited outside for two days but no sign of her yet. Anthea, if you’re reading this, call me.

Broken Glass will be showing at The Fugard Theatre from 22 March to 16 April 2011. Book through Computicket or phone 021 461 4554.

Photo report PICTURE THIS

AWARDS DIE HEUWELS FANTASTIES

Robbie Wessels & Gigi

FRESHLY GROUND

Neels van Jaarsveld & Charlbi Dean-Kriek

Francois van Coke & Tamara Dey

Prime Circle

ELMA SMIT

Foto na Dans

The winners in the 13 categories are: Best Video: Mr. X feat Die Heuwels Fantasties for Hyg Duiwel • Best Group: Die Heuwels Fantasties for Doodgewone aand • Best Solo: Bobby van Jaarsveld for Net vir jou Best SFX/Animation: Mr. X feat Die Heuwels Fantasties for Hyg duiwel • Best Newcomer: Die Tuindwergies for Kopskudkinders • Best Feat/Colab: Monique & Snotkop for Ek val vir jou • POP: Bobby van Jaarsveld for Spieëltjie • Neon: Mr. X feat Die Heuwels Fantasties for Hyg duiwel • Best International Hit: Eminem feat Rihanna for Love the way you lie Best Campus Hit: Dans Dans Lisa for Sing in Skaamte nominated by PukFm • Best International Breakthrough Act: Prime Circle for Breathing PORNSTER: Snotkop for Parapapa • Best Live Act: Van Coke Kartel Go to www.mktv.co.za for more.

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Happening April & May Gig Guide

The Gig Guide

APRIL&MAY CAPE TOWN MUSIC 60s Summer of Love 16 March 11 to 17 April 11 Barnyard Willowbridge 021 914 8898 Saber 01 April 11, 08 April 11 Polana 021 788 4133 Friday Jazz: Alvin Dyers 01 April 11, 08 April 11, 15 April 11, 22 April 11, 29 April 11 Pepper Club Hotel 021 812 8888 Downtown Sundowners 01 April 11, 08 April 11 Bread Café 082 611 5612 Garden Boys 01 April 11, 06 May 11 Fiction DJ Bar and Lounge 021 424 5709 Dan Patlansky and Friends 01 April 11 to 02 April 11 Die Boer 021 979 1911 RAKA Music Festival 01 April 11 to 03 April 11 Kam’Bati River Resort 083 349 9559

Love & Light Festival 01 April 11 to 03 April 11 Nekkies Resort and Camping Site 072 809 0851 Shen Winberg 02 April 11, 15 April 11 Polana 021 788 4133 Farmhouse Rocks: Bed on Bricks 02 April 11 Cape Farmhouse Restaurant 021 780 1246

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Old Mutual Kirstenbosch Concerts: aKING 03 April 11 Kirstenbosch Summer Concerts 021 799 8782 Quartet Cappuccino 03 April 11 The Baxter Theatre 021 685 7880 Sunday Night Jazz 03 April 11, 01 May 11 Kennedy’s 021 424 1212 Jazz Monday 04 April 11 Trinity Super Club 021 421 1367 Tuesday Jazz Night 05 April 11 Asoka 021 422 0909 Acoustic Sessions 05 April 11, 12 April 11 Zula Sound Bar 021 424 2442

Untamed Youth – Student Night 05 April 11, 12 April 11, 19 April 11, 26 April 11 Fiction DJ Bar and Lounge 021 424 5709 Que Bossa Latino Jazz 06 April 11, 13 April 11 Cafe Sofia 021 426 0801 The Best of Ekapa 07 April 11, 21 April 11 The Purple Turtle

EJ von Lyrik 16 April 11 Cape Farmhouse Restaurant 021 780 1246 The Big Five 20 April 11 to 29 May 11 Barnyard Willowbridge 021 914 8898

Rock the River Easter Festival 22 April 11 to 24 April 11 Ruigtervlei Farm bookings@rocktheriversa.co.za Killer Robot 29 April 11, 27 May 11 Fiction DJ Bar and Lounge 021 424 5709

Arthur Miller`s Broken Glass 22 March 11 to 26 April 11 The Fugard Theatre 021 461 4554

Roxette 11 May 11 Grand Arena 021 505 7777 David Kramer – Breyani 18 May 11 to 29 May 11 The Baxter Theatre 021 685 7880 COMEDY

Perfect Wedding 29 March 11 to 02 April 11, 05 April 11 to 09 April 11 Theatre on the Bay 021 438 3301

Crimson 16 April 11 Polana 021 788 4133

PERFORMANCE

Farmhouse Rocks: Stark Raving Sane 07 May 11 Cape Farmhouse Restaurant 021 780 1246

Neil Diamond 11 April 11 Cape Town Stadium 083 915 8000 (Computicket)

Ragas of Romance 15 April 11 The Baxter Theatre 021 685 7880

Theatresports 05 April 11, 12 April 11, 19 April 11, 26 April 11, 03 May 11, 10 May 11, 17 May 11, 24 May 11, 31May 11 Kalk Bay Theatre 073 220 5430

Out in Africa – Gay and Lesbian Film Festival.

01 April 11 to 10 April 11 Nu Metro V&A www.ioa.co.za

Siv Ngesi – Dekaf 28 March 11 to 02 April 11 The Baxter Theatre 021 685 7880

It Came From The Jungle 14 April 11, 21 April 11 Fiction DJ Bar and Lounge 021 424 5709

Jim Jefferies – Alcoholocaust 05 April 11 Cape Town International Convention Centre (CTICC) 021 410 5000

Elvis Festival Africa 29 April 11 to 02 May 11 Protea Hotel Tsitsikamma Village, Storms River 082 920 6626

Natasha Meister Band 09 April 11 Polana 021 788 4133

Shannon Hope 13 April 11 Dorpstraat Restaurant Teater Summerhill 021 88 99 158

C.O.M.E (Comedy On Monday Evenings) 04 April 11, 11 April 11 Zula Sound Bar 021 424 2442

Trevor Noah – Goodbye For Now 02 April 11 Cape Town International Convention Centre (CTICC) 021 410 5000 Comics At Work 03 April 11, 10 April 11, 17 April 11, 24 April 11 Obz Cafe 021 448 5555 Theatresports 04 April 11, 11 April 11, 18 April 11, 25 April 11, 02 May 11, 09 May 11, 16 May 11, 23 May 11, 30May 11 The Intimate Theatre 021 480 7129

Cirque du Soleil presents Saltimbanco 29 March 11 to 03 April 11 Grand Arena 021 505 7777 The Tale of Peter Rabbit 31 March 11 to 02 April 11, 04 April 11 to 09 April 11 Artscape Theatre / Arena 021 410 9800 Poetry in Motion 2 01 April 11 to 03 April 11, 06 April 11 Artscape Theatre / Arena 021 410 9800 Andre the Hilarious Hypnotist 12 April 11 to 16 April 11, 19 April 11 to 21 April 11, 28 April 11 to 30 April 11 Theatre on the Bay 021 438 3301 Silence of the Music 13 April 11 to 30 April 11 The Baxter Theatre 021 685 7880 iKapa Dance Theatre 17 April 11, 22 May 11 On Broadway 021 424 1194 Vettie! Vettie!

26 April 11 to 08 May 11 Artscape Theatre / Arena 021 410 9800 AfrikaBurn 2011 27 April 11 to 02 May 11 Tankwa Karoo info@afrikaburn.com

Body Language 03 May 11 to 07 May 11, 11 May 11 to 14 May 11, 18 May 11 to 21 May 11, 25 May 11 to 28 May 11 Kalk Bay Theatre 073 220 5430 Jesus Christ Superstar 12 May 11 to 28 May 11 Artscape Theatre / Arena 021 410 9800

The Christopher Hope Writers’ Workshop 16 May 11 to 19 May 11 The Post House | Greyton 082 380 0640

LIFESTYLE Stellenbosch Fresh Goods Market 02 April 11, 09 April 11, 16 April 11 Oude Libertas Amfiteater 021 886 8514

DURBAN

The Quadrant Market 02 April 11, 09 April 11, 16 April 11, 23 April 11 Library Square 082 802 2436 Salt Deli Food & Wine Extravaganza 02 April 11 Salt Deli 021 439 3354

MUSIC Rough Diamonds and Divas 08 March 11 to 17 April 11 Barnyard Gateway 031 566 3045 Ballies & Babes 29 March 11 to 03 April 11 The Heritage Theatre 031 765 4197

Mastering Change – A Change Cafe Workshop 02 April 11 Constellation House 082 408 5119

Beat-Route 01 April 11, 08 April 11, 15 April 11, 22 April 11, 29 April 11 Market 082 622 6902

Hout Bay Market 03 April 11, 17 April 11, 24 April 11, 01 May 11, 08 May 11, 15 May 11, 22 May 11, 29 May 11 Village Green 082 850 9752

Cake or Death 07 April 11, 14 April 11, 21 April 11 Unit 11 082 774 6528

Ice Hockey World Championships 11 April 11 to 17 April 11 Grand West Casino Ice Arena 021 505 7777 Oyster and Champagne Festival 2011 23 April 11 to 24 April 11 Bloemendal Wine Estate 021 976 2682 Pink Loerie Mardi Gras & Arts Festival 27 April 11 to 01 May 11 Knysna 083 347 9570

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Rocking It Gently 01 April 11 to 03 April 11, 08 April 11 to 10 April 11 Stirling Theatre 082 970 0002 Neil Diamond 05 April 11 Moses Mahbida Stadium 083 915 8000 (Computicket)

Alphen Antiques and Collectables Christmas Fair 10 April 11, 24 April 11, 08 May 11, 22 May 11 Alphen Centre 084 626 7499

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Seafood Festival 2011 30 April 11 Groendal Sports Fields 086 577 4392 The Wine Affair at the V&A Waterfront 03 May 11 to 06 May 11 The Lookout 073 265 3094

Franschhoek Literary Festival 13 May 11 to 15 May 11 Various Venues help@flf.co.za

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DECOREX: Cape Town 29 April 11 to 02 May 11 Cape Town International Convention Centre (CTICC) 021 410 5000

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And All That Jazz 14 April 11 The Red Door | Pietermaritzburg 5 Quarry Rd (off Victoria), Pietermaritzburg

Girls Wanna Rock 31 May 11 to 10 July 11 Barnyard Gateway 031 566 3045

Fever Tree Market 10 April 11 Claremont Farm 082 775 3998

COMEDY

Duke Of Endinburgh 11 April 11 Durban Country Club 031 328 3000

Gino Fabbri is Absolutely Nuts 30 March 11 to 03 April 11, 06 April 11 to 10 April 11 Catalina Theatre 031 305 6889 Comedy at Amsterdam 07 April 11, 21 April 11 Amsterdam Bar and Grill 031 811 5449 PERFORMANCE A Handful of Keys 29 March 11 to 17 April 11 Rhumbelow Theatre 031 205 7602 Buccaneers – The Sequel 31 March 11 to 03 April 11, 07 April 11 to 10 April 11, 14 April 11 to 17 April 11, 21 April 11 to 24 April 11, 28 April 11 to 01 May 11, 05 May 11 to 08 May 11 uShaka Marine World 031 328 8000 Reality Bites 05 April 11 to 10 April 11, 12 April 11 to 17 April 11, 19 April 11 to 24 April 11 The Heritage Theatre 031 765 4197

Carnival Fair @ Kloof High School 16 April 11 Kloof High School 079 377 1116 Pennington Easter Eco Festival 22 April 11 to 27 April 11 Pennington KZN South Coast 031 312 0006 Rising Stars Careers Expo 07 May 11 Docklands Hotel Corner Of Mahatma Gandhi & Browns Road

JO’BURG MUSIC Nite Fever – A 70’s Celebration 08 March 11 to 17 April 11 Barnyard Cresta 011 280 4370 Dark_Noise – Mafia Mayhem 01 April 11 CCHQ 083 594 2794

Mummenschanz 06 April 11 to 10 April 11 The Playhouse Company 031 369 9596 / 9540

JPO Lunchtime Serenades 01 April 11, 08 April 11, 15 April 11 Theatre on the Square 011 883 8606

60s Summer of Love 19 April 11 to 29 May 11 Barnyard Gateway 031 566 3045

Neil Diamond 02 April 11 FNB Stadium 083 915 8000 (Computicket)

LIFESTYLE Icc Cricket World Cup Screenings 19 February 11 to 02 April 11 Suncoast Casino – The Zone 031 328 3000 Life Check 02 April 11, 07 May 11 The BAT Centre 031 332 0451

Splashy Fen Music Festival 21 April 11 to 25 April 11 Splashy Fen Farm 082 892 6176

Royal Natal Yacht Club Garmin Twilight Series 06 April 11 Royal Natal Yacht Club 031 301 5425

The Bats – Loudly South African 03 May 11 to 08 May 11 The Heritage Theatre 031 765 4197

Ladysmith Swartkop Challenge 09 April 11 Wagon Hill / Platrand Battlesite enquiries@campaigntrails.co.uk

The Joburg Experience 02 April 11 Sky Raiders info@allaboutevents.co.za Josie Fields 02 April 11 The Radium Beer Hall 011 728 3866 206 Tuesdays 05 April 11, 12 April 11, 19 April 11 Bassline 011 838 9142 / 5 / 6 Jazzy Wednesdays 06 April 11 Wish 011 482 1162 Dub Saved My Life 06 April 11, 03 May 11 OST – Newtown 083 707 8772

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April & May Gig Guide Smokie 08 April 11 Carnival City 011 898 7000

Comedy Night 06 April 11, 20 April 11 TSG Fourways 011 465 7270

Die Psalmstorie 03 April 11 Promusica Theatre 011 674 1357/8

Naledi King Live 08 April 11 Birchwood Conference Centre View Point Road, Bartlett, Boksburg

Jim Jefferies Alcoholocaust 07 April 11, 09 April 11 Joburg Theatre 011 877 6800

Kathy Raven 09 April 11 The Radium Beer Hall 011 728 3866

Siv Ngesi – Dekaf 09 April 11 The Lyric Theatre 011 248 5168

Decadance by Steven Berkoff 12 April 11 to 16 April 11, 19 April 11 to 23 April 11, 26 April 11 to 30 April 11 Theatre on the Square 011 883 8606

Ragas of Romance 17 April 11 The Lyric Theatre 011 248 5168

Barry Hilton – Charmed and Dangerous 01 May 11 The Lyric Theatre 011 248 5168

The Sopranos 19 April 11 to 21 April 11, 23 April 11 to 25 April 11, 27 April 11 to 01 May 11 Joburg Theatre 011 877 6800 Absolute 80’s 19 April 11 to 29 May 11 Barnyard Cresta 011 280 4370 Classic Rock Tribute 21 April 11 Cool Runnings – Fourways 011 7040987

Bend It Like Beauty 03 May 11 to 07 May 11, 10 May 11 to 14 May 11, 17 May 11 to 21 May 11 Theatre on the Square 011 883 8606 Defending the Caveman 11 May 11 to 15 May 11, 18 May 11 to 22 May 11, 25 May 11 to 29 May 11 The Teatro at Montecasino 011 510 7472 PERFORMANCE

The Hip Replacements 23 April 11 The Radium Beer Hall 011 728 3866

Pinnochio 07 March 11 to 10 April 11 Joburg Theatre 011 877 6800

Slapchips & Champagne Dagfees 24 April 11 Urban Herbs 082 550 2704

Dream Girls 11 March 11 to 22 May 11 The Teatro at Montecasino 011 510 7472

Freshlyground 29 April 11 to 30 April 11 The Lyric Theatre 011 248 5168 Friday the 13th at Rockabillys 13 May 11 Rockabillys – Pool Hall & Entertainment Venue savageshows@hotmail.com Roxette 14 May 11 to 15 May 11 Sun City Super Bowl 083 915 8000 (Computicket) COMEDY Parker’s Comedy 01 April 11, 02 April 11 Parker’s Comedy & Jive Montecasino 011 511 0081 Uptown Comedy 05 April 11, 12 April 11 The Blues Room 011 7845527

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Streets of Gold: The Musical 24 March 11 to 02 April 11 The Lyric Theatre 011 248 5168 The Crazy Scientist 26 March 11 to 02 May 11 The Hippodrome 011 248 5000

Mummenschanz 12 April 11 to 17 April 11 Joburg Theatre 011 877 6800 Perfect Wedding 13 April 11 to 08 May 11 Pieter Torien Theatre 011 511 1818 Dot Serfontein vertel 24 April 11 Promusica Theatre 011 674 1357/8 Girls Wanna Rock 27 April 11 to 29 May 11 Barnyard Broadacres 011 467 6983 Pille en Brille 01 May 11, 29 May 11 Promusica Theatre 011 674 1357/8 Dance of Desire 03 May 11 to 22 May 11 Joburg Theatre 011 877 6800 Romeo & Juliet 27 May 11 to 19 June 11 Joburg Theatre 011 877 6800 Rough Diamonds and Divas 31 May 11 to 10 July 11 Barnyard Broadacres 011 467 6983 LIFESTYLE

Rooftop Market 03 April 11, 10 April 11 , 17 April 11, 24 April 11, 01 May 11, 08 May 11, 15 May 11 Rosebank Mall 011 442 4488 Market on Main – Food + Design 03 April 11, 10 April 11 , 17 April 11, 24 April 11 Arts in Main 087 830 0440 Vaisakhi Mela Carnival 03 April 11 George Lea Park 082 837 4104 Rob Nairn 09 April 11, 16 April 11 The Bioscope 087 830 0445 Lipizzaners 17 April 11, 08 May 11, 15 May 11, 22 May 11, 29 May 11 Lipizzaner Centre 011 702 2103 Rand Easter Show 22 April 11 to 02 May 11 MTN Expo Centre 011 476 7031 Havana Club presents the Wolves Scrabble League 25 April 11 Wolves 011 447 2360 The Home Expo 29 April 11 to 02 May 11 Emperors Palace 011 928 1937 Discovery Vitality Wellness and Fitness Convention 05 May 11 to 07 May 11 Vodaworld Conference Centre 021 659 5600 The Cradle Festival 06 May 11 to 15 May 11 Maropeng Visitor Centre 014 577 9000

Out in Africa – Gay and Lesbian Film Festival.

01 April 11 to 10 April 11 Nu Metro Hyde Park www.ioa.co.za

The Living and Loving Kids and Baby Expo 31 March 11 to 03 April 11 Emperors Palace 011 928 1937

Scopex 2011 07 May 11 Johannesburg SA National Military History Museum 082 650 8002

The Tragedy of Richard III 29 March 11 to 03 April 11, 05 April 11 to 10 April 11, 12 April 11 to 17 April 11 , 19 April 11 to 24 April 11 The Market Theatre 011 832 1641

The International Fashion Sale 2011 31 March 11 to 03 April 11 The Coca-Cola Dome + 27 11 794 5800

South African Ballet Theatre Gala Dinner 11 May 11 to 12 May 11 Le Canard Restaurant 011 884 4597

Bizet’s Carmen 01 April 11, 03 April 11, 06 April 11, 08 April 11, 10 April 11 Joburg Theatre 011 877 6800

Jozi Food Market 02 April 11, 09 April 11 , 16 April 11, 23 April 11 Pirates Sports Club 083 643 4555

Grand Designs: Live Home & Garden Show 20 May 11 to 22 May 11 The Coca-Cola Dome + 27 11 794 5800

Standard Bank Fine Brandy Festival 25 May 11 to 27 May 11 Sandton Sun 021 809 7617

Maze feat. Frankie Beverly live in SA Tour 25 April 11 Moretele Park 011 788 7632/1

The Sasol Birds and Birding Fair 28 May 11 to 29 May 11 Johannesburg Zoo 011 789 1122

Maze feat. Frankie Beverly live in SA Tour 26 April 11 Carnival City 011 898 7000

MUSIC

Jacaranda Kunstefees 26 April 11 to 02 May 11 Zambezi Mall 079 693 5187

Jack Hammer featuring Piet Botha 01 April 11 Steak & Ale 012 664 5155

Andra 09 May 11 Barnyard Menlyn 012 368 1555

Chromium 02 April 11 Cafe Barcelona 012 345 3602

Welcome to the Machine, A tribute to Pink Floyd 20 May 11 Steak & Ale 012 664 5155

PRETORIA

Club VAMP 02 April 11, 09 April 11. 16 April 11, Factory Night Club 082 300 1303 Quartet Cappucino 03 April 11 Brooklyn Theatre 012 460 6033

Super Troupers 31 May 11 to 10 July 11 Barnyard Menlyn 012 368 1555 PERFORMANCE

Strab Jam Nights 04 April 11, 11 April 11, 18 April 11, 25 April 11, 02 May 11 Cafe Barcelona 012 345 3602 Johnathan Chan 06 April 11 Brooklyn Theatre 012 460 6033

Alice in her Wonderland 02 April 11 Barnyard Menlyn 012 368 1555

Jeremy Taylor 08 April 11 Brooklyn Theatre 012 460 6033

Rivonia Trial 05 April 11 to 10 April 11, 12 April 11 to 17 April 11, 19 April 11 to 24 April 11, 26 April 11 to 01 May 11, 03 May 11 to 08 May 11 The South African State Theatre 012 392 4000

Berlin to Brooklyn 10 April 11 Brooklyn Theatre 012 460 6033

Have you Seen Zandile?

08 April 11 to 10 April 11, 12 April 11 to 17 April 11, 19 April 11 to 24 April 11, 26 April 11 to 01 May 11 The South African State Theatre 012 392 4000

Hummel At Easter 15 April 11, 17 April 11 Brooklyn Theatre 012 460 6033

Nothing But The Truth 20 April 11 to 24 April 11, 26 April 11 to 01 May 1, 03 May 11 to 08 May 11, 10 May 11 to 13 May 11 The South African State Theatre 012 392 4000

Joyous Celebration 15th 21 April 11 to 24 April 11 The South African State Theatre 012 392 4000

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Stuur Groete aan Mannetjies Roux 20 May 11 The Atterbury Theatre 012 346 0811 EXHIBITION Photography: 1950 – 2010 02 February 11 to 24 April 11 Pretoria Art Museum 012 344 1807/8 Designs of living 16 March 11 to 16 April 11 Fried Contemporary Gallery 012 346 0158 Designs of nature 27 April 11 to 28 May 11 Fried Contemporary Gallery 012 346 0158 AvoDazz – Advokadofees 07 May 11 to 08 May 11 Flowers Park 076 292 9250 LIFESTYLE Hatfield Antiques & Collectables Fair 03 April 11, 01 May 11 Hatfield Market 011 442 4488 Fare on the Square 17 April 11 Irene Village Mall 012 662 4446 Hatfield Art & Craft Fair 24 April 11, 29 May 11 Hatfield Market 011 442 4488 The Irene Village Market 30 April 11, 28 May 11 Smuts House Museum www.irenemarket.co.za

Rough Diamonds and Divas 19 April 11 to 21 May 11 Barnyard Menlyn 012 368 1555

Chris Chameleon 20 April 11 Brooklyn Theatre 012 460 6033

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Vettie! Vettie!

22 March 11 to 10 April 11 The South African State Theatre 012 392 4000 Luister Kafee 02 April 11, 02 May 11 Brooklyn Theatre 012 460 6033

Prime Circle 07 April 11 Barnyard Menlyn 012 368 1555

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Girls Wanna Rock 01 March 11 to 17 April 11 Barnyard Menlyn 012 368 1555

Winnie – The Opera 28 April 11, 30 April 11, 01 May 11, 03 May 11 The South African State Theatre 012 392 4000

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Information correct at time of print – subject to change.

Please inquire about all dates, venues and times with respective contacts – NOT with Alice Magazine.

Alice Magazine or it’s publishers are not responsible for incorrect information.

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LOL FYI BACKDOOR

THE “FOOD” critic W

ho’s the fool who stated something about a healthy body being the home of a healthy spirit? Hello? Every normal person develops at least a headache, a rash, an upset stomach etc. when his/her spirit is ‘ill’. Depression, frustration, tension, unhappiness, disappointment, and, and, and, makes one physically ill – not so, doctor? So, a happy spirit keeps the body happy!

THAT now brings me to food – JUNK FOOD! Why is there the ridiculous perception that junk food is unhealthy? It is good for the spirit; therefore it will be good for the body! It should rather be called ‘jolly food’ or ‘jiffy pleasures’ or ‘goody gulps’ – or something.

Face it, eating is a happening. It involves various activities: smelling the food, looking at it in admiration, placing it in the mouth with great expectation, rolling it with the tongue whilst thinking deep stuff, chewing it with heavenly enjoyment and then, swallowing it with total and shameless surrender to the overwhelming feeling of utmost gluttony. Eating is therefore much more than a mere biological survival act –it is a spiritual experience! Watch people while they are eating: their eyes are shining, they are laughing, commenting gaily on the food, calling all kinds of pleasant eating experiences to mind, discussing good times – not a sign will you find of ‘eating to stay alive’. No, at that specific moment in time everyone is eating merely because of the pleasant experience!

AND, EATING JUNK FOOD (damn unfair calling it that) IS A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE! I cannot for one insane moment see that the sore sight of greyish cooked green beans or the noisy chewing of a raw carrot or the confusing mixture of tastes in a stew could possibly be good for the human spirit. BUT, a juicy vienna sausage, dressed in colourful soft tomato sauce and mustard and nesting in a snow white cosy bun, is an exciting invitation to an exclusive experience for the tired spirit – like a

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healing ointment for a grass burn. Oh, and the soothing effect of the consistency of golden chips fried in the mysterious bubbling depths of shiny oil, together with the unexpected hint of a vinegar aroma, puts the spirit on a flight to a land of wondrous tastes – away from the boring everyday ‘table food’.

We are living with stress, tension, frustration, competitiveness and anger on a daily basis. It is totally unacceptable that we should, while eating, have to battle with hard headed rice grains which won’t stay on the fork or the difficulty of emptying a gem squash – and imagine the embarrassment that peas can cause!

I am of the opinion that it is much more therapeutic for the spirit to take out one’s aggression on a defenceless hamburger – one simply grabs it with both hands and sinks one’s teeth into it in a merciless manner. Besides, the worst that could happen is a little trickle of tomato sauce running downs one’s hand – not half the threat that a fork full of slippery peas tends to be!

To eat should be a satisfying and liberating experience. Junk food (hate the name) ensures that the eating act is just that. Thus the spirit feels satisfied and comforted and so the body has no reason to toy-toy!

Viva jolly food!

Luvya!

Auntie.

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